I've Had It - This is So Unladylike with Ashley Longshore

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

Jennifer and Pumps couldn't visit New York City without hitting up the hilarious and talented, Ashley Longshore. Ashley explains how she is metaphorically 'keeping things equal' with the patriarchy, talks about her newly opened NYC showroom and shares a first-time experience she had on Fire Island. Jennifer enlists Ashley to help further the gaslighting of Pumps sexuality and Pumps finds out she may or may not have voluntarily chloroformed herself.Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts.Thank you to our sponsors:SimpliSafe: Get a special 20% off any SimpliSafe system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring. Visit SimpliSafe.com/HADIT - There’s no safe like SimpliSafe.SKIMS: SKIMS Fits Everybody and more best-selling essentials are available now at SKIMS.com + get free shipping on orders over $75! After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows. DoorDash: Get 50% off your first DoorDash order up to a $20 value when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store use code HADIT at checkout. Limited time offer, terms apply.Rocket Money: Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions – and manage your money the easy way – by going to RocketMoney.com/HADIT.ZocDoc: Go to Zocdoc.com/IVEHADIT and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today.Inkey: Right now, The Inkey List is offering our listeners 20% off their purchase with promo code HADIT.Boll & Branch: Sleep better at night with Boll and Branch sheets. Get 15% off your first order when you use promo code HADIT at bollandbranch.com.Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsSpecial Guest: Ashley Longshore @ashleylongshoreart

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready, one, two, three. Big tits and the big city strikes again. I mean, I think New York just energizes me so much that I can do a great clap. It's because you're able to get those big tits out in the big city. That's right.

It must feel liberating. It does feel liberating. Yeah, so, you know, how much would it be had it with? I've had it with people that send you a text, and they send like four or five in a row, like immediately, instead of just containing their thought and sending one longer text versus six rapid fire text that each asks a question. I can't stand that, just in one text. So it's like a text interrogation.

It's like a text assault is what it is when there's just one right after the other, right after the other. All on the same thought in different text streams. It is aggressive. It's aggressive. I do think I've done it before. Of course I've done it before,

but I try really hard now that it bugs me to just wait that extra minute, figure out all my thoughts, and then send one. Another thing that bugs me about texting is people, particularly my children, that send me a text, and then immediately call and say, did you see my text? Like, I would have answered your text if I had seen it. But now you're calling me to ask me if I've seen the text, which clearly I haven't or would have responded. But I think that's just the impatience of mother child. Yes, and I think your children in particular,

if you don't Johnny on the spot with them, they start to melt down because of the prior overmethering that took place. I need you to make that about me at some point. But I do think I've done that to you as well. I think I've I think I've texted you and like an over-mother child, I followed it up with a phone call. Immediately. Yeah, you spotted. You got it. Absolutely. I spotted it in your kids because you've done the same to me. You've over-mothered me as well. I have. Yep. Let me tell you what I've had it with. What have I spotted it in your kids because you've done the same to me. You've over-mothered me as well. I have. Yep.

Let me tell you what I've had it with. What have you had it with? Your inability to operate the I-Cal. Or did I mess it up again this morning? I've told you multiple times. Don't do it. Text the girls in the office to make an entry. Yeah.

Let me tell you what you do. OK. You schedule a court appearance for yourself because the listener, as you know, pumps is a lawyer. And you're trying to say Angie out court. And what you do instead is you invite everybody to your court appearance. Oh, is that what I'm doing? I thought I was just emailing you so that you knew that that was out. You're sitting at an invitation.

You've been inviting me to your days off, to your doctor's appointments, mediation, mediation, to court appearances. You've invited myself, Kylie, Madison, and podcast one to all of these events. Yes, I have. And I've had it. I'm like quit, quit sending these notifications, inviting us. We all have the shared calendar, so we can look and see it. So all I have to do is hit save. I don't have to invite people. You don't need to invite everybody to your divorce court. Oh my gosh, that's such a great tip. I had no idea. We were on the subway on our way here.

And I looked down and I go, Pam, she just invited me to her day off court date. It was a mediation. I was just invited to a divorce mediation. And so was podcast one. Right. And Kylie, I fucking everybody. I am so sorry. And you have told me to do that, but I didn't want to bug her. I've told you multiple times.

Because we're off that day anyway. And I just thought, well, it's fine. I know. I want to put it on there in case there's a new story. So what you're doing is you're creating a lot of digital debris. And there's nothing I hate worse. You started off this with digital debris. Yes. And you're producing digital debris nonstop with all of this mediation. You've got all these swingers, you're representing divorces inviting us to the

divorce cases, which actually might be interesting. That might be interesting. Right. And I'm dying to see you in action. I think the listener would love to see you. I'm sure podcasts one would love to come to you. And court, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. We can start inviting our guests to the Oklahoma County Courthouse.

Oh my gosh, I just, I feel terrible about that because I do hate the email debris. Digital debris, you are a poor debris. I am a huge, okay, so now I won't do that anymore. And I won't try to be courteous and just send one thing. I'll just let the office know. The reason we have a shared eye call is everybody can see it. I think that is so you can override the text or the email

that everybody's on that same cloud. And they see the same calendar at the same time. Therefore, any follow upup text or follow-up phone calls or follow-up emails are nothing short of debris. 100% agree, and I apologize. I accept your apology. I mean, that's bad. I just want it for the permanent record.

