I've Had It - Self-Yelp Seminar

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps are joined by Christine & Xandy Shiefer, the hosts of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. They dive deep into the world of Yelp and it's many horrendous and hilarious reviews. Jennifer also teaches Pumps a thing or two about what really goes on inside a strip club.  Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guests: Christine Shiefer: @xtineshiefer Xandy Schiefer: @xandyshiefer Check Out: Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

One, two, three. That was a good one. I'm getting better all the time. All the time. Pumps, what have you had it with this week? Okay, I know I'm new to social media. Okay. But what I've had it with is like chain letters on social media.

Like remember back in the 80s, it was like, you have to send this to 10 people and they'll die or something. The horrible's gonna happen. Now it comes on social media. Yes. And I'm like, get this one fun 30 years ago. It's certainly not fun now.

Yes. And it's also, sometimes like it's engaged with a racket. Like if you do this, you're gonna get $5,000 deposited. And yes, some of that stuff just slips forever. It does, and I'm like, this wasn't fun forever ago. I think maybe the younger generation thinks they discovered it and thinks it's hilarious. But I'm like, I like my friends too much to send this to them.

Did you have a pinpal? No. Yeah, me neither. Yeah, no. Fuck that. Fuck that, I didn't want to do that. I want less people in my life. Even then.

Yeah. Yeah, very small. Very small. Let me tell you what I had it with. Okay. Yakmouth Uber drivers or cab drivers. It's inseparable when they want to be your best friend. It is Awful and you're like they can't possibly give a shit what I'm doing. Why I'm in town

Why are they asking? I can't be right in silence. People are afraid of silence. It's fine I have had it. I have a guy that we pay sometimes to drive us to the airport and he's so nice. I mean, genuinely all around much better person than I am. There's no doubt about it. I mean, it's genuinely kind, but the mindless small talk that he wants to talk about. And then at the end of the ride, he always follows up with a text, I hope you have a blessed trip. So it's like a double whammy. It's really, and he's so again, so nice. Salt to the earth, great guy, side hustle, you know, schlepping people to the airport. He's a hustler, which we love a hustler. Like a hustler. Too much talk. Too many, too many blessed blessings for my taste.

So I haven't been using him that much anymore because I just can't take it. I don't want to talk to him. I have, I have a yak mouth private investigator and I'll tell you what, it's tough. Like I have to gear up. I have to like put it on my calendar that I have to call them. And then I have to gear up over a number of hours. Tell the listener why you would have a private investigator. For my job as an attorney, sometimes I have to have papers served or people followed or whatever the case may be. A supervise like a property exchange or something like that. Right. And he is the kindest, nice, competent, great, all around private investigator.

Like, he's a 10 out of 10 except for one thing. I know going in, it's going to be at least 30 minutes on the phone. Over A, thank you so much for doing that. Were there any issues? I mean, this is a conversation we could have in less than five minutes. It's a Yak Mouth is really problematic. Oh, it's horrible. But I mean, it really does.

It will like paint my day in such a way that like I'm like, okay, you can do it. You've got one out, you've got an hour left, but you're gonna do it. Like I have to talk myself into it. It sucks. It's an emotional suction kept. It's just depleting.

I think Yak Mouths might be more dangerous than any other type of species on the planet because they really do make you homicidal in your mind. Maybe that's something we should pitch to like John Hopkins or something to do a little study. Right. Like, why do people have to be a Yak-Mouth? Right. What percentage of homicide victims were Yakmouth?

What did you, I called you from jail and said, I've murdered someone. I would immediately know they were Yakmouth. It was a Yakmouth. I would immediately know. Somebody said a few too many words. She had had it. All this homicidal rage that we've been brewing and cooking and and cutting and loving on came to fruition. It's out.

Welcome to I've had a podcast, a podcast about positivity, rainbows sunshine and making you a better you. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. We call her Pops. And what we're going to do today is work on becoming better people. And I want to share with you a little story, okay?

A little story about my friend Jen Morton, our producer here. And we were in Los Angeles, California, with Bogey. Yeah. And we went out the three of us. I was there. You went to bed early. You were the first soldier to fall.

