I've Had It - The (Imaginary) War on Xmas

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps heard that all of you listeners were very very naughty this year.... so as a reward they're gifting you the gift of even more sh*t-talking and extra-petty grievances. Today we're diving in to the imaginary "War on Christmas" that's been brought to you by right-wing nuts at Fox News and as I'm sure you can imagine - Jen and Pumps do not hold back. Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you to our sponsors: Gravity Defyer Shoes: Don't wait and head to GDEFY.com and use code HADIT30 for $30 off orders of $150 or more. SKIMS: Believe the hype - SKIMS has over 100,000 five star reviews for a reason SKIMS Bras are now available at SKIMS.com Plus, get free shipping on orders over seventy five dollars! If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you! After you place your order, select "podcast" in the survey and select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. Quince: Get affordable luxury for everyone on your list with Quince! Go to Quince.com/hadit for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Happy Mammoth: Listener, this movie will change the way you think about menopause. Check it out on YouTube by searching Happy Mammoth, Break the Silence on Menopause; or follow this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiHGWdk7C3I Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

So we supposed to start the podcast. Ready, one, two, three. Happy holidays. Judy Diana is all decked out for the holidays. I got my cat sweater on because we know how much you love Pussy. Fuck it. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Fucking hate cats. That was a good one. I got to give you full credit. That was good stuff. It was really good. Yeah. Anyway, Pumps, what have you had it with? That is holiday related. Well, I've had it with two things. Okay. Everyone knows I fucking can't stand all the Christmas music. It drives me bananas. Okay.

But what I really had it with this weekend was wrapping gifts. Because it takes so long you have to go buy the paper, then you have to cut the paper to size, then you have to wrap the gift. And I'm pretty OCD about my corners on a gift, which is stupid. And then it takes exactly five seconds

for them to rip that off, throw the paper away, and it's just a complete and colossal waste of time. So I've just had it with wrapping paper, wrapping gifts, the whole nine. I love to wrap presents. I find it very therapeutic. I lie down. It makes me crazy because it's like you complete it. Right. And what I do for a living, and I was these projects drag on and on, but I like the timeline that that holiday season offers or that Christmas offers. It starts here pretty much around Thanksgiving, and it ends on the 25th. Right, and it's over. And I like the timeline of it. I like that you can

wrap the gifts. I arranged them very neatly under the tree in a very beautiful manner, the gifts, I arranged them very neatly under the tree in a very beautiful manner, because I love the holiday season and I am not a grinch. I think I am a grinch overall. I kind of defeated myself the other day, but I think at the end of the day, not a super holiday person. Where's the deal? When you're as effervescent and as gorgeous as you, you are allowed one character defect. Just what that's right. And you can hate Christmas all you want to. And you can forge, you could be the general, the commander of the war on Christmas.

And I'm going to support you. I'm going to be your soldier, pumps. Well, I appreciate that. I mean, that is really caring. I have to say for the listener that Jennifer Welch does a bow on a Christmas gift, like you have never seen your ribbons. They're gorgeous. You do all that.

I mean, you do. You don't get out of a ballpark. I wrap a great gift. Yeah. I do not do those little pre-made bows that you un-pill the plastic and then just smack on there. That shows that you didn't care. I don't do those either. I wrap a beautiful bow with ribbon on every individual gift with enthusiasm and holiday spirit because I am a beacon of positivity and generosity for one month out of 12.

Well, I mean, it's not a complete zero. You've got the one. Yeah, I gave up on those a long time ago. So you don't put any bows at all? No, I just put the flat box with the sticker on who it goes to that I fill out the sticker. It's pre-made sticker, like the two from sticker. I fill it out. It's just not even, it's just a hashtag all most.

That's a hashtag not even close. Hashtag don't care. Yeah, my gifts look fantastic. They do. They do. They look great. Great rapper. I'm a great rapper. Let me tell you what I've had it with.

