James Bonding - License To Kill with Marc Bernardin

Episode Date: August 23, 2023

Marc Bernardin sits down with Matt and Matt to discuss the final appearance of Timothy Dalton as James Bond. Its a practical Honehymooon. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Henshies. Jensen Karp has been doing his Earwolf podcast. Get up on this for over 300 episodes. And to celebrate, Jensen is sitting down with hip-hop legend Method Man to discuss his music career television appearances from the wire to the deuce and the debut of Drop the Mic, a show that Jensen created and is co-executive producing on TBS. You won't want to miss this engaging, candid conversation with one of the best rappers in the game. So check out Jensen's conversation with Method Man on Get Up on this. Available on Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or Earwolf.com. Oh, and check out the new TV show. Drop the mic, October 24th on TBS. Matt and, Matt, Matt, James Bonding Podcast.

Hi, Mara, Gourley, Gourley. Hey, everybody. This is James Ponding. I'm Matt. And I'm Matt also, but I'm the goarly variety. I'm the Myra variety. The tired variety. We are joined by long-time intentional guest.

Yeah, long-time coming. First-time guest. Mark, thank you for finally arriving. No, it's, it has been worth the wait. You know, Twitter, I feel like Twitter thinks we have some sort of beef where you haven't been on. I'm like, no, we're trying. It's an East Coast West Coast thing. So clear.

There is no beef. Mark, you probably listening. You probably know him from Fat Man on Batman over on the Spodco Network. A friend of the Myras. I have two podcasts over there that are currently inactive feed and talks out and scrambled eggs. They're just waiting. They're waiting. They lie in wait.

Dormant. Stasis. Yeah. It's like, you know, it's like when you got to saddle up again. They're traveling to LV426. They're like Scotty, stuck in a transporter signal for 85. years. Oh, that's the episode

Relics from season five. It's a real hoot. You get to see a Dyson sphere. Well, we have proven our nerd bona fides

right out of the gate. If you were concerned, there weren't a bunch of guys in here just talking nerd stuff. Here it is. We, this was Matt Goreley's

pick, and he decided to complete the Timothy Dalton double take. I did, and I, you know, like in the spirit of,

I mean, we'll get into it. I guess I like this film, but I do feel like you can't do all the bonds that you truly love up front. You've got to save a little bit. And I thought, like, this is a good way to kind of fill it out a little bit. Yeah. And here we are at what we're calling dumb time in Pasadena because I just want to take a second to praise my partner here. I've had busy spells in my life.

Matt Myra has a busy spell. Like you can't believe. And he still makes time to get out here. we're recording this way out in the east here in Pasadena at 9 p.m., which is late for us. It's late. It's late to do a podcast. And I, you know, I soft. I sort of tried to soften the blow to Mark.

I was like, hey, would you come do this Thursday? And then he says yes. And then I say, guess what time it's at? Now check with your wife. And guess where it is? What part of town do you live in, Mark? I am out by Woodland Hills. So almost as far as you can possibly get from here while still being in L.A.

Are you kidding me? That is, I knew you lived deep. It's deep. Do you want to just sleep here tonight and then head back in the morning? I live balls deep in the valley. But it's fine. Good traffic time, though. That's the thing.

You won 30 Ford the shit over here, didn't you? No. See, I was meeting a friend for dinner in Culver City because I planned. The very least get over the hill before rush hour. That is my exact drive. Culver to Here drive. Yeah. Culver to here.

And so then it was the are we going to The 110. Are we going to Californiaans this? Listen, we got a Californians in. Yeah. It was the 110 to the, no, it's 105 to the 110. Oh yeah, yeah.

It'll do that sometimes. Yep. To the, yeah, whatever. I don't know. Oh, boy. But I used to work in the LA Times, which is downtown. Yeah.

This part of town is not entirely unfamiliar to me. Well, you got it. The Dodgers were not playing at Dodgers Stadium tonight, were they? No. They clinched in Chicago. Congratulations. They win shy. I don't know what happened, but I guess this is good.

Hey, sports ball fans. I'm right now an Astros fan and a Dodgers fan. It's really whoever can still beat the Yankees, I am a fan of. Good luck with all that. Thank you very much. So, Mark, we like to ask everybody, especially first-time guests, what their relationship to the franchises? Um, my first James Bond experience was, uh, I was, my father was a bit of a disciplinarian.

Uh-huh. As fathers can be. And I occasionally pushed at those rules a little bit harder than I should have, uh, including one summer in my seventh and eighth grade where I forged almost every grade on my report card. And, uh, because I was also not, I didn't have the plates. Sure. You know, like I wasn't actually working with the master key. I was caught. Also, my penmanship is not the best penmanship.

How this leads into bond is tantalizing me like you can't believe. And so my father, a draconian disciplinarian on his good days, decided that I would spend the summer in my room. The whole summer? The whole summer. From June to end of August. Like were you fed under the door? It wasn't quite Harry Potter. I wasn't the child.

under the stairs, but it was still a bit of, okay, you can come down for meals, but there's no TV, there's no nothing, you can read books, but that's,

you can go to the library and you go to the bathroom. And that's when I started reading and all some great things. But that was the summer that Clash of the Titans was on HBO for the first time. And so my dad,

though he punished me in my room for two months, taped Clash of the Titans for me, but just left it running and then at the end of Clash of the Titans was never say never, again. And so I had this two-hour wall-to-wall of amazing, because if you've never seen a James Bond movie before and you're like 12 years old, video game James Bond is the best James Bond.

Sure. I didn't know. Where he literally plays a video. It's literally like, a game is domination. Yay! I did not know that it was a knockoff of Thunderball. I did not know that it was the worst of the Connery bonds maybe kind of pop. It's. it holds a place in my heart. And so that is my first James Bond experience. That is, I think you've just, you've just stamped your passport

for a return trip to James Bonding when we do. Yeah, for Never Say Never. I have to say, like, I think that's the best Bond origin story I've heard yet. That's incredible. It's Fleming-esque.

I mean, you were, you were in prison. I was like in the Chateau d'if, if this was counting of Monte Cristo. Yes, yes. fed with, you know, big Macs and sloppy Joes, waiting for Bubo and Clash of the Titans. I have to say, I'm envious of your summer. I mean, that sounds like heaven to me, forced containment and watching Class of the Titans and James Brown. All I did was read Conan the Barbarian novels and Dune and comic books.

It really sounds like something people would pay a lot of money for now. Yeah, did you have any appreciation of it at the time, or were you, feeling punished? Was it... I was 100% feeling punished because my room also faced the street and so I can see my friends just walking down the street

to the museum, the museum park, the school that was at the corner that had the basketball and the monkey bars and everybody's got their balls and play, hey, hey, oh, there's Mark. Good luck, buddy.

Where was this? This was South Shore of Long Island, Baldwin. Oh my God. Bucolic Baldwin, Long Island, famous for Taylor Dane. Sure. That was our biggest.

alumni. Everybody else gets, oh, Billy Joel went to my Tom Cruise went to my high school. Eddie Murphy went to my eye school. Taylor Dane went to my... Taylor to my heart. Recently saw Taylor Dane on an episode of Cupcake Wars. Wow. Was she a guest judge or was baking? She was a guest judge. She was not baking. Oh, it would be so much better if Taylor Dane was baking.

Recently saw her as a guest judge on Cupcake Wars. It was a sentence I would have never expected to come out. tonight. And that's why I still love living. After all these years, you can get some surprises. You gotta really. You can't just do the same thing over and over again. That's right. And if you know anything about me, I have said this before, but my

honest to God, my television, I have not watched television in probably six months. You literally don't have a second for it. I don't. And it saddens me, but when I do have a second for it,

You guarantee yourself. Cough Cake Wars or Cake Wars is happening. That is the shut off my brain. Oh, yeah. See, I'm a Carnival Eats man myself. Oh, sure. I don't like to watch Carnival Eats because I am annoyed because I'm a better host. And I enjoy food more.

I mean, yeah, but if you hate yourself just enough, Carnivalites is just like butter on your toast. You know, I recently went to a county fair, the Barnstable County Fair, in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I had my part took and some fried Oreos and the like, and I got to tell you, all of it was not good. It was all mediocre. Because you had moved past that type of food or these ones weren't done well. No, it just felt like this was like, it just, I just, I have to go to the Minnesota State Fair, right?

That's what you have to do once in your life. I mean, I've never been, but. Field trip, guys. Come on. Let me do it. Okay. Oh, we should do it. It's in August.

I was recently this weekend in Florida myself. Not saying you were, but I mean, licensed to kill was. And I was experiencing some Florida drinks that I'd never had, one of which called the Miami Vice. I took down a shelf load of those. Wow. What is it in a Miami Vibe? Apparently it's just a lava flow, but they call it a Miami Vice at this one place in Florida. Well, they know how to market it.

But it's a pinia collada mixed with a strawberry daquery. And it's something special. Wow. Sounds magical. Now, I have to ask you, this is semi-related to our podcast. We've talked about it before on the show. The James Bond Stunt Spectacular. I saw on Instagram that you went. I went to the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular.

I meant. Yeah. I meant the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular. You're excused. You went. How was it? Well, anyone that knows me well enough knows that I live for stunt spectaculars. A few things on earth make me happier than alive, corny.

Yeah. Stunt Spectacular, where some Agva Union actor comes in and goes halfway through, goes cut, and that is an actual high fall by a Hollywood stunt man. That type of thing. Like, I had forgotten, because I'd seen the Indiana Jones stunt show before, but I had forgotten how much they really try to drive home the premise of, no, we're shooting a movie right now. There are prop cameras and camera people.

And for a stunt show that's been going for, what, 30 years now? now, I still have yet to see the footage of this movie that's being filmed. It's very reminiscent of Raiders of the Lost Ark, but it's not quite. Sure. And I'll tell you what, they spend more time setting up the scenes. So three quarters of it is kind of rough to get through. But when they actually do get to the stunt stuff, even though you can see all the scenes, I just love, that's the part I love about it, is you can see where things are going to

explode ahead of time. And I just love it. What is your favorite part of that? What is your favorite set piece? I guess it would have to be... You know, actually, it was the middle piece when they're climbing up the scaffolds of that Cairo building just because it's really choreographed well.

Like, there's a lot of places your eyes can be going and they go to the right places. But not to tie this all full circle, I'll never be as happy as I was. Pre-Waterworld when the Miami Vice stunt show was at Universal Studios. I lived for that as a kid. And that takes place in Florida.

as well, which brings us to the point of this whole thing. That's right. If you're going to have a wedding, do it in Key West. That's right. Amanda's cousin, congratulations, Robbie and Sam. And now congratulations Matt, Mark, and Matt, because we're going to talk license to kill. I am very close to securing the same lighter that was in the movie. The genuine Felix Lider?

Not the genuine Felix Lider, but the, the same lighter unengraved and I'm planning on getting it exactly engraved. You have to. Wow. Right? You have to wait. It looks like real silver. Is it?

Yeah. Is it like a Tiffany lighter or something? It's a Dunfold. Dunn, what is it called? Dunwood? I don't know. It's the big lighter company. Look at this one.

Duncurk. Oh, oh, oh. Is it Bick? Positively Blowfeld. Wow. It only works part of the time. And by part of the time, I mean, it won. won't while you're watching.

But that's cool because that's the lot of you used to not light the fuse on the bomb underneath James Bond. Like, I would kill him, but... It's really like a life-preserving. But it looks like one of those mid-century chairs someone would sit in or something like that. It looks great. I think it looks like a half-full karaff of strawberry daugery. I just want to say that I literally filled this with butane yesterday, and it won't light.

Well, that's what you get. It's like the Christmas ornament you get to kids. It lights up. It's fine. Okay. Let's jump into license to kill. Okay. Do we have to, though? Unfortunately, Mark.

