I've Had It - The Pettysburg Address

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

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So are we supposed to start the podcast? All right, Patriots, Gay-Treats, Thetriots, Black Treats, and Brown Triots, Pumps is on vacation. But Josh Welch is subbing. Hello, hello. Can you tell the triple trumpers what they have to do? Oh, c'clock, cacall! I caught it. That was good.

And I like that you did the little, like, bird call. Yeah, yeah, it reminds me of that movie with Owens. Wilson bottle rocket bottle rocket yeah all right Josh Welch what have you had it with well uh like most things mine is somewhat complicated and confusing so bear with me for a few minutes the story of my life complicated and confusing so I've had it with with clothing stores in which you're a paying customer not allowing you to use their bathroom the restroom and let me elaborate a bit if you don't mind so when we were on vacation in London, I took a cab to the frame store to buy some jeans, to buy some black denim jeans.

Because I like to wear all black. If the listener hasn't noticed, I'm a Johnny Cash type guy, all black. So I'm in there. I pick three pair of jeans out. I'm going to pay for them. And when I'm there, I'm wearing my, I just worked out. So I've got my compression socks up to the knees. I've got my workout shorts on, my shirt, looking pretty buff, whipping through London. And I tell the guy, his name is Will. I say, Will, can I use the restroom? And deep down, I'm thinking, you know, I'm 57. I have to pee a lot. I'm sorry, but can I use the restroom? And Will says, I'm sorry, but we don't allow.

We don't have a public bathroom. And I say, well, I'm buying three pair of jeans. I go, is there an exception here? Can I use your restroom? And Will says, no, we're not going to allow to use the restroom. I'm sorry. I can't make an exception for that. He said, however, there's a pub across the street, and they'll let you use their restroom. And I said, but well, I'm not a patron of that club.

I would just be walking in the club to use the restroom. And he said, that's right. And so I had more questions about that, but I decided to let those go. And I went across the street to the pub. It was about 1145 on a Sunday morning, and the pub was closed. It doesn't open until noon. So then I walked back over. to the frame store and I said, well, the pub across the street is closed. I can't use the restroom.

Can I use your restroom? He said, I'm sorry, but we just can't let you use the restroom. It's not a public restroom. And I said, well, listen, I have a business. I have a place of business. And I understand you don't want just people walking in off the street, using your bathroom, messing things up. I get that. But I'm buying three pair of jeans here. And the pub, across the street doesn't have a restroom. They're not open. I can't use it. And he's still steadfast and says, I'm sorry, you just can't. It's not my decision. There are others that make these decisions. And I said, well, does the fact that I'm buying something and the pub is closed, does that make it a closer call for you? Or is still just a hard no. And he said, no, it's definitely a closer call in

my eyes, but I just can't overbeen, I can't overstep the will of his boss, his employer. And so I had to process that for a little bit. I hopped in a cab and rushed to the hotel room and and peed for about 12 minutes. But then I thought about this. I thought about this. If I'd been standing in frame and looked at Will and I would have said, Will, I'm about to ship my pants. I go, this is going to happen in the next 30 seconds if I can't use your bathroom. And you've got other people in here. I'm wearing shorts, like short shorts with compression

socks. This is not going to be pretty. Now what are you going to do, Will? And then I think, and then I would have been curious to see what Will would have said under those circumstances. But anyway, my grievance, I'm sorry to take up this much time. My grievance is if you're a paying customer, you're spending money in their store, let them use the goddamn bathroom. Seriously. I just have one addition to this story. So when he said he raced back to the hotel, he raced back and I was at the hotel in the room. And he just told me the entire story that he told all of you. And after he finished, I think the story takes four minutes to tell. I said, so did you finally pee? He goes, no, I still got to go. And so I've had to

had it with Josh's faux P emergencies. And we know they're foe because he had the ability in London from the neighborhood of Marleybone, back to the neighborhood of Belgravia, where we were staying to hold it and to tell the story about the injustices that were hurled at him by Will and framed denim. That he could delay the pissing

So in fact, it wasn't an emergency because when I have to go, like, I got to pee first and I can tell you. But he had the ability to hold it in and tell the story. There's no question that there's some sort of mental, I have some sort of mental block or mental issue with this. But I'm also a very aggressive, proactive bathroom user. Like I like to get out in front of it. I try to be proactive in these circumstances. And so I did have a little wiggle room, but by the time I got back to the pub and to will and had to hail a cab, I mean, it was getting ready to be a really close call.

