I've Had It - Queen of Gaslighting with Kelly Osbourne

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps are joined by Kelly Osbourne in a special New York City episode. Kelly has had it with know-it-alls, Americans pronouncing 'twat' incorrectly and she also delivers some very strong opinions on the Royal Family. Jen and Pumps swap stories from rehab family week and Kelly opens up about her family's experience with addiction. Thank you to our sponsors: CareOf: This episode is sponsored by CareOf, visit takecareof.com and use code 'hadit50' for 50% off your first order. Hint Water: Visit hintwater.com to get $1 a bottle with free shipping, when you order 3 cases. That's 36 bottles for $36 plus free shipping. Just use code HADIT at checkout. Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Kelly Osbourne: @kellyosbourne

So we're supposed to start the podcast. One, two, three. That was a great New York City clap. So listener, do we have a treat for you? Such a treat. Because pumps and I are in New York City. And I am going to refer to pumps for this entire trip as big tits in the big city. That's correct. Yes.

All right, so Pumps, what have you had it with? Have you read the article about the manager of a Hilton that went into a guest room and started sucking his toes at five o'clock in the morning while he was asleep. Okay, I'm the brakes. Yes. You got a hotel manager. Hotel manager slips into a guest bedroom, steals the key, rebrands it so he can get in,

sucks on toes. And the guy wakes up and he's sucking on his toes. There are so many things wrong with that. Number one, how do you know his feet are clean? That's my first. Number two, what kind of a whack jump are you? It was 5 a.m. So like if the person got drunk, it came home and passed out,

which you'd obviously been watching. You go in at like one o'clock. You don't wait till everybody's getting up at five. I think this could be a case of, you know how people have gay door? Yes. Maybe this guy thinks he has like foot fetish door. I looked at him, he's so pitiful.

Just go down the rabbit hole with me. Okay, okay, okay, let me have this. Okay, okay. So he has foot fetish radar, right? So he clocks the guy in the lobby maybe. And he's thinking, we made eye contact. I'm gonna, and I wonder if the manager's done it before. You know, he's done it before. Of course he has. So he misread

this guy as I foot fetish freak, right? Because to your point about you don't know if they're feeder clean, I think by virtue of having a foot fetish, you'd probably take a dirty foot, a clean foot. That's disgusting. So I think this could be a mistaken case of like foot fetish radar malfunction. Well, last I heard he's still in jail awaiting his bond to be posted. I would imagine so. So I'm sure he's just sucking the shit out of feet

in the community jail. I mean, can you imagine how gross that is? Oh, he might love it though. I mean, he could be, it could just be a train of toes. Yes, he could just line him up. He could just pull a train. A toe train. All right.

So let me tell you what I've had it with. So last night here in the big city, I go to dinner with some clients and a guy that I do business with from Brazil, but he lives here. And we go to this like a super chic restaurant. You remember that inventing Anna? Yes. That where she was like a scam artist, fake German ares. So it's in that cool building that she tried to fraudulently buy from all the smart people

on Wall Street that kind of funded her for a long time. You know, that brain trust, right? So she almost buys this building. But anyway, now it's like a photography museum and this like really chic restaurant called Verónica because I'm so fancy. I wanted to- Not Verónica.

Verónica. Verónica. Okay, leave your Oklahoma at home. Hi. Today we are in New York City, okay. So go and sit down and everything in New York is closer together because they have a space problem. So you go in a restaurant and everything is super close together, right?

So the table right next to us is this yak mouth, who's screaming at the top of her lungs to carry on a conversation with a person that she's with. It's two women and she has a horrible voice. I mean, it's horrible. It is fingernails on a chalkboard. She's screaming at the top of her lungs. I look at my clients and I'm like, why is she yelling? And they start giggling because they can tell like,

oh, she's getting worked up. The thing about a yak mouth and a loud one is typically they're not funny. No, nor interesting, nor clever. about a yak mouth and a loud one is typically they're not funny. No. Nor interesting, right? Nor clever. It was the most horrible conversation at like 10, I mean, 10 on a decibel chart. It was awful. Here's my problem. If I was with you, because you're loud, right. I tell you all the time, pumps, turn it in.