And I think we've discussed this previously, but I'm going to just going to circle back on it. Okay. Christmas cards. Yeah. Let me tell you why. Here's the psychology. to circle back on it. Okay, Christmas cards. Yeah, let me tell you why. Here's the psychology. Why I've had it. 15 years ago, 10 years ago, loved them, loved them. It was fantastic because you had no idea what anybody was doing, right? Because there wasn't social media. because there wasn't social media. And this level of ignorance about what people you know

are or are not doing truly was bliss. They trotted out one photograph every 365 days that you received via snail mail to your house. You'd open it up and you'd think, boy, Billy sure has lost some more hair. God, that kid is ugly. And you'd kind of, you know, you'd kind of make these internal judgments based on their picture because you only saw it once a year. And it was beautiful. And it was fantastic. And then trotts in Facebook and Instagram and all this fuckery.

And now we know just how problematic all of these fuckers are 365 days a year because for some God forsaken reason, I can't stop looking at it. Yeah, I think I could just delete the apps from my phone. That would be healthy, but I can't do it. Yeah, I think I could just delete the apps from my phone. That would be healthy, but I can't do it. Yeah, I do have to say there was something special about a Christmas card before social media. It was always nice to see how much the kids grew

and changed if so and so got into the course. No, but that's what I would look for. Like, oh my gosh, look how big so and so is. I do have one friend that was so great. She sent out a Christmas card. She lived in a different state than the rest of us. She sent out a Christmas card that just said, from Jane and John, the kid, divorce the husband made the divorce announcement via Christmas card.

I thought that was fucking HBIC. So you just opened it up and it was like,. Let me get back to my point here. So my point is that now I know what's going on all the time, multiple times a day, through these apps on my smartphone. The last thing I want to go do is walk out to my fucking mailbox, which is where all the bad shit comes. You know, all the ads for the bad stuff. Nobody fucking since nail mail anymore. Right.

And then I open it up and I'm like, basically I've already seen this exact same thing, but maybe they have on all white shirts or something, some minor tweak, but basically social media has killed the holiday card entirely. It seems like a waste. It seems anti-environment.

It seems antiquated. It seems redundant. Now, I'm just gonna say it's just redundant because people posed the exact same photo shoot picture, but it's just a different pose for the Christmas card. And it's like been there done that don't care. Yeah. And I think, you know, I just like how worked up people get about the reveal of their

Christmas card. Can you imagine? No, I take a family photograph in thinking, I'm gonna withhold this. And wait till the perfect time to drop it is everybody's chomping it a bit. I mean, to see the Welches this year. They're camped out at the mailbox waiting for the Christmas card to come. Now there are people, and there's a lot of planning

that goes into outfits, planning, blow Planning. Blowouts. Photographer. Makeup. Yeah. Matching clothes. Speaking of that welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kylie, didn't you say that you and your girlfriend were going to do a holiday card? It's my plan and I will mail you one. Please do not post it on social media before you mail it to us. I'll wait till after. Right, okay. So I have a question. Yeah.

Does anyone that you know since you're so many generations above me? I've heard of Kylin. Do the Christmas newsletter attach? Is that a real thing? Yes. Yes, and I do have to say, I have this one friend from high school that does it every other year. She doesn't ode every other year. And it always is fantastic.

She like rhymes it. I mean, it's really great. Okay. I'm going to disagree with Scrooge here on this. I've received all of them and they're all fucking garbage. They're trying to be cute. They're trying to be neat. They're trying to be fun.

I this is where my Ebenezer Scrooge kicks in. Nobody gives a fuck. Nobody wants to read your fucking newsletter. Except for pumps, apparently. And I mean, I have seen these and I read these before and I just think this is the biggest grandstanding show boating bullshit. It is a jet stream of bullshit. Yeah. Narcissism by mail is what it is.

It is narcissistic attack by mail. Narcissism by mail is what those are. So, okay, just brag the whole time. It's a brag. The entire time, I don't care if they rhyme, I don't care what pumps his friend is doing. I guarantee you, if I had it here to do a dramatic reading, all of us would collectively think it was garbage. You just probably have an affection for this person. Maybe. And it's been a while since she did it, because now everything's on social media.

