I've Had It - That Is Passionate Hate

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

Voice memos so good they’ve got you gritting your teeth in passionate hate. NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store and Subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts by visiting linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast Thank you to our sponsors: Cozy Earth - Head over to https://cozyearth.com and use our code HADIT at checkout for a sweet 35% off. Trust me, it's the ultimate destination for comfort, wherever your summer takes you! Shady Ray's - Exclusively for our listeners, Shady Rays is giving out their best deal of the season. Head to https://shadyrays.com and use code: Hadit for $20 off polarized sunglasses. Try for yourself the shades rated 5 stars by over 300,000 people. Pretty Litter - Go to https://PrettyLitter.com/hadit to save 20% on your FIRST order and get a free cat toy. Terms and conditions apply. See site for details. Happy Mammoth - Listener, you can get your first bottle of Hormone Harmony for 15% OFF if you use the code HADIT on the checkout page. Go to https://HappyMammoth.com and enter the promo code HADIT on the checkout page. Homes.com - Homes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We’ve done your home work. To watch our post-show for this episode and much more - subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

Ready? One, two, three. Excellent clap. How are you today, Poms? I'm great. How are you? Fantastic. What have you had it with? Okay. What I've had it with, everybody knows I've got a senior in high school, so it's just senior racket, senior racket. But I've particularly had it today with participation awards in school

assemblies. There's no fucking reason to award every person in the class an award for fucking nothing. It sets them up for failure in life. And here's the deal. When you go to work, mommy's not going to be there for a photo op, I hope, and they're not going to give you an award. Little Johnny came to work every day this month. Congratulations, Little Johnny. These are things that are expected. Doing well in school is expected. Why we have to give participation awards and dress them up like something else. I will never know. It fucking makes me crazy. And I've had it. You know, and who I think this is most unfair to is the generation that is

getting over rewarded for everything. Could not agree more. Because you have this full generation where there's this notion that their lives are always supposed to be cupcakes and rainbows. And that's projected onto them by their overeager parents that are helicoptering around the school all the time, overly involved in shit, all this performative parenting on Instagram. Reality, not everybody can win an award. And it's certainly fine not to win one. When I look back, the kids that didn't end up

winning a lot of the awards are really some of the most successful. So it really doesn't mean anything. And so I think you just have this generation where these parents are just way too eager, way too involved in their lives, think that everything in their child's lives have to be perfect, and that is setting them up to be very ill-prepared for adulthood. And we have this generation now where everybody's like, oh, they have so much anxiety, they

don't know how to do anything. And it's like, look at the parents' involvement in their lives. Let's look at that. Let's look at what the parent involvement in these kids' life was and see if maybe that is a factor in this debilitating anxiety that a lot of these kids have.

It's unbelievable to me because when you look at these awards for just simple tasks that everybody has to do and that they're being rewarded. I just sit there and think some of these kids are gonna peak in high school. They're gonna peak in high school because you win every award and then you go to college and nobody gives a shit. And so it's like a letdown and the parents, the parents are the biggest problem. There's no doubt about it. But the schools are enabling it too. Because schools enable the parents 100%. Yeah, they enable the parents to be helicopters. They enable the parents to be involved in everything where they

shouldn't be. They enable the parents to come up to school and sit through these absolutely boring, miserable award assemblies where we're awarding every high school senior, junior, freshman, sophomore an award for fucking nothing and I've had it. I've had it with these parents going up to the schools, trying to get all involved in the curriculum. Oh, yeah. That they want to cherry pick what form of history is taught. They think that there's some big gay woke agenda going on at the schools. And let me just tell you something.

I think teaching about gender and sexuality is an asset for people. So all of these white, evangelical, helicopter, psycho parents that go straight from their mega church with horrible architecture and their terrible outfits straight up to the school to browbeat teachers who barely make any money and put these absurd expectations on the school. These schools have got to get serious about booting the parents out. All of the right wing politicians are like, parents rights, parents rights. And I'm like, this is a new thing. Right.

