I've Had It - Unwilling Mistress

Episode Date: January 18, 2024

Today Jennifer and Pumps are covering the Stanley Cup craze, the accidental war we waged on Australia and our recent cancellation on Conservative Twitter that resulted in a lot of blessed blessings flying our way. The girls also received some messages via our Patreon cult of listeners seeking some sage advice from our two wise hosts. Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you to our sponsors: eharmony: Try eharmony and get started today for free. eharmony: Get who gets you. Thrive Market: Join in on the savings with Thrive Market today and get 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Go to Thrive Market.com/hadit for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! OSEA: Start the New Year fresh with clean, vegan skincare and body care from OSEA and right now we have a special discount just for our listeners. Get 10% off your first order sitewide with code HADIT at OSEAMalibu.com Quince: Give yourself the luxury you deserve with Quince! Go to Quince.com/hadit for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

So we're supposed to start the podcast. Ready, one, two, three. Not my best work. I mean, it doesn't matter because you have set such an example for podcasters globally. I was gonna say low bar. Pumps, what have you had it with? What I've had it with is when you go in a public

restroom and I have the hand sensor for your paper towels after you wash your hands. I've noticed, to trend lately, that they give you about half of what you need to dry your hands. So you have to do it two or three more times. And I've had it. Because I'm always having to go over and over. And I know for a fact, I use more than I would if it was just one long sheet. Plus, I'm not great on the sensor. So it just takes me longer. I find it annoying. I've had it just make your hand towels a normal person size. We're not all infants washing our hands and drying them in a public restroom. It is a very stingy serve. It's a stingy serve.

Yeah, it is a really stingy serve, which then makes the person like you said, they're staying there fighting with the sensor. Right, oh, I'm standing there forever. Delaying everybody's imminent departure or the next person who's trying to get a towel, I experience this all the time. It's a great hat.

I've absolutely had it with that. Had it? And you noticed it's gotten smaller serves in the last three or four months. Yeah. Yeah, they're shrinking down. They're shrinking down. We got shrinkage. Total shrinkage in public restrooms.

Yeah. The shrinkage is out of control. It is. Nobody likes a soft serve. Nobody likes a shrinking soft serve particularly. I know you don't. That is true. The bigger the better for me. Let me tell you what I've had it with and this is just something that I've mentioned before, but I've seen some rather alarming things go down since we just, you know, had the holiday season. And I'm just going to go on the permanent record

as forcefully as I possibly can to let everybody on the planet know that I have had it up to my eyeballs with these Stanley cups. I love, love, love, love my Stanley cap. It is a cult. love, love, love, love my Stanley cab. It is a cult. It is a fetishist cult. It's unbelievable. The garbage that people send me on Instagram, there's one gal. She's got her Stanley cab. And then it has this like bowl that goes around the top of it that's like a plate and she put her snacks in it. Yeah, now I wouldn't do that. Ridiculous. And then you've got all these people at Target fighting with each other, crying, acting like uncivilized vultures over a cup.

It is a cup. And they're not that great. They leak, you know, they're not completely spill proof. It is just insanity. How everybody's acting about these cups, a cup does not need a purse, a cup does not need a backpack, a cup does not need a plate that goes around it. Everybody acting like they're going in to meet

Harry Styles at Target. And much to my surprise when I see everybody arrive at the kiosk, it's a goddamn Stanley Cup. I have had it. This is the end of this country and listen up international listeners. Y'all need to be vigilant because what America does seems to contaminate everywhere else, all of our fast food, all the fuckery that we do. Low and behold, it makes his way over to other countries. You need to stand firm and stop the insanity that is the stainless cup. It is not normal.

It's not cute. It's not that great. It is a cup. There were people that opened up their Christmas gifts, and this people put this on the internet. And they got a Stanley cap and they cried. You know, I might beat somebody up for a Stanley cap, particularly if it was on sale, but I would not cry. You would beat somebody up for a Stanley cap if it was on sale. I might. I really love mine.

I think they're great. You don't even carry yours that much anymore. No, I keep it in my car and it's like a good treat when I'm done with whatever I'm doing. It's in my car now. I'm trying to cut down so I don't peel light. But I do love a Stanley Cup. I find it convenient, easy fits right in the cup holder.

