I've Had It - Single Mom Uber Driver with Yolanda Fister

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps called up their favorite Uber driver, Yolanda Fister, to talk about all the philanthropic good-deeds the girls have done. From saving a listener from an armed robber to giving dying dogs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Pumps may or may not have secretly gotten laid and Jennifer may or may not crash her car into the front of Pumps' house. Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: OneSkin: Get 15% off OneSkin with the code [HADIT] at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod Babbel: Here's a special, (limited time) deal for our listeners to get you started RIGHT NOW - get 55% off your Babbel subscription - but only for our listeners - at Babbel.com/IVEHADIT Kitsch: Right now, Kitsch is offering you 30% off your entire order at MyKitsch.com/HADIT Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: @yolandafister

So we're supposed to start the podcast. One, two, three. Today is my day. Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. And Kylie's here and Richard is here. And Pumps, tell us what you've had it with.

What I've had it with. And I mean, I've had it, the racket of senior from high school graduation, all the bullshit, not just all the get-togethers and production, but the whole production, the senior pictures, buying a cap and gown, which I wanna go on record. Why are we having to buy a cap and gown every year?

Why don't they just renem to us and we'll return them? Because you wear them exactly two hours one time. Right. Then there's the senior picture, which it's been like pulling teeth. Thank God I have Josh for Lix. Right. But I mean, Emily's was, I literally was gonna,

honestly, wanted to throw myself off the top of the Devon Tower. I was just like, we had to take the pictures. Then we had to go look at the pictures on a slideshow. Then we had to get pictures for a book. And I'm like, nobody gives a flying feck about these pictures on June 1st of the year after he graduated. So I think what we need to love the listener in on is your, your youngest son, Luke. My youngest baby is graduating from high school, so I'm happy. He's starting his senior year. Yes, because he's technically graduating in May.

Yes, so this is the beginning of his senior year. Yes. And the graduation is a full school year away. Right. And so you've already started. Oh, all the senior. Just for a racket stuff. Hence, you've had it with it because he hasn't even had his first day of school yet.

Not had his first day of school. Right. I've already had two senior meetings. The senior meetings are this parents are at this meeting? Yes, parents. What did they discuss? Well, that you have to, that's where you have to buy your cap and gown. So before they're even done with junior year, you have to buy your, here's what I want to ask. So before they're even done with junior year, you have to buy your... Here's what I wanna ask, why are they not having the kids go to these meetings

because your son is 18 years old, correct? Today, he's 18 years old, but you're going to the meeting. Yes. And then we wonder why this generation can't do anything. Has anxiety and it's because you have the parents up at the school and for the record, the kids don't want their parents up there. Oh, if I would have told Lukey how to get to the senior meeting,

he wouldn't have gone. But it was like, there's 27 dates you have to put on your calendar for different deadlines and horse shit that you have to do. Like submit pictures for the program for the football team, submit program for the basketball team. I mean, just on and on and on, not on. The picture for their banner. I mean, you just wouldn't even believe the racket that is going on. Well, I have a son that's graduated from high school two years ago. that is going on. Well, I have a son that's graduated from high school two years ago.

And I remember that there was, you know, this kind of stuff. But typically, if there's a parent meeting, I email the person that's hosting the meeting and ask for an email summary of the meeting, and then I don't go to the meeting. No, we got that too. Yeah, I won't go to those meetings because I think it's like pointless, a waste of time,

time of my life that I'm never getting back. It is a parade of stupid questions that are typically answered in the email that goes out prior during the person who's hosting the meeting during their speech. And then you have these follow-up questions. And also, I think it's enabling that to stay children instead of helping them turn into adults, which is this is your senior year. Take the bull by the horn and go. But here's the thing. I've told my kids for a long time. Forge my name on everything that comes out from school. I don't miss see it. I don't care. Forge my name.

And so what if it's, what if it's like an F on a grade, a forge? I have access to the grade book. If I, if he makes an F, I'm not going before the end of note. And here's the deal. I mean, I'm sure he would just, sorry, mom, and be something cute and sweet.