And you've seen other circumstances with me where this using the restroom has been an issue. I'm sure I'm not the only man that this comes up with. But it's a problem. I'll just share with the listener. one of the greatest hits. And so I will cede my grievance to share a story with you all. So Josh and I lived in this house for a long time at the early days of our marriage. And about 30 seconds away from this house, 40 seconds tops, there is a 7-Eleven. So, I mean, less than a minute drive from a 7-Eleven to our front door. And so we're at some friends' houses

at a party, and then we're driving home from. this and it's probably like 1030 at night we're getting home to relieve the babysitter and we're probably about 30 seconds away from the 7-Eleven and Josh says I'm gonna have to pull over at that 7-Eleven to take a shit and I am just gobsmacked because I couldn't I couldn't process the fact that our house was only 30 seconds from the 7-Eleven and a shitting in public is a rather intimate thing and if you could forego a 7-Eleven toilet and wait 30 seconds for your own residential toilet that that would be preferable or as the kids say online greater than right so I'm like but art Josh our house is like 30 seconds from here and he goes okay fine fine like I'm the asshole in the situation and then right as the car passes 7-11 he turns over to me so I'm going to turn my head so y'all can see what I saw and he goes I'm shitting I'm shitting my pants right now.

And I'm like, what? Yeah. Yeah. In the actual fuck. It was like, you're shitting your pants on. I guess, yeah, yeah, I'm shitting. And we're about two blogs. Like he didn't to spite me is how I felt. No.

I didn't. And I do want to tell the listener of year that this was like 20 plus years ago. It was. It was 20 years ago. He's kind of a long way. I think it was in the early days of attempted sobrival. I would say that's probably fair. And so the stomach was a little bit of a wreck up and down with all the...

There have been other incidents. With all the ebbs and flows of addiction and... The night of the super moon in Mexico when you shit the bed at our hotel on Roman, who was five years old. That's true. The hashtag super moon incident. That's true. You did wake me up in the middle of night and said, Jennifer, there's been an explosion.

And I'm like, how... Pumps has the same issues. I find myself like how have I attracted bulimic diarrhea people? How have I attracted people that I guess I guess it's just IBS? Well, see, I think that this helps explain why in my mind I'm so proactive about trying to get out in front of these issues. That's a good point. That's why because I've been in these situations with you where, you know, I'm driving down Western and I'm exploding in my pants in the car and looking at you and saying, hey, this is happening. And I don't want us to have to revisit those types of memories.

No, I think it's much better to talk about it on the podcast. It's a 20-year-old thing. Exactly. And I do want to say this. Will at Frame was very polite. He was not rude about his decision. He was simply following orders. I did tell Will that he should revisit some of these policies with...

I think you said you wanted him to run it up the flagpole. Run it up the flagpole. You try not to get too mad at the person who's just simply implementing the orders. like they don't make those decisions. Will said he would do that. We'll check in next time we're there and just see. We'll have another. Shout out to frame denim in Marleybone, London.

I know that America is not doing well on the global stage right now. So I hope that you understand that my husband is number one anti-Maga. Number two, a chronic pisser. Yeah, that's a good point. They could have said, look, we're not going to let this American asshole use our bathroom. this guy. If I came, his entitlement. These Americans think they're entitled to use our bathroom.

All right, welcome to I've had it. I am Jennifer. And I'm Josh. And Kylie is joining us now. Kylie. Hi. Hello, Kylie. Hi, Josh.

I've got a review for you guys. It's kind of an emotional review. Wow. It says, from the daughter of an addict, it's five stars. And Grateful Grace says, hi, ladies. I've loved listening to you for a while, mostly for your no BS take. on all things politics. While I've always appreciated Jennifer's candor surrounding Josh's addiction, I was brought to tears during the recent episode with Hunter Biden. I had a loving present dad

for most of my life, and he died due to alcoholism two years ago when I was 25. Listening to you and Hunter talk about not only the realities of the disease, but the pain it is to love an addict was cathartic. My family has been very open about how my dad died. He was a wonderful man who became something else when he was deep in his addiction. Thank you for being part of the needed change and helping bring empathy and normalization to this conversation, I'll be a forever listener because of this. Graceful grace, that is, that is so sweet. I'm so sorry for your loss of your, of your father. And Josh and I have always felt like we have to be as open as possible about how addiction