I mean, there are very few things I don't like about my Stanley cap. I mean, but it's like everybody's acting like it's like, it's a cup. It is a cup. It is just not that big of a deal. It can get through fire. You know what I think?

It's still cold. I think it's still cold. I think it's still cold. I mean, just if that cup is doing it for you. You know what I think this is a problem, you know, where I think this problem is at it's worst, where the suburbs. I don't know. I see him everywhere.

That's where I, you're in the suburbs. I just love it. If that's what it means to live in the suburbs, I'm glad I live there. I realize you're in this such a fetishist. I am, I have a fetish with a Stanley cap. I'm proud to admit it. I'm telling you people, I've had it. The behavior that I see online and the behavior of the co-host, the star of our show,

that she would beat somebody up that she would wake up. Didn't you say that's what they're doing in Target? She would wake up and be violent for a Stanley cap. Well, you know, I'm all talking no action. She is a violent defender of Stanley cups. And if it can make pumps, one of the nicest people on the planet be this violent. I think we have a huge problem, don't you? Kylie. I would agree. Kylie brought up a great point the other day. It's all bullshit that they care about the environment, the Stanley Cup people, because

they buy 25 of them and collect them, like the freak show fetish cult that they are. And if you have 25 Stanley Cups, how is that helpful for the environment? I want you to know that I've never liked my Stanley Cup because of the environment. I like it for the convenience. So I can't speak on the environment. I don't really think about the environment that much. Okay. All right. All right. Welcome to I've had it podcast. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. She's the star of the show. She doesn't care about the planet. the show. She doesn't care about the planet and I'm sorry everybody had to hear that. I've been trying to keep that for me. And I guess, you know, scissors are staying like up all the time. At least she's

scissorsing something. Yeah, no shit. I mean, that's yeah. Oh my God, Kylie, what's going on? This weekend. Kylie sick, listen. Yeah, we all had a very blessed weekend. Okay. I got on Twitter on Saturday or Sunday. And I've had a podcast, started getting tweeted, have a blessed day over and over and over and over and over.

So I started to investigate and it turns out something we shot a while back No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, So they weren't Christlike. They were not Christlike. Ironic. They didn't WWJD it. No, a lot of them would say, have a blessed day, you lizard skin bitch. I mean, it's like, like, the first half was Christlike. Okay, this one is from Unk Fritz, and he writes, Imagine searching for a podcast or video, seeing these two women and thinking, I really need to hear what they have to say.

That's good. This one says, Democrat women are disgusting. It's best just to avoid them. It's best just to avoid them. He clearly, alpha male. This person writes, looks like an older man, 75-ish. I feel blessed for not knowing who Jennifer Welch is. for welches. And the last one I'll leave you is from At Surf Baker. And he writes, Oh, you just wait until judgment day, lady. You'll be begging for a blessed day. I pray that

you'll repent and seek God wholeheartedly while you still have air in your lungs. I'm shaking in my boots. I got her sheets sweating. She's lost all color in her face. So I thought it was weird because I liked it Instagram over the weekend. And I liked it like the, you know, the heart which shows you your notifications. And I saw a lot of people writing have a blessed day. And everybody that listens to the podcast, like we use that tongue in cheek joking to each other.

So I had posted a picture of Josh, me, the kids on Christmas. And it said, I feel so hashtag blessed to have such photogenic children. And my dogs were in the photo, which we all know that my dogs are my biological children. So that's what I was talking about. Our listeners on December 25th are all like, I have a blessed day, blah, blah, blah. Right? It's been, you know, three or four weeks since Christmas. And I see this all start to pop up and it's somebody right. These people are not smart. I don't understand you. You go on your podcast and get mad about people using the word blast

and then you use blast here in your Instagram post. The satire was lost on her. Yeah, it's like, it reminds me of all those people that go to tramp rallies and they just get those people on a headlock in 2.5 seconds. And it just is completely lost that I was doing that. But I mean, you know, that particular day, I was worked up about the word blast. I think I'd heard it a lot. Here's the thing that the general