And I'd let it ride. But no, he, I don't have to worry about his grades. Do you go to these parent meetings? I go to the first one, so I can get all the dates. So I went to the one in May. Can they not email the dates? No, that's the thing. They email you everything they're gonna say verbatim,

word for word for word. Then why do you go to the meeting? Because they give you a handout at the meeting that gives you all the pertinent dates. Why don't you just ask for them to email you the attachment? Because they don't do it's a it's a suck you in because you have to pay like you have to buy your cap and gown you have to pay for the senior trip and there's like 10 things that they want your money for. This guy's all through me too. We have a senior fee, an additional senior fee. So one of my girlfriends called him was like, what is the senior fee?

The lady talked down to her and was like, well, were you not at the meeting? And I was like, I wanted to call that woman back and just fucking chew her past and dare her to say it again, but I didn't because I thought I've got one year. That's all I've got to do. I just have to keep my mouth shut for one year. That's it. Yeah. 10 minutes. Right. So by all means, let's get on the podcast

and talk about it. Well, I don't give a shit. I mean, what are they gonna say? Yeah, no, it is. And they do do that type of, well, did you not get the email? Right, and I'm like, go fuck yourself. I asked you a question.

You work there, answer my fucking question. That's what I should have said. I mean, when she called and told me that they talked down to her, I was just like, I'm dying to, but I just thought cooler hats prevail. I will say this though, I have empathy for school administrators and teachers because they are getting like they're in the trenches right now, taking grenades like you have politicians are actively trying to stomp out teachers unions and these people don't make much money.

Right. They deal with lunatic parents. Lunatics. And I think the children are probably easier to deal with than the parents. 100%. The only time they're not is when if you discipline the child, then the parents come out there and say, well, my little Johnny would never do that. That can't be my little Johnny.

And so that's when the kid is as big of an asshole as the parents. I'm boycouting parent meetings. I'm boycouting the group me. If I've done this before too, when there's been a parent meeting, I say, well, though, so you'll need to get the handout and I say, well, please print it and send it home with my child. I work. Oh, no, they're able to do all the money. Everything else is during the day,

but when they need you to bring money, it's at night, of course. I also think you have to get to the flip side of the coin that there's 50% of the population in that school that those mothers and dads cannot wait to get up there and grandstand. I mean, it's like they are so excited that there's a parent meeting,

like their dicks are hard on the way. I mean, I'm serious. There are those moms, no moms, power dads. No, it's true. I mean, they're just like, oh my God, there's a parent meeting. Ah!

So excited. It's so true. I mean, there's a lot of people that just revel in that. Where's part about having kids, other parents. As a parent, I agree. All right, listener, a lot of you are aware that on Twitter, we fell in love

with a parody account, Yolanda Fister. And we covered this a couple of episodes back and it was a tweet that Yolanda tweeted a pumps and I sit in the back of a car and he did a parody post like, these two ladies are so great. I'm a single mom Uber driver and they tipped me $2,500 each so I could feed my children.

Go's viral on Twitter, we cover it. Some blogger thought it was real and thought that we did it as a publicity stunt and we have never personally met Yolanda Fister who was revealed to me as being a 26-year-old gay man from Scotland. Which I love. And I think it's fun to find people on the World Wide Web that are funny. Yeah. Get it. Much like Brittany Monique, the dog mom. Lever. Lever. I mean, great example of how to be a good pet on her right there. And then a great example of how to be a good pet on our right there. And then a great example of how to troll the internet

and win. That's what I'm saying. Like he should give like a trolling seminar, an internet trolling seminar. Is Yolanda Fister who is joining us from Scotland? And it's going to do some dramatic readings for us on I've had it. Let's welcome the meme queen Yolanda Fister to I've had it. T's welcome the meme queen, Yolanda Fister,

to I've had it. T. P. H. A. L. M. E. O. Podcast. C. Listener, listen to this. I'm asking Pumps in Italian if she likes the podcast. Let's go get a Tenseolene. T. P. A. L. M. E. O. Podcast. C. M-M-A-M-E-A.

