James Bonding - The Henchmen Ranked

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

Matt and Matt determine their criteria for Bond Henchpeople and precede to spend two hours ranking 24 of them. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Matt and Matt and James Bonding Podcast. Myra. The Gourley, Gawrly, Gorgh, Maherly, Me, Maira, the Baxter. James Bonding Podcast, it's the James Bonding Podcast. It's the James Bonding Podcast. It's the James Bonding Podcast. It's the James Bonding Podcast with Matthews Myra and Gourley. Hey, everybody, welcome to the James Bonding Podcast. It's an in-between movie episode, which means,

we tackle some sort of subject that we feel is appropriate, timely, and necessary. Timely. These are all very timely or timeless. Timeless is a better way to put it. I'm Matt Gorely. I'm Matt Myra. You guys are in for a treat. We've been promising this for a while, and quite frankly, we were out of ideas.

Well, that's right. And we wanted something we could cook up quickly. I'm on my second podcast tonight. You've probably done eight this week. This is my 14th. We're good. Fair enough. Tonight, we're going to rank the henchmen of James Bond or hench persons.

The hench peoples. The hench peoples. What is a henchman in a James Bond movie? Oh, good question. There's some fuzzy math going on throughout the James Bond universe as to what qualifies someone as a henchman. And Matt and I are trying to get to the bottom of it. We had a little summit before we started recording, and I kind of like the criteria that we arrived at. Yeah, we went through movie by movie and discussed who was the henchman of the movie.

Could a henchman be someone who eventually turned to Bond's side? Maybe. Could a henchman be someone who was overly involved in the plot and perhaps giving orders? No. Unlikely. That's right. There are some things. There's exceptions to every rule.

This is the set of criteria that we came to. You might have your own, in which case you can do this at home with your family and friends. But we're going to run through the movies and tell you why we picked which hench person for each film. We picked one per film. Yeah. Should we run down the list of movies before we do the ranking? Yeah, I think that's the way to do it. Say who we chose and why. So here we were. I pulled up the list from Wikipedia and I said to Matt, I'm going to tell you who Wikipedia says is a henchman. Yeah, and they list oftentimes many more than one.

And I got to tell you, their list is absurd sometimes. If you want to be a henchman in a Bond film, you can be according to this list. Okay, so Dr. No. We took a look at the list. list. There are many people involved. There's Mr. Jones, the guy that poisons himself. There's Annabelle Chung, who was one of the people working in Dr. No's facility. But really, we decided it's Dent. Professor Dent. Professor Dent is the villain, the henchman in Dr. Now from Russia with Love gets a little trickier. She would just say a quick piece about why I think the thing that qualifies Dent, even though he's a professor, which is like a title that implies esteem, and

that sort of thing, but he has to deliver a tarantula to James Bond's room. And it's kind of like when you're sent on a mission, that's a big signifier that you're a henchman of some kind, especially if it's a mission of menace, Matt. Well, you know, if you think about the great henchmen of the Star Wars universe, particularly attack of the clones. Oh, you're talking about Django Fett? No, I'm talking about... Oh, Zam Wessel? With the Camino Sabreda? Yeah. This is not where I thought this was going. It's very dent-esque. You got a lot of a hench, you got a hench person working for a hench person. Yeah, it's a heavy hench movie.

Now we're going to go down to from Russia with Love. Of course, here's the deal. We were discussing Red, and whether or not he was the villain of the movie or a henchman, and we ultimately decided that he was a henchman because Matt made up the following rule. That he was sent on a mission? That's correct. Yeah, and that rose at Cleb. Why did you say that as though it was a question?

Is that my rule? We already brought that up, and I thought maybe you had a big reveal for me or something. because some people seem to think Rosa Kleb is the henchman because she's got the boot knife but she's calling shots she's the one in charge of this mission other than Kronstein. She's a boot knife that Q Branch collected

and hung on to so that one day Pierce Brosnan could smell it and make a face also this is early in the run so we're talking like what precedent has been set for a henchman dent before this it's understandable that Grant is your henchman He's also a muscle, and in the book, he's got some kind of like werewolf syndrome where he goes crazy on the full moon.

And if that isn't a henchman-sounding trait, I don't know what isn't. I can't blame them. Those moons get me going, too. Goldfinger, no question. It's odd job. Don't even need to talk about it. Thunderball, we wound up going with Fiona Volpe. And I think that's good.

You got Mr. Vargus, who's that weird-looking guy that gets shot by the speargun. Yeah, that gets harpooned by Bond, according to Wikipedia. But Fiona Volpe... She's, you know, I think you can also be a femme fatal or a secondary woman and still be the hench person case in point, your Maydays, your onatops, your Helga Brands. Sure. Yeah. And I think, I think she qualifies.