public needs to know when you have a podcast. You have to talk a lot. Right. And sometimes you catch somebody when they're really worked up about something. And then maybe the next day, they're like, I really was I worked up on that because everybody says a bunch of shit. Sure. So you become this caricature cartoon version of yourself. But I have to say that it absolutely brings me great joy that all these men on Twitter are so upset that we don't like the word, just a bunch of butter hurt, alpha male, titty, baby. I mean, they're going to track us down. They tracked me down on Instagram from Twitter

that brought us reference to a different platform. They did the research to find my personal page to tell me to have a blast day. Like I've heard, like each time they do it, like that it's some form of a dagger. Or you're going to start doing some serious, you know, inspection of your feelings about religion. Right, I'm gonna go get saved at the local mega church.

That's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, I'm gonna go, you know, I'm gonna go to the mega church and have lunch because they all have food cords. And then maybe Mozie over and have a coffee because they all have coffee shops. Then maybe go book shopping. Right, you know, and then go, you know,

to the dunk tank and get saved and then embrace the word blessed. Think of how happy that people on conservative Twitter would be, they'd feel vindicated. If that would do it, I would take one for the team and do that. If that did it, these people are never going to be happy as long as there are women in the world. If that did it, that would, these people are never going to be happy. No.

As long as there are women with opinions, gay people, trans people, right. Just in brown people, yeah, just other people besides them. Anyone, there's probably something that cannot be repaired. There's probably not a gifted surgeon that could do it. Is the teeny weeny problem. You know, so that's just, that's a ubiquitous area of grievance in their lives forever. But, you know, I think that's kind of a little,

because that episode was like 50, 60 episodes ago, right? Right, I'd forgotten about it. Yeah, they pulled that up from the ground. They put, put, resurrected it. They resurrected it. They resurrected it. They put, put, resurrected. They did. I don't know what it is about religious people. Instead of focusing on doing good, they are so focused on everybody believing what they

believe. I think it's just judgmental bullshit. That's what pumps thanks. Yeah. That's what pumps thanks. Yeah. Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle aged women? If so, please go to iVatipodcast.com or to any social media site I'm talking X, formally Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, et cetera, and click the link in bio.

And come see us at the hot shit tour. Make your pair of social relationship real at the hot shit tour. Write pumps tell them it's so fun. We hope to see there. Pumps, it's a new year, but you know, with this cold dry air, my skin just gets like a lizard. And I have discovered the most amazing product. It's biocia and it is the undaria algae body better. It can help your body have healthier, glowy skin all over all year long, especially this

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You'll get free samples with every order and free shipping on orders over $60. Head to osba.com and be sure to use the code hat it for an additional 10% off. Pumps, I would imagine with your dramatic weight loss that you've had to order a ton of new clothes to inject into your wardrobe. I have and thank goodness for quints. They have everything I need. Quince offers a high range of high quality items at prices within reach.

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quince.com slash had it. So another thing I noticed is we managed to piss off an entire country. Oh no, who'd we piss off? Australia. And I love Australians. I know. We really walked in it and let me tell you what it was about. I did it.

Just like I did the last thing. You're the problem. I'm over two. I'm over two. So I'd had it with the word breccy. Right. Well, in Australia, that is what they call breakfast exclusively. So I'd had it with the word Brecky, right? Well, in Australia, that is what they call Breckvist exclusively, is Brecky.

I want the country of Australia to know that I'm specifically talking about American, United States of America, Americans, influencers on Instagram that could not find Australia on a map with both hands and a flashlight. The people that, you know, live their entire life photographing themselves and making videos is the we're all waiting on pins and needles to see what they're having for breake. These are the people that I've had it with. I have not had it with Australia or Australians, but we plan to go there soon.