How many times do you think I've told you to quit fucking with the calendar? At least 10. Yeah. Yeah. But if I was like in the subway, I didn't know if it was gonna work. Yeah, but I've warned you about this. I told you you were doing it all wrong. Yeah. I didn't want to tell you exactly what you were doing. I was just like quit doing it. Right. And I just can't tell you no instructions. But the millennials do it. And you're still inviting everybody do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it.

I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it.

I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you're telling me to do it. I know you with you. But we all know what happens. Happened that last time I took you to the gynecologist and you stuck that pill up your throat. Right. It's just a bad omen. It is. It is. I think you should go to the gynecologist on your own from now on. Yeah. Lesson, we have to grow a little bit apart on that type of stuff. Well, welcome to I've had it. We are fighting digital debris. Yes. Pumps is going to lead the charge. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's Big Tits in the big city. She's the star of our show. You always say that and it's so not

true. Everybody at our live shows says, can I take a picture with the star? It's not, I'm not on As Whole Island doing this. It's not like I'm the crazy person in the loony bin. Like Pumps is a podcasting star. Like everybody agrees with me. Well, I don't think that's true. I think you're the star. Oh, that's nice, but you are. Oh my god, that's so gross. It's bad. It's really bad. So, listener, we're in New York City. The big tits are in New York City. And we have another big titted guest that's about to come in here. The most fabulous. A southerner turned New Yorker very recently. Very recently.

This will be her second appearance on Pumps' podcast. And it is one of our favorites. She is an international artist. She is hysterical. Let's welcome to I've had it Ashley Longshore. Perhaps I feel like I have all of these subscriptions on my phone. It has to my credit card that are just auto renewing.

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Get 15% off your first order when you use promo code had it at bowl and branch dot com. That's bowl and branch B-O-L-L-A-N-D branch dot com be sure to use the promo code had it. Exclusions apply see the site for details. Are we recording? Do I have to put ear things on? No, no ears. You all just can't sweat anymore. I've got to be sweating. Let me tell you something, these titties. This body, the other day I was in a fashion show and these mother fuckers, they don't sweat.

I feel a beat of sweat, go from the top of my head, down the back of my ears, underneath my titties, down my pussy, down my pussy, throw my tight, tank, down my legs. I feel like sweat on the back of my legs, into my fucking shoes. I'm like, can I get a fan's only account and sell pussy shoes?

Oh, you should. And I'm just sitting there and these motherfuckers aren't, they don't even fan in themselves. I'm fan of myself in one hand. I'm fan of myself with the program of the show. I'm just, yeah. I have never sweat so much in my life. The humidity. It's been awful. He made a titty. You got big knockers. Oh my god. It's the worst. You should be feeling like I want to talk to you about something. So I saw your things real. No.

You're the nice. They're fake. Yeah. Mine are real. They're real. Yeah. They're fucking real. I'm just anything to get rid of. I got tangled up in my own tits the other night. Oh, I could do that. Yeah. The pumps cost hers the Sagendragans, as you know. Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot. So one thing I saw on your Instagram, is you did a topless tour, loved it, in your studio. And I'm really thinking that you could be an inspiration for pumps.

I don't know how to do it't want her to get telebright parties. Like when it's kind of getting to be not very fun at a party and so I just ripped my boo-bout and hang a hanger from my nipple because I have these incredibly huge nipples. And they were trying to get me to do it the other day and they're like, I actually did it. Well, you know what I did?

Because I'm trying to be more vulnerable. Right. I feel like I'm at the point in my life where, look, I'm already an open book, but I just feel like this new chapter, my new showroom, my New York era, is about truly embracing all of my vulnerability. And it just so happens, my tits are highly involved in it.

And great. I don't think I can hang a hanger for my nipples, but I could easily put a stack of like $3,000. I want 100%. I carry everything in my purse, and we were trying on bras one day. Oh, actually, I don't want to want to put you, but I think I can change.

Wait, this is, this is amazing. They're putting cans in their cleavage cans. Yeah, it's not like with death, this is Jesus. Why? Somebody get me another fucking can of this mountain water for God's sake. No, it's not like with death. This is Jesus. Somebody get me another fucking Canada's mountain water. For God's sake. No, it's so good. You want to set pumps? You like to be.

I got you. I like it. I'm just problem with someone like me. But I really could give a fuck. Yeah, you're from Mississippi originally. Alabama Alabama. See, we're from Oklahoma. And I think we should talk about redneck shit. Well, we can. I mean, I was right.

Well, you know, I grew up drinking like Milwaukee's best. Yeah. And I had BB gun and we would shoot stop signs and stuff. And this is awful. And I very much not condone this. But my friend would be driving like in an open air Jeep. And I figured out how to throw a beer can while we were driving. I was not drinking a drive and by the way,

I was in the back of the car. I figured out timing, and you go while the car's going boom, you hit the stop sign with it. That is total red-necked shit. But that is some good aim. But I also want you to know, that is when I found out how large and thick and long my metaphorical cock is. You wouldn't believe it.

