James Bonding - James Bond By The Numbers with FiveThirtyEight's Walt Hickey

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

FiveThirtyEight's Walt Hickey drops by with more James Bond numbers than you can possibly handle. Everything from villains to gadgets are ranked and discussed!More from Walt - https://fivethirtyeight.com/contributors/walt-hickey/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Have you ever seen a movie so bad you couldn't believe it was actually created? Paul Shear, June, Diane, Raphael, and Jason Manzukas have seen a few, and they are talking about them on their Earwolf podcast. How did this get made? In each episode, they sit down with a celebrity guest and dive into a movie that's so bad, it's actually amazing. They are the best three people to talk about a bad movie with Matt. We've both done it. We've done it together. We've done it separately, I think, right? You've done it? Yes, but that's right. We also have done it separately. also did the Star Wars Holiday Special. Oh, that was a doozy. I did Batman and Robin. Oh, man,

we lucked out. If you want to hear three hilarious hosts, talk to a all right guest, like Matt or I, have we got a podcast for you? Or even better guests, like Abby Jacobson, Alana Glazer, Adam Scott, Scott Ackerman, Kamail Nanjiani, plus they have so many amazing guests coming up, you'll want to make sure you're subscribed. Listen and subscribe. to how did this get made on Apple Podcasts, Stitchers, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, we're not done advertising. This one's for us.

That's right. It's relevant. There is now James Bonding merchandise available at Podswag.com slash bond. Matt, tell them about these shirts. Oh, well, you know, longstanding debate on this podcast, Matt, has been, what is the craziest moment in the history of the James Bond franchise, with 25 movies to choose from. You and I have somehow managed to narrow it down.

to two particular moments. Yeah, that's right. These are moments that specifically and personally, what's the opposite of appealed to us? They gave us physical pain. That's right. For me, it's when Dr. Cananga inflates with the shark bullet into a balloon and floats up to the ceiling and pops. And for me, it's when a pigeon does a double take at a driving gondola. When you put it that way. Look, the point is, where do you stand. Your silence speaks volumes. You need to take a position on this. Are you hashtag Cananga Balloon or hashtag Pigeon Double Take? You can buy one of those two shirts. You could buy both shirts. Boy, that's a good point. You know what? Maybe you don't need to decide. But what you do need to decide is to buy at least

both of these. The artwork is done by the great Kyle Steed. They're beautiful looking shirts. They're available now at podswag.com slash bond. And if you look closely on one of the shirts, you just might find a hidden Michael G. Wilson. They're that good. Matt and, Matt and, Matt and, James Bonding podcast. Myra, Gourley, Gourley, Mallora. Well, this is James Bonding. My name's Matt Gawley.

My name's Matt Myra, and we have got a show for you. I'm particularly excited about this because we teased this into existence. We will be listening on the last episode, right? Yeah. It's kind of one of those podcast vision boards, you know? That's right. We ought to do this more often, you know? That's right, Pierce, Prasden, if you're out there when you're willing to visit.

I get a chill every time you do that because I'm afraid it could happen. I think it might. I've had two, since we last did the podcast, I've had two interactions with Michelle Yo. How did those go? Because now, we'll get to our guest in just a second, but just a state of the nation. You rode in an elevator with her because you're doing the after trek show. I'm doing the after trick show for CBS All Access, and I was at the premiere of Discovery, and I got in an elevator, and then Michelle Yo got in the elevator. And I have to say, I completely understand why she had eight-inch heels in those scenes.

She's tiny? She's a petite little lady. Oh. Well, I wanted to take her home and put her in her pocket. Put her in her pocket. Fold her into herself. And then put that back pocket in my pocket. But she was, she was.

she was so, I was like, I was genuinely somehow surprised by how tiny she was. Did you talk? Were you Starstruck? You couldn't? Did not talk in the elevator. And then my next interaction with her was via satellite from Toronto to New York. And I, you know,

asked her a couple questions. And then I did, I did not bring up James Bond, which I felt was probably reasonable because it was the premiere of Star Trek Discovery. But boy, if I ever get her on that set, I'll bet her off. Well, check out Matt Myra on. After Trek, CBS, All Access. Did I get that right?

You sure did. I got all of that right. All of it. It's ridiculous. One other thing before we get to our lovely guest, I think I've started embracing the fact-checking police on Twitter that will come at you after an episode of James Bonding, because I need to welcome this, because I am learning good things. Here are a couple of things that we need to know from past podcasts. Okay. It's not that we got them wrong. They're more omissions or misunderstandings. But the B on Bonds... I theorized. You did. Did you theorize that, though? You just said it was a brand, but you didn't say what it was specifically, or did you? No, I didn't. Okay. Was it barber? Who was it?

It's Willie Bagner. He has his own line of ski clothing. So what we're talking about is Roger Moore, both, I think, in Four Your Eyes Only, but specifically in view to a kill, has little B zippers. The letter B. Which naturally, Matt thought, were vanity. I mean, it made total sense. And I'm still willing to believe that they went, yeah, those are Willie Bogner's brand, but come on, we're using him because it stands for Bond.

Who knows? Willie Bogner was the guy that did all the camera work of the skiing and the skiing himself very often. And then also... Very good information, by the way. Thank you, listener. Tomorrow Never Dies was co-written by the guy who wrote Real Men Don't Eat Kiche.

Unbelievable. And we talked about that as well. And we somehow talked about real men don't eat Kish, and yet neglected to mention that this man co-wrote your least favorite James Bond. I didn't know it. It's just a small world. The other thing I'd like to say is the Toyota from You Only Live Twice, that I was saying was probably $180,000, recently sold for close to a million. Jesus. And then last but not least, this is the first episode after our big tomorrow.

Never Dies episode, which is the most divisive subject we ever have on this podcast. It is probably the most divisive subject we will ever have. And I think it remains that because I got a lot of support and caught a lot of hell as I did the last time. So it just goes to show you that you can't please everyone, but you don't have to. Yeah, some minds won't be changed. And that's okay because I still think the people that like this movie should like this movie.

Why wouldn't they? Yeah. Look, I love View to a Kill and objectively, Tomorrow Never Dies is a better film. but it's But is it more fun? Yeah, see, for me. Yeah. Anyway, that's our post-mortem, but...

What a weird prologue to an episode. We've never done that before. I love it. Our poor guest has been just sitting here silently. I know. I'm sorry, we just had business to cover, because when we get to our guest today, I want to dive into this headline

because this is very exciting. We have Walt Hickey from 538.com, which is one of my favorite sites for just web content, but also podcasting, politics, and he handles most every entertainment area there. Is that correct? Yeah, no, I'm their chief culture writer.

Thanks for having me on. How are you, Walt? I'm great. I'm in L.A., like you were talking earlier, about how this just kind of was willed, like the secret style into existence. With serendipity, like a week after you dropped that episode, I happened to be in L.A. on a reporting trip.

That's incredible. And he came by Pistostris R radio last night, too, and gave us a bunch of stats and stuff that we didn't even know existed. Yeah. Me and Neil Payne, the actual sports writer, the basketball writer for 538, crunched some of these numbers a few years back when the film came out.

And we ended up, I resuscitated it, found it, updated it with the past couple weeks of data, and yeah, I got some solid shrimps numbers for you. That's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. And so tonight,

now, our most popular episode thus far has been the cold open ranking episode. That's our fastest to the big number. Out of the gate, yes. But the other second, the other episode that's super popular was our ranking of the songs. That's right. So people love their ranking, and we're going to handle tons and tons of individual

ranking in future episodes. But tonight we're going to go through kind of like just a popery of rankings for different things that Walt has already done for 538. Yeah. So back in 2015, ahead of the release of Spector, me and, you know, frequent collaborator, Neil Payne, we're looking at the Bond movies. And we were just like, well, there's a whole bunch of characters that are consistent. through it. There's a whole bunch of people who have played these characters. It's a real legacy

role. And it's not only just a legacy role, but it's a legacy role surrounded by legacy rules, cues, Mumps, MoneyPennies. There's been a whole bunch of people who've taken the mantle of the villain in a Bond movie, the henchman to the Bond. It spawned a genre. And so what we wanted to do was we wanted to essentially take this vast history and all these different characters and all these different archetypes. And we just wanted to, you know, poll and see what was up. And so what we did was we're really fond of using sports analytics strategies to tackle things that are not sports. So now, would this be like advanced metrics or is this a separate sort of brand of number? So a little bit less than advanced metrics, right?

So in this one, we use something called maximum likelihood estimation. The last time I'm going to say those three words on the show. Yeah, the MLE? Yeah. So if you wanted to look like a highway I have to take to get somewhere. You take the MLE, but if you hit the A&E. but if you hit the 80 you've gone too far. Yeah, traffic's terrible on it.

So the idea is like if you looked at the National Basketball League and you wanted to figure out the probability that the Knicks would beat the Thunder, right? You could look at their history of games and you could look at their margins of victory and then you could look at that as a system and then you could say, well, given the different scores that we're going to give these guys

based on maximum likelihood estimation, we're going to say that there's a 32% chance that the Knicks win this. So you're able to kind of use... Oh, speaking of 538, I love your predictive NBA scores. Yeah. I love it, love it, love it. And here's a fun tip for everybody out there who may or may not enjoy Draft Kings.

You find the team with the highest probability that evening on your 538, and you stack that lineup with those players, and you're going to fucking place. You're going to get a little bit of your money back. So that's my draft Kings 538 tip. Don't you have to bet against other people in order to win that? Didn't you just give the secret away? I did. Yeah, I'm not going to play in a video game. But you know what?

It's okay. I have a quick question. There's a team called The Thunder? The Oklahoma City Thunder. Hmm. Where have you been? They recently accepted a trade in the Knicks. I'm wearing a Yankees hat that's left at the house.

Who's that? Okay. Long time New Yorker, first time Oklahoma City. Where's that? I think of him as a long time nugget, first time New Yorker. third time Oklahoma City. This is sports humor. It's so lost on that.

I'm lost in my own home. I love it. Wow. So Walter, I have a lot of questions for you in particular. What was your passion growing up? Was it numbers or was it entertainment? Entertainment, absolutely. Numbers I got into in college.

Incidentally, journalism was entirely incidental to that. Essentially, I was doing a math degree. And if you don't do something other than a math degree when doing a math degree, you go really insane. So I decided to write for the student newspaper to exercise both left and right. And that was around the time that Nate Silver was really doing great work at the times and was having a new platform. And I really just, I hit it at the right time. And so we do data journalism and the idea is that we do really cool, compelling storytelling, but we have, you know, numbers to back it up and ways of talking about things that other organizations don't necessarily think of doing. Your site combines the two things

that I am most interested in life that I know I actually couldn't do, and that's science and politics. I eat both of them up voraciously. Most all podcasts I listen to are either science or politics. And so I'm one of those things. You know how comics want to be musicians and musicians want to be comics? Yeah. I think podcasters want to be math geniuses and journalists.

At least this one does. You could be a city councilman, a thing. Oh, no. I don't want to be a politician. I want to be, like, journalists are my heroes. They truly are of, like, any profession. And I have such respect from, I was telling you last night, too, like, those 538 guys, Claire Malone specifically is the voice I listen to when I just think I want intelligent,

rational analysis of something. She's amazing. She's circumspective. Yeah. Yeah. We got a great crew. I really admire my coworkers. It's like one of my favorite parts.

So try to work with them as much as I can. I pull Neil aside to work on. things about James Bond sometimes. Okay, here we are. So, where should we start? Great question. So we, we tried to tear down the whole genre, right? We looked at the gadgets, we looked at the colleagues, we looked at the adversaries, we looked at the henchmen of the adversaries. Sure. We looked at the bonds, and I'm sure we'll get to this later, but certain components of the bonds. It's what we'll end with. Yeah. So wherever you guys have questions, really, like, we don't always have perfect answers, but we can tell you which the best watch is and that kind of thing.

Whoa. Just how did you get to those numbers exactly? Right. Yeah, let's talk about that first. So remember maximum likelihood, since we don't have wins and losses, right, per things in films. But basically it is we put it up to a crowdsource. Well, we do. James Bond has won 25 times.

He's 23 and 0. You could say, Honor Majesty's Secret Service was a break-even. Sure. And Skyfall was a bit peric, but either way. I know, and Casino Royale, those are, I mean, I'm joking about break-even. Their losses. He lost the women he loved. Oh, boy, Matt.