That's right. I was the second soldier to fall, right? Because you and I have always gone to bed early, always. So, Jen and Bogey decide they're going to go out, cat around Los Angeles, right? Right. Big dick at around Los Angeles, right? Big dicks in the big big city, right? Right. So, they're on Bogey's Uber account, right? The thing that Uber is, it's interesting because you rate the driver, but then the driver also rates you back. Oh, I didn't know that. Yes, they rate if you're a good passenger.

So like a Yak Mouth could say could give you a one-star because you didn't yak. Right. Or if you could give a Yak Mouth review. A one-star, which I've done multiple times. On Yak Mouths? Yaks Yakmouths one to two stars all the time All the time I'm not afraid to throw those out there because Uber you know that they make you rate people I'm like it total yakmouth unnecessary right or somebody who has a lot of food smell in the car That's right. That's unnecessary as well nonetheless. I digress. Okay

So these two are big, dick-and-it in Los Angeles, right? And so they go out to a bar and then they probably go to another bar and then they probably make another terrible decision and go to another bar, right? So they're on their way back to the hotel and Jen Vomits in the side of the Uber.

And I want to remind you and the listener that this is Bogey's Uber account, right? They immediately gets a one star, it's a passenger. So Jen completely, completely torpedoes Bogey's five star Uber rating as the passenger, you know, Bogey's such a gentleman such a gentleman so congenial Right, everybody likes the guy and his uber rating takes a nose dive The worst part of it is just like you said he was being very like chivalrous and he we were gonna take separate ubers And he says let's just get in my uber, I'll make sure you get home, we'll drop you off, and then I'll go back to the hotel.

Yep, being a nice guy. And so because he is so chivalrous, right, such a gentleman, he vomited over, did you try to get the window down? Well, I mean, I could have just opened the door, we were right in front of my house. Oh my God, That's even worse. That's even worse.

Quiet, I was a quiet vomitor, so I just bleeped all over the side, and Bogey didn't even know that I had thrown up until he got back and open the door. He was like, oh no. And he still says, I couldn't get someone to pick me up for the longest time. Yeah. So Uber is one of these apps that I actually do a rating on

because it pops up on the phone. And it's like, what do you write your Uber driver? And it's kind of like you have to do it to get out, to get a new Uber ride. You have to rate it, tip it to move on to the next Uber ride. So I'm not a big Yelper. But there is a whole community, Yelper, yeah, Yelper, like the Grievans website. Right. So there's a whole community, you know, Yelp. Yeah, like the grievance website.

Right. So there's a whole community of Yelpers. And we are going to have on our podcast today, the host of Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. And all they do is dramatic readings of Yelp reviews. Oh my gosh, you should be on their podcast. You are such a good dramatic reader. Speaking of how good I am at it.

Let me read one for you right now. Okay, okay. Let me read to you a one-star review left on Yelp under the subject, Yelping Motherhood. Okay, I was super looking forward to having a newborn baby because I had been talking to some people who had said they had had a really good experience. Calling this a disappointment is an understatement. Long, grueling hours with no pay and an unnatural amount of stress, which no one ever fully explained.

Tons of hidden costs some fees. If I could give it zero stars, I would. I have to say though, if she would have listened, I've had a podcast episode one, she would have known it was no big neck. We hope to put Yelp out of business. Right. By we're whistle blowers.

We are whistle blowers on motherhood. I mean, right out of the gates, episode one, we told you people, toddlers are assholes. It's not fun. Yeah, wrap it before you tap it, get your shit in order, throw away your purity ring, you know you're gonna have sex,

get an eye you deen, have the guy wrap it, don't breed. Right, don't breed. What I want to particularly say though, is the cost and fees. If she thinks it's bad as a baby, just wait. Yes, just wait. That's exactly right. That's just a drop in the bucket.

Let me do one more before we bring our guests on. A guy on the help rates rain modern Chinese. He gives it three stars. Okay, wait, hold on, what's rain modern Chinese? It's the name of the Chinese restaurant. Oh, okay, okay. I didn't know if it was like an art thing that I needed. Just a Chinese restaurant.

