I've Had It - The Patriotic Jerk Off

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

Just because a sperm is the fastest, doesn't mean it's the best....for example, Stephen Miller.Pre-order Jennifer’s new book Not Today, Fascists, join our Substack, shop our merch, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast.Follow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

So are we supposed to start the podcast? Ready, one, two, three. Patriots, gay, traits, they triots, black triots, brown triots. We love you and all of the triple trumpers can do what, Pumps? Fuck off! Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with, I'm going to land the plane, I promise. So I've always had a separate email for orders.

Like if I order something, it doesn't come to my mom. main email box. So since the last phone update, I've noticed the things I buy are coming to my main email box. Like, how is this happening? How do they even have my email? Well, what I finally figured out is somehow Apple Pay, which is connected to my fake email account, has my real email account. So now I'm getting all these order confirmations and updates and oh my gosh, we have a new sale in my real email box. So that's a long way of saying, as much as I love Apple Pay, I've had it, that they're giving my real email address.

I completely agree with this. You know, my long-storied battle with email terrorism. I mean, it's just something that I battle all day, every day. I had so many emails in one of my email accounts that I had to go delete emails to make room in my mailbox because I just think it's really a grotesque sense of entitlement that somebody thinks because you buy something from them that they can have your information and then email you without consent. I just, I really, it really bothers me.

And here's one that just gets me more than anything. It's the company Zillow. Zillow fucking sucks. Everything about Zillow sucks from top to bottom. A friend recently, I've gone in there multiple times, unsubscribe. unsubscribe from all communications. I want nothing to do with you. Fuck off and die is how basically,

and it's been multiple, multiple, multiple times. So a friend of mine that's moving to L.A. just recently sent me her Zillow listing and we're going to make an offer on this house. So immediately, enthusiastically, I click it and I'm going through it. Zillow somehow knows

your back that I have done this. And now they're emailing me again, and I'm clicking. clicking unsubscribe. And then it takes me to this landing page to log in to change my settings. And I'm like, I don't have a login anymore. I broke up. I broke all the way up. I mean, I beyond broke back mountain broke up with you. It's beyond the biggest breakup imaginable. And they, and I don't know what to do about it. If we had a Congress that cared more about things like this and corporate exploitation, I would call my congressman. But clearly they're too busy.

glazing Trump all the time in order to do anything. You think a little grinder, little Moses Mike Grindr gives a shit? No, I don't think he does. I mean, he'll shut the government down before he'll let Trump get embarrassed. Yeah, all right. So let me tell you what I've had it with. I spoke to you with you about this the other day when we were on NPR, but I want to share it with our listener.

So everybody knows that my dogs, of course, are, my entire world. That goes without saying. But we live in New York together, the three of us, and we do a lot of things together. And I enjoy taking them on walks every single day. I enjoy taking them to the dog park. And Little Chacha and her disdain for German shepherds is full-blown escalated. I first of all didn't realize how many German shepherds there were on the streets of New York, but they're quite a few. But we can walk by an Australian, shepherd, we can walk by any sort of doodle because we all know there's like so many doodles because poodles are getting laid more than anybody else in the planet. And then we have,

you know, we could pass by a mutt, a pit bull, a Doberman, a little weenie dog. There's weenie dogs everywhere in New York. I mean, weenie dogs have made a huge comeback. She could give two shits about any of that. But if she sees a German shepherd, she goes crazy. She just goes fucking crazy. And I mean, I see it a block down. So I just start. getting the leash and even like tabby knows like oh god she's going to lose her mind because he starts kind of like bat at her like don't do it he's trying to control her and and then I'm just thinking in my mind I mean like it just happened yesterday and I just looked at her to go chacha like these dogs have jobs for cops like these dogs are cops these dogs are in the military these dogs are incredibly

smart they're trained to take down human beings in your little french bulls dog, fat ass, thinks that you're going to take on a German shepherd. It's unbelievable how racist she is towards Germans. I just think what's so weird about it is the discernment. Like all other dogs are fine, but she's fixated on that. It makes me think, did she have an issue with one at dog school? I think it's historical. I think it's historical. I think in this time where we are living through the uprising of fascism, I think her. French roots are there, you know, passed genetically. And she's like, I'm not surrendering, motherfucker. Not again. Not again. I'm not doing it again. There will be no surrender on my watch.

