James Bonding - Diamonds Are Forever Commentary

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

Matt and Matt hadn’t seen Diamonds are Forever in... Forever. So they decided they should watch it again with all of you. But everything is not as it seems. Is this movie the jackpot Matt and Matt have always thought, or does the plot go bust upon further examination? Cue those blu-rays up and rewatch along with the Matts.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Matt and Matt and James Bonding podcast Hi everybody, welcome to James Bonding. I'm Matt. And I'm Matt as well, and I'm just, I don't know why I can't explain it, but super excited. I'm in the spot, the zone for this commentary today. What is it?

You know, it's a movie that we love on the show. We've always spoken very highly of it. Some people don't see its value. Yeah, I think a lot of people think it's too camp for them. It's the perfect camp, if you ask me. It feels the most like a Batman show, right? It does. It really does. Of the 60s Batman.

Like, if there were a narrator for this. James Bond seems to have found himself in quite a fix. Is this the final nail in the coffin for James Bond? Tune in tomorrow, same bond time, same bond channel. Things are starting to heat up. Anyway, the movies, diamonds are forever. In case you were wondering. I just read this book, which I am going through and loving the books again,

and I've really loved Moonraker and Diamonds Are Forever because you start with Casino Real and it is what is. It's amazing, all that. And then you go into Live and Let Die, which isn't quite like the movie, but Moonraker especially is nothing like the movie. So it's like getting a fresh bond adventure. And this one, too, because the tone is so different, is nothing like the movie.

So if anybody needs to know where to start with Fleming, I'd say dive in around Moonraker and then go right into Diamonds of Forever. Look, I'm always about giving fresh bond adventures to all those who listen. Yeah. I feel like every week it's a fresh bond adventure with us. Yeah, that's right. Had people enjoy our tarot reading. They did.

Great. Yeah. Good. You know, a couple of hardline skeptics like, me and you going in against the wonderful tarot stylings of Veronica Osar. Oh, no, that I was just curious if everyone was like, where's the James Bond talk? Deal with it. Well, that was one vacation from a lot of James Bond talk, but we all went there together and now we're back and we're back with style. I'd do it again. Yeah. Yeah, we're back with so much style. I'm talking, think of lapels that just get longer and longer as the movie progresses. You can take flight,

hang glider lapels. Uh, my favorite. favorite Bond Girl Plenty O'Toole. Really? Oh, yeah. I didn't know that. She's just, you know, Lana Wood. Come on. Yeah.

Come on. I don't need this Natalie Wood. Give me Lana Wood. Right. Just give me wood. I think the wrong person got the career and death. She might have won out in the end. Yeah, I think so.

Mad End. Mad End. She's on the podcast. Okay, guys. So, you know how this goes. That's right. This is, uh, Diamonds or Forever. from 1971.

Lover's not experts. We're going to cue you guys up. We're going to play the audio. We're going to count you down. You're going to hear the lion roar. We're going to pause it after the first roar. Then we'll count down. Well, I'm just saying, like, we'll count down to everything.

Okay. Let's count down then. Get your DVDs ready. It's a little hard to count down to the first roar, but we'll give it a shot. Well, no, that's the easiest thing. Because all you have to do is say three, two, one play. We'll see if their DVD players are as fast as my computer. This is going to confuse them, Matt.

Oh, you're right. Just cue up to the first line. We're going to play the first roar. Get your DVDs ready to pause. And no Blu-Rays out there. We want standard deaf DVD watching only. Laser disk is acceptable? No streaming.

Beta Max or VHS also acceptable. So here, let's have a listen. Gorgeous. And then pause, and then we will now count you in for the second roar. Here we go. Three, two, one. Play. Yes, sir.

We're close enough. I'll keep it up for a little bit. You'll hear the United Artists logo. I forget if I've told you. You know, Jeremy Carter, my dear friend, when we were first hanging out and we were watching a World War II movies, and he wasn't much of a bond enthusiast, and I'm like, I'm going to introduce you to bond. And for some reason, I grabbed this one. This is not a good one to introduce people to. No.

Especially someone who has. sort of vague notions of what James Bond is. Right. Because you'll see this and it'll tick all those vague notion boxes but also be terrible. And vaguely. It will only tick them vaguely. I'm excited. Yeah.

Because this is, of course, the return of Connery son. Mm-hmm. Pretty much right where we left him. I know. No kidding. In Japan. Right. It is also weird, though, that they put him in this sort of background.

or what would you call this? This locale They're not even trying to match the ADR. Right. Charles Gray playing Blowfeld. Yeah. So you put him in the locale where that guy clearly was in the movie. Yeah.

And then have him playing a different part. Right. These ADRs are incredible. That's European roulette, Matt. Wow. Oh, because it has one zero. One zero. They talk about that in the books.

Look at that Terrycloth thing. Oh, my God. Hold of Bob Brown. are you on that. I know. Where are you on sending us free goods? Yeah. I'd wear that you're gonna see a nipple. You're gonna see a nipple. Yep, as a kid. I knew that that was a nipple. Yeah. His toupee looks better in this than almost any movie. No. Sure. Really? You don't think so? Well, I just think, I find that the longer the hair is on a toupee, the worse it looks. Maybe. That's just me. I may have said that rashly. There's no time left.

how much would you love to have one of the unfinished face props of Charles Gray? I'd like it and I'd also like, I wonder if it was the same guy who made all of the, uh, uh, life-sized dummies of, um, what's his face from. Brad Whitaker? Yeah. Who makes a surgery center in a cave and doesn't bother to like put walls in? It's not going to be sterile, first of all. So I would worry about his health after the fact. I like this look.

Connery's look. There's some luscious lashes right there. Yeah, they really are. It always, and we've heard from the actual commentary, that that did smell, but it always looks like it smelled bad. So he goes under that mashed potato mix with a gun. That guy does, yeah. I believe he was like, I don't want to be turned into you.

I'll be unsafe, and they're like, you can bring a gun with you. He's like, okay, I'll do it. gross it's all gross it's always gross yeah and they do this frequently enough that they have to have an overhead mud dispenser well you know first of all i guess my question to you matt goerly is is this facility just a specter facility or is it like if you want your face changed in the underworld this is the place to go i would like to think so but i think they're insinuating this is just Charles Gray's Blofeld's place. Look how proud he is of his little line.

I love the guy on the right. I know. So British. I think Connery looks great there. Look how he reaches in. He's a relaxed. That is a very relaxed way to do it, too. Those sideburns that guys have are the Nike logo.

They are intense. But I mean, look at the length of burn. this has to be the record for the longest sideburns on James Bond. Yeah. Also, why is there a Spanish villa decoration back there?

That's incredible. I got to say, Matt, if you threw scalples at me and they hit me like that, I'm not dying. No. They're like penetrating a quarter of an inch. You're walking away.

Going out, that really hurt. I'm getting a band-aid and some neosporin. Oh, no, not into the hot mashed potatoes. What is, what does that say? Something can. control, potato control. That is pretty cool.

Temperature control, lower, higher. That looks pretty cool, though. Oh, lower, raise. Unclear if that was anywhere near James Bond. Clear that it wasn't. Yeah. Well, it's also like, where are you establishing this? Right.

Let me take a second to say that when you're listening to this the first time through in 2019, my band, a resurrected band, Townland, is playing a show on July 9th, and we're playing. this song. That's a secret for you premium listeners. Secret premiums. We're trying to get Matt to join us live. Uh, July 9th. It could happen. I mean, my kid will be, uh, 13 to 20 by then. Look, that's an open invitation. I love it. I love an open invite. You just let us know. But, uh, yeah, get tickets. Just go to macgoyle.com and you'll find a ticket link right on the homepage if this is in fact still June or July of 2019. quite a locale. Let me just say...

I finally got to it this year where I said, I'm going to put it all in one place. You can get yourself a limited edition prints of stunt spectacular shows we've all dreamed about. Now, I know those are available on most websites. Yeah, but in one place, get them all. I love this song. I hate these... I hate it's a strong word. I find these opening titles lacking. Yeah, they're not in your top tier, I don't think. No problem with Shirley Bass's vocal stylings.

No, I love this song, too. These horns. What we've learned in covering this song is every time they do this break, it's a different horn blast. Like, bum-bum, or bum-p-p-pah-pum, or bap-pah-pam-pum. Or, bap-pah-bom-b-b-b-b-t. It's crazy. I think you should just always go with whatever the one Kanye sampled was. Fuck that guy. I'm going to say Maurice Bender was off on a Maurice Bender when he made this because it is not.

You're right. Just when you said that, the dancing girl got flipped backwards. They reversed the footage. It's like, why? Why are we doing this? I don't know. Just put a bunch of diamonds on people. We'll shoot it really close.

