I've Had It - Stupidity on Parade

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

We found the absolute dumbest motherf***ers on the World Wide Web. NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store and Subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts by visiting linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp: Find your social sweet spot, with BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/HADIT today to get 10% off your first month. Quince: Get warm weather ready with Quince! Go to https://Quince.com/hadit for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. DoorDash: DoorDash. Your door to more. Download the DoorDash app now to get almost anything delivered. Must be 21+ to order alcohol. Drink responsibly. Alcohol available only in select markets. OSEA: Get healthy, glowing skin for summer with clean, vegan skin and body care from OSEA. Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code HADIT at https://OSEAMalibu.com - You’ll get free samples with every order, and free shipping on orders over $60. Follow Us:   I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

Ready? One, two, three. Welcome. Welcome to I've Had It. Humps, how are you today? Great. How are you? Excellent. Excellent. I think instead of us each talking about what we've had it with this week, there was something that we jointly experienced on our flight from LaGuardia back to Oklahoma City and I'll let you kind of

set the scene for our listener. Okay so we're on this flight, we're descending so about 20 minutes from being off the plane. It started long before that. Well when they got okay so this dad and son got on the plane and this kid's probably, I'm gonna say seven. Seven. So too old to behave the way he ended up behaving and they sat exactly right behind us. So they sit down and they're loud and rambunctious and the little kid was right behind you and he bumped your seat a bit in the beginning. Is that right? He did. So he was kind of like bouncing around doing all that but then he was pretty much quiet until about 20 minutes before we landed and then he lost his shit. His dad lost his shit. Like not like

mad at the kid but like the kids screaming hysterically Let me let me jump in. It's not that he lost his shit. It's that they had a conversation Loud enough for the entire plane to hear Daddy's tickling me. Oh my god, daddy. Look we're in Oklahoma City and they are And he's tickling me. Oh my God, daddy, look, we're in Oklahoma City. And they are screaming at the top of their lungs. And I kept thinking somebody is going to tell this child to be quiet. But then the father met the son's volume with his own.

So the child was loud and then the dad was equally as loud and never deterred the child from speaking so loudly. I never heard, shh, we don't need to talk so loud. Everybody's voice was met with the exact same level of volume. It was unbelievable. Well, and then the kids started screaming, crying because the dad was tickling. It went from an exchange to just a shrill screaming. The mother never said a fucking word. The dad was every bit as bad as the kid. And honest to God, I could not believe how long it went on and the parents' response to the kid. I mean, nobody grabbed that child and said, you're too fucking old to act like this. Zip it.

Well, they didn't because the parents behaved the exact same way. Right. The parents with the child was only mimicking the level that his dad spoke. And so the dad spoke really loud and was doing a bunch of tomfoolery. So the kid picked up what the dad was putting down. The kid's voice was more annoying than the father's because it's more annoying to hear a high pitch screech. But the parents were like 1000% at fault. And it wasn't just pumps in me that were irritated at this. I started looking around the plane. Everybody on the plane is staring at these people and

they just with reckless disregard continue. It was reckless. It was torture. It was so bad. I mean, I hopped up. I always sit on the window and Pump sits at the aisle and I usually have to wait for her. She's very slow to rise up out of an airplane. I hopped up, straddled over her, got both of our suitcases down before she had even unfastened her seatbelt because I am like, when that door is open, I'm running over whoever I have to run over to get away from this kid and his dad because they are horrible. And this is where a rating system would be really helpful. This is where a flight attendant to come over and say she could they couldn't they could because it was descending. Everybody had to be seated with their seatbelt. I don't know what you do about that. Ban the child, ban the parents.

I think the rating system- This is where it goes back to the rating system. I know, but I think a rating system is not severe enough punishment. I think they have to be all the way in the back with the other loud mouths. I think they need to be in the back bathroom. Remember when there used to be smoking and non-smoking?