I am cha-cha Welch and I will not surrender. That's what I think it is because it's, it's, it's like, it's, it's deeply embedded. It's so psychotic. The other day I, I saw a German shepherd coming down. I was like, I'm just going to cross the street to get to the other side of the straight and walked down the other side because she's so psychotic. And then, you know, of course, you know, like I got this, they're at the doggie daycare and I can log in and watch them. And that little twat will only play with other Frenchies. That's crazy. It's nuts. It's nuts. It's love Frenchies. Yeah. I was going to tell you, I particularly loved your Instagram post. We're at the dog park and you're sitting on a bench and your dogs like could not put a piece of paper between you and the dogs at the dog.

park on the bench. We go to the dog park and we all take a seat together and we watch the canines play as a family outing. But I used to be able to take it because there's a 30 pound. There's a at the dog park that we go to, there's a small dog park for little dogs and it's 30 pounds or under. And then right next door to it is the big dog park, which is 30 pounds and over. And I hadn't been back to the big dog park since I was attacked by that black lab that dismantled

the hood on my jacket. in the middle of a blizzard, but that's okay. So I thought, I'm going to take them to the big dog park. Maybe they don't like these little dogs, and that's why they're sitting on the bench next me. But as I approached the gate, there were two German shepherds in there. And I was just like, I'm not doing this. But you know what's crazy about the whole German, there we are.

There we are at the dog park. You know what's crazy about the whole German shepherd thing? When she goes after them, they cower down. They push out. Yes. That surprises me. Me too, because I'm like, you guys are like badasses. Yeah. You're cops. You're like canines. Natural disaster? They're drug busters. You know, they're like, you know, send them on a cartel house and they go in horrible conditions. Yeah, but they're scared of Chacha. And she knows it too. She's such a little twat. It's unbelievable. I was talking to her about it this morning before I came in. She said, we've got to stop this, Chacha. I was like, listen, you've got to. You've got to. I want to start going back to the big side.

We're going to have to deal with this German issue. No disrespect to any German listeners, but my dog is not into it. All right, welcome to I've had it. America's Top Dei podcast. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Let's check in with Kylie and here's some reviews. Hi.

First, I do feel like I need to make an announcement. I pick up my dog's poop now. That was like right when I moved here. I didn't have, it's like affecting my real life. These people. Oh, really? Good. So shaming works.

It does work. Excellent. Yeah. I think one of my neighbors listens and she eyeballs me as I walk my dog and I'm, I pick it up now. Like I got you. You got to. It's you can't not pick up your dog shit. I think people that don't pick up their dog shit shouldn't have dogs.

We just, we moved here without a poop bag, okay, without a thing. So I had to order one. Like that's a, I mean, come on. It was a small lap. that I admitted to the world. Yeah, because there aren't stores everywhere all over Manhattan. No, I had to get it online.

Yeah. You had to get it online. I had to get it online. It took time. Right. It had shipping the legs. Because you're not in the biggest capitalist fuckfest in America.

No, I couldn't find one here. They were completely out. And also, you remember I was telling you guys about my dentist. Yeah, that you have a crush on. A hot dentist. I got an email out of the blue. from Dr. Lori Lovett. It said, Kylie, thank you for the shout-out in the podcast.

I appreciate your kind words, which is just that I thought she was hot. And we miss you on another note. And to address pumps grievance, we've all had it with the lack of sound evolution in the dental office. But Jen is right. There's just nothing we can do about it. Love you guys. Did that make for heart pit or potter a little bit? I bet it did.

I plan to go see her soon. You're going to fly to Oklahoma City. I'm flying home. You're going to go home to see the dentist? I think I'm going to make time in between friends and family in my three days there to see Dr. Lori Levet. I like that. Yeah. Wow.

How nice of Dr. Lori to reach out. Yeah. It was really nice of her to say that sentence, Jennifer is right. That's your favorite sentence. That's the only thing she got out of it. Just laser focused on that. All right. I've got some reviews.

This one is it's nice to be able to trust white women. I love this podcast. I was a little weary at first because, you know, white women. but they proved to be some of the best white women out there. Angie is my baby girl, and I love the way. Jennifer does not play with anybody. And shout out to Josh, he quickly became top ten of my favorite white men easily. How nice.

That's so nice. But this hesitation that people of color would have with white women is so deserved. It is so deserved because white women, can to your face act like, oh, no, I'm an ally and all this shit and will rat fuck you every chance you can get. And white women, at least the ones in the circles that I was around, not my personal friends, they're phenomenal, but have a tendency to go out of their way to vote to rat fuck as many people as possible with pride. Yeah, just complete entitlement. The ability to what I found, and this is based on who I was, so I may be projecting.

But if it doesn't affect me personally, then I don't have to give a shit about it. It doesn't matter because I'm above it. And I think that is so terribly upsetting. I mean, it's a cause of great shame for me. And I see it all the time. Yeah. And I just think that there's a bigger message. that we have to all call out racism when we see it.