And then I plan to launch my list of grievances there, but I've never been there yet. So right now, y'all are safe. We like you. You call in. Y'all listen to the pod. We have a lot of listeners in Australia. Fabulous accents. We want to keep the listeners

there until we can go there and see for ourselves. But one of our favorite Australians of all time, one of the very best friends of I've had at podcasts who has now become a personal friend of ours because we have cool friends. We have cool friends. We're cool. We have cool friends. Renee Stubbs, friends, we're cool. We have cool friends. Renee Stubbs, the tennis legend was matter than a hornet. She's in Australia, covering the Australian open. And she and her girlfriend Eden sent me a rather nasty voice memo that I would now like for Kylie to share with our listeners. All right, ladies, it is your favorite Australian once again, and I just take a fence to the connotation of saying the words brecky and rezy are offensive because us in Australia

have been saying the word brecky for eternity, meaning breakfast. And there are a lot of other terminologies that we shorten because Australians are lazy, including Avo, Avo, Botlo, Servo, Maccars, Barbie, a Snag, Sikki, Coszy, Mosey, Chokkas, lots of different words. And if you want to know what they are, you're going to have to look at Australian isms because there are many and we shorten every word we can because we're lazy and that's just how it is So love you, but if you're Australian You're allowed to do this if you're American maybe Not so much

Okay, I Renee I agree with Renee. She's had it with us. I did say I love you, but so that's better than I hate your guts. That's better. B-I-T-C-H. But I love how you say I fucking hate your guts and then you spell out B-I-T-C. Well, I was going to say it's the next Tuesday. I was... No, because I was going to say, see you next Tuesday, but I know that's kind of a banned word. So I had to pivot in the end. I had to pivot midstream, but you stayed committed to the spelling. I can't stay committed to the spelling now.

Yeah, that was bad. You fucking WITCH. I digress, Back to Renee. So Australia has had it with us. And now we have to go on the Aussie Redemption tour. Right. Got to do that. All right.

Because I love Renee and I love Australia. And we want to go to Australia. We want to take the hot shit tour to Australia. So pumps, I'm going to go over these words with you and I'm going to say if you can guess what they mean. Okay, the Australian slang, okay. Now remember your sharp is attack. I know, but not as sharp as me. Not as sharp as Kylie. Not as sharp as Kylie. Not as sharp as Tubby, but that's neither here nor there. Right. Okay. Arvo.

I got nothing. Afternoon. Arvo is afternoon. Okay, now would have never guessed that. I'm trying to get like something in my head. Okay. Avvo. Avenue.

Average. Avocado. Yes. Avocado. Avocado. Very well done, Kylie. She would be a great game show contestant. The enthusiasm in which you answer these is 5 star. You're so…

I get so excited. Adorable. Okay. Alright. Chalkers. Chocolate candy bars. No. No. No, no, no it's chockers. Okay.

Bottle, O. Bottleed water? No. Kylie. Can you use it in a sentence? Hahaha. What do you like to phone a friend? Yeah.

Okay, I'll use it in a sentence. I'm going to go to, I need some wine. I think I'll go to the bottleo. Lick or store. Bottle up. Pops you. Get it. After I use it in the sentence.

Okay. Moccas. M-A-C-C-A-S. Moccas. Coffee. No. McDonald's. It is.

McDonald's. Say it again. Moccas. Moccas. Okay. I would not guess that obviously. All right. Snag.

Have sex on a first date. I was going to go that route like ask out. I mean, it's in a way we could connect the two. Snag, shag. Okay. Here's what it really is. It's sausage. Okay, kind of. You could snag a sausage on a first day.

One could argue a sausage could be involved. All right, snack. Okay. Let's do a couple more. Sikki. What Kylie is right now? It doesn't feel good. I learned this from a listener in a voice memo. It's what it's like when you call in for a sick day. Yes, you're having a sick-y. Okay, cozy or cozy? COSIE. I'm going to say snagly, but just because of cozy.

Okay, Kylie, a drink, swimsuit. Why? I would never have gotten that cosmo. Coszy? Coszy. Okay, here's the deal. We gotta learn all this. We're gonna learn all this because at some point we're going to Australia. We're gonna go with Renee Stubbs to be our two or guide. Absolutely.

And Eden, Eden, who's absolutely gorgeous. We'll be with the prettiest, coolest, Aziz, ever. And we're gonna have to practice all this stuff. Yeah. And then we can start a list of proper grievances of Australia. And I'm not saying this is a habit of mine right now, but I'm anticipating this being a future habit. And I want to go ahead and put it on the permanent record.