When you go to school and you learn facts, you learn critical thinking, you learn that the world is nuanced. And if you want to go up and dictate what your kids learn, go join the FDLS and swing for the fences and do the dinosaur and man lived on the planet at the same time bullshit, but let the rest of the rational world go sit down and learn facts. I mean, a random two or three times a year, especially in like lower school, yeah, there could be some assembly or something. You go up to watch your kids. My youngest son is in high school. The requirement and the involvement and the amount of texts and shit that I get when this kid can get into a car and drive

himself there. I feel like it's disrespectful to a 16 and a 17 and an 18 year old for the parents and the faculty to assume that they're not competent enough to do what's required of them. It sends this message that you're not good enough to do this, therefore we have to handle it for you, like buying a homecoming dance ticket. The kids need to manage us. I've had it with that. All right, let me tell you what I've had it with. And this is kind of in the same vein.

I see it once a week. Sunday fun day. I've seen that too. It's just a day. Let's quit trying to make Sunday a fun day. Some Sundays are fun, some Sundays suck. For me personally, I wake up Sunday and then around noon it starts creeping in that the world and the life that I've made for myself in order to earn an income

is about to come raining hellfire on me on Monday morning. And so, yeah, Sunday's good, but it's not like super fun all the time. A lot of times you're doing shit that you can't do during the week because you have to earn money to pay for all the shit you want in life. Right. Sundays seem to me to be like an errand day, a pick, you know, catch up on your laundry day, catch up on all the chores day.

Very rarely do I have a Sunday fun day. The only Sunday fun day that I have is during the gay pride parade is on a Sunday here in Oklahoma in June. And I got the best, most comfortable Sunday Funday t-shirt at Pride that I love. Wait, hold up. You have a Sunday Funday t-shirt? Yes, it's a Pride shirt. All right. If it's gay, because we're huge supporters, promoters of the gay agenda. But that's my only Sunday Funday is the Sunday in June in Oklahoma City for the Gay Pride Parade and that t-shirt is so soft. When I was younger, a Sunday Fun Day was fantastic because you would go to brunch and you'd start boozing it up. Bottomless mimosas, I mean, shitty ass champagne.

Right, but you didn't care. And I would just gobble them all up. And then I always raged and then faded. I'd be asleep by three or four. And then my Monday started just horribly. And then you have just anxiety raining hellfire on you because of your quote unquote Sunday fun day. Sunday fun day comes at a great expense. And that is Monday morning debilitating anxiety. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie.

Kylie, do you have Sunday fun days? I used to have a lot of Sunday fun days, but now I have trouble having fun on Sundays because as soon as I wake up, Monday morning is on my mind the entire day. I try up, Monday morning is on my mind. Right. The entire day. I try to do wholesome activities on Sunday. Dog walking. Dog, yeah.

Bathing a dog. Is that what you did on Sunday? I bathed my dogs on Sunday. I said, come here, it's time for your bath. And they shake their little butts and put their ears back and run in. And I've ordered a lot of great new products for them on Amazon. We just recently experimented with a new leave-in conditioner. Oh!

Fantastic. I mean, their coats look amazing. So you take these two highly telegenic, highly photogenic, megawatt personality Frenchies, put a leave-in conditioner on their coats, they are unstoppable. Ha ha ha! put a leave-in conditioner on their coats. They are unstoppable. That reminds me, what did you guys do this weekend? We went to a wedding. Oh, yes, we did. We flew to Little Rock and back. We did. Yeah. So listen up, listener, patriots, the patriots that believe in the gay agenda and support it and promote it every chance they can get. Pumps married, gay married. She is now a gay officiant. She gay married our hairdresser Michael and his now husband Chris in Little Rock, Arkansas. She was, you

were so great. Oh, thank you. You did such- I was nervous. Little Rock, Arkansas. She was, you were so great. Oh, thank you. You did such, you did, you couldn't tell. You did such a phenomenal job. It was perfect timing, perfect tone. It wasn't too sappy. It wasn't too cold. You, you nailed it. Oh, thank you. You did. You were fabulous. I really wanted to do a good job for them because I just absolutely love them and I'm so happy for them. You did. You struck the perfect tone and it was just, it was perfect. It was absolutely

perfect. You nailed it. And just as an aside, I personally love so much that now you've taken a deeper dive into the gay agenda by marrying gay people. Yes, I am now a full member trading in marrying gay people or straight people. I prefer gay people, but it's whatever. So I'm just right there on the indoctrination, the gay agenda. Let's fucking go. I love it, Pam. She were fabulous. You really were.

