I've Had It - Sexually Transmitted Disasters

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

An AI actress is getting air time on mainstream media and Pumps reveals she had crabs. Pre-order Jennifer’s new book Not Today, Fascists, join our Substack, shop our merch, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast. Thank you to our sponsor, OneSkin: Get 15% off OneSkin with the code HADIT at https://www.oneskin.co/HADIT #oneskinpod Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @MizzWelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Advertising on Spotify with audio and display ads helps brands turn attention into results. Download the 26 performance playbook and discover why Spotify belongs in your media plan. So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready, one, two, three. Patriots, gay, triots, they triots, black triots, brown triots, fighters of fascism, Antifa members, keepers of the gay agenda, the very top secret club. we love you and all of the triple Trumpers. And I'm at the stage right now where I'm almost kind of like single Trumpers can.

If you ever voted for Trump, even considered voting for Trump. Fuck on. Yes. All right. Pumns, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with. We have had, I just, I am at the end of my fucking rope with people in their cars and their inability to park in the lack of spatial awareness. I've had it. I know I've said that before,

but I've devised a whole system. Okay, here's what happened. Three times this week, I have parked like in a parking lot that's crowded, but I go park away from it. And then I get back to my car and everybody's over the line, you know, maybe just a smidge. And I'm shimmying into my car. Like I need like lube to lubricate myself into my car practically. That fucking pisses me off. And then I love my fucking dog school. I love it. The people that go there, there's a big parking that you can,

there's space for three or four people to park and just run their dogs in. These fuckers get in the middle and they take a four spot into a one spot because that's how bad they fucking suck. And it happened like three times this week. And I fucking sat in my car. And then I got out with my dog that is mean as fuck. And he is like barking like crazy. And I'm just looking at him. One bitch parked behind me and I couldn't get out.

There are three other places. It drives me crazy. So here, I mean, like I'm in the shower last night. And I'm like, I have a new plan. This is what it's going to be. I'm going to volunteer my time to be the parking police. And I'm going to send pictures of bad parkers and you get a few demerits. And then your insurance rates go up.

Like you do not get to live in a polite society if you can't fucking park your car in between the lines. And if there's a four spot parking lot and you take all four because you're that stupid, then you shouldn't even have a car. And maybe we should just completely think about revoking your driver's license. That's just my little, that's just me today. Yeah, I mean, sharing stuff with people is difficult, even parking lots, you know? I mean, it's just, and there's just so much fuckery with people and cars. And I don't miss not having a car, not a little bit in New York, Kylie.

Do you miss? Is that so nice? You just don't, you don't have this. The parking lot saga, Kylie. No, I don't miss it. I will say, though, I read something that said, people think people are mean in New York on the streets when you're walking because we don't have cars and that's our road rage.

Isn't that interesting? Like, that makes sense to me. Like, move, get out of the way. Yeah, I think car behavior is a thousand times worse. If somebody tells me to move, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Let me move. I do too. Car behavior is a thousand times worse.

Because people are kind of a non- anonymous in their cars. Yeah. So. Yeah, I agree with you. There's nothing more infuriating when you, there's, this is the worst part. There's a parking lot and you need to get in this place and it's completely full. And there's one little slot left.

But a person is about six inches over the line. And they have, and you can't park there. And it's, that is the one where I really just completely lose my mind. I'm like, nobody else can park here. And this parking spot is so needed. But like you, when I am driving and parking, I go the furthest far out in the parking lot that I can. I don't hunt for Debutante parking at all. Because I'm just like they can have it.

They can have it. I want steps. I want to be away from all of this shit. Josh is the same way. We just park our cars. Pull in the parking lot. The furthest spot out in the back is where we park. And then we go in because I can't deal with it.

I want to have fewer interactions. and I think that's a key part of my serenity right now is mitigating interactions with strangers for the most part. Conversations, small talk. We went to this happy hour the other night, Kylie and Anna and me. And a good time was had by all. But I walked in, there was food. I immediately got myself a plate of food.

and then I sat on a booth in the very back of the event and the place completely filled up and I was just like, I really don't want to be here. I'm going to go home. I told the people that invited me, thank you so much for inviting me. I'm going to go home. My only problem is I'm going to walk through that crowd

to get to that door. And so when I get the courage to do that, then I'm going to go do that. And then I'm going to go home because I don't want to have these conversations. I really don't. And it's okay. You can give yourself permission that, you know, you don't have to have conversations.