I'm right here. Quick yelling, quick screaming, and you loud. Right. I tell you all the time, pumps, turn it in. I'm right here. Quit yelling, quit screaming, and you do. Right. So I don't know if she's just surrounded by all of these enablers, because the woman sit next to her, I don't know how she wasn't just like shooting shots of liquor constantly, something to anesthetize this horrific, I mean, it was the worst thing. So I have had it As we know with Yakmiles, but Uber loud grandstanding show boating Yakmiles and restaurants hit the fucking Bricks did you have it? Did you say anything to like the hostess or no? No, no, I'm not I'm not like gonna be a tattletail

Well, I'm sure it wasn't a tattletail there. I mean, like, what are you going to go up to the hostess and be like, I'm sorry, the lady next to me is super loud. Can you tell her to shut the fuck up? What a pussy. You know, I'm not a pussy. I wouldn't do that. Maybe you could have said, are you trying to pull us in just your conversation? I just had to, I had to power through there was, I was powerless. I was powerless. You should have turned over there, go shut the fuck up.

You're not funny. I were not cute. You're not smart. You were an asshole. You're a zit on the ass of this entire restaurant. She was. She was. I went through the five stages of grief

and about 10 and a half evening. Finally moved to acceptance and then that was it. Yeah, well good for you, that's growth on your part. Well, listener, I mean, this is a big deal. I mean, we have been, we have been segueing from like normal gals from Oklahoma City, and we're starting to get on the bridge that I would call hot shit bridge.

Probably more so in our mind than in reality. Well, we're kind of getting some guests that are back and out we have a great guest today that we could potentially be hot shit. So we're trying. We're trying to be hot shit. We're still about mediocre lukewarm shit at this point. So welcome to I've had it podcast, New York City Edition.

I'm Jennifer. And I'm Angie. And she is big tits in the big city. Shut up. All right, let's welcome our guest, everybody, unless you have lived under a rock, knows who this darling woman is, and it is Kelly Osborne.

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I don't know about that, but we're definitely taking steps in the right direction with care of. Listener, if you would like to be as healthy as pumps in me for 50% off, your first care of order go to care of.com and enter code had it 5-0. For 50% off your first care of order go to takecare of.com and enter code had it 5-0. This episode is brought to you by Hemp Water. Pumps, you know I'm really concerned about your health and I have recently come across some alarming information from the World Health Organization that states

consuming diet sweeteners can increase blood clot formations which in turn can increase the risk of heart attacks and strokes. And so, you know, that iced tea that you drink with all that artificial sweetener is no longer allowed in the recording studio because I've replaced it with hint water. I hate to tell you you're right because I really do like the hint water. It's kind of the perfect little solution to my tea addiction. I know and you're drinking a lot less tea with sweetener now, correct? Correct. Because the hint water really does the trick. Don't say I'd never did anything nice for you.

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We are so happy to have you. Such a treat in person, too. OK, so we like to jump right to it. OK. OK, so a like to jump right to it. Okay. So a lot of podcasts are about positivity and how to become a better person, right? And how to be like the best version of yourself,

the best skin, the best mother, the best spouse. We say, fuck all of that. Okay, it's not a sustainable path. It is not. So what we like to do, we consider this therapeutic, but we have to get these petty grievances out of our system. And we do it right here in our therapy hour called, I've had it.

I love it. I love it because I've had it with so much right now. What have you had it with? My biggest grievance here right now is noodles. Oh. There's a million of them that don't know shit. It's like the more they tell you what they know, the less they actually do know.

They know nothing! Right, and they sit there and they tell you, oh, what this happened because of me, and I taught them how to do this, and this is the, and I'm like, oh, my God, get away from me. Get away from me. It's like, I have a few noodles in my life right now

that I'm like, oh, I think that I have to divorce you. Oh, yeah. I have found that like somebody who should be a no-at-all, like Neil deGrasse Tyson, right? He knows a lot. He's, one could argue, he has a no-at-all. Right. He's an astrophysicist, Harvard grad.

And then you've got some schmohock on Facebook that thinks that they know everything about science, or everything about the medical field. And it's maddening, and I have this proposal to society that I think all of these people that think they know more than physicians do when they get sick. They can go to the parking lot of the hospital or the doctor's office office and they can have Facebook

tense there. And all of these people can, they can all treat each other, diagnose each other, write each other imaginary scripts, give each other imaginary vaccinations. And there we go. There we go. Do it there together because it's unbelievable the jump that people make from just being an average Joe to they think they have the same knowledge as somebody who's been to medical school for 15 years. I call it instantaneous.

Instant genius. Right. Yes. When people read like a small paragraph of something and they're like an instant genius because they have like one true fact. I think the problem with know-it-alls is like the more you start talking to them, the more you realize how breathtakingly stupid this person is. Yeah.