I videoed the whole thing, you guys, and it was like a three minute, 43 seconds, which is about perfect. I thought it was perfect. And she did so well. I mean, you guys would be so proud of her. She did such a good job. It was so good. Okay. Speaking of wholesome gay activities, I've got a review that I want to read you. Five stars and they say, growing up as a young queer Mexican American child, I was always taught to be careful not to get lost while out in public. My family would often joke that if I did get lost, they'd tell me to go look for a nice white family and go up to the mom and tell her I'm lost and she'd keep me safe. Jennifer Welch and Angie the clap pumps

are definitely without a doubt two white women I'd happily walk up to if I was ever that lost little gay boy. Oh my God. I mean, they're kind of tearing up a little bit. That's really sweet. That's so wholesome. Says, I love your humor and your ways of thinking.

The world needs more women like you two. P.S. petition to start referring to Angie as Angie the clap pumps. It's been overlooked for far too long. I kind of like the clap. The only thing about the clap is I don't want to be confused with the clap. That's what's so great about it.

That's what's so great about it. I'm a fluffer. I'm a clapper. I'm a midnight snapper. What the fuck is going on? You're over there pelvic thrusting and singing? Which brings us back to you have got to get laid. You have this effusive sexual energy that is just spraying all of our listeners. I mean, it's unbelievable. Even through the podcast. Yeah, through their

earbuds right now. I mean, there are, I bet even the gay listeners, male, I mean, the lessees for sure are turned on. But I think even the gay men are, I mean, we've got some rock hard cocks out there after that routine. That's unbelievable. That message was so sweet. And, you know, we get a lot of shit for our progressiveness and our progressive thoughts. And that's shit that we will sit here and take over and over and over again, because the way the LGBTQIA plus community is marginalized and used right now disgust me to the core of my being and everybody on the right wing. They just, they never, it never occurs to them that maybe they might have somebody in their family that they don't want mistreated until it's too late.

Well, it's never occurred to them to have any empathy. Empathy is in not just short supply, in zero supply, but I want to take it a step further and say I consider it a badge of honor when the right wing comes after us. Oh, I do too. It tells me we are on the side of right, that we are doing something that's important side of right, that we are doing something that's important and they can all go fuck themselves with their little bitty teeny weenies. When I see a bunch of white women in our comment section and you go click on their profile and it says follower of Christ and patriot and they're just ripping us, I think fucking good.

I am so glad and more white women like Pumps and me need to speak out for this community full stop. All right, Kylie, who's next? I just want to say you two are my safe white women. Oh, I don't know if we're having a bad day. We might not be that safe. Okay, this one is titled Double Dog Dare from Shana, five stars. I dare Jen and Pumps to live their grievances for three days.

Jen can only drink out of a Stanley, and Pumps has to go on a date with a woman. I feel that's a fair trade. I think she gets the better end of the stick. I agree. I mean, I think you being a lessee for three days straight is a far better deal than sitting around drinking out of those Trump meth Stanley cups. Crystal meth, crack cocaine, just fucking gateway drug of a Stanley cup.

I mean, that is absolute torture. Here's the deal. It would ruin my reputation. As if you haven't done that enough. I've been thinking about it and if I were even remotely smart I would be a lesbian. I have great taste in women. I enjoy women's company way more than men. I mean I think you're making the case that you're a lesbian, but that's another episode entirely. Kylie, what do you have in store for us today? I've got some voice memos for you today.