Right. But I remember looking forward to hers every year, because every other year, because it was a good. And what's the logic behind that every other year? Well, maybe because she got she got you at work with you hook line and sinker. I was the test case. She gave it to you. Then a ghost gave it to you and a ghost and it fucking worked because here you are in our podcast promoting this fucking news letter. Yeah. I did like it. That was the only one out of all the ones I would got because most

of them were just like, we went to Disney World, Johnny scored three touchdowns in a football game. It's so-and-so is doing dance. It's like, does anybody care now? I can barely keep up with my own shit. Like, I don't wanna keep up with your shit. Kiley, do people your age send snail mail? You know what, I actually got a piece of snail mail yesterday. You did what was it?

I opened it up and it was a handwritten pencil to notebook piece of paper and I'm like, oh shit, I start reading it. It is a Jehovah's Witness. Oh gosh. They attached a pamphlet to the back of it, trying to get me to go research the Bible for the answers to the world. Excellent.

Handwritten. You know, you could go to the member that book I found in Walmart. What was it called? Scientific facts in the Bible. It's about three pages long. Yeah. You could go put it in that book. See, I feel sorry for that person.

They thought they really did a good job and you're thinking, oh my gosh, you're either a stalker or a net. Like when you first said, it was pinned to paper. I thought, oh my god, Kylie's got a stalker. No, I think the Jehovah's Witness thing, that's just that they don't celebrate Christmas, right? Or birthdays. Is it Jehovah's Witness? Yeah that's just, they don't celebrate Christmas, right? Or birthdays. Is it Jehovah's Witness?

That's right. No Christmas, no birthdays. Yeah, so maybe this is their time to start the pin-pile movement. Good December, everybody's so busy, they're void of shopping, void of scheduling these elaborate photoshoots, void of making a family newsletter, which is also known as a jet stream of bullshit. So they start trying to prostilize. Right. Just them just a little holiday project. Exactly. That's one thing they can celebrate. We'll have a story I want to share with you all. Land on me. Okay, this is from the

Daily Mirror and it says, Santa can't stop laughing after boy, six years old, blapping after boy, six years old, bribes him in bed to get all of his presents. So the Santa took to Reddit and he says, a boy was waiting patiently in line to meet me. And when it was his turn, he hopped right up onto my lap. I asked him what he would like for Christmas. He mentioned a few of the more popular toys and then handed me a letter.

I received a lot of letters in person, even kids get antsy trusting the United States Postal Service to deliver such an important piece of mail. So, Saina as the boy if he had been good and the boy smirked and pointed to his wish list and told him not to worry about it before returning to his mom. Saina's curiosity was peaked, so he opened the letter

and he said in it was a list and a note that said, dear Santa, thank you for bringing me everything on my list, love Anthony and there was a $5 bill in it. Not a dumb kid. The kid, but I'm saying, a Santa was horrified and quite impressed all at the same time. And it, Santa says, I can only imagine what he had done. Oh, you can only imagine what he would have done for him to say, don't worry about it.

Like, that's always a big red flag. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. So he must have done something really naughty. I like the entrepreneurial spirit of the six-year-old. I absolutely love it. I would be not horrified just delighted if somebody did that.

I'm like problem solving. He's a thinker. Think outside the box. I mean, the kid is a hustler. Yeah. So he gets a 10 out of 10 that kid does. Even though we probably pulled a sister's hair, cut her bangs or something weird,

but good for him. I mean, it's normal. Yeah, that's all normal. Pumps, I have had it with walking around in shoes that have all the comfort of a bed of nails and my feet have had it. My whole body has had it. From my manicured blowout to my perfectly pedicured toes, I have had it up to my eyeballs with this foot pain.

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All right, Kylie, what do you have for us today? There's a really pressing topic. Okay. That I'm sure you've heard about and you're very worried about. Okay. And it is the war on Christmas. Yeah, which we all know is a real thing.