It is like I sit there and like there's, she shall remain nameless. Of course. She's somebody in my life and I'm trying to, by the time she hears this, I will have been divorced as a friend, so I'm using this opportunity to be a backhanded friend, to be like, you fucking annoy me. But she knows everything, and even down to things with my baby, she's like, well, he does that because I taught him that.

And I'm like, he's been doing that for three months. Fuck off! She's got to go. She's got to go. She's been doing that for three months. Fuck off. She's got to go. She's got to go. She has got to fucking go immediately to take credit for some milestone that your baby has reached because she thinks she taught the baby.

Yeah, she's got to hit the fucking bridge. And I'm like, I'm like, but that's also ego. Right. Did she even have kids? No. How does your baby? My baby's also ego. Right. Did she even have kids? No. How old is your baby? My baby's six months. Oh, boy or girl.

She's gorgeous, he's a boy. Oh, I have two boys. I'm just two boys and a girl, yes. They are the best. So it's a lot. It is a lot. Where did you get birth? I keep birth in Los Angeles, California.

Did you have an epidural? Of course I did. Okay, thank goodness. We have a huge question for you. Go on. After you had the baby, you leave the hospital, you go home with your baby. The first post pregnancy shit. It's the worst fucking thing you have ever been through.

Yep, we're trying to tell Americans. Okay, no one fucking told me about this. Nobody talks about it. No one told me about this. Nobody talks about it. But after you have the baby and you have the epidural, and I was like, give me every fucking drug. You can give me.

Absolutely. I don't want to feel this. Right. And I didn't. It was wonderful. But then afterwards, I was like, this is awful. For me, Kelly, it was worse than delivering the trial. Oh my God.

Without any shadow of doubt in my mind, the shit after you have a baby is the, is 10 million times, I don't even love the sounds of New York. Yeah. It's 10 million times worse than actually having the baby. Wait, right? At least you're drugged for the having part. Oh, it was just the worst.

And you sit there and you're like praying to God. And I'm on the, and then I ended up, this is like TMI, but I end up calling my brother's fiance because she went through it four months before I why I'm sat in the toilet being like, this is the worst thing I've ever been through. This is not they don't warn you. They don't tell you. So we don't tell you how you bleed from it. They tell you how it feels like someone is ripping your asshole out of your body and sticking it

somewhere else. It's shining. The squeezing that has, I mean the pressure that you have to try to apply to get that thing out of your body. It's horrible. You think you've got liftoff and the baby cries and then everything just goes right back up. Right back up again. It is a four-. So we had this TikTok them when viral. Because when Poms had her post-practiccy spoon, I'm just gonna give you the cliff note version. Try to stick a spoon up a rast to get the shit out of that. That's neither here nor there. Do you know how many women I know have done that?

Oh Kelly, thank you. Oh my god. I know somebody did it with a fucking chopstick. You're good. I'm amongst friends. We posted this on Instagram or TikTok. Let me get real. Poms and I don't know how to post shit on the internet.

Kylie, our millennial producer posted on, you know, TikTok and Instagram. But the majority of the women, 75 to 80% are like, oh my God, I was fighting for my life on that toilet. That was the worst thing. Yes, nobody talks about this. And then there are these particular breed of fucking assholes that comment on Instagram. I have given birth five times,

and I had diarrhea after each. Oh my God, that's lying. Baby delivery. And I'm just like, shut the fuck up, Janet. And shut up. Right. No drugs. All natural five dolers. I've had it. I have had it. The whole the whole dole thing. I'm like, okay. Really? Yeah. Really? Like so my sister tried to infiltrate my pregnancy by talking my mom into me hiring this doula

and she really got on my mom about it. She was like, you have to have her hide this doula, has she hide the doula. And I was like, why do I need a doula? This isn't make any sense. And when I saw the things that this doula does, she's like, she massages you, she buys your groceries, she comes in. And I'm like, this is like ridiculous. I'm having a baby. I don't need an assistant. This is like, this is crazy. And it made me start thinking about like, do I want to do natural? Do I not want to

do natural? I watched one video of a natural birth, I was like, nope, not doing that. No, thank you. No, and I think there's this movement kind of where people are like, I want to give natural birth. And it's like, I think somebody posted on Instagram, would you do a natural root canal? No, right.