The end of the day I need to know is Le Schiff dead. Yes. Yes. All right. So the idea is we put them up for basically head-to-head matchups. The idea is we have this website that we built that lets us put things head-to-head and essentially inventory those thousands and thousands of responses to which do you prefer? I don't know, Dalton or more, right?

And people, like, if you ask enough people that question, you start to get a decent idea of how things are kind of perceived in the common sense. And even though it's an imperfect sample because you don't know who's coming to the play to do it, the notion is that by doing it enough, you can get a good idea. Every Oscar season, we have a contributor who does this to figure out the Oscars contenders and usually plopped pretty well to the race. The idea is you use the wisdom of the crowds and you get thousands of people on, thousands of individual matchups that you kind of lose that bias. That even if a guy really has it in for Tim Dalton, right, that'll get kind of drowned out in the ocean of response.

they can't vote more than once unless they create a new profile? No, they can vote more than once, but they cycle through it so often. Like, we got hundreds of, like, I was telling you earlier, I sent this on the email thread. I was looking at the Excel file that has the raw responses of all these people who contributed to the bond survey, right? It is the fifth largest Excel file on my computer,

a computer that is primarily based around the hosting of Excel files. Like, we have a solid number of people who participated in this particular exercise. I'm proud of this community. I'm proud of this community. This is like what we do when there's two or three of us. Yeah. But on a huge sample sale.

Over 70,000 votes participated in our various studies here. Wow. Okay. This is amazing. All right. So why don't we start with, I don't know, like a henchman? Maybe we should start with the henchmen? Hensmen are good.

So I guess one thing that we could kind of do here is I'd like to hear maybe your favorites and then see kind of where they fall on the list maybe. Okay. Yeah. We talked about this earlier because I know we'll do a henchman ranking thing. And, you know, a lot of the films have secondary henchmen's or double. Hinchman. There's some, like, Mayday's a hench person, but also becomes a good person in that sense.

You know, Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wims. Yeah. They are henchmen. They are considered, but they are they considered one henchman. No. They are independent contractors, as far as we're concerned, they die differently or at different times at the very least. Sure.

But they must suffer from a split vote at some point, right? You know what? I'll tell you what. They are right next to each other. So there were times that I'm sure that. As they should be in heaven. Oh, they're just up there right now. His arms are still on fire.

If there's a heaven, Mr. Winton, Mr. Kidd have their own little cloud. So delightful. Okay, so I guess this is an interesting way to go. Perhaps Matt, you and I should quickly put our heads together, and we'll do two things here. Matt and I will say our favorite henchman. Sure. And then I think we'll say what we think. think the favorite henchmen of 70,000 people is.

I will tell you that we asked about 57 different henches. Okay. So 57, you know, which that breaks down to about two per film, right? Two per film, yeah, a little over. Yeah. Wow. Now, let me just quickly say, should we say our favorite henchman? Because aren't we going to do a henchman episode?

Okay, then we should just predict. Maybe what do you think the crowd said? Yeah, we'll do it. Let's do our prediction. Family feud style. How about that? Okay, great. Survey says.

All right, so what, I feel like we're on the same. family were whispering to each other in those things. It's got to be odd job. I was going to say the same thing. I feel like everybody knows odd job and he's the, he's the bowler hat so iconic that I'm going to say. Jaws is the only. Jaws appears twice though.

Does that double? Yeah, do you get to vote twice for Jaws is as one man, one man, one solid man who has ours. Now you also got to figure people voting in this at 538 online skew a little younger than the classic bond. I disagree with that statement. I think people that go to 5308. 38 are cultured.

No doubt. No doubt. No doubt. No doubt. Okay, I'm with you. I'm just trying to talk through this. Okay. Let's say odd jobs first.

Jaws is second. Who would be your third? Oh, it's got to be Nicknack. You think? I think. Hold on. Are we missing some old Red Grant? No, I don't think we're missing Red Grant.

Is Red Grant a villain or a or a henchman? Red Grant. We would say Cleb would be the villain and Grant would be the hench. Let me find out. Red is a villain. Yes, I agree.

I agree with that statement. What is the role of the club? I mean, she's kind of the mastermind. She's the pull of a strings. She's like a blow felt. We'll talk about this later. Okay, obviously. All right.

So what are we going to say? Survey says Ajab, yeah. We're going to say A job. Ding, ding, ding. That's number one. So the way maximum likelihood works is that I can give you a number, which is the percentage of time they'd expect to win a matchup against an average adversary. A job's 97% of the time. So he is just running away with it.

Is it because he can crush a golf ball with his hand? That's most of it. Ha! Wait a minute. So let's play. Should we play? Let's play. Okay.

Oh, so wait. Family feud style. Family feud style, let's do top six. Let's see what you can get from the top six. It's got to be Jaws. You say Jaws? I think we're going to have trouble with this knick-knack thing. So let's say Jaws now so we don't get a strike.

Jaws is number two. You got it. Expected to be 96% of advertised. So again, they're both up there. This is the most fun I've ever had in my life. Are we saying if we are playing, if we're pitting jaws against Ajob, which was something you could do in the golden eye game. If we're pitting them against each other, what is the overall, what does that turn out to be? Are we saying that out of a hundred times of them battling each other, how many times does Aad Job win?

I think I can actually find that out. You're going to have to let me handle that at the end of the show potentially, just because I need to pull up another Excel file and plug some numbers in. Oh, my God. This is ridiculous. It's doable. You want to know what goddamn Excel file I need to pull up? The one where we simulated the actual events of Marvel's Avengers Civil War. Oh my God.

That's amazing. You have to. You should just live at 538. It's the best. This is ridiculous. Okay, so, Matt, we got to go with number three here. We can't get a strike. I have a question.

If Red Grant is not the henchman from Russia with Love, who is? Kleb. You're saying Kleb is? I'm saying Cleb. She has a foot. She's got the foot knife. All right. I'll pull up from Russia with Love real quick, just to

Okay, but while I'm doing that, you guys think about it. With love, I fly to you. My tongue-tied young pride. I should I send you the pen. I've got that. I got that. I got a very, very good condition vinyl of that. And I got to say, Matt Monroe sounds best, crackly.

That's, I believe it. Wait a minute. What do you do with Fiona Volpe? Is she a femme, Fatal, a bond girl, a hench person. Hensh person. Fiona. Hensh person.

Hensh person. Henshers. Uh, oh, must find. Um, okay, so who,

I feel like we're missing a big, this is the greatest day of my life. Yeah. And on Sunday, I got paid to talk about Star Trek. So, I don't know what that tells you. This is great.

This is great. Oh, okay. So we want to go, we want to bat full six, right? We don't want to try. Yeah. So we're going to try to not get a strike. So I think we're going to have to put ourselves in the minds of the 538 readers

and the minds of iconic James Bond villainry. What do you think about Nick Mack? I don't think he's number three. For me personally, he's in top six, though. So you don't need to get him in order. Oh, right? Oh, he's probably in there. And I'd say Mr. Winton, Mr. Kidd are in there.

Oh, I don't think they're in there. You don't think they're in there? You don't think so? You don't think so, man? I don't think so. May days? Do you think May days is there? there? Mayday could be in there.

She's got to be in there. There's no justice if she isn't. She's so iconic. Oh, Zinia on a top. You think they're going to go Fomka Janssen? Yeah. She's a hench person. Do we go Niknack first, then say Zemia? I don't want to get a strike. I'm a little worried about Niknack, but I'm willing to defer. Okay.

All right, let's do Niknick Nek. Oh, boy. Number six. Yeah. By the skin of our teeth. Okay. So we're looking for, we've got one, two, and six. You have got one, our job,

two, jaws, six, knick, man with golden gun. So is Onatop considered a hench person? Of course. Then it's got to be here. All right.

I'm going to say, when I'm now deferring to you, I'm saying Xenia on a top. Number five. You are forno. We'll play. All right, okay.

Big money, big money. All right, we got Mayday. You don't think Mr. Winner. Would you like a brief hint? Sure. Okay. Whoa.

Are we allowed to do this on the family feud? I don't know. Is it a hint or a guidance? You guys, from a film that you have mentioned of a henchman, a colleague of theirs is also in the top six. Oh, that just might confuse things so much. Wait a minute.

Okay, so let's talk about the people we've talked about. Odd job. Does A job have any colleagues that would be considered henchman? I do not. Oh, well, is Pussy Galore considered a henchman? Pussy galore is considered a henchman. Well, then, Matt, I think we're... I think we're going to have to say it's Putsi-G-G-Lore.

Now we've got to talk about our classification here, but that's another story. Okay, well, definitely Pussy-G-G-Lore. It's got to be Pussy-Gallor, right? Pousy-Gallor, yes. So now that makes me think there are other people in that vein. Secondary antagonists, right? Not the primary antagonist, working for somebody, right? Okay, so that's the core of an hinge.

You can't, like, you can't, I mean, think about it like this, right? We're so quick to say, Jaws, Jaws, but at the end of the, at the end of Jaws' arc, he is helping James Bond. That's true. Which is also what happens with Pussy Galore. So I'm... You can have a heel turn from a henchman and just you can have a face turn from a henchman. Hensmen are nuanced individuals with proud histories. If we've learned anything.

So you're looking for number four. Is that right? Yeah, we are looking for number four. Mayday is up there, but let's see if we're missing someone. So it ain't going to be Stringways is about the closest you can get to a henchman and doctor now. Yeah, no, it's not going to be stringways. No one likes stringways. So you've got... Is Kleb considered your hench person from

from Russia with love, probably, right? Okay, so then we go to Goldfinger. Or Kronstein. We already mentioned. Okay, we got that covered. Thunderball could be Domino? No. I guess it could.

Well, I'm just saying we're just naming. It could be Fiona Volpe or that weird lanky guy. Okay, since he's called weird lanky guy, he's not going to appear in the top six. Number seven, we're going. That's so true. We're jumping over to you only live twice. I just want to start clicking a pen so that you guys just guess Boris from Golden Eye? Oh, is that who we should be?

That is not. No, he's outside of the top ten. Okay. Yeah, you only live twice. You've got that kind of Japanese bruiser that beats up Bond in the boardroom or that corporate office. From you only live twice, we have Helga Brandt? Yeah, yeah. And, uh...

Oh, and they've got another red grant figure in there. I forget his name. Oh, right. Johnny come lately. I don't think it's going to be in them. Oh, there's Irma Bunt, too. Are there any other hench people in that movie? In Honor Magistice?

Thumper and Bam Bam. Oh, Bambi. Thumper and Bambi. Bambi, rather. Bam Bambi. Thumper and Bambi have to be listed. But they're listed. I do not believe that they do very well.

I have to say that I think that they are my guess for number 54. I put them around 18. No, they've got to be in the 50s. Okay, so, man, with the golden gun, you've got Nicknick, you've got... Wait, we didn't say May Day. No, that's who I think it is. Yeah, I think we're going to go to May Day. I'm trying to look for something that might knock her out of there.

I think it's... Because you've got Locke in... For your eyes only. You've got iconic Gobinda. What's his name? The Octopusy guy. Oh, yeah, it's not going to be him. Oh.

Gobinda is absolutely from Octopus, as is Magda. Magda, right. What about Yo-yo face? Not yo-yo-face. Saga. God, I just had it in my head.

I was thinking Roger Moore, and I was thinking live and let die. Oh, right. You got Teehee, you got Whisper, you've got Barren Samadie. It's full. Oh, see, I think those votes

might be split, but I'd put Teahy at the top, right? Would you put Teahe above May Day? I don't think I would. Okay. Are we comfortable with May Day? Hang on. Let me just jump forward in time.

I don't see any Brosons. There's the like grilled toothed guy. What's his name? In for your eyes only? Loke. Loke. Yeah. Eric Kweakler?

No, that's the other red grant guy. Yeah. Oh, but he could be, yeah. I think we're going to go May Day, right? Let's go with May Day. We're saying May Day. May Day? Yeah.

number seven just outside the box oh strike we got a strike number one okay all right come on you get two more let's you guys you guys are in the room you're in the ballpark yeah i think tih because you did say that mr wint mr kidder split so not one of them is going to be favored and we've only got one slot so we know it's not them can't be then okay that's just logic that's right it's science yes right i'm doing it could iconic one i mean thee who else have we got that we showed a photograph in addition to the name to the folks, so visually striking characters could be a win here. Yeah. I mean, he's very visually striking.