I had my cock hanging out in my pants for the last six weeks up here in New York. I've been swinging my fucking big metaphorical dick all over the place up here trying to get my fucking showroom done. My balls are so big. They hit the water when I take a fucking dump. place up here trying to get my fucking showroom done. My balls are so big. They hit the water when I take a fucking dump, okay? Like, but I'm telling you, growing up in Alabama, that's when you figure out exactly how big your cock is.

This is a young lady, a sweet Southern young lady. So now you're big dick in the big city. Yes, big dick in the big city. I'm a big dick in the city. I told these contractors that the day I said, please, I'm actually ain' in the city. I told these contenders the other day, I said, please, I'm actually a Southern woman. I'm nice. Please let me zip my metaphorical,

back up in my hands. Did you say that? God didn't write outside that. And I've been doing the same way. I put on like the seven inch Rick Owens, like crazy boots. And I fucking walk up to them and their head, their face is like right in these kidneys.

And I'm like, what are you doing?, their face is like right in these kidneys. And I'm like, what are you doing? And they're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, who are you? And they're like, who the fuck are you? I'm like, I'm actually fucking long. So I'm right in your fucking check. Mother fucker, you're taking four fucking breaks

in the last two hours, because my apartment's right there. And I saw you, son of a bitch. And now when you walk around New York, you will see they all the contrary. They just sitting outside eating fucking canolies. I have enough fucking great time. Yeah. Eating a fucking hot dog carrying on. Not on your watch.

I want to carry on with them, but not on my darn right. Right. So you know, I'm an interior designer. Yeah, I am aware of that. We bought a lot of your art. I put this on her mother to it. Yeah, it's right. So you know, I'm an interior designer. Yeah, I am aware of that. We bought a lot of your art. I put this on her mother's lips. Yeah, it's great. But I kind of like to, when I got into the best stuff,

I felt all day, other than when I did a whip it, when I woke up. When I woke up. When I work on job sites, you're right. There's just a lot of breaks that go on. But I had one project in Maui,

and this is an island time situation. Oh, God, that's the worst. So they would show up to the job side around 10 a.m. And then around two that took like an hour and a half lunch and at two, they're like, we're out for the day. And I'm like, are you fucking serious right now? Like you do a three and a half, four hour work day? You know, I don't know.

Honestly, do you know what we should do if you guys want to be billionaires and we could share the Gulf Stream? Let's start a company of female contractors. That like a great idea. That shit. But understand time is our most precious commodity. Yes.

Also, we've kind of fucking job to do. I don't know how you, I don't know how you deal with the contractors, drates, all of that bullshit waiting to come in. Like I had a house that I did once. We waited six months for a table to come in from fucking Italy. That bitch was broken a minute. They unrested me.

Yes. And I'm like, I would be so happy in a trailer. Right. Drinking fucking, what's that? Cinnamon shit, the red fire, fireball. Fireball. Fireball, fireball, butt naked. With a pan in front of my fucking mouth, you know?

And my dogs watching Netflix without somebody trying to enter me. Do you know what I mean? Like somebody signed me up for that. That'd be easier. In a lot of ways, it'd be easier. So tell us you recently relocated from New Orleans to New York City.

And I've got my farm in Louisiana. I was going to ask you. I run around, I drive my golf cart naked, and I got my dogs on there in my garden and everything and I love to go swimming. But then I got my spot up here. I've had an apartment up here for a couple of years. Okay, but um, yes, we've now we've got this show room open up here and it's pretty fucking amazing. Do you love it? I absolutely love it. I've worked 30 years and eight months for this. Never sucked a dick for money. Definitely been thinking about it. Daddy didn't write me a check.

Just, you know, luckily she's been selling my artwork. So she's like the only one in showroom. No, I've got the best collectors ever. And yeah, it's incredible. We were open last weekend for the first time, because I was literally like, if we don't pull the vinyl off the windows, I'm gonna die.

Yeah, I'm gonna curl up in the fetal position. We'll just do performance art, people love it. It's, yeah, it's this crazy. It's a dream. It's an absolute dream. But one thing I love about you is the women empowerment and how uninhibited you are about that. And we're from the cell too.

And you know, we're kind of groomed and raised to think you have to get married by this time. You have to have kids at this time. And this is what your life is. And I built my own brand as well. Humps is a divorce attorney, which is rather interesting. Like that. Fuck yes, for divorce.

Whenever people say they get a divorce, I'm like, congratulations. You don't often get a fresh, I'm like, congratulations. You don't often get a fresh start in life. It's a de-wonduishing. Yeah, yeah. De-douching. Yeah, you know, I'm not gonna sit there

and smile and bat my eyes. If I disagree with something, I'm gonna say it. And I think the most wonderful thing any of us can have as women is financial independence, totally. You know, whoever gives you money controls you. That's right. And you can be financially abused. Are you kidding me?

Absolutely. And a lot of women are trapped in situations where their husband controls everything. And the money. And the money. I see it. I see these women that come in and they're, they're, oh my God, they're the most beautiful women

you've ever seen. And, you know, they just want like a little small. And like, they've got big diamonds on. They've got a, I mean, I know you've got a $9,000 handbag. Like, I see you. And girl, you've got to go like suck that guy's dick and give him a pinky up to the second knuckle to get a little small.