And then we'll just have the song playing. It'll be fine. Listen to different horns. Here. Different. I love that bass, too. Oh, forget it. Maybom and Mankowitz.

There's more nipple, too. There you go. Jeez. Just a... I know. What were they doing? That circling of the hands around the diamond. Like, were they trying to warm their hands on the diamond fire that wasn't on fire?

I could not tell you. One must think that in order for Connery to agree to come back, he had to have approved that it was Guy Hamilton. Probably. I wonder why he chose Guy. I think that was not in the script where Connery was so tuned out. I love how he's upset about having to deal with smugglers. So it's funny, when I read Diamonds of Forever the book like 15 years ago, I didn't remember a lot this time.

And so this movie and book start off very much the same. There's like the guy in South Africa transporting diamonds to the helicopter. Wint and Kit are a totally different thing. but not for the better i assume they're well they're still like a gay enforcer duo but they're really dark and serious you know they're not camp even in the slightest and tiffany case's origin story is pretty rough but like obviously there's there's no blow felt in that book it's just the american mob that he's facing the spang brothers makes more sense mag yeah shady trees in it as a tough mobster not like green or um cat skills can't

media. Not a Shecky Green. No. And at one point, Bond goes to face down with one of the Serafimo brothers and he lives in Vegas, but he weekends at an old ghost town ranch that he owns and dresses up like a cowboy, like an old classic Western. And so when Bond goes to see him, he's dressed like a Gary Cooper or something like that. That seems like it, if there was ever a decade for that to have made it into a bond film, it would have happened in this one. I know. I miss those metal trash cans. Yeah.

You know? The nice beveled. Yeah. Fluted. Just classic, you know? A lot of buttons happening on this dentist's smock. I would argue too many. I didn't notice.

Oh, yeah. I guess I'm asking why not just have that folded ready to go? Right. like have a bag of them yeah what are they saying there that his teeth are already good so he shouldn't be in there

oh I thought they were just saying I'm smiling because I have the most diamonds okay I'm getting lots of money yeah I thought it was kind of like look at how wide my smile is you know the diamonds I can fit in here this is how the book starts six to 20 the book starts with just a couple

pages about the scorpion just the scorpion that's too many pages is that a triumph yet It is. It's a pretty bitch of motorcycle. Let's talk about that outfit. I love it.

Dr. Tinen? I want to see who Joe is. Who is Joe? What if Joe was like just a completely flamboyant gay man? And they were like, we have to send wind a kid. Otherwise, I'll never buy it. Why not just shoot him? Well, because I think.

I think in the desert, a scorpion bite in the desert, killing somebody. Yeah. Leaves less of a trail than, say, a bullet with 007 carved in it, a golden bullet. Right. God, he's like having a rapture. I would say, as far as on-screen deaths go, I would not rank his high. No, you mean the performance? Yeah.

That was like a dance move. Ah! Ha! They left a lot of footprints by that guy's body. Yeah. Oh, so that's Joe. Oh, well, now we know Joe. Joe's a helicopter pilot.

Look how suspicious they walk away. Like, is he going to take it? If someone handed me a box and did that, I would immediately drop it and run. They've missed an opportunity for a nice high-five. Putter Smith, Mr. Kid, continues to play jazz shows around Pasadena if you ever get a chance. I mean, look at them. He looks like he was born to play jazz. Yeah, he was.

He had no choice. I think the dark marble's a little gaudy. Yeah. Why not dye his hair a little bit? Connery? Yeah. Do you think they just were like, if we do this, it's going to be clearly a rug? Well, I think, yeah, I think that's why the rug looks good,

because it's got that salt and pepper like his real hair does. So it kind of camouflages it a bit. What do you think was Connery's rug maker? and do you think he takes pride in it that he made it or do you think he's like, this is not my best work? Good question. Yeah, I don't know. Now, Matt, is she in the book?

No. But Peter Franks is. That whole thing where he takes Peter Frank's identity and goes to her place. Yeah. The elevator fight is in there. He just killed James Pion. Oh, my God.

You killed James Bond. Did I? You better lay off that tutor, Charlie. I know you killed. them because you have his Playboy ID in this wallet Playboy Club ID. That is a nice touch. You know, if I watched this movie

in 1971 and said, Will Bernard Lee be in another three movies? I would have said, no way, bro. He looks like he's healthier in movies after this one. Yes, he does. Absolutely. Good girl. Mr. Franks, let me say, very good at what he does.

Because he's so casual about this. I would be nervous if I was him. I would too. really do they what do they what they what what what what what what what what what what what what what's unexpected sir that was quick i mean assuming oh money penny killed him they got his passport already no no no they just made him a fake yeah okay it's made him with peter franks i just watched my wife die in front of me money penny but you can't be blamed because the tone of this film would never insinuate that. Oh, you know which one they're going for, guys. You know which one they're going for. It's James Bond.

Would you expect him to ride on anything less than a four-propeller hovercraft? That that happened, because where are hovercraft fairies now? You know, there are some. There are some. Really? The cat up in Vancouver. There's, I think, one in the Cape, too.

Hmm. There's one on the, uh, the demilitarized zone in Korea. That's true. How else will you, uh, get to General Moon? Colonel Moon. Colonel Moon. Have you ever been in Amsterdam, Matt? No, I have not.

Me either. Hmm. Did we just plan a vacation? I think we did. I believe we did. Oh, my. Oh. Bit harsh.

She does a good dead. I'll tell you that. Yeah, she does. especially coming out of cold water. Do you think they ever send those to the kids? Do they ever stop talking to each other in little like rehearsed bits? No, no one's watching.

No, they don't. And I think that the second they found each other, they were like, oh, this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, because you also talk like this. Yeah. You talk presentationally when no one else is around. You finish my sentences. Can I tell you about maybe one of the best moments in my life I had recently? Amanda and I were in Thailand for a wedding of her close friend, and we had some downtime. And guess who started reading Moonraker?

I would guess that it would be Amanda. We were sunning at the beach on Shea's lounges in robes, and we both fell asleep with an Ian Fleming Bond book open on our chests. And I woke up and looked over, and she was asleep. She had Moonraker on our chest. I had diamonds are forever on my chest. And I was like, that's it. It doesn't get any better than that.

Now, granted, she did not finish the book. Sure. She tried. As she picked it up again, no? No. Did you both have a tan line in the size of an Ian Fleming novel? Little paperbacks. I was born there.

Yeah, what is this accent? I don't know. It's like a reverse Margaret Dumont. Yeah. Where it's like, I know this is an American accent. but I have no idea where you're supposed to be from. That's very Margaret Dumont. So in the book, she gets her name in a different way.

Her father wanted a boy and didn't get a boy. Wait, am I confusing this Galabrand from Moonracker? Yeah, this is right. He wanted a boy, didn't get a boy. So when the girl was born, he left, and he left a pendant for the mother from Tiffany's, just as a sorry I'm leaving, here's a pendant. And so the mom was just like, all right, Tiffany's the name. Oh.

I like her fingerprint tech, by the way, that she has. So is that like a Polaroid develops immediately? Yeah. Is this her house? Does she live in Amsterdam? I believe it's an apartment, yeah. It's an Amsterdam apartment. Ken Adam, of course.

Did a great job on all the fireplaces in this movie. They're a little over the top. No kidding. It's a little kid, isn't it? she actually looks like one of the women on one of those um what's that artist name that does the bond posters um he's a really cool name butch hobson that's not it let me look it up like Robert waterick or what is it ah but she does she does look like the women on the thunderball poster yeah yeah it's um bond smelling the glass robert mcginnis to see if he can eat it robert

McGinnis. Yes. Tempahs. What do you think of a plate of peppers? Garlic? An eggplant? What is that all about? Never noticed that in my life.

Oh, I forgot. Los Angeles was involved. That's a lot of carrots. Is it? A awful lot of ice. He knows the lingo. Original regarding what? How to do the smuggling.

Oh, gotcha. I wish you got that Aston right there. I know. What's going on there? I don't mean to be a broken record, but in the book, he smuggles them inside golf balls. Oh. That's weird that they'd have such a tiny phone at Cue Branch. I didn't notice.

Oh, no, it's just that his hands are enormous. Oh. I like how you were actually thinking that phone was maybe actually small, but nope, just make a fun of a long since past man who was very kind. So for our angle that works, but not for Peter Franks. It's so funny that you say that. From our angle, it looks like someone is making out with someone. From his angle, it looks like Bond is cold.

Yeah. Yeah. Bonds having more fun in this one. Yes. Not just Connery. Stupid Bond. If he didn't have to wind up so hard. I know.