But so is barren samity. Well, you got two guesses. Oh, that's true. That makes me think that you're helping us along a little bit. Why would I help you? I'm paying out the game show money of zero dollars. Let's go, let's go Teahey. Oh, geez.

Nope, tee comes in at number nine. Just after Boris Kishenko. Close. There's also solitaire if pussy galore. Oh, that's an interesting. Is solitaire listed as a henchman? Solitaire. Let me pull this up.

Oh, damn it. Yes. No. Okay. That's interesting. We deferred to the categorization on the Bond Wikia when it came to primary and secondary. Oh, okay. All right.

I understand. We tried to export inevitable. Yeah, understood. Then should we go Baron Salmon? Yeah, I think it's Baron. Hey, you guys. Got it. All right.

So top five, odd job, jaws, pussy galore, barrensammity, Zini Anatoop, and then Niknak. I can't believe Zini Anatov is so high. Will you round out the top ten? So seven is Mayday? Yes. Seven is Mayday. Eight is Boris. Nine is Teehe.

And ten is Naomi from The Spy Who Loved Me. Oh. Wow. That's very high. Was that just because of the picture? Probably. Yeah. I mean, this is the internet that we're talking about.

Okay. And then Mr. Went to Mr. Kid right after that. Okay. All right. Well, good. I'm glad I got there, too. Where can people find this chart? We'll do more, but just so people can...

Certainly. So this was a piece written in 2015. It was titled, The Perfect Bond Movie. I won't say the rest of the title because it may betray other further rankings. Okay. But Perfect Bond movie is by Neil Paine and Walt Hickey on 538. Okay. So where should we go next?

Next. Well, I mean, we've done the Badi's assistance. Why not do MI6? See what the good guys got. Okay. This is exciting. Wait, so are we now including people like Tanaka, your... Oh, right, or is it just people at MI6, like QM?

I will tell you everyone on this list. Okay. And we asked about the performers portraying them as well. So M was asked about on four different actors. Right, okay. So let's just, I'm going to sort this so that we can make sure that we're not portraying anything with the order in which I read it. So we've got four Ms.

This is this going to start sounding like Wheel of Fortune rather than family fusion. So you got Bernard Lee. Bernard Lee, Judy Dench, Ray Fines, Robert Brown. No, what's his name? Robert Brown, sorry. No, Robert Brown. I was already thinking of this. View to a killer.

Okay. We got four money pennies. Samantha Bond. Yes. Caroline Bliss. Lois Maxwell. Naomi Harris. Correct.

We've got four cues. Ben Wislaw, Desmond Ewan, John Cleese and Peter Burton. Wow. From Never Say Never? I believe so. Yes. Again, this is all.

We deferred to the vast wisdom of the internet when it came to the wiki. And also, I will mention that this is all pre-spector, the film in which we based on. Wait, no, that's the doctor no cue. That guy. Yes. The guy that brings the gun. Yes. The guy that brings the wall for it.

Because the Bond wiki will not canonize. Never say never again. That's right. This is Eon Productions only. Well, should we start, who do you want to start with, Matt? Alphabetically. MQ. MQ Money, please.

Okay, yeah. Should we start with M? Sure. It's got to be Jame, duty, jench, right? You think so? You think Bernard Lee. You've got to be Bernard Lee. I think I think it's Judy Dench because I think she...

All right, talk me into before we say the answer out loud. She's done a long tenure, just like Bernard Lee. Yes, sure. She's more recent in people's memory. She's done a hell of a job. Sure. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Bernard. Yeah, we all do.

We all of them both. I mean, I'll tell you what I love all the ams. I think we know who's last. No offense to Robert Brown. Understood. But can we say that one first? Yeah, no, Robert Brown is bottom of the barrel. Oh, buddy, you did a great job.

I'm sorry that you lost out. Okay. Okay. This is a, this is, so, are you in agreement that probably Ray finds is probably third just by sure force of tenure. The fact that when this came out, he was in one movie. Right. Yeah.

So can we guess that as well? That doesn't hold up actually on this. He is in second place because the internet is fickle. The internet is fickle. Then it has to be Judy Dench first. All right. Dame Judy Jench, number one. Okay.

On the table on all of MI6. This is out of control. This is horseshit is what it is. Wait, so she wins by more than the money pennies, win at number one and the cues? Even the cues. She's outpacing. She's outpacing Desmond Llewellyn?

Academy Award winner, Desmond Llewellyn. For, chagy, chaggy, bag, back, back. For best reading. Okay, so it goes, Judy Dench, Bernard Lee. Fines Lee Brown. But they're basically tied Fines and Lee at this point. I think he's just he's got a sticky face. They're tied.

Wow. Again. I mean, he is M to me. He's the first. Yeah, he's the iconic one, right? Wow. When I picture M in my mind, my mind's eye, pictures Bernardly. Me too, although, I mean, you can't argue with Judy Dench.

Well, I mean, when you talk about someone who got to work with the greatest, most handsome of all bonds. Pierce Brousen? That's correct. Well, if only there were some numbers on. Imperial data. I mean, when you talk about that, she got so much Brosnan on her. We blew the M category. We got one right.

Yeah. Oh, wow. He did a terrible job. No, you got two. round on the bottom, it's the middle ones that get messy, and they're essentially tied, fellas. So you're, so let's money penny it now.

Money penny. So this is going to be a tough. Well, this worries me of going off the fact that Ray Fines was high like that more than you'd think, is it going to be... Is it a Naomi Harris situation? Because Lois Max, well,

I don't know, but people... I will tell you, this is a tight cluster on this. Like, they all come in middle... They're not too far off from each other. Well, then I'm going to tell you what I think the exact order is. Yeah. Based on that cluster.

Dalton's money money is not our official answer. I'm just discussing with my compatriot. Certainly. Here's my thought on this. It's going to go because of the cluster. I'm sorry, but I just have to put Lois Matwell first. I'm with you. I mean, just, it's the gentlemanly thing to do.

Lois, Samantha, Naomi. And then. Their name? Caroline Bliss? Caroline Bliss. Sir, she's got to be honest. The order I think it is. Sir, you have nailed it.

What? I'm going to interrupt. You just nailed it. You know what I love about Walt? We can just, like, posit these theories, and he'll take it if it's good, but leave it if it's bad. I love it. It's like, yeah, you know, you guys are, 10040. No, you nailed it.

That is exactly it. I would have gone, I would have gone Lewis Maxwell, Naomi Harris, Samantha. No, you got to think about the internet. He's really answering these things. But Lois Maxwell, no, unambiguously, top money-punny. Beautiful. Great. As it should be.

We miss your lowest. Q. Well, Desmond, Lowellant, got to. be number one. Absolutely. Yeah. Average contender, you'd be some 78% of the time. That's extremely strong. He's only behind Judy Dench. And so, like, absolute

top of a pack. Yes. So here's the... Considerable distance between him and his... The follow-ups. Let's talk about it. And the doctor-know guy's got to be last. Peter, what's his... Totally. Even though he hands... Rock bottom. From the whole category. Peter Rock bottom. Bond his most iconic gadget.

The Walther P.P. That's right. And so it's down to John Cleese and Ben Wishaw. Yeah. And to which the internet is full of Tumblr. and I feel like a lot of people on Tumblr enjoy a Ben Wischaw. Especially if it's in gift form. Yeah. And my,

so that's my instinct is to go with that. Even though I, my gut rating would be cleese. If you're going pure of fame, you're going to put a cleaes over. They are not super close, but they're not super far either. There's about a,

let's see, 15 point spread, which is not out of the ordinary bandy stretch, but. It's a decent spread. I think I'm with you, Ben Wishaw. Yeah. Oh, wait, but this was pre-spector.

So there'd been three, he'd only been in one film, but that wasn't a problem where Ray Fonzies. Well, he's also freshest in people's minds. Yeah. All right, I'll go with that. I think he's just an internet darling. He is. Our answer stands. Incorrect.

John Clee's number two. Damn. He's also number three in the whole category of MI6 employees. Again, your instincts are right, but again, this is right pre-spector. Yeah. Okay. So, all right. So we've got the bonds.

The Bond friends, and we've got the henchies. What do you want to do next? The henchies. That's what our listeners should be called. The henchies. Or if we do awards, are you going to the henchies? You're going to check your Menchies for the henchies and then see what the chum...

We should have. We should host it at Menchies, the frozen yogurt place. What are our options again? So here's a fun one. Let's take a look at the films. Great. So we asked people, we had a list and basically just kind of said, like, hey, here's what Bond accomplishes in the film.

So, for instance, in the film Golden Eye, not to spoil the film Golden Eye, but James Bond saves the world by preventing a satellite that would have been used as a weapon and creating a global economic crash. The EMP, right? Is that what they're going to do?

Okay. Yeah, so we gave a brief description of what occurs in the film. You guys have seen all or most of the films I imagine? Most of them, yeah. So if you wanted, we could look at essentially I've never actually watched

to die or tomorrow never dies by the way oh this might explain sorry go ahead I'll tell you what tomorrow never dies middle of the pack the middle is the road that's what I've been saying all along that's the biggest sin of all you put it at the middle you put it at the bottom

that's the biggest sin of a bond movie I disagree you'd go all the way I cannot wait to talk about what's in the middle of this list okay I would love to know the two movies surrounding this is how we'll do Okay, so we're talking about... But this is not how good the movies are. This is how exciting the plot is?

I will tell you the exact question that we asked. Okay. We asked, what is James Bond's best achievement as a spy? And then we showed them two options. So I'll give you an example of the ones right in front of me. People had to pick either the spy who loved me or Quantum of Salas. So Spy Who Loved Me, we said, Bond stops a shipping tycoon...

Bond stops a shipping tycoon from bombing Moscow. and New York. That's the events of the film. Versus, Bond stops a plan to acquire all of Bolivia's water and install a dictator. So people had to pick which of those is the superior achievement. Phelis, which do you say? Spy who love me. Spi who love me. Yeah. So you click that. That gets added then to our list and then we'll be able to use this maximum one.

So are you bracketing or is it in your, when you're crunching the numbers? Would then the Spy Who Love Me's plot move into another phase where it was facing off against another. Or you randomizing them? No, essentially we're looking at it as a steady state system. The idea is that we're looking at all of it at once, and we're looking at all the Ws and all the L's and who beat who, and we're optimizing that to figure the optimal ranking and the optimal scoring system for each of these things

based on their most recent history of these 10,000ths of votes. Okay, so somehow preventing World War III in Tomorrow Never Dies is the middle of the pack for achievements. Hey, he's busy, okay? He does a lot of stuff. I understand. Okay, so here's what I think would be a very, fun situation for us, Matt. You and I have to pick the bread of the tomorrow and every

dies sandwich. Yeah, okay. Let me just clarify something. Do you think people were voting for like, ooh, I'm impressed by what Bond pulled off or this is one I enjoyed more in terms of plot? We ask what he pulled off. We asked which is his better achievement as a spy? Okay. You follow? Yeah. Like, you are Bond's manager, you are M? Best job done. It's his year-end report saying, hey, fella, last year you stopped the world from nuclear apocalypse. Let's look in context, see how you grew up like that. In that case, I think Tomorrow Never Dies should be higher. I'm surprised.

Obviously, it should be. But I really feel like, you know, the Internet votes with its heart. So let's run down these films really quickly. And Dr. No, he stops Dr. No from tinkering with missiles. From tinkering with gyros, yeah, gyroscopes. But I think to upset the space program. Well, so I can tell you exactly. what we mentioned if you'd like.

Please. So let me pull up Dr. Noe. I'm just going to pull up these files real quick. Yeah, I get it. You got a lot of files. Millions. Anyway, so Dr. Noe, the plot is Bond prevents a villain from disrupting a space launch at Cape Cranavril with an atomic-powered radio beam.

See? I was right. Okay, run us down. So let's go through the rest. Sure thing. From Russia with Love's got to be such a minimal accomplishment. From Russia with Love, Bond stops a plot to steal a cryptography device from the Soviets in order to sell it back to them.

But getting that cryptography device would be huge for the Cold War. I'm impressed. All right. All right. Goldfinger. Bond stops a rich gold smuggler from irradiating all the gold in Fort Knox

to make it worthless and him richer. Seems like a pretty menial accomplishment. Who was it that pointed out? Did we talk about this on the podcast? It's okay that the gold's irradiated because it just stays in Fort Knox anyway. It was me. I pointed that out.