You wouldn't fucking do that. We live in the era of modern science. Why not allow modern science to assist you in these things? So I have a friend that I play pickleball with him and avid pickleball player. I've never played pickleball, but I've always played pickleball. I was just going to get you out there before we leave New York.

It's a blast. You know I only play with people that are as good or better than me. Right. I love you playing. I play pickleball with you. But anyway, she said. I could it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love I'm very into it. I love it. She plays every day, pickable every day. Takes a lesson at 7 a.m. twice a week. Really? Yeah.

I don't fuck around Kelly. That's very impressive. We're not doing life in the fuck around lane. Right? Accelerator smashed to the floorboard, but my point was one of my pickable friends. She thought she was going to be a hero. Her name's Kim.

And she was like, I'm gonna give natural birth. And so she tried and like five hours into it. She's like, fuck this shit. I want the epidural and it was too late. Total buyers remorse on the whole thing. And so. See, I'd never do that. Never.

I don't wanna feel it. I'm like, tell me to push, I got my baby out and full push is, it was that blue. Same. So one thing we wanted to talk to you about is my husband, it has been to rehab five times. And he's in recovery. Okay.

And Pumps' ex-husband has been to rehab. And so we have gone to family weeks. Family weeks over. Oh, man. So listener, if you do not, if you've not been to family week, what it is is your loved one goes to rehab for, you know, 30, just did like a five-month stint at one point.

I did six months, yeah. So then the family comes in and you sit down with other families in this circle jerk and everybody goes around and so you hear what other people are in rehab for. It's so heavy. Yes. It's heavy and sometimes you're what other people are in rehab for. It's so heavy. Yes. It's heavy and sometimes you're like, why was strange? Should I be hearing this?

So I want, share with Kelly what happened to you when you went to visit your husband at Family Week. Okay, so I'm sitting there. There's that, the man and then all the women. So he's in like a group like it's somebody's husband, but he's in there. And he's in like a group like it's somebody's husband, but he's in there. And he's probably 7580 years old. I mean, old.

And he starts telling about how he would put her bras and paganes on, which I was like, whatever. Okay. His wife's, his wife's. He would put on his wife's lingerie. Okay. And then he would go upstairs and he had blowup dolls and he would fuck the blowup dolls.

No wonder your wife's in fucking rehab. Like she's probably confused. She's like, am I meant to be made a plastic? Like what's happening here? I was just like, I was so shocked. I was just like, oh my god, this is happening to grandparents. And then the one guy said how, like he had masturbated for 12 hours straight, like live on the internet. What? He's telling you all this. And he's not the patient. He's the patient.

Oh, he is the patient. Okay, so it is the patient. So the patient's banging it low up doll. And another patient is a 12 hour whacker offer on the internet. I call that a serial link. Oh, that... That's absolutely what it was. So we love, we love like the British terms.

Like you guys use the word cut. All the time, like it's not much better. My husband and I were in Hyde Park and he stepped in the bike lane in this guy. He's like, get out of my way, you fucking cut. And Josh was like, did he just call me a cat? And I was like, I fucking love it here. I love this place.

They also say, Twatt. Twatt, very well. OK, so in England, we say Twatt. Twatt. Which is, like in America says Twatt, which, to me, is like the past tense of Twatt. It's over. Yeah, it's over.

You're a Twat, you're done. So it, it, all the different ways that we use are all great. I want to get back really quickly because you have a very famous family. Yeah. And kind of crazy awesome parents. So when they roll out to family week, oh, they don't go.

Oh, they don't go. No, we have our own. OK. It's best that way. Yeah, I would think go. Oh, they don't go. No, we have our own. OK. It's best that way. Yeah, I would think so. It's better that way, because otherwise, it's just about who they are, rather than getting to the bottom of what it is we need to be doing. And like, my special request is, please don't come to Family Week.

I don't, I don't, this isn't going to help any of us. Right, right. We're not going to get to the bottom of anything. It just, let's just do it one on one. And even the last treatment center I went to, that was their recommendation so that we could just be like people in the room talking about our issues rather than celebrities talking about how they're dosage drug addicts. Right.

And so you've been to rehab five times. And I think this is something that's so important for people to understand. And it took me a while to understand this. The very first time my husband went to rehab, my first son was probably eight months old. I staged an intervention. He agrees to go. I fly him to Arizona. I drop him off in my darling little naive 28, 29 year old self. Kind of did my hands like this, and I thought, handled it. Right, just fucked up. Job well done.