You know what? I don't think that would happen to Roger Moore. Or if he did, he'd hit it and then the guy would look back and he'd give a wink like, What can you do? So you're saying Peter Franks, if this was Roger Moore, would be charmed by Bond, charmed and lured into letting his guard down. At least phased. I seem to remember this elevator fight being better than this.

Really? Yeah. I'm thinking of Captain America Winter Soldier. You're right I don't even remember there being a gun involved Yeah it is also like Oh man I could have just shot him A gun went off anyway

Now that Is some good legwork If you've ever been in one of these European apartment buildings Where it has an elevator You'll know that that elevator is not moving slower than normal That is exactly how fucking slow they move And that's probably twice the size of most of them. Yeah.

You know, I love the song, Diamonds are Forever. I don't know if this is one of my favorite scores. Some of it I like, but... That's because you don't... You're not a string guy. You're more of a horn guy. Yeah. I don't know, though.

Like, doesn't Vue to a Kill have a lot of strings? Yeah, but a Vito A Kill is a Vito a Kill. And Moonmaker? It's different. Yeah, that's true. Dyrus there. He had to go in and do that. He had to go record his fall.

Wah-hoo! Oh, my God. I mean, he's very smooth at adapting here. Also, I like that he puts the Peter Franks wallet in Peter Franks' wallet. Oh, wait, no, he puts James Bond's wallet and takes Peter Franks' personal wallet out. Yeah. Okay. I think I didn't have a photo ID in there.

Look, he's got like an elastic banner around his cuffs. How much should they pay for that? They just give Covey Rockley a free subscription? How does everybody know who James Bond is? I guess because he saved the world so many times. Yeah. Or because he literally tells everyone his name all the time. Yeah. And fast.

Does she have to move now? Wait. Okay, Matt, help me out here. Yeah. Because you've seen the movie and read the book now. Or read the book recently. What is the point of Kid and Wint starting in South Africa? Right.

If they go to each step. of the diamonds and knock off a person. Like, why not just take it from the little old lady? Yes. And kill her and not worry about the rest of that. Yeah, or kill fucking Tiffany Case. Like, why do they let the diamonds go from Old Lady to Tiffany Case? I think it's because they need them smuggled.

They don't want to smuggle them? Like, this is... Oh, okay. I'm on board for that, but also if they need them smuggled and don't want to smuggle them, Why are they following the diamonds? I really don't know. Look how piste is. What is that?

Is that Cologne? Oh my God. Look at Los Angeles International Airport. That's crazy. That is crazy. Lufthansa air. Oh, that's the Delta. That's the Delta.

Oh, my God. Terminal. Those are still there, those curved windows. So, you know, like, when you go to the Delta and it's in that circle, like when you go to the big hub circle? Further, when you go to the further one and there's all those gates. Yeah, that's that. Oh, my God.

Would we have to say his name if we didn't recast him every movie? I know. Good point. Listen to this music. That's going to be a long drive. So did James Bond shove them up his ass himself? Who else would have done it? Yeah.

And also, is that Peter Franks in there? I think so. Okay. Yeah. All right. All right. One, two, three, four. I mean, that's going to be a tight ride.

They don't have back seats. Oh, yeah. I guess you could sit there. How much would you love to take the road trip from L.A. to Vegas in 1971? Just to see how different things are. Oh, my God. That would be incredible. You know, one of my favorite things to do, Matt, there's videos online.

And people have put up at home movies of like just like driving down. down the strip in 1990. Oh, wow. It's just very cool to see how different it is now. The fact that they actually tried to grow a lawn back then there, you would never see that today. I mean, there's a golf course in the middle of Vegas. Yeah, I guess. There is a cemetery. And it's grass? And it's grass. Wow. You know what? I take it all back. He's taking it back, everybody. You would see that today. I love this guy. Morton slumber.

This would be like a part that Andy Daley would play when he's older. Yeah. This movie does not start moving for me for another 15 minutes. Once he gets to Vegas, that's when this movie takes shape. Yeah. I saw one, I saw a, I don't know, you call it a meme or something. We're a little factoid on the internet about how long, you know, to burn one body, to cremate one body, it takes as much gas as it takes to fill the tank of a large SUV.

And I was like, that's less than I thought it actually took. Do you, you worked in a funeral home? Sure did. Do you get to watch coffins go into the oven like that as a, as a bereaved family member? Or they just... Oh, you can choose to. You can. But it's not like, is it presentational like that?

Not usually, no. It's also weirder. It's in Massachusetts. It's different because. there's the monopoly laws and they don't allow funeral homes to also have crematories. Oh my God. And or graveyards, you know? Wow.

Cemetery, rather. That was quick. That is too much, much too quick, but what are you going to do? And do they burn the body in the coffins with the coffin or part of the ashes? Yes. That's crazy. It seems weird. So, Kidd and Wint could have come in here.

Right. Well, they do, right? To kill James Bond, right? No, that's the other guys. Those are fake diamonds, correct? Yes. That Bond has replaced... Yeah, but they don't know that yet.

But also, like, what are those diamonds made out of that they didn't melt? Because if they were glass, they'd melt. How many graves are they there to visit? So many. Every mausoleum is a little more enjoyable than the last. That's it? is that as 50 grand so peter franks would have been done yeah and they don't take the money either because they just want the diamonds and they're working for blowfelds correct oh i guess so i never

okay yeah i don't think i've ever paid attention to the plot me either so they're not part of the diamond smuggling operation no these guys are so now shady tree gets involved i see okay and so yeah Wittenkitter trying to get the diamonds so that Blowfelt can build his laser to do his laser that requires a marching band cassette, yeah to do what, just to extort the world?

I think so. To get money? I think it's like melt the poles, cause a flood. Because what does he want? Because if it's money, he's got a shitload of diamonds. Yes, but not as much. So now, but here's my question.

Now, Bond. All right, first of all, all now this is where the movie starts to get a little unbelievable to me they they had to rob they had to grab a casket they had to put James Bond in there and now they're burning okay okay so in their mind hang on let's backtrack for a second and Kid and Wintz's mind

they've left the diamonds in that urn that is in that mausoleum is that's in the crypt Yeah, why did they leave the diamonds there? I'm just trying to follow the logic here myself. And then they took and disposed of his body. Limey Fink. Why are these two notes? And how do they know that he's in there is my question.

Yes. He really got him. He's going to the trap. So, look, when you're bathing, why not have a magazine rack? And a full cocktail kit there. What is he drinking?

Sammy Davis Jr. I've got to go, Felix. He goes to watch Sammy Davis Jr. Well, he does in this movie. Then he comes back and then... It's a deleted scene. He's in this movie. Oh, right. So is that top part fake? The Las Vegas Hilton. Yes. Okay. Quillard-White speaking. Now, Jimmy Dean, King of Sausages and breakfasts altogether. I've been inside of this casino. so many times really yeah is it shot in the las vegas hilton this all this stuff this is yes um this is of course the hilton is the uh elvis famously did his stint there what like his like 69 comeback special or no like the like when you think of las Vegas Elvis with the brinestone suit yeah that's all here and the uh star trek experience was at this

hotel, which is why I stayed at it so much. Is Mr. Kid drinking a orange valencia refresher, man? Now, in the book, is Shady Tree a comedian? No, he's a really ruthless mobster. How long was his act where he just stood up there and did those rapid-fired jokes, do you think? I guarantee you it was 45 minutes at least. Also, what a weird way to close. Also, Tiffany Case is a dealer in the book.

She's a blackjack dealer. Oh, that starts to make a little more sense. I believe it. Yeah. Burt. Wait, so, so he, wait, he thinks he's working, he, the hotel manager thinks he's working for Willard White, right? So Willard White wants these diamonds or something?

Well, the fake, Willard White. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Okay, so Winton Kidd think they're working for Willard White too, but why didn't they just take the diamonds from the mausoleum or whatever it is that but like how do they hear that the diamonds are fake they must have heard it from shady tree but is shady tree working for Willard White

he must be and it makes literally no sense that kid and Wint exist in this movie this is crazy there she is apparently the original draft of this I think had more of the book in it hmm Mr. Franks.

God, I love a pit boss. Every single person is in polyester. Look at the lapels. Named after your father, perhaps. Classic. This guy on the right. This guy on the right looks like he is Johnny Knoxville as an old man about to prank Sean Connery. Plenty O'Toole is the first bond girl name that doesn't work

As generationally Like it only works because her dad is Named that Right? Am I missing it? Plenty of Tool? Like he's got a big old swangin? Or she likes to take plenty of tool Okay Wow

Or her father owned a hardware store Or her father was Peter O'Toole So, okay So now Blowfeld sees that it's James Bond and not Peter Franks. And he doesn't care to fill anybody else in. No. Conner is so coy in this movie.

