I've Had It - Thirst Trapping Moms with Elle Duncan

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps are joined today by Elle Duncan, ESPN anchor and host of the Elle Duncan Show. The three discuss the myth that it is the work-life balance and what Elle hopes the future for black women in journalism can look like. Pumps and Elle bond over a common love of softball while Jennifer gets absolutely railed for her “sport” of choice. Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you to our sponsors: I've Had It is brought to you by Cologuard®. Are you 45 or older? Start screening for colon cancer with Cologuard, an effective and noninvasive screening option for adults 45 and older at average risk for colon cancer. Rx only. Learn more at Cologuard.com/hadit. L'Oreal: This episode of I’ve Had It is brought to you by the new L’Oreal Paris Bright Reveal Dark Spot Serum and Broad-Spectrum SPF 50 Daily Lotion. Dark Spots? Game Over! Discover the new Bright Reveal Dark Spot Duo! Visit Target online and in-store to buy yours today! Boll & Branch: Upgrade your sleep with 25% off your first order at Boll & Branch. That’s their best offer of the entire year. Just head to bollandbranch.com and use promo code HADIT. Limited time only. Exclusions apply. See site for details. JustThrive: This episode of I’ve Had It is brought to you by Just Thrive, use promo code: HADIT for 20% your first 90 day bottle of Just Thrive probiotic or Just Calm at JustThriveHealth.com BetterHelp: This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Find your bright spot this season, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/HADIT today to get 10% off your first month. Loft: As a thank you for listening, from now through January 1, 2024, use CODE [HADIT] at Loft.com to receive $25 off your full price purchase. Exclusions apply. Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest:  Elle Duncan: @elleduncan

This episode of I've Had It is brought to you by the new L'Oreal Paris Bright Reveal Dark Spot, Serum, and Broad Spectrum, SPF 50 Daily Locean. Dark Spot's Game Over. Ready, one, two, three. Judy Diana strikes again. Hahaha. So now I have a new nickname. Yes, Judy Diana. Judy Diana. Judge Judy Diana.

Yes. And that would be JJD. JJD. Mm-hmm. Judge Judy Diana is here. I mean, just serving. As always. Always serving. Bringing her A game serving as always. Always serving.

Bringing her A game as always. Every Tuesday and Thursday. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Not just to America, but to the globe. So Pumps, what have you had it with? Okay, what I've had it with was all the hysteria that I received and was around about that emergency test They did to like the public safety emergency test on our cell phones on the cell phones, okay

So it was so bad that it went my emergency alert went off earlier when I was in a room with some people and Everybody started freaking out. We're gonna turn into zombies. We don't have our phones off. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Where were you and who said that? I was with a group of people at lunch. Okay. And all the phones started going off

and the Apple Watches. And everybody started, they were like, oh my gosh, it's happening. It's the emergency test. If you get on TikTok, they'll say that it'll turn you into a zombie. And I was like, what? Are these adults grown-ass people?

Are they educated? Yes. So I looked down and I go, it's an officer involved shooting somewhere in Oklahoma, whatever. And I was like, what are you talking about the emergency test thing? Well, so then I'd been texting with the guy

that does our hair that need to tell me, you can't bring in your iPhone or your phone to the salon today, just bring a book. And I'm like, my book is on my iPhone. And my book is on my Apple Watch. I'll just wear my earbuds. And I can, you know, listen to it off my Apple Watch. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no Apple products

in the salon. And I'm like, what? And I don't hear from him. So right after the emergency alarm goes off, he calls me and says, hey, let's just move your appointment for your hair to 130 because everybody here is freaking out about the emergency tests that's coming. Everybody's afraid it's like let's just move your appointment for your hair to 130 because everybody here is freaking out about

the emergency tests that's coming. Everybody's afraid it's like a Russian thing that they're going to try to take over your mind, whatever. Your mind? Like mind control. And I'm just like, this is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. Now I've had it two times within 30 minutes. So I text our friend that knows a lot about public safety and she's like, it's a Nathan Berger. So then it goes off, it's less than 10 seconds. It's the biggest fucking Nathan Berger on the planet. And I've lost my hair appointment

and been told that I'm gonna have rush in mind controlled or become a zombie because of it. And I've lost my hair appointment and been told that I'm going to have Russian mind controlled or become a zombie because of it. I'm like, this is just how bad ideas trickle down and people actually believe that shit. It's fucking crazy. So obviously I experienced the thing go off, but I wasn't surrounded by one moron that thought that this was some larger ruse by the Russian government to quote unquote, mine control. And these are educated adults. I mean, I didn't ask for everybody's college diploma, but yeah.

And I don't think they really thought it, but they said it was all over social media, and they were kind of thinking about it. I mean, so much so that I contacted an official with the Public Safety Department to wonder what the fuck is happening. And then a texture after it was over and I was like, this is it, this was the crisis that caused me not to get my hair done.

