Live from SF Sketchfest 2020!
00:00Matt and, Matt and, Matt and, James Bonding podcast.Hello, listeners, this is Matt Goorley.This episode of James Bonding was recorded on the 19th of January, 2020, at San Francisco SketchFest.The audio quality ended up being not very good when we received it, but we put it together, we did a little doctoring, and we got it in decent shape.So, if you hear a little hissing here and there, it could have been a lot worse.Please enjoy.Everybody.Thanks guys for not watching football and joining us today.
00:46Go Niners or something.Well, speaking of San Francisco, we are in the home of A View to a Kill,and I think we should start by celebrating that.I was thinking about this on the way here that...When aren't you thinking about a View to a Kill?That's true. I'd say 90% of the time.And that's not just what I'm doing.I actually schedule that in the day to have 90% of my day.
01:09So like some people meditate, you build in time,in your day to think aboutview to a kill.Yeah.I was thinking about howMax Zornfell off the Golden Gate Bridge.This is going to get a little
01:21macabre.But I was watching this morningin the hotel I woke up and put on that.I think it's the SundayToday show with Jane Polly.I forget.It's the one that's like all human interest stories.And they were interviewing
01:32a guy who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridgewhen he was like 19, but he survived.And it made me thinkMax Zorin could still be out there.He could walk in heretoday.Whoa.Sorry.
01:46What?I'm going to have a sip.Okay.Back.So here's the thing.I think he did survive.Okay.Okay.
01:59And I think he started Facebook.Yeah.And then he was like, oh, my plan was so terrible where I wanted to destroy all the manufacturing,but none of the manufacturing actually happens here.Usually happens in China.He wanted to destroy the assembly line.Yeah, which was a terrible plan because none of the manufacturing.is actually happening in Silicon Valley.
02:24Even if he died, though, you could dragthe bay, and I feel likethe villain in this new film, who's allinto genetics, could clone and have a littlearmy of Zorans.Like three-foot-tall Zorans?Yeah. But fully grown men, but they'rethree-foot-tall. I figured out cloning, I just
02:40can't make them tall.The point is,how are you guys?I think they're all delighted. Are we all James Bondfans here? Yes.Are you excited aboutabout the new movie or what?Yeah.
02:55We put on the trailer herewhen we were setting up this videoand I just about wet my pants.He did say,hang on, I'm going to start it overbecause now I want to watch itand we stood right hereand watched the screen.
03:07Yeah.Look, I think I'm excited about it.It's weird because it's like this whole thingwhere I have to,we have to like make peace with Daniel Craigriding off into set sunset.I know.People sign.
03:20I don't think he's going to do.I don't think he's going to die because it's clear from the title.He has no time for it.The movie's a minute long.There's a rumor floating about the current cut is 310.I heard that.Yeah, in fact, let's segue into Bond 25 News.I'm happy to do that.
03:38So here we go, guys.We've gone through multiple directors, multiple screenwriters.Still, we will never be able to do the forensic deep dive on the scriptto figure out if Purvis and Waiter is terrible as we think they are.Or don't think they are.Or don't think they are.I'm more on the side of maybe they were never the problem.And I have no evidence.
03:57Yeah.But, like, they were mainly the guys who did your least favorites, you know.That's true.Your Pierce Brosnan's.Yeah.May he rest in peace.He's still with us.Do you see him at the Golden Gloves with his full-on KFC beard and mustache?
04:18Look, say what you will about his Bond movies.I love the man and he's an amazing looking fellow.He's probably the most handsome of all bonds,if I had to take an audience of the vote of myself.Yes, he is the most fan.Is he the most handsome of all James Bond?Conventionally handsome, do you think?Okay, there's a smattering of applause.
04:35Well, I mean, if we're talking like rugged handsome,you've got your Conneries and your Craigs.If you've got your conventionally pretty,it's Brosnan and Moore.And then what do you got your Lays and Bees and Dalton's in the middle?Just to round it out.You got to bridge the gap.the gaps up your L&Bs I think that's where it is in the middle you're LLBs LLBs LLB in guys let's think about it done okay so three hours and 10 minutes I hope they do you think I hope it I hope that's just like do you think there's any possible way it releases anywhere close to that no longest running time right now we have is Cuantu Solis correct no that's the shortest oh I met Cazale right it's the longest two I think two two
05:20Something. The movie that feels likeit's two movies and should have been cut in half.I mean, if you're not being generous.I'm not. I love the movie,but it feels very long.This one, I don't want them to wind up cuttingso much stuff out of this movie that it feelslike Rise of Skywalker.
05:36Right. Where they rushed two moviesinto one. Yeah. Where you're watching someone play avideo game and they're skipping the cutscenes.I'm sorry.I'm just watching Lady Tin Soldiersright now.On the screen.So, you know, three hours and ten minutes, it's a little worrisome that there is that much script.
05:55But most movies kind of get that version on their first cut, I think.Most of these franchise movies.I mean, if you're throwing everything in, I'm hoping it's like you're two and a half,and then you cut it down to two ten.I don't know why it's specific like that in my head, but that's what I'm hoping it is.Is your problem too much bomb?Maybe.Well, I just don't want it to be, like, plotting, like, boring sort of,
06:20Like, I like shoe leather.I've been watching a lot of 70s espionage crime thrillers, and they are so slow, and I'm just along for the ride.At some point, like, a gunfight will happen, and I'll be like, whoa, slow it down.We don't know enough about these people.If you took a 70s, your standard 70s thriller kind of thing and cut out all the scenes of people walking in and out of doors.Oh, it'd be a commercial.It'd be a four and a half minutes long.Yeah.
06:48It'd be an action-packed commercial.I watched this movie called St. Ives with Charles Bronson, and there's just driving.Just driving, not even in a classic car.I mean, there is that, too, but it's just...Do they keep cutting to the gas gauge?I'm telling you.Like, well, it's on the radio.Let's get a close-up on the upholstery.
07:08Yeah, I just don't...I don't know if a three-and-a-half-hour...Someone was saying something about them cutting it into two,which has never been done, or I'd...You've heard that rumor?I saw it.It doesn't mean I've...I mean, it's just someone tweets something at you,
07:26and then all of a sudden I've heard that rumor.It's true, then.That's how rumors start.That's how news happens in voting now.But, like, I think that the idea of a two-part...What do you think of that?What if they did that?I'd love it.
07:40Then we'd get an extra Daniel Craig movie.I mean, I think any time you do split those...The last Harry Potter did that in the Hunger Games,they're not great, right?That's not a great result, probably.Does it feel like just too much padding it out to make it?Yeah, and maybe a little self-important.The greatest example is The Hobbit, which should A not have existed and B, shouldn't have been nine movies.
08:03Yeah.Or a hundred.How many movies was it?It was a hundred.Yeah, it felt like a hundred movies.Yeah.Although if there's a big scene at MI6 where they're all eaten sloppily, I'll watch it, singing a song.I thought you could say that they're all eating sloppy joes.
08:16Wood watch, ten out of ten.Just imagine Ray finds M just pulling a bit.about. First he'd flop his tie over his shoulder.Take his braces off.Oh, that man doesn't need a brace to remind him how to stand up straight.No, his suspenders.No, he's a human back brace.His posture is incredible.
08:37He is like, if that's how you level walls in England, you get Ray Fines to stand in.He's perfectly plumb.I saw someone commenting on the trailer that Ray Fines kind of looked like he had apunch.but, and believe me, I've looked at this shot.Freeze frame it.He does not.His hand is hiding the fact that his, like, back has such a,
08:58he's like a human question mark, but somehow very straight.I have this problem, too.My back really curves in, and it makes me look like I have a gut sometimes,and I do not.I do.I do.I do.Okay, so if it's, I also want to figure out, like,
09:15I'm very excited about Phoebe Waller Bridge doing this last pass.on the script.Yeah.Three people are also excited.I think everybody's probably pretty excited about that.That's a great question.A round of applause.Who's excited about that?
09:31That's truly thrilling to mebecause, you know,loving what she's making these daysand some touch of that coming to the Bond universe,I think, is...Season two of Fleabegg is so fucking good.Yeah.That I just...
09:45I want, you know, what was his name?What was the guy who...I just keep calling him Moriardi?Oh, you mean C, yeah.Like if he somehow survived that fall,uh, well, Zoran did.And then was back in it. And like when he survived the fall,he decided to turn to God and then became a priest.
10:04And then went to World War I.How many bond villains could still be alive?Because Zorn could, uh, Georgi from living daylights could,we never saw him die.Yeah. Um, and I think that, you know,the whole Zorn thing, too, is like,If you do, there's a, like, 8% chance you survive that fall, right?80%?