A lot of these make sense. A lot of them down, except for CAUSEY. Swimsy. COSIE. Nothing to do with it. I'm not saying I've had it yet, because this is my apology tour, right, to the country of Australia. In August, I plan on putting my Causion and going to the beach, using it in a sentence, but I think that that could eventually be a habit of mine. Would you say you're putting it on the watch list?

Causie's on the watch list. Okay. Ca say you're putting it on the watch list? Cazie's on the watch list. Okay. Cazie is 100% on the watch list. Okay, listeners, we have this Patreon club that before we knew it's kind of morphed into a cult and we watched documentaries about cults, the cult leaders seem to have a lot of perks. Right. It's not a bad gift if you're the leader. Pumps and I thought it would be kind of cool if we were cult leaders.

Thanks to all from there. It's a shit show. We love it. It's fun. We're called the titty mommas. The people in the culture, the titty babies. And the titty babies have left messages on Patreon. They they need help on stuff. Okay. And so I'm going to read several of these and then we're going to review and discuss. Okay, so Rachel from the Patreon Club sent the following, buckle up, Jen and Pumps, because I've had it with having to have a forced conversation with the Costco samples squad. I know these people are just doing their jobs, but I've started

putting my mask on just to avoid their well-meaning samples slinging. I know these people are just doing their jobs, but I've started putting my mask on just to avoid their well-meaning sample slinging. I did not come here for a play date with a condiment cup full of Kirkland brand protein shake. I'm here to bulk by the essentials, a lifetime supply of probiotics to counteract my questionable food choices, including but not limited to your rotisserie chicken and oatmeal cookies. Well done, Rachel. I love that. Rachel brings up a really good point.

She does. And I'll tell you what that point is. There, I mean, COVID was awful. Okay. And it was a global pandemic and people died. And that was terrible. However, there were some perks, right? The mask and being able to not put on makeup,

to avoid people at all costs, to feel completely fine, not talking to people, putting your hand up, like, right, you know, like, I need space here, I miss that. Yeah, I do too. It's a real adjustment in the beginning, but it's lovely. The non-small talk world is nice. But here's the problem. And Rachel brings up a great point. A lot of people go to these places like Costco because of the samples.

They're like, eat lunch. So I think people encourage this kind of bad behavior. But you know what it is? It's a huge stray cat feeding session. I will cost you. 100%. 100%. People dig it. This is why I order my supplies online. I mean, no, no small talking. The mask brilliant, man. You know what's interesting about you is you oftentimes tell me how much you hate small talk. Yet when I'm out in public with you, I'm really fighting for my life to get you away from small talking. I know.

I'm the queen. I just can't stop. It's like I, it's like you plug me in and it's like the energizer bedding. I can never stop. I wonder if it's a symptom of the Stanley Cup fetish. You know, Stanley Cup people, they're big small talkers too. It's a part of that. I definitely am.

I break all the rules that I hate on other people. All right. We have an anonymous Patreon post that says this person once advice. I am a 95 pound openly gay Siberian Husky located in the Southern United States. I have an ongoing issue where for reasons that are not entirely clear to me, my owner has been taking me to people to shave my entire body. It actually feels pretty nice in the summer, but it's very emasculating. How can I rectify this and what sort of sounds can I make to let my owner know how I feel about this situation? That's fantastic. That is fantastic. My question is, Kylie, did you write it?

Anonymous? No. No, these are our Patriot. These are the cult members. They're smart and clever. No, they are smart and clever. That's funny So you know the situation I would say anonymous is that I think Probably what would get her attention would be to feign an illness Would be the number one thing and then I would shiver as much as possible. Yeah, the shivering would do it probably. Yeah, I would I would sh And Swinner, he gets right up next to me under a blanket. Just right about my pillow. We're spooning. So, listen, recently he's had like some health issues.

Nothing major. And pumps has had to get him tested. And so, pumps just on the phone with the vet. And they eliminated all these things. And I looked at her and I said, do you have him tested for hypothermia? So rude. And I was like, no, it tested for hypothermia? So rude. And I was like, no, it's not hypothermic.