If anything, for lack of a better henchman, Vargas just isn't a really good. Well, you know, it's interesting you brought up Helga Brandt because that brings us to, you only live twice. I keep going in order of how Wikipedia lists it, where they block it. by who is the James Bond for these movies. I see. So I'm going to actually not do that. But anyway, point is Helga Brandt is our choice for that.

Now, Honor Majesty's Secret Service. We're going to go back to the order, correct Eon order. Do we need to cover that, like, what's his name in? You Only Live Twice? We didn't choose the big Aryan-looking dude in that. I forget his name. Hans? Hans, yeah.

Yeah, who is fed to piranas by Bond. We did not choose him. And we have an embarrassment of riches when it comes to Aryan-looking. looking henchmen, so it's okay. They make the best henchmen. Now, Honor Majesty's Secret Service, we decided that it is Fraline Irma Bunt.

Right. Now, this could be a little controversial because she calls some shots. She does call some shots, but ultimately, I think when you're in a movie and you're working under orders of Blofeld, you immediately slide into henchman territory. By default, yeah.

Yeah. She also shoots at Bond and Tracy Bond. while Blofeld has a neck brace on. Like, if anything, she's pushing his wheelchair along. She's servicing him. By the way, it took him years. He was still on that neck brace.

That's right. Okay. So then we're back into the connery of it all. And, of course, diamonds are forever. There's a lot here. We've talked about Bambi and Thumper. We've talked about Tiffany Case, who's one of the cases of, changing sides.

But she's also definitely the Bond girl. Totally. So the obvious choice here is Mr. Wint and Mr. Kid. It is a two-hander. The whole time they're doing it, you cannot break them up. That's like a pair of Chesterfield chairs or Chippendale chairs. Chippendale, fine, chairs. Chesterfield, those are cigarettes.

They sure are, man. Now, live and let die. Some of the hardest deciding happened here. You got a lot. You have barrensemite. You have whisper. You have Teehee. And ultimately, we decided that the live and let die main henchman is Teehe.

Mainly because also another real signifier of a henchman is if you have a physical quirk of some kind, he's got a hook hand. Yeah. I think that, you know, if you're missing an eye, you got a scar, or you've got a hook hand, that's, you're really looking good for a hench. person. And I did, you know, listen, I like, I like Whispers thing. He's got a gimmick.

A gimmick is another thing. Yeah. But physical quirk trumps gimmick in the world of henchmen hierarchy. And speaking of a physical quirk, ladies and gentlemen, we come to the man with a golden gun. Third nipple, we got a physical quirk on the main villain. Right. Little person, knick-knack.

He's the man. Yeah, there's no question. that one also includes high fat and craw those are all listed as villains in or henchmen high fat high fat he's just the guy that owns that big house yeah that's not that that does not a hench person make i don't make the wikipedia article i just support it i want on my headstone real estate does not a hench person make that's what i want to be remembered i don't understand why he did this we're all crying over your grave he just said it on a podcast why do we just said it on a podcast why do we do actually do this.

And he didn't take medicine because he wanted to die sooner so he could get it. Matthew James Gourley. Not real estate does a henchman make. You just yodied my Yoda thing. All right, Spy Who Love Me, it's Jaws, everybody. Yeah. And which also brings us to the following conundrum of Moonwraker. We chose Chang.

Because Jaws already had a turn. Yep. And you don't want to split your. votes for Jaws. You want him to win, honestly. Yeah, you can't be voting for Jaws or not voting for Jaws because you know later Jaws is coming again. That's right. So we're going to give it the Chang. Chang. If you don't remember at home, he's the one that gets into the fight with Bond at the Morano Glass Factory. Right. Which I assume is the Marano Glass Factory. I could have made that up.

For your eyes only. Lock. Because... Wait, I thought we chose Kreegleer. I thought we chose Locke. Oh, shit. Oh, no. This is a tough one. They're both hench person. One is more intellect and one is more brawn.

I tend to think brawn Trump's intellect because you have intellect in the villain. Bron Trump's intellect because you have intellect in the villain. That's on the back of your tombstone. What do you think about that? Does that change your ranking? It does. It does a bit.

Or do you want to fight for look? Warren Zivon. I'm fighting for Loke. You are? Yeah. You don't think it's Creegleer? The guy picks up a motorcycle. Who hasn't at one time or another in an emergency?

Picked up a motorcycle. Loke. All he's had is his face digitized. I ranked Loke. I don't want to say high, but I want to say very high. So if we're, if we're, I thought we went over this deliberately to avoid this, just the situation. I remember saying Kriegler. And I remember saying, look, and then here's the deal, though.