Okay, okay. Three stars. I will be honest, I've never eaten here, but I do know before this place opened, there used to be an abortion clinic in that spot, and I am manned enough to admit. I'm too afraid to eat at a Chinese place that is haunted by the ghosts of 10,000 fetuses. Good luck with everything, though. Maybe I'll check it out once they put a 100% ghost-free sign on the door. First of all, he's a dick.

Total dick. Hate him. Totally. Taurf him out. Totally hate him. So let's bring our guests on. Beach to Sandy, water to wet, the best name of a podcast outside of I've had it. That's a fantastic name.

I feel like we were meant to collaborate. I've been looking a lot of your episodes and I'm like, yep, this is the energy. Yes. Yeah, we've been sending clips back and forth to each other or just laughing at every single clip we found. Yes. Well, thank you.

Thank you. Thanks for being here, too. It's an honor. Y'all are a delight. Thank you. I'm Jennifer. This is Pumps. Hello.

And you guys are Christine and Zandy. Correct. OK. Here's the deal, guys. Let's not beat around the bush. Let's just get right into it. Well, I mean, let's, let's deep dive right into these yelpers. Oh, boy.

I mean, um, wow, it's a whole world. It really is. It's a whole underbelly of the internet that it's very sinister. Well, I mean, it can be. It can be. A lot of these people are, you know, a little cuckoo. Right. I feel like I should just go right off with that saying that. That's okay. But do you think? Yeah, they're, they're unhinged and they gain power from

each other, especially in the forums, you know, they're forums. And it's just like a whole mess of them together. And they just bounce off each other and just write the most ridiculous stuff sometimes. To be fair, we're probably biased because what we do for the podcast is literally read one star reviews over and over and over again. So it's just like the Karen's unite. That's what we call the only thing.

We got called Karen's before. Yes, I did see that. We get some hate comments that we like to do dramatic reading as of. It's just so good. But here's what I want to get into. And it is the psychological soil of people that are aggrieved. Okay. Like I've had many bad meals. I've taken many bad flights. I've been waited on by shitty waiters. I've had a lot of shitty experiences.

Right. I have never gone to the World Wide Web, logged in and written down the experience and then clicked post because when it's done, I just want it to be done. Like there's a whole everywhere. It's like the holding on to the, you know, taking your revenge out public in a public forum. Yeah. That's kind of where it becomes too far. Like, we always joke that we're the most

millennial, like least conflict-oriented people, like someone will drop a soup on me and I'm like take 30% tip, you know, I'd like I don't And yes to be fair, like I can understand why someone would have a one-star experience, but yeah I've never been really brought to that point of The Yelp forums a scary scary world of it never been really brought to that point of the Yelp forums, the scary, scary world of it. So what you were saying, Zandy, is like, if somebody gives it a one-star shitty review,

then people start piling on. It's just, they get, you know, you see, all of business has one-star reviews. Then they're gonna get more and more one-star reviews because all these people are like, oh yeah, these people had a bad time. Yeah, you'll see people say, I agree with Lewis. So they are like, oh yeah, these people had a bad time. Yeah, you'll see people say, I agree with Lewis.

And then they'll make, I we think they make up these stories, but they have these stories like, yeah, and then everyone in the restaurant agreed with me. Everyone was like stood up and walked out with me. Everyone applauded. That's a wrap in the parking lot. That's a wrap in the parking lot. Like, what did he have?

And then, oh, the best are when they say, sorry, I feel like this is just our moment. You unleash the floodgates. I want to hear you're finally allowed to miss all of this, but people will say, for example, oh, I said something and it wasn't even that mean. And then I got kicked out and we're like, we'll elaborate, like, we'll be the judge of that.

You can't leave that detail out. Exactly. I don't want to make themselves look bad because I'm sure whatever they said was absolutely horrible if they got kicked out. Precisely. I mean, do you guys ever go on like, the producers told us people get on a yelp and they were like, rate prisons, now we have parks, strip clubs, border crossings. Strip clubs?

Yes, strip. Border crossings. That's what we're talking about. We haven't looked at that. Well, that was that sounds wild. Let me read one to you guys about from the strip club. Please. Their skin is always cold. They're like lizards.