Oh, yay! It's been a minute. I know. It's been a while. So first, we're going to do Bailey R. Okay. The thing I have had it with most recently is people who say things like, well, I don't like to gossip I don't I don't want to speak ill of her. It's like bitch speak ill

Pour the tea we want it piping hot and if you're not about that life And you can climb back up on your high fucking horse and ride the hell up out of here Because I'm the kind of bitch that's gonna show up in your neighborhood vacuuming your front lawn when your neighbor's husband finds out she's fucking the other neighbor I'm trying to hear all about that other people's drama is what I live for and if you don't like that I feel like we couldn't be friends and also I've had it with it I've had it with people who think that they are above talking shit about other people. Because if that's the case, then bitch, you're beneath me. Bailey, that is so good.

And you know what? Let's just everybody universally admit it. Right? Everybody likes a little tea. It's bullshit when people act like they don't. Now here's the difference is when you see people constantly celebrating somebody's failure, it's different than hearing a little tea. And I think everybody likes a little tea. Like we've all, all of our listeners, all of our patriots thoroughly

enjoy your Menage A Trois Lesbian Dream Tea. It's great tea. Right, I just think, as long as it's not mean-spirited and like you said, celebrating other people's failures, but what I, Bailey, I completely agree when people are like, well, I don't like to gossip or shit, everybody likes to gossip. But here's another one we get a lot, well, I think we ought to pray for so-and-so because, you know, her husband's banging

dogs or whatever. Hang on, I want to jump in. I don't ever get that. She said we get that. She's talking about her and the frog in her pocket. I never hear that. No, but I mean, but it's really just you're using it as a way to gossip about other people. I'm a firm believer. I called a woman a few months ago and I was like, I just want you to know I'm calling you for no other reason to be petty and gossip. I know that I'm a shitty person, but I have to tell you this.

Instead of, oh my gosh, did you hear about so and so? I feel so bad. It was just like, let's fucking rip this. I'm ready to go. You know, there's been a couple of people that have been having stage five meltdowns on their Instagram stories lately. And I mean, Pumps and I are like, tap the vein,

refresh the feed. And it's not our most shining moment. But here's the beauty in it. Okay. We're fucked up. Right. Y'all have listened to 100 or so episodes of this fucking shit show. Y'all know that we are absolute train wrecks. But the beauty of the internet is you can go out there and find somebody who makes you look like you are at the top of your game. Like you are hashtag winning, hashtag blessed, hashtag success story, hashtag redemption tour. It's unbelievable what's out there. And here's the deal. Everybody likes a little tea. And if you say you don't, you're a fucking liar. Pumps, I have been sleeping so well and it's all happened ever since I ordered those sheets

from Cozy Earth. My sleep quality is a million times better. I do not get hot with the sheets. The comfort level of these sheets is like no other sheets that I've ever tried before. I can't wait to jump in my Cozy Earth sheets because I don't get hot. They're so cozy and comfortable. It's like sleeping on a cloud. Okay, I have a little style hack for you too. Cozy Earth now has these bamboo joggers and pullover crew. I've been wearing these on flights, so it feels like you're wearing sheets

while you're on an airplane. However, you look incredibly stylish shredding up and down the airplane. Listener, Cozy Earth has got your back and your bed covered. Once you experience the comfort and quality of Cozy Earth, you'll never want to settle for anything less. Head over to CozyEarth.com and use our code HADDED at checkout for a sweet 35% off. Trust me, it's the ultimate destination for comfort wherever your summer takes you. You know Pumps, I feel like our whole lives as women, we've had to deal with regulating hormones and how much hormones impact our moods. Whether it's PMS or wherever we are in our cycle to perimenopause to full-blown

menopause, regulating hormones can be so important to help level out your mood. That's why I think we both love hormone harmony by Happy Mammoth. I love the hormone harmony because I feel more balanced, more predictable, I sleep better, and I feel just an overall more sense of calm when my hormones are regulated. And you know hormone harmony can relieve PMS symptoms and help reduce cravings and irritability before a period and it can help keep your skin nice and clear. But don't listen to us about it. Hormone Harmony is so successful. A bottle is sold every 24 seconds. There are over 13,000 Hormone Harmony reviews on the