Okay, yeah. It's fine. Sorry. So, uh, then we follow it with Thunderball, which Bond and a friend stop a man who stole two nuclear bombs from destroying Miami. Wait, is the friend Felix Lider or Domino? Okay. I love that you don't name him by name. The thing is we don't want to overcomplicate this. We're just like, hey, internet, we just like, here's a sentence saying, what's up? Bond and a gentleman confirmed bachelor. Because, hey, what if there was another film where they tried to destroy Miami, but he did it alone? All right, stopping a nuclear missile launch on Miami. That's a big one.

Pretty big. It's big, right? Okay. That's so far that's up there for me. All right. From Russia with love? Yeah. Oh, wait, no.

You only live twice? You only live twice? Bond rescues captured astronauts from a space hijacking and prevents nuclear war. You're going to notice a theme with nuclear war. Yeah, I know. Space hijacking. Prevents full-out thermonuclear war or just another missile or two. I believe that's the case.

I think that this is escalating in the film, but it's been a little while since I've seen it. On Her Majesty's Secret Service, Bond liberates a group of people being brainwashed to release bio-weapons around the world. Sounds more impressive than it actually was. Diamonds are forever. Bond breaks up a diamond smuggling ring and stops the illicit auction of a satellite that can destroy nukes. Okay.

Live and let die. So far that's the bottom for me. Yeah, that one is. All right, go ahead. Live and let die. Bond stops a dictator from giving way free heroin to increase addicts and demand. Oh, new bottom. The man with a golden gun, Bond kills an assassin.

Oh, no, wait, but there's also the Solex agitator in there. Doesn't matter. What's the main plot? What does he pull off in the movie? He kills and his ass. But he also stops the usage of the Solex agitator, whatever that is. I can't remember. I don't think it's ever clearly explained.

It seems to be a lot like the die another day sunbeam. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, go ahead. Okay. The spy who loved me, Bond stops a shipping cartoon. That's too. Kytunes.

Bond stops a shipping tycoon. from bombing Moscow and New York. I feel like you're coloring it by saying it's just a shipping tycoon. It's a Kytoon. Moonraker. Bond stops a plot to wipe out all human life on Earth with nerve gas and destroys a space station.

That's got to be number one so far. I mean, all human life. Yeah. And plus he wants it to be a master race too. You forget the stakes. You forget the stakes of Moonrager. Moonrager's a lot. So growing up I had one third of the Bond movies.

You got them in box sets. There were three, and I had one third of them. And it was Moonraker. diamonds are forever from Russia with love. And so it was just like weird ones that was how I learned about James Bond.

Yeah. For your eyes only, is that right? Yeah. Bond destroys a stolen piece of military tech and automated targeting attack communicator. The lecture. Octopus. Bond stops a plot to nuke a U.S. Air Force Base

in West Germany to prepare for a Soviet invasion. Seems big. But it's under Thunderball and you only live twice. Yeah. So far, yes. And Spy 11. Yeah. A view to kill, Bond stops a plan to detonate explosives

at the San Andreas's fault to destroy Silicon Valley. That's big because if it succeeds, if it succeeds, we wouldn't even be podcasting today. I know. We'd be on radio. Or we'd be podcasting on a Zorn pod. Or we'd have a serious radio show. Oh, I like it. James was Z bonding.

The Living Daylights. Bond interferes with a plan to embezzle Soviet funds to purchase drugs. Pretty low. Oh, that's the new lowest. It's pretty low, yeah. The drug ones aren't so big. The 80s, man. I know.

to kill, Bond destroys a drug refinery and kills a drug lor to avenge a friend's dead wife. Right. Yeah. That's down there, too. Felix. Golden Eye. Yeah. Bond stops the plan to digitally steal money from the Bank of England, erase financial records,

and destroy Britain's economy. I do not remember any of that stealing money digitally from it. We just watched that. It's okay. Tomorrow never dies. Bond, wait, am I spoiling? No. Sorry.

I've read about it. Bond prevents a war between Britain and China and prevents a cruise missile from being fired at Beijing. Okay. Solid work. That's crazy that that's middle of the road. I know. That's pretty big.

But it is a cruise mishel. Mishel. Kytu. The world is not enough. Bond stops an oil heiress from nuking Istanbul to increase the value of a pipeline. I forget that that's what this, like these are a lot of. So many financial plots. Yeah, like to destroy something to increase their own.

Have we wasted our lives loving these movies? Oh, yes. But I wouldn't do it any other way. Could they just buy business? Bitcoin and then like, yeah, financials. Oh, that's coming. That's coming. Die another day.

Bond stops a plan to use a solar satellite as a weapon to aid a North Korean invasion of South Korea. That one got messy. Yeah. Casino Royale? Bond bankrupts a terrorism financier by beating him at poker. Okay. Come on.

Which is like, that's been true to life shit, right? That's, yeah, okay. The true bottom. Quantum of Salas, Bond stops a plan to acquire all of Bolivia's water and install a dictator. and then Skyfall. Bond kills a former MI6 agent bent on destroying the organization. We did not ask about...

Fakes are pretty low there. Spector. So, because this came out in advance. What was the plot of Spector? Oh, who no one knows. No, I mean, like, was it for surveillance? Bond prevents surveillance? He prevents, yes, that's right.

So what was the one we chose with full-out thermonuclear warfare? Which one? Oh, Moonraker. No, Moonraker, right? Are you guys doing this? No, Moonwaker because the gas... Killing the world.

Killing the world. Killing the world. It's not that he wants to master race. He just wants beautiful people to populate. Yeah. Okay. So we're saying that's number one, but we have to figure out the bread

and the Tomorrow Never Does sandwich. I could tell you the bottom five and the top five to kind of even this out of it for you guys. Okay. Okay. So the top five are golden eye, gold finger, skyfall,

you only live twice, and Thunderball. That's the top five? That's the top five. I think people... The way you described Skyfall? Yeah. Does it not seem like

that should be the top five. And this is no fault of the process. I think some people vote for... Yes, with their hearts. I'm with you. I'm with you. Again. The closest in their rearview mirror.

Yeah. But I think the top of the list is less informative, but the bottom of the list nails it. Okay. The man with a golden gun. Yeah. Die another day. The world is not enough.

License to kill. And at rock bottom, the living daylights. All the drug ones. I'm surprised Quantum of Solis isn't in there. Quantum of the silence is six from the bottom. Okay. I will give you an extra freebie.

Okay. So you're wondering... You know what? I'm going to say like from Russia with love and for your eyes only are probably up around there because they're like important because they're getting a coding machine, but they're also kind of low stakes, at least action-wise. I don't know, Matt. What do you think? You know, I'm thinking about this right now.

And I'm just, I feel like the muddiness of nuclear war is playing heavily into this list. two of them were in the top. There was at least two nuclear war ones in the top five. Overall, there's about eight nuclear war stories. All that financial crime in the top, you know? That's the real scourge. Goldfinger was in the top five? It's like they're just voting their favorite bond.

It's a bunch of capitalists, you know? That's the real problem. I understand. Yeah. 538, huge capitalist audience. I'm telling you. It's a real skurch. Well, I mean, you guys are proven by the numbers of socialism doesn't work.

So I think... Hmm. Octopussy? I know there's a nuclear warhead involved. No, you're right. That's a good one. But it's one. It's one nuclear bomb.

Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Let's go octopusy. And then I think another part of the bread sandwich here. View to a kill? It's, I mean, if they're going for the gold finger. Lid Lid Lid Liddy is in the bottom?

I can read you an alphabetized list. Just tell me where Livenlet die. It's in the midst. It's in the middle. No. Nope. It's in the middle. It's in the middle.

have to say live and let die bottom then tomorrow never dies delicious meat and then you're you're closing it out with some rye i defer to you i think this one's almost too difficult to predict but i like the octopacy thing let's start with that okay octopuses correct okay octopsy is 12th tomorrow never dies 11th you're looking for the 10th yeah so it's got to be a little better than the tomorrow never dies plot as far as the difficulty is concerned also what's not recently in the river mirror of web page visitors. Has Thunderball been mentioned? Thunderball?

Thunderball is two nuclear warheads in Miami. Thunderball's number five. Okay, I'm just asking that. I'm just telling you, Matt, I'm sorry I raise my voice there, but it just got me going. It does involve bombing cities. Well, Dr. No, kind of. No, it doesn't involve bomb. Spy who love me?

Yes, Moscow. I'm going to go to Spy Who Love Me. Well, I... Shipping Tycoon. Yeah. Spy who love me. You got it. All right.

Yep. So your little sandwich that you got, you got some Spy Who Love Me on top. A little bit of Tomorrow Never Dies in the delicious, savory center. And then Octopus, bring it up the bottom. Can I just eat the bread? What is that mustard? I think I'll just have bread. All right, great.

What's next? Let's see. So we can start getting into villains and bonds. But we do have gadgets. Like gadgets, we have a ton of gadgets. We love gadgets. Now, let me ask what the question was. posed to the readers. Was it which

gadget would you most like to have? Or was it which gadget is most useful? Good question. I'm going to pull up that question. Oh no, by all means. I mean, he's finding all of this at an instant and it's incredible work. Also, he's doing it on a very small MacBook air. He's like our Q.

That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said about me. We asked what the best Bond gadget is, specifically prompting them. Welcome to Q Branch. You're in charge of equipping a secret agent going on a mission, better not mess this up. Which of these two items do you think would prove more helpful to our double O in the field?

And then we gave them an opportunity to be... Oh, that is worded so beautifully. The number one's got to be the Aston Martin. Well, I don't... Cars are not... Yep, gadgets. Exactly what I thought. Wow.

Cars are not gadgets. I can tell you what's the bottom of the list. Q branch, not our branch, come on. I can tell you what's at the bottom of the list. No. The bottom of this list has got to be a ski jacket that turns into...

an enclosure for preventing avalanche. I mean, I'm with you on that one, but that was incredibly useful for its very specific. Yes, I know, but that's not the question that was asked. I'm equipping a double O in the field. I'm like, do you need this ski jacket or this watch that has a saw on? Is Little Nelly or the little Octopusy Jet considered vehicles or not? I believe the submersible is in this, yes. Oh, the submersible's in that.

I'm numbering it now so that I can get you a solid ranking. to tell you exactly how wrong you are with the ski jacket thing. Because the ski jacket is ranked 19th out of like some 80. It is up there. It is top tier. Because it's super useful. Because it is extremely useful in context, am I right? Okay, 538.

I got some problems. Wait until you hear about some of the bottom ones, though. This could be part of it. I got to go do a Walter PPPK moment. That's beautiful. Why have we not thought of that before? I did last time. I'm going to say it every time you think of it.

Walter P. P.K? And you have to say, okay. Okay. All right, thank you. I can't believe. I forgot. Guys, you know how shopping can be a total pain in the butt.

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total control, friend, and you only pay for the clothes you keep. Plus, you have the option of receiving clothes once every one, two, or three months. That's right, because bomb fellow's on your side and they don't make money if you don't find something you want to keep. I tried this out. And I have to admit, I was a little skeptical. Who knows how to shop for me better than me? I actually like shopping. So, I worked with a stylist on Bomfell, and they sent me selections, and I thought, all right, maybe one of these things I'll keep, and the rest I'll send back.

I kept every single one. What? In fact, I wore the shirt yesterday, and here's what's more, in public. Unbelievable, Matt. I would say it was a resounding success. It really was, and I'm not joking. I love what they sent me, and it's super high quality, so it's worth checking. at the rate we're getting James Bond movies. You can't rely on Daniel Craig in those movies to tell you how to dress because they don't come out for two, three, four, five years at a time. So in the in-between time, you need something in the dry spells. And that's Bombfell. Best of all, we've negotiated with Bomfeld to get our listeners a special offer, $25 off your first purchase when you go to bombfell.com slash bond.