I love it. Although you can't really tell his bond there, can you? Oh, look at those markers. Is that a compliment? How do Monkely... I don't associate monkeys with coconuts too much? I forget, it's her... I think her voice is dubbed.

I mean, it sounds dubbed. Well, it's definitely... 80 yard, but I don't think that's her maybe. What could possibly have been wrong? They dubbed almost all the girls. They dubbed so many voices. It's so weird. I know. Was that forced perspective? Oh, maybe that's a set and that was a mat painting back there. I never looked at it that closely. I caught it at the tail end, but we can't go back. No, we can't. And you at home also cannot go back until after the movie.

We're in this together. Oh, James. Love her. I didn't know there was a pool down there is probably one of the best lines from a Bond hench person. I didn't know there was a pool down there. So confused about this movie right now. Yeah. Does Tiffany case work for a pervert convention?

That's like every convention in Vegas, by the way. Wait. Oh, I forget they back up immediately. What happened? Yes. So, what, this movie confuses me mad more than I've ever been confused. I've never thought about the plot of this film.

I haven't either, but now that we're doing a commentary, it's all I can think about. Is this the most confusing? Is it because Tiffany's in there that they back up? This is the most confusing bond plot there is, right? It is now. It wasn't until now. Yeah. Fulsome friend.

Okay, so the diamonds are fake. Then they call up Tiffany Case and go, Tiffany, the diamonds are fake. And then she has to come in? They're going to say, that's some good stereo. His voice is tracking in the headphones so much. I didn't catch any of that.

But then it's like he has a giant dong. That was what she just insinuated. He's a giant thong. He does. You can clearly see it. They just needed to tilt up a half an inch. Yeah, I know. His hair has such a chance of igniting here.

You're putting an ashtray on Sean Conner his chest and you're not worried about fire. On a mattress? Yeah. That's just a death trap waiting to happen. Does he know where the diamonds are? He does. They're in Peter Franks.

No. They're not. Those are the, yeah, where are the fake? They must have been Felix must have. He must have gotten them to Felix. Wait, someone mentioned this on another podcast that Q has the diamonds and brings them in. And that's why Q's there in the first place, but they cut the scene. Q comes to Circus Circus

Yeah But the diamonds are in the stuffed animal Right But in the movie There's You don't know why he's there Or Oh so what must have happened

In the plot Before it was cut What must have happened It's at some point in Amsterdam Or at the airport Uh huh On the way out to Los Angeles He must have met up with Q

And Money Penny Before that before he left. No, because he takes them off the chandelier. They're real. Yeah. And then it's between Amsterdam and Los Angeles. So I think it's at the...

I think it's at the Amsterdam airport that he must give the real diamonds to Q. Q must give him the fake diamonds. Tell him in dialogue why these diamonds won't melt. Yeah. Right. And they cut it out of the movie.

Thusly making this movie make no sense. And even then, it still would be hard to track, who's working for whom. Matt, I've got good news. Yeah. You and I could still attend Circus, Circus. Oh. It's a depressing place.

We could do an episode, Circus, Circus, and the Las Vegas Hilton. We could go to the shooting locations of Diamonds or Forever. We live driving distance away. Yeah. This would be just a delightful episode. Play a James Bonslaught machine at the White House. That's true. It'd be a total write-off, too.

It always is. I find Circus, Circus, Circus. incredibly depressing and I haven't been there for 20 years. Let me just tell you, it's still depressing. But like it's modern. It's certainly modern, yeah. So this shit isn't happening.

No, no, no, no. None of the actual circus stuff is happening anymore. There is circus stuff, like, but not on the reg above above you. What about the Hilton? What's that like now? The Hilton is called the Westgate or Las Vegas.

hotel. It's got a great sports book. And Barry Manilow, I believe, is there right now. Oh, well, now you got me interested. Yeah. If Barry Manilow did a night of bond

songs, I'd go. Can you imagine? Oh, I'd be there in a second. Oh. In her acting. What a poker face. Why don't you play the water balloons?

Do you think that he misdealt that at any point and someone else went to go play the water balloons. That kid. Oh yeah. She cheated. Also, why someone couldn't just walk up to her and say that?

Yeah. I don't play the water balloons. Love it. That's a funny line I hadn't really ever listened to before. That's really good. Why did 1971 think brown and yellow were the best colors? I mean, I'm kind of with them. I'm kind of with 1971.

There is the area. It's called the adventure. dom, Matt. It's a little indoor amusement park now. I should have got this kid for I was there, too. Oh, my God. Would have been great. I love his comedy. A little out of you, let me ask the following question. Is he the

normal carnival barker, or is he a CIA operative who's great at carnival barking? Well, they were like, when Bond, they're like, we need some of the place poker, get Bond. We need someone that can do carnival barking. We'll get Larrabee. We need someone who can deal any card to anyone. Get Jim. Blow up your pants.

Blow up your pants. Who wrote that, Mankowitz? I think it, here's what I think. I think the line was actually, my balloon blew up way faster than hers. And then she said blow up your pants. Which still isn't a thing, but is much closer to being a thing.

Right. Does this movie suffer from editing? Did they edit too much out of this movie? Is it possible this movie should be nine hours long? I love when an elephant wins a slot machine. It's my favorite thing in Vegas. Happens all the time. Every hour on the hour at every Vegas hotel.

So those two are this. Okay, so CIA is now following her in order to make sure that she takes the real diamonds to Bond's rendezvous? I'm so lost. I'd call it a bondavu. I'd back that up Live But it's like why make her think that she's being

Followed When she's doing something illegal anyway Yeah I don't know And also Why do they want to get her involved I There are so many things I don't know what's going on with this movie I love this guy

Yeah He's doing a great job and this guy is not a CIA operative? I think he's real. Yeah. He's genuinely the guy that works there. Yeah. Okay.

Look, I want to give each of these kids $50 right now for not looking down the barrel of the camera. Yeah. It's pretty good. But I won't. They really take their time of this, too. Well, I mean, this kind of transformation, man, can't happen quickly. This is real. This woman is, is true.

transmorphing into a terrifying jungle gorilla. Do you think they, uh, every day try to, they always scare the children out? So every hour on the air, there's just a flood of children. Also, those guys didn't keep their eye on her. I know. Because they were delighted by the children being terrified. She got away quick. Oh, no, she's in a parking lot.

There's no way we'll find her. I've seen the old street. Look at that. Oh, have you been to the neon museum, by the way? No. The one in Glendale or Vegas? It's fantastic, especially at night. Wait, so where does she go?

This is another thing that you don't understand because she's cut. She goes, this is her house. But there's a scene where plenty of tools shows up. Well, she winds up in the pool dead. She shows up, I think, to confront Tiffany, like she's a competition for Bond. I forget what the scene's about. And also, it's like, my question is like, did, Did Bond kill?

Wait, who killed her? The The kid and went thinking it she knew. Either of them or the, you know, like, I didn't know there was a pool down there. But this time he did know there was a pool. I knew there was a pool down there. I finally see what you was saying, Mr.

Thanks for the advice. Hey, you want to go get a drink? My friend Shady Trees doing 50 hours set. Every one liner he's ever heard. he's doing seven thousand one liners in a row he's going for a record mister oof no just a tie it wouldn't hurt i don't know what okay she put it there right she left it in that to give to this luggage handler so that he could take it out of my karen i'm so so lost. I am too.

Oh my God. McCarron's so different now. Amazing. It looks like Burbank. Yeah. Wow. Those are the right mountains. So now is this one... Wait, so this guy is just taking it finally. This is the end of the road for the diamond smuggle.

This guy is taking it to Willard White's lab. Okay. So here's what's happening. I think I know what's happening, Matt. now that Plenty O'Toole is dead, they think Tiffany Case is dead. So they have tied up their loose ends. Okay. And they have the diamonds. Okay.

So now they're going to kill... It's weird that they don't warn that guy, by the way. He's next. This guy? No, no, the guy at the... The bell-hop or... The guy that handled the luggage. Well, he doesn't necessarily know it's diamonds.

He just thinks it's a stuffed animal, right? why would the luggage handler go to a thing of a jiggie open up a suitcase put whatever was in this locker into the suitcase so did those elevators exist

the glass elevators in the outside exist yeah wait so now so wait all right so casino pit boss drives van and takes another car are you mad

This guy This guy It's like I love that okay lady you win Like she's got a gun on them Well it's also like The thing I like about it is like That guy and the okay you win lady

Yeah Guy Sound like it's the same ADR guy Right Also she's this cool under pressure But a card that says Why don't you try the water balloons Frazzles her

Well, I would never expect someone to tell me what to do in a casino. That is a cool car. Mustang. I love this old Vegas situation that we're here. Oh, the dunes, baby. Look at no one's in the parking lot. Well, there's nothing built there. The edge of Vegas is still like that.