You wrote it weird. I did. Well, I didn't originally know you were going to be looking at this. Here's the problem with that, too. Yeah. Here's the problem with that, too. Yeah. Kregler is named Eric.

Loke is named Emil. Loke is named Emil. When I look over at Matt's writing very quickly, I'm like, wait, what does that say? I don't know. All right. So let's decide this. How do we decide which one is it going to be? Let's take it through. Okay, Loke kills Bond's friend. Yeah. Kriegler lifts a motorcycle. Mm-hmm. Right there. Yeah. I mean, he looks more like a henchman,

certainly. Um... How does Kriegler die? Creagler dies by... He's there at the end, right? And up on the monastery mountain? He is... He get thrown through the glass roof, I think? He is thrown out the window.

And I do feel like Krieger's more of a bodyguard for Christadas. By the way, would you like to know the word that means to throw someone out a window? Defenestrate. You are a fucking genius. Okay. So, thrown out a window, pushed off a cliff in his car after being shot in the shoulder. Those are your two ways they die. This is a really tough one.

boy do we flip a coin oh sure do we flip a coin let us flip a coin do i have a coin anywhere do you think people are going to be upset that we flip a coin and left this to chance when we should really talk it out all right now here's my thing here's why my vote is for is for loke i feel like a henchman you have to close your eyes and immediately picture him that's i picture can't do it i picture loke really wow I like, look, don't get me wrong. We're so different. It's really, they both qualify.

One is physical and one is kind of menacing in intellect. I don't know. So, all right, so let me tell you about Kriegler. For your eyes only. Do you want to, hey, I know it will do. I'll put it on Twitter with a poll. And by the time we get to the end of the rest of this explanation, whoever is one is who we choose.

All right. I mean, Kreekler falls into the Aryan superhuman situation now. Keep talking. Okay. Which is my thought as to why he isn't. He's great on skis. He does a triathlon situation where he's shooting and skiing, which can be very difficult.

And perhaps it's only a man of his skills that can handle it. But then the other thing, too, is you have Topal. Does Topal get killed by him? No, Topal makes it out of the movie alive, right? Yes. Eating pistachians. That's the whole time. Yeah, he's doing a great job.

The other people listed for For Your Eyes Only, so you know that we're talking about everybody, is Klaus, who is harpooned by Colombo's man. A postis, who's stabbed with a pike by Bond and falls off a mountain. Countess Leesl von Schloff. Wait, she's not a hench person? She's literally murdered. That is...

Oh, she's murdered by Loke. Yeah. Okay. Run over by Loke. And then we have helicopter pilot, Mantis Manus Man and Christos Hinchman. Can you tell me how to know. He was eaten by sharks.

Eric Kriegler? K-R-I. Oh, do you want Eric, which is E-R-I-C-H? Oh. And Kriegler is K-R-I-E-G-L-E-R. Okay. For those of you playing at home. Now, while that's doing that,

I'll go to ones we've definitely agreed on. We have Octopus and we've decided that it is not Orlov. It is actually Gubinda. Gabinda. Orloff is not in the movie doing enough for us to call him a henchman. He's also pretty involved in the plan. Now we have a view to a kill. And for a view to a kill, we were discussing the difference between a May Day and a

scorpion. May Day, of course, changes size. and ends up helping Bond. But she is the henchman through 90% of the film. So I think that's legit. Ultimately, we chose May Day. Because when you think Bond hench woman or person in View to a Kill, Close your eyes, boom, it's May Day.

Scarpine is your second closest. Though I do love him. Go retweet that what I just put up while. I'll cover the next one. Now you have to do your thing. Yeah. Just so that we get as much of a sampling on this as possible. All right.

On to living daylights, that's a no-brainer. It's necrose, continuing in your long, successful line of Aryan hinch persons. Licensed to kill. Now, this one, they listed a few people, including Milton Crest. But we had to go with Dario, Mr. Benicio Deltore. himself. Honeymoon. Golden eye. I think it's pretty clear that it's Zena on a top. Tomorrow never dies. I guess I'll vote. What's that? So if I'm the only person to vote and what's 100%. Oh, you're voting? I just voted. Can I vote on my own thing? Yeah, you should vote. I

also voted for the wrong person. I click the top. Do you want me to vote for a look? No, no, do you I don't think I can vote on my own. We're getting a vote. We're getting a vote here. Okay. Okay. And then living daylights, of course you're talking about right now. Necros, if you listen to last week's episode, a lot of necrose fans in the house.