That's what we know where you're falling on this, Mark. Your first impressions? My first, it has been a long time since I saw it. How long would you say? I didn't see it in the theater. I think my first bond in the theater was Golden Eye. Wow, that's a late. All those years.

All those years, I came to it very late. I think maybe my dad thought about Moon Raker and then my mom vetoed it. Because she also was like, this is, this was an octopusy movie. You're never seeing a thing called octopusy, which fair. But yeah, I was working at Starlog magazine. Uh-huh. The Venerable Nerd. I didn't know you worked at Starlogy.

I did. My first job out of college was Starlogy Magazine. Oh, my God. And they would publish these licensed magazines of mostly the worst things ever. But we did a golden eye licensed magazine. So I edited a bunch of stories about a bunch of people who I would never. hear from again, not including Pierce Brosnan,

wonderful, wonderful man. I'm sure. I believe that. I do believe that. He'll be on, at some point, right? Oh, that's my plan.

He's coming out to Pasadena. That's my plan. At dumb time. We're going to, we're going to Malibu at stupid time. Brazen. Brosnan, it's Corley and Myra.

Listen, we're thinking about coming in, what do you say, come out here to Pasadena, 9 p.m. on a Thursday night. 009 p.m. We can do this. But yeah, I missed everything else in the theater, which annoys me to no end because those were the good ones.

You came into Bond right as I was checking out. Yeah. Yeah. Where does Pierce Bros. Rank in your Bondoms? He is second to last, I think. That's fair. And your last is?

My last is Dalton, actually. Despite the fact that I love Timothy Dalton from Flash Gordon. That is where I came to the Dalton. Timothy Dalton... You never leave. No. That's your entree. Dear God.

I don't know if it's... It's interesting to me, because I feel like had he done one and left, he'd be held in a much higher esteem. I think so. And I think it's the fact that he did two, but they were just... They did two, and there was that gap of six years where there was no James Bond movie. And I think that somehow in people's mind that's somehow Timothy Dalton's fault. Yeah. And I think that he gets a bad.

Bad rap because of that. And I also think that this film is a real outlier for a Bond film. It feels way more American than most Bond films, maybe second only to die another day. And its faults, I don't think, are Dalton's very much. He might disagree. I mean, I don't think, yeah, I don't think it's Dalton's fault per se. It feels to me like those later Planet of the Apes movies where they just ran out of money, except for two apes.

It's like, oh, no, we're to circus now. We're going to do like that. And Montelban is running the circus. And it's okay because time travel, you guys. We can't afford 8,0008 masks. We got two. We can't afford to Globetrot in this one. Yeah.

So we're in Miami. I know this one takes place entirely in North America. That's weird for a bond show. Slash Isthmus, which is some ridiculous. Right. I guess because I'm thinking it was shot in Mexico. Yeah. Well, so Isthmus is probably Central America.

It's supposed to be. But it's fake. Yeah. I know that. But it's not. Panama, yeah. You might as well be, you know, on planetismus. Right. It doesn't matter. No, I'm interested in that.

Matt, where do you come down on this? This is certainly in the bottom half of my favorite James Bond movies. It might be in the bottom third, but not in the bottom quarter. Ooh. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I really, it is such a product of.

of 1989. It is such a product of drug movies, you know, the popularity of, I mean, every procedural show on television at the time, every cop was trying to bust a Coke ring. Yeah. And I think this movie really illustrates that. I mean, really, speaking of Miami Vice,

it does feel like it's coming on the heels of Miami Vice. Totally. It feels like it's an episode of Miami Vice. Yeah, it does. A very long episode. episode of Miami Vice. Yeah. Over two hours long.

Uh, inappropriate, I think. Maybe. I feel like I could just, if I, if we could all just take 25 minutes out of every James Bond movie, they'd all be 900% better. They're all great. Then I'd, I'd be missing like 400 minutes of James Bond, and I'm not willing to give that up. Uh, okay, so let's talk about this movie. Well, let me just say really quick.

Yeah, please. I find myself being a booster of this film. I don't know exactly why. You're a Dalton booster. I am. I like Dalton. And I think because this, I'm a fan of underdogs and outliers. And I do feel like this movie is a strange, like, it's the first one where Michael

Kamen comes in and you lose that John Barry feel. It's shot very brightly, but it's like really violent and dark at times. It's strange. In the same way that the Brosnan movies struggle with tone, sometimes this one does, but for some reason, and I don't know why people will get upset at this, but for some reason, this one fascinates me. I can't say that I think it's good necessarily,

but there are things I like. And then speaking of the drug plot, I think they're pretty clever in that they have to deal with the fall of the Cold War, so they can't go back to that. They handle that well in living daylights, and then you get to this and you have to just do a drug story, but they make it the first real revenge story of Bond.

So remembering that the rogue Bond is not a tired trope at this point. It's kind of one of the first ones. I feel like it has to get some points for that. Well, I mean, let's talk about the cold open. Yeah. We're at Felix Lighter's wedding. Well, we're getting ready for Felix Liders. And I was at a wedding in Florida, so keep in mind, I'm in the tank.

I'm biased. You're an expert. Yes. And we... Did you guys skydive in also? Yeah, everybody did. Yeah, and then we just fed the groom to some sharks. We, uh, it's trying to just get it all straight in my head.

It starts with us meeting Davy, right? No, it's... Doesn't it come right into the... No, it does because he is killing his... girlfriend's lover. But it doesn't start with Bond in the car. I guess maybe you're right. I don't think it does.

Well, before even that, the gun barrel music is very different. That's where right away you know you're in for... Every 10 to 15 years, they try something weird with like... I guess Golden I was next, but the music too there. But there's something like a... As the gun barrel comes in,

do you guys notice that? Yeah. Yeah. It's odd. It is odd, and it sets the tone for what we're about to see. Which, you know, they bring back, what's his face? This Felix Lider. Yeah, Hedison.

David Hedison. David Hedison is back for the first time since Live and Let Die. Yeah, and the only repeat Felix Lider to date. Other than Jeffrey, right. Yeah. To this point, though. Oh, yes. Yeah.

Where does he rank for you guys in the lighter scale? Have you ranked Liders yet? We haven't ranked Liders yet. But we should. Thank you for the idea. Yeah. We're going to do that now. Yeah.

But, uh, I was just so bored by you. He is boring. I have a soft spot from him. I don't know. I like that. To go up against Dalton, uh, or with Dalton. And it just feels like, but is it like he's probably literally the only Felix Lider that was still alive.

Maybe the Thunderball guy. They could have gotten, they could have gotten the guy from living daylight. Oh, right. They cast a new Felix Lider. Now, I would love to know this. story as to why they would break that continuity that quickly. Was that... My guess is this dude was cheaper.

Maybe. Maybe that's what it was. We could do it that way or we could spend half as much. But they also make an attempt to tie him back to Teresa and that he was married before. So maybe they really were trying to tie back to... Yeah. ...to bond and go back to Fleming, too. Yeah, and you end up with, you know, great 80s wedding suits, these gray tails that are

happening on them into that. Me too. I find that the Sharky I find to be like he's really just supposed to be Coral. Like they're just like oh why'd we kill Coral?

We shouldn't have killed Coral. We need to tie this in somehow. What about Coral Jr.? Oh man we killed Coral Jr. The step and fetch it guys are dead. What if Coral. Jesus, I know. Like I

and they killed Sharky's so they can't bring Sharkey back. No, it is at best. Like, we need more stereotypes. We've got the Mexicans down. We'll get there. We refer to a bunch of people as orientals in this one. That was also crazy.

That was so crazy. Do you think, because I do feel like this is at that exact time in history where you start to see the very beginnings of, like, progressive views towards racial identity and gender identity. However, they have not shed the best. bad things. So like, for instance, you have a sharky, but you also have both FBI agents being black. And so they're clearly like, well, we're covered. Yeah. And then we imported the guy from Diehard. It's the other age of Johnson. And also with this was, I found really interesting

because Pam Bouvier's character is super progressive. She's a CIA agent. She's tough. She can handle a gun. And she's continually and rightfully so as a character going like, why are you like putting me in the corner here, I can handle this. And I feel like they're going like, as long as we make the female character progressive, we can still keep Bond a total chauvinist and we're covering all bases. Because he is more than in the living daylights. He's kind of really condescending to her. And it's problematic when you watch it now, I think.

Well, it's also like he can't, she can't, why can't you be my secretary? Well, we're an Isthmus. I know. It's a man's world south of the border. And also, you know, there's the sequence where Sanchez beats Lupe right in the beginning. Like, you are minutes into this film. And even as a thing to show how bad the bad guy is, it feels difficult to take. It feels...

Especially, I mean, A, he's beating her, and B, he's beating it with like a knock worst or something. It was so kind of giant hide. Didn't it look like a tail from his other iguana? It may have been. It feels like a whip that you would keep by the bedside, but not for sex. Like, this is my travel beating whip. Like, this is my... I don't know.

The whole thing was off-putting. It's my thrusher. So he's there. We see him order Benisa del Toro to cut the heart out of the guy she was with. She is beaten. She's whipped. She's lashed in the back. Milton Crest is there, right?

Milton Crest. He's kind of watching. like a purve. God, Milton Cress. Is he there? I think he's there because...

Dario's there. He's on his boat, right? No, that's not on the wavecloth? Right? No. No, it's just like a little bungalow or something like that. Dario and those other henchmen are there.

Well, then they, yeah, then they escape. Then they get word to Felix that Sanchez is in town on his wedding day. He's in his tuxedo. So they have to go. James can come as an observer. which is ridiculous.

This is why this movie fascinates me, because it is doing things you don't see before. Also, the editing, they are cutting back between Sanchez and Bond. Really rapidly, it's interesting. Right, and then we have the... I don't know. I just thought the acting was terrible, especially from Felix.

I'm sorry, David. Again, to defend it, I think that's an ADR thing, because they're shooting with helicopters and stuff. There's a lot of ADR. one especially. But there's also a scene where there's just a shot of Felix Lider and a couple of FBI guys run into camera, slow motion. It's like a proto-Michael Bay shot. And it's another thing that feels out of place in a Bond movie. And it's another reason why I'm like, I like watching this movie like almost academically or something. Yeah. I mean, this movie does have the best explosions in a James Bond

movie, mostly because they're practical because they are tanks of gas that are exploding. So there's finally a reason for the fireball the size that it is. That's true. I will get to the semi popping a wheelie later. Yeah, I'm with you on that. I'm with you on that 100%. I felt very spectacular.

Out of the entire end of the white. Ooh, this semis on two wheels. This is awesome. Gilding the lilies. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, they use the Coast Guard's helicopter wench to just hook the, hook the biplane.

Can a helicopter catch up with a Cessna? That's a good question. Can we do some land speed, equations here? You know, I think that a Cessna's top speed is not particularly fast. And those are those fast helicopters, right? And those are those fast Coast Guard helicopters. I mean, it's not Airwolf, though. It's true. It is not Airwolf. That's for fucking sure. But it did feel like it was nodding to Airwolf a little bit. True. Yeah.

When it grabs the Cesta and turns it over, I don't know that I've really watched this movie since Dark Night Rises. And I was always aware that they were, he was probably intentionally doing an homage to that. But it feels lifted like nobody's business, like just straight up. I'm taking this under the understanding that most people don't remember a license to kill. Sure. And everybody will see this Batman movie. And it felt a little, like I felt defensive of this film a little bit. I forgot that bit from Dark Night Rises. And I think in my notes, I was like, that's a kind of badass stunt. Yeah. One of the few in this movie. And they're like, oh, that's kind of baller. Well done.