Lizards that show you their genitals for money. OK, I didn't think you were supposed to touch the strippers. Yeah, I was going to say now, when everybody were supposed to touch the strippers. Yeah, I was gonna say. How did they know what everybody knows? They found out. Everybody's the strippers. I mean, you cannot be the oldest person on the podcast right now by a lot, you guys. And say, four years, you're not a lot for the record. It's a lot.

Four years is a lot, clearly is evidence by this. But you cannot tell me that you're today, you're as old and you think that people are going to titty bars and not touching titties. No, no. as old, and you think that people are going to Titi bars and not touching titties. No, no, no. Well, I didn't think they were touching titties. I know they got lap damn things. Can you believe this?

But I would think you really, really think that their slap and tickle shit isn't going on at a Titi bar. Well, yeah, if you pay extra, are you kidding me? Okay, obviously. I need to get a strip bar and honk around on some stand. On that one, though. They're always cold here a strip art and honk around on some stuff. On that one though.

They're always cold here. These are lizards. These are lizards. These are lizards. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Here's one from a county jail, five star review, five stars. Yeah.

As far as, hang on, I gotta get in character. As far as jails go, this is the crem de la crem. First off, you don't even need a ride. They pick you up from anywhere in the county. Sometimes they even get you out of bed and bring you, and it's all free of charge. LAUGHTER Oh, I'm telling you.

That's pretty good. Have you ever read a review of like a massage parlor? I don't have we done those, Andy, I don't think so. I think we did, but I only remember because I talked about my own experience getting a massage. Okay. And it was so wild. And I didn't, I didn't leave a one-star review, but I was happy ending.

That's the question. No, it was not very happy. None of it was. I was lying there. And the massage, the masseuse farted the entire time. And I don't know. I don't know what was going on. I was just lying there. And I don't get massages. I don't like massages. I'm not out of your comfort zone. I'm very much out of my comfort zone. Exactly. And then I was lying there and she Was walking around me doing things and like just massaging me and constantly farting the whole time. Did you smell it? Or was it? No, I didn't smell anything. I heard that you could hear it because there was all this like oil and stuff in the air. It was like if it smelled like who knows what lotion and she farted the entire time.

And I didn't say anything. Did she say, excuse me? No, no. We're very conflicted first. So I just was lying there, it was waiting for it to end and then it ended. She left the room and I was just relieved and that was it.

I feel like this is a learning lesson. I feel like this is a learning lesson for us though because a lot of times we'll read when we're preparing for the show and we're reading reviews and we'll we'll say something's fake. Like we'll say that you know that police station one like oh someone's just joking around and I feel like if I read somebody saying oh the the massage therapist is just farting around the whole time we'd be like they can't mean literally right and I mean it sounds like things like this actually happen you know. It sounds like it happened to your brother. It sounds like it did.

Unfortunately. I'm glad that happened, nothing else. I don't want to know anything else about his massage experiences. But yeah, that was a wild one. We really delve into the depths of like the, that happens at these businesses. It's crazy. I hang everybody.

I kind of want to circle back to pumps. Not realizing that there is sexual activity going on in titty bars. It's not that I didn't know there's sexual activity going on at titty bars, but I only thought you touched them if you got a lap dance. I didn't think you just touched their boobs when they're dancing. Okay. All right. I'm glad. I'm going to be totally honest. My sheltered Catholic school existence, I've never been and I didn't know.

In my mind, there's like, you pay extra or there's a back room that you go to, not clammy lizard skin all over you. And if I'm gonna haul out the second dragons for a dance, I'm gonna lubricate them. I'm gonna have them all fresh and smell good and soft. Probably warm, wear warmer maybe. Maybe they could really use a day off

or just complete exfoliation because they're in the skin business. They are, my whole point is, if you're in the skin business, you have to be lubricated. You can't be, have dry skin. Sandy's massage therapist has a lot of openings next week. Yeah, no thanks for anybody. I'm sure she's accepting your clients. What would the proper etiquette be though and not say, are you farting?

