I've Had It - Un-American Cheese with Matt Bellassai

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

Comedian Matt Bellassai dropped by the studio today to do some top tier sh*t talking with Jennifer and Pumps, in person. The three have had it with the 'is it cake?' trend, American cheese (the worst cheese ever) and the scam artists we call dentists. Jennifer tells Matt and the listeners about the time we attempted to do man-on-the-street interviews in New York City and Pumps cracks up at an A+ blow job joke. Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you to our sponsors: I've Had It is brought to you by Cologuard®. Are you 45 or older? Start screening for colon cancer with Cologuard, an effective and noninvasive screening option for adults 45 and older at average risk for colon cancer. Rx only. Learn more at Cologuard.com/hadit. This episode is brought to you by Peleton: I've Had it Podcast is brought to you by Pelton. Find your zone with a 30 day worry-free home trial of Peloton Bikes. Visit onepeloton.com/home-trial. Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps Special Guest: Matt Bellassai: @mattbellassai

I've had it is brought to you by Peloton. Find your zone with a 30-day worry-free home trial of Peloton Bikes. Visit onepeloton.com slash home-trial. Ready? One, two, three. Ah, I'm screwing it. One, two, three. Oh, that's weak. One, two, three. Ah, I'm screwing it. One, two, three. Oh, that's weak. One, two, three. There we go. God. Okay, so listener,

Pumps was totally on the spot because we have an in-studio guest today all the way from New York to Action City because he wanted to see that clap in person, which is exactly why it's here. It took her three times, but that's neither here nor there. But we're just going to go ahead and introduce everybody on the pod immediately because this is literally an emergency episode because we have a visitor from New York City to Oklahoma City, aka Action City. Welcome to I've had it. I'm Jennifer, I'm Ian Chi,

and we have with us today, Matt Bellasai. Yes, the Italian, you gotta give the Italian chef. She thinks she's Italian, so that's perfect. Matt Bellasai. I always say my family is chef boyard, do you Italian? Yeah. Because we, like our technically Italian,

but like we ate spaghetti out of a jar. So it's, yeah, I like when you put the spin on it, it makes me feel more Italian. Yeah, Mateo Belissai. Exactly. That's a good one. Okay, let me ask you this, were you razzled dazzled by the clap

when you saw it in person? I was. I was, yeah. Yeah, tingles all over, I'm sure. Yeah, no, I felt something. I don't want to, I mean, we just met. So I don't want to get too fresh right off the bat. But yeah, no, I felt I tingled a little bit. Another question. When you entered the studio and came up the stairs and you saw Pempsonite, could you tell that her star was emanating brighter than mine?

Could you, could you see it? I'm not sure. I can't make it. I, yeah, I mean, I don't want to pit you two against one another. It sounds like you're doing that enough for, for all of us. Right, right. Yeah. No, I mean, hey, I'm not getting in between anybody. So I'll reserve judgment for everybody outside of the studio. Well, uh, Pumps and I just had, and we realized there is something that we've had it with

that we have been remiss and bringing up on this fucking heaping pile of shit podcast of ours. Yeah. And this product is a heaping pile of shit. Uh-huh. And this comment and this had it may be deemed unpatriotic, but we're gonna go there. Okay. We've had it with American cheese. It's bad. See, okay. I also just had lunch.

I'm sure yours was more elegant than mine. I ate a subway sandwich in the car. It sounds divine. Here, this is my first time in Oklahoma City also, and the subway was in a gas station. Oh, yeah. I got the full Oklahoma city experience. But yeah, especially at subway when you have the array of cheeses that you have to choose from. Yeah. Yeah. American I've never quite understood it. No, it's so over processed. Cheese. This is how bad it is. I buy American cheese every time I go the grocery store because that's Blaz's treat. I don't ever use it. It's her. Blacers my dog.

I assumed it was either, yeah, a spouse or an animal. Yeah. It's her husky. It's he's shaved. He's a shaved husky. He's homosexual. Oh, love it. He's covered him a rainbow puffer because we've been told by veterinarians that you

should never shave a husky. But pumps is a bad pet owner. So she shaves her husky, so we're getting him a gay pepper. Yeah, I love that. Because we walk in the neighborhood and I didn't want him to be cold in the winter because he loves his walks.