Yes. That all of these people that have these terrible star reviews should be in the very back. They should board last. They have to get off last. They're in the very back middle rows. If the parent and child act terrible together, separate them. Here's what bugged me about the whole thing. I have had a child that's screaming on a plane, like a little bitty baby toddler, 18 months ish. There's nothing you can do.

There's nothing the parents can do. There's nothing. I mean, everybody is completely helpless and I have all the patients in the world for that. This kid was old enough to be reasoned with, disciplined, and the behavior diverted. The kid was not the problem. The parents were the fucking worst. This kid I think would have responded because he mimicked everything his dad did and I think if his dad would have said, hey, let's

whisper right now. I think the kid would have in kind started whispering, but the dad was, I mean, they were literally putting on a performance for everybody and And it was so jaw-dropping. And I'm sitting there thinking like, this is the shit we talk about all the time. This is our karma. This is what we get. This is what we get. We're always loud-mouthing on these microphones, bashing parents, bashing kids. And I got this kid who's kicking my seat and then start screaming at the top of his lungs for the remaining 30 minutes of the flight. And his dad is encouraging him, facilitating it, throwing it and tickling. And then I remember as we landed, the kid was so riled up because the dad had riled him up. Right when we landed, he goes, I never want to come here again. It just like, it got, it was so bad.

Listener, I can't even begin to tell you how bad this kid was, but the parents I fought the most. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. You know, she's all of the things that we discuss all the time. Nothing has changed on that front.

Nope, still me, mom. Kylie, what's going on on the World Wide Web? I've got some really good reviews for you today. Oh, good. I've got one, five stars titled Fully Enlightened Cult Member. And she writes, here I am, 30 years old, proudly raising my two atheist kiddos. I barely escaped evangelical Christianity after several questionable Church of God summer camps. I think it's both.

I think it's a rock solid podcast. Right. And a cult. All of the above. And the cult is called Asshole Island. Right. And Pumps is our hostess. Right.

I'm the supreme leader from the love boat. The cruise director. You're the cruise director. Yeah, I like that. She's been to two live shows. Two live shows and brought some friends. Listen up listeners. They haven't come to one show.

Pitiful. I've got five stars titled, I Can't Believe It. I was worried this podcast fell off. After being destroyed by MAGA Fox News for these middle-aged women's interview with Madam VP, I felt they wouldn't recover. Nevertheless, after Mercury and Retrograde ended, their Thursday episode was their strongest yet. The very elderly, ozempic poster child rocked the world with her best clap.

The lesbian to her left was beyond supportive and ensuring the old lady to her right was being cheered on. This podcast will teach you everything you need to know. Keep it up, Memaw and the crazy pickleball lady. That's great. That is so good. This really are funny. She thought that Fox News would take us out. Here's the deal. You don't have to be that smart to outsmart Fox News to out us out. Here's the deal. You don't have to be that smart to outsmart Fox News. To outfox Fox. I was going to say outfox, but it came too late. So good catch. That's

what happens with old age. Right. You just lose the step. Yeah. You have your daughter here to completely correct you immediately. Lucky me. No, the Fox News thing, you know, you would think that, oh my God, they're going to be leveled. We fucking ate that shit up. I thought it was hilarious. Biden's only fangirl. That's you. And then what is, what did it say?

They have a foot fetish? The VP talks feet. It said, now they're talking about feet. Now they're talking about feet. Yeah, that's so good. I like those reviews. Those were great. Excellent. All right, back by popular demand, we are going to address the dumbest motherfuckers on the world wide web, wherein I will do some dramatic readings for Mem, and her granddaughter, Kylie, of some things that Seth and Kylie have found on the internet. All right.

Sarah posts, okay, just found out that South Africa is a country and it's also part of Africa, which makes no sense. How can a country be in another country? Hashtag confused. And I just want to point out she spelled which which should have been W H I C H W I T C H. No. Joseph chimes in and says, you and your boyfriend use condoms, right? and says, you and your boyfriend use condoms, right? That's the best response ever. Sarah says, what? LOL, yeah, why? And Joseph just responds, thank God.