Happy Mammoth website alone. Listener, you can get your first bottle of Hormone Harmony for 15% off if you use the code HAD IT on the checkout page. Go to happymammoth.com and enter the promo code HAD IT on the checkout page. You know pups, my cat Kiskey, she is still trekking along. She's overcome asthma. She's overcome diabetes. She takes a licking and keeps on ticking. But I'm constantly worried about my precious cat's health. And now I've discovered Pretty Litter. What I love so much about Pretty Litter is it's an ultra-absorbent, lightweight, low-dust, 6-pound bag of litter that works for up to one month. Basically, it gives me a great peace of mind because Pretty Litter's crystals change color

to indicate early signs of potential illnesses in my cat, like urinary tract infections, kidney issues, and more. Listener, Pretty Litter's amazing, and you have got to try it. Go to prettylitter.com slash had it to save 20% off your first order and get a free cat toy. That's prettylitter.com slash had it to save 20% off your first order and you get that free cat toy. Prettylitter.com slash had it. Terms and conditions apply. Please see site for details. Kylie, who's next? Next, we've got a special voice memo from Windsor.

Hi Jenny. Hi Pumps' Diana. Hi Kylie. Okay, I've absolutely had it with the fact that no one has sung a song to you guys yet. So Judge Judy Diana, here we go. ["You Took the Shit in a Cup"] You took the shit in a cup on the side of the road.

You turned that zone into road and unload. Your child was in the back watching you take that dump. Your name is sometimes Karen, but they can call you Pumps. You've got the best hits around and the best clappin' town. No one will reject, just say you're lesbian now. Kylie can teach you the rules. I belong, you're the trolls. We'll always go commando.

You're the star of the show. Judy Duggan, oh. Judge Judy Duggan, know. Judy does not know. Love you guys. What's that girl's name? Windsor? Windsor. That's the best thing I've ever heard. Kylie, go get that cock.

I mean, first of all, her voice is good. The words are amazing, and it's to Michael Jackson. I declare, right now all, her voice is good. The words are amazing and it's to Michael Jackson. I declare right now in the permanent record to all of the Patriots, to all of the IHipsters, to all of you fuckers out there, from this day forward, this cock that we use all the time in our rock hard cock chats on Patreon, which is an entirely different situation than this, this will hereforth be called the Windsor cock. That's right. We need to put like a sticker on it and write Windsor.

I mean, Windsor, I fucking loved it. I couldn't even catch my breath. Here's your cock. My cheeks hurt. Windsor. You know what? And she's right. She's 100% right.

None of you other fuckers have dared have that type of enthusiasm and creativity. You just call in and say, I've had it with my neighbor. Oh, well, that's original. Look at the bar that Windsor has set here. She wrote a song and sang it. And all these lackluster listeners out there not singing to us have had it. To Michael Jackson, no less.

Not easy. That was amazing, Windsor. Thank you. I love, love, loved it. How about Kylie can show me the ropes and she can show me the tools? What about Kylie in another episode recently saying an earthquake made her think of sex and then we realized it was because of the vibration, which is her number one stimulant toy. But that's another episode entirely. This is all the shit we cover on our Girl Please podcast on Patreon, which a lot of

you probably aren't members of. And that's just another thing to add to the list of how you fell as a listener. You haven't sang us a song, you probably haven't written a review, and you haven't joined Patreon. All right? All 10 of you, pull yourselves together. Fuck you guys. Yeah, fuck you. We're unhinged, all right?

That's not Nath. Uh-uh. All right, up next, we've got Melissa S. Hey Jen, hey Poms, hey Kylie, hey everybody. My name's Melissa, I'm ringing from Ireland, and I just want to say I love the podcast. What I've had it with is the fact that my husband cannot seem to obtain any information except by my lips. He's sitting here at the computer with the clock clearly printed on

it in the bottom right hand corner. And yet as I walk through the room with a hundred and one things on my mind, he's just got to derail me and go, what time is it? Instead of, you know, averting his eyes slightly down and to the right to see the time for himself, why is it that he feels so comfortable in derailing my thought process constantly, you know, or like if I'm carrying a load of laundry, what time is it now? I've got to stop and try and look at my wrist to see what time it is. Like look with your own eyes.