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had it. That's right, 30% off anything and everything at mykitch, k-i-t-s-c-h, dot com slash had it. One more time, that's mykitch.com slash had it for 30% off your order. Yolanda Fister, welcome to I've had it. Thank you so, so much for having me. You guys have no idea how obsessed I am with your podcast. So it's like truly an honor to be here. Thank you. Oh, and I love that accent. I mean, you could talk for seven hours and I would be all in.

Well, full disclosure, Pumps sometimes struggles with people that speak English in a different accent. Like, you can't watch Game of Thrones because she doesn't understand what they're saying. I don't. I will volunteer to be a translator. Should there be an issue during this episode? Just the other day I asked you, it's like this guy's accent. I was like, is he a Australian accent or heavy New York accent?

And Jennifer was like, having New York accent. I was like, okay, I know they don't seem to go together, but they sounded the same. Listen, you would be surprised if they get mistaken quite often. Do you? No, I don't think so. I appreciate the effort.

Okay, so we have a surprise for you today. I'm glad what does it mean to me? Okay, yes. So what happened is, so listen or just so you know, I'm on Twitter, I've had it as on Twitter and as everybody knows, Yolanda Fister is undefeated on Twitter. Pumps has a burner account

which she uses exclusively to stock potential Donald Trump getting indicted arrested and she's obsessed with it. All I think is like that. All she does on Twitter. She goes on Twitter, what the fuck is Trump up to and then she logs out. So after Yolanda Fistar's tweet went viral

and she trolled the fuck out of everybody on the worldwide web, Kylie posted a tweet in the inspired by Yolanda Fistar because per the parody account Yolanda Fister, we helped feed her children, Kaya and my sister each. So Kylie sends out a tweet, please tell us how I've had it podcast has either saved, slash, enhanced your life. And we got a ton of submissions, listener. And so here to do dramatic readings

of all of the life enhancement and life saving measures that Pumps and I have provided to the globe is Yolanda Fister undefeated. So firstly, I have to start off with a tweet from Twitter user at FlopperElla. A few years back, the boat I was on suddenly capsized and I knew I was done for. Suddenly, you're come none other than Jennifer and pumps. Pumps had a spoon in her teeth. Pumps popped that spoon in my ass as a tether and swam me to safety as Jen sang glamorous by Fergie as we doggie paddle to him.

Now that's a service. That was the one that I had to book Mark and say first because it was just chef's kiss. A portal chef's kiss. I love that. And I mean, I love this is when the internet is at its best. Right. I love this. Okay. Who's next, Yolanda? So next we have a tweet from Twitter user, Lada underscore Dale underscore gay who says

both women single handedly saved me during an armed hostage situation in 2013 while shouting gay rights. Ally behavior at its finest. That's perfect. I totally remember that. That's a hostage situation we went in. We took out the homophobes. Yes. We had on rainbow flags. Yes. We, you were in drag. Yes, we had on rainbow flags. Yes, we you were in drag. Absolutely. I can also confirm I was outside watching. So next we have a tweet from Twitter user Jan Dalf the gay. Once while stranded in the bog, pumps arose from the mire, glove first, and handed me her siggy. Here you go, she said, and in the distance, under a full sturgent moon,

Jennifer cackled. LAUGHTER No, that's a novelist. I think that's a novelist right there. These people are like really creative. Really smart. I mean, that's what I like about what'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, you respond not every day? Or are you just totally in character like delivering it? At the time when replying, I'm like totally serious, you cannot tell me that feeding caviar to your children isn't a normal thing. But reading back, I was like, I think the next morning, after the tweet blew up, I woke up and I just sat and read all the replies. I think I was late to work because I sat in bed laughing so hard at everyone falling for it. And not only that, people were having arguments amongst themselves in the comments. Some defended me, some against me, and it was all fake. Well, Jennifer sent me a screenshot of it. And I was like, well, that didn't happen.