10:268.Oh, 8.Yeah.Yeah, no, definitely, that's science.But he's also, he's also not jumping from the railing.He's falling from the blimp.He's almost double.Which is, like, double the height.
10:38So probably chances go down after there.Well, maybe he somehow, like, the wind swayed him back onto that sweeping pipe,and he just slid down.Grace Jonesfully.Yeah.And then he just hitchhiked to Modesto.I mean, this is all part of my larger theory of the Mrs. Dau-Fire view to a kill-shared universe.And that's a solid theory.
10:59Yeah.I mean, the whole time, I think Bond is, he's undercover as Stu, you know, from Mrs. Dau-Fire.Does the rock factor into that same universe?Well, the rock, of course, does, I think the rock is its own sort of James Bond gold-finger-shared universe.So that's not in the Miss Dau-Fire universe.No.No, you got to specifically.You can only have two shared universe
11:21San Francisco movies at a time.What about Bullet?Bullet is in the Sierra Universeas the Rock, weirdly.Can I speak to you off-stage?The thing aboutVito Kill, we were talkingabout this aggregate
11:39rating that you foundonline. If you haven't heard,it's not news, butsomeone aggregatedthe ranking scores ofIMDB for all the bonds.IMDB, Rotten Tomato's critics,rotten tomatoes audience,
11:54and then put the final definitive ranking.Yes.So, according to that ranking,the worst James Bond movie isa view to a kill.Not including 67 Casino Royale.Right.So that's how you know this ranking is false
12:12and we're living in a post-fact reality.Right, yeah.But it's just like, to me,it's like how bad could critics have thought that moviewas when it came out. Really bad.But like, is itinherently terrible? Are weclouded by our love of Roger Moore?
12:27Maybe, but it's actually good that we're herebecause does itcolor your opinion of the movie that it takes place inmany of your hometowns? I mean, I'm assumingmost of you live here. Does thatgive you a special pride for this film?No, I'm thinking a lot of headsshaking. No. If a James Bond movie
12:45took place in Whittier, I'd be allover it. Like,they go to Nixon's old childhood home.Oh man,Bond 26.The people that are shaking your heads,do you like the movie?Yeah.
13:00But the fact that it takes placedoesn't help.Like, for me...But doesn't?You don't like seeing your city halland the...Apparently not.What's your big bridge called?
13:09What's your big bridge called?Just kidding.The,you know, if there wasa way to sort of categoricallyimpartially rate Roger Moore movies,which I cannot divorce myself from my love of the cornyness of more.I can't either. I don't. I don't know where he would stand
13:29in sort of the annals of bond history. I do feel likethat objectively, they're not good.But I feel... I think the only people that really...As a group, this is generalizing.Is probably Generation X because he was our bond whenwe grew up. But are you technically amillennial or a generation? I am technically a millennialaccording to charts on the internet.
13:54Yeah, but I was, as I've always said,I was born 40, so I'm probably a boomer.But I think people before himthat had Connery don't appreciate himprobably understandably, and people after him...I mean, look at the way he rises into the credits.It's incredible. Just like...How is he see-through? No animation whatsoever.
14:12They just like, it's like they have a clear slideand they just lifted it in a month into the camera.100% what it is.Roger, can we get you for the credits?No, do you?But he's so, and he did, let's see,he's done the most movies, he no longer has the longest tenurethat now belongs to Daniel Craig.
14:30And I think, you know,had the writer's strike not happened in 2008,I think we would have had at least one more James Bond moviefrom Daniel Craig than we currently have.Oh, you don't think that even though it would have happenedin a shorter amount of time, he wouldn't have,I think he still would have quit at this number.This number, or this,
14:47time, this number. Really?I do believe that, man, and that'sthe truth. Okay.I mean, he's saying now in interviews, like, he's sadto say goodbye to it, whichmakes me thinkhe's a humanbeing who changes his opinion all the time like myself.
15:04Yeah. But I just,I really wish hehad, I wish heand Brosden to some extenthad gottenbetterscripts than, because he,Sierra Royale Skyfall, which are great.
15:20And then, you know how I feel about Tomorrow neverdies? It's fantastic.And GoldenEye,like, those, they havelike two really good bond movies.And then the other stuff,okay, look,let's just take the, to individualize
15:35the bonds as a franchise, right?So let's just take the, let's just callit the Brosnan verseand the Craig verse.Okay. And if you look at these,the breadth of the work,you're like, okay, there's two movies in there that you're like, all right.If only those existed.
15:52Right.They're 50-50.Yeah.So, but what I wish had happened for Dan.Craig was I wish that, I wish Spector, I wish we weren't so tricked by Spector.When we first saw, we loved it.Yeah.And then we came to.
16:06You're blaming Spector for that or us?I think that's more on us.Well, that's us, slack.I mean, we just were so desperate to get Bond back.We just want to love the Bond thing.And I'm feeling this going in, that no matter how,bad this movie is I'm gonna love it I don't know what to say right so you'll have likethat period of time where we're like a year and a half later we do another podcast about how
16:25wrong we were but I I have faith in this one and I know I've said that about every singleone and I've been hurt before but this time has there been one in your memory your adultmemory sort of like let's go back to like Timothy Dalton there where you were like this isnot this one I do remember being let down by living daylights in the theaterAnd I think because I was, I think in junior high, I wanted some spectacle at the end that never came.And it is kind of an anticlimactic movie, but I otherwise like it.But where else are you going to get cello chase, you know?You're in a case.
17:02Just everybody just say the phrase cello chase.You've got to steer with a strativarius.It's a bullet hole in it.It's really exciting stuff.Let's get to some of this Bond 25 years about, specifically about the music.because we've got two seemingly controversial picks,but I'm not sure about that.Hans Zimmer doing the score
17:23and Billy Elish doing the song.Now, my reaction as well, guys.Somebody I heard to my left go,and that's pretty much how I felt.The Hans Zimmer thing, I'm like, why?I kind of agree.That's...Did we just score the movie for that?
18:03Bond 26.But then you hear that Johnny Mar from the Smithis now working with Hans Zimmer.Which I'm into.Get me that sweet sweet Fender Jaguar tone in there,a little twanggy guitar happening.We're all thinking it.Yeah.
18:18I'm like, that makes me.feel a little better about it.But also it's like, what is he,what worldis Hans Zimmer?Well, here's that problem is that,are you aware of the Hans Zimmermusic factory that he
18:34tends to score these movies, but he has thesekind of protogees.Did they do that song Everybody Dance now?Han Zimmer music factory.Temperature rise.What do you know.He has thislike, I believe it's just a
18:50commune underground or something, I don't know.And he gets these jobsand he'll write kind of like a theme,like one kind of piece of musicand then these other people take it away,kind of like Edison's invention factoryor James Patterson novels or something.It's more of a brand than him doing it.
19:08So it kind of rests more on,I think they've named who he's collaborating with,but he just seems to have this college or like a cult.So do they get like credit on the thing?I think they do.Okay.And he's doing like,six or seven movies this year.
19:22Hans Zimmer.He's now abrand or a corporation.So I wonderwhat it'll be. But I stilltrust that Carrie Fuganag is going tolead this in the right direction.And that's why I trust his pick of Billy Elish, too.
19:36I think his movie,I think they probably would have gonewith someone that fits the movie. I hope.I like her. Her voice is great.And I just, like, her, but her songs,we were listening to some upstairs, and itjust, it feels like,we're going to run into like a problem where they don't ever get a chorus going.
19:54But don't you think she's not tasked with writing a bond song until now?She was, and her brother Phineas were writing these songs that they wanted to write.I'm sure she's probably aware of what a bond song kind of may need to be.But then again, maybe we get the 2020 version of all-time high,and that itself will be an all-time high.I was saying to Matt that the opening credits will just be a bunch of like aesthetic.It'll just be clocks and gravestones.There'll just be no time to die.
20:23They'll just take it very literally.A red circle with a slash through it.Yeah.How do you guys feel about, first of all, Zimmer?Do you want to go, yay, or...Okay, so three to seven yeas,followed by a bunch of...And how about Billy Eilish?
20:41Whoa, I heard one yay.That's interesting.That was kind of, yeah, more down than I would have.won't be worse than Sam Smith's song.Yeah, I don't think so. I think you're right.Which is like, I just, that's a,that isa lull me to sleep.
20:57I need a horn section in a James Bond film.I think you're right. Or like some, yeah,some punching strings or something.Or some alpine horns.Or like a voice that willfucking crescendo into likeAdele Shirley Bassie territory of like,hi, James Bond's here.
21:15We're never going to beat Skyfall in our time, I don't think.as a song.In our living time?Well, just in, yeah, in this era of Bond.I don't know how.It was the right sort of like mix of things at the time, too.And I think that the Academy chose right when they gave her the Oscar.And I think that the Oscar should have gone to every James Bond movie ever for song.