Okay, this is from Lauren. And Lauren wants some advice. Hello, Titi Mothers. Lauren here. I have a dog related issue. So pumps, you may want to sit this one out. But I love you more than anything in the world and would appreciate your wisdom despite the bad pet ownership allegations. Anyway, I live in a studio apartment and I am a single

woman in my 20s. My dog scout is my everything, but she can't seem to understand that she is not invited to my sexual encounters. No matter what, when it starts getting hot and heavy, Scout will try to join in. She even licked a guy's butthole one. He dumped me soon after. I've looked on the internet for advice and have not found match. Besides giving her long lasting treats, tried that but sometimes the session lasts longer than the con, you know, good for her and desensitizing by playing porn for her, which I will not be doing. The last thing I need is a dog with a porn addiction. She's surely she's kidding that they say watch porn for your dog. They say watch porn for your talk.

Plus they got you. We got to get through this. Everybody got a lawyer in your hilarious. Okay. So any advice on how to keep scout occupied while I'm sliding it up. At this point, I wouldn't even care if she just set what widely. Thanks in advance.

You ladies are my everything. Well, pumps, what would you recommend, Lauren, do? Lauren, I would shut the door. She lives in the studio apartment. Okay, well, I would get a crate and then put the dog in there. That's what I would do. Well, she started out, see, this is why these are the problems.

This is why she said, you may want to sit this one out because she says, scout is her everything. Right, but I mean, do you want to get later not put the dog in the crate in the bathroom? That's what I would do. But we all know I'm a bad pet owner, allegedly. I wonder if the bathroom has a door on it. Yeah, I mean, I definitely take the dog out of the bedroom somehow, some way.

I wonder if she has a neighbor or she could run the dog over to her, but if it's spontaneous. All right, I'm getting ready to have sex. Can you watch my dog please? I'll tell you what blows me away about that whole thing. Is the sex last longer than the dog? Long lasting dog treats. Yeah, Lauren's not messing around.

No, Lauren should give me some tips. She's, well, it's not as much dependent upon probably you as it would be the male's ability. God, I know it's been a while for you, but it's been a minute. You as it would be the male's ability. God, I know it's been a while for you. It's been a minute. Yeah. What would you do? Oh, this is a, I mean, this is a real dilemma.

This is a problem. I mean, she's Googled the internet suggested she let the dog watch porn. Dog gets excited. Thanks to the rough housing. He might even get in there. She might even get the you imagine the surprise. I mean, Lauren, this is tough. I mean, okay, you're the deal.

I would say you have to put the dog in the bathroom with a treat. A couple of treats, right? Oh, man, but the dog thing goes crazy. then it could turn the guy off, because the dog's just wailing in the bathroom, because like if I put, if I just put my dogs in a bathroom and shut the door, they definitely scream. They would lose their minds and think that I have just dropped them off at some sort of military training camp. Right.

And they could be in a closet with fluffy dog beds and chew toys but if I put them in a closet or a bathroom and shut the door my dogs would think I'd abandon them. Maybe she should put some porn on the iPad. God, Lauren, I don't know. It's a tough one. It's tough. Go to the guys house. Yeah, but maybe she likes being around. Well, and you probably feel safer at your house. Maybe she doesn't want to leave Scout unattended. Like you. Get a male Scout.

Get a male dog for Scout. That's a great idea. Obviously, Horny. Right. Scout needs a boyfriend. Needs a fuck buddy. Yeah, that's what you do. If you still had your dog scout,

you could give your scout to her, but since your dog ran away from home due to bad pet ownership. Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea. Let me ask you, because this is kind of a debate with people in your house. You've got doors and rooms. Yeah, are you no dog in the room during sex?

Or do you care? My dogs can be in the room. I prefer them not, but they have to be by me. So it's more traumatizing for them to not, but they don't participate and they don't watch when they're in the room. Off the bed. They're off the bed.

Yeah. How do you know they don't watch? Because I look. They're my children. I want to make sure they don't see their mother being a slut for God's sake. What do you do, pumps, with all the sex that you have? I mean, I just, let me ask you this.

Have you even had sex since you've had I mean, let me ask you this. Have you even had sex since you've had blaze? Yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah, the married man. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, listen, here's a deal we've got over it before. A guy lied to Pops, acted like he was single. She fell for her client's sinker. She ended up having a, she was an unwilling participant.