Right. We're getting the pepper. Like in my mind, the owner of a gay animal, it's always like one of those tiny shivering chihuahua. I was like, imagine that it's like harder to find for a larger dog. A husky, yeah. Because they're always like, no, there's no gay person that's gonna have this dog.

He's a plus-up wing, the likes of American cheese, and we hate American cheese. Let's get back to the cheese. Yeah, it's bad. Okay, because here's the problem with this. If you're raised in America, you're told, whether it's true or not, listener, international listeners, don't lose your fucking mind. This is what they tell us in school. It's true or not listener international listeners. Don't lose your fucking mind

This is what they tell us in school. It's the best country in the world We're the best where the brightest our military is kick fucking ass raw raw siss boom ball USA That fucking cheese is not on brand. No, it's not No, and yeah, I mean you go to a a Wisconsin, you're gonna get shot, but I do agree. I just, I got back from Wisconsin last week, so I'm in the clear to talk shit about cheese. Yeah, they were like, you gotta try the curds. I'm like, absolutely not.

I'm not, yeah. No, when you start thinking about cheese to any cheese, really, it is upsetting. Yeah, but you know, the French, they've nailed cheese. Yeah. Yeah, the Italians, the real Italians, not a chef or a D Italian, such as yourself. But you know, the mozzarella and it's really good cheese. And this American cheese is so bad. It is so subpar, I would rather have a hamburger than a cheeseburger because

I would prefer cheddar on my burger because that's how foul I think American cheese is. And it's so disappointing to our brand as a nation that we have such subpar lackluster over processed, unpatriotic, not on brand cheese and I've had it. Yeah. I agree. I mean, I do think that is what other cheese would America have, you know, if not an over processed plastic.

Right. That's true. That's true. Square of cheese that you can't tell if the wrapper is actually off of it or not. Yeah, shiny. Yeah, shiny. Yeah, shiny.

It's got like a sheen to it. Are you suggesting that the cheese is symbolic of our national identity as a whole? I think I am. For the permanent record. I think I am. All right, you can never get back to what's gone of the permanent record.

You know what, I agree with you, Matt. See, I agree. Yeah. I agree, we gotta. I agree. Yeah. I agree. We got to get our shit together. We're always kind of saying, you know, these Americans, not all of us can be as rock solid as the three of us in this room.

I know. That's a lot of work. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to tell you guys something I've had it with. Okay. This is happening to me all the time. Okay. I'm on my phone.

And I'm like deep diving on Instagram or doing something very like, you know, I'm on the hunt Deep dark investigation deep in Google deep on the gram and I'm down and then I go back up to hit something at the top of my phone Uh-huh And the exact time that I want to hit the arrow to go back an alert pops up Uh-huh, and then I inadvertently hit the alert instead of where I wanted to go. Right. And I don't want to hit the alert. Does this happen to you all a lot?

I know exactly what you're talking about. It is very upsetting. I mean, the problem is when you get a message that you don't want to read right away. And you don't want it to be shown as seen as soon. Yeah. And then you accidentally click on it. And yeah, you should be able to click unseen. Yes.

Or something. Yes, I agree, because this happens to me. Yeah. I'm in the DMs somewhere, and then I like respond to one. And then I'm going about my troll monitoring some accounts that I like to monitor. Right? I'm checking some things out, seeing

what's going on on the World Wide Web. And then I go back up to hit the back arrow, and at the same time, it's like, Matt has sent you a message, like it's a reply, so the one I just sent two seconds ago, but I think I'm hitting the arrow, but right at that time, then I'm back in the DM, and it shows seen immediately,

then I look like a psychopath who's parked in the DMs. You cannot wait until they send you a message. Yeah, no, this happens to me all the time. The problem for me is that I am the person who's like desperately waiting for you to apply. You just, you don't want to seem like the person who's waiting for it. Right, right.

You know, it's fun to kind of be able, you know, when you have the hidden messages and you can see what they all say without hitting accept. Right. See, then you look like you're cool. Yeah. You're not on their mark and scene on everything. You're not a psycho parked out in the DMs. Right.

I love the hidden message folder. It's hit or miss though. Yeah. I don't know if you both get this, but sometimes I'll have people who accidentally forward my own story to me. All the time. Yeah. They, I, you know, I'll post that I'm doing shows and then people will send me my own story and say, do we like him? Is he funny? I'm like, I do, I do. I do. We do. Yeah, we do. Really funny. Yeah. We do like him. I mean, it could be worse, I suppose.