Yeah. And it was the first, it was the first time. So, sorry Nolan yeah um okay so then they parachute into the wedding yeah there's the whole ridiculousness of them

having to circle the block and poor sharky having to tell them they're not here yet I know clearly they're not here yet it gets into like sitcom territory which is fitting with priscilla Barnes as his wife and then

the whole wedding reception is just a travesty as far as I'm concerned I find that bond is kissing her too much What was up with that? I know. Was he fucking hurt too? I'm sorry, can we?

Yeah, of course we can. Of course we can. You're in a house of ill repute. You can say whatever. Is that the only reason we're supposed to believe that Bond cares as much for her death as he does? I feel like that's what they were going for, but it doesn't come across the right way. No, but she keeps on planting him on his lips. I'm like, what?

I've been to a bunch of friends' weddings, my best friend's weddings. I am not kissing. my best friend's wife on the mouth all the time at the reception. Well, you did with Amanda at our wedding. Yeah, constantly. You came right up there while we're on the altar. It's tradition, Max, please move aside. Yeah, that's right.

A couple of times, planted it on the lips. And then, you know, I did walk in in that office where I thought you and your secretary might have been getting it on. A lot of confusion at your wedding reception. That's true. But it was, that is all very weird. I do like the first, my first recollection that was. CD-ROM. And did you see the size of the tray that that thing comes out?

It can handle laser discs. I think it also printed laser discs. That thing's incredible. You could bake a pizza in that thing. It was the most amazing computer that's ever been on film. Yeah. And that goes even the other, the second most amazing computer that's been on film for me is the computer from eraser that made the tiny disks.

Wow. Does anyone remember that? The Schwarzenegger movie? Yeah. But like tiny discs, like they used to sell those CD singles? Yeah. Yeah, like, yeah, and Vanessa Williams is like the computer expert. And it's the, what is it, the rail gun?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you remember there's a quick tangent, but they used to make CDs that were shaped the size of a business card, but they were balanced so you could still spin them on a tray. And so like for my first band, we made little trading cards that each had a different song on it and we would give those out. Wow. And nobody will listen to them because nobody had the means to play them.

Because you can't put it in a slot drive. It has to be a tray CD-Rum situation where you can drop it in. But it fascinates me because it's still symmetrical and balanced and it would still spin okay. But you had to put the labels on exactly right or else it would get off balance and it would play. And then you couldn't hear our bands of music, which is probably for the better. So, all right. Let's talk about Bond leaves after the funny. evening of receptioning. Bond leaves in his, I believe he's driving a Lincoln Continental in this

movie? It is a decidedly dad car. It is by far the worst car James Bond's ever been saddled with. Except for that Daniel Craig one in Casino Royale, he's driving like a Ford Focus or something right in the beginning. Yeah, well, that was a sponsorship thing. That's even worse. But it's also like the Bahamas and Ford's in the Bahamas are like sure fancy. Totally. Totally. Yeah, I'll take it. All right. Wait, before we move ahead, what about those title sequences? Oh, I like the title. Did you?

I found it to be one of the more. I like the title sequence only because of the, it's one of my favorite title screens when the license to kill title comes up. You took a picture of it. Yeah, because the gun barrel is still up. Like, well, it's not the gun barrel, but they're showing the image of Dalton and the gun barrel. It's like a photo shutter, right? Yeah.

They're somehow really tying photography into this and it's barely... Oh, I think it's only... It's only because of the sniper rifle he gets from. Yeah. Which has the same gadget from Skyfall. From Skyfall, yeah, that's right. Where do you come down on the Gladys Night? It's been in my head all day, so that's a positive.

It's catchy. It doesn't... License to kill. I mean, it's catchy, but it's very, like, drive-time FM catchy. Right, 90s, yeah. Very, very... It's the most, like, most... mom bond song.

I guarantee it was played by Delilah. I love all-time high so much and unironically, and I feel like if I love that, I can't diss this, but for some reason this one doesn't do it for me like that one does. Yeah. Okay, so Robert Davy offers $2 million when he's in the prison. And they shoot it in such a way that you're like, well, obviously they're setting up this black guy to do it. It's got to be the plus. I mean, with his jerry curls and poor ADR throughout.

Does he ever have his own voice? No, I don't think so. Are you talking about Agent Johnson from Diehard? Agent Johnson from Diehard? The other Agent Johnson? That's his voice. Maybe the ADR. It sounds so off every time he opens his mouth.

And I'm just like, why? Why are you ADRing? It is weird. You've got him. You've got Terry from Three's Company. Yeah. You've got Sharky, who's the teacher from Red Dawn. Yeah.

One of the thugs in the opening sequence looks just like rusty from European vacation. And the whole movie just feels like, I started imagining like, what if they aren't just the actors, but those are the characters that if like, what Priscilla Barnes left that, she left that apartment and found moved to Florida and married Felix Lider. Completely fathomable. Sure. Agent Johnson still in the FBI. Yeah. Well, he's in the DEA. Right.

He got demoted, promoted, however you want to look at it. Yeah. The Nakatomi incident, they don't talk about it. That's right. Well, I guess the teacher in Red Dawn got killed, but still. It feels very much like, listen, there's the cast we wanted to get. We'd have been very happy with Wesley Snipes as Eugene Johnson or Scatman Crothers as Sharky. Same birthday, he and us.

Yeah, Cheryl Teagues as, you know, the, it'd be very funny if they really want Suzanne Summers. Oh, I know. And then Jenny Lee Summers. Yeah, totally. Like, how deep on the death chart are we going? But I mean, certainly they do a good job of setting up James's motivation throughout. Because, you know, you do get to know the wife. They take pains to do it.

They take pains to sort of make you care a little bit about this new budding marriage. Let me ask you guys something. Yeah. You think this is Felix Leiter's first marriage? Or eighth? I feel like it's his first. You do? I do.

Like he was married to his job or something. I think that's it. I think it was one of those very late in life. He finally decided, like, I've been chasing the... I've been punching a clock for 20 years, working for the CIA, being the man. It's time for me. Like, I'm old. My hair's getting a little white.

Maybe I should just lean in. I know. I identify with that. I've got a gloft for you. I don't have a gloft, so I'm glad you did. At the reception, the music they're all dancing to is an updated 80s version of the Jamaican jump. from Dr. No.

Oh my God, I didn't notice that. Yeah. That's one. I'm glad you pulled that out. I had none. I mean, there's the classic that the bullets on the semi make the bond theme, but I feel like people know that. I don't want to just take that as my own. That is a known one.

But here's Matt Myra coming in for the assist. Gloft. Not even the assist. It's a Gourley's lookout for this. That's a guest gloft. That's a guest's lookout for this. The gloft. And I liked it.

I was like, oh, you're nodding back. And I feel like it's a world where lighter was stationed in Crabkech forever and decided, you know what, I'm going to move not far from here. I'm going to settle in Key West. And I think that he just got into the whole drug deal aspect of law enforcement just by virtue of where he lived. And, you know, we have to talk about the escape plan and the worst rifle budding I've ever seen in a movie. Because he had pre-covered his buttstock in blood? In red paint.

It's not blood. It's red paint. There's no... You're talking about Killefer? I love this guy. Tomato paste? Way for... There's just...

The blood's too instant. I don't think... The effects people understand how blood works. No. I have to show you Killefer's IMDB pick because it's incredible. Who's this guy? Killefer is the guy that double-crosser.

What's his face? Right? Look at that. I mean, he could play one of those Aryan thug henchmen from any James Bomba. Look at that. He was in Dune. I loved him in Dune. Yeah. Look him up on IMDB. His profile picture.

Kids, if you want to see, the greatest haircut this side of Richard Spencer, take a look. That's, he's got a smart hit of hair. He does. He's great, though. It's like Donald Trump died on his head. Oh, if only. I like him. He plays on.

that he's really angry at Sanchez. Like, I don't know, it's both the actor and the character doing a wonderful acting job of, like, this will not fly. I don't think the first time I saw this, I thought he was going to turn on. Oh, I didn't. The 900th time I've seen this, it's a pretty good big switch. It still surprises me.

Yeah. You know, and of all the ways to do it, to jump off, to take that, take that truck off that bridge. I'd be like, is there a, can't we do this a different, Are you sure there are going to be 19 divers down there? Couldn't we do like a magnetic helicopter situation or like I just don't. You're, yeah, in like the submarine thing and then you're tying it into what's his name, Creskin? Walter, what's his name?

Oh, Milton Crest. Milton Crest. Yeah, because he's got the submarines. It is a fine stunt. Um, they don't spend too much time underwater, which I appreciate. You know how I feel about underwater scenes in James Bond movies? Okay. So, have you guys ever gotten to the bottom of why they're so fascinated by underwater scenes?

Like, how deep have you gotten into the... Well, I think... Speaking about Thunderball in particular? Just in general, it seems like every third Bond movie, we're spending half an hour underwater. It has to be because most of the water stuff does come from Fleming and he was in Jamaica writing this stuff and was living it. I don't know. And then with Thunderball, we know.

know that it was because they were so fascinated with the fact that they could shoot underwater that they were just really like they would. You're saying I can shoot the cameras under water? I think that that was really innovative at the time to do something that I don't know, like production value underwater that they really thought this will play for 45 minutes. I mean, I get the aspirational nature of it. Like so much of Bond is like armchair tourism. Yeah. You know, like, ooh, look at these places. Oh, look at these clothes and these drinks and whatever. and wow, we're underwater scuba diving.

We could never do that. We live in Iowa. But like the appeal, the enduring appeal of dudes moving in slow motion on the water. I know. It mystifies me. Yeah, I know. This one gets creative with it in some ways with the Manterey and but they still hear some of the title suggestions that came on a memo.

Oh, okay. So, license to kill was not the first. Correct. I know one of them. All right. So we've talked about this. It's, it's license revoked and they didn't use it because they were afraid Americans wouldn't know the meaning of the word of revoked. That's true. All right. So Michael G. Wilson assembled a list of possible titles because they had run out. It was at this point that they had run out of Fleming titles to use. So Michael G. Wilson writes. Hold on. I'm also doing some video for this. Storytow ahead. Okay.

Title suggestions for license to kill. From text of the books, such as high tension. High tension was Bond's natural way of life. Free, this is from chapter titles, such as, here we go. These are the titles. Time for decision. What? Take it easy, Mr. Bond.

I'm into that. I'm into that a lot. But I want that to also be a really easy-going Bond movie where it's just like a game of Pinnacle or something like that. The Eye That Never Sleeps. What? Here's maybe the worst one on the list. The job comes second.

Bond comes first. What is the eye that never sleeps? This one also makes no sense. The pipeline closes. The fuse That's an anal sex joke, right? Yeah, and that sounds like a bad, like it was,

it meant something in Japanese, but when translated. The fuse burns. What do you think of that? Not much. Here's a good one. Background to a spy. These are all anal sex jokes.

But also, how does that work for the movie? What is that? The pipeline never closes. All to play for? What? Are those words in the right order? And,

Writing on my heart. These are all chapter titles in Ian Fleming works. Or are they all Taylor Dane songs? Yeah, now we're talking. That works better. It's time to play Fleming or Dane. Tell It to My Heart would be a better Bond title than any of those. Take it easy, Mr. Bond.

What do you think of the note on Felix? I love it. That's from Fleming. That's straight from Live and Let Die. The novel. It's delightful. Yeah, that's great. All right.

So I suppose we should talk about that. That scene? Yeah. That's the scene where you get or where he finds him or where it happens. Where it happens. Okay. So it's the...

I mean, Robert Davy is really just having a time in this role. a time where I completely somehow buy that he's Mexican. Yeah, sure. Because he's Italian. Yeah. Now look, go back and revisit the first episode of this and we talk all about my history with Robert Davy.

