I've Had It - You're Not a Psycho, You're a Revolutionary

Episode Date: March 28, 2024

Jen and Pumps are back it, reading some of the juiciest lies ever told by users on Reddit. Jennifer has had it with those claiming to miss the 'good old days' because we all know the only thing they miss is the ability to openly be a d**k and not get called out for it. Pumps shares a dating story with the listeners that ends in her throwing a glass of water on a mans crotch in a packed restaurant. NEW MERCH IS NOW AVAILABLE at https://ivehadit.store Come see I've Had It live on the Hot Sh*t Tour! More info & tickets are available at https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast and subscribe to I've Had It wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you to our sponsors: This episode is brought to you by Peloton: Wherever you’re starting, get moving with a Peloton Bike or Bike+ rental at www.onepeloton.com/bike/rentals. Terms apply. Happy Mammoth: Listener, you can get your first bottle of Hormone Harmony for 15% OFF if you use the code HADIT on the checkout page. Go to www.HappyMammoth.com and enter the promo code HADIT on the checkout page. Quince: Indulge in affordable luxury! Go to https://Quince.com/hadit for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. StitchFix: Style that makes you feel as good as you look—get started today at https://StitchFix.com slash/HADIT Subscribe to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/IveHadItPodcast Follow Us: I've Had It Podcast: @Ivehaditpodcast Jennifer Welch: @mizzwelch Angie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumps

I've had it is sponsored by Peloton. Ready? One, two, three. I mean rock and roll. Killed it. You look so cute in our I Love I've Had It merch with the coordinating green jeans. Full rainbow today. Meemaw is the best model on the planet. I'm going to start doing some senior modeling. Oh.

For the AARP. Meemaw modeling. We'll talk about that in our Patreon post show. For those of you that have not joined our cult, go to Patreon and join. Welcome. P welcome pumps what have you had it with okay what I've had it with are plopping vending machines so last week I was at the courthouse I'm talking to another lawyer getting her drink I'm getting my drink hers has the vending machine with the arm that brings

down your drink. I am talking and don't notice that I've got a plopper. I've got a plopping vending machine. What's a plopper? It means it just drops the can. So we're sitting there, I open it up mine and it sprays all over me head to toe, Dr. Pepper, just completely all over me. Why are those not outlawed? No plopping vending machine. Haven't they always been ploppers? Yes, they always were ploppers, but the technology has advanced and hers was not a plopper. Mine was a plopper. And so then you had Diet Dr. Pepper.

All the way down in court and of course I was first one on the docket. So I'm dripping Diet Dr. Pepper at court because the plopping vending machine. For best legal representation in the Oklahoma City area, contact MIMA. Yes. The plopper. See, I always just thought it was a plopper. I don't know if I'm even aware of the arm. You know why?

I don't drink. Right. You don't get vending machine stuff. And if you do, it's water. Always water. So yeah, no, there's still ploppers out there. But I would say probably eight years ago, like the airports converted to the non-plopping, the ones with the arms.

So the arm just goes up, grabs the drink, puts it down, slides it into your little hole to pick it up. With no bubble activity. Zero carbonation, no, zero. But in your case, it was just like the Sagan dragons flopping down that vending machine shimmying all the way down. That's a great comparison. It was the plop plop Sagan dragon. Fizz fizz. But there was no relief. Absolutely. No, really. Poor me, Ma, just fighting for her life out there at the Oklahoma County Courthouse. It's just not fun.

Oh my gosh, okay. Let me tell you what I've had it with. I've had it with people our age or older that are nostalgic about the old days. That are like, you know, everything was just so much simpler back then and everything was better. And it's this revisionist history that somehow the old days were better. And I've been thinking

about this a lot. And I don't think it's necessarily that the old days were better. I just think if you were a dick in the old days, you were less likely to be called out for it. 100% agree. Now people with their sexism, their racism, their homophobia, being religious nuts, they get called out for it. That's what they don't like. And so I've kind of had it with this whole whitewashing of, these simpler great times of old. And I think it's just revisionist history because I think most of the people that say this are kind of assholes.

Right. And they're uncomfortable with their behavior being mainstreamed as and identified as straight up asshole behavior. Right. like they don't want to be called out for being a dick. So it's easier to say, oh, well, it used to be better in my day. And the reality is you've always been a dick. Right. You're still a fucking dick.