So I'm gonna intro you. We're gonna play some clips today. Okay. Of some shit I have found on the internet. Before you start, I do want to say that Kylie's obviously jokingly. Obviously. There is no war on Christmas. No. There's no war on Christmas. It is a dream-deap, made-up, bullshit argument to send Christian nationalists into a tailspin.

But I do. I did. I did find an interesting little story. So I want to give a historical lesson here. Christmas was originally the winter solstice celebrated by the pagans. And what it marks is that the sun for the very first time in the winter, the days start to become one minute longer. Okay. So that's a huge deal if you don't have Wi-Fi, electricity, hot water, etc. So getting more sunlight was a big fucking deal. So the pagans celebrated this and they brought evergreen trees inside their house because it marked eternal life, etc. So this has been going on for a very long time. Long before

the Christians started celebrating Christmas, everybody was celebrating the winter solstice. But I did some research to figure out when the very first war on Christmas was, and I have to very alarming news, the Puritans banned Christmas for 20 years in America before the celebration became just too popular. Plot twists, as you know, the Puritans are the Christians. Plot twists, they were the first in the 1700s to launch the war on Christmas. Really the Christians? I thought it was a Fox News deal. No, this was the first war on Christmas. Really? The Christians. I thought it was a Fox News deal.

No, this was the first war on Christmas. Gotcha. And this was real. Like they genuinely opposed it because they thought it was such a powerful symbol of paganism. Oh, because they were thinking people were celebrating the winter solstice. Yes.

Gotcha. Well, that makes more sense because even in the Bible, Jesus' birthday is like June or July. So I don't know how it all got into Christmas. Yeah. So basically the winter solstice, they would bring in the trees and they enter their homes and then they would put red balls on them. And this was what the pagans celebrated. Well, then in, I can't remember what year, but basically the Catholic Church decides and declares that Jesus's birthday is going to be December 25th. Well, they happen to already have this big global celebration, this pagan holiday. They kind of got merged together. And this is when the Puritans, which always

cause all the fuckery in the United States of America, and the 1700s, they started the very first one, Christmas. Now fast forward now, and you have a bunch of pussies who clearly do not have eyes or ears. Right. That think that there is a war on Christmas, and I think it's so insane. But anyway, Kylie's going to show us some stuff on this. Okay. So this first clip to set the scene is Jesse Waters. Yeah. He's repulsive on Fox News.

Holiday traditions are important. Traditions are important for the left, too. That's why every year they now honor a new holiday, January 6th, and declare a war on Christmas. Now it feels like the war on Christmas is coming earlier and earlier every year. Probably climate change. And the left fired at opening shots this weekend.

And while Wattusa Wisconsin, Deputy City Administrator Melissa Cantorero, told city workers to not put up any Christmas-related decor on public property. Quote. In our ongoing efforts to foster a more equitable and inclusive community, we kindly ask that departments refrain from using religious decorations solely associated with Christmas. Here are some suggestions.

Winter Wonderland, Snow People, not Snow Man, Snow People. I mean, you could make a snowman snow people. I mean you could make a snowman if you I mean if you want to the great the right wanted to get creative assuming you knew what the snow thing identified as correct but if we're going to start there you got a cancel frosty completely why he has two eyes made out of coal destroying the planet. Oh yeah, I mean you can and she suggests what a winter wonderland is an alternative. Are you gonna feel safe around all that whites now? I mean, Hunter Wood, let thank you.

Hey, oh, there it is. What a fucking dick. I mean, I am enraged just listening to him. I never listened to this shit. I don't either. First of all, it didn't make a whole lot of sense, but all they do is throw this insane red meat first and foremost.