It's a lengthy history. And it's complicated. And he and I, we go back and forth, but I got to hand it to him. I like what he does in this film. He's having a good time. He's having the best time. And it'll be a good time.

And it also feels that everybody on the bad guy squad is in a different movie. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, they're all, like, seem to be collected from genres. Yeah. That's true. Because Benicio is doing something entirely different. I know.

And, like, take, for instance, his line that when we always say, have a nice honeymoon. This time watching, I was like, wait a minute. There must have been multiple takes of this scene. And there's no way he did it the same twice. What were the other ones like? Right? You don't think like they did five takes and he did it that way every time. Honeymoon.

Honeymooh. Honeymoon. All right. Cut. What else you got? Do you have like 70 and more takes of this, Benicio? Yeah, I got it. I'll do it.

I'll do it again. High eyes. Hey. I got it ready? Honeymon. No. When did Aaron Neville get in here? I've been here.

Honeymoon. You can't have my pot. You want to take. I do one more two for you. Honeymoon. I got you one more time. One more time. One honeymoon.

Is this, how do you feel about Timothy Dalton's hair in this film? I know you have an issue with it. I have an issue with the many shapes of it. It's because they, his sides get full and I think it's not so much that they're full. they let them go over his ears, which is... You think that's my problem? Well, I'm saying... It's not the spray on hair?

I think it's a little bit of the spray on hair. I think it's a little bit of the back of the... But I don't think they do... Dobby's got spray on hair. He doesn't, and that's why you can see, you know, especially when it's wet. Maybe that's it. You should have sprayed on some hair. I don't know.

I like that they just go... I feel like Dalton, maybe they even offered that to him, and he's like, no. I do my own stunts and I do my own hair. When he's in the tuxedo and his hair is slicked back, it's... very like, ah, buddy, you're balding. But see,

then again, like, I have to hand it to him. He's comfortable with who he is. He doesn't need a toupee. And he didn't. He's still got enough. He's good.

He's real. He's gritty. If I was Timothy Dalton, he's the Mother Earth Bond. I'd be very confident. Why does he never wear a suit in this movie? He wears a tucks twice. And every other time,

it's like golfing with Bond. Yeah, and live and let die, he may wear a suit once or twice, but he is often in kind of casual country club casual or something. It's super weird. Like members only jackets and just shirts down to the navel. What are you doing? All right.

Hopping in your Lincoln Town car. I know. This is why it feels so weird this film. It's as if they made every decision to not be a Bond movie. Uh-huh. And they put it in a Bond movie. Which is weird because it's John Glenn's fifth Bond movie. You'd think he'd be, maybe he's just like bored and really wants to.

But obviously they're following the formula of. popular action movies at the time. What do you think of the actual shark scene? The lowering, the leg going. I like it. I think it's really cool that they put a chunk of meat in, and it's this whole, like, cause and effect, Rube Goldberg counterweight thing that the shark gets to eat. It gets a treat, and it's rewarded further by eating that meat.

Yeah. Yeah. It gets more meat. Neathe. endlessly perilous. Yeah, right? There's too much happening. You mean, like, why wouldn't they just throw him in the water?

Just put him on a fucking lower him in. Why are they... Because he had to, like, talk to, you know, henchmen four and go, all right, buddy, I need you to head down to the butcher. It's Key West, so there's not a lot of cattle on the island. So I'd like you to head to this butcher. He's the only one that gets full carcasses in. Yeah, drive on that seven-mile bridge.

Yeah, I need a quarter carcass. Don't get a full carcass. it's going to weigh too much. I need a quarter carcass. Otherwise, we're going to be here a long time. Actually, before you do that, I need you to sneak into Felix Lider's home and videotape his scale when he weighs himself. Yeah, we need to know exactly how much he weighs.

Now, if he tries to give you the full carcass, you got to tell him no. I need him to butcher out. You can't come here with a full carcass. We did that once. We're here for three hours, and I got to tell you, the shark wasn't even hungry. By the time the guy got in the water, he didn't eat him.

I'm glad I'm here right now because I'm going to come to the defense of this. This is not the most contrived assassination or attempt or maiming or whatever. You've got the butterflies in the Eiffel Tower. You've got the pneumatic door in living daylights. This at least is justified with Robert Davy being sadistic and wanting Felix Leiter to know, A, that he's going to be tortured and, B, that he's not going to die. He tells him right there. He's like, you're not going to die. So I feel like this is there to horrify him or something.

Well, I'm also familiar with legs, you know, and how they work. Oh, you're a leg doctor, huh? Well, no, I've just, I've been, I've lived with one for a while. Just one. Two, I didn't want to brag. But, you know, that artery's going. Yeah, that's your femoral artery. How are they stopping the bleeding?

How is he not dead by the time he gets to his couch? Right. They must have tourniqueted it or something. Turnicated it? I love it. Turnicited it? We're using it. Dario fixed it. Dario fixed it.

Yeah, he did. I'm also a medic. Don't worry. I brought a tourniquet. Okay, when Bond finds Felix, first of all, Bond first finds Pam. Pam. I mean, what's her? Della.

Della. Yeah. finds Della and spends too long with the body again. Yeah, and kind of holds it in a lover's embrace. Yeah, it's a little. Looking for that third nipple. It's a little. And then when he comes out, right.

And then when he comes out and he sees the body bag, he, I feel like he's not as, I feel like he should be more upset. Yeah. And then that's when you see the note. And it did make me think that that would be in the running for one of the props. I would most want from a James Bond. Bad note. That bloody note. Oh, I bet Mike Wilson has it in his office.

There's probably like three or four of them that the prop master made. I'll take one. Oh, God, I would love that. Just to frame that in the shadow box. Not frame in a frame so it's flat. Yeah, no, you want it to be a little crinkly. Crinkly, yeah. Like the Bartlett for America, but of murder.

So James goes off, this sets off his quest for revenge. Yeah, but first, so the cops come and there's that one cop that sets. that this is definitely a chainsaw killing? What choice is this actor making? Because he turns around after he's done saying that and kind of laughs like, you idiots. And like, I'm having a great time here at this murder torture scene. It is the strangest delivery.

I want to know what, if you haven't watched this film yet, if you haven't watched this film yet, watch this character's performance, it's crazy. I don't know what they were thinking. Well, it's also like, got to be pretty close. clear that it's not a chainsaw. And this man's friend, his wife has been killed. Like, you know Bond is personally tied to this guy.

Why would you be a dick to him like that? He's actively being a dick at that moment. It's so strange. Well, I think it's part of making Bond feel more alone than ever. Maybe. Yeah. Now, what do you guys think you would feel if this was the very first Bond movie you'd ever seen? Oh.

How does... I'd never watch another one. No, come on. But I... But I... Like, you know, coming to this, I'm pretty sure as I did, I was not deep in Bond the first time I saw a license to go. Yeah, you had no...

And so not knowing the texture and the tenor of his relationship with Felix. Yeah. I've never seen Della before, ever. Even if you watched every James Bond movie. Yeah, yeah. So, so given that they go on this little romp in the sky to get a drug dealer

and they have two kisses of a dude's wife at a wedding, is that enough to really justify hellbent for vengeance? Do you remember your reaction? How did you feel? I mean, I was just thinking about it, like looking at it recently, saying, you know, it's a decent motive for it, but I don't feel like the movie earns that motive. It doesn't earn the lengths to which Bond goes for this,

given that one of these women is a stranger to anybody who's seen a Bond movie. Yeah. And if you're just tangentially familiar with it, it's, oh, sure, I guess I guess. I will give up everything to chase down this drug dealer. Who is not, it turns out, planning world domination or anything. He's just a drug dealer. He's just a smuggler.

He's not poisoning children as far as we know. Yeah, you're right. You know, it feels like it takes all the steps necessary, but it doesn't earn it in the execution somehow. Like they give it enough time, if done well, there would have been enough time and set it up well enough. But you're right, whether it's the acting or the direction or something.

thing? I don't know. The the motives for me I mean just as a James Bond fan I was okay with the motives just because we've seen Felix you know by this time we've seen him

ten times in movies so you're okay I was okay and understood the relationship and understood his need to go find who did this what I don't understand is how angry M is

oh you don't at the Hemingway House. Oh, I like that because that is like... And how his only reason for not letting that guy kill Bond right then and there is that there's too many people. No, it's the proprietary. It's like the British, like it simply isn't done kind of thing. Like this is a new way of doing something.

We don't do this way. And he doesn't like Bond's lack of respect. But even then when he goes, it's kind of like a precursor to Judy Dench's M of like UBU just go. Because later on he says, like, we kind of knew you'd be doing this

or something like to that extent. I kind of like that. But M does have the sniper in the tower. Yeah. Yeah. That wasn't just for show.

That could also just be the Hemingway House sniper. I mean, protects the cats. Oh my God. There is so much, like, celebrity cachet around that that they have to have a sniper

from people like. getting into Paris Hilton's house or something. The Hemingway Sniper. Oh, God, if that isn't the name of a novel. That's the new Bond movie right there, the Hemingway Sniper. But I do find, you know, I just, I don't know. I didn't, it just didn't sit well.

The scene didn't sit well with me. I like that little scene. I mean, it's probably just that there are cats in it. We're going to beg to differ here. It is probably just that there are cats. And many cats. So he and, shark ego looking for sharks.

But you don't like that line that this isn't a country club 007? Like you can't just resign? Yeah. I like that line. Okay. All right. Proceed. But I don't think that he should be, I don't know.

I was disappointed that there are not more British people in this movie to have the, who's the most British person is. There's the one who I think won last time and has to win again. We haven't gotten to him yet. But, but I mean, because you're right, because, This is never a scene full of British dude. There's just one time in the movie where other than Q&M where a British person comes in and boy does he come in. We'll get to it.

Cigarettes ablazin. Yeah. Can you guys walk me through Sanchez's plan? Exactly. You know, here's what I cannot walk you through. And that is the price setting done by Wayne Newton on a telephone. That is what I, for the life of me as a grown adult. I got this, and I was only half paying attention.

I don't understand. Okay. So go. So the amount that they're setting the pledges on on screen, like the actual type, is the amount the investors have to pay to get into the drug scheme, right? Not just like per kilo? How is that clear? No, I think that's the per kilo price.

Okay, well, whatever. But that's what they're signifying to them is the going rate. What they're doing, though, is using Wayne Newton, this character, Professor Joe. Love it. It's weird. It doesn't fit in a bond movie, but this is why I'm in. But again, as Wayne Newton said, in the book I read,

Wayne Newton had always wanted to be in a Bond film and had been talking to Cubby for years about a role. That is not reason enough to put someone in a Bond movie. Probably everybody wanted to be in a Bond movie. Dr. Ruth probably wanted to be in a Bond movie. During the telethon scene to set the price of the drugs, he ad-lib the line. Don't give until it hurts.

Give until it feels good. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. Well done, Wayne. Bless your heart. The other thing about that character, too, is that the characters never mean. That's what I love. He gets the money stolen from him.

He actually, he's a con man, but he still believes in his theory of love. Bless you, my child. Bless your heart. You need it more than I do if you're going to thieve it from me. Bless your heart. It reminded me a little bit, or rather, the scene in Get Out, where they're auctioning off Daniel Kalua at the bingo scene.

Whereas here's where we have to get numbers across in such a way that the people here know what they mean, but the audience doesn't quite really. But I just, I don't understand why that's a part of the deal. But it doesn't make sense to me in the sense that I'm going to pretend to be, for the sake of this conversation. Just for this. I'm a man who wants to buy a kilo of cocaine.

Mulligan for the conversation. Okay. But this is not about buying a kilo of cocaine. It's about being buying... Are you sure? Multiple, like being part of the... Part of the venture. They're buying...