Yeah, including us. And then we ended up choosing Dario and for Golden Eye, which is, I think, also spoiled for riches as far as your henchmen because of Boris and because of Zorro. Zinia on a top and because of General Omoroff, we decided that it would be Zenia on a top.

Yeah, I covered that. Because she, wait, you said that already? I got that far, but I'm also seeing that my tweet auto-corrected into who is the bench

person for your assort? If only you could edit a tweet. I know. You said, Why Zinia was our choice, right? Yeah, she's the clear choice. I mean, she's got a, she's got a, she's got a, she kills people in a fun way.

That's, I think also a qualification. Yeah. Tomorrow Never Dies. Stomper. Eric Stomper. It was almost Dr. Kaufman, but we changed it at the last second. He could be. He could be.

He could be. But Stamper's, he just has one scene. He has one scene. He has one scene. He shot for a day. And then the world is not enough, which is a pile of henchmen's, we decided to go with Goldie. Yeah.

Who are the other options in that? Well, here's why we went with Goldie. Oh, the other options are... That's right. Cigar Girl. Yeah, yeah, okay. Gabor. Who's Gabor?

I don't know. Gabor? I don't know who Gabor is, which is, again, why he's not listed. Anyway, we went with Goldie because Goldie does some fun stuff and dies by being shot by Valentin Sarkovsky, which boy, boy. Robbie Coltrane. Right. He's probably my number one.

He's probably my number one ex-KGB helper of Bond throughout the series. Oh, we have to do a bond helper slash mentor. Yeah, we're going to do that. Don't you worry about that, man. All right. Diner the day, we chose Zau over Miranda Frost because Zoh has. diamonds in his face. Now we get to what we've discovered to be the Achilles heel of the James Bond

Henschman rankings, the Daniel Craig era, only recently saved by Hinks, who is a very clear henchman, the inspector. And Patrice and Skyfall was getting there, but he was getting there, but he, the first two movies? He went away very soon. Now, the first two movies, we had some trouble, and we decided to select four Casino Royal. Crot. K-R-A-T-T-T. He ends up being killed by Mr. White. He's the bald guy that is by Le Schief's side at all times. He's the one that carves the tracker out of Bond's arm with

the butterfly knife. Yeah, he's a whisperer into an ear. That's right. You know, he'll do that at the poker table. Because he's got an interesting look. He's sort of secondary to the villain. I mean, you could have said maybe Mr. White, but not really, because ultimately he's calling the shots. Yeah, until Specter, bro. Oh, yeah. So what other options were there? Well, do you want the... Malacca?

Do you want the list? Because they list Vesper as well. That's ridiculous. This list needs a big spanking. Fisher, Carlos, Krat, Leo, Tallman, Obano, O'Bano's lieutenant, O'Bano's liaison. Obano is not really a henchman, though, because he's just, I think he's existing in his own plot where he's going to get his money from Le Schiff. Yeah.

You know, it just happens to... What's the guy's name that he wins the Aston Martin from? Davio. No, Demetrius. Demetrius. Sorry. That's the only other real consideration for me, or Gettler. Yeah, but what does Demetrius do except go to pay a guy to go blow up a plane?

Yeah. Right. Not really. He's just, I think he falls into that secondary villain category. He falls into the category of cog in the villain's plan. Yeah. And then we have a skyfall where we selected Patrice because Patrice does have two one-on-one battles with Bond.

And if you're going to survive a battle with Bond to make it to a second battle with Bond, bro, you're a henchman. Also, he's clearly on a mission for the villain. And he has one name, Patrice. And he has a physical quirk. Sneakers. Yeah. I mean, he just likes to be comfortable.

that's what I always found hard to fathom about skyfall is just the speed with which Daniel Craig is running through the street in his gray suit in those dress shoes and those in those crockin and Jones I got a pair of the same shoes over here and I got to tell you not runners no then again I'm not Daniel Craig none of us are and then of course we have Hinks in Spector. And it could have been Denby, too, but he also falls into the cog. Also, it just didn't feel right. No, especially when you have such a clear henchman.

Like, Hinks is cast in this movie as a henchman. This is when they brought the henchman back full force. You could also look, by the way, at the list of hench people in Spectre. It is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12, 30, 14, 14, 8,000, 26, 26, 26, 26, 26 henchmen are listed in Specter. And I think part of that is because there are so many people at the specter table. And they're like throwing them into the hench town. Those are heads of Spector state, though.

They're not hench people. Those are Senator Spectors. Yes. All right, guys. So that's our list. Those are who we've decided. And now it is time for us to do the greatest ranking in the history of Bond henchmen. I lied.