has affected our family. And it's affected not only Josh, but me and our children and other people. And it's, we're lucky that Josh is sober. Hunter's lucky that he was able to find sobriety because so many people go the way your father did. And it's just a disease that needs to be destigmatized so that people feel more comfortable getting help, no matter what avenue you're in with it. Yeah. And I would echo that and say thank you for those kind words. And know that you're not alone, the loss that you've suffered. you're not alone. And it's just, it's but for the grace of God. That's the expression. But

many of us have been down that path and we've brushed up against that. And there's no rhyme or reason why some of us were able to come back and some weren't. So don't hold that against your father. It's just addiction is hard. It's tough. And I'm, we're sorry. Sorry for your loss. and it helps remind us of what it takes from families and from people because you're left at age 25 to pick up the pieces from that and make sense of it. And sometimes you just can't make sense of it. Sometimes it doesn't make sense and that's okay. But just know that you're not alone. There's a lot of other people that struggle with that.

And your dad, it's not a reflection of his character. And I know you know that, but I offer that comfort. Yeah, and I just want to say, Grace, I know how painful it is. And this is, I talked to Hunter about this, but the real mind fuck with addiction is when you love somebody, it's supposed to feel good. You know, love us, we associate with good feelings. And when you love an addict, it's really, really, really painful. And I hope for you in your grief that you're going through right now, Grace, I hope that you're able to turn the pain that you feel not only from his addiction and your love for him and his death.

But I hope you're able to turn it into something really grounding for you. This episode is brought to you by the Freedom from Religion Foundation. Okay, I've had it with people acting like religious freedom means everybody has to live under their religion. That's not freedom. That is control with a choir behind it. America just spent the summer celebrating 250 years since rejected. protecting kings and divine rule.

The whole idea was that power comes from the people, not from religion, not from politicians claiming God is on their side, and definitely not from government deciding whose beliefs count. And yet here we are, watching people try to drag religion into schools, laws, and public life, like that's what the Constitution says. And it absolutely does not. The Freedom from Religion Foundation works to keep state and church separate and stands up for free thinkers, atheists, agnostics, and every American who wants government to stay out of their conscience. Visit ffrf.us slash fight or text the word fight to

511-511. That's ffrr.f.us slash fight or text the word fight to 511-11 to learn more and join. Again, text fight to 511-511 today. Message and data rates may apply. All right, listener, I don't know about you, but I totally feel like August is the Sunday of summer. It's the perfect time to hit reset before the autumn rush, and for me, that always starts with my wardrobe. And you know, I always turn to Quince because Quince proves you don't need a crowded closet to look incredible. You actually just need the right pieces. Quince specializes in effortless, high-quality essentials like ultra-soft organic cotton and premium Mongolian cashmere sweaters. I have several of these and several different colors and I absolutely

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Maga must listen. And they write, if you're looking for a diverse and inclusive podcast, look no further. How many out and proud middle-aged throuples from the South do you know? The greatest legal mind pumps, Jessica and their husband, Josh, have been together for over 20 years with five kids. They cover important issues from camel toes to basic human rights and some sport Jessica mentioned once. Exo, the neighborhood gold star lesbian. I love that. Now, a gold star lesbian is a real virgin.

You've never had sex with a man. Okay, yeah, gold star. Did you know that Josh? Like a gold star gay is a gay guy that has never had sex with a woman. And a gold star lesbian is a woman that has never had sex with a man. That's awesome. She left out one of the important topics of, wasn't it pumps that stuck a spoon up her ass or something? Yes.

Yes, she did crammy's. That was one of the more important, I think. A pivotal moment in the podcast. Exactly, exactly. Without that piece of information, I don't think we'd be here today. No, it wouldn't have advanced forward at all. The bravery of her taking that spoon right up her constipated ass. It really, it really was.

It really was. Okay. Next, Josh, I don't know if you've seen this, but the internet cannot stop laughing about this video. And this is a QVC show. You know, QVC, it just goes all the time. And these women are like, you know, promoting all this shit, like by this nail polish, buy this, by that. So this lady is promoting wigs. And she was running a little segment on salon wigs when the host has a little slip of tongue.

Let's play the clip. To show the texture and this wave pattern. Again, it looks like you went and got a blow job at your blowout at your salon. Oh my God. And it looks beautiful. All right. So here's what's happening today. We're having a huge beauty sale.