Okay, am I right to assume that was on the Nextdoor app? No, this was on Facebook. This is just the dumbest motherfuckers on the World Wide Web. So we're going to have from a lot of different sites. Okay, so my question is, couldn't she have just Googled that without making an ass of herself? You could, but then we wouldn't have an episode called the dumbest motherfuckers on the worldwide web. Right. This is a gift. Yeah. You should have nothing but gratitude. Right. For

Sarah and her abject ignorance. You should have nothing but gratitude with that belly laugh that you're giving the listeners and this rock solid content. And also that could be said about this is tell us you're an American without telling us you're an American. Right. There is no question Sarah's country of origin. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Pumps, I've been so stressed out lately with our travel schedule, end of the year with school stuff for my kids, one kid moving home from college.

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It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E- at help.com slash had it. Pumps now that the weather is warmer, we've got to update our wardrobes and I have the best thing on the planet. It's quince.

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to us. Listener, get warm weather ready with Quince. Go to quince.com slash had it for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince.com slash had it to get free shipping and 365 day returns quince.com slash had it. Okay, here's another post. And this was on a neighborhood type app. And the subject is snow penis. And this gal post at 5 45 a.m. I saw and heard some people in my front yard and saw that they appeared to be making a snowman I thought fine and let them have their fun until I saw this morning that they actually were making a snow penis whoever are. You are as tacky as you are inconsiderate and stay off of my property.

So they make this snow penis, which is fully erect, which I know is your favorite kind. Right, and it's big. And then in the ball sack here, they put little twigs to make it look like hair, which I thought was just overtly creative. It's a nice touch. I thought it was a really nice artistic touch.

There's effort. Total effort. Yeah. And it really was an impressive penis. It is. I know you went- Lots of snow there. I mean, it's 3D.

I know you like rock hard cocks, so take a gander at that. Oh my God, and they made the turtle head and everything. Yeah. Yeah. I knew you'd love it. Oh my God, and they made the turtle head and everything. Yeah. Yeah, I knew you'd love it. Oh my gosh, that is so funny. Here's a word that I never think about, but it's a great word. Tacky. That's tacky.

It's tacky. We used to say that all the time. All the time. I'm going to bring it back. Bring it back. Patriots. Listen up, Patriots. The more tacky, the better.

Yeah, the tackier the better. The tackier the better. Yes. Yeah. The tackier, the better. The tackier, the better. Yes. Okay. Olivia, that's in our cult on Patreon, sent this to our chats in Patreon. And this is on her neighborhood app in her neighborhood. And you might remember, Olivia is the one who posted the raw dogging in Florida voice memo. Love Olivia. So Olivia is a five-star cult member. So Debbie writes in the Neighborhood app, I'm back after my unneeded band. I am-

She got banned from her Neighborhood app? She got banned from her neighborhood app? I am back and ready to bring justice to our neighborhood. Leroy responds, who are you again? Debbie says, Leroy, I'm your worst nightmare. You're the reason this city needs help you fool. I hope you are happy with yourself. Stop commenting on my posts. Get a life and let me live mine the way I want. You know who I am and you will always know. Spelled N-O. I'm never leaving this app because it will make you happy and I don't want you to be. Leroy responds, Debbie, lady, I don't even know you.

All I know is that you are a depraved, mentally ill woman. I'm simply asking who you were, not sure of whatever you got into the past, but I'm bigger than this. Your ban was deserved and you threatened my safety. You are who the police warn us about. Thank you and have a nice day. I'll tell you what. To describe to describe getting banned from your neighborhood app and to reappear and announce it, I'm back from my unneeded ban. Oh, gosh. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it was very well deserved. It was needed.