Okay, so Matt, tell us about yourself. You are from Chicago. You live in New York. Yes. You're a comedian. Yes. And now you're on tour. Yeah, and now I'm doing stand-up shows. And I'm really coming to the end of shows this year. So I'm in Oklahoma City tonight, and then Louisville is the last show of the year,

which is mid-December. Okay, how do you feel about being in like deep, red, Bible, bell territory? Well, here's the thing. And you can be, I want you to be as unfiltered as possible. You won't to our feelings. I am always a little nervous when I get to the Bible bell. Right.

Like, I'm going to tell a blowjob joke. Right. You know, someone's going to whip out a bell and start spanking me or something. Well, a bell would be, no, a bell would be a gift. Uh-huh. I mean, yeah, really what I'm afraid of is not a bell, but we have an open carry in the state.

I'm sure I drove you're from Tulsa this morning and the number of billboards that I saw for gun shows. It's unbelievable. Did you see Jesus billboards too? Yeah, yeah. What any Trump? No, there's one. There's one.

There's one on the way to Dallas. Yeah, there's still a Trump billboard at 2020 billboard. I slept for most of the ride. So yeah, I also have done shows and like, you know, I'll be on stage and I'll see people in the audience and they just don't look like the type of demographic that is going to love a blow job joke. And they're kind of sitting with their arms crossed and I'm like, oh, someone brought their dad

and he is hating this right now. And then they'll come up to me after and it'll be like a gay couple who has Hillary Clinton as their background on their iPhone and they're like, we loved you so much. Right, like see, you can't really judge. You really cannot. I have some great news for you.

We are a demographic that loves a blow job job. We did I mean you're in good competitive. I knew it. I knew I'd be coming into you know the last time pumps gave a blow job I asked her recently. Not only was you 2004. Okay. Okay.

2004 was a little bit last blow job she gave. So could you share a couple of blow job jokes with us? Maybe it could be, it could, you know, I don't know, spark something in pumps that make me dying to put a dick in my mouth. I sincerely doubt it. Yeah. No, I don't know if that my blow job jokes encourage blow jobs. If anything, everybody's going home and thinking like, let's lay off a little bit. Yeah. Well, a good thing about our age is like, I think 90% of the people that I know, like, they don't give blow jobs anymore. It's like, we're married. Yeah. We're dead with blow jobs. Like, that's circa 1995. I have to have one blow job joke because I like bad humor.

I mean, one, I talk about on my doctor has told me I need to stop drinking because I have acid reflux and acid reflux, you know, when your stomach sends all the juices back up the pipe, it does mean a blow job for me comes with hot and tingly sensations. So I will burn your dick off, but it will be worth it. Told you we're great on. Yeah, I told that in Tulsa last night and I don't know if there was mixed reviews. Okay, Matt. So what we like to do here more than anything is shit talk. Yeah.

Okay, because there is a lot of feckery that goes on. Uh-huh. And we have to know what have you had it with lately. Okay, so one thing I have had it with is when did we go astray? When did cake stop just being cake? When could we not just enjoy a slice of delicious cake without having to make it look like something else? Right. Because more often than not, the second you start trying to make it look like a shoe or a purse or like a hamburger, taste goes down the toilet. I agree.

And I care too much about cake to let it be disrespected in this way. You're a cake advocate. If nobody else will stand up for cake, who will? We're going to join you in this because I think this is something that has nobody's talking about this. No, they're feeding into the, is it cake? Cake has been high. Cake has been high.

They are. Yeah. Big bakery. Mm-hmm. Big bakery is taking down good cakes. Yeah. Just a basic fucking cake around a rectangle, a square column. Give me a Sam's Club sheet cake. And it's whipped icing. I'm your girl. Yes. No, but you're right. It tastes awful. They do. They always look good. Taste off wrapping cake and

fondant. Like that is not. Nobody wants to eat that. It is only for the aesthetic, and it's like at that point, the related thing is there's one guy in particular, and he's a very hot French chef, so I'll give him that, but he is like the chocolate sculptorist. Oh, I've seen him. It's true.