Yeah. But now instead of just acquiescing to you, we're like, go fuck yourself you dick. Yeah, exactly. They don't like it. Yeah, that's what I think it is. Cause I've noticed some people saying this lately, and I'm like, hmm, I wonder what was so good about the past.

Oh, I get it. People didn't feel that they could call you a dick so openly. They didn't feel like they could call out your misogyny or your sexism, so it was easier to be a dick back then. Right, you could get away with it. Right. Bad behavior was in the dark. Plopping, flopping machines.

Plopping, flopping machines. Dick head behavior, random muck. Assholes, right, were coming into the light. Yeah, and it always reminds me of the Make America Great Again. Right, before women could vote. Right. Before gay marriage was legal. Gay

marriage was legal. Segregated schools. Schools. I mean we want all that. We want all the racist homophobia that we can get because that makes us feel better about ourselves. Instead of acknowledging everybody's the same. We're all trying for the same thing. Yeah. Happiness, love. I kind of think there's some people that aren't trying for that. No, I know. There's some people that are- There's a movement of rage. The rage movement is running amuck. I think there's some people that are trying for control.

Yeah. Yeah. No question about that. Backed by rage. Wholeheartedly. That do not want people to be happy and have love. No, they're mean. They oppose it.

Which is interesting, isn't it? Yeah. Do you know how miserable you have to be to oppose other people being happy that has no effect on you? Yeah, I do because I live around a lot of these people right here in Oklahoma. You've met them. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Yeah, I've seen it. There's no shortage. No, I've seen it. I've seen it live. Our governor, for example, would be a prime example. The superintendent of school is a, yeah. So that's not that hard of a stretch for me to realize that, you know, you know what? When I leave Pickleball on Sunday morning, I have to drive down the service

road to get to my neighborhood off the highway, and there's this big mega church right there. And always, without fail, I'm leaving as the mega church is releasing its members. Always, there's some person that kind of comes in and cuts me off. And I'm always like, why after the whole thing that you just did, are you cutting me off right now? But it happens every single Sunday. I guess they're not teaching patience is a virtue. No, I think they're probably pissed because they just got grifted. But do they know that got grifted? That's the question.

Yeah. I think what they do is they pay the money to acquiesce the bad feelings on the inside. Right. Relieve the guilt. Yeah. That's what I think it is. I think that's right. Speaking of grifting, be sure to go check out our merch store and our Patreon. Welcome to I've Had It. I'm Jennifer. I'm Angie. Kylie is our producer. She has to work with us all the time when she's not working with us.

She's editing our faces, which is to say that she has the worst job in the United States of America. Kylie, how are you today? I'm good. I'm even seeing you on the weekends now, Jen. Yeah. Oh, yes. I just can't escape. So yesterday, I'm playing pickleball. And I won seven out of seven matches, but that's neither here nor there. I was so I was desperate for that information. Thank you. Yeah, no worries. And Kylie and her girlfriend on Anna roll up, okay, and they have a court

for an hour. And they're at the court right next to me. And so I got to see out of my periphery, I got to see some of their pickleball moves. What'd you think? I'll tell you what. They hustled for about three to four minutes followed by a six to seven minute break and then repeated. It was like interval pickleball. It was like interval sprints of pickleball. I've never seen so many breaks in my life. It's all me too. I have to sit between every match for about five. Yeah. It was, I was like, where are they? And I was like, God,

are they taking another break? Was it water induced break? Or was it just like, exertion break? Exertion for me? Well, as we know, Kylie is a dehydrator. That's what I was wondering, like is it dehydration, but it's just straight up exertion. And see, when you play with me, I get mad when the girls break for too long. I'm like, come on, my heart rate's dropping. Come on, let's go, go, go, go. Yeah. Uh-huh. But I think what's happening here is Kylie and Anna are training because they want to come, they want to come see if they can take the heat. Well, you just got to keep at it. Okay, you got two things going for you. Youth and lesbianism. And I'm just going to say this, this is based on my own personal anecdotal evidence.

