James Bonding - From Russia With Love with Kevin T. Porter

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

The ever-charming Kevin T. Porter sits down with the Matts to discuss the 2nd, and perhaps most highly regarded Bond movie ever. They also discuss some other things. It's James Bonding! We talk about many many things actually. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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And now, On with the show. Matt and, Matt and, James Bonding Podcast. Well, it's the James Bonding podcast, and we were just talking about it here that we might have the most hours clocked by three people in podcasting in human history.

I'm Matt Goreley. I'm Matt Myra. And we're here today with Kevin Porter of Gilmore Guys, of Good Christian Fun. Hello. And of probably just as many. hours podcasting.

I mean, not as many. I know I don't have as many as Myra for sure. We might be neck and neck. I'm not sure. That's fair. I have a weird, you know, head start on everybody as far as like clocking the weekly of 80 something, comedy and everything else's. And then there was a period of time where Nerdus was three a week.

I was about to say, three a week is. We were three a week for a while. That'll get you ahead. Matt, you've been podcasting longer than any of us. That may be my thing, yeah. When it's Super Ego start? 2006. Woo.

Boom. Yeah. That was before Serial invented podcast. I know. Yeah. And we did it on wax cylinder. Yeah. That's amazing.

That's like Jimmy Pardo times. That's right, yeah. I think around the same time. What do you think now is what podcasting was in 2006? That 10 years from now will be like, oh, man, only three guys were doing, this in 2018. It's not VR, right? Like, that's... I hope not. I really hope not. What would be the point? Of VR? A VR podcasting. Oh, I'm not saying VR podcasting. Although... Hear me out, fellas. Hear me out. Uh-huh. I'm listening because that's the only media

this supports. I put on the PlayStation VR and my wife got her for me for Christmas last year. and look I was like oh what content is there in VR at this point and it's still early stages but PlayStation had a YouTube VR selection that you could go to and it's a lot of like snowboarders and like Red Bull plane stuff but you can look 360 of any crash bandicoot no crash not interested then but there was a large selection of pretend dates I could go on.

No. With ladies. Wait, like just casual dates? Yeah. Or do they turn dark? No, they didn't get dark. Wait, was it a game or was it literally like a Tinder? No, it was like a YouTube. It was on the YouTube VR situation.

So it's an actual video of live action video or CG. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Live action video. You're watching it. And you know the name of that? Matt, Matt, Matt. Guys, it turns out I can't podcast tonight. You guys.

have been listening to or watching too much James Bond. I do want the James Bond movie where he's like, monogamy's tight. And he's, and he's like preaching to. Yeah, it's coming. Do you think? I think it has to come. Spector part two? Spector two. Well, living daylights is probably the closest to that. Or Quantum of Solace because he, I mean, he gets it on with Strawberry Fields,

but the other, the main girl kind of refuses him. Right, and he doesn't sleep with him. So there's no sex scene in Living Daylights? The Living Daylights, he's monogamous. Okay. Well, but it, like, they cut away. Because it's implied in the cold opening when he lands on that boat with that woman. Oh, very true.

That they're going to do it. But then, but does he not have an overnight scene with Kara Maloff? An overnight scene. That's the gentleman's version of a sex scene. Well, how do you think I courted my wife? You said, you walked after her and you said, my darling would you care to have an overnight scene no she came out of the bathroom at mr demille i'm ready for my overnight scene i just wanted to there's got to be i mean obviously not where they

show his sex scene but there's got to be a movie where it's not implied he has sex right or is it literally every movie it's part of the trope like like he might as well and it's usually getting a martini it's like a marvel thing where it's like you got to have a scene here you got to have this kind of scene honestly Really? Honestly, a sex scene with a woman who dies in the next scene is the infinity stone of James Bond. Right. I'm just, yeah, I'm trying to think that there's literally not a single one.

No. I mean, that's the deal. It's the formula they landed on. Listen, I don't want to project here, but I just think James, he might be happier with a life of abstinence and purity would be. He seems unhappy right now, and it feels like, he's certainly. searching for something. That's the thing. You want something more.

It leaves him empty inside at the end of the night. I think that's why lately he just threatens to leave all the time. Right, right, right, right. He's rebelling. He's repressed. But if you look at how he ended up, you know, when he, in Skyfall, when he's on that island, presumed dead, he doesn't seem particularly happy. That's very true, except he is having sex with, I think, a Turkish woman.

Yeah. Yeah. No, but obviously does not make them happy. Nor does the booze, nor does the scorpion. Well, I want James to evolve. That's all I'm saying. Kevin, what's your history with James Bond? Were you a fan?

Is it a passing familiarity? Well, J.B., I got to come clean and confess that I do have more of a passing familiarity. That's fair. And casual. But the thing is, I feel like I do want to, especially after watching this one, I do want to watch all of them now. Oh. Just to see how they compare. and honestly, do you guys read film Crit Hulk at all?

He put out a really nice piece about literally every James Bond movie ever. It's literally the size of a book. And I read up about from Russia with Love for this episode. Oh, nice. And it feels like something that it would be interesting to contrast and compare as you guys do on this show. How would you, as a viewer, how would you approach it? Would you start at Dr. No? and then go through?

Yeah, well, I've only seen the Daniel Craig movies, and mine is Quantum of Solis, and Dr. No, and from Russia with love. I've not seen anything in between. Oh, wow. But you're a Pierce Brosnan fan? No. You were just doing that.

No, I was just negative. Okay, great. All right. That happened before the recording. Also, Sky Falls better than Casino Royale. Whoa. It's not. I really don't.

I won't say, though, listening to that episode, I was like, they're right. This is just kind of like a cat. casual fans version of the best bond because the story is so linear. And it seems to be like the death nail of the, don't you see, he wanted to get caught, Trow. Which I'm very happy about. Yeah.

But like, for example, in this movie, which was made many years ago and was like, if I understand correctly, much less Byzantinely plotted than a lot of James Bond movies. I noticed that today, very straightforward. It's pretty straightforward. But even still, to keep referring back to the Wikipedia synopsis of like, okay, who wants what? Yeah. So that lady's with Russia.

Yeah. Oh, okay. And I think that's me with spy movies in general where like the intrigue, if it's not super straight across the plate. And I don't think I'm a dummy. I think I'm a fairly intelligent person. But spy stuff, I get lost when it's just like he was working for blah, blah, blah, now he's here, and now he's with Specter, and now he's with smash or smosh.

Smurge. Smirsch. The one I didn't say. Part of me is a lot like that, and that may be why I love spy movies, because I'm not always following it. So there are planned twists, and then sometimes there are some unintended twists where I'm just catching up with the plot. And I'm like, oh, wow.

The twist for you is that it makes sense. Yeah, living through the protagonist's size. I like it better that way. I like you're finding out something when they do. Sure. That's right. Yeah. That seems like a fun way to do it.

For those of our listeners who have a, ever checked out at Kevin Porter podcast. I cannot recommend them enough. Oh, thanks, buddy. No, of course. Gilmore Guys was, I've said this before and I'll say it again, it was my favorite podcast to do. Is that true? Yes. Oh, that's very... I've told Kevin this personally that it's my greatest regret

because they had asked me to do it and I was at a really busy time in my life and couldn't and I just felt like I never got back. But it's a very sweet and very gentle rejection. Was it? I hope so because it was earnest. Yeah, no, I felt that. I felt the earnest. My regret was not coming on to Lairn's season five.

That's true. In any Chilton time. I know. We did want you before, but we were like, Matt wouldn't want to do this show. Who cares? I had no one else to talk to Gilmore Girls with. Yeah. So if you even had a passing interest in Gilmore, you don't even have to watch the show to enjoy their podcast.

They did such a great job with it. And it's all available. Wherever podcasts are not sold. We're not going behind a paywall, baby. We're not doing a... Wait, did you guys go behind a paywall? Only because it just hasn't happened. Yeah, it has not happened.

But it's going to happen? I think it was supposed to. They're having what I would say is a podcast overload over here at Earwolf where they probably forgot us. That's probably good. But you know, we're also Earwolf East over here. You're a Pasadena podcaster as well. I was, yes, I was telling Mr. Gourley, I was so excited to drive

less than 10 minutes away from my... And in fact, the route I took was half of my route every morning when I go in a run. I run through this area. Is that true? How far west do you get? So I go, I'm really doxing myself, but who cares? I go on Orange Grove,

go over the Colorado Street Bridge. Yeah? And then go all the way up to, uh, whatever that first street is after that intersection at the light. You mean all the way to a Figueroa, like past Littleflower or right there where that little cafe is? Not the cafe.

I turned before them, but it's a neighborhood street. Oh, San Rafael. Yeah. Yeah. So then I go left on that and then run back and then that's... You guys need to... If you go on runs together. You don't see.

Wait, you go left on San Rafael? Yeah. That's where Merrill Streep's house is. Really? That makes sense because there are... There's quite a few gated... Yeah. And I do imagine, like, this would be...

be a perfect place sort of because it's close to the freeway but it's still secluded and very quiet that's like mansion row were the batman houses totally these and stuff like also guys do we just docks merrill string i think do we need to bleep this out i'm gonna might have or can we use this as leverage to get her as a guest on james bond she's been hounding me yeah she she's a real brosnin defender too we actually keep saying no to her Yeah, she's a brazzhound from way back. We just can't handle that heat right now. Well, it's never a good look when guests pitch themselves on podcasts.

No, I'm just kidding. Sometimes it's a good luck. I think it's always, you know, if publicly someone's like, I really want to go on this podcast, and it's a podcast that I have something to do with, I'll be like, that's great. That's, we got Maurice LaMarch that way. Yes. Really? Yeah.

Wow. A fan and a listener. And Paul Russ just emailed us. Yeah. And I'm delightfully so But that warms your heart When that happens You know

Because we're fans of his I think too When it's someone of a certain stature And they pitch them Like with Gilmore We had Sarah Hayward Who was a writer on girls Pitch herself as a guest

And there was a few Stacey Orstono Who's a great actress From Friday Night Lights and Bunheads She's like I want to do It is a relief Yeah What we're

What I'm finding now And I don't know What's creating this perception I'll know if you guys Get on your podcast a lot. But a lot of listeners will just pitch themselves as guests like, hey, I don't know. And it's always like goodwill. And by the way, I bet some of them would be great on the show, but I have no way of knowing. That's the problem is you don't know what you're getting.

Yeah. And as someone who does a podcast where you don't often know what you're getting with the guests and I was there too, because you don't know what you're getting. Oh yeah. It's nerve-wracking till the minute you start talking and you see like, okay, there are. all right, they're all right. Yeah, it's not like a couple of outlier. It, it's, uh, it's an anomaly that you would talk to someone on that show who has any experience on a podcast. So, when you do talk to them, it's like, yeah, it's, that's very much a first date. Yeah, that's true. That's why like the episodes where it's someone I know in some way that's like played some small part that you can just, you know you're in for a good conversation. I like being like, I like when I'm surprised by a guess,

I have this one idea of what they're going to be. And this would happen a lot on the Nerdus Podcast. Like when Tom Cruise came on, he was super specific about everything he was into. Tom Cruise was, by the way. If you listen to the Tom Cruise episode of the Nerdus Podcast, you will listen to one hour of charming nothing. He says so many things and talks about things he likes to do, but without getting specific about, like, we could ask him,

You know, if he was like, I love Gatorade, man, and we'd be like, well, what's your favorite flavor of Gatorade? And he'd be like, they're all great. Gatorade is the best. So it's like, it's charming. And like, I get it. He's like Tom Cruise and he has to like still be popular in, it's like, it's like it's running for president.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. But I think, I even think that version of celebrity culture is going so out of phase. I agree. Now, where I feel like the specificity of people's in, like when Obama, I think a month or two ago, he released, here's all my favorite books from last year. He did like a top ten of like,

here's my favorite books, here's all the albums I listened. He did like the teeny tiny version of Soderberg's Media Diary. Sure, sure. And I think that's a narrative that people are into more, especially as things get more and more niche. People love lists. Yeah, that's right. You can't get enough lists.