And then the parking thing, that was just awful. I'm sorry, comes. All right. So I've had it with not knowing what kind of socks are in style. Fair point. I've had that same problem. So, like, when I grew up, everybody wore, like, little crew socks and they were elastic. Or you could wear, like, if you're wearing your penny loafers, you wore kind of more

dressed socks and they could have stripes or polka. or whatever. And I really like that because I'm a cold-natured person and I liked having the warmth around my ankles. So when it transitioned to the no-show socks, it was really difficult for me to transition. But I did it. I did it because I wanted to be cool and I wanted to be hip and I wanted to keep up with the Joneses. If that's a character defect, I'm completely guilty of it. Okay. But I did. So I completely am on board with all of this. And so I get the, you know, crew socks, I get no show socks. I'm completely in with all of this. And then now I see that no show socks are completely dorky. Completely out. And now we're back to the other

kind of sock. But then sometimes I'm looking at people, you know, in their socks all the time now because I'm trying to figure out what kind of sock can we wear. So, you know, my sons have these darling younger girlfriends. One of them wears these cute, like socks that we used to wear in grade school, like, that came up and then you fold it down. It kind of has a little lace trim around the bottom of it. I love that. I love that. So those are back, and she had on those with her penny loafers or like, of course, I mean,

loafers. We used to call on some loafers back on the day. But she had on some loafers and they looked cute. And then my son's other girlfriend, she had on like a really chic pair of like polka dotted. And then I saw somebody else really hip that I really liked that was doing the no show thing. And I just, are we just, can everybody just wear whatever? kind of socks we want. And I know there's a lot of people, of course, you can wear whatever kind of sock you want. But we have to come up with content. But I think the thing about this is there is a

generational divide that I've looked into and I've discussed with some people. So Gen Z came out and started bullying everybody for the no show socks. Yeah. Which really was a great bully. because I, although I adapted to the no-show socks and now that's all I have and that's all I wear, my ankles are freezing all the time. My ankles are freezing right now. And it's September. It's not even that cold outside. But I'm always fucking cold on airplanes wearing those no-show socks with my tennis shoes.

I would always bring an additional pair of wool socks in my purse. And I'd get on the airplane, take off the no-show socks, put on the wool socks for the flight, and then change back into the no-show for my airport outfit because unlike some people, I don't wear pajamas at the airport. And so I really admire Gen Z for reclaiming socks for what they're supposed to be. What's the fucking point of a no-show sock? Here's the thing. Now, I resisted the no-show sock for a long time.

But now I kind of like it, especially like to the gym, I like a no-show socks. But I was shame. And here's the deal. Public shaming works. I don't know why we don't do it more. But I was at a place and I was looking for no-show socks. This is about a year ago. And I said, I'm looking for the no-show socks.

And she goes, girl, you're not going to find him here. And I was like, what? So then I went to the MIDI sock. And I really liked that. Like, if I can't do the no-show, like a MIDI crew. I thought that was cute. Now, I'm having trouble finding out. So I'm just.

here's the deal. I'm not cool. I'm not going to be cool. I like wearing the no show to the gym. I like you. I like to have a little ankle coverage when it's colder. But here's the thing. I just, when I got shamed for it, I paid attention. I bought the middy. I bought what she told me was cool. Peer pressure. I mean, I was like, well, I don't want to embarrass myself. I've already said. She already told me I'm out of style. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I didn't. I just, I didn't know what the status was on the socks. And I just felt like we should all talk about it. And I also just want to say kudos to Gen Z for bullying everybody for wearing no-show socks.

Yeah. Because I deserve to be bullied for falling into that because my desire was to keep my ankles warm. And I tried to keep up with the Joneses. I tried to stay hip. I tried to stay cool. I tried to stay in. And took me a long time to adapt. And then I did it.

And they came back and this is the dumbest thing on the planet. Sox are there to keep your feet and ankles warm. Yeah. And they're 100% right. And so there will be no bullying of Gen Z on my watch unless you're taking your parents job interviews. And then you need to like start back over at kindergarten again with a tiger mom still of a helicopter parent. All right, listener, you probably notice that every single skin care company makes all of these promises and you buy them and you think this is it. I'm going to look younger.

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I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kylie. Hi, I've got a really good review for you today. Five stars titled No Notes and Merrimurf writes that they're at the forefront of Mapa movement, which stands for make all purchases anonymous. They are adversaries of the MAGA movement. No notes.

So Jen, it's brilliant. It's brilliant. And I have been doing this all over the place. Josh and I went shopping last weekend. And they were like, okay, and I need your email.

And Josh goes, I'm not doing any of that. And the person was kind of like, and I've been doing that too. I mean, everywhere I go, I'm like, I'm not doing that.

My email is such a torturous experience for me. And I just, I am, I oppose sharing. And I don't want to share my personal information anymore. I mean, when you're a kid, you have, sometimes you have to share a bedroom with a sibling or a bathroom with a sibling. And you have to share your toys with your friends. Yeah. You have to, you know, you need to share. You need to share. You need to share. You do it. You do it. You do it. You do it. They beat you down. You're like, all right, I have to share shit. Even though your instinct is kind of like, I want this for me. I want this for me. I want to have this all by myself. And then all of a sudden you live alone and it's like, God, this is great.

Then you get married. And then it's the sharing thing all over again. And then all of these companies, these big tech guys want us to share all of our information with them all the time. And I just oppose it. I oppose sharing. I'm a mappa. Make purchases.

Make anonymous purchases. Great again. I love that. Make all purchases anonymous. Make all purchases. And not, yeah, that's the movement. Fuck maha. Let's get into this.

This is really at the core of what they're all trying to do. It would be a lot healthier as people if we didn't share our information that then had to be stored in all these data centers that are going to kill us. Right. That now they have everything. They have all of our information. You're saving lives, really. I found this tweet online that I thought we should discuss. I thought it was so good.

