I've Had It - Pumps Up Hoes Down

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

Jennifer and Pumps play a fun game of 'browbeat the lesbian' with Kiley on today's episode. The girls dissect and reflect on their beloved producer's choice to post a Valentine's Day couples photoshoot - they also rip into 'man caves' and overly chatty customers in restaurants. Later on, Comedian Michelle Collins joins the girls and discusses her personal experience in Amsterdam's Red Light District.NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets are available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you to our sponsors: Booking.com: Book whoever you want to be on Booking.com, Booking.YEAH! This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp: Learn to make time for what makes you happy, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/HADIT today to get 10% off your first month. ExpressVPN: Secure your online activity by visiting ExpressVPN.com/HADIT today and you can get an extra three months FREE. JustThrive: Right now, when you go to https://justthrivehealth.com/discount/HADIT and use promo code: HADIT You can get 20% off a 90 day bottle of Just Thrive Probiotic and Just Calm… That’s like getting a month for FREE! Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspump Special Guest: Michelle Collins: @michcoll

This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. So we supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. Oh my god. You know, I still see some naysayers on the YouTube comment section that are like, why is her clap such a big deal? Why do y'all care? And I'm over the clap. Here's the deal, this is what I say to that. Number one, they don't realize how long it's taken me

to be able to perfect that clap over my head not looking. It's like 150 episodes. Right, I mean, so I am just now hitting my stride and I'm getting good at it, so I like to do it. Yeah. So the naysayers, they can just take a big little spot on my cheek and kiss it. You know, I just think that they're fun haters.

They can't celebrate the simple things in life. That's right. Like a very advanced age, hot female, clapping over her head without looking. Over the second dragons that are an impediment to anything. I will never grow old of watching you clap. Thank you. Or analyzing your clap, or talking about your clap.

It may mean at the tail end of the podcasting career of ours that I may be the only listener of the pod, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. That's right. Because that's how much I believe in you. That's true friendship. All right, Pumps, What have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with is diners That are telling personal stories to the wait staff. This just happened to me on Sunday. I

I'm trying to care in this waitress and I can't do it because this woman who's My mother's age is telling a story to the wait staff about this woman, who's my mother's age, is telling a story to the wait staff about when her son, who's my age, a story, and I'm like, if I can shut up Yakmouth, they don't wanna play by play of your son's childhood. It was so obnoxious and it really impeded my ability to care in the server

because I had a Yakmouth diner next to me and I've had it with that. Kylie, does this remind you of anything? Oh, god, I know exactly. It does ring a bell. Yeah, what's interesting about this is I agree with you. I agree with you 100% that when you have too much carrying on between the diner and the weight staff, it kind of takes the relationship outside of the boundaries in which it best functions. And I have a friend that I dine with quite a bit while I'm traveling. I walked right into this. And this friend in particular does a lot of talking with the weight staff, a lot of sharing, a lot of things

go down. And sometimes I think this conversation is preventing that order from being turned into the kitchen. And sometimes these conversations go on for five to 10 minutes. So it's interesting now that somebody's done this to you. Are you on my Kylie's side about this? Yes, I walked right into this. It's a spot it got its situation, obviously, because I did do this on one occasion. It's been a couple. I don't think, I, the one stands out as just absolutely the worst offense ever when I started asking about the in-law situation. When you asked the waiter what his relationship was like with his in-law. Yes, I shouldn't have asked it. It was bad. I, I've, I'll never hear the end of it as long as I live. I realize that. Yes, I shouldn't have asked it. It was bad. I I'll never hear the end

of it as long as I live. I realize that. Let's get back on point. Here's the situation with this. I used to wait tables and when the customer talks to you too much, it prevents you from tending to your other tables as well. Right. I didn't want it as a waiter. I didn't want to get beyond the boundaries of what that relationship should and would be. I didn't want it as a waiter. I didn't want to get beyond the boundaries of what that relationship should and would be. I don't want to hear about your children. No. I don't want to hear about your doctor's appointments. Oh, God, no.

I don't want to share with you about my relationship with my in-laws. I don't want to share intimate details. When I was a waitress, I didn't want this. And now as a diner, I don't want this. I want to go over friendly. Everybody should be friendly. Everyone should be kind, but it is a service that's being provided wherein personal details

can just be left aside. Some people want to hear a lot of other people's personal details, I don't. I'm not one of them. I want to opt out. I want to check the box to opt out. I want to opt out. Yeah, no.

I think maybe servers should wear a sign like we're not friends. This is a very defined relationship. I want to take your order. I'm going to smile. I'm going to earn my money. Hopefully that you're not a tight ass and you leave a great tip because waiters hardly make any money by the hour. Yeah, I think that this is something that's going on a lot because I've also been a diner.

How about this? I've been a diner and waitress has four or five different tables. And I really need that waiter's attention. I need either like a side of salsa, maybe an extra side of salad dressing, a refill on my water. There's some little item that I need that's just gonna take my meal right over the top. need either like a side of salsa, maybe an extra side of salad dressing, a refill on my water.

There's some little item that I need that's just going to take my meal right over the top. It's just a quick little, can I get one more of these? Right. And then I see some other guest, bow guarding the waiter. Yes. And taking up all of their time. And it goes on 10 minutes and there's a lot of knee slapping.

There's a lot of giggling. And I'm like, I know that this has gone well beyond the defined relationship that y'all are supposed to have. It's like all of a sudden they're engaged. They're going to take engagement photos. We're all on first date, bare minimum type situation. Right. No, it's just ridiculous. And I, First date, bare minimum type situation. Right. No, it's just ridiculous. And I, the server in question at my dinner on Sunday was very jovial and was great, but I knew in her head she was just like, I rolled goddamn city.

She did not want to talk about it. No, she didn't give a fuck. Yeah. And nobody gives a fuck. That woman needs to just shut the fuck up. When I find myself in a conversation where I start sharing something with somebody I don't know very well about my children

or about myself personally, I've gotten to a stage where I'm very aware of it, like they don't give a shit. Right, you get more aware as you get older, like they don't care. The only thing you haven't grasped that with is pickleball. But every other situation, I would say that you're very good about that.