And she was like, yeah. So, okay, so you're with some friends at lunch that are freaked out by this because I knew I Got a I got I read the news every day and I saw that they were testing it Just like they do you know sirens before we had mobile phones I thought nothing of it. I was like oh, that's good to know silence my phone quickly move on down the road Never heard one conspiracy theory about it doesn't surprise me because people are so

susceptible to believing ridiculous things. But okay, let's move on. So you went to lunch with some, that's troublesome. No disrespect to the people you lunched with, but I can't believe that ground adults would even, even discuss that that's even like, they were saying they saw that on social media. I don't know that they were worried about becoming zombies, but they were talking about there's all this shit on social media about becoming a zombie. And then the Russian mind control. And then my hair guys. Is this a Fox News crowd?

You know, that's a good question. See, there it is. That pregnant pause tells you exactly what you're saying. It might be. This is the Fox News friends. It might have been. Yeah. That makes sense. But then I know my hairdresser and his work.

Okay. I'm about to jump to that. Okay. All right. So you had lunch with the Fox News friends. That makes perfect sense. I don't know that they're Fox News. But I wouldn't be surprised.

It makes a perfect sense. Because we all know that that sets the psychological soil to believe in conspiracy. You know, that are crazy. Okay, so then we jumped to the hairdresser. Yes, did our hairdresser, did he believe this or was he following protocol of the people that he works with?

No, he fucking didn't believe that shit, but he was following protocol what the salon was saying had to be done. So let me ask you this. Did you break the rules and bring yourself on watchin' regardless? No, I just rescheduled my appointment. That's how serious they were about it.

Cause I said, I'll just wear my earbeds and have it on my Apple Watch. And he was like, no, you can't even have your Apple Watch in there. This is fucking crazy. Like people are so susceptible to this bullshit. And it's unreal. Do you remember like Y2K when everybody was losing their fucking minds

about this? Yes. That was stupid. Stupid. This is even dumber than that. Totally dumber. You know what it is? This is black and white thinkers.

The Fox News culture, black and white thinkers. That's what it is. Just one more thing to blame on them. Right. So easy. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. I know. Okay.

All right. Let me tell you what I've had it with. What have you had it with? I've had it with people undervaluing being alone. Uh, greed. There's nothing better than being alone. You know, and I'll see this like some people like, I hate to be alone. Or, you know, how to fight loneliness. And it's like, I'm dying to be alone. Like, I love loneliness. I do too. I love being alone.

I love being lonely. Just, I mean, I have to have my dogs with me. But I mean, people really undervalue how fantastic it is to be in solitude. Agreed. I enjoy my own company. So when I'm by myself, like if all the kids are gone and I have a night to myself,

I just find it to be the most therapeutic, do what I want to do. I can walk to the laundry room, naked, to put my clothes in. I absolutely love it. And I have found having been married for a long time and now being not married for a long time, that I was lonely or married to somebody I didn't like than I am by myself. And I think I've gotten to the point in my life that I could not live with somebody again. I value my solitude too much. You know what I like about everything you just said. As you said, I enjoy my company so much. And that, my friend, is why you are the star of the show because everybody else enjoys your company so much too. And you always say I'm being ridiculous and you're a liar.

And that embarrasses me. But I mean, you yourself are your own favorite person. So it's not that big of a stretch to understand why Princess Judge Judy Diana, I mean, you're a hot piece of dynamite, my friend. I'm in love with you. You dig me. I dig me.

I dig being with Jess me. Even you wanna be with yourself. That's right. So you can imagine how our listener fills when they only get Tuesday and Thursday when I shut my fucking mouth up. They only get little glimpses if you, because I'm such a damn yak mouth.

Welcome to I've had it. And I just want to say you are so lucky today that judge Judy Diana, who loves her own company is sharing some time out of her trusted solitude, right, to grace us with her presence for this, I mean, just a hot piece of shit podcast that we have. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's Judge Judy Diana.

Kylie, when do you get a maker? Stop calling me that. I actually saw a really good one this morning. What was it? It was Princess Diana. I love that. Judy Diana is sticking. No.

Yeah, Judy Diana. Judy Diana is good because it's if we just go Diana, it doesn't really encapsulate how fantastic you are and what a great legal mind you are for this country. So then if we add the judge Judy, Diana, I mean, that's the whole fucking package man. Yeah. JJD. Yep. JJD. Kylie, what is going on with our podcast? I've got a really good five star review. Oh, good. I've got two for you actually. Okay. This one is five stars titled old. I'm so happy to find out that Jane Fonda and Dolly Parton finally made a podcast. That's so good.

That's so good. Jane Fonda and your dolly. I mean, dolly's my favorite. I know. And you are. Oh my God. The nickname has to evolve. Judge Judy Diana Parton.