It's crazy. I know you're a big Vegas fan. I am, mad. I'm so sorry. That's okay. I'm just not. I'm not a desert guy. What about dessert? Yes.

Very much. Throw an extra ass in anything, and I'm all for it. Do you like diners or dinner? Both. I like dinner and a diner. In a dinah. Dina. Diner.

Dinner and a diner with dinah in a dinah. I love it. Tectronics. W. Tectronics. Wasn't that also like the name of something in cloak and dagger. What was the company name in cloak and dagger?

I don't know. I could look it up. Would you like me to? No, it's all right. Now, is this the only van that gets to park underground? This and Klaus Hurgersheimers. Klaus Hercgishimers. It's this and Klaus Hurgersheimer's Toyota Camry.

Well, look how many floors there are that this car can go to. I might. He's on the fifth floor. I don't remember this. Oh, there is another car. There's a car park. Who's that? That's Klaus Hurgersheimer.

He's got a Cadillac. That's Dr. Metz. Do you think that Ken Adam was like, I want to build this set? We need an elevator, lower car into a underground parking garage. And Kubby was like,

how much is this? Do it. Put it on the screen. This movie's not holding up. No one has ever seen anything like that. This movie's not holding up quite as much as I remember. Well, that's because Klaus Hurgersheimer hasn't

showed up yet, and now here he is. No, this is not him, right? Isn't it? Oh. Oh, right. Yeah. I like this guy. Smooth as shit right there getting in that door. Look at those phone capsules. I'll see. I've just watched Chernobyl.

Oh, you did you? Yeah. Oh, my God. It's really good, especially if you like a lot of skin blistering. It's my favorite kind of blistering. Have you seen Darkman? I sure have. Oh, it's a satellite. Yeah, yeah, it's a satellite that's powered by stuffed animals, if I remember correctly.

I just want to know what the end game is. Well, here's my question. How do you know that this guy doesn't know that it's Klaus H-Simer? That K-Simer isn't G-section. Professor Doctor. Is he wearing a radiation shield? Mets? I'm going to have to see.

I'm going to see if a turn. It's going to be on his left chest, right? no he's not look at that guy laughing back in it because he's always wanted to give uh metz the shit but he hasn't been able to yeah I mean I totally believe that that guy would listen to that cassette anyway

yeah oh his badge is on now oh no this what is the point of this just because they're making moon buggy that they would need to be they could be uh testing a number of things how, how, you know, maybe they're building new space suits for NASA.

That would be testing how they work in slow motion. Stop them, Harry. It's pretty funny. That is so funny to me that they won't break character. Do they? Oh, my God. Do they, I wish that, I got to listen to the commentary again. I could, because.

This is just straight out of. Here's what I'm thinking is happening, right? I'm thinking on set they're doing this thing. Those guys try to stop him in normal speed. Cubby Broccoli goes, no, no, they're in space. Well, they're not actually, Cubby. No, no, but look at them. They're in the, they're in the outfit.

I know it looks like that. He's got a helmet on. He's obviously doing something for America on this moon. So if they're going to stop James Bond on the moon, it's going to be slow. I don't think you understand. Have you read moon, Rika? Well, of course I have. Everything happens slow.

Oh, no, that's... These guys move slow. No, they never even go to the moon. Nope, we're going to shoot it. They're moving slow. Everyone. After spaghetti, these guys are moving slow. Cubby, we had spaghetti for lunch.

You insist every meal. Yes. Well, have you seen the size of my pot? Yes, I have. I'm not going to waste anything. I think I got to be Cubby broccoli. I didn't waste anything. Cubs or broccolies.

You know, my family brought broccoli into the country. Yes, we know, Cubby. Well, I bet you didn't know that it was from Italy. No, we did. Oh. Can I ever tell you about my family bringing broccoli? Yeah, yeah, you did. Can we get Saltsman back?

I never thought I'd say this. He's busy with his circus investment. Why do I think of him having a circus? Yeah, it fits. No, but Harry Saltsman, I feel like I remember him. It was like a lavish birthday party he threw for his kids or something in one of the documentaries that he's got like a, there's like an elephant. These are also pretty lackluster stunts of like just drive the car until it kind of tips.

Yeah. But, I mean, have you ever seen big wheels with those bigger wheels? I know. By the way, that moon buggy looks like such a recipe for decapitation. There's a moon buggy wheel. There's one of the wheels, yeah. Yeah, it really does. Why?

Are we going to have audio of anyone saying that way? We should really capture that. This is... Why does his hair look like? It's going fast. I can't believe he crashed with something so unstable as three giant balloon wheels. Those things were such hot shit for about 10, 12 years, and now you don't see three-wheeled buggies like that ever anymore.

No. They don't even sell those anymore, do they? The three-wheeled ones? A trike like that? No, I don't know. I once crashed on one of those with a live shotgun. Who among us has it? Real stupid when I was in high school.

I've done fairly dangerous things with shotguns also in my life. Not proud. In Vermont. James Bond does not look dignified on that. No one can look dignified on that. Yeah. Like what, like that's like, you know, that looks like it looks like a... That was really him, though.

That's pretty cool. He did that stunt. Well, I mean, look, it moved six miles an hour. He had to be sure to walk slowly when he got off of it. And there it goes, by the way. Ha. This guy's trying to get the car going again? It rolled over completely.

Okay. Fremont Street. Still there. You can go visit all these locations. In fact, whenever I go to Vegas, we usually go to this, like, the old downtown there. Amanda's family likes it. Yeah, I like it for a bit during the day. Uh-huh.

I mean, it's, yeah, it's, it's really something. But this was actually, in one of those casino, where is it? Four queens Uh Hang on Oh wow The House of Jackpots A Sloan

Topless So so stunned And he just takes a gun out In the middle of Vegas These shots are better Because they're not It's not yet They're not yet

The crowd's staring And watching What is that hotel They're building back there Do you know? In the background It's probably the plaza, right? I don't know

I really know very little about Vegas. The Golden Nugget. Oh my God. I was just there. I park in the Fremont Hotel, which is on the left right there. So is this the street that's now closed over? Yes. I see.

And you can zip line down the middle of it? Yeah. Okay. Oh, I don't think I realize that. Is the alley still there? That they do the trick? I don't know which alley that is. I'll have to watch a little closer.

Look at her acting. She's really something. Oh, my God. Like, I'm like, there's like, so, there's, Parts of it that I buy so much. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, she's good in this. And then she does 700% more than she needs to. I mean, look, I don't hate that everybody's out there watching because that's what would happen.

That's right. That's crazy that they let them watch the, how out of control those cars are. Oh, my God, yeah. That Fremont Casino is still there, right? That building? Yes. I don't believe the Mint is. you know i was i was parking the other day

and i noticed that uh all these cars come out at an angle what if bond was in one of these parking lots where do you get your ideas look at that wood pad they had for the car to hit too i like it but i'm also like sad that he didn't have rocket launchers this is her car oh yeah but they could have put him in an assy martin mrs christ Pretty good stunt.

I bet every normal take is just on the cutting room floor. Yeah. Or what if those were her normal take? No. I really hope. Go get him, Larry. There was no music in that whole scene. I think Larry got him.

I can't believe Larry didn't get him. So it's between the... It's the cross and the golden nugget. But I wonder if that's where they shot it here. Like, I doubt... This is a... studio, yeah. But then it comes out?

Because they had to shoot the second shot later. Right. Because it's in a different place. Then they had to shoot it coming out on Vegas, right? And that was what they reshot, was the little tilty moment. Oh, I think that's still there. We should go right now. Okay.

What's Amanda up to? She's ready to go to Vegas. Let's do it. We have to leave Henry and my wife here. The most uncomfortable bed. There we go. There we go. And there is no real great way to feed those fish if you ask me.

I know. Do you think Ken Adam was like, I really want a fish tank bed? I really want a fish bed. So I made a fish bed. I went to cubby and said it's going to cost a lot. How much? One million dollars. Do it.

that's how much we're paying Connery. We can have two bonds for that. You sure you want to do this bed? Can we do two fish tanks? Yes. Thank you. Why not invite the rest of the CIA in? I know, really.

It's kind of rude. Why is he so mad? It looks like she's in a petri dish. I agree. And it's grown a lot of things. A lot of fungal growth. Yeah. 71, so that's Nixon, right?

Yeah. Bond meets Nixon, like Elvis meets Nixon. Is this the suite or is this a set? That's a set for sure. I love that he puts a flower on. I also like that there's like all these Moroccan statues around him. Yeah. Like that, the motif in that room is nothing.