Aren't they buying their way into this venture? That is a separate thing altogether. That has the Oriental. That is a separate thing. No. That is a separate thing. Which feels weird to keep saying. Quote unquote Oriental.

I'm going to say this with absolute authority, even though I don't know if I'm talking total bullshit right now. I think that wasn't to buy... kilos, that was to buy into the syndicate. And that's why they were only by bidding a thousand. And all they needed to do was bid to signify that they're accepting the price. That's what Truman Lodge, his little... Yeah, the number guy.

Yeah, the numbers guy says. So by the sheer fact that they bid at all means they're in. Because they've seen the... They've seen the demonstration. No, they haven't. Oh, fuck. We haven't. So essentially to me, here's what I think this is, and I don't understand.

and this is part of the problem of this movie. Here's what I interpret this as. Wayne Newton is using his telethon network to set the price of cocaine for Sanchez. And in addition to setting the price of cocaine for Sanchez, he is also just taking donations into his fake church. Well, that would make sense. And that's it. I mean, but not really. Makes sense.

I'm sure. No, because there's three parts of this drug scheme, apparently. There's the wave crest, like, submarine rover that's driving Coke out to the seaplane, the water plane, and then bringing the cash back, or vice versa. There's Wayne Newtonville. Yeah. And then there's where dissolving cocaine and gasoline. Only to be able to reconstitute it later. Scientifically sound. Right.

Because you would not want it to be in the most flabbable substance known to me. men because that makes all the sense of the world, but whatever. I don't get how these three things all form part of the same drug campaign. Well, I can. Okay. So they're getting the drugs from, what are they? Are they Colombians that are bringing them in? I don't remember.

Yeah, unclear. So that's where they're getting the original drugs and they're paying for them. Then they are turning it into gasoline to smuggle it into the United States. even though they already were in the United States. The point is, we're trying to figure out this plot, but that still shouldn't mean that you should try to explain it to us in a tweet. We do not want to know. We do not want to know what this plot is.

Well, you can just tag me. I'm curious. I really need to know. If someone could explain this plot in a tweet, maybe I am interested. It has to be one, and you can't be a 280 character person. You got a 140 of this. Yeah, even if you have it, you have to... This is an impossible.

T. Okay, now I'm saying, plus you've got to tag both of us, or the three of us in it. I don't want to know. Yeah, and that's going to eat up characters. So many characters. We'll say, we'll say. We'll see. It's okay.

It's not like 90 characters. You have to explain what any of this means. Maybe we'll pick the best one and put it in a plaque. But before we, I mean, before, even before the Wayne Newton of it all, Bond, I love this part of the movie. I love Bond and Sharky. Yeah. going into the shark plant. I do too.

I love a human being getting electrocuted by electric eels in a comically stupid way. Yeah. Well, this scene, I never realized it before. It has a person being eaten by maggots because they say later that they have two stiffs and like the remnants of someone. Eated by magnets, electrified by an eel, and then devoured by a shark all within minutes. Yes. but I think that's the remnants.

The shark to go. Oh, you're right, you're right. So, yeah, I don't know. He's just lying dead in a drawer full of maggots. And there's a bunch of cocaine. Anyway, so he figures out that it's this crest guy. He and Sharky are going to go out to find the boat. They...

And Lupi's on. Lupe is on the boat. For reasons. She's watching a Western, like the old trope of whenever a TV's on in something, it has to be a Western. That's amazing. This was still a thing in 1989 that that was still happening.

What interest does Lupe have in not even like a classic Shane or High No. This is like... Rando Western. Like a Wilhelm's Scream Western. Mad and... Mad and...

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You can pay me for that hello fresh. Goodbye stale. Hello fresh kale. Matt end. Mad and. James Bond approaches the boat in a Manta ray costume. Unclear where he picked that up from. I mean, Sharky's got those.

Maybe he does. He knows. Sharky's friend Mante. The stuntman that he punches when he arrives on the boat are... I have a friend who's got a costume! Are the most ill-fitting uniforms of everything on anyone. I was going to say when Sharky dies,

it feels like, oh, this is short shrift for this character. Like Felix gets this whole thing, but it is redeemed a little bit when he brutally kills that guy with a spear gun, like, this is for Sharkey, and it felt good. That was a little moment I liked. I really liked that a lot.

I mean, when he sees the, when he sees Sharkey's body hung up like that, I think he's again. He's just like, well, I'm gonna fucking kill everybody. I'm James. I know, but that's like, it did remind me of Quarrel. I'm like forgetting, does Quirle Jr. die and Living the Die? He doesn't, does he? I don't think he does. Doesn't he?

Does he? I think he does. I don't think he does. Well. See if you can put that in a tweet. We'll find out sooner. Okay, so Admiral Doherty

is this guy who plays crests. Also Admiral Doherty in Star Trek Insurrection, right? Oh, of course. What's his name? Oh, don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me. Oh, Anthony Zerby. Okay. Well, the way he dies in Insurrection

is having his face pulled. Oh my God. This is how he dies at insurrection. Wow, he's making a thing. This guy is having his face pulled and blown up. I mean, that was the most metal thing I've seen in this entire movie. Which is kind of great. What's amazing about that sequence is it happens.

Nobody plans it. They put him in there. And then Heller grabs the axe and hands it to Sanchez like, we've done this before or I know what you're doing or like a team that moves in perfect sort of synchronicity where they're like

I have a feeling I know what he's going to do here for a second I thought like oh is he going to break the glass and let him out you know like you've had enough you're still useful to me no no I just want to watch your brain explode on the inside of this microwave and that is a one liner that I don't mind

after the laundered it's pretty great it's great So this whole scene, when he's on the boat initially, and he ruins their cocaine pickup, and then he gets away on the plane. But that's a good thing. He shoots the spear gun onto the plane. It's fantastic.

The music comes in. And I love it so much because then he just looks behind him and he has $5 million in cash. So now he's like super well funded. And he smiles. Yeah. I really thoroughly enjoyed that. I thoroughly enjoyed that moment. This is the best moment,

and then it sort of does tank as we'll get into, like, the ninja sequence. I think it comes back in the end. Before we get to the ninja sequence, we must get to Boat Roadhouse. Oh, yeah. That's the first sign that thinks... The Aqua double deuce?

Yeah. What the fuck? I know. The double deuce. On the CD-ROM, he finds out that stupid Felix has written down when he's meeting the informant and where.

CD-ROMs are the safest place to keep confidential material, you guys. Sure, sure. Well, at that point, it was nobody had that technology. Yeah, so he goes and meets her, and she's got a shotgun, and it's full of... And a wig. It's great. It's full of...

Your wigdard was going off, huh? Yeah, big time. Big time. Full of an unsavory central casting situation. Yeah, that's right. It's basically like the bar in airplane that is full of unsavory characters. Yeah, it's crazy. It seems like everybody's working for Sanchez.

It looks like a theme park stunt show set. Yeah, he does. I love it. I love that they order two beers and limes are no limes, and they give them Budwisers with uncut lines on them. Like, full on lime. What am I supposed to? It's a cork.

Glasses, right? Yeah. I got no knife. Figure it out. Everyone here has a knife. It's like a bite. I do this with your teeth. But we meet Pam.

Yeah. That's her name, right? We've seen her before. She was at Felix Leiter's very briefly. She doesn't say anything. Like she seems like the secretary. Isn't he introduce her as a secretary? I think so.

Pam Bouvier, but then when she goes under cover, she's Kennedy. Did you notice that? Oh, is that a gloft? I think we must have talked about that last time. I don't know. I don't think we did. Yeah. That's amazing.

So she is just, you know, I think the 80s were peak shotguns. in a movie. Yeah, definitely. Except she's in a bar fight with a shotgun and never shoots anybody. That's crazy. She's just kind of like waving it around at people. She shoots a four-foot section of the wall out. Yeah, which shotguns always do. She seems

like she's a junior CIA agent or something. Yeah. Where she, like, instead of a license to kill, she has a permit to maim. And she's like not, she's very careful not to kill him. 107 in, permit to maim. Anti-mame. You know, she's got the Kevlar vest on.

I do like the scene where she's backing out of the hole. She just shot in the thing. It's reminiscent of the trash compactor sequence in Star Wars where Leia blasts had to open. Yeah. So then, I mean, we're on our way. We have Bond Girl number two of the movie. I feel like Bond Girl. The Bond Girl.

He hasn't met the first Bond Girl yet. He hasn't met the day by that. Has he been on the boat? Oh, no, right. Yeah, very briefly. Yeah. I think it's after the boat. He meets her on the boat.

Yeah, and he tells her not to do anything. He'll kill her. Don't scream, blah. Her acting is rough. I think a lot of it is ADR again, but that, because she was primarily a model. She does what she does. But though Carrie Lowell was a model, too, but I think she's better.

Some of our best actors and actresses were primarily models. So why, I mean, this is one of the movies where I found it the hardest to buy the bond seduction given that he puts no effort into seduction at all. Yeah, I'm with you on that. This is also a bad. bad time. Like if he's already conquered her. Well, no, this is a bad time to make out on a boat that just

run out of gas after everyone in that roadhouse bar is after you. Yeah. Let's go below decks. Why are we doing? Shouldn't we be paddling? Or make love in the open Florida air. Come on. I mean, it's humid. It's come on. You know? Air was already glistening.

Mosquitoes everywhere. Okay, so then they go to Isthmus, and he she she's not a CIA agent. Isn't she just a contract runner? Like doesn't she just... No, she's either working for the DEA or the CIA.

They say later. Remember she's... She had worked out a deal with Heller to get him to turn on Sanchez. And that's why that whole Stinger missile business is, as if he didn't need another plot. The ninth plot of this movie, the ninth bad guy plot.

And he's... And they toss away the line. He plans on shooting down a commercial airliner. And speaking of Wigdar, Heller. He's got... Heller Whigdard was gone. He's got a serious wig. Did you guys notice that Sanchez disappears from this movie for about 45 minutes?

No, does he? Yeah. Like after the, I drove off the bridge and quest, he's gone. Until the casino. Until the casino. And that is almost an hour where your primary antagonist is nowhere to be found. Huh, right. So it's lots of Milton Crest?

Yeah. It's right. It's really up to Milton Crest. It's really up to Milton Crest. It's really up. to, I mean, we get our bond in a casino, which is just every boy's dream. You just want your bond in a casino, but you don't want your James Bond playing blackjack. And he loses right away.

On purpose, I think you're right. I mean, he's clearly knows how to play. But why is the losing and then winning a good idea? Well, I think he's got to play for the deck to start counting the cards right. No, because he wants... He wants attention. He wants Sanchez to know he's there. So why doesn't just start...

Dumb sucker over here that's doing this right. Or here's this guy who's winning all of this money. Because that's what ultimately gets his attention is he's betting $25,000 a hand. Do we extend in the credit? Yeah, let him play. Yeah. That's interesting. It is like they go from Baccarat to Blackjet to Texas Hold'em.

And you could see that Bonds casino games follow the culture, definitely. Yeah, I also, it isn't. I mean, they should just go with roulette. That was Bond's game. Cusina Royale was roulette. No, it was Baccarat. No. Read the first chapter of Casino Royale where James Bond details his roulette.

Right, but he plays Les Chif and... But he only... You only get your official James Bond gambling guideline to roulette. No, you get a whole explanation about this podcast. You get an explanation of Bacrath. The whole podcast is over. You get an explanation of Bacchra, but you don't get the gambling method to Bacrott. You get an explanation of how the game plays, but you don't...

don't get how James Bond bets when he's playing the house on something, which is what you're doing in Blackjack. So I'm just saying. I'm looking forward to the Magic the Gathering game that he played in the club. That'd be amazing. Settlers of Caton. He like has to infiltrate a World of Warcraft team or something like that. I'm in.