Yeah. Yeah, I really do like pickleball. You like to talk about it. We haven't talked about it that much lately, have we? I feel like we have. You do? I do. Did I tell you I've gotten a lot faster

at putting my grip on my paddle? Even my pickleball friends, they asked me to do it for them because I'm so good at it. Boy, that's really nice. All right. Well, let me tell you what I've had it with. Okay.

Um, you know, I'm an interior designer. I didn't know that listener. And, uh, I've had it with man caves. That's a great one. Here, I'm going to break it down. There's multiple reasons why I've had it with man caves multiple. Let me walk you guys through the process. You're meeting with a couple and they're designing a house. Maybe they're it's a new construction or remodel. You're sitting at the table and the guy goes, yeah, I want one of those man caves. Mm-hmm. And the wife's like, oh, yeah, he needs a man cave and

It's like I want it dark and I want a hundred and fifty inch screen whatever if that's what you want That's fine. What upsets me about this the most is There's no vagina cave right pussy palaces. Where are they? Yeah, where's the pussy palace? Yeah You want your man cave? Then we also need the pussy palace. I agree. Because women deserve to unplug and have their own space free of children and free of husbands every bit as much as the man does. And you find often in these plans, it's still, it's like the sexism is so cooked in the books and we're all so differential to men It even goes into architecture. Yeah. Well, I hate to tell you this

I don't I'm sure you've heard this before but I had a friend that was designing her house and Her husband said Well, since you get everything you want in the kitchen, I get to have a man cave, implying that his space was the man cave and her space was the kitchen that just went through all through me. Did she realize that? No, she didn't think it was bad. I was the only one cringing at the table. So let's, let me get this straight.

He says since she gets everything she wants in the kitchen, I get everything I want in my man cave. Correct. What a dick. What a sexist pick. I was horrified. It's amazing how much racism or homophobia or sexism is cooked into certain institutions and certain fields, you know, like that my

dad will say often, yeah, none of the women in my family cook. And now I always respond to him and say, none of the men do either. Right. You know, like, why is that? It's like women's work. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's just, but I see this a lot with architecture plans, the man cave. And it just really has started sitting in my craw. And I just think, number one, man cave, that's stupid. Grow up, grow up, okay? And number two, let's have women now, like I've worked my whole adult life.

I want a pissy palace I want a place where I can go because inevitably the woman's spaces are always invaded by everybody by the way by the kids and I don't have any space really in my house. That's just mine Yeah, I know that's one great thing about being single my bedroom my closet my bathroom You got all my space. I've got a giant pussy palace. I've got a giant pussy palace with only my pussy in it, so it's perfect. It's just the little kitty cat that you are.

Welcome to I've Had It, where we are fighting architectural sexism, one episode at a time. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's the host of Girl Pleased, sponsored by Rockhard Cockchats. Girl, say it.

Girl please. Kylie. Hi. How are you doing today? I'm pretty good. Do you have any reviews for us on the internet? I do, actually. Oh, good.

I have a five star review. Oh, good. Titled, Viva Pumps. Oh, good. I have a five star review. Oh, good. Titled, Viva Pumps. Oh, good. They write, you can't beat the banter between Jennifer and her mom, Pumps. They have a chemistry that could only result from their long shared history. I sincerely hope that pumps will live long enough to see the next season. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha because it was the night before my birthday to calling me Meemaw. Oh, thank you for reminding everybody. Yes, Meemaw. We nicknamed Pumps, Kylie and I.

So, I mean, she was Judge Judy Diana. And Judge Judy Pumps. Dolly Pumps. And then Judge Judy went off the script, she went off the rails, she's lost her goddamn mind. So we've been searching for a great nickname for Pumps. And of course, Kylie and I came up with Mimaw. Mimaw. M-E-M-A-W. And they just look at each other and they both start giggling.

They walk eyes, start giggling and say, Mimaw. At the meet and greet, every photo that you all would pose for, Jen would look at me and say, Kylie is Mima smiling? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha older than pretty much everybody. She's still the hottest woman in podcasting. Yeah, right. Meemaw, I'd like to fuck. Meemaw, I'd like to fuck. That's right. She's still a mill. See, I work with dicks. Except for Seth, he's nice. Everyone else is dicks. Okay, we got a comment on Twitter. Okay. From Ryan. Okay. And he writes, never thought I wanted to be an old white broad, but then I met these two old white broads. 12 out of 10, fuckery. I love that, that is so nice.

That is so nice. Thank you, Ryan, that's a great compliment. I'm so glad that we have two happy listeners. Right, we have two now. We have two. Now with one from last week, we have three. We have three happy listeners. We have not had any hate comments in quite a long time.

I know, and I really enjoyed this. They finally left us. They finally decided we just, we're never gonna change him. We just have to abandon shit. Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women? relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women? If so, please go to ivethatpodcast.com or to any social media site.

I'm talking ex, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio. And come see us at the Hot Shit Tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the hot shit tour, right, Pumps? Tell them. It's so fun. We hope to see you there.

Ha ha ha ha ha. You know, Pumps, booking.com is so fabulous. They offer so many possibilities when you want to travel across the United States from a relaxing beach resort to remote mountain cabins. The multitude of choices across the United States on booking.com allow you to book whoever you want to be. I don't know about you, but I am definitely a different version of me me depending on where I'm traveling and who I'm with. This spring, check out Booking.com for your ideal hotel or vacation home, no matter where

you want to go in the United States. For me personally, I'm going to New York City, aka the Big Apple, and there's no way I could have so seamlessly scheduled this trip without using booking.com. Book whoever you want to be on booking.com. Booking.com. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Pumps, I have found therapy to be such an instrumental part of adulthood.

It helps me be a better business owner, a better friend, a better mother and a better person. Most of all, it helps me live inside my brain with a lot more serenity. Better help is such a great advantage in the therapy world because you can do it from your own home. And I find that I'm more comfortable to share when I'm in comfortable surrounding. That's what I love about BetterHelp because I can curate it around my schedule and do it in the safety of my own home.