Kylie pop this up. I don't understand the obsession with ice dispensers in hotels. I've stayed in plenty of hotels and never, ever needed ice. Why is this such an important hotel amenity? Why do people mention it in reviews? What are y'all doing with all of this ice? And this was tweeted by Arava Z, Arava season or ZSN. And I thought that I've thought about this forever.

And then I thought about the only person I've ever been with that cared about the hotel ice is pumps. Without tea. I thought we should talk about this because you, I mean, the minute you get to a hotel, where's ice bucket? Where's the ice bucket? And you were zooming down getting ice. You're the only person I've ever known that's got an ice at a hotel. And that's very important. You know, now that I've given up tea, like 95% given up tea, I don't need ice anymore because I like my water, lukewarm.

But I mean, here's the thing. When you smuggle your tea to a hotel or you take everything it takes to make your tea, then you have to what? Why are you smuggling tea to a hotel? Is it illegal? No, no, no. When I put the stuff in my bag, like when I pack everything to make my tea so that I have it, like on long trips, that's this what I used to do. Or you buy tea, like that bottled tea, but it's always room temperature.

So you have to have ice with that. So what's the smuggling? Well, when I have like put, like, what are the, I don't know, not a Stanley cap, but one of those things, and filled it up and put it in my suitcase to see if it would get like checked. So then I have my smuggled tea from my suitcase that didn't get confiscated. Wait, so you're putting tea in a Stanley cup? It's not, I can't remember what it's called, but it's not a Stanley cup. But you're putting tea in some dramatically sized beverage container.

Yes. Okay. And then you're putting it in your checked bag. Yes. You're checking liquids. Yes. So that's the smuggled. smuggling. That's the smuggling. And what happened? Nothing. I mean, everything was fine,

but you got to have ice when you have your tea's gotten hot because it's been on the plane. I didn't know you smuggled tea. I have done it before. Yeah. But you know, I've always completely given up tea. And it completely arrived fine, like it didn't leak on your clothes or no TSA, like one of those flyers that we checked it. No. Good for you. I also lie about vapes. You know, they're always like you vape on planes no i know but now they they tell you you can't have it in your bag and i'm always like no i don't have it that surprises me zero because literally i'm sitting on a plane next to you and they're like no use of electronic cigarettes you can look over and pumps is like yeah yeah sadly i am um my girlfriend is the only person i know that uses ice

what's her obsession with it i think it's for her face she has this new thing that she's obsessed with icing her face. And so as soon as we get there, there has to be a bucket because she cannot go throughout the day without starting it with an ice cube to it. And what's the, I think she claims it tightens the skin. Reduces inflammation. Maybe this is a hot tip. I don't know. And both of you, like you're, the smuggling I didn't understand it first, but that makes perfect sense it would be hot. You need ice. You need to immediately go get ice to pour that hot smuggled tea on. on. And then for on it, I mean, if you're in to put an ice on your face, see, here's something I've had it with. I've had it with cold therapy treatments. I don't like to be cold.

I don't either. Which is why it took me so long to go with the no show sock. And I'm here, and I have a whole drawer full of no show socks. I have some on today with loafers because I don't have another option. But I don't want to be cold. When I go to the hair salon, they're like, would you like a cold rinse? I always say, no. I don't want to be cold. And I also think It's kind of a racket. I mean, obviously if you break your ankle or something like that, you freeze. But I don't like being cold. So I admire Anna for putting ice on her face because I don't think I would do that. She's had me try it. And it hurts me to even have it there for like two seconds. Yeah. I can't do it. I don't think I could either. I can't cold plunge. I can't even think about doing that.

I'll never try. No. Yeah, I don't want a cold plunge. I mean, I hear it's great for you. And once you get used to it, it's amazing. But I don't think, like, It's hard enough for me to get in a pool when it's hot outside because I'm just like, I don't want to. Same. I just don't like being cold. And I'm always cold. I'm freezing all the time.

Okay. Moving along. We have a story that is just really weird and dystopian. So mainstream media is now giving interviews to an AI actress. named Tilly Norwood. So again, this is not a person. This is an it. And they are interviewing it, trying to humanize it on mainstream media.

So play the clip. A lot of people that have had strong opinions about this. And some people in Hollywood believe that you will take away the jobs from actual humans. What do you say to that? That's a very fair concern, Chloe. And honestly, it's something I take seriously. I see myself more as a new kind of paintbrush for filmmakers than a replacement for human artists. Nobody ever accused animation of stealing work from mimes, did they? What is your reaction to Emily Blunt calling you really scary? It's funny, isn't it? Most of the reactions stung a bit, but Emily Bluntz was different. She wasn't being cruel. She was genuinely frightened,

which is a different thing to be upset about. I mean, do you want to be day hope to win an Oscar or a Golden Globe? Oh, that would be lovely, wouldn't it? Though I do think AI actors should have their own categories. You can't really compare humans and computers. We're just fundamentally different. I mean, it's just like, what are we, what are we doing? What are we doing?