Lesbians are better athletes than straight women. When I get my ass beat and really, really thumped, it's always by lesbian. See, Kylie? I got to say when we showed up, we started watching Jennifer and her match for a while. And it was rough for a second. And she called after him and was like, I got stage fright. Well, they showed up and they watched. They were watching. I was like, I really want to crush it. And then I got distracted thinking I was going to like razzle dazzle them. So I took my eye off the ball a couple of times. But then at the tail end, because they quit their court early because they were so exhausted. So they quit around 45 minute

marker. They came to watch the tail end. What'd you see at the tail end? We saw you win. Yeah. Did you see that stance? The Serena Williams stance for the serve? I had to yell get lower at one point. It wasn't a 90 degree angle. What about that back hand down the line shot I hit? It was gorgeous. Do you remember that one? Placed it right back behind her. Clean winner, she didn't get a paddle on it.

And what did you yell after every point? Vamos. It was just a big time at the Oklahoma City Chicken and Pickle. It was a generational lesbian straight girl, you know, I didn't really see anybody meemaw's age there, did you? I actually see a lot of meemaw ages there. Pickleball is safe for meemaws.

That's the thing, that meemaws will come and kick your ass. That's the one area where the meemaws can totally throw it off. There was a group of like four lesbian memos. That arrived early for our court. It's kind of half why we got out of there. Cause I mean, they were like knee pads on ready to go. Let me tell you the rule about this. Cause you need to know you have your court

right up until that time. So if you booked it from 10 to 11, you do not have to walk off that court until exactly 11. You do not let those lesbians bully you. You do not let those MiMAs try to ramrod onto your court. You do not do it. I'll work on that. Okay. So on the internet, we posted a video about doomsday preppers. If you recall, Memaw said they couldn't alphabetize library books if they wanted to. We posted this on Facebook. Oh, that makes me so excited. Home of the preppers. I'm going to read you some comments. Candice says, wow, the level of ignorance in this video is impressive. These women would never survive

as their sugar daddies would drop them in a second for their 1% chance of surviving. All right, let me unpack this for you, Candace. Let me unpack this for you, bitch. That kind of pisses me off as much as the centrist does. Oh, really? Yeah, because Candace, I make my own fucking money, honey. We don't have sugar daddies around here.

I don't have a sugar daddy. I am the breadwinner. So Candace, you make my own fucking money, honey. We don't have sugar daddies around here. I don't have a sugar daddy. I am the breadwinner. So Candace, you can take your Facebook and cram it up your ass because I'm not a centrist and I'm not a mooch. I make my own fucking money. I pay for all my own shit, always have, always will. Candace can fuck off.

And furthermore, you missed the point of the video. We don't want to survive, Candace. Right. Especially with you, Candace. Candace, if we're having to surround ourselves with people like you that are waiting on their sugar daddy, peace out, bitch. You know, and that's such a classic internalized misogyny projection that she thinks that a man has to provide for everything. It's gross. Candice, I really dislike her.

Candice, we don't need a sugar daddy to die on our own. That's right. We can die on our own without a sugar daddy. Candice, I will absolutely crush killing myself after the apocalypse. I will fucking nail it. I'm talking Mary Lou Retton 10. Remember when Mary Lou Retton landed that 10 on the vault? For those of you that grew up in the 80s,

you'll know it. Mary Lou Retton, she fucking crushed the Olympics. What was that? 1980? 84? Somewhere in there? I don't know. All right. Loris writes, you don't need to know how to alphabetize books to survive. It really proved our point. I was like, mic drop. Facebook just, it's really full of a lot of stupid people, isn't it? It's bad. Destiny said, wow, these bitches would be the first to go. Good, Destiny.

That's the whole point. Yes, we don't want to be with you all. Brenda, I'd rather have my man that can use a gun for food and protection and my garden than your man bun, sandal wearing latte drinking yuppie husband. Is it Brenda? Brenda. Brenda. It was she. Okay, first of all, Josh Welch wouldn't be caught dead in a fucking pair of Birkenstocks.

Not dead. All right, Brenda? No. All right. And he cut his hair several years ago. I would say like almost 10, 8. Yeah, like you need an update, Brenda. And here's the deal.