Clearly, she just, I mean, she rips into Leroy immediately. Just unprovoked, rips into Leroy. I mean, she just goes after him for no reason. He's just asking who she is. All right, somebody post this on Facebook, this gal post. I was just trapped on an escalator for hours. Power went out. Somebody responds, why didn't you just walk down the escalator then, LOL?

And the original poster responds, because it stopped working. Somebody says, an escalator is just moving steps, LOL. And the gal says, oh yeah, so it is, LOL. And then the girl says, LOL, did you mean elevator? She says, no, an escalator. She just doubled down. She had no shame. Here's the deal.

There's no doubling down once you've already started your original post, unsolicited, on your social media page with, I was just trapped on the escalator for hours and the power went out. You know, like this is already like the demise of all things academic and any sort of intelligence or value. And then there's somebody commenting with her. I mean, this is just bananas. Okay, here's a Facebook, this gal post.

LOL, just found a phone from the 90s with a hashtag. Twitter wasn't even invented. Why did they need a hashtag back then? Somebody comments, LOL, what? That's weird. I'm worried that we might have to explain for some of the younger listeners. OK, I will explain it.

Because the very first time this all the Twitter and all that happened. Okay, so the hashtag is the same symbol for pound. My daughter and I were trying to get into a gated community and I said what's the code and she said hashtag whatever the number was and I was like, I don't know what that means. And she was like, that button. And I was like, the pound sign? She was like, yeah. It was at that point that I knew today

a hashtag is the same thing as a pound in my day. The pound symbol and the asterisk were both on the phones. And they're both on the gate and they're both on the gate. Yeah, both on the gate codes. All right. Um, then somebody posts on Facebook, my child drank bleach. What should I do? And somebody comments, take her to the hospital. Now bleach is like poison and can kill you and make you very ill. And then somebody else comments, can kill you and make you very ill. And then somebody else comments,

keep chatting on Facebook until they feel okay. I mean, here's the thing. Your child drinks bleach, which is toxic by all measure. I mean, it bleaches your clothes, you put it in your toilet to clean it. I mean, this is a serious chemical, it bleaches your clothes. You put it in your toilet to clean it. I mean, this is a serious chemical. It smells bad. So your child drinks it. And instead of calling 911 or going to the ER, you get on Facebook. Yeah. Like that to me is like eating up with

the dump shits. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it burns your I'm sure it burned her throat. Yeah, totally. I mean, got on Facebook. Got on Facebook. All right. This is from the Nextdoor app. Vicki posts, I hate to be this person. And then she posts a photograph of the strips that have tacks in them. So that when cars drive over them, the tires deflate. Okay. So Vicki puts, I hate to be this person, and she photographs three strips of the tacks and then a close-up image of the tacks that she's ordered on Amazon Prime. So I hate to be this person, but I'm pretty tired of people using my circular drive as

a pull-through turnaround. So much so that I posted a sign at the end of my driveway. Apparently, that isn't enough. That said, I just put two of these in my Amazon cart. They will be here on Monday. Things will work out the way they work out. May the odds be ever in your favor. She thinks she's a bad bitch with her Amazon purchase.

Yeah, and she's gone onto the neighborhood app, like bring it. I'm gonna tell you how crazy I am. Yeah. I'm gonna post it on the neighborhood app. I'm gonna put stop sticks or whatever they're called in my cart and then I'm going to advertise it to the world. I wish she would follow up. How many people actually did it? You know that's the one thing that I would

like to see more of. Follow up of the crazy. I would too. Yeah. Keep it going. Yeah. We're engaged now. Yeah we're in. You've got our attention. Yeah. How does this end? How does it end? All right. Ryan says, she posts this in her or he posts this in his neighborhood app, tipping on rent. When paying rent, what is customary to tip to landlords slash leasing company? I found 15% of my rent is a number I'm comfortable with and have gone as high as 25% during the holiday seasons. You know what's so fucked up about that is to somebody that's 19 or 20 and writing their apartment for the first time, you have to tip on everything. Right. They think you have to tip

your landlord. I bet the landlord, slumlord, just sat there and took it. Oh, I'm sure he's delighted. Yeah. I mean, that landlord, he or she is just tickled pink. That's the five-star renter right there. Yeah. Okay. Windsor Post on the Neighborhood app. Podiatrist. Good morning. Can someone recommend a good podiatrist in the Park Slope Windsor Terrace area? And then somebody responds in the Neighborhood. My son likes feet. He looks at pictures of them all day on his computer.