Additionally, if you don't like your therapist, you can switch at any time for no additional charge. Listener, learn to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash Had It today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash Had It. Well, I want to talk to the listener about some stuff that's been going on behind the scenes. A little BTS of I've Had It podcast. A couple weeks ago, we were on tour. We went to the city of Nashville, city of St. Louis, and the city of

Lawrence, Kansas. And, um, Pumps and I woke up in Nashville on Valentine's Day morning, as each other's Valentine's. Always. And we did Wordle. And then I found myself over onto Instagram. And one of the first things that popped up was our executive producer, Kiley, K-I-L-E-Y, Josie. Kiley Josie's Instagram post was a collab post. Let me just... That's important. That's an important detail. Yeah, it wasn't just her post. Let me just, that's important. That's an important detail.

It wasn't just her post. She collabed it with her girlfriend, Anna Frost. Yeah. And in this, it's a probably a, what, three to four slider? I think it was four. Four slides. Four slides. It is a picture like, you know,

when you have like a toddler or when you were a toddler and there's a backdrop, right, right of it like Olin Mills studio or it was full Olin Mills. Yeah. And it's red and it has white hearts all over it. Like the glow kind. Yeah. I mean, it was well done. There was a lot of thought that had gone into this Valentine's Day post. But basically they were Valentine's Day couples photo shoot for Valentine's Day. And then on Valentine's Day, you rolled out with a collab post for photos deep

of a lesbian photo shoot. That's correct. And I kept it a secret from you for about two weeks. Yeah. We immediately were like, oh, Jennifer goes, oh my gosh, open up your Instagram. Because I was serving coffee. And I was like, oh my god, what is it?

She goes, Kylie did a collab post for Valentine's Day with Anna. And I was like, no way. And then we were like, does she know who we are? Has she met us? Did you know that we have microphones? Yeah, I mean, it's partly what fueled us to do it. Yeah.

I knew I would wake up and just ruin your morning. I did, to the contrary, it made our morning. It gave us so much, we've talked about that. That gives us like, that was just number one, so ballsy. Yeah. Number two, the time and care that puts the thought, all of the steps that went into it are fascinating to me. The psychology behind it.

Cause I don't, and I admire your love. Cause I don't know that I've ever been in love with somebody to organize that much of a rollout. Have you? Absolutely not. I can't even fathom a world in which I would be so crazy in love that I would want to go pose in front of a red wall with white light-up parts on it. I just, I don't think we're romantic. I think either one romantic. I think lesbian love is different. Is a greater level of love than heterosexual love. Well, if I ever cross over, I'll let you know. You'll know for sure if you wake up on Valentine's Day and there's me and my girlfriend, Red Wall,

light up hearts behind us. Lesbian love is greater than heterosexual love. Yeah. I'll tell you some of the steps. I mean, I just don't know. Because. I'll tell you some of the steps. I mean, I just can tell. Because it wasn't just a fly by night deal. Like a month out, I booked this photo shoot.

No, was it your idea? It was my idea. Well, and it was your idea because we were gonna be gone for Valentine's Day, right? Right, did something a little special. Pat's and I didn't even click with us that we were gonna be gone for Valentine's Day. Until we were like, to release these away.

I don't think it did until that morning. I was like, oh shit, it's Valentine's Day. It took us like three or four days to come up with why they would do why would she do this? Why why was this so important? And then we realized you were gone on Valentine's Day. You were working. Thanks to you guys. Yeah. Yeah. Let me ask you this. When you told Anna that you were gonna be gone on Valentine's Day, was that a leveling blow? It wasn't the most exciting news I've ever delivered. Yeah.

But we booked the photo shoot. She didn't want to do it. Probably mostly because all we do is talk shit about it on this podcast. Right. That would be a deterrent. Then it convinced her to do it. We coordinated outfits. Okay? Okay, go on. We planned this all out. Our entire day was surrounding this. We had to get ready, to do it. We coordinated outfits, okay? We planned this all out. Our entire day was surrounding this. We had to get ready, all of it.

Then after we got them back, we had about two meetings. We had one in the morning of Valentine's Day before we rolled out. Going through about 50 photos, curating exactly which ones we're gonna go and in what position in the Instagram post they were getting. Wait, so y'all coordinated what position in the Instagram posts they were getting.

Wait, so y'all coordinated what position one, what position two. Correct. And nobody at any point from the booking to the meetings with the photographer to getting the outfits to the collab posts, nobody ever tried to talk anybody off the ledge. No.

That's what fascinates me about this stuff. That's the fascinating part. Yeah. But it sounds like on it in the beginning, you kind of had to drag her a little bit. Little bit. And the worst part, super cute photo. We're all in love. On Valentine's Day, we're getting a lot of love.

We also got bullied by a lot of I've had at listeners. Oh, well, of course. Of course you did. Good for them. Yeah, good for them. See, they're true to the brand. Yeah. Unlike me.

See, here's the thing. I admire it because it was, it was ballsy. A lot of time. There's a lot of love there. Yeah. And listen, we're probably jealous. You and me, that's why we sound like we're so bitter. Because we've never loved anybody enough. No.

To go post, nor if Josh Welch, I don't know that I have that in me to make that level of a joint decision. If somebody sat down with me and said, here's photo number one, I'd say, I don't give a shit, you pick it. Exactly. Let's move forward. I'd abdicate immediately.

Yeah. You pick it, I don't give a shit. But this was a joint endeavor straight down the line. Through and through. I have a lot more photos too that I'll drip out to you over time. I like it. Oh, you're great. Do you think it's kind of gay?

It's super gay. Yeah. Yeah. It's the cheeseball nature of it that is problematic and off-brand, but also thank you for bringing such great content to our podcast. Yeah, you're welcome.

It lasted like four days of conversation, that's all we've talked about. You and Anna? No, us three. Oh, yeah. We just gave you shit from send up to send down, starting on Valentine's Day. Yeah.

Three days later, they would just, we'd be in the car on the way home from tour, and it'd be dead silent, and I would just hear Jingo, Kylie, what about that photo shoot? Here's the only exception I take to it, because I started thinking about this. So Kylie tells us that the photographer is like, these are the best photos I've ever taken.