I know. This is an amazing shot. Oh, it's fantastic. Just the reveal. Been in this glass elevator? Matt and I could get in it right now. We just would drive to Vegas. This time of day, we'd be there in seven hours.

Oh, my God. So traffic. Seven hours to go to Vegas. Probably, the problem is getting to the 15 right now. 2.10's not great driving that way, you know. You know it. You're a 210 boy. I suppose I am.

I mean, I live right by it. You probably spent some time on the 710 today. Oh, yeah. 710 is the freeway I probably spent the most of my life on when I used to live in Long Beach. That was the best way up down late. Seven-10 moves at least. Yeah. I actually like the Seven-10.

How do you feel about the 605? Well, that was my childhood freeway. I have great fondness for it. I do. This guy of day trick is interesting. You want to do a freeways podcast? I would love to. Or we just do a podcast on different freeways?

The five. I loved the 57, the 55. I spent a lot of time on the 91 when I used to Oregon Riverside. You know that it's a thing out here to say the in front of it. Yeah. It's interesting to me. But that's not something you do. No, in Massachusetts, if you were to ask me about my favorite highways, Matt, I would say things like, oh, I love 495, 93.

That's so weird. I can't imagine saying I love 405. I love 5. 495, Route 3, 93, and of course, 110. He had that grappling hook gun in his tucks all along, huh? Okay. Just asking. this is a great great great stunt yeah and great miniature background and great clearly i would never trust

hanging from that thing oh my god do you think if he just actually pulled it tight it would just fall out that's just a miniature back there covered with a scrim it's great so good and the scrim makes it look like the scrim is moving a little bit that's what makes it look like it's twinkling Yeah. That's so good. It's like a theme park. Oh, man. I went to Galaxy's Edge.

That's right. I remember you were going to that. Matt, not to date this commentary track, but it just opened, about a week and a half ago. How was it? I was okay. You are the worst review I've heard of it so far. Continue. Well, first of all, we couldn't get into anything.

but the Millennium Falcon thing You know what I'm sorry All you could do is fly your fucking childhood dream It made me air sick Or space sick Light space sick What was your position on board? Pilot

Whoa, that's on you man Make it smooth it out alright I chose pilot so I thought I wouldn't get sick Like when you drive But here's the thing Like Star Wars has a like Presents a dirty Rough-hewn cynical world

But at its core It's a like idealistic fantasy myth right Yeah Disney's the opposite. They project this big thing of innocence and peace and positivity, but at their core, Disney's a pretty cynical money-making kind of weird, fear-based cult machine. Sure. And the two together are really jarring to me, because they have all the workers do,

they're like slightly in character or pretty much in character. So when they're trying to do damage control, it's really strange. So they wouldn't let us line up for the canteena and the guy's like, sorry off-worlder but bright suns to you all the same and I'm like no no wait why can't we line up for this thing well well wayfarer let me tell you the light speed the hyperdrive systems are just not allowing us no no no cut the crap why can't I go into this thing that you know that we paid for yeah it was so it was a little frustrating the canteen I here is hard to get into that couldn't even get in line you have to like choose to do that or build a

lightsaber light saber thing was four hours long, canteen, they wouldn't even allow you to get in line. Why? It's 45, you have a 4. There's a 45 minute limit in there, and all they do is serve drinks. Like, I mean, I'm saying what? But I'll tell you what. The blue milk was amazing.

Oh, you're the factually the first good review of the blue milk I've heard. Clearly the opposite of everybody else. It tastes like the milk after a bowl of cereal. It was so good. I heard it tastes like a melted blue gummy bear. Well, like, that's a bad thing. All right, back to Bond. I'm sorry.

It looked amazing, though. I also can't be trusted because I worked at Disney for so many years. Like they give me a bad taste in my mouth, you know. It's very culty over there. But a good taste of blue milk? Well, that was, God, I'd buy that if you could get it on the show. Did you try the grain milk? Yeah.

So you and you prefer it the blue milk? I do. Newho First, Last Jedi. I get it. Right. Definitely. In every way. Also I had Ronto's wraps with clutch sauce, which makes your throat a little numb.

Yeah, yeah. Here's what I want to say about this. the whole thing. It always is weird. It weirds me out now more than ever. I think mostly because I have you know, I've married Dory. Our son is going to be raised Jewish.

And it's, you know, well known that George Lucas based the stormtroopers on the Nazi regalia and the empire sort of on that kind of fascist regime. So it is very weird to me when I go now to Disney

and they have stormtroopers. Yeah. That people, are, like, loving that there are stormtroopers. Yeah. It's just, it's very, it just feels so off to me. Yeah. In a way that is gross. It does, it is, that's what I'm saying.

Like, the, the land is at odds with the park. And I don't think that bothers some people, but there's just the tone in of it, they don't mix well to me. Yeah. Like star tours and everything, that was fine. But a whole land, it feels weird. I don't know. Something was weird.

Also, because they're creating this whole new world, but too, that does. doesn't really tie in much to the main stories. But two exists between, it's supposed to take place between the Last Jedi and the Rise of Skywalker. I think so. Which seems stupid to put it there. I don't know what to tell you. All right.

Bob Eager, I love you. We didn't even talk about all the Charles, Charles Gray's there are. One of them, of course. was... That's another crazy reaction. So smart. Multiple.

I mean, wouldn't you have multiple cats? Yeah. Wanted to say that for so long. What if that wasn't the wrong? Blofeld and this one just finally went, all right, now I'm Blofeld. It almost doesn't matter. You know, that could have happened.

Yeah. That guy just thought very quickly on his feet. Right. Oh, now I run this organization. Yeah, right. I love that safe. Yeah. This is probably the part

where they clearly explained to the plot to us. When he opened that safe, did he just press a button? He sure did. It's not a great save. Well, you know, you have to know which button to press. For our American audience. This elevator's amazing. L is in the middle.

Well, you know, he probably didn't hit the L because he didn't want to die. Yeah. Oh, he was certain it was a trap door and instead he got gassed. Oh, basement one, two, three, and one. Willard White is below? Wait, isn't it literally Willard White? Yeah. No, isn't he...

He is... Or, no, he's at that house with the thumpur and bam-bam. So... So obviously now, Kidd and Wint are putting him in a trunk. That Cologne is his clue? It will be. Yeah. That's how he saves himself.

in the boat at the end. That's right. The book does end on the boat with everything's done in Mr. Wint, Mr. Kitter on the boat to kill him. The bobs and all? It's, he, they steal Tiffany Kays and he lowers down from his stateroom with a rope made of sheets into theirs and shoots one of them. I feel like ropes made of sheets, when was the last time you saw one of those? Used seriously, like not in a Marx Brothers movie or a Bugs' Brothers movie or a Bugs money cartoon? I know. Yeah.

Speaking of this not feeling like Batman in the TV show. Yeah. Foreground miniature. Excuse me. Mineteer. No, you said it right. Diamond. There we go. Die up her.

I love saying diamond. Diamond. Diamond. Is this the jazziest score of any Bond movie other than maybe like Octopus he's got it at times? But it's also like, why are we putting him in this pipe, gentleman. And they do it because they know tomorrow it's going to be sealed up?

That's crazy. Well, it's also like, why not put him in the part that's already there? And... The pipe has to be joining with another pipe. We almost kill... There's a 10% chance he's going to die. There's a 6% chance he'll be injured and a 1% chance he'll die. Yeah.

Would these guys continue to kill him if they found him there, or are they just workers? I think they'd go, somebody must want him dead. Yeah. It's Vegas after all. That was the shiniest earth mover ever seen in my life. This is crazy. Also, if they're going to just dispose of the body, why not shoot him and leave him there? So many things they could have done.

Wait a minute, they put that, they're just burying the pipe willy-nilly, or now he's part of the system. No, I think he's part of the system. They would have to go in there and weld it. Yeah, I know. So they must have known. saying is like why not put him in part of the pipe that was already there. That would have been so long for them to do all that work. Well, he obviously needed the rest.

Yeah. He was knocked out for probably six minutes, but just took a nap for the rest of the time. Yeah, that's right. It was a 17-hour nap. Yeah. A tarts handkerchief. I love it. I use that a lot.

Imagine being so. confident in yourself that you can crack jokes to a rat when you're going to die. Or just being so sure that you can ride this to safety. Yeah. Also, I feel like they put the wrong end in thinking that they would kill Bond. They were like, oh, wait, did you put it in right? I might, oh, no, I put it in backwards. So he shorts it.

That, of course, as we all know, is a pipe welder? What is that thing? It's a rat killer, I think. Oh. And these guys are on the up and up, these two? Seems like it. James, they don't know that there was a rat in there with you. That's the least of the concerns.