No clue. Yeah, that's that's the thing. For me, proper etiquette completes silence until it's over. And then talk about it on our podcast. And your body, instead of relaxing, you're getting more tense as it goes on. And she continues, because she's like, I don't know what's going on here. It's panic. So we get some great comments on TikTok. And neither one of us are real big prolific TikTok users.

But Kylie our producer here is gonna read some comments that people have written to us on Tiktok that we haven't heard yet And we're all gonna you know Then weigh in on what we think about what these people are saying about the two of us, okay, Kylie Let it rip this one is from Uncle crackers Okay, ZZ okay, that's important. It is important If these old bags can have a podcast, so can I? Honestly, Uncle Crackers step up. Right. Totally. You know what? Like put your money

with your mouth as I listen to it. Uncle Crackers with a Z. I will. I will. If it would have been crackers, not with a Z. I wouldn't have listened. Absolutely. I'm in. Yeah. Okay. Kylie, what's next? Okay. Mmm. Got to love middle aged bitter women. Good thing they don't have much longer. Oh my god. Oh my god. So thrilled. They didn't say old women. We're middle aged.

All right, Kylie, what's next? Do you want to hear one of your actual reviews on your podcasts? Yeah, let's hear it. One star. One star. I started listening to your podcast because I loved your show. Today, you went on your little liberal rant. And so I'm done. Good luck with your podcast. It's not that interesting anyways. First of all, I wanted to know they've broken up with us. That's my favorite. That's like a tag on, I mean, I don't really go on Facebook. But there's a tag somewhere that people share that's like, this isn't an airport. You don't have to announce your partner. And it's like the biggest thing in

the podcast world. Like people have to shout from the rooftops when they don't like a podcast. It's like, okay, I mean, you know, just mind go away. My favorite thing since we've been doing this is that people, if I'm watching a television show, if I'm following somebody on Instagram, or if I'm listening to a podcast and I don't like it, it ends there.

Yeah. It ends with just me disliking it. I cease the follow. If it's an on Instagram, I cease the listening. If it's a podcast and I change the channel, if it's a television show, it just ends. And then I move on to the next bright, shiny object immediately. You know, I'm really that easy. That's so true. It's so easy. But for somebody to take the time, I find this very flattering. Okay. They take the time to tell you how much they don't like you.

They don't like your policies. Me, you're doing something right. That's what we tell ourselves at least. Oh, that's a good one. And she didn't like our politics. And she's leaving. And she's unfollowing. You know, she's hate listening.

I for what I'm going to miss her, whoever that was. But you know what, it's fine. You know, she has to go. It's fine. There'll be another one saying. There'll be another one. So when you do your podcast, what are the things that you've had it with? Generally, I've had it with people speaking to me and that does kind of relate to the

film. Well, like I've been traveling a lot because I host another podcast too and we're on tour and I feel like every time I travel I have to pay extra to get the Uber that says you know quiet please like I'd rather not have a conversation I mean I'm just talked about that before you came on they're called yeah miles yeah mouth okay yes I get in the car and they're like hi how how how are you today? I'm like fine. They're like, where are you coming from? What do you do? And I, you know, sometimes I try to just like end the

conversation and say, oh, comedy. And they're like, tell me a joke. I'm like, this is literally the opposite. I'm too like, you know, chicken to say anything. So I just go on the long, you know, rambling conversation that this person wants to have. But anyway, my thing is I'm just tired of strangers talking like, I'm tired. It's unnecessary interactions. I've had it with unnecessary interactions. Yeah. We beat this horse all the time. This horse is so fucking dead, but I'll tell you what,

we get out our sticks and our clubs and we beat it all the time. Because these yak mouths are ubiquitous. They're everywhere everywhere. I go, you go and check into a hotel. And it's like, hey, what are you in town for? are ubiquitous. They're everywhere. Everywhere. I go and check into a hotel and it's like, hey, what are you in town for? And I'm like, here we go. Here we go.

Here we go. And I don't want them to know. And they don't care. They're like, what are you doing at six? We have a happier. I'm like, I have plans at six. Why do you give a shit? What are you doing at six?