He just goes to the Blizzard Arena. And he has to join a Team Fortress team. Mr. Bond, we were just beginning a game of secret Hitler. Mr. Bond, would you like to join my Starcraft team? We meet in Seoul. Okay, so I do have to point out this second worst double-take in James Bond movie history, first being pigeon, second being Timothy Dalton

when he sees Pam come in after she's purchased, she's gotten a haircut and bought a dress. Yeah. Or a business suit. Whatever it is. She's an address. Oh, right. When she,

yeah, when she first walks in as a secretary. Yeah, because it's, it's, I'm becoming to see Dalton do comedy or deliver a one liner and that one fills too over the top. He does a great job in hot fuzz. Yeah.

Yeah, because it's like he knows he's playing comedy and he plays it real, but here he's uncomfortable. Yeah. There is a one liner in this, what is it? I can't remember. And it's,

it's rough. Well, it's also in a completely an opportune moment when they're trying to escape the building that's burning. Oh, it's the Heller forklift. the hell of a moment of like he met a dead end. Yeah.

That moment alone is like from a slasher movie because the lights are red and he is delivered like a babysitter in a closet that's been killed and he has that one liner and it is so strange. And how long was that forklift just turned around in that building? I know. Because it busts through a wall. So how was it running straight at that for the longest time? Because Sanchez is a completely different part of the facility.

Impales him and then just let them go. That's right. I want to know the whole time. Like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead of that. I want to see that unfolding. With a Benny Hill music. Okay. So I will say this about Sanchez.

He, of all the times we've seen Bond treated well by a main villain in a movie, your gold finger at the, he needs, you know, here, pussy galore, take him around. Your doctor no, where he's in the lovely underwater hotel and he has taken care of, of all of the villains, I find Sanchez to be the nicest of the bunch. Because he believes him to be on his side. And I like, I like that. You don't get that much in the Bond movies.

I like that too. And the way he runs back into bed and Sanchez comes back in. And then says, like, I found the guy you were talking about. He goes, just one of them. And you see him endear himself to Sanchez even more. Yeah. And I love that part of it. Yeah.

That is my favorite thread of it all. It's like Bond actually being an agent. Yeah, which he would have done in the books. Like, he was undercover. And, yeah. Yeah, I really did enjoy that. That, this particular shade of the movie is, is the best part of the movie. When he's at his, when he's trying to play this villain.

Yeah. And it almost would work. Like, it would completely work if Benicio de Torre hadn't seen him in Roadhouse. Right. The movie. And Sanchez has a funicular in his hotel. Yes, yeah. And he also has a weird fish sculpture.

I am always fond of a funicular. Do you ever go to that one in downtown Illinois? I've never been to Angels Flight. Yeah. It's back up and running, isn't it? Yeah. Recently. We should all take a finicular ride and record it.

We can live our La La Land Dreams. It is, I like that house. I really just, part of me watching this wanted to just be like, well, James, why don't you just work for this guy? You seem to be being treated pretty well. You're already out of a job. You're not going back to my six after this. You guys get along. I mean, it seems you're going to have a great time.

I mean, he just killed your best friend and that's why you're here. But you look past that. But you do start to see the slow descent of Sanchez. where his mind just keeps going crazy where he's like, I can't trust anybody anymore. You know, and it's set up nicely

where his biggest thing is loyalty. And I think Bond is psychologically fucking with him, too. Like when he does the, oh, just the one. Yeah. It does feel like Bond is one step ahead of everybody,

which isn't something you are guaranteed in a Bond movie. Correct. And it's nice to see. Correct. Yeah. But, okay, so now we should really talk about... I'm just going to say, Bond is a very reactive hero, right? Yes.

Like, he only is moved to action because the bad guy does something, because terrorism or explosion or whatever. Like, this is, you're right, one of the few Bond movies where he's driving the story. Yeah, I think that's true. What are the others? Playing everybody. Where he's fully in...

Honor Her Majesty's Secret Service. Not that he's in control, but that he's like you're saying, Mark, like he's pushing the events along. He's making shit happen. Honor Her Majesty's Secret Service is kind of that way. I mean, Quantum of Salas. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe that's why I like that movie. I mean, Quantum of Salas inherently is very close to license to kill. He's really proactive in that. Yeah. Totally. It's both second movies. Down to the Yap and M and like. Both second movies.

Quitting. Yeah. And running away on an elevator thing, where there's probably a sniper outside, protecting Hemingway's cats. And explosions in the desert. Yeah. Right.

Oh, my God. This is interesting. Is it a reboot? Like, never say never a can was. Oh, my God. What if it was? We'll study that in future episodes. And he's just going out on revenge for Mathis, right?

Yeah. Oh, Mattis. Sweet Mathis. Okay. Johnny Mathis. We have to talk a little bit about. Oh, dear, drop. Uncle?

The, no, the main Sanchez plan, which is to sell shares. The Sanchez plan, like the Marshall Plan. Now, here's the other Sanchez plan, which it is to sell shares of this facility. This is like Goldfinger view to a kill territory of like... Right, but it seems to me that had Bond not gotten involved and had the Hong Kong agent not been involved, it seems to me that he would have happily taken the $100 million each from the syndicates and worked with them. Yeah, I don't think there would have been an issue. But keep in mind, if Bond hadn't been involved, this plan would have probably been thwarted by the Hong Kong guy or Pam Bouvier for her stinger thing with Heller.

Yeah. In some ways, he really did fuck shit up. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Okay, so we should... Before... Okay, so he wants $100 million each. from five syndicates to buy into his facility.

His facility is where Wayne Newton holds his telethons and meditation retreats. Have we found the most complicated bond plot? Because people often are baffled by Quantum of Solicent. I don't think it's as... Nearly as complicated. It's just more vague. Nearly as complicated is this one is sort of needlessly complicated. I wonder...

Right. And so there are five syndicates. We only meet the one. Right. Quote, unquote, orientals. Correct. No quote. They are Oriental as clearly labeled.

They have to buy... They have to buy... They have to buy in in bond. The Esperantos. I also, I like the character, the numbers guy. Did we talk about the last time when I first started doing comedy sports improv? I was 19 in Hollywood. And he was on comedy sports, too.

and he just stopped, like, playing regularly. So I only met him at this, like, reunion show. And I was like, you're Truman Lodge from License to Kill. I'm a young Matt Corley. Could I just hang out with you for a bit? Yeah. Do you think we could get him on the show? I haven't seen him since, but maybe.

I'm sure we could find him on Facebook. He was also in the TV version of the Magnificent Seven. Oh, wow. Yeah. It is. Oh, and his name's Anthony Stark, Tony Stark. Oh, my gosh. up. What are we doing here? Charmed life

of this guy. I've got to get him on the show. Maybe he can explain Wade Newton setting this $22,000 price. This is the thing I'm going to stick on until I die. What the hell is happening? Anyway. That was an arbitrary number, wasn't it? Well, he's like, I think we could... He's like crunching numbers, and he's like, I think we could sell this at $22,000 a kilo, and people will still pay it.

I think the dealers are going to buy it at $22,000 a kilo. Is that high for a drug? I'm clear. Seems high to me. But Sanchez tells him to keep it at 15, right? Like, don't get greedy. Yeah, I don't. It doesn't make any sense.

Anyway, this is the most complicated villain plot in the history of James Bond. Of the movies we've done. Of the movies we've done. In America, through America, using tankers filled with coke gas. Right. Maybe we need to rank the, like, clarity of the plots. We are going to rank the villain plots, for sure. So we can include it in that.

But, like, what have we done so far? We started with Gold and I. That one's relative. clearly. That's in that middling range. Golden eye is clear. GoldenEye is destroy the world economy by setting off an EMP.

Great. Very clear. And we did Goldfinger. Gold finger, clear, stupid but clear. Irradiate the gold, so my gold's worth more. Living daylights. Oh, that was... A little wacky. No, that wasn't next.

What did we do third? I don't know. I'm just talking about the ones we do to a kill. Yeah, that one's pretty... Microchips. Set off an earthquake so that I can be in charge of microchip manufacturing and monopoly on microchips.

Drown Silicon Valley. Then tomorrow never dies. Tomorrow never dies, which is the greatest plot of all. The Star World War III so I can cover it and get 100 years of exclusive broadcast rights in China. Perfect. That is all you need to say about that. Living Daylights.

I rest my case. Living Daylights is get a bunch of heroin. That one's complicated, but we got through it. Use the money to buy the weapons. No, use the money. To buy heroin to make more money. To get the heroin, which you can then sell for a profit and then get the weapons.

Yeah. Okay. License to kill. This one is the details are complicated. The basic plot is simple. He's developed a new way to smuggle drugs and he's getting these criminals to buy in on it and Bond thwarts him out of revenge. 140 characters, there you go.

Yeah, but then that guy's so mad about the facility going up because it costs $32 million when Sanchez appropriately points out you're holding $500 million in your briefcase. Was it in the briefcase or was it in the tankers? No, no, I mean, they had the tankers, they turned money into gasoline. They were worth $32 million each or something like that. And he had the bonds, $100 million bonds from each of them

for $500 million. I got so excited in this movie when Sanchez's helicopter pulls up to Wayne Newton's meditation retreat and the flame door opens up like it's a missile bay. The foreground miniature. And I was like, oh, okay, I figured it out.

Here's what's going to happen. There's a missile in there. That would have made things so much simpler. What's going on? And then I started building a different villain plot. Yeah. He's like, maybe here's what he wants to get out of the illegal drug business wants to get into the big pharma business.

So what he's going to do is launch a nuke and irradiate half of a country and then sell them anti-radiation meds. And it'll all make sense. That's a much simpler plan. But instead he just has this giant stone door built into his meditation retreat to land his helicopter. Which had to cost, I mean, 30 of the $32 million. Had to go to that, right? The antilevers, man. The horsepower to lift a helicopter door that.

Stone, I mean, how many tons would that way? I don't know. Probably, it's more than four. Pneumatic City, man. That's not easy. That's not easy. Numatic city. Instead of hydraulics, instead of water.

Or hydraulic fluid, it's cocaine. It's gasoline cocaine. Okay, so Bond, I mean, where do we go here? Well, let's talk about Q. Let's talk about his uncle. His Uncle Q. Or his hands, I'm putting his hands at GoldenEye minus three.

I disagree. I disagree with that hand rating. I was going to give it a golden eye plus one. No. Go back and look at golden eye. There's a scene. The scene when he is... His hands are in fine form for Desmond Llewellyn.

The scene... I think I most... I think I most noticed it when he opened up the radio broom that he then tosses, throws away. Well, that may have been... A man who cares so much about his equipment. I based my hands on the scenes in the hotel room where you see them the most. Now, that could have been a couple of...

weeks later and he hadn't been taking his baby aspirin or whatever. I don't know. I can't be helped. Okay. So you're giving it a golden I minus three. Could we split the difference, please, and make it a golden eye. I've never allowed anybody else in on this. Okay, we'll do it. We'll just make it a minus two for me.

We'll do it. Okay. Put an asterisk by that, anybody making a chart that that was a group effort and it's not wholly endorsed by the experts. The experts. Yes. The council. The council of ten.

The council, the hand, counsel. Yeah. Okay. So, I love Desmond Llewellyn in this movie. Yeah, I do too. He shows a real fondness for 007. And for Pam. Yes.

He's truly avuncular as an uncle in this thing. Like, he's sweet. I love the gadgets he brings. I really like the dumb camera sniper rifle. That turns them into x-rays. No, that's a separate Polaroid. camera. Right.

Okay. Sorry. Yeah. That shoots a laser beam that burns through walls, but also takes an x-ray picture. I mean, wouldn't it? I feel like the broom radio was a bit much. What part of it did you think was a bit much? Was it the fact that he still had to pull the antenna up?

