James Bonding - Octopussy with Roman Mars

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

Podcasting great Roman Mars shares his love for the everywhere-on-early-eighties-cable-tv classic. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Matt and, Matt, Matt, James Bonding Podcast. I wish you had that set to when you hit record a confetti can in one-off. You're giving me ideas. We'd all know when we started. Oh, balloons to drop. Well, it's James Bonding. Oh, yes. Welcome. I'm Matt. I'm Matt as well.

We are. We're talking about a great film. On a great day. Because we've got a great film. It's a great day. And we've got a great guest here today. Roman Mars, ladies and gentlemen. Roman, welcome. Thank you. I'm very happy to be here. This is a podcast. I don't know if you're familiar. I have heard of them. Yeah. Well, what we do is we put out like a, it's like radio on the internet. I still don't understand.

Thank you so much for coming all the way down here. It's my pleasure. Making the journey. I'm specifically, specifically, especially and specifically excited because I'm a huge fan of Romans. And I want to tell you something interesting is that I listened to a fair amount of political podcasts. So when you started, what can Trump teach us about con law? It was like, I just loved it, loved it. But then I get these political podcast things where I get tense, you know, after a while you hear a lot.

I know. And so I always go back to 99% Invisible, which gives me such a sense of peace. And I just, that show, I eat up. And so you are the only podcaster I know that can ping pong me back and forth between your two podcasts almost deliberately. And so I thank you for that. I'm happy to a blind. Sumbliminally drives people to his other shows.

It's fucking brilliant. I'm assuming almost all of our listeners already know of, especially 99% Invisible, but there's so many episodes that kind of have subjects that tie into, at least like, Cold War era things or Soviet type things in design. Yeah. It's just really, really great. So I'm thrilled. You're here.

Yeah. I was just today listening to, I know it's not related to Bond, but the McMansions episode, which, oh my God. You can't stop talking about it. It's delightful. It's a second time listen for me. I have to say, I'm going to drive home to it today. If you've talked it up enough.

Because I have family members that live in a McMansion. Can I sure. Do you say that? A lot of people do. Yeah. Yeah. That's why they're fun to. I mean,

I like it, I like that episode in particular because it's not just about making fun of McMansons, but it's a way of using sort of humor and snide humor to explain everyone's houses in cool ways. Yeah. I like a lot. Yes.

I mean, it made me think a lot about my own house in that sense too. That's right. You know? So hang on. What? Just real quick. I just want to take a journey down McMansion Lane for one second.

a McMansion is defined as a like a mass build blueprinted house that is larger than it should be for the lot yeah that's there's a few things one is it tends to be oversized over 3,000 square feet it tends to have a real strange mix of architectural styles sure so it has like a gabled roof and a pitched roof

and this you know like all matched together they tend to be designed from the inside out So it's like, a lot of them are, you pick and choose the aspects you want. So you like, you want a cathedral ceiling in your bathroom on the second floor and it makes this nub on top of the house appear. It's the cheesecake factory of home building. It is very much. Which I'm going to cut this out, but. Why would you cut that out?

I'd be proud of that. You know, there's a cheesecake factory Marina Delray that is just the bees knees. I mean, that is a mess of. eclecticism. I mean, it's really something else. And I can like a lot of that stuff. Like a lot of the stuff was born out here, really. Yeah. Paul Williams, architect, like took this Spanish style and, you know, like this colonial styles, mix them all together. And it's a lot of it's like what a California is. And then it sort of like mutated into this mass production sort of machine. I guess my question is if you, uh, where are you staying while you're down here? What part of town?

Cheesecake factory? Out by the cheese. That's cool. Uh, near the air. Near the air. Near the air. Port West Side. Okay, because there's all these houses now going up in my neighborhood where they're tearing down these, you know, 13,400 square foot houses that have been there since the 20s, and they're putting up these massive 3,3,500 square foot concrete houses. The like brutalist modern things. I've seen a couple. Yeah, and now there's, on the street over, the next street over for me, there's two of them

next to each other. Oh, boy. So now it's like, it's very ominous. And they're knocking down these houses that they're buying for, 1.2, 1.3, and they're putting up these houses and charging 3.3 million for them. And they're getting it. And there's no yard. There's a house down the street that is this gorgeous Tudor cottage and someone added a wing on to it that is just a lime green cube that comes out of the back of this Tudor cottage. And it looks like a Borg ship landed in

Renaissance England and just attached it. Well, I can assure you the Borg cube is not. built for atmospheric conditions. And I know, not land, Matt. I wish there was an authority on that. Anyway, guys, this is James Bond. We're talking about Octopus. See, this is...

I thought we're going to talk about Star Wars. We'll get there. Well, let's get Romans history with James Bond. And specifically, since you're kind of an expert on this stuff, like any of the Ken Adam or production design or Peter Lamont stuff that sings to you at all?

I mean, the funny thing is I if you've heard it on a show, I'm a mild expert of it. But if I, you've never heard it on a show, I have no knowledge of those things whatsoever. So it's just like I'm, I'm a journalist first and foremost. So I've become an expert in two, three weeks. And then it's purged from my mind. I feel like that by saying.

So, but I would say that my history of James Bond, I mean, the reason why Octopussy was the one, you know, I would travel down for is because there was a period of time where I was at my aunt's house and she was like the rich aunt who had HBO, you know, in a big TV. Yeah. And I watched this over and over and over again. I think some part of my young brain was trying to make sense of it. It's not my first James Bond. The first one was for your eyes only. I saw that on TV too.

But that one struck me really young as a very, um, it, the tone of it, I, I, maybe it's lighter than I think it is. But as a kid, it felt heavy. Yeah. You know, it felt like, I was like, especially compared to octopusy or view to a kill. Right. And then,

and I remember getting my first lesson of James Bond, because he skis at some point. I remember asking some adult around James Bond can ski. Yeah. And they say, James Bond can do anything. I was like, oh, yeah, okay, got it. Yeah.

Nailed it. I understand the character perfectly now. It's really all you need to know about that. That HBO story is so many people's origin story with Bond. Me too. That's like octopusy and view to a kill were in constant rotation, and that just cemented everything for me. And Vuea Kill was first one I saw in the theater.

Okay. I think I went the second run theater by myself to see it. Oh. Octopus, he's my first in the theater, too, so I got a special bond with it. I feel so young when you guys say this. Well, you are a good 10 years younger than me. This is my birth year movie. Wow.

This is 83. Wow. I'm sorry, everybody. 83. I'm a zenennial. I'm a live and let die birth year bond, 1973. Nice. I'm 74.

So that was an off year. Oh, yeah. You had an in-betweener. Wait, did they not... Was Man of the Golden Gun not 74? Oh, it is. It is. Oh, right.

That's the period of time where they cranked up movies in 11 months. That's right. Well, they're going to have to do it again. Get ready for Bond 25. So Octopussy, I got to pick this one. I tried to pick the world is not enough,

but Matt lied and said that we hadn't done it, which... I did. I made a mistake. I made an understandable mistake. I know that. that we're going to get there. One Brosnan is like every other Brosnan. So, naturally, I gravitated back towards Roger Moore and towards this particular film.

This is the one that you just put on to do your taxes or whatever, right? It is. It is the, man, although I will say this time when I put it on, I found myself actually not doing other things. Just watching? Just like eyes glued to the ridiculousness. Yeah. I like the way you put it, Roman, like, this is the one you'll travel for. What's your Bond movie you do?

travel for, take a bullet for, or, you know. I don't know that there's one that I wouldn't. Well, I can think of one. Oh, you are just so wrong about one thing. I could think of one that even if I didn't have to travel, I'd be like, I'd maybe travel in the opposite direction. It's so crazy that you picked Tomorrow Never Dies to do just to get it out of the way. I did, yeah, because it was looming over me.

Anyway, all right, let's dig into this thing. I'm excited. Before we dig in, I think the best way to start, Matt, is by taking a gander at the James Bond VHS. So, Roman was nice enough to bring this. This is the, I guess it's just called the Moore Classics Collection. It's got that, like, gold leaf topped VHS cassette. It's like the excitement you would feel when you would open a baseball, a card baseball pack, and there'd be a card with gold leaf on it. Except instead of bubble gum, you get a pink panther short.

called Super Pink. Let me read the... It's just Judy Blum's Superfudge done with the Pink Panther. I'd be into that. Octopussy is, quote, extravagant and funny, the New York Times. A state-of-the-art, edge-of-your-seat spellbinder.

The Bond chemistry of lush adventure, luscious femme fatals, fantasy and wit, as dry as a 007 Martini, is at its most potent. In one of the most spectacular pre-title sequences ever devised, Roger Morris Bond flies into action, piloting the world's smallest jet, 12 feet in length, pursued by a heat-seeking missile.

00-07 must investigate the death of Agent 309. His hunt leads him across Cuba, Germany, and India. Oh, so they're calling that Cuba. What? I have some questions about that, but that's the first time I've ever, because that's a lot of blue-eyed people. Hi, I'm half-Cuban. Hi, I'm the American South where I land with a gas station. My dad has blue eyes, so.

he's full Cuban Germany and India to the secluded palace of the queen of the octopus cult Mod Adams and a plot that could destroy the world Bond is helped by a live octopus a mechanical crocodile and female martial artists

he's menaced by buzz saws big game hunters and an A bomb but he remains unflappable on the wing of a careening plane or at the foot of an octopus shaped bed wow that's quite frankly the most succinct way

I've ever heard this movie described. It is really hard to wrap up that movie. They hit every set piece. Yeah. They give you the measurements of a jet. I'm surprised they didn't throw in like in a real tennis pro to boot. I'm VJ. I don't know if the,

if the crocodile counts as mechanical, doesn't it? Well, you know, I noticed for the first time, I really took a hard look at this crocodile. And the roof. opens like on a hydraulic situation. The mouth comes up.

So immediately there's some mechanics. It's probably got a little motor or something. That's right. I assume it's a submarine, right? It's got to be. Right? Like a little one person sub. Like there's like he's not lying flat.

Yeah, I think he's sitting. Maybe he pedals it. Maybe he pedals it. He pedals. It's like a paddle. It's like a paddle. It's the seafloor. Like the Flintstone submarine.

Oh, I love it. I'm into that. Very excited about this film. This movie. gets better and better. Octopussy, it's 1983. I find this to be a polarizing James Bond film. People, a lot like our dear man in the East, Phil does not like this film. I love it, you love it. We're all here today to celebrate a great work of art. Why is this film polarizing to people? Well, I think there's, and I don't want to speak for Phil, our man in the East, but I think there's an element

to if you're not fully on board with Roger Moore, then you are not going to like this movie. But then also you have to look inside yourself and see what's wrong with you. That's very true. But this is by far, this is, as I was saying to my wife, as I was saying to Dory last night,

this is as Roger Moore a James Bond movie as you will ever find. In the best way. For me, yes. For me, it's 100%. It is, without a doubt, my favorite Roger Moore film. I'd be tough pressed to name a favorite. Really?

Well, Vooda Kill for you. Yeah, but I also love living and die. Matt? Wait, what? That's your answer. Jeez. Gosh. Roman?

Do you have a favorite Roger Moore? It's got to be this one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. By Country Mile.

Yeah. I'd say. That's beautiful. We get each other. I mean, there's other ones I like. I mean, Roger Moore is definitely my James Bond, for sure. Yeah. But, I mean,

Okay, let's preface it. Daniel Craig is the best. Yeah. No doubt. Boy, this is a great room. This is the conversation I had this morning with my acupuncturist as she was shoving needles in me. What? It's just a very bond thing.

Like you're sitting there getting acupuncture. I don't know. You know, we're just trying to get the boys in order. Make sure that sperm count goes up. So acupuncture, it is apparently. So we were talking. She's like, oh, do you have to work today? I was like, no, but I do have to go do two podcasts.

She's like, oh, which one? I was like, James Bond. You didn't have to explain what a podcast was. No, because she is also my wife's acupuncturist and is very familiar with her podcasts as well. She's acupuncture to the podcast. She's an acupuncture to the podcast middle. So, but I was saying to her, she's like, who's your favorite James Bond? And I was like, it's such a question we often get.