I think it's totally okay to say if you're going to do holiday decor, don't put out like a crucifix and a manger and a manger, just try to keep it more. I think that's totally appropriate. Right. When he was bitching about it, I was like, I don't see anything wrong with that. It seems perfectly legitimate. But here's the thing. All of these people are allegedly big Christians. And here they are, picking on a guy

who's a recovering drug addict. Right. Think what you want about the Biden's. Maybe you don't think he's a good president. Maybe you think his son is a piece of shit. But he was a drug addict. And he's in recovery now. So here are these big fucking Christians on Fox,

just browbeaten somebody who had to overcome a disease. And it just shows what fucking hypocrites they are. It's so hypocritical and what drives me crazy about that is tax evasion is like the crime of the century, but trying to overthrow the government is a no big deal. Like the hypocrisy and that and the false equivalency. I mean, we're gonna put somebody in the White House, we're gonna vote for somebody with 91 felony counts, but we're gonna make a big deal out of a guy

that didn't pay his taxes for five years, or four years, who gives a fact? What about all the references to climate change? But here's my thing too, here's the thing I don't get about Christians. If you're a big Christian, then you're a creationist. And so you think God created the earth. So do you think God wants you to like rape and pillage the

earth? Or would he want you to keep it in good shape? I think what their argument is, is nobody should tell them what to do because it affects their pocketbook, the central oil. Like he had to bring up the cold thing. Yeah. Had to bring up, I don't know why the white snow is bad. I'd like to pee in his snow. Yeah, he's just a total dick. And then like why not say snow people? Why not say snow people?

Why do you have to sign a gender-dose snowman? How big do we think this guy's dick is? Oh my God, his dick is this little. I mean, it is, my pinky looks like the long dong of the universe compared to the thing that when I mean, it is my pinky looks like the long dawn of the universe compares the thing that when I think about it, this is like, I don't really traffic. I don't hear what I don't want to say. It says very often, but it just confirms what I always know is that evangelical Christians

and droves listen to that channel. And it is such a hateful sect of Christianity. That's what I was just thinking. Like hateful, miserable people. They're making people sexist. No wonder they're so wild. No wonder they're just out. If you're overthrown the government, they just think it's going to hell on handbasket because that guy's lying. Yeah. Oh, it just grows. All right. Okay, up next we've got Megan Kelly. Okay, and her... She's repulsive. White Christmas. In slate, they have a piece on dot com.

Santa Claus should not be a white man anymore. Yet another person claiming it's racist to have a white Santa. You know, and by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white, but this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa. But, you know, Santa just is white, but this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa. But you know, Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we're just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids.

Why would anyone say that? Why would anyone say that? Why it's in a matte, we're arguing about an imaginary character. It's not real. So if I'm black, he's probably black. If I'm brown, he's probably brown. Like, who gives a flying fat what the figment in my imagination? What color they are? Who's going to tell her about Jesus? I was just thinking she was talking, I mean, because Jesus is clearly brown. Right. We've got to make him white in all the white households.

Because if you go back and you know what color where he was alleged to have been born, everybody was brown skinned in this area. And so it's just such a hateful white supremacist thing for her to say, again, she's talking about an imaginary by comparison. These are the same people that got mad that the round two of the little mermaid happened to be black. I mean, like out of all of the things, again, these are the big Bible thumpers.

These are the big mega-churchers. These are the people. This is the channel they listen to. These are the people that they listen to. And this is where they get all of their information. And it's just Unbelievable. It's unbelievable. What a cut she is She's such a

And she got shit canned for being a racist from NBC So she needs to just learn her lesson and shut the fuck up Clearly not a fast learner Okay, so a big debacle that happened in the morning Christmas was in 2015 when Starbucks, they always do their holiday cup, right? Right. They released an all-read cup one year and Christians and the Fox News crowd lost their fucking minds.