Like I didn't get it. I didn't notice the fister. I mean, I think even I would have picked up on that. But I mean, she was like, it's satire. And I was like, okay, yeah, now I get it. When I see it and I start reading stuff like that because I love that kind of humor and you just, how you stayed in character and just like, don't judge us, we're big bone by genetics.

That's great. It was so, I mean, I'm like, I'm listening it, and I'm not listening to it, I'm reading it, and I am crying laughing. And Kylie and I are reading them to each other. And sometimes we keep stuff from pumps so that it will like be funnier on the podcast because her belly laugh is so good when she hears stuff the first time.

It's just hair fix. Oh. It is perfect. Okay, who's next? It's so soothing. Your laugh, it soothes me every single day. Makes me feel happy. So the next tweet is from Twitter user M Rose, and that's Am with A double M.

He said, they paid off my student loans and established a scholarship fund in my name. That's a charitable, charitable queens that this podcast produces. Totally. We're so philanthropic, particularly pumps. She has an incredibly big bleeding heart. And I know oftentimes you're, you know, outfeeding people in your

spare time. Yeah. No, I'm the worst philanthropic person probably. I know. That's why I know what I'm just saying. So everybody knows that's not true. We were given, you know, their pumps, we could have said you were the next mother Theresa. Yeah, my eyes, you still are. Oh, yeah, I'm always telling people,

like I don't have time to save the world. I got shit to do. Not today. The next week comes from Twitter user at EZ1985. Jennifer taught me not to wait a headband and to always check for camel toe. Humps taught me it's all right to take a hooker bath at the dinner table. The second dragons were out. See, these are great life skills.

Life skills. Don't wear a headband when you're going to be in a room with three cameras on you, and then it's going to be projected onto the worldwide web. I know, that was so bad. Number two, you've got to be vigilant in camel toe prevention. Yeah, I'm just bad about it. And then you could teach a master class on how to give

yourself a titty scrub hooker bath. Yeah. And it did. No, I'm great at a whore bath. I mean, I can rack that thing out so fast your head would spin off. Little dry shampoo. I mean, locked and loaded. It's almost like you're a whore.

I wish. You're so good at it, though. So the next we as from Svet Twitter user at Hought P. Jones. I listened to I've had it and my acne cleared up overnight. My credit score increased by 110 points. My cholesterol went down by 20. Namaste. I'm telling you, it's funny. It's hilarious.

I mean, and what I think is so great is that you attracted, like you attract these kind of people with this irreverent humor. And so I have had people that are friends of mine that live in the United States when we revealed that your Launda Fister is actually run by a 26 year old gay man from Scotland. I had friends that mine that live in New York

like, you know, Bingo Sparkles. He Instagram messages me like, oh my God, I love that account, I followed him forever, they're hilarious. So you have had quite a following, a Twitter following kind of doing this bit for a while, correct? I mean, yes, I would say so, but it's always such a shock to me, like whenever I post a video and it does go this viral, I do see certain people commenting that I had no idea had like even followed

me before and liked my content, but they're commenting, I love everything you're posting. I'm like, what? You know who I am? I watch you on TV and you know who I am just from a meme. It does below my mind. So I'm always surprised by the amount of people that can actually read the crazy stuff that are right on the internet. Yeah, it's crazy. Well Kylie was like, yeah, I followed her forever. Yes. That wound her heart so much. I was like, to think that I have that in with the I've had it podcast. Kylie, thank you so much for that. Yes. I think you're one of the first accounts that I've had it really followed back. I did notice that. I took note of that.

I wore that as a badge of honor for the very long time. So yeah, Kylie runs all the socials and she has a really dark sense of humor, like all of us do. And so like when stuff like that goes viral, I mean, she'll be like, Jen, get up here and we just how? It's so hysterical and it's so good.

