James Bonding - On Your Commentary’s Secret Service!

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

On Your Commentary’s Secret Service! Join Matt and Matt for a feature-length watch-along of George Lazenby’s first and final Bond film, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Get more commentaries and special episodes on StitcherPremium.com [stitcherpremium.com]. Use promo code BOND for 30 days free! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After six years of phoning it in, the boys of Hollywood Handbook have a new approach to hosting the show. They're going to try. Rolling Stone describes hosts Sean Clements and Hayes Davenport as two distinctly not-famous people who give listeners advice on how to make it in Hollywood. Listen this month to hear the biggest guests in the show's history, like Weird Al, and three other people who have definitely already been booked. Plus, Stitcher Premium subscribers can hear live episodes from their Boys Gone Bad tour every Friday start. March 8th. They're only trying for one month, though. And if they start to crash around week three, that's not their fault. It's probably the guest. Check out Hollywood Handbook on Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Matt and, Matt and, Matt, James Bonding Podcasts.

Welcome to James Bonding, everybody. My name is Matt. And I'm Matt, and I'll leave you to guess which Matt is Matt. It's really up to you. The funnier one is Goreley. Uh, so... That's not true. I, you know what? Look, I've heard from people... Funny you're looking. Like my mother.

Have you seen this nose? Matt Goreley's much funnier than you, Matthew. My mom is much funnier than you, Matthew. I'll tell you that much right now. She's a gem. Uh, speaking of gems, we are kicking things off with our first commentary for the, uh, non-stitcher premium folk. That's right.

With, with a gem of the, uh, of the, of the, of the, of the 25 movies. Yeah, we're not, we're not gonna, uh, we're not gonna, uh, make you starve. We're given you. The second in the series of the commentaries. It's the first of every James Bond actor. This is also the last of this actor. It's amazing. He really, George Lazenby gets a lot accomplished in such little time. Not only does he get to do the first movie of his tenure, but he also gets to do the last movie of his tenure. All at the same time, Matt. And the second, third, fourth, and fifth. It's incredible. Oh my God. The efficiency rating on George Lasonby as James Bond is through the roof.

Yeah. I mean, he gets married on George Lazyzby outside of James Bond is way under the roof. Through the sub-basement. How many other George Lazyz-B movies can you name? 0.0. Can you name one? Yeah, I can at least name Never Too Young to Die. Okay.

That's where he plays a James Bond type where Rick, I mean, John Stamos is like a college gymnastic James Bond. And Gene Simmons is the bad guy It's crazy this movie That might need a commentary track on its own my friends I think it very well may Because I've watched it many times Never too young

Never too young Who did the song? I don't know It's not even Gene Simmons I don't think it should be but it isn't It seems like a weird move for him to agree to be in a movie But not write the theme His name in the movie is like Ragnar

It's crazy. That name sat me sitting there for like an hour or two going, that's got to be an anagram. For something, and it wasn't? Yeah. That's the same thing with, what's the guy in LA Confidential? Oh, Rolo Tumasi. Rolo Tumasi.

I'm like, that's not a real name. That has to be an anagram. Rolo Tumasi. Anyway, that's not why you called. You didn't call us for that. You called us for James Bonding reasons. And that's why we're here. So here's how this is going to work.

We're going to explain it to you guys, because this might be the first time you're hearing one of our commentary tracks. It's very simple. Cue up, you're on Her Majesty Secret Service, DVD, Blu-ray, VHS, Laserdisc, or streaming service. Or Super 8 projection. If you have it, maybe you're one of the super wealthy who has a 35-millimeter projector in their home. We're talking to you, Jill Gates. You and Tom Cruise.

Jill Gates. talking to you Elizabeth Holmes from Theranos. There we. That's exactly who. She's a big fan of our show. She should be, and she should be a Vaughn villain. Wouldn't she be a great Bond villain? We test blood.

For what? No, it's, we test blood. Have you heard her speak? Sure. It's fascinating. Okay. No need to test your blood because you all have Bond running through it. Here's how this works.

So once you queue everything up, you can pause us. and get that done and come back to us. We'll give you five seconds to pause us. Did you do it yet? Okay. If you paused, you heard Matt ask if you did it yet. And you answered,

like a blues clues. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to play the movie. The lion is going to roar. I'm going to play you even the first roar of that lion. And I'll tell you, we're going to pause again. So get your finger on the play and pause button right now. We're going to do this together, okay?

And just before you do that, can I say to those listeners, if you enjoy this free commentary, know that there are at least a handful as many behind the paywall on Stitcher Premium. You'd support the show, keep it going, use promo code Bond for 30 days free. And you can listen to those, check it out. There's all sorts of other great shows on there. Help keep this thing going. Please do. It's very important that you use the promo code Bond, because that tells them that you guys like us. We should have made it ellipsis. What were we thinking? That's so true.

So easy to remember. Not to spell. Elipsis would be very confusing, too. So many people. Promo code Rolo to Massey. Or Bond. Whichever one works. One of those two will work.

Here we go. So I'm going to play this lion and I'm going to tell us all the paws. Pause. Pause like a lion. That's funny. That's funny. The other lion in his pause. Okay.

And then we're going to count down three, two, one. play and you'll be synced up with us. All you will have heard as far as the audio of the movie is concerned is that lion roar thanks to copyright purposes. But know that we're watching along with you. So Matt, do care to count them in? Three, two, one, play. There it is. Now, you can hear us talking on this film with you, but next season I want to work out the technology where you also get a hologram of Matt and myself sitting on the couch with you. It's going to be quite the hologram. Do you think we are anywhere close to hologram communication technology?

Sure, they do it with Roy Orbison in live in concert. Or as my wife calls him, Roy Orbinson. Could you imagine the traveling willberries? It's just Bob Dylan, Jeff Lynn, and three holograms. This is the last gun barrel with a hat, right? I believe so. George Lazenby, of course, doing his own. own gun barreling, which was mandatory post-connering.

This may be the prop. People always ask us if you could have one prop. Imagine if you had this... The universal exports. Silver. God, that looks amazing. It looks like a very shiny copper plate. Yeah. Here's what we have to notice here, what they're doing immediately. We're showing you this is James Bond.

Here's M. Here's Q. People you recognize. Off the bat. Right. Also, Peter Hunt, the director and the reflection of the plaque. And you should recognize him. You should. What do you think was happening on Operation Bedlam, man? Oh, Bedlam. Pure Bedlam.

Boom. Your greatest hits. Q. M. Money Penny. How much time, by the way, do you think Q actually spends in M's office? Probably more than M would like. I think that's the case for anyone who's in his office.

There's the Asin Martin DBS, which is, if you're listening to the free episodes, the car that I chose in the James Bond Fantasy Dreaming. dream dream dream dream dream supreme draft i would like matt to to get some movie posters made for those movies yeah maybe people will do some fan art that's a plan i should have called out for that because i already do that again i have a guy i can hire that maybe that those two hours were the most fun have ever had on this earth you were so confused by it too which i loved and then you were way more into it than anyone ever anticipated i went away like there are times i was taking it so seriously i had to roll my eyes back in my head.

You know, if we're completely honest about it, my movie's not going to be great. No, that's true. And by now we'll know who won. Look at, now, you have to say, like, if you're going to open up on any part of George Lazy's and not give you the whole piece, it's that chin. Yeah, it's to let you know that chin dimples are cool again.

Yeah. Did they ever go out of style? They did, from 53 to 64. Yeah, that's right. The lean years of chin dimpling. Chin Diblin. Look at her. And that's your news.

I've been chin dimpling. Tracy Bond. Yep. Of course, the Bond girl of... She's not Tracy Bond yet, friend. Sorry. She's Tracy D. D.Costalitna.

Dan Castellaneta. Tracy Dan Castellaneta. Um... What is her last name? Can I think of it? We're lovers, not experts. It's like, it's, you know, it's Italian-y. Countess, yeah. Countess von Dutch.

Dutch van der Leyen. Look, here's where you get this, this music. I defy you to find better music in a film, right? Than right now in the next five minutes. Because it's the classic bomb, but he's mixed in a little synth. We saw his face, by the way. We finally saw his whole face. It's the future and the past.

Looking out, he was, I do, what do you think about the fact? that he, this is the bond with the forethought to take his gun off before he jumps at the salt water. I'm just wondering how he knows she's going to commit suicide. Well, I assume he's been tailing her for a while. I guess. It's part of the Bedlam. Yeah, that's right, Operation Bedlam.

Woman, no. Don't read the movie to them. Well, it's funny they don't give her a name yet, I guess, because she hasn't been introduced. Yeah, you don't want spoilers in the subtitles. Is she passed out? Imagine if they wrote Woman, Future James Bond, Future Mrs. James Bond, no. She passed out

She must have been real drunk Or she's just like Passed out from the From the shock of seeing such a chin dimple Look how see-through that shirt is too Well once you get any white gentleman's shirt wet It should be see-through Not quite like that though

That's I mean that's just If it's not see-through It's hardly a shirt at all Now how do you feel about this delivery It's a little casual It's very stiff But also very a little too sunny You know, by the way, I love that the guy who was driving, who was leading the boat in Dr. Noah's back.

Yeah. As the voice of this guy. Yeah. He also sounds like Harry Belafonte somehow. Was it like just one guy who did all the ADR voices? It must have been. Get in. Why does he want to?

He has a glove on his gun hand. But not, he's the Michael Jackson. Which tells me he's. And the Harry Belafonte. He doesn't want to get pinned on, like he doesn't want this assassination pinned on him. He's the Michael Belafonte. Now the speed ramping here. Speed crank.

I don't know. There's something about it here. It doesn't bother me because the way the editing goes and the music. It's just like you're in for a stylized James Bond adventure. Like you've never seen, you son of a bitches. Get ready. You know, it's a movie that I think has grown in reputation over the years. You know, somewhat appropriately so.

Out of its time. Definitely. There's so much to love about this movie. But there's a few things that I don't like about this movie, Matt, and I'd like a minute to be able to tell you a couple of them right now. Day for night? Day for night, never a big fan of it, but nearly every Bond movie does it. Yeah. Sometimes it looks good like there.

A couple of the shots look really good. This looks like broad daylight. Does it not to you? Well, there's some like we're... I mean, it's clearly coming out of the sun. Yeah. It's all but in the shot. Yeah.

But it still makes for some beautiful cinema. Photography. Look, I don't, first of all, don't buy it that that boat is going to stop that guy. And it's weird that they do some rear projection here, because they're clearly shooting on location. They must have missed some shots. I wonder what the first day of photography was. I'll bet it was this. You think so?

Do you think they want an order? Yeah. Because look, this is probably a simple setup. Love, I do like that she takes the car, only to get to her car. She just wants the convenience. That's a Mercury Cougar. I took a picture of... There it is.

And then he looks at the camera. You know what? I think I can handle it. If he didn't look at the camera, like, ain't I a stinker? Oh my God, for a thousand percent. Yeah. If he didn't just...

It's that flare of the lens he does at the very end of that line. I would have cut it a little shorter. Now, here's what's interesting. This is my favorite James Bond opening music. Probably my least favorite visual titles. They just are a little lacking to me. I don't mind the story recap,

but there's just something not as dynamic about the look of them. I mean, it's an interesting move and a smart move, I think, to try to show so many familiar things. They're very Hitchcockian with the kind of like stripes and the hanging on the clock.

It's got like a real vertigo feel. Hanging on the clock, you think of, you think of, you don't think of Harry Lloyd? Buster Keaton? Isn't that it? It was a Harry Lloyd? Wasn't Harry Lloyd? I guess, but I mean, I think of it as something like Vertigo where he's high up and he doesn't want to fall. It just feels that way. I don't know. Pussy Galore makes an appearance in the credits.