Everything ships to you for free, but that goes away at the end of the day. I will remind you that this is a one-time only price where the price goes up at the end of the show. So good. I love it. But this isn't the first time KVC has been rated R on air. Let's play this clip. The severance story. I wanted to tell you that I got that peasant blouse with the tossels.

Yes. And I used to wear the tossils on my pasties. Do you know what pasties are? Okay. Do you know what pasties are? Yes. I'm going to do. Okay.

Well, I had tossels on my pasties. Marianne, I just want to say this. You are my emotional support diva. Okay. You have just made my whole entire day. I think we need more of this. I think like this would be to a lot of great good for the image and reputation of white women. I think I think that's a cult in and of itself.

Isn't this QVC group of people? Very cultish. I mean, it has to be, right? I think it is. I'm going to go with cult. I mean, why not? Yeah. And I have fair to say it's probably.

a cult I don't really want to be a part of. But I like it. I like it for them. Yeah. I think that this, it's just like constant nonstop. It's kind of predatory, in my opinion. You know, you've got these people that are probably not very social or unable to move around, and they've got some a little bit of disposable income. They sit and watch it. And then they just start ordering shit nonstop. And the last thing they probably need to be doing is buying that shit. Exactly. But they're just. Blood job wig. It's on TV.

Yeah, it's on TV. And it's, I think it's kind of got a little subculture in and of itself, QVC. I think it does. Like, if you ever walk in someplace and they're playing QVC, won't you kind of do a double take and be like, where the fuck am I if that's playing? Let's, let's elaborate. You think it's like a little, a cult. Kind of weirdish.

QBC cult. Yeah. Like the type of people that would. watch it and have it on and yeah in the background yeah like if you saw it on and you entered a place and it was on you would need to think to yourself where did I just come to yeah what type of place is this it's the type of place that buys Joe blowjob wigs that's right and and I love that woman for that I mean you can clearly see where her mind was I mean I don't know if you noticed this but as the as

the scene sort of unfolded, she sort of drifted down as it appeared on her knees. She kind of went down. And that which led the mind to further. Yeah, which led the mind to further sort of expand upon her gaff. All right. Let's move on to some BuzzFeed articles. We have hilariously unhinged or just plain dumb reviews. People have written online.

All right. Let's look at the first one. Lily gives a one-star review and she writes, I have been a professional medium for 15 and a half years and am very sensitive to all of the energy forces that surround us. The instructors are great and the facility is clean, but when I walked into the studio, I was assaulted

by the dark energy radiating from Monica at the front desk. I already like Monica far more than I like Lily, just by hearing that. Don't you? Immediately. I'm team Monica. Immediately team Monica. Yeah. I mean, Lily can put a sock in it for all we care.

All right. The next one. One star review. Somebody writes, went with my daughter. The waiter was a very cute boy around her age and was not. enough at first I asked him if he would like to go on a blind date with my daughter. He said no. Needless to say, I did not leave him a tip and also reported him to his manager. My daughter's face was all red for the rest of the meal. How dare he embarrass my daughter? Hopefully,

justice will be served. What do you even say to that? This poor guy like you're ripping his ass because you put him on the spot about a date with your daughter. I mean, it's inappropriate to ask your waiter that, number one, but then you rip him as if he's tormented her. I mean, some major gaslighting going on in that review. Major. And some like Tomahawk chopper helicopter parent, like let your daughter ask her boy out on her own date. On her own, yeah. What do you, I mean, would you be happy if he grabbed her and took her the back and, you know, made his way with her? I mean, what are you doing here? Not good.

It's not good. It's not good. All right. Next one. Comax BioCIP sandwich containers set of three. This is what the ad is for. And somebody writes on the review, did not come with sandwiches like photos showed, otherwise good product. So for those of you listening, they are like Tupperware.

sandwich boxes and in the ad there is a picture of the boxes the Tupperware boxes with a sandwich in it but this dip shit has to go on there and write that I want to I want to say this if you ever catch me writing reviews on Tupperware for sandwiches I want you to immediately immediately take a baseball bat upside my head immediately and I will accept any any damages that result from from that okay i think in general review writers that's a whole another cult i think you have the qvc cult but like i'm pretty simple about this kind of stuff like if i go to a restaurant and i don't like it i don't go back if i am watching television and i don't like it i change the channel if i'm listening to a podcast and i don't like it i cease listening to it. If I'm following somebody on Instagram and I don't like them, I unfollow them.