Proud out. Judge Judy Diana Dolly. I'm just gonna just start calling it Dolly. I would, I mean, you know I'd love nothing more. My little Dolly, my little Dolly pumpers. And I can call you Jane. I just remember Jane fond of doing aerobics in the 80s. Oh, for sure.

Because my mom and sister were super into aerobics. I was so into it. And my mom would like take me to aerobics class with her, but I was a little, you know, because I'm so much younger than you. And I would do the step aerobics and we wore the leg warmers. Got to put the leg warmers.

And you know, like the high-rise leotard with tights, I loved it. Yes, I love that. And members, she did a couple of videos where you sang during the workout. What about grapevine? Two, three, four, five, six, seven, and pony. Two, three, four, five, six, seven, and pony.

I love the pony. Yeah. And the grapevine. The grapevine. That's good stuff right there. You get there. There's some jazz hands in with it. Yeah.

That was fun. Aerobics was so fun. Did you ever have one of the thong leotards? Oh yeah. I totally wore mine. With, of course, like color tides, because in the leg warmers naturally. Leg warmers, they've got to come back.

Everything comes back. So they have to have a whole lot of leg warmers. Yeah. You know what? I want to get a pair of leg warmers because my feet are always so cold on an airplane. And I would love to just put on some leg warmers on the plane. You would just be a vision of stylishness.

Yes, and that get up. I think it needs to be like an in-flight costume change. Yes. Because there's not enough shit going on on airplanes. I think we need to bring more stuff to happen on airplanes. Absolutely. Three or four bags worth of shit. I love that, Dolly.

All right, Kylie, what's next? This one's another five star review titled, Anoid. These women are destroying my bank account. I've laughed so much that I keep having a purchase new underwear. This is absolutely unacceptable that a free podcast is forcing me to spend money. However, I'm still giving five stars because pumps is hot. If you are on a budget, please do not listen to this podcast. I mean, see, they think you're hot.

She's wasting money. Yes. Find all these new paintings. new paintings. What was her name? QW AZ XY UW AZ XY. I've got a tip for you a band in the underwear. Just stop wearing them I've stopped wearing mine. But then her pants are gonna have piss on them Do you push your pants? Oh, I forget you have a high-end type vagina. I'm high-end tight down there, no pain, no tinkling. I mean, like laughing tinkling. Right, right. Yeah, no, but I mean, I gave up underwear 13 years ago.

I've never gone back and I am so happy. So you never wear underwear? Never. What about when you sleep? I wear pajamas shorts. Oh, yeah. And you still wear Josh'sch's hand me down. Two shirts.

Every night shirt I wear is the Josh Welch hand me down. So is mine. Oh yeah. On and I wear the, it's like Pima cotton T-shirts from Josh Welch. Yeah. He told me the other day he had another pack for us, but I still haven't seen that materialized, but I'm ready for it.

Josh Welch is dressing lesbians for bed left and right. You know what? He should start a lesbian pajama line since you and Kylie like them so much. Yeah, I mean, they're so soft. And on it, that's three lezzies dressed for bed via Josh Welch. Goals, I mean, the gifts that sobriety keeps bringing are just infinite. Pretty soon he'll be a famous phagoma designer. Exactly.

Yeah. Exactly. All right. Well, I think that pretty much wraps up our pre-show. What are y'all think? I think that was 10 out of 10. Okay. So, listen, we have a guest day that Pumps is incredibly excited about.

Very. And because Pumps on brand here, love sports, love that, not to stereotype, but she is a big sports fanatic and we have the Emmy Award-winning sportscaster from ESPN who recently launched the podcast called the Elle Duncan Show. Let's welcome to I've had it L Duncan. This episode of I've had it is brought to you by the new L'Oreal Paris Bright Revealed Dark Spot

Serum and Broad Spectrum SPF 50 Daily Loathing Dark Spot Game Over. Speaking of games, Pumps, have I told you how much I'm winning on the Pickleball court? Oh, you have. And of games, Pumps, have I told you how much I'm winning on the pickleball court? Oh, you have. And let me tell you something. I've been applying this L'Oreal sunscreen, and it is fantastic texture when you're working out. It doesn't like sweat into your eyes.

It feels like you have nothing on. And then I'm able to play without being fearful of my skin. And then at night, I'm using this dark spot serum. It is a dynamic duo much like me in my pickleball partner. SPF is so important pumps because 100% of dark spots are intensified by the sun. The bright reveal SPF 50 daily UV lotion is a lightweight, non-greasy sunscreen that has an invisible texture and it primes well with makeup so you can stay protected every day. So when paired together, this dermed validated duo visibly reduces the look of dark spots

in just one week. Discover the new bright reveal dark spot duo, visit Target Online and in store to buy yours today. I've had it, is sponsored by BetterHelp. Pumps, what's been going on with you? You seem like so effervescent. You seem so rock solid. You seem so sound.