I think racist apologists that know, I think that's the most insidious thing there is. And there's just, at least in Oklahoma, there's just so much of it. It's just overwhelming sometimes how racist people can be, parents can be towards kids of color. It's just, it's really gross. And it is just completely like,

boiling right now, I think. Okay, then the next review I've got is titled Nipple Hanger, Five Stars. Rhonda Fonda writes, I want to see pumps with that hanger on one of her sag and dragons. Big Titty Brian would be so jealous. As the 61-year-old blue speck in a Bible Belt Mississippi, I love your podcast.

I'm so old, I look at you too as my long-lost nieces. We never had kids by choice. And I'm so proud of both of you for telling it like it is. I love Rhonda. That's so sweet. I long felt that blue dots and red states are the best progressives in the entire country. I mean, it's just that those are the fiercest fighters the Democratic Party has. And the Democratic Party abandoned stupidly a 50 state strategy. And you could have some of the most organized, fierce. I mean, people that just get in that ass. I mean, the people that I know that are blue dots and red states and have been that way, They are the ones who would call out racism, who call out homophobia, who get in that ass. I used to get in pumps ass all the time. I mean, 25 years ago, stuff would come out of her mouth or her friend's mouth.

And I was right there parked going, what the actual fuck is going on here. And that makes change. Confronting people about their racism, confronting people about bigotry, confronting people about homophobia. or supporting systems of homophobia. I mean, I was relentless with you, wasn't I, Pumps? Yes, but I'm glad you were because it takes, you know, if you don't see it, because that's all you know, you never think about it.

And so it takes somebody calling you out for you to think about it. And it just over time, it changes how you think. And it changes your worldview and your perspective in a way that for me, I feel like it made me such a much better person and so much happier. I think so much happier. Yeah. All right. Jen, you want to do some news stories?

All right. Let me lead into these news stories. Okay, this is really juicy. Pop this up. A woman who became pregnant after having sex with identical twins told it's not possible to identify father of the baby. And here's some more on the story. A woman who became pregnant after having sex with identical twins was told by a court in London that it's not possible to identify the father.

The mother of the baby had sex with the two men within four days of one another. Whilst DNA testing establishes that the child's biological father is one of these twins, it is not possible to say which one of them it is, a judge says. One twin had already been listed on the birth certificate, giving him default parental responsibility. The UK Court of Appeals threw that out, not because he was proven not to be the father, but because nobody could prove he is the father. The court rules that basing parental rights on an unprovable fact is harmful to the child.

Both twins' parental rights effectively reset to zero, leaving everyone in legal limbo. Before we get into the ruling or whatever, I want to get more to the salacious details. did she know that she was doing each twin or did they like? She would have to if they look just alike. Oh, or do you mean it was like a love boat thing where they were saying? No, no, no. Yeah, where the twin was like, hey, I'm Jimmy. And then Johnny goes back four days later and he fakes like he's his brother to get laid.

He impersonates his brother. Wouldn't that have come out though in the court? Because she, why did you put Jimmy on the birth certificate? Well, I had, I mean, why would it even be? Wouldn't that be irrelevant? But I mean, if she thought, if he told her he was Jimmy and it was really John. But wouldn't that be irrelevant as to paternity? Oh, yeah.

And hearsay? But surely it would have come out that they lie. Maybe it, I mean, maybe it has. That's why I was just saying I have a lot of questions about the- But here's what pisses me off about that is we know that one of the two is the father. And now this woman is not going to be able to enforce, a child support order because they're both saying, well, it's not me. So, and I do know, you know, paternity tests are like 99. So there is that room for, I just find this so fascinating

that there's no way to prove which twin it is. But that's how geneticists, you know, they study identical twins to figure out of things are nature versus nurture. And so, you know, twins that were separated back, it's really fascinating. I watched some documentaries on it, read a lot about it, that were separated back like in the 50s and an orphanage. And one family adopts one, one adopts other. So these journalists go back and then they find the twins and reunite them. But before they reunite them, they, you know, ask like, what's your favorite toothpaste? What's your favorite this? What's your favorite that? And some of the similarities in the identical twins were crazy. There were these two old guys and they used like the same rare off-brand

toothpaste, they held their pencil in a weird way. And they'd never, ever, ever, ever been around each other except for in utero. That's it. And so that's why the, that's why this is so fascinating because they basically have identical DNA, identical. Yeah. No, this, I would love, I wonder how this whole thing's going to turn out. Interesting. All right, moving along. We have, America is turning to sperm racing. The answer to, um, the answer to to America's fertility crisis, sperm racing competitions. The Daily Mail tweet about sperm racing competition amid America's fertility crisis, pop this up. World's First Sperm Olympics, men from over 100 countries are racing their swimmers for $100,000

amid America's fertility crisis. And Katie Miller will obviously be glued to the screen for this because she's all about the breeding. The co-founder, Shane Fan, told the Daily Mail that more than 10,000 men have already applied to compete, including hopefuls from the U.S., Iran, Israel, and even North Korea. This to me is insane. Number one, the fertility crisis, I'm just calling bullshit on. This is a right-wing narrative that they want everybody to breed. Elon Musk is obsessed with breeding. Katie Miller is obsessed with breeding because clearly she's miserable and misery loves company.