That's what you've got them for. I've had it. I've absolutely motherfucking had it. Motherfuck sounds so good in an Irish accent. I just fucking love an accent. I know. I know. I just love that accent and you know what this reminds me of? My ex-husband. It was a constant

running of asking questions that did not need to be asked. Asking questions for answers that you could easily find out for yourself. So that voicemail or voicememmo, whatever you call it, reaffirms to me how happy I am to be divorced. Not that I'm saying she should divorce, I'm just saying. It's just so nice not to have the running list of stupid questions. Tomorrow in the news, divorce rates spike in Ireland for stupid questions. Tomorrow in the news. Divorce rates spike in Ireland for stupid questions. Your reason for divorce?

Stupid motherfuckers asking stupid questions. Asking what time it is. That's what I've had it with. Let me tell you about Josh Welch in this. As you can imagine. Oh, he's bad. These stupid questions that come out of this man's mouth. It's just unbelievable, you guys. It's unbelievable the shit that he asks me.

And he'll ask me a series of questions throughout a day. Like, something like, when's Roman's basketball game? Tomorrow night at eight. And then two hours later, so I wonder if Roman has a basketball game this weekend. I'm like, yeah, tomorrow night at eight. And it's just this type of stupid questions.

And I don't know what it is. I don't know if men, like deep down, I think they need us to be in charge, but society has told them you have to be in charge. They really do better when we're in charge. I think everybody does better. When we're the HBICs. Yep. I agree.

Yeah. You know what else bothers me? And this is parenting, not husband related. Just because I have a uterus, which I don't, but I did. Like my uterus is not a tracking device. Like I can't find everything in the whole house for three adults. Especially considering you don't have one. I don't have one, but I still fucking find shit.

But I'm just, I get so sick of, where's the ketchup? Well, I don't know, fucking look. You know, where's the toilet paper? You know what I do with this stuff now? What? I do not answer the questions. You just act like you don't hear them. I started about three years ago when people with whom I live ask me a stupid question,

I do not answer and I remove myself from the room. I walk into my closet. I just completely do not feed it under any circumstances whatsoever. It has been a game changer. So listen up Ireland, quit answering your stupid Irish husband's questions. Don't answer them. Completely ignore them. Completely ignore them.

I'm telling you it works wonders. And as my friend Pumps would say, if this continues, just file for divorce. Kylie, who's next? Up next we've got Austin A. Hey ladies, I'll make this quick. I have fucking had it with people that make custom t-shirts to go out and do things. Families first, crews, booze crews, wifey squad. Nobody gives a fuck, okay? No one's paying attention to your stupid t-shirt.

Anyways. Okay. I love this man, Austin. Austin, the way, the emotion, the delivery that you delivered that, it just struck right, it pierced me right in my heart. I could see those t-shirts. Right in my soul. Wifey squad.

Nobody gives a fuck. Did you notice how he was kind of grinding his teeth in the delivery? Yeah, I liked it. That is passion. That's passion. Nobody gives a fuck. Did you notice how he was kind of grinding his teeth at the delivery? That is passion. That's passionate hate. That's passionate haterade served up and poured piping hot here on I've Had It. I fucking love that. I agree.

I've had it with those fucking t-shirts. I've had it up to my eyeballs. I have a confession to make. What? Okay. I have had a long standing history of these types of group t-shirts, okay, where you're doing one event and you have to wear the t-shirt. So for years, my kids would go to these basketball games and it would be like, proud baller mom. My kid hoops it, hooping mom. So I was the resistance against this for the longest time imaginable. And then one trip, that's probably about four years ago. We go to, it's either Dallas or Houston, on a road trip in the summer.