You guys were great subjects. And I'm like, no shit, Sherlock. It's probably normally. They're both gorgeous. Right. And it's probably normally a snot-nosed toddler. Yeah. But I mean, who wouldn't have, I mean, I dare say I could take great pictures of you and Anna if I tried, and I'm terrible

with my phone. Should we try? I don't think we could talk Anna into it. She doesn't have skills or bad. So I mean, Kylie and Anna can't take a bad photo. So the pat on the back, the photographer was giving himself or herself was a little over the top, giving the subjects. Kylie and Anna would look good sitting in the barrel of a loaded shotgun.

Absolutely. I mean, you can't suck it up. This was not that difficult of a task. And that is the the least important detail to this entire story. This parts that interest me most are the colluding, the colluding, the planning to know that you all had a conversation about the order in which they were gone out is a level of partnership that I'm not capable of. I agree. Yeah, I mean it was like detailed meetings. I'm too independent. I just, are you capable of that level of partnership? Absolutely not.

I think it's a shortcoming of ours. Oh, 100% it's a shortcoming. I'm not capable of that level of partnership. I'm in charge of it, or you're in charge of it. We don't have to have joint meetings about it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me ask you a question pertaining to that. So there were some photos where I thought, I looked great.

This needs to be on my Instagram. Anna's like, no, I don't look good in that. And vice versa. So we couldn't post those. Would you say fuck it and just post the best one of you? I have a great story about this. Let me tell you what happened. It was probably 2007, all right?

And Pumps and her family, this is when she was married, they go to Costa Rica, right? And they get back and it's about time that everybody's, this is back before Pumps and I were bitter and mean and all of the things that everybody says about us on the internet. And we sent out snail mail Christmas cards. Okay, this was long before we were ruined as individuals.

We might have even done a photo shoot in this joyful time of ours. But nonetheless, I digress. So I'm starting to receive my snail mail Christmas cards. And I open up one card in particular. I recognize the handwriting instantly. And I open it up and it is this family that I love in a door on this big giant oversized hammock. Okay. And the husband of this family has put on some weight. Okay. And he is in a swim trunk only with a

belly that's protruding out over the swim truck, over to the sides. And there's just no question that the winter months have not been so kind for his overall weight. I'm not trying to body shame, it was just a very obvious thing, right? And the kids are all suntanned, the husband was pasty white. The wife was looking hotter than she had ever looked. Had this great rack on her, this olive skin

was for sure skinnier than I'd seen her in a long, long time. And she's kind of snuggled up, grinning from ear to ear, looks like a million bucks. I mean, we're talking Victoria secret super model. I open it up and I'm like, well, well, well, I answer the phone and call this friend of mine. I'm like, were you not aware that you look so great and your husband looks like hammer dog shit? And she says, that's exactly why I chose it and sent it out. Listener one surprise who the friend was. Yeah, no mystery there.

Yeah, it was our precious princess pumps. It's me ma. It's me ma. Do you remember that? Yeah, I totally did. But then pumps and I started noticing a whole thing and it was our whole deal every Christmas. We would, we could tell every Christmas card, the Y flip like a million backs.

And one of the kids could have an eye closed, but the wife was still gonna send it out as long as the Y flip get in it. And here's the deal, I do the same shit. Of course. I've posted pictures before in Dylan's like, mom, my eyes are closed. And I'm like, tough titties kid,

I look great in the photo. We're right. We should forward. Yeah, we're not closed and I'm like, tough titties kid, I look great in the photo. We're right. We should forward. Yeah, looks like we're not putting it on your Instagram, which that would be my response to the collab posts. The great pictures of you, I would just post those on your separate non-collab post. Yeah, I can drip them out.

And you can drip those out. And plus, let's face it, Anna doesn't take a bad picture. Anna would look bad in a photo. Right, I mean, that's just not possible. So I do think just put those, your favorite ones just right up there on your Instagram by yourself.

I do just want to tack one last thing on before we move on. There's one photo, I think I sent it to you where she had us get down on the floor on our bellies on this white fur carpet. And she said, okay, Kylie put your hand, your head and your hands, like how a baby poses. So I had both my hands under my chin on my cheek

and then she had on a lay right next to me and then she had me kick my feet up in the air. So we look like two little like school girls at a sleepover and I have it permanently forever. Yeah, you said it to me, I have that permanently as well. I would remember having seen that vividly. Oh, I have it. So I'll have to see that after the show.

Right, Bums and I, listen, me and Ma's old. And I can't tell you, I don't think you've had that good of a Valentine's Day in quite some time. If ever. Yeah. I mean, I just can't, I don't even think in high school I would have done that. This is perhaps just, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

What did I text y'all the morning of Valentine's Day? Do you remember? No. I said, happy Valentine's Day to my two honorary lesbians. Oh, that was so nice. You don't even remember, because my photo shoot. No, the photo shoot just came in, and it's after my brain. Also because I woke up sicker than a dog. You did. I was sick, very was so nice. You don't even remember because my photo shoot. No, the photo shoot just came in in the end. I don't remember. Also because I woke up sicker than a dog.

You did. That's true. I was sick. She was sick. Very, very sick. Out of fever, Pumps took care of me. Ma took care of me. She nursed me.

She ordered me chicken noodle soup and took me to the doctor. OK, so here's the thing. In conclusion about the lesbian fuckery, lesbians are great athletes. God only knows how much we love Kylie in all that. We like to give them shit though. That's one of the best parts. We absolutely do. But I, I mean, do you think y'all are gonna do

some sort of Easter basket photo shoot or? I don't know if Easter is our forte. What about Fourth of July? I mean, we got lots of holidays. Fourth of July is kind of ruined for me too now. It's a little too patriotic. Maga, I guess. Maga brand, Fourth of July kind of, yeah for me too now. It's a little too patriarch. Madagascar. Maga brand.