He has a show on Netflix or whatever. And I'm like, at a certain point, you might as well just use concrete. Like, I can't actually eat it. Then what doesn't matter if it's edible. Right. Like technically it's edible. But like, it's not,

because I can't actually eat it. Right, you can't go break off a piece and do it because then you're in the sculpture. Yeah, but no, if it's a nice sculpture, did you ever watch that cake boss show? Yeah, see, I think he's the one who started it all. I think he's the one that started it and I bet you a thousand dollars those cakes taste terrible. Yeah, I just like, I feel like we've prized aesthetics over flavor and it's that's not while me with taste and texture,

that doesn't sell on TV, but sell it in my mouth is what I'm after. Right, I'm in the aesthetic business. I'm an interior designer, so I appreciate aesthetics. But I'm with you on this point. Yeah, I mean, I don't want the cake to look like shit. But I'm with you on this, because I've been to so many weddings or a fucking baby shower

or a wedding chart that I didn't want to go to any of them, but I go because sometimes I'm a decent person, okay? Sometimes. And then I'm really excited about the cake portion, right? And then you get the cake. And then you get this icing that literally has the texture of clay that you have to eat with when you were a child. And before I got the cake, my mouth starts watering. Like, I have love's dog.

I'm imagining the buttercream, you know, I'm imagining the whole thing. So it looks nice. Yeah, and then I get it in the mouth and it's dog shit. It is dog clay. It is a constipated piece of dog shit on the outside of that cake and it's so upset. Like why is it chewy? My jaw hurts. All of the sudden.

Yeah. We need to defend cake. Yeah. I give me the cake that the truncheble ate in Matilda. Any day that we, it could look like someone dropped it on the floor. But if it tastes good, I'll take it. Yeah. Agree. Do you take pictures of your food? I, I have in the past. Yeah, that's so embarrassing. I haven't done it in a while.

Have you posted pictures of food on your Instagram? Probably if you scroll back far enough, you'd find one, but I think, no, if I make something myself, then I'll have to take a picture of it. Yeah. Is that a lot? We can make an exception here or there. I think if you make something yourself, that's different. You can order something. Here's the deal. We're going to Mexico in a couple of weeks. We could 100% take pictures of our favorite person on Instagram. If that's the case,

we changed the entire permanent record right there on the spot. That's how this is true. This part of podcasts will have never existed. Right. No, I like to think I always say because I, I feel like dating apps and food menus are very similar. Like everybody is posting their dating app photos like they're Olive Garden or the Cheesecake Factory and it's all of these like glistening photos. I mean, everything looks fantastic. of Garden or the Cheesecake Factory and it's all of these like glistening photos where everything looks fantastic.

And then you get the plate and it's like, this is slop. Yeah. That's like, I just feel like everybody, your food, oftentimes the grimeous looking food is like the food that tastes the best. I agree. Yes.

Yeah, just like a good hometown restaurant where all of the food looks like it was dropped on the floor a little bit Yeah, that's always the greatest food. Yeah, you also mentioned you've got some hang up with coffee. Oh, that's right What's going on with coffee? I tell us what this grievance is because we're always on the hunt for new things to be pissed off about Uh-huh I do not think you should if if you're coffee, if you're making it at home, and it's taking you longer than 45 seconds to make your cup of coffee, something is wrong. You're doing too much.

There are people posting videos on TikTok where they open up a cabinet and have an entire Starbucks worth of flavored surrups in their own pump bottles. And I- Too much. It's too much. I oppose surrups and coffees. Same. I'm a coffee girl. Let coffee be coffee.

Yeah. Let why do we have to pump shit into fucking everything? Right. I just- Yeah. I've had it with that. It's like coffee in Europe and Italy in your homeland. Yes.

It's, you have espresso, cafe americano, latte, cappuccino. That's fucking it. That's the list. If you try to order anything else, they'll spit in your face. That's all you get. That's the choice. You know what I think? The problem with capitalism is?

Too many choices. Yeah. Yeah. Gets overwhelming. Too much. I mean, the fact, one of Pumps' things that she's pissed off about is how long it takes people to make up their mind what to order at Starbucks.

Yeah. It's just ridiculous. Uh-huh. By now, you should know. That's what I'm saying. Everybody goes like the people that I'm most bitching about, I know for a fact they go four times a week. I'm like, this is not a surprise menu.

Right. I go twice a year, I know exactly what I'm in order. Yeah, yeah, like we've all, they're not inventing new stuff really. My related beef is people who make just very elaborate like high-end coffee at home where they're like measuring, you know, the beans on a little scale and then grinding it. And I can get into that, you know why?