Have you been adding or doing anything that I need to know about? I have been utilizing my therapy from BetterHelp. I absolutely love my therapist. It's so convenient and flexible. It really makes me feel better. You know, I've used BetterHelp as well. And I have found their convenience and that I'm able to do it from home on my time, on my schedule. So helpful. And then, like this one therapist I had, I didn't really like it. I didn't think we were a good fit. I was able to switch therapist at no additional charge at any time that I liked. Listener, find your bright spot

this season with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash had it today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P dot com slash had it. Pumps being a good gift giver is an art form. I know what is and I'm not good at it. I'm going to help you and I'm going to give you a shortcut gift. Your friends and family a set of sheets universally. Everybody loves a delicious set of sheets. I absolutely love my

bowling branch sheets. They are so cozy and comfy. Love sliding into bed with them. I have noticed that the quality of the bowling branch sheet is superior to any other sheet that I've ever had. Did you know that for US presidents use bowling branch sheets? I did not, but I can see why. Princess Diana herself is now using Bowen Branch Sheets. Listener, upgrade your sleep with 25% off your first order at Bowen Branch.

That's their best offer of the entire year. Just head to Bowen Branch.com and use promo code had it. That's Bowen Branch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D branch.com. Use the promo code had it. That's Bullen Branch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D branch, dot com, use the promo code had it. This is for a limited time only. Exclusions will apply and see the site for details. L Duncan, welcome to I've had it. I have to tell you that pumps here is your biggest fan. Yes, I love, love, love watching you on Sports Center and I watch every, I always watch part of the interruption and then y'all are on right after. So I love it. I

think you're funny and smart and like hysterical with the shit you and your co-host go back and forth on. I really enjoy it. Um, first of all, let me say thank you very, very much because and I don't mean this lightly, I'm actually major fans of you guys. I'm fan-girling just a little bit. You guys are my TikTok influencers of my gender. I'm only here for your content.

So it's like such an honor to be here, and I can't believe that I'm here. Oh my gosh, we are stepping up in the world. We are stepping up in the world. We've got Elle Duncan here. That's all I know. Okay, Elle Duncan, I mean stepping up in the world. I'm stepping up in the world. We've got Elle Duncan here. That's all I know. Okay. Elle Duncan, I mean, here's the deal.

We have to know what you've had it with. Ladies, I have had it with the myth of work, life, balance. It is such bullshit. And honestly, you guys, I've had it with people trying to make me some poster child for it. Every single time I do an interview or obviously I'm here promoting a new show that I just debuted, they always want to ask the same thing, how do you balance your children with your demands

of your professional work? And I think that it is just this bullshit carrot that we dangle in front of women to make them believe that if they work really hard or try harder or somehow manufacture more hours in the day, they can get it done. But it's not true. You guys, you can't give 100% to work and 100% to your family and 100% to mental health and wellness, the math ain't fucking math in. That's 300%. Right.

I totally agree. Right. Like, it's just, and I just, I don't know that there's a solution other than to just be more honest with each other. I have this mythical work life balance because I have the money to hire a nanny because I could look at my husband and go, hey, can you quit your very inflexible job

because my job is more inflexible and I need you around more. I had two parents that retired at the same time and moved 15 minutes up the road and literally her hands on every single day. This whole, it takes a village, it's true. But guess what? That village costs some fucking money. It does.

It does. I feel like, and I feel like there's this guilt. I don't know if it's just mothers, but that's my experience is that I feel like, and I feel like there's this guilt, I don't know if it's just mothers, but that's my experience, is that, I feel like sometimes I'm a shitty lawyer, I'm a shitty mother, and I'm a shitty podcaster, all in the same day. Like, you can't be good at all of it all the time, or sometimes if I have a really super tiring day at work,

I'll just tell my kids, because they're older than yours. Like, I just need to go in my room and be done with you today. Go feed yourself, go do your deal. But yeah, this perfect, oh, you can get everything right all the time. That's just complete horse shit. You cannot. It's impossible. And then we like use all these stupid expressions that also make mothers feel worse. Like, you know, the days are long, but the years are short. And it's over and like, you know, these are the good days. And you can't always be there, but when you're there,

be present. And that's horseshit too. It's like, okay, yeah, I've got this beautiful studio, but ladies, if you pan a little bit to the right, it looks like hoarders. Like my life in many ways is a total disaster. And I think we just have all of these examples of mothers who are seemingly like singing

and dancing their way through motherhead quite literally. I don't believe that these influencers actually love, you know, making charcuterie boards for six year olds. I think they do it because their children don't appreciate it because their husband doesn't appreciate it. And they need somebody for God's sakes to appreciate what they're doing. I think they're going crazy and they're thirst trapping with their Pinterest boards because they need someone to acknowledge