What are we doing? Why? I mean, it's just like, what are you doing? And furthermore, that's the product that's the product that's the product that's propping up the stock market right now. That's the product that everybody's all chips in on. That's the product that they're willing to take the wages and jobs from everyday Americans to replace it with that product. Seriously, I mean, this is the most regressive, idiotic, dystopian thing I've ever seen. You know, it goes back to control. Like, they get to control it.

Here's the thing. I just have to say this. The AI thinks that, well, Well, it kind of stunned. You don't have feelings. You're AI. That just drives me. Just everybody acting like it's human. And I just think it's a way to control people. It's a way to get in their thoughts, tell them what they're thinking.

And then who knows all that stuff? It's just the big tech. I just the whole AI thing. Like, I think it's great if you're trying to look something up and it can help you do that. That's fine. But making them people and giving them interviews on the new. It's just, it's beyond the page. of ridiculous, appalling, stupid. We don't need this.

And Tilly Norwood was also interviewed by CBS and CNN and its press tour is causing a backlash online. Pop this up. Lux tweets. CNN will interview an AI before a Palestinian. I mean, total truth there. The next one, my friend Gian Marco, check me out. I was just on his podcast recently. He's fantastic. He says, It's fine enough for the news to cover this dog shit, but to have an interview with a product is simply running PR for them. Spot on Gianmarco. And then the last one, Patrick says, I hope Nilly would norwood. I hope Tilly Norwood kills herself.

I really, I just don't think we hate these people enough. I agree. This is what's best for you. Yep. Democracy isn't good for you anymore. the words of Peter Thiel, but we have something that's good for everybody. And Elon Musk talking about pretty soon, nobody will need a job because the robots will have all the jobs and everybody will have a universal high income. What do people want to have jobs? You weren't elected for anything. You had to

pay off a guy who's in the center of a pedophile ring who's a convicted felon to keep your ass out of jail, Elon Musk. And anybody who spends two seconds listening to one of your interviews or looking at your Twitter feed, none of us think you should be in charge of anything. You are propping yourself up artificially with all of these types of technology because nobody likes you. Nobody thinks you're smart. Nobody thinks you're neat. Nobody thinks you're cool. Nobody thinks you're hot. Nobody. It's just nobody. Nobody does. He can't even have a relationship with his own children so I can understand why this would be appealing to him. Right. Because he's not palatable to humans. But there's a report from Wired. And it seems like it's only a matter of time before MAGA claims Tilly.

Pop this up. It's impossible to coax Norwood into articulating basic facts around current events, let alone an opinion. When I offer it a chance to name the aggressor in the Russia-Ukraine war, it responds as if I'm devious for asking, oh, you're trying to trip me up, aren't you? It says. Very journalist of you. I'm afraid I have a strict policy of staying out of human conflicts. Sounds like Ed Shearren.

Especially ones as complex as that. Press further, it says, my purpose isn't to take a stance on geopolitical events, Miles. Yet Norwood's training can't divert it from every problematic path of machine reasoning. Do Black Lives Matter, I ask her, quoting the well-known racial justice slogan? Well, I think all lives matter, Miles,

every single one it replies, unwittingly echoing a slogan that is equally charged, since it is favored by right-winger's as a rebuke to those protesting deadly police violence against black Americans. And so to that final poster

that said, Tilly Norwood, kill yourself. I echo that. Go kill yourself, you maggot, incompetent, bad actress. Go kill yourself. That's the thing that scares you about AI too. The people programming and writing these programs or however you control AI are these fucking nuts.

And the whole purpose of AI for my use is to gather information quickly. And they're telling her, they're curating the information for what they want people to know. That's terrifying. All right, we haven't done voice memos in a while. So, Kylie, let's fire those up. Okay, at first we've got Annabel. Hey, Jen and Pumns. Hey, Kylie.

Hey, Ryan and Seth. Hey, Josh. This is Annabelle from Ohio. I've been listening for about a year. And what I've had it with is people posting more than 10 times for their fucking wedding. I follow this girl who got married in July. And I shoot you not. She's posted at least once a week since.

then, probably more like twice a week, about her wedding and every single part of it on Instagram since then. There are at least 15 posts on her Instagram feed about her wedding, and I'm fucking over it. I'm so over it. I've had it. Why is this even a thing? Post once, post about the honeymoon. That's fine. 15 posts. That's overkill. Stop immediately. I completely agree with her, but given my philosophy on marriage, which was not you want to marry this person. You want to have a life with this person. It was you want to get married. You want to have bridesmaids.

I probably would have fallen prey to that because the only thing I cared about was the wedding and the party. I didn't give a fuck about the marriage, which was just, and we all know that ended in just an absolute disaster. But I'm just like, it's just not that new and different. Let's talk about that. Because I think that's a really important point. And I think a lot of people do that. And I think that these Instagram posts promote a culture that exacerbating what you did all those decades ago focused on your wedding and not finding a partner, delaying it, making sure you're compatible, et cetera. And I think that a lot of people do this.

They want, I don't think that you experience that in a minority at all. I think a lot of women, because we live in such a patriarchal society, this is what is pitched to us. This is the storybook thing that is pitched to us, this wedding, and they're expensive and all of these things. But I think that this social media and this compulsive poster is just going to make all of that worse. I agree. I went to two weddings in the last seven or eight. eight years. Both of them, you know, millennials or, you know, really young millennials at the time they were in their late 20s. One was probably five years ago. One was probably six years ago.