You can go dry hump your man and his gun. Just fucking swing for the fences Brenda. Swing for it. Y'all can call each other Patriot as you get each other off. I could give two shits. Patriot. Patriot. Let's do it for America. Get the bald eagle vibrator. Maybe she goes full beaver and they call it the bald eagle. Okay, I've also got a news story. Seth picked out a couple zingers this weekend. Oh, good. So we'll see what you think. This one is about a retail business

who uses a robot as a marketing gimmick. It's a robot wine sommelier. Okay. Okay. So these people went and they write, we ordered and it completely missed the glass and poured the wine directly onto us. And as a final flourish and a possibly humorous finale, the robot presented the empty wine glass to us adorned with tips are appreciated. This was in the United States of America? This was in the US. Yeah, the tipping thing would have to be the tip off.

I have a funny story about that that's kind of on point. So one day I was at Flips, which you know was a bar everybody went to when we were young. And I'm sitting at the bar with this guy I'm dating. And I accidentally as comes as no surprise, not my wine, or no his wine, red wine, and it landed right in his crotch. Well, immediately in my head, I thought, Oh my god, that's going to stain. So I picked up my water and threw it right on his crotch, all sitting at the bar. And he's like, what are you doing? And I was like, I didn't want it to stain.

Well, my girlfriends came running over. They think we're like in a fight or something. So we had to leave because... Did you start scrubbing his crotch area? No, I didn't start scrubbing. You didn't grab a napkin and start plotting? Did you? did you? Did you?

No, because he was so shocked. He like stood up with his hands up and then he started doing it. I can so see you doing that too. And that's something I would do. It's like strike one and then you just double down on it. Yeah. And he's just like, what is that? Was this your ex-husband?

No. It was a law school friend. You probably should have chased that guy down and married him. I should have missed opportunity. Did you go on a date after that? Yeah. Yeah. Let me ask this.

How did the date end? He ended up laughing it off. I mean, let me ask this. How did the date end? He ended up laughing it off. I mean, it was like we had to leave obviously because he had a bright red crotch that was dripping wet. So we went back to Norman, but it was fine. I mean, it was immediately funny because I was so pure in my intention. I was just trying to help. I didn't want his jeans to stain.

And he's like, I can get fucking new jeans. Like it's not that hard. So yeah, a big glass of water. I just want a tip. Do you suffer from having a parasocial relationship with two barely competent middle-aged women? If so, please go to ivehaditpodcast.com or to any social media site. I'm talking X, formerly Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, etc. and click the link in bio and come see us at the Hot Shit Tour. Make your parasocial relationship real at the Hot Shit Tour. Right Pumps? Tell them. It's so fun.

We hope to see you there. Pumps, you know what the worst thing is about exercise? Starting it. That's exactly right. Starting it is everything. That's the most important factor when it comes to fitness. I can't tell you how many times I've joined a gym, then quit, then rejoin, then quit again. All of those days are behind me now because Peloton helps you start no matter what level you're at.

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a thing. Wherever you're starting, get moving with a Peloton bike or bike plus rental at www.onepeloton.com slash bike slash rentals. Terms apply. You know, Pabs, I am so tired of feeling like a ticking time bomb when I don't want to. I wake up and think, oh, I want to tackle the day. And then I have these negative thoughts flood. And then I realize the contributing factor to this are hormonal imbalances. Hormonal imbalances can absolutely change your outlook on

life. That's why I love Hormone Harmony from Happy Mammoth. You know that it can help relieve PMS, it can help regulate periomenopausal symptoms, menopausal symptoms, help reduce cravings and irritability before your period, and it can help keep your skin nice and clear. For me, it helps regulate mild mood swings and I've also felt an uptick in my energy. Listener, Hormone Harmony is so effective. A bottle is sold every 24 seconds. There are over 13,000 Hormone Harmony reviews on the Happy Mammoth website alone. Listener, you can get your first bottle of Hormone Harmony for 15% off if you use the code HADDOT on the checkout page.

Please go to happymammoth.com and enter the promo code HADDOT at the checkout page. All right, moving along today, Seth has found us some stuff on Reddit and I love all the stuff that he finds. And basically, Reddit and I love all the stuff that he finds. And basically, Kylie and I, perhaps, are going to surprise you with some readings where people have confessed to like a lie that they've been telling for a long time or a lie that

they have that could ruin their life if discovered. Juicy. Okay. Big Breakfast One writes, my interactions with people is almost 90% scripted just to fit in certain situations. I just picked up habits and routines of the people around me that I've noticed that worked to be successful in human interaction. I don't care about anything and I barely care about anyone else. I enjoy company, but I don't need it. I do have friends and family around me,

but I don't have a need for them in particular. I might be an undiagnosed psycho or something, but I do feel certain feelings. I wouldn't get good jobs or would not have friends if I acted my natural self. Probably would have been disowned by my family. It's probably about the most honest thing I think anybody's ever written on the internet. There's not a lot of that I can't identify with. Yeah. I mean, really, like a lot of times you're just kind of putting on to go along with the peer group. Totally.