And my answer tends to gravitate towards Roger Moore. The older I get, the more I'm like, Roger Moore. And people are always like, what? No one wants that answer from you. Do you know what I mean? They want to hear Sean Connery or they want to hear Daniel Craig. Yeah. When you say Roger Moore, people are very confused by that.

prospect. I mean, I think it, I think it breaks down with age. You're kind of young to have a Roger Moore. Well, I was born 40, as I've always been told. So as I, you know, I have an acupuncturist. What are you going to do? All right. Let's talk about this cold opening. That's so good. I know. I was realizing the reason I love this cold opening so much is it exists as its own little movie. And the best opens are like that. You could just, this could have been just on a look, a little short film that they put out. Maybe that's what they should just start doing. Little 10 minute pieces. I wish the new James Bond movies were like this.

I know. I want it so badly. I know, I know this is a subject, repeated subject, but I would love the standalone mission, James Bond. Yeah. I am tired of the universe of James Bond. Me too. That's my least favorite aspect of these new ones. You are preaching to the choir, my friend.

We were just discussing this. Yeah. The in-between episode, we're talking about the potential dance. Danny Boyle film and that he came to them with an idea. So we're kind of hopeful that maybe it's just kind of a one-off idea. I would love it. Yeah. I would love it.

Yeah. James Bond gets finally addicted to heroin. I'm into it. That's where you go to. But yes, this, by the way, I did not know this was Cuba. Well, I'm not so sure they're trying to make it. Like, there's clearly a Fidel Castro analog in there, but. Well, the flag is, I was looking at the flag.

Oh, you would know something about the flags. like flags a lot. The flag looks like Belize, actually. It's a blue field, a really large seal on it. And I saw it in a few places in the horse air show. It's a horse show, right? But it has an airport. That's the confusing part. And everybody watching this thing is clearly very English. So all of the military is vaguely Latin in some way. Although even that, there are plenty of just blonde-haired blue-eyed people. But the audience is all old white English people. I don't know. But the flag looked like Belize. I was trying to figure out what country it was, too.

The flag looked like Belize. Most of the flags in that part of the world have like stripes, like a blue striped, white striped blue striped. Three stripes. And then there's like, and then there's the set that's Venezuela, Colombia and stuff that have like a tricolor, yellow, red and blue.

Oh, interesting. Anyway, but that was very distinctly police flag. But don't you get the feeling that that was. some marketing person that put that on there, that the movie itself is doing the kind of plausible deniability of it. It's vaguely Cuba, but whiter. I don't know what.

Yeah. Listen, this movie, the second he takes off his safari jacket, and it becomes a perfectly pressed military jacket. I'll say even before that, the minute he drives up in a tweed blazer with

a yellow turtleneck dicky that rips off, and like a classic English cap in a rangerover from that era. Oh, it's such a good looking range over. I had to pause it just to take a nap. And then the hat goes rigid when he turns in its head. I know. Well, you know, I was looking at this.

Now, this is something, of course, we've discussed many times on this program, that hat that suddenly becomes a rigid hat. Look, they cut away. And I feel like, story-wise, it could have just been a hat he had tucked away. No, no. No. It is implied. This is a cue branch thing.

I'm imagining, you know, when you buy one of those little two-person dome tents at Target, that when they cut away, he's actually putting those little... Or like in the dark night where he touches the fabric. Yeah, the fabric has like electric. He puts electric current, probably through his watch. Umbrella spines or like super collar stays that go into place. Yeah. I think that's the only explanation that makes sense.

Guys, we solved the problem that we've all had for 35 years. And you're telling me like Q Branch can make an invisible car, but they can't make a stiff hat. well I mean their stiff things are having trouble as we saw from the rope that you climb so I don't know

the noise that thing makes I don't know I understand the spring bank sound effect but when it's lowering there's like a like there's a computer element to that thing

that yeah we'll get there okay so this I love it I love him putting on the mustache I love her putting the mustache on him

looks a little little cricket. Every beat of this thing hits. Toro. A load of bull. That's a load of bull. Come on. I mean, from the word go, Roger Moore is in full Roger Moore. Yeah. He's in peak mental and physical conditions. Well, and that's no critique, but that's peak Roger Moore physical condition, if you ask me. Yeah. I know he's slimmer and stronger probably in live and let die, but when you think of Roger Moore, right, you. You You think of like the scale of Roger Moore, pun, no pun intended there, but.

What do you mean? Like he has scales? Like he gets fatter. Oh, I see. He gets fatter. But like this is like right in that sweet spot for me of Roger Moore. He's 55 in this movie. Peak dad bod.

55. We should be so lucky to live this at 55. I agree. I know. I think this is, you guys probably will not disagree with this. But I think this is John Glover. Glenn's best movie. It's...

What are the other one? I'm not as for my... So he did... This is his second. He did four year eyes only, which probably most people would say is his best. Then he did this one,

view to a kill, leaving daylights, and license to kill. But this one, I think, looks the best of all his films. It's got like, kind of,

there's like that lighting glow, that soft 80s music video lighting glow in this, which is definitely helped along by the Rita Coolidge song, which feels, you know, like everything about this one

feels like, This is Bond for newly divorced adults who are in their 40s and just want to relax with each other. This is like the Dvorcese Bond. This is like if you called up Delilah and said, describe your favorite James Bond movie to me. She would say this. Yeah. I think that because my parents got divorced, my dad was the one who had cable. So I would see this movie on cable over there.

It's like linked to divorce. Yes. I'm in his condo, which, you know, had a lot of rust-colored furniture at the time. And he was kind of getting back in the game, not in a creepy way, but he was in his like Neo-Burt Reynolds phase where he would wear business slacks and a vest and a tie. But then like a parka vest and cowboy boots and a cigarette. And it was like, like Bert Reynolds and Hooper or something. I don't have a problem with anything you just described. No, nor do I. No, you shouldn't. None of this is an indictment. Perfect.

is a model to hold yourself up to, I guess. This movie is like a long-distance dedication to our hearts. That's true. We're on all-time high. One of the things about, so the aforementioned aunt and uncle who I was at the house and watched this over and over again, he was a amateur pilot. And so he had his own plane. Oh, my God. And ultralights, but these like basically looks like a kite that you sit in and you fly.

They were super dangerous. He had one? He had one of the ultralight. And then he, but he loved this opening because of the, I, in my childlike brain, I thought the plane was fake. Right. Or like, it was like a gadget, like a cue gadget. But he's like, no, that's a real plane. And it was this.

And he had the history of it. I don't remember any of it. Yeah. You know, like he really made me love that part of it a lot. Because they had tried to fit that plane into an earlier movie. I can't remember. why they think that's Cuba. When he says I'll meet you in Miami.

Yeah. Yeah. And the Castro thing. Because you're not going to get to Belize on that tank. But that doesn't... From Belize to Miami. It doesn't explain him landing in what looks like the bayou, like a gas station in Texas or so dead. Very true.

That's a crazy moment. What do you think of the... What do you think of the horse trailer? Love it. What do you... I'm just like curious about... unimpeasable. Yeah.

But I'm curious about the whole decision by Q Branch. Ben said about that horse trailer before. That horse trailer is unimpeachable. And I agree. The decision by Q Branch, I just wonder if, like, the only way you can take that jet out into the field is in this Q Branch issued horse trailer.

That's like, that's the only launching station. Yeah. That's a custom job right there. Yeah. That was mission. That's right. Mission specific. Mission specific.

Yeah. I thought Q Branch was like, you know, this is going to work out. We have this horse trailer. no way James you're not going to believe this but we this is ready to go no there's another one of those with the back end of a motorcycle that comes I really focus now on that horse's ass when it's when it's hard not to and I also like my brain imagined the people designing it who were just like

okay how far do we go down with these legs do we need legs how far do we just go to the high do we go to the quad do we break it at the knee I don't know No. Bob, what do you think? Bob comes over. He's like, well, you know, if you're up on some sort of stand and you're looking in it, you're going to want a little bit of leg just in case if he's driving by like a guard shed. So I say we cut it right before the knee.

And then they're like, well, they made the right choice. It's a lot of time. Even down to the sound effect, you hear the gears ratcheting when it goes up. And it goes up pretty fast. Yeah. They don't milk it. There's nothing. Yeah.

There's nothing about this movie so far that I find question. I believe it's something. delightful. It's delightful. Oh, actually, there is a thing. We'll get to it shortly. There's a few things. At the very beginning, why are the soldiers escorting him wearing parachutes at all?

I know. That's a great question. Here's what I think. These guys are two elite Cuban paratroopers. No, I have an answer to who are there. Who are there for the air show, horse show. I think you're right. And they're going to sky.

dive. So when they show that hangar in the very beginning, there are troops doing drills. And for some reason, the troops are drilling, running through the hangar, which makes no sense. But they've all got parachutes on as well. So they're probably going to do some like parachute jump. Like a formation thing, I think. Oh, I like this. I mean, like, I don't like that. We have to explain this for the movie. Listen, but that's what we're here to do is explain. We're, we're here to retcon everything into making sense. But that, that actually, I'm satisfied with that. Yeah. Nice. Do you ever feel like we're, if we like a movie, we take great lengths to justify its flaws. And then if we don't, we really, we got a real Trump perspective. I don't feel it. I know it. Yeah. But that's what

liking things is all about. To him. Or kitty. Uh, the, is that a defender 90 or Defender 110 that Range Rover? You're asking me? Yeah, I'm asking the wrong group of people. I have no idea what you're talking about. Are you just going to play the? No, I hear it with a resonating. Oh, Yeah, sometimes my voice causes banjos made in 1976 to do that. It's a bicentennial banjo, right? That's what that giant thing on the back is. Yeah. What I like about this movie in general,

and I noticed kind of for the first time watching it again yesterday, was all the improvisation that James Bond goes through. Like, he tries to blow it up, can't blow it up, leads the heat-sinking missile into to blow it up, and then later on with the, the tiger. Oh, yeah. There's lots of, and then going down the banister.

Like, there's lots of things where he's, like, using the environment in ways that I really like. And I don't remember that in other Roger Moore's in particular. When he gets busted putting the bomb in the nose cone of that plane, his missions failed. And he just doesn't even blanched, like, for a second, just, oh, well, to the next thing. Like, he doesn't even register to him that he,

whatever he's supposed to do has failed. And I love that it's that missile, like, this is the first time I started really watching kind of the practical effects of this. And I feel like the way they did that missile sometimes is they tied a launched like pyrotechnic on a string to that plane and it looks like it's just dragging it behind. Otherwise, I don't know how they're doing that half the time. That one was the first time I noticed. And then also here's a gloft.

This is a goarly's lookout for this. I'm here to witness. This is exciting. When they show a shot from inside the hangar of the little jet, coming towards the hangar, it's a full-on prop plane with two big engines on the wings, like not even trying to disguise the fact that it isn't that little thing. Oh, wow. Oh, no, no, no.

You're incorrect. It's a fiberglass shell cast from that jet. It was found about 10 years ago. It had been brought over to a junkyard in Long Beach, this thing. What do you mean? The jet. You're talking about the little jet that goes through the thing? No, I'm talking when they shoot from inside.

No, no, I know. that. Thank God, man. Yeah, that's the one they drive by on the back of a Jeep. Okay, thank you. When there's a shot from inside the hangar, when you see up in the sky that the plane's heading toward the hangar, you're looking from inside the hangar. Oh, okay. It's just, you just see the very front of the plane, and there's two, like, engines on it. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to look out for that. You should. I'm really going to look up for that. Yeah, copyright, trademark. The, um, when that, when the, when the, when the jet is, here's my question on that plane, and I'm sure we have an answer for.

somewhere. What is the, what is the effective range of that plane? I can't really see a spot for much of a gas tank. And you're running a jet engine. I know he runs out of gas, but like, my real question is like, could he get to Miami? No. Maybe not. But who knows? But I mean, can't after doing all the maneuvers. Well, yeah, of course. He's gone full throttle. And then he brings that heat seeking missile into that hangar and blows it up. I also wonder, by the way, did the horse show continue? I probably not.