And willing mistress. She was a mistress. So did you have sex in your house? No, it was a place there. What would you do in that situation? I'd hit him in another room. I'd shut the bedroom door. You. Where's the place there? No. What would you do? And that's what I put him in another room. I shut the bedroom door. You just shut the bed. What if he was hailing and barking in the hallway? Well, he, I think he'd just go the cat. I don't know. I don't know what I would do. I mean, it's a dilemma. A lot of things would have to happen before

that happens. So there'd be, it's a whole domino effect that would have to go in. Okay. know a fact that we have to go in. OK. Paps, I've got to tell you about thrive market. It is my go-to for all of my grocery and household essentials and the convenience of getting everything online. And then it's quickly shipped to my doorstep is the biggest asset for me. I love that thrive market carries brands

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Thrivemarket.com slash had it. This podcast is brought to you by e harmony. Don't you think finding someone who gets you and everything about you is really hard? I think it's so hard. And you know what? You're not alone. That's because we're human. And there's a lot of different humans out there, which is why e-harmonies' personality-based dating app helps you find someone you can be your whole self with. Someone you can be fully comfortable with. Do you think you could give it a try, Pumps? I really like the idea that it's personality-based, so yes, I think I could.

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Try e-harmony and get started today for free. e-harmony. Get. Who gets you? Now we have another Patreon Titty baby with a problem, Kyle. Okay. Kyle says, yeah, I have a huge problem. Why is everyone in my life participating in these damn closet clean out sales on Facebook?

How low of a point do you have to be in your life to sell an old raggedy, mildly, shine top for $2 in the comments of a Facebook post, not to pat myself on the back or anything, but it has never occurred to me to do anything other than to donate old clothes. How do I call out this insane behavior without getting a saliliqui about how someone is trying to earn some extra cash

for their family, especially when I know that they and their spouse make over six figures and aren't strapped for cash. Is the husband holding money hostage? Are they trying to show off that they fit into an excess? Who knows anymore? I'm over it. I've had it. Donate that shit. Get the tax right off and call it a day. See, I agree with that. I totally agree with him. I agree with that. I think obviously these Facebook market things, like what he's talking about. They're a disaster.

Well, they're kind of the new virtual garage sale. It's a total garage sale. I see these people and now they're trying to put it on Instagram stories and some chair. I have a chair, $75, OBO, or best off. And I'm like, I didn't join Instagram to shop. I already have the shit that Instagram's tackling me for. All this shit that I fall prey to after I've taken a couple of melatonin,

and that's neither here nor there, but I sure I don't wanna go to a garage sale. Right, now, I just, that's not my thing. I'm not into it. I think it's a bigger pain in the ass stuff to do all the stuff to get it ready to sit. Like, you have to take pictures of it. You have to post about it. You have to decide what you're going to make of it. I mean, I'm a donator. I'm a donator as well. And my sons love to thrift shop. My sons loved or my youngest loves to thrift shop. I mean, they love it. Love it. That's

their whole thing, but it's the heart of going out to do it. And then there's these like thrift shop websites that they do. And my kids like absolutely love all that. They're much better people than I am. For sure. I want all new clothes. Yeah. They want all used clothes. Again, somehow managed to raise better people than I am, which is a mystery and to itself.

But Kyle, I agree with you. Huge problem. But here's what I'm going to say. I've been remiss in saying this. Kyle, get agree with you, huge problem. And but here's what I'm gonna say. I've been remiss in saying this. Kyle, get the fuck off Facebook. That would end about 75% of your grievances right there. Right. I have a Facebook, but I never get on it. Is it just a, it was just so, it was so miserable.

It was just, it was so bad. Lots of patriots on Facebook. Okay. All right, Lily. Hi of patriots on Facebook. Okay. I lily. Hi, Titi mama. How do I quit my job? I've been with the company for four years since they open and I can't take it anymore. I am stressed and overworked. But I become very close with the owner, our kids or friends, etc. I feel like I just can't quit. I feel stuck. Help. friends, et cetera. I feel like I just can't quit.