Like, it's all going through this hourglass, but the image isn't even pinched and they're just like clipped together with abrupt lines. And then we're back to the same silhouettes. What was Morris Binder doing this time? He's like, this movie will never get made. doesn't have Sean Conner. He probably was like, if Sean's not here, no, there's Morise's full attention. But man, John Barry didn't phone it in. That guy came to work.

Listen to this. They are. I hope. I wonder how many, that'd be interesting to it. I'd like to know if, uh, email us if you, while, or tweeted us, I guess it'd probably be the easiest thing. Tweeted us if you watched this. I'd like to know if you watched this while we were doing it and had the sound up

or if you just sort of listen to it like. you would listen to a normal podcast. Yeah, because we're not watching. We're doing it all by memory. Yeah, we're literally remembering every henchman that's going through an hourglass, every explosion that could probably currently go through an hourglass. Every shot. I mean, how do you feel about these visuals? They're not the finest, huh? I think they're, they're, for a movie that is visually so recognizable for these credits to be so blaze, as Matt would put it. Although I do like this tablo at the end, the royal crest. And then that clocks back. Well, the crest part is great. I mean, it feeds into the plot of the movie. Yeah, that's right. Look at that car. I think I like that

better than the DB5. Um, I can, I can see that. That's very, it's, the lines on that are very 60s Mustang to me. And look at his suit. The line on that car, imagine that man getting out of that car. That's a good suit. Forget about it. That suit is amazing. This is his voice, correct? Uh-huh. Okay.

Because, you know, they're overdubbed everyone all the time. And, you know, when he's playing what's his face, yeah. He's overdubbed for no reason. Right. By a guy we already saw in the movie. It's so weird. I once rented a room at the Madonna in solely because it looked like a room from this movie.

Was it a romantic time for you? No, because the picture of it, when you get there, is like, night and day different. Oh, interesting. That pool looks like a pool I could get into. Does that pool have a moat? No, that's just like a border of non-moteiness. Are you sure it was the same color as the water?

Well, you know what? We could go back, but it's an audio commentary, so all opinions have to be left in a lurch. That's right. That's for season four where we do checkbacks. Checkbacks. All right, we wrote down all of our checkbacks. for season three, let's take a look. Swivey.

Bunk. No, fa la bank. Oh, that's what they're saying. What? They're saying bonk. I always thought it was bunk. Oh. I didn't realize they were saying bank.

Because someone plays the bank. Right. So I would just like to officially apologize to me. Everyone for my Baccarat misunderstandings. That's all right. because now I get it now that I'm reading it. Lasonby has one of those moles that I worry about him shaving. You think he's going to take it, he's going to nick it?

Yeah, and that gives me more willies than I've ever had. That kind of thing gives me huge willies. Is that why you currently have a beard? You're afraid of cutting yourself while shaving? I do have a mole kind of in the same place De Niro has one. Humble brag? That's not a brag. That's just the fact. I got nothing to do with it.

20,000 francs Why is that guy Got to lean into Bond That is the That guy was the proto Michael G. Wilson Yeah, you're right That would have been him If we were doing this movie in 2019

Territ for my blood I love him Just in a weird way Where I'm like, I respect him God, Dianeric, beautiful She is, and she's beautiful in a different way, you know? You know what I mean?

I think she's a classic, classical beauty. But even that, like she's just so distinct and unique. You know what I like about it? It's like she's beautiful, but also looks like she isn't hoity tooty. Yeah. Although she acts sort of hoity to me. In the movie she does, yeah. Although look at that woman behind Laysenby.

Kind of looks like Diana Rigg. Oh, no. Could it be her? Oh my God. And some sort of prosthetic? This guy... Diana Rigg plays every female in this movie. Does you know that?

Mrs. Wint and Mrs. Kidd. Matt, we eventually have to have a Baccarat dealer on the podcast. That's right. Or go to Vegas to play the new giant slot machines. Yeah, and we'll have some dumb pair on you on 57. That's a little overboard. I don't know what you could afford it. We'll sell your Never Say Never Again shoes or just one of them.

Just one shoe. Take a left. Shouldn't I have one of those and you have... Seems weird No it's like two halves of a locket Or like a little necklace When we're together As far as movie wallpaper goes

This has got to be number one It's amazing Sid Kane Now I believe that's called damasked wallpaper And depending on how you look at it It reflects a little different I learned that in college I would love that to be on a guitar

because like this like this paisley here yeah i see that this is real this is wallpaper that they finished into the guitar yeah oh so you see that like it reflects like that and then that one that echo park over there that black one that's old victorian wallpaper they put that on now that wallpaper is usually kind of like like valour or velveteen or something so it's got

you could lacquer that it's got what we call in the wallpaper business a nap I didn't realize such a thing oh that was a clear the floor was not real situation right there

what do you mean if you go back to that this is a this is a gloft this is a checkback for anybody here

when the henchman gets thrown to the ground the carpet is coming up but also the the hardwood floor

is wrinkling not since from Rush with Love in the train fight have we seen such energy

in a bond fight. I mean, this is pretty good. He is, Laysenby does really carry himself like a physical beast. Physical dynamo, I'll take.

Gate Crasher, not a terrible one-liner out of the gate. I mean, there have been plenty worse. He could have just said that. I love that he grabs the caviar. And then talks to himself about he talks himself about North of the Caspian

I mean if you're going to ruffle a shirt Or some feathers in a fight Do it like that Do it Laysenby's Wazenby The movie makes slightly more sense If this was the first scene Wait a minute

Yeah Wasn't there something to that effect Like they shot it edited it out of order Because in the book it's not that way It goes more in a linear way in the book Oh dear I didn't know that that would happen. There she is.

Walter P.B.K. is carrying the same gun. He's issued it by the same people. This is the same guy. Yeah. Wait, what? Yeah. It is amazing to me that the, well, I mean, it's just part of my whole theory. You understand. That James Bond is the same man, not a- Throughout the entire series, and that Skyfall James Bond has gone through all of this. Matt just lost the will to live, let alone record podcasts. Yeah.

Who's that man in your room tonight? I guess if I could fix George Lazenby's face a little bit. Yes. I'd probably pull the cheeks down a little. I think they're a little too bulbous. Oh, really? Yeah, I think he looks a little bit like a ventriloquist doll. Interesting.

But that's really it. His hair's a little leg. goy. I mean, barring Daniel Craig, you know, and again,

this is not even in the interest of fairness. This is actually something that I would talk about anyway. I feel like George Lazenby has the best body. Yeah, maybe.

I mean, if I had to have a body, I'd take his. It's just, it's lean and toned, but not overly. But it's thick. Yeah.

Imagine him with his hair is just a little bit must up. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That'd be good, right? Boy, If he just hadn't been surrounded by weird people at a party one time, I know.

He would be, he'd probably have done at least three or four more. Yeah. Would they have still gone campy with diamonds or forever, though? Yes, I think it would have existed very similarly. That would be weird. You don't think that Connery insisted on camp. No, but I think they all agreed that this movie was too serious.

I'd like to do it, but I need some camp. I'd like some camp, please. I also need my shoes. I want homosexual hitmen. Plastic surgery. And I'm... Did you deem the Shoshage King? Are these hitmen trying to fuck me?

Hold them to smell like a dart. Now put that in the script. Excuse me, I have to cough. Also, like, one million dollars. If I ever woke up and someone left their robe with a single rose next to it. You'd marry him, right?

I'd be delighted. Yeah, well, that's what, I think that's what happens. This is where he fell in love. Let's do a robe count right now. One. Live and let die is, uh, the leader. So this is our new, uh, golden eye hands. Robe count.

I don't think Dr. No had more than three, right? I can't imagine it did, but we are like the, the amount of, it's Roger Moore's in a clear three different robe situation here. Yeah. And so far. One for. Lazyz and B, but pretty early, so, you know, it's anybody's robe. She leaves him some gambling money in a place that I would never think to look.

You don't always check the nightstands of your hotel rooms for gambling money? Only to get my Gideon Bible to do my prayers every night. Only to find Gideon Bible. Look at this. How do I get this outfit? Is it Devenza? Is that? Yes, that sounds right.

Okay. I'm crazy about that outfit. Now, I got a jacket kind of like that recently that I was wearing with a turtle neck. Would you say that you pulled it off? Just barely. And I only know because I went to a party and people were like, okay. Oh, that's a look you're going for, okay. I think if they would have said nothing, I would have been more embarrassed because they would have not said anything.

But they were complementary of the look. And I called it Commando Casual. Well, it's a look that not only would work on George Lazy's being this film, but would also work on anyone who was maybe trying to destroy Matrix in Commando. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not talking about what's his face. He also looks like a chain mail, but the other guy. Anime character, Golgo 13.

That's just a deep cut for all you anime heads out there. The crucifix in here, that's good. they're good practicing Catholics. It's not a knick-knack, but he's whistling the gold finger theme. He's the second self-referential thing in this movie so far. Looking at the camera and then... Having the custodian whistle gold finger.

That was a double cut? It was, and then there was some like a slapback echo in it too. They're doing sound design stuff in here. This is a great shot. That reminds me of anime because it feels very dubbed. Mm-hmm. Oh! I mean, come on.

That's good writing. That is good writing. Yeah. Campari. Oh, I could go for a compari right now. Would you be happy with an office like that? Or is it a little too gaudy for you? No, who wouldn't be happy with an office like this?

It says a fireplace. Where are you going to nap? None of that furniture is napable. Hmm. I bet you there's a napping annex in there. Like wherever she went to get those drinks. Mr. Bond, join me in the napping annex. Look, there's a little backroom to the office for crying out loud.

Curio cabinet is... Mark Ange, I never realized that. Specter. Mark Ange. You learn a lot by watching what the captions on. Yeah, if you're at home right now, turn the captions on, kids. Tuts. What did that mean?

I don't know. It said tuts in parentheses. If you know what that meant, right into us. Oh, boy. That's a big hood for that fireplace. Yeah. I thought you were going to say his carnation was big. Well, his carnation, that is solely meant to show that he's in the mob.

Yeah. A little... Look, I think all of the stuff in here is a little much. You do. He's such... I mean, come on. He has his own hand-rolled cigarettes. I was thinking about that, and then when he said that, that initially is a very snobby thing to say, but he was very matter-of-fact about it.

I'm like, no, I just prefer my own. He kind of pulled it off. Yeah, but why not take... Just take it, take the offer. Because he prefers his own. I get that, Matt. Also a great love theme. Are you kidding me? Come on.

Let's play it at my wedding. That's true. Have you hung your view to a kill poster yet? No, I'm gonna probably try to do the, uh, a podcast studio in the garage. That's where it'll go? Yeah. I like it. You should get that linen backed.

I know. We have precious little wall space in our house. Oh, I mean. I have to take all of this down. Because it's going to be Dori and I's office. Yeah. Skyfall poster up for grabs anyone. There you go.

She needs therapy. What a forward-thinking Italian dead in 1960. No, because he's also saying he needs a man to put her in her place. But. To dominate her. But you never know back then if they're saying make love to just means like woo or flirt, you know? The, um, the did it? do-doo flute in there.

Like, he's a band, and then they hit that. That's just good scoring right there. I always like it. There's a Marx Brothers movie where, I think, it's like Thelma Todd, and she goes, are you making love to me? And it just means, like, are you flirting with me? Is that, um, I think that's a day at the races. No, Night at the Opera.

Horse feathers. It was wrong all in all accounts, everybody. tune in next season when I get my Marks Brothers facts right Mark's brothering I really do think that our Indiana Jonesing and James Bonding

and Star Warsing need to live under a single umbrella Yeah You know there's Looks like they're gonna come back With another indie movie That's crazy He said the name of the movie

What? Honor Majesty Secret Service Come on He did. Oh, I thought you meant of the indie movie. Oh, that would be the Indiana Jones on Her Majesty's Secret Service. I'd watch that in a second. On the first lady's, uh, OSS.