And so I've got a clip from a well-known conservative Christian internet evangelist named Joshua Fawarstein, okay, and he went to Starbucks and he got pissed off and he posted this video on the internet. Okay Hey guys, what's up Josh first on here? You know, I think in the age of political correctness we become so open-minded our brains have literally fallen out of our head Do you realize that Starbucks wanted to take Christ and Christmas off of their brand new cups? That's why they're just plain red. In fact, do you realize that Starbucks has allowed to say Merry Christmas to customers? Well, I decided instead of simply boycotting, well, why don't we just start a movement? So when I went in and I asked for my coffee, they asked for my name, and I told them my name is Merry Christmas. So,

guess what? Starbucks, I tricked you into putting Merry Christmas on your cup. And I told them, my name is Mary Christmas. So guess what? Starbucks? I tricked you into putting Mary Christmas on your cup. And I'm challenging all great Americans and Christians around this great nation, go into Starbucks and take your own coffee selfie. And then I challenge you to not only share this video so that the word gets out, but let's start a movement. And let's call it, I don't know, hashtag MaryChristmasStarbucks. And I know that by sharing this video and getting other Christians to do it, well, I guarantee that we can make this go around the world.

And Starbucks, guess what? Just to offend you, I made sure to wear my Jesus Christ shirt in your store. And since you hate the second amendment, I even carried my gun. Yikes! Anyways guys, please take a moment. Choose to not be politically gun. Yikes. Anyways, guys, please take a moment. Choose to not be politically correct. Just correct. Share the video like, comment below.

I want to know your thoughts. God bless. Have a really, really beautiful day. Here's the thing. Here's the thing that just mystifies me. I wore my Jesus Christ shirt, and I also had my weapon. Because when I think of Jesus,

I think of an AR 15. Absolutely, you've got to have one. And then how's, are these people just, is this a low IQ? This is a low IQ problem. I mean, this is gotta be, I mean, peaking at 90. I mean, that is clearly below average intelligence. I mean, that's just, that is such,

it's beyond low hanging fruit. It's so pathetic. Guess what I did. Starbucks went so Merry Christmas, started my coffee and I said, they said, what's your name? And I said, Merry Christmas, suck it, lib tarz. I think that was the birth of this entry. It's just like, you listen to that. And it's like, okay, number one, why do you fucking care? That's what I'm sitting here thinking. Why do you fucking care? Why do you care if Starbucks celebrates Christmas or not? Right.

Why are you so fucking insecure about your Lord and personal savior that you have to go on some fucking tirade on the internet? And then you're gaming the, you know, the coffee naming at Starbucks system because you're that fucking insecure about your faith. Yeah, you know what I think when I heard him. Oh, I know, teeny, weenie.

Teeny? Weenie. I mean, we got another pinkie rolling out. Here's what I don't get. Are you such an ambassador? Like would other people see that and go, you know, he's such a great guy. I think I want to be a Christian.

Fuck no, they think he's nut. And, and dumb. And dumb. Has a small penis. Not funny I want to be a Christian. Fuck no, they think he's nut. And, um, and, um, has a small penis, not funny, not funny at all. And for homicidal borderline homicidal slash fucking redneck. Yeah. I mean, just an idiot of all things. Here's the thing. I will never forget. I was 24 years old. I told my Jewish family law professor when I was in law school, Mary Christmas. And the girl next to me was like, oh my gosh, she's Jewish. And so I was so embarrassed that I didn't have the never-spect for him to know that and just say happy holidays or happy Hanukkah. So I have since I was 24 years old, I've always been a straight-up,

happy holidays girl, because not everybody believes the same thing I believe and guess what? They don't have to. You know what? I don't have to. I say Merry Christmas and I'm not a Christian. I don't care what anybody says. I just want to make sure that everybody knows

that I don't care what you celebrate. I just want you to be happy. But I just, I'm so embarrassed. I'll never forget it. Which is a lot coming from you, considering how we started off the episode discussing how much you hate Jesus's birthday. No, I hate all the rigour of the role. I'm Christmas.

Pumps hate Jesus's birthday. That's a lot. And the permanent record, Joe was strata. Kylie, what's next? Are you all familiar with Jordan Klepper and his man on the street? Yes. So he goes to a Trump rally. This was this year and interviews someone. Are you all familiar with Jordan Klepper and his man on the street? Yes. So I love him.