Was it bailed in? Was it Bessie Ford? He went to an ambulance. Meadows. Meadows. Oh, okay. I know somebody that went to Meadows. I know a lot of people that went to Betty Ford. The first time my dad went to Bessie Ford,

my mom told him, I've found a place where we can send you and I'll teach you how to drink like a gentleman. And that was how she got him in there. But when he was in there actually Betty Ford was there and he was opening all the cup and she was like what are you doing Aussie? And he said oh looking for the alcohol. She goes why? And he goes because this is where I come to learn how to drink like a gentleman. Then when he realized where he was it was piss. where I come to learn how to drink like a gentleman. Then when he realized where he was, it was piss.

But I spent the first three months of my life in, I think it was Arizona when he was in there. But it's, you know, rehab can be the best thing that ever happened to you. And it could also be like the most boring 28 days of your life. But it's all about what you put into it. The last place I went, I went to this place called Drifwood in Austin, Texas. And it is the best place I have ever been. I got to the bottom of so many hardcore issues

and the root of so many of my problems. And it just, it changed everything. Because once you have an understanding and you get a diagnosis of what it is that is going on, I don't like to say what is wrong with you because it's not what's wrong with you at all. It's just an issue that you have. It's an allergy. It's like an allergy. You have to learn how to maintain. And it took me a long time from a wife's perspective

to understand, like I dropped you off and I thought nailed it. Well a long time, you know, from a wife's perspective to understand, like, I dropped you off and I thought nailed it. Well, I mean, that was just the beginning, because it's such a relapsing disease. You know, it is, and the thing is, I'm scared of relapse, terrified of it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely terrified. Yeah. And it's not necessarily the drinking that I'm frightened of, because I know I don't care about that. It's more the drugs. Yeah. And like, I know it's my parents' fear

is the drinking for me, because they know I have one drink and it's done. But they're all the same. I mean, alcohol is a drug. Yeah. So I mean, one thing that I had to learn, it's abstinence only across the board. I mean, anything could trigger Josh.

Like he got sober, the original problem was opiates. And then that was my original problem too. At a later date, a psychiatrist, a medical doctor, prescribed clonipin, which is a benzodiazepine. Oh my god, it's like the story of my life. The same shit happened to me. Yeah, then later it's aterol, and it just, you know, it's like, what happened?

Shut up! This is my story! Really? Yes! Yes, and so he had gone through all of this. I went from painkillers to Colonapin to Adderall, because I was always on Adderall, but I started to be, I figured out that I could be used it. Right.

Once I was still on it, and it wasn't doing anything. Right. I felt so, I couldn't walk into a room and focus on anything. Right. And it just felt like the world was going past me and super speed and I'm just standing there in slow motion and not understanding what was going on. Right.

And then they put me on, they finally put me on that medication and everything started falling into place. And then they were like, well, you actually suffer from depression. So they put me on anti-depressants. And once they finally put me on the right medication, everything just, as I say, fell into place. And it, like, the need and the want and the empty space

and the void was filled. So I didn't start looking elsewhere for it. Right. No more self-medicating. No more self-medicating. No more self-medicating. And I know that my idea, I'm not a doctor, but when I start trying to be the doctor, it goes to shit. Yeah. So I have this friend, he's gay, and his dad and mom were married

up until their death. But his dad was gay. And the mom found out that he was gay, but they decided to stay married because they were like, you know, in their 70s or 80s. And this is like friends by then. 15, 20 years ago. And so she had sent him to all these different rehabs, right?

Her husband and his name was Dick. So she sent all these rehabs. He relapsed constantly. So finally she finds a gay rehab center. So Harris is my friend. So Harris and his mom take Dick to the gay rehab center. He's gay and his name is Dave. Yeah, totally on brand.

Totally on brand. So they take him to the gay rehab center. And they go in and they're like, you cannot drink the entire time you're here for the family week, you have to remain completely sober. So Harris and his mom walk out, they leave Dick and the gay treatment center. And there's these gay pride flags just flapping in the wind. And she looked at her son and she goes, I don't know how the fuck I'm gonna do this sober.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Dropped her husband at the gay rehab center. Because he has- That's love. He prefers love. Yes, and they really were. They were best friends.

But the gay rehab center, that's what finally did it because I think he was able to address. You have to find your people. Right. Yes, when you get in recovery, and it's really important to find the people that you connect with that share a similar story to you that can really understand where you're coming from. So you don't feel so alone in it. Right. And once you find your people,

that's when you're like, okay, I can do this. Yeah. The thing is, you always know when I start using because I start thinking I'm better than everyone else. Really? Yeah. Are you, are you a know-it-all? I turn into a know-it-all.