I'm sorry. That is like 96 by 72 territory, if you ask right. Right. If you're sucking a dick and giving the pinky, honey, you need to get some some art real estate. Yeah, two or three. But I'm also like, or they're like, I don't gotta get an ass my husband.

Girl, get a job. Right. Your kids are 15. Like it's right. When you have an infant, like at some point your kids go to school. Right. Or I guess even if you homeschool, a lot of moms share that,

but like you have, I don't know. I, we have had children, but we always worked. And I will tell you the most dangerous time and the most dangerous woman I know are the unemployed. Does that alcohol in it? No, just water. Upper middle class, to upper class, housewives.

They have, there's no brain activity going on. So the kids go off to school and the fuckery that goes on, it's really the imaginary problems that are created. Right, the big chariomators. They are. That got to be. It's actually quite sad. Yeah, that're called the big chariomators. They are. That got to be quite sad. Yeah. That put the kids' school living through their kids. Yeah. And everybody knows if you masturbate more than three times a day,

you're just exhausted. The dopamine just starts flattening out. Three times is more than enough. Come on. Time management, bitches. Time management. Get in, get out. Yeah, I don't know. Look, everybody can do whatever the fuck they want. I just know and I knew very young. I'm not gonna suck somebody's dick to go by a purse. I'm not gonna say, can I go on a trip with my girlfriends? Right.

I just go make your own money. I agree. The greatest thing about this country is you can be a goddamn entrepreneur. Right. And it ain't gonna be easy. Yeah. And it ain't as easy as a blowjob. I'll tell you that. Hahaha.

Maybe I just don't give a right blowjob. No, they're pretty good. I mean, no, why not terrible? So I know that I was very fast. I promise you, it's, it's literally the best nine seconds of Michael's day. Hahaha. How that? That must be good. Oh, yeah, you didn't get the twist going. You know, yeah, I've heard about the twist going, you know. You just spit on a little bit of twist.

I've heard about the twist. You're gagging, moan, and then they're done. When's the last time you give a blowjob, Pumps? Oh my God, I mean literally, I would have to say, let me think. Come on, Pumps. I would, it would be maybe 2004. Would you like the balls?

Would you like the ball? No. Did you like the ball? No. Do you ever lick the balls? No. I ignore the balls. I've never done any of those. The balls are just... And I found out about the hint though,

twisting after my last blowjob. I don't help. Yeah, let me tell you something, gay guys don't do that. Oh, they don't. They go full in deep fucking gag all the way to the back to the balls, gagging on that dick.

They don't do any of these like little girl tricks that we do. Oh, really? Because it's better that way for the receiver? I think so. I would like to do an experiment because I've often wondered could my gay friend tell the difference

between a girl's butt hole and a guy's butt hole? Right. If we had a glory hole, a subtle hole that he will. Right, yeah. Could they tell if it was me or a dude? And I think if one of my guy friends sucked Michael's dick and oh my God, I hope his mother isn't gonna listen to this. Finally.

I think he would love it. My blowjob, I think that it would blow him away. You think you'd have a lot to go after. I do. Well, you know, I was just from Fire Island and I painted 40 Dicks in one day. I saw that. Really?

Yeah, and I gave them all away. I didn't paint on the Dicks. I painted pictures of the Dicks. Because I'm working up to that pumps. It was really, it was my first trip to Fire Island. You just don't go painting on Dicks first. I'm not gonna say that. But I really learned so much.

And I, yeah, 80 balls, 40 Dicks, five uncut cocks. Really? I've never seen my first ever running to one in the wild. I'd never run into one. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Can I see it again? I don't, I just don't really know what they were. Or what?

Or soft. Well, they were soft. But then one of them was like getting kind of hard. He's really a grower. And I said, baby, you will soft, but then one of them was getting kind of hard. He's really a grower, and I said, maybe you a grower and a shower. Right. And then he kind of pulled the skin back a little bit and I'd like, oh, whoa,

if there's a head and everything, it looks normal. But I have it unconsciously run into one in the wild. No, I have an either. Like, maybe I did and I didn't know because you know how shit can be sometimes. Right, yeah. I've gone through that in my head chain. Okay, there's a hell of a drug.

Just kidding. Just kidding. But I'm often wonder that, because they say once they're hard, you don't know the difference. I don't think you would. I don't think you would. I think for the dude,

they can feel a lot more when they're uncircumcised. Oh, is that right? Yes, yes, but apparently, you have to clean that thing. Right. Well, you've got to clean a pussy too. Right. So like, I mean, yeah, wash your fucking dick, bro. I don't know.

Get in there with the cute dick. When you had your signs, I remember you give birth, and then they're like, we're going to take the baby away and circumcise them. And there was this moment where I was kind of like, this seems rather barbaric. Yeah, it is, right after that. But then they bring it back and then you're so consumed

with that, but there is a moment when they take that baby away to clip his little pecker. Yeah. That you think, am I doing the right thing here? Did you have that? Yes, I totally had that because I was like, oh, it's gonna hurt him, you know, immediately over mother, but I've heard.

You know that should hurt. It has to hurt, but I've heard that it's going out of fashion, circumcising at birth. I think it is. Yeah. So I think we're gonna be able to see more in the future. I think if you make the way. There's a lot of potential for uncut dicks.