She's currently carrying Stephen Miller's, I don't know if it's her second or third kid with him. Fourth, my God. What an idiot. What a fucking idiot. I mean, clearly the dumbest woman on the, but that's why she's saying I want teen pregnancies back up because she wants every motherfucker to be as miserable as she is. Yeah, well, she had a baby at 28. Like her first baby was at 28.

So like, please, you're an expert in teen pregnancy. Why? Okay. When you pop that up, I just thought, are men so fragile? Their egos are so fragile. They want to show how cool they are, not just with the big truck and a big loud boat and truck nuts off the back or, you know, nuts off the back of their truck. Now they want to say, I won the world's fastest sperm contest. Like, that's how desperate we are.

to prove what big guys we are. I mean, that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It's ridiculous. All right. And here's some reporting from the Daily Mail article. Applicants are now being assessed in a bid to find the healthiest man from each nation before the tournament begins in May. We are aiming to find the healthiest person possible for each country to compete.

There is a lot of work that goes into maintaining a healthy body. The selected field will eventually be narrowed to a hundred. 128 competitors with one entrant representing each nation. Organizers say the tournament format will mirror mainstream sporting events with knockout rounds and head-to-head matchups until one overall winner remains. And here's what I have to say. It's, and I'll just have to research this, is the fastest swimmer? I mean, obviously you see like Stephen Miller in his dad's, when his dad shot that wad, Stephen Miller was the fastest sperm. And look at him. He is a scrawny, unattractive sociopath that needs to be in a padded cell in a straitjacket. So why the fastest swimmer

can produce some really bad genetically flawed people. I mean, I don't even think Stephen Miller has any muscle tone at all. I mean, I think it's just a complete straight pink arm bone. skin. And so, I mean, this is just like, even the science behind it, if we knew like the fastest swimmer produced like these, you know, D1 athletes that were just, you know, so good looking, they'd look good sitting in the barrel of a loaded shotgun, I'd be like, all right, let's giddy up, let's get these fast swimmers. But every person around represents the fastest swimmer. So it's really not that unique. That's how we all got here. Okay. So what I'm thinking, when you're reading that, I'm like, so they're going to have like a play by play.

Are they going to play? Are we going to do like, here he goes. He's beating off. Here he goes. Here he goes. Okay, the swimmer's out. The swimmer's out. Like this whole thing just.

Oh, you think they're going to be masturbating in public. That's where your head went. Yes. You think you're going to a masturbation contest. You're watching the masturbate because doesn't the sperm have to be like fresh? Like the fresher it is, the faster it is. I don't know. this is going to be a public country by country masturbation. I thought that perhaps this would

probably be you beat off in a cup and then the scientists, you know, do the do the in vitro type situation and release them. That was my thing. But my head's not in the gutter like yours is all the time. My head is. Kylie, do you know, is this going to be public masturbation? I'm pretty, people are going to have microscopes watching the sperm go. We have play. I'm pretty sure there's. zero masturbation involved? Well, there would have to be masturbation.

Zero public masturbation for pumps. Well, that's disappointing. Yeah, it's in a cup. Ryan just looked it up. It's in a cup. That means they're not the fastest. Well, I think what they're talking about is they're in a cup and then it's like the whole in vitro process.

And then they freeze them and then they send them off to go find the egg. That's the thing. But my point is, I doubt Stephen Miller was an in vitro baby. And he's just a prime example that he was that he was his dad's fastest swimmer that day, Stephen Miller. Stephen Miller was somebody's fastest swimmer. So I don't know that if you win this, you win.

I think you could win and lose because in the case of the swimmers that swam on that fateful night between the two Millers, the worst swimmer won. Right. a little faster. But my God, what a horrific specimen, non-speciman of a mangled, just horrible human being. And of course, he finds his equal in his soulmate in Katie Miller. He's the absolute equal in being vile. Yeah. All right. That's so disturbing. All right. A MAGA woman decides to go on Reddit and let's pop this up. A Trump supporter with a liberal boyfriend said,

Ask me anything and the internet did not hold back. She posts, I'm a Trump supporter and my boyfriend is Trump hate and liberal. Ask me anything. When I say Trump supporter, I mean I think he's the least bad option. I voted for him because I'd consider him to be less harmful to the country than the Democrats. I consider myself a centrist politically. My boyfriend is a liberal and he says, supports Bernie Sanders and H. Trump. He actually said that when we first started Dayton, he thought I was a neo-Nazi, but I cleared that up, but I cleared up that little misunderstanding. We first met in class and became friends. Then he asked me out and we started dating. I didn't know his political ideology at first and assumed he was conservative because he was blonde and didn't look liberal. That's not Nazi Aryan at all.