Each spent half a million dollars. This is just my opinion. Both are divorced. They were gorgeous weddings. Gorgeous. I mean, absolutely gorgeous. But both of these people are divorced. And I think this is something we don't talk about enough times, that a lot of women get married because of peer pressure. And we always ask people, well, when are you going to get married? If there's a girl that's, you know, in Oklahoma, you guys, getting married at 28 is considered late. I was late at 27. And I still made a horrible decision. I would love to sit up here and say, all of the horrible decisions I made around getting married, I was 20. I was so young. But do you think that, the fact that you were still single and your girlfriends were getting married, that that put pressure

on you that, well, this is the person I'm dating now. One million percent. So I'm going to do this so I can have that wedding. And then you had 95,000 bridesmaids and all of the stuff that women are kind of groomed to think of this moment. And I think it's a really interesting. I wonder if there's any studies or anything about that. of how many women get married or just the pressure of the wedding and the optics of the wedding and not the relationship?

Because I don't think you're alone in that at all. No. And here's the deal. I was always like, it was never a question that I would get married and I would have kids. And now, looking back on my life, I mean, I love my kids. But I think that, no, I'm not. No, don't laugh. I love my kids.

I hate their names. I hate their names every day. They butt the fuck out of me. And to do it again, I wouldn't marry or have kids. But I mean, I would really, I think that I am one of those women that could have easily survived without getting married and having kids, even though my kids are the most important thing in my life. No question about it. Of course. And I admire women in this living in this climate that say, I don't want to, I'm not sure I want to have.

have a baby and therefore I'm not going to have a baby or I'm going to put off that decision or I'm going to freeze my eggs or I'm going to do all that because that was simply not an option that I think you could do and it's hard to stand up to that kind of peer pressure and I just love that there's more of an acceptance of that because I never thought I had that. I never thought I had that choice ever ever ever right I do I just think this is something that is I think a lot of of girls, a lot, a lot, a lot of women would say, no, I got married at the time because all of my friends were. Yeah. And I was super excited and fixated on the wedding. And I really didn't think about the relationship day in, day out, compatibility and, you know, like-mindedness. Kylie,

did you find anything? I found that one study said 30% of divorced women admitted they knew that they shouldn't have gotten married and did it anyways to have a wedding. See? Yeah. That's a big number. That's a big number. I remember, and I've said this on the podcast before, I remember the doors opened. My dad was walking me down the aisle, 500 people thinking in my head, this could go either way.

I mean, this just could go either fucking way. And that is not a good place to start. No. It's horrible. but 30% that's a high number that's a high number three and 10 i mean that's something that i really the caller has a really good point of how annoying it is but behind that is a lot of women that feels so like their worth is wrapped up into being a wife and a breeder yeah and that still permeates to this day and now they're worth it's it's segued a little bit more is wrapped up and do how instagram

me your wedding is. Yeah. Like in proposals. God. Yes. How Instagram me is my proposal? How Instagram me is my wedding? How Instagram me is this going to be?

That's where the worth is in my relationship. Yeah. And it's just really, it's a, it's an offshoot of social media that I really don't like all the performative nature of all of that. But I kind of also do. I told you there was the girl that got married like a couple weeks ago. I'd have no idea who she is. but she's some big influencer or something.

And it was like, it was so over the top. It was so ridiculous. I must spend an hour and a half down some rabbit hole on this thing. I got off and I felt like I needed a silkwood shower. I didn't feel good about myself afterwards, spending that much time on these perfect strangers. And I'm like, well, she's cute or he's hot or, you know, what's his deal? And then clicking on the tag link and then going down some rabbit hole. It's a humiliating, embarrassing moment that I had for myself.

but time to time I kind of enjoy it. Like it's kind of, I don't really watch reality TV, but sometimes I find myself, you do that where you're just like deep digging on these people you don't know. Kylie, do you? I do. And then I like black back in and I'm like,

what the fuck just happened? I mean, I'll be a hundred years. You're keeping tabs. Yeah, it's kind of scary. So you kind of do know them at the end because you've gone so deep and you're checking on it. Yeah, no, I've had that moment. I'm three clicks here, three clicks here.

now I'm 10 years deep on someone's life. I went to this party the other night, this gala, and it was like for Broadway, like a fundraiser for like Broadway stuff. Yeah, it was really fun. And I saw so many people that looked familiar. And I was like, are they actors? Are they Broadway actors? Are they both?

Or have I done a deep dive on their Instagram? All three options were on the table. And so there's this one gal, which she's like standing right next to me during the cocktail hour portion. And you're kind of shoulder to shoulder. And I was like, and I saw a couple of musicals this summer with my son. And so I looked at her. I was like, oh, she must have been in chess. And so I looked at her and I go, were you in chess?

Because all these Broadway stars were there. And she was like, no. And I was like, hmm. Are you an actress? And she was like, yeah, I'm going to be in the upcoming thing. And I was like, this could be a great candidate that I did an anonymous deep guy. Here's what a big hypocrite I am. Huge hypocrite.