Yes, they're making it come back. They're making it come back. For the patriarchy, it's just super important that we continue to talk about cocks as much as I'm. I mean, because bless their hearts, people are coming for the Patriarchy these days they've got to have that widow fee wins. That's why that's why now I talk about my metaphorical cock as much as possible.

Right. Yes. You know just to fit in with the Patriarchy. Yeah. I know that you're equal. Yeah exactly. Exactly. Exactly. equal. Yeah, exactly. Exactly, exactly. Actually, I'm sitting on my balls right now. Where are your balls right now, Jennifer? Sitting on them. Yeah, me too. What about you, Mothers, stuck to the side of my fucking leg because I've been hot.

It is bad. It is bad. Now, are you dog-notted pumps? I don't know what that means. It's when one ball is lower than the other. I know, my little dog. I just got that middle picture of my first one. I'm so in there with little. Yeah.

You know how to talk about it? Yeah, totally no, but I think mine are symmetrical. Yeah. Mine are symmetrical. I'm dog-notted. Are you? I think so. I like it.

It's a little different. Yeah, it's bohemian. Right. You guys with your personality. Exactly. Yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm in this touchdown club with my son's football team. And so I will blast on the group text, something shitty

that everybody's talking about, but that no one says. And then afterwards, the dads will come up to me in private and be like, oh my gosh, I'm so sad you said that. And I'm also like, why am I, why do I have the biggest dick in the touchdown club? Because you do. Because you got big tits and you got big dick energy and all those pussy dads and they, that is such a post-moved and then walk up to you and say, I'm so glad you sent that.

I'm so glad you said something and I'm just like, where was your big dick? Yeah, we don't talk to me, you know what I mean? I don't mind. Oh, the men at sporting events. I don't know anything about that. High school, I mean, it's I believe. I have the men at sporting events. I don't know anything about that. I mean, it's unbelievable. I have nothing to do with any of that at all. I actually only went to sports activities just for the social activity.

Right. I don't really care. I think the cheerleaders are super fun to watch. Yes. I always end up watching drunk people in the crowd. And then, you know, and everybody yells out just to be like, I don't know. I guess football has already started this year. I don't know. It is. It's really. Pumps is really into, you know, we did a live show in New York City last night.

I know you did. It was so fun. And you know, the fuckers were on the today show twice. That is so major. It's been fun. It really was. She's always, she's only had one wet dream in her entire life. Is that true? That is true. How old were you? I had kids. I was, I'd say it's about 2018 to 2018. Was this a post orgasm?

Full blind. Was this your post last blow job or pre last blow job? It was a tie blind. Okay, so you had gave the blow job, then you had the wet dream, but here's the kicker, actually. So she told me that she had this crush on these female basketball player twin ladies. I always thought the wet dream was just with one of the twins.

You had a fucking menager 12 with the girls? Yeah, well, a woman knows how to make a woman come. That's hot. I've taken one up with girls, it's fun. I mean, at the end of it all, I'd like to make a woman come. That's hot. I've taken it up with girls. It's fun. I mean, at the end of it all, I'd like to have a big dick. But, you know, that's hot, pumps. Yeah.

Did they let go down on you in the dream? Did you go down on them? What'd you do? I was shocked. I was shocked. What's the problem? I was a teleprincess. What does that mean?

You tell them because I didn't know what it was until you told me. I'm pushing her. I'm trying to gaslight pumps into being a lesbian. Yeah. Yes, it's a little pet project. Because I do. We can find you some girl. I know.

But I actually know a dominatrix that could beat the shit out of you after we do this. I think I might be a little bit more daring than I am. Just saying. I'm here to help. But the pillow princess is pumps. I'm like, what are you? What's your hang up? Could you scissor? She's like, yeah, I'm here to help. But the pillow princess is pumps, I'm like, what's your hang up? Could you sizzle?

She's like, yeah, I could sizzle. I was like, could you let somebody go down on you? And she's like, yeah, her big hang up is she doesn't think she could go down on a woman. Yeah, you could. That's better than sizzarin. Sizzarin, that's too athletic. What are you, what are you,

what are you, you're like secret yoga queen? My god, I can really put my socks on in the morning. I can't imagine Cisarin, fuck that. Look, it's totally the truth. I only looked at the definition online and then I've like saw the picture and I was like, I think I could do that. So I'm probably over at where you're making my ability.

Well, that would, you were telling me about Cisarin, I didn't wanna say I don't have any clue what that is. So I googled it. So this could be a great spy project for me. To hack into your Google search history. I bet that shit's a gold mine. Oh, I can't tell you the acronym the other day. I can't remember what it was said.

It was like Kylie mh. We got to get that on the list. Hackendipum says Google search history. I love it. I wanted it on the pot. Yeah. But anyway, so I asked Kylie, our producer, she's gay. And I said, what is there space in the lesbian space for a woman that doesn't want to go downtown? And she said, yeah, it's a pillow princess. Yes, but I think you would.

I think that sounds selfish, though. But what did you drink? I'll go, no, not anymore. Oh, God, do you smoke weed? No. What about wipids? I don't know what that is. Are you sober? Yeah. What's a whip it? Like completely no Z&X, no melatonin, no nothing. Nothing. God damn, Homes, but you have liquid death. I do. It looks like I'm getting hammered right here.