Okay, what's our next life-saving story to I've had it podcast? So I have another, I found a comment actually, it's like kind of a hate comment, but it made me laugh so much. Okay, love a good hate comment. So it was on the TikTok, you guys were talking about flags, like on cars and how they compensate for smaller things.

Someone said, called Phineas said, what's wrong with being proud of your country? I'm an immigrant and I'm proud. It's always the southern biatches that are dumb and stupid. Like just right out of the gate. And then the next one is from SC1980 Army vet. My husband has a flag and a big obrigena emoji too. Maybe you should try it. I'm telling her I'd love to. Listen, if she's offered and if she's offered in her husband, then I'll try it too.

Right, yeah, like, I mean, if it's that big, let's see it. The big flag community, it's very, I'm sure for you being from Scotland, do people in Scotland drive around with the flag on their cars? Not so much. There was a large independence movement in Scotland in 2014. So you still see remnants of that, but nothing compared to the stuff you see, like the truck or coin voice with crazy, crazy flags on them, just really

nothing like that in Scotland, but I'm sure it must be so hard when especially I heard you talking about living in Oklahoma and how you're basically like in the trenches. And so like I salute you for the service that you do. Because coming from Scotland, like we have our problems, but sometimes I look over at America and I'm like, are you guys okay? We look at each other sometimes, we're like, oh my God, what's going on here? But the big, the big flag community and the like, you have to be patriotic at all costs.

It's like, they can't think in nuances. They can't say America is great, but we really need to do something about getting people health care. That should be a moral thing to provide health care to poor people with cancer. And so they deem that criticism as somehow being unpatriotic. And so there's a group of Americans with very black and white thinking and they brag about it. They go, I'm a black and white thinker. Is though that's like, okay, go fucking get him, Johnny, you fucking black and white that shit, you know. I'm just walking down the street saying, I am ignorant and I am so proud of it. How about the guy that posted the dumb and stupid? I'm still back there.

I mean, they're dumb and stupid. Dumb and stupid. Like back to back and I'm like, really? So what are the good Scottish like insults? I probably, yeah, we ball bag. Would you like me to explain what that means? We ball bag. Yeah.

So basically, it's just calling someone like a small set of testicles. It's very effective and then deployed in the right way or just like I don't know how Luda can be on the podcast but the Scottish insult that's really most used as cunt. Yeah. Like see you next Tuesday. Yes. Front and central. And not in not in the good way, in the bad way. Right. And it's in you can call a man or a woman account. Correct. Billy. And also in Scotland, I will, I will read today actually. You can be a good cunt or a bad cunt. A good cunt is a term of endearment. A bad cunt is you don't want to go near that person. What about wanker? More it's probably more English, but you get some like listen I have been called a

wanker on the bus many of times just had some random drunk man so I will say it is very much used here but they do they do tend to go with the more like colloquialisms like Yahweh, Bobaag, or Amgore, he but you Yahweh fanay, which means I'm gonna headbutt you, you wee vagina. You're the more vagina. So yeah, we're very creative like that, you know? You know, I was in Italy recently and the Italians, when they're like, when they're these little sidewalks and they have these little luggage carts that came through and the guy goes, I tend to say, oh, nay. And it's like attention,

but it's I tend to see on a and then like if something goes wrong, they look at you and they go, oh, mom, mom, yeah. Yeah. There's a mom, mom, me. And I thought, you know, we need to spice up American English. Right. You know, I don't know if it's maybe just that it's boring to me because I speak it all the time. But I think it might just be you, because I am so, like whenever you, when I let you into the podcast and I hear you to speak, I am just like, I could, I listened to it when I'm in bed

and like slowly falling asleep because your voice is so with me so much, although it's really hard to fall asleep when you're laughing your head off every two seconds. So, but yeah, totally think it might just be like, I, because I personally think that Scottish is just like, when I speak, even when I'm speaking right now on Zoom, I'm kind of trying to use my telephone voice. So it cleans up a little bit. Right. Now I love it. Okay, let me ask you this. I feel like that Americans kiss more than the English and Scottish maybe. Is that right or no? No. Do you know that's hard? It's hard because there is like really, really posh people in especially in England. I think the further north you get,

people get a lot more loose with their tongue like they will just start cursing at anyone. a lot more loose with their tongue, like they will just start cursing at anyone. And by the way, sometimes like in Britain or in Scotland especially, as it says, and so is never, is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be a good thing. It's just a fine line there. Right.