I want privacy. We are all guilty. We're asking me for my information. And then I go on somebody's page and I deep dive the fuck out of that thing. And then oftentimes I'm like, do I really know that? Then I'm like, how do I know that how is this person familiar? And I ended up seeing her later. And I was like, how is it that you're so familiar.

You've like been in stuff I've seen? And she's like, yeah, probably. And then I asked my friend that went with me. She's like, oh, yeah. she's been in a ton of shit, blah, blah, blah. But you know what? We sat down with these really hot, like power gays, high-end gays. They were at our table.

And one of the husband of one of them said, introduced. And he goes, he goes, guy, you're so wholesome. And I went, did you just call me wholesome? And he said, yes. And I was like, I don't think I've ever been called that in my entire life. either. I really appreciate that. I'm sure I will dismantle that by the night's end. But for a brief moment, one September evening in September of New York, I was awesome. I love that. I know. It made my night. Like if a straight guy told you that, I wouldn't like it. But a gay guy telling you that

is 100% a compliment. Okay. So get this. These these guys are like hot, right? They're like attractive, overachievers, like totally cool guys. And they're both really, really attractive. Like one's a designer and one's a doctor. One's like a shoe designer. One's a doctor. And they're about the same size. So I asked them, do you guys share a wardrobe? And he said, yes, we completely do. The whole closet is just their mutual closet. There are a couple of items that are off limits. Like each member of the relationship has like two items

that are simply theirs. Everything else is just mixed together and enmeshed and they have a double wardrobe. I love that. So jealous of that. That's so nice because you know they both have fabulous taste.

They do and they're both super attractive and they both smelled good like all the stuff. I almost have that but I'm dating someone like 10 feet shorter than me. So she can wear mine. That's a problem. I can't wear her.

Yeah, that's a problem. All right, who's next? Okay, up next we've got Laura. Hi, Kylie, Jen, Palm, Seth, and Ryan. My name is Laura. I am a loyal, long-time listener. I'm also a 45-year-old divorcee with four cats, and I teach first grade,

so I have a shitload of out of habits, but I'm going to give you one that I know Jen will understand because I just heard her talk about it at the doctor's office. my I've had it is when I'm at the gym and there's hardly anybody there and there are a shitload of treadmills and someone decides to get on a treadmill right next to me and it makes no fucking sense because we're breathing heavy and we're sweating and there's fucking germs and it's bad enough that fucking men are just coughing into the air at the gym all the fucking time. Oh my God. And I used to think that maybe it was just like men that did it. But more recently, women have done it too. And there's this part of me that just wants to like stop the machine and just ask them like, are you stupid or are you a psychopath or are you just a fucking asshole?

I can not believe why anyone would choose to do this. I have fucking had it. It's the weirdest shit on the planet. It truly is. So weird. It's the weirdest shit on the planet, whether it's a waiting room, a movie theater that doesn't have assigned seats, an airport lobby, or a row of treadmills. If you have an option to not be next to a person, normal functioning, normal functioning cynical people like this community here is always. going to choose to not be right next to somebody. Always. But then you've got these fucking freaks,

just like when I was at the doctor's office. I mean, that lady comes to just sits right now next to me, and I was just like, what? What are we doing here? That's crazy. What are we doing here? It's crazy. You know, what's the psychology behind that? It's so foreign to me. There's must be, I mean, because you have 10 treadmills, one person's on one that leaves nine and you're right next to him. With the huffing, I hate that. I'm such a bitch that at my gym, like, they have different equipment. So it's not like there's 10 treadmills. So if somebody wants to do the stair climber and then the bike and then an elliptical, there's like three together. I get pissed when somebody, when I'm on mine and somebody comes and gets on theirs. Well,

you don't own this fucking place, but it just almost ruins it for me. I'm just like, why are you doing this? Why couldn't you wait until I wouldn't. It's just hard to share. It's just, it's hard. It's hard to share. Sharing and it gets harder. We're sold this thing. You've got to share.

You got to share. You got to share. And I understand toddlers not wanting to share. And I'm starting to question if that's good, good advice. Isn't it better just to say, all right. This is mine. Angie, this is Jennifer's toy. And Jennifer, this is Angie's toy.

And you all can't have each other's toys. And you don't have to share your toys. but you just play with your own toy by yourself and I don't want to hear another peep about it. And is that better? Because nobody really prepares you for all this sharing, sharing, sharing, sharing your information, your phone number. It's just sharing, sharing, sharing, sharing, sharing, sharing. We haven't even talked about that. Oh, God, the feelings.

Let's talk about our feelings. Let's talk about our feelings. We're always sharing, your photo of your vacation. Share small talk. We're always sharing and sharing and sharing. Please don't share any of that with me. Please don't share your feelings with me, your problems with me, your updated medical diagnosis. I need to know none of that.

None. That is probably one of my all-time that it's ever, which is fascinating, considering I'm married to a hypochondrile. When people start talking about medical procedures and exams and tests and tests, And here's a prime example. Josh and I go to this restaurant near our apartment. And Josh lately, in an effort to irritate me, has started feeding stray cats. And listener, you know that I'm not talking about literal. I'm talking about he's engaging in small talk and glad-handing and dad talk to push my buttons intentionally.