I think the horses got filled. It was a lot. That was a big exposure. Yeah, I know. The smile on Bond's face when the car pulls forward and he's just kind of like got that grin with the M16. Oh, yeah.

That's so good. This is why I think this is John Glenn's best movie because I actually noticed a lot of like well-framed shots that would then reveal something else. There's a really good, bad one of those on the train later. But we'll get to that. Oh, is it with a grill? Yes, the climbing up.

There's a lot of framing, which makes no sense. I know. I know. You're absolutely right. It only makes sense if you are watching from that complete angle. Yeah. If the villain is the camera. That's right.

But he doesn't pull, like there isn't any pigeons double take type of thing in this. Nothing that wacky. Well, when he can command a tiger. sit? Oh, and there is the Tarzan yell. That's, that's, that's, it's pretty bad. It's literally as Johnny Weiss-Muehler's yell. Yeah. It's, I think that sit was when I learned what ADR was. Yeah. You hear that T so clearly. And it sounds like, it sounds like in a room. Yeah. Not in a jungle. Yeah. That is a big fall to the Bond movies. Their ADR department is not great. Yeah. It has, only recently has started to get a little bit better. And they've only recently changed up who they've been using for the voices.

Every other, every background person who has no voice for like the first five movies is the same guy. That voice is the same guy. This all time high, Rita Coolidge song. Where do you fall on this, Roman? I mean, it is certainly catchy. It's been in my head since we've been talking about this. Yeah. A lot of people don't like this.

I don't care for it. I mean, I know I'm in the minority. It just seems to me, it, it, I can't, it's the sin qua non. It's like, it's the, it is the James Bond theme in my head. So they all compare And like with the guys in the suits Like swinging around the naked women And the opening

It was super embarrassing to me as a kid I hated watching it With other people Or even not with other people Sure It just drove me crazy There's many an embarrassing opening Imagine you're 43 years old

Newly divorced It's 1983 You've been the first time You got what might be Your New Regular Lady over And there's some kind of Macromay thing Hanging on the wall

And this song comes on You've lit up a cigarette because that's still fine. And this song, you wouldn't even question it, you'd just go, I didn't know I needed it until I heard it. And there it is.

I just asked that people listen to it in the proper context. That's all I ask. It's what, you know, that's all you have to do. You should walk, the best songs involve you walking a little bit toward them.

They shouldn't just give you everything you need right away. And then you've done a little work and it feels like a team effort and suddenly, there you have it. You have to walk. You have to walk pretty far

to this. That's fair. That's fair. But I will argue, the longer the walk, the greater the payoff. The greater the drink of water. And what a tall drink of water.

It's about the journey. Yeah. So this movie, we kick off with the plot of this film, with, uh, 009 running from, uh,

swordsmen. Knifeman? Knifeman? Knife throwers Knife throwers Yeah I feel like that doesn't really I feel like they're very good with knives

Even not throwing them You know I feel like they have skills They could probably carve a bar of soap up real nice Oh Come on The SNSan goes out to Mr. Matt Goreley Your dad wants you to know He still loves you

And your mom too There's a fire there's probably some malt liquor somewhere. It's just soft. Roman, do people tell you, like, they find your voice very soothing? Yeah. Yeah. Is this the equivalent to my voice?

This is the same kind of velvety, yeah. Ah. It gets very strange. I've told this story before, but I will play the song for Amanda, and she will sing it back in her lyrics because she can't remember our... we're an all time high can't take my hotel away I didn't mean to railroads those are better no those are better lyrics no no no that like that I conceptually I get what I think that the theme matches the the bond girls in this they seem much more in

control right and they're like sweet distraction your James Bond is the play thing to the women That's right, yeah. In this movie. They've got an elegance in this movie that this song also might have. Might. I don't know. Are you pausing right now because you're still lost in the luster of that beautiful, cloudy sound? You know what I'm lost?

I'm lost in the sweet, sweet sounds of an alto saxophone. Is there ever a better resolve to any song in human history? And I'm going pre-recorded history, too. Like just one that's ever been played into the ether. Regardless of instrument. Yeah. That's the payoff. If you've walked so far to get to that song and then you get to that end and then you just,

you never question anything again, I think. All right, I'm ready to leave this behind. Well, you know, man, I want to talk about 009. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I always feel like we don't address it enough, but MI6 loses some great people along the way. 009 is one of them. Yeah, presumably.

And I don't know if he was so great. Okay. That's, it's fine. I get that you're saying that, but he was a double O. And he really does confuse the double O. I know. Yeah, with his license to kill, and yet he does not. But I will say this for him.

He's got a knife in the back and he still manages to make it to the British ambassador and bust through his doors, his French doors, and get that egg. It's the last thing he'll do. He gets that egg. He's committed to his task. It's got Faberjé egg. But he's, you know, he's running and fighting the skulls. I am not on board.

He's in clown shoes at this time or no? He is in clown shoes, yeah. Guys, I think it's time we give 009 a bit of a break. Not only is it difficult to run in clown shoes from an expert knife thrower, but it's also hilarious. Two X shoes are so big. Yeah. That's right. A team of brothers.

He's also got a balloon attached to him. Yeah, I think that's to be more visible. to the people who are throwing knives at you. Could be, yeah. That is like when you pass a tour group holding up an umbrella. The composition of the shot when he falls and the egg comes out

and then there's one balloon coming from his hand. It's nice, huh? It's really nice, huh? That's what I'm saying. Like, John Glenn, I think he took a little time with this one or something. I guess he's still new in his tenure, so he actually is trying.

This is the first non-Bernardly No. That we've... For your eyes only is. All right. Forget it then. I miss Bernard Lee. Is what I'm saying.

Robert Brown. Robert Brown, whose autograph I got in one of those packs of cards, James Bond cards, like they give you sign. I think I have Mod Adams too. Like an octopusy. But just printed or? No, like they saw, you know, it's one of these like you buy a set of cards. This was in the probably the late 90s, early odds.

It's probably early. early odds, but they released a set of cards. And I also have a piece of, I should give it to you. I have a piece of Christopher Watkins' outfit. What? From Vito Kill. Which outfit? Why is this the first time this has ever come up?

Explain yourself. No surprises. No hundreds. I know. So, Matt, I was very much into baseball cards as a kid. And then even as a teenager, even in high school and in college, I still collected. baseball cards. And then they would release these sets of James Bond cards.

So obviously, I was like, I've got to buy a box of these James Bond cards. Just see what's doing. Of course, yeah. And in them, you know, they'd have special inserts. Like one out of every 50 packs you'd get an autograph or something like that. And I happened to get a good box, had like three autographs and a couple of these. I don't know if you're familiar, but baseball cards now, they'll have these things that're like usually game-worn jerseys or bats, right?

So you get like a little squaw. a little square swath of a jersey. Like, you could be like, oh, this was Pedro Martinez's game-worn jersey. And it's for real? It's not like he can order a piece of Jesus's cross? No, it's not. You can't, it's not that. It's all certified by the card company.

And, yeah, so I have, I'm going to bring it for you next. His gray suit? I believe the swatha is black, so I'm assuming it's the finale suit, the black suit that he's wearing on the. Holy shit. Buddy, it's coming your way. It's coming your way. I have it literally in a Jim Dunlop crybaby pedal box.

That seems interesting. Wow, that's exciting. Yeah. All right. And I have Robert, his autograph. Robert Brown's autograph. Is Robert Brown? I forget.

I think that's correct. Anyway, back to this. James Bond has asked how much he knows about Faberger's eggs. Well, we're also, there's the sad money penny scene where they're like put in, Penelope's small bone like it's clearly a replacement and it just feels like money Lois Maxwell knows this and it just something doesn't feel right about that. It feels like putting her out to pasture or something and I don't know. Do you guys get that sense when you watch? Oh 100%. Yeah. It's unpleasant. Yeah. It really is. It's unnecessary. Like if you're going to replace

her, just have her gone and then there's a new one. But don't make her train your replacement. Like it's one thing in MI6 if that would happen. I know, but not in the Bond movies. It just feels, I don't know, it doesn't feel right. She does seem like she has an odd job to have an assistant, though, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, she's obviously tenured. She's obviously got her pension locked up. She's probably making way more than any other secretary in the building.

So they're like, listen, money penny, we're going to get you a little help. But really, she's just training a replacement who's going to work for much cheaper. But it's clear that they think this is Roger Moore's last film because even they were screen testing who James Brawlin or Sam Neal for this movie. I can't remember. So clearly they thought, well, this is. also Lois Maxwell's last film. Next time we'll have this girl in. But then Roger Moore comes back for another.

And then Penelope's Smallbone, where'd she go? She didn't work out. She doesn't return, does she? No, she doesn't. What if she, like, married 005? Hmm. That'd be nice. Yeah.

I was pretty good with the tone of it until she does kind of a sigh when he leaves the room. And I'm like, oh, come on. They both do. I know. It's beautiful. They could have eye rolled through that one. Yeah.

It would have been a better. It would have landed. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. because also she kind of in the beginning feels a little like almost I'm not going to be that fawning type yeah but then she is James Bond wins over everyone clearly all right so we got the Faberjay egg we're on track to make this just as long as we have but we have

one of my favorite elements the entire day one of my favorite elements in a James Bond movie do a two-parter Nicholas Nickleby is James Bond encountering an expert in whatever it is he's going to on a mission for and then knowing way too much about the thing. Does this guy strike you? He does this both with Bond and M when he kind of like, he pauses, like looks them at them a little too long and then kind of gives them a tender like, all right. Like he's almost romantic with them in a way or something. He seems to be the most friendly expert that MI6 has at their disposal.

Yeah, I agree with that. Like he really like, I feel like him and James probably have had drinks together. Yeah. Outside of the auction. Yeah. so he's great he's very British is he the most British person in the movie hmm I mean there's a lot of on location so maybe yeah all right he gets the award really yeah yeah yeah it's almost always goes to the

expert it always it should yeah yeah yeah because they're always a uh you know he's Jim is that his name yes he is Jim which I thought was funny too yeah I I know he goes by James. Exactly. But that being called Jim knocks him down a little bit on most British, don't you think?

That's true. Yeah. Well, I think you just can't. I think once, I think they have a standing rule in England that when James Bond is in the room, you are Jim.

If your name is James and James Bond walks in, you immediately are, you have to go by Jim. He has James primacy. Yeah. Everyone else is demoted to Jim, Jimmy. Or Jaime.

James Prime. Okay. So the plot to this movie, we're kicking it off in a fun way. He's got to get the hold of this. He's got to figure out what's going on with this. It's not even a mission. It's just, right. He's just going to get some information.

He's really weird. Yeah. But it's also probably, I bet the auction house is close to his house. So he's like, oh, you know what? M, I'll take care of this on my way home. So he goes to the auction. I love this property of a lady. Wow.

We just quietly think about it. We're all just like, yeah. What was going to do your two heads in that moment of silence? Because for me, I was thinking of the how you get a seat at the horseshoe. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, do you like, are you like a pre-qualified bidder? So then you get to go and sit at the horseshoe. That's a valid thought.

I think Jim, that's Jim's seat. Yeah. He's got season tickets. You're probably right. He does. What were you thinking during that? pause. I was thinking why it said property of a lady.

It really wasn't octopussy. It implies it you're talking about. You're starting to thread octopussy into this. But it's not hers. Whose coronation is that thing about? Is that Queen Elizabeth? No, it's Russian. So it was like a Sarina or something?

Yeah. I mean, the connection is, so Orlo, I'm going to try to explain this. Orloff is stealing things from the Russian archive. Taking him to get a fake forgery made. Leaving them in the vault and then an octopus he sells them

essentially and then funds his mad effort to start nuclear war. By the way, I don't know how much it costs him. This whole plan, I feel like as a general, you're already in charge of troops. Really ultimately, I don't know what you have to pay for to get this done. Right. Well, obviously it's worth it because he's doing it. He's figured out away. There's lots of motivation ups that not. It's really hard to figure out.

He's motivated by what this movie. I was thinking during that pause how quantum assault should have still been called property of a lady. And they made it make it more about that necklace of hers. Oh. You know? Because it's a fleming title. I know. That's what you were thinking.