Because you really don't care. Because I think that's part of what we bond over is just the total lack of giving a flying fuck what people are saying. So I kind of think you're not a psycho, you're a revolutionary. You're a pioneer. That's what I think. I think that so much of what we do, we feel like we're supposed to enjoy it. Social norms.

Especially when you're younger. Like you're in your teens and twenties, you think, oh, I'm supposed to enjoy this. Like I remember going to like girls luncheons and girls nights because in my thirties, cause I thought, oh, this is what we're supposed to do. I'm supposed to enjoy this. Then I realized I fucking hate being around a group of eight to ten women.

I don't really like it. So you rarely see me do it anymore. It's a rarity because I just, there's a vapid nature sometimes about when they're collectively together. And then when I leave, then everybody starts talking behind everybody's back and I'm just like, you know, I just, I don't think I'm into this. And for the longest time I went along with it because I thought we were supposed to. Right. You thought you were the outsider, but then you realize as you get older, and

that's one gift of meemawism, meemawville, is that you don't have to give a fuck, and you don't care what anybody says about whether you give a fuck or not. You just assume that if they don't like it, that's fine because you don't give a fuck anymore. I mean, that is the beauty of age because you're right, 20s, 30s, that's when you're very- Well, and middle school and high school- How many baby showers have you been to and you left and told everybody, oh, I had the

best time? And really, it was a snooze fest. Yes. You hated it. I hated the sandwiches they served. I hated the cake. I hated the cookies with you know baby shower cookies are awful. They're so hard and but they go all in on the decor. Right. The decor is really super cute but then the cookies taste like shit. Hammered dog shit. And I really consider myself to be a cookie connoisseur. Kind of an expert. I have a sweet tooth. And I would much rather just have a proper cookie than some cookie with your kid's

horrible name written on it in some cheesy ass font. I've had it. This guy on Reddit, I think that might be the most relatable thing. I agree. Alternate reality, sociopaths unite. Yep. And here's something else that since you said this, I just went to a shower recently and my daughter and I get in the car after the shower because everybody gives a gift that's on the registry. People tell you what they want. It's on a registry. All you have to do is order it. It's not hard. Right. There's always. Oh yeah. There's always someone that thinks they have a better idea. It's the rogue gift givers. The rogue gift givers. It's like bitch please. They put a registry. They told you what they wanted. It's a layup.

It's a layup. You cannot fuck it up. It's flaw-proof. And you always have at least one. Because my daughter gets in the car and she's like, why would that person give that gift? I mean, she has a registry. And I said, Emily, in my 54 years on this earth,

I have been to a lot of different showers. And there is at least one, always at least one rogue gift giver that thinks they have cracked the case on what these people want and need. And when they open it, the person's going, why the fuck would you buy that? And all the people are sitting there going, why the fuck would you buy that? And the gift giver. Is so proud.

Will not shut the fuck up about it. Oh, so not only. I can't believe you buy that? And the gift giver. It's so proud. Will not shut the fuck up about it. Oh, so not only is it a grandstand rogue gift, then they have to like get everybody on their side as though we're at court at the baby juvenile court center. And they're grandstanding about how prolific this gift has been in their life and changing it. And it's like, number one, nobody wanted this gift. Number two, nobody really likes you. Number three, shut the fuck up. Everybody's trying to get out of this baby shower immediately. Everybody wants this to be over. And you're grandstanding about how great your gift is. You're selling a gift that wasn't on the registry. You're selling a gift

nobody fucking wants. So just shut up. Just sit there. You know what else I've had it with? What? Labor and delivery stories. Yeah, they're bad. Because everybody has one and nobody wants to hear about anybody else's. But people just, they forgotten that. They just think everybody cares. You know what? You know where these are ubiquitous? At baby showers. Oh yeah. For sure. Everybody's talking about episiotomy. Well when I had my baby.