Really? I respect coffee. Yeah, but at a certain point, I'm like, what are we doing? Do you not have more to do than worry about how much coffee and all that? Well, I guess I love coffee, but also I just love caffeine. And so I'm not above just, you know, cafe bustello instant, which slapped that in a cup with some boiling water if I'm desperate.

Yeah. It's not my preference, but like that is, I just want the caffeine, you know. And so when I see people who are spending 20 minutes to make a single six ounce cup of coffee, it's counterproductive. Yeah. Just they have those $600 espresso machines on their countertops and they're running a whole coffee shop. They've got a whole store that's on the ground.

That's how you guys this. At my old house, I had one of those built-in Meila coffee makers built into the wall. The water's plumb back there, right? Because I love coffee and I respect coffee. Okay, so you're exactly who I'm talking about. Exactly. I'm not going to bastardize the coffee.

But here's the thing, you push a button and it makes whatever you want. So it doesn't, you're not spending 45 minutes on it. I love the coffee, but here's the thing you push a button and it makes whatever you want. So it doesn't you're not spending 45 minutes on it. I love the coffee that this machine made. You put the beans in it, would grind it. Here was the fucking problem with the meal a coffee maker. It was the bossiest piece of equipment I've ever owned. It's bossier than my Apple watch.

It's unbelievable. This watch, I it is, it rules my life. Stand up. You're in a place that's too loud. I do everything it says, right? This coffee maker, you would get up in the morning and again, Pavlov's dog, like, all I can think about is that, you know, that, like dark, and I'm talking pharmaceutical strength coffee hitting my taste buds. You know, some imagining going in there and hitting the start button and then it goes it's time to De-scale your coffee maker. Oh, that's the worst. The de-scaling of this thing takes like 40 minutes. Yeah, and then it was like empty this, add more this and And I was just like fucking I just want the pod so when we move to our new house

I didn't put the meal a coffee maker in it despite It makes fantastic coffee. Yeah, because I didn't like all the maintenance of it. I- I- I- I- I- I truly am the opposite.

I like go get my bucket of well water outside and just pour it in whatever shitty $10 coffee machine that I bought. Okay. Tell us how you feel about the cycle of hydration. Oh, yes. I just, listen, I've been on like a fitness journey the past several years.

I feel like the number one thing is like- Hang on, I'll just stop you right there. Did you just say fitness journey? Oh no, did I step in it? Did you say journey? I think yes. That's just the simplest way to put it. Okay.

I just wanted noted for the permanent record that we didn't let it slide. Tell us about your fitness journey. Go ahead. I'm really what I'm trying to say is that one of the main things that it's like, you know, all of these fitness people are like even more important than going to the gym and eating properly is just staying hydrated. Right. But the second I have a sip of water, I have to pee.

It is constant, unrelenting. I didn't ask for this. I don't understand. We need whatever the opposite of like getting your stomach stapled for my bladder. I'm on the other side. Blow it up more. There's gotta be a way. Because yeah, I mean, I'm sure the older I'm getting now, yes, I'm like, okay, I have to get up to pee like twice a week,

twice a night, twice a month. Oh, if only twice a week. So it wouldn't that be heaven, it would be heaven, especially at night. Yeah, nothing worse. And I know at this point, I'm people are like, you're diabetic, you have this disease or whatever, probably. But for the time being, I'm just going to complain about it. I don't, it's a never-ending cycle. I agree with you. Hydrating and pissing. It's awful.

Yeah. Also, Kylie, she intentionally dehydrates to avoid pain. That's smart. You know, if you got a cut corner somewhere, I say do it. See, my issue is that I'm so lazy that I'll just hold it for too long and that's bad. You're not supposed to do that. It turns out. Right. You're an AI tract infection. Yeah. No. The number of times I have gone to the doctor saying, I think I have a UTI. And then the doctor has literally told me, I get 10 women a day who come in with a UTI.

I get one man a year. Who else is going to die? That's always you. And his point was like, you don't have a UTI. And I was like, no, I'm your guy actually. This is, it's me. But yeah, the number of times that I will buy the cranberry concentrate,

because I think I need it. I convinced I'm like the only man who knows the meaning. Have you ever had one? A UTI? I don't think I have. So you're a hypokondriac. Self-diagnosed. I am a hypokondrac, but only about UTIs.