Yeah. It's amazing. Because that's a fleming title. What? Was that in the running? I don't know. But that is one of the unused Fleming titles from a short story, property of a lady. Oh, okay.

But I would have loved to have seen that. But yeah, I went away for a bit. Well, now you're back. Orlov, that plan, and particularly that scene where he reveals his, like, war plan, that room. God, I love that room. I'm crazy. I have a. Insane.

Myra lookout for this. Oh. In that room. Okay. the way that general, what is his name, General, Berkoff, Orlov, the bad guy, or Gogol. Gogol. The way that General, no, the way that General Gogol is sitting,

he has his legs a damn near in a split. Like, it seems like he's probably got very long legs as is anyway. Like, he probably is a short torso gentleman. Yeah. I get it. I'm reversed. I have a long torso, very short leg. He is doing a spread.

I wish you could pull it up because it is, it looks to be so uncomfortable. Like, I don't know if he has like some sort of back problem he's dealing with. But he is spread, he easily, four and a half feet. I have little, I need little reason to watch this movie again and that maybe that's enough right there. Like it's a four. and a half foot spread.

And then when the table, when the, when the, when the, uh, floor and the table start moving, he really is like, just bracing. Between his pot, his seat, seated, um, but also Orlov, the way he walks is like a, he does this thing, like Nixon thing like, where he's doing kind of like, totally. It's like monster. Yeah. Yeah. It's like they're trying to out, like, dominate each other with, I don't know.

And I like, my favorite is when he gets yelled at and he slunches. Oh, I know, I know. And he pouts like a child. He's like, oh, good. Yeah, we've gone on. This guy looks so much like Vladimir Putin. It's crazy. Berkhoff?

Yeah. Victor Maitland. That's what I think of when I see. Yeah, me too. He's Beverly House comp. Yeah. Oh, he's so good. Yeah.

Decadence. Oh, God. At most 17 armored divisions. seven things I'm Monteficials It's like he looked at his script and went I'm going to double my screen time By the way I do this

He does a syllable count Just to make sure It's really something It's a great villain performance It's a really fun sort of Over the top German general I mean Russian General it's like

It's delightful But that room's beautiful The room is beautiful It's gorgeous that I do love. It's Peter Lamont, but I feel like he's really channeling Ken Adam with that because he typically didn't kind of go all that mid-century style as much, but it's so good. I love the secretary that's just in there.

Doesn't it seem to... Do they need a phone in that room? I don't know. Sure they do. It's a war room. Wouldn't they have like... Oh, like a... Some sort of...

I don't know. The idea of... like a secretary with a computer. Yeah. Taking notes or whatever. Just seems. Yeah. Well, she's more of a receptionist.

Yeah. Really, what she is is like their money penny somehow. Yeah, definitely. This feels like one of the more political bond films, which they usually kind of don't do. It's usually, that's why they had like smersh or something to, or Spector. No, specter so they could get away from making Russia the bad guy. And I know they take pains to make good Russians as well as bad Russians. Well, he's really the only bad one.

Yeah, that's true. I mean, Gogol is like, he's a renegade. He's the one who actually defeated. beats the villain in the end. That's right. Interesting. So, I mean, I think they threaded the needle quite nicely. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. Where are we? Well, we have to go to India. India, that's right. Yeah. And we have one of the most meta moments in the history of the James Bond franchise, where the James Bond theme is played for him. Oh, yeah.

And he addresses it. I'm kind of, I'm, I'm of two minds of this. I kind of think it's clever. I kind of feel like there's some way to make that work in the world. I haven't quite closed the loop on how it works, but, but I also find it very objectionable when it's, you know, if it's, if it's, if it's, if say we're in the world right where that John Barry musical exists that he, that that song came from. Oh, the Monty Norman one.

Yeah, I'm sorry, the Monte Norman musical exists where that, that, that, that, that melody is from. But that is... And it is Indian. Yeah, that's right. So, theoretically, I'll retcon it for you, because that's what we do here at the James Bonding podcast. That is a deep cut rapcom.

In my mind, I guess, to make it make sense, that musical was a big hit. And he was just playing that... The House of Mr. Biswas. The House of Mr. Biswas. But it still was a signal. That's right. Yeah, but I think maybe it was like...

That was big in the West End right now. When he grabbed his for your eyes only papers, he said, you're going to be listening for the House of Mr. Biswoss played by a snake charmer. The dog, on the other hand, yes, that's great. Okay. But it is going into that, like, super indulgent pigeon double-take John Glenn area of, you know. I agree. Resist it. I think Bond films are like what I'm told you should do when you dress and that is look in the mirror and take off one accessory.

And that's what a Bond film should do. They should take out one joke. you know, and that would be the one. I know that was a super solid analogy. Doesn't need any explaining. But that would be the one I'd say maybe of all of them. Well, I don't know that Tarzan Niels in there, too. The Tarzanian is in there, too.

The Tarzanian. This movie does have a couple of real offenses. I would keep that one, get rid of Tarzanian. Yeah, you're probably right. Oh, no one's wrong. I mean, unless maybe one of the, one of the, one of the huntsman just has the Tarzan

He's watching Tarzan And he accidentally Like he's going to turn To look for James Bond But he accidentally hits volume up On the remote that he's This is a new segment they were debut Matt goes to great pains to justify

Yeah Really Things that should have been thought out more in the beginning Yeah sure I'm here to matify. So what is it? There's a hunter who's got a radio on. Obviously there's multiple, you know, you got Kamal.

He's got an elephant. Yeah. Right? You've got his buddy there. He's got an elephant. I'm saying there's a third elephant, right? Uh-huh. And they're all like, whose elephant saddle is the most elaborate, right?

So one guy's like, well, mine's going to be most elaborate. I'm going to put in a television and a VCR into mine, right? because it has back seats for the kids and you got to entertain. It's a whole thing. I don't know if he's on screen. I'll have to go back and look. But my thought here is that he has pimped out his elephant saddle, as you do. And he's watching a classic Johnny Weissmiller, Tarzan movie.

And it just so happens that at the moment that Bond starts swinging on a vine, he accidentally, like, turns out. the volume up really loud, and then panics and starts to turn it down. And that's why we hear it. So it's actually just, it's ambient sound. I mean, now that you say it. Yeah. Nothing else. Yeah, it's impeachable.

Unimpeachable. Sorry, no, it's very impeachable. It's almost required. That's literally the only explanation. I mean, I don't want to accidentally skip over the backgammon scene, which is probably my favorite. Oh, great. Yeah, I agree.

Let's take a walk in the backgammon town. Especially important because Amanda and I do. just got a backgam and set and two nights ago sat down for the first time to play it. And I realized, because I'd played backgammon a bunch when I was a kid, but I realized I have no idea how to play anymore. I'd had a gin and tonic or two, and I started reading the directions, and I couldn't do it. I could not. I understand it to be a relatively simple game, but they were calling things stones and points

and pips and dips and I couldn't. It was like doing math, and I handed it to her, and I said, can you explain this? and we just couldn't get through it. So to be continued on backgammon, but I'm looking forward to it. But the way he takes the dice. Yeah. And says, it's all in the wrist and says double sixes

and doesn't look down the whole time. Oh. Oh, it's as cool as hell. I have that exact note in my notes. So players privilege. And he uses the other dice. It's really just as bond as you can get. It's one of the best table gaming sequences.

and it's not even cards in a Bond world. That it's so good. It's so reminiscent to me of the Goldfinger situation where the guy, where Goldfinger has the... The guy being taken. Yeah. As the radio and knows what the other cards are.

She was listening to Johnny Weissmuller on that radio as well, right? Popular in the Bond universe. But here's the thing, guys. I couldn't find the information, but 200,000 rupees. I was wondering this myself. The earliest I could get as far as an exchange rate was 1998, right? So I'm not 100% familiar with the economics of India. Oh, I am.

But I will say this. Let's bring inflation into this. Let's do today's rupees. value. Okay. That whole panic was over $3,300. By today's money? Yeah.

So it would have been... I don't know. I feel like there must have been an... 500,000. There must have been an economic recession in India that was massive to devalue the rupee. Yeah, because you know it has to be hundreds of thousand dollars in this thing. I mean, that's... But it's

probably not. But he's staking that egg as collateral. I know. He's foolishly overpaying for that. for that $3,300. Yeah. I just, I had to look it up. But he's staking the egg

because he wants it to be stolen. Yeah. Because it has tried. That's true. Does anyone else want steak and eggs? I do. Yeah. It sounds really great.

Yeah. Postmates it. Yeah. So if it's, if you, listeners, you guys are a, a bunch of people

that can get a lot of information and put it in a spreadsheet. A hive mind? This is really good. And at times threatening hive mine. Ladies and gentlemen, if you have a free moment and you can somehow get access

to what a 1983 rupees value was I would be forever in your debt. I'll be in your debt 100,000 rupees. Depending on the answer. Put an asterisk by that. Well, this actually reminds me of the auction scene itself

not to back too far. Him bidding and Jim being very said about it, which makes you wonder what kind of budget James Bond is allowed. Like he's allowed to kill people, he's not allowed to spend 200,000 pounds. Well, as James

says, when they ask what he would have done if he won the auction? He said it was a fake. Yeah. Yeah, he never intended to pay for it. He had to. I love that shot, though, where you see Jim's face and then the reveal. That's another John Glenn point there. Do we need to bump him up in our director's ranking?

No. I might. He's properly ranked. But that shot, and then it pulls back and you just see Bond with his little hand up. A little hand up. His little hand up. Should we talk about VJ? Yeah. Yeah.

VJ. Solid. He's great. He's great. The best athlete actor I've ever seen in my life. He's so charming. I'm unfamiliar with his history, so he's a... He's a tennis champ.

Has he done any other acting? Hold on. So that's where all the tennis jokes are about. Yeah. Yeah. That would have had a whole new depth. Yeah. Especially when he says he's the pro at the club.

Right. Have you learned anything? What does he say? I've proved my something. Backhand? Yes. Yeah. And the sound effects for the tennis racket are...

Oh, I know. They're the same as the rope breaking. It's insane. Wait, he's in Star Trek 4? Oh, yeah, he is. He's the Saratoga captain, I believe. He talks with... earth about the fact that the probe has gone through the system and they're no longer able to

move and they're probably going to die. Let me give you some of his other credits. Walker, Texas Ranger. Yes. And something called flesh burn. Is that it? That's well, that's about, that's worth remarking on you. Interesting. I forgot about him in Star Trek 4. That's great. I probably forgot about him last time also oh i now i really really like that i like that i like him even more so you didn't know that he was a tennis program oh yeah i didn't really put that all together yeah he's a he's a fascinating guy um i do find it there's another on the edge of being too ridiculous when they're going through a linear chase in the streets and they're hitting each other with rockets and you hear the sound effect and the people's heads are turning back and forth as if they're watching the tennis game yeah that

That is, it's really. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. That is sort of up there, right? What are they referring to at one end? It's interesting, too, they do a chase detour. Like, he gets off the tuck, tuck.

Is this one he goes, or is that later when they go through, like, all the Indian cliches of the hot coals and the bed spikes? That's later. That's later. That's the run when they're running from Kamal. That's right. Mad end Mad and Hey RX bar

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That's Rxbar.com forward slash bonding. Again, that promo code is bonding and get 25% off your first order of delicious foods. Tell them Matt and Matt sent you. There's nowhere to do that. Just talk to your computer. Yeah, and these honestly are highly recommended. I'm going to eat one now. Matt and Matt and. Matt and. So now we go to Q. we're going to check in on Key's hands. Q has moved his entire operation to India to help one agent. But he does say he is angry about it. He's angry about having to move, except for he's working on very India-specific devices.

You know what they say. Fair. When in New Delhi. Yeah. I'm going to give Q's hands a golden eye minus five. They're not particularly big in this, but he's got super long nails and heavy shakes. Our scale is... This is...

I can't believe you're going minus five. It's unimpeachable. This is for me, this is a golden eye minus two and a half. You think they're that big? Yes. They're not golden eye size by any man. I tried to pay attention, but I could not... I did not see them very closely.

Yeah. It also depends... I could miss them. They were all that was on screen. You got to take an account what kind of lenses they're using. That's so true. His hands require a white. angle lens to do it only.