And I, you know, and it's like so funny too, like when people would come on and be so much more fun than I thought they would be. Like, I'm just trying to think of, like, an example. Like, Josh Brolin. Oh, yeah? It was, like, super enjoyable to be around. And I kind of think we became best friends, but I haven't talked to him since.

Thanos? Homer? But then there's, like, Harrison Ford, where you're just, like, expecting a grumpy man and a grumpy man shows up. Yeah. And for that, that was, like, enjoyable, because, like, I just got to watch Hardwick in his mode of like, treading water.

In his mode of like, oh. What studio did you do that in? We did that. Not nope. That was at Comic-Con. Oh, okay. That was at the Hard Rock Hotel, like a room there. Well, listen.

Anyway, I think, honestly, I think the fans of our podcasts enjoy this kind of discussion. Yeah. And it's all about the fans. Yeah. It is. We don't ever, there's no, like, talking podcast. Podcasts, podcasts. We're like, let's do a panel.

But like where people come on a panel about their own podcasts and their own experiences. I am truthfully waiting for someone to do a fantastic oral history of podcasts, at least even in L.A., podcasting for the last 10 to 15 years. Well, they did that earbuds movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. That I was never asked to be on. That's interesting. That was Graham, right?

Yeah. I'm in that very briefly. I'm not even a. Not even a blip. Footnote. But did that come out? It did. It was at LA Podfest.

Yeah. Oh, that's right. We were there. No. We didn't see it because, again, we weren't invited. Anyway. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Let's talk ad revenue splits.

Who's getting what from who? I love Grammy. He shares my birthday. Is that true? We are birthday bros. I do that podcast. Birthday bros. I just invite people who were born on August 5th.

You'd run out guests so quick. Or would I? You'd just, yeah, you'd have to go through like the DMV. It would be me, Lonnie Anderson. Oh. Graham Elwood. And, uh, oh, Neil Armstrong's dead. Mine would be me, Drew Carey, Jewel, Scatman Crothers.

This is great. This is great. That would be like a hell of a dinner. Here's what I want to know out there. Who in podcasting? Because I know there's a lot of fans who know a lot of things about everybody. Mm-hmm. Who in podcasting?

that has a podcast, could have the best four-person sketchfest podcast panel with people born on their birth out. I figured that out. I think I just named it. I think you might be number one right now. Drew Carey, Jewel. Scatman Cruthers and Joan Collins.

The points don't matter. Joan Collins. Great. Yeah. What about you, Kevin? It would be a two-hander with me and Michelle Tracton. I think. Just talking about Euro trip and Buffy season six.

That's it. When's your birthday? October 11th. I think there's one other celebrity. 1011. 1011. I also share it with the former megachurch pastor, Mark Driscoll.

That's my wedding anniversary. Is that true? You know who else's wedding anniversary it is? Moshe and Natasha. October 11th? Yeah. You know who else it is? Bill and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

No. Yes. So that's the day when people truly in love. Jane Krakowski. Hey. Emily Deschanel. Oh, Michelle. Bones.

Yeah. Bones. I got a birthday twin with bones? Yes, right. That's amazing. That's good. Every time you look this up now, it's all YouTube stars. I know.

It's so difficult. That's all it is. Oh, my God. Guys, I think we should become YouTubers after this podcast. I know we got to do a James Bond podcast, but I'm just going to take a real quick. This isn't like such a weird, delightful question I've asked, and I hope someone comes up in an answer. Well, at this point, I do want to ask because this is something that Demi and I actually faced by the end of Gilmore guys, where it's like, are we going to just be done forever? Would we cycle through the episodes again?

And if we did, then what would be like the goals and the goals? perspective that we would win. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which sounds more accusatory than I'm making it out to be. I feel like you're going to ask us something.

So what's the point? No, I was going to say like what, what, and especially now doing the show where you're not only have you seen these movies X amount of times, but you're talking about them on record for literally the second time. Yeah. Yeah. What, what do you hope to get out of it at this point? You know, honestly, I think part of why Matt and I do it.

again is that we like it. We like to talk about James Bond. We had burnt ourselves out a little bit because we went for like four years or something. Yeah. But they got fewer and farther in between. But this time we were obligated to do it weekly. And it still does not feel like a chore. Yeah, we're not in shore territory yet.

That's sort of... Which is ironic given that it's a weekly commitment. Yeah. It's sometimes tough to come up with a topic in between that we... Formats, yeah. Yeah, that we are interested on. Which we often, honest to God, and I think the audience can... We'll look peek behind the James Bonding curtain.

We, a lot of those that you've heard in the last three months, we have not been on the same, in the same state. Is that true? You've been Skyping? We've been Skyping, but each recording our own audio. Because of Matt's module, we have to do it like early Saturday morning, but we haven't done any of the off-brand movies yet, which we can now, I think, start to get to. You can do Woody Allen's Casino Royale.

That's right. We've talked about it. You know, Maurice is. Spyheart. I would love to do spy hard. I don't think I've seen that. I would like to do that too. Oh, it's so delightfully like...

Sure. It's like, it's kind of like, oh, Leslie, stop. But it's nice to see. One I want to insist, and I don't know if we've talked about it much on here, and it doesn't seem to get brought up is an 80s movie called Never Too Young to Die with John Stamos, who's like a... Have mercy. I know, yeah.

It's like a college James Bond, and he's got like an Asian dorm roommate who's his Q. And guess who his father is? George Lazenby. Oh my God. Yes. And Gene Simmons is the bad guy and he's fucking crazy in this thing. It's really worth a watch and it's got a theme song. Anyway,

we'll talk more about it. We've got a lot to get to. And also what I like about doing it weekly is that we do those in between episodes where we're not focused on a movie. Yeah. So like last week we ranked every director of the James Bond franchise. Who was number one with a bullet?

Martin Ken. The man who directed the Green Lantern was number one. Really? I know, isn't that crazy? You're like crazy? Yeah. Hey, I'll put conveyor. Where did Mendez rank on that list?

He was upper half for us. Yeah, yeah. His problem is that he also made Specter. It's bad, right? It's not good. Again, we say this every time we start talking about it. We were so blinded by the joy of having Bond back in our life when we saw that movie that we were very, very keen on it.

Very keen. I went through that as well with a certain TV show. Exactly. I had not read-is-ed it. Do you think we'll do that again with the new one? Spector. No, with the new Bond 25. Oh, we're going to go through the exact same.

You think? I guarantee. No, I think you're jaded now. I think we might not because that kind of happened with Star Wars. Uh-huh. Where the excitement didn't overwhelm your critical eye. And I was super excited. That's interesting.

Yeah. It is, you know, here's the thing. Every week now, we start talking about Star Wars. So this is the longest we're ever going to go without talking about the movie. But I enjoy both of you conversationally so much that I feel like, let's go there. There's only, there's such a saturation now. And just the, it's almost like a threat from Disney that we're going to be given this many more Star Wars movies. It's like mom saying,

Oh, you smoked a cigarette? We'll smoke the whole pack every fourth quarter until 2026. When you're swimming in the ocean and the waves get too big, so you can't swim to shore yet, you just have to keep swimming over the top of them. My analogies are top much. That's a weird analogy. That's an analogy of someone who grew up in Long Beach. Yeah, we get it.

It's waves. We're swimming on it. Hans Solo's the undertow that's going to pull us and drown us into the food. That may be the case. That trailer was spectacularly nothing. I don't know what that movie is. All that movie is is is like incredible shots of Donald Glover. It's like, oh, okay, he looks great.

Yeah, yeah. It doesn't feel like a Star Wars movie, although I like that actor a lot that's playing him, but who knows if he's right for that. Or so you thought you did. Yeah, well, I mean, we'll find out. We'll find out. We'll find out. James Bonding dives in to solo a Star Wars story.

You heard it in first. You guys could 100% do Patreon episodes. That's just. the Star Wars movie. Yeah, I might be into that. Yeah. Yeah. We should, if we're going to do it, we should do it over the next three months, set up our Patreon and just knock them out. Listeners, holler at Matt and Matt. Tell them what you want on the Patreon. Would you like to hear us do every Star Wars movie in, not release order, but canonical order. One, two, three, five, six, seven, eight. Well, one, two, three, one, two, three, Rogue one, four. No, actually, it would be one, two, three, it'd be one, two, three, solo. Rogue 1, 4. Oh.

Five, six. Oh. Yeah. Jeez. Just break your brain a little bit, didn't it? How many would, so that'd be... You guys are talking yourself out of the Patreon, all right? It'd be like 12 movies?

How many? That'd be interesting. I'd be into it. But then you have to do the Clone Wars episodes and figure out where they fit in the... Yeah, they do it chronological. No, I'm out. It's between two and three. Is that true?

Yeah, episode two and three. All of that. That's right. I think so. Pretty much. Yeah. And then you have the two, not Netflix, the Disney streaming service TV shows that you can do. That's right.

Plus the two EWalk movies and the holiday special. The I will tell you the most vivid nightmare I've ever had in my life was from the EWock movie. Because I grew up, our house behind our house was woods. Your house behind your house. The house, I'm sorry, behind my house. It's my favorite horn, but I realized behind the house. The woods are coming from inside the house. We had woods grow, you know, we had just a property line that was like a rock wall.

It was just trees and it looked like Endor, right? Oh, man. So when I saw that movie for the first time, the skeletor-like creature person, the bad guy in the... It's been a while for me. In the Ewok movie. I watched it last night. I know what you're talking about. I still, it's all, it's still in my head.

Like, it's still burned. You're right. That nightmare still burned in a lot. my head, but it was all of the bad guys coming up through my backyard. Oh, yeah? To attack the house. Whoa. And it was horrifying to me.

Man. And that movie is responsible for me. Well, maybe it's time to face your fears and do some immersion therapy. Oh, this is going to be a time. If you would like to hear of the James Bonding on Star Wars. Star Warsing. Star Warsing with Matt and Matt, uh, occasional appearances by Kevin. Occasional?

Yeah, well. No, that's, that's fair. That makes sense. We'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. For $300 for that tier, you can get a shout out on the show. You realize how excited Emily Schmemley is going to be about this prospect. That's true because she loves the prequels.

She loves them. Prequels have gotten a weird backlash, backlash love in the last couple of years. It's an elastic band of love. It's almost like the prequels are George W. Bush. You're not wrong. You know what? They're kind of good, actually. If you compare Force Awakens.

You're not wrong. It's like two things can be bad. It is pure nostalgia for... I want to point everybody towards the Red Letter Media review of The Force Awakens. Oh, not Phantom Menace. The Force Awakens, because he talks about... Mike talks about the weird sort of all-of-a-subten love of the prequels as the Force Awakens was coming out. How there were all these think-piece articles of like 10 reasons why the Phantom Menace isn't that bad.

Or like 10 reasons why the... Ring Theory. shit. Yes, he goes deep into the ring theory. You've watched this, then. No, I didn't. Oh, Matt, you would love it. I highly recommend it.

It's Mr. Plinkett reviews. Yeah, I wish you'd just talk in a normal voice. Agreed, and I wish there weren't the intercut craziness that they have with, like, the murdering of prostitutes, et cetera. Wait, does he do it in a character? Yes, the entire time. Yeah. But, interesting.

Honestly, the content of the review is so good that it overrides that. That's true. But that Force Awakens one because I believe the first part of it was like the first 40 minutes is about the state of the Star Wars fandom and Disney. And it's endlessly fascinating to me.

Well, we're only 28 minutes in. Is this the long as you guys have gone without talking about the movie? I might be. I'm sorry for derailing it, folks. No derails. We can put it. No derails.

Yeah, that's all right. But I have to say. There's plenty of rails in this movie. We might be relatively quick on this film because these are the fewest notes I've ever taken because I was just watching. Wow. Just watching.

Just taking it in. Movie washes over me like a warm bath. This is your favorite? This is my favorite. It's your number one with a bullet. It's my number one. There's always debate in my mind of Casino Royale sneaking into the number one spot.