They're talking about vaginal burst, they're talking about epidurals, they're talking about C-sections, they're talking about all of this very, you know, things that I don't really particularly like thinking about, which is why I didn't go to medical school or to nursing school. I don't particularly like this subject matter. But at a baby shower, that's all anybody talks about. Well, I just think there is something uniquely narcissistic about brides and expectant mothers. Like they honestly think I'm the first person in the history of the world to get married. I'm the first person in the history of the world and all animals and people to have a baby.

I'm the only one. I think that it is a product of overt capitalism. I think what has happened with this is when we're little girls we play with dolls. We fantasize about being mothers. You have this fairy tale wedding notion and it's push push but what's the driving factor in all of those things is money. And I just think that it's gotten worse because it's push push. But what's the driving factor in all of those things is money. And I just think that it's gotten worse because it's even more profitable because now you're posting you know all the shit that goes along with it. Everybody's one upping each other. And I just enough everyone. Enough.

All right. Feline of the Sea writes, after graduating from high school, I went to a small out of state college where no one from high school knew me. I decided it would be great fun to go through college pretending to be from Australia. All of my friends and even my girlfriend of two years think I'm Australian. I have a completely fake Australian identity, family, past, and accent.

I will soon be graduating, and I plan on asking the girl to marry me. Everything she knows about me is Australian and I don't know how to tell her she doesn't really know me. Guess I'm forever a bloke. Okay, here's a couple of parts to this. Number one, it would be a fucking blast to be able to nail another version of the English language,

like British English or Irish English, Australian accents. And to be able to do it long term is impressive. And to be able to like just reinvent yourself. Totally start over. I'm a new person. And with it like you, I have had friends that have completely reinvented themselves. I mean, you have to have that have completely reinvented themselves. You have to have, meanwhile, where you see people just completely, they start dating

a new guy or a new girl and then all of a sudden their interests are completely aligned with what that person is. I like the ambition of this one. It's a full blown reinvention. The problem is he's fallen in love. He or she has fallen in love. And then... Yeah, that's it. See, a part of me admires the hustle factor, the long-term Australian

accent. I completely can get the part of wanting to re-identify yourself as somebody else. You get to make up your own family. They get to be how you want to have the quirks that you think are funny. Yeah, all of those things. But at the end of the day, you're keeping a lie going for years. Yeah. So that kind of lends to red flag double life. Yeah, but doesn't everybody, everybody has a component of some form of dishonesty that they feign. For sure.

You know what I mean? This guy's is just an accent. And a family in Australia. Yeah. I mean, it's- It is complicated. It's pretty complicated. And to be able to keep it up for that many years

would make me think he could, he or she could easily have another family in a different state and you wouldn't know. Yeah. So I kind of admire the ambition, but I worry about the long-term effects. Yeah, yeah, I agree. All right, here's one. Okay, this user name is rectum retribution. In second grade, a friend whispered my name during quiet time, and I jokingly told the teacher that a ghost is talking to me. Later that day, I was sent to the special counselor's room asking about me talking to ghosts.

Jokingly, I continued lying about how I downloaded a ghost radar app from those, quote, text the number, get this shit on my dad's flip phone and how they were always close and I just casually talked to them. I went with the lie for a few days because of how deep I was until one night my parents came home and just started screaming at me what the fuck are you telling your school? You see and talk to dead people? What the actual fuck? And my brother and sister were just cracking up while my parents told me how I could be taken to a mental hospital if I don't stop lying.

And it was funny until they kept mentioning I'd be taken away. We laugh about it a lot, but God damn, that was my finest work of art. Number one, the parents. That is so relatable. So relatable. What the fuck? Why is the school calling me? That's stupid. What the fuck? Yeah. I totally get that as a parent.

Yeah. But I think the overreactor in this situation is the school. Like, it's not like they're schizophrenic. They're saying they found a ghost. Big deal. Let it go. Now you're calling the parents. Don't you think that's just a little overreach? I mean, if he's talking to the ghost all the time during school hours, right? During class, I could see them. I could see at some point like, look, your kid thinks they're talking to a ghost. You might need to look into it. Because if it was some sign of some sort of mental illness, so no, I don't think it's an overreach by the school.

Yeah, I just remember when I told you when your kids were little, if they had imaginary friends, that was good. It's a sign of intelligence. It's a sign of intelligence. So I would just chalk it up to, isn't my kid so smart? I had an imaginary friend, did you? No.