Oh, no. Yes, I do. I turn into a no at all! Oh no! Yes I do! I turn into a no at all and I'm like, that's not the way it is, it's this way. And how dare that person look at me like that? And like things would like make me go in a spiral where I start looping my thoughts, where it's just one thought that goes around and round and round and circle.

And it's just, it's an awful place to be, but yeah, I'm an asshole when I use. Yeah, they all are. I mean, and it took me a while to realize, like at the end of the day, the addict, and in my case, it's Josh, my husband, he did not choose to be an addict. Nobody in their right mind chooses to be an addict,

and he hated that version of himself far more than I ever could have. Yes, that's very true. And so it once I learned that I was able to have empathy and have boundaries and it took me a long time to and here's the deal. I'm not like rock solid. I fucking picked him and stayed with him and had two kids with him. It's not like I'm fucking Miss Middle Health over here. You know, there's a very strong argument to be made that I'm the fucking crazy with Kelly. Have you met my mother?

She stayed with my father through all of it, through all of it. Yeah. And you think five rehabs is a lot. You just see how many my dad went to. It's like 10, 20 at this point. Oh, wow. Is he sober now?

Oh my god, he's been sober 10 years. 10 and 11 years, yeah. And they seem, I mean, obviously, I don't know them personally, but they seem like they're really in love. Oh, because they are, it's gross. It's, they never stops telling her, I have to say, it is beautiful

because he never stops telling her how much he loves her. Oh. He never stops and she never stops telling her, I have to say, it is beautiful because he never stops telling her how much he loves her. Never stops and she never stops telling him and they still have like full-blown like make-out sessions and I'm just standing there like, because right now I'm living with them. Because my boyfriend's always on tour and I don't wanna be alone with the baby. Right, so I moved in with them when I was pregnant.

Yeah. And he, it's just like sitting there while they're having like makeup sessions. You're like, can we go back to watching Nightly News? Like what's going on? Let me ask you this. At like at your dad's peak addiction, like when her husband was, when she was married, she's divorced now, when she was married,

and then when it was like, her husband relapsed my degree, relapsed. We were like full-blown fucking CIA covert odd. Oh my god, you've no idea. I mean, I'm the queen of the fucking FBI at this point. Totally. And every trick that my dad had, I learned, and it made me a worst drug at it.

Oh, because you knew how to hide it better. So it was really hard to crack the case. You covered your tracks because you investigated your dad. I knew how to do it because everything my dad ever did, I was like, what an idiot. Yeah, and you were like, I'm going to be a better addict. That's the stupidest to hide your drugs. As's a fucking stupid place. I would have thought of something better.

And then it be, I got better and better at hiding it and more manipulative and just more just. I bet you were a world class gas lighter. The queen of gas. Queen of it. And it's so much so that when someone does it to me now, I'm like, you're gaslighting me. I know what you're doing, because I used to do it. I know what you're doing. You spot it, you got it.

Yeah, it's like you set down here with it, you've had it with no adults, come to find out, add it, Kelly. He's a no adult. He's a no adult. He's a fucking no adult. All right, let's lighten it up a little bit and I know that you were on Fashion Police.

So I want to ask you about some fashion trends. Okay. And let's round table it and see what we think. Athleteisure. Lazy. Oh, I love an athlete's shirt. But it's lazy. It's lazy.

Okay. I agree. It is lazy, but if you're wanting to feel slimmer that day, athlete shirt always makes you feel better. Like the black leggings. You'd be black leggings, because they suck you in that little bit. And you can feel like maybe people think I work out so I love thin-climbed skinnier,

and everything will be better. Let me tell you what I think. I think that there is a lot of at leisure abuse, particularly in the United States of America. It is become like just everyday dressing. People are abusing this.

This was supposed to be, you take your kids, you drop them off at school, and then you're going to a quick exercise class, and then you go home and shower, and then you put on normal clothes. I'm not saying you super doll, but you at least kind of pull together a little bit, right?

But now it's like, ethlesia with like one of them puffy vests and everything is like, ethlesia abuse. I see people going out to dinner and it's, ethlesia is totally abused. Nobody's fucking doing anything about it, Kelly. Have you seen ethlesia with heels?