So he goes to a Trump rally. This was this year and interviews someone. This is a Donald Trump normalized. He has actually normalized. It's okay to be a Christian. I come from a Christian background. So definitely, like, something that's good for me. Because now we get to actually

celebrate Christmas and stuff. You weren't celebrating Christmas before. No, we do. But it's like Christmas. But you like, what would you get each other gifts? Oh, we do. But like Christmas, it's not like... But you like wouldn't get each other gifts. Oh, we do that too. What were you doing before? But people like saving like having holidays and other people.

Oh, and that was offensive to you. Yeah, it's not offensive. I'm like, I'm like, I'm fined by you. You didn't really, it wasn't even really an issue before. No, it wasn't. It's a issue for you though. But you came good about it now that you can do it. Yeah, now it's like, he's just like, okay, it's Christmas. And everyone's like, okay.

We could feel good that it's Christmas. Exactly. Even if we'd never felt any different before. Right. It's still an issue that we could spend big free time. Right, Exactly. Even if we'd never felt any No, I mean, it's the low IQ fest at these Trump rallies. I mean, it is a big time low IQ situation. Yes. And I mean, I have seen a million of these, not necessarily about Christmas,

where they're just like, he's a Christian. And I'm like, how would you know that? What would be your first clue? Flex porn stars, three wives, five kids, three women. I mean, all the bullshit and your purity culture. Based on my experience in confronting evangelicals in the South, Trump is right on brand with how they act.

You know, that's not, that's worse than lie. They identify with him because they're like him. Racist, homophobic, Christian nationalist. You have to be white, all of it. The porn, the whole night. I've heard he speaks with a, what is it, six graders intellect? Yeah.

And they really relate to that. It works. Yeah. Well, I think he's six great smart is why. Do you remember when he said, this is, you know like the his campaign would be like okay you really pull well and he go we're pulling great with the poorly educated the poorly educated love me and he's like bragging about it because he probably got like

97% of poorly educated people leans Trump and he fucking brags about it is though it's an asset. As though they'll be changing the nation's policy. But I used to say I don't know how these people relate to him and then I was like, you dumbass, you know exactly how they relate to him. Exactly because all the who we just heard Jesse Waters, all that's in all of this lives in the same book in the same library. All of this feckery does. Yeah. Okay, speaking of Trump, obviously he, that's a big platform of his election.

He said, if you elect me, I will bring back Mary Christmas. It would be an every department store in the country. Because it was gone. That's the thing I've never not seen Christmas stuff. I haven't either. I was just at Walmart and there were 7,000 square feet of Christmas shit. Like they added on. It seems like it gets more intense each year, not less.

I watched one. I don't have the clip from it. But Jordan Clipper went to the tree lighting ceremony in like Times Square and all these people who's interviewing them and the huge trees in the background And he's like do you feel like there's a war on Christmas? They say yes, and he says you feel like there's no decorations anymore Anywhere and they're like exactly

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Schemes bras are now available at Schemes.com. Plus, get free shipping on orders over $75. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know that Pumps and I sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Back to the trumps. Okay, so I wanna talk about Melania.

Oh, yes. Have you had Christmas? Yes, and if you see, they do those tours every year. Yeah. And she walks through. So Chloe Feynman is a Saturday night live impersonator. And she does an incredible impersonation of Melania touring her Christmas decoration. But this was when Melania was first lady.

Correct. Yes. Yes. Wow. Oh my god, that's beautiful. Santa Elfs. Santa elves. Christmas angel. Christmas ballerina.

Frustin the snowman. Silly out frosting. Christmas here, Christmas here, ring on the field. Ring on the field. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping.

Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping.

Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the Christmas topping. Oh the sea, ring on the sea. Oh, the Christmas topping! Well, that reminds me of my childhood. Ginkgo, bread, mom. I love rid of the red nose rhyme now. The Christmas squares. after red nose rhyme now the Christmas squares then I'll come and look at the Christmas

from out of house at the White House and the little baby Jesus the Christmas Kinga red man she fucking nails it she does she kills it she fucking crush it from all does, she kills it. She fucking crushed it. From all of us at the White House,

I'm the little baby Jesus. Let me play you the real Melania trauma. Okay, okay. I put the, I'm working like a, ask my ass. I know Christmas staff that, you know, who gives a f*** about Christmas staff and decoration, but I need working like a, as my ass. I know, Christmas stuff that, you know, who gives a f*** about Christmas stuff and decoration, but I need to do it, right?