the hard work they're putting in. But at some point, ladies, I feel like you have to just accept what is, which is that your kids aren't gonna be particularly grateful for how hard you work. They're not fully going to understand why you leave every day. You're not always gonna be able to bust it down for your husband whenever he gets an inkling like

these things just can't exist. And it's okay to have seasons where you're sucking at all of them or really good at one And I just think we need to give ourselves a little bit more grace and space to just be like yeah No, not being a good mom this week, and that's okay because I'll try again next week and guys That's why they make therapy. I mean, I had a great childhood. I'm still in it. So if I ruin them, I'll pay for therapy. I make enough because I leave them all the time. Well, and I think that people that have a childhood

that is straight down the fairway, that's great. But everybody has layers of dysfunction within their childhood, and it's all relative, and we all generationally are passed on some form of dysfunction, and sometimes that dysfunction catches up with us, and we have a bad day, and our dopamine and serotonin isn't hitting. And I would always give myself permission to say,

I'm turning on auto-mom right now, which means I'm keeping them alive. Here's your food, here's bedtime, but I wasn't present. There were a lot of times throughout my children's, like when my kids were really smaller, where I just couldn't be on all the time. I couldn't engage. My husband struggled from drug addiction, and that was just all consuming. And I think that moms need to hear that sometimes you cannot be a

10. I think the biggest misperception about life and motherhood is that we all think we are entitled to be at a 10 out of 10 at all times. And I think that is not achievable or sustainable. Totally. Thank you. Like I just there has to be space for those of us that are just like yes, I totally bought my kids clothes on Amazon and didn't wash them and maybe they have poison. I'm sorry. Like I didn't go down to the co-op and like grow the cotton in the community. I hope at the end of the day, like women understand that none of us know what we're doing. None of us fully have our shit together. We're all struggling and putting this thing honestly with Scotch tape and glue in some cases

and that you're not alone and that it's okay to commiserate. It doesn't mean you're not grateful or rooted in gratitude and that's why I love what you ladies are doing because you're hilarious and you're irreverent and of course you love your lives and I imagine you wouldn't trade them for all the things in the world

and all the things that we say before we're about to bitch. But there's nothing wrong with laughing at the things in life that drive us nuts and having fun together and that's why I love what you guys do so much. I think. And I also want to point out that if you put, if you've volunteered to put content on the internet, you're also volunteering for criticism. And so this thin-skinned thing where somebody puts, maybe they're making charcuterie boards.

And then women like us make your charcuterie board, but also at the same time acknowledge that sometimes we're like, there's no faking way I'm ever making a charcuterie board. I can't relate that there's going to be the opposite side of that where there is some criticism. Is it mean spirited? No, but do we get to eye roll at each other? Yes. It's human. And so we put ourselves on the internet and we get a

butt load of criticism. And it really cracks us up because we have thick skin. So my advice to the end user of social media is don't go on there and put your product out there. If you have, if your skin is too thin, that you're going to have a stage five meltdown when somebody criticizes it because that's what humans do. We're not these perfect, positive people. People have tried to do that. It's not sustainable. I roll my eyes at the internet and the content on it all the time.

And that's okay. I want the best for that user. But sometimes I'm like, bitch, please come on with that. Right. Social media is not the real world. You can literally unplug from that, right? Like you can walk away and not care that you're getting bullied. I had a take on Taylor Swift.

I said her and Travis Kelsey were stunned. It went viral. It was all over the world. Needless to say, the Swifties are unhappy with me. You know what? I don't care because I don't see it because I didn't log on because I don't care because I can unplug.

And so yes, this idea that cyber bullying is something that actually impacts grown people horseshit. It can't. You can't be bullied as a grown up. I'm sorry, not on social media. No, I agree with that, because we get hate comments all the time and we find them entertaining. I mean, we laugh about it, but I'm just

I'm always surprised on social media. The keyboard courage that people have, like no one would walk up to you. No swifty would walk up to you and be like, how dare you criticize Taylor's relationship with Travis Kelsey or question its authenticity? They just walk right by you or they probably want a picture with you. So, and then, but they get on the internet and they'll just say, I'll spew all this bullshit.

And I'm just like, nobody talks like that. Nobody. Yeah, that call them thumb thugs. The thumb thugs. Yeah, they're thumb thugs. You know what I have found? The boldest type of person that I have met in my career is the man

who watches with something to say about how you look. And I am, which happens a lot more than you would would think. I was at Dave and Buster's with my family a couple of weeks ago. It's like a Wednesday afternoon, you guys. I'm randomly off. I got my five year old and my two and a half year old.