He'll do that. I bet you that was the first take, that hat toss. I mean, he seems like a guy who could get it on one take. Right. If we're talking confidence, Laysenby's top bond, right? And it's a lot of it misplaced, but still. Yes. I mean, even the way he got the role.

Just walking in. Yeah, pure cocky hubris, but boy, is it powerful. Another knit tie. Yeah. Sideburns, too. First of its kind. Has never been done before? Look at that door is missing a button.

You want to get in there and fix it? Boy, do I. Up top left. I saw it. Oh, this is Operation Bedlam. Do you think he's truly aware? Was he just gallivanting the globe for two years looking for Blowfelt? I think that's what he was doing.

Wow. I mean, I'd probably take them off too. I'm pissed. I like that he and him getting a little, like, lover spat here. Are you going to put those lights on your day? I've considered it. Those are great. I should have them above my house door when I'm ready for Instagram Live or not.

Oh, man. If you're just joining us, Matt, I showed up to do an Instagram live for James Bonding, and he was nowhere to be seen. I had to knock on the door and walk in. and he wasn't anywhere I was worried about him. But reality was, I didn't hear Matt at all and was pooping. So now we have to go through the memory curio cabinet that James Bond keeps in his desk. Here's a gloft.

That board up there, he's got papers up there connected with like a string and ribbons. It's probably all the places he's been in the last 20 years. Operation Bedlam. All right, there's Honey Rider's Knife. Do you think he'd keep Honey Rider's knife? That's the The garot from Red Grant Yeah

Rebreather So he keeps things from people he beds and kills Good for him That's it Nothing from Goldfinger The photo of the queen With the reflection That's a good shot

Yeah that's a good shot He lost his double-o status already Yeah what is that Well he quays quitting I guess Well there you go Then you know That's proof right there

That it's not a code name Ah, that is proof. Thank you. He's distinctly not answering with his professional name, and he goes to James Bond. Screw you, conspiracy theorist. Get on Reddit and... Yeah, Reddit that. And this is...

Tell him Matt Goreley sent you. Moneypenny saving his butt again. Yep. Oh, Lois Maxwell. My money penny. There's got to be some... fan fiction of Money, Penny, and Bond actually getting together. What fan fiction did we read?

Didn't we read some erotic James Bond fan fiction? What was it? We could have read it or enacted it and I had no memory of it. Yeah, it was towards the end of last season. What was it? Was it a different podcast? I don't know. Could have been.

No, I'm pretty sure it was James Bond. I may have been that cocktail one. Oh, sure. That's why we're not remembering it because we were drunk. but I'm trying to remember what, who the, oh, it was Vesper and Bond. Oh, then it's with Maria and Amanda. I think so, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. There's got to be some actual Money Penny Bond fan fiction. Check it out. I took a picture of Dory with that car. Really? At the Bond in motion exhibit in London. Look at, is that just, you dress?

like a gaucho to go to a bullfight? You just wear the traditional clothes of the... But she has a riding crop. Well, that's in case she needs to grab her horse to escape. People need to dress like this again. Look at these people. I'm not suggesting it. I'm insisting.

What, I mean, so look, that guy's got a turtleneck. That guy's got an ascot. Everybody looks good. You're loving everything. Turtle neck again. Yeah. I've picked this thing. A lot of turtleneck.

turtlenecks lately. Ascot. Wow. On a turtle neck. Glenn plaid, tweed, coat. Ascot. Forget it. For someone who never acted before in their life to be in a James Bond movie and delivering

lines in a way that is not completely wooden. Yeah. It's impressive. That's right. Also, when did Oculus become optometrist? When did that change? I think the optometrist just does the glasses. But the oculus.

Sounds to me like some kind of European. What's an ophthalmologist? I don't know. Are you a doctor? Could you write in and tell us what you are? Yeah. All right. So your classic James Bond,

let's set the stage for the location. Where are we? Let's go to a thing that they do there all the time. so we're at a bullfight that suit that coat is basically a dress whose coat bonds

it's just so fitted it comes down past the thigh almost to the knee olympi all right that line wasn't delivered great this one I'm finding is sucking me in a lot and realize I'm not even talking

because I just yeah that is a problem with these with these commentaries so we're getting a little bit less volume at But, you know, I have to imagine that the people listening are like, good. Maybe those people could shut up for a second and I could watch this great movie. Well, they have that option.

Yeah. We don't. We have to suffer for our art and for our fans. That's right. And it's interesting that the way we're suffering is by not being able to sit back and enjoy the movie with you people. I know. I know. Instead, we have to tuck over it.

I think those are real eyelashes or fake eyelashes? Definitely fake. Those are longer than any eyelash has ever been. I'm re-watching Game of Thrones right now to get ready for the new season. Yeah. She's so good in Game of Thrones. Why wouldn't she be? It's not like you lose acting ability.

I'm not saying, just me, what? It wasn't an argument. Why are you arguing with me about it? Have you seen Game of Thrones? I've only seen one episode of Game of Thrones. Oh, what are you doing? Right now, podcasting with my friend Matt Goorley. You need to get on it before season eight comes around.

It's okay. I'll enjoy them all on a plane. Imagine that? Imagine I watch the entire Game of Thrones run on a plane. That's a long flight. A terrible flight. Not because the movies, or rather the show is bad, but because I'd be trapped on a plane for eight seasons.

I didn't think that was going to be her. She's going to turn around. It's just going to be, it's going to be Q. Like, that's it, though. That's where the switch flips. and she broke down, she loves him.

Well, he wasn't there for money, you know? Yeah. Like all these other suitors. Right. And now... He's there because he wants a direct line to blow felt.

How many... Is just this in Casino Real where you get love montages? Yes. Also, like, so is this just the two weeks? He goes on leave? This love story happens in two weeks?

I feel like it's longer than that. Look at, they're getting from country to country. Yeah, because the travel, right there is got to be, you know, you're looking at a day and a half easy. Yeah. And lots of different wardrobe changes. God, to be so not liked by your co-star. What kind of an asshole do you have to be? I know. Well, I think you're looking at him. I mean, he would admit it. I mean,

what a great actress. Yeah. Yeah, no kidding. What are they blocking out? The sun, the wind, the camera. The camera, the paparazzi. That ring, I love this ring. It's crazy. That is like... It is a crazy ring. It's so... It's so 60s mid-century.

Yeah, I love it. Same with those bears. I own each of these bears now. My father gave them to me for a wedding present. In case you're wondering, you're still synced up. Sink your trumpets to Matt's mouth trumpet. Chin dimplins. and sink trumpets.

I love time in a movie. It's one o'clock. Oh. One o'clock in the afternoon there. Oh. Oh, boy. That's a nice suit too. Look at that.

You know, suit for suit. This may be the best bond has ever looked in a bowl. I think it's your love of the turtleneck. Well, he barely isn't in a turtlene. Just like his suits, though, their cut is so good on him. Well, we also have to take into consideration. I guess the riding, the bullfight suit doesn't count. Why not a suit?

Well, I'm just talking about the wardrobe in general. Well, now you're opening it up to all that? I just meant, yeah, just outfit for outfit. All right. Outfit for outfit. Pound for pound. So far. I think I'd take these clothes of any of them.

I think you could pull it off. Well, they'd have to be tailored. Well, of course. This guy's probably got, I don't know, how tall do you think he is? He seems to be in the 6-4 region, right? Three, four? Is he that tall? It looks it.

Does he not? Look him going to that door. I know. Timothy Dalton's a lot taller than you think. I never think of him as one of the taller bonds, but I think he's actually one of, if not the tallest bond. Isn't that weird? I could see that.

Like, I've Googled it before. Daniel Craig being very. height is very strange to me. Is he really? Yeah. How tall are you? Like five, ten with boots on. I'm taller than Craig.

You are? Wow. Yeah, that seems weird. Okay, this guy has two phones. So obviously very important. Identical phones, too. Now, Matt, correct me or remind me, plot-wise. Yeah.

He's got to break into this safe in order to read a playboy. That's right. That's how scandalous they were. Such a hot commodity. Not only that, but you had to have a whole construction crew in on it. Yeah. They wanted copies of it. That's why they gave him the copy machine.

You forget this guy's with him since this point. I feel bad because this guy never really gets a character. He's just always helping, and then he's this poor little ignominious end. Oh. What a convenient location to store that scanning fax machine? funeral in Berlin. I was watching the, you know, the Harry Palmer films, Ipcrest file, and they used one of these to get someone over the Berlin Wall. It was pretty great.

Is it that or a billion-dollar brain? I can't remember. There's a million-dollar, baby. Billion dollar, maybe. Oh, boy, look at the technology, guys. I want one of these on my kitchen camera. I love it. This whole device.

Unlabeled buttons. Well, you've never. know that you hit the first yellow. Someone always said, you know, here it is. Press red, then yellow. That's all you got to remember. Don't worry about that second yellow. This has got to take longer than it would for someone listening to Crack It, right? Listening to Crack It? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I guess it depends. Maybe it's more foolproof. She's really in love. Let's picture Gabruda Gumbulled looking at that playboy. Okay. I'm picturing it. Not quite as pleasing. What is the plan here?

Between the two of them? Yes. I don't know. Is he going to talk to her, talk to him to help tell him to marry her? I think so. But was that also actually shot in a car? It looked like it was. Yeah.

We should get that issue of Playboy. You got the safe open. I wonder what issue that is. Like when? I'm sure we could find it. Those things keep interrupting his Playboy look. I mean, James Bond is the ultimate Playboy, right? There is no more playboy than James Bond.

Yeah, I mean Hugh Hefner. Yeah, but he doesn't count because he made it. He doesn't count because he is the playboy. That's right. I mean, maybe Matt Houston. Try to remind me here. Yeah. He's looking for documents.

Right. In order to... This is Blofeld's lawyer in Switzerland, right? Mm-hmm. So he's looking for anything on Blofeld. What all two years long, I guess, Draco, gave him this. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. So that's funny that... Took him two years to find the... M is getting on him about not moving fast enough and suddenly it all clicks. That's just what he needed, you know? And then this guy would come home and go like, nobody could have possibly stolen it. It's still here.

It's not like you can bring a photo-stadding machine in here. So true. Or like in the olden days, just take a photo of everything. That's true. No, no. Instead, he needs this. Yeah. Mark got me one of those little Minox spy cameras.

It's a vintage one, and then I found out you can actually still get filmed for them. Whoa. Yeah. I should really get some. We should take portraits with those. Grubergoimold. Huh? Grubergoimold.

This guy's an underrated ally, wouldn't you say? What's his name, Gunther? Yeah. I mean, he's... thick and thin this guy. Yeah, that's right. He'll go, he'll go to a ski resort, he'll go to a construction site. He'll bleach his hair to seem more European. Done. That's a glass we don't use very often anymore. Why didn't he just photostat the centerfold? Why would he take it? What a weirdo. Why would he take the centerfold? Yeah, he's just weird enough. I love

office buildings from the 60s. Tracy, I was thinking about your likes and dislikes. If you thought about this. Look at that home's called Quarter Deck. Is this Em's home? Quarter Deck is the Admiral's home. I never knew that. Quarter Deck. Every home should be named.

And I've been trying to think of a name for my home. And it's just like nothing's clicked. You'll know it that one. You find it. I guess. We were calling it Annandale for a while based on the neighborhood. Mm-hmm. But I want something more, I don't know, significant personal.

Like a, like, frankly, I want to do. to be more Bond related. Quarter deck. Skyfall. Burly Oak. That's a good name for home. Burly Oak. We do have an oak. Yeah.