I have not seen that. Oh, that's an e it, Kelly. Have you seen Athleteja with heels? I have. Oh, I have not seen that. That's an egregious violation. That's, oh my god. It is like one of those things where you're like, huh? How does that make sense? You have full-born Athleteja on, but your footwear says I'm going to the club. Okay. Next up, what do you think about low-waisted jeans? Before I had a baby, I'm like, I'm all about him.

Who cares? Now that I've had a baby, I'm like, fuck this. Fuck this. I have to shave my crotch just to weigh you. You can fuck off. Not happening. Not happening. Not happening.

I know. It's a lot trickier after giving birth. As is everything. Well, and after you get birth, you're bending over a lot more than when you're not a mom. You have to put the baby in the car seat, fast in the seatbelt. Bend over gets a diaper bag. You're schlepping so many things. So my arms have gone more.

My arms have gone more. My arms have gone more. And I like that about it. Well, that car seat weighs a million pounds. But you're prime candidate for a little plum or ass in the low-waisted gene. That's true. That's true. That's true. Prime candidate. Okay. What do you think about claw fingernails?

Super long and vial to coffin nails. Okay, so I am a fan of the almond shape, but coffin nails and really pointy, I'm not a fan of the arm and shape, but coffin nails and really pointy, I'm not a fan of because I put holes in all my clothes pulling up my pants. Yes. I'm not joking in the crotch of every, you can tell what phase I was in in my life

by my trousers because they have holes in where I would pull them up. Yeah, I think this would be dangerous. They're like so much better. No, they are dangerous. They can really hurt yourself with them. But the truth is, I can't have long nails, because I'm a mom.

When I'm changing the diaper, I did this with my brother's kids once. I changed a poopy diaper, and I went like this, I brushed my hair out of my face. Oh, God. And I had brushed shit into my face because there was shit underneath my nail. And that's like, no, no, no, no, no,

padded with the claw nails. Fucking over it. I've had it. They need to go enough. Okay, just I saw this video on TikTok recently, where they took a scraping from underneath nails. Oh, I bet it was nails and put it underneath like a magnifier, what would you call it? A microscope. Yes. And the worms and the bacteria and the stuff that was underneath just a regular, regular,

and you saw them wash their hands first and then they did it, no way. If you have really long nails, imagine, every time they wipe their ass or change tampon or do something, if it's disgusting, it's disgusting. It's disgusting. Oh.

When I had long nails, I'd always dip a Q-tip in alcohol and swab underneath them. Well, that was smart. Okay. Um, last bleached eyebrows. I can't. Okay. Last bleached eyebrows. I can't. Okay. So I've done this trend.

It kind of makes me look like an alien version of myself. I personally don't love this trend. I think you have to have a specific shape face for it to be pulled off in a way that is elegant. Right. Otherwise, it just looks try hard to me. Because people's foreheads all of a sudden become longer.

Huge. Huge. It gives you like a massive, massive forehead. Right. For me, I remember when I was like, you look like an egg. I don't know how to get it. Okay.

Now, we have a game that we play called Had it or Hit it. So I'm going to name something you tell us if you've had it with it or if you love it and you'd hit it. Okay. Oh my god. Welcome to Had it or Hit it. I would hit it. I would. Had it. I hit it every day sometimes twice a day. Okay, Reality Television. Had it. Name one good reality TV show right now. I'm with you. I've had it. I don't watch any. I don't watch. We were on a reality show. You were on a reality show.

I've had it. It just, it doesn't. Because it's not real. It's people pretending. Correct. And it's not interesting. The backstabbing and all that. I'm like, come on. Women's show. I will say that I haven't had it with Vandipum Rules right now because I love all the drama that's going on. Everybody loves that.

I love the drama that's going on because it is so cheesy and so stupid and that Tommy Sandival is a fucking idiot. Total. Anybody would think that he thinks he's Freddie Mercury reincarnated on something. Like he gives all the moves and you're just like, what the fuck are you doing? You're not even singing original music. These are cover songs. LAUGHTER Like it's...

But he feels himself, and I feel him as a result of it. Right. I mean, hate watching stuff is really good. I love hate watching stuff. Yeah, hate watching is really good. OK. King Charles and Queen Camilla. Hit it.

You hit it? I did it. It's new. It's different. Let them try it out. See what they can make of it. You hit it? I did it. It's new. It's different. Let them let them try it out. See what what they can make of it. Definitely King Charles. I'm not I don't know much about Camilla. I always thought she would remain Queen consort's weed that she's queen. I think I mean, he's loved her forever. He loved her before dying. I know. And that's something that he was forced. My problem with Charles is not Camilla. He's loved her forever. His family made him marry somebody differently.