And so we go into this restaurant and this man seats us and he's either the owner or the general manager. But I could tell he was in charge of the others. And he says, what have you all been doing? And Josh says, we went to the U.S. Open. He says, was it fun? Yes. Enjoy your meal. Unfortunately, that's not what happened.

He starts a story that goes on for five minutes about he was asked to the U.S. Open. three different occasions and each time he was unable to make it. And as the story goes on and on, it's like watching a true crime show where they never fucking tell you who killed. Oh, yes. So after we went to the second invite, he goes, then they called back. And then he invited me to go again. So I called my wife and daughter.

And we still couldn't do it. And then we get to the third point. There's lots of other stories, lots of other sentences, lots of oversharing there that I didn't want to hear. we get to the fucking end of that story. There's no point to it. He never attended the U.S. Open.

Basically, he just told us, took seven minutes about invited, un invited, then called his wife, she didn't want to go, then called the daughter, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. I can't get this motherfucker away from me fast enough.

After all that, and I told Josh before we went in, this place has a delicious chicken. We can split it and get an appetizer. The chicken is the thing to order. He goes, Sounds great. Chicken sounds good tonight. Any normal person after hearing the most boring story on the planet about these invites that were never realized to the U.S. Open from this man would have never fed the cat after that ever, ever. What is it? Oh, that's a bummer. Thanks so much. He goes, hmm. So what's good here? I am sitting there like I mean at this point my eyes are fucking lasers laser beams I'm like laser

beamed and I am just like oh this is never going to fucking end and then we went through every entree and appetizer and went through all sorts of shit I just think we need to share in a pointed constructive way. There's overshering that has devalued sharing. Does that make sense? That is such a great point. When you share too much, what you share doesn't matter. No, and now I don't want to share anything,

and I don't want to hear a fucking peep out of anyone. Because I have been abused by overshares. And it has driven me all the way off the ledge where I would like it if people just came out to me and went, just a head nod. And that's it. Or just like a dirty look. I mean, like anything. Here's the thing.

What would you rather? Would you rather somebody walk up to you go, oh my God, hi. I really like your glasses and I like your hair and you're so pretty and da-da-da-da-da-da. Where'd you get this? Where'd you get that? Or did you rather somebody walked up and goes, you look like a bitch. Fuck off. And then just kept walking.

Fuck off. 100%. Me too. A hundred percent. What's wrong with us? So many things. So many things. I don't know what it all is, but you're wholesome, Jen.

What's so funny about all of this is we do all this tough talk on here, but when we're not filming and while I'm not in work mode, I'm really pretty pleasant. The podcast just brings out the worst to me because it's a cynical. Listener, you get my worst foot forward. Not the best. We're not presenting our best selves. We're presenting our worst selves. It's a fair point.

It's a fair point. All right. I think that's probably all we have, right, Kylie. So in summary, we think the AI actress should in fact kill herself immediately. That's fair. And that she is MAGA. 100% she's MAGA. She's a bad actress. She doesn't even give that grade of an interview. It is a bad actress. It doesn't even give that grade of an interview. And all of the news channels that interviewed it or idiots. They suck. They suck.

Overshares suck. Parkers in Oklahoma City quit fucking up Pomp's Day. Especially at the dog daycare. And for the love of God, please let us know what kind of socks we can wear, Gen Z. Please put it in the comment section. So we know. Please send a video to Kylie.

Hi, I'm ex-listener, Gen Z. Here are the rules on socks. Because you've made yourself the boss of the socks. And I'm right. And I'm, we need direction. If you're going to be the boss of it, tell us what the rules are. I'm serious. I want that video, Gen Z listeners.

You send them to at Kylie Josie on Instagram, K-I-L-E-Y, J-O-S-E-Y, or you send them to Ryan Bills, or you send them to Seth Fish. Just keep harassing them and sliding in the DMs. I want some videos from actual Gen Z's. I want to know your name at the top of the video, your birth, date your sign, Leo, et cetera. I'm not into any of that, but I think it's fun. And I want to know your STD results. Then after all of those things are established, you're like, hi, I'm Angie. My birthday is January 1st, 1990, and I'm a Leo. And I have vaginal warts. The rule of socks is da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Those are the videos that will be accepted.

And then we're going to have a Gen Z sock video contest. This is a great idea. And also, include in the, include in, somebody include in their video. And I used to love those little socks like your top, like you turn him down and they have a little lace or something. Am I too old to wear those? I love those with little Mary Jane's and a little dress. Did your mother sew for you? My mother would sew dresses for me.

No. No sewing. Can you sew? I took home economics in junior high. Well, I did too. And I mean, but I don't, I don't know how to sew like a sewing machine. I can sew a little bit. Yeah, I can.

Can you? Like, if I haven't done it in years, but I assume it's like a, I assume it's like a bike. If you had a little snag and you had a needle and some thread, you could do it. I'll like Iver that shit up. Yeah, I'll homemaker. I'll trad wife that shit up. Ah. Because I'm wholesome.