That's Bomfell, spelled B-O-M-B-F-E-L-L-L-com.com. Bond. It's like skyfall, except past tense, and instead of a sky, it's a bomb, which is harrowing, bombfell, open, and clothes. Come to my rainy estate, bomb fell. Matt and, Matt, and, Matt, and, James Bonding podcast. So let's go back to plots, because Matt's gone, and I don't want to discover new information without him. Certainly. When you're, when you're boiling down these plots to the essentials,

was there any discussion of secondary events that would, like the domino effect of these plots succeeding? See, I like that question. I think it actually goes a lot back to the previous episode that you guys did on cold opens, right? Yeah. So, like, a lot of the time, like, cold opens are their own separate story. A lot of times they're completely separate from the plot. And you can argue that if I were to make a list of what Bond achieves during each cold open, that there are movies that the cold open

obtains more and succeeds more than the film itself, right? Yeah. So I love that idea. I think a lot of it is like, did we want to break it down to the primary thrust of the film or individual achievements? And I think achievements of Spicraft is totally a thing that we can look at next.

So if you could just, I'm sorry to make you pick up the laptop one more time, but if you could read the Tomorrow Never Dies what you guys say that plot is one more time. Absolutely. It is to, now I understand, it's to prevent firing a cruise missile at Beijing. Correct? Tomorrow never dies, one moment. Tomorrow never dies.

Bond prevents a war between Britain and China and prevents a cruise missile from being fired at Beijing. Okay, so really, I think you would have done better for yourself in that description had you mentioned that the real, the real plot of that movie, the real villain plot of that movie, is to secure exclusive broadcast rights in China for 100 years. So I think had you described it as such, it would be much lower on the list. What did I miss? I should have brought up more of the neo-colonialism going on.

Well, I was saying that the reality of the Tomorrow and Ever Dies plot, which, you know, 538 described as preventing World War III. Yeah. But I'm saying what the real plot of that movie is, is so that a broadcast tycoon can get exclusive broadcast rights in China for 100 years. Yeah. Which when you really break that down to what the plot is of that movie, it should, that sandwich, the meat should fall right out of that sandwich. It does. It should fall right under the ground.

I would definitely be down to look into like the pessimist plot of the Bond movie, like, in which case, like Skyfall is like, Bond fails to save the life of an older woman, right? And, like, if you really wanted to come to, like, right now this is like the, okay, this is the cut and dry, what it might say on the end of your review. But, like, if the manager hated him, what would the bond plot be? The consequences. I could see that, yeah. That could be a fun thing for us to do on the podcast sometimes is to just sort of, we sort of

collateral damage. Not even collateral damage. I mean, like, we take a bond plot, but we essentially try to describe. Bond movies to each other in the simplest or weirdest thing. Yeah. Like when Bonn ruins a perfectly good

radio telescope in Cuba and distracts the American Marines from doing their job. Yes. Yeah, that's good. That kind of a thing would be very fun, I think. Yeah, okay, I'm liking that.

All right. All right. So, okay, we were talking gadgets before Matt left. I went back to plots because they didn't want you to miss anything and it turns out you missed something. So here we are.

There's a plug right underneath the... Lovely. Built in by Matt. He screwed that in himself. He went with a flathead on that panel instead of a Phillips said. That's interesting. Interesting choice. Is that an aesthetic choice?

Yeah, it's a slotted brass screw for aesthetic choices. It's interesting. It's echoed throughout the office. It's interesting, man. It ties the room to get it. It's the detail. Now, last time I was recording here, the floor was not done. And I have to update everybody on the progress of Matt's office.

Floor is beautiful. Thank you. It is outstanding. You really did a great job. Thank you. I appreciate that. You know, I don't love how he didn't pull the old floor out and you just put it on top, but otherwise I think it was great. I don't think there was anything under that floor.

I needed a sub floor. You think it was dirt? Well, this used to be a patio, so that was a deck. Oh, we discussed this. Yeah. Off air, we discussed this. All right. You know what?

It's beautiful. Thank you. Can I tell you the worst blonde gadget? Yes, that would probably be very helpful. A pager. Gadget? Wait. He's given a pager.

In which one? I can track that down exactly. Why can't I remember? Pager. Oh, isn't it a, it's an earlier one? It isn't, no, it was cool as shit at the time. Yeah. Like, pager, are you kidding me?

It's from Russia with Love. Like, so he's given a pager. Oh, well, he's got like a nice little, like a microphone with like the NFL sideline coach kind of thing is how he's communicating through the pager. But, yeah, no. Wow. Did not do well. So, some of this is anti-examination.

Like a Geiger counter, I'm sure was very, very cool at the time. Not a top bond gadget. A radio transmitter disguised as a rake, not top tier material. Where's the radioactive lint fall in there? Radioactive lint. Did that show up the lights? Find out what they're. The rake.

Oh, the rake is, yeah. Where's the radioactive lint? Lint doesn't make the list of gadgets. I'm sorry. Is that anything they actually use, or do they just show it? I don't think they use it. Yeah, so for instance, if in Q Branch, they demonstrate a flamethrower based on, like, that would not be included in this.

This is things used on missions. Yet the rake is, which is just outside to protect M's home. This is a very confusing list of 87 gadgets. This is, again, going off the list of the one provided by the lovely people add that. So again, maybe somebody just wanted to make James Bond.witia.com slash prosthetic nipple, but in this case, that's a gadget. It's on Her Majesty Secret Service, the radioactive lamp. Okay. I just needed to remember.

All right. But if we want to look at the top tier ones, right? Like, this is kind of what you'd expect. Well, I think it's got to be the watch that shoots lasers. Laser watch. Yeah. Yeah, it's the laser watch. It's the cutter slash detonator wrist watch.

Yeah. That's number one. The Omega C-master. By far. And the follow-up is also a watch. Is it the Moonraker wrist dart one? No, it's going to be the Rolex from Live and Let Die. It's the grappling hook one.

Oh, the Omega from GoldenEye. Wow. And oddly, the attache briefcase from Russia, there's just too many of these. We can't do this game shows that. But the attache briefcase from Russia with Love, which is outfitted with the whole shit. Or from Russia with Love or died? Yes, yeah. For Russia with Love, yeah.

Got it, sorry. The ballpoint pen grenade from Golden Eye, the clicking one. That's really great. Wrist dart gun, which I believe is a watch. Yeah, it is. Camera gun, X-ray shades. Another cutter detonator wrist watch, but less cool than the other one. The X-ray shades.

World is not enough. I haven't thought about in forever. The Bell Rocket Belt is up there. Oh, wow. Number 10. Is that the Jetpack? Thunderball? Yeah, okay.

And the miniature rebreather. Oh, that's a good. Yes, I was going to say that. That would be a highly equipped one that they then used in my favorite Bond sequel, the Phantom Menace. Hmm. That's my favorite Bond prequel. Wait. Is the crocodile submarine from Octopusian?

Yep. It doesn't hold up great. It is down here. I just saw it. Well, I mean, you don't got, you guys. I don't know where your double O's going on that mission. You can't send them with a crocodile submarine to like... At that point, it's an accessory, right?

Yeah, the crocodile submarine is 59 out of 77 gadgets. Wow. But, hey, for the 39% of the time it wins, that's a good gadget to have a hold. Sure. Okay. Wow, that's very... That was enjoyable. I'm glad the Omega Sea Master had the top two.

Should we do villains now? Got to do villains, Matt. Okay. All right. How do you guys want to do this? Well, first, I'd like you to tell us the criteria for villainry. They are top tier. I can list the villains if you'd like.

Sure. Great. Let me alphabetize this. And we should play this the same as the henchmen where we do family feud style. Yeah, I think that family feud style is the perfect way to play this. So I'm just going to pull this up, alphabetize it. So you do what you have to do, Walter. I'm going to take a quick conference with Matt over here.

Yeah, I'm listening. The way this is playing out with these Judy dentches and these Ray Fines. and he's Ben Wischoff. Sure, sure. I don't know what to think anymore for these villains. Dominic Green from Salas has got to be number one. I think that's horribly inaccurate. He's the world's most popular Bond fella.

You ready? Yeah. I'm going to read him off. You know, they were going to call Guantra of Solis Green. I know. These are the top tier villains. Alex Trevalian and Golden Eye.

Arias Christos and for your eyes only. Oric Goldfinger and Goldfinger. Brad Whitaker and the Living Daylight Dominic Green and Quantum of Salas. Dr. Kanaga in Live and Let Die. Dr. No. aforementioned film. Electric King, the world is not enough.

Elliot Carver, Tomorrow Never Dies. Amelia Largo, Thunderball. Ernest Stavro Blofeld. In Diamonds Are Forever, For Your Eyes Only, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, and you only live twice. He's in there four different times, but he kind of clusters, so we'll play that as it lays. Francisco Scaramanga in The Man with Golden Gun.

Franz Sanchez in Licensed to Kill. General Georgie Koskoff in The Living Daylights. General Madrano and the Quantum of Salas. Wait, so Brad Whitaker and Kostakov both get in there? Yeah, they're both considered top tier, at least by the wiki at the time. General Madrano from Quantum of Salas. General Orla from Octopus. I'm sorry from butchering these names.

No, no, I'm not laughing at that. I'm laughing at the moment. Gustav Graves die another day. Kamal Khan Octopusy. Karl Stromberg, the spy who loved me. Les Schiff, Casino Royale. Max Zorin, a view to kill. Mr. White, Casino Royale.

Raoul Silva, Skyfall. Rennar, the world is not enough. Rosa Kleb, from Russian. Russia with Love, Sir Hugo Drax, Moonraker, and Stephen Obano from Casino Royal. Wait, so you don't have Red Grant in there? Red Grant, let me pull up, because he might have been in the henchman, but I think I might have him as a different name in this. So you have a pseudonym by any chance?

No. Dr. Grant, would that be a thing that he's in here as? No, I don't think he had a doctorate. Well, it's either Blofeld or Goldfinger at number one. I have Donald Grant in from Russia with Love. For which kind of? And this is in a henchman. Oh, okay.

I can find that for you. He's ranked 13th. Okay. So a little bit out of the top four. It wouldn't have been there. So he is a henchman. Yeah, sorry. I go through...

Listen, I'm glad that we didn't know that then because we wouldn't have gotten... I know, you're right. We probably would have voted him. All right. So is Blofeld, does he get voted four separate times or just as a single villain? He gets voted four separate times.

I think it's like buckshot, buddy. The way that this kind of works is if Blowfeld would win the fight anyway, then it wouldn't necessarily impact a score. But again, you have a lot of standouts here. Are you saying, I'm going to go to your website, I'm going to see Goldfinger, and I'm going to see Dominic Green, and I'm going to select one of them? Yes, that is exactly the case. I can read you the copy as well. Of course.

Do you see how, like, I think of those... Manic he was with that axe fight? He was great. I mean, he's really hacking it, Bond there. I do like him as a villain. I think he's a great villain. The question that we asked was very simply, who's the best Bond villain ever? And then you had a matchup between the two of them.

So the thing that, this is really a question of where people come down on Blofeld, right? On one hand, most persistent, most common, like one of the most iconic. On the other hand, not the flashiest by any stretch of imagination. I have a huge, I have a huge, important question. Certainly. When Blofeld comes up, am I seeing Tully Savalus? Am I seeing Donald Pleasants? Am I seeing Charles Gray?

Which? Depends on the picture. I can tell you, do you want a Bloisfeld ordering? Yeah. From top to bottom? Low Felt? Yes, so could it potentially be that you're seeing Tully Savalus go up against Charles Gray? Yes.

Holy shit. Oh, my God. Diamonds are forever go up against Honor Majesty Secret Service. And I can tell you the ranking of that right now, unless you want to. This is unbelievable. Yeah, let's guess that. Well, I think Donald Pleasence beats Tally Savalas. Telly Savalas beats Charles Gray.

Yes. No. No? You think Telly Savas? I think is the weakest of Loefels. So I only have movies in front of me. I can pull up who's actually... No, no.

You just tell us the movie. Great. So, you, which was already... So I'm saying that I'm saying we're both agreeing that number one blowfeld No, you're saying Tally Savalas is number one. I'm saying Donald Pleasance is number one.

Oh, okay. We've got those switches. We're both agreeing Charles Gray's at the bottom. No, no, no, no. I'm actually not saying that. I'm saying Tales is the bottom. I agree with you, though, about... About Pleasence.

You're saying Telesavis at the bottom? Over Charles Gray? If we're just going with these three, do you have a thing you have to do right now? No, Mark McComville's just stopped by. Oh, Mark. Hey. Hey, guys.

Come on in. You should be. This is very bad time, Mark. We're making podcasts. Come on in. And sit on the bench. You, listeners of the show from Octopasty Strong. No, Mark McConville.