I agree with that. My problem with Charles is you have a son. You have a son. I have a son. I don't care what my fucking son did. If I was getting crowned, he would sit in the very front row. Oh, I don't agree with that. I think Harry should have been sent back.

I think Harry's a fucking twat. LAUGHTER I do. I think he's a fucking twat. He's a whining, winging, complaining. Woe is me. I'm the only one that's ever had mental problems. Like, my life was so hard.

Everybody's fucking life is hard. You were the principal goddamn country who dressed up as a fucking Nazi, and now you're trying to come back as the Pope? Suck it. No. No. It's a very strong case.

I love it. I think, I mean, you make such a great case in that colorful British accent, which is a twat. The twat, what you said is past tense. Yeah, twat sounds like the past tense of twat to me. Okay. I mean, I'm gonna start practicing now.

I'm gonna go, you made a very strong case. Thank you. I'm gonna move over. I consider. To your side. I'm gonna join you. Okay, had it or hit it TMZ. It's like a middle ground for that.

Because some of the times I love what they do and report on in the way that they get to it. But when it comes on you, you're like, you're like, fuck off. They recently, my mom fainted recently and somebody got my brother's personal information from TMZ and called him up and asked him about it. And I thought that was a little... That's shady. A little like, let's not go about it this

way guys. You've known us for a long time. But if I had to say anything, I'd say hit it because I do enjoy watching it. Yeah. Okay. Had it or hit it, Paris Hilton. Oh my god, hit it 100%. A hundred percent. There was no one like Paris. And if you know her, you know that she's one of the fucking smartest bitches you've ever met in your goddamn life. I love it.

She really is. She really is smart. And lastly, Kelly, had it or hit it, wearing sunglasses indoors. Had it. Had it. Had it. Does this go back to your childhood? No, it just goes back to every douchey guy you've ever met in your life,

and if you open to a room and you're like, I fucking hate you. Doesn't your father wear sunglasses indoors? He doesn't count. That's excluded. He does. He's not the't for fact. We didn't know like the black sunglasses,

they just tinted lenses. Okay. Okay. Kelly, tell us and our listener about the show that you're going to be on that's coming up. So I'm filling in on Beech's M on Fox at 8.9 Central and it is on 9.8 Central. I don't know. I do it backwards every fucking time and they get mad at me. Google it, people. But it is the most incredible show I've ever

been a part of outside of fashion, police. Awesome. It like the way that you can watch somebody's life change just from knowing, that's really cool. And the amount of money I saw people make And the amount of money I saw people make is mind-blowing. Wow, awesome. It's mind-blowing. And you see these people come in and they have these stories of like, I work three jobs, I have this, I have that, and they leave, and they're like, I don't have to do that anymore. Right. That would be so uplifting.

It is. It is the most beautiful thing to witness. Yes. And to be a part of, and Jamie Foxx has done incredible the last five seasons on this show. I say he's made magic, but what's they've done? And to be a part of that and to fill in for Corinne, his daughter was a real honor to be asked.

And I really hope I did her justice. I love it. Well, Kelly, this has been a total treat. I've loved every second of this. Thank you so much. As to me, you, here in New York City, I mean, we've been kind of flirting with the idea that we could potentially be hot shit.

You are hot shit. Kelly, I was worth sitting here. No, you guys are fat. I'm just saying, I think that you guys are hotter than I thought. We're flirting with lava. Yeah, that way. We could be hot shit.

So listen up, listener. Go give us five star reviews. Way in if you think we're hot shit. On Apple, like on a scale of one to 10 hot shit. Kelly Osborne, a 10. Jen, a nine pumps a seven.

I'm going to go something like anyway, listener. We love you and we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday because we ain't anything. I'm telling you what I've had with. I'm tearing through. I'm adding it with that. Pick up that class of Pina Grigio, your drink of choice, and come have some fun with us on Turtle Time.

We're going to do more than just drink and party on this podcast mom. I know, I know. Okay, if you don't know who I am, well, I'll remain a singer, and that's my daughter, Avery. And you probably know us best from the Real Housewives of New York. And now you'll get to know us even better on our podcast, Turtle Time. Let's make more iconic moments together every Wednesday. It's Turtle Time. Follow Ray and review now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.