Maybe he could take a look. Okay, here's my question. Do you think the mom was sincere or do you think she was trying to be funny? I think she was sincere. I kind of do too. I do. I do. I kind of think that she's probably like, son, why do you keep looking at feet?

And he's like, I just like him. And she's like, you know, maybe he'll be a foot doctor one day. Has no idea that her son is a fucked up foot fetish weirdo. And then she's advertising about it on the neighborhood app. So now everybody knows not to wear flip-flops in the neighborhood. Right. You cannot go to the neighborhood pool if this guy's there. That's right. Because he'll be all over your feet. Okay, this gal posts on Twitter. This hashtag pride month, pride flag, the only pride I need is my pride of the Bible

and the red, white and blue stripes. And then puts a picture of a bunch of red, white and blue flags. And somebody responds to this person and says, that's the flag of Liberia. First of all, I'm gonna to say I hate her. Hate her. Hate. Second of all, as you and I discussed last week, we were going to get a baby gift and they had cute little 4th of July outfits. Yep. But they had the American flag on it. Yep. And we were like, no, like, MAGA has hijacked the American

flag. So anytime I see anybody with the hat or a shirt with the American flag on it now, I immediately think MAGAnet. And then you have this woman advertising her bigotry, homophobia, the fact that she's a Bible thumper, and a fucking idiot on top of that, which is not a stretch because it just seems like the low IQ crowd is in the flag waving American flag. I mean, just I'm furious at her. I hate her. I wish the stop sticks from the other lady would be thrown through her window. Oh, that's a good... Just what a cut.

Mind your fucking business. If you don't want a pride flag, don't put one up. Yeah. Go fuck yourself, Liberia. But here's the thing. People like this, they think they have the moral high ground and that all they need is the Bible and the flag. And it's so stupid to think these are the only things that matter in my life.

It's such a black and white thinker. And I've had it with these types of people, but they always show their idiocy. They always do in full array on the internet. They do. Furthermore, I just think it's rather interesting that if you're gay and you come from a religious household, the biggest nightmare of your life is having to tell your parents that you're gay. Because you know that everybody in your whole orbit has been indoctrinated to think that is one of the biggest sins ever. Not child labor, not human rights violations. That's where they are. So to see people celebrate Pride and Pride Month and have a parade, they're so horrified by that. But at the same time, they embrace the flag, which is supposed

to represent freedom. So it's just all of this cognitive dissonance wrapped in this judgment. And to me, these people are the most disgusting people. If you're triggered by a pride flagged, and you're triggered by a pride parade, And that's your big thing in your life. You're a shitty person. You're a shitty person. You're a shitty person. Full shot. There's no other way to put it.

And you're full of all of these people go to shitty churches with shitty pastors with shitty congregations. They're shitty people. I hate them. And so does everybody else. Next up, we have a Facebook poster and they post a story like of the news. This is the headline of this news story says, NASCAR bans display of the Confederate flag at its events and properties. So NASCAR has banned the Confederate flag, right? Somebody

responds. I've got to get this out because this is a great response. NASCAR is nothing but a big scam to get our hard earned money. They never even went to the moon. Every word has been a lie. Ha ha ha. Confusing NASA with NASCAR. And this is, I guarantee you, this is the Liberia flag waiver Bible bumper. And here's the thing, who the fuck wants to wave around a Confederate flag? A racist!