Sure. Yeah. But for me, classic James Bond is this movie. This, from Russia with Love for me, is just so perfect. done as a 60s spy thriller, as a suave British agent. Sure.

Dealing with the enemy of Russia and dealing with Specter, it really all comes together. This one today, I was loving it. I'll tell you. I would love to see a remake of this. Not like, even with Daniel Craig, that's like a slow burn just takes its time. This is like the most John La Ceycar race. of any of them. Well, I was going to say

it's almost Hitchcockian. Yes, yes. And especially with the blonde woman who kind of looks like a Hitchcock game. God, I never put that together how much it is. And on the train. Well, and especially the North by Northwest stuff at the end with the helicopter coming at him.

But this was before, when was North by Northwest? I don't know. No, that was. I don't know. 50s or 60s? Hold on. I think that's Kanye and Kim's fifth baby. We're now entering one of my favorite tropes of

podcast is. Let me look that up. Guys figuring out what your movies came. 59. Oh. They just cribbed it. Classic James Bond cribbing. Oh, man. I mean, it's still worse.

God, I love that movie too, though. Yeah. But in North by Northwest, they're not dropping grenades. That's fair. They're dropping crop dust, right? They're just buzzing them. That's true. Yeah.

So they up the ante. So it's the superior movie based on the deadliness of the world. How many grenades are dropped in a movie? That's how much I like it. You must have loved Blackhawk down then. Did I ever? Did you just love the video game, Kaboom? Was that a game where you just dropped grenades?

No, I'm thinking of... Was that a squirrel game? No, it was like you had to catch bombs and buckets. Every game is that squirrel game. Monopoly, is that a squirrel game? He's yet to find it. He's yet to find it. I have to find it.

No, he has yet to find what the squirrel game is. game is. I'll mention a game. I'll be like, hey, have you played Call of Duty World War II yet? And then Kevin, of course. Is that a squirrel game? No, it's not the squirrel game, Kevin. But Sally's a Catan.

That might be a squirrel game. Okay, cool. Have you played squirrel? I have not. What is that game? Have you eaten it squirrel? Oh, yeah. Yes.

Yeah. Toast, guys. A toast. Very good friends with the pastry ship. Is that true? Yeah. Wow. Jimmy the pastry show?

Sasha and I worked at the Apple store together. Wow. look at you both now. She's the pastry chef at Squirrel, and I do three podcasts a week. In addition to a luminous television writing career and stand-up career. Let's not forget host of AfterTrek on CBS All Access, which is like a podcast but filmed. By the way, I did listen to that hostful where you talked about... Had a panic attack?

Yep. And I should have texted you, but I was very worried and concerned about you in your life. It was so funny that we... front-loaded that episode where Hardwick's like, we have a big announcement. And he weirdly asked me, the announcement was just that we changed the name to ID10T. But you still call it nerds. I do, weirdly, in my brain, I do. You don't think ID10T rolls off the tongue?

I think there's a lot of questions about that up to and including the beautiful logo, which is a drawing of Hardwick with a cup of tea. Hang on, he's got a cup of tea. And raccoon ears? That video game? Yeah, it's a squirrel game. That cover art is the ultimate squirrel game. Is it a video game reference?

No, I think it's like a flight safety manual parody. I have to look this up. ID10T. Check out the new logo. Logal, everybody. You're talking about this? Oh, my dear Lord. It's not what I want to see.

Baby teeth. It's a comic. Did you write down ID10T? I did. And that's what came up? Oh, the SEO is not there yet. Hold on one ID10T.

I messed up. But I don't see this, this logo? It's on iTunes. The SEO is not there yet. Because this is like, that's like internet speak. That's the way you can write it.

Yeah, it's LeetSpeak. Oh, there it is. It's right on that. Oh, right. Yes, I've seen this. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What are those ears?

Did I miss something? He's a... Cosplayer? He's a Cosby player. See, in that he's drinking tea. There's a mouse in his teacup. Okay. Oh, so he's a cat.

Is that what it is? Well, if there's a mouse in his teacup, he's a cat. If there's a hole in the bucket, dear Luzon. I'm sorry for using the... Listen to Matt, trying to figure out the logo. What the podcast is still involved with. This is so funny. I also said to my pitch to him as like, you know,

those zombies that you have in the corner, one should be really tall and one should be fat with a baseball hat. I just thought of something. What's that? We managed to get off topic again. Oh, my apologies, fellas. I feel like... This is the angriest I've ever seen them.

This is what happens when two Pasadena podcasters get together. We're so overloaded with joy that we can't contain the... Because all the time we save driving, you know, it's like... Yes! What do you do with that energy? Oh, my God. We record good Christian fun out here, and I always feel like a jerk for making people drive what is likely an hour in traffic from like Silver Lake to get here at 7 o'clock or whatever. Silver Lake's pretty close.

Yeah. My drive from Sony and Culver City to hear is a beast. Yeah. Did you come here today? Yeah. Wow. Do it every Monday. Well, that's because if we report at his house, his dog will eat me.

Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, it's a yin and a yang. Sure. Sure. I don't fucking mind. Yeah. No, it's great.

And Pasaddenans, homey and beautiful. But most people live on the east side these days, so it's actually... Yeah, it's rarely... Or in the valley. Yeah, which is easy to get here from the valley. Again, I hope everyone listening loves podcast trope. 412. Talking about the drives.

Talking about how they get places. The 134, the 210, the 101. The one-on-one. It's a podcasting tonight. Did you guys think that Quint looked like a cross between Daniel Craig and Mike Pence. Oh, my God. I was trying to put together.

I love that you just called Robert Shaw quint. Yeah. Without just, fuck it. He's quint. He's quint. I know. I was telling him, as she watched it with me today,

and I was like, that's the guy that gets eaten by the shark and Jaws. Didn't really. Didn't resonate with her? It didn't really mean much. Yeah. I love Robert Shaw so much. He's so good in this.

Oh, my God. I've got to ask Kevin. Yes, sir. I'm excited about the fact that a first time viewer of from Russia with Love was watching this film. Yeah, that's right. That cold open. Sure.

What did you think was going on? Well, I, again, because I've only seen a total of five or six James Bond, but I knew the cold open was a part of them. I was kind of blown away by the fact that the very dumb mask a bit did not originate in Mission Impossible one, the Brian DePaulma one. I always thought that was from that, because I remember in that, I remember it in the first Charlie's Angels with Cameron Diaz and... But it's from...

That TV show of Mission Impossible. They used to do it in that. Okay. Yeah. Then do you think the TV show is homageing this movie? Or stealing. I don't think they were homaging. They were probably just stealing.

But yeah, I wonder if it happens prior to this movie. Was Mission Impossible made as a reaction to James Bond? Yeah. Same with Man from Uncle. Yeah. Well, I will say the one thing that they are on equal planes with, I feel like, undeniably, is they both have fantastic theme songs, right? Yeah, that's true.

Like, both of them are iconic. Yes, no doubt. This is also the first go-around we get of the James Bond credit sequence, as we know it today, really. Right. Which is, you know, in this movie, it's projected onto ladies who are belly dancing, which is later in the film. It's later in the film. Yeah. You're right.

It was very thematically tight that they put that in the opening. credits. That's what they did. But that's what Mission Impossible used to do. It used to show you what you're getting in that episode or in the movies do that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. So it was a nice question. Except just sex. Wow. Mission Impossible really is a reaction. And so the state of current Mission Impossible and current James Bond, which do you think is stronger? I have not seen any of the current Mission Impossible movies past three. The last two Mission Impossible's are great. They're very good. They're like great Roger Moore-Bond films. Oh, they're campy?

Yeah, a little bit, yeah. Oh. You'd like him. Way more into it now. Especially Rebecca Ferguson. Oh, yeah. I get the last two mixed up. Is that the...

Okay, so she's only in that one. The latest one, right? Him on a plane, yeah. That's Rogue Nation. And then him on the building is Ghost Protocol. Goat's protocol. I like both of them quite a bit. They're really fun.

Okay, back to From Russia with Love. By the way, I don't know if I said this. Here's the thing that we end up doing on this podcast. Yes, sir. I have no idea if I said this the last time. But what stuck out the most for me and watching this cold open was the fact that he's genuinely

using sneakers to sneak. Oh. So many shots. He's wearing his high top conference. Yeah. So many shots of sneakers. Bond is genuinely wearing eight pounds of makeup on his face. But they do to make it seem to...

But they did that look like the best... So you buy the mask later. Yeah, but it is all I can see. Because he just looks. I didn't even notice them. Oh, God, he's just caked in it. Wow. Yeah, to a regular viewer of the James Bond franchise, you're like, Sean.

Sure. Right. That's a little silly looking. Yeah, I mean, as a cold open goes, I feel like it didn't really, it wasn't enough of a set piece for me. I mean, and again, I'm coming from the generation of like, the skyfall cold open. And even the Spectre cold open is pretty good. So this is a big step. up from Dr. No.

Sure. Although it's quick. It's pretty quick. Happens pretty fast. It happens in a minute 38 seconds. Oh, really? So that James Bond gets killed, I wasn't terribly compelled by it. You weren't worried that he had died?

No. I was not, and it was a short film that you guys had tricked me into watching. I mean, Connery only did two movies. Wow. One and a half. One in a cold open. Wow. I, here's what I like about this.

Well, I like so many things about this movie, but I mean, just from the get-go, we're at the chess tournament. The idea that people silently are sitting there watching chess is mind-blowing, and that does happen. And all those extras were there sitting silently watching a chess scene being filmed. There's so much production design for so little screen time. It was beautiful. We talked about this last time we did it, but when they do the wide shot of that room, the entire ornate ceiling is all a mat painting.

Really? And yeah. If you guys got a portrait of yourself, would that be a matte painting? It would have to be. Boom! It would have to be. Boom! Two T's, no we.

I was waiting for Matt Patings to come up all episode for that one loaded in the chamber. But I like, you know, this is an interesting movie because it's the, like Kevin was saying earlier, the plan for me, it's just like such a clear-cut, like a linear story. Yeah. I love that they're basically farming out a evil plan to just like a think tank Spector is just a think tank where Cronstein is just a chess player

that they're like let's hire this guy essentially to write our plan and he's amazing when the waiter sets down the glass and he just stares at the glass at first I can't tell if he's like he knows there's a message under that glass or he's just perturred that his chess mojo

is being interrupted I think it's 100% he knows that if water is brought to him he has not requested it, it's from Specter. Okay. That's what I read that as. You're probably right. That's what I saw on his face. Oh, boy. And then he goes over to

Blofeld. Wait, before that, though, he's got yellow cigarettes. Are those Turkish cigarettes? What was yellow cigarette back then? I don't know. I don't know that either. I'm sure someone will tell us. I'm sorry for that to do a cigarette, please write in.

Yeah. If you are a yellow cigarette is what's the call to action is. Don't eat yellow snow, don't smoke yellow cigarettes. If you're a yellow cigarette, please. That's the yellow cup. But this actor, I love this guy. And I feel like he could play Putin. I think he's dead.

But if you... Oh, we can get back. We can rogue one or something. He's got kind of a Putin-y face. He does. He has the features. He has a kind of savage, Matt. Russian oligarch, yeah.

A Putin-y face. Look at Putin. We're not here to destroy this, man. He's dead for goodness sake. He showed up in Red Dawn, this guy. He was around for a while. And the Apple, have you guys ever watched The Apple? He was in Red Dawn this guy?

Wow. The Apple, what's that? That was that, like, notoriously bad movie. It's like a sci-fi Adam and Eve musical set in the future. I'm in. Yeah. Oh, it's incredible. Yeah.

It's incredible. You never seen it either? This sounds like it'd be a great thing to watch for good Christian fun. Yeah. Oh. Guys, come on over. Yeah. Apple, I love Bible musicals.