The fact that they just allowed him to not get a manicure. I'm not so sure he didn't get a manicure. You know what? Those nails are fine. He might have had press on nails. It looks like he does cocaine on every finger. Yeah. Also, this is the movie where he, more than any movie, needs to have stillness to get that little transmitter with the thing.

And his hands are just shaking. Oh, that was the moment I should have paid it touch. Yeah. A little tremor action. Yeah, but also you get to see his hand. literally under a magnifying glass in this one too. So they look bigger than ever. So that might have been completing your, you know, huh?

Those are golden eye plus three. When he's under the microscope, when he's under the magnifying glass, it's a golden eye plus three. Yeah. We got to talk about the liquid crystal television and James Bond's decision to get behind that camera. Yeah. And are there, is there a sound effect there? I feel like. That's when you need that spring breaking. Yeah. That's right.

As you say that, I can imagine it. That poor... That's like the braises. That's right. Yeah. The Mandela effect. You want to sound effect there. Yeah.

At least he gets called out for childish antics. So that makes it okay. What did you say? Adolescent antics. Yeah. Adolescent antics. So what is he given in the scene? He's given the pen.

Yeah. With the... Does he use that pen? He does to get out of his palace. Right, right, right. It's a very important. Right. And the radio receiver too.

And then he gets... Which, by the way, I have no clue as to how he... I'm not sure how that works. Does the red move to what direction it's in? I don't know, but I love the look of it. Whenever it's near. I haven't figured it out. Homeing devices are a mystery.

Yeah. But I think it, I think you, you're pointing towards it. And then you point yourself towards it and then you walk close. And then maybe it blinks more when you get closer to it. But you're also assuming that the production knew. I think they just were like, put some dials on it. What I don't get is why the radio transmitter works over a great distance, but somehow is stymied by a hair dryer in some other room.

Listen, as we all know, these palaces, the wiring is not great. That was built completely on the fact that if, you turn on a hair dryer in that day, your TV would fritz because I remember that. My sister was always drying her hair and my TV would go crazy. But you were all plugged into the same. That's true. Yeah. Yeah, right.

Good, good major point there. It's the equivalent of like, it's like being in a, in a stadium and you try to use your phone. And everyone's phone doesn't work because everyone's. Is that really happened? That shows how much I've been in a stadiums since cell phones. Yeah, unless they have boosters in there, which more and more, they're having them now. But at Fenway Park, it's real hard to get a signal. But I think this is a good, I think this is a pretty solid collection of gadgets.

If you don't, if you count the crocodile submarine. Yeah, I agree. Oh, I count it. Yeah. I mean, he's not given it in the moment. Right. Sure. Yeah.

He'd be great, like he'd just pull it over his shoulder. Uh-huh. I like the, um, I like the fact that Q comes out to help. This Bond film hits all the good sweet spots Because you also got like an army coming in at the end But there's a twist It's Lady Agrabats You've got good gadgets, good allies

Two villains Interesting, yeah Yeah the villain But the villain I don't I'm I The villain is an interesting villain You'd Kamal

Yeah just like I A I can't figure out what he's after why he helps the Russian Yeah, what is he after? Money? Yeah, but he can print In the end, you can print his own money. He just comes to her says like, we'll print millions.

What is he doing? He's the lackey for octopussy somewhat. Right, yeah. But how? But then he turns on her. That's fine. What is his necessity there? I don't know.

Who needs him? The general needs him to, because Octopsy doesn't know the jewels are being replaced by a bomb. Yeah. So this is where we always get into trouble when we try to figure out the plots of these movies. You know, I felt like this was a very cut and dry plot in that there was a general who got involved in this jewelry smuggling ring that he wasn't involved. To fund his.

To fund his thing only so that he could eventually blow up a nuclear bomb that would look like a. But what each person, especially what Kamal Khan gets out of it. I don't understand. That's a good question. why he wants to blow up West Berlin. Yeah. If the Bond movies have a knack, it's for making you at first,

like, viewing not question why certain people have no motivation. That are, like, he exists as a plot device almost. And maybe he's using all the, he's like taking a little bit of that jewel money to make those counterfeit plates. And he's been saving up for his investment of his new criminal enterprise or something. Maybe that's why,

maybe he needed to meet the person who makes the jewel. because those are the only people who can engrave the plates. Right? Because, you know, they work with intricate things all the time. I'm sure they can... You need a referral. They can engrave a plate. They need it like yelp.

And the egg changes hands so many times, whether it's the real one or the fake one, I do lose track of that. I still don't know where we're at, by the way. I also love when Magda steals the egg from him in their special... What do we call it last time? Overnight. we had a term for for the sleepovers.

What is it? I don't remember. I don't remember either. But her mirror logic is really strange. So she's looking at herself in the mirror and she's taking the egg and he comes up behind her

so she hides it behind her hands and you see this being shot from the mirror. Then she turns around to him and puts it behind her back to hide it from him. But it's in full view in the mirror she actually exposes it to him well you know how confusing it gets like when you're looking in a monitor and you're trying to fix your hair and you don't know which side your hand is on

all of a sudden because it's not mirrored it's yeah i think that was where her brain was but this is i think another example like experience with monitors this is like the gorilla shot was her tv hosting that really got her confused well i i i want to truck this egg because he was at the thing. A, I was amazed that you can touch the Fabrizzi egg in the auction. But I think at the horseshoe you can do it.

But just like even just wear gloves or something. Right. Sure. But okay, so he takes it. That's the real one, right? He takes the real one. He takes the real one. He replaces it with the fake one.

Yes. So he has the real one. Now Q puts the stuff in the real one. She steals the real one. When they crush an egg later on, the little tracker comes out. So when they crush it, they're crushing the real one.

I agree with that. It's heartbreaking. That logic is sound. So she steals the real one. But he doesn't care. He wants her to take it. How the real one has a magnetic horse coach in there, I don't know.

What happens to the fake one? Kamal gets it? No, the fake one is returned to MI6. Why? Where? When? Right?

At the end of the movie. We'll need the egg back, right? But that would be the real... Oh, it's gifted. Right? It's... M gives it to general... No, that's the star.

Like, they're talking about the star on this. That's right. Yeah. Where is the real one? They took it out of the bin of jewel. The Russians say, hey, can we have that back? And they say, yes. Yeah, but they don't give it to him, give it to him.

So the egg is where? I don't know. So Kamal, then... he bid on the fake one, got the fake one after he bought it an auction, so he has it. James Bond has him steal the real one that has the

transmitter. I think it's crushed. No, it's not. Why? No, it is. It's not... Is it for sure that 009 brings in the fake one or he doesn't have the real one in the first place? Like, is the one in the auction actually the fake one because Orloff

has succeeded in getting the fake one to sell. Or is he selling the real ones or the fake ones? He's selling the... Oh, man. Wait. Right now, there are people that know this. He's selling the real ones. He's putting the fake ones into the vault.

And he's selling the real ones at auction. Which is such a stupid plan. Because at the end of the day, they're going to go, wait a second. This is being sold. I better go down and check it. Oh, do you think they're just going to go on? Oh, it's there. Anyway.

Okay. I'm going to read the plot. No. No? No. Why? It's going to take hours. It's only a full four paragraphs. I just want the egg part.

While trying to escape from East, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Dressed as a circus clown and carrying a fake Faberget egg. Right. So that's the fake one. Yeah. Yeah, he's found the fake. MI6 immediately suspects Soviet involvement and after seeing the real egg appear at an auction in London, sends James Bond to investigate and find out the identity of the seller.

Bond is able to swap the real egg with the fake. fake egg and engages in a bidding war with Afghan prince. I forgot he's a prince. Forcing Khan to pay $500,000 for the fake egg. All right. Which isn't a problem because he obviously prints money. Bond permits Magdust to steal the real Faberget egg fitted with listening and tracking devices by Q.

So you're right so far. Okay. After Bond escapes from his room, he listens in on the bug and the Faberger egg and discovered that Khan is working with Orlov of Soviet General who is seeking to expand Soviet control into Western Central Europe. After escaping, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, uh-huh. Okay. Um, uh, I'm already lost again. But the egg that is crushed has a radio transmission. That's got to be the real egg. That's the real egg. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty, um, pretty tragic. I think that's the thing we're all

saddest about here. Probably. Right. It's that egg. All right. So then we get to meet octopusy. Octopussy. Now, it's interesting that they do a whole scene with her and you don't see her face and it's

like they're hearkening back to Blowfelt or something. Like she's the mastermind or something. I think that's what they're trying to do. And a heavy set of ADR on that scene too. I don't know if I completely grasp the backstory of her father. Would one of you like to tell me? Yeah. He was a smuggler of sorts or a spy and bond.

went to catch him and he gave him 24 hours to get his affairs out of like some kind of gentlemanly honor and rather than come back and be imprisoned he kills himself and she is grateful just that he gave him the honor or like yeah the honorable way of going so when she said um give him an honorable way out i thought that implied that james bond killed her dad rather than him commit suicide. I just, I, I thought it gave him the opportunity. Yeah. To kill himself kind of like, like, with like, don't Rommel do that in World War II?

They, they said, like, you're a distinguished commander, but you've also screwed up in Hitler's eyes. So now you got to kill yourself. They talk about this in Godfather, too. That's right. Like, you just, in the Romans, you go in the bath and you open your veins. Right. So that's the honorable, that's the honorable choice that he gave.

Yeah. I see. And so she's grateful. I guess They're tied together Yeah she has some strange motivations too And also She's also circus folk

That's true She's a carny essentially When she asks him to stay For a week while she's going to Europe Just like by the way last minute I gotta go to Europe for a week Why don't you stay and we'll pick up when we left I feel like that just harkens to another era

It does Like just arriving on stage coach Yeah You know you're right I think that's just That's old fashioned But he says I may not be here

and she just turns on, she's pissed. Like, oh no, that's when she wants him to go along with a plan. Yeah. She wants him to like, she's like, hey, you're pretty cool. Would you like to be a cool circus clown? And work with us? But he references like, I serve the country. I serve the crown.

And then she goes, well, you're not better than me. Yeah, she really, though, like gets super defensive on that. Well, I mean, because I think as the back of the VHS box says, She is the queen of the octopus cult. So she feels like her crown should be worth something. That's right. But next chronologically is when they go to dinner and eat the sheep's head. So, okay, so this reminded me a lot of India.

Yeah. And it's a year before that. It's a year before that. Yeah. Was this a thing like that, was it to scare people into weird? I think, yeah. It's like if it's another country. So here's the thing about India.

it is known for probably having the greatest cuisine in all the world. Yeah, in many ways, the most popular cuisine in London is Indian. How did this happen? What is this about? I don't know. I will say this. If you want the blunt truth. Yeah.

When he eats the eye, there's a tiny part of me that's like, what doesn't look that bad? I'd try it. I'd be like, I'm like, I'm like, I bet that. tastes just like a hard-boiled egg. Yeah. And I bet I'm wrong. It's the wrong.

Maybe, I don't know how they prepare the sheep's head, but the eye is a really tough. It's a tough thing to eat. I've never eaten one, but I've dissected one before. Yeah, me too. And it's... It's like plastic almost, right? But do you think if you, like, boiled it for a real long time? Maybe.

Yeah, it does feel like it's egg like that an eye would have a certain amount of liquid in there, but this version he's eating is like an egg, like a hard-boiled egg. I love that he goes. for it. Yeah. I love that they're like... But it's somehow gross... He doesn't take a bite out of it.

Watching him eat it. He just throws the whole thing in there. Because even when he's speaking, it sounds like he's eating. Yes. He's just got a weird... But I just love that one of the first lines in the meal is the souffle can't wait. Like, we've got to get to eating because we've got a suflay time that. Well, you have to time that.

I know. It's like when you go to a restaurant and they say the dessert takes a while. Would you like to put the order in now? And then you're like under so much pressure to like not eat too much during the meal. There's a lot at stake right now, and he's worrying about the souffle. That's just class. But they only take two bites. This is, I get really, I must have went through these periods that traumatized me of not

having enough food when I was growing up. Uh-huh. When they waste food in TV shows and movies, I get really upset by this. My wife does the same thing. She cannot handle it. It really bothers me. I sometimes think about food while I'm watching a television program or so. Like, I'll watch an episode of like, all in the family or something.

and Archie will have like a sandwich brought to him and I'll just think about that sandwich and I'll be like that sandwich looks really good and I'm like and I think like oh by now that sandwich is oh you can't eat that sandwich it's 45 years old if that sandwich was around now it wouldn't be good it's in the Smithsonian next to his chair yeah uh and then like the other thing too like the thing I think the thing I've most wanted to eat from the history of movies is either the pizza that comes out of the hydrator and back to the future too. Or the pizza that is brought to Kevin McAllister and Home Alone too. These are both sequels and they both have excellent looking pizzas that I think about weekly.

Oh, really? I want to get shot in the face with one of those guns from Bugs and Malone where it's just that cream puff. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's a kid gangster movie and they shoot Tommy guns that shoot like cream puffs. Like just whipped cream or something and that's what kills people in that. that movie, but, you know, I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess my question was just like, what meal in a movie was the most appetizing looking to you?

I don't know. Because this is by far the least appetizing. It's pretty unappetizing. Although Indiana Jones is probably most. Yeah. Unappetit. Child monkey brain. Sometimes like in hook, I'm kind of into what they're eating.

Yeah. Colored Slop. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if I have a favorite. I know I have once where even the opening the theme of Louis that he throws away eating the joys.

I just drives me crazy. I get really upset by that. Yeah. You know, every weekend I would go to that same pizza place and eat that, eat a slice of pepperoni. That was what I would do in New York. Because they were open until 4 in the morning and I would land and then I would like,

I'll get a slice. I could eat some pizza. It was a nice walk. A lot of pizza talk. Welcome to Pizza Talk. I'm Matt. I'm Matt. I'm Roman. Clank's here.

Bohn goes... Click and clack. Up to his room and jokingly asks Gobinda for a nightcap. But I would love to actually see that if those two... To see the nightcap? Yeah. What do you think of... What have you got up there, right?

I think this is the first time I heard the word nightcap, and I don't even know if I fully understand it. To me, it's still the hat that Scrooge wears. Exactly. That's a nightcap. I'm on it. I just don't get it. Is it just drink that's in place?

I think we're going to cap the night off with a beverage. In the sense of an alcoholic beverage drunk before bedtime, nightcap has been in use since 1818. Its creation was a play on the original nightcap, which was a sleeping hat. I nailed it. Put on directly before bed. Again, we're all right. Here's why. Because you put on the cap directly before bed to keep a person warm on cold nights.

Mm-hmm. Oh, wow. You learned something here on James Bonding. When, when, like a hot toddy? What do you think it is? I think it's any drink. It's probably warm, right? A nightcap?

I don't think so. What do you want for a nightcap? Me? I'm going to make you one. What do you want to bring out? Like a warm, uh, mold cider? Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Done. Done, buddy. I'll look forward to that tonight. It's a good place to St. Mark's, place in New York. You can get a nice hot mold cider at night. Okay. I'll take you over.

All right. We're jumping around. We're really just having a fun time. Cuisine and octopies. I'm just now naming things I have on my notes. Oh, I see, I see. They have their own morgue. I found that impressive.

Yes, very impressive. That wasn't a morgue. It was just a meat locker. But with people. Yeah. Yeah, but there was also. It's a de facto morgue. A ton of, there were just a ton of dead animals.

Did you notice that in Kamal's office? Some of the big game, I think. Thank you, behind him. He has his desk, and there's a desk behind him, and he's just a picture of himself. That's not like a painted portrait.

It's just a photo of him, three quarters just kind of sitting there like a catalog photo of himself. It's so weird. There's nothing else in the picture. It's just him. We are above, our offices are above Ivan Reitman's office,

but he has windows in his office, and his blinds are always open. And I always look, because he has all these wonderful, you know, photos of his career. It's like him and Dan Aykroyd on the set of Ghostbusters or like him and Schwarzenegger, uh, whatever.

But he has like two photos that are just of him. And I'm just like, that is a weird move. I have like all these wonderful photos of me and other people. Also, these two that are just of me. Yeah. So in my mind,

they're gifts that he felt bad about not putting up. Oh. Yeah. But also a weird gift. Maybe just confident. I like it. Yeah. Yeah.

I wish I was that confident. He's got a painting from Dave. Dave. It's a fun movie. Yeah. Oh, Yeah. Oh, a guy named Dave.

You keep going. I need a Walter P.P.K. All right. Enjoy your Walter P.P.K. You know, during Octopus, we often take many P breaks. And instead of stopping the podcast, we just continue talking. Oftentimes, he'll leave me alone. And then I'll just have to talk to the audience about things that they.

I felt like that was the first time I was, so I've been, I was, I was, I've been, I was, was a public radio broadcaster for a long time. And during pledge, you know, pledge time, you have to talk for like 10 minutes straight, you know. And I remember doing one where nobody showed up to partner with. And I just had to kind of talk and talk and talk. And I felt like that was the moment I became a broadcaster. Was that moment.

It is fascinating to me. And I, and I hear, when I hear sports radio guys doing it, I mean, they're just, they're just blowhards. But there is a skill to it. It's a real skill. There is such a skill. of really good AM radio people who can talk. I just like, I'm so impressed by it.

Most of the time they're just, you know, unctuous, terrible characters, but they're still a real skill in that that I like. The, I can't, you know,

I used to, it's interesting timing wise. I can't listen to sports radio anymore. Mm-hmm. Just as a person. Because I find it all terrible. I find it all, uh,

even watching, I was watching, also the thing I can't stand at this point in time is the proliferation of morning radio shows broadcast on television. Oh, interesting. If you're ever up in the morning and you just take a quick scan through your ESPNs and your Fox Sports, you'll see that they're just broadcasting. Right. Yeah. Which is awful.

I've been watching this or I've been listening to this financial show called the Dave Ramsey show. Oh, I'm familiar with Dave Ramsey, sure. I was not. I leave you guys for two minutes and you've turned this into a finance podcast. But the Phoebe Judge, who does this show called Criminal with Lauren Spores, part of the group that I'm with, she's like, doesn't listen to the Todd of Podcasts, but she was like, I listened to Dave Ramsey's show. And I was like, I got to check this out. And that guy, just the way he can sort of move things along and to tell the same story over and over again without, with like slightly different words. and slightly.

I like as I love watching broadcasters do broadcasting. I just love that. Anyway, we're really digressed. We were just talking about the idea like how we've often taken these breaks when it's just the two of us. Yeah. And like one of us just has to talk to the audience.

Oh, yeah. And just the skill that takes when someone's actually good at it. Yeah. I'm not saying that you or I are good at it. No. I'm saying that there are people out there. Yeah, I know. That's something I really appreciate as well.

I want to talk about the gang of, assassins or I mean really I just want to talk about Saw Guy I have the most technical questions I've ever had about a single device in my life with Saw Guy now if you're telling me it operates like a yo-yo okay but then

what happens with the yo-yo situation I know Squirrel I'm getting to it don't worry It's the fact that it can be thrown straight as well as down and it like goes through that door. The physics of, I guess the physics of the saw are like Captain America's Shield. This is another edition of Matt explains. Matt Retro. How does it work sideways like that? Well, you know, I mean, you can throw a yo-yo outside.

Yeah, I guess. and then it just digs in. But I just, you're just, you're not going to get the spin required to cut through a wooden door. Yeah. That's all I'm saying. I always, I like the scene where it puts down the photograph of James Bond and they,

they do it. And I was like, well, that was our only photograph. Like how are you going to know what it looks like now? You know, you know something I have never put together? That thing's fucking practical.

It works. Every time they show it, except for the door one is an actual shot of that thing, falling down and hitting something and then going back up. That thing exists. Should we get our hands on that? Yeah. Also, the reaction that you two didn't have made me think I was really alone on that thing.

Amazing. It's a dado blade, you know, it's a, because it is, you know, it's a spaced out two saw blades. So, I mean, it's going to be great for doing some cabinetry. I get uncomfortable when it gets stuck in the, whatever, the bedside table thing, and he has to grab it with his hands. I agree. Yeah. To pull it out. That's the real danger.

It really is. It's like, it can go out just on. Coming back. I want to know, like, did this guy develop this? Did he spend time fine-tuning his song? No, he inherited it. Like that's an heir. It came from his father.

Yeah. Or mother. But it really is like a mechanical, like, a table soap. Yeah, it's, no, literally. Yeah. With some like ornate gold centerpiece or something. I like expect him, by the way, would be way. more on board with this assassin, more so than I already am, and I'm 100% on board.

Yeah. If he wore safety goggles and had a flannel shirt. Have you ever considered this as a spinoff, and I don't mean to create more work for you, gentlemen, because you guys work a lot. But like, this show, but you go to the Home Depot and you try to build. I'm already in. The gadgets. I think it would be a great show.

There's a YouTube. There's a YouTube. who does a British chap who goes and makes builds things like Wolverine's Clause or like he tries to do all these crazy things. But not specifically to James Bond. Yeah. We would be terrible. No, we could do it. I don't know that we could make a pen that arms itself after three clicks.

I'm just saying. No, you just have you have someone who can do it. Oh, I see. And then you just... But we host and we... Comment that you try. I'm fascinated with trying to figure it out, too. I think that would be fun.

Like, you would learn a lot in the process. For instance, did you guys notice that... I just noticed this the first time. That yo-yo thing, he has a second metal piece. Yes, that takes his hand. Yeah, that just kind of like cradles it or something. Yeah, well, I mean, you've got to be careful when you're dealing with... Sure.

The saw yo-yo that was handed down generation generation. Sure. It's such a good... It's such a good... It's assassins. But it's also like, I watch... wonder what and they break it out

like they what I love is they know it's great yeah so it's like so they hold VJ to do it

they all you know like they they just they want to use it every opportunity you can that's the boba fett

of James Bond movies who's actually in this film Jeremy Bullock is Boba Fett is oh my god that's amazing do you guys

want to do a check in here to see how far in we are remember we remember the last octopusy episode being three hours

long it's actually two oh okay we're at 129. I think we might set a new record here, Roman. How are we all feeling? Well, I feel. What is the, you know, we're kind of okay. But I do have to make, I have to meet someone at a, I mean, last week's show was written in office. I mean, I speak in listener land, so. Yeah. The, with Kevin,

Porter. Kevin. Yeah. Yeah. That was pretty long. That was. That was. That was. I mean, I think the James Bladen theme song episode might be our longest. Yeah. Anyway. We were in a special state of Well, it's like, I am, I make podcasts that are very tight. Yeah. You know, 15 to 25. We don't follow. But I'm so I'm excited to stretch out a little bit. Well, much like General Goggle.

You're very, you're very, you're very, of the East Coast School of Podcasting, which is, you know, I say there, I always say there's an East Coast and a West Coast school of podcasts. And if there ever's a game. But he's a West Coast podcast. I understand that you are. But you are of the style. It's like putting a Tudor House in Pasadena. Fair enough. Wait a minute.

What? The tutor style, Matt, was not originated in Pasadena. I know that, but if... If you're going to invoke Pasadena architecture, you've got to be prepared to really go deep here. Okay. All right. Let's get to Bond's Indiana Jones adventure into the wilderness,

where we get a Tarzaniel, we get telling a tiger to sit, we get a leech, we get elephant saddles. We get... Probably have televisions. No, do. we established that. What else?

Do you have to... I mean, I thought that this was a true fact that you have to burn off a leech. I thought so too. But you... I don't know if you do. You don't? I've never seen that in another movie with leeches.

I think when you do, when you get them near heat, they immediately release, is the idea. Rather than just trying to pull the leech up. But like stand by me, they just pull them off and stuff, right? Best way to remove a leech and treat the wound from life hack. Oh, this is a video. I don't got time for videos. Videos are dumb.

I'm a podcaster. How to remove a leech, wild Madagascar. Oh, the font on this is so small. Okay. Put your finger on the skin adjacent to the oral sucker. Gently but firmly slide your finger toward the wound where the leech is feeding. Use your fingernail, push the sucker sideways and away from your skin. Once you have dislodged the oral sucker, quickly detach the posterior, rear sucker.

the fat end of the leech, try flicking the leech or producing with your fingernail or prodding with your fingernail, although it's proding here. As you work to remove the leach, it will attempt to reattach itself. I guess that's where it gets its name. Keep the wound clean. Minor cuts in tropical climates can quickly become infected. The leech itself is not poisonous. The wound will itch as it heals. So maybe not required. Yeah. I hope we just saved someone's life. You know, it's interesting at the end of this section when he gets on that boat full of tourists, he's exhausted. And you don't see Bond, especially Roger Moore's Bond. Like, he's Heflon and he usually just walks. But I feel like that's Roger Moore doing one take going like, this is what you're getting.

I have no choice but to play it exhausted right now. I had to climb in the boat from the river. He does this like economy, you know, does the economy tour. Yeah. Maybe he's playing up. That's part of his spy training. He's like, you need to save me. I'm exhausted. Yeah. That's right. That's good. I do wonder, I don't see why that guy, why Kamal wouldn't just shoot him at the boat. Was he worried about it? Was he worried about it? Witnesses? I don't understand.

Oh, I meant to say this. This movie, as far as I can tell, James Bond is the best shot he has ever been in his life in this movie. Every time he shoots at someone, he hits them square in the forehead. You know why? He doesn't have a Walther P.P.K. No, no, he does when he's initially, he was using his Walther. And he's also a great shot. But later in that movie, he has that bigger gun.

Yeah. That's rare for him. But I'm also saying, Matt, what I'm saying to you is... No, I get your point. This Roger Moore. This, I don't think he misses. No, I don't think so either. He's really good on...

He's sliding down a banister. Oh, yeah. That's pretty good. I mean, that's a great signal. This, this Roger Moore guy. I mean... He's great. What a...

Yeah. He does shoot someone right in the forehead. I remember that. A few people. That was right. Oh, and that's the guy that gets in the train. Yeah. When that guy gets shot in the forehead, the look he gives is not so much like I'm going to die, but like, what?

He just does a comic take. It's like, oh, God, I love that moment. I'm good. Okay. So we've established that James Bond is 100% accurate. Yeah. And that he's very tired on the boat. Now, the boat takes him back to.

cute yeah he's also not only 100% accurate with his gun he's 100% brilliant as an artist for that does he draw that octopus with full color representation on that little notebook yeah I think it does that's incredible it is like photographically recreated from that tattoo not not only but the tattoo really looks like a rub on tattoo yeah definitely it's got the wrinkles Do you think of any cracker jack? It looks like a robot tattoo from like two days ago. Yeah.

From two days ago in 1983. Yeah. It was 50 cents. Yeah. All of that being said, I would love someone to make temporary tattoos of that. I'd get that. I love it.

All kinds. What's making it happen? You can make a whole Robon tattoo set of all Bond villain organizations. What other tattoos are there in Bond? But it must be like you could put a, what a Spectre? You could put a specker octopus. Yeah, that'd be a good one. You could put a, you could put a cue just for quantum.

Oh, I thought you meant Desmond Llewellyn's face. I would. But with the gang script of, like, Memorial. If I had to get a tattoo of Desmond Lewellins, it would just be his hands. Of course. On your hands. Yeah. It would be.

But they wouldn't fit. They would be around a torso. Yeah, you'd want them around. Just like, caress. I put it as though he was hugging me. So wherever his hands would land when he hug me. that's where I would have. So you just see these two hands coming across your chest?

These two big meat parts. Catchers mitts. Wherever, I would have him hug me and then I would have a tattoo artist trace around. Yeah. And then, so he'd never be without me. Or I'd never be without him, I suppose. That would be great. That's like, remember in Lord of Rings, there's the one orc with the handprint on the face?

What I'm remembering right now is that you just said Lord Rings. I'm so tired. Remember Lord Rings? We're a half hour and a half into this thing. I've got no speaking. It's okay. Functions. What else is there to discuss with those assassins?

Well, I want to talk a little bit about the Octopus's circus. Her circus takes in orphaned to girls. What I love... You say that like that's a problem. Is that they're all dressed up in their circus. skidups, but you haven't been introduced to the concept of the circus. No, right. You don't know.

The only thing you know from circus is the fact that there's a clown in the movie. What orphanage is releasing children to a circus? Like, that's every couple of months they come in and like, what do you got for me? What's the new batch? There's that whole red Unitar. Yeah. The Val-Rat. The Red Unitart looks remarkably like the greatest American hero.

It's true. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know they're rebooting, rebooting that show? I do know they're rebuting it. Rebuting it. Amanda was up for a role in that not for Greatest American Hero

but it's a woman playing the Yeah Is she a teacher and everything? I don't know about that No I think they're changing a lot She's kind of like a Like a slacker I think

Yeah Great By the way, greatest American hero Feels like it was on Way longer than it was It only lasted like a season and a half Yeah for a good reason Oh really?

No What do you mean a good reason? were cult, man. I think we all remember it. If you asked me before I looked it up how long I'm a Greatest American Hero ran, I would say at least five seasons. We had to get time to get the kids. They sort of developed a Scooby game type of thing. And that seems like a season three development.

I would have never remembered that had you not mentioned that part. Yeah, because like, what's the... That show would be forgotten, if not for the theme song. Yeah. Yeah. It's the only thing that's kept it fresh in our minds. I had the same issue with that as, I did with Remington Steel, like,

Brosnan is Remington Steel, because, like, after Superman, I know that there's a different story. The alien brings him to suit, but I just, like, it was like watching Superman Light, and I turned it on with high hopes, and every week I was somehow disappointed. I don't know why. Well, I think the fun of Superman is not the fact

that he doesn't know how to use his powers. Yeah. It's that he's very good at being Superman. Yeah. It's what you want to say. It's weird to think William Kat could have been Luke Skywalker. He was really close to being, he was screen tested for it.

Do you know that? I didn't know that. And now I feel about that? What? Thank God. Yeah. Thank God it was you, Mark Hamel. Avid listener to this show.

I'm going to tie Star Wars back to Octopus now. Not just by the Tarzan yells in movies coming out the same year with Chewbacca swinging through Indoor. But also the general and his assistant are two Star Wars actors. The general and Octopozy is also the... the general on the Hoth base that's like, you're, I'm going to miss you solo. Remember that guy? In the beginning? He's got like a Purina Katchow logo on his. Well, that's how you know he's a general. Yeah. And the other guy was an imperial officer too. But I love the general in this circus because he's like a kid. He's just, everything just, can you believe that? Yeah. I command all of the West German American

NATO operations here. He's thrilled by a joy he takes when that woman steals his wallet. Yes. That's so good. Let's talk about that circus. Okay, so obviously there's children that live on base. I get that. Families often live on base. And so they decide to have a circus. Now, what I don't understand, I guess, is the fact that they would allow the circus

to parade through town on the way into the base, like to have a literal circus parade. Wasn't that kind of how circuses were done? Like, the circus has come to town. I know, but you're ending up on a lot of, a pretty tight security American base or NATO base. So I'd feel like they'd be like, well, why don't you come into the base and then you can do a little tiny parade for us. It's funny that didn't bother me at all. The one that did bother me security wise is when the guard, the NATO guard, waves in the local police to continue chasing James Bond. It made me think of a

perfect heist. You have a patsy go up and like seem like the bond, but then a bunch of fake criminal police cars come up behind them. Yeah, that is perfect. But that was like, they have no dress sticks in there. Right, right. Come on in, fellas. I think that when you have the specific general that this base has and you tell them, we've arranged for a circus, it was probably his idea.

Oh, full parade. This is great. I've never seen a circus. He's very intimate. Yeah. What if the people of the cop car weren't real police, but they were actually just people who desperately wanted to see the circus? so their plan was to drive cop cars.

A lot of people have a problem with Bond ending up in a clown costume in this climax, which I like because it's kind of strangely vulnerable in a way. But here's what I want you to describe in another segment of retro conning these things. He sneaks into a clown costume, but he takes the time to put on perfect clown makeup with the tear, and it's flawless. It really is. Well, as you know, Matt,

yes. All clown makeup mirrors have, next to it, a guide that tell you how, what the makeup is supposed to look like. Oh, I thought you meant an in mirror template. No, no, no. It's not an in mirror template,

but it is a guide of like, this is what your makeup should look like. James, of course, as we have seen earlier on as an amazing artist. He can draw an octopus like nobody's business. So I think that makeup, he was just like, I have to be viable.

I know that a nuclear bomb's going to go off in a few minutes, but I really have to make sure that my clown is perfect. But what if the nuclear bomb, what if he was three seconds too late because he's putting on that tier? I think he was willing to take that chance. Clearly. Perfection. It paid off.

James Bond is nothing but perfect. Yeah. So I think he just looked at the style guide that was on his right as he's in the mirror, and he did it. He's exactly the same clown as 009. Isn't that great? So there has to be a style guide. There's multiple.

There's multiple clowns that are in that out of it. You did see the picture. I was trying to. Yeah, he did see the picture of double nine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there's something there.

Yeah. By the way. I love every discussion of octopussy, Peters out a bit like the movie. No, I love, I love one of my favorite moments from Roger Morris, James Bond, is late in this movie. And it's when he's,

mistaken for Mishka. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And then his brother, you know, the other knife throw is chasing him. And he says, this is for my brother. And then he says, this is for 009. Yeah. And then shoots him. Yeah.

That's a good moment. Way to go, James Bond. Okay. So if he's angry about the death of Mishka, how does he, why does he think James Bond is Mishka? Oh, Mishka's in that canon. I know. He doesn't know where his, he doesn't know his brother is dead.

Oh, he doesn't know. No. He just thinks his brother's like. brother's like, where the hell's my brother been? And then he's very excited to see his brother. But he put it together because he's wearing his eyes. Yes, right. Because he knows that he and his brother have a pact they've made with each other.

And that pact is you can never take off your clothes unless you're dead. So the second he sees someone else in his clothes, he knows obviously the life blood pack they made earlier. That's a Mishka and Grishka blood packed. Yeah. Yeah. There's a point when they're doing their little knife routine that there's a wide shot where he's really throwing knives or someone is. I agree.

I 100% agree. Between that and the practical yo-yo? Usually how those work is the knife comes from inside the board. Yeah. So they'll, you know, it'll be like on a hydraulic or something. It'll just pop out like that. I mean, it's not having it like right by your head. Yeah.

And I was watching and I was like, oh, I think those are actually being thrown. Yeah. It's impressive. Very exciting stuff. It's an octopusy going above and beyond. It's the, it's the yo-yo saw of knife. knives. Yeah. It is. It's all practical. All right. So ending number one is him diffusing the bomb. Okay. How many are we in for you? Is that ending number one? I guess it is. Yeah. Right.

The thing about this movie in general that drives, that is weird to me is it many times as I've seen it. It's kind of like Jaws where I forget how much happens on land in Jaws. Oh, yeah. And I think of this movie as all the stuff that happens in India. Yeah. And then there's another hour of Berlin. The whole Germany thing. Or Germany, yeah. Yeah. Well, actually, let's see. Okay, so that's the first, I think, yes.

The first ending is the bomb being diffused with two seconds left. John Glenn probably took every fiber in his body to make it not end on 007, just like Gold and I, or Goldfinger, rather. He pulled it out with two seconds left. Oh, right. Yeah, the clock stops. Yeah. So then we're like, great, day is saved.

then we have to now deal with the fact that the jewels are missing, right? So hang on, while that is happening, Gogol has chased down... Orlov. That happened earlier. Okay, so that... It's really two big endings. The bomb... Because it's like that, and then it's the other big ending.

Oh, no, you're right. The whole scene... The whole salt on the castle. The whole salt on the castle in the worst-looking set I've ever seen in my... my life. Well, it's not realistic, but I love the way it looks. It has that artifice in a movie that I just love that feels like a set that, I don't know, it feels comfortable. Also, like it feels like they swapped the lines for Q and Bond. It runs on hot air. Yeah. Like, I feel like that that joke should have gone to Q to say about Bond. Well, Q's really

stepping up his game because also when he gets off and he's like, I can't be bothered by you, I mean, okay, maybe later, you know. Also, I love that Q puts on a fucking red baron fight like pilot hat. There's a shot in that battle sequence where they're dollying like I guess right to left and the girls are all acrobatting and moving right to left that I just love

like there's just something really pleasant about it. So yeah, so we have the assault on the castle and then that trying to look at how that ends will they kidnap Maud. Yeah. Yes.

To be our... on horses to the plane. Yeah. Right. And by that, in that time, in that time, it somehow turns into day. Yes. Right. And midday.

Not just daylight. Midday over the California desert. And then Bond has to get on the plane. He has to literally get on top of the plane. This is what has now become one of my favorite moments of the film, and that is Louis Jordan's airplane piloting acting. It's incredible. So silly.

It's bonkers. The childlike joy he has when he thinks he's gotten away with it. I know. When he thinks that bond has shared such a moment. Falling off the thing. Are they lovers those two? I mean, I feel like they... In a perfect world.

They just only need each other. Yeah. I can't... So what is the name of the henchman? Gobinda. Gobinda. I can't figure out what motivates Gobinda to talk and not talk at different times. I know.

Because he's, yeah, he's that, like, silent henchman. Except sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, except for that one. Yeah. Um, but, well, he's a right there.

But he also, like, when James Bond is on the wing pulling, pulling the gas line. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. He just, he just, he just uses thought. That would be a time to speak. Like, that's a good moment to talk. Uh, maybe he's only got a certain amount of English. Like, he's just learned pocketbook phrases, like out there.

You could just say out there. I'm a little hesitant to try to remember exactly. I think it's best whatever you're about to say. No, it's the plane goes down. Why? Because, oh, here's what's weird, is because Bond takes his foot. Is this the foot move? Is that an AIDL run?

I don't know. But he puts it down, which would make the plane go up, right? It would raise. the, it would raise the, the air goes, flows over. Oh, it's an over thing? No, no, no, he's on the tail, on the tail, on the tail, he puts it down. Isn't that the air hits it and then makes it lift? I thought, I thought, I thought, I thought the opposite. Bernoulli has a principle and none of us have a grasp of it. I know the Bernoulli principle. I'm on it. Because the amount of surface area increases the volume, the velocity of the, uh, of the output like holding the hose. So if you're pulling, no, but I think if you're pulling a yoke, if you're pulling back on the stick, that tail is going to go down, right?

That tail is going to go down. And to pull back on a stick. I thought the opposite, but I could make a plausible explanation for either way, but I thought the opposite. Quite frankly, the confidence with which I'm talking tells you I know nothing about it. Matt,

do you have an answer how to planes work? I'm getting there. How plans work? Our new podcast. Well, it's saying how they work mechanically, but not what their effect is. Hold on. I'm still working on it. You guys keep talking. I feel like the pushing down, air flows down over it when it goes up, air flows up and gives you lift. I just, that was just my, that's my impulse.

But my spoilers on cars, right, are tilted that way to push down, to create downforce, right? They're not, spoilers don't go like this. They go like this. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. So what I'm saying is if you're to take a thing and do with this, then it's going to create up. I don't know. I guess is the question. I'm plausibly explaining one way. Just stop looking at me.

Roman explanation is also plausible. We're all very confused. I don't know. Keep going. I'll have it. Do we have any pilots? I know a pilot. Hang on.

I'll have it. I'll have it. I'll have it. Hang on. I know a pilot. Okay. This is not... When...

Oh, sorry. How would I rephrase this? When the tail... Thingy. Tail... Our poor listeners right now. If they even... When the tail...

I'm going to put in quotes, wing... Goes down. The plane goes up, right? Silly. It's the only... I've ever asked a person in my life. Oh, my God. Matt, we're going to have...

I'm going to have an answer in mere... In mere moments. I feel like Mark will get back to me. All right. How planes work. Well, then we kill the villain. He's already typing. Yes.

It is. When the wing goes down, the plane goes up. Okay. When the wing goes down, the plane goes up. I don't know if the phrasing of that question. What would you want it to say? But doesn't it make sense that if it goes down, the air is going to hit it and that will give it a lift? I guess that makes sense.

It does. I don't know. I'm not a pilot. more air under the main wing creates the lifts okay and and the reverse is true for up would push it down oh so i see well then but if it's up wouldn't that big more air this is you guys should check out our patreon page where we're going to be doing uh airline this is i'll tell you who this is annoying it's probably 45 pilots listen to this show and they're very angry while flying yeah but that's where they are experts it's right we're not we're lovers of all airplane technology

but not experts. All right, let's bring this home. Okay. Is there anything else we need to talk about before we give our ratings of this? Yes, James Bond's injury. What injury? Where he's too hurt to return to MI6. I'm hurt just enough where I need to be in some silk pajamas,

which is, that sounds great. Have some traction. On a boat. Yes, like a barge. That is like just large enough so that them having sex would be too loud. Yeah. And uncomfortable for everyone rowing. Oh, yeah.

Well, they're going in and out already. Yeah, that's very true. So they could just time it. This is a tough ranking for me. Oh, James. So here's a double O. James. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. Very strange. After the credits. And it's definitely an ADR thing, too, where they had to bring Mod Adams into a studio and go, okay, we need you to kind of like almost in pre-rapture say, oh, James. here in a studio. Totally. I would love video footage of that.

All right. Zero, oh, zero to 007. What are you guys going to give this movie? You may use a half scale? Which I have to on this one. Well, Matt, I have a very firm on this. I hope you're ready. Yeah.

Octopus for me gets a 006.5. Wow. I am not going to find a more enjoyable Roger Moore movie for me. Interesting. Roman? I was going to go 006 and I thought I was going to be chastised for how high it was. No.

I don't know why. You're in good company here. Yeah, I'm saying 006. All right. Mr. Matt Goreley. Well, it's up to you. I was going to go 205.5, but I'm feeling like I'm doing that film a disservice. All right.

I'll go 006. Why not? Yes. This film's worth it. This might be the highest average. I understand. James Bond movie we've rated so far. No, because we did for Russia with Love was a little higher, wasn't it?

No. Oh, because Kevin brought it down. The average? I can't remember. Six, six, five, and seven. So, okay. Yeah, a little bit. I'm comfortable with that.

Okay. This is good. All right. This feels great. This is the time, too, where I get to pick the next James Bond film. Yes, Matt. It's up to you. Where are we going next?

You talked to... First of all, here's what I'd like you to tell me. Yeah. What kind of clothes do I need to pack for this journey? No clothes. Oh, I got to get. Oh, goodness. Desert climb.

Oh, this is a lot of different things. Equatorial. Oh, okay. This is going to be hot down there. Uh-huh. Very humid? European. Well, that's a given.

Uh-huh. We're going to revisit a film you haven't seen since the theater. We've talked about it a lot recently. Oh, my God. I'm curious about it again. We're going to see whether it's grown or shrunk in our esteem, Specter. Wow. Yeah.

Interesting. This is going to be really something. Yeah. I have not watched this movie in a very long time. I know. I'm actually excited. It is definitely curdled in my mother. It curdled.

You know, that's such an act. When it goes bad, it goes bad. Description of the right way to say. The curdling of Specter. Also, Phil, our lovely man in the East, has written an article on birth movie's death about say something nice. It's a series they do on there about maligned movies. So he's done one on. Specter, so I haven't read it yet, but I'm very curious to read that. You should read along

and watch along next episode. I also have something here. Last episode, I teased that I've been working on a project that will be available soon that is related to James Bond. And it's a print of an artwork that I've been working on when I took my social media break this winter, and I have yet to see this thing. So this is the first time it just... It came in the mail when I went out to the get to go do a welfare PeePK. via audio. We're going to describe to you what we're seeing. There's a tube that Matt is removing what looks to be a large scale print. That's right. So I combine the two things I love most in the world, and that is, other than my wife and cat, James Bond movies and theme park stunt shows in what may be

the first of a series of prints where I take a James Bond film and do the concept art as if it were a theme park stunt show. So I've got two prints here. One is like it was like a newsprint advertisement and one is the clean look. I have no idea how these turned out. I still might need to tweak them a bit, but this is the live and let die action stunt spectacular from 1973 at Six Flags Baton Rouge. Should have just been a jazz land.

Let's see how these things ended up here. Oh, let's take a look here. These identical computer. Now, guys, this this is just the work of a mad genius. And this will be for sale on Red Bubble. I have a Red Bubble page, I guess.

But just look at my Instagram. There'll be a link by now, I guess, or something. My Instagram is just... Now, Matt, what do you think your favorite part of your Stun Spectacular show, Live and Let Die themed? What do you think your favorite part is? It's actually, I think it would be,

the split double-decker bus because I know there would be some contraption behind the bridge that would launch the bus up like a hidden ramp or something or the inflatable cananga that is shot off a like gas rocket or something like that.

Now my question to you is that cananga collected at the end of each show and then reused? Or are you saying their cananga budgets? Yes, it would have to be. But no, that would be amazing if they'd, no doubt, sell personalized cananga balloons

like mylar canangal balloon. Yeah. They wouldn't have to say mylar back then, but. Matt, I have to say, it's beautiful, and I think everyone listening is going to be very excited to get one. I love it. Oh, thank you very much.

I've got ideas for two more films, so if I have the time, I'd like to do a little series of these, but we'll see. Like the Thunderball, like Marine Park Aqua Adventure would be probably next. Oh, yeah.

We'll see. Oh, yeah. All right. Okay. Anything of plug? Yeah. Roman? Yeah.

I make a couple of podcasts. One's called 99% invisible. It's amazing. It's about design and architecture. I'm just basically like it's about anything I'm interested in honestly. Yeah. And then I do another little podcast called What Trump Can Teach Us about Con Law, which takes Trump tweets and uses a friend of mine who's a constitutional law professor to like examine

them along the lines of what it can teach us about the Fourth Amendment or a Tenth Amendment or something like that. It's so... Like I said, these two hit my wheelhouse so soundly. And then you also have all of Radiotopia as well. Yeah, so I co-founded a group called Radiotopia and there's a lot of good podcasts in there, like Criminal in the Memory Palace and Song Exploder. Really good stuff.

This is a podcasting giant sitting with us. We were happy to have you, Roman. It was our pleasure. Thank you. It was my pleasure to be here. Thank you so much. Honor. I'm an avid listener.

I was very excited when you came back. Came back weekly. Well, thank you for going through each of the endings of Occupacy with us. I mean, I loved that. James Bonding will return. Hi, I'm Cameron Esposito, and I am so excited to bring the latest season of my show Query to Earwolf. That's right. Earwolf is now Queer Wolf.

On Query, I've interviewed some of the brightest luminaries in the LGBTQ community. That's what it is. It's like an hour-long chat show, like a WTF with me and another queer guest. I've had musicians Tegan and Sarah Quinn of the band Tegan and Sarah. Actors like Jeffrey Boyer Chapman and Evan Rachel Wood. I've had transparent creator Jill Soloway, activists like Madden Lopez. The season premiere is out now with special guest Emmy winner Lena Waith. Listen and subscribe to query today on Apple Podcast, Stitcher, or Earwolf.com. Production, executive produced by Scott Ackerman, Chris Bannon, and Colin Anderson. For more information and content, visit Earwolf.com. Hey, this is Arnie Neacamp from the Improft Fantasy podcast, Hello from the Magic Tavern.

I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical land of food, and I started a podcast. Season three has just begun, with a brand new adventure to defeat the Dark Lord. If you're a new listener or you've fallen behind season three is a great jumping on point, and we've got great guests,

Like Justin McElroy. I sat like a fancy college professor. Hate Nats. Rachel Bloom. You all see my collection of men, corpses, and one woman. Felicia Day and Colton Dunn. You've seen me have intercourse with a variety of species. It's a bummer.

Andy Daly. You have the members of Genesis listed, but Phil Collins has crossed out and then circled it crossed out again. Yes, I have killed Phil Collins twice. Thomas Middletch. Jesus, I mean, Jarsos. Ruler of the eighth circle. And that's just the beginning.

Season three of Aalow from the Magic Tavern is out now. Listen in Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.