That's the way we perceive hate comments. Like we, a lot of people would be like, in the fetal position, like, oh my God, you know, this person's calling me out on the internet. And we just get the biggest kick out of it, because I think it's just so hilarious. Number one, that people react so much to sent to the two of us in our podcast. And number two, that they're so mad about, you know, to go get their thumbs out and start working them and post it on the internet. Like, there's so much more productive things that you can be doing with your

fingers than writing a hate comment, but listen, I'll gladly read them. And you know, that was one of my worries when I wrote the Uber driver's week. I was like, I hope Jen and Pumps don't think I'm trying to like get them involved in some Uber scandal. And then when that article came out, I was like, oh God, no. But thankfully, you guys knew to take it as the trash that it was. No, immediately. Like, you know, we don't take ourselves very seriously

and we don't take our podcast super seriously. This is entertainment. This is for fun. We've been friends forever. It's interesting to meet people like you. It's hilarious what goes on on the internet. And the minute I saw that, I was like, I know I'm going to love this person. Right. Maybe. But so I DMed you. Please tell me the demo on you because I'm going to talk about this.

And when you typed, I'm a 26 year old gay man from Scotland. I died. It was perfect. And by the way, the way you wave that story together and build that up, that was some of the most perfect comedic timing I have ever witnessed. And to end it on the punch line of I'm a 20 sexual game man from Scotland, just

yes, yes, everything's so, so good. It was it's just, I mean, it's such a good troll. I mean, it's so good that people got mad at you and thought that you were buying a rotisserie chicken for your kids each, and they invested time in it. And you took that time with care and defended the purchase of each rotisserie chicken with pride.

You defended the genetics of your imaginary children with pride. And I appreciated so much of it. But then when the blogger like bought into it, this is a guy that like writes for a living or a hobby. And he buys into it. I was like, Oh, no, this is too good. I can't step away from this. Too good that he actually

thinks that like we staged this whole thing with you, which I listen, we'll collude with you anytime. And the tweet was so open to that. And the tweet was so hilarious. I'd love to take credit for it. But I mean that was all you. And it was I loved reading after you did like the synopsis. And

I actually pinned it to the top of my personal Twitter page. I love seeing all the people that are like, I followed you forever. And I loved it. This was so great. I love seeing that you got so much out of that because the internet can be so toxic. And people take it way too seriously. And your cheeky approach and just that irreverent humor to me is like when the internet is at its best. And a lot of people were happy, like I noticed a lot of replies saying thank God you finally called out that blog. So I think we've done a lot of people proud with that one.

Well, Yolanda, I cannot tell you how much joy this entire saga has brought to pumps and to me and to Kylie and to our listeners and to your followers. I mean, it was just a day that the internet won. And we cannot thank you enough for coming on and reading tweets to us and mean comments. Please keep saving mean comments that you see and we'll have you back on for dramatic readings because We are total suckers for an accent. That's right. I mean anything except love it And you did you did really a good job understanding a couple things, but I picked up on the context close Yeah, hey, you might be ready for game of thrones. I might be listen the fact that you could understand me as a blessing