Fourth of July kind of, yeah. Yeah, that's true. I'll do something big for my birthday, I'll tell you that. When is that? What month? May 29th. May 29th. All right, listen, perhaps that meme all enough

of that lesbian fuckery. Let's get a guest on here. Let's place him a hat or a hat on. Let's find out what she's had it with. Let's welcome to I've Had It Michelle Collins. She is a comedian and a television host. Let's welcome to I've Had It, Michelle Collins. She is a comedian and a television host. Michelle, welcome to I've Had It. Michelle, how are you?

Ladies, I have never been better. I am so thrilled to be here. I honestly adore both of you so much that this is really an honor to be able to chat with you guys. Hi. That is so nice. Thank you. Hi.

Well, you know, I don't want you to be in too good of a mood because this is a place that I like to call a dumpster truck of petty grievances. My tombstone. You know, I think it's, we've found that it's incredibly, incredibly important and cathartic to just kind of release these petty tensions that build up because I don't think there's anything more infuriating than seeing somebody's Uber curated social media page. Because you know in between each perfectly curated post,

there is a shit storm there. And that's what I'm interested in. I want that content. Ask away. My shit storm is out front, ready to be discussed. I just came from the hair salon to try to fix a shit storm that happened to me a few weeks ago.

And this is sort of the result, as you can see, but I have a lot of hair problems and I'm willing to throw everyone under the bus. So anything you need to know, you ask. But I live in Amsterdam and Amsterdam is not a place known for beauty. They don't have a Sephora. The people there are naturally beautiful. Can you imagine?

No. No Sephora like. I love Amsterdam. You know, I think they are the tallest, the Dutch are the tallest people in the world. That's why I moved there. I'm not even being funny. I got a visa. I'm not even being funny. I got a visa, I got a visa based solely on my skeleton.

They were like, we have to let this big bitch in, look at her. She's huge. She's gonna let her be. She's gotta be. How tall are you? I'm six foot one. Oh, there you go. Yeah.

Okay, well tell us what you've had it with in general. Well, you know what's funny? Because I'm in Miami now for a week. I'm visiting, this is where I'm from. Now, I don't know, have you ladies been to Miami in general? Well, you know what's funny? Because I'm in Miami now for a week. I'm visiting, this is where I'm from. Now, I don't know, have you ladies been to Miami or no? Yes. It's been a long time. I have.

But I have been there. Do you have strong opinion about it? I actually really like Miami. I've been there quite a bit and I like it. It's a big international city. It doesn't seem like Florida. Yeah. It definitely doesn't.

The issue I have with it is that everyone here, I don't think mortality exists here. So when you drive, for example, even driving, speeding home to do this, people don't respect life. They drive as though accidents don't happen. There's everyone here has a death wish, but coming back to America, you know, what are the things that I love Costco, right? Like I love going to Costco.

I love going to Zara, to my shops, because Target, because we don't have that where I live. So I like to like engage in a consumer culture. What I don't like and what I have had it with are return lines and the amount of abuse that we as customers are willing to accept because we want to return something. And I feel like every place, especially Zara, Zara especially has, I always joke that they're going to find my skeleton on a Zara return line, like in 127 hours are going up Everest.

You know, when you see people with their like walking sticks. Yeah. For me, that's an issue and I love to return. It's my second job. I like to shop and I like to bring back. See, and so I just go on. I don't, I like prefer not to buy something if I think I'm going I like to bring back. And so I just go on. I don't, I like prefer not to buy something if I think I'm gonna have to return it.

And I'm probably have a closet full of shit that I've bought, but I'll never wear, but I just don't wanna go through the hassle of returning. I can't believe you're a big returner. Literally ship it to me with the receipt. My pleasure to return it to you. I'm not being funny. You tell me the shops, I'll bring it back.

They'll be like size six. I don't say, I know, I thought I could. Just give it back. They will not even care. I like it because this shows you how slow and boring my life is. It gives me something to do during the day. Like I like going out and buying other stuff.

But I feel like you have to come home and like really see it in your house before knowing if it's something you want to keep. What's it like the difference like living in Europe, which you know for me when I go there, it just seems like they are a little bit calmer Americans. Like you can always spot the Americans when you're in Europe because we're incredibly loud. There's a lot of yelling.

There's a lot of screaming with Americans and I'm not even about angry yelling, but you can always spot the American table. And they seem to like, there's a there's a ability to kind of just like walk and calm down and enjoy culture. We're here and just like, let's fucking go. What else? Capitalism? What's it like transitioning from kind of like this European life back to the fuckery that is American life? It is fuckery. You pretty much nailed it on the head. I feel like once my flight crosses the Atlantic, I turn into Michael Jackson and thriller. I'm in a red leather jacket and I'm ready to kill somebody.

I'm ready. The moment it wheels down in Newark, I'm at Hudson News. I'm tearing through Hudson News like an animal, essentially. For me, it's interesting because I actually love it. I was in New York last week doing some work, and I like going into a place where people are friendly for me because I'm annoying. I like to talk to people. I like to connect.

That's a positive thing for me. And the one thing I think that makes New York still to this day, even though it's dealing with a lot, doable is that the people for the most part are friendly. People want to connect. You want to learn about someone's life. The Dutch in particular are so unlike that. They do not care about you. They're not warm at all.

They, customer service, not that I'm, you know, God knows what, but they don't, it does not exist. There is just zero sugar coating in that country. And sounds fantastic. I could kill it. You would love it. That sounds great. You would thrive there. Your your directness and just not having to get to know anyone. That's a goal of mine. I don't want to know anyone, nor do I want any additional information, with the exception of possibly knowing about your pet dog. Other than that, I'm not interested in any of it. And I'm finding it more difficult to even feign interest at this stage in my life. I

used to confane it and I could put on like superficial charm and be effusive. I'm finding it more difficult to even feign interest at this stage in my life. I used to confane it and I could put on like superficial charm and be effusive. I'm really struggling with that. What do you think that is? Do you think it's just every year that goes by the facade? I feel this with me, like the facade starts to crack away and it's just boring after a while or what is it? Yeah, and then I also think I've leaned into bitter.

I've just leaned into bitter and I've started embracing it. You know, like, I know you don't really want to know this about me and I don't really want to know this, but I wish you the best and I know you wish me the best, but can't we just not do this? Can we not have this conversation is kind of how I- I think that's beautiful. Yeah, I do too.