And this one mom friend of mine, her name's Carmen, and I love her so much. She is like a kindergarten teacher and she enjoys the children. She shows me pictures of them. She tells me how much she loves them, how she can't wait to get to work. She's like a much better person than I could ever dream of being. So she gets me this shirt and the name of my kids basketball team is AET, Alexander Elite Training. This is a summer AAU team. She has it all printed up for me and she's like, Jen, we're all going to wear these shirts and it says AET mom.

And I am just like, I have had a years long ban, hatred. I've been the opposition of this type of fuckery on the basketball courts from day one. Then you have this sweet, kind, much better person than I could ever dream of being, Carmen. Carmen's like, Jen, I got you your shirt so we can all wear them together. So I fucking put on that shirt. I took pictures.

I think I might've even posted it on my story. I mean, I went all the way over. It's the only time I ever did it. Carmen, shout out to you. I love you. And I forgive you for that time you threw up in my car. Another quick story. I pick up Carmen for this trip. I just got in my car detailed and we have to drive to Texas. All of a sudden she's like, God, I took these supplements and all these vitamins, but on an empty stomach, I feel nauseous. And she's like, God, I took these supplements and all these vitamins, but on an empty stomach, I feel nauseous. And I'm like, Oh, you'll be fine, Carmen.

She's in the front seat. We keep driving. We're chit chat. And she's telling me all of these pure, earnest, fabulous stories about these kindergartners that she's wild about, right? And so then all of a sudden she goes, Oh God, I just don't feel good. I was like, you want me to pull over? She goes, No, no, no, I'll push through. And all of a sudden it's just a projectile vomit all over my car everywhere. And she goes, Oh my God, Jennifer. So I pull the car over and I go, Carmen, get out of this car and take off all of your clothes and leave them on the side of the highway and get clothes from your suitcase. I will, I'll do it. She starts taking her clothes off.

She's standing in these little like pink thong on the side of I-35 changing clothes. The teenage boys in the back seat, I'm like, cover your eyes. We're cleaning up all this vomit. Then we proceed and then we get stuck in a fucking hail storm. I'm talking grapefruit size. My car looks like it was shot up in a shooting. It was unbelievable trip. And to end this trip, so this set the psychological soil.

I was so vulnerable. I walked right into the trap of wearing the basketball mom t-shirt. You just didn't have resistance available after that drive. Carmen threw up in my car. That broke me down. Then Mother Nature intervened. I remember. Or, AKA Satan intervened. The devil. The devil, Beaselbub, rained hellfire onto my SUV. You know what?

I hated that fucking car so much after that trip. I brought it back up and I was like, I'm never driving this fucking car again. And I bought a new car, the car that I have now, which I like a lot better than the old car. Plus, it doesn't have Carmen's vomit germs in it or the Satan hellstorm shit that happened, which was clearly the devil. Pumps, I got to tell you about my new sunglasses. I've been sporting out on the pickleball court. Look fantastic. Wackenballs. Complete sensation. Tell me! Shady Rays. Shady Rays are these fantastic sunglasses.

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Like driving through the neighborhood, it's like watching a tennis match because you're ping ponging back and forth trying to read all these fucking signs while trying to drive a car. Like no one has time for that shit. I've had it. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star.

Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star.

Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. Fucking porn star. That's what I'm putting in your yard. Dirty Diana porn star. This is the second time this episode. We've been watching that video of the guy doing boom dynamite. She's pelvic thrusting. We've got a that video of the guy doing boom dynamite, boom, boom, boom. She's pelvic thrusting. We've got a great pelvic thrust. Back to Gary.

Kurt. Kurt. That's on my habit list. I mean, that is on my habit list. Go off. Okay, first of all, let me just make a real clear statement as somebody with three kids. Nobody gives a flying frogs fat ass what your child is involved in at high school. Fucking nobody. Nobody cares. Nobody wants to know. Putting it in your yard is just

another layer of right along the same lines of the participation trophy. You're so special. We're going to put a sign in the yard that says you play soccer. Go fuck yourself. Nobody cares. I mean, it drives me insane. It just like I go, I walk my dog through my neighborhood. I've got a proud parent of an honor student. I've got a proud parent of a track star. No porn stars in my neighborhood, I wish. But I mean, it's just all these things. My kid's graduating in 2024. My kid can, you know, sit on his ass. Whatever. It's unnecessary.