I'm in full blown mom gear. I barely brushed my hair that day. It's a miracle that I did, but like what else? And I just see this man. He just keeps staring at me. He keeps staring at me. And I'm like, why is he keep looking at me? And at some point I was like, okay,

maybe he recognizes me from ESPN. And so he walks over. Not a hello, not a how are you, not a big fan, just walks over to me, deadpan is fuck and goes, I'm just trying to reconcile what I'm seeing right now from what I see on my TV screen at night. Uh-uh, what a dick.

No, he didn't. Yes, he did. He was like a badass too. Like, well, you know, he looked like a, like didn't. Yes, he did. He was probably like that. He was like that, as, too. Like, well, you know, he looked like a, like a foot. I mean, because it's always the ones that have anything to say are the ones that look like toads. But yeah, and like, it's always that.

It's someone that has something to say about your looks, which is really bold. I'm a firm believer. I don't know about you, ladies. I'm a firm believer of talk about me behind my back. I don't care. It's not my business. What you say about me behind my back.

It's not my business. Right. And doesn't impact or affect me at all. So you should have gone to your friends or your group texts and said, Elle Duncan in my opinion looks like hot shit in real life. Totally fine with me. But why I'm ruined my day by saying it to my face. Right.

What is it about being on TV that entitles people to have an opinion on who you are? That's fascinating to me. I think that sometimes there are layers of sexism and particularly, I think black women get the lowest into the stick in culture in particular. And I was researching you before we came on here and I really appreciate

a lot of the articles that I read about you that you really encourage ESPN to hire black women. And a couple of nights ago, I was watching a real time with Bill Moore. And I was really shocked the conversation that I heard on his panel. They were saying that, you know, affirmative action has gone too far. And now everybody's hired all these black people, and I don't know why they're still talking about this. And I thought, boy, these people are so out of touch. And so if you'll share with our listener, because I think it's important for white people to talk about race, one thing I think is incredibly important is for everybody to realize the raw deal that black women get in this country. And so if you can share your experience as a black

woman who has reached this success in the obstacles that you faced with us, I'd love to have that conversation. Well, thank you for broaching that subject because it is a good one. And I do think that you have a really great group of listeners who I think want to be allies. And I think the biggest part of allyship is age is recognizing what you don't know, asking questions, and not being afraid. I have so many white friends over the last couple of years

as we've been sort of trying to come to a reconciliation in this country that would say things like, I feel so stupid. I'm so embarrassed to be white. I feel so, and it's like no one at all is trying to make you feel bad or stupid. You can't help being white anymore than I can help being black.

Didn't get a choice in the matter. It's just all about recognizing that whatever your reality is, is incredibly different for other people and just being open to listening without having your own opinion, right? Without trying to get someone to sort of see your side because your side is irrelevant in this.

And I think that's the most difficult part is to ask people for help because white people have to help. They do, obviously. While also telling them, it's not your issue, right? Like, like, it doesn't have anything to do with you. And so I've noticed, at least over the last couple of years, that when I try to speak in spaces, it's important to

recognize my own privilege. I am a black woman, but for those of you that are watching, you can see, I am light skinned. I am what you would call the business racially ambiguous. You can pretend I am Hispanic. You can pretend I'm mixed. You can pretend you could say I'm black, which I am. And so I get used in that same way. So not only do I encourage ESPN to hire black women, I encourage ESPN to hire dark skin women, women that you can't sort of hide behind racial ambiguity, women who are clearly and unapologetically black and are dark skin because those women find themselves in even fewer spaces, women that are deemed more aprocentric. And then the problem we have right now, frankly, is social media, in that we've got social media justice warriors. You tweet something, you say something, and you feel like you've

done your part. Like, well, I'm going to denounce what we just saw from Congress, and then that'll be that. That doesn't do shit. That doesn't actually do anything. So we've completely eliminated sort of grassroots organized efforts and community efforts collectively. And we've just left it at at least old people, young people use social media to galvanize, but old people use social media to get a couple of hot thoughts off and then disappear into the ether and go back to being apathetic. So I would say for your listeners, for white women in particular, like we have got to stop looking at each other. That's white women and black women as sort of crabs and a barrel mentality. We're in this together.

Right. You know, and we need white women to speak in those spaces because you still hold more power and more equity than we do. Right. Well, I want to say something here that I think is really important. And I think it's important that we continue to talk about it, which is why we talk about it on this podcast. And I also want to say to the people that are in liberal spaces and that are in social justice spaces. Sometimes we speak and then it goes out on the internet and then we get criticism within the social justice community. And I want to advise that if you see that somebody is on your team and they are willing

to have these conversations because it would be much easy for us to just play the white girl straight down the fairway, southern thing and lean into that. But we've taken a great risk and going here from, and we're on like, you know, close to 100 episodes here. And we will not back off of this. But when you see people like pumps in me that are in your space, if we misstep or we do something the wrong way, we're open minded about it. We're not going to be perfect. But we want to keep making steps to end this, I does something that I feel in my bones as a moral duty, that it is not, when you think about the history of this country

and the parameters in which it was formed and how much blood was shed and how we've benefited from that. And women are still, you know, coming along, but I feel in my bones that we have to step up for marginalized groups across the board that that is the ultimate sign of freedom. And any sort of criticism of marginalized groups

is, or trying to control them, is nothing short of totalitarianism. And we live in a state where, I mean, the politicians here are fucking crazy people. Crazy people. Crazy people. Nuts. This is abortion being America.