Yeah, but, you know, 100%. You had no choice. And, okay, and then I do it, and I said that I'm working on Christmas or planning for the Christmas. And they said, oh, what about the children that they were separated? Give me a f***ing break.

She's a despicable human. It sounds like she, what did she say, who gives a fuck about the Christmas? Yes, that sounds a little war on Christmas-ish. Sounds a little war on Christmas-ish. I never said that. No, I've never said that. Norva said who gives a shit

about kids being separated from their parents at the border. Norva ever been first lady. I'll tell you what, who gives a fuck about the Christmas? Who gives a fuck about the Christmas? Give a fuck about the Christmas. Don't Trump does. Don't try to dance. He's gonna bring it back. But remember this is the woman that her,

every first lady has like their cause and hers was hashtag be best. It was. It was. To stop bullying online. And her husband husbands the biggest bully on planet earth. Yeah. There was a Christmas ornament that year on their tree that said be best. hashtag be best hashtag be best.

But I'm gonna start one here. I've had it hashtag be pumps get your big O boots out. Make sure they sag to the ground hashtag be pumps. Yeah. No, it's it's, it's bad. I just want to go on record. I don't believe it. The more on Christmas, I think it's a bunch of horseshit. It is a total.

It's a bunch of bullshit. It's a complete, that whole thing is for profit. Right. Saying that shit is so Fox News will be profitable because they traffic with low information voters and feed them this fucking bullshit. And I think if you fell prey to that and if you confessed it out loud, I would just be such a cell phone

and that you have a low IQ. Right, but I think it's a cell, I think it's an own when you realize somebody's a big watcher of that thing. I don't think it's any mystery. Right. I mean, I don't think they're hiding the low IQ. When they start dumping that rhetoric out, it's like,

Oh, now I see. Well, anyway, I guess this has been our big holiday episode. We're so cheerful. We're so cheerful. And the war on Christmas stops with us. Death. It stops with us. I am not religious at all.

I'm a big celebrator of Christmas because as my mother says, we celebrate all the pagan holidays, Darlin. And I'm a big, happy holidays girl, not a Merry Christmas girl. I mean, I want everybody to have a Merry Christmas. But I just like to keep it generic. I think we all know at the end of the day,

you don't really like Christmas very much. I mean, it's okay. I mean, it's not a tune out about not wanting to have to put up a tree anymore. Yeah, I can't wait. Don't get a tree at noon on Christmas day. Yeah. You just admitted that you don't even have the fucking decency to take gift wrapping over the finish line

and put a god damn bow on those boxes. I don't. You just admitted that it's going to be trash two seconds later. So what? Why do you color your hair? It's just going to grow out. We could do what aboutism all the time. I just, I don't have any desire. I think we all know you can be the leader of this. We have launched who is our commander in the war on Christmas here. I've had a podcast to share a stuck isn't me. commander and the war on Christmas here, I've had a podcast to share this fuck isn't me. Behind that, you'll be judged one day at the pearly gates, not me.

Can I wear my cat sweater? You can face the birthday boy on your judgment day, but I'll be able to let him know. I fucking celebrated that day. Okay. Those wrapped all of it. I was an outstanding gift wrapper. Yes, I had a podcast. We're in. I bashed a lot We are so grateful that we've had such a fantastic year. Hashtag journey. Hashtag blessed blessings. Hashtag Hasey's crystal. Hashtag B best. Hashtag B best. Hashtag birthday boy. Yep. Hashtag all of it. Anyway, the hot shit tour is going to California. Click the link in bio. Join us on Patreon. Check out our YouTube channel, pumps, tell them. We will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or bow. Play what I'm having with. Tell them we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both.