One has been missed off. One has been left off of this list. This one fucking really gets in my craw. What is it? The crucifix around Eastern. It says, he is risen. Oh, yeah. Had it. Had it with that. I hate all the holiday stuff, but that is far more tolerable to me than the grandstanding about your kid. Because fundamentally, the only person on

planet Earth that gives a shit about your kid is you. Other than that, nobody cares. He's just, he or she is just one of the one billion kids, his age on planet earth. Not special, not interesting. There's nothing about your kid that's special except to you. I mean, unless it's like, you know, a LeBron James, but there's one of those. So, I mean, it just, it just drives me fucking crazy, Kurt. I'm so there with you. Fucking

had it. These signs are out of control. And I'm just, this is the situation with it. If your kids get in all these award assemblies, these made up bullshit awards, mom has 95 signs in the front yard about what a, you what a spectacular high school athlete you are. Never going to make it to the pros, but that's another podcast entirely. And all this shit going on and then all of a sudden you're 25 and you're out in the real world and you've got a bunch of boomers and Gen Xers going, well, these kids have so much anxiety. Well, no fucking shit they do because we created it. We made it as such by over celebrating mediocrity. That's right. It's just flat out mediocrity, normal stuff. Kids all do it. There's nothing

special about yours. No. Stop acting like there is. Yeah. Fucking makes me crazy. He did say about the like doormats that say like live in let snow. I have another confession to make. I have a doormat. It is at my back door and it says, I hope you like Frenchies. I'm going to double down on it. I thought it was cute. I know it's completely off brand here.

I know it labels me a hypocrite, but all of the shit we've had it with is completely erased and justified when it comes to canines. Especially Frenchies. I just did want to go on, I wanted to go on the permanent record to let everybody know that I have that mat that says, I hope you like Frenchies. It's kind of worn down right now. And I just looked at it the other day and I thought, well, I need to get on Amazon and order another one of those. I'm just going to replace it. I'm going in with the exact same mat with words.

Hope you like Frenchies. It's cheesy, it's stupid, it's over the top. I'm over celebrating my dogs. But I'll tell you what, my dogs have a lot more talent in one paw than all of those fucking rugrats up and down the streets on their soccer team, on their softball teams, on their cheer squads, on their football teams, on their basketball teams.

Cha-Cha and Tubby have incredible talent. I mean, there's no question. Tubby in particular. He does have a great smile. He is very photogenic. He's incredibly photogenic in his ability. If you say, sit, smile, he just fucking turns it on. You cannot train that.

You cannot teach that. You cannot. You're coached that. He's born with it. This is the Maybelline baby. He is fucking born with it. There's no question. And all those all those signs, they're all over my neighborhood. And I'm like, yeah, that kid rides the bench. And listen, no, you like, yeah, that kid rides the bench. No disrespect.

Sometimes you ride the bench, you know. I mean, it's just, it's life. But I've had it with the signs. And all of this goes back to the parents. And then it's the parents generation that's criticizing this younger generation without ever taking any ownership. What did we do to enable this? We made them think that they're special when they are absolutely not special. That's the crime. Do you remember that time you melted down on my front porch and told me that your children's life was supposed to be perfect? I do. Vividly. I just will never let you forget it. I know.

I just will never let you forget it. I know. Okay, listen up listener. We're going to start our post show right now on Patreon. And this is just a reminder if you haven't joined Patreon, that you're mediocre and we don't celebrate mediocrity on this podcast. We celebrate Windsor. Windsor for sure is celebrated. Actually, all of those today. They were great. We had an Irish had it, the one with the stupid Irish husband. Love that.

And love that last one. And passion. Everybody was great. All right. Everybody was great. Join us on Patreon. Give us five stars. Go to our YouTube and click subscribe pumps. Tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both.