It is time for us to finally decide who is the hench person in For Your Eyes Only. Is it a close vote, It's so close that I'm concerned we're calling it too soon. We've got 44 votes in. Hey, that's not bad for 10.30 on a Tuesday. Yeah. But right now, let me refresh it just to get the latest. It's 48% to 52%.

Oh, wow. And right now the winner is Emil Loke. A meal loke. I've got to honor that. Matt Myra, you were correct. Okay, so you got to give me a second to change. change my ranking. Oh boy. Well, I guess in the meantime I can talk about knick-knack and what a treaty is. I'm going to play this YouTube video, which is seven minutes of knick-knack.

I wish. I love that Matt thinks I'm kidding. I am Nicknuck. It's just him walking. You get a rest letter. Your steam bass is ready, Monsieur Scaramonga. This is the best time killer in the history of anything. That would have been too easy. It's locked. I have to look elsewhere, monsieur.

I wonder where you can find your gun, Mr. Scaramonga. Your little gun. I got it. That was easier than I thought. By the way, I have to say that that was very enjoyable for a minute and 14 seconds of the seven minutes and 42 seconds. It's interesting that I voted Kreegler as the more likely henchman, but I put Loke higher on my list than I did Kreekler.

There you go. That would have been exactly my problem. I would have to do the reverse thing that you just had to do. Okay. All right. Now that everything's settled, the lists have been made, the rankings have been done. We're doing the Matt Goreley patented podcast ranking method. Strict rules of ranking.

Where we each. We'll say who our lowest ranked person is, and we will not talk about someone until they are mentioned. And I have to think that our number 24s have to be very close. I wonder. My number 24 is Goldie. Oh, it is not my number 24. Why?

Yeah. In fact, my number 24 comes from my favorite James Bond movie, crat. What? he's just a very and I think they meant it this way like a very purposefully bland is he a hench person they didn't want to go gimmicky

they wanted to make it real and therefore he's a little boring he's a little boring he doesn't do a ton and we'll discuss it because we're almost doing the thing man you can't we strict rules strict rules of ranking you must have hit the wrong rank

over there on the hole somewhere all right so that is our 24s and I will put a mark next to Goldie and a mark next to Crot. And number 23, Matt, who is it for you? Stompah. Stompah. Because of all the Aryan super henchers, he's the dumbest.

He just even looks, he looks like the Reverend Ted Haggard. I can't believe you're doing that thing where you're talking about it. Sorry, right. I can't believe you're doing that thing. I can't help it. I'm excited. All right. So my number 23, I feel like this is going to be the biggest gap between Matt and I.

My number 23 is Helga Brandt. Oh, you think so? I do think so. Because my number 22 is Helga Brand. We're going to talk about Helga Brand. That's right. Before Crod and before Goldie. Yes.

Okay. This is out of control. So let's talk about Helga Brand. I think she is, I mean, She's serviceable. She's forgettable, though. Especially when sandwiched between Fiona Volpe and Irma Bunt. Yeah, it's almost the same...

She's a mix of the two. Look. Yes, and they're right next to each other, and we'll get to this, but I love Fiona Volpe. Sure. And I think when you follow up with Helga Brandt just doesn't work as well. And Helga Brandt, I like to... I'm sorry, I have to go back to the Wikipedia.

page for the Bond villains because I would like to read to everybody how Wikipedia describes each person's death. It is one very quick line. And where did I put it? There it is. Okay. So Helga Brandt not even killed by Bond. She is killed by Blowfeld.

Or as Wikipedia puts it, fed to Perlund. is by Blofeld for her failure to kill Bond. It's a pretty good death. It's a pretty good death. It should bump it up, really. Okay, so Helga Brandt, you have been talked about you, are our number 24 ranked. Do you want to quickly recap how these other hench people died,

according to Wikipedia? We've got... We haven't mentioned them yet. Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. Boy, you have forgotten your own system. Well, I invented it so I wouldn't have to. I've done my part.

All right, so we are at number 22 for me, because Helga Brand was your 22, correct? Yes. Crot. Oh, let's talk Crot. Welcome to Crot Talk. Welcome to Crot Talk. You can also, in the summers, tune in to Cot Rock on Sirius XM.

What do you think Crot listens to? Oh, I think he's a craftwork guy probably. Or like some of that, like, new age, like Norwegian metal. Oh, he's into like, uh, Romney. Yeah, yeah. Do. Yeah. Do you has me.

Yeah, I mean, what is there to say about him? He's super bland. I had to be reminded of what he looked like. And this is from our favorite James Bond movie. And I could only find his IMDB picture, which he has a full head of hair. Yeah. But not in the movie. I agree.