Full stop! It's so unbelievable how brazen they become. Good for NASCAR. Good for banning the Confederate flag. It should be banned. It's disgusting. It's painful for an entire community of your fellow citizens. So if you're so churchy and you're so pro-Bible and you're so pro-American, fucking get over

the Confederate flag, you freak shows. I've had it. I've had it too. I didn't even realize until this kind of came up about the Confederate flag at NASCAR, I didn't even realize people were flying the Confederate flag. I mean, I just assumed that nobody would, even if you are racist, that you wouldn't advertise being a racist. Pumps, they've been waving it all of this time.

And I remember when Barack Obama was president and he came to Oklahoma City. I remember some people going, oh, I can't believe he's coming here. And I'm like, he's fucking president of the United States. This is one of those states, you weirdo. But aside from that, when he arrives, there are a group of anti-Obama protesters. Fine, whatever. When you're a world leader, you're going to have protestors. That's a part of the job.

Where I take issue is a lot of them have Confederate flags in downtown Oklahoma City. You can Google it. CNN did a big story on it. And they're waving the Confederate flags. I get on my Facebook and some people I know, not that are personal friends, but acquaintances in the community have posted, I'm so proud of our city. And I thought you're proud that these fucking overtly racist, disgusting white people are waving a Confederate flag to the first black president. And furthermore, are you not aware that Oklahoma was not a part of the Confederacy?

So it's stupid and breathtakingly racist on so many levels. But yes, people have been waving loud and proud the Confederate flag in the South in particular tons. I mean that is it has never ceased. That's why they got so butthurt when people pulled down the statues of former Confederate soldiers. And so yeah, I mean it's that that never that's never gone anywhere now because of Trumpism. It's even more punctuated. Right. because of Trumpism, it's even more punctuated. Right. Oh, my God, Pumps, one of the greatest loves of my life living in this modern world is the app

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Listener, it's DoorDash. Your door to more. Download the DoorDash app now to get almost anything from pet food to snacks to neck braces to alcohol to toothpaste to Joy-Con controllers to headphones to you get it must be 21 plus to order alcohol drink responsibly alcohol available in select markets pumps now that summer's here i just love using my osea undaria algae body oil that you turned me on to it feels like summer bottled up and i love how natural it is. What I love about the body oil is it really improves my skin's elasticity and it feels deeply moisturized even after the sun.

Hidden surprise too, it delivers that coveted post-vacation glow just like you returned from a tropical getaway. I was wondering what your secret was. You always look so fresh and vacate. Listener, get healthy glowing skin for summer with clean vegan skin and body care from OCEA. Get 10% off your first order site-wide with code HADDOT at oceamalibu.com. You'll get free samples with every order and free shipping on orders over $60. Head over to oseamalibu.com and use the code HADDET for 10% off. All right, here's a post on Facebook. Dear Atheists, how is it that cavemen survived the asteroid,

but the dinosaurs didn't. And you know, this poster's thinking checkmate. Gotcha. So a person comments on this and says, social distancing, they stayed 65 million years apart. That is a top tier answer. Great answer. So I went to high school in the Oklahoma City suburbs and all the people that went to my high school went to mega churches were wildly indoctrinated. Not all, but a majority. It

was a big like pray around the flagpole this morning, fellowship of Christian athletes and all this just total Bible thumper type activities with kids that should be worried about just being kids but they've all been so deeply indoctrinated and all this shit. So Facebook rolls around and all of a sudden people that you never thought about, you never think about are friending you, right? And so there's this guy that I went to high school with and I graduated with like six or seven hundred people. So I vaguely kind of remember him and he's a total wacko. I mean, like he thinks the earth is flat.