Mark, Walt has brought us a wealth of stats. Right now we're trying to guess which is the most popular Bond villain. Villain? Villain? Yeah. Villain. Do you think it's Dominic Green from Quantumosolus or General Medrano? Have you narrowed it down?

To those two. No. Well, those two. No. No, we're trying to figure out, first of all, which of the Blofelds are the most popular? We're both saying Donald Pleasance is first. Yes, saying Donald Pleasins just because, iconically, the look of Donald Pleasence, that's what you think of when you think of Blowfield. And you think Charles Gray second.

think that's crazy. Well, here's why I'm saying Charles Gray's second. I think Honor Majesty's Secret Service does not rate highly in these rankings. But I think seeing another bald Blofeld also one of an actor whom they might recognize. When he's never, when you're just looking at a picture of him in that movie, he's never dressed like Blofeld. Do you know what I mean? He does have a Neru jacket at one point, doesn't he? What about a Jonathan Price? Well, I mean, we all love an Elliot Carver who does. doesn't love an Elliot Carver. What about Sean Bean?

We all love an Alec Trevelyan. Walter, are you still figuring out the rankings of the Blofelds? I got it. Okay. So, of the four, there's four Blofelds listed, correct? Yes. Who's the fourth? The four years on your majesty secret service?

Diamonds are forever. For your eyes only, you only live twice. Oh, well, the four-year-eyer-eyes-only guys, for sure, number four. Mr. Bond. Yes. You just see the back of it. Okay. All by us, the United States, Delaceta,

third place. Four You guys, only's third place? Yeah. Then Charles Gray is number four. Charles Gray of the film Diamonds Are Forever? Number two. Ha! I was right!

Oh my God. My reality, I don't know what's real anymore. Listen to me. I think I know the Internet. Oh, my God. Is that putting Telly Savalas, a two? That is put... Tally Savalas has got to be four, yeah.

Why would he be number four? No, he's number one. Oh. Donald Pleasance is number four? Yeah, Donald Pleasins is number four. Well, my reality is over as well. My reality is gone. Who did this survey?

So, I will say this. There are two clusters, right? So you only live twice and fear your eyes only. They both just under 50%, right? Whereas diamonds are forever and on Her Majesty's Secret Service are essentially tied. Oh, my God. So can you read the ranking again? Sure.

Number one, Terry Savalas, basically tied with... Charles Gray. Wow. Then comes for your eyes only, and then comes Donald Pleasant. This is akin to the margin of error in the Trump, Hillary Clinton election. That was all predictable, and I'm with you guys at 538, that you made no errors. It was within the margin of error. As unlikely as it could be, this is somehow still more shocking.

It's a bit shocking, isn't it? And it's also more disheartening. Well, 538 also couldn't take into account Russian hacking. That's the thing. I do have IPs on this, though, and they were all coming from one place, the apartment of Charles Gray. Jeez, it was Boris hacking for the Russian. I'm invincible. All right, so, do you know how many times?

That's interesting. As a person who, like, wrote code to obtain this information and scrape the wikia site, do you know how many times I said that after I got data back from this project? I'm in Wittzibisivu. So, do you guys want to say? Do you guys want to, again, top six, family feud style? Top six villains. Mark, do you already look at the results because you can play with us?

I'll be useless in this game. Okay. But there's always a useless family member on Family Feud. That is true. That is true. Slow uncle along or something. Matt? Matt, let's play the feud.

Welcome, everybody. I think we should honestly let Mark answer one of these for the topstick Jess so Well you want to do a family fuse out where you pick one Then you pick one Oh yes

Right Yeah Hold on Okay Are you trying to find the music Not trying I am Oh

It's time to play the fuse From San Francisco Colorado A barker A miner, a child at a diner. It's the Zorans. Let's play the feud. All right, welcome everybody to which bond villain is the best.

We surveyed a crap load of Americans and got a ton of responses back to figure out who the top bond villains are. Okay, you're going to be daddy, I'll be mommy, and you'll be sunny boy. All right. So, Daddy, you're up first. All right. Honey, we've talked about this at home. I think you're right.

We're going to say Goldfinger. Gold finger. Ding, ding, ding. Oh, hop one on the board. Congratulations. Win's 87% of matches. All right, all right. Now we've got to go number two.

Hi, Mr. Dawson. How are you doing? Oh, don't. That's a lovely top, ma'am. Thank you. Watch it, Richard. I got it at Contempo Casuals. Gosh, I'm a huge.

Huge Bond fan have been for years. I'll say Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Is it on the board? I told you that was a bad move. I told you that was a bad move. You are the worst. I hope our son can do better.

You're going to cost us this minivan. I just want to say for the record, that's fucking crazy. And I'll see after the game. Dame. Deal. Little Sunny boy, how are you doing? I'm great. This suits from Contempo Formals.

That's from Chess King and you know it. I've made it for you out of the curtains. We're looking for the top six Bond villains? What do we got? Really, one on the board. Zinia on a top. No, she's the henchman. She's a henchman.

I can't believe I've birthed you. Well, who's the villain in that movie? Alec Trevelyan. I think it might be there. Alec Trevelyan. Number six. Yes. I agree.

Eat it, Mom. Is that any way to speak to the woman who birthed you, homeschooled you, and gave you away? I guess not. All right, honey, don't blow this like I did. All right, I think since Trevelyon's been listed, that leaves the door wide open for me to go ahead and pick. It's tough, huh? I think it might be Max Zorn. Oh, golly.

If you get this wrong, you're sleeping on the couch with me and junior. All right. I'm going to say Max Zoren. Max Zorin. What? Sorry, yeah. We have two strikes. Two strikes.

You got to play super conservatively. Maybe think of the one a movie was named after. Oh, okay. Well, you've already said Goldfinger. That means we've got Dr. No. Is she a villain? I don't think so, honey. The villain of Octopus in this data set is come on.

Come on. Okay, so let me see Dr. No. You've got, you only live twice, man. No. Okay. You just said that. You just said that. Live and let die. Oh, the man with a golden gun. It could be him or Dr. No. Yeah, Scaramunga Lesheef, Skyfall. Kwano, Solace head.

Cold and I. I'm going to go Francisco Scaramonga. Francisco Scaramonga? On the board, number four. Ah, nice call. Thank you. Nice hint. Christopher Lee. All right. It's up to our sunny boy. I think you should say Raoul Silva

What? I think you should say Raoul Silva I'm going to say Le Schiff I don't because I saw his face And it's clearly not him I honestly think that's a I honestly think of the value Richard Dawson

Thanks dad Just about died Well I'm going to say it Lechief That is a Max Zoran level guess I am sorry sir No that is three straight Yeah

Nope right below my Hey the guy's got a lot of good videos All right, we gotta hear this ding off. So run it down for us. It goes to the Jason Bourne family. Number one, our Goldfinger. Number two, Dr. No, of the eponymous film. Crazy.

Number three, Raul Silva, Skyfall. Number four, Francisco Scaramanga. Number five, Rosa Kleb from Russia with Love. Number six, Alex Travolian, golden eye. Run out the top ten there. Who's number seven? Dr. Kanaga, live and let die. Two consecutive blowfels.

Yep, sure. Emilio Largo from Thunderball and Brad Whitaker from the Living Daylights. I think those... Thunderball... What, Brad Whitaker for the living daylights? I think those Blofelds got split. So the Brad Whitaker's essentially tied with Gustav Graves from Die Another Day.

This may just be a recognition thing. Graves. Yeah. I think those millennials are voting for Brad Whitaker seeing him as Wade. I mean, it's like, how is Joe Don Baker in the top ten of anything? Even in the top ten Joe Don Baker's, how is he getting on that list? This is unbelievable. All right.

So it's on to James Bonds. It is on to James Bonds. Specifically, James Bonds, and then we do the special thing, or is this... Now, what we asked, the actual question that we asked, is... Let me find this, because this is a really good one. Okay, so the title of this post was, we must figure out the sexiest James Bond. And that was the only print. Oh, well.

So, this is not only every bond, this is every bond in every film. So, keep in mind. Holy shit. Early Roger Moore and late Roger Moore may have two different answers kind of thing. I know the first and the last. You know the first and the last. You do? Honestly, this is a bit many to actually... Oh, yeah. You're right. It's got to be fucking shirtless Craig. It's Casino Royale. Craig is number one. And view to a kill, Roger Moore has got to be number... So there are 23 or 24 entries for this?

Yes, there are 23 entries for this. Okay. This is going to be out of control more. Well, listen, I'll handle this because I like to handle this. How about this? You remind me of Bill James' wife when he was writing the baseball prospectus, and he added the category of handsomeness. I don't know who that is, and I don't know what sports are. Well, you just don't like numbers as much as I do.

So what do you say we played this game? We'll have the top 10 bonds, and you need to tell me how many Lassanbees, how many Daltons, how many Moors, how many Brazons, how many Crags, and how many Connaries, in the top 10. Good God. All right. Then I've got to say there's four Brosnan's in the top ten. Are you some kind of maniac? I think there will probably...

Have you? But he never had a bad look. That's true. He was handsome throughout, Mark. Thank you. I'll go for that. There's probably three Craigs in there. Where it's seven. So then we got to split the last two. I'd like to toss in a Laysenby. Well, you think Laysenby?

You think Lazyby cracks it? I don't think Lazyby cracks the top 10. Dr. No, Connery's at least got to be in there. I don't think so. What do you mean you don't think? I don't think he's going to... That's when he's looking the best. Work this way.

Who's not making it? Yeah. Well, most... Tim Dalton? I think there's not going to be some Roger Moore's a lot. I think there's two Tim Dalton's that don't make it. Two? I don't think he makes it in a year one.

I don't think Lazy &by's going to make it. His hair line have already started running away from him. I think it's... I'd say three Craigs, three Brosnan's, and honestly either three conneries or two conneries in a Dalton. Okay. That leaves you with one more. All right.

So here we go. That's nine. One Roger Moore, correct. Three? Okay, so we're saying three Craigs. You're saying three Craigs. You're saying he got it in each of his movies he was that handsome. Yeah.

You're saying three Brosnan's because you agree with me that he's the most handsome bond that's ever lived. Okay. So that's six. Yeah. All right. So now we're going to give, we have four spots left and you're going, two mores? No.

So you're going one more, two connery, one Laysenby? No. Okay. I'm going, three cranes, three Brasnons.

Oh, a Dalton. Three, two, two conneries, one Dalton, and I'll throw in one Roger Moore. So one Roger Moore,

three, three, Craigs, three, Brasnen, two conneries, and I, Roger Moore and a Dalton more.

Got it. Bakerstalton, got it. Yep. I'll put one cartoon in there. I'm going to say, here's what I'm going to say. And I'm going to be completely honest to everybody here. There's four Pierce Brosons in this top of time. There's three Daniel Craigs.

And there's one Connery, one more, and one Lays and B. Marky. Is there a way to go? chalk here where I can just say one of each and then what does that leave me? Five.

There's five men who play James Bond. No, there are six. That leaves you four to a player round. So I'll go... This is like when you bid one dollar. Yeah, I'm going six. One of each. I respect and disrespect this.

And then I'm going to just go, I'm going to say Craig gets an extra. So two Craigs total. Two Craigs, okay. And I'll go two Connerys total. Two Connerys. was that give me eight that gives you two more

I'm gonna well Lasonby just has the one right yeah so that's I don't need to go a second one because it doesn't exist and I have to give it I'll I'll do a Brosnan and I'll do a more

and I'm one Dalton one Laysenby and two of the rest smart okay and how would you like to pay for that let me figure out a way to score this so you guys talk a little bit amongst yourselves about sexiest of bonds all right Mark

which is your top film I I might ask for the sexiest bond. Oh, the casino royals for me. It's got to be when he comes out of that water and Casino Royale. That's the sexiest moment in film history. The water is as blue as his eyes and his trunks. I'd put that above

Honey Rider coming out of the water. Would you put that above Phoebe Kate's coming out of the water? Probably not. That did a lot to form me as a boy. I'll go with the long punch in octopusy. where Roger Moore really rears back, it just throws a real long fake punch.