Yeah. What's a whip it? A whip it is nitrous oxide, but they give you with that. Oh, with the dynastophic. I fucking love it. Yeah. Where do you get them? What is it?

The gay bars. Yeah, you can get them. It's a on my gay bars when I was growing up. Are you thinking about poppers? They mean on night right? You sprayed on a, you sprayed on a cloth. No, girl, that's motherfucking chloroform. What are you doing? I used to get in high school at the gay bars. It was like a canister. It was not your side.

Are you sure it's not poppers? No, poppers. Like it, you just switch it off the top of a poppers, but you sprayed it on something and then in here, you're whipping up a rack. Yeah, back in high school in college. That's cool, pumps. I'm in the machine, pumps. You just get cooler and cooler every time.

I have a conversation with you. No, you get them and you fill up like a balloon with the air. So just like when you breathed at the dentist, I figured this is going gonna be how I get through menopause and everything else. Cause I don't like to take pills and then I'm very compartmentalized cause I'm running a company, whatnot.

But I'll just do like a whip it and I'm like, fuck you, man. You're like, you're so fucking great. And I'm just relaxed and I'll just go right to sleep. A whip it before bedtime. I'm just a whip it. Or maybe right when you wake up or in the middle of the night, if you have like a panic attack or something, yes, whip it anytime.

I'm just saying whip it good. I did a whip it before I came here today. Where do you get it from the dentist? You get it from the dentist, you can order them on Amazon. Yeah. Thank you Jeff Bezos.com. Yeah, thank you Jeff Bezos.com Pumps there is nothing worse in the morning than waking up

Imagining that coffee hitting my mouth. I mean, I'm literally salivating like Pavlov's dog Walk to the coffee maker to make said cup of coffee and then I realize I Forgot to buy coffee the only thing worse than that happening is realizing you have to go to the store to get the coffee. Well, you know, I order a lot of my dinner from DoorDash because I'm not a cook. And now DoorDash, who I trust to deliver dinner to my family, is now delivering groceries. So listener, if you find yourself in a coffee bind in the morning, you can now go into your app and order that coffee and haven't made and you're right out the door. Listener, get 50% off your first door dash order up to a $25 value when you use code

hat it at checkout. Limited time offer terms apply. That's 50% off up to $20, no minimum subtotal and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter the code had it. Don't forget that's code had it for 50% off your first order with DoorDash. Pumps, the skincare industry is a minefield to navigate. I never know what I need. Is it 10 steps in the morning?

Is it 2 steps in the morning? Is it 20 steps at night or is it 2 steps at night, and it's so expensive. Fortunately, I have discovered the Inky list. My favorite product of theirs is their new viral plumping lip balm. You can get naturally fuller lips without having to get those injections. The Inky list does an award-winning science back skincare brand that has the right ingredients at an affordable price to get the results that you're looking for. You can get a whole new skincare routine for under $30. If you don't know where to start, you can start with their online quiz and give them

information about your skin and then they will tell you what products you actually need. Listener, this stuff is a game changer when it comes to tackling what type of skincare you need at an affordable price. Right now for our listeners, the Inky List is offering 20% off their purchase with promo code Hadit. Go to the InkyList.com and that is spelled I-N-K-E-Y and be sure to use the promo code Hadit for 20% off your order. That's the InkyList.com and be sure to use the promo code Hadit for 20% off your order. That's the InkyList.com and be sure to use the promo code Hadit. You know, Pumps, I feel like you're always on the hunt for the perfect doctor. Always. A doctor who actually gets you, listens to you, and makes you feel super comfortable. Fortunately for you, I've discovered ZockDock.

Fortunately for you, I've discovered Zock Doc. Zock Doc is a free app where you can find amazing doctors and book appointments online. We're talking about booking appointments with thousands of top-rated patient-reviewed doctors and specialists. You can filter specifically for ones who take your insurance or are located near you and treat almost any condition you're searching for. Go to zock.com slash I've had it and download the zock.app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's zoc.coc.com slash I've had it. zock.com slash I play had it or hit it. Okay. Oh my god. Welcome to had it or hit it. I would hit it.

I would have had it. I hit it every day sometimes twice a day. Okay, so Ashley had it or hit it the south. I just have had it for a minute. I got it right. Yeah, I'm good. I'm up here. I'm going to go.

I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. I'm going the South. I just, I've had it for a minute. I'm gonna remember. Yeah, I'm good. I'm up here, man. I'm in New York right now. I'm in the epicenter of the fucking theatrical creative world up here.

Like it's just like it's unbelievable. I've been in the South my whole goddamn life. And if I have to say anything, I'm tired of fucking sweating. Yes. And I've had it with like being from there, having so many great friends there, and now it's abortion ban America.

Right. And it's like, I've got to be able to have an abortion when I need it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm serious though. I mean, I have that. Yeah, I've had it with that.