I love that. You're like the reverse live laugh love. You're like die cry and hate. Get the fuck away. You need to make fun. I cry hate. The reverse. I find there's beauty in that.

Honestly, I think you would. I'll tell you one thing about dogs, because I also love pets. And again, I'm myself like a golden retriever. So when I see people walking a dog, I'm like, oh, like a corgi. Well, how am I not going to go up to it and touch it? They're not Amsterdam. They will not acknowledge you. They will not make eye contact with you. So it's almost like being in the champagne room with pets. Like you see these adorable animals, but you can't touch them. You can't even smile. You know, when you smile at the owner, like, I see what you're doing and I'm loving it,

right? You won't get a return smile. Really? But see, I relate to this because my dogs are incredibly attractive. Okay. I just want to say that at the top of this statement. Got it. They are, they really should have been in shows. I should have put them in pageants or dog shows if I had more time, but I just didn't get around to it. It's a huge regret of mine.

But when I'm out walking my dogs, you can imagine with their attractiveness, a lot of people come over to us and I always think, don't come, don't talk to me, don't talk to my dog. So I think I could really fit in well in Amsterdam. It sounds like that's where you need to like retire. Yeah, I'm tall. You're tall, you're blonde.

I'm not religious at all, very progressive. Yeah. How tall are you? 5'10". Oh, the perfect height. Yeah. You really killed it with that. Just God bless you.

Because you can do the heel without people fleeing when you enter a room. And I long for that feeling. Like I wish I could do it. I hear you with the dog thing. I don't have any pets because I'm too frightened of loss. So I just tend to be, it would, I think kill me. But I agree when I see creeps going, because I'm like nice. And I always ask, you know, before petting an animal, but I can imagine

if someone creepy came over, I also would be like, do not like a hand. Um, I would be a terror is the truth. So I was like, I'm a complete hypocrite on it. Like, I don't want people to come touch my dog. But if I see an attractive dog out, I'm more awful right up to it. I'm like, and Kylie, our executive producer, and I, when we're on tour, we wave at dogs. Like we both go, oh, hi, not to the owner, but to the dog. Delirious. Pups, when you go online without using ExpressVPN, it's like changing while leaving your

window wide open. You might not have anything to hide, but why give random creeps a chance to invade your privacy? When you go online without a VPN, internet service providers can see every single website you visit. It's kind of terrifying when you think about it. It is. But I love ExpressVPN because you can access your shows when you're in a foreign country. That is the absolute best part because you've got to stay current on all of your shows. Listener ExpressVPN works on all devices, phones, laptops, even routers, so everyone who shares your Wi-Fi can be protected. Secure your online activity today by visiting ExpressVPN.com slash Had It. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S VPN.com slash Had It.

And you can get an extra three months free. ExpressVPN.com slash Had It. Pumps has everything going with your Just Thrive probiotic. I love Just Thrive probiotics because I bloat less. I have a very regular bowel movement schedule. It has made such the difference for me. I absolutely love the Just Thrive psychobiotic called Just Calm. Just Calm gives me the ultimate stress fighting help that I need every day. And what I love so much about this product is the money back guarantee because you have absolutely nothing to lose.

Additionally, Just Thrive donates a portion of every purchase to vitamin angels. Vitamin Angels is a nonprofit organization that saves the lives of millions of children and moms to be around the world by ensuring they get the vitamins and minerals they need to stay healthy and strong. Listener, right now you can go to justthrivehealth.com and use the promo code HADDIT. You can get 20% off a 90-day bottle of Just Thrive Probiotic and Just Calm Psychobiotic. That's like getting an entire month for free. Be sure to use the promo code HADDIT. What else have I had it with? I don't know, I feel like that's definitely a start.

Yes. But I'm very bitter too. I'm trying to not be so bitter because, I don't know, I feel like then it just, doesn't it weigh down your day a little bit when you find, like I have to push myself sometimes to not feel that way. You know, I think that it's kind of like this. And I think a lot of you and in all seriousness, you, the listener, all of us, there are certain things that we're bitter about.

And of course, I play the most bitter on this podcast. But in general, I'm really pretty happy with people. I think there is this overall global angst that we've had since COVID exacerbated by positivity culture on social media, which seems so divorced from reality, which can, you know, you want to watch it, but also you get irritated by it. But I think we are all experiencing too much of each other because of social media.

We aren't meant to know this much about everybody, about every vacation they go on, every single thing they do. I think we are getting overexposed to each other as a species. Absolutely a hundred percent agree. I actually can't open TikTok because when the app just opens, I'm immediately Brad Pitt and 12 monkeys like my eyes are flickering. I can't, it activates something within me that is no question unhealthy.

And so I do like the old people thing where I watch it on Instagram, but my screen time is, my screen time is so high that I'm telling myself it's because I use Waze. I'm like, well, I don't know where to start. Stop being funny. I'm like, well, I don't know where to start. Stop being funny. I'm like, well, I drove today. So that's why it's nine hours and 30 minutes.

But like, I am really in a bad place with the phone. And the toxopositivity, especially when you're in comedy or even in this world of podcasting, whatever, you're absolutely right. It is tough when you see people who you know are like kind of the biggest assholes you've ever met in your life. Totally.

And no one knows that about them. And they're just like, you are the reason I got out of bed in the morning and you're like, no, this person is horrendous. Right. Terrible person. Yeah. Horrible. How many comedians have you met?