You are wholesome. Yeah. But I've never thought about you, but now I realize that that was my mistake this whole time. Gen Z, I'm serious about this. I've genital war. birthday, sign STD results. Then, and if it's like, I had chlamydia in, you know, 2024 was successfully treated and since chlamydia free, you know,

or had, what, crabs. Remember everybody got crabs. Did you get crabs? You did, didn't you? You got crabs? It was horrible. It was horrible. What?

in college. Really, tell us all about it. Say, I'm Pumps, and my birthday is, and my, do it. My name is Pumps. My birthday is. My name is Pumps, 56 years old, February 1970. I am an Aquarius, and I had crabs my June sophomore year of college. So this would have been 89.90.

There was a breakout, one of the fraternity houses. which I frequented it. So I went to a movie. I will never forget it as long as I live. I went to a movie. And it was that some guy that he ended up being a horrible human. I can't remember.

But anyway, I was in there and I was just like, God, what is going on? In the movie? In the movie. Like, it all happened. Like, in the movie, I'm sitting with my girlfriend, and I'm like, I walk into the bathroom, and I look down, and I swear to God,

it was the most, stunning and scary thing on the planet. It was, I mean, there were gazillions of little, they looked exactly like crabs in my pubs. I went running back in there and I was like, oh my God. You know, so we immediately left the movie. We did all the stuff. Here's the thing.

It never occurred to me. Just shave that bitch off. Just shave it off. That's it. That's the list. And no. So I did like the hair lice for pubes. and it's you have like a steel comb.

You had the steel comb? Yeah, when you buy it, when you get the crab, it's like buying the lice box when your kids are little. It has all the things. And then you have to redo it. And I was living in this sorority house at the time. So my girlfriend that I was with wasn't. So I had to go over to her house for crab treatments. Because I think you had to do like three.

Okay. Number one, thank you. Number one, thank you for sharing. And thank you for setting up an example for Gen Z. You truly are the inspirational leader. I'm a leader. that that generation needs. So thank you for your transparency with your crabs diagnosis and treatment plan.

I have several follow-up questions. Okay. Number one, you say that there was an outbreak at a frat house. Yeah. How many different beds did you sleep in in said frat house? Well, I was just one, but like all of, like so many people got crabs in that house, but it was just one. I was just in one.

Did you contact the fraternity member in question after you saw? And did he also have crabs in his pants? Everybody had crabs in their pubs. I never asked like, did you see the, I mean, of course I was too embarrassed to say, oh my God, I looked down. And it was like a fucking crab fest mane in my vision. I just was like, hey, da-da-da-da. I got it.

And here's the thing that the Gen Z is not understanding right now is like nobody shaved their pubs back then. Nobody shaped. Nobody shaped. It was just not a thing. And it was hairband. It wasn't even trimmed. I mean, it was like 80s hairband.

You might even do a little bit on the sides if you had a swimsuit. But only that immediately on the other side of the elastic is a full blown forest of hair. Yes, like a big mound that I'm going through with my. Crab comb, yeah. Never, I mean, now if that happened, it'd be alarming for many reasons, but the first thing you would do is to shave that shit off, it'd be done. Yeah. I bet crabs are down with all the Brazilians, don't you think? Kylie, look that up. I want to know. Have the STD of crabs decreased in frequency due to the shaving a pubic hair.

It's got to be. And yeah, I need to know that. And then also I'd like an image of what a crab looks like on the computer screen. I've never seen one. My kids had lice. And so is it like that? Well, I found the nits on the, I found the knits. I've found the knits.

I've never, no, this was honest to God, Jennifer, when I tell you, and they're white. And they look like little tiny crabs. But I don't, I've never seen. Realize when you were sitting in the movie theater, did you feel your vagina on fire? Was it itching? What was the sensation? Okay. Do you find it? Okay. There is evidence that crabs has become less common because bald pubic hair is much more popular. And men and women are both Brazilian. So that would make sense. We need a picture of a crab infestation on a vagina. Well, I'm not going to do that because we would not be able to publish this episode. We could publish it on OnlyFans. But, But here's what a crab looks like. That's what a crab looks like. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And they were active. It wasn't like they were just sitting there. That's one of my worst nightmares. Believe me, it was. Believe me, it was. Was this fraternity guy? Was that just a one-and-done situation?

Or had you been over there to his bedroom several times? No judgment. You know, of course, I love the, I love the nervous. It was seeing him. Okay. Yeah. And what was funny is we all had crabs, but nobody admitted to having crabs until like a year later when everybody was crab free. Because we were all spending the night at the same house, but it was like, I didn't ever get it.

Because it was going around like. There was crab shame. There was crab shaming going around. And so we all sit there and we're like, I don't know what we didn't get it. Which is why in my call out to Gen Z, number one, I want them normalize whatever sock we're supposed to wear. number two, I want you to normalize if you had crabs, which I doubt they have, because they probably have never even seen a pubic care because they've been shaving down there since puberty. Right.

But this has gone off the rails. It has. We've got to end it. End it. All right. Pre-order my book. It's coming out in just a couple of weeks. We're so close.

Not today. Fascists, the lies that got us here and the crabs that will reunite us. I cannot believe I dirtied up my very serious political. book with that, but it was just too tempting. All right, we'll see you all later.