And those are the kinds of people that will hop on Yelp because they need to tell people about every experience. And sometimes I write essays like you get six paragraphs about one bad meal that they had. And it's like, I don't know who's reading this. Paracruque. That's a manifesto. That is a manifesto. I mean, that's beyond a Yelp review.

That is a manifesto. And I'd love to get my hands on it. Right. And the FBI should put them on a watch plate. The FBI should put, yeah. That's just keyword. We could probably be really helpful to them. You probably could.

Yeah, we are. We've been able to identify a lot of the red flags on the internet. I'll reach out to my contact, set the FBI. Yeah, we need to know what you've had it with in life. Well, okay, mine just is completely random, but it's truffles, truffle everything. Yeah, that's how I like it.

I only had it with truffle. That's great. Oil, truffle fries, truffle hot sauce. I go to a place and they upcharge for these truffle fries that don't even taste good. I like regular fries. I don't like the smell of truffle. It's just very... Talk about it.

You don't get it. I just don't get it. Truffle, when did truffles get so popular? But now it's like in the last year you can't go anywhere that doesn't have a truffle fry or a truffle oil something. That's so true. So I have this client and he's a former federal judge. I'm an interior designer and I have a client. He's a former federal judge, but he's now

he's in private practice. And I just installed his vacation home in Florida and we go to the four seasons one night for dinner and he's from like super smart man, but he's from southeastern Oklahoma, so it talks like this. So we're at dinner and sitting a couple tables over, there are these like really posh, like Miami gay guys.

I mean like totally everything's tight, everything's buttoned up, they look great, right? So this on tray comes out and it literally has like dry ice, like coming out of it and then they light it on fire and it's like doing all this stuff and he looks over at me and he goes, fuck and rich people. That is like some hunger games.

Yeah, you know, like just so elaborate and unnecessary. I think the truffle is that it's like fucking rich people shit. You know, it's like everybody then jumps on it. It's like, okay, I've got to be, you know, oh my god, they have truffles. Then let's all go eat truffles. Everybody's going to have truffles. Everybody's truffles.

Truffle fries, truffle pizza, truffle pasta. It's so true. I mean, I feel like I equated it earlier to and I think it's a different, you call it elevated zami. But like in the 2000s, they had bacon everything. It was like bacon candles, bacon band aids, like bacon, bacon, bacon, was like the hit trend. And I feel like a truffle as they said, it's like an elevated version of that. It is.

What's the most disliked food? Like restaurant-wise, is it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I version of that. It is. Yeah. What's the most disliked food? Like restaurant-wise, is it like Mexican or Indian or Chinese? People can be, okay, people can be so racist about different places.

Totally. They'll go into like a Chinese restaurant and just make these terribly racist remarks about the food and not realize that, yeah, hey, this is not what you should be like, if you don't like the taste, that's one thing, but they're like talking about how weird and exotic. There's so many people like that, which we try to avoid those. I think what surprises me the most though are the reviews of your standard fast food chain. So why does a McDonald's have 450 reviews, like a certain on the one certain corner?

Like who's taking, like why? I mean, I understand reviewing like a local restaurant that you've never been to before, but like, I mean, in my mind, McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's. Right. People will write it in and be like three stars. The problem is, though, so was nice, but the bathrooms are a little dirty.

I'm like, you're McDonald's. So it's a McDonald's. They even have little things you can click at the bottom that say if you find it, it's helpful, funny, or cool, are the three options. Those are the only three things you can do to react. I don't know why those three, but it's within the Yelp community.

That's a thing, I guess. Did they get badges to Yelpers get like badges and like stature within the Yelp. Right. If you get the best you can. There's a badge called the Yelp Elite. And every year you have to earn your Yelp Elite badge. And we actually have a couple of listeners who've written in and said like a little shamefully like I'm a Yelp Elite, you know, a couple of listeners who've written in and said like a little shamefully like I'm a Yelp elite. I guess we'll allow it. We like to self-aware ones. Yeah.

Absolutely. They even have events that you can get invited to. What? If you're an elite, they have Yelp specific events. And then there are reviews of the Yelp specific events. It just, it's never ending. It just keeps going and going and going. I mean, thankfully, because it gives us a job.