Or that he could have just had a walkie-talkie because he only used it after the car. Right. And he could easily have concealed a dozen. antennas in the broom straws. Bristles, I suppose, we should say. Yeah. Excessive. It is excessive.

I like thermite toothpaste. Yeah, the dentin. I thought that was great. I like that it's operated by cigarettes that all have LEDs on them. And make noise. And make a lot of noise. I like... Okay, so essentially I think Bond's plan here is...

I'm just going to assassinate Sanchez, and then I don't care what happens. I'm just going to then leave the country and have a great life. I love his rope cummerbund that he's got. Sure. So he, and he would have gotten that shot off too, had he not been thwarted by two ninjas. When I hear you say it, that is when I go, what the fuck? that's like so shoehorned in because they were popular. And not even like this is five years after the ninja craze.

Yeah, this is no longer like enter the ninja. Right. Yeah. Yeah, this is post double dragon. This is a world where ninjas. It's been around. It was receded from the scene. Weird sequence where Heller shows up in a tank or something, right?

Is that Heller? Yeah, he's wearing a beret. Yes, he's wearing a beret. Seemingly borrowed it from Joe Don Baker. Right. Weird. Yeah. Okay.

And that's when they find Bond on the torture table. Right, the quote unquote Oriental's. Yes. But this is also when we meet the most British person in the movie. I love this guy. I tried to look him up. He hasn't done a hell of a lot. Shingen Smyth himself.

He's just got, I don't know. There's something about this guy that's just right. It's the hairline. It's the teeth. His piercing blue eyes. The piercing blue eyes. It's the accent. He's got the total.

package and we've been asked on Twitter to rename this most English. I disagree. I understand, I understand that, that British doesn't mean English necessarily. Right. You know, but what we're taking the old, like the, the same as the quote unquote Orientals. This is like, this is a nod to Fleming's indecency in terms of political correctness. Sure. It has to be the most British person. I hope you understand that, whoever wrote that. And if you don't, don't blame me. Blame the author. We're just saying true to it. Okay. So, we find, this is when Sanchez finds Bond and then starts to think he can trust Bond, because Bond wakes up. I do like the way Timothy Dalton wakes up in the house. Like,

what? Ah, ha, ha. Oh, just to the fish, right? Yeah. Well, he's in his jammies. Like, who put him in the jammies? Who did Sanchez? No, probably one of his little henchman or lupé maybe a little bit like pads around the giant room like meg ryan and a romantic cottage what am i missing where is everybody flum flum flume this is the only time we see dalton with his shirt off i think too he's not yeah like this is another thing i think i like about dalton is he's like i'm not going to work out for this role i'm going to just be who bond would be which is a regular guy kind of in my members only jackets yeah yeah dock siders and we're going to fight some crime.

He's the only bond that makes me feel I would ever come close to being a bond because he's just kind of a regular guy. You know, like he just doesn't feel

Hollywood to me. You know what I mean? I think I know what you mean, but he's still unattainable to me. Well, me too. I'm not saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying he's

the closest, you know? Everything else you can find at the lodge. I could grow six more ranches. I could do all kinds of things. He doesn't work out. I don't think he really exercises. And he's just kind of real, you know? Yeah. He plays this, I like his acting in this movie. He's the most real bond. He's the most Fleming bond, right? We've decided that. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So now that we've gotten him ninja attacked. Did we, did we backwards paddle a little bit? We were. We did. We reversed. We were in Wayne Newtonville for a while. We reversed to discuss the assassination attempt and Q. However, with this plot, it makes little difference. It does not make it. Imagine if this plot was what it was, but unfolded in a Christopher Nolan memento sort of way. Like, that would be.

Yeah. Maybe then it would make sense. Sharky. Yeah. Oh, Sharky. Sharky was great. Okay, so Pam has the money. So, okay, so Bond has been...

Is she aware of Bond's plan? Oh, this is also when Bond sees her with Heller and gets mad. Yes. At her thinking she's working with him. But he plays that, interestingly. Like, he really does feel personally offended, it seems. I kind of like that. Like, he wasn't just business.

Yeah. Because this is personal. Hmm. Not that personal. This movie. Because he still sleeps with Lupe after this. But that's... He does.

He does. That is friend. been called. But as Q likes to say, he has to use all means at his disposal, which means his dick. So, and then Lupe does fall in literal love with him. Yeah. Which is, I love him so much. I love him so much.

Why? Have you met James Bond? She doesn't have the best choice in men. No. That's true. But she does get an iguana. She does with that lovely diamond bracelet. It's so dumb.

The dumbest. It's so dumb. Okay, back to Wayne Newton. He's another reason why this movie is such a strange outlier. Just that he's in a Bond movie, but not on a stage in a Vegas show in the background. Yeah. And like, you know, I think those Brosnan movies always fall in the middle. They're neither outliers nor innovators.

And this one at least goes, like, few to a kill. They go a little crazy. Yeah, for sure. But it is. So he's like, running a cult or something like that. She comes from the Kansas City chapter. Everybody was asleep at the wheel in this movie.

Like John Glenn in his fifth bond movie. He probably knew it was his laugh. He didn't wake up. Thousands of dollars. Go on without me. Action. They may have at this point thought like this franchise is unsinkable. It doesn't matter what the hell we do.

And this one didn't perform well and maybe it kind of was a self-correcting thing. This is also the movie that's, the Menendez that we've covered in the first one, the Menendez brothers bought the tickets for this movie as their alibi, license to kill. They bought tickets for license to kill as their alibi when they killed their parents. And one of these guys wore a wig. Yeah.

Wow. Interesting. It all comes around. Okay. We're in the home stretch here, guys. We are into Gasoline City, Benicio del Toro. Conveniency of the mask, so you give a little more suspense to it. Well, you're like, oh, who's the new guy?

Yeah. And Sanchez is really just patting him on the back, really buddy, buddy with him. Yeah. And then Benicio Dutoro recognizes him and says he's an informant, which I don't know that he is correct in saying. Well, he knows he was meeting with the CIA agent. Did he know who Pam Bouvier was at that point? I don't. But they knew they were enemies.

Yeah, like he shows up at the. double-duce to kill Pambouier, right? Is that because he's onto her's heller scheme? Do we know why that? The stingers of it all is confusing. The Stinger missile, again, so that Sanchez can eventually blow up a passenger plane. Mm-hmm. Kind of.

It doesn't make any sense. It really doesn't make any sense. But the Stingers are why she's involved. Yeah. Slash. She read the CD wrong. Maybe at Felix's house or over her? Maybe.

Well, she was meeting with CIA with Felix because they're both in the CIA. Okay. Right. Well, all right. Let's talk about the fact that he doesn't, the cocaine crushing machine that essentially is a huge grinding thing that all it is there for, all this machine does is take the bricks of cocaine and break them up. Seems excessive. They went old school and just had like the naked lady. doing that work.

If this was New Jack City, which is a bunch of naked ladies breaking the giant bricks up, but that's a different kind of picture. Now, does he, does Bond get to say a one-liner to Benicia Latoro? Does he at least get to say

this is for Felix? He does. Right? No, he says that to Sanchez. I like when Dario goes in that thing, you don't see liquid blood, but the cocaine powder

turns to a red cloud powder. That was really, That was really neat. Yeah. Yeah. And he's really having a good time acting there. He's really screaming up with him. Screaming at Latoro, there's never been a time when he hasn't had a good time acting.

Oh, Benicio. I do like that the implement of Dario's downfall was almost identical, but mechanical to the instrument of lighters de-legging. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. It's just teeth. It's gnawing, munching teeth. There is a good, and I wish that Bond pulled them up. Yeah.

Stumpy. Oh, right. You know? And they'll die of blood loss. We even talked about Dario's knife he uses a couple of times, and I feel like they're kind of, it's not clear, but it's like one of those that pops out his sleeve, but the way they edit it, you never actually see it come out. It's just always a arm moving. Yeah, if it's like a butterfly knife or whatever is happening. Yeah, but I think it's like a taxi driver gun, but a knife or something, I don't know.

Like the way Fonzie would manipulate a comb or a jukebox. I feel like if you were going to give a standalone movie to any henchman, I feel as if Dario's would be the most interesting. Interesting. You don't want to know how Jaws got those jaws? I mean, you don't want to know where Nick Nack came from? You don't want to know how odd job. I'm assuming the town of Paddywack.

I mean, yeah, they're all kind of interesting, but Dario's feels like it's super special. like he was a dancer once. Yeah. He does wear his jacket is very conquistador. Yeah, or yes. Or, yeah, like, or Mattador or something, like Toriodore or whatever. He's a door. He's adorable.

But, like, I'm sure lots of them would have interesting stories. That would be bad shit crazy. Didn't they... God, where did I see this? Did we just talk about this? Something about how, was it Davy and Del Toro were kind of kind of hanging out a lot and they came up with the back story that he was like his uncle. Did we talk about this on the henchman episode or something?

Maybe I was theorizing this, that he's his nephew. I think I was saying this. I imagine Dario is Sanchez's nephew and he like takes him into the business or something like that. I'll buy it. I don't remember. But I still want to know about his bullfighting past. Yeah.

I've decided now he bullfights. He was a gay toy. So once we've dispensed with him and he shut, she shut. the bloody machine off. wearing the virginal gown of a ceremonial sacrifice. Which I enjoyed. Sure. Then there is some plane flying and...

She drops him on the tanker. She drops him on the tanker that Sanchez is driving. Sanchez gets out trying to kill him, firing his gun at all kinds of gasoline. How do you guys feel about this? I know, like the wheeling. and there are some bad moments in it, but this sequence as a whole, as a climax and as a stunt sequence, feels out of place because it's semis for a Bond movie, but I still love it, the cause and effect of it or something.

I like it, because it's like him systematically taking each tanker out. Yeah, it feels like a Spielberg thing or something, because each thing kind of plays into the next thing. And it's also weird that, like, they're, in the same way that you see the German Shepherds get up in true lies, because you're supposed to know that the dogs weren't really hurt. That's how each driver is treated. It's true. It's true. And even those henchmen that get crop dusted,

they turn into, like, kind of wacky keystone cops or something. Yeah, the way they're running and shooting. But it is well directed and edited. It's not always the most paced thing. Storyboarded. You always know what's happening. And that's not easy with at least three identical tankers to know what's going on.

I got a bit of, like, a Ronan vibe. Yeah. Sure. You know, we're on the... mountain passes and the cameras are low. Yeah. Yes, you know, we're going under trucks and over trucks and between trucks and machete fights on the trucks. But it's all pretty well done.

The wheelie is one step too far. I'm with you. I will even, my love for Knight Rider will buy you a semi up on the two wheels, like driving over a stinger missile. I like how wobbly it is, too. Yeah. It seems real. it's because they're wheelie yeah

the two wheels on the side yeah is real they had to put a truck up yeah dude had to drive it like I'm always I'm always there for the practical stunt that way yeah I'm with you though

the wheelie was just one of those like truck show things where they would wait the back end and not the order they built because the hinge is in the middle of the frame of the chassis of the truck so to build a truck that hinges

so the top goes up with the two rear drive wheels stay down and that's the middle That's not how wheelies work. Yeah. So I just, come on. Yeah.

Guys. Well, I think you end up with the best villain death, I think. Maybe, but just on that, like, the reason why that doesn't work for me is because of this movie. In a Roger Moore film, I would have been fine with it. But it just, especially for what this film is asking you to care about, it seems pretty silly. I mean, if I'm going to buy the, B. Yeah. Where the Dotson, right?