The moon landing was staged. He probably posts the flag of Liberia, this type of thing. But he posts about carbon dating and he always like, he thinks he's so clever and he crafts these posts and it's like, I tell you what, I just watched a show on carbon dating on PBS and these scientists are part of the deep state. There's no question about it. They've got their theories and I've got mine. There's no question that dinosaurs and man lived on the planet at the same time. And then much to my surprise, like multiple people like it and then the comments roll in like, yeah, I totally agree. And I'm like,

what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, here's the thing, I get stupidity. What social media has done is now it is an advertising vehicle to advertise and display your stupidity and then other stupid people reinforce your stupidity. It's this infinity loop of stupidity on parade, on the World Wide Web. It's fucking crazy. And I'm just going to say, because I like to say this shit, dumbest people I know tend to be Bible thumping Republicans. That's anecdotal, but I think those of you that get on Facebook can probably see the exact same thing I'm talking about.

All right, next up. Here we have a post on the Neighborhood app. This person puts flags. On my two and a half miles with my dog, I saw a grand total of 13 American flags flying. I was hoping to see more. And then they post three Liberian flags. If for those of you that want to know

what the flag of Liberia looks like, it's red and white striped, and it has a blue box in the corner with one white star, not 50, one. So then somebody posts, your emojis are of the Liberian flag. In my deep dive, you wouldn't, I mean, you won't be surprised, but a lot of Republicans use the Liberian flag.

Yeah. It's common. Here's why. Stupid. Because they're not smart. They're the low IQ. I love the flag. Okay, but you want to overthrow democracy.

I love the flag. You want to ban books. I love the flag. You want to take books. I love the flag. You want to take women's rights away. You cannot do both at the same time, you stupid motherfuckers. These are the people that don't understand a nuanced argument that flag burning, if you burn the American flag, is actually very American and protected by the First Amendment. Could it be considered disrespectful? It could, but the burner of the flag, if it's permitted and done where it doesn't cause a greater fire,

could be disappointed about the unequal incarcerations of black citizens over white citizens or over-policing black neighborhoods over white citizens or over policing black neighborhoods over white neighborhoods. And therefore, as a sign of protest, they choose to burn the flag, which is exercising a robust, healthy American democracy. But these people think that it's a black and white thing. It's a binary choice.

And they're so stupid and idioticic and they're trying to ruin the country and take away everybody's toys and when I say toys I'm talking about the fucking Bill O'Reilly you morons. Yep. All right so somebody posts in the next door app shout out to the lady on my next door who posted an appeal for volunteers to come serve as waitstaff at her family's Thanksgiving dinner. What? What an asshole! Total asshole. All right here's one. This on the neighborhood app. What an asshole!

Total asshole. All right, here's one. This on the Neighborhood app. Cat is recording us all. Every night I try to go on my evening walk and I always see the same all white cat with what looks like a small camera dangling from his neck. This cat is always looking through people's windows or jumping into yards. I'm afraid his owner has trained him to record people with his neck camera

for whatever reason. Every time I try to approach the cat to grab him, he looks scared and runs away. Seems like he is up to no good and the cat knows it." like he is up to no good and the cat knows it." She's cracked that case. She's cracked that case. I mean, she knows that cat is up to no good and knows it. The cat is a spy by virtue of choice. You know what? This is a classic case of a peeping Tom pussy. A peeping Tom pussy. It's a pussy seeking pussy. Pussy seeking pussy. I like it. Pussy seeking pussy.

And they crack the case on the next door app. All right. Somebody on Facebook post, I cutted my hair and it went back to curly. And somebody responds, don't you mean cut? Ha ha. And then she writes, it's past tense. P-A-S-T space T-E-N-T-S. Past tense. Oh, this is who's voting in our country. Bless her heart. Yeah. That's what I've just come to realize.

A lot of people just aren't smart. They need to move to Liberia. Right. Take your flag and move to Liberia. All right. Janice posts on the Neighborhood app. Hi, everyone. I don't know how to post so here goes anyway.