Aside from Jesus. Aside from him, no. What was yours then? I had the, like, remember the count from like Sesame Street? Yeah. So I had like a count that we counted together and then I had Dalarina the ballerina. Nice. My mother helped me develop all these characters. Dalarina the ballerina. Nice. My mother helped me develop all these characters.

Dalarina. The ballerina, because we're from Dallas. I like it. So that's how it all went. But I think by the time I was probably in like first or second grade, it was over. See, I'm a lot younger than my sister and brother. Right.

And they were kind of assholes to me growing up as people would be. I'm not criticizing them. Anybody would hate having a little sister that's eight, nine years younger than you. And so I had no choice but to make my own friends in my head. I like the imaginary friend, Sitch. You know, Pumps, I'm always wanting to upgrade my wardrobe. However, I want to upgrade it with luxury pieces, but

I find the pieces that I like to be cost prohibitive. Finally, I discovered quints and I have these two camis that I absolutely love. They're the silk v-neck camis that I can wear under suits or with just a pair of jeans. Adorable. I have them both in black and ivory. I cannot tell you how much use I get out of these and the price point is fantastic and the quality is every bit as good as any other brand I've ever purchased. I love my washable silk tank. I have it in burgundy. What's so nice about it is it feels great, it looks great, and I can wash it at home. Listener, indulge in affordable luxury. Go to quince.com slash had it for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's q u i n c e dot com slash had it to get free shipping and 365

day returns quince.com slash had it. Perhaps what I love that I've discovered recently is Stitch Fix. You sign up and they assign you a stylist and it takes all the work and angst out of shopping. They send you clothes that will look good on you, that are curated, that are within your budget and your size right to your front door. Shopping overwhelms me and Stitch Fix takes that feeling away where I actually enjoy trying on the clothes they send me because I can try them on at home. That's the best thing. I just give my stylist my size, style, and budget preferences.

I order boxes when I want and how I want no subscription required and she sends me five just for me pieces plus outfit recommendation and pro styling tips I keep what I love and I send back the rest free of charge. It's so easy Listener style that makes you feel as good as you look, get started at StitchFix.com slash had it. That's StitchFix.com slash had it. Again, that is StitchFix.com slash had it. Okay. OhioMitch says, told my employer that I was Jewish. I'm not Jewish. Had to research all of the holidays, pick a temple to become a member of, etc. Finally had to get a new job. Somebody follows up and says, I did this as an older teen into my early 20s, except I said I was seventh day Adventist.

I did this so that while I was working in retail jobs, I could have Saturdays off. I had a friend who was a seventh day Adventist, so I knew that they held Saturday as the holy day instead of Sunday. It's kind of a genius. Here's the deal, all this shit is bullshit anyway. You might as well just be like, oh yeah, I'm totally this.

I remember like the suburbs that I grew up in, everybody was so religious. It was just easier for me to fake being a Christian than to go through the whole, I don't believe any of this shit. Right. Starting at eight years old. It was just, no, I didn't start at eight because I really didn't know what, what the stuff was. I mean, they started asking when you're because I really didn't know what, what the stuff was. But I mean they started asking when you're super young. So you just have to roll with it.

Like, yeah, the last couple years of high school, it was just easier for me to just feign, you know, and people are like, what's your favorite Bible verse? And I'd be like, oh, John 793, you know, I mean, it was just easier, even though like I did not believe any of it, but they were just so eaten up with it. And then if you, if you told them that you weren't, good Lord, the problem with Christianity is how codependent it is. They're relentless. I mean, absolutely relentless.

And the recruiting aspect of that is the biggest turnoff of Christianity. And I think it's unhealthy. It's like everything that mental health tells you not to do, you know, mental health tells you mind your own business, stay in your lane. Christianity, evangelical Christianity is you get up in that shit. You get up in there and save a life. You get up in there, get hands raised and get tongues talking. It's your business. Right. Yeah.

Change everybody. I've had it. It's unhealthy. It is unhealthy. And toxic. It is. And a turn off. Yeah.