People like right now, instead of realizing they have autonomy, they want to stay in the problem. Like they just want to stay in the problem. I see it all the time in my comment section. And like people that like follow me, hate every post that I post, hate every podcast that we put out. It's just such a devotion to hating me. It's somewhat admirable. Because when I don't like something, I don't have any devotion towards it. I agree completely. I think where I was caught off guard a little bit was that it was for Tupperware for sandwiches. And this guy's writing about that.

Now, I agree. You know, the restaurant you go to, I see maybe writing a review. And I agree, all these nuts. They need to just, you know, zip it. And if you don't like something, move on. I'm down with that. But when you come across Tupperware and somehow you're pissed off about that, That to me is a whole new level of just crazy.

No, it's nuts. Wanting to stop and voice your concern about Tupperware. But I agree with you. All right, Kylie, the next. One star. Not a place for straight people. They wave about a rainbow flag. The flag of this country is the American flag.

Feel uncomfortable here. The owner's response is pathetic. They are getting political here. Politics does not belong in a place of business. I am taking my wallet elsewhere. The food reaches the heights of mediocrity. The prices were excessive so they could support their liberal socialist agenda.

Where is this place? Sign me up. How can we get there? Seriously, why say that? Like, if you don't like it, just move on. You know? Well, it's the gay thing that bought. Yeah, I know.

So many people are so triggered by a rainbow flag. And it's just the conservative movement, when you start making the list of all the things that triggers them, we could do a 400-part podcast series on it. One could be rainbow flags. The next episode could be books. The next episode could be women, then drag queens, and then trans people, and then furries, cat ears. I mean, just go on and on and on black people, black athletes. You know, they just are these people live in a constant state of fear. These are the most cowardice people on the planet.

They're just scared, shitless at all times. That's right. And anything that's different than their norm, their norm, they oppose. And a lot of that's based in fear, how they were raised, what they've been exposed to. they don't understand certain things. It's sad and it's angering. It's frustrating to see something like that. And you can't just sort of shake some sense into the person and say, listen, these people

aren't doing anything to you, you know, let them be themselves. You be yourself. It's pretty simple. But we don't live in a time like that. It's like they want you to not be different and be just like they are. And I'm just the opposite. said, I want everybody to be themselves and I really don't care what you are as long as you're not trying to make me be something.

You bring up a really good point that conservatives want everybody to be the same and like the same stuff and how boring and how painfully unoriginal it is. They want everyone to have the same political opinions. They want everyone to have the same sexuality. They want everyone to have kids at this, you know, a certain time. There's a certain life trajectory that you can do. It would be like the Truman Show, like we would all live in the neighborhood, like the Truman Show, we'd all be white, we would all be straight, we would all work a job, a normal job,

and live this very, and that's just, that's not America. They wanted to be America, you know, but it's not America. And I tell people all the time, I don't want to be around a bunch of people that are like me. That's nauseating to be around a bunch of people like me. I want to be around different people, diverse people. I wish they thought like that to where they could embrace other people's diversity and learn something from other people that are different from you, but they're just the opposite. They want everybody to be white and uneducated and stupid. It's true. Exactly. It's totally true. And they're so triggered by diversity, yet they enjoy diversity every single day. It's a part of the American experience to enjoy diversity. Some of the crustiest,

racist, pink arm, white people I know are the biggest NBA fans. And it's just like, you know, you're enjoying diversity right now. So you're campaigning against DEI is just you're trying to eliminate some of your own, some of your own diversity in your own life. It's nuts. All right, Kylie, what's next? Okay, three stars. The bakery items were awesome. My only issue was that as a Christian, I felt completely uncomfortable and under attack in there spiritually. The place is filled with a satanic aura, and if you have a sensitive spirit, you will definitely feel it. The food was good, but I will never go back. Satanic aura. Just think about that. When you walk into a place like that and feel that, have

ever felt that? Yeah. Yeah, when I went to the megachurch when I was in high school with my friends, I walked in and I felt a satanic aura for sure. Yeah, at Republican gatherings, I think we felt like that. Yeah. When I'm around a bunch of white Republican women, I feel a satanic aura. I do.

So I relate. I relate to that. That raises another point. Remember when you and I would go to certain school functions and we would just walk out and we'd be like, God, it's just too many fucking white people here. for us to be around. How awful. It is. You get around all white people and it's not good. It's not fun. I don't enjoy it. No, it's not fun. Josh, I should always get white people are so boring. I welcome Fox News producers that are going to cut that. I want to welcome you to the podcast.