Look at that kitty. I love this device the cue has made. That'll do it. Oh, so Bert does work for Blowfeld. Yeah. He's loving doing this. Look at Flaynor. Also, why are they hearing him talk like that?

No kidding. Wait, so why are they now going to kill Willard White? What made him useful before? I don't know. But then Willard White really does come and try to kill them. Kill White. I don't know. So confused.

Look at that ceiling. Okay. Spector ring. I'm going to start feeding Margo on my desk. Out of what's clearly an ashtray. Just hear some ashes. A lot of ashtray usage in this movie. Yeah.

A little snub-nosed pistol, huh? So 10 minutes, James? Ah, confirmed. This house is... In Palm Springs. Close to it. It's this... What's the name of the architect?

Anderson? I forget. What is it? outside of Palm Springs, I think. I took a tour of a couple of houses that he designed that were very similar to this. Very cool. Yeah, but I don't think it'd be comfy to live there.

Well, that's why you just vacation there, yeah. Yeah, I guess. No one makes us their main home. Right. Anyone who can afford a circular concrete situation has more than one home. That's true. Elvis's honeymoon house was also designed by this guy.

You know, I highly would recommend I would highly recommend to you, Matt. I think you and Amanda would enjoy the Palm Springs architectural tour. Oh, I bet I would. Yeah, I would like to do that. Look at that chair. It's like a set of balls.

Bam, bam. So thumper was just up there. Lying like that on a rock. I think they were waiting for him to come and then decided immediately. Okay. You get on the chair that looks like balls. I'm going to get up on the rocks.

But you got the chair last time. Oh. They're referencing the chair, obviously. I love how she just stands there. Bambi just stands there like a... I don't know that that kick would hurt that much. I know. Good flip.

Just waiting. Just waiting, waiting for this person to hit you. Flipy, flippy, flippy. this is truly when Sean Connery appeared old that move this fight is like no other fight in the history of

cinema it has not been topped for its terribleness it's just so strange like just the pacing and yeah also no music again

yeah also this this is crazy I don't know there was a pool down there no one else knew

now they're what trying to drown him I love the casual drowning he's doing I'm glad they listened and gave him ten minutes he's an underrated Felix yeah I think you're right

those guys all looked James Fah man what can you fucking do can't do a thing about it he's James Fogg he's just like Felix he's just like Felix said God of love

Like Felix said. He does not disappoint, Mr. Leiter. He just said, you know, Felix, well, we're not that. You said he's probably up there with some dames. And we came up and, sure enough. I didn't think you're serious.

It's crazy. I thought it was a finger speech or something. He's great. Mr. Bond, you need anything at all. You let me know. You just let us know if you need any of these Central Intelligence Agency is all yours, Mr. Bond. Could you blow this door open?

Sure. You got it. Nice tie. Number one or number two. Mm. Number two. Well, we're also CIA, James. He's a good actor for being a sausage guy.

Yeah. Tompson's. Oh, poor Bert Saxby. It is, that's a true, that's a true yawn. That's a true yawn. Wow, Bert Saxby was not loyal at all to Willard White. Yeah. Now, in the realm of.

sublurfluous scenes. This one is one of my favorites. Yeah. Q has a gadget that serves no story purpose. Yeah, he's just a little extra-curricular. Yeah. He probably just like took two of the Burt's Saspby voice box parts out and was like, I bet I could make a ring that would make me a winner. It's also so weird that we don't see what really happens to Blofeld at the end of this movie. I think he ends up on a backlot tour. in that vehicle. Why else would you have... Oh God, I forgot about this.

Oh, my God, me too. Sound is pretty good on this, weirdly, on this iTunes copy I purchased. The sound? Yeah. Yeah, it's just because every single thing is in the background. So it can be mixed better. That is harrowing.

The 10-mile journey? Tideous. Oh, where are they going? They're going to... I guess they're going to the rig, right? Yeah. Get me Carl Hergerslammer. Carl Hergishlammer.

Do you think those were Jimmy Dean's clothes that Bond borrowed? I think once they hired Jimmy Dean, they costumed him to match the voice. I mean, I mean, Bond's wearing different clothes. Like, did he go to Willard White's closet? This is great. This is great. I even recognize your voice just now. Shane Remmer.

He just died. Was that one of the three guys who were getting badge checked by Carl? No. Shove your honor. How many Bond movies is Shane Rimmer in? He's in a lot. It's crazy that this turns into a space movie. It can't, it can't not. That guy's very delighted.

I know. Yeah, no, I see that. They're all. Press A Zat 5. That'll make sense when you see Chernobyl. I thought you were referencing. flying the Lillian falcons. Oh. We've hit every switch there is, sir.

I've been turning this one back and forth for hours. I can't make heads or tails of it. I have clicked and turned everything. I flipped this. I turned this. I hit this. Look how rinky dink that looks. I mean, but think of all the diamonds.

What an artist, Shane Rink. This is like, this is the prequel of Golden Eye. That's the golden I said. Right. Or the solar agitator in the next movie, or two movies from now. What, have they said what he wants to do with this? He just wants to destroy, he's going to destroy something in every country, right? I think he had a bad experience at a restaurant and wanted to destroy it. If only Yelp was around. Wait, what does he, what did he just do? He just, he just, he just, look at those guys are frozen. That was what? A, missile that was going to go up and stop it? Or something? No, because he does it in China, too. So he's starting to... Oh, he wants to, like, doesn't he want to denuclearize the world or something?

Is that right? Leaving him the only nuclear power or something? I got a lot of or somethings. What if his ransom demand is diamonds? Oh, my God. That would be the only appropriate ending for this movie. You're heard. This guy loves...

It's an opulent toilet. This is the most lighters ever talk back to Vaughan, too. Well, I mean, he's on his turf. They're in America. Right. And he learned his lesson after Kentucky. Yeah. Wait, I'm holding a giant missile.

This must be a map. Ah! Oh, he went blind, he dropped his gun and covered his eyes. Yes, I would believe that. How much? I'm dying to know how much. Oh, I'll run. rig. Oh, that's what it is. Okay. I love that Willard knows so much about his business. I know. Baja. I know this because I hated a restaurant in Baja. And I said their economy's going to suffer.

I will not put any jobs there. I forget this takes place in Baja. So this is in Mexico, technically, this movie. I feel like Bloceld will be wearing a newer shoe. That soul is rotted through it. The bottom of it needs to be repaired on the heel and the in the front of it. He literally has one of those holes you see in cartoon shoes. I bet Charles was like, oh, that's right. This guy, German guy, wants to denuclearize the world for world peace. Yeah. And Blofeld wants to hold everything in ransom because that's what he does. It's an inspector.

He's extorting. Right. Right. If in doubt, ask. He's very much like the Thunderball doctor. Is he a doctor, the one that helps Domino? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's the same countdown guy from Dr. No.

Is it? Isn't it? I don't know. All I know is this movie. These guys all look like Spider-Man cartoon. I know. Look at them. Villains. Henschmans.

So, now that they figured out it's Baja, Baja, that looks a lot like the Apollo capsule coming back to. Why? I know. Sir, why? We could have just, all right, whatever. Does he think maybe it's ransom money? Oh, yeah.

How's that thing moving? He's running on the surface of the water, remember? How does he see? He just listens. He should have been Klaus Hurgisheimer again. That would have been so perfect. Where are your badges? I love the casual lean on this.

freight crane look they had to get orange uh orange holsters I know to go with their orange belts with their fucking orange boots and their orange gloves you know that's just spray painted

hmm Tiffany case was he just slightly upset at her oh no they ruined his suit that's gonna make him angry oh that's which of those three pens do you think he likes using the most

do you think it's all the same color. Good question. He says as usual, Mr. Bond, you're absolutely right. Yeah. Implying that they have had a prior relationship in some way, even though it can't be Honor Majesty's. So in this world, is you only live twice still kind of happening?

I guess because it's Connor. Wait, are you telling me that in this, you don't think this takes place after Honor Majesty's Secret Service? No, it does, but it can't because they've seen each other. no wait majesties can't take place after right okay this is correctly in timeline right but it's so funny to think this is

the blow felt in the like um bob sled yeah they would it would great if they still had him in a neck brace they never explained why he has a British accent and doesn't they never had to you know that's just sexist blowfeld you don't ask

Carl Hergerslamer to cover up Carl Herga Shlammer You don't ask Kraus Hagashanker Not It's moving pretty quick Fun Kansas joke I know What's in his pocket

His pocket right there Probably be like a gold case of cigarettes Yeah Or the cassette from a scene that was cut Probably Or his script folded up He this blowfeld

I feel like is the most disappointed blowfeld that James Bond hasn't decided to be evil with him yeah those gloves are totally spray-painted gloves yeah they can even find orange gloves everywhere

high Ernst should have killed you 17 times ago then Lent's uncounting I like how they have the disciplinary system to have built a brig on this oil rig right we're at sea we must have a break

why does he look well that's him getting rid of the correct tape yes and she thinks it's him getting her the tape gotcha they like how they let him tie his shoes

so we can untie the balloon I'll shoot the balloon oh no they've let a balloon go you could all stop them you have orange holsters No, those are just for sure. The color's very different over here.