I want to say gay, and I want to talk about deep-throating things with my gay friends. Yes.. I want to say gay, and I want to talk about deep throating things with my gay friends. Yes. And I want to go to drag shows. Yes. I want to be around people that allow people to be who the fuck they are and quit putting ramifications

on our lives because of Jesus. You know, like honey, your birth control fails, go get it, clean out, get an abortion, move on, have a fucking career. You know what? Yeah, I fucking had it. I've had it with the fucking South. Me too. Yeah, I've had it too. I've had it. I mean, it's just where we live in Oklahoma,

the culture wars and the imaginary bullshit that they're drumming at. Meanwhile, a 14 year old can go by a AK-47, right? She gets right by her uncle. She's got to have that baby. Yes, because of Jesus. It's just absolutely ridiculous. Had it.

Okay, had it or hit it. Small titties. I think small titties would be so great. Oh my God, I said it too. I think they would be so great. Like, oh, I've got some friends and they just have, like, they've got the shakest, like, French girl body. Yes.

And just like a little bit of titty with like, pretty nipple. And I'm like, they don't get tangled up in their t bodies. Yes. And just like a little bit of titty with like pretty nipple. And I'm like, they don't get tangled up in their tits. Yeah. They don't have to put liquid death under their breasts when they come into a podcast with their friends. They don't have sweat rolling down their pussies from their ginormous fucking chest pillows. Oh, I think it would be just delightful to have little titties.

Our producer Kylie has little Kylie show. Look at those little titties. I mean, that's the perfect size. Just little bit of heat up by shirts coming in. But yes, all the time, shirts and button. Or do you when you eat, if you're eating soup or something, do you look down and there's always a drop on the boobs? Yeah, it grows a soup shelf.

It's a soup kitchen, really's a soup kitchen, really. Down, no shit. Okay, had it or hit it, people that watch videos, either like an Instagram, or a TikTok, or YouTube, on their phone, and public, full volume up. No, your pods. Had it, you don't do that, it's tacky. If I hear somebody do it, they're like,

I'm sorry, forgiven. Right, forgiven. Absolutely. But, yo, put in your earphones or put that shit on mute. Yeah. Send the video to yourself and watch it later. I just look, we're all southern, that's rude. That is rude. That's rude.

Walking around with your metaphorical cock out is not rude. Okay, putting like with death under your titties in public is not or doing whippets. But, listening, listening. No, that's just so tacky as awful. That's just awful. I agree. Emily Post would hate that. She would hate that.

She would. She would. Okay, had it or hit it, Granny Panies. You talking to somebody that sleeps in Michael's underwear? Oh! Oh! Let me tell you, I have waged war on underwear, including the song. Oh, me too. I believe we talked about this before.

I will not have something punishing my asshole all day long when I'm trying to make critical decisions about my life. Granny panties are fucking great. I like to wear these little boy shorts because I wear all these like short little dresses and then I can kick and bend and stretch and I don't have to worry about my pussy hanging out. Right. I don't have granny panties but I've got like, have you like this little skimmed shorts? Yes. They're fucking great. You can wear them under everything and I love them. Yeah, they're fucking great. You can wear them under everything and I love them. I'm just gonna say, I hit it. I love Granny Panties.

Here's what I think. We should unite and do. We need to band together to bring back Granny Panties and uncircumcised cocks. This is what the three of us, this could be our platform. Right. Bring back Granny Panties, bring back my mental source. My mental source. Circle cock, I just be our platform. Right. Bring back Granny Panies, bring back my metaphorical cock. I just decided is absolutely uncut.

Absolutely. It is uncut. It is, it looks like that thing on Star Wars that came up out of the garbage thing. Like that is what my cock looks like. It's giant. I love it. I love it.

Giant up in your Granny Panies. Goddamn right, I do. That's right. Goddamn right. Right there by your piss. That's right. Yeah love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing.

I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing.

I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing.

I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that thing. I love that tech that thing. I love that thing. I love that thing. I love that thing. I love that thing. I love that thing. I love that thing. I love that thing. I love that thing. I love that thing. I love that thing. I love that thing. It is funny though, everywhere they'll be like, well, I have these big corporate meetings as if in like, well, you know, we just love you, but also like, you know, you can't curse. And I'm like, yeah, duh. Like I've done all these huge things, but like I would prefer to, but I am able. Of course. To not talk about cock or pussy or anything.

I just, I don't enjoy it. But I can do it. The patriarchy. I know, I know. Okay, had it or had it, Birken bags. I don't have a Birken bag. I have the HAC. I have the massive ones that they first,

you know, they would put on the back of the horses. Yes. I just think they're more dramatic. They're super heavy. So there's lots of like grunting and carrying on about how big it is. It's so big you can get your assistant to carry it. And you're like, I got this back so big. I just, I can't even carry it myself.

It's just awful. Listen, it's a status symbol. It's a ride of passage. I think once you make enough money to go get one, you realize this is just another goddamn purse. Right. This this Birkin bag angle make you happy. Are you that Birkin bag angle goddamn purse. Right. Right. This this Birkenbag angle make you happy. I mean, that Birkenbag angle, each of pussy. That Birkenbag angle, get you a Gulf Stream

or bring you a roast beef sandwich in bed while you watch Netflix. Like that bag angle and a do shit but sitting in the closet. And I also think it's assembled to make other women feel inferior if they don't have one. But yeah, that's that's But that's just the United States and how the game works here. Right, agree. Okay, had it or hit it, lesbian, wet dreams.