Right. Exactly. We're not complaining about that. But here's the irony's not lost to me, but yes. Here's the deal about it. I'm totally 100% in. Unreading the grievances that people ask. I think there's so much comedy in it

that somebody gets that goddamn mad. They go to their device or do they go to their laptop and it's just keyboard courage. I mean, just keyboard courage out the wazoo. And then if they were ever went back in, they would never say that to the manager. Oh, never ever ever ever. And they probably don't actively try to solve the problem while they're at the restaurant or if they, you know, if they do, because most of the time, if you give any place, even to McDonald's, hey, I'm pissed off,

she was mean to me or the bathroom's dirty, even they're gonna say, oh, thanks for letting us know, we'll go 10 to that. Right. 99.9% of the time, most people, most businesses in this huge capitalistic mecca that is the United States of America, customer service, the customer service,

right, they're gonna Johnny on the spot and do it. So the majority of Yelp is just a jet stream of bullshit. And that's correct. Correct, enough of it. Right, I'm here for it. Can you guys read to us some of your favorite Yelps to our audience? A gold mine that I discovered is children review,

children reviewing things on this website because there's only one thing more unhinged than like an adult angry about I don't know Charlie Brown Christmas or something but it's a child who's angry about it and you're like talk like this. This is love a movie called, you may have heard of it, it's the great pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Okay. And this is a one star review by a teen who is 14 years old and his username is Jimbo the eradicator. So do with that information what you will. And Jimbo recommends this movie only for ages 18 plus. Okay, so no kids will have. And this is what he has to plus. Okay, so no kids lab. And this is what he has to say.

This is not for kids. The word blockhead is used. Among other bullying, Linus and Sally have constant sexual innuendo. Linus is shown throughout Halloween costumes and through snowpies flying a scene. Look out. This title contains violence and scaryness, language and sexy stuff. So just be careful because you know these kind of

movies are out there and they're they're for children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children. For children brown. That is bananas. First of all, why is he even watching Charlie Brown at 14? I mean, he's watching Charlie Brown. Right. He thinks it's like, has sexual and you window. I mean, this is very sexy. It's very sexy. In his head, all he's thinking about is sex. It's nothing to do with Charlie Brown. Yeah. What a moral. Yeah. I'm just gonna talk to like the school counselor. Right. This is scary, because this is probably indoctrination from the Yelper's. The breeding. The breeding. This into the kids and normalizing it. And now the baby Yelper's. It's indoctrination. Oh, yeah. I think this Yelp and these kids, I think it sounded really, really, really cool. I think it's an intervention. Yeah. Why

do you think I have that contact at the FBI? You know, it's because all this cult stuff going on. We're like as slowly slipping information to the feds. Yeah. Dangerous world out there. I mean, seriously, I bet that some of these nets are really nuts. Yep. There's no question. Oh, no doubt.

Well, guys, we have had so much fun. Y'all are blast. You too. This has been great. It is so fun. You're had so much fun. Y'all are blast. You too. This has been great. It is so fun. Y'all are so much fun. I'm glad that we have established that we've all had it with truffles.

Right. And Christine, I am so happy that you are joining me and pumps in our plight to get rid of Yak Mouth's and unnecessary interactions throughout the day when you're with the general public. That's what podcasts are for. Like, that's literally the point of a podcast. That's right. Right. Be it be Uncle Crackers or whatever. Start your own podcast. Yeah. They do it. Yeah. Exactly. Don't talk to us in the Uber. Don't ask us any personal questions.

I'm busy at six. Fuck right on off. Uncle Crackers. See you later. Oh, well, I'm glad. Okay. They are hysterical See you later. Well, I love you. I'm excited. Okay, they are hysterical. Fucking love them. I love that she is united with us on the Yakmouth. I think that Yakmouth is becoming universally abored. Abored, like hated.

Abored, abored, abored, abored, abh, or I should have just said hated. Speaking of spelling things out, we will see you next Tuesday. Like us, subscribe. Instagram us, a voice memo. Thanks so much guys, bye. Bye. Have it, have it, have it. All I can say about that is, I'm had it.