That's not a tell as to why you're a Trumpler, you fucking Nazi. And at the time, I had a fear of liberals because I'm a Nazi who only thinks blonde people are conservative. We sometimes debate about politics and we usually agree to disagree. Although he hates Trump himself, he isn't insane and still views Trump supporters as human. He also thinks the only reason I like Trump is because I was indebt. indoctrinated by Fox since I watched it a lot as a kid. Please be respectful. If you aren't interested in having a civil or productive discussion, then feel free to skip this post.

So, of course, we have to dive right into the comments, which did not disappoint at all. Western Mall says, was it because Harris was a woman or because she wasn't white was the reason you couldn't vote for her? And then Eastern Cow says, why do you have so much hate? Do you think brown skin is bad? And then J.R.R. 92 says, what's it like to be so misguided and hateful that you listen to the things that come out of Trump's mouth and see a strong leader? All right. So here was a specific question. Is that what this is, Kylie?

Okay. So then somebody asks her, what do you mean because he was blonde? he didn't quote look liberal and they drew a picture of a blonde person with blue eyes and did an arrow that says automatically conservative apparently and she answers it at the time i thought i'd be able to tell if someone was liberal by how crazy they look like dyed hair piercings etc and then another question has your fear of liberals reduced i find it interesting that you consider yourself a centrist, but have a fear of liberals. I wasn't a centrist at the time. I was raised in a conservative political, not religious household, and I was mostly a loner during

my childhood. In elementary school, I once said Obama sucks, and I got bullied for it. So I wasn't a fan of Democrats. In high school, I was a loner, and the only social interaction I had was when I watched TV with my parents. We often watched Fox News, and I'd also watch conservative of YouTubers, I developed a fear of liberals and Democrats because they are always portrayed as unstable and violent. So here's what I have to say about this. The driving ethos behind MAGA is fear. Everything through that whole thing is she's scared, scared, scared, scared, scared, scared of liberals.

I'm not really scared of conservatives remotely because they're all puss boys. like it's just like there these people Musk Trump Vance Moses Mike

Grindor Johnson Lindsay Graham with his bubble wand I mean these guys are just not even remotely scary now when they organize behind the Heritage Foundation or money with Peter Till

that's the scary shit but all of the whole right wing media ecosystem it's just all built on fear. And psychologists have studied it. Conservatives are more fear-based. They get scared easier.

There's a part of their brain that activates to fear, and these people are scared. They're scaredy cats. Yeah, I just want to say, before I have any other comment, I think that you have the best voiceovers, which we've discussed. Like, I used to love a dramatic ring,

but the way you can do your accents and stuff, I find it very impressive, Jennifer. I really do. Thank you, I appreciate the support from my co-host. I've just learned of the skill that you have. And I just want to say I enjoy it a lot. It's great now that you're liberal and I don't have to browbeat you for holding Republican, Christian, patriarchal, racist, homophobic views. Now we can share other parts of our personalities with each other. It's been dormant. Didn't have the time to spin it. You know, here's the thing. To the fear point, like my mother, sits and watches Fox News. If I say I'm going to New York, she's worried about crime. She is, I know what's playing on Fox News because of the crime. It's always crime. You know, during the election, it's crime, immigrants from the border, crime, crime, crime.

And this is a person that never once in her life has been affected by crime, other than like a speeding ticket. But she sits and fears crime. So I think there's something to the fear. There's a psychological reason for that. Yeah. And she's a super authority. And authoritarian personalities gravitate towards this type of regime too.

Like authoritarian parenting, she's an authoritarian personality. And then the fear through line is like a bunch of psychologists, years long, decades long study. And I've read it before. What it boiled down to was this was basically they hooked up conservatives, liberals, and conservatives are more triggered by fear. Yeah. I see that. I see that firsthand. And then here's the thing. This is what I've had it with. This should always be my overarching hat. I've had it with the, they were both bad. So I just chose one. That just tells me you're not, you don't give a fuck and you're just going with your, you know, your underlying bigotry and stuff like that. Because if you paid any attention or you even gave it a light, goog, you would find out that they're not both bad. I mean, I'm not saying they're both perfect. Like either side is without fault. But they're not the same in terms of they're both bad.