Hot. So hot. No, I hit that 100%. I'm all for it. Why not? Why not? Why not? I mean, there's so many boundaries

on people exploring their sexuality and it's just completely stems from religion. Yes. You know, if you as a person are attracted to someone and you feel some kind of thing, my God, I mean, Carpe fucking DM me, it's not shit. Rub one out, sister.

Are you a squirter, Poms? No. Oh, well, maybe you could be. I could be. You might need a rubber sheet and you don't even know it. We can get a new sponsor on this show, Liquid Death, the official drink of squarters in America brought to you by rubber sheets designed by you and tested out my Poms.

Quality approved. I'm telling you, I think you can help me with this gas sliding her to the lesbianism. I think it's been the missing component. Because I have terrible taste of men. But I have great taste of women. Maybe a French kiss to women? No. I'm pumped.

I grew up, so I'm bad at this. Bloody lesbian face. I didn't go through a lesbian face. Really? I've been wajosh forever. I mean, it's pretty great. Is it? Yes. Okay, maybe I'll try. But you may, I mean, you may want a big dick at the end, and in which case you could get pegged. Hahaha.

Pumps, I want you to do what you need to do. I mean, Carpe fucking DM queen. I need to. Do you want to go to a lesbian bar? Yeah, I'd get a lesbian bar. I love, let's go. Hahaha. I know one called the cubby hole in the West Village. Oh, I'd get a lesbian bar. I love let's go. I know one called the cubby hole in the West Village. Oh, I love that. Yeah, it would be fun. Okay, here's our last one.

I had it or hit it. Backpacks and purses for Stanley cups. No, no, no, no, no, no. I almost can't even discuss that. Just two of my were here last week, and they both had Stanley cups, and I was like, I'm not walking out in public with you with that great thing. Why are you hauling this, this, what are you about to go camping? What the fuck are you doing? I agree. You can erasmus tickets out of fucking Madison Square Garden.

They're awful. I do not haul around receptacles for liquids. I don't like backpacks. I don't do backpacks. I lived in Montana. We had receptacles called kin teens. When we went fucking hiking, camping, but we put bourbon in them like a normal fucking human.

I would feel better about the Stanley Cubs if there was alcohol in there, I guess.'t know some people do let me tell you we I do take your Stanley Cup everywhere we're I've seen you I know you do we're in the I forgive you but if you can go down on the Stanley Cup sweetie you can handle a pussy I believe in you pumps thankops. Thank you, Ashley. I think she can too. No, she drops that thing, you know, it's metal. And it sounds like a goddamn gun went off. No, I'm a terrible...

I'm a terrible... I really, really love the water receptacles. My hope is that she finds a really bougie lesbian that whips her right into shape, because I've only been able to take it so far. Right. And I need to pass you on to a great lover that will handle the Stanley Cup situation. You inviting everybody on the I-Cal for your reason.

But can I say something? Can I say something? Maybe at this point, you find a wonderful partner, a lesbian partner, and maybe, maybe I don't want wanna fucking have sex. Maybe all they wanna do is just have a companion. You guys could cook stuff, go for walks, watch movies, you know, travel, do fucking whip it. You know, like maybe you don't,

I have to always be like fondled or interred or messed with. Do you know what I'm saying? It might be great. I feel like men are insatiable because they're constantly making new sperm. We're born with our eggs. I mean, it gets to a point where it's just like, hey, you know, if you want to get some of this,

I'm just going to roll over. We'll be on my phone if that's all right. I'm going to help yourself. Help yourself. It's like a buffet. Yeah, maybe, maybe you wouldn't really even have to have sex because I can kind of be asexual at times Yeah, well you can still be a chronic masterbader on the side. Well, obviously it's love be easier Well, Ashley we cannot thank you. I mean, it's we love you. I love you It's such a treat. It's your second time fabulous fabulous I had it every year. Rev. Right. Hammer. Yeah. I mean, Titties that big cock.

I'm circumcised. I'm sure you're a giant. Yeah. All of our cocks could you night? I swords. Yes, we absolutely could. Exactly. We can sword fight. Listener, thank you for joining big Tits and Big Cock and me in the big city. And look up our hot shit tour on our Lincoln bio, go follow us on Patreon, join our documentary club and pumped to tell them. See you next Tuesday or Thursday. Oh, yeah. We'll see next Tuesday. You're totally a lesbian, poms. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. producer, the other was disabled, nearly blind and deaf. Jill and Wendy Blackstone lived together, rescued dogs together. Jill was her best friend, her sister, her, everything. But the sister bond was broken. The day Wendy and three rescue dogs were found dead in a garage next to a toppled over barbecue girl.

Jill said accidental carbon monoxide poisoning killed her sister and the dogs. Detectives don't believe her. Police arrested Jill Blackstone for the murder of her sister. Investigators think it was staged to look like an accident. So what happened? A source has come forward with evidence never made public before revealing the dark story of why

Wendy Blackstone really died. Jill was a good producer. There's no doubt about that, but would she produce murder? Is the question. Season two of Bad Bad Thing, The Blackstone Sisters, available October 4th,

wherever you get your podcasts.