I was trying to think if there's any, like, James Bond Christian movies. James Bond Christian, like. Did they steal? They must have done some kind of spy things. I'm trying to think, I think the closest thing might be Bible, man. Yes, I agree. I've seen. Because that's kind of like.

Bo Bo Batman, basically. Yeah. But I, yeah, because this, because the James Vaughn franchise is so predicated on womanizing and violence. It doesn't, yeah, there's not a one-for-one translation. And also the inherent, like, need to lie as a spy. Right. It's like so antithetical to what they want. But national security is a big Christian thing.

That's true. Yeah. And there's so true. And there was plenty of spies in the Bible. That's true. I think. I think Old Testament, there's plenty of spies. Should I?

Should we retell the Bible? in modern day Britain. Here we go. By the way, if you guys, not to off-rail it again, did you guys see Logan Lucky? Yeah. No.

You didn't see it? Did you like it? Yeah. I like it. It was functional, right? But it was fun to see Daniel Craig in a role where he didn't look like he wanted to kill himself throughout the whole movie.

I will say, I was like, oh, he's having fun. Yeah, he was having a good time. Good for you, buddy. It was a breath. breath of fresh air. I know it's been a while. Yeah.

Yeah. Feels like it. Poor D. I remember him in Munich pre-James Bond. Me too. Woo. That's what made me go. This guy's going to be an amazing James Bond.

Yeah. Yeah. I was so good in it. I was talking about this today. I was talking about this Daniel Craig's situation. And how many movies is he has left in him, et cetera. I was talking about this on set today. And we sort of came around to the, how many he has left?

Meaning like, yes, he's going. to do this next one. That's it. You don't think there's a way. You think there's no way whatsoever. He said he would rather slash his own wrist than do another one. And he's doing it. He's doing another one.

Listen, I think if you ask him that question as soon as he's done with the most exhausting shoot of his life, he's going to say the same thing. Sure. Like you say after every episode of this podcast, he said, I'd rather slash my wrist. I call my wife. And then I say, I would rather slash my wrists than record another James Bonding. I call Kevin and I go

buddy you gotta help me out Really? Because I go straight into my bedroom Or Amanda sleeping I wake her up and go I just had the time on my life I'm really lucky to have these friends And they really love me Like I had to push them out I mean I'm so happy and fulfilled right now

And we just kept getting off track Because we enjoyed each other so much Amanda Amanda wake up Oh my God Wake up You have to wake her up Um, yes. So I don't know what we're... Oh, Dan Craig. So I was saying I think that there is a world where he would do it. I think the cumulative effect is going to take a toll and this is going to be it.

You think it's it? And I think he knows it going in. I bet they all know it. Because he would have, he was given so much money to do too and he turned it down. To do two more. Two more. Oh, I see. And, uh... What was the offer? 150? I don't remember. Can you imagine? I can't. Oh, boy. If you're out there and you have some money, Daniel Craig's Ass and Martin is going up for auction.

Or the Patreon page for James Bonding is launching in approximately 30 days from now. We should group buy it. Just do a Kickstarter and everybody gets a little share. That's the low end estimate. It's 600, yeah, five to 600,000. If we got 500,000 people to each give a dollar, then everybody gets to drive it for a day for the next 500,000 days. That's a perfect word.

I think we should compress the time. I'm basically the Kronstein chess player of this podcast. I got the plans in the ski. Why did they show the check? Was it was the point of that to show, oh, look, Kromholtz, what's his name? David Kromholtz is such a mastermind. He's a master strategy.

So he's moving these pieces like he's about to move the pieces of Russia and the British Secret Service. Yeah. But he's literally a like master chess player. Yeah. So they, yeah. In my mind, I was like when he gets the, it would have been, I think, more powerful, right? If, uh, when he got the message, he put his own piece into checkmate. Like if, can I tell you something, Matt? He was like, fuck, I have to end this. You said this exact same thing on the last podcast. Did I really? You did? I still think it. I still think it. That's what I'm worried about that. We probably repeat ourselves. Well, I mean, no one's going to listen to the last. That's incredible.

And so I know what to avoid. That's good. Let us know. Have I doubled up on it? I know the mat painting, the ceiling mat painting. Sure, but you called it out. I did. You know, I want to make sure the listeners are getting a whole different experience.

I am nervous. Well, and keep in mind, that was like the second or third episode you guys recorded. That's right. Who was the guest? Jonah Ray, right? Yeah. is JR. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So, so sad. But we can't talk about how it's a Mexican man playing a Turkish man. That's true. Let's,

let's spend some minutes on that. I have no problem with that. I won't talk about how his son is in license to kill because I know we covered that. I'm sorry. I felt like I brought a very... You have destroyed the strict energy. What you did was you have like... In fact, I will not talk about this film at all.

Oh, no, no, no. You've literally pulled the thread at which this podcast holds. No, I... Oh, no, I'm sorry, guys. We had one stitch left. I'm over there in the car trying to kill myself. You're over here thinking you had a great time, and you're pulling the last thread that this podcast has left.

I... We can talk about movies twice. I'm just here... I'm not here for you, too. I'm here for the listeners. That's insane to me that I thought that same thing... Not really, though. Because have you...

Let me ask you if you've had this... sensation, either of you, where you've listened back to a podcast. So you've done. You formulate the same joke. And then you say it on the podcast. I've had both versions where you say it, because obviously you're thinking in the same frame of mind, or you don't say it. And you go, why didn't you say it?

Oh, I've had that so many times of like, here we are talking about podcasts. It would have been real funny. We're real funny if you said this, buddy, but you did. You failed yourself and the audience. So I see this more, you know what? You guys have done the heavy lifting. You've done the work with Jonah. I see this as a

from Russia with love themed group hang with buddies. Or we go real deep. Like for instance, this isn't a gloft. But when they go, when she comes to the Spector place and Brass Knuckles, Red Grant, he says basically something like Welcome to Specter Island. I never

caught that before. There's a place called Specter Island. They're on it. Yeah, it's next to Gola Gola. Island. Gola Gala. Binia, Binia's hopping over, doing some Spectre training. What is Gala Gala? It's a children's show in the 90s.

Do you remember the theme song? I think it's like, Gola, Gala, Island. Like, something like that, right? Come, and let's play together in the bright sunny weather. Let's all go to... I remember that because my brothers used to watch that. Yeah, and there was a huge frog.

Yeah, a massive frog. Now we terrorized the children. A suit that just doesn't seem right. Spector Island. Yeah. I appreciated that, um, assassin that Quint was like in shape but he wasn't in 2018 shape. No.

I feel like I would have, I would have had a lot less body issues if I was raised in this climate of like, this is the hottest man. All you have to do is suck in your stomach. That's it. Yeah, suck it in and you are immediately the most physically fit individual. You don't have to see lines. I have a theory that six packs weren't even invented until like 1982.

You're probably right. I think so. Check the math guys. Well, I mean, you're looking at Sean Connery who competed in Mr. Universe. Like, really? He won. Didn't he win? I don't know.

I think so. He was like Mr. Scotland 100%. I mean, Daniel Craig for sure is the most fit James Bond ever, right? There's literally no question. Yeah. Because in retrospect, the rest kind of just look like dads. They just look like mid-40 states. I mean, Roger Moore, especially.

except, I mean, he's the dad that's like, we're going on vacation again because he's real tan. He's the tannest bond, right? Yes. Craig's the fittest, more's the tannist, Broznan's the hairiest. Connery's the suavest. Yeah.

Maybe. I don't know. I've only seen too. The, like, uh, lankiest or like, he's, for my money, would be the physique I'd probably most want because he's not, like, I actually think Daniel, Craig's two. Disagre.

Too swole? Really? I'd take the Lazy and B, because he's tall and lean. D.C. is the perfect amount of swall. Matt, I feel like you've hit upon a new topic for the episode in between the movies, where you rank the Bods. You, we have ranked the Chests. James Bods.

We have ranked the Chests. Really? Yes. Yeah. I could rank the Bonds in 10 seconds. What else did we? I like this. This is a good rebuttal to toxic masculinity.

where you objectify bond. That's right. It's not bond objective. It's all we do in this podcast. It's talking about how great these men look. I got to go from worst to first. Roger Moore, Dalton, Connery, Brosnan, Craig, Blazenby.

Brosnan? Worst to first. That's amazing. He's in decent shape. But I mean, I think he's got a good body. He's just kind of like well, proportioned, I think. Yeah, okay.

Maybe, maybe, well, Connery's not in great shape. He's got a good body, too, but. Connery kind of goes down over. Yeah, he goes pretty quickly. But Connery and Dr. Noe on, on, uh, Bella Gala Island. He probably is like just the most, like, believable. It's what I'm called Jamaica now.

Gola Gola Gala, Gala Island. Good. Villa, Villa, Gula. Binia. Is there any actor because it feels like Craig wants out, feels like Connery was checked out. Was there any actor? He did not want to leave.

He wanted to keep going. Yes, he was real hurt. He was like 50. Or he looked 50 in 2002. He was probably around 50. I forget how old he was when he. He only did four. But he started kind of late.

He did. He got a late start because he was going to be in 80. He was supposed to be in 89. He was supposed to start in 89. And had the role, but then got ousted. His contract called him back for NBC. NBC. For Bremington Steel, the show he was on.

Have you never seen an episode of Roaming this deal? No, I've seen DVD box sets of it, but I've never seen the show. It's a delightful, it's a delightful premise. Yeah, I should watch that again. We should cover that for this show. We've got Patreon apps. Guys, you have so many. This, I know.

I know. And I love it. We got to think of a way to handle the movies a third time that's unique. Not just like... Live commentary. Oh, no. Well, we're doing commentaries. We're supposed to do commentaries.

Because you could do it in characters, Fleming. Yeah. And then you could be Flaming's assistant. Yeah, broccoli. Yeah. I'd do it, I'd be broccoli. We'll have a great time. There's got to be a way.

That would be so stupid. Like if we just cover it only the audio. Like we can only listen to it. Or you just play the soundtrack for whatever the movie is. And see if you can figure out what's happening based on the score. There's the literal like, I guess they're already doing that, the minute by minute, you could do that. Yeah. You could do it.

You guys have done the songs from the movies. Have you done the scores? No, but we should. Because I feel like Thomas Newman, Thomas Newman's score, and especially for Sky Falls, I feel like really interesting and weird action scoring. I think it's really good. I never really listen to scores. Yeah?

Do you? I have to these movies. For sure. There's certain scores I feel like are totally just supplemental, and then ones I feel like, like Phantom Threat. I feel like that's a score that's. kind of just an album. It's so good.

It's so good. I really like the score to Mother. I didn't see it. There's no music in it. Oh, God. You burned. Well, from Russia with love. The Sikh is embraced.

Yes. I'm sorry, God. It's not your fault. Really? Not one of the bad. You know what I actually like right now? Is the fact that I can ask Kevin if I talked about this.

Hey, Kevin, did I talk about this? Yeah. I really like Sean Connery's shirt when he's putting his shirt on at the Bentley. Oh, his gingham? Yes. Oh, you haven't talked about this. Well, let me tell you.

I really liked it. The only thing I didn't like, I thought the buttons were a little gauche. What were the buttons? They were very large and gray. Oh. Like a little too shiny for my taste, but the shirt was out of this world.

It's interesting that he would wear kind of like a blousey shirt like that with those shortest shorts ever made for mankind that he's wearing. I like those shorts. shorts, though. I don't know what that says about me, but I enjoy those. Yeah. And they kind of bring those back for Daniel Craig later on. Do you have a pair like that? I do not that short, not that short, but I have some light blue short shorts. Yeah. Great for a beach day. Wow. See, I want to, I want to be bold when summer rolls around. We're recording this in winter right now, especially

tonight, but was, by the way, has today been the coldest day of the year? It was freezing. Yeah, we went and got ice cream. I don't know what we were thinking. Where you going, Carmella's, Jenny's afters? We went into Highland Park. to afters, yeah. Afters is good. There's an afters on green, much closer to you, I think. Actually, you may not be closer to you.