I might be. Listen, the fact that you could understand me as a lesson, so thank you. Well, listen, or please, for, I mean, just hysterical humor and to follow the most undefeated account on the World Wide Web, follow our friend at your Laundefister on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, all of the socials. She's out there serving, I mean, serving the troll cold, and I cannot get enough of it. You'll land it. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. You guys just the amount of love you have shown to that tweet and just the way you have embraced it and had me on the podcast. Just thank you so much. So grateful. Love you both

so much and keep doing the amazing work that you're doing. Oh, thank you. We'll see you again soon. Bye. I love him. I love it. He is so precious. I mean, he could come live at my house and I'd be so happy. He is hilarious. Smart. Smart. I liked the fact that when he's responding, he's in full-blown character. Right. He's like, I'm in. Like, why is it your business, what I feed my children? And he stays in full-blown character while he does it. And that's why the humor is so good. Right. Because he is like a master satirist. Yeah, he is. I mean, that is, that's what's so cool about the internet is you can find people that are so good at something that are honing their skills and then have like a platform like a podcast, like the Britney Monique, the like crem de la crem of all dog moms love that woman. She can come on and tell us, you'll want to fister who is undefeated on the World Wide Web. I mean, that joke was the very best of Twitter, 2023, no doubt.

Kylie, what did you think about all that? I love him. I know. I actually want to read you one more. Okay, do it. Of the times that you saved somebody's life. Okay. They wrote,

pumps saw me at Walmart one time with my three kids, and my hands were full with them and the groceries. And she found the store manager to open a separate lane for me. She made me feel so special. She didn't pay for my groceries though. What's that? See, she appreciates my Walmart care and I know I think a lot of people do. I think some do some down some to it's 50 50 split, which is about right. Some do some down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think some do some don't. Some to it's 50 50 split, which is about right. Some do some don't. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think that, you know, if you go to Walmart,

that's just entirely up to you. I don't want to go to Walmart. I think there's a lot of fuckery going on at Walmart. Kylie anymore. You have got another one from at EZ 1985. Jennifer and pumps helped smuggle me across the state line out of Florida to escape the DeSantis, Dickery, and Yakmouth nut jobs. I love that. I would rescu her from Florida. She would. I would. Pumps would pitch you right in the cleavage of those sagging dragons and just truck you right along the border. You'd be lost forever. Any more Kylie?

I was on the verge of death when I faintly heard pumps clapping and laughing and Ms. Welch quietly whispering words like pickleball. And for the permanent record, suddenly I was cured, healed and I ran out of catholone. Oh, I'm telling you. There are works that's going on here. Yes.

Everyone needs to know it's really hard to find time to film the podcast. Because you guys are out there saving the world. It's true. It's true. It's a miracle that we can even fit this in. It really is. Because I mean, we're smuggling people out of Florida, saving lives, setting up college funds. What are you guys doing right after this?

I'm gonna go to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to dogs that are drowning in the lake Because their owners are drunk actually pumps going with me We're gonna actually work on her affection towards dogs I'm gonna have heard you the pumping and I'll do the mouth-to-mouth right and I'm a better swimmer than you so that would be do the pumping and I'll do the mouth and mouth. Right, and I'm a better swimmer than you, so that would be fun. I'm a lifeguard. You are a lifeguard.

I am a lifeguard. You are a lifeguard. So yeah, you'll get the dog out. I'll do the mouth and mouth. Yeah, yeah, I'd probably mount on the mouth and mouth. I mean, most people I wouldn't do mouth and mouth on. But I thought you were a humanitarian. Well, I saved the planet, but that doesn't mean I want to

mount to mouth somebody. Where's the last time you French kiss somebody? Two weeks ago. Bullshit. You don't know. If you French kiss somebody, you don't know what I did. If you French kiss somebody two weeks ago and you didn't fucking tell me I swear to God, I will take my land Rover and drive it to the front door of your house. Screaming laying on the horn like a fucking crazed, unhinged maniac. It was on the deal.