Is that a Dotson? I forget. Isn't it a duster? Plymouth Duster? Maybe it's a Dutton. I don't know. Either one. But there is a slide whistle involved.

So you think this is the best villain death? I do. You mean just because it's just desserts and gruesome? Yeah, and personal. And he gets to be like, this is why this is happening to you. This is why your world has fallen apart. You did this to my friend Felix.

And Sanchez gets a brief moment of, oh, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Does he expect Sanchez to have read the lighter in the harsh desert side? I know that I could barely read it in close up. Does this look like anything to you? I know.

You went to things remembered? Maybe that's what we should rank is villain deaths. It's a good one. Because they don't all die. We got plenty of fucking episodes to do. Villain villain. But I do like, and I like, it's not a bad burning. Yeah, it's not a, it's not a, oh, it's not a,

Oh, this is clearly a guy in a fire retardant suit. It's good. And then the explosion behind him is beautiful. When he's running away. Yeah. And he's really doing it. Yeah. Yeah, it's good.

So a thumbs up for Glenn on that. Pretty decent practical stuff. And then I think we should probably discuss the post-villain death party that happens at his home. The bottom is. Is it his home? That's his home, right? It's not like the president's palace or something. The Sanchez's apartment.

And the way that he says to Lupe, no, no, no, I think you and the old president are going to make a great couple. I'm going to jump into this pool. Also, Q's still here. It's basically like we're at the rap party for the film and went, oh, fuck, we forgot to shoot the last scene. All right, places everyone. That's crazy. Is that president the same one as the other one who's Pedro Al-Madars? He's the actual son of the guy from Russia with love.

Oh, good. Love that guy. Yeah, that played Karim. Right? Is that right? Yes. Doesn't matter. It's late.

Can I ask you guys a super tangential question? But it's been on my mind for a while. Yeah. Maybe it'll go, maybe this is too. a question for the tail end of an episode, I don't know. But I remember you guys had been talking at one point about the Doctor Who version of James Bond's origin.

The continuity versus... Patented Matt Meyer theory. If you search that theory on the internet, I am the first instance of it. Continue. And I just wanted to know why the pros and or cons, because I think I remember you guys coming down pretty con. I'm a hard con. James Bond being a...

identity that agents in 007 take on. Yeah. We like to think of it as a floating timeline, much the way that Bart Simpson has been 10 years old for 30 years. We don't even need to think of it that way. That's what it is. That is what it is. It is.

It really is. The whole code name thing is a reverse engineered thing. thing done by fans and I don't feel it's necessary. Now, of course, my time lord theory would allow for us to continue watching these movies and enjoying the fact that it is in fact the same person.

He just regenerates into a different face which is the whole Doctor Who of it all. Well, I'm going to go with the Jason Goes to Hell theory where the spirit of James Bond dies and then enters another body. On board for that. Okay.

The Demon Gate version. But that's just me trying to think of a way to make this all the same person from start-to-finish. I don't even know if they were even aware of fans are talking about this, but the Skyfall Graves really does put that to rest. Like there's an Andrew Bond and a Sophie Delacroix Bond or something like that. Yeah. That was one of the reasons why I was not that big a fan of Skyfall. Oh, because you like the code? Because I like the code name. Oh, you did like the code name.

I liked in the same way that regeneration allows a perfectly in-story reason why you get different actors all the time. The codename also explains why these bonds all have different phases. It explains why Emma is a different person. Oh, your predecessor or whatever. Like we understand that these are not actual names of people, that this is, we're spies. And it also is okay if he tells everybody in the world his name is James Bond. Why wouldn't he just go to 008? Like, why wouldn't they just keep rising in numbers?

Because by now they'd be at, like, 00-49, which is hard to say. Or just 249. Yeah, but the double-Os are cool. Yeah. It just, it was one of those things that, at least for me, didn't detract from the story itself, but just added a little something to them. Would you, Mark, have been pleased if they had done the initial, initially in the Skyfall script, they were discussing casting, Sean Connery in the Albert Finney role and making Skyfall be

essentially a retirement home for all the double O's. And they were talking about getting Dalton in there and they would all be in there helping that. That would have been mind-blowingly awesome. You don't think that's too clever by half? I mean, it's cutesy as hell. But if you're going to do it, then do it.

If you don't have a better ending for that movie and I'm honestly not sure that the ending of Skyfall works for me as well. I like it to. I like the balance of that movie, but the very tail end, it gets small. I'm not,

but I don't want to relitigate. At the end of the day, no, at the end of the day, I am glad and super glad they didn't go that way. I would still like to see it's a special feature. I would still love to see it. Yeah.

Yeah. There's apparently, I mean, to super derail, in a, in Reckett Ralph 2, there is a sequence where they go into, I knew you were going to go to this.

a princess bar where the princess played by Sarah Silverman is walking to this bar and because it's Disney, they got the voices of every living Disney princess to be in this bar. So there's Ariel and Bell and Jasmine and

everybody because it's we're Disney and of course all of the princess is still alive and of course they all hang out at a bar and it's too clever by half and yet there's a moment where you're just this is kind of amazing. This is incredible. like give me this thing. I like that.

I love it too. I love the idea too, but it's something better suited for like an opening of the Academy Awards or the Olympics helip parachuting. Yeah, they were going to get all together for that. That's a shame. And they never did. They could have done it.

They could have gotten them all in the same room, but now Sir Roger is no more. They should do like what they did with Monty Python and just bring an urn with his ashes. Yeah. Like the urn from view to a kill. Love it. We just have Tony Robbins screaming out. All right, so let's rate this film, shall we? It's a license to kill.

You've done it. I haven't even thought of it. From zero to the 007. So, 0000 is the bottom. Is the bottom, and 007 is top of the line. Ooh, do I get to go first? If you like. If you'd like, or if you'd like.

Can we decimal this? Yes, you can. Yeah, I had to. Yeah. I am I am a double 01.5 Interesting This was a surprisingly

Rough go Interesting Okay Thank you for being honest I appreciate your honesty Which is very small Yeah And of all the things

I wanted my bond movies Miniscularity And yet no Nostalgia points For being your first bond Because Octopus he was mine In the theater In that ways

Probably bumps it up a full point for me I mean Never say never again is my first one. Oh, that's right. That's true. That one. That's a lot. That's unheard of. We're blowing the scale. But this one did not do well for me.

Matt? Well, for me, this is going to, this movie's going to get a 003. I was tempted to give it a 3.5 to put it squarely in the middle, but I'm going to put it below the middle. 003. That's exactly

what I'm going to do is put it right in the middle at 003.5. I think this is a middle of the road bond. But it could be a bad bond, but it's the weirdness that ironically bumps it up for me. The non-bond stuff in this is what does it for me,

because there are so many bonds now that I like variety, good or bad. Yeah. Yeah. And listen, it's been hard, it's been hard for us going back through all of these to sort of really pantheon everything.

You know, and I feel like you and I are grading things with an awareness of what we still have to do. Yeah, that's true. You know what I mean? Yeah, we're trying to look at the whole big picture. And speaking of that. Speaking of that. It's time to pick the next film. It is very much time to pick the next film.

It's over to you, Matt. You know, I've been thinking a lot about this, and I think that it's time for us to visit our latest James Bond, Mr. Daniel Craig. but I don't think you can do casino without doing Quantum immediately following it so we're actually going to jump to Skyfall next wow okay we're gonna we're gonna pop in I really feel like it's Mark's fault

I am sorry but I'm also tre jalous of whoever gets to discuss the skyfall skyfall it is there you have it well Mark if you're still if you're free on at 9 p.m. on 30 Thursday nights. Could be you.

Yeah. You never know. You should see the line out the front door right now. Oh, man. Mark, where can people find you? What's coming up for you next?

I am on the Twitters and Instagrams at Mark Bernardin, M-A-R-N-A-R-N-A-R-D-I-N. I'm fat man on bat-manning at a frighteningly regular pace with Kevin Smith on the YouTube's at YouTube.com slash Kevin Smith.

I just wrapped my first season on Castle Rock, the Hulu show from J.J. Abrams and Stephen King, which will allegedly hit the Hulu screens in 2018. And I am in the early stages of a new podcast Venture. Oh. With the great and wise and wonderful Tricia Helfer. Oh. We are doing the Battlestar Galactic cast.

Oh. And we're going to roll our way through 77 Up at a Tiltile Star. I love that show. I love that show. I've never watched it. Oh, it's so good. And the reason I've never watched is because I know how deep I have to dive into things I love.

That's how I am with Twin Peaks. I love Ronald D. Moore so much. Yeah. That I was like, I do not have room in my life for Battlestar Galax. I made room after watching one or two episodes. I hate that up. It is so,

it is so strong in so many ways. and then goes off the rails in so many interesting ways that I'm really looking forward to it. That's great. We recorded a pilot and we're hunting for a podcast home. But there's a couple of promising leads. So definitely by the end of the year. We'll roll that out.

Matt, you're on After Trek, Sunday nights. Sunday nights right after your Star Trek discovery. On your CBSL access, you can find me Tuesday nights at midnight on Alpha. You can go to Project Alpha.com. and watch Sidekick with Matt Myra. Watch this episode comes out on Tuesday, and tonight, Matt Goreley is the host of the show, and Seth Morris is our guest,

so you can tune in and watch Matt and I interact in real video if you go to Project Alpha.com. It's called Sidekick with Matt Myra. That's the name of the show. And Wednesday nights, if you're sitting around at 8 p.m., you want to turn on ABC, you can check out the Goldbergs. That's right.

For me, I'll be on Sidekick with Matt. Myra, Tuesday tonight, and then, you know, the usual other podcast places. But also, check out my wife's new podcast, The Complete Wedding on Stitcher Premium, part of the Complete Woman series. I'm on it as well, but this is her joint, and I helped with the production and stuff. It's really, really funny. I can't recommend this thing enough. Also, she has a new podcast with former guest Maria Blasucci called The Big Ones, where they

tackle the big philosophical questions like if you were at a wedding and you found out that the groom cheated on the bride five minutes before would you tell her and they discussed things like that comedically it's really good and finally go to podswag.com slash bond and buy the uh either hashtag cananga balloons or hashtag pigeon double take cananga balloons now i want a bunch like a like a disney balloon vendor with a bunch of canangas just floating up there. Why didn't we make an actual cananga balloon? Well, we'd have to probably ask you off at Koto if we could use his likeness. He's dead, right?

Didn't he die? No. Did he not die? No, no. What you're remembering is his tale of UFOs where he was adducted as a child. Brought this up and killed him for his face. Can we also do sharky buoys? Oh, that sounds.

This is all great. Great, great stuff. I just have to Google that really quickly to make sure. Yeah, Yaffa Koto is still very much work. He sure is. All right. Well, thank God. Thank God for small miracles.

Ladies and gentlemen, Yafat Koto is still with us. This is James Bonding. Skyfall would be the next episode. And James Bonding will return. James Bonding Podcast. Hey, this is Arnie Necamp from the Improft Fantasy podcast. Hello from the Magic Tavern. I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical land of food.

and I started a podcast. Season three has just begun with a brand new adventure to defeat the Dark Lord. If you're a new listener or you've fallen behind season three is a great jumping on point and we've got great guests

like Justin McElroy. I sat like a fancy college professor. Fake Nats. Rachel Bloom. You all see my collection of men, corpses, and one woman. Felicia Day and Colton Dunn. You've seen me have intercourse

with a variety of species. It's a bummer. Andy Daly. You have the members of Genesis listed, but Phil Collins has crossed out and then circled it crossed out again. Yes, I have killed Phil Collins twice. Thomas Middle Ditch. Jesus, I mean, Jarzos.

Ruler of the eighth circle. And that's just the beginning. Season three of Hello from the Magic Tavern is out now. Listen in Stitcher, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.