There's one on green? There's one on green. There's one on green next to... Well, what's the best way to get to green? Well, you take... You take a Lolauma over the Lolauma Bridge. You take one through four to the two-ten exit lake, take a left on greens right there.

I had cereal milk ice cream. So good, right? Oh, my God. It's so good. You can get a milky bun there where they put a scoop in between a hot donut. Yeah. That sounds great. Yeah.

That really does sound right. I'm talking myself into going after we're done with this right now. That was good. You guys make the run over to the Donut Man often? Where's that? Isn't that the one over the... Oh, Donut Friend? Donut Friend, sorry.

Donut Man is a Christian video series. That is true. I'm listening. What? Because we're like, without God, we're like donuts because there's a hole in us. And so he has a donut friend. And he's this like tall mustacheed man that sings songs to children about the Lord and whatnot. and whatnot.

A donut man? Yeah. So he makes the donuts, but then he has a friend who's also a donut that's like a little puppet. That sings to children? Mm-hmm.

Well, they both sing to children. Hang on. But is the don't, by sheer definition of him being a donut, isn't he a sinner? Or he's lacking God? Yeah, yeah. He is not repent of his sins.

So the donut just kind of sins. But they're letting him speak to the children? Yeah, I know. It's kind of revolutionary in that sense. Yeah. This sounds like a fucking acid trip. There's a large donut that has a tiny donut friend that makes donuts?

No, no, no. It's a normal adult-sized man. Oh, I was picturing, I was picturing a large claymation donut man. And a teeny tiny donut. And a regular-sized donut friend. Doot man and donut friend. God made a donut friend. Now, are we to believe that in this movie,

Wait, you brought us back. Yeah, because, well, I felt responsible for that donut man tangent. But are we to believe that James has intercourse with four women, three women, or two women in the movie? Four, I believe. Yeah, the answer is four. Sylvia Trench, the two gypsy women. Yeah, probably the same night. Yeah, of course.

I think so. I think that's what they meant by you get to choose, like, you first must try them out or something, yeah. Okay. And they're gypsies. that I'm sure they weren't like treated as human beings. Now, what is doing the James Bonding podcast like in the Me Too era? Great. It's great.

Relevant as hell. Now, listen, we are also aware of its time period. Sure. And the time with which each of these films was made. Right. And you must go through it where it's like, how much can you say about it? where it's like, how much do you need to like acknowledge, yeah, it's kind of messed up for its time. It was extra messed up for its time versus like, do we need to police it?

Can we just talk about it? I think that Matt and I operate on the fact that like our listeners know us. Yeah. And know that we're not those people. Right. You're good men. We're just, we're just. You're married for the time being.

Married human beings who like a vicarious escape through the 1960s. Sure. Yeah. And that's not your favorite part of the franchise. It's like, I love how many ladies he has sex with. I actually thought that our favorite part was the bone zone. The bone zone. Every time he's there.

Yeah, the double O bones. We just like, whoa. I was to spit-ta. Double-O bone zone. And we've talked about it at length. In fact, we often count. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. But we'll talk about it again. In fact, I think I reached out to a guest who wants that to be the subject of an episode where she talks about kind of feminine. and or lack of feminism in Bond movies. And that one, I think, would be a really interesting episode. Meryl Streep's going to crush that episode.

She's the one. Yeah, she's going to crush it. She's, she's outside right now, if you look. Merrill! Oh, she heard her, her nose is up against the glass like a dog. That means. Looking for scraps. I would be so sad. She's knocking on the window with her three Oscars.

Oh, boy. She's plastered in her nomination. She's stitched them together in a dress. Here's what I'll say, as someone who's, like, pretty green to the James Bond franchise, too. Keep in mind, you got a mild one today. A mild, like, in terms of misogyny and... Oh, well, I was even going to say... I was kind of switching gears.

Oh, okay. But no, let's talk about misogyny. No, I'm the one that brought it up. I thought the train fight sequence was legitimately. in 2018, one of the better fight sequences I've seen. It's Harold and remembered as one of the great fight sequences ever. Yeah. Not just a Bond movie, but, and especially how early it is, like one of the first.

It feels monument. Because I always think of Casino Royale's like, oh, that's when they born identityed the James Bond franchise and stuff like, suave and smooth. It's like, ooh, it's rough and tumble and it's grittier and you can smell the dirt and see the sweat. But that was pretty sweaty and gritty unto itself in the second movie in. I know. It's good. Was it stunt doubles doing most of that?

There was some, but I think they did a lot of it. And it was also the first time where they really got into that kind of frenetic editing, I think, too. So Peter Hunt, the editor who later became a director and kind of did a whole movie like that, Bonn movie, that didn't go over that well. But, yeah, it's just generally known. as one of the first of its kind. And it's, it's, it's, it's, it sets the sort of standard for the closed quarter fight. Yeah. But also the lead up to that fight, the tension too is really, because you're like, that was

my favorite scene. And like knowing like what red knows, what what red grant knows, like seeing when Bond gets off the train and talks to Carbbe's son right in front of. By the way, could have been a little more. sympathetic to the son. Not tactfully. Not. Mr. Bond doesn't have bedside men.

I think he did it the way that he would want to be told. I guess. Like by ordering him to do other things? Well, Karim's son seemed to be down. He was like, he wasn't like, oh my gosh, let me take a minute to process this or fall to his knees and say, no. Here's all the things I took off your dead dad. Yeah.

He was like, okay. He was like, okay. Who did it? I'll kill him. So he was already, he was detaching. in his grieving process to next steps. It was raised by a good dad who's involved in SBA. Clearly.

But James Bond isn't a man of great empathy, would you say? No, he can't be. That's his least... That's the quality he has the least of, I think, is empathy. Yeah. Just as a character. And I'm talking about a character throughout literature and the 25 movies. You know, in the books, it's not always the case.

he has a sociopathic quality in terms of killing bad people. Well, they are bad bad. But he does have, he has a little more humanity in the books than the early movies. The Craig era does it the best, I think. Nobody does it better. Makes me feel sad to fall. I want to talk about you are very lucky, Kevin. your first experience of this movie, you've got to see the first appearance of major boothroid,

a.k.a. Q. Oh, Q. I've been thinking about Q a lot. How many Q's did they have over the last 20-something movie? Well, two and an R. Three, I guess he becomes Q. That's right. Yeah. Is Paddington Q currently or is he R? Okay. He's cute. I just want to make sure. Does Ben Wish I play Paddington? Yeah. No, Desmond Llewellyn. Yeah. Honestly, it could have been John Cleese.

It was archival audio that they just made Paddington Lipsink too. You guys are being very mean because it could have been John Cleese. Okay. I'm a bad. Sorry I haven't seen Paddington yet.

I know it's the best movie that's ever been made. I'm sorry too. I'm well aware. Wait, you've seen it? No. Paddington too? I hear the second one's great, right?

Supposedly. Well, I will say Bananas is good. As someone who's seen Paddington, two, four times. What? What's so good about it? Every part of it is kind of perfect. I do love Englishy things.

I bet I'd... Sure. And I think it's probably better than you're expecting, because the first one was, like, a great, like, family movie. It's great in, like, the way minor Pixar movies are great. Uh-huh. Pagintin, too, is great in the way, like, the best Pixar movies are great. Do I have to see Pad 1? I'd recommend it just because it's, like, way more emotionally resonant.

Okay, I see. But it won't feel like, you know what we can do it. We'll throw it into the Patreon. Jesus. Throw it to the Patriots. You know what one's on Netflix. You can stream it.

You get what you pay for everybody. I mean, as far as British stuff. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Ben Winshaw. He's perfect. And it was recast. It was going to be Conferth.

And then it was Mr. Winshaw. No kidding. Yeah. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. And you can hear a teeny tiny bit of his dialogue in the first trailer. Firsts.

Like recorded dialogue? Mm-hmm. Yeah. He's like, oh dear. And then in the movie, it's not. that voice at all. Oh, that's very interesting. So why did they get rid of Colin Firth?

Not the right voice. I think he was too old sounding. Two king's speech. Yeah, and, yeah, Paddington kept to stuttering about his mom, mom, mom, mom, marmal. I'm a bail. I'm a bu, but, but, but, but in the new ones, he's more like a little kid.

Yeah. Which first voice doesn't really go with. He just seems like someone's uncle when you just hear him talk. I'll get on that. Yeah. first, someone's uncle. So, okay, yeah, so Q. It's your first appearance, right?

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I've only known two Q's, by the way. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Well, you are in for a treat because every episode now, we like to take a look at Desmond Llewellyn's hands. Okay.

And see how big they are. Because they're enormous. We have a rating that the standard... Oh, the insert shots, where they have, like, the bruises on them and stuff. When Desmond Llewellin's hands are there, we feel like there is some swelling going, on. Maybe it's a sodium content

thing with Desmond Lewell and himself. Do you think he was juicing? I don't know. Because that's how he works with his hands. I feel like he just would like have them inject saline into his hands before he would take collagen. Collagen. Just cement. He went to a

backyard doctor and got cement injected into his hands. So, okay. The standard is golden eye. That's just because that's the first one we noticed. The first one we came back with We watched Gold and I with Steve, right? Yes, Steve.

Have you done an episode yet where you play Gold Nine talked about it? No, but we got to do that too. Matt's been working too much and now we're going to get to that. I have never, I have, you know, we have to do these after work on Monday. You almost died. You realize that, I mean, here we are. Do you understand that this is going up tonight? Is that true? Yes.

Yeah, and it's 9. You have to edit this tonight? This goes up at 11.59 p.m. Edit what? We're not cutting anything out. Is that true? doxed, bro. That's right.

Whoa! Do you really not take stuff out or edit at it at all? No, we don't. Unless, like, Matt says something really racist. Yeah, yeah. Thank God we still take that stuff out. Otherwise, your career would be... No, I'm sorry, if he doesn't.

I'd be very popular. Yeah, you add racism into the... Into the episode. We have to appeal to part of the country. Oh, boy. And part of the James Bond listenership. And part of the James Bond listenership. who I are either going to fucking think this is the best episode I've ever done or they're going to hate this episode because we didn't know what I'm loving it oh no do you think this will be divisive no every one of ours is divisive for one reason or another if you listen to the feedback okay I will ask an honest question yeah do you feel like like what do you think is the percentage of people who are listening for the James Bond substantial talk versus people who are listening for Matt and Matt hanging out with a friend

friend or two. I have no idea. I would honestly probably put it at like 20% are listening for James Bond. Well, specifically. Probably true because if they came for just James Bond, they would be turned away almost immediately and like, I can't take these guys. Are they going to keep talking about this Rogue One? Cues, hands. Cues hands. That's for certain what people are coming for. Now, Matt, I have to say, they looked fairly large in this movie. But this, going back from Golden Eye is our baseline, this is as far back as you can go. It literally is.

Because he's not in Doctor No. It literally is. So theoretically, these should be the smallest. And as large as they are, I think they are the smallest. Wait, you think it should be the smallest because they're the earliest? Yeah. I feel like old man's hand shrink. No, they certainly swell with arthritis and gas.

Oh. Oh, you're just got so many giant problems by the time you're old. But your hands are just enormous. But, yeah, I know what you're saying, though, because, like, have you ever seen James Coburn suffered from severe arthritis? So in his later movies, he kind of has... Those are, like, all frunked up. Yeah, and who else?

Oh, I want to say, like, Peter O'Toole had that. And Kirk Douglas when he was on the Academy Awards were kind of that way, too. But this is something different. I don't know what's going on. Yeah. This is, like, hot air. I think he's, he, I like to imagine that he's, every movie off screen in his lab, he has been working on the shark pellet. He's just hitting his hands with a hammer. He's been working on CO2 shark pellet. He's testing it on. He's injecting it. Well, I will. And smart blood. And just a bunch of shit.