A little louder? Oh, well, now I'll just go re-switch. Yeah. I'll be right back. Problem solved. She seems very concerned. I know. That balloon was the signal to attack, right?

Was it? I don't know. I like how the CIA is like using all the Willard White stuff. I know. I'm an amateur meteorologist. Did you know that? I mean, I'd do it professionally if they'd have. me. I just haven't had the offer.

You know, just Uncle Sam's got this pension I can't get away from. I got too many secrets running around in this head. They wouldn't let me go. Look how Jimmy Dean looks like he's in Oasis, right? Jimmy Dean is, he's in the verve. The verb. Yeah, it looks like Richard Ashcroft. Why do you just have to say everything he said? Did Blofeld? To no one. The microphone's not even on.

Is he a? some kind of zombie? I've learned over the years that you must take everyone's frontal lobe out if they're going to count for you. I'm counting. He does sound like the count. Yeah. On Pesme Street. Right.

What is that? This is a, this is a, this is a, this is a, it's called the Ox Box. It runs the tube amp. into it so that I can operate this tube amp at any volume I want, actually at any volume I want, and can use it through headphones. I like that. Look at that thing. It's fantastic. It's a great device. 50 cows on there? I mean, that is just intense.

Oh, no. They're shooting rockets at it, Matt. That guy just looked like he jumped into the explosion. He might have. He might have. That guy's remaining calm under attack, the countdown guy. guy is the best countdown. If and doubt ask is a good sign to have anywhere. Yeah. Handle like eggs. If and doubt ask. There's another one somewhere. This looks a lot like the box, that, that, that audio panel. Yeah, it does. Plot device. What? He thinks that her, her butt was nice, and if only her brain was as nice. Yeah, I mean, I get it, but. I know that you got it. I just wanted to explain it. I mean, I get it. I don't. I mean, I get it. I don't. get it.

Now, I think they'd be more successful if they weren't wearing orange boots and gloves. I think definitely, yeah. There's always a hatch. Yep. There's always a bigger hatch. Did you put Bond below with the hatch and ladder? Son of a bitch. Wee!

Your last official foray is James Bond. This is what you're doing. Yeah. Somehow getting shot at by a helicopter under an oil rig. I know. His actual last moment of James Bond is throwing one half of a homosexual hit team over the boat who's excited to get his balls blown up. It would be amazing if that, I mean, that guy, first of all, very good henchman, took out a helicopter. Yeah, not bad.

What I was saying, it would be very funny if, like, that, they just kept cutting to that henchman blowing up every helicopter. Yeah. And then we followed his story because he's like the greatest tension on the planet. He has the hair and mustache of Caesar Romero. It's incredible. Yeah. Very bad movie TV series. Did he say prepare a bath for myself?

Look, when I'm a little stressed. Prepare my bath. Tepid, please. Sir, it isn't 7 p.m. Just do it. I'm moving up the timetable. I'll be up at 6. Look at that thing. I would love to have that prop.

Where would you put it? In my bath. It looks like the face of, is it, Ultraman, that old, like, Japanese show? Fish is Schmidt. I'm your craneman today. Where would I put that? I don't know. Well, I think you put it in the corner, the left far corner of your yard.

That's where it would go. I put it in the front yard, parked in the driveway. man that guy's really sticking to his post I mean he's one of the best came very highly recommended from previous bomb villains yeah so where is he gonna go

well I mean he's obviously in a rocket submarine so he could literally go anywhere but I think he's probably going to the coast of Seattle and everybody's cool with him escaping and working towards that but not and now Bond gets to have fun with the woman who killed his wife

the only woman he's ever loved that wasn't named Vesper. He is deciding to just have some fun with. What happened to Irma Bunt, too? Like, Blowfeld gets dealt with, but Irma Bunt does not. In the book, she gets killed, but... Well, I wouldn't... I'm just...

Look, I'm just not to put a design flaw on his private submarine. That guy's amazing. He should have a button. Like a release button? Yeah. Yeah. there's on the windows those little gel bullet hits they shoot When I get out of here, Schmidt, you're fired! Now why can't you be more like him?

Doing his job! I knew I should have had counting guy do this. I remember this scene from when I was a kid, like how silly it is. As a smuggling smuggler, you know, I would say that she probably is not a strut. Ranger to those guns? Yeah. Jump.

Oh, wait. Is he trying to make... Well, we always talk about how we assume... He's dead. He blows up here. We assume, but don't know. And obviously, we're incorrect because he does go by a delicatessen and then becomes James Bond's brother.

That's right up there with Pierce Brosnan's dive. That might actually be the same dive. Yeah. Just repainted to have a better suit on. Right. Right. Yeah. Right.

Right. That's exactly right. Right. Yeah. I wonder what boat this is. It's probably the, uh, the, uh, the princess of the sea. It says Los Angeles Harbor. So it could be a carnival.

Well, that could be just set decoration, though. I love that Willard White cared so much about these two that helped him get his business back under control. came to see them off and... Opening of loved one. No one's seeing us off, Mr. I can't believe they didn't get a balcony those two. I know. What a set.

Like, they don't even try with the ocean. Why would you? But, like, the backdrop isn't even, like, 10 feet away. Where are the diamonds? They're in space, Tiffany. Where have you been? We've got to get them. Don't you know, like a space?

man or something. So let me just follow this up. It's a chain. He's got a, he's got like a duke, dukey chain with a bottle of his perfume on it. What? Why? I know, I've said this before, but I'm going to say it one more time. I know it's fake and I still want to eat it.

Yeah. I know there's a bomb under it and I still want it delivered to me. Yeah. She gets it. Tiffany gets it. Madam would care to be. So he's got long-tailed tuxedo. Yeah.

And I'm just guessing maybe on that ship, everyone's required to carry around a bottle of something on their neck. I think we've really missed a merchandising opportunity where we sell these perfume medallions. We make up our own bond perfume. And it smells like a tarts handkerchief and you wear it low like a... Tartzanker. Like a flavor, flav clock. It's unbelievable. See, that's a good toupee.

because the hair line isn't like super sharp you know when do they find okay so that line lets them both know that he knows that they tried to kill him he got away he got away with it I better kill him then he knows it's my my buddy shouldn't they just go okay we'll leave also wouldn't it be just as effective to stab him without flaming skewers

Yee. Pretty great death, though. Yeah. Pretty crazy with that hair, that putter smith did that for real. Thank God he made it into the ocean. He just lost his lover. He did get angrier. Yeah, but that goes away so quickly when he realizes he's going to get his bombs,

his balls tweaked. Like, that's how homophobic this is, that he's so perverted that he's into that. It's amazing. That's an amazing flip. Oh, there's a W on there. So that is the Willard White cruise line. Or sweet. How did we forget that that's actually what she asks? I know. Now, that has long been a favorite Bond movie of mine.

It did not hold up as well this time. Not just plot-wise. It was, uh, I don't know. I think it was that we had to be active during it and not just let it happen to us. Yeah, because I usually, yeah, I put that one on when I've got other. things going on. Because like if you're not paying attention to every second of it, it's not nearly the horror that we just, look at this. The Riviera, the sands, the dunes, the landmark, the international, the trough, the mint, circus, circus.

Right. Well, there you have it. We've got our list of locations to go to, Matt. Yep. It's another James Bond feature-length commentary with yours's trullies, yours truilies, attorneys general, yours is truly. Uh, where is he? Where's Hergeslager? Klaus Hergashemann. He's not credited?

Wow, that's shitty. The guy had like two scenes and three lines. I know. Why is that? You could get away with a lot of that stuff. Also, look, there's no more credits. He must have been at the beginning and we missed it. Yeah. He will return and live and let die, but someone else won't return. And that someone, of course, is John Connery. Until 1983 in... Never. Never.

Well, Matt, it was a great ride. Say never again Dull Weird But we're glad you came along with us on it An interesting route Yeah Let me say this

I truly experienced Diamonds are forever In a way I never thought I would experience Same here That being said James Bonding We'll return

James Bonding podcast Hey this is Arnie Kemp From the Improft Fantasy podcast Hello from the Magic Tavern I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical land of food And I started a podcast.

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