21:37Wait, did she get the Oscar?She did, yeah.Oh, I remember correctly.That might have been a fever dream.But Sam Smith did too, right?Am I making the thing up?Did Sam Smith get the?No, he got the Golden Globe, I think.
21:47Yeah, thanks other guy who watched the Globes that year.But I think it's like, with the Billy,you just sort of like, I know you felt about Jack White.Yeah.With that Jack White, Alicia Keys,collabo for Quantum of Salas.And, like, I know how you feel about the Cheryl Crow songand just sort of like,
22:08but the whole idea of like picking the pop star of the moment.Yeah.Which has been happening since.Nancy Sinatra.Matt Monroe, really.from Russia with lovehe was sort of likein the Sinatra school of
22:23popularityit's something they do and it's somethingthat we're always going to have to be okay withand occasionally they'll select Madonnato make the worst song I've ever heard in my lifeis it even a songit might just be a tone of...Sigmund Freud. Yeah
22:39Sigmund FreudAnalyze thatWait, it's Analyze This but I'm doing the sequelYeah, it's the sequel to dieShe was sitting in an officeAnd someone had a copy of Analyze This on the deskThe DVDIt was just the DVD
22:56She was like, Analyze thisAnd she turned and saw an episode of FrasierShrek 2The first cutWell, are you guys hopefulAbout No Time to Die?Good, that's what I like to hear.I mean, I'm hopeful too, but I've been hopeful about a lot of varying large franchises lately
23:16that have let me down to similar degrees.I think I objectively can say that I like the No Time to Die trailer better than the Specter trailer.Yes.So I don't know if that means anything.Zoran.Zoran.Oh, no, he's three feet tall.Oh, no, he's just far away.
23:36Oh, baby Zorin.A little bleachedA blonde childHave you guys ever seen the movie The Brood?That's basically a bunch of littleZorans walking aroundin onesie, baby onesies.I think that the idea of a James Bond movie
23:52coming out in 2020with practical bullet squibsYeah, did you notice? And this is big for me.This is big.When James Bond does thatAshton Martin minigun shoot out in a circle,those aren't digital squibs?Are you guys telling your family?
24:09Have you put out a newsletter?Would you say that your wigdar is higher than your squibdar or are they equal?Oh, they're pretty equal both in quality and just how they sound.Squibdar, wigdar.Yeah, my squibdar, I think, is maybe even better than my wig dar.Whoa.Yeah.And that's very impressive.
24:25Yeah, I just have an eye for it.It's a gift.What's ridiculous to me is like, I just, like, it seems like from the trailer,it seems like James Bond is like retired, living at golden eye.Something like it.Right.I don't think golden eye exists in that universe.Right.
24:40But his house is golden eye.It seems, right?And I just want to know what, like, is it the kind of thing where, like, you can buy government equipment at some sort of auction where he's like, I love that Aston Martin.I'm going to go buy it and have it.Well, we're going to find out.I don't think they're going to cover that part of it.That's what the first hour is about.That's why it's three hours long.
25:02The first hour is about James Bond's retirement and financial.Windfalls. I would love to see it.The first 15 minutes, he's on Vanguard just getting an IRA.It's just him clearing out.He's just selling all the stock he's purchased over the years.And I'm there.Do you ever think he goes in and is like,I'm going to go ahead and short Zoran?
25:26Because I know I'm about to throw him off a bridge.Like, do you think he's playing the market like that?I hope so.If you're smart, that's not insider trading, right?That's something.what's next on this subject here?Well, we've got a little ranking plan for you here todaybecause we like to do rankings occasionally.
25:44You can play along in the audience,and you can play along in your mind.We decided to rank something that became kind of difficultto rank in a good way.We thought we would rank the effectiveness,effectiveness, effectivity?I just think it's the overall qualityin relation to what the movie is.
26:03Of the titles themselves.Yeah, pretty profound.You know one's excited except me.I'm pretty excited.But, you know, how good they stand on their own?How good they relate to the films, that kind of thing?We're just going to blaze through this a little bit, so we won't bore you with it all day.Unless you want to just stick around after the show and we could just talk about it for hours.
26:26We'll be outside talking about it.So please come.So, okay, so here's how we sort of did this.We sort of each wrote down.Matt brought a spreadsheet out.This spreadsheet gets in applause break.This is the kind of work that I feel like happens a lot in Ray Fines' MI6.Well, that's the nicest thing everyone's ever soaked in me.
26:53So I, but there's a couple ways to look at this ranking in regards to like quality versusI just want to like, I want to know what it is sort of from the title.Yeah, and some of them are Fleming, some of them are not.Some of them, you just get a good feeling in your gut.Some of them you're like, that's unwieldy.Right.Yeah, some of them are reaching and grasping.Some are puns on popular phrases like live and let die, or you only live twice.
27:23Yeah.Yeah.So would you like to start at the top or bottom?Oh, we've got to start at the bottom.Okay.Okay.I'm happy to do this right now.Okay.
27:30Now.You go first.Matt.Yeah.At the very bottom of this title situation.Yeah.I have somewhat unsurprisingly or surprisingly.I've placed Golden Eye there.
27:45Okay, yeah.He's not into that.No, I'm absolutely.I'm just processing it.We explain our opinions when we both have said it?Yes, that's right.Your classic James Bonding ranking.Yeah.
27:58So I put Golden Eye at number 25.And I have Die Another Day.Oh, interesting.I'm trying not to let the films influence me.Okay, what's your number 24?Die another day.Let's talk. Die another day.Yes, one person clap for that title.
28:22Here's the problem with die another day.Yeah.What does it mean?Exactly.Exactly. Also, not long off the heels of tomorrow never dies,so die another day could kind of be tomorrow.it just feels like a vague, empty repeat.Is it like, oh, I can't do this Thursday, but on Friday I'm good to die?
28:44Yeah, I will die.Yeah, yeah.And next week is fine.I just, today, I can't.I'm doing my Vanguard IRA.Which also feels like he might not have time to die even then.I know, and that's, we'll get to it.Oh, boy.
29:00Okay.All right.Now, this may surprise you guys, but my mind.24 is a view to a kill.Whoa.That does surprise me.And once again, these are opinions.They're facts, because
29:14we're the preeminent source for factsof James Bond podcast hosted by two guys named Matt.I just find it unwieldy.A view to a killsounds like it's a pun or like a reference to something.We can't open the floor for discussion.Oh my God, you're so right. I do apologize toeveryone.
29:32Moonraker.What?Yeah.Are you telling me we're sending someoneto rake the moon?Are you telling me there's a guywhose job it is to rake the moon?No, I'm not telling you any of that, but I'll hold it.
29:47And we're not talking about that one for a while.Oh, no.This is interesting.I feel like we have very different opinionsof James Bond movie titles.And that's what I love about this.My 23 is Tomorrow Never Dies.That's going to be a long wait.
30:03Now, look.I'm not going to go in an explanation, but I will say that I don't want you to think I have biased because I don't like that movie.This is the highest this movie has ever scored on a list.Ladies and gentlemen, it may be a surprise.Specter.I'm going to rank that at 22, and we'll talk about that when it comes up.Okay.I'm glad you're writing this down when I've taken the time to put it up here.
30:29Yeah, I know.That's so everybody can see.This is just so I know what I'm saying versus what I haven't said.My 22 is Quantum of Solis.Whoa! Yes, sir!Did I offend you?You did. I don't think he's going to come back.That's interesting.
30:49I am taking individual meetings with people after the show and we go through all this.My 21 is the man with a golden gun.Yeah.Again, people are surprised.and right. This is probably the most shockingif I was a YouTube thumbnail,I would be like... Just imagine how people in the audience right now are liketweeting this out and it's going viral.
31:13This is just a controversy of all this.Upwards of no likes and one retweet.Yeah. Okay. Now just rememberthese are not a reflection on the film, but mynumber 21 is Casino Royale.Oh. My number... I know. I'm letting some people.My number 20 is Casino Royale.Let's talk. Yes.
31:32casino route.So for me, it feels like naming a movie.A scene heading.Sears.It's a little more exciting.Yeah, but Sears hasappliances.You've got a sporting good section.
31:51It's more like calling it raging waters.No, it's like if you made it today,it would be called the Bellagio.Yeah.Which is like, I'm with me.I don't want to, as much as I like gambling.I don't need to go see a movie named after a specific casino.I'm giving this a little, like, I think it would have been a little lower on my list
32:10if it wasn't the first bond and there wasn't an established way to do a title.So this kind of gets grandfathered in before he really gets into those more thrilling-sounding titles.I find that it's the, like, it seems to me like it's the,hire the word count for me, I find, like, there's a ranking situation that I developedthat I did not understand until I looked at.I took a step back Kaiser Sose style.I was like, holy shit, if it all makes sense.So Casino Royale, I just think is like blah.
32:44It's kind of baseline.Yeah, it's like blah.Neither bad nor good.It just, I don't feel anything when I read the title on its own.I do only because what I feel about the movie,but when I think of the title by itself, it doesn't do much.Let's talk about number 19.Wait, how about, yeah, go ahead.
33:01Thunderball.It's thrillingAt first blushWe'll get into itSorryI'm just so excitedWe're getting to get into it veryVery
33:11Very shortlyThat was a mistakeBut I'm leaving itThunder blushThat would rank higherThan Thunderball for meI want Bond to say somethingSultry to a woman
33:24She turns red and he goesYou've been ThunderbushThen he hits some sort of buttonAnd he's ziplined out of thereyou've been thunderblushso number 19for me is Thunderballoh let's talk
33:40so let's talk about Thunderballwhat the fuck is Thunderballyeah so it's a coderight it's like I getit is yeah Thunderball is likethe code name for somethingI don't know it's like if theybut it's like if they called
33:52Goldfinger Operation Grand Slamit's golden eyeit's the same same idea as GoldenEbut it seems a little too on the nosefor a military coat name.It is nonsensical.It's, again, nonsensical.I don't know what I'm looking at.
34:09Made all the more nonsensical when you hearthe Johnny Cass version of this song, too.Just to hear him singing about Thunderballis just too many times remember.It sounds like a side effect of syphilis.His song or just the word?The word.What are your symptoms?
34:29I've got thunderballs.It burns when I pee.Oh, God.All right.Oh, I've made a mistake.Oh, no.Oh, my God.Did we talk about something too soon?
34:41Yeah.No, I just, hold on.I'm going to do a little editing.Of the spreadsheet, live on the podcast.For those of you at home, Matt has clicked into a certain cell,and he's currently moving the cursor and changing a letter.So, just so everyone at home knows what's happening.My actual number 21 is no time to die.
35:00Oh.I got that squeezed in here.Then my next one's Casino Royale, then Thunderbrush.Well, guess what?No Time to Die.Here it is.We're talking about it.Number 18 for me, no time to die.
35:10Well, this one also, I'm reserving a little room for judgment when you see the moviebecause it could be very relevant or it could be very generic like Die Another Day.Think about how Die Another Day really has very little to do with the movie itself.Well, I mean, if you think about the movie in premise, right, he is sort of captured at the verybeginning in the cold open and then sort of left for dead.It should be like no time to have scorpion sting me.Or no time to grow a beard or no time.Or no time to grow a beard.
35:39So we're going to have to put this terrible fake beard on you.How's your beard wig dar?Oh, it's through the roof.Floss.Through the roof.Yeah.Bearddar wigdar is so easy because you can often catch the little glisten of the mesh net or something.Oh.
35:57It'll look for it, is there?He also in that movieso lazily slips into his Irish accentSo many timesIt's like he knows that the franchise gave up on himSo he gave up on the franchise at the same timeYeah, it's like he's in a long relationshipLoveless relationship like in the story Quantum of Salas
36:20There's no quantum of solace between Brosnan and the filmYeahThat was a pretty good oneHe was done wrongYeah that's fairI miss himOkay, my number 18 is octopusy.Wow.
36:35You don't have to agree.It's helpful if you do.We'll talk about it.All right, so 18, so we're now at the 17.Octopussy.Okay.I bumped this up.Again, I think my wife has octopusy because I have thunderballs.
36:58Well, you better have 16 thunderballs.Doctor, what did we get to take care of this?You drove all the way up here for that.No.Yes.I bumped this one higher because on its face,Octopusy is not a good title,but it's so bold and such an outlier
37:18that I really appreciate the balls on Octopussy.Ironically.I hear it no other way than Octopussy.Yeah.Like in my head.OctopussyOctopussyAnd then I think of him eating an eyeball
37:33That is a good timeYeahWhat do you mean whatHave you seen the film?Okay you remember he eats an eyeballThat eyeball and the noise he makesAnd the way he purses his lipsBecause I saw that movie so much as a kid
37:47It's with me in just a harrowing wayIt's like the Temple of Doom monkey brainsYeah and they came out virtually the same timeYeahAnd it was like hey do you want toI want to do a James Bondmovie. Big year for... Well, you can't.Eat and gross things. Fine. I'll put
38:01something grosser than a goat's eyeballin my movie.So, yeah, Octopus,again, it's another one of these sort of, like,what is this? I don't understand.Not a great title.I'm just like, I want to have, I want to be like,it's a great marketing title. I feel like people are like,
38:18let's go see that. Yeah.James Bond's in a movie. About eight pussies.Can you believe what they did?Yeah. I remember thetalk of, that was the talk of the town.Tee-hee. All right, my next one isGolden Eye.Other than the meta
38:31Ian Fleming reference,it's just the name of a satellite,kind of like Thunderball.We're listening to the theme songup in the break room,and it has lyrics like,you watched me in the shadows as a child,and she's calling someone GoldenEye,
38:46and it doesn't make any sense.So I'm pitching that perhapsthe theme song is from the point of view of the satellite.Why didn't they just use the Dave Matthewssong, Satellite?You'd like that.Whoa.Yeah.
39:02Satellite in my high.Golden High in my eyeslike a time and in...We should be doctors on all these movies.Come and fix them up.But Golden Eye, yeah, really.It's like if you look at the lyrics of the...Actually, you know what?
39:21Fine. Here.I'm going to look at the...I'm going to tell you the lyrics of Golden Eye.I should do dramatic readings of every James Bond lyric.Yeah.Weird reactionI did not anticipate that, guys.Tune into Stitcher Premium.
39:35Use the promo code bonding.And I will get to that.So let me just...I think you do that live,but they project a backgroundand you're in silhouette,just like a bond title.And please, no one...
39:48No one clap.I just want snaps, guys.I want it to be likeI'm a real slam poet here.Do you guys have some praise?Okay, so here we go.Ready?Here's the Tina Turner goal
39:57that I written by Bono in the end.edge. And lyrics as well?I believe so. Okay.Wait, real quick. Let me crackopen a liquid death for this.All right. It's water, guys.It is. This is weird. It's justwater. Okay, so here we go.
40:13See reflections on thewater, more thandarkness in its depths.Okay.See him surface in every shadowon the wind.I feel his breath.Oh.
40:29Gold and II found his weaknessGolden IHe'll do what I pleaseGolden INo time for sweetnessBut a bitter kissWill bring him to his knees
40:47They so clearly wrote thisHaving never read the scriptOr seen a movieHere we goAnd then we kick into the realYou'll never knowhow I watched you from the shadows as a child.This song is a soul.
41:06You'll never know how it feels to be the one who's left behind.Now again, I feel like this is the satellite saying,I've been watching you from up here,and you left me in space.I'm golden eye.When the person is whoever, the satellite,the person is watching someone in the shadows,are they the child, or is the person in the shadows the child?
41:30I believe that it was baby golden eye.I think it was like a year after the satellite launched.So it's a smaller satellite that has yet to grow.It had yet to grow into a giant EMP.Okay, now it's making sense.Okay, so you'll never know the days and the nights,because it's in space, it has no day and night, right?Right.
41:49That's why I think it's about the satellite.The tears that I've cried, leaking hydraulic fluid.But now my time has come,and timetime is not on your sidesee him movethrough smoke and mirrorsfeel his presence
42:08in the crowdagain if you're being surveilled by the satelliteyou'll be like I'm watching meother girlsthis is a better Spectre theme songlike the surveillanceit is shadows and other girls they gatheraround him
42:23if I had him I wouldn't let him outthen it gets extraconfusing. GoldenEye, not lace or leather.Suddenly a StevieNick's song.Golden Chaintake him to the spot.
42:40What?Golden I'll show him forever.I'll take foreverto see what I've got.Nonsense.They put words in a bowland took turns taking them out.This really explains that
42:56Spider-Man musical they did.There were signs.Yeah.It was like we should have really lookedinto their lyrics for James Bond.You'll never know how I watched you.Okay, we're back to that.And then here we go.
43:08With a golden eye, golden,comma, golden eye,with a golden eye.Golden eye, golden.So, what?This move, this song's upsetting.So the next time you all listen to it,remember, it's terrible.
43:28All right.I can't wait to pull more lyrics up.Okay, so we are now at what number, Matt?16.16.Let's take a look.I'm going to go over to this.Yes.
43:41Okay.No time to die.We've talked to quantum of solace is there for me.All right.Now, some of you are like, why?Why this high or why this low?Where do you guys fall on this?High.
43:59Do you think quantum of solacell is the higher ranked?That's interesting because publicly or like in the mainstream, it's reviled as a title, I think, generally.What mainstream are you watching where they're discussing this?Oh, Fox News.That's where I get all my Bond 25 news.They love Billy Elish on there.Are we in for another Quantum of Solace?Tune in.
44:25Has your Quantum been Salist?Quantum of Salis, the only reason I sort of rank it where it is is because, like, didn't they have trouble translating this title?into other languages.It just also, I mean,if you look at it as likejust as a pile of words,which it is.It is.
44:45It's like, it's interesting.I don't want to sit and look at a titlewhere I have to go,is that about the emotional depthof being James Bondand how little piece you find?Can I get in on that?Yeah, go ahead.
44:58I think you're right,and they tie it to the moviein the sense that the organization is calledquantum, but I think that there was reasonin this movie for there to bethe discussion about whatquantum of solace is in the novel, about howa relationship loses all of its respect
45:14for each other. And if they hadsomething like that in the movie to alsotie it to that, and someonementioned that's what a quantum of solaceis, I don't need it to be that much on the nose,but it would have been, I think, served ita lot better. Otherwise, it doesn't feel like itconnects to the movie. It's almost like
45:30you need the quantumreveal happeningin CasinoRoyale. Yeah.And that feels like a better titlefor the emotional stakes of that movie.This movie, which I think isvisually, I think it's one of the more
45:45aesthetically pleasing.Yeah, you know I really like this movie.Yeah, I know how much you like Earth,fire, water, and wind.I love elements. Not to mention heart.Yeah.Go planet.I think that... I think that
46:01but the title itself, again, I'm looking at thespines of all of these. And I'm just like, we only went 25, right? We didn't put never say never again in there.No. We can do an honorable mention. Should we discuss never say never again and sort of in the middle?Or at the end and we'll say where we put it. Okay. So by Cuondrosals again, I just feel like it's like I don't want to have to think too much aboutwhat a title is. This is a very baseline ranking. Yeah, I get you. I am glad to hear that you guys like you guys like you guys like it so much. That does make me feel like I could bump it up out of pressure.Okay.You guys are really pressuring Matt.Now, here we go.
46:38This is something that...Wait, it's my turn.Okay, go ahead.17.17, 18 for you.We're still on 18.I see some words being written.You ready?
46:48Oh, no.Oh, no.I don't care for this.I don't like what's happening here.Look, we're into the period where I like these titles.I like this title.It's just, and I love that it's connected to his title.It's just...
47:03his family crest and his motto and all that.Yeah.But hang on, we'll talk about it.Oh, I'm so sorry.We'll talk about it.Now, so that was, so we're at number 15 for us here.Dr. No.Hmm.
47:18Yeah, I'm with the crowd there.The crowd did not care for that, nor did Matt Goreley.Yeah.Oh, Dr. Knopp.Higher.I rank that higher.Dr. Knop.What's Dr. Knop?
47:30For me, number 15.15 is diamonds are forever.Interesting. Okay.That's very interestingbecause I've got a little news for you.It's time to talk about diamonds are forever.Whoa.This movie, I think, we're getting into
47:51the sort of the titles of likeyour sort of like step-by-stepin IKEA instructions on how to build a James Bond title.Even you think at this point Fleming was doing it.Yeah, I think.he's like, oh, this is theFleming. I know how to build aFleming novel. This is a
48:07early Fleming novel.This, you could say,I don't know, it's kind of its own thing,and it's early on. Because it goes,Casino Real,live and let die,Moon Raker, Diamonds are Forever, so it'sthe fourth book. Yeah, and
48:23I'm like, Casino Royale, how do we feelabout that type? Did I get that right? Is that right?Yeah. Casino Royale, from Russiawith Love, from Russia with Love,Hey, hold it.We'll hold that.Moonraker, again, we'll talk about itwhenever the fuck you decide to put that on there.
48:39We may never get to it. This is unbelievable because that's23 for me.But Diamonds Are Forever, what don't you like?We love the movie, just as acampy romp. Yeah. I think Diamonds Are Forever is a good title,but it's not super Bondyand it's more about diamonds than it is aboutBond. But is there
48:57any sort of, like, could you look at itlike James Bond is the diamond?I guess.You know, he's hardened sand.Cole, whatever.How do you make diamonds?He's glass?He's glass.
49:11The M. Knight Shyamala?Yeah, he's unbreakable.He's glass.It's just more about diamonds and less about bond, you know?Yeah.I don't know.But it does tie into the movie.Yeah.
49:21That's why, I mean, I don't hate it.I love the song.Doesn't hate it.Okay.Next for me, oh, I actually had these switched, but I'll keep it.Yeah.The Man with the Cold.Golden Gun, let's talk.
49:33Okay.I see that and I'm like,okay, great.Guys, guns, gold.Yeah, I like how...I don't know what it is.I like how long it is in the senseit's like, yeah, you're going to stick around
49:46for a full sentence here.Yeah.Uh-huh.The man, I'm listening.Uh-huh.With, oh, he's about something.A golden...Oh, what could it be? I don't know what it is.
49:57Could it be a car? Is it like a bus?Is it a pen?Is it like maybe a...a watch? A touch, like a midas touch?What might it be? But that's already Goldfinger.It's a gun. Whoa.Oh my God. It's past mybedtime. I gotta get home.
50:12Yeah,it's interesting. I like it.It's fine. Yeah. I mean, I'mon the above average categoryalready. We're in the fines. Yeah.For you. I mean, for the gold gun for me, I feellike, is just... This is better than fine. I'd saythis is good. Okay.
50:28I think once you get to the top10, you're into like, this is good.Don't tell me how to do my own rankings.All right.Look, if the middle is good for you, enjoy it.Well, I'm just saying that with all things bond,they skew so good for me that the average is already good.Okay.
50:50Like, to me, that's a B-minus title.And we're going to get into some A-plus-plus-plus.The programming language?I'm definitely...Grading on the list.curve. That's the only city this. We get a laugh in the programming.Let me look at this. You havebeautiful chestnut eyes.
51:12Yeah, they're gorgeous. I have noticed thatwe have yet to say this following 13. I wonder if it's the same asmine. Goldfinger. Oh, no, it's not.This one, again, much like golden eye.We can't. We can't. We can't talk about it.I'm not going to talk about it.You've committed the sin that I keep doing.Okay, Golden Eye is...
51:36Gold Finger has been said by me.Matt, what is next for you?License to kill.Oops.Interesting.And wrong.I've got reasons.We're not going to talk about it yet, but don't judge yet.
51:52Now, we're getting into a very tough area, guys.Are some people talking about the spelling out there?But we know why we're doing this.British spelling.Yeah, I'm sorry.That's the title of the movie.I'm not trying to be pedantic about it.I don't like that there's a little red line under there either.
52:13Believe me.So your license to kill you have ranked at 13.Number 12 for me is Tomorrow Never Dies.Okay.Now we can talk about Tomorrow Never Dies, correct?Yeah.Okay, you have a very, very...Here's the thing.
52:34I look at Tomorrow Never Dies and it's sort of the opposite sort of problem.It's not a problem. I enjoy, this is, we're getting into the titles. I like all these titles now.Tomorrow Never Dies for me feels like, I know that feeling.When you're like, it's Monday.You're like, fuck.I hope tomorrow doesn't happen.But since it doesn't die, it's inevitably going to happen.So then I have to go through Tuesday.
53:00And then it repeats all over again.So like the fact that tomorrow, it's like the future is, like, the future is,always going to happen.It's like, it means that James Bond'swork is fruitless.It's like tomorrow, I gotta do this tomorrow too.I gotta show up to my officeand they're gonna tell me who to kill tomorrow.
53:19It just never dies with you guys.That's what he says.It feels like Quantum of Solace to meand that there's a word that ties into the movietomorrow is the name of the paper.But it doesn't really have any...It's an empty connection.I like a meaty, metamorphosis.
53:34media connection. You asked ElliotCarver when his paper was going tofold. He'd be like, never.I'm the best media magnate in theworld. Look out China.Here come exclusivebroadcast rights for 100years.
53:52Movie is so stupid.It's so stupid.They did nothing regardinglike, they didn't make him have like a techarm of his company. They didn't makehim have like a weapons manufacturing armof his company. He literally wasa guy who made papers and news programs.
54:10So dumb.All right.Ask Roger Ailes.See, you could be a supervillain and own a news organization.I'm telling you.Let's talk Goldfinger.Okay.What the hell is a gold finger other than his name?
54:26It's kind of the Midas Touch thing.So it's interesting.It's odd, that's for sure.Gold finger.Let me pull up the lyrics to Goldfinger.NowSo, applause for the way.Okay, Goldfinger,
54:43here's the thing. This one,we feel likethis is a very clear,lyrically,it's a very clear song.Yeah.And it is clear off the batbecause the first line of the song
54:54is, Goldfinger, he's the man.I'm like, okay, it's not a satellite.We're talking about a guy.The man with the miters touch.I'm like, oh, okay.So this is all.is relating to the gold finger situation.A spider's touch.
55:09Ooh, he's dangerous.Such a cold finger.Of course.But gold's a pretty good heat conductor.Internal rhyme, which is nice.I like that as well.Beckons you to enter his web of sin.Keeping the metaphor.
55:23They're not really mixing metaphors.But don't go in, Matt.I never even opened.Shirley Bassi's like, hey guys,I'm going to tell you about this guyand give you a warning in the first verse.Golden words.He will pour in your ear.
55:38I love it.Silver tongue, but gold.But his lies can't disguise what you fear.For a golden girl knows when he's kissed her.It's the kiss of death from Mr. Goldfinger.The lyrics are unassailable.It's perfect.I think they're great.
56:02I think they're great.The title is good.Pretty girl.Beware of his heart of gold.this heart is coldyeah well he's recycling rhymesbut yeahit's a beautiful song
56:16yeahthat's so much better than golden eyeyeah definitelythis guy's not watching any kids from shadowshe's not a little golden boywatching children yeahgolden eyes right up there with my name is Lucait's just a weird
56:32all right what'sI would love a little a little portly12 year old gold figurewith binoculars just watching people from the shadows as a child my name isZorin I live in a mining shack he just he sits and watches baseball gameshe's like I'd love to hit a grand slam and that because he has no physicalability he just makes up that plan anyway Matt yeah what's next we are atnumber 11 and here we go we're into this sort of like what does this mean
57:10slash this iseven though it doesn't immediately mean anything to meI like it. Skyfall.Oh.She just said that like Keanu reads.Oh, right on.MineMy next one is
57:27Specter.Whoa. Let's talk about Specter.Spector's a goodtitle. No, it's not because it isn'tmeaningless. No, it's meaningful.It's meaningful. Wait, pause.It's meaningful.It's the literal and metaphorical.
57:44That's what I love in a James Bond title.You've got the organization of Spectorand the Spector of his brotherthat's been haunting himand is the author of all his pain.Now, I'm not defending that as a plot choice,but as a title, it checks.All right, Palpatine.
58:02I did everything.I wish all these people.You're a big of miniature Ewach Zorans.threat to me.I think it's, I think it's a strong title.A show of hands.Show of hands. How many people here have seen Rise of Skywalker?Holy shit.
58:22Box office disagrees.How many people have not seen it but would like to see it?Oh, okay. Then I won't spoil much.How many people have not seen it but know everything?But know everything.You, sir, the only person who hasn't seen it and doesn't know what happens.That movieWe don't have time, Matt.
58:45We have a...This isn't like when we're at home.We have a hard out.We've got to get through these.Come on.Okay.Save it for Star Warsing.Again, don't worry, everyone.
58:58It's still in the works.It's not going to happen.It'll happen.I'm telling you, once this Goldberg's hiatus comes,oh, baby.I can't get this guy to return an email.We've been talking about.Yeah, but text I could return.
59:10Some of the time.I can't believe I'm running a spreadsheet.That's what you were saying about it.So here's how little I often checked my phone.The other day, I looked at my phone and it had a, you know, I missed the call.And then the phone, the Apple iPhone said to me,would you like to keep receiving notifications from this app?The phone.
59:35That was a metaphor for me going,would you still like to hear from your friend?I was just like, oh, it's that bad, huh?Yes.All right, so we're at the top.We're into the top ten, everybody.That's right.This is very exciting.
59:59Here we go, in the top ten, for your eyes only.Wait, we're excited about the top ten.You feel like that should be higher in the top ten?Well, clearly, I guess we'll find out.All right.My number 10 is the same as number 10.What?I love the people that are laughing at your spreadsheet operation.
01:00:26I wrote this for your eyes list.Oh, boy.Oh, interesting. Okay.Whoops.Yeah, that's very interesting.The spy who loved me.I think this is a great one.This is a great title.
01:00:48The spy who listed me on his kill sheet.That would be good.I'd go see that movie.Yeah.The spy who loved me, Matt.It's sicken.It's staying.No, write it down.
01:00:59Oh.What?Oh, that's next for you?Yeah, yeah.Oh.And let it auto fill into the spy who listed me.Solid title.It's just romantic.
01:01:14You got a spy?Is this the only title with the word spy in it?Yeah.Yeah.But it's also like, I get it.This movie.I know what this movie is.It's a spy thriller.
01:01:25There might be some romance.Yeah.Solid title.No complaints here.You know.I'm on board.You're in the top ten.Congratulations.
01:01:33You've made it.You get a prize.It's mine.For your...No.From Russia with love.I like it.Yeah, you can like it.
01:01:45And we'll continue when we get to it.Yep.Okay.Very long from now.Okay.Not as long as we're.I have moonricker at a negative 10.Oh.
01:02:00And for me now, it's the world is not enough.Now here's the thing.You have to take some things inherently at face value when you're going to see a James Bondmovie.And you have to be like, okay, this, I'm going to see a movie about the greatest spy in allthe lands.And when I see the world is not enough, and I'm like, I get this.I think I get it.
01:02:27Because I'm like, oh, this is about some crazy, wacky, bad guy who's like, the world is not enough.I also need space.But it's weird.You're attributing it to the bad guy, but it's bond small.That's the twist.That's the M. Knight Shyamalan of the movie.I thought this movie was one thing.All of a sudden, it's just in his crest.
01:02:50Okay.It's one of those.Yeah, I mean, I don't have a complaint.Did I, you know, I found, we found the Myra family crest.And what is it?By integrity alone.Oh.Which in Latin is something longer.
01:03:06But I was like, I'd watch that movie.Do you want another gory one?It's embarrassing because it's a little sultry.Let's hear it can't be any more seltry than thunderballs.Profundescendant penetrates deeply.That's embarrassing.penetrates deeply.The goarly...
01:03:33And then Matthewmeans gift of God.This is...It feels...It feels wrong.So,the crest,the coat of arms
01:03:46of the goarly family.I walk around asthe gift of Godwho penetrates deeply.There are worse waysto go around.But there are...There are better things
01:04:02to try to live up to.The world is not enough.Yeah, so I have it ranked so much.Eight.You inflated that a little, or no?It feels...We also had to do this in a pinch, so...I mean, it wasn't...
01:04:19I just like the longer title for some reason.But not the man with the golden guy.Okay.Okay.Next.Doctor No.Okay.We can talk about it.
01:04:31Yeah.it's just so clipped and shortlike Fleming, Doctor, No.And it's just, no, no!Yeah.You stop that.This is the title.Take two of these and call me in the morning.
01:04:44Doctor, no.Yeah.I love it.It's the bad guy, like Goldfinger.It's negative.It's kind of scary.It's mysterious.He's a doctor, but his name's no.
01:04:57He's a doctor and a command.I am going to start to goa little quicker so we can actually talk to the audience.Yeah, we want to do a tiny bit of a Q&A.So Dr. Now, again, yes.It's just...Dr. No? Yes.Dr. No and patient, yes.
01:05:17Dr. No, patient, yes.Here we go.Live and let die.Okay.For me, it's...Hold on, I got to type with one finger.Mm-hmm.me next is
01:05:35you only live twiceyoltyolt next for meyeah yoltlet's talk about you only live twiceit's a good one it's kind of a punagain longer titlehigher ranked for me
01:05:49I think you can see if you look actually at the spreadsheetgood visual representation of our stylesyou like to really mix it upyeah I'm like you only live twiceI thought you lived once I gotta see this movieit's trueI think it's the novel that starts with an ancient Japanese proverbthat sounds like Fleming probably made up
01:06:09that's... You only live twice once when you're bornand once when you stare death in the face, I think, is what it is.Which is... That's pretty good.That should have been the title.The whole thing.Yeah.Well, why not make the whole title the lyrics to Golden Eye?You'll never know how I watched you from The Shadows as a child.
01:06:30I would see the movie.Ian Fleming's, you'll never know.how I watched you from the shadows as a child.James Bond-O-7 in Ian Fleming.Just an 11-year-old chain smoking Turkish cigarettes.With a typewriter.My number six is live and let die.It's funny, we've got the two...
01:06:53Yeah, it's sort of flipped a little bit there.The two pun titles together, though.Yeah.Live and let live.And live and let die.Live and let die, I feel like, is just...There's like a brutality to it that I like a lot.And I'm going to see a gritty spy feature.
01:07:09And I'm like, I know what this is going to be, I think,you know, based just solely on the title.It's a good title.It's a great title.And that's why it's ranked so highly.Next for us, here we go, everybody.This is.We have a few that haven't even, we have two that haven't shown up yet.
01:07:23I know.It's amazing.But here, I feel like one of them going to show up in a second.On Imagisty's Secret Service.Okay, I'm not writing that out.Oh, H, M-S-S.Okay, mine number five is the same.Whoa!
01:07:39We finally matched.I swipe right.Okay, now...I bumbled.On her...On her Magic Secret Service, again.Yes.Yeah.
01:07:51I like it.I know what it is.Yeah, it's not...It doesn't tell you anything about the movie at all,other than that's his job.Yeah.But it's so cool.And I'd go watch it.
01:08:03I like movies that are job titles.Yeah.Do you find some of theseare really hard to separate from the movies?That's one that I just can't helpbut factor the whole movie in.Because of the music and everything.This one I feel like this is a great title
01:08:16in the sense that I feel likethey all could be titled that.Yeah.I know.Except for the times when he's rogue,which has been the last 20 movies.Yeah.All right.
01:08:26That's Art of Magic's Secret Service.Next up.for methe living daylightswhoaTLDtotally crest drivetoo long didn't
01:08:40okay number fourfor meis for your eyes onlynowthis is just such a classic phrase of espionageit's just perfectit's a perfect titleit's like the other great movie title
01:08:56top secretit's like I knowwhat this is going to be. It's top secret.We're already into the A pluses for me.I think starting with live and let die is where I'm into the A pluses.So, yeah, but again, I think that for your eyes only is perfect.It's beautiful. Yeah. It's like a beautiful title. Yeah. I get it. Yeah.Now, let's see. Where are we?
01:09:28Number three. Number three. Here's the problem. My hand wrote mine.Uh, I might have missed it.Give me your three right now, quick.Okay, my number three is skyfall.So let's talk about that.Yeah, let's talk about Skyfall.So this is a title I did not like it all when they announced it.Because I just assumed it was like Golden Eye or Thunderball.
01:09:55It was just a code word for a mission or something.But when you find out it's his ancestral estate, oh, you're really hitting my sweet spot.But, you know, there's also like, there's also like some panic to it.Yeah.You know, it's one of those ones that works on two levels.The sky is falling.Oh, no.Is Golden Eye still up there?
01:10:17How is he doing?What age is he at this point?Is he watching me?I think it's a prerequisite for a title to have a double meaning, basically.And all...In the sense of like...Honor Majesty's Secret Service doesn't really...Right.
01:10:33but for your eyes only doeswhere it's the kind of like spy talkand a lover'scommandlover's commandI don't know man I'm so tiredwhat's your number threeI can't
01:10:48I think I view to a killI think it's a view to a killis that just because you're in San Franciscoand you're just seeping into your bonesI just can't believe howfucking opposite we are on this titleCan I tell you that whenever I come up to the cityI secretly just hope the hook and ladder is gonna drive.
01:11:10With a 50-year-old man hanging off the back.Oh, geez.Suck in the gut, James.I like a view to a kill becauseit's just, it's sort of like poetic lyricismof like a gun sight.Yeah, I don't hate.it as much as low as I have it but in the movie they really stick it in it's
01:11:37nothing about the movie that's about a view they just have one throwaway linealthough I guess that's the same with living daylights but the livingdaylights the fact that you just like boom punt and then you're into thefucking let's save it because I haven't even had it yet I'm still I've got avirtual tie for one and two and I don't know what to do here oh we may have totake an intermissionWhat's your number two?I don't know where my number two are.
01:12:06What happened?You can't just...I know what number one is.What's left?Hang on.For you?Yes.From Russia with Love?
01:12:14That's number one.Spoilers.Oh my God.No time to die?Yes.What?Matt.It feels like it's number two
01:12:26because the movie hasn't come out yet.So we...It's already up there.Great.Oh, okay.Done.Not that.Guys, I don't know what the fuck happened.
01:12:37Is it, hang on.Is it not the Vi-Ferjibigibati?This one?Who someone know it?There it is!That was the one not mentioned.LTK.Here's the problem.
01:12:53I wrote out the names, and then all of a sudden started doing abbreviations up here.And then I'm like, this doesn't make.His tablet said, do you still love me?This is the first time you've written on me in 20 years.You'll never know how this tablet watched me as a child.I like Licensed to Kill.It's pretty in the middle for me.I like it because it tells me there's paperwork involved.
01:13:20I like to, I like that, you know, you need your certification.I imagine there's a renewal period after eight years.What do you think of the original title?I wonder if he keeps the same photo.Do you like license revoked or licensed to kill?kill better. License revoked is the sequelto license to kill. No, it's the original title.No, no, I know, but it just feels like I'm glad
01:13:40they didn't do it because I feel like they were jumpingthe Walther.Even though that whole movie is about his licenseas being revoked. Aren't theyalways? Like, it feels like thesedays, he's constantly having itrevoked or throwing it into the Thames.Yeah. I need to ask the audience
01:13:58for this to break my tiebetween two and one. Do I go with myheart or my brain?Heart. Okay.I love the voice that was used for that.Braing!Max Zorin?Living Daylights is my number two.
01:14:21All right. Yeah, two smattering's of applause.That's amazing.Are Timothy Dalton higher than we thought rankings here?Yeah.It's just such a good phrase.It's got a little bit of whimsy in there, like just the daylights are alive.Whimsy?Whimsy?
01:14:41Whimsy?So, living daylightsis, again, partiallythat's probably thehardest one for me to separate from the movie.Really? Yes. I love themovie quite a bit. The Living Daylight.And I just love the way Timothy Dolphin
01:14:58says it, and I just lovethat it logicallymakes sense in that sentence.I wonder what the origin of that.I see how you get your daylightknocked out of you but you're living daylights it's so specific and so it's weirdit's better than your dead daylights yeah or if you're golden eye you don't havedaylight you're just up in space alone watching from the shadows as a child
01:15:23yeah so from Russia with love is my numero uno and this means that Matt goarlyhas selected just like the moon raker goesThere is no cooler word in the English language than Moon Raker.Moon Raker!Thank you.I want to name a kid Moon Raker.If I was a Kardashian, I would.What is a moon raker?
01:16:00It's a rocket, you son of a bitch.In the movie, it's a space shuttle.But Moon Raker...Moon Raker.It means it's like...In the 50s, when this rocket was being made,it's so powerful it can get up to the moonand just skim it, just rake it,
01:16:15just scrape the moon.So full thrust all the way to the moon.1950s pretty amazing.Once you're breaking Earth's gravity,you're still have your fucking booster own?This is a waste of fuel.Not for the moon raker.It has just copious fuel supplies.
01:16:34I don't like the titlebecause I don't, I'm like my brains.doesn't, it's just like, what thefuck are we talking about it? But doesn't yourheart say... I've seen a moon golferthanks to the Apollo 17crew. They played golf on the moon.I've never seen a moon raker.
01:16:50They're shoveled. They're shoveled. They've shuffled.It's given you something you've never seen before.I don't like it.But say it.Say moon raker. No, don't say it with a shrug.Say it with... Moonraker.Yeah.You're a man again.
01:17:06It feels a little...It feels better than I thought.You guys say it.Moonraker.Now say cello chase.Both are satisfying in different ways.In different ways.Moonraker.
01:17:20So you like Moonraker, the title, because of it's just, it's like a pop-p-wow.It's pure gut.Yeah.And I think you can't beat that.I think you can.Hard over-bring.If you look here, I think there's 22 things that can beat it.You are so wrong.
01:17:39Moon Raker.Moon Raker.That's terrible.Moon Raker.It doesn't mean anything.It means so much that you can't even define it.It's everything.It's the golden eye of rockets.
01:18:01Golden Eye is going,I'd love to be Moon Raker one day,but I don't know how to do it.Look at Moon Raker.So cool.Moon Raker.You think the golden eyewatched the Moon Raker from the shadows
01:18:12That's what it is.That's what it is.All right, look, I'll give it to your opinion, guys.Objectively, he's wrong.Anybody want to make a case for the best bond title out there if you feel pretty passionately?Yes, just shout it out.Okay, and do you want to back that up?Okay, yeah, don't get too close to the line.
01:18:35Great, good.So you have to ask, is it just gibberish or does it actually have some relevance to the movie,has relevance to the movie.Right.Is the relevance like some Macuffin?Is the relevant some McGuffin?Or is it a reference to the villain?Or does it have some deeper thematic relevance?
01:18:55So it's a reference both to the villainand it has some deeper thematic relevance as well.So I think it's the only movie titlethat satisfies all of those.The only one?I didn't know you had those exact requirementsfor a movie title, sir.What's your name?
01:19:11Andrew.Let's hear it for Andrew.Thank you, Andrew.I agree. I do agree with that.Moon, Raker.Moon, moon, moon, moon, rain.Okay, so we have, like, let's, we can do five minutes of Q and A.If anyone has any cues, we can A.m. Yes, we have one over here. I'm going to wander over with my wired microphone.
01:19:33I think that's just to pick up the ambient snapping music from the, yeah, jazzy. How are you, sir?Well, thank you. Is Irving Kirsner here, and if so, just have any notes on?on Rise of Skywalkeror No Time to Die.Mack, you go take a look and see if Irving'sback there.Just see if he wants to come out.What are you doing? I'm sleeping. What are you doing?
01:19:55They're just wondering if you could come out there for a little bit.I'm having a sits bath.Here, let's just towel you off a little bit.Here you go. Oh, that's a Terry Cloth.All right, I'll hobble down. Here I come.Now, Irving,Welcome to the stage, Irving.Kirshner, everybody.
01:20:13Director of such films as The Empire Strikes Back and Robocop 2.You're forgetting Never Say Never Again.My PSD Resistence.Speaking of the Resistance, I also did Rise of Skywalker.You did?I'm told.That wasn't J.J. Abrams.Oh, no, I put...
01:20:36I made the baby goblin.Sir, that was the Mandalorian.It's all of a piece.I'm doing a sort ofmultimedia thing.I made a littlebaby Yoder, and I made a little babyZarin.
01:20:54And I'm going to do a little spin-offfilm. Have you thought about perhaps a little babyRobo-Kip.Robo Kip.That's exactly right.Anyway, I do got to go, but I want to say,Go Monraker.What I miss?
01:21:14Well, Irvin Kirster swung by from beyond.He seemed to be in good spirits.Just got toweled off.Are there any other?Oh, yes, sir.Go ahead.Hi, guys.Hello.
01:21:27Hi.Apropos, absolutely nothing we've talked about tonight.I just had a question about,in your head canon and viewing order,is it cool with you to swapHonor Majesty Secret Service in Diamond's Are Foreverso that you can watch all the Conneries in a row?I think it's cool for you to do whatever you want to do with the...
01:21:47Because the two stories...The two stories are not connected whatsoever.Right.Absolutely.I believe that these are given to us to then...I seem to be blowing Matt's mind here.Well, you can't...What?
01:22:02You have to...Diamonds or Forever has to pick up right after the death of Tracy, so...Why?Because he's on that revenge spree.But put him in the Massachusetts...But he could have been on a revenge spree.Can't follow you when I live twice.Why can't it?
01:22:17Because he already knows who Blofeld is.Right.Plastic surgery is explained in the diamonds.He just says he got his ears done.To connect the lobe.It actually makes more senseto have the plastic surgery first,so you go, oh, that's why he keeps changing.
01:22:32I'm with you on that.Thank you.How do you feel about Moonwreckers as a title?Pretty good title.But better than that.How do you feel?Is it not actually?actually a reference to a tall ship, like a sail on a tall ship, like the upper boats.
01:22:47Oh, that's right.You're right.Yeah.Yeah.Oh, my God.Triple meaning.Triple meaning, Jim.We have a winner.
01:22:54It's the tallest of ships.It rakes the moon.Oh.You know what a more important was?It's way up there, top of the mess.Thank you.Look, I think you can watch it in that order, but only if you follow my James Bond canon order, which is CasinoRoyal, Cuantra Salas, everything else.
01:23:13Skyfall.Well, what do you do with Specterand no time to die?Those happen after Skyfall.All right.We're back in.I think Daniel Craig's James Bondat some point fought Goldfinger.
01:23:26I know you all laughand think it's ridiculous,but it's the same person.Thank you.One other person.That's the guy that told us to use our brains.Brains!Okay, anybody else?
01:23:43have a question.Two new you, you can come to us.One over here.Yes.Oh, thank you very much.We have some help happening here.There's a microphone coming.You have a beautifully knit hat.
01:23:53Hey, guys.Hi.Long-time listener.I was just wondering, it's 2020, and obviouslythe new James Bond's coming out.So do you guys have an idea, like, what you're going to do ramping up to it?Because it's in April.It's January right now.
01:24:05It's coming.So the beauty of this movie coming out is I go on hiatus from the Goldberg's.Just so you know, this would be the first time I'm hearing any of it.this point.We've talked to, I mean, we've hadvague plans, so I'll talk about it in front of youguys and Matt for the first time.Good question.
01:24:23I am, I will,my availability opens right the fuckback up third week of March.Okay. So we cando sort of what we did to lead up a specterwhere we sort of, I will do a podcast where wediscuss what we hope is happening, whatwe'd like from the movie.
01:24:38Do you remember when we briefly talked to Phil Nobielabout taking a trip to Englandto see this? We couldalso do that. Because it comes outlike 10 days earlier or something there.Maybe, doesn't it? I think, yeah.I'm getting a positive yes right there, sir.Are you English?
01:24:58No, but he...Okay.You are?I'm on my ticket already. Oh, yeah.What?Who's your ticket guy?Okay.To Lundon?
01:25:10To Lundon?Yeah.You purchased your plane ticket?Oh, I see.So you were taking a trip anyway, and you were like, if I bump it down a couple of weeks,there's the microphone.Tell everybody at home what you just said to us.You are going to England when?
01:25:26At the end of March.I go once a year for fun and I plan this one around the Bond movie.That's brilliant.Okay.Now you always, do you always plan it around the Bond movie when it's coming out?So every like five years, you're like, I've got to go around this.No, I've only been going the last four years.Okay.
01:25:43But now, yes.But now I go early.But now I go early.You're there early.So you're going to London and you're going 10 days early.You're going to watch.You, sir, are a hero.I tried.
01:25:53That's amazing.Well done.You're speechless.I feel like we should do it.We could do.I think so.These are grand plans, but I feel like we could probably knock out a live London show too, right around there.Probably.
01:26:11You guys all want to go to London?we'll rent a ship with a moon raker.Sir, before you, what is your name, sir?Michael.Michael, here's the deal. If we go do a London show,we'd like you to also buy tickets for that.Okay, yeah, I'll be there for a week.But we'd like you to buy 100 tickets.
01:26:30I'll give a second.We're going to, maybe we build our trip around you, Michael.I'm excited.I do want to say one thing.Sir, is it you that has the On Her Majesty Secret Service jacket?Would you mind standing up?Look at how cool this thing is.Oh, shit.
01:26:47Oh, man.Sir, where did you get that?That's from the...Is that a crew jacket?Pizgloria thing.So my girlfriend had a work trip to Switzerland,and she tolerated us going toShiltorn and Pizgloria.
01:27:02Oh, my God.And we went, did the pictures.But she loved it when she got there.Bought the villain jacket.She tolerated it.She's cool with it.It's still at I tolerate, not at...wow, this was great, show me all the rest of these movies?
01:27:15We have to pick and choose which movies we watchbased on how historically problematic they've become.Okay, so let's just go ahead and knock this off the list.Yeah.Just go ahead and take, you only live twice and put it at the bottom.Yeah, I mean...And then put some others underneath that.Yeah, it's really...
01:27:38Sometimes your disguises aren't great.Just send someone else.But that disguise is not great just because of its insensitivity.Also, just practically, it's so bad.There's, like, no attempt to do anything but be terrible.Yeah.Yeah, sir, you're also a hero for that.You understand, you know, time and its place, and your wife, you said?
01:28:06Girlfriend.Make it the wife, because she lets you go to Pits of Gloria and, I mean, you didn't exactlypodcast in a bathroom, butyeah. So we didlisten to it before we went.Did she tolerate the podcast?She tolerated it. The question I was going to askis if you went to and did something similar
01:28:27to any other filming location,where would you want to go?I think for methe answer now isit would be golden eye. You want to go upto the satellite?I think wecould get there.
01:28:42then I want to go to the moonIf we justIf we just grab a moon rakerWe can get off beforeI'm joining Space ForceNo but if I think that likeIf we were to do likeSome big sort of trip
01:28:55Podcast relatedI think going to JamaicaGoing to Golden EyeEspecially now that it hasNow that it will be appearing inRightThe next James Bond filmI feel like this
01:29:08That just screamsTax deductionit doesI guess that's probably ourtime, right? Yeah, I thinkthat's it. I wish we could... Oh shit. Wow, we've filledthe whole fucking time. I'm so sorry.Slash, you guys have been
01:29:25amazing. You really have. Thank you so much for coming.Thank you for sitting with us on a Sunday afternoon.It is very fun to do this. I wish we coulddo it all day.I can't help but think if the football gamewasn't happening, it'd be the same amount of people.Yeah, I think that's fair.Thank you guys so much.
01:29:45Have a lovely rest of your day here at Cobb's Comedy Club.And I believe it is fair to say, Matt, that James Bonding will return.Thank you.
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