And yes, we said it. We like hanging around diverse people. Yeah, we like Brown. And we think Jesse Waters is a snooze fest boring. But let's let's tell the Fox News producers that manically, watch the podcast about our son, our youngest son, he was a varsity basketball player last year, his senior year in high school. And these moms, there was at the school, there was a group of moms there that I referred to as the Bible moms. And the school was not a religious school. It was a secular school. And then there was kind of like the normal moms. And so the Bible moms wanted to do this team prayer that the moms led before the games for. And so, the Bible moms wanted to do. for the parents to pray for the basketball game.

Obviously, we did not attend Josh and me, the prayer, but Josh had some interesting analysis about the team prayer, which we know showed for by the way. That's right. And number one, we went on a huge losing streak during the prayer session. So it didn't work at all. Somehow the prayers weren't answered.

Number two, I did consider, if it were to work, I did consider actually engaging in the prayer, not meaning it, but just doing it if we could go on a win streak. I would sacrifice my atheist views and do that. For the team. That the team could win. I would do that. I want that on the record. But it's just all so much. Like you get around all this white stuff, religion.

And that's what it is to me. I'm sorry. But it's just too much. It's a lot. And again, I don't give a flying fuck what you are. I don't care if you're purple. I don't care if you're white. I don't care if you wear underarm or shirts and get on your knees and pray every day to Jesus.

I could give two shits. I don't care. Okay. But just don't give a fuck what I am. Don't care what I am. Don't try to tell me what I am. Don't try to tell other people what they should be. It's real simple.

It's real basic. And here in Oklahoma, there's a problem with that. People, people, if you look different, if you talk different, if you act different, if you wear something that's different, people judge you, people don't understand you, people don't like you. And that's not on the person, that's on them. They need to get educated. They need to be more accepting of people.

And we're working on that. Like I try to talk to people about that all the time. Embrace people that are different than you. Embrace people that can bring something to the table that you don't. Learn something from something. someone else. So that's my speech for the day. I appreciate it and I support it. All right, listener, if you are a pet parent like me, you have to know about Chewy. Chewy is the very best thing you can do for your pet. They have everything to keep your pet happy and healthy,

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purchase when they use code had it at checkout. Just head to jones road beauty.com and use that code had it at checkout. And after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know that we sent you. All right. The next one, Kylie. Jack gives a three-star review and he said, owner said, I needed to lose some weight. Response from the owner is fatty. You know, I'm like you. I find some obvious humor in that, but you have to, you, You have to tread lightly on fat shaming someone like that. It's, it's, I've been on the other side of that when I was heavy.

And so I mean, I think it's funny. I appreciate the humor in it, but you just tread lightly. I agree, I agree. All right, next one. One star review, absolutely disgusted with the service I received from service advisor Tracy. I came in for an oil change and without saying a word, she kicked my two-year-old across the room. Horrible service. Tracy. Did we think Tracy really kicked a toddler? No, I don't, I don't think so because there would be some report. Police report, yeah, a report made for child abuse

or something. So it's just one of those key keyboard warriors writing the reviews that, It's getting a little bit caught up. But, you know, we've been around a bunch of two-year-olds before. And it's pretty tough on flights and stuff like that. You get into some dicey stuff where they need to just simmer down just quite a little bit. It's trench warfare with the two-year-olds. I mean, it's tough stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. All right, Kylie next. One-star review. The very satanic, demonic, Egyptian symbology throughout the whole restaurant. Very creepy, pricey and bad service, loud, serpents all around the lamps, all seeing eyes on every booth, disgusting place. Woe to the Easton. And then somebody responds to his review and writes, this is a review of the Cheesecake Factory. This looks exactly like a Donald Trump post on Truth Social.

Yeah, it's all cabs. It's all caps. It's very satanic. Like I've read some of the shetties put up in the past couple of weeks, that right there, you could squeeze that in one of those 2 a.m. post and never even know that it wasn't him. Yeah. I guarantee I would bet a million dollars you could do that, which shows you how bad shit crazy our president is. No, you're exactly right. It was cap locks for those of you that are listening.

It was unhinged, as you could tell, as I read it to you. And it was very Trumpian in writing. It's no different. Yeah, it's no different than a bunch of the shit he says late at night at like 2 or 3 a.m. when he's tweaking on Adderall. Yeah. Seriously. All right.