Bullshit, you're a liar. No, I told Kylie, you're lying. No, I'm not, Kylie, am I lying? No, you French kissed somebody two weeks ago. You had sex with somebody two weeks ago. You had sex with somebody two weeks ago? Goodbye. What? Stop it right now. I'm so hot. Oh my god. What? I'm a hoe. Remember? I'm a hoe. Why are you telling me this on the podcast? Because it's also yeah, I didn't expect you to have also saying Listener this is a huge breakthrough. I'm not cutting this no you have to get no

Who did you French kiss two weeks ago? Anonymous okay you French kissed anonymous two weeks ago Was it a date or a hookup a date? You went on a date while I was in Italy? You went in Italy for like almost three weeks. I've been home for a while. A week. I am driving my car through the front of your house

like a fucking crazy person and I'm gonna strip down Megan and then like take paint and paint it all over me. I like make my hair crazy and get like a blow horn and like symbols. And I was gonna like, I'm gonna act like a fucking craze, maniac, I cannot believe you've kept this from me. You made out with people, with a person, just one person. Okay, we have to talk about this right now.

You're the one that said, I didn't think you were gonna come at me with Evie French kids to anyone. Well, this is, now we're talking about sex. This is devolved. Okay, listen, listen, I'm gonna get this out of her. Everybody's fucking locked in now. Okay, we were about to wrap the episode and this is gonna end up being the fucking best episode ever. Yolanda Fister plus pumps gets laid. All right, you've already rubbed the listener in. There's no fucking way because one of your habits is, is when people drip out information and you're not doing that to our listeners,

and you're not doing that to our brand. So the interrogation will begin right now. You're the one that dripped it. You can't take it back. You can't take the drip back. I'm kidding. I thought you forgot hitting You fucking bitch I want that fit on a Real forever and ever are you just trying to get out of this?

Like I wouldn't have texted you and Ely so all of that was for fucking nothing you went so crazy I can let it go I'm still driving the car through the house Just for just if I can be a homicidal maniac. Listener, I'm so sorry. This is what happens when you get older. That was pretty good though, Pams. See, I'm a terrible pranker. I want you, I want you to have a relationship.

I don't think a relationship, I want you to get laid. I would like for me to get laid too. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I anti climactic. I think I blew balls literally literally anti climactic, but I am proud of you for the prank. You did a good job.

You stayed in character. I was 50, 50 on Kylie if she was going to go with me. When she say, I mean, I was like holding my breath on my best it or am I not best it. I still don't know if I believe it's a joke. I swear. I think it is. I think she would have told me.

That's why my reaction was that I was gonna drive my car through her house because it would be such a deviation from our friendship history for her 20 years. Have not told me. That's why the car was going through the house. I thought the symbols were a nice touch. Totally. And I'm wet.

There's only like a couple people that could make me that crazy. You know, you were only like a couple people that could make me that crazy. You know, you were you like crazy love people and you're fine with like putting your crazy flag out there and just the fuck I love this person and I am crazy for them. And it's it's Josh and Pumps and I will be like just a fucking crazy person. And you mean, right? Of course. Yeah, it's crazy love. It's not normal. Okay. I want to thank you, Wanda Fister.

Lever for joining us all the way from Scotland. Our first international guest, I think. Is it Kylie? Is it? We've had listeners that called in, but actual appearance. Yeah. Please find us. The hot shit tour is coming to a town near you. Look it up. Lincoln Arbio, five stars.

Fantastic review. Let us know your favorite documentaries. Let us know if you're a candidate for POPs to get laid with. Five star review and then resume. Apple.com. Apple podcast app. And other than that, pop's telling them we'll see him. Oh's biggest super fans meet their superstar idols. Yeah! And compete for a once in a lifetime prize. That is correct!

I'm going to take them through my new records all by soul. You can pick a song and we can sing it together on spits. And the title of Ultimate Super Fan. It is up to you, America! Super Fan! Super Fan premieres Wednesday August 9th on CBS, and streaming on Paramount. And the title of Ultimate Super Fan. It is up to you, America!

Super Fan! Super Fan premieres Wednesday August 9th on CBS, and streaming on Paramount. and we can sing it together on stage. And the title of Ultimate Superfan. It is up to you, America! Superfan! Superfan premieres Wednesday, August 9th on CBS, and streaming on Paramount Plus.