Do you think that was a barber broccoli note? In what way? Maybe she was like, I think he'd look better without hair. Maybe they wanted to get as close to hench person as they could without going all the way there. And that was, because the sheaf already has so many physical traits. He has asthma, he's got a scar, and he cries blood. Yeah. He does take it all away from everybody else.

I don't feel like I saw some more that they thought about doing something with the hench person, but they were like, we already got too much going on here. And they, well, I mean, they were desperate. wanting to ground this. No, it was quantum. It was talking about that villain and they said, no. Oh, he didn't want to do it. Who's he? Dominic Green didn't want to have a, oh, no, Elvis? No, Dominic Green. Oh, I see. Well, in closing, let's say how Crock died, he was shot by Mr. White at the end of the torture scene. Presumably, we never really even see it, right? You just hear it. Yeah. Maybe he's still out there. Refresh my brain. Why does he, why does he leave?

Bond alive? Mr. White? Yeah. No reason. He's just doing his job, which is to kill the Sheath, right? I remember in the book, Smirsch leaves him alive

because it was still like a government operation and he didn't have orders to kill him. They talk about it in the book, and now I'm trying to remember what the reason was in the movie. Did they need him alive to get him to enter the passcode? Oh, that's exactly what it was. They needed him for the password. Right?

Yes, that's right, because they had Vesper. Yeah. Okay. And they had Vesper alive. That's how they were going to get it. Boy, they did a great job over there. And that's why Crot is our number 23 villain. It's time to hear number 21, and I believe it is, I just said Crot.

So, Matt, 21? I'm going to go with Chang from Moonracker. Now he's a serviceable henchman. Sure. We're going to talk about it if we get to him. right. My 21 is Elvis from Quantum of Salas. Okay.

Now, number 20, I'll say my number 20, which is Chang from Moonraker. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Chang talk. It's Chang time. Listen, Chang has skills. He's an adept fighter. He has a very memorable fight with Bond, mostly because of the establishing of how

expensive that glasses. That's true. Is he our only henchman that gets one scene? I think so. Yeah. Because truly Jaws is the henchman

in this movie, but hey, hey, that's how it goes. We developed a certain, I don't know, bit of something. But also, what I like about Chang

is his mustache. That's what I like most about it. Or attempt at a mustache. It's a pretty full mustache. He got an eyelash for a mustache. He has the hair of a 1960s. 64 beetle and the mustache of a 1932 carry grant.

No, because a 1932 carry grant is purposefully trimmed that small. His is just a little bit of a wist. Oh, you're telling me that Chang is not Carrie Grant and a beetle. No, I'm telling you he's Seth MacFarlane. Oh, he does kind of look like Seth McFarland. That's interesting. I mean, I do like him. He's good, and it's nice to have, he's yelling the whole time.

Yeah. Does he ever say any actual words? I don't believe so. It does ring home to me how much Moonraker is literally a set of, or like a string of set pieces. So they're like, let's have a bunch of glass breaking in a fight. Let's do a boat that turns into a hang ladder. A snake in the water. Not forget about a gondola that goes on the road causing the wildlife to react.

Which then caused a podcast. pop up and make shirts, you can go to podswagagg.com slash bond and pick up your canangabloon or pigeon double-take t-shirt now. By the way, what I forgot about Chang is that he goes after Bond initially in full sparring gear with the mask. That's right. And he's not even using a real sword. Well, because you knew a lot of glasses are going to be breaking.

It's insane. You got to protect your eyes. Okay. So that was our number 22. Yes. yes 22 are you sure that no that was 21 no that was no that was 22 we have helga brand at number 24 crot at number 23 and chang at number 22 oh yes 22 but it is time for you to say you're number 20 that's right let's talk goldie I can't believe it took so long for goldie to arrive

Goldie appears in a fun scene when first meet him in the x-ray scene when Bond is in Sikovsky's casino. Yeah. That's it. That's all I got for you. I don't hate Goldie. I don't hate him either. He's got kind of a funny smile

and it's not just because he's got a gold grill. He's just kind of got a lovable look to him. Was he in Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet? I feel like he might have been. Does he really have those teeth? Because I feel like I remember him with those teeth. Isn't he like a famous rap person? Yeah.

In the UK? I think so. Rap person. Hi, Matt Myra here from the Nerdist podcast. Welcome to Late Night White with Matt and Matt. There's tiny part of me that wants to hit play on this. World is not enough trailer, which I haven't seen in 20 years. Two minutes and 18 seconds.

Do you think we could do it? Do you think we have time? Do you think we should not do it? I'm going to give you the call, buddy. Let's do a little bit of it. All right. I want to see if this movie was appealing at any point. I mean, that's something you miss, right?