Next one. Okay. Five star review. The do. I love it. this already the dull calyx laxative in comfort shape i recently tried performed exactly as advertised before going to bed i took one tablet and by morning it had suddenly but successfully moved things along i experienced some mild stomach discomfort that went away soon but no severe cramping i truly value the relief's predictability

because I can plan around it because it starts overnight. Additionally, it has no strange aftertaste, and it was simple to swallow. Dullclax is unquestionably a good choice. If you occasionally get constipation and require dependable overnight treatment, just make sure you adhere to the dose guidelines and drink plenty of water. Wow. I mean, she really, is that she or he? We don't know.

That person really dug in on that review. I mean, it's a solid review. There's no question that that product... Do you not get what they did wrong? Go back to it. Well, let me just let you in this year. It's a suppository. They were supposed to cram it up their ass and they swallowed it.

I totally did not get it. And it worked so well for him. Did I ever tell you the story? Our longtime listeners will know this story, but I'll tell you because you might not remember. So Pumps calls me and she's like, hey, I need to go get this abrasion thing. It was something she was having done to her vagina so she wouldn't have a period anymore. And I want you to drive me because I don't want her to drive me. So I was like, okay, we'll go.

So we go to the doctor's office and the doctor takes her in. She's like, Jenny, come in the room with you. I was like, I don't want to be in the room. I'm going to sit right outside. So they put a chair right outside the door. And all of a sudden I hear them just erupt in laughter and they open the door and they're like, you have to come in here. I'm like, what happened?

So the doctor had given her a vaginal suppository to put in the morning of. And no, no, I'm sorry. Start here, Colley. The doctor had given her a pill to take in the morning that was supposed to like kind of maybe dilate her vagina a little bit. so the procedure would go easier. And it was an outpatient procedure. She wasn't under anything.

And so the doctor goes down. She's in stirrups. And he's like, God, did you take that medicine this morning? She goes, I did exactly what she said. I crammed it right up my vagina. And he, it's that you know the doctor personally. And he like, is dying, laughing over her. Oh, my goodness.

And he goes, Angie, you were supposed to swallow it. So I go in and we're all. all dying laughing. And of course, she screwed that up. And, but anyway, she pushed through. So she did the inverse here. The inverse. The opposite. She went ahead and just crammed it right up her twat. That's what she did. We don't know if it dissolved or just sat there. God only knows what happened to it. I doubt her vagina knows either because I don't think she's had sex for 10 years. There to say the the tablet didn't just dissolve into this flow of juice, right. I mean, it was probably, yeah. Ouch. If we haven't ran you off by now, that should have done it.

Do we have any other slides? Yeah. I've got one more. Oh, perfect. Okay. Okay, we have a two-star review here. And it says, we have talked about this trash can in marriage counseling. So this is on the review for the trash can. And then somebody writes, other than the thermostat, this trash can has been the biggest point of contention in our young marriage. All in all, it could be a great wedding present if the relationship has a solid foundation.

There's nothing like a little mutual suffering to really drive growth. However, if the relationship has some weak points, you'd do better just hanging the bag off the paper. pantry door. What is so is is the trash can difficult to use is that the spirit of it? I think you cracked it right there. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. And somehow it it creates tension in the marriage that it's difficult for both the husband and why is that you have to be able to get through to have that trash can to be able to get through it. Which I don't think we can have that trash can. No, I think that might send you and I over the edge. I don't think the relapses the five

rehabs that one do it crazy and then we've got that trash can it would be it would be a problem i think the trash can could end it once in for all i love i love that though um that's a pretty honest review love it all right listen up listener our little pumper's on vacation hopefully not cramming pills up her vagina pre-order my book not today fascist the link is right below in the show notes. I'm going on a small little mini book tour. I think I'm releasing those dates soon. Maybe Josh Welch will even show up. Yes, yes, I would be honored. I would be one of the shows. Very, very excited. As long as we don't get that trash can. That's right. And thank you all for allowing me to sit in today. Thank you, Poms. Hope you're having a good time on vacation. Thank you,

Jennifer. Jen, I would say the links are actually on our website. I've had it podcast.com for your your book tour already. So listeners can go look. Oh, sorry. We've already announced tour dates and they are on our website as Kylie just mentioned. All right, we'll see you all later. All right, bye.