Which one is that? What scene? Oh, he's in a bedroom, I think. Yeah. Yeah. He's in a bed. I just remember him really drawn back like a real,

just cartoonishly back. And then his arms became as long as Ronnie Cox when he's falling in Robocop. Real sexy. You know what? Having just done Robocop when I was there too, that is, I forget the special effect on that,

but I think that those are actually proportional arms. because if you look at Ronnie Cox's arms, he actually really has long arms. I don't buy that. I don't care how many fucking podcasts you do. I'm not buying that. Could you do some 538 numbers crunching

on Ronnie Cox's arms? Let me just email Nate with the important. So I figured out of a way to score this. What we've done is essentially, I counted up the number in the top 10 of each bond represented, and I then counted all yours up. And basically if there were like, let's say,

let's say that there were five lasin bees, and if you said four las and bees, then your score is four. If you said six laszabies, then your score is five. The idea is that you get every one that you hypothetically count it up. Let me just say that I didn't follow any of that, but I trust you completely. No, we get a point. Essentially, we get a point for each correct answer. And it's out of 10.

10 will be the maximum amount of points. Yes. So, do you want to go through them real quick? Yeah, I would like to know how many points I got. Sure. Matt, you said that there was... Wait, should you... Matt Mark.

Yes. Yes. Cool. So you're going to now list which bonds are in the top ten. Or are you going to list our scores? I will list your scores because showmanship. All right. So you're going to start with a third placer?

Oh, I see. All right. Start with third place. There's a tie. Tie for third. Oh, my God. If Mark fucking rolls into this podcast late and wins, you're going to be so angry.

I'm pretty sure that's going to happen. With five correct bonds. Matt and Mark. Oh. You are a winner. You got six. So let's go through. The top 10 bonds by sexiness.

Number 10, Pierce Brosnan, Golden Eye. Number nine, Sean Connery, Thunderball. Wait a minute. Just really quickly. I think GoldenEye Brosnan is a really sexy bond. I'm surprised that's low. He looks great in that movie. Well.

Better than Connery Thunderball. Would you say that as 10 or that's one? No, I said that was 10. That's 10. Because also, Connery Thunderball is peak wig because that's got to have some industrial strength underwater glue on it. Yeah, yeah.

And so it's really Lego heady. Peak tube. All right. Number eight, Daniel Craig, Quantum of Salas. Wow. Number seven, Sean Connery, you only live twice. Wow. It's the worst wig of the bunch.

I know, and that's puffy Connery. Number six. Sean Connery Diamonds are forever. What? Wait, wait, I never saw that coming in my life. This is the worst thing that ever happened. Sean Connery, Doctor Now. Okay, I'll buy that.

but I have a question. Did Sean Connery participate in this poll? Mr. Connery is not a sponsor of... Okay, all right. Number four. Excuse me, hi. Daniel Craig. Could you do me a favor and go on the website?

He's calling his assistant. What did you just say? What? Number four, Daniel Craig Casino Royal. Unbelievable. Number three, Sean Connery from Russia with Love. Number two, Daniel Craig Skyfall. Number one, the Highlander himself.

Sean Connery and Goldfiger. Okay, people are just voting... movies because also... This is out of control. I agree with Craig being in there on all three. But Skyfall, he is decidedly made to look less sexy because they're playing up the old thing. Yeah, but sometimes that's so fuckable.

That's true. That's true. That's what I say to myself every morning. Yeah. So in the end, there was one Brosnan, three Craigs, and six Connerys. Wow. No more is Laysenbees or Dalton.

No Laysenbees or Mores. Only one Brasen. How do you feel about that? I feel like no one's looking at beauty the way I am. which is a perfectly symmetrical male face. Do you know how I feel about it? Let's play the feud! This was earth-shattering news to me.

I have to know. Listen to that band. I think Pierce is that as sexiest in a little film I like to call The World's Not Enough. You know, particularly when he's in his linen suit and he pulls off the jacket to dive into the water after that submarine. You know? I think he looks best in the old night. Where is that one ranked?

Oh, and that... The world is not enough... World is not enough, Brosnan. 13 out of 23. What's... What are the least sexies? Mr. Alassanby, unfortunately, comes in anchoring the pack at number 203.

Even at 57 years old, Roger Moore from View to a Kill? Yep. Wow. Go, run me... Like, can you go one to 23? Like, one being the best in 23. Yeah, yeah.

Connery Goldfinger, Craig's Skyfall, Connery from Russia with love, Craig's Casino Royale, Connery Doctor No, Connery Diamonds, Connery You Only Live Twice, Craig Quantum, Connery Thunderball, Brosnan GoldenE, Brosnan, Tomorrow Never Dies, Brasnin' Another Day, Brosnan, and the world is not enough. His least sexy movie is the world is not enough. How did Diamonds or Ferrari is all? I think that's when he's more sexy. I mean, Mamma Mia did come out in America's cinema. Anyway, Bond movie. Roger Moore. I'm just going to rank him because he's all bunched up. For Your Eyes Only.

Golden Gun. Spy Who Love Me. Live and Let Die. A View to Kill. Moonraker and then Octopusy taking up the bottom. So you're telling me that Moon Raker... Moon Raker... Moon Raker...

than the entire work of Timothy Dalton. Moon Raker... Roger Moore... Is sexier? Is not... You're telling me that Vue to a Kill, Roger Moore is going to get it before Moonraker. Roger Moore. This is out of... Barely. It's a rounding error. Honestly, it's a

20.9 versus 20.1. So you're... That's super close. Man. That's just some dude... Well, and if we learned anything from Superman 3's plot, that fraction of a penny is going to pay off big. Yeah, to give you an example, Roger Moore and Octopozy versus Roger Moore

and For Your Eyes only is about the same difference between a Sean Connery and Thunderball and a Sean Connery and Dr. Dow. Wow. Okay. So how does the rest come down after the Moors? Dalton and Living Daylights, Dalton and License to Kill and Lassanby and on Her Majesty Secret Service.

That is short shrift for those boys. I'm sorry. Well, we did look at another metric for... And this is what we'll close this out. Do we need to bring up visual references for this or just go off our memories? Well, I do have them. Okay. Certainly do.

I'll pull them up. This is important. This is important work we're about to do here. Do you know about this, Matt? This is chests, correct? That's right. We're going to rank the chests of the James Bonds. So it's essentially the most important signature part of being a bond.

It's not having a car, it's not having a gun. Mark just visited his friend Matt, and he gets dragged into ranking the chests of James Bonds. No, this is why I can't. We're talking about six chests, 12 nipples, 13, if you're counting. Roger Moore. Yeah. And 43,000 hairs. Now, Walt,

yes. Can I ask you just something about this? Of course. It seems to me that, if anything that we've learned from these last few rounds, are we talking chess? Or are we just talking movie popular?

Well, I think if they're showing a picture of just the chest, then we have to assume. I wouldn't say just the chest. I would say the chest. Like, we picked out an emblematic picture. We picked a good one. This is hot or not.

for Bond chess? This is as hard as best as you get. Okay. Well, I have a question. Of course. Is Bond shirtless in every movie? Not every movie. Not every movie. No. So my question is for... Oh, I see. So this is not a ranking of every bond each time their chest. Not all Republicans are racist, but every racist is Republican. Understood. That's just a Bill Maher thing. I'm not endorsing it. I'm just saying. We endorse Bill Maher. on this podcast. We've already endorsed credit associates. We might as well.

When did the first bond film come out? 1962. And how great were cameras then? They were teasing. He was shooting on 35 mil. Okay, but now Dan Craig's getting shot on HD. Digital 4K, I mean. Is, like, what if the guy's got a Zit?

Maybe that counts against it. I would think it would help. I mean, he has practically a hairless chest. That's true. And Brosnan and Connery have got to be up. there for the hairiest. So you said practically, it is a hairless chest, which is what actually prompted this line of interrogation, because the bond of my youth had a minor pelt. Yeah. It was...

Who's your bond of your youth? I grew up with Brosnan. But he has a thatch. It's immense. Yeah. And so, like, little... I got to say, the one-third of Bond movies, but I also played a ton of Nightfire. That was the only video game I played for a movie. Wow, Nightfire, huh? A lot of my bond knowledge and love comes from a video game that... Not canonical, right? So, uh, the bond... of... Nightfire has a clease in it, right?

Yes, it does. Yeah, and Dench. They made some really good games for a spell there. Everything or nothing. Yeah, yeah. And then there was another one, I think, either before or after that,

but that was a solid spell games. Bloodstone. Bloodstone. I played that. But, no, Nightfire was, like, my introduction to, like, shooting, like, first-person shooters, because I was the generation after...

The world was not enough game, also, was very enjoyable. For N64. Hmm. They were... Somebody does get. get a short shift in this because Timothy Dalton is not shirtless

that often in his films. He's in license to kill he gets shirtless. He does, but we weren't able to get a great shot of him shirtless. Because he's getting out of the bed, right? Exactly. That's the shot that we have right here. There it is. So we can kind of walk through. Again, if you guys want to comment on what you're seeing

here, we can start off with all hands off. That's all we do. Connery. You only live twice, Connery, with a bad tube? That's right. And a little bit of a little bit of a A little bit of a gunt. But solid foliage. So this is his second to last Bond movie.

So he's got a slight bit of girth on him. It's not bad by any means. He looks good, but he's got a hairy chest. Though, much of it is relegated just to his pectoral muscles. I will say. If I woke up tomorrow with that body, I'd be okay. I think we all would. I think anybody would.

Yeah, I agree. We are not dissing. We'd trade up. Up next, we're going to do Mr. Lazenby. Oh, that's a terrible photograph. That's a terrible photograph. He's going to be affected poorly by this. Yeah, he's got sort of scoliotic posture.

He's basically hairless, right? He also looks mad at the beach. Is that just a behind-the-scenes shot? I think that's the best that we were able to get, yeah. Again, we really tried to make these fellows look good. We tried to stick to the cannon. We tried to find them at their bondiest, right? Okay.

And then we're going to move on over. Sure. Timothy Dalton, like getting up to this. Uh-huh. All right, I mean, so I gotta say, though, even though there's a pretty decent chest. And he's like, his bicep is being compressed a little, so he looks, he looks good, he's got a good physique.

I like it. He looks like he spilled something. Now. I think he did. Contrast that. The contents of his team. Oh, okay, what is this view to a kill or octopussy? What is this?

The exact frame. Let me look. Let me take a look? Yeah, of course. This is tough because That is octopusy Older Bond is a little more saggy But younger Bond is just brown and tanned

But not in the best way He looks like he's having a good time Whereas Dalton looks like I spilled my drink Whoops-e In that scene Dalton is like being disturbed Out of sleep and is playing Like a spiral

Whereas Roger Moore here is kind of like Anybody want to come in here And hop in this bed with me I will point out Hearless What? Hairless If we're

keeping track. Definitely. He's in a waterbed filled with Bollinger champagne, right? Oh, he just unscrews the thing at night, just takes a little swick, screws it back on. Brosnan. Oh, hello, Pierce. Brasnan has, now, he has incredibly hairy physique on the abdomen as well, though it does look so thick but trimmed. Yes. I think. It seems like, again, not shaved by any stress, but there's maintenance going on. They did a clipper with. the number three on it. Yeah. He also to me looks like proof of concept for bond fitness. Yes. Whereas the other

guys don't necessarily seem like they're spending a ton of time at the gym. Except Daniel Craig. No, we haven't gotten to him yet though. But all these other guys it's like, yeah, they're in decent shape, but this looks like, yeah, he's lifted a weight. I wouldn't describe him as lithe, whereas would describe Daniel Craig as lithe, right? I don't know. I think that this is an interesting, like, this is the Roershack test of bond chest.

right, when it comes to Pierce Brosnan. And then, of course, you have our newest friend, Dan Craig. Right. I mean, that is really... I think Harry Chests are often even a Rorschach test or a litmus test for most people. You either like them

or you don't. Sure. You know, yeah. Okay. This has got... All I can think about is how many carbs Daniel Craig didn't eat. I mean, I think that like he was worried about being in the water because he was worried about putting on salt

weight. Like, that's That's what's happening there. It's concerning almost. I think, you know, Pierce Brosnan, I bet, feels a lot like the Moss Man, he-man action figure. Just like, that's short, just sort of like, I bet it feels nice. You're right. All right, so we all should rank one to six on our own. We're ranking our chests?

Well, no, what we think they're going to be. Well, for instance, I got, oh, okay. So should we write them down with that help, Walt? Yeah, sure. I mean, I can also take it on here. I have a gigantic spreadsheet in front of me. He's got a day. It's huge.