I mean, these guys are fucking bananas. You can put that in the permanent record. And we just, oh, it's awful. But in every red state that you all see, and you see that 35%, there are pockets of sophistication in people who care. And so don't write off everybody in red states Don't write off white people who are willing to have these conversations because we want to and I don't want it to drop After you know 2020 because that there has been a backlash from that and that's why we just keep

Drumming along and I felt like we would be remiss not to talk about these things with you and with our listener because a lot of people have come here because they feel, first of all, they want to bitch about shit, which is always fun. Right. But secondly, we all feel, I think, pumps me and our listeners and our guests feel a need to keep this message alive and to make, and to make our country and the sense of humanity a more perfect place if we can. I am so glad that you brought this up

because let me just say this. And I take it on the responsibility seriously. Again, when we talk about white privilege, right? Like, you guys have the privilege of, if this podcast does well, it continues to do well, it's amazing, then great. If it bombs, then no one's going to go, will they ever give a podcast to two white women again?

We have that responsibility on our shoulders. We do. We feel that like I feel like I've got the L Duncan show. Like if it doesn't do well, will another black girl get her own show? I don't know. I moved to Boston just because of a black girl had never hosted a sports show in Boston before. So I did that and thankfully that network has hired many Black women since I've left. So I do feel that responsibility. But I also feel that responsibility to because across the diaspora, we have so many different stories.

It took a long time for me to sort of figure out who I was and what I was. And that's why when people say things like, oh, you're so brave and like, you're so unapologetically yourself. And I'm like, that's because I spent my whole life apologizing for who I was. And I am never doing that again. Pumps, do you want to share with the listener about all of these fantastic bowel movements you've been having ever since you started the just thrive probiotic? It has made me like a normal pooper with the just thrive probiotics. I absolutely feel great.

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thrive probiotic today. Visit justthrivehealth.com and use the promo code hadit. That's justthrivehealth.com and be sure to use the promo code had it. Kylie, I know how socially you are that you're going to be going to all of these holiday parties. Pumps, are you going to holiday parties? Only if I can find the perfect gift. Well, let me tell you something. At loft, they have a darling festive fines and Mary sweaters and they have a gift guide.

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L, I wanna say to you, thank you so much for explaining the way that you explained everything. I think it's just good for people to hear perspectives. And I just really, really appreciate the conversation that you went there with us because it's a conversation that we want to keep alive and that we want to be allies with and partner with. But we have to have some fun here. And we're going to play our game, had it or hit it. And we're gonna play our game, had it or hit it.

Okay. Oh my God, welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it, had it. I hit it every day sometimes twice a day. L had it or hit it, outfit of the day. Ooh, had it, had it. I've been embarrassed of how long it took me to figure out what OOTD did. Yeah, I was like, what is it, what is it, had it. I've been embarrassed of how long it took me to figure out what OOT did.

I was like, what is OOT? I just, I never, and then once I figured it out, I was like, oh God, no, I'm good, no thanks, no thanks. Kylie had to tell me if it makes you feel any better. I'm like, what is that? What's an OOT? Okay, had it or hit it, power moms. What is the power mom?

Okay, a power mom is the mom that drops their kid off at school and then they go park their car and then they're at the school. The home room mom, bring him, bring him brownie everyday. You know what I mean? It's like going through carpools just performative. Then they're over parked in the parking lot. If I can Tomahawk chopper all over the goddamn school.

And then you go, how many are friends? Like, well, McKenzie's mom was there all day. And you're like, God damn it, McKenzie's mom. I know. I cannot stand it. Yeah. My daughter will come home and she'll be like, Oh, today's the summer solstice.

And I know because Maya's mom brought us summer solstice seed packs and we can plant, I'm like, what? Who remembers that kind of shit, so I've had it with them for sure, and their judgy ass is because I can never make any of their PTA meeting. No, totally agree, totally agree. I hated it when my kids were little,

they'd have an assembly on Fridays, and they'd keep saying, Mom, why can't you come to the assembly? So, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and so, and I'm like, number one, I have a job. Number two, if I didn't have a job, I wouldn't come because it's stupid.

So have fun with her mom. It's so dumb. I'm not coming to any of these things. No, my thing is. Also your five. And here's how I feel. If there's a greater than like 80% chance, they're not gonna remember it when they get older.

I'm not doing it. I'm only doing things at this point so that they don't hold it against me. I agree. That's a great question. And my thing is, we've already been to school, right? The point of sending your kids to school is so that they can go to school. Yes. We came from a generation.

My mother was not up at the school. She never went to the school. And now it's shifted to where the schools are empowering all the parents. We up there all the time. I'm like, okay, this is gonna be Generation Titty, baby. 100% and like frankly, when we ask you things like how is your day, we don't really care. We don't care.

We do not care. It's almost reflexive. Like I asked my two-year-old and he just says the same thing every day. I didn't cry today. Cool, we're good. Good for you, great. Okay, had it or hit it softball. I love softball.

So much I grew up a softball player and I have not had a chance to play in a long time. So hit it. I wish someone would come and play with me. That sounded bad out of context, but yeah. Softball girl. I'm a big softball girl too. And we live in Oklahoma. I go to the college world series every year. Oh, you of course, it's great. So I get to go see them. I mean, I feel like the softball players and our best friends, I know all their stats, where they're from.

Jennifer makes fun of me. She's like, nobody watches softball like you. I'm like, you'd be surprised. A lot of people think. Let me tell you Jennifer, here's a little unknown fact. College women's fast-pitched softball is like one a lot of people. Jennifer, let me tell you Jennifer, here's a little unknown fact. College women's fast pitch softball is like one of the fastest growing sports in terms of ratings. Every year, the ratings are like insane. I think they grow like 30 to 40% every year. So

it is a sport that has become incredibly popular. Pumps is right. Okay. Speaking of fastest growing sports, had it or hit it pickle ball. Fuck that. Hey, you're pickle ball, bra. Oh my gosh. It's not a sport and I get it. It's a lawn game, but like, you don't give this much attention to badminton.

And I don't understand. It's a country club sport. Like it's if you can, if literally your team can comprise of a one year old and a 90 year old, that's not a sport. It's not. It's fun. It's a way to get people active and moving. But oh my god, this idea that we're on the edge of a pickleball revolution, no, we're not. Well, I, I would take this with a grain of salt because I very thick skin. I recently won a gold medal and pickleball. And you would have thought.

You would have thought she won the Olympics. I am a gold medalist pickleball champ, but here's the deal. And this is what I want people on the internet to learn. I don't take this personally because I too can laugh at it. And so I also recognize that some people have room to grow and room to evolve. And so that's not where I wanna evolve though, is to love pickleball.

I'm just saying it out there, right there. I'm gonna involve in a lot of other ways. I wanna get better in a lot of other ways, but not in pickleball. I'm just telling you, I'm a champion. Okay, and so y'all can minimize it, or ridicule all you want. But how long Jennifer did it take you to become a champion like two, three weeks of practice?

I'm sorry. I apologize. That's great. Let me tell you some about fucking pickleball. You can never ever discount somebody in their 70s. It's a little overweight. I did this once. And I got my fucking ass kicked by septigetarians. That's the right word. They, if I can hammered my ass. So here's the deal. Sometimes old and chubby means fucking killer on the court. That's all I'm saying. And I know that probably lends to your argument that it's maybe not a sport. But we have an obesity problem here in America. So any chance you can get people to get up and fucking move their asses, I'm for it. I love so much that Jennifer's fondness into this is for the chubby people.

into this is for the chubby people. Let's do this in war. Let's rage this war against obesity. One pickleball courted a time. That's right. That's right. L Duncan, I this I can't believe we've gone away over time because you are that compatible with us. Yes.

You are so fun and it's been such a fun yet serious. Then back to fun conversation as all conversations should be. And I just, I love your cynicism. I love your positivity. I love your pragmatism. You have all the stuff, all the components that I love in a person. Thank you so much.

This has been amazing and exactly what I was hoping that we would get a little bit of everything. You guys are the best and maybe next time in person. I know you guys don't drink, but you know, you could watch me drink. You left me fun. We could play pickleball. I could kick you and pump. There we go. Oh my God. I would love for you to beat her and pickleball. That make me so happy. Well, no, I didn't say that I was good at pickleball. I just said if I gave it two to three times, I could probably be good. I'll start practicing now. L, thank you so much.

Thank you, L. I appreciate it, by L. I mean, if there is ever a guess that has proven what a strong instinct you have for women, it is your choice of L Duncan. She's amazing. Drop dead. Drop dead. Funny. Minza smart. Yes. Deep. Cinnacle. Yet positive. Which are the traits that we like in people. I love. I mean, I kind of want to start watching sports. I know she's great because they have a little banter that they do. It's fantastic. I love her and you watch her all the time Watch her all the time. God I loved her. I love this episode. I do too God this shows getting better and better. It's not because of us

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