Yeah. As the countdown begins to the 21st century, it's good to know. There is still one number you can always count on. Bond. Bond. It's a good trailer. Can't you just say hello like a normal person?

Renard is behind this. You will die, along with everyone in the city. We do not negotiate with terrorists. His only goal is chaos. I sent W09 to kill Renard. He put a bullet in his head. A bullet's still there. He feels no pain.

He can push himself harder, longer, than any normal man. No hard feelings, Mr. Bond. It appears that you have been beaten. Stop! Don't make this person. I can't do that. I just got help thinking, I'm next.

New model. In the very latest in interceptions, countermeasures, and six beverage cup holders. I've always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed. And the second? Always have an escape plan. For the world's greatest secret agent.

You used to choose hundreds of these, right? When the stakes are high... Yeah, but they're usually standing still. Life's full of small challenges. And the danger hits too close to home. Go! Boom! He has him.

By noon tomorrow. You'll feel nothing at all. I thought it was your job to protect me. It's not just professional. Someone's tampered with the bomb. It's personal. I have to get it back or somebody's going to have my butt. First thing's first.

I'm going to find him. Who's afraid now, Mr. Baum? I will not miss. I never miss. Do you want to put that in English? For those of us who don't speak, spy? Why am I suddenly worried I not carrying enough insurance? Your time is up.

is not enough. Tell you what, that looks like a good movie. It really does look great, except for Denise Richards. Even in that, it's a little wooden. Those are presumably her best lines. And that was our tribute to Goldie. Yeah, I like him. I think he looks good for a henchman.

Robbie Coltrane's getting a lot of play in that trailer. Yeah, yeah. And I'm sad that we could never list him in this henchman, but there will be a later list. That's right. That's right. We'll, so that's, I mean, really that's all we have to say about Goldie. Right.

Goldie double crosses, um, Sikovsky and, uh, gets a bullet from Sikovsky. Yeah. Uh, or as the, uh, Wikipedia article says, he is poisoned. No. Shot by Valentin Sikovsky. Okay. Anyway, back to the list.

But does he doesn't work for a Sikovsky? I'm trying to remember. He does work for Sikovsky at the beginning. He's his bodyguard at the club. It's been a while since I've seen that one. Now, you're doing a little. a lot of writing for someone who already had this list made. Well, I'm now...

Re-ordering for... For the... For the... For the lock... Oh, that's cool. Yeah. All right, so I said Chang. We talked Chang.

You said Goldie. Mm-hmm. So it's time for number 19. Yeah? Zao. Zao. Okay. Zao.

Number 19 for me is a talker. Oh, yeah? He's going to be our 20th hench person we talk about. Oh, yeah? And that's Elvis. Oh, Elvis. From Quantum of Salas. And according to the Wikipedia page, Elvis dies by being incinerated.

That's right. By the nuclear fuel cell hotel. The hydrogen cell hotel that's in Chile for some reason. That's where it is. Now, this guy ranked high on my list this high anyway, solely because... of the smile he gives to, is it Jeffrey Wright when you're on the plane? No, it's to David Harbor, isn't it?

I don't remember, but it is such an endearing, strange, weird little smile. It's also, the other thing I like about Elvis is his hair. He's got a toupee, yeah. He's got a toupee, and it's not a great, stylish cut or anything like that. Right. It's a little mop-top.

It's from the Chang School. It is. it's a high and tight Chang. I like him. I mean, he doesn't do much. In fact, he's not very effective because he gets tripped down stairs

by Strawberry Fields. The villain has to like actually hold his arm up when he has a gun in his hand and point it at the direction bomb will be coming in that hotel. He's a really ineffectual. I would describe him as

indicative of Dominic Green's hiring practices. he doesn't do a great job of hiring. Yeah, that's true. An effective henchman. I mean, did you see who he hired to sweep the outside of his court? One of the best gifts in all time. Guy wasn't even sweeping. Most of you probably know about this, but it is worth just Googling, I guess, quantum of solace.

No, I think literally you can Google worst extra ever. Yeah. And that is the gift that will come up. We won't even tell you. Just check it out. Okay, Elvis. You did okay. I also love his real name.

Not his character's real name, but the actor. Anatole Taubman? Anatole Taubman. He is, by the way, I think, a pretty, like, I mean, he's a reasonably handsome Swiss man. Yeah, yeah. He's in Taken. He pops up a lot here and there. He has the look of John.

He kind of looks like Dent. He looks like. He looks like John Cazale. Yeah, he does. He does the John Cazale look to him. The late great John Cazel. I'm smart. He's kind of a Fredo of Henschman.