And so I don't know if you talked about this before, but I have had it with cranberry concentrate because they need to warn you on the bottle. Have you had it? No, what's going on with cranberry concentrate? Okay, so we have very clean urethras in the room. But mine, so that's supposed to be like a natural, right?

I've always heard that, right. But it's not just like Welch's cranberry juice. That's what I've only think I've ever had. No, it's like cranberry concentrate. And it is, it tastes like you're swallowing a firework. Like it is the tardest, it hits you in the back of the throat so you don't dilute it You're supposed to kind of dilute it, but even even if you dilute it It's still the worst thing you've ever tasted really yeah

It is so powerful and so strong and it definitely feels like oh this has got to be doing something Right it's so potent. Yeah, but I, yeah, I'm convinced no other man on Earth knows the taste except me, because I convinced myself. I'm gonna be UTI constantly. Because you're a hypercontract specific to UTI. Right. And it's only because I never want to get up to pee,

so I hold it and then I give myself an issue. And I had to ask, is there an STD issue here we're having that we have some chance to do that? No, probably not. If we're being... Let's just say that the odds are... It's probably. The odds are if we're putting the odds on one thing or the other, it's like clear that it's because I've like to see...

More frequency. Right, exactly. Yeah, if we had to count up the number of times, it's because I play C. More frequency. Right, exactly. Yeah, we had to count up the number of times. It's because I didn't get up to P, rather than because I had sex. Right, I feel you're paying. Right. Okay, Matt, we're going to play a game with you called Had it or Hit it. Got it.

Oh my God. Welcome to Had it or Hit it. I would hit it. Had it. Had it. I hit it it, I would have had it. I hit it every day sometimes twice a day. Had it or hit it, man on the street videos. Absolutely had it, no more.

I, the second I see someone with a microphone outside my whole's clenchup. I don't, yeah, the internet has given too many people the power to think that they can just interview whoever they want on the street. I agree because let me tell you something. Kylie and I go to New York. Uh-huh. And we thought we were hot shit. No. We take the baby mics. Yeah, you whipped out the remote. We go to Washington Square Park. Oh, that's ground zero for man on the street. And we think we're gonna stop people

and ask them questions. First and foremost, I wanna give the people credit that do this, because it's a lot harder to find a candidate than you think. Yeah. Especially in New York. But we did it for about 15 to 20 minutes. We netted zero use of both the grounds.

And now have joined you in the Hattit category. Yeah. I mean, so I went to journalism school, spent 50 grand a year, someone did. I don't know. We're still paying it off. Thank you mom. And please, let's forgive those loans. But yeah, and we had to learn like how to do man on the street interviews.

And it's basically like get ready to be humiliated. Yeah, right. It's hard. And yeah, I just, I think that these, these teens on TikTok should have to go to journalism school before we let them just whip out a mic and Washington school. I agree. You've got to have some sort of experience training. It's not on the job training. They need to be degreeed. Yeah. We would have been banished and that was fine because we failed miserably. Okay, had it or hit it, charcuterie boards. In general, I've had it. I think, you know, just I don't I don't want to put my

meal together for myself. I'd prefer it be made for me. You know, charcuterie board, you're just giving me ingredients and telling me to make something of it. Yeah. I'm just, I'm not a grazer, you know, I'm not, I just, I like to have a full, it's why I don't like, I don't like a Korean barbecue place where they just bring you raw meat and I got to cook it myself. I know that's a cultural thing. So, you know, I'm trading carefully,

but yeah, I just don't, I like stuff being made for them. I like for them to tell me what's in it, and then I can be like, okay, I like that, because whenever I go to one of those places, I cannot decide. I mean, I'm the person that I hate at Starbucks. Right. I'm like looking at it, what is this taste like?

I'm asking everybody what the sauces are. I mean, I'm horrible, but I do love a charcuterie board. I do too. I'm a looking at it. What is this taste like asking everybody what the sauces are? I mean, I'm horrible, but I do love a charcuterie board. I do too. I do like grazer though. I like to graze. I like to graze. It depends. I and I'm going to go off brand here and contradict myself.

I think they're kind of pretty. They are kind of pretty. They can be in the right hands. Right. Some of them look stupid. You strike me as the kind of people who are going to a person's house where they're going to have a nice Shakutari board. Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to like people's apartments in Brooklyn where they're just kind of throwing whatever shit they have. Like a lunchable. Yeah. Like a lunchable answer. Yeah, it's not great. Okay. Had it or hit it dentists.