This is a response to everyone who believes possums are cute. I have a cat door for any cat that wants to come into our home because of weather or hungry. It's very scary to see a big possum in our living room eating out of a trash bag. He was blocking me in my own living room. I could not get out. His nose is about four inches long and his tail is longer than 12 inches. This is not cute. It's took away, these are her words, not mine. It's took away my breath for over an hour. A few days later, another possum comes into our home. This one has a small nose, but still

big in size with hair missing from his back. I was taught wild animals are wild and can attack anytime and anyone or another animal. I don't want to sound rude, but these happenings are truly scary. So stop saying they cute and would want one in my backyard. Come and get these two. I am sure they would like to live in your backyard and eat inside your home. This is the fifth time I've had possums visit us. Enjoy your evening. What I can't wrap my head around, number one, and it's here and are there, is the physical description of the possum. I think we're all clear on

what a possum looks like. But here, let me give you just a little tip. Shut the cat door. It's just not that hard. This is not rocket science. We don't need to make it everybody else in the neighborhood's fault. It doesn't matter if other people think they're cute. Shut the cat door and move on down the road. See, but I think what you're missing here is in Janice's mind, she's making an argument. And as an attorney, I would think that you could have related to her. She makes her case. Everybody's saying possums are cute.

And I'm a great Samaritan because I have an open door policy for these hungry, homeless cats. But this rogue possum comes in and all you motherfuckers are out there saying that possums are cute. And let me tell you what I witnessed. Four inch long nose, no hair on the back. Another one came in and it wasn't cute either. So she makes this argument that they aren't cute.

And I need for you all to quit saying they're cute. Furthermore, come pick them up. That's Janice. I guess my argument would be... What would you say, counselor? I would say to her, I would say, Janice, this is a problem of your own making. You're the only one that can fix it. Whether your neighbors think they're cute or not

is completely immaterial. Listen to Pops. Listen to our legal, the greatest, greatest legal mind attacks again, strikes again. America's greatest legal mind strikes again. I mean. Okay, this is going to be the last one. And somebody posts this on the neighborhood app. This one is nothing short of a profile encourage. And so somebody posts an image of a sign that's on somebody's house. And they write before they post it, very rude neighbors. The sign says, Josh, stop coming by our house. We don't like you.

We don't find you interesting. What I think is interesting about this sign is I could use it at my house. Everybody could use that. Josh, stop coming by our house. We don't like you. We don't find you interesting. Yeah, you wouldn't even have to leave the blank open. You can just Josh. I could just post it on the door. You know what he would do? He'd go in and be like, what the fuck? Somebody put some weird sign on our door. It would never strike him that it was meant for him. That's what I was just getting ready to say. It would never hit his brain that he might be the reference Josh.

But you know, that's not a bad idea. Just stay away. I don't want you over here. I don't find you interesting. Maybe Janice could put up a sign. Possums. Great idea. Nobody likes you and you're not cute.

Don't come around here anymore. This door is for pussy only. This is my pussy door. Don't ruin it. Maybe the cat with the the pussy seeking pussy feline could go in and get some pussy cam footage of the possums and then Janice could post images. That's right. Something interesting about Janice is that the possum took her breath away for an hour. Right, it took her a long time. It sounds like it was a

big possum. But she just she was a big possum but she didn't get it twisted that possum's not cute. It's not cute. I mean, here's what I'm wondering. Would it have took her breath away for an hour if it were cute? Or was it like a cute raccoon? But it was because the possum wasn't cute. I think that she I think if the possum were somewhat attractive or cute, Janice might not have been so irritated. I kind of, that's what I'm leaning towards. I think that she likes attractive possums. I think she particularly hates unattractive possums. All right, listen up listener. We are going to go now to our Patreon post show where I have more readings of the dumbest motherfuckers on the worldwide web.

If you are not a member of our Patreon, please post about it on your neighborhood app. And Facebook statuses and pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both. I'll tell you what I've had it with. Let's share it. I've had it with that.