And then just one other thing is like it doesn't surprise me that this person was a loner. And she reached out, you know what I mean? Like you see a lot of the right wing, they're isolated. They don't have a community. They're loners. But there's a lot of right-wingers that have communities. I mean, but I'm just saying, like, you just hear it a lot that they're online because they don't. But I mean, you also have, I don't know that that, I don't know that that is a Republican or Democrat thing as much as that is an American thing right now. I think you're going to find just as many lonely left-leaning liberals.

I mean, I see hordes in Oklahoma, hordes of people that are not isolated. the groups of racist homophobic assholes, groups of them, where you sent your kids to school. There was a whole stadium full of these right-wing Christian homophobe racist all grouped together. And I mean, Joshine would be like, oh, God, I fucking hate these people. I mean, you could just feel it. You could feel the racism and the homophobia jump off of them. And they were organized and social and all of these things. I think to the point about both sides, or I voted for the.

the lesser of two evils, it's such a lazy argument and also a tell. Because in that tell, they're saying, I know that Trump is bad. And so then they pull out a lazy argument of the false equivalency in trying to equate either Hillary or Joe Biden or Kamala Harris is somehow an equivalent to Trump. And they're clearly not. So that to me is one of the bigger tells of, You know you're voting immorally when somebody says, oh, I voted for the lesser of two evils. It's a tell that you know you're voting for the most evil person. Yeah. That's what I think.

No, I agree with that. Okay. Let's listen to voice memos. Okay. Up first, we've got Jake. Hi, ladies, big fan here. I just need to get this off my chest. I have absolutely had it with people who will recommend your TV shows.

and say, you know, you just need to get through the first few seasons, and then it gets really good. Okay, so what I'm hearing is you want me to suffer. Okay? Like, you want me to just suffer through absolute shit for, I don't know, 12, 16, 20, 24 hours of my life just to get to a morsel of goodness. I don't understand that, okay? And I understand delayed gratification, but not for TV. TV is a chance for me to escape this hellhole of a country. Okay?

I don't need to be messing around with shit when I've just been experiencing shit on the news all day long. It's like when you're meeting a friend of a friend and they're like, you know, my friend can be kind of a bitch and standoffish and narcissistic and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But she's really fun once you get to know her. It's like, I don't want to get to know her. Okay? So I've just had it with that. And I'd love to hear what you guys think. That is so good.

That's one of the better grievances I've heard in a long time. What you get to know her? I want to get to know her. It's so true. It's kind of like, like this taste terrible. Taste it. But the movie, do you smell? Does anybody smell that?

I will go right into somebody's armpit or like, that smells terrible. I can't get my nose in it quick enough. The television show thing is so true. So. I say that there has to be a three episode limit to hook you. If it gets beyond the initial three episodes and you have to get into three seasons, it should have been canceled. Like that it's not that it's good.

It's that you've committed to it so much that you've been gaslit by the series and bought into the propaganda that this series is good. And I think he's spot on with that. And also about the people, that's something when I hear people say that now, like, oh, my friend can be all of these ways, but you'll get to know. You're like, I'm like, I really don't want to. Right.

But also, I want to say this, like one of my favorite people on the planet, my friend Vanessa, if I introduced her to anybody, and Vanessa, this is a big shout out to you, she'll text me and say, thank you for introducing me that way in your podcast. I would say, listen, I'm going to introduce you to my friend Vanessa. and she is a five-star cut unapologetically. She does not fuck around. She doesn't really like human beings, but she likes me and she likes the people in her lives and she will pick up a mountain and move it for the people in her lives.

But if you triple trump, if you're, you know, in any way, look at her weird, she will have no use for you and will discard you like nobody's business. Like she told me once, she was like, you know, if somebody fucked with, fucked with me, I could just push them right in front of a train and go home and bake cookies for my kids and my heart rate wouldn't go up at all. And I thought, oh, my God, I am in love. And so I have introduced Vanessa that way, but I'll tell you what I like people like that, because here's what I like about Vanessa. Vanessa is a bully slayer. Yeah.

And in Oklahoma City, she and I both progressive. And if people said homophobic stuff, engaged in homophobic activity, racist shit, engaged in, racist shit. She gets in that ass and fucking calls it out unapologetically. And you're off her list. There's no patty cake and oh, we're going to be friends. You're fucking done. You're over. You're disqualified. She has no time for that. I think she's an absolute role model in that regard. Yeah, she's fantastic. I really like her. And I like how, I mean, it, she reminds me of you in a lot of ways. Like her heartbeat doesn't go up. Like, she will see it. She will call it out. she doesn't get sweaty armpits.