Property. Corner Oak. Corner Oak. We have an oak in the corner. Hmm. Oak corners? This is a... Corner Oaks?

Great moment. Between you and me or in the movie? No, no. Between M and Bond. Oh, so I should shut up? No, no. I'm just saying. I just wanted to... Just so people know where they're at, it's the butterfly scene. Yeah.

Now this is a good suit. Nice overcoat. All of it. Great ascot on the... Yeah. This is how he dresses. He gets up in the morning. Uh-huh.

And he's like, my neck's a little chilly. I'll grab this silk ascot. I think I'll be casual today. You know, I'm going to put my velvet jacket on, too. Yeah. Smart way of doing V.O. without doing V.O. Yeah. Look at this room, too.

Who said, we got to have a majestic. into carpet in this. It's a throne room though, right? Whoa. That must be for the college chair. Yeah. Somewhere that piece of art exists, too, the crest. Yeah. Probably, right? Who knows? It's probably gone. It's not even finished. Look, he's working on it. We just lost a couple frames there on the screen. It's weird.

Of course, the artist has long hair. Wickham brew. I've been to Bairn. In fact, while I was there, I could have gone by Gumbolt's office, but we didn't. Instead, we went up to the Pete's glory. What's it called? Bam? Burn. Bairn. Wow.

Because I thought you were saying gumbo and bam, and I was really thinking about Emeraldagasy, who would make gumbo and spice it up by saying bam. I also love Hillary Braze get up. His office, I prefer. The outfits in this movie, you just... It just get me going. I like the crest on his tie. It's got to be a family crest of his.

I like a thick pinstripe happening over on Laysenby right now. You and Roger Stone. He's got the mole, one of those, I hope you don't shave at malls too. I think they cast everybody based on their mole on this way. But Laysenby's looks like he already has nicked it. That's the thing about it that bugs me. Anything bothers you. You, let him move on him.

Yeah. Poor guy. That's why he's so bitter. He's got a cleft in his chin and his nose. There's a lot happening. Yeah. I don't think I've watched this movie since I've been to these places. All right. What's your impression so far? Well, location expert.

I've been here to this station. Did you buy a newspaper? It looks way different, that's for sure. For one thing, it wasn't covered in snow. No, that's Gunther. The henchman's Gunther. Oh. Why do they have Olympics?

Just thinking that same thing. Like were the Olympics coming to Switzerland at that point? Must have been. Look, do you think he asked Hillary Bray to borrow his outfit? No, I literally think he called this Taylor and said, I need a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Give me the Bray. Why wouldn't these people be briefed on James Bond?

What do you mean? From the start. Why wouldn't? I feel like it should be in your past. package like so if flowfield hires you along with your health benefits you get a photo of james bond yeah yeah see something say something this is james bond right also you get two weeks vacation a year it does not accrue take it or lose it i walked up that ramp did you get a toble room no i didn't like the bugs and a rug man this whole area is gorgeous

It ended be one of the best trips I've ever taken. I would like to very much go on a similar trip, Matt. You should. It's beautiful.

I'm not like overly expensive as these things go. I don't know where this is. It's probably in the village of... What was it? There was one little village Grundlewold or something or no.

What am I thinking of? Grindelwald? Grindlewold. What is Grindlewald? Isn't that like a Harry Pottery thing? I don't know. Gimmelvald. I gotta get me one of those coats that has

like a shoulder cowl. Attachable cape. Is that rude to put out your pipe on on someone's helicopter? Particularly on the gas cap. Yeah. It just seems very bold. So they have to take a

train a carriage and a helicopter to get to this place. That's right. Did you find that to be correct? No, we took a cable car from here up. Oh, yeah, that's also a possibility. But the village up there, like, there's like, I don't know, three or four stops. The first one is the village, and there's no, you can't get up there by car. There are no cars.

There are a few cars up there, but everybody going and coming goes through cable car. What is the point of having cars up there at all if you can't get up there? I think they're like maintenance cars and such plows and things because there are little streets but it's amazing. Oh, this valley was incredible too. There's a waterfall inside the mountain. It feels like you're in like a lion at Disneyland or something. It's incredible.

So you're saying I could experience the same thing at Disneyland? Yeah. Just ride the Matterhorn and I get it. The cable cars don't look like that anymore. Sadly. Also, there's no bobsleigh tracks. That you noticed.

That's right. Do you will the airzikniz? I was saying that the whole time I was there. Do you will the airzikness? This is where he serves the dinner. That's the first stop. And now that has this thing that you can walk along that cliff. It has a little walk outside the cliff with like a glucite glass and a net.

And it's like, so you can see straight below you. It's crazy. Well, why would you want a net underneath it? No, like one of them is just like a steel net that you can walk out on. Oh, that's cool. It's really cool. Did you do it? Yeah.

And there's one where you can crawl through like a, like a plexiglass or like lucite tunnel that's just suspended over nothing. It's amazing. Do you have the air sickness? We are here to cure the sickness of the oysters. Not realizing they're just giving people bad seafood. North ground. Eyes. look at that oh i see the cable car comes up the other side yeah is there a helipad uh that now is

no it's not a hell it's a dining terrace now but no it's just like an observation deck it's like a round observation deck and that's where the stand-up of lays and bee is that you can take a picture with could you put a pipe out on them yeah i suppose you could the spies from the chemical companies This whole time I thought it was the spice. I thought they were sending over like a nutmeg situation. I don't believe the stairway tunnel is there anymore. This is... I'm telling you the bathroom.

Now is set, right? I don't know. I guess. No, I don't... I don't know. Although I guess they did build this, right? Oh, yeah, they're there. And this is...

They shot before this thing opened. But I'm telling you, the bathrooms? Grunta. That's that guy's name. The bathrooms are the reason to go to this thing. It's a whole multimedia. I mean, you described it in great detail on our podcast. That's right.

Not long ago. Go to Stitcher Premium Muse promo code bond and check out the Pittsburgh Travel episode. You won't be sorry. All of our back episodes are over there. That's right. There's our man. Look at his phone.

It's very opulent. A lot of opulent accoutrements in this movie. It's interesting because this is such a modern place, but he has a lot of like, old fancy stuff, although look at that artwork too. This must be studio set. It has to be because I don't think any of this is there. If it was, you would stay there.

Yeah, and never leave. Okay. This movie. Yeah. What's happening so far? He's tracking down Blowfield. Uh-huh. In order to do this, he has decided that he will impersonate a genealogy expert.

Sir Hillary Bray. Because he knows from the safe that the genealogy expert was reached out to by Bluffeld. Right. Blufeld is trying to prove his lineage is... He wants his family crest, right? He wants a title. Yeah. He wants to be like a Duke or something?

Like a... Yeah, Baron. Barron von Dutch? I don't know what it is, but... Okay. But in the meantime, he is also... organized his latest plan, which is to activate a multicultural task force of terrorists through food... A hypnotized, unwitting multicultural task force of terrorists who have food allergies.

Right. What don't you understand? This is a time old plot. Who would then do what on Christmas? Put like foot and mouth disease out to the world. world. Okay. Unless Blofeld is given the sum.

Does he want money or does he wants his like immunity? He wants his, I think he's doing this so he will be recognized as this. As this baron. Barron. And that they'll like, wants the world to say we're square, leave you alone. Seems like a strange plan. So his part of his plan, you think, you think his end game is to just leave. leave the world alone once he becomes a baron he wants to be left alone and he'll leave the world

well enough alone which is the new bond movie well enough alone yeah bond 25 well enough alone look at this i mean forget i forget about this tier you can this is the best bond wardrobe movie ever made wow yeah name one that's as consistently good as this i know you like your braznan one but that's just one in a movie. I think in that whole movie, I think he looks great. But, you know, I was surprised at how good,

um, our man Moore looked. And live and let die. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that'd probably be a second runner up for me, or first runner up. I'm very confused about,

is Tracy, where is Tracy right now? She, at this point, I think she's traveling here because who did she, she find out how Bond was here? I don't know. From someone, she goes,

someone told me you were here. Okay. I love Ruby. It's kind of a shame because this almost feels like a set, but it's not. It looks like a fake backdrop. What a bizarre way

to get bond surrounded by beautiful women. I mean, that had to be part of it, right? I guess. The goal here. But I think it's in the book. What's Branchwater? Oh, I can look it up. Malt Whiskey and Branchwater.

It's like sometimes like in Dr. Strange Lov, he'll ask for something in rainwater. In rainwater. Pure water. So branch water, Matt. It's hilarious that lays in be able to do. It's ordinary water. Oh.

Especially when added to alcoholic drinks. But why do they call it branch water? It's water from a stream or a book that passes through brook that passes past branches. Are you serious? It says that? Well, it's water from a stream or brook. Oh. So that's like water.

branch water. Branch water. It's branched off the main waterway. Oh, I think it passes through branches. No. Come on, Matt. Why not get on board my train? Okay.

A branch train. Choo-choo-choo. Okay. Timeford. What do you think the chef here does? You think the chef here is happy with what he gets to prepare? No, because he's like, here's a banana on a plate. Here's noodles.

Here's just chicken. Here's just salami. Here's just corn. Here's some cured pork. It's funny that they eat what they're allergic to. Well, that's how you defeat an allergy, right? You get exposed to it more and more. Come on.

Ruby's got more character than all secondary Bond girls. She's great. I don't argue with that. I chose her for my secondary Bond Girl, didn't I? We know. I'll say it. We haven't had the votes in yet, but first place Bond Dream Team Draft. I was really kind of screwed by my order.

Right. I didn't get a Bond or a Q or, you know what I mean? It was like the M's were taken. It was a time. Blame the system, not the haters. Now he's boring, everyone. I love it that he didn't know his voice was dubbed until he saw this movie. I bet there's a world where he still didn't know.

I'm like, oh, yeah, I really did transform myself in that one. It's funny that Bond's sex. appeal is not universal because they are kind of bored by him and they think he's gay but ruby's still into him in the original script bond undergoes plastic surgery disguised him from his enemies in this movie yeah in this book in the original script for this well also irma bunt kind of looks like my grandma jonesy did she had red hair up like that she was more friendly looking though maybomb later thought Lazy's B was not ideal for the part But it was a marvelous script

I'm transfixed by Ruby Look at her a little cup How many times do you think you've seen this movie, Matt? Probably like between 10 and 20 What's Bezance? You are so charmed by everything That's happening in front of you on the screen Google Bezance

Yeah, spell it for me, buddy B-E-Z-A-N-T-S this set is amazing it looks like something from Battlestar Galactica a peasant is a gold or silver coin originally minted in uh... Byzantium or a

round bell which is a solid gold circle that's what I was talking about you're not happy about it in the middle ages the term besant was used to describe gold coins of the east you do some talking

okay sure happy to do some talking I mean it still befuddles me this whole plan like why why do large batch mixing of these cures it's very confusing to me

is it because he's going to ransom the cures like he's going to say like I have the antidote that's why you got to pay me money oh come on I always forget about this happy little boy vest he has on look at this thing it just has a gold chain connecting it

I gotta get me one of those I would never wear it and you don't even see it after he puts that jacket on he has a little boy's vest on what does he get what does he gain by becoming a member of the blue champs a title a predatory title right

right but what does he gain like what does he get besides the title From whom? The world. But does he really think that if he holds the world hostage, do you really think it's going to be earned respect? No, but he's a, you know, he's a twisted diabolical mastermind. I just don't understand why he was still wanted after that.

I'm working. He could seriously cure everything with this lab he has. Like, you know, if your goal is money, just fucking cure everything and sell it. Yeah, if he's actually a cure, yeah, you're right. He could easily be a philanthropist and get this. same, if not more respect. Totally. Or become a pharmaceutical giant and get all the money he ever needed. But that's what makes him a villain, because he's psychopathic.

Because he wants to be called a bouchamp. Blachamp. I can't believe we don't get to see that vest again. By the way, I've never noticed until now the beautiful red stitching on the Mandarin collar. It's so funny, you can see how obviously his, earlobes are taped back behind. At times, you can kind of see the tape behind them. I like that that's his, that's his route to this, uh, ancestry.

As you know. Yeah. They also had earlobes that were attached. The hook knows of the Medici. Perhaps you've seen how shiny my head is. It's the tradition of all blowfields, except for the next one. And the one after that. I mean, that's a pretty good eight for not looking at it.

I mean, you just got nothing else to do. She's trapped at a room all day. She's probably writing with lipstick everywhere. Poor Ruby. What becomes of Ruby? It's a good question. Because they all leave and we never see them again, right? I'm very curious about what he's doing.

He must be just, he must be literally having to do the research now. I think he is, yeah. So half of James Bond's mission now is spent doing research into the genealogical tree of Blofeld. That chandelier somehow reminds me of like aug rot and scalloped potatoes. You know what I mean? Like you get those that things. Sure, I can go for a white, nice white scallop situation.

I can't help but think, Matt, that if that shirt were to get wet, it'd be very see-thru. You're not kidding. I don't think it even needs to be wet. You just got to get a little light behind it. I like how he still is smoking the pipe. Yeah, he's fully in character. He's a method agent. Now he's figured out

You know what? If I'm James Bond and I have my, I've just got shocked I think I would not attach a metal thing to the eraser just for fun. The eraser's going to insulate. I know, but would you want to attach a metal grip to that thing? Just seems very tricky. But of course he's James Bond and he knows more about such things. Didn't realize you were an expert in electricity, Mr. Bond.

You think it's a safety feature that? none of the doors open like that, other than the fact that, of course, they want to keep the girls separate. I don't know. But in the case of a fire, a fire alarm went off, would they want,

I mean, they'd want those things to open, right? Because these are their highly, uh, uh, uh, unwitting allergy terrorists. Can you imagine Dale Craig doing this?

Staying in a... God, in heaven, you can watch all the Bond movies with any actor you choose. Who do you choose? Well, that's just it.

Oh, you just watch them all. Yeah. See what they would have done. Oh, that would be good. Does the script change at all? Well, you can do it all. You can put Craig into this era in an exact movie, or you can update this movie to Craig's era. That's heaven.

Oh, God, that would be amazing. I wonder what the first... First thing I'd do is put Connery in this. That's literally the first thing I would do. First thing I'd do is put Ruby in every Bond movie. As am. Yes. I love his bond.

So he's now, he's doing bond work, right? He's not just there to go to the bone zone, even though he's in love with Tracy. Right. It is strange. It's funny how he just puts... I just saw a nipple.

Is you? Yeah. There's more. He is... He's got his bond voice, right? Oh, that's a good question. Is he? We're listening to it now.

You are listening at home. You already know the answer to this, don't you? Home. Oh, no. I can't tell. Oh, it is. Yeah. Boy, he's still deep undercovers.

I like it. I like what you did there, man. I like how seriously she pushes him off. Well, part of the cure. I mean, you can't, you don't want to mess up years of treatment. All these cassettes. Cassettes figure heavily into the plot here and in the next one. Yeah, diamonds are forever.

Yeah. This was the height of technology. Remember in Moonraker when it was all eight tracks? What if it was? It'd be amazing if he was just selecting different songs for them to be listening to. Yeah, this is 69. He's like, guys, you got to check out this cool new song I made with my band. What would be 68?

It would be like, well, like this would be like Sergeant. Yeah, it would be like a white album. White album. So. Number nine. Number nine. Little pigs. Number nine.

For anybody that have pork allergy. Have you seen my little piggyies calling in the dirt? And then Savoy Truffle for writing with a sugar allergy. A man just eats a pretty nice girl. Green tangerine. Not telling me. Dear Ruby, boom, boom, boom, boom. Won't you come out to play?

We are. insufferable. Thanks for suffering with us on this, a free podcast. We should save that drop. We're going to need it. Yeah. Here's the problem with two people who love James Bond doing a James Bond commentary. What?

We like to watch. Yeah. We've discovered that. But I do think that there's a point where people will want to watch themselves. And I bet you we're all pretty like-minded, so they're probably tuning into the movie at the same time we are. Like right now. So look, this is one, two, three, three women now?

He'll be sleeping with? Other movie when he gets married, including Tracy. Including Tracy, yeah. I feel like they just don't show it, but he goes through every, he goes around the world. Let's put it that way. Here, it is a revolving. He goes to chicken, corn. Banana, noodles.

Hilly. He's developed his own. nickname now that he wants the girls to call him. It is funny how much homosexuality plays into these books and movies and it's so clear that Fleming was dancing around something. The way he disdains lesbians and like Mr. Wint and Mr. Kid and then this, it just does seem to factor in a lot. Do you think he was closeted? I wonder. I don't know if I necessarily think that, but maybe there is something to the fact that...

I mean, he has like that long-time companion. You know what I mean? It's not like... Who, Ivar Bryce? Yeah. Companion. Always companion. Confirmed bachelor. I don't know. I wonder. It's interesting. I mean, if he was gay, he certainly wouldn't have been out. Correct.

Wasn't he friends with Noel Coward, too? Who was very open about it, right? Hmm. I don't know So he wants to go All right So maybe he should stick to construction Because he's not being great at getting onto a cable car

He's not a great spy I just feel bad for this guy I like his sweater Yeah I like his whole outfit He's so dazed It's quite a get-up He's great for brought Private

So he's going to hike up on his own Okay he goes climbing That's crazy. Because he's awesome. I've never seen, what is this? Curling with a bowling pin? I guess. I like how the girls get to go out for curling.

So, yeah, I think he went through everyone last night in an effort to get more information. They must be tired and very well cultured. And I mean that in the literal sense. That's the cup they win if they win the curling competition. Wow. It's very impressive. I love how deep into character are you. is that he throws is curling skills it's crazy you know because if he was bond he did hit it right

in the sweet spot he can't be too good at curling yeah no whatever believes such a guy right oh boy what the crows gave him away why would the crows care well i think it's a very well-known fact that all crows are evil yeah look how he holds that cigarette between his second third finger that is very strange now he's on to the regulars in the old days by the new days I mean, if these old days were the new days, all of this would be done on the internet, all this research.

Yeah, so does he go here to look at documents? Otherwise, what did you bring a bunch of books with them? I think so. Nice shot, though. Look at that. They made a mistake not bringing Peter Hunt back for a director. They made a number of mistakes. He should have directed Quantum of Solis.

He might have even still been alive at that point. My clobber. Well, that's, I think, what he calls, his um his belongings pet crow we're watching with the captions what about all my clobber you never know if you can trust these things though

these look like all like Star Trek symbols on the skis yeah bullfut never holds a cigarette the same twice it's a very interesting choice look at that by a man who's had his earlobes taped to his head yeah that's the thing if you ever cosplay as Blofeld never forget the earlobe thing

That's the detail to look for. Matt, do you have any other cosplay tips for James Bond? Get yourself one of those little boy vests. The gold situation with the gold chain? Yeah. Okay, so there he's setting up scores for that evening. Yeah. That guy's like, he should put a hundred on that scoreboard right there.

Ding, bing, bing, bing, ding. He's near James Bond something where he scores a goal. In for your eyes only? Yeah. Yeah. Hockey. Wait, Ruby's not dead. Is she?

I forget. It's Tully Savalas. Oh, that's right. It would have been funnier if it was Tilly Savalas. Oh, no. That whole... I'm Ruby, baby. Who makes love to you, baby?

That just, that whole... Whoa, this whole sequence. Who cures all the allergies, baby? I'm telling you, Bond. I'm bluffled. So is it actually Christmas Day? That's our number one tip that it was you. the fact that you were messing around with the clinic patients.

He blew it. Doesn't even deny the fact that he's had surgery to make his earlobes look like earlobes. That's right. Now we're really just watching. I can't help it. It's Bond and Christmas. It's your two favorite things, wrapped into one. I really is.

Gold tinsel. Makes me miss Christmas. It's only February. Should we have a competition of you and I next year to see who can make the most blow-filled accurate Christmas tree? Yes. And then we both dress like that. it's it's it's it's it's it's almost like the boots don't even they're not even separate from the pants no i don't

think they are look at different way to hold the cigarette that's three different cigarette ways that's crazy that's the normal way up now he's doing that number two it's like he's gonna throw him like a knife he's ready to hit any calendar yeah come on he's smoking it like a snorkel like in doctor no when they go in the magrove swamps. This is interesting. This is an interesting gloft. Yeah. This has to be an acting choice.

Oh, for sure. This is the plot. So presumably this is where you get your answers, but I'm already lost. Okay. So he wants to kill off the whole strain of continents. Strain of continents. Okay, so he's going to, if his demands are not met, he's going to kill off individual serials.

and species of animals. Poor fruit loops. Poor lucky charms. Poor Chuckie Larms. So, in an effort to what? I don't understand. The rest of this plan is falling apart for me. All I can do is just look at that room.

He's been training angels of death. Look at his finger. I always forget about that. He's got a screwed up finger. Cojack? Yeah, look at that. It's a little baby finger. But it's like,

uh, melted. So melted little baby finger. Oh, man. That's actually, he did that for the roll. I wish. Bluffelt is known to have a little baby finger. That happened and you only live twice. Well, he holds his cigarette like chalk.

That's what it is. It's like a piece of chalk. You know what it is? He's left-handed. I don't care what, well, of course he is when you got a finger like that. No, that's his left-hand. Yeah, I'm saying he's left-handed. So he's natural inclination would be to smoke a cigarette with his left hand.

since he doesn't get to do it with his natural inclination. He doesn't know how to hold it. I wonder what the story is there. Was that an accident or was that... This always bugs me this shot, too, because I can't tell if he's supposed to be in the foreground. Or behind them? Yeah, it's weird.

In Telly Savalas's real life, was that like a congenital birth defect, or was it an accident? Just Google Tally Savalus's finger. Everybody. You know what? Google along. It's time for an all Google.

This is an all Google. This is an all Google alert for Talley Savalas's finger. Now boarding. Now boarding. Main Street. All right. So, is born in New York. Finger, finger, finger, finger, finger.

He only spoke to you. He only spoke Greek when he entered grade school. Nothing came up for Tali Savalas's finger when you Googled? No. That can't be. Maybe I didn't. Let me just type this. Nine things you never...

Selebs missing fingers. Celebs missing fingers. A page of people who are missing fingers. What? Tell me, Rahm Emanuel's missing a finger? I don't know what to tell you, buddy. Django, I knew. Christian Bail?

What? I don't know. Tony Ayomi, I knew. He's missing a finger? Must you're hearing of Harold Lord. Did you know that? Telly Saval. There we go.

Prototifical Las Vegas Swinger and commercials of players clubs Nobody knows exactly How Soval has lost his finger Some say it was a grenade During World War II But an older family story

Is that the finger was chewed by a rat When Telly was a baby I don't buy it Oh my God That's how he turned him into Blofeld I don't buy it I don't buy either of those How's a grenade gonna just mess up one finger

Well how's a grenade gonna also ensure That you grow a fingernail On the tip of your tiny finger Yeah, exactly Good point Or a rat for that matter. But I could see where a rat was, like, stunted it and chewed it up, and it got all kind of messed up and never grew right from there on now. Interesting.

It was probably just a birth defect and then blamed it on a rat. Wow. Guys, if you know of any celebrities of missing fingers who are not on our list, please write in. But do you realize that they have the thing that every Bond villain is supposed to have, and that's some kind of interesting physical deformity and they don't even use it? What is the point? It seems like a real. waste. Could have been a happy accident, but instead it was a wasted opportunity.

He could have said, like, I have the fucked up rat finger of a Blaschamp, Bond. Oh, show me. Here, look. In our family, everyone's eaten by a rat, baby. Causes me to smoke my cigarettes like a snorkel. Toot, Toot. Bond, baby. I'm going to kill everyone individually.

Corn Flakes. Rice Krispies. He's got. Do you think later he ever goes to get something out of his pockets, like his car keys? And he's like, oh, damn. I think he puts his car keys in his pocket and it falls to his socks. Yeah. That's right.

His socks are full of presence. And he goes, damn it, I should have really not used my pockets to get across this thing. Look at Irma Bunch, just having a brandy. She had a twitchy finger, too. What is going on up here? What is the altitude? might be getting to them. They're all getting frost bit on their fingers.

They're getting frost bit in altitude sickness. Yeah. Which is a real thing I just made up. Mm-hmm. This is a very nerve-wracking scene. Yeah, and it goes on a bit long, doesn't it? A bit long? I always remember this one going a little bit long.

It goes on Mighty Long. Over crank. Literally. Look. That's a cool shot. I don't buy it. Is that a matte painting? It looked like it was a matte painting, Matt.

You never see those in Bond. I'm going to start wrapping all my Christmas. She's not acting. She's not acting. Now she's acting. She didn't know the camera was on her. Those are just straight up gloves now. I also feel like that wouldn't have helped him grip the ledge.

I think it was the... No, it's helping for the, obviously, for the cable. Yeah. Oh, I see, yeah. You want to rip your hands up on that. Right. But I feel like he would have just fallen to his death. So we already...

This is the dangerous part, right? So it doesn't move again, right? I don't know. He's doing it again, though. Oh, my God. Okay. Okay. That was real touch and go there, huh? Would you like to have seen Carrie Grant play Bond?

Does that happen in Heaven also? Yeah, it does. Cool. He was up, he was going to be Dr. Nell's Bond. That I would love to see. I mean, it's obviously a very different thing, but in heaven, Bond is just a rotating... It's whatever you want it to be.

And it's always perfect. Carrie Grant in Goldfinger would be pretty good. How does he do this? He drops right as it's going to hit his hands. Is this a real stunt this guy does? We are just fascinated by it. Could you imagine your fingers getting trapped in there? You'd look like Tally Sabalas.

Oh, he goes on to that. How did he get all the way over there? There's no... Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Matt's right. Movie? Bad. See, it takes him back up and then he still got to go back down.

He should just go, just my luck. Look at the camera and say, this never happened to the other fellow. Again. Or did he want to go back up? Well, now he's going to go in his ski gear, right? His clobber. He's going to get in his clobber.

Wait, he has clopper up here? Clover. Clopper? The most deadly wall decorations of all time. I know. Brutal spikes and a saw blade. Chekhov's gun of interior. design.

Do you think that that was written into the script or design? I wonder, yeah. Because I can't imagine that that had to be, I would guess that that was a director choice when they saw the set. Maybe. But they had to decorate this thing because it wasn't finished. They were the ones that finished it. That was the agreement, this place.

Look at that hat. So they each open a present. That is wrapped by the Joker. And prints. Papa Prince and Mama Joker got together and gave you a gift. Whatever it's going to be, it's not going to be great, guys. It's going to be not what you wanted. I think I've fallen in love with Ruby on this go-around.

You know, we ignored the signs. Yeah, they were always there. It was there for a while. Look at her freckles. She's adorable. My family used to call them farcles. Just out of sheer fun. I guess.

We had a lot of our own words for things. things. Like, my family calls me Moni, and we don't have cereal, we have showlil. You don't go to the living room, you go to the living loom. Our cat was named Mama Chid. I'm trying to think of what else there was. I forget, yeah. That's a lot of words. Oh, olives were op-a-bibs. Well, that one doesn't make any sense. I know. Usually it's like one or two things here and there because one of the kids can't quite say the word yet. That's where they all come from. And then it becomes that, right? Yeah, my sister coined Appabips.

Well, your sister is out of control. We also had our own curse words. Uh-huh. Book and gutch. Ooh, that's a good name for Matt Myra's baby. Book or Guts? Gutsch Myra. Careful, James Bond.

Yeah. You're on some points. Jeez. That's not even good to look at as art. No. It's just there to be killed Although it's like It's like throwing a

Pine nut into a salad It's just there for the texture I love pine nuts I don't love salad That's right Look at that pig Why the pig I don't think it's a pig

What is it That's a pig I think it's a lion in a pig custom That's a pig For sure Maybe a boar Whoa he really knocked him back we're losing frames left and right here i'm also just doing what old people do in that commenting on

he really knocked him back that was a doozy oh he's dragging him oh look at all those boots back there telephone what's that say that's the ski place you get your skis from there oh there's all the women oh look this is it good i think he's gonna get it he's gotta get the guy oh look at she's got a hat there's so many of them uh What are they doing? And who's this now? Do you know what they're doing? Are they skiing?

Skiing now. Your grandfather went skiing on time nearly broken his hand. Oh. Oh, look, he's knocked out. That's just... Oh. That's just too graphic. Oh, they're in an elevator.

That's just too graphic. Oh, he's out of the show. There's so many skis. Oh, door's opening. I really don't see a scenario where they need that many skis. Down into the night. Movie, I'm watching a movie. Oh, he's in blue and white.

Oh. Oh, hello. Hi, Dory. This is their audio commentary track. Perfect. That's right when your wife walked by. It must have been going like, that's got to be the most worthless commentary.

Well, it's not great. Also, look at this outfit's amazing. Also, well, I'm just impressed that they had his size in the ski closet. Oh, he's doing a thing. This music. Forget it. I mean, is that guy really going to be that excited over one guy skiing down the hill? Look at the squibs, too.

Powerful snow squibs. Action-packed powerhouse snow squibs. James Bond is back. Our action is packed tighter than the powder. Powerful snow skibs ornate golden telephones. You don't see much of the cat in this one. That's a demerit. That was a Savalas note.

He also got into his snow gear. real quick. I don't want any cats. Wait, think about it. I once was bitten by a rat. Look how close behind Bond they are. Oh, wait, I thought that was doing it. Never mind.

You know what? You're back on board? You're back on board. Now he's going. And they're going to show you every step of the way. Yeah. They really don't like a shoe leather on this, huh? Synthesizer and alpine horns.

Has anyone done it ever? It's been done once and never again. I'm going to do it. I mean, look, I guess it's probably hard to control a machine gun when you're skiing down a mountain. Yeah, sometimes I edit while I'm on a treadmill and it's difficult. So I get where they're coming from. Do you like bring a treadmill into your office? Yeah, I keep a treadmill in there these days, like most of the week while I work and raise the desk.

You are just really something else. But I figured if I'm going to be spending this much time editing, I might as well exercise. I don't even know I'm exercising. Should we take this up? Yours does it too. Wait, I can't talk if you do that. What if we stood up?

Yeah. And did the podcast. It would probably be there for us. I'm just saying. I'll do it. You in? Yeah. Let's do it, bro.

Guys, we're going up. If the energy seems to change, it's because we're standing. We are taking this podcast to a whole new level. Matt and I have the same standing desk mechanism. Oh, that's right. Do you? No, I got a different one. Yours is not an autonomous desk?

No, I forget what mine's called. Oh, this does actually feel a little better. Yeah, this is nice. Oh, good ski stunts. Do you feel like skiing is a prerequisite for a James Bond, like a skill for a James Bond actor to have? Yeah, even more so than like horseback riding. You got to know how to ski.

Every Bond has to ski. and Daniel Craig is the only bond that has not skied yet, right? Do you know how to ski? Yeah, I was raised skiing. What did you guys call it, though? Scooby. Scoopy. I was raised skiing so young I didn't even use poles.

Then I hit 18, turned an adult and went, I'm done, and I haven't skied since. Really? Yeah. It was one of those things, God bless my dad. It was just we did a lot of things that I don't think he ever took a poll on whether we were interested in it. Golf and skiing are two things I did throughout my entire childhood that I have not followed through on. So you can golf, but just have chosen to go, you know what, I'm good. Yeah.

I've golfed enough. That's amazing. And I can ski, I guess. But that's assuming I still could. I mean, I haven't done it in years. I guess if I had to escape Pitts-Gloria, I could. There's one way to get you out there, and that's buying you this ski suit. You should see me golf in the Alps, though.

I would do that A man and I talked about going skiing this year What is happening here? Describe this dummy. How does this dummy look like this? It's flat on its skis. Yeah. Like, how is it falling like that?

I guess because that's where the weight is? They really messed up. This is a great sequence. So, is it safe to assume that they're shooting the next bond in Norway? Do you think Daniel Craig will ski his bond? Yeah, I think they've heard our demands long enough. He better, and he better not snowboard. They already got that in.

Snowboard. He invented snowboarding. Right? Every other bond skis, right? Oh, does Dalton? No, he doesn't. I would count the bond, uh, I would count having an Asty Martin with skis as skiing in a cello case escape as skiing. Interesting. But it's crazy. Would you not? Laysenby's got one movie and he gets in more skiing than any bond. Yeah, comfort mat, buddy. Egonomic comfort mat. Don't worry about me. I'll just stand on this carpet. That's on top of another carpet. Oh, my head, my back. I slipped a disc.

Oh, he doesn't have any poles. That's, he can't do. Oh, look, ice skating. Now, I used to, oh, look, a bus. That's quite a Mercedes bus. Yeah, that's nice. Look at Irma Bunn's very child-like wave. I think she genuinely, like, loves those girls. And it's sad to see them go into the world as people who will bring

about the destruction of humanity. What is her motivation for all this? Is she in love with Blofeld? Because otherwise, she's just a loyal worker? She's a hench person. I know, but I always wonder, like, is it financial? Financial, is it ideological?

What is it? I think it's whatever. And I know it's a movie. First of all, I think her vacation does roll over. Well, she's living her vacation. Yeah. You're kidding? She's the best at identifying who's bond.

she didn't that's true she she was the first line of defense and it slipped her bell fight what are they in like a bell closet yeah it's a bell storage shack I don't know if you know this but in Pitsa Gloria there's a bell closet they seem to be descending anymore they're down in Murren that's what it is

all right they're in Murren I was down in this city or they just those are just for horses right those are sleigh bells. I guess. Okay, so I went to this little village. Although where they shoot the derby thing was another village over, but where the little post office is and everything I went to that. So like this? Oh yeah, I think that hotel's still there. I like towns that are mostly hotel. I know. That's what, yeah, that's what Muran is. It's really worth a visit. It's so beautiful up there. If this movie didn't end the way it does.

Rocklet. Do you see that sign? We had rocklet. It's like heat up an iron skillet as hot as you possibly can. All right. And then put in a cow's worth of cheese and maybe put a potato in there, but that's not the point. It's like volcanic cheese. It's like fondue, but the fondue dip is the meal. That's interesting. It's delicious. I'm honestly on board with that. It'll put you down. this whole Christmas fair situation did you find Matt that it was that there was like a fair happening anyway

no no unfortunately no do you know how Santa gets around he needs snowflakes snowflicks there's the bear the horror bear weird he needs reindeer reindeer even though they try they need other things

once a year they have to fly and they don't have wings this is a weird song Do you know how Santa gets around? I don't. Please tell me again. Just ask Mrs. Claus. He needs snowflakes and reindeer.

Seems to be the main point of this. Sunshine and Rainforest. Well, that's now it's confusing. Yeah, it really is. It's sending mixed messages. Friendship and kindness. Bond is at the lowest point in the entire series right here. Yeah.

Except when he's holding Vesper's dead body. And Tracy's dead body. I mean, look at this. What a fucking angel to come out of nowhere to save you. Yeah. By the way, why is it any worse than every other situation? I know. Well, because this one feels more real.

That's what the books are really good at. Yeah. He really feels like he's afraid for his life in the books. And that there's always a secrets in the books where they're just trapped and they're like, I think we're going to die. And it kind of has this real melancholy, not like an action movie. Maybe it's time to start reading the books again. Could be part of the podcast.

What podcast? This very podcast. Matt and Matt's book club. You know how Thunderball is all super big on their water scenes? Yeah. Here they're like, we got fireworks. Let's shoot them for a while. We got time and snow.

And all, we've got all the snow in the world. We have. That's one of the things that Santa needs. Snow and sunshine? Snow flakes? Yeah. Reindeer. And rain drops and sunshops.

That's right. now he figures it out this guy uh this I buy this whole moment yeah so casual he never gets uh he never gets called out for uh taking a global tour of all the cuisines

she doesn't know does she just assume does she raised by a father who maybe made her expect that from a man it does it is a bit of a bummer in this movie where they're kind of like taking things a little bit more seriously. Yeah. He goes around the world with all these women and then just comes back and is like, oh, I love you.

And then has to make a driving joke about her? Yeah. I got to be honest, it's not great. I've been right here. In fact, I think we recorded a little thing right from this spot. I forget. I wish it was all decorated for Christmas at the time. I loved your interview.

You interviewed the couple. In the restaurant? Yeah. So now he's being shot at in a seemingly peaceful Christmas town. Yeah. And no one's moving. That's right. In fact, I would argue that those people were sticking their heads further out into danger.

I would argue that I'm going to have a Walter PPPK. I think you should do it. I'll talk them through the scene. Don't forget, you can also take a Walter PPPK break at any point just by pausing the podcast and the movie at the same time. Matt just went to go take his own. I am holding strong, at most like, a new coffee. But someone's got to keep this going. That mercury that she has is just fantastic.

I saw one sell at trailer, at an auction recently. It's a Cougar R XR7. I think it's a 69. I'm going to actually type this in. and see what we could get one for right now, everybody. How much would this cost us? How much would this cost us, the viewing public? I got some call for prices over here.

I'll check an eBay out and maybe see if we can do something else here. Hi. What are you on eBay for? I was wondering, we're talking to the audience and I were discussing the 1969 Cougar. Oh, are you going to look one up on eBay? Yeah. People, eBay that? Yep.

Only damned. It's the XR7 that she has. There's none on here right now. It's a very expensive car at this point. Yeah, $31,000 for one. That actually somehow seems cheaper than I would imagine. Like $30,000 would be like a... A car now.

A new car these days is about $30,000. maybe a new car with like a nice stereo system. Tracy's having fun during this. This is the car. Does that thing work? Yeah. Get it. Here.

Here. There's $5. Oh, this one's all banged up. I like how the derby car's headlights are taped. That's so when it's on the road, people know to let it go. It's going to the derby. Or that they're X-Men. Let it go.

Let it go. It's going to the derby. Oh, that's right. Did I miss the one where they almost literally crash into people? Yes. Damn. Don't they do that at multiple points, though? Oh, also, yeah, that explosion goes a little early, clearly.

That's some John Landis direction there. Lower! Now you're just looking at shock absorbers. Well, looking for more information about the car. Like how much would shock absorbers cost if I wanted to buy the car? They're out of fuel and in a blizzard. They're out of fuel and locked in pine wood. Yeah.

They just, oh no, they just crashed into a Christmas tree flocking station. Yeah, that'll do a ton of good, James. They did nothing. They even speed around to that. It took too long. Yeah. He's so blasé. Is this barn connected to a house?

I think it might just be a barn for people escaping Loafeld. I did notice there they have a lot of. lot of just barns on their own. Like people's livestock aren't necessarily connected to their houses. There was just a row of barns on one little walk. It was amazing.

And they've those little goats and cats everywhere. And then you could just walk into the everyone had an honesty like cheese purveyor thing where no one was working and you could just take cheese out of refrigerator and leave money on this little walk. Did you buy any along the way? I can't remember. You'd remember.

honor bar cheese is the best kind of cheese honor bar cheese was great in gold figure remember the honor bar at our hotel in London oh yeah that was a good honor bar and Janie called it the honesty bar or honorary bar I think that was great I loved that place yeah I would absolutely go back

this whole little room we had to ourselves with a pretty well-stock bar like not just but it had some mixers and tonics and stuff and then it was as British as you could get as far as a room was concerned. It wasn't like tip what you want. Like you had to pay a certain amount, but no one was there to take it.

You just put it in. But then you could order some food too at all times of night. Yeah, we managed to get, we were very, one night I think we were very late. Yeah. We wound up getting sandwiches. That's right. Weird sandwiches were made for us.

And there was that weird Irish guy. Were you there that night? That guy took over? I don't know if you were there that night. He really monopolized room. Oh, no. Yeah. He was real drunk. Oh. It's not a great way to talk about Mark. No, I know. No, he had it coming. I think Laysenby had a bigger mole removed. What we're seeing there is just... The reduced mole? Yeah, like he had... Do you think it's a baby, a, maybe a rat nibbled on his mole?

Maybe. It could be. It could be. Tracy, you're out of focus. Matt, would you like another coffee? No, I'm good. Okay. I'm going to go on. Okay. I'll hold down the fort. I'm going to eBay mole removal kits.

There it is. I'm doing a little filter work here on Tracy. She gets the soft Barbara Walters lens. Truth be told, Lazy's me could use a little bit of that too from the mall, you know. There it is. He asked her to marry him. that's the only time you hear those words from a... On a scale of one to ten, how am I doing on my own as a bond commentary person?

It's weird to do solo commentary. Oh, you're back. Thank God. I don't like being alone on this. It's hard. Yeah. Because all you can do is just talk to them like their people. She's got to be freezing. Her full legs are exposed.

Is that? A hip-phone? Just her underwear? Yeah, I believe it is. She'll catch her death of cold. You're forgetting her entire back is seemingly surrounded by bear fur. They would have wound up there, I think. Yeah, they might have.

I wonder if that barn still exists or if it's just a set. It's probably a set. I always forget that they go right back down this mountain just to go back. Yeah, well, he's got to stop them, you know, because the plan is so stupid. He can't let that plan go. Oh, right. What is the purpose of that? Just to, well, the real purpose is to get hay down to feed.

The fake purposes. This is going to be. To get casual bond. This is going to be a gross question. Let's hear it. Has he even showered since the night before? He showered before he went into Ruby's room. But so he went around the world last night and he's going to.

No, no, he shower before he went to Ruby's room, but then frow was there. okay right so he did escape death a couple times and not shower since okay we're loving we're skiing james she just had some ski boots for him huh we're ready to ski or was he still he had his ski boots on wait he was doing all that in ski boots oh god i love this music is so good a shot of a guy's ski-in-out. This is confusing to me, Matt. And I might have blinked and missed it. Explain what the fuck is happening right now.

Well, they just left the barn. They left the barn on skis because their gas was out, so they had skis. But she had skis on the back of her car. Right. Yeah. So they left the barn. And Blowfelt and his gang were just... Just happened to be skiing by.

Well, the weather cleared up and they're doing a search party. They're doing a ski patrol. Yeah. Boy, if only one of those houses could be used as a ramp. I mean, in some ways, that's as fun as watching a plane drive through a barn. It's way more fun. There's someone of a brutal death in this? I forget, yes, right?

I remember the first time I ever saw this movie because of this sequence going, whoa. Because you can tell it's going to happen. Yeah. Even as a kid, I'm like, someone's getting chumped up. That guy, who Blofeld had instructed for many, many, many, many, many weeks to work on his jumps. Yep. Or take his lumps or get chopped to chums. Oh, Grunter's out. That was my best Jimmy. He had lots of guts. Now, that's not even a clever line. No. I don't know if you remember Matt, but along the helicopter tour, Frow was quick to point out the avalanche damage.

How do you think the plow operator feels? Like, he goes home tonight going, honey, how's work today, honey. I chopped a man up. Was he a bad man, honey? He was wearing an Olympic jacket, so I think he was a really promising Olympic athlete. Oh, no, this is terrible. Also, I died in an avalanche. Look, the only way you're going to feel okay about any of this is if the person you killed before you died happened to also be a part of an organization that was trying to systematically erase all cereal from the earth.

But I love cereal. Exactly. Oh, thanks, honey. I feel that much better. Now let's have some cereal. You got it. Where's my earlobe tape? I can think of a certain Bond gadget that would be handy.

Oh. I have to say Bond does learn from his mistakes. Sure does. I love that. It's like a composition of miniature and this is done pretty well for this time

this sequence right yeah I mean the beauty of it is an avalanche so everything's going to be just white draw the eye away I am glad that they ended up rolling on top of each other

I mean is Blofeld's plan now to then ski down and take a gander that's a good question I don't know this would be we've now reused seven of the same shots. I, I, I, I, this would be a way I would not want to go.

Although that wasn't so bad for them, they're barely covered. Yeah, I think being surrounded, like being caught in avalanche and having snow cover you, I think it's not a bad way to go. Really? Yeah. You'll fall asleep. I don't, why would you, what do you mean you fall asleep? You're not going to fall asleep like, oh.

If you land in the avalanche, you're going to sleep. You're going to suffocate before you, freeze. I mean, maybe you would. You'd be conscious knowing you couldn't move. That would be miserable. Do you like to join this commentary, the special commentary tray? Would you like to go in an avalanche?

No. Okay. Oh, right. Okay. You're looking at me like I should be afraid for my life? I remember this the last time. How long till the dog? 20 to 30 minutes?

If you make it 30, we're okay. There's still a half hour left of this thing? There sure is. It's the longest James Bond movie. be in the history. Wow, this is a real system. That's how serious this dog is. Well, it's you. In fairness. What? Like Andy's no problem. Kate's no problem. Okay. You just had a bad, you had a bad first meeting. You had a bad first meeting. Yeah, he did. I set you up for a bad first meeting. Yeah. Now everyone's blaming me. This is a commentary track about James Bond and now we're talking about my

failings as a dog dad. It was your fault. It was your fault. Thank you, Dory. Yeah. Look. Maybe you're the problem. If you would leave and just bring the dog home, it would be fine. Well, we could, look, we just, we have a method now of reintroducing boat to people in the house. That works really well. And then he loves you.

I love how, look at the lighting in this scene because, like, things have gotten real serious. There's no jokes. Hmm. His little Australian accent was creeping through there. That's a very sound plan. Why doesn't M want to do it? Too risky. Operation Bedlam again, man.

This is just sad. I'm going to the Italian Mafia. Marc Ange. They didn't put demolition in that captioning. Do you notice that? I did. You can't trust this. If you're hard of hearing, you missed out on a turn of phrase.

Yeah. So maybe Tuts didn't mean anything and neither did Cobb... Clobber, what is it? My clobber? Clobbblibinson. Clopper? Clobber.

Look at the lighting. I think both felt... Wait, what is she doing here now? He has early Phillips hue lighting. Help me, Matt. What? What is she doing here? She got caught.

Oh, in the avalanche. Yeah. What do you think Tully Savalas would sound like if he didn't smoke and drink all hours of the day? That is a whiskey-voiced. Hello! I'm Blofeld

I'm a Bloffelt I got a little bit of finger Don't be ridiculous I'm a Blofeld It also has a little bend in it It's a knuckle Oh my God But it's like permanently bent

I am Fascinating I'm gonna start a band Called Blofeld's finger Or Telly's finger Sooty Now it looks like

Potatoes are grottin So So I love it. I love what's happening here. Yeah. They are, uh, conveniently she's listening to the radio, knows her father's coming. Mm-hmm. She's got to assume James is with her, right?

Look at that shot. Yep, beginning of mash. Snowmash. I love that his men have the, uh, sterling machine gun, which is the stormtrooper gun. Well, when you're going to storm something like Hoth, you're going to need a stormtrooper. That's right. Do you think he's done this con before? Yes, in many different countries.

Thank God there was a convenient flood disaster recently. Yeah. She's playing with your scallop, potato, chandelier, Matt. That lighting is making me hungry. I mean, that's some good rear projection. He's buying that she's just changing her mind. I mean, it's the whole, it's the whole convenient, I feel like it happens all the time with women.

who are damsels. Yeah. And then all of a sudden are in on the plan. And the, the villain is always like, finally, she gets me. Yeah. Doesn't question it.

Brilliant. World press. Do you think he had these Hueys made to look like Red Cross? Already had him ready to go or stole him? I think it's, I think he had them made up

like four smuggling operations I like that elevator yeah I never noticed that I like the way that like the doors and the wall are seen usually have a two set of door

situation on an elevator well that that's got to be a real elevator because it's there hmm okay so track this mat Flofeld's men get her from that avalanche and then have leftover clothes that are exactly her size?

Yeah, definitely. Well, you've got to figure some of those ladies left their wardrobe behind. That is an amazing shot. Yeah, I mean, you don't want to always travel with everything you own. This is a great storming a fortress scene. I mean, when you think of storming a fortresses, there's this. The one in Inception's really good, but it's based on this. what else

I'm literally trying to think of other storming the castle moments and I can't think of anything Oh that is very expensive champagne She is really going nuts here I wonder what eye line they gave her on that camera Yeah I also like the gunfire sound in this

There it is Vic Flick on the archtop Monty Norman reprise. How do you see the scene coming up where he's sliding on the snow in 19...

I least forget, is this 68 or 69? 68. How do you see that not like this movie? There's so many sharp... Bless you, there's so many sharp objects in this... Decorating this place. That's right. That's a great shot too.

Like the shadow of underneath the helicopter. he's still really just digging her into that quartz that's crazy I wish one of the henchmen was killed by a falling icicle just accidentally that was a genuine big fear when I was a kid really yeah do you like doesn't that happen and die hard too uh it's not falling but someone grabs it

yeah but like as a kid and I'd walk outside I would like sort of rush past the door so I didn't get killed by one there he goes he's really speeding along how does he do that by the way oh i love the little playing cat and mouse there i think he's being pulled by a cable oh here we go i don't would that kill you i guess if it went right into your spine sure icicles look out guys i also just love any kind of like snow army red dawn you love armies uh in the winter yeah i do you have done your share where's this music coming from mr bond i used to are you playing this this when i was a kid i had this like big oversized white windbreaker and a big baggy pair of white sweatpants

and i used to play red don that's a little bit of insight on my intimate you know it's nice that your your your father's like uh love of golf and skiing you know how you sort of left it when you're 18. It's nice that didn't extend to James Bond. No. In the sense that like, what if you hated it? You rejected it when you were 18. Hey, I've got a gloft. Let's look out for it. What is it? That scientist comes out holding some kind of corrosive acid in a glass beaker, throws it on a glass door, and it erodes the glass door. Well, the blast beaker, of course, is coated with the antidote. It's like a stomach.

Early, early Phillips Hugh. Hew. He's sending Morse code. What is that red ball? Is that like a molecule? That's what I have. You have that camera. Yeah. That's what Mark got me. He's finally going to take a photograph of each of these people.

Look how quick he is to go on that. Love it. Blofeld's a shitty shot. I think they both are. It's a good squibbon. James Bond is a great shot when he's not shooting at a person. Or using a machine gun. Yeah.

Boy, I love this. They are ready to just rig this thing to blow. It's a very good plan. Mm-hmm. And it takes a legal syndicate to do it. Well, look, they could have gone in there and done it the regular way, but Am was being two by the book. I like this guy, too.

Drake goes like second in command. He knows the schedule. He knows it. Do you think he was like saying that, like, honestly, now that my daughter loves him, I don't know that I want him to stay around. He served his purpose. That is rough.

He doesn't just, not like a slap would be much better, but he fist punches her. To save her life. No. No, you don't think so? I mean, yes, but he could have just squeezed her and taken her on by force. He synced his watch, so he's very excited to watch it go. There's a real delay on these fuses. just bad editing.

It is a little annoying that Blofeldt gets out of there. Yeah. Also, who built this little bridge? Great work, everybody. We really did it. Was that just a natural bridge? I feel like that was a bridge of... Madison County.

Madison County. Of ill-conception. Thank God he's getting up to the... A lot of the transportation as a movie depends on being uphill. Yeah, that's true. It's a lot of gravity chase in this. It's ridiculous.

Boy, bobsled tech has really come a long way, hasn't it? You know what I would do? If you take the elements of the plot out of this, meaning the James Bond plot, the Blowfeld Specter plot, everything in this movie is fantastic. Right. But if you add that in, it drags the whole thing.

It does, and it's a little ridiculous. Because the character moments in this are, far and away some of the best. But isn't that pretty much every James Bond movie? No, some of them have terrible character moments, but a decent, but they're fun, you know? This movie isn't fun.

Well, because it's not trying to be fun. It's trying to be more gritty. I like it. And I get that, but like sometimes you want a fun James Bond movie. He should catch the gun there. He should. A little precedent.

And go, thank God, I have this bullet she gave me on a keychain. And it's the only bullet left. No, he catches it. He goes, Madagascar when this series was rebooted. No, no, no. On top of a crane.

This was during one of his first missions, honey. Honey. When I met Honey Rider, I'm the same person. I have her knife still. He's, he ran out of that layer in a hurry and he just brought a grenade with him. No, no, no, the grenade was always in his bobsled. Sure, naturally. Also, what, the, the, the camera's projection is way shaker than the ride is.

that's a stunt look at that uh how the flow felt so happy with himself well it shouldn't have worked let's be honest he's like I almost died sucker

uh I am surprised this movie wasn't better received the action in this is not like anything you're getting at the time you know what I think it is I think it's just the everyone was very against gravity at that time yeah that's right

and it is really crucial to every stunt yeah anti-war anti-gravity at the time. Society was like George Lazy's B. They wanted to just grow a beard, man. Yeah, that's right. This Empire Radio. Whoa. It seems like they just

said, let's film it, see what happens to you guys, and we'll make that into the storyline of this. Yeah, I mean, this bobsled situation, this is the longest bobsled run, I think, on the planet Earth at this point. Yeah. I mean, that can't feel good,

even if you're wearing a helmet. Right. Uh-oh. Do you think, um, Oh, yeah. That would have broken his neck. Oh. Branchwater. Perhaps he should get him some branch water.

That's what he should have said. Would have gone with the previous reference. Wee dead. Look at that pooch. Speaking of pooch, I better get out of it. That's better hair. Yeah. Boy, his mouth is not even...

He's really, really wanting some Hennessy. We can't go anywhere. We got a whole wedding to go to. Oh, that's right. Oh, we go. goes back for the ring? This very ugly ring, please. I love that ring.

I don't think it's ugly. It feels like a lamp that my grandparents would have. So, Royal Highnesses, how many, how many highnesses do you think are there? Oh. Well, Blofeld. He got his pedigree. By the way, I feel like.

You and Emma dressed the same, so they were clearly in the wedding party, and so were all a Draco's men. Oh, that's interesting. Whoa. It's an interesting thought. I love that they can have this little moment of piece. The bullion job. The bullion job.

Is he referring to Goldfinger because of 1964 with Goldfinger? Hmm. I don't know. That's a golden I plus two. Yeah. It's weird to see Q without fully gray hair. His shoulder. Look at the hand on that shoulder.

It's enormous. It's like he's wearing a hand glove. James, I've done the... I've taken the liberty of removing the bulletproof glass from the Austin Martin because it will be faster. Yeah. The one time it doesn't have bulletproof glass. What?

It's just a gift card to Denny's. A million-pound gift card. Do you have any grand slam breakfasts you just threw away? Now this. Moneypenny is genuinely sad, which means this is not just harmless flirtation. poor woman really loves him. Longed for him.

That's very sad. But in a way, this is, but this is not just, this is not just James Bond's honeymoon. This is theoretically right, his retirement. But you could also make a case that she informed a Blofeld on their location. Jesus Christ. There's a whole, this is a whole conspiracy theory I'm coming up with. She rats out their location so that Blowfeld will kill them. Tracy.

And Bond, if he can't have her, if she can't have him, no one can. So you think Blofeld wants Bond? Well, I think Money Penny tells Blofeld Nirmabont where they are, so she'll kill hopefully her, but both of them. I don't like this theory.

Well, it's so mean. It's all in the subtext. Guys, it's going to get real sad here, because they're in Goldfingers rolls. Yeah. Oh, that's the problem. It's whoever put the flowers on is ultimately responsible for stopping. and the death. That's right. Which could have been Moneypenny.

Yeah. Yeah. Probably was. Wait, no, it's the teenagers who made fun of him and his insecure masculinity. They did show someone putting like flowers down by the tire at the wedding. Interesting. It's Polly from Godfather. There's so many people that are responsible for this moment.

Oh, leave the carnation, take the canoles. Somewhere that ring still exists. I should have gotten Amanda a ring like that. I love that he's got a neck thing of a jiggy on. Also, Irma Bun is like just shooting from the hip. No big deal. It's Blowfield. So he's now going to take their honeymoon and drive after him.

That's his plan. Right in the head. Look. It was a quick way to go. She didn't even know. I think sometimes it's better that way. Hi. Hi, I'm Michael J. Wilson.

I'm sorry. Are we anything okay? I'm here to not take her out of the movie. No, is this a total break with reality? He always talks about this other take he did where he cried. I would like to see that because this is the part where his acting needs a little work, I think. I think it's okay. Really?

I've not... Because the lines are crazy. It looks like he's having a break with reality. Yeah, but then I need to be. believe the person is. I don't know. I'm just not getting enough from him, I think. I wonder if he'd done that with tears, and that was all it was. Yeah. Maybe that'd be better. What a, what a downer. That's, this is my fear going into the next movie. Well, they're going to start with it. But they'll start with it. They'll do it the way they were

possibly going to do it this time. This is, uh, Her Majesty's College of Arms and Heralds and Schlitterbond. Well, we've done it now. The third, well, I guess it's a second commentary, even though we've recorded three. Next up is live and let die. Yeah, if you're a Stitcher Premium member, then this was your third. We're having some fun, I'll say.

It's good to be back. Matt? I better get the hell out of here before that coo joe of a dog comes back and rips a limb off. Bo will not eat you. And Dory would text before she came in. She would never just come in with him.

I hope it does come in and I go, never mind that get the brandy all right everybody thank you so much for watching we will see you again uh next week we'll return james bonding podcast hey this is arnie knee camp from the improv fantasy

podcast hello from the magic tavern i fell through a dimensional portal behind a burger king in chicago into the magical land of food and i started a podcast season three has just begun with a brand new adventure to defeat the Dark Lord. If you're a new listener or you've fallen behind season three

is a great jumping on point and we've got great guests like Justin McElroy. I sound like a fancy college professor. Fake Nats. Rachel Bloom. You all see my collection of men, corpses, and one woman.

Felicia Day and Colton Dunn. You've seen me have intercourse with a variety of species. It's a bummer. Andy Daley. You have the members of Genesis listed, but Phil Collins has crossed out and then circled to cross out again.

Uh, yes. I have killed Phil Collins twice. Thomas Middle Ditch. Jesus, I mean Jazzos, ruler of the eighth circle. And that's just the beginning. Season three of a Loaf from the Magic Tavern is out now.

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