And a grift. Okay. This one says, IT guy here. It's amazing what people will do on their computers and say in their emails despite having to sign a waiver That all computer activity at work is monitored and recorded. I Have half the company's banking Social media and personal email account info and passwords I know who is secretly banging who at the office behind their spouses back

I know who is cybering at work and jerking it in the bathroom almost daily. Oh my God. Or at least they tell their sex chat partner they're running off to the bathroom to jerk it. I haven't felt the need to check the validity of that one. I know when people are having marital problems, financial problems, I know who is embezzling money.

I know when people get fired for completely bullshit reasons, like they just wanna replace them with someone younger and nicer. And I know who my boss is buying drugs from. Basically, I have a treasure trove of my coworkers secrets. I won't actively do anything with this info,

but it's nice knowing I have the ammunition there if something were to ever happen. That's a great job. Wow. I would love that job. That is like a 12 out of 10. Because then it's like a real time espionage slash reality show slash, you know,

like it's, I mean, my mouth is watering Pavlovian style, just hearing that how exciting that would be, especially because you know, there'd be some fucking pink arm dude that acts like he's a big Bible thumper. And you know, he's probably the biggest offender. I bet it's as predictable as we think it is. That would be the funnest part. Figuring out the hypocrisy, figuring out the married men on Grindr, figuring out the churchgoers that are horrible people. I mean, like in black and white. I almost think you do like an Edward Snowden type publishing. Oh, that'd be fun. Wouldn't that be fun?

Yeah, just a total tell all on your last day. On your last day. Yeah. But you'd hate to write yourself out because you might want to monitor after you quit. Yeah, because you have all the passwords. Of course, I can't throw stones at these people because we know that I would do the same thing. But I'm always fascinated by people that know they're being watched that do the shit anyway. Yeah.

You know, it's like everybody has a smartphone in their pocket. Do all your naughtiness on your own personal smartphone, not your work computer. But I guess it's just it gets easier. Everything seems anonymous because you're by yourself typing on your computer. That's a lesson for everybody, all the listeners out there. Be very careful what's on your work computer.

No shit. But I would love that job. Wouldn't that be juicy if you walked up to your boss and were like, had any good cocaine lately? You done cocaine? Like just bust him right in the act to see him squirm. I think that would be my part that I would like. Calling them out to their face just to see the reaction.

Yeah. Acting like I don't know. Yeah. That's juicy. Yeah, that's a great one. I used to do the hiring and the firing at my last job. And then it was my job to go on their computer and kind of clean it off,

make sure they weren't up to no good. And there was a past employee, they got let go, and I found so much porn on their work computer. It's crazy. Unbelievable. You did? Uh-huh, and they were the only person that had like a closed office space.

The rest of it was open. So you just think back all the times. They were in their office. To porn. Yeah, I just, I never understood that. Like, you're doing it at work. You can't wait. Go to your car. It's just addiction. Yeah. Doing it at the old liberal tears place. Yeah, I mean, that's just the thing is I just I think it's always whatever somebody is really loud and proud about, right, their religion, their guns, you know, all you just know it's masking something behind there. Always. Yeah. Always. Yeah. It's just it has never failed. Growing up in a Bible buckle state, the more religious somebody is, the more screwed up I know they are. They're racist. They're homophobic. They're judgmental.

They're not overtly kind to people. It is just and then when you get into the men, the men are screwing around on their wives, screwing the church secretary, screwing their best friend's wife. You know, it's just a total facade and griff. Speaking of griffs, again, join us on Patreon for a post show. Meemaw is gonna give us a sermon there. Meemaw is also modeling our merch and it is pride themed, pride colored with her cute little mean green fight machine jeans. I'm ready for St. Patrick's Day whenever it comes every year.

Got it, green jeans. Do you roll those out every year? Well, I mean, I could if I wanted to. You have the option. I have the option. I don't have to search through my closet. Yeah, because I know how much you support Ireland. All the holidays. Yes. Well, Sullivan is my last name. I'm a walking rep every day. Yeah, I know your affection towards Ireland.

Yep. Always. I hear you talking about it all the time. Every day. We'll not shut the fuck up. Actually, we do have a lot of listeners and Dublin shout out. Yep. To Dublin, Ireland, your meemaw is here repping your favorite color. They're probably like, shut the fuck up. Nobody here even likes green. All right. Well, that's going to be our show for today. Please join us on Patreon for our post show. Come see us at the Hot Shit Tour. Tell them, Pumps, we will see you next Tuesday or Thursday or both.