He's the Fredo of Hinchman. Whoa. That's some good casting. Way to go, Barb. I'm always going to think Barbara Broccoli's in charge of Henschman casting because of the, tomorrow it ever dies. When I was reading the, remember when I was reading about Stomper? What was it?

Hang on, I've got a very handsome German man here that you're going to want to see. Okay, so Elvis, thank you for stopping by. I gave my Zau at number 19. And that was, Elvis was my 19 as well. Okay. So on to you for 18. Well, it's a talkie. Stomper.

Oh, Stomper. Oh, Stomper. Dr. Kaufman was a mentor of mine. So we talked about him a lot on the last, uh, tomorrow. ever dies two movies ago, I guess, for us. And at the end of the day, he's, I mean, he makes it to the very end of the movie. He is killed longer than the, yeah. After the villain.

That's a rare classification that I think we found another one. I forget, oh, T, Baron Samadie, and Nicknack. Oh, Nicknack. And Winton Kid and Joss. Okay, so not as rare as we thought. Yeah, I guess not. All right, what's to say? I mean, you know my feelings on this.

I don't even need to articulate. Anybody that's listened to more than one episode of this podcast knows. I don't want to bore them, but he's just low rent to me, you know? Someone loaded a clip and called the Tomorrow Never Dies clip, Mr. Stomper. And it's someone just, recorded off of their television, not even uploading the clip directly. And it's just the scene where Stompers

killing the British sailors. Was that you? Is my only question? It was me. Okay. That's in his reel. All right. All right.

Number 18 for me is Irma Bunt. Irma Bunt is number 18 for you. Okay. Yeah. All right. So we did Stomper. Stompers gone. Here's my number 17.

is I feel like going to be our greatest distance now that you inform me that Helga Brandt wasn't our greatest distance. Fiona Volpe. Yeah, possibly. Yeah. I mean, that's the danger of a two-person list. That's right. Whoever made the other list gets the wins, right?

I mean, it's... Yeah, whoever ranks them higher gets to talk about them later. Yeah. But it doesn't mean that they'll fall that way in the overall rankings. Oops. What are you doing? I don't know. There's just a huge piece of plastic.

over here. Oh, that's from the light in the kitchen that I have been trying to fix for weeks. Honestly, I think the wiring's fucked upstairs. I've been like tripping fuses trying to get it to go, replaced all four bulbs. It's out of control. I'm sorry. I'm really annoyed by it. I'm sorry.

Anyway, so, Fiona Volpe is my 17, you're 17, Matt. Emil Loke. Oh. It's worth mentioning that I had Kriegler at like 21, I think. Kreegler you had a 21 loke moved up to 17. Yeah. That's pretty good. I do like it.

We'll get to that. All right. My number 16 is Dent. Professor Dent. Pro Dent. My number 16 is Dario. Honeymoon. Honeymoon.

All right. Dario gets a mark. We are now moving into number 15. We've gone two rounds without talking. Number 15 for me? Yeah. Patrice. Ooh.

Number 15 is going to be a talking round. Ooh, who is it? Zao. Oh, boy. It is Zow. Everybody, you know Zow, you love him. He's the Diamond Face Killer. That's right.

Diamond's in the cheek. Look, for a movie like Die Another Day, why not have a henchman like Zau put some diamonds in do you remember the character um posters no I don't think so uh I'd remember them well

like bus stop posters that kind of yeah and I really liked Zows let me see when I first well let me see if I can pull it up when Zau was uh first shown to me through a poster I was very excited for dying other day and uh you know I saw it

I saw it opening day and let's just say I saw it. How many Bond movies... Oh yeah, I do remember that. I was like, oh, a villain. I'm into this. How many Bond movies do Diamonds factor heavily into the plot?

Let's see. Here's the problem with your Bond films. Yeah. The only things that they can deal with are economic crises and nuclear explosions. That's true. And diamonds. I think diamonds fall into the economic crisis section of talk. Are there diamonds in Octopus?

Yes, there are, right? There's a little bag of diamonds that they swap with the egg or something. Zau, by the way, dies. Here's perhaps my favorite of the Wikipedia death listings. Yes. Zau, crushed by ice chandelier. I fight a dime. I wish it said, In a Jaguar.

war. It's really ridiculous. So, yeah. I mean, he does a good job. Yeah, I mean, he's a formidable henchman. He's kind of like one of those, you know, that class of henchmen that is on bond's par in terms of like dexterity and style. He also, I like Ricky Ewn a lot.

Rick Ewan, I suppose, is how he actually prefers to be credited. Ricky different. was a big fan of him in your fