James Bonding - Casino Royale '67 with Maurice LaMarche

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

Voice over god Maurice LaMarche joins the Matts for a frank discussion about the infamous 1967 Casino Royale. Also, Orson Welles and Ian Fleming might stop by for a quick conversation. I don't know, you'll have to listen. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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And we're here with another M, a returning favorite, Maurice LaMarche. M, M, M, M, M, M, L. Thanks, guys. Thanks for having me back. M, G, M, M, M, M. We're finally making good on our promise to cover some. of the non-canon bond films, starting with the most infamous of them all. Couldn't get much more non-canon.

I know. Casino, but ironically, there were a couple of canons in this movie. There were. Yeah. Actual literal canons. And actors from the canon. That's true. It's the 1967 Casino Royale by no less than four directors.

Oh. That's beginning to make more sense. Oh, yeah. Did you? Here's what I did. I have so ignored this. I've ignored this movie for its entire existence. Why do you think you've never watched it?

I just, I was just like annoyed by its existence. I was like, why? Why does this movie exist? And I had never watched it until this morning. Wow. Well, and, and Maurice, this is really how you came to us saying, I want to do this one when it comes up. So what's your history? with this film? My history was that, and it's funny, I actually

this morning double-checked. I don't know if I mentioned on the last podcast, I grew up with the Myers brothers. At least spent a little bit of time in grade school with Peter Myers and Paul Myers was two years behind and was my brother Paul's best friend.

And then little Mike was in like the second grade. But the three Myers brothers are pretty inseparable and they lived one building away from where my dad lived. So, we would hang out a lot and we had a thing for Flint movies and

but this movie especially was very up for us and I checked with Peter and Paul on on messenger and we watched it together we had watched it together we don't know if Mike was there this

the film was very very big for them and they must have watched it dozens of times because the influence of this movie is all over Austin It's crazy how similar it is. Yeah. But, I mean, Austin Powers becomes a spoof of a spoof. Right.

You know, at this point. But we talked at length about that this was, for a lot of us, the real introduction to Bond. I had thought I'd seen it in theaters, but I remembered since I was last on, I saw a trailer for it. Because when I downloaded the film to watch it again, I saw the trailer. And I saw the trailer, I went, that's what I saw. I didn't see the whole movie. We didn't watch the whole movie until that afternoon with the Myers boys and a bunch of other guys from our sixth grade class. And so my father had had the playboy that had the pictorial of this.

And I remember getting particularly, you know, doing a double take at the picture of Woody Allen, leering over Dalia Levy strapped tastefully nude to the table in his covered only by metal bands. Covered only by little metal bands and I remember this was when I cemented

in my evil lair fetish as well as my tasteful nude fetish. And the line that Woody has when she goes, is this how you treat? When Dalia Levy says, is this how you treat all the women that you're attracted to? Because yes, oh yes. Oh, yes, I addressed them and tie them up.

I remember asking my father, that he goes, I learned that in the Boy Scouts. I remember saying to my dad, should I join the Boy Scouts, Dad? I'm the right there for the Boy Scouts, right? I actually took him literally. But you're probably better off. Look what happened to Woody Allen.

Oh, yes. The joke of, of course, is that at that point, Dahlia Levy was too old for him. He was acting. But, so, we watched the movie and I just, there was so much comedy

that I didn't get. There's still something there. I don't know. I agree. But there was some great jokes. You know, especially about British society and about the decline

of the British Empire. You know, I mean, it was literally in its last gasp around 1967 or so. And there's so many things in the movie that are, you know, just like the end of Britishness.

And so, but I just loved, the bigness of it. And I remembered the next time it was on TV, because we watched it on something that was called Sunday afternoon at the movies, I think it was called. And the next time it was on,

I remembered videotaping it. We didn't have videotaping those days. I used to do that too. The 1960s. So I would listen to the film because I became fascinated with the voices, especially the sound of Wells' voice and the sound of Woody Allen's voice,

but also David Niven. And I got to the point where I could actually quote, you know, lines from the movie. Like, I'm going to have to have that check, Mr. Bond. The most exquisite torture is all in the mind. And I would just walk around the house doing things, which I guess this is why I ended up doing what I'd do for a living. So is this the origin of your Wells impression?

It's the original origin. Now, of course, I was 10 at the time, 10 or 11, so I wouldn't have actually had the base response in my voice to actually do the voice. So it would have been a falsetto or something. Wells. But I'd always been fascinated with the voices. When I was a kid, I used to watch cartoons and I didn't, I wanted to know who with those people. Yeah. Who, watching the Warner Brothers cartoon, I had no idea. Yeah. Because it was one guy. That's incredible. For the most part, it was Mel Blank and Arthur Q. Brian as Elmer Fudd. And other than that, it was Mel Blank. And,

but the, the sounds were what fascinated me as much as Dahlia Levy tied up to a lab table. But So I just really got into those voices. Can we hear what little 10-year-old Maurice Lamarst would sound like walking around doing Orson Wales? You got to heal him? I'd have to have that check, Mr. Bond. The most exquisite torture is all in the mind. I don't know. It was crazy.

Oh, God. This film, I got to say, though, upon re-watching it is the first time I've watched in a long time. It's a fucking mess. and I really feel bad that I... It's really something. I know you guys were going to do this film anyway, but I know I also wrote you and pushed to say, if you ever do Casino Royale, I want to come in.

I want to... We've been wanting to knock out another movie that wasn't in the canon for a while, and it just so happened that you were the ace of our sleeve of like, well, Maurice can actually come in and do this on very short notice. Well, we have this great goalie locks of the three versions of this,

where Maurice, you grew up with it. seen it a few times just like in my bond interests but I'm by no means like seen it as many times as the rest of the Bond films and Matt this is your first time first time so what was your initial reaction to this thing my initial reaction I was I was delighted to see Mathis when the you know when it starts you're like oh okay yeah and then when they go to Sir James Bond's uh retirement estate I was delighted oh god if I could like lounge in Nivens loungingware? Oh my God.

It starts out actually rather well. Very promising. And I liked the plot point of the idea that Bond was an original from World War II and then retired. And that because that was a conceit they wanted to use for Skyfall. Yeah. Was that, you know, the castle or the ancestral home was a retirement home for the former James Bond. They thought about that for two seconds. It'd be crazy if they'd gone that full circle, along with a double.

of seven being a code name, which is also the case for this movie, you know, that it's passed on. Yeah. But I thought that sort of showed some promise, the idea of a celibate Bond. I was into the idea of what would a retired James Bond be like,

and quite frankly, I feel like he'd be very much like that. No kidding. Niven is so good. He drives the Bentley. Was one of the original, if not the original choice that's right. Fleming had in mind

for the character of Bond. Even though he laid wrote that he looked like Hogi Carmichael was like Scarno's cheek. Hogi Carmichael was about six foot three, rather lanky fellow. But, you know, Niven, Niven would be who he wanted to play it.

Niven was 57 when he did this picture. Wow. Three years younger than what I'm about to turn next week. Wow. When I was a kid going... Happy birthday. Thank you. By the time they're airs,

I'll have hit my 60th birthday. Oh, my God. Everybody send it Marisa. My God, I just let it out that I'm 60. It's over now. Ages and we'll kick you. You look great. Honestly, it was like, I was literally just thinking when you were talking about watching it in the, in seeing the trailer in 1960.

I was like, wait, how old is Maurice? This is crazy. And then I was like thinking, well, you know, he did all those voices. And I was like, 12 when that was on. I was like, oh, he must have been 22 when he did that. And I was like, well, hang on a second. That doesn't work either. No.

No, fat don't crack. That's the, well, man, here I come. Matt, get me a tamale. You got it, buddy. Matt has just served us these delicious tamales, by the way, to get our energy. Pasadena, South Pasadena Farmers Market, and he picks up these tamales. These handmade tamales, they're incredible. Not today, but tamales.

It's hard to... I'm sorry, I said that. I really am. Oh, my God. Say that as Orson Welles, at least. Not today, but tamale. I can't believe I said that. They're full of country goodness and green penis.

I'm moving. That's amazing. I would buy those. It's a radio commercial for that. Okay, so it starts very promisingly. I like the idea. I really enjoyed all of the various branch heads driving into that crossroads together.

Yeah, that's a really interesting opening shot. Yes. Yeah, and then they all get into one car. Yeah. And the sort of the bemused irritation of the one chauffeur who has to drive them. Yeah. Like, he drew the short straw. What's the problem, pal?

These are like you've got Charles Boyer in your car. I know. And just give me anything with William Holden. Yes. I will eat it up. God, I love that, man. He is great. I love that it was both Charles Boyer and Kurt Kassner.

I'm a bit of a theater freak. And Kurt Kassner had originated the part on a barefoot in the park of the crazy guy. Oh, I didn't know that. He originated it on Broadway and Boyer played it in the film. And there they are standing together. Wow. Yeah, I'm a theater freak and I can't remember the name of that character. Such a great character.

George? No. George of the jungle. Sorry, I have that. If I hear a name or anything like that, I sort of semi-turrette's songs, titles, and things like that. That's why you're great for podcasting. That's all podcasting is stream of conscience Tourette's. Hands down, my favorite thing about this entire film by a country mile is Hadley.

that super British guy that helps niven out. Oh. He was he? Oh, God. Is he the first one? Is he the very first one with the very perfect hair? And as soon as he walks in. This whole film is a British off.

Yeah. I remember as I'm watching it, going, my God, it's like they knew that Matt and Matt. He's like a pro-o. You can't pick the most British character in this film. I know. So many of them. I would choose him, though. Is this the one that is pointing out the map?

Yes. He wins. He's incredible, isn't he? He is amazing. Although that general, that general, when, when, when, when Maida Bond is in the, we're jumping around. Yeah, yeah. But when she's, you know, when she's in the art auction, he goes,

Hey, Leo Brinilla, he's a war broken out. There's not a walls broken out. He's pretty freaking British, too. This Hadley guy, though, is kind of like a pro. Mr. Bean. That auction scene, I found delightfully funny. Like, we will stand

when we're bidding. We'll sit when we're bidding. And the British are like, we'll do both. Oh, that's true. That was that, like, one other moment that really worked for me. By the way, that actor's name was Richard Wattis, the British Army officer. Oh, Derek Nimmo is Hadley.

Oh, my goodness. What else was he in? Just only British movies. And the Army, but with the armory scene with their with their cue or their version of Q and and then the

the Taylor you know who outfits him also extraordinarily British yeah I the tailor I was like in my mind I was just like oh was this just hilarious to people then like the idea of a feminine tailor it wasn't spoken of I know so

you know it's interesting yeah Peter Sellers peeking out going hello Sela Yeah. That was like risque comedy. Ooh, he's poking fun. Homoexuals. Peter Sellers was, he was great.

I really enjoyed him just screen presence-wise. It's like, oh, Peter Sellers is. Well, his involvement in the picture, it's somewhat legendary that he really didn't want to be there and walked off before his scenes were done. Uh-huh. Which is why the film is such a friggin' mess. He left before they could really wrap up his character. And that's why they wrote in that Ursula Andrews, for no reason at all, shoots him. It wasn't supposed to end that way.

And he and Wells apparently couldn't stand each other. That tracks. Really only one shot of the two of them in the same. And everything else is one shots. And they apparently filmed on different days for the rest of it. They just, they just... Two very big personalities. Yeah.

Wow. That is crazy. I'm fascinated to, like, read more about the making of this movie and, and... I would almost want to see a documentary about the making of this film. It would almost be such as the Lazyzumby documentary. Yeah, I agree. I would rather see that. What was the thinking of four directors just, like, let's do this collaboration piece and that'll be part of the fun of it all?

I have no idea. That part I'm not pretty too. I think all of the stuff with David Nivenworth... works. Houston, I think, I think the only way Houston would do it, and they wanted Houston, was he'd say,

I have to, I have to be able to direct the sequence. You know, I'm like, good spy is a pure spy. You know, it was great up until his wig flies off. Yeah.

And then I went, oh, we're in trouble. Yeah. Well, yes, until his wig flies. But, I mean, I could see if I was watching the film for the first time as you were this one at Mara, that you might think, well this isn't so bad and then

there's M signal and then were you clear on what was happening? No. Yeah because it's not clear that they die or Well it's apparently Holden's character lives Ransom It becomes clear when he's delivering The toupee to M's

I know it becomes clear then but yeah Yeah and also like I'm like who's firing the mortar shell I thought that there Here's what I thought was happening When I was watching it I thought that when he lit the cigar, that's the signal to fire the mortar. And then I thought their whole plan was,

we need James Bond back, he's never going to leave his home. Well, then if he won't come back willingly, we'll destroy his home. So he has to come back. That was the plan, right? That seemed like the plan, and yet he wasn't, I don't think Em was planning to get killed. And yet that was not the whole. So the plan went a little bit askew,

and yet there was Smursh. I mean, what happened to Em's actual widow? We assume she was eliminated? I don't know. but there's Deborah Kerr. Yeah. They're as impersonating. And you'd think that David Nivenbond would have met Mrs.

McDarie at some point. But there's... Unless she was there to be a double, you know, because there's so many doubles in the movie. That's true. The doubling is a very big part of this film. But that, that to me is when it sort of starts to fall apart. I'm confused by the very, very beginning of the movie. With Mathis.

That threw me too, because they... It's like if you cut... from that to about an hour 40 into the film. That it makes sense. It makes sense because the next thing, that's the shot before Mathis and Peter Sellers Bond get into the car. Yeah. I don't even remember.

What is the Mathis thing in the beginning? It goes, James Bond. I was like, I'm, um, with Mathis with the special police. Follow me. What is that structure they're in with the graffiti, all that circular? The graffiti that says let beetles. Yeah, Le beetles and all that. It's a circular aluminum band around a pillar.

Is that like a public men's room? Or what the hell is that? Why? I've never seen anything like... It's the very first shot in the movie, right? It's the very first shot. The film starts after the MGM lion. Mathis is there.

Mr. Bond. I was getting excited. I was like, oh, are they going to... Is this literally a retelling of Casino Real that has some humor in it? Yeah. But it is not. It's a manic... It was an original.

going to be that and then what was the reason there was a reason that it changed and I forget what it is Charles K. Feldman only does comedies. I've been part of the reason. I'm not sure. I mean, he brought Woody Allen on board. The other thing I laughed at or found funny, I didn't actually laugh out loud. I was like, oh, that's cute, was him escaping the firing squad and then jumping the wall on the other side of the fire. That's a really good gag. That's a really good gag. He wrote everything. thing he was in. That was part of his deal. He had to write all of his own sense. That I've picked up on the internet over

the years. Okay, over the last year. Because I've only had the internet for a year. Because I'm old. No. But yeah, that's something that that's why all of his stuff works. Because he had almost an autour-like presence.

Yeah, I mean, they don't, but they don't, it's so hard to describe the Okay, so there's someone, is there so... It's not even, are you trying to figure out the plot? No, no, no, no, no. It's the director situation. Someone's directing the David Niven stuff, right?

Someone's directing the Peter Seller stuff, right? Someone's directing the Woody Allen stuff. What's the fourth thing? I don't know. That weird psychedelic stuff that they're all involved in, those hideouts and that thing that takes place in East Berlin, with Matabon. I liked that. It was a huge production number, and it did have a great...

look to it, but I just, I felt it kind of stopped the film for a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And the film's got some very incesty, rapy. Oh, God. Yeah, the bathtub scene where Ruby, by the way, Ruby from Honor Majesty Secret Service, Angela

Scullar, is in the bathtub waiting for David Niven saying, I used to do this to my daddy. Like, but not even like when I was a kid. But listen. That's the same actress who plays Ruby. 11, they're adopted. See, I was congratulating myself because I Because the art auctioneer was the same.

From Russia, I would love. Yeah. What's his name? Oh, yeah. Vladek. Yeah. The chess champion. I got two of them. Yeah.

Ursula Andres and Vladek. Yeah. But no, that's Ruby. That's amazing. Vladik Shibal, I think is his name. Yeah. I love the sort of the way he just comes out blasting away, but still somewhat elegant. Yeah, he's a great.

Yeah. Character face. Yeah. Cop walks right up to him and he's like, My favorite visual gag in the movie is the Jeep driving from West Berlin to East Berlin, and it turned red. Like they had just swapped the Jeep out when it went behind the wall, and they just drove out the red Jeep. I thought that was very funny. That's funny.

I didn't even notice it. I think this more than any, I really did tune out the longer it went on. I was just kind of like, it plods. Well, having never seen it, I was like, I can't, like, during a normal, wow, I can't speak, during a normal, James. Bond viewing for this podcast, I will often scrub through sweeping establishing shots, which will save you about 25 minutes per James Bond movie, honestly. But this one, I was like, well, I don't know where these scrubbing, I don't know where to do it, so I have to sit here and enjoy, to the best of my ability, enjoy this movie.

I should love this movie, because it's in my favorite era, probably of filmmaking. It's got design. It's a period piece. It's that kind of fun freewheeling, strange movie. And I think they have an attempt at some actual absurdist humor, but it just misfires almost every time. And I'm surprised I don't actually like this movie, but that's really saying something about the movie.

What do you think of the TJ Brass? I don't love it. I normally like the T.O. Albert situation, but doesn't fit bond for me. I don't know. That to me I preface this by telling you I'm the world's Biggest Bert Bacharach

Enthusiast I was as a kid I worshipped him I don't know whether it was because my parents split up And I just kind of You also thought what the world needed now was love Backrack and my father kind of resembled each other Oh yeah But they both had that same hair that really choppy Still alive Bert Backrack

Bert is still doing great I saw his last concert here in town Wow And in fact Just to go back to the Myers brothers I mean, I love them all and love them as kids

and Mike's success was, I was never jealous of Mike's success, but I was jealous of the fact that he got to work with Bert Backer. Yeah. That he put, because I was kind of known in my class as being a bit of an oddball because I liked Bert Backrack

and everybody else was into the Beatles. I used to walk around with like a little boombox listening to Backrack songs because I'm a weirdo. and the fact that Mike got to cast Bert in his movie and I was like oh god I've always wanted to meet and I've never met Bert Backrack and I probably never will that's the only shred of jealousy I have toward Mike Myers

you know and and and Bert's music for this and I call him Bert because I've never met him it's exactly the wrong kind of music for a James Bond film but it works for this film yeah I guess in that in its absurdity Because it's so fucking cheerful. Here's this cheerful theme as Matabond is being kidnapped. And da-da-da-da-da-ba-ba. You know, it's like it's so, it's so derails you and takes you somewhere else.

Yeah, you know, it's almost like I actually do, I don't mind the melody. The Baccawack stuff has written is pretty good. I think it is the Tijuana Brass that somehow just don't drive it home for me or something. There's a lot of sort of what-w-w-w-quing with that stuff, especially the chase music. However, I'll put look of love up against any bond love theme. That's a good one. Including, you know, all the time in the world. It's a frigging great song, and I can't believe it lost the Oscar to Chitty Chitty-Bang-bang.

Wow, because they had to give something to the Fleming. To the Fleming. Like, we're sorry about this. Right. Here's a chitty-chitty-bang-bang. Right. I'm just trying to figure out this script by reading a little bit about it right now. You mean the problems behind it or what that's the problem is behind it?

Yeah, well, one of the problems in front of it is Chingling when she says every fifth child born in the world is Chinese and she's not even Chinese. No, isn't that weird? That was so bizarre. There was another really funny moment that I love when that guy gives himself a karate chop to the head and his comic take on that. They've got some real, like, journeyman comedian. Yes. I mean, Ronnie Corbitts in the movie as that little as... Yes.

Yeah. Mata Hari's little... Solo? No. Was it so... No. I can't remember the name of the little guy. Has it you?

Mata. Five different directors. Yeah. Oh, you're right. Oh, wow. Helming different segments. And stunt coordinator, Richard Talmadge co-directed the final sequence.

In addition to the credited writers, Woody Allen, Peter Sellers, Val Guest, Ben Hatch, Joseph Heller, Terry Southern, and Billy Wilder are all believed to have contributed. Joseph Heller of Catch 22? Billy Wilder, wow, this thing should be better. Not really. Val Guest was given the responsibility of splicing various chapters together and was offered a unique coordinating director but declined, claiming the chaotic plot would not reflect well on him if he were credit. Fair. That was back when people used to have, you know, pride in their name.

His extra credit was labeled additional sequences instead. This is amazing. It's funny, too, that ending how much Blazing Saddle draws on that ending, and I didn't realize that before, too. Yeah, I mean, that is just the sheer chaos. Almost purely lifted from that. I loved the ridiculousness of the Americans arriving, but it's just cowboys. Yeah, and then Indians. It's insane.

This movie makes no sense. This movie is like less cohesive and coherent than magical mystery tour. Yeah. Or octopusy. Buy a lot. Octopussy, as we all have established here, is beautifully clear. There's just some jewel smuggling and a nuclear bomb. What more could you want?

This one has a nuclear bomb pill. That's right. and animated atomic burp clouds. Yeah, there's tiny mushroom clouds that Woody Allen burps up. This is crazy. Well, you know, can I just,

can I make a huge stretch here? I mean, Woody Allen, we know from this film. What? What did you just do? It's got to be better than what I was about the same. This is the funniest sentence

I've ever read in my life. What? Oh, no, where to go. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang, I'm sorry, I just lost it. Okay. Wells also insisted on performing magic tricks as Le Schief and the director obliged.

Of course, of course, because he had already gotten into his big magic phase and he was on I Love Lucy doing that. I don't know anything about Orson Wells' magic phase. He has a whole documentary called after. What? It was his next love in life after filmmaking, because nobody would let him make films. somebody would give him money. But he became quite the magician. I remember, though, I watched this, you know, live on TV back in the days of the Tonight Show

was live. Welles guest hosted once. And he did a very long and protracted mentalist trick with members of the audience. It was supposed to be this, this, ladies and gentlemen, I want you all to picture a card. I mean, it's like, you know, the 300 people in the studio audience were supposed to all imagine a card. He was going to make sure that they all said the same card or something. Anyway, the trick went horribly wrong. It didn't pay off at all.

There was literally no applause. And he just kind of arched an eyebrow and went, Oh, that didn't quite go the way we wanted to, but we'll be back after these words. The aplomb with which he handled it, even though, you know, the flop sweat was running down his face. Oh, my God. But it was like, he treated it almost as the. it was the audience's fault, everybody else's fault, for not paying off,

this mentalist thing that he was supposed to do. This is like, this is genuinely, I was delighted when this was happening in the film. When you show Orson Wells and he does a levitation trick on the card table. Yeah, and however, all of,

no, it's all camera, camera stuff. No, of course. That's the best part. But it just, the thought, the thought of Lechief, the thought of like real Lechief.

Yeah. Also being into magic at the poker table. 2006 casino reallel. Yes, she said Maz Mikulsin. Yes, this thought like, just tickled me. Oh my God. To no end. Like, he had an affinity.

Like, if he asked Vassbert to please lay on the table and then levitated her and then made her disappear. You should, Mr. Bond, pick a card. Mr. Bond, I'm going to make your balls disappear. There's also the element of that, too. Like the chair has no upholstery. Like that's sort of like Casino Royale. Yeah, but that's a scene in the book. Yes, I know.

And so they made reference to it without showing the actual testicular. Was that like a little nudge nudge to the audience who had read Casino Reale? I think so. I think so. I remember thinking that. That torture scene though was a complete was a complete hodgepodge of WTF. I mean, where was that supposed to go? How did he get hold of him?

I mean, in one point he's jumping into a race. car where he magically has on a race suit. One second, he's wearing a tuxedo. Not as fast as me, in my Lotus 3. In my Lotus Formula 3. Probably because it was a director switch. Yeah, no doubt. Or he had walked off when they didn't finish the car chase.

Who knows? It's... Do you think this is the biggest disparity between two films with the same name, like in history of all a film, like, of all reboots? I don't know. I like the original 1946 Happy Death Day. No, I think you're right. This has to be, right?

I mean, it's crazy. It has to be. I can't think of, I mean, I know there are some movies that they... Heaven Phil Wade and a guy named, was it a guy named Joe? Apart from changing it from boxing, a foot far and away. Oh, there goes Mr. Jordan. That was the name. There goes Mr.

But we're just talking about same title. Yeah. Like movies with the same title in the catalog. Oh, I got one for you. But even that type of thing. Yeah, like... Ghostbusters. and Ghostbusters.

And Ghostbusters. Good point. Good point. No, but that's still the, it's both of our comedies. Comedies and they're still Boston ghosts. This is like, this is the film that, you know, you read the book and you, and I read the book as, as a kid. In fact, I read it before, I think after I saw the Playboy pictorial and the preview, I actually read the book in sixth grade.

And that's, and you must have been like. I have you reading for such. Fascinating time to read. Was this before or after seeing the movie? I had, I don't think, I think, I think I hadn't seen the movie yet. Wow. Because. Must not have been what you did.

I remember when I watched the movie going, apart from the card game, this is nothing like the book. The only thing I remember about the book was, of course, her dying and, and learning in the sixth grade the rules of Baccarat. Yeah. I just, and I kept practicing them with a card. This is a really confusing game, but I'm going to get this. I'm going to get this game down. You know, I'm going to get my Orson-Well's impression down and this fucking game.

You've explained it to us. And I understood it as good as I've ever understood it. And then completely forgot it. And then started watching this again. And I was like, wait. Yeah, it's easy to forget. Batman, the original Batman movie, Adam West one and the Christopher Nolan ones, probably close.

But those are both too successful. No, but Tim Burton, you know, which sort of bridges those to it. Those are the same name. Once Batman begins. It doesn't have to be the same name. Well, I thought this was the game. No, not that technically. Because then you got, you know, because then it would qualify the Michael Keaton one and the Adam West one.

Yeah, but I don't think those are similar though. By comparison, though, those two pictures are a lot closer than they seemed at the time. In 1989, I know, remember? You went, oh, this is so dark. Yeah, now it's so campy. Add the Nolan dimension to it. Yeah. And, yeah, 89 Batman is.

I can't wait for the 20-29 Batman, right? Which is just going to be a depressing... Could be Batman Beyond when Bruce has aged himself out of the suit. He has a young protege who's in the suit now. It's a great cartoon. Check it out. They're Batman Beyond fan over here. Audio books are great for helping you be a better you. Whether you want to feel healthier, get motivated, or learn something new.

And with an unmatched selection of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more. more, Audible has all the audio content you need to start your year on the right foot. For instance, did you know the Fleming James Bond novels are on Audible, including Casino Royal? Read by Dan Stevens, many people think might be a contender for the next James Bond. Live and Let Die. Read by Tanner from the new Daniel Craig films, Rory Keneer. From Russia With Love, read by Toby Stevens, the bad guy from Die Another Day. Moonraker, read by Bill Nighy, the creepy guy from all.

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and free first audio book Mad end Mad and Mad Podcasts All of that, listen, the Batman animated series is the best that Batman's ever been That's beside the point. The point here is Casino Royale

And a magician Le Schiff Who like, I also enjoyed His champagne trick where the cork balloon pops off and then you're like, wait, what just happened? I also enjoyed the fact that Orson Wells refused to remove the tablecloth thing that he put over the lady.

It was always on his lap throughout the entire movie. When they went to his torture room, he had it on his lap. But instead of polio, it was just heaviness. It's like just in case. No, I think it was just in case he wanted to levitate someone. He's always ready to do it.

place your hand madam and continue ascending into thin air there's one line in there though that i'm sure paul frieze came in and and looped because they couldn't get orson back where he goes torture of the mind mr bond and then you hear the most exquisite torture is all in the mind and i was like that's paul freeze because that's halfway to teucan sam i mean that's that's that's i feel like he he looped that when you were doing orson well as at 10 years old and then you finally hit pure where you just like day by day going, I'm that much closer, I'm that much closer to Orson, well. Actually, I kind of dropped it.

I didn't really pick up the Wells impression again until, like, New Year's of 84, Phil Proctor from the Fire Science Theater gave me a tape of the famous frozen peas out tape. And we worked on a job till like almost nine o'clock on New Year's Eve. It's like, it was too late to go do anything. So he said, here, this will cheer you up

because I'd missed my flight. I was supposed to go to New York that morning, but I took this job that took forever. Anyway, uh, so that tape fascinating. And hearing Wells and the act of as, as, as they used to say on candy camera,

the act of being himself, I became fascinated with it. First I thought, my God, he's so intimidated. I would be scared shitless of this guy if I was in the, the room. And he's so rude and so often. And then as I'm listening to it over and over again, I realize he's right and those two British directors are totally wrong. You don't tell Orson Wells how to read copy.

you know but but I just lines like get me a jury and show me how you can say in July and I'll go down on you it's just like a lot of you give me from my saying so that's just stupid in July I'd love to know how you

emphasize in and in July impossible meaningless I memorized the way you've memorized a song like I just started paying attention every little beat even where he you know had stammer's or his breathing where he ran out of breath in the middle of a sentence it still sounded right

if he did it, you know? Uh-huh. Because you just, that was the beauty of Wells. You got his Orson-Welsness, no matter what you hired him for. There's a story within the animation world of a director starting to direct him as he's doing, actually, was his last job. Transformers. And God rest his soul, Wally Burr, started to give Orson like a little bit of a direction of his character,

and he stops at Wally, stop. Faster, slower. loud as softer. That's the only direction I take. And that was it. They got along famously from that point on because that's all, you know, Wally got it and that's all the only direction he gave him. So yeah, for me, the Wells thing, I developed it later on in life, but it remained the fascinating voice to me and still does. I still think there's ways I can improve it. It's funny how like he, at this point he has aged into old Citizen Kane. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like the makeup and the like the huskiness of it all.

The cane that he predicted, though, was slimmer. I don't think he ever saw himself as having an eating disorder. A bit. I was fat. You know, the whole film, I'm just fascinated by the fact that people paid money to see this. I'm not because look at the star power. It's James Bond. They probably getting him in wasn't an issue, but keeping him in must have been a problem. Because I think they knew that they were, I think the news that Connery had, that you only live twice was going to be his last picture. It came out the same year, didn't he?

Yeah, it did. And I think the news that this is it, we've lost Connery, so here's your next taste of James Bond right. This is the future of James Bond. It may have driven people to the theaters. I'm not sure. That's just a little theory that I have. You know, it's interesting.

And anything was about mod in those days. And spoofs were very, very in vogue. What's the New Pussy Cat? Pictures like that. The Flint movies were very hot. although the Flint movies were I think they were more like little arches of the eyebrow

omages but they weren't quite as spoofy less parody and more satire Yeah The Clint movies are funny Yeah Coburn was so committed to playing There was no arches to it He just he played Derek Flint

And he meant it And even though it was a lighter character I thought it was a really great portray We should do in like Flynn Armand Flint Yeah they should Well we're finally getting started with these movies Yeah

The whole like idea, though, that this movie even exists is so fascinating to me. Yeah. It's like, I can't think of what it, what's the film franchise now that is like, well, I guess it's sort of like. Well, it'd be like if there was a weird

shitty Harry Potter movie. Or if, yeah, or if someone had purchased in 1980 the exclusive rights to one issue of the Avengers. Yeah, right. Right, and could do something. And could put out a movie that had more star power than the Avengers Age of Ultron and could use every character in that film and did it.

But then was like, you know what, it's a comedy. We're going to put, let's have five different directors to this. Right. It is a strange sub-johner. But it was like, but they went in and got stars, but they got stars that were like, so in this Avengers movie it would be like, Tom Hanks and Jack Nicholson. And it would be like stars where you're like, okay. Yeah.

Tom Cruise as Agent Colbert. It's just like... It's a subgenre I'm curious to look at because I think you could also take like the Roger Corman Fantastic Four that they kind of made just to keep the rights. I have that movie at home. And then like just these movies that exist outside of franchises that are of that franchise that, you know what I mean? I'm so curious.

that before the casino reaile that you and I love so much to exist, this thing had to exist. And I had to kill all Casino Royale for, what, 30 years? For the movie that became our favorite bond film to exist. 40 years. 40 years, right?

So our favorite bond film doesn't exist without this probably the worst bond film. And yet that bond film, and by the way, it's right up there for me, too, the 2006 Casino Royale, Casino Royal. Casino Royal. Now we're in. Oh.

Would we just sharing a nice cognac up in the afterlife? Yes, I was having a bath and a brass tureen filled with cranberry vodka. You're both on the James Bonding podcast right now. Thank you guys for being here. It's always a delight to travel from the celestial. I flew in and shite, shite, bang, bha. Oh, well, you know, Ian, I'm actually, we're just discussing a film that Orson was in. I was lowered in.

Transformers. I love that file. No, it's not Transformers. It's actually, it's actually Casino Royale. Oh, I thought it was Frozen Peas, the movie. I loved that one as well. I also loved you in Paul Mason. What, yes.

Paul Misson strikes back. When you wrote the character of the sheet. Oh, the French. Champagne has long been celebrated for its excellence. There is a California. Champagne inspired by that same French excellence and like the best champagne, it's vintage-dated and fermented in the cut.

I'd like to now do a magic trick for you all. She'll make this bottle of bookers disappear. I can do that as well. I do most days, as well as 70 Chess to field Turkish cigarettes. just those are delicious i eat them these days you know i cut to the chase and just salt and eat right in uh mr fleming did you are you happy with the way casino royale turned out which one there dear boy uh the one from nineteen the one that orson wells heavens yes that's what i was trying to get out with the novel but uh i fell short when i finally saw the film i was just in love with it and then of course they smeared it and tarnished it in 2006. But you were happy with my participation, were you not even? Dear boy, I couldn't have been happier. I should have had you out to golden eyes sometime out in Jamie Acre and we could have put some cocoa butter on you and sizzled you up in the

jamie acon sun. That would have been lovely. I've never been sizzles in jammy acres. Is that anywhere near Acme Acres by chance? Absolutely. Mr. Wells, did you read Casino Royale before you took the part? No. Why would he? I don't read such tripe. I didn't read it before I wrote it. That's true. That's very true. I read philosophy and cookbooks.

Yes. What's your favorite thing to cook, Mr. Wells? My favorite thing, of course, is to cook rosebud frozen peas, full of country goodness and green penis. Oh, wait, I used that joke already in this podcast, with apologies to the folks who made the critic. I don't know if you've ever had frozen peas. Mr. Fleming, but

they're out of this. You know, I don't often have frozen food. I like eggs scrambled with green figs and yogurt. I find if you put the frozen peas under your tongue and then imbibes some

good French cognac and light with a Cuban cigar who cooks them up deliciously. That actually kind of sounds. I'm having trouble breathing, right? Oh, Mr. Wells. It's odd because I'm non-corporial, but I still wheeze.

next life. So you're not living, but also having trouble staying alive. Yes, apparently. I damaged myself that badly in the life. In the afterlife, I'm having trouble breathing and keeping my cholesterol down.

I've smoked so much that my lungs have become sort of like a volcanic rock, you know, very porous, so I can't keep anything in, including air and when I drink, you know in those films when someone shot and they do a comic take where all the water spills out of them?

It's like that with air. So there's a slight wheeze as I walk and I act as a sort of biological bellows that pushes the air out as I go. Listen. Like a pumice stone. Yes, I suppose. Or a luffer.

I am just so sad that Matt Goreley, my co-host. Who's that now? He's the co-host. We do this podcast. together. You've never met him. I don't much like him. He's often out of the room when you're here. Well, that's why I don't like him. Seems to have an aversion to me. It's probably a lesbian. Well, thanks so much for coming down, Mr. Fleming. Absolutely. I'm going to take my little library ladder back to heaven. I thought he arrived in Chitty Chitty Jiny Banga. I did, but it broke down

as it's wont to do, so I'm going to climb my little Oak and Library ladder that rolls. along on wheels in my library. When you get up there, get 17 or 18 people to pull up on the chain, would you? I need to ascend as well. I will. Thank you, Anne. I know a whole squad of butch gals up there that barely speak to me because they know...

What? A squad of butch gals. Squad of butch gals. Like a pussy galores flying circus. You know, I was wrong about it down here and up there I've really come to like those women. Well, they're beautiful, and they're just as good as everybody else, Mr. Fleming.

Rugby players to the end. I've got to go. I've said too much. So long, Mr. Fleming. Bye now. Matt, you're out of toilet paper in the bathroom, by the way. Wait. Now, guys, you're both not going to believe this.

You're not going to believe this. But Ian Fleming and Orson Wells were actually here. The two dead men? They, believe it or not? Long since dead? Yes. They appear. Orson was lowered with chains and Ian arrived on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and left.

Orson had 17 people pull them back up. As soon as you guys left the room, they appeared. Matt, I'm truly worried about you. No, this is, it's all on tape. Have you ever gone back and listened to those sections of the podcast? No. Well, I assure you. I'm very busy.

No, Maurice, they're there. And if you, you've heard me talk to Ian Fleming, right? Yeah, but. Yeah. Well, it happened again while you were on. out of the room. All right. Let's just get on with it.

That was more cohesion than this entire movie. Yes. That's true. I mean, I assume that was true. Why does Sir James Bond have a stutter? Yeah. And then loses it. He has a stammer that he has in his real life, but when he's on the job as James

Bond, he doesn't have it. He also... Like how Sherlock Holmes doesn't need cocaine when he's on a case? Yeah. But they are kind of impliant. that Bond is celibate like by his natural state and doesn't really drink and stammers. But when he's on the job, that's not the case. But it also implies...

He does try to the steal look at Ursula Anders's breasts when they're chatting on the precursor to the Apple Watch. But they also, the way he kissed his Moneypenny and finds out his daughter implies that he and Moneypenny in this case might really have actually had something going on. Right. Or they, in this world, that's how they always greeted each other. Maybe. Yeah. Listen, this movie's a mess.

It's a fucking mess. Can you say fucking mess? Yeah, we sure can. Okay. I enjoyed some, I would say probably a total of seven of the minutes that I watched. I enjoyed. Yeah, maybe seven. Yeah.

How long is the big fight scene in Casino Royale? The big fight scene in the real Casino Royale? In this, in 67. 67? You're talking about the... Six of the seven. minutes. The last 18 minutes of the movie?

Is that what you're talking about? The Cowboys. The Blazing Saddles. George Raft, you know, shooting himself with the gun. He must have just been there that day, right? I don't know. Yeah, and Peter Sellers is in the, I mean, Peter O'Toole. Peter O'Toole.

Yes, right. Right. As a Scottish Highlander who gets, who gets asked if he's Richard Burton. No, no, asks, ask Peter Sellers if he's Richard Burton. He goes, now I'm Peter O'Toole. Peter O'Toole standing right in front me. He goes, now I'm Peter O'Don. Then you're the finest man who's ever braved.

I love that. I mean, those little moments make the film worth watching for me. Those little comic asides. And again, the idea that the whole film is this British off. You know, there's so much in there that just that I do smile at, even as they try to paste it together to make it make sense, which it can't. And yet the way the film ends were further enough. You think so?

Not without Peter Sout. If I had a little bit of time, I could recut this movie to make some sense. Like, and actually do chapters. I think it's worth watching, even though it's a bit of a slog to get through, because it's strange to see all of these ingredients that you recognize served up in a meal like this, you know? And it's worth it for that reason. But for me, it's like a once every 15 years type of movie. Right.

Which I wouldn't say that about any of the other Bond movies. I could watch them probably once a year at their worst. Yeah. Yeah, I will never see this movie again. You think? I think so. What about when we do the commentary? No, then I'll see it again.

Okay. I mean, there's that. No, we can't do commentary for that. We can do whatever we want. I know. We still have to do Star Warsing. That's true. So let's rate this film.

Yeah, on a scale of what? Is this, we're going to use the double-o scale? to our scale. I mean, they do use 007 code name in this. They sure do. Everybody's a 007. Yeah. Yeah. Seven 007s. Well, you know, for me, it's interesting. This movie

gets a double O2. Well, wait. Hybrates indeed. Is triple O the lowest it could be? Yeah. It gets a 001. Because there are some interesting things that are worth seeing once.

I'm going to have to agree. I'm going to say 001 and I'm looking to Maurice to bring the average up there because I understand ranking something high as a person. Athalgic situation, yeah. And I will rank higher than than 001, but the funness with which I remember it, I mean, the film, and I said this the last time, the film is of a time. You know, it's the 60s. It's a time I lived through.

Did I mention I'm going to be 60 next week? and so for me it does it does hold a nostalgic value and I do remember films looking you know similar to this at the time I didn't know how good they could be I was going to just mention really quickly that you know you were talking about how dissimilar it is from the 2000 the 2006 Casino Royale what about the the Barry Nelson version yeah TV version which is really close to or will you cover that another I think we will probably okay so I'll leave that along.

How long is that? It's under an hour, I think. Under an hour, because it had to fit in with commercials into the season. That's really, probably the closest of any casino reael to the novel. It follows the novel and 2006 Casino Real follows it. But I'll leave that alone for the next time you cover it. The mess that this film is the thing that,

the one thing I wanted to hit on though, the touch on, was that, and speaking of hitting on, so much inappropriate sexual groping in this film. I mean, when the girl falls backwards for the levitation trick, one of the two guys that catches her clearly gropes her breast. Oh, geez, I didn't know that. Before she's put on the levitation.

He clearly has his hand on her breast as she goes back. I didn't even notice that. Orson begins his levitation. I get your hand off that woman's breasts. But the fact that at the end of the film, and I'm a spoiler alert, for all of you who I know are rushing to it. The fact that everybody dies. To me, this makes a great existential comment

on the whole of life because everybody in the film is a hero and yet at the end, everybody, everybody you liked, everybody you cared about, everybody who, you laughed at, everybody whose mission you wanted to succeed such that you could figure it out, is blown up. And it's like, well, that's life. In its own way, it's a brilliant.

film for saying that, for just showing me that no matter what the fuck I do at the end, I'm going to be playing a harp with Woody Allen. I hope. I hope because I got a lot of questions for him in between strums. So I'll give it a 102. Wow, that's

even lower than I thought maybe. I thought, okay, but that's fair and judicious. Because we're comparing it to Bond films. Yeah. As a as a 60s, spoofy kind of, you know, one's red skeleton that walk into this.

You know, I might give it a 004. Right. Or just because it's the type of film I remember. Yeah. But as a Bond film, yeah, 002, maybe a 001. One and a half. Oh, yeah. Okay.

It's not a Bond film. Yeah. That's true. Well, speaking of Bond films, I wanted to just touch on Spector for a second because Sean McCabe over at Time to Bond.com, which is a great website. In fact, he just did an article on... Guys, it's time to bond. That's right.

I follow him on the Twitter. Yeah, me too. I do. He just did an article on all the other double O's in the movies, which is great. He kind of like sets them up and tells you exactly. Oh, that's very cool. Interesting. I wonder where he would get such an idea.

Did we do about that? Did we have a recycle? No, but I feel like we talked about it like about a month ago, the curiousness of like, I would love to see what I would love to see a list of all the double O's that appeared in the movies. Well, good for him for doing it. Does he touch on what they ever have another double O four? Huh? Did they touch on whether or not the number gets recycled once an agent dies?

There are, because 009 is used twice. I think might be four. I can't remember. O'O9 is the octopozy bond and Frank Sinatra bond. What? The Specter. 009. Yes, that's right.

And it's actually 002. He's the Living Daylights one, I think, and something else I forget. But anyway, he was nice enough to send me some of the pages from the low draft of the Spector script. And it has the scene where Bond gets tortured with the drill to the head was originally a Texas Holden scene where Oberhouser says, if I win, you both die. If you win, I'll let the girl go. Oh, thank God that changed.

Somehow I'm pleased with that. Yeah, it doesn't quite work. But the thing that's interesting is, you know how when M confronts C at the end and he takes his gun out of the thing? That was originally Bond confronting him. And it was a nod back to the casino royale. I know where you keep your gun sort of thing. And they do just say,

leave you to think that C stands for something other than, what does M say it is? Careless. Careless, yeah. So that was fascinating to me. And also, we have new products in Podswagg.com slash bond. The knick-knack-tabasco shirt is officially for sale, as well as a replenishment of signed posters

and the pigeon double-taking can angle balloon t-shirts are there as well. Vote with your shirt monies, everybody. Just, yeah. So Pigeon Double Take should probably sell a lot more than Canangelo. Doesn't seem to be the case, though. And also there's a Facebook group, I believe, now that a lovely listener has started. I think, I forget what it's called, but it's just James Bonding Facebook group

if you look at up. I don't know, I'm off Facebook again for a while. I can't take it. Understood. Yeah. I can't take it either. Yeah. So I wanted to say that we,

saw the bagpipe machine gun in this movie. Yeah. And we're going to see it again next week. Oh, that's right. And the world is not enough. Yeah. I'm looking for a two. I'm going to go to the Scottish castle.

Yeah. Maurice, do you have anything to promote? I've got a couple of things that I'd love to talk about, but I've got NDAs on them. Wow. Just, just one last, one last observation. You talk about the recycling of the, of the bagpipe gun. The poison pen letter joke appears in this movie first. That's right.

appears in the Roger Moore film. The Roger Moore Bond people stealing from Charles K. Feldman. And not only that, it's in this film, but they call out what a tired joke it would be. What a tired joke it is. Yeah. I love that they also called out Orson Wells, Le Schiff, for doing his magic. Again, with, you know, the casino director going, oh, he's winning and doing magic tricks throughout. I love that.

I just love those little. I can talk about disenchantment coming up this summer from Matt Graining, and yours truly gets to play a rather Vincent Price-esque Prime Minister of the Kingdom, but I'm very excited to be a part of that. And, oh, coming this Saturday, which means it will have passed by the time this is on the air, I've become part of the My Little Pony Universe. I know that'll thrill your listeners. It will.

But I am actually a villain. I'm a villain in Ireland and Pony. Wow. What is your name? I play a principal headmaster naysay. Yes. And we actually, well, I can't go into too much. So that's kind of fun.

And I wish I could talk more about anything that I've been known for before that's coming back. But unfortunately, I'm under an NDA. Well, we'll have to have you back. And hopefully by that, yeah. Well, look, I've read it. The rumors, guys. Stay tuned. There's going to be some great things coming.

Yeah. Matt, we will meet again. Oh, we're going to meet again. James Bonding will return. The world is enough. No, no. Not enough. We did this movie.

No, Matt, you tried to convince me. I think we did this movie. Wait, should we pick another movie? Let's do Goldfinger again. Oh, no. Okay. The world is not enough. Everyone's favorite James Bond.

We'll return. Did I'm a podcast? So you think Logan's a good person? I do. Came here because I was running. Okay. Running from myself. But I'm not going to run again.

I promise. Maybe he's good then. No, no, no, no, no. I'm one of the good guys. Or maybe not. Marvel and Stitcher present, Wolverine, the Long Night. Out now, only on Stitcher Premium. For one month free, go to Wolverine Podcast.

dot com and use promo code Marvel. This has been an Earwolf production, executive produced by Scott Ackerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Hey, this is Arnie Neacamp from the Improft Fantasy podcast. Hello from the Magic Tavern. I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical land of food, and I started a podcast. Season three has just begun with a brand new adventure to defeat the dark lore. If you're a new listener or you've fallen behind season three is a great jumping on point. And we've got great guests like Justin McElroy.

I sound like a fancy college professor. Fake nuts. Rachel Bloom. You all see my collection of men corpses and one woman. Felicia Day and Colton Dunn. You've seen me have intercourse with a variety of species. It's a bummer. Andy Daly.

You have the members of Genesis listed. But Phil Collins has crossed out and then circled it crossed out again. Yes. I have killed Phil Collins twice. Thomas Middle Ditch. Jesus, I mean Jarzos, ruler of the eighth circle. And that's just the beginning.

Season three of a Loaf from the Magic Tavern is out now. Listen in Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.