It's just like, boom. It's just a default setting. Yeah, everybody's terrified of her. I kind of was terrified of her at first. Yeah, you should be. And I love her. Yeah, no. And she loves that too.

Like, she, she, I'll be like, hey, my friends are scared of you. Vanessa. She goes, good. And she's hilarious, too. She's love. Once you get to know her, like, I tell her all the time, she'll say something. I go, you're the biggest fucking cunt. And she's like, I know.

Thank you. No, she's great. So there is something to that. Sometimes I kind of like a friend that I just, I don't like superficial shit. I don't like, I hate superficial friendships. I'm just not into that. I'd rather be a friend with somebody who's bitchy, but real, than superficial. Yeah.

Okay. Next, we've got Grace. Jen pumps, Kylie, whatever the straight man, producers, names are, I have a story for you. Jen, I was obsessed hearing you talk about the giant, pause, pause, pause, pause. Seth is straight,

Ryan is gay. Ryan over there, he said straight man, and he just like threw his hand up in the air. Oh, God. He's like, not me. There was a poke. All right, sorry, start that completely over, Kylie. I was obsessed hearing you talk about the gyraider and the gym guy,

and I have a grievance. It's perfect for you because it combines your two least favorite things, which is gym people and religion. And gym drama, you said you wanted to hear or watch a show about a reality show about gym drama. So I used to in Oklahoma City go to a Christian gym. It was a Christian-based gym. And it was led by the most roided up alpha, self-proclaimed alpha male in the world. It was a Christian gym and we all had to pray before and after the workout. Jesus Christ. The drama at this gym, this man. ended up to, you know, take a long story, make it short, having an affair with one of the gym members' wives.

Of course. And, like, confessed. And then him and his business partner that owned the gym together broke up. And one started another gym. Anyways, Christian, sexual, praying at the gym, affair. Perfect. It just had Jennifer Welch and Angie Pumps written all over it, because I know that's combining your two. favorite things. Mind you, he was friends with this man and that went to his gym. Anyways,

love you guys. Hope you love that one. Bye. I eat that shit up. Here's what, here's what people that don't live in the Bible Belt need to understand about what fucking goes on in the Bible belt. Christian gyms. Yeah. Or adults go to the gym and pray before a workout, workout and pray after workout. It is fucking crazy. It is a cult. It is psychotic. And there is this notion among the

evangelicals that you can't even criticize that. That there would be this, well, I mean, that's not for me, but I mean, you know, they're just doing it. You know, it's just kind of a God thing. They're just doing it for God. There's always this excuse for this insane shit. Everywhere you're trying. That's why

I love Vanessa. Vanessa would go, that is so fucked up. What a cult. I mean, just boom, she would just cut it down and straight. But it surprises me zero that at the Christian gym, we have affairs going on. Because 100% of the people that I know that are megachurchers are 100% the most screwed up people, I know. And the thing about the megachurch mentality is they think nobody can criticize them. Can you imagine arrogance of going about your day and your life and thinking nobody can criticize

your church that is literally a, you know, like pay to pray scheme? It's just, it is a rot. White evangelical megachurch culture is a rot. Now they have these gyms, which is a total fucking racket. Of course, everybody's slap and tickling at the gym. It's just, it's, I went into this Baskin Robbins in Oklahoma once, which was a chain, and there was Christian music playing. Completely ruined my entire fucking ice cream experience. I didn't buy any at all.

I laughed in a tizzy because I'm just like, can't I go anywhere in Oklahoma without hearing praise music? And if the music were good, maybe I wouldn't bit it. Every song sounds the exact same. So I go in there. It's this fucking praise music. I'm so mad about it. So I leave. And then I call the 1-800 number to Baskin-Robbins to complain.

Did you even care? Yes. But I just wanted to be like this. Why? I want to go to get ice cream. Why do I have to try? Why does everybody trying to save everybody all the time? It's always the most fucked up people that are trying to save you.

It's the most judgmental, racist, homophobic, like the most. Like, okay, here's an example. Erica Kirk, she's trying to save everybody. Make heaven crowded again. And she's having these big praise. I mean, her husband's funeral was a big praise fest. It's weird, right? What about her and her faith is attractive? The arrogance that these people, it doesn't ever occur to them like, oh, this really isn't that marketable. It never hits them about how unmarketable their behavior is. Like when I was around as a young adult or in Christian circles, these women were so ugly. They said the ugliest things about other people. They were the most judgmental. And then thought they were better than me because I

didn't go to church. And I'd be like, bitch, please, you have just said here and ripped through the most shallow, vapid, mean, cruel shit on the planet. And you think you're marketable, that your lifestyle is marketable. There's a level of arrogance and psychosis in that that is just unmatched, completely unmatched. Well, I mean, I was that person. So I would say it comes from the entitlement and the righteousness that you think you're so right. Like I thought. I think it's more than that, though, Pumps.

You always say that, but I think there is an enjoyment of cruelty among the people. There is an enjoyment. of, of, there is an enjoyment of the feeling of being cruel that we are better. And we get to diminish these gays and we get to diminish somebody who's unattractive. And there's an appetite, the people that I see do this where you can see they're salivating over it. They like it. They like punching down.

They like criticizing appearances. They like criticizing skin color. There is an enjoyment to it. It's not just entitlement. It's deeper than that. There is, you keep doing something over and over again because it feeds an award system in the brain. They are getting rewarded. They like it.

There is a feasting on this that is enjoyable to them. The righteousness of it. I would say, the cruelty of it. Pardon? The cruelty of it. The cruelty. Well, I mean, it's all, it all manifests the same way.

It's because it's cruel behavior. Yeah. You think that you're entitled to do it because you're like divine. It's fucked up. Well, and that goes outside of religion. The entitlement is something I don't think that is exclusive to religion. I think what's more interesting about the evangelicals that I know is the enjoyment of cruelty. How much they enjoy it.

They enjoy Fox News, if you just watch it, it's incredibly cruel programming. And every megachurcher I know in Oklahoma City watches Fox News. there's an enjoyment in watching them demean people when our kids were younger and I would have to hang out with you and your Bible study friends. I mean, I would leave and I would be like, oh my God, these women are just mean, just mean, mean, mean stuff about little kids that weren't theirs. Like, oh, that girl's fugly or like that she's such a cute mom. But God, her daughter is a DOG, like really mean shit. And there was an enjoyment, a commiserating about it. And then I would leave and then I would go hang out with my gay friends. And I'd be like,

God, these fucking women, I have to be in these mom groups now. And they're just fucking mean. Mean. And they enjoyed it. There was an enjoyment of the cruelty of it. It's for me, like it, eat off of each other. For me, that was more pronounced than the entitlement, the enjoyment of cruelty. But I think defeating off each other, it just gets worse and worse. like in a group that's around each other more. Like, for example, like a sorority. The meanness amplifies because everybody is one-uping each other on it. And I do think when I look back on it, it is cruelty.

It is judgment. It is mean. And it can. I just, my perspective on it for me was that I was entitled to be judgmental because I was better. And I think that that's how you demean it. thought your shit didn't stink. Obviously. But I mean, I think that...

It still doesn't. But I mean, it just... When your default setting is that dehumanizing and ugly, everything just... I think there's an enjoyment. I think it's... Because entitlement is something you see like in white supremacist cultures, even people that aren't religion. Entitlement is something that I get.

The thing about evangelical Christianity to me is the enjoyment of cruelty. Look at the laws they let. legislate, look at the channels they watch, look at the circles they hang in, look at the school you sent your kids to. It was a complete booklet about justifying cruelty. The whole booklet was about justifying cruelty to people that weren't heterosexual. And that's just, it's crazy, but they like it. They like the cruelty that, oh, only straight people can send their kids here. We will only be around, we will only all be around straight people. And I think they enjoy pointing out other people's defects to overcome their own defects. Yeah, because they're fucking their trainer at the Christian

gym. I was like, you know, but it wasn't a Christian gym. Oh, I forgot. You did fuck your trainer when you were in your Christian marriage. My godly marriage. Stop. I forgot about that. Yeah. It's in the book. I'm not, I'm not, this is in her book. Didn't you write about this in one of your chapters in the book? Yeah. God, that, I forgot. That was so good. That was back. I mean, and you really, you were really revved up for that. Carried it on for a few months. Yeah. Stayed right. I mean, just stayed the course. I think you would go from his bed straight to marriage counseling. Yes, on more than one occasion, which that's Freudian. And then to church on Sunday. One million percent.

I think that was maybe when I kind of started really liking you. Before it was a service of our kids can all hang out together. Like it helps my kids, you know, as a young mother, you have to find these mom groups, but I would always leave and I was being like, God, these Christians, I forgot it. I hadn't hung out with them since high school. They're just so bleh. And then when you showed that kind of game, I was like, all right, game on. Let's go.

Yeah, send you every Sunday. Let's do one. No, let's wrap. All right. All right. So first of all, if you want to read about Pumps Fucking Her Trainer, you can buy our book, Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches. It's great.

And if you want to read about fascism, you can pre-order my book that'll be out in October called Not Today Fascists. And we're trying to really amp up the pre-order cells. So please support me, support democracy, support our channel by Ordering. this and we will back or back every day on either iHip news or i've had it we produce content out the wazoo so you certainly know how to find this if you want to yeah let's hear it