I hope not me, but maybe. But you're like, I, this person could drop D and I would not shed a tear, they're horrible. You know, that's most people I feel in comedy. So I don't know, I agree. I wanna talk about the red light district in Amsterdam. Okay, I remember one time I was there and I was on a boat, on a canal going on a tour. And this boat driver that was giving us the tour

and he's like, okay, and here's the red light district, blah, blah, and there's this sex worker that's being walked to the door, and I can see it from the canal, and this guy kisses her and hugs her, and I was like, oh, is that her customer? And he goes, no, that's probably her husband. And I'm like, her husband is dropping her off at work,

and then she goes in, and is the sex worker, And I'm like, her husband is dropping her off at work. And then she goes in and as the sex worker, and then goes back home. And like that was wild to me. And maybe, you know, I'm not a religious person. Maybe it's the, you know, but I was raised in Puritan America. So I get how all of us can be a little bit more inhibited

about stuff like this. Americans can be, especially we live in the Bible belt. But do you have any juicy red light district stories? Well, I've never partaken nor worked there all the time. But you could. With the way my podcast is going, give it a year, depending on the Patreon numbers,

it may happen. But the first time I went to Amsterdam, I remember my friend and I were walking, because we had to walk through it. It's like, that's what you do when you go there. Oh yeah. And I think in my mind, because I watched the HBO hit documentary pimps up hose down, I had some clue if you recall, a hit documentary. I had some ideas to what I thought sex workers looked like. And also, you know, you kind of, I hate to say it here in this country, there is a judgmental air about sex work. Yeah, there shouldn't be, but there is. Right. And I guess I was expecting them to look a certain kind of way. And then we were walking, and these women were supermodels. I mean, they were a 510 perfect tits, perfect bodies blonde.

They were, I'm sure we're not Dutch. They were probably brought in, God knows from where, and hopefully with their consent. But in my mind, I thought if these women went to New York within three months, they would be married to Harry Dubin. Like they don't have to do this. They can get a ticket to America and find some banker and live their best life. So that was part of it that I thought,

do they know that they could have like a 90 day fiance situation, but maybe they wanna do it, I don't know. Right. But I will also say that there's a second red light district that I didn't know about, not in Central Amsterdam, but in an area called DePipe. And I went to look at an apartment like six months ago,

and I was walking down along a beautiful canal, and there was a woman in the window with like a brawn underwear on right in the window and The thing about Dutch culture people have their shades open my every neighbor knows every dimple in my ass They know my airy brand hipster ex-ells. They know that so I thought well She's really bold like just standing and then the next window There was another woman in like a corset and I thought oh my god This is and I googled it and there's a second red light district in this area

that I assume is cheaper, I hope. So it's like the B team. It's the B team. It's the B team red light district. Oh man. The B team, the, yeah. That's probably where we'd be. That was tough.

We'd be totally. I'd be in the MIMO, sex light district. You would be in the Hague. I wanna be a sex worker in the Hague. I wanna get some international clientele. You know, let the Hague. I want to be a sex worker in the Hague. I want to get some international clientele. You know, let's print some. I want all the juicy details of all that shit. That I could get down for.

Yeah, I want to have like war crime pillow talk. I'm like war crime. What's happening there? Okay, let's play a game called Had It or Hit It. Oh my God. Welcome to Had It or Hit It. I would hit it. Had it. Had it.

Had it. I hit it every day, sometimes twice a day. Here's one of our favorites that we'll just never quit whistleblowing on. Had it or hit it, gender reveal parties. So funny, cause you're gonna laugh, it's your psychic. The woman who did my nails had her gender reveal party Sunday.

I know one cares about me. I have to put it out there. I believe in science. You know, as someone who doesn't want children, as someone who doesn't want kids, I don't care what people do. You want to have a gender reveal. I find it funny.

If you want to shoot a cannon into the sky and then half your party gets hit by shrapnel, you can laugh. I mean, I feel like people can, I don't know. I don't really mind them. I just feel like it's also a bit archaic. Like my family, we, I don't know. They didn't do it in our generation, this kind of reveal.

It's like the happy of a healthy child and call it. Right, right. You don't have to risk any. I guess had it. Yeah, had it. Okay, had it or hit it. Big, fake eyelashes. Oh, had it.

Listen, unless you're a Janice from the Muppets, I'll allow because I can otherwise she's the only one I'll let get away with it. It is. So I actually think it's unattractive. I think pretty women are making themselves look cheap and garish with these thick. It's horrible. I can't even look at people with it. See, I'm gonna hit it because I get mine done every two weeks on the dot. It's the only appointment I'd never have. Yours are appropriate though.

I don't think they're too much. No, yours don't look fake. They don't look like drag lashes. I think their exception is the Muppet and what you referred to, drag queens. Drag queens have got eyelashes. Advanced age closet lesbians like pumps here with no eyelashes whatsoever now i look like a hairless cat without that's that's the those are

the exceptions that we can make to the drag lash rule other than that it's so specific and yet inclusive honestly a beautiful heart you have whether you like it or not. That's right. That's hilarious, yeah. Okay, had it or hit it? Oat milk. I've never hit it with oat milk because I myself have two massive natural breasts

promoting my tour, the big natural tour. I'm not an oat milk person. I just, I think everyone has allergies because we're limiting ourselves to all these weird things. I don't know. Yeah. I don't get it. I'm over it. I, I, yeah, I don't, I don't like nut milk, any sort of nut milk at all. Um, somebody, we went over this recently on a podcast and somebody is like, I was like, I just don't think you can milk a nut. And they're like, well,

it's weird to drink cow milk. And I'm like, yeah, as you say that, that probably is weird, but that's the kind of milk I want. I want cow milk. Right, I want cream in my coffee that's real cream. I like the stronger taste. Yeah. But I'm not worried about organic or preservatives and all that.

So it's no surprise that I wouldn't go off on a healthy milk. I kind of am worried about organic and preservatives. Yeah, you are way more than me. Well, even when Dylan was little, you did organic milk. Well, if you've read even just a tinge of it, the hormones, and she can attest to this now that she is a European, a Euro, an expert, an expat, she can attest that all the hormones

that are put into American milk and all the preservatives. I mean, there's a reason why we're the most obese country in the world and it is exactly what we put into our mouths. And so yeah, I think the chemicals and all that. And did you know in Europe, all of their foods are far more regulated to be safer than they are here because capitalism reigns. You are falling prey to big food, big corporations, and I've had it with pumps.