Oh, that's a big had it. Head. I mean, now I feel whenever I talk about the dentist, I feel like I need to cover my mouth. Yeah, I literally have a follow up dentist appointment because I had enough cavities where they were like, we're going to fill some today and you're going to have to come back for around two. So I have to go back for around two. And so I have to go back next week, actually. Yeah, I just dentist are so passive aggressive. They are. Do you take

the nitrous oxide? I see. This is what pissed me off about the dentist. I went to New York once, never went back because he basically was like, you have a cavity in every tooth, essentially is why he told me, not actually, but he was like, you got a lot of them and we, you know, we got to take care of these. And also some of them, because I still have my wisdom teeth, he was like, some of them are back there. And at that point, we should just take them out, because like, it's hard to fill a cavity in a wisdom tooth. And so I was like, great. So you just knock me out, right? And take them all out at once. And he was like, funny.

And I was like, what do you mean? No, you're gonna knock me out, right? And he was like, no. And then he said, it's always the big guys who come in and act like they're afraid. And I was like, what did? Yeah. So he called me a pussy to my face in the dentist

chair. When you're going to pay for wisdom teeth. Right. So I did not let him take out a single tooth or fill a single cavity. I saw something recently. I can't remember it was a true crime show, but it was about dentists. They're free. That say that you have cavities and you don't. It's a fucking racket. Oh, and they say that you should get like second opinion. Yes, yes. I've actually seen one. I again, could be totally made up and I'm just presenting it as facts. Let's roll with it.

But it was like they did some study they, who knows, where they sent some people to the dentist with like a suit and tie on and some people with like casual clothes to see if they would get different. It was like the same person they'd send to two dentists, but in, you know, different clothing. And they found that I think it was the person in the casual clothes got charged more. in the casual clothes got charged more. Because they assume that the person in the business clothes would be more like onto their shit. And so they need to be more.

I could be mixing it up. But the point is that they sometimes will tailor their diagnosis. The point is, Dennis, are running a racket. It's a racket. Your Dennis called you a pissy. We're adding Dennis to the things we've had it with. We're at war with Dennis.

Yeah. And I went to a different Dennis, the one that I like now. And yeah, he was like, oh, you know, I did a five cavities, which is better than one in every tooth. Right. And so, yeah, so I'm getting those filts. But the fact that it was a different diagnosis, I'm like, what are we not looking at the same mouth?

That's problematic. Yeah. All right. Had it or hit it mornings? You know, I'll say hit it. I sometimes, I might have written that I hate mornings, and now I'm going wanting it, but no now I'm going to be a morning person. No, I'm trying to be a morning person.

I always want to be a morning person. And so I'll give them that. I like, I want to be someone who wakes up with the sun and like, here's birds and isn't angry. And, you know, enjoys my coffee, but rarely does it work out that way. We are mourning people. Early or late time.

How, what is, what time is the alarm going off? There's no alarm. It's a natural wake up. I've had it with people who say that they don't use it alarm. We don't use alarms. Okay, on top of all the other things that we just fucking crush live at,

we are great mourning people. Okay, so add that to your other things that we just fucking crush live at, we are great morning people. Okay, so add that to your list of grievances about us. We boat, so when we are on tour, we share a room because we like to spend time together. We both wake up at like five naturally. We have the coffee delivered to the room. Pumps goes and makes my coffee. She knows I just like a touch of cream.

Not some pussy coffee, just a real coffee. And just a touch, just a tiny little touch. And she brings it over and she puts it on my nightstand with enthusiasm and pleasure. And we are in the best of moods. And then we start tackling the big things of the day, like whirtle and connections. And then many New York Times crossword puzzle

and when she share each other the results. All of this happens before 5.30 a.m. and our frowns are turned upside down. We fucking crush mornings. So you should see it at nine o'clock. It's just a fucking disaster. It's a disaster. Yeah, that's when I'm starting the day.

It does make me feel, because I also love, I'll do wordle, I'll do all of them. I'll do the full cross with every day. Oh, you will, very impressive. Yeah, and I have a pretty good streak going, actually. I don't want to brag about you, because I'm clearly bringing out my phone. All right, tell me how many let's let's see. I have a 51 day streak of doing that. That's impressive. And my longest one is almost a year. That is faking over a year. That is child's plan. That is embarrassing. I have 51 day straight. I don't know what happened 51 days ago. Wait, tell you what? I broke my streak accidentally too.