I feel stuck, help. I think that if she's friends with her, she just needs to tell her that she sounds something better and she appreciates opportunity. I mean, I'm pretty co-dependent, but that, I would not feel co-dependent about, I don't think. I think this is, Lily looks like in the picture that she has really small kids.

And I think this is something that gets easier as you get older. I agree. It's very difficult in early adulthood to be able to meet your own needs and meeting other people's needs and making other people happy. It's a really difficult struggle because when people ask you to do something, you're eager to do it, you want to be helpful, but oftentimes you neglect your own needs. And as you get older, it's easier to be more assertive for your own needs.

So I would say, Lily, you'll have to start dropping hits. Like I'm not going to have the time to do this anymore. And maybe a slow quit will be easier for you. But I will say this, the slow drip is always very painful. Yeah, I think I would almost say, I can only do this for three more months. I'll help you find somebody else, but like, give it a drop dead day. Yeah. So she knows it's coming because I think the slow quit is more torturous than anything.

Yeah. Okay. Alejandro from Patreon says, how do I deal with the man flu? My husband was uncontrollably sobbing in the shower because he didn't feel good. And I had to console him by putting my arm, which is now wet in the shower, and pat his back like a fucking toddler.

How do I not make fun of him for looking so weak? I do not want to hear it from him when I am bleeding out from my vagina once a month. What a fucking titty baby. Men are the biggest ball baby titty babies. A sick man is the worst. I'll tell you what I do.

Alejandra, I have established myself as a nurse ratchet. You have. There are two types of nurses in the world. There's a nurse ratchet and a nurse nightingale. And if you ever start to let people think that you're a nightingale, you're always going to have to be their savior. But if you're a ratchet, then they want nothing to do with you. They didn't want you to know they're sick.

So when Josh gets sick, I mean, the first couple of years of marriage, I remember it was this huge production. I haven't heard a pee bout of him. And a decade and a half about illness, because I just nurse ratchet that shit like you would not believe. So here's my advice to you, Alejandro. Be mean. But she has a point when I'm sick, I don't want, I don't want sympathy, I don't want

somebody to baby talk me. No, tending to. I don't want any of that. I can deal with it myself. Yeah, but a lot of people love to be sick so everybody can just love on. I'm gonna do everything for him. Okay. Lucy from Patreon says, I've had it with people in public, always telling me to smile. I can't help it that my resting face reads cut. But you pointing it out to me in the grocery store, when all I'm thinking about is what's for dinner is just making it a self-fulfilling prophecy, because all I want to do then is to backhand them. It's usually men commenting. So sometimes I think it's a pathetic way of flirting, but I don't know what's the correct response. Go fuck yourself. You know, like some people, like you might be wearing jeans with a hole in it,

or you might have maybe like a a hole in it or you might have maybe like a platform shoe on and you got some old boomer that's like you think your shoes are tall enough you got a hole in your jeans yeah and this is kind of in that same vein yeah although it sounds like for Lucy some of these people are like age appropriate but here's what I have to say in my mind I would say mind your own fucking business. Right. Why do you care?

Don't talk to me. Go fuck yourself. Right. But in reality, I really think if somebody looked at me and said, why aren't you smiling, I really think I would 1,000% ignore them and act like I didn't even hear them say it and move on. I would not even remotely feed that cat in the least bit. You're better about not feeding stray cats than me.

It's not even in the same league. I'm like a PhD and you're like in your poopy diaper. Yeah, I think I would probably just be like, roll my eyes and keep moving. Unless he was cute and then I might say, give me something to smile about. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh my God, Judge Judy Diana. Give me something to smile at. And then what would you do next? Probably run if they tried. Hahaha. Hahaha. God, it's such a horrible thing that people are asking us for advice. I know it's rock bottom for them.

For them. No question. All right. So join us on Patreon so that you can be a part of the documentary club and the cult of the Tiddy Mamas. Leave us a five star review, come see us on tour. We are really cranking out the YouTube. Yeah, we started a news channel,

which ripped crazy conservatives as a total blast. And I think that's all we got. Tell us. Tell us. Tell us. Tell you what I've had it with. Let's hear it. That's all we got. Tell us. Until the next Tuesday or Thursday or both.