Can I say one thing about the food thing? Because I love junk food and I love Taco Bell and all this stuff. I've gotten so used to how bad fast food tastes there because it is more natural. And so like there's subway sandwiches, even the sauces are creamier. I can't explain it. They just not as fake and as good that now when I have American fast food, I got a Crunchwrap Supreme, which I basically I call a sauce diaper. So I had my sauce diaper the other week, which I love and even it tasted like glue to me. I can't explain it. It's like you, you're, we're so used to it here. I'm, and believe me, I'm not a skinny person. I don't care about preservatives. It's just, you really

do taste the difference. It's strange. What happens to your stomach when you come back to the United States? Hmm. Um, funny you mentioned it because I was a little backed up in New York for like three days. And then I think I essentially broke the plumbing and my parents. I don't know what that says about America, but something happened. Okay. Had it or hit it Beyonce.

Listen, I hit it with Beyonce. I love her. I'm sorry. I'm not even a country person. When you have the most talented, most beautiful woman on the planet who is also a shrewd business woman, her husband is a genius.

I love her children. I don't see any flaws with this woman. And I think people looking for flaws need to get their head checked and like look within because something is up. I agree. 100% agree. Look within.

Okay. I just want to leave you all with this. Okay. How great is it that right now you've got Taylor Swift and Beyoncé who are both low-key fucking with the right wing of American politics? Not even trying. Yeah. And they're just all stirred up, wound up like a cheap clock, Illuminati, all this crazy shit,

and I fucking love those girls. I fucking love it. I think they're killing it. I wasn't a Swiftie before, but as soon as she started pissing off all the Trampers, I'm all chips in and I've always loved Beyonce. Beyonce is just the queen bee for a reason. Oh, did you see her show?

Did you go to Renaissance? No. No, I watched the movie or video, whatever it was. I was movie was great. Yeah, it was really good. Ladies, I know we just met, but if she indeed does go to the sphere in Las Vegas, let's meet there and say, I'm serious, I would spend, I don't even know.

I money is no object when it comes to that show. I'll go. Um, I saw her twice on renaissance once in Amsterdam and I flew to Warsaw, Poland. I don't recommend it outside of Beyonce and they did have a great Zara sale. Say nothing. I did get some good stuff at the Zara there. Say nothing. Everyone's skinny. I have to go to places where people are skinny to find my double XL. Anyway, the point is one of, if not the best show I've ever seen, so good that you watch it and you think, how could, even if there were 25 people working on it,

how could they put all of these ideas together and make it this cohesive show that just everywhere you looked, you felt something, you saw something, it had a message, obviously her talent, the music, the dancers, the outfits, it was an overwhelming sensory experience. And please next to her, you have to see her,

no matter what it is. I would totally in. Let's be a threple. Let's threple it up. Let's be Dutch. Let's be ex-pat-ish. And pumps, again, we will let you have, I've got a pass on the lashes.

And moderation. You can have the lashes. And moderation. I don't see them on the Zoom. You both look beautiful to me. So I can't see any lash issues. You're welcome. Okay, Michelle, tell our listener where they can find you and what you have going on in your world. Well, I do a daily

show, which by the way, would love to have you girls on I will be on time hair to die for you. You don't know the real me. This is not the real me. I have a daily show on Patreon. It's called the Michelle Collins show. A different co-host every day. They can go to patreon.com slash M I C H C O L L Mish call free trial, et cetera. You know the drill. And then I'm going on tour end of April, beginning of May, eight cities around New York of New York. Goodbye. I'm fine around America also in New York. We're doing town hall, but Beverly Hills, Portland, Atlanta, all around America, also in New York. We're doing Town Hall, but Beverly Hills, Portland, Atlanta,

all around Pennsylvania, Chicago. So go, you can go to MichelleCollinsLive.com and get tickets. It's a really fun show. I sing, I wear gowns. It has a side show and stories. It's fabulous. How fun. That sounds wonderful.

We should try to sing and wear gowns and stuff. I mean, we would have no listeners. We cannot sing for shit. I think we have about two listeners right now. That would be the end of it. That would be the end of I've had it. That I actually know that's a lie. If we started singing, that would be the nail in the coffin.

Wait, is this why I don't have more listeners? Hold on. I'll wait for that. You've really opened my eyes lately. Thank you, really. That's hysterical. I had the best time. Thank you.

I really would love for you guys to come on the show. I'm grateful. I'm grateful. Thanks for showing both. Absolutely. Any time would love to be on. Thank you so much. So enjoy meeting you and having you on your arc

kind of gal. Enjoy. No, and I knew that. I will. And I hope. No, and I knew it. I said, we're going to meet. And we're going to click.

Thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much, Michelle. It was really fun. Thanks for coming on. Bye. Bye, everyone. Thanks for coming on. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Bye, guys. I love her. She's great. I would love to go see Beyonce with her.

I mean, she knows it all. You know, her being on Patreon reminds me on our Patreon, we have post shows after each and every show we're in. You and I are really unhinged. Right. More so than what we are on the regular podcast, which is hard to believe. So that's pretty good. Nobody likes watching crazy as much as we do.

But God, I really liked her. I, you know, fun for her to move to Amsterdam. That's a dream of mine to like just, as soon as my kids are grown, just go live abroad for like a year or two. And Amsterdam sounds like the perfect fit. Yeah. Okay, I do have a story about Amsterdam

when my girlfriend and I went, we backpacked. So that's the only time I've been there. And we went to the sex museum. They have a whole sex museum. And the image that I cannot get out of my head was a picture of a woman that had weights, like 25 pound weights, interclitoris. And then it pulled it down,

and it shows you the whole thing, and I was just like, wow, that hurt. Doesn't that sound awful? Never forget that. It's been like 30 years ago. Yeah, really has been 30 years. Oh, me ma, I bet that's just still some PTSD. That shot don't me ma, right in the face.

That made me have to like hold myself, that hurt. Yeah. It's just me ma, that PTSD. All right, the face. That made me have to like hold myself that hurt. Yeah. It's just a me ma that PTSD. All right, listen up listener. Join us on Patreon. We have brand new merch. Which is super cute. It's adorable. It launched.

The link is in our bio. The link for our hot shit tour is in the bio. The link for everything that you need to be more attached to us, the link is in the bio. Everything, all roads lead to the bio, pumps tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it.

I've had it with that.