And she probably it's me about it. Yours should be over two years. Mine's like 500 something. Wow. With a hundred percent completion rate. Wow. Yeah. I'll get thrown off one day and then, you know,

yeah, it really screws me over. All right. Last one. Had it or hit it, Harry Potter. Oh, I mean, I got to say had it or hit it Harry Potter. Oh, I mean, I gotta say had it. Yeah, at this point in 2023, we cannot, we cannot support Harry Potter. I'm sorry.

That's to be over. Everything good must come to an end at some point. Like I was a fan, I grew up with them. I, you know, I like, I actually, this is a brag, although it's not because now Harry Potter is canceled. But like, I was one of the first kids, this is such an obnoxious thing to say. I was one of the first kids who read Harry Potter

in my class. And I remember it because I was in fifth grade and my teacher called over the couple of us who had read it and she was like, is it okay for my kid to read? Because I'm hearing some stuff that it's like satanic. Because if you recall, there was a big hub out there. They were like, you know, if you read the hidden message in Harry Potter, you know, JK Rowling wants your kid to, you know, suck the devil's dick or whatever. now, JK Rowling wants your kid to, you know, suck the devil's dick or whatever.

And so I was like an early adopter loved it. But now JK Rowling is a piece of shit. She's a total piece of shit and she keeps doubling and tripping on it. Just shut up. It's honestly like, it saddens me that she has this huge platform and it's just unapologetically a piece of shit and like it's just yeah Middle finger in the face of all of the fans who have been So we all and they hurt cuz she was like almost homeless when those books were published and now she's a billionaire Right and here's what I think like the lowest of all humanity is if you're out there picking on transgendered children, literally the most vulnerable of all around the world.

That's who you want to pick on and browbeat in single out, like I saw Candace Owens on TikTok the other day. And she was just going off. And I thought you are browbeating transgendered children. That is literally the meanest, cruelest thing thought, you are brow-beating transgendered children. Right. That is literally the meanest, cruelest thing you could possibly do.

They're not hurting you. It's none of your fucking business. Shut the fuck up. Does it make you feel like a big girl? Do you feel like you're hot shot now picking on a transgendered child? Yeah. I mean, have some fucking decent thing.

You know who does it? These, all these conservatives it drives me fucking crazy. Yeah, no, it is, yeah, it makes me sick. It does make me sick. Yeah, because they don't actually believe any of this stuff that they're actually helping kids. I don't know.

They don't, they don't, because they supported Trump when he separated the kids from their families at the border. That's not pro kid. That's creating generational trauma. You know, said no, they don't give a fuck about kids. No, they don't. Yeah, it's awful. The amount of statistics and stuff that it's like providing children with this care is literally life saving. Yes. That, you know, if the concern is, what if they regret it? Right.

More people regret getting tattoos, like totally. Right. Totally. And we let people do that. Anybody that 18 can go get 15 if they want, but they do massive psychological studies, psychiatric studies. I mean, it's not like a snap decision. Right. Yeah. So it is. I agree with you. Yeah. And the fact that someone with has big of a

platform as JK Rowling is just like flushed her legacy down the toilet. Yeah. Can you imagine out of all the things you're JK Rowling, you've all this money, you've had all this success, out of all the things you get wound up about in life. Yeah. That's the one. Right. That's it. That's the thing that wind you up. It's so bizarre. Yeah. You know that that's what you pick.

It's not, you know, like child labor laws in third world countries. Right. You know, or Kentucky. Either one. But anyway, I cannot tell you how great it's been having you here. Thank you so much. This was so much fun. It's so fun to have people drop by the studio. Yes. So good. Of course. And I love it. Okay, this is the part where we

have to talk about you real quick behind your back. Okay. I really loved having Mad on. So much fun. I thought he was so fun. It was so nice of him to come to Oklahoma City to think he's lovely. Yeah. All right, listener. Matt, tell our listener where they can find you. I'm on the internet at Matt Bellissai, wherever, you know, you can find me. Just fucking Google him.

Instagram, TikTok. Yeah. All right, listen up, listener. Follow us. Who give us five star reviews? If you leave a one star review, make sure it's at least really readable and fun. Right.

We prefer the five star. Follow us on Patreon, hot shit tour, send us a voice memo to Instagram to be featured on I've had it, come tell them. We will see you next Tuesday, or Thursday, or both. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