Smart blood. Well, I will say, I mean, like we were talking about Mike Pence's body earlier, there is something nice about a movie in this time. where everyone's a little chilled out about beauty standards. Yeah. Even as far as like the women go. The women probably have different bodies generally than what you would see. Like the woman massaging Mike Pence, kind of just looks like a normal lady. Yeah. Not like, you know, a sex up or a porn star version of blah, blah, blah, blah.

So similarly, I feel like with the hand stuff, and let's get into hand stuff, guys. But with the hand stuff, if you made that movie now, like in Skyfall or something, If you did an insert shot, you get like a George Costanda-esque hand model to do those things and then just like cut that out. And this, they're just like, yeah, put weirdos hands in it. Who cares? They are like, they are fucking the definition of meat hooks. Because remember there's one film where he just has a like black thumbnail.

Oh. Like he fits though. He dropped a, like he closed the trunk of the acid Martin on it. Right. So for that reason, I'm going to give Q's hands in this movie a golden eye minus eight. You are having such a different vision of his hands than I didn't. But I have not, I know they look big, but I've not seen smaller ones. They don't, I will say, I think they don't, I think the smallest we've seen his hands so far, weirdly, might be licensed to kill.

I'm having trouble remembering. But I am looking forward to the world is not enough because I expect them to be Mickey Mouse-sized. I honestly, I would, this is our biggest, this is our biggest differential in Q's hand them ever. Yeah, because I'm giving this a golden eye minus one. Wait a minute. First of all, let me see your hand rating credentials because I don't.

Let me see your hands. Oh, my. Oh, my. Similar meat hooks. I had trouble with this one because in like the wide, it's almost like they shot it at two different times because in the wide shots they didn't look huge. Then they'd get.

And then he like, I think he like fucking housed saltines or something. Maybe. Like, I don't know what he was doing at crafty. This time they're like rounder than before. Honestly, look like they are ready to just burst in like just blow up. He looks like he's wearing gloves of his hands. Does that mean? You know what it looks like he looks like he has.

He lost both of his hands in the war. Uh-huh. And they've given him two prosthetic. Yeah. Yeah. He's got like Dr. Strange gloves. Yeah. Did you say Dr. Strange gloves?

I wish I had. Did you? It sounded like it. I wish I had. God damn it. What do you guys think of Rosa Kleb? What did you think of her as a villain? Well, you know, it's funny is.

And maybe I'm, maybe I am a stupid viewer, but I did not get the lesbian subtext from. Did you just read about it? Yeah. Yeah. I read about it and it's like, oh, it's like a negative portrayal and what's the same has all these lesbian issues. James Lee and Fleming hates lesbians. Does he hate gay men as well? Oh, certainly.

Okay. But is it documented? Well, it's almost like he won't even touch that because at least with lesbians, you can get titill by it. He just like, and she seems to be angry that they exist and aren't into men.

So the scene where she's feeling up Tatiana? Or is it Tiana? Tanya is her nickname, but Tatiana. I Tanya. So when she's feeling up I Tanya.

Yeah. I didn't remember that scene when I read about. I was like, did she? So I don't know if I'm so conditioned. There's even a sooner thing is when she goes to Specter Island, right when she lands and what's his name.

He's not General Gogol, but whoever that character, the actor that plays that guy, he touches her elbow and she goes like this and pulls her elbow away. Like, I'm such a lesbian that I can't even be touched by a man. Oh, interesting. And you think that's as far and as explicit

as you could do it in a movie like that from that era? Yeah, yeah. I mean, we get into it with Pussy Galore. The next movie. Yeah. But I think it's very clear in the Tatiana. seem 100% yeah yeah especially when she also like asks her to take her her her little coat off and yeah yeah she's definitely i thought francis mcdorman did a really good job honestly

would i watch this remade with france yes yeah oh of course 100% amazing yeah 100 who would you cast in the remake if francis mcdorman was the bad guy and the new in the next daniel craig james bond oh that's guys brilliant Make that happen. How many, how many, like, besides Cleb, how many, like, female bad guys, villains? There's a few. Sophie Marceau from where the world ends. Where the redfern grows.

Yeah, Sophie Marceau, you have your zina on a top. But she's a hench person. So is Cleb. A hench person for... I appreciate the gender-neutral hench person. You got it. You got it. for um blowfeld you know what i mean yeah yeah i know we went over this but i'm excited about

recasting this movie mcdormon yeah i dormant for sure and uh i tanya that's got to be roseman pike oh she you know she was a bond girl she was a bond she's in die another day but you're right though well she could come back technically mod adams did it she was back twice three times wow who's red grant Oh, Red Grant is Mike Pence. Who is James Bond? Is it Daniel Craig? I think so for our purposes. So if it's Daniel Craig, then we need a Red Grant that is...

I mean, yeah, he's really good. I wish he could fucking act, but Henry Cavill... He's not horrible. He's fine. I don't know if I buy him. Did you guys love or hate man from Uncle? I loved it, didn't see it. I thought it was good.

Yeah, I liked it a lot. This is a nice style. Maybe he's the answer. I did, and it ends with that, um, Nina Simone song that I love. Sinner Man? No. Uh, did you say Slender Man? Sinerman.

Slenderman. I love Nina Simone's take on the slender man. She started it, you know. Nina Simone started that meme. It's weird, but yes. You know, you care of business for me. For me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I love that song. Now, someone who I thought, as long as we're talking about recasting, who would have been, his time's up, hashtag times up, who would have been a good James Bond, but is too old now, is honestly, Daniel Day Lewis would have, there's a middle of his career where he would have crushed it.

His last of the Mohicans period. Oh, yeah. Like if he wanted it, he could have been... Oh, he would have been amazing. He's weird where it's like, you could have been a one-a-year movie star if you wanted to be, and you decided not to be. No, no kidding.

And he's good looking in that. way, too. Absolutely. Oh, Phantom Thread. Oh, yeah. He's so handsome in a way that you forgot. His last film, guys. I know. His last film.

I loved that movie so much. But anyway, I miss the lesbian stuff in this movie. Well, it was there. We're not done your casting. I'm not going to let this. Okay, okay, okay. Red Grant. Who's Kronstein?

So I'm asking the following question to you, Matt Gourley. Is our MI6 casting the same? No, because it's made now. I know, but I'm asking if it's, like, if it's Ray Fines, Ben Wishaw. Yeah. I want to recast Q with actually Paddington there. Says, I missed a bond.

You've got a new gadget. They'll help you get marmalade sandwiches. You know, I'm just so... But yeah, and Emma's Voldemort. You know what? Exactly. You know, buckle the fuck up, because Red Nosed Day is around the corner,

and they always do crazy shit like that. I know. So I'm sure that they'll get Daniel Craig to be James Bond Yeah And then Okay here's what I'm asking Yes sir

I'll say What's her name Rosam Pike That's good We'll bring it back What the hell But we got to cast Karam Bay

We got to cast Cronstein And And Um Uh Cram Ray

Cran Bailey Ray Should be Or Haram Bay Um No Coca Cran could be Josh Gatt

You just saw him on a train. Oh, you know who would be a good Karm Bay? That was not good. Crembe? It's Ryan Farnham. Yeah. Too old, I think. I can't imagine running around in the catacombs.

Too old to have two adult children? Right. Fair. And then die? Yeah. No, when he died in the movie, was that because he died IRL? No, he died, I think they moved up his scenes to shoot so he could shoot him, but I think he died. I want to say like a week or a month after he finished his scenes.

Okay. Pretty soon right after. Yeah. I feel bad for James because it feels like he could have poured one out for his buddy, but he did not. It feels like he doesn't value male friendship. He math-ist him. Yeah. If you haven't seen Quantum of Solis.

I've known. There's like a carambay figure in that movie that when he dies, he throws him in a dumpster. He literally carries. Really? Really? body to the dumpster and throws it in. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

And that man was good to him. Yeah. It's weird. It was a weird moment. Forrest Whitaker as Carimbe. Yeah. I like that. Why not?

Forst Whitaker as the Turkish consulate. Well, oh. Don't think about it. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Let's put it in Wakanda. Wakanda.

Wakanda be kidding me. What God, do you be kidding me? Red Grant. Red Grant. That's the dumbest thing. Red Grant could be Leslie Odom, Jr. Who's that? From Hamilton.

Oh, yeah. Also in murder on the Orient Express. Oh, that's how I know him. Yeah. I would like, I'd actually like to play the opposite because he doesn't have to be a beast. He just has to be lethal. So maybe he's kind of like a sinewy killer or something. Oh, like a slender man?

Like slender man. Okay. Yeah, let's get slender man. Let's put Doug Jones. Doug Jones. I'm not joking. That would be amazing. He has a look for it too.

Yeah, sort of just sinister looking assassin. That would be awesome. And then Cronstein. Oh, wait. Do you know who would be good as, um, Karam Bay? Who? Jason Isaacs.

Yeah. Ooh, Jason, Isaacs would be good. Do you have your from Russia with Love Dreamcasting? Right in the letter. Right into us at yellow cigarette dot giant hands. Care of Gula Gala Island. And if you want us to read it on the episode, you can donate $305 to the Patreon.

Could you imagine if someone had a Patreon level that was, donate this amount of money, we'll guarantee read your email. I think that legit does exist. That exists. That exists. Yeah. Oh, no, there's nonsense ones where it's like, you'll get a shout out. Well, we do that. We do?

Not for Patreon. For Mandori's Excellent Adventure. Oh, you do? Yeah. Well, I mean, we also do. You do other stuff. We do bonus episodes, but also read their names. Yeah.

Yeah, so that's Diff. Yeah. I'm still on Kronstein. Kronstein. You know what? Get Bobby Fisher put him in there. Just chess guys. Yeah, it's a real chess guy.

Kronstein. Hugh Grant. Oh, Elon Musk. Hang on. Elon Musk Peter Thiel How about Richard Schiff as Kronkstein

Hang on Who's Richard Schiff Richard Kind No No Who's your friend that likes to kill Bing bong Bing Bong

Michael Stoolbarg Well he can do anything Yeah he can Yeah You're like an even handsomer Michael Stobark That's nice That qualifier is nice

But I do get that I look like him a lot Especially with this mess of a beard right now I'm just unfolding. Is the beard for a role? No. It's just for...

It's for his role as podcaster in Pasadena. I should grow on then, too. Checking out until I'm ready to come back to life. Who do we say for Cronstein? Do we get anyone? I like that neither of us chase that down. No. You don't need to.

Cronstein. It's got to be a skinny guy. Maybe that's problematic of me. It's got to be a skinny guy? No, it doesn't. to be a skinny guy. Does it have to be a white guy? It doesn't have to be a white guy? That I'm going to say. No, I lost it. Wow, we got... Bill Hader? Sure. I mean, he'd do an accent that we didn't ask for. I think Bill Hader, I mean, I didn't

see skeleton twins, but I feel like he can bring the drama. Oh, I think he can act. Yeah. I'm sure he can. All right, I'll allow us to move on. Bill Hater. What about the line, um, wait, first of all, this is the longest we go in the beginning without seeing James Bond, do I say that in the first time? 17 minutes. I say it? Yeah. God damn it. Is it that long?

It's 17 minutes. You count it or you counted. Yeah. I mean, not counting the imposter bond. Right. Oh. Which you said you wouldn't. This is like doing a...

This is a special episode. This is like doing a podcast with a time traveler. Yeah. This is like doing a podcast with time traveler. Oh, I mean, I can't reveal that. That would break the whole universe. Do I check out and grow along for you? How often do we repeat?

You don't feel checked out though. You feel very present. Really? And very engaged. Yeah. Yeah, you're running up to the ship. When I'm not checked out, I must be shooting aces. Shooting aces with goarly.

So, wait, where are we? How long did we go without? We're only 17 minutes? No, we've jumped around. But let's talk about this, and I'm almost. certain we talked about this before, but the line when they're listening to the recording of Tatiana where M and Bond were in Tokyo, implying that M's having an affair of some kind, or like was fooling around? Or was fooling around with James Bond. Oh, right. Maybe that's what

Bond's referring to in Skyfall when he talks to Silva. Oh, and he says not my first. Yeah. Yeah. What makes you think this would be my first? Yeah, maybe M like indoctrines him all his double O's. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. Hey, he puts the double O and double O. You all know what I'm saying? That's how you salute for the admiral.

The donut. Double donut. They need a donut, man. I'm not a donut man. I'm a donut man. Thank you. Jayce. Back to the train.

Yeah. It's weird to have Bond offer money for his life. It is a strange move. Like a petty villainy thing to do. Well, no, when he says we'll pay you, We'll double it. I think it's kind of like maybe he'll take it. We'll take him in and he'll debrief us on Specter.

No, but it's just... You felt like that was sincere? Yeah. Okay. I did. I always thought it was a setup to him opening the briefcase. No, because he's talking about MI6 paying him. This is before saying, I'll pay you the sovereigns for the cigarette.

Yeah. I bet they have like a like a... Petty cash, like, container. Like ransom. In Money Penny's drawer. Ransom fund. Yeah, and it's like, well, I had to double what this guy was getting paid. Yeah.

You have the cash. The whole device to get to him opening the briefcase was, it was a little convoluted or like, it was kind of a leap. I liked how convoluted it was. Really? I forgot about it. Because you didn't a year ago. You're like, now you can just start lying about it. To forget.

Yeah. Like, I forgot, watching it this time, I forgot that the second briefcase was there. Oh, really? Yeah. Like, I forgot that they had another double O briefcase. I forgot, too. So I liked the convolution there. I don't know how I felt then, but apparently differently.

Did this make you want to carry around a briefcase instead of a backpack like we all do? I've thought about that recently. Here's the problem. I want to carry a briefcase, and I want to wear suits. but I can't do it because I also don't want to be the type of person that like, like I'm not a type of person that likes to be seen, like turn heads and go, oh, that man's wearing a three-piece suit to lunch. Sure.

But I mean. I might wear him around the house. Right. But you have friends that probably dress a little fancy like that. And I think, whose appeal isn't so people will notice me. But I think he likes or at least doesn't mind that kind of attention where I would be uncomfortable. Shy. Yeah.

Shy. I think, yeah. I have a total of 14 suits that are fitted and tailored to me, just by virtue of doing sidekick. A real aristocrat. And then doing after track. What's it like to be part of the 1%? I know. But I will never wear them unless I'm on that show.

Oh, yeah. We have two volvos. Two volvos. The car of the Swedes. I got three suits tailored and fitted, and then I lost 30 pounds, so I can't wear them. Oh, man. Why did you do that? Which stinks.

I know, I screwed up. It was a period of depression. Why did you do it? Why did I lose 30 pounds? Run around in Pasadena. That's right. That'll do it too. Every morning.

Yeah. There was a stretch where I was walking between 15 to 20 miles a day. Are you kidding? No. That's amazing. Where is the time? The time was like on lunches and running like eight or nine miles in the morning and then, yeah, we make the time. I can't believe I didn't see you.

When were you doing this? Pretty much January of last year. Me too. Really? That's when I, because I was getting married in May, so I was running every single morning from New Year's Day up until May, and then I just let it all go to hell. I bet we passed each other, Magnolia style at some point.

That's right. Yeah, well, I used to do Rose Bowl every day, which like there and back from my house is like five miles flat. Okay. Do you ever go to Rose Bowl? Sometimes, but not to walk around, like just we drive around that area. It's a nice drive. Yeah.

But you know what? I'm realizing if you're coming across the bridge and turning right immediately on... Turning left. Oh, you are turning left. Yeah. On San Rafael. Oh. Yeah, I should have seen it.

Because that's that mansion road. Why are you guys running down and look at all those crazy houses? I don't know. Wait, can you be friends with people on Matt, my run? Yeah. Matt, my run? Yeah. Matt, my run.

Quick. I am your run. I am your run. speed you'll run. Oh, that's a nice thought. Briefcases. Where the hell were we? Briefcase town.

I honestly think that it would hurt my arm, and I'd be, like, constantly switching. Like, when I'm carrying a guitar case, like, a long distance, like, from one end of... The Rose Bowl to the other. After I purchased it at the flea market. I jog and play at the same time, so I don't carry it. That's just efficient. I find myself constantly, like, going like, how does anyone carry a fucking guitar for a long period of time. Here's what I know I would do with the briefcase. I would just be swinging it

the whole time back and forth, like feeling the weight, like the pendulum weight of it. Now that's so it would be, would it be in your mind full of? Yeah, what do you got in there? What would it be full of? Papers? That's what I asked my dad, what goes in a briefcase? One time when someone had their briefcase stolen in the movie, I was like, who cares? What's in there? Papers. Well, nothing's on paper anymore. So for us, we put our like computers in there. They'd just be an iPad. in there. Or a cloud. We'd put our clouds in there. Then you could really swing it.

Server farm. Mobile server farm. That reason, the arm pain is why I only play ukuleles. You don't deal with that. Get it. You got it over the shoulder. You barely notice it's there. You carry three. It's so less than one guitar.

Jeez. Do you think James Bond plays instruments? Have we seen him play an instrument in a movie? Doesn't he seem like the type who could play a cello without any problem? A cello? Has he ever played a cello? single instrument. Like, he's never

sat down at the piano. Doesn't he, like, sadly sit down on a piano one time? What am I thinking of? You're thinking of the episode of Frazier? I guarantee you

I'm not thinking about it. Good God, Martin. May you rest in peace. Late great, John Mahoney. So you never play a musical instrument? Well, again, see, this is territory

he can explore in the next one. I feel like there could be some sort of, like, musical puzzle that he has to solve. Kind of like missed or something, I guess, where he's like... La La Land. Yeah. The musical puzzle that is La La Land.

He does they... It makes a Beatles reference. It's as close as we get. Yeah. In this movie? No, in the next one. And it's not good. He doesn't like him.

He doesn't like the Beatles? No. He thinks listening to the Beatles without ear muffs is as bad as drinking a Don Paranyan 63 without it being chilled to the right temperature. Get off yourself, snobby. No, I 100% agree. It's a 55, Dom.

I don't know. I can't, oh, man. That's being chilled to the pro 32 degrees. That is wild. Listening to the Beatles without earmuffs. James Bond canonically does not like the Beatles. I know. Correct.

It's nuts. Correct. Yeah. What else does he not like? Well, I mean, if you're going by that, he doesn't like the Rolling Stones. He doesn't like. No, like, like,

stated things that James Bond doesn't like. He doesn't like tea. That's because Fleming doesn't like tea. Right. He doesn't like the Beatles. He does not like... What's the other English thing? Obviously, he doesn't like red wine with fish. You know what he doesn't like in this movie? Two women

fighting, apparently. He likes two women. He's got to put a stop to that. He says, he says make him stop. Yeah, that was interesting. Why? I don't know. I'm not saying why. Like, let me watch them fight, but like what... I think it's like seriously like this is two, gypsies are savages and I've got to colonize this or something.

I guess so. That was a fun actually. That shootout, it was fun watching Kareem blood himself. I know. With that little ketchup packet. Takes his other hand away is just dripping with blood. I like that guy. He had his sweet smile.

He was maybe my favorite character. He's a favorite of mine as well. We need to rank the mentor allies. I know. We've talked about that. Tiger Tanaka's way up there for me also. Yeah. So is this guy.

Yeah. Has he ever had a female just buddy in the movie besides Money Piny? Did he ever... Well, Q. I mean, not Q. M. Yeah. But they're not buddies. No, they're not buddies.

They're buddies. They clearly slept together. They're good buddies. Does he ever sleep with Michelle Yo? And... I think at the end, they end up getting together. Just about the close stuff. Because Mary Goodnight and Man with the...

the golden gun kind of seems like that. I know they get it on, but it's... Oh, and there's the young skater in Free Eyes Only that's too young for him, and so... Would she like 12 or something? Yes, close. Really? She's like 15.

Well, then good. She's, like 17 or 18. But it's like the character, though, right? Isn't the character like supposed to be like 15? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if she's supposed to be 15. Anyway, she like is like, oh, James Bond.

And he's like, yes, yes. I can't do anything with you, but I will have someone much younger than you chronologically. Chronologically. Chronogically. I'm so tired. Welcome to the podcast, you guys. Oh, here's one thing. When they were making their sex tape, I didn't, I thought that it was a setup from I Tanya to make the sex tape.

I didn't know that she didn't know about it either. Yeah. Yeah. She was innocent throughout the whole thing. Was that their move, though? Did they plan on getting them into the honeymoon suite? I'm only looking at Kevin because I'm wondering if I asked this question before. You did ask the question before.

And it was about like how the manager reacted. Like he seemed surprised, but if that was part of the plan, then why was he surprised? He played it. Did we really talk about that? Oh, man. So how did we end it? You guys prayed for each other and just future success in the podcast and your lives. I think that's how you guys ended it.

I don't know if I made it to the end, actually. I don't think we should do this podcast anymore. What? What do you mean? I feel like we've done it. No, come on. There's a new thing. We didn't have Kevin before.

This is crazy. I'm new. He's a time travel. Do you mean this episode or the podcast? Because I did not come in here to make the argument for you guys to stop the bar. First of all, you came in here and gave me a lot of hope. I was like, wow, these Patreon episodes would be a lot of fun. I'd love to talk about Star Wars.

You will. And then you were just like, no, Matt, your brain works the same. way it has for the last five years. That's okay. That's consistency of character and integrity. Yeah. Mine works the same way, too. I just remember what I think I said and I don't. I just, I say the same things, but before every time I do it, I say, I think I said this last time, but. Oh, do you know what the huge difference is in this episode and other episodes that we've done?

Is that I do not have my notes. Where are your notes? They're in my phone, which is in my car. Oh. We've ruined everything. Yeah. I used to take copious notes for the podcast I do, and then... And then you stop.

I stopped because I felt like it was easier to... You know what the notes my notes are? My notes are all of the notes from the first time we did it. So that I know what not to talk about. I want to try it with no notes. I've taken notes every time, but they are getting less and less because I just want to enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah.

Again, it's like a from Russia with Love group hang. For instance, here's something you guys didn't talk about the first episode. Okay. First movie, I think you don't talk about it. First movie scored by John Barry. That's interesting. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

That's right. Wait, why is that interesting? Because he's like the Bond composer. Like Giocchino when he did Incredibles. Actually, I think Barry was going to compose Incredibles. Then he died. Then Giocino stepped in. So he did it like, awes and homage to it.

Barry's stuff, so there's so much bond DNA if you listen to The Incredible soundtrack. Yeah, no doubt. I hope the Incredit Coaster has some of that score. Incredit Coaster. Is that a new ride coming? You know how they turn Paradise Pier into Pixar Pier over at Disney's California Adventure opening this summer? I did not know that.

Do you guys go to Disneyland a lot? I haven't been over here. I don't. I used to work there, so I've seen enough. What were you? Were you goofy? I did a bunch of shows. You're thinking of Scott, Ackerman.

Oh, that's right. He was goofy. Yeah, that's right. Amanda was a princess. Really? Yeah. Oh. Which one? Cinderella, Mary Poppins, and Sleeping Beauty.

Mulan. Yeah. The frog princess. The princess and the frog princess. Uh, whose name is Tatiana? I don't know. From Russia with love. Let's wrap this up.

What's the end of this movie? You know, this movie ends four times. It does. There's the train. Train fight, you're done. You think, okay. Boat. Oh, plane.

Yeah, no. Train fight, we're great. A helicopter situation, you're like, oh, boy, how's it getting out of this one? I don't like the edit where his hat has fallen off. I noticed that today. I just like, did the explosion blow his hat off? Well, let us see that. I don't like James Bond with a hat, if I'm being honest.

Yeah, I'm the same. You know, originally, he was a big hat guy, you know? Yeah. But barely, because... Big hat. He likes to take it off and throw it on money. Ten-gallon hat, James' book. It's funny.

He's a member of Big Hat. Him and Amy Sherman Palladena. Okay, so then it's the boat scene. The boat scene where they lit people on fire. By the way, those stuff men that are, like, diving in... Are on fire. They are on. It's crazy.

They are. And they're just like, they're diving into burning oil. Yeah. It's insane. Yeah. Good job, James. You know what? And then it ends, which I like, it ends with a smaller scene in the hotel.

Yeah. Where Francis McDormand tries to kill him. Yeah. And then you find out I, Tanya, really? Because I was waiting for the turn the whole time. You thought she was going to betray him? Oh, the whole time. Seriously.

Yeah, I think, well, maybe because of Casino Royale and how that played out. I was like, oh. Like, it's got to happen. Yeah. Oh, I don't mean to tangent. But have you guys watched Babylon Berlin? No. On Netflix.

Yes. It's German series. It's so good. And I don't want to say anything, but there is a moment in this show that is so casino royale. You'll know it when you see it. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

But that show is so good. I hope I watched this movie and there's just one scene. TV show, right? Texas Hold'em. He's right. This is Jeff. It was right there. You'll know exactly what it is.

And if you're watching and you're like, did I see it? You haven't seen it. Does Mads Mikkelson whip someone in the nuts in this TV? It's a, it's a machete in a stairwell. That show is really good. You guys never, it's, it's, and don't watch it with the dubbing. Put the subtitles.

Yeah, you gotta get those subtees. You want to hear their actor. It's so good. Matt's literally yawning off mic at the sky Off mic I like it you pulled the mic away You didn't even make it sound That's a podcast pro Well I mean I didn't want to yawn

Again a combined probably 2,000 hours of podcasting in the room That's right I mean we're tired men We've podcasted for our whole lives basically For our whole lives How many years podcasting? We've done this for 10,000 hours How many years have you guys podcasted now?

I started my first one in 2014 so I'm the youngest four years yeah Matt uh 2008 10 years 10 years and I'm at 12 so we got 30 30 26 hour 26 years of podcast wow wow that's and that's not accounting I mean no it's good yeah it's good and this will be one of the historical artifacts do you ever think about what happens to these when we're all dead? I've thought about they disappear. Do you think? They're finding them. Oh, really? Finding them.

Oh, I thought about the idea of like if my wife and I are ever lucky enough to actually conceive a child, the fact that that child will hear or could, if they wanted to, if they chose to, go back and listen to his or her mother and I going through years of trying to have this child. Yeah. It's crazy to me. That's cool.

That's crazy. Because it's not like you, it's not like you spending hours saying, I hope we don't have a child, I don't want it. It's like you wanting that. Well, there's also like periods of time we're like,

should we just get another dog? Like that happens too. And the dog will listen to the podcast. And he's like, why? No, I think that's great. And I think about that. Every time I podcast or guests

on someone's podcast, I think, what will my children think of this episode and what I said on it. Specifically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So Jeremiah, don't forget to wash your hair. Jeremiah. Yep. Jasper? Jasper, Jeremiah. Go to bed. Jevedite. A little tiger Tanakam Irish or freer.

Make your fucking bed. Jasper. Jasper? I ain't going to tell you again. Take a bath. I love how we all became southern in our old age. Jasper. Do we rate the movies?

So you do. You get a sandwich. A full sandwich. sandwich. That's all right. We rate from zero, zero to 007 being best. Oh, so it's like zero, it's a one, two, three, four, seven. But if you need some point fives, you can have them. Okay, I appreciate that, thank you.

Maybe a point two five. I mean, we haven't anybody, we hadn't anybody go more than a point five. So if I was like, if I said, I'm going to give it the boramere, you guys know what that means. Okay, cool. Or pie. Or pie. Or a Fibonacci. Yeah. Wait, the Boromere, like from Lord of the Rings?

Yeah, but doesn't he play 006? You're giving it to Sean Beam. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that Sean Bean? You're right.

Lord of the Rings. I don't know. You hate it? That's exactly right. Yeah. Is that? The 006 is a Boromir. Okay.

Gotcha. That's great. I'll give it a Boramere. Because I like the Hitchcockian slow burn and the linearity. I thought you had said a boring year. No. And I was very confused. But then I, when you said Lord of the Rings, my brain Rolodex, 006, I was like, oh, it's Sean Bean.

Mm-hmm. Anyway. Yeah. Which one have you guys seen the least? Seen the least. The James Bond movie. Oh, which movie have we seen the least? Yeah, because you've probably seen them all.

The world is not enough. Okay. Yeah. You've seen Die another day more than Lord. Right now, right now it's Specter. Right now it's Specker. for me. Wow. Oh, I wonder if it might be for me too. Yeah, you may be right. But, but I'd still sooner watch Spector over the world is not. The author of all your opinion. Welcome, James.

Hello, James. Here's a glass of milk. Yes, Matt. Oh, boy. Okay. All right. What are you giving it, Matt? Oh. Seven. That's our first double seven. What just happened? Double seven. Wow. How's it feel? It feels like it was a long time coming. It was bound to happen. And if we watched this or Casino Royale at some point, it was going to happen. And quite frankly, I'm delighted to issue our first 007 rating to a movie. I'm going 006.5.

Whoa. Wow. That's the highest ranking. But this has got to be the highest rated one yet. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Because what order are you doing the movies in now? Rando.

We pick them. We pick them. We pick them. Yeah. Great. In fact, you're here for right now when Matt gets to choose the next one. Oh, that's right. I can't wait.

Do you want to try to influence him at all? Yeah, do Moonraker. It's already been done. Okay. We just did it. Do die another day. We've done it. We just did it.

I think I'll die another day. Although, which is worse? That or... The red ends on the wall. Hard to say. Hard to say. But because of the reframe bridge where Madonna says Sigmund Freud, it cannot be unseated.

You have to work really hard to unseat that. I karaokeed Skyfall last week, and I didn't know that that was a karaoke song that I can do. Yeah. Because I have a limited range of karaoke songs, and that one just... You can hit that note? For some reason, I can't, although I can't do the bridge very well. It's just somehow in my key, I have a weird singing key, so like high songs that seem high and impressive, I can do, but I can't do normal songs.

I think the bridge melody is weird, too. Whereas the chorus and verse of Skyfall, the bridge is like, it's like, it's almost nothing. Yeah. I have been looking at Moscow time this whole time, not realizing how long we've been doing this podcast. Real quick, though, did you guys cover the San Francisco? Smith continually stepping in it after he won the Oscar for Riding's on the Wall, which I can't

believe he did it. What do you mean? So he wins for writings on the wall somehow that year. And he says, oh, it's an honor. He does an interview later, like, is the first gay man to win an Oscar. He's not the first gay man to win an Oscar. Is he saying that he is? Yeah. So he said he was. Does he mean like song singer? No, he. He thought he was just the first game. What? And he said, Kevin Spacey.

Yeah, well, now. And then Ian McKellen, he said, oh, because Ian McKellen told me I was. And then he was like, oh, whoops, my bad. Oh, because it was Ashman or Manchin, whichever one died of AIDS from that duo. And he said, well, I hope he's proud of me too. And then someone had to tell him that he was dead. So he said, like, oh, well, I'm sure he's great and we can talk about it. sometimes.

So it's just like Cotillo like just like slipping on six banana peels getting off stage. Is that all? That's all in one press interview?

No, this is over the course of like a week. I was hoping that was unfolding just one after the other week. Maybe a while. But he made the claim

the night of and then that transpired. Yeah, he's, he did it. Writing's on the wall for his career. Now we're talking.

Now we're talking. Matt, we have a treat coming up. Holy shit. We have a fun adventure to go on together. Is this the next format? This is going to be the next movie. Okay. Two weeks.

We're going to watch two weeks from this evening. Wow. Lead us, you know, delicately into us. Gives a little... Well, you know, I thought about this a little bit while we were talking about directors over the course of our time together. last week's episode. And we hit one.

And when we talked about this movie, we both decided that, you know, we should watch it again. And, boy, if that, if that,

uh, writer strike hadn't happened, what would that movie be? Wait a minute. You can't do this because we're, we promised we would do back to back to back. Guys, and the movie is actually going to be the one,

Matt has seen the, least. Spector? The world is not enough. Have we done it? Oh. Yeah, we've done it. When did we do it?

I picked it like right away to get it out of the way. This is an honor to be here for the process. This is like literally, this is literally me dancing around not wanting to do Thunderball, but feeling like we should do Thunderball. Wait, you were going to do quantum solas? Oh yeah, we can't do that. Yeah, we can't do it because you said we watch a casino. I mean, just thinking, I don't want to tell you to pick, but we haven't, we got a lot

of more is left. Is it weird that I saved them? Like they're delicious desserts. No, I understand that. Like they're delicious dessert? He's your number one? No, I just like... They're the easiest to watch because they're just like...

They're just like junk food, fun, goofy. They're the Doritos of James Bond movies. Yeah, but the crunchy ones, not the Lady Doritos. Yeah, yeah. Speaking of the Lady Doritos. Have we seen the property of a lady? No. go around.

No, we haven't. Ladies and gentlemen, that means that the next film you'll be watching along with us is Octopus. That's exciting. And we have a guest who really wants to be on this who does not live here, but said that they would fly down to do it. Now, I don't want to say who it is in case they, for some reason, can't, and I don't want to hold them to them because that's Merrill Street.

She doesn't fly. She's right over it. No, but she literally flies. like a crow. Yeah, what are you talking about? But I will contact this person and see if they are still interested. Well, there you go, everybody. That's quite a tease.

Octopussy. Octopussy. Octopussy. Octopussy. Kevin, you could get away with it. Kevin, where can people find you? Oh, at Kevin T. Porter on all platforms. It was a joy to have you.

I hope you'll come back and do. If you could do an in-between episode, any topic, what would you do? Oh, I mean, we could talk about scores. and stuff, if you guys want to get that granular. You guys already did songs. We get real granular. It's not going to be a problem. No, I'm sure we'd come out with a fun format.

We've talked about rating which suit was the best. Best cinematographers. How about the best second line of a James Bond movie? Not the first line, but then what's the best second line? Or the best closing scene, perhaps? Oh, we haven't done that. That is actually good because those are kind of downbeats anyway. And if you give me enough heads up, I'll watch them all before coming back.

But how many are just him doing a pun with a lady in bed? That's the beauty of it. You're going to find out. That's a great topic. We have to remember that. I think that's the one. We'll bring you back for that one. And you don't even have to watch the whole movie.

You could just watch. Fast forward 25 times. Yeah, I'm sure it's available on YouTube. Yeah. Sure. Some sort of mega hit of all the last scenes. I think I already know the best one. I know the worst one

Yeah And we'll see if it's the same Yeah that's a great That's a great idea Kevin you're a joy Always a pleasure Podcast Thank you gentlemen

It was a pleasure I listened to this show Well before you guys asked me to be on So it's my pleasure to do You had to figure out I listened to the show Well before you guys did it Again

Proof Kevin is a time traveler You're trying to be Yeah Struggling You heard this episode before it even happens. You said that on the last episode, too.

Good night, everybody. James Bonding will return. Yeah. Hey, this is Arnie Neckhamp from the Improft Fantasy podcast. Hello from the Magic Tavern. I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical land of food,

and I started a podcast. Season three has just begun with a brand new adventure to defeat the Dark Lord. If you're a new listener or you've fallen behind season three is a great jumping on point and we've got great guests

like Justin McElroy. I sound like a fancy college professor. Fake nuts. Rachel Bloom. You all see my collection of men, corpses, and one woman. Felicia Day and Colton Dunn. You've seen me have intercourse

with a variety of species. It's a bummer. Andy Daly. You have the members of Genesis listed, but Phil Collins has crossed out and then circledly cross out again. Uh, yes. I have kids.

killed Phil Collins twice. Thomas Middle Ditch. Jesus, I mean, Jazzos, ruler of the eighth circle. And that's just the beginning. Season three of a Loaf from the Magic Tavern is out now.

Listen in Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.