All right. Do you guys need some time to think about it? I could go right away. Oh, Mark. Mark, he's got his chest criteria ready to go. I'd like to go in reverse chronological order. Whoa. Oh, you are just, you are just finding all the ways. I just think that's the, yeah.

I just think that those older photos look old, and I feel like there's nothing more antithetical to sexy than old. I see. So I'm going backwards. So just put me down for backwards order. So number one, Dan, number two, Pierce, number three, Timothy, number four, Roger, number five, George, number six, Sean. That's probably going to fail me with Connery in the end. Yeah, I get it.

I get it. But I'm going to do it. I'm going to go for it. And now, Walt, my question to you is the photos that we saw are the exact photos that were seen on 538? The exact ones. Well, not on 538. We don't have the software to run it on 538, so it was on an offsite thing. On the offsite.

on the offsite where the software is available. Of course. Was it cropped? Nope. The photo that you saw is the photo that folks were judging. So they saw a hunky face and all. They saw everything, yes. We did not limit it merely to chest.

That's what you're asking. Okay, for me, from first place to fur grace. Aren't those the same thing? Well, okay. Depends on your type. Number one, Daniel Craig. Yep. Number two, Pierce Brosnan.

Number three, Sean Connery. Number four, Dalton. Number five, more. Number six, Lays and B. Now, I'm going off these pictures, people, so you've got to check these pictures out. Okay. I like what you did there, man.

I appreciate that. I got a couple adjustments. Okay. All right. I understand. Okay. I really think that Daniel Craig is just, is just walking out of the water with this one.

All right? So I'm going to put him number one. Fair enough. I'm inclined to think that maybe the modern male or female who's work in this pole is not as into the hairy chest as we think they are. So I'm going to put Timothy Dalton at number two. I think that's a huge mistake. You're loading your top with skinny, just bald babies up there.

You've got to have some thatch representation up top. I just have to do it. You got a cluster some fluff. Here's where I'm going next. Cluster the fluff. Here's where I'm going next. Cluster the fluff. It's going to be...

Fluff, Closs. It's going to blow everybody's mind. Here's where I'm going next. Thatch, batch. Sean Connery. At number three. Strong. Yeah, I mean, I had them there.

Number four. Number four, Roger Moore. Well, that works for the rhyme. And I do appreciate that. Number five, Armin, Pierce. You're giving Pierce five jive? I'm giving him the five jive. I'm surprised.

Jukin and fiving. Because I think as Harry Chests go, that's a good hairy chag. It's a commitment thing, you know? I mean, it's done. If you're going to do it, do it. It's beautiful. It has a uniformity to it. I'm not saying my own personal ranking.

As we all know, it would be Pierce one. That's true. I might even give Pierce number one in this. Laysenby last. and who were we left with our man, Roger Moore. That was it. No, that was it. That was it.

You had more at four. More at four. All right. Let's go in reverse chronological order as that was the... Of who won or the bonds? Of just the bonds. We'll tell you what the actual rank was. Daniel Craig, again, all of you agreed, number one.

Number one bond. Number one bond according to that. Again, he's got muscles that I was not aware of existed. Pierce Brosnan, all right? Mark, you said number two. Yes. Matt, you said number two. Matt Gorely said number two.

And then Matt, you said number five. Pierce Brosnan, is number three. Oh. Oh, okay. Timothy Dalton. Mark inexplicably said he was number three. Matt even more inexplicably said he was number two. Yeah.

Gorley said he was number four. Number six. What? He barely lets it out of the bag. This is unbelievable. That's the little glimpse. it you get. You know what it is? It's that Lazybsby, lanky, skinny, kind of reedy.

What if that's in now? Because of the hipsters. It is, that is. He's got... He's Michael... Is Michael Sarah as... Yeah, his heroin chic. Yeah. Tumler loves it, you know? That's right. Yeah, I should have got up my Tumblr model. Well, he should have started in one of the heroin movies. Roger Moore.

Mark and Matt, you both said a four. Gourley, you said a five. Roger Moore is at number four in the rankings. All right. George Lazenby. We got two sixes from Gourley and Matt, and we got one five from Mark, and he's at number five, you know, coming in. Mark? Did you take this? Wow, Mark? And then number, then Sean Connery, Mark, you said six. Then three and three.

Sean Connery is number two, number two out of the bonds, only behind. So it goes Daniel Craig, Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan, Roger Moore, George Lasson B, and anchoring us, Tim Dalton. So, you know, I really, that makes a lot of sense to me. Yeah, if I had put a little bit of brain power into that and maybe had a whiteboard, I could have come up with that. I'd also like to see these in person. Sure. Yeah. To answer your whiteboard question, I literally, so I stole a closet at my office.

Basically, I was in a cubicle to start out with. They did construction immediately across from it, and I was just like, I don't want to do math across from construction. So I just started working in a closet that was in total disuse. And eventually, I built that closet into a home, and it's got four whiteboards all around me at any given time. It looks like it's just covered in either... It's the Matrix closet. But it's also like the dumbest math available. It's literally like the James...

Like, we had all this written out at Standing Forum on the whiteboard behind me. I think it's sometimes March Madness. I think the most recent thing I had scrawled all over it. No, I know what it is right now. It is everything that happened to Captain America in the past six months in the Marvel comic books is what my whiteboard is.

So if you had a whiteboard, don't ask too many questions. Wow. Wow. So who won the chest thing then? Of the three of us. I feel like Mark won't. No. I didn't.

You might have. Didn't you? I think the Dalton miss and the Connery miss kind of hurt you there. I heard you, buddy. If you said switch them, I'd say, I'd give it to you. So I think that, you guys are pretty close on this, actually. It's kind of hard to actually add up. Let me see what I can do.

Let's just say, let's just say, Matt Myra one. When it comes to James Bondchest, there are no losers. Yeah. Certainly not the viewing public. Nor the listening public. When it comes to James Bonding, there are no losers. I cannot believe that we did that. Well, we can't thank you enough for this. This has been one of my favorite episodes in a long time. I am so happy that I was able to come. Basically, me and Neil just did a ton of data collection, and all we ended up publishing was the top five from each of these categories. And I think that,

like, in the weeds in there, like the Winton Kid, right? That is a fun pairing, right? And so the ability to just kind of dive in on. on this was a ton of fun. I always love kind of repurposing stuff that we haven't had a chance to actually put out there. Well, thank you to Neil as well. Can you just give us, like, in a nutshell, what it's like to hang out in the 538 offices, because I'm a little jealous. Yeah, everyone who works at 538 is, like, really brilliant and is really eager to help you with stuff, right? Like, so one of my favorite things to do is, like, one of my colleagues, Drew Ometta, is incredible when it comes to, like, scraping things from the internet, right? And so he and I

have just kind of batted ideas back and forth. And, like, recently we script every movie, that came out in 2017 on IMDB, and we tracked down how people are voting down on ratings and stuff. And that just kind of came out of a fun little conversation that we had about how weird it was that an inconvenient sequel wasn't doing well on IMDB four months before it came out. And so, like, the idea is that it just kind of... So there was political motivation of people just voting that down preemptively. Yeah, this was the, this was the story about a few weeks ago. Like, that movie's fascinating. I don't want to make... This is a bond, not a Gore one, but like, that movie's

fascinating because it betrays every single fault line between critics and fans, between and men and women on the internet between people who have seen movies and people who vote on movies nonetheless. It really kind of betrays a lot of the flaws with distilling culture down to like one number per thing. But that just came around from like us shooting the shit. Like one of my favorite stories that I've ever done looking into like Fandango's movie ratings was because my editor and I were talking about how fantastic four sucked, but it still had a three out of five stars on some website. So I think the main thing that about 538 that's so fun is like just the conversations that you have in the kitchen about movies that you see and stuff that you want to find out,

is just like, well, if you put your head to it, we can actually kind of scrape some of that and get data on that. And we have access to pollsters. It's a real gift to kind of be in this position. We have a ton of fun with it. We do some really compelling and important work, especially on our science and politics verticals. But like, it at times has the kind of vibe of like just a fun little lab to find out new ways to talk about stuff. I mean, I think one of the biggest untalked about issues on the internet that really directly impacts people is how we talk about culture and how a lot of it is distilled down to numbers and ratings and all that, which can have advantages. It's a great way to get discovered, having cool stuff on the iTunes store

and having good ways to bubble up and talk about culture. But it's also oftentimes used as a cudgel, whether it's by groups who want to silence other people and vastly outnumber them. Men made up, I think, more than 70% of the people who rated things on IMDB. And I think that we need to start asking more questions about how we rate stuff and talk about things and be a little bit more generous and all that moving forward. But that's just my thing. I think that Ront Tomatoes being on by Fandango throws up a red flag for me occasionally. Let's take them down.

They still owe me like $80. We'll get it for you, buddy. So where can people find you? Yeah, I am on Twitter at Walt Tiki. That's a really easy way to get a hold of me. Your henchies can get a hold of me in my Menchies. Follow Walt Hickey at Walt Hickey, henchies. Yeah, but I'm on 538.com.

I'm the Chief Culture Writer there. We come out. I have two newsletters now, racking those up. One is besides the point, it's a sports newsletter. So if you want to learn about sports or you want the stats behind sports, check that out. It's a fucking great name. And then I do significant digits every day. I've been doing that for like three years now.

It's like funds numbers buried in the news. So feel for to check those out if you want to be a little more informed, but we're easy to get a hold of. You just need to type out three numbers in letter form, 538.com. But if you Google 538, the numbers, it still comes up. They'll usually hook you up, yeah. You just don't want to make a bold dash on that URL of 538.com or you're going to get some weird stuff. Really? Yeah, they were never able to obtain that. I think it's owned by, I think it's,

I think it's a Chinese site at the moment, but it's, that's going in right now. Don't, don't, don't, Matt, no, you have a virus. I'm going in. Fortune favors the brave. Oh, God. Foe failed to open the page. Ooh. Hmm. Okay. Wow. All right. Well, Walt, we can't thank you enough. Mark, what are you, What's your deal anyway? I'm just a great man. And where can people find your greatness? At Mark McConville on Twitter and IG.

That's Instagram. And it's also half an assassin, droid, and Empire Strikes Back. Sure is. The other half's 88, which is 11 plus the year I was born. And a bunch of piano keys. Would you like the blacks and the whites together at last? That's a piano. Matt Myra?

Yes, sir. People can check out your show AfterTrek on CBS All Access. You sure can. You can also tune into the Goldberg's Wednesday nights at 8 o'clock on ABC. Tune in in two weeks for Sidekick with Matt Meyer on Alpha. Who's your host going to be that week? You know, Matt Gourley, I believe you're coming. What's the date you're booked for?

Oh, it's not that week. No, it's not the first week. I don't remember, but it's in my calendar. It's coming up. It's coming up. It's coming up. There's a lot of places to find me as the point. You can find me right here. here in my home, but please don't.

James Bonding is now on Instagram. Do you remember, what is the thing for that? And Twitter, Matt's on his phone. I'm sorry, I was just responding to people that don't. Matt, do you want me to enjoy me? People will find it. If you just search James Bonding, it'll come up. What, James Bonding Pod?

That's Twitter. Yeah. What's Instagram? Oh, that's a great question. And our social media expert, S, Emily, is running it and she's doing a fantastic job. Bond James Bonding. Bond James Bonding on Instagram.

Oh. All right. Walt, thanks again. Thank you. And hey, thanks folks for listening to this. These guys are far too humble to ask, but if you would contribute to a Patreon, at them on Twitter,

do that kind of stuff. Oh, we were thinking about doing it. I was telling them earlier about this. We were just talking about it. What more could we give this audience? That's right. We already give them, tonight we've given them

One hour and 48 minutes of solid numbers goal. For the kids that listen at 1.5 speed. That's right. That's about an hour and some change. This is Matt Goreley. And this is Matt Myra. Saying James Bonding will return. Hey, this is Arnie Neacamp from the Improft Fantasy podcast.

Hello from the Magic Tavern. I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical land of food, and I started a podcast. Season three has just begun with a brand new adventure to defeat the Dark Lord. If you're a new listener or you've fallen behind season three is a great jumping on point. And we've got great guests like Justin McElroy. I sat like a fancy college professor. Fake nuts.

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Season 3, A Fellow from the Magic Tavern is out now. Listen in Stitcher, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.