I've Had It - Red, White, and Screwed

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

Turns out the alpha male 'manosphere' movement is doing great things for the lesbian community.Pre-order our new book, join our Patreon Cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast.Thank you to our sponsors:This episode is brought to you by Booking.com: Find exactly what you’re booking for on https://Booking.com, Booking.YEAH!Ro Body: Go to https://RO.CO/HADIT for your free insurance check.Homes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We’ve done your home work.Follow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.yeah. Every time I use Booking.com to find a place to stay in the U.S., I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals, and I'm always able to find something that fits my specific needs. I found that Booking.com has something for everyone. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com. Booking. Yeah.

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready? One, two, three. Patriots, gay triots, they triots, black triots. Welcome to America's Top DEI podcast. Pumps, what have you had it with? What I've had it with is when you are parking your car and you walk out to the parking lot and there's 1,000 spaces available and someone parks right next to you. This happened to me yesterday. The guy was right on the yellow line. I was in the middle of my spot, but I had to shimmy into my car to open the door, and

there were at least 50 parking places around us. The only spot that was taken was the one next to me that he was right on the line. I was like, that's fucking bullshit. So it seems to me like you can have personal space invaders that can invade your personal space, but your car too can have a space invader. Oh my gosh, that's exactly, exactly what it is. Car space invaders.

Yes, when there was, this is the same psychology of if you go into a doctor's office and there's nine chairs available and you pick a chair and then the person comes in and they sit kind of like in your sight line or next to you or right across from you when they could have chosen another place to sit. And that drives me crazy. I mean recently I was at a doctor's office and a woman came and sat right next to me

when there were nine other available chairs. I don't understand it. I don't get it. I don't understand it. There's a psychology to let's separate when we can. There are times where we're forced together. There's times where we have no choice but to personally invade spaces. An example would be walking into a basketball game.

We've been going to all these thunder playoff games. It's personal space invasion out the wazoo from parking to entering to sitting down to going to the restroom. It's a nightmare, right? But when you have the opportunity to distance yourself or your vehicle from vehicles at large or humanity at large, take the opportunity. Swing and hit. Here's my question. Why don't these people want to take the opportunity? I mean, how did this guy know I wasn't going to just ram my car door into his and give him a door ding? Obviously, I'm not going to because I'm not a complete dick. But why would anybody want to sit next to somebody they don't know when they don't have to. It's crazy to me. Yeah, you know, I just think people are crazy and lonely and maybe this guy, I

don't know. I don't know the psychology behind all of it. I'm trying to crack the case on these MAGA voters. And I mean, I think that these things might all be linked anecdotally. We're accumulating quite a bit of evidence to things like this. But I just don't know. I don't know. I don't know if it's better to live in like a New York where you have you forgo personal space and everybody just accepts that you all have to invade each other's space, but nobody talks to one another. And you don't have to do all of this.

You don't have expectations of other people because you know if you're passing somebody on the subway steps or on the street, you could brush shoulders and it's just accepted. And then you get out to middle America where we live and then there's this layer of we need to be even more distant. I almost think it's better just to just live in a populated place and just know that our cars are gonna be next to each other, our shoulders are gonna be next to each other, and then you don't have these expectations where people are gonna disappoint you because people always deliver on disappointing.

That's true and that was my like New Year's resolution is I'm going to stop having expectations, period, because expectations are what kill you every time. They crush the soul. And people are endlessly disappointing. They really are. Okay, let me tell you what I've had it with. So listener Pumpsnow is, and I'm sure many of you long-time listeners know, that my favorite show is Curb Your Enthusiasm. My favorite actor slash comedian is Larry David. I have a framed photograph of him on my desk downstairs in this herbarium office.

When my children swing by my office they always point out that I do not have a framed picture of them on the desk, that I have a framed picture of my dogs and of Larry David. So needless to say I really really love this David. So, needless to say, I really, really love this man. So, accordingly, I follow on social media some Curb Your Enthusiasm accounts. So, this one particular account I follow, and I followed for years, called Curb Your Larry David. I've seen every episode two to three times, but it's just always fun when they cut them up and you get a one to two minute hit on one of Larry's grievances or spin on something. It brings me joy and it makes me happy. Where over the course of the last two to three months, I'm on my Instagram feed and all of a

sudden I notice like what appears to be like an OnlyFans model and then like all of a sudden the pants are on and then they're off and it it's like this, it's like the splash thing. Like, so then I go and look like what account is this? And it's curb your Larry David. And I'm like, well, they must've been hacked by Kabbalah prostitutes or something, because I don't know what's going on here. Well, as I keep digging into it, I don't know if he's selling the space for only fan girls, or if the owner of this account is promoting

OnlyFangirls, it's the biggest bait-and-switch I've ever been involved in my entire life. For years I followed this account. For years I've double tapped and liked and even commented on these clips of Curb Your Enthusiasm. And now it's basically an OnlyFans page. And they'll post like four or five OnlyFans things. And then there's a clip of Larry. And it's just the schizophrenia. And I don't know what to do about this. I mean, part of me wants to unfollow.

And then the minute I think unfollow, then they roll out with a banger of a Larry David clip. And so I'm just stuck in here. I mean, I think I'm gonna unfollow but has this happened to you on any of your accounts? No, I have not noticed any OnlyFan advertisements invading my feed. That's bananas. And it says like, I sure do love Misty. She she sure is

fantastic. And she's like an OnlyFans. So she's promoting her. Yes. And I just think like, this would be an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. It would. You know that you follow this account, you're all chips in on it.

I don't really follow any OnlyFans accounts. If you do, I'm not gonna, you know, sex shame you, whatever, whatever, you know, gets you off. I don't care. But to marry these two things, curb your enthusiasm with advertisements for OnlyFans pages. It just seems like I've been hoodwinked and it seems like, you know, I followed this account. I even shared to my story, this account,

I double tapped almost every video, I commented, I did engaged, I did everything right. And now you're rolling out these OnlyFans things and the two just don't go together. Why not start a separate page? No, I completely agree. Like if it was, if you were following like a bra site or you know, a swimsuit site, I can see how, you know, they have OnlyFans. At least that would be mildly related. But curb your enthusiasm and OnlyFans, there is just no joinery. Larry is a white man that's in his seventies and a cranky Jewish comedian. And then to then jump to this, you know, OnlyFans page.

It's the weirdest. It's the weirdest thing ever. And recently my nephew, Joey, texted me and he said, have you noticed the Curb Your Enthusiasm page that we've all followed forever is now an OnlyFans page? And I was like, I don't know what is going on. And he said that other accounts are apparently doing this too. I guess that the thing is like this account has over 600,000 followers. So you can monetize that volume of this only fan person can say, hey, if you promote my page, you know, I'll pay you five grand or two grand.

I don't know how much it is, but I'm just, you know, that's just arbitrary number guess. But anyway, I just think it's wild. And I've had it with that because, you know, then, then I'm like, I see it and I'm like, this isn't something I would just google on my own Right and here it is in my page. But anyway, welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie Kylie have you seen this? I have yeah people will sell out Okay, so tell us what you know about this like the more followers you have the more your page is worth So it's like prime real estate to advertise. So I've had a lot of favorite accounts that all of a sudden become something completely

different. They don't even post the same stuff. Like that's odd to me that there's Larry David stuff still in there. Yeah. Just go the full OnlyFans. No, it'll be like two OnlyFans and then it'll be like three Larry David's so it keeps the fan base in. But the first time I saw it, I was so like, I mentally, it says,

curb your Larry David. And then it's like these, like it's an image of a girl. And then it flashes real fast to where all of a sudden her pants are on, then they're off and they're back on again. Like you get a little peekaboo of the ass or something like that, right? And so I'm like, I think I'm like in an airport and this thing pops up on my feed and people are sitting next to me and I'm like some big lezzy pervert perving out on OnlyFans in the airport lobby. No offense to lezzy perverts, I support you, but it's just not something that I would have typically had in my feed and I feel very betrayed by the account. I think they even follow me back.

So now I'm in this position. We followed each other. We had a love for Larry David and now I look like a horn dog lesbian at Will Rogers World Airport in Oklahoma City because of this shit. Oh my gosh. This is so great. I love this so much. I mean, I would hate it for you, but I love it that it's happening to you. I know you do. It's fun. It's fun when your friends suffer. It is. It is. Especially about the OnlyFans.

Like, I can't even find OnlyFans. I mean, just, have you tried? Are you trying to find OnlyFans? No, but I mean, I'm sure if I sat down right now and wanted to find an OnlyFans model on... I don't think it'd be hard. Oh, you think I could, even I could do it. I think you just type in OnlyFans. And I mean, I think the porn component of the internet is quite large and quite accessible. Well, that's probably right

Yeah, even even for people at your advanced stage. I think you could crack in about five seconds and lack of technology Technological skills. The problem is she would be typing in fans only calm. That's why you're not finding it true that she would Okay, Kylie, what? Speaking of horn dog lesbians, how are you today? I'm good. PR, if you have any HR, if you have any HR complaints, you can send those to the HBIC, the head beaver in charge and our legal counsel and she will address any issue with me calling you a horn dog lesbian. We will note it in your file and in my file.

And we will have it forever in the permanent record. We will just keep it noted. Yep. Noted. Yep. Okay, Kylie, what is going on in the internet? What do people say about Pumps and me? Here's what they say. I've got a couple of reviews. This one is five stars titled,

Pumps is fixated on Little League from Maxie. And they write, last night I had a dream that Pumps got a starring role in a legal drama as a high powered attorney. But the show nearly flopped when she insisted that there be a subplot where she moonlights as a Little League coach. Thankfully the writers saved the show by pivoting to her character having a forbidden love interest

with a personal chef. Jen said the on-screen chemistry was believable thanks to her male co-star, Pumps acting not so much. Anyway, listen to the podcast at your own risk, five stars. I mean, the thing about Pumps and the Little League situation is, I mean, Pumps really loves baseball and softball. I love it all. Like immensely. Like it's always kind of mystified me.

And I, listen, all props to all softball players. I personally just find the sport rather boring to watch baseball and softball. And Pumps is such a hardcore softball fan that I believe is around two or three years ago. The University of Oklahoma softball team was doing some sort of an event at a hotel in downtown Oklahoma City. Pumps being like a total fan girl goes down to this hotel and the players, these are college softball players, walk by and she's screaming like, go get them Jocelyn, knows them all by their first name. And she is like a diehard softball fan, which for many, that among many other reasons led me to believe for a period of time and

personally still believe that she could be lesbian leaning. Oh, which I needed to talk to you about this. I was talking to Whitney. Whitney, my tennis friend, Whitney shot out Oklahoma City Tennis Center with Whitney Ritchie. So there was a state tournament that my son was playing in over the weekend, tennis tournament. And I'm talking to Whitney and she says, does Pumps date? And I said, no, she's asexual. Whitney, out of the closet lesbian said, you know, I always thought I was asexual until I made out with a woman.

Really? Yes, and other lesbians have reported same. So I just wanted us to talk about that. Kylie, have you heard of this? Yes, and I will say, anytime a fan sees me outside, the number one question I get asked is, is Pumps really a lesbian? Really?

If she is, she doesn't know it. But I've heard that, too, from my lesbian friends, that they thought they were asexual. Because when they've asked me about it, I'm like, I think I'm just asexual. And they're like, oh my gosh, that's what I thought until I had sex with a woman. I thought the same thing. You thought you were asexual? Yeah, because you have sex with a guy, and you're like, oh my gosh, that's what I thought until I had sex with a woman. I thought the same thing.

You thought you were asexual? Yeah, because you have sex with a guy and you're like, what is everyone talking about? Didn't you have sex with a man with an extraordinarily like micro penis? No, his nickname was peen because he looked like a micro penis. He physically looked like a micro penis. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's a picture I can't get out of my head.

Anyway, so Whitney, I thought that was interesting. I mean, it's definitely worth thinking about now that you, I mean, I've heard that a lot. I think you can get just two wonders for the pod. If I just had a romp? Yes, and you could report it to us. I mean, look. 40,000 days without sex. Worst crape in the bottom of the barrel here reporting all this maga shit.

You know, it's just awful. I mean, it's really a patriotic thing that you could do and really proving your allyship. Yeah. What if I mean, okay, I'll give it some thought. You know, my whole thing is how does this all happen? You know, like you and Kylie say I could get laid at lunch if I tried. And I'm just like, conceptually, I don't know how that happens. So like having an affair with a lesbian, how does that all happen?

You know, the logistics. Let's ask a lesbian, Kylie, could you please expand on how how one would have an affair with a lesbian? A lot of people do it by socializing, meeting people. Well, see, see, that's what takes me out of the game is the socializing question. And then that's where online dating apps come in. But you know I'm not going to do an online dating app. There's gay ones.

It doesn't matter, gay, straight, bi, menage, whatever you want to do on a dating app, I'm out. I'm not, that's just, I can't do that. So let me ask you this, like the idea of dating anyone period, just not. It just has no appeal to me at this moment in my life. Okay. I mean, I, you know, I support that. I think the whole, like you have to have a partner

or you have to have a spouse or you have to date somebody. We talk about the pressure that people put on kids when you're getting married, when you're having kids. But another one is, are you dating anybody? Why aren't you dating anybody? And if you're completely happy, you know, you go to movies by yourself, you'll go and grab a bite by yourself, you enjoy thoroughly living by yourself. Why do we have to pressure you to finally come out of the closet as a lesbian and reveal yourself to our listeners? I don't know why we're putting this pressure campaign on you.

Why can't we just let you be the asexual closet lesbian that makes you happy? Exactly. Exactly. But you know, I do, I have started telling people because I get the question so much, are you dating anyone? When you say, and I've just been saying, no, I'm asexual. Like it shuts them down. Like people are just not used to something. LGBTQIA, is the A asexual. Like it shuts them down. Like people are just not used to something.

LGBTQIA. Is the A asexual? It is. Okay. Oh my gosh. I'm in the community. I knew it all along. That's why I've been an ally because I'm part of it.

You're the A. How about we just now got that? I never knew. You know, listen up, listener. We are sometimes sharp as a tack and sometimes it takes us a long time to arrive there, but when we arrive, we arrive with enthusiasm. That's right. This is exciting. Okay. Kylie, any more reviews? I've got one more for you, short and sweet. Oral Roberts is hands down the greatest drag name of all time. I totally agree with this.

Oral Roberts is, oh my God, so at the same tennis tournament where I talked to Whitney about your asexuality, there was a girl, she's a D1 tennis player for Oral Roberts. And so I asked her, I said, do you, you go to oral robbers? She said, yes. I said, what's it like? Do they have all these crazy rules? Blah, blah, blah. She said, yes, they do. But of course she's in college and she's having fun. But they have all of the like, you know, no kissing boys. No, I mean, all of these stuff. Like a written rule. Yes. I chat GPT'd it. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's just like, I think it's so stupid and abusive and cruel to tell kids at the peak of their like raging hormones that they can't make out with people and that it's wrong. I just think that is one of the dumber movements of our species. Absolutely, and I feel like college is prime sex years. Totally, you're supposed to have one night stands,

make out with people. I mean, that's just a part of that whole process. Right. And to shame them, it's just, cause then you know what happens? They need all these weirdos that end up having these accounts with only fangirls on them.

Right, on the down low, because they're married and a pastor of a church or something. This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.yeah. Every time I use Booking.com, I find a place to stay in the US. I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for.

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Homes.com, we've done your homework. Okay, I have some new stories I would like to share with you all. First one is a mother was ordered to pay her toddler $2,000 for cracking an egg on her head for a TikTok trend. The stunt meant to be playful was deemed degrading and reckless by a Swedish court, which convicted the 24-year-old of harassment in 2025. The prank was part of a TikTok trend where parents surprised children with eggs for laughs. Prosecutors argued it caused emotional harm while the mother claimed it was harmless fun.

She was ordered to pay $20,000 of the Swedish currency, which is the equivalent of about $2,055 US dollars in damages to her two-year-old. Thoughts? OK, here's my thought on that. I see a lot of these, maybe not limited to TikTok, not just saying it's TikTok, but social media, bloggers, YouTubers, all of that stuff, that bring their kids, it's all about their kids and doing what they're doing for their kids.

I'm thinking of Ruby Franke as an example. And the parents get all the money and the kids are doing all the work. So in general, I think if the parents are making money off of the social media posts with the kids, it should go in a trust for them. The egg thing, I would have had to have seen it depending on how aggressive it was. But if the woman is making money off of doing something to her kid, I do believe the child should get a stake in it if she's making money because the kid is involved. Just like child actors, you pay them in a trust for when they become an adult. I'd have to see how aggressive the egg cracking thing... So this is talking about, I agree with you on all of that, this is a little different because they're talking about that she degraded

her daughter, cracked the egg on a two-year-old emotionally harmful, degrading and reckless. And I mean, here's the thing, I did see this video the other day where it was like a compilation of all of these babies crying and the parent threw a slice of American cheese and it landed on the baby's head and the baby immediately goes from wah to uh. It had like five or six of them in a row. So I immediately forward it to my nephews that have little babies right now and I write, will you please, can I please come over when your baby is crying and can we throw a piece of American cheese on its head. I don't know that we'd film it or do anything like that but it was hilarious. So then I read that and I'm like, oh my God, it's reckless, it's harmful. I do have to say, I think cracking the egg on the baby's head specifically to make it go viral on your TikTok,

it does seem degrading. Right. Because it's all runny and all of that. But then the question is, is the American cheese thing that I'm dying to do to my little nephews and niece, is that degrading? Here's the, I'm all in on the cheese. It's hilarious. All in. Oh my God, it's so funny, Kylie, you'll have to pull it up and we'll have to play it. It's so hilarious.

We'll have to play it another episode. Okay, next up. A study shows that dogs react to inequality the same as humans, showing signs of depression when treated unequally. Researchers found that when dogs witnessed other dogs receiving rewards for the same task while they got nothing, they became visibly frustrated, refusing to continue participating. Signs of emotional distress, such as avoiding eye contact, lowering their eyes, or showing

less enthusiasm mirrored the way humans respond to unfair treatment. As everybody knows, I have these two dogs that are basically my biological children, Tubby and Cha-Cha. And it is a minefield to give them both attention accolades and the love that they need because the jealousy over my affection, while understandable, is there's a lot of conflict surrounding it. So if I'm over to Tubby and I'm just telling him, you know, you're a good boy, you're so photogenic, you're incredibly intelligent, all the things that I tell him to build his self-esteem. Cha-cha is sitting over there and she's like side-eyeing

and then she looks down. And then, so I go over to give her love. And then Tebby like just snot holes his head up and looks away and then he kind of side-eyes back. So, I mean, and I have to go through this in the mornings after I pick them up from doggy daycare at home, bedtime. It is a mind filled raising two dogs equally because there is no question they feel it. I completely agree because when my kids, last night we were watching movie all on the couch

and if somebody got up and we were done with the movie and somebody got up and hugged me, Ollie came running over and wanted to get right in the middle of it. He did not want, he wanted the attention, he didn't want me to get the attention. Same with Blaze. When I love on Blaze, he comes over and starts jumping on Blaze to get attention away from Blaze. But there's no doubt my Oliver is the single most rotten dog in history of dogs. He is very spoiled and it's on me. I know I'm the problem. Cha Cha does this whole thing where she,

I'll sit down on the sofa and she races up to Jocky to be in the position of closest to me. And then she moves back and forth so that her ass is going both ways so that Tubby can't penetrate. So he has to climb up, she whippers her ass and then Tubby has to climb kind of up and over to get to the other side. Then she goes over there and cock blocks him there. I mean, it's just, it's a series of problems. So this makes sense to me.

Okay. Now I want to share with you all a little, um, montage that I found online that I thought would be fun. And this is the most unhinged shit people have used their chat GPT for. All right. The first one is, uh, my brother had to go to jail. Chat GPT found a loophole in the law. My brother is free now. Are you gonna comment? I don't know what that means. A loophole in the law? You're a lawyer. Well, I mean, so it found a technicality, is that what it's saying?

Yeah. Okay, I mean, that's good for chat, GBT and people that can't afford lawyers. Okay, all right, next up. Told it every single detail of every interaction I had with my crush so we could analyze if he liked me or not. When we started dating, chat GPT was so excited for me. So they're strategizing with chat GPT to find out if she can get this guy and then they land it and chat GPT is elated.

That makes me really happy. I mean, that's funny. Okay, next up. I forgot to unsub yearly chat. I forgot to unsub yearly chat GPT plus chat GPT wrote a letter to chat GPT for a refund. I got it back. Haha. This thing is amazing.

It really is. Why I can't figure it out because every time I'm like I asked chat GPT and I'll send it to you and you're like you're not even on the right app. I've signed up for like three chat GPT apps, but I don't know which one's right. So. Okay, next up. Recorded an argument with my ex and asked chat GPT if I was being manipulated.

Got a full analysis on every manipulation and gaslighting technique he used. Wow, that's like revolutionary. So she got that in real time. So she recorded, you know, how to find voice memo, fighting with her ex, records it, then puts it into chat GPT and prompts the AI find examples of manipulation and gaslighting and chatPT analyzes the conversation and then sends her a report. That's fantastic. I mean, that's super duper helpful, especially because like if your friend or your therapist isn't around and you're like ruminating in your head, that's a great idea.

Yeah. Okay, next up. I got sick of my college students using ChatGPT to write their essays, so I used ChatG GPT to grade them. I wonder how they did chat GPT grading chat GPT. You know, it does, it can't tell like, so chat GPT, you can prompt chat GPT write an essay, here's the, you know, the prompts, the outline that I need. And then you can say, will you please correct this or make it to where it's

Undetectable by other AI and then it can correct it that way too. There's all these articles all I mean all in the headlines this week People are cheating their way through college. Oh My gosh, so you can tell chat GPT not to be detectable. Yes That's crazy And here's the thing if you're in college and you're going out partying, getting all liquored up, and you forgot to write your essay, and you get back home, and all you have to do is say, hey, write a book, being identified as AI written, and then it can prompt it, and then you turn it in. I would do that, I mean, every day of the week. Twelve times out of ten.

Here, let me tell you what I did back in the day, kind of similar to this. So I was a senior in college, so by that point you just don't give a fuck at all. There was a big party I wanted to go to, but I hadn't written my essay yet. So back in that day, not every place had a fax. I didn't have a fax where I lived. So there was a book that you could buy that had different topics of different essays that other people had written. So I found the topic that I was supposed to be writing my essay about.

I called this number. It was someone in California and they faxed me. So I went to like a Kinkos or whatever it was back in the day. They faxed the paper, the essay to me. I took it, put my name on it, passed college and went to the party. So there's no question I'd be all over chat GPT. There's no question. I mean, there's just no question that this, so I think what I've read is that, so similarly when the calculator came out,

what that did to mathematics courses. And so that they're going to have to figure out education people, teachers, professors, are gonna have to figure out a way to integrate AI, because it's here. And they're gonna have to figure out a way to integrate it with human involvement to make sure the students actually learn

what they're supposed to learn. But here's the thing, does AI do away with a big bulk of creative writers? Does it destroy a big bulk of creative writers, musicians, et cetera, et cetera? I mean, are we ready for all of that? Are they better at it? I would like to say no, but I just don't see how it doesn't dilute that area, like, you know, playwrights, stagewrights. I mean, I just don't know how it doesn't dilute the human population doing it. And that's really sad because we need creative people now more than ever. Yeah. So if they are like. So in summary, analyzing, doing a psychological analysis

on manipulators and psychopaths in your life. Perfect. I love that. In a pinch, want to go to a party, get a liquor up. Then the majority of your papers, but it's like, eh, everybody else is doing it. Yeah, who cares? Pull up to it.

But then there's going to be this fine line as AI keeps flooding and flooding us. What is helpful and what isn't? Right, what's harmful. Yeah, harmful. Exactly. Okay, Kylie, what do you have next in store for our listener today? We've got some voice from those today. Excellent.

We're going to kick it off with Tammy M. Hey ladies. So I'm sitting here listening to you guys talking about titty baby whiny MAGA people. Now, let me just go from a different perspective. I cannot thank these alpha male MAGA people enough. You don't understand. The more they bitch, the more they complain,

the more they whine, the stupider they look, the dumber they look, the more they complain, the more they whine, the stupider they look, the dumber they look, the more alpha they look in putting women down. It has caused a massive growth in the late in life lesbian community. They have dried up more straight women's vaginas than any other movement on the planet. It has opened more doors for these late-in-life lesbians than ever known possible. So on an opposite note of you, I thank these MAGA whiners because they've set the bar so low for me as a lesbian. All they have to do is hold the door open and their panties drop. So Pumps is two seconds

away from dipping her toe in the lady pond and these MAGA-Alfamil are just ready to push her in. So, thank you, men. I think, Kylie, you could have picked a better call for what we just discussed about lesbians masquerading as asexuals. I mean, that was just like serendipitous. Yeah, yeah. So I think that she has a really valid point.

Totally valid. You know, Dylan, my son that just graduated from Syracuse, he has this friend who he graduated with. Her name is Mary and she's like a TikTok famous comedian, right? So she comes into Oklahoma City last weekend to do a comedy show. And she was telling me she met up with this guy in Brooklyn. And it was like the crunchy cool part of Brooklyn where it's just assume you're liberal, blah, blah. And he's talking about like how he thinks Ella Imhoff, she is the stepdaughter of Kamala Harris and she has a knitting group. They were talking about how that's cool. And if

they ran into him Brooklyn, that would be cool. Well, they end up doing a little slap and tickle. And then it's revealed later that he's maggot. So he cosplayed being a liberal to get laid, but he's really maggot. So Mary was just, or she was just a wreck about this. And I'm like, well, I mean, Mary, this is where, you know, this is a problem because you just can't unfuck somebody. Right, your stat. You know and that's one of the hardest things of young adulthood is realizing you can't unfuck people. You know, you get all liquored up, something happens, can't unfuck them. No and then you see them and you're just like oh my god why did I do that? The extra layer

would be you got trick fucked into MAGA. That would be bad. Yeah. Yeah, I think you could fall prey to that in the heterosexual community in Oklahoma City. That's why I think the lesbian community in Oklahoma City might be a little bit more politically warm waters for you. Yeah, I mean, I think I'd be hard pressed to find a super liberal guy around here, like single, not married, since that seems to be my type, you know, that whole thing. I just think- Wait, what's your type? I said not married. Since my last foray ended up being married and been notes to me.

So I'm saying how, you know, all the qualifications that I would need, I feel like it'd be hard pressed to find it. I do think it'd be easier to find a woman. Okay, Kylie. Okay, up next we've got Taylor M. Hi Jennifer, hi Beaver, hi Heehee the magic lesbian. Okay, my name is Taylor, I've been following you guys for years now and I cannot even express to you

how many times I'm just nodding my head and saying, mm, mm-hmm. My had it is when you're talking to someone and you say like, yeah, how old are you? And they literally look at you and say like, oh my God, guess. You'll never guess. Bitch, I'm not guessing. I don't want to guess. I'm going to fucking hurt your feelings because you probably are 30 and you look like you're

45 because you have so much lip filler. So no, I'm not guessing. I've had it. If I ask you a simple question about yourself mid conversation, don't turn it into a guessing game. Don't be ridiculous. I've had it. Okay, love you. Bye. That's a really good one. It is good because it is a trap. Yeah. Trap. Trap.

That is a really, really good one. Her talking about the lip filler. So when Josh and I were at the Thunder game the other night, Josh says, one of my favorite things to do right now is to find these girls, so they're in their late 20s, early 30s and look at their lip filler because every girl that age has lip filler and they have the exact same artificial lip puff. And these girls that were sitting in front of us kind of turned around and he goes, that's what I'm talking about. And here it is.

Here they are. But it's true. I think the problem with Botox and fillers, they're beneficial to people our age. When they start too young, then you can't tell how old somebody is. There are certain people that you and I both know that I don't know if they're 35 or 65. And the sad thing about that is, if you dig a little deep, they're 35. And so to be mistaken at 35 for 65,

or that three decade expanse being somewhat ambiguous is problematic for the 35 year old. Absolutely. And you're 100% right because I see people that I think, wait, aren't they supposed to be younger? And I think in my head, like they're 25 years old, but I'm looking at them. I'm like, there's no way. And it's always a lot of injections, which I probably would have gotten injections when I was younger, but they didn't have them. And I think now it's just kind of like Josh Tutt. It's like a trend. It's like wearing a certain lipstick or lip gloss. That's just what you do. But I do, I have, I think it's like a, when's the baby due to somebody that's not pregnant? When

you ask somebody, how old am I, guess how old I am, you are just opening yourself up to be either humiliated or flattered. I always go with flattered. I know they're a lot older than I think they are, but I go up. Are you curious about Ozempic or Wegobi? I know I have been, but not sure if your insurance covers it.

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Okay, up next we've got Kaylee. Hey bitches, it's Kaylee. I'm a big black lady in Texas, so my list of grievances is long and extensive. But today, bitches, today I'm mad at fucking, I've had it with pedestrians just walking around, not even, I'm in a parking lot right now. I almost hit three people. Why?

Because nobody, nobody is even looking left to right before they walk in front of my fucking car. I don't care if I live or die. I don't care if I make it home today. And you stepping in front of me. Now you don't care if you make it home. And now I'm taking both of us. I've also had it with white women, but that's for another day. You two are okay for now. Okay, bye. She's spot on about the entitled pedestrians.

Yes. And they are ubiquitous in parking lots. Recently Josh and I were pulling out of a parking lot and there is like a couple and they that our lights our car lights are on them so that is a signal combine that with the humming engine that you either need to move to the right or to the left and that perhaps hand-holding and grandstanding in the center of a fucking parking lane when a car with its lights on an engine humming is inching

closer and closer to you, that is not the time to slow it down. That is not the time to pump the brakes. That is the time to put your foot on the accelerator and move to the right or move to the left. But entitled pedestrians in parking lots, I'm so glad she brought this up because it is a huge problem. Furthermore, entitled pedestrians at crosswalks, if you are, it's like it counts down and you're thinking I've got three seconds to cross, I'm going to go.

That means you've got to jog. You got to run. You don't get to walk really slowly at a three second countdown and you have to cross the entire street. That means you put the pedal to the metal, get your resting heart rate up and scuttle across because we all have to live on this planet together. But the entitlement that I see in these pedestrians that think that the entire lane is for them. Oh, there's another one. Dog walkers in my neighborhood. You don't get to walk in the middle of the street, especially when a car is coming. Agree. You have to either hug the curb or hop up

onto the grass on the side of the curb. You can't just grandstand in the center with your dog. Number one, it puts your dog's life at risk. What if that dog did a jumpy little thing? And I'm always walking, dodging all of these women that walk their dogs and men. I have to say, there's a lot of men that walk their dogs in the middle of the day

in my neighborhood as well. And they're walking their dogs and they're not picking a lane. They're not hugged up to the curb. So I have had it up to my eyeballs with entitled pedestrians. If you cannot have cat-like reflexes when you're on foot around moving vehicles, you need to get in a wheelchair or do something different because you have to be able to move quickly and respond quickly to the cars who have the right of way. Right. And look both ways.

Don't run out in front of a moving car. You're never going to be faster. And that happens in parking lots all the time. And for my parking place, for my gym versus where I walk, where I go in, you have to cross the street. I make sure it is there are no cars because I am not going to hold a car up while I cross the street. And I see people going in and out of there all the time. You are the walker. You're the pedestrian. The cars are the ones that could kill you. Just pay attention. It's not that hard. Hate it.

And then regarding your grievance about white women, here's what I'm going to say. There are a lot, even like in Oklahoma City, we have these amazing friends that have started groups to try to help women that need abortion care. And sometimes they're just not as loud because the loud MAGA women are just so obnoxiously loud it gives the rest of us a bad name. But fundamentally, I will say that there is an inherent problem with a portion, a large portion of white women that enjoy the benefits of the work that the suffragettes and others did on their behalf to be able to vote, to be able to have a credit card, to be able to own a home, to be able to get a no-fault divorce. And that seems to be lost

on them. So I think we have some work to do educating within our own people. Yeah, and I'll just say, no one disappointed me more in the last election than white women in my demographic, not voting for their daughters, not voting for rights for everybody. I mean, mothers voting against children, anybody's children. I mean, I just have such a huge problem with that demographic. So I feel you. All right. Next up. Up next, we've got Drew. Hi, Blessica, Pumps, Katerina. This is your friend Drew Michael. I wanted to let you know what I've had it with. I was in a meeting with my boss whom I love, although she said she likes RFK Jr. a little bit. She has, of course, a Stanley cup and she, in our meeting, runs out of water in her Stanley cup, opens up the top, turns around, grabs not one but two room temperature bottles of water,

and proceeds to fill up her Stanley cup with two... fucking rooster. I love the rooster. Two bottles of water. Not cold. No reason to put it inside a thermal cup. And just like, less than single use plastic at this point. I fucking had it. What the fuck is wrong with people?

I mean, first and foremost, Drew, I'm going to tell you right out of the gates. That is a lot of performance. How somebody Stanley Cup runs dry during a midday meeting is pathetic. I'm going to take it further and start a conspiracy theory. I think she did the whole thing on purpose. This is performative hydration. She put on a performance at the meeting. She dramatically unscrews the cup, grabs two bottles, showing reckless disregard for the sole reason that you even have a Stanley cup,

which is allegedly to save the environment, which we've blown the whistle on because these fetishes that collect these Stanley cups, they don't stop at one. They have to have 20, they wait in line overnight, they camp in tents, get in a Target to buy them. These people are just as whacked out as all the Burning Man nuts, right? More so, because at least at Burning Man,

they're growing for art or something that they believe in or to have sex with people and cuddle or do something. The Stanley Cup, I don't even understand at all. And so I think it was all staged. I think it was a stage much like RFK staged that bear homicide in Central Park. I think this is a freak flag and I think she's flying it and I think the entire thing was performative hydration theater. Yeah, here's the thing. When you add the Stanley Cup, putting two bottles in during a meeting, she likes RFK. I hate to tell you, Drew. I think she might be a secret MAGA. I don't think it's secret.

But I mean, she's trying to hide it from Drew, I think she might be a secret MAGA. I don't think it's secret. But I mean, she's trying to hide it from Drew, I think. The thing about MAGA is there's two types. There's the loud and proud, and then there's the slightly embarrassed that drops breadcrumbs. And you're probably right about his boss. She's dropping little breadcrumbs, and to mention RFK Jr., and to guise it about health. Meanwhile, when Michelle Obama had a campaign for people to eat healthy, everybody called her a communist. Right.

But this nut, RFK Jr., who looks like hammered dog shit at all times, does not even remotely look like a beacon of physical health. Have you noticed all these men in the maha movement, make America healthy again, like Joe Rogan and I'm not saying we look great because we all know we're hammered dog shit too. But Joe Rogan, R.F.K. Jr. and others, they look kind of like over tanned and steroided up a bit. Have you noticed that affect? Yes, it's an affect. I see it at the gym, kind of the weight lifting, like I've got a great body because I'm an alpha male. Don't fuck

with me kind of thing. I've seen it. It's you're right. It's on the rise. Yeah. And here's the thing. I just have a real problem with people that did not attend medical school and whom are not scientific researchers, weighing in on what they believe to be fact. You see this a lot with fitness trainers about diets and all of these things. And you see this a lot with all of those creatine guys. Oh yeah. Surprisingly, something really bizarre to reveal to you. So Josh, you know, he has a trainer. You all have the same trainer. So he goes to his trainer and about a year ago I noticed he's putting something in his coffee and I'm like, well, what is that? And so it's like creatine. So he's like a creatine bro, right? So then he's working out, he's lifting weights

all the time because Josh is, you know, like if he's placed tennis, he buys 95 tennis rackets, he plays six times a day. If he's working out, he buys creatine and he's training two hours a day, you know. He's sober, so we're happy about these addictions as opposed to Oxycontin and others. But, so now he started thirst trapping a bit on his stories. Have you noticed this? I have noticed I've spoken with him about it. So I noticed. So the creatine I noticed and then he and it has been a full body transformation. I mean, there's no question he has more muscle tone and stuff than he's had before. So he's like, I noticed on Instagram, maybe a month ago that we're doing pull ups. I saw it on an Instagram video. And then there was some other

ab thing that he was doing. So I guess, and he's as liberal as could possibly be. I mean, he's more liberal than you and I are, which is hard to imagine. And so I guess, you know, you can't judge a book by its cover, but he's, he's kind of in on this, you know, the racket of creatine and then, oh, and then he's got, always got all these protein shakes he's drinking, you know, there's, it's always, you can't just exercise and just eat food. There's always some 95 supplements and all these rackets attached to it. Well, my son's gotten super into working out and he's a creatine person too. It's just ridiculous.

It's always like this exploitation of capitalism on something, where it's just eat well. If you eat bad one day, eat good for two or three days after that exercise. But it always turns into this big identity thing. Right. With merch and products and supplements, creatine, thirst trapping online. It's just not something that people can just do. Which brings me to my tennis career. Do you want to talk about that? I would love to.

No, I'm kidding. I did talk to Josh about his post. I said, Josh, here's the thing. I would tell you I'm really proud of you for how much you've built up your body that you can do what you posted on Instagram, but I can't because you posted it on Instagram. He goes, you know, Jennifer called it thirst trapping.

I go, because that's what it was. And he goes, but I just feel the best I've ever felt. And I was like, well, then why don't you send it in a group photo chat? Like send it to people that you love and care about. Okay, so let's talk about that. I think Josh has a point. Like, if he feels good about it and he's 56

and he's been to drug rehab five times, and you know, let's face it, at one point he was puffed up like Elvis Presley right before Presley's death of drugs and alcohol puffed him up like goddamn bubble tick right? Not 20 year old Elvis. Right. Yeah. We're talking tail end, you know, right before the OD. And so, and then he gets sober and restores, you know, his law practice, things are good

with us, things are good with the kids and he wants to thirst trap. And you and I are such fucking assholes. Total cunts. Always on here. Just total cunts. Always beating everybody down. Like we're talking about the girl who Kylie posted on our Instagram, the girl who, I'm 48, this body's been through so much. And we just kind of got read in the comment section, like, so what? Let her brag about her body bubble. And you know what, they're right. What also it's kind of fun to be petty. It's kind of fun to have it both ways. Yeah. Because

these are not big issues. These are little issues. These are issues that you have when you don't have to fight for your rights. Right. These are democracies assume white people issues, one could argue. And so, but I mean, you know, it's fun to browbeat Josh, you know, it's one of our favorite hobbies. But all in all, when I take away all the five family weeks that I had to go to, and the narcissism and all the skincare products, the haircare products, and all of the stuff that goes the hypochondria, with being Josh Welch's wife. And I hear it, like when you said it, I'm like, yeah. He's worked out, if he wants to thirst trap on a story,

it's his fucking story, post it. Right. And I agree with that. I agree with that too, but there's also a part of me that wants to ridicule him, and I don't know what's wrong with me. No, here's the thing, post it all day long because I love to give you shit about it. Yeah.

But I agree with them. If you feel great about your workout and you want to post it. You feel great about your 48-year-old body, post it. Don't listen to us. No one said we had a brain. I don't know why people take us so seriously. Well, I am the greatest legal mind and head beaver in charge. You're the greatest legal mind, but you didn't know what a fucking loophole in the law was

earlier. Okay, I'll tell you exactly what I was thinking. The hole was capitalized, so I thought it was some kind of vagina reference that I wasn't understanding. I thought it was sex. I wasn't getting the hole because the H was capitalized. That's what happened. I knew you'd say, oh, well, she just thinks about sex all the time.

But that's what I thought. I thought we were having some vaginal joke that I was not in on. That's what I thought. Why don't you share with the listener what the bar test results were the first time you took it? Share. Oh, I didn't pass it the first time. Yeah, I took it twice. Fail. Sure. Oh, I didn't pass it the first time. Yeah, I took it twice. Fail. Yeah. And I'm

wondering if when you were filling in all the holes for the ticket, if you were being a slut thinking about vaginas. Maybe that's what happened. Maybe that's what could be that I didn't study. I unleashed a sexual seat capitalized hole and the next thing you know. Fill in the correct capitalized whole, went to shit right there. Oh my God, loop whole, and you thought about a vagina. I thought it was some twisted, because it said most outrageous chudgy PT,

so I assumed sex was somehow involved. Kylie? I have nothing to say. When you saw that, did you as a lesbian think about the whole being a vagina? I did not. I thought of legal jargon. Okay. All right.

That's kind of what I thought. Listener, please weigh in in the comments section. When you saw that chat GPT search and you saw whole initially, I was kind of speechless because I was shocked that America's greatest legal mind didn't have more input on that. I'm glad we circled back, pulled that out of the parking lot, gotten to the deep dark bottom of it because the deep dark bottom of it is a dirty mind. I think I have a 12 year old boy's mind. I do. It's one of the things Josh and I bond

over. All right, listener. I finally did it. I brought the book. Please order our book. The link is in the bio. It's called Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. On the back is a beautiful portrait of pumps and me taken by one Kiki the Magic. Lesbian. Lesbian. And let me just, there's so many wonderful things in this book about the history of mind pumps friendship. And it's a story of hope and perseverance. It's a real profile and courage for the two of us that we made it this far.

So please order it so our publisher will be happy. It's actually very lovely and you'll enjoy reading it. My son Dylan just recently read it and he quite enjoyed it. Yeah, he said he did. All right, humps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday and Thursday. I hate you so much. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. I've had it with that. Listen up, patriots, gaytriots, and natriots. We have a new podcast that has dropped. It's called IHIP News. It's Monday through Friday, every day, 15 to 20 minute hot takes on the political landscape of the United States of America, always served with a side of petty grievances.

We are on all the available platforms, Apple, Spotify, Google, whatever. You can get your podcasts and YouTube. Please go rate, subscribe and review so that we will chart upwards with America's greatest legal mind, Pumps. Pumps, what does an eagle say? Cacaw. A little bit more enthusiasm. Cacaw.

That's it. That's, that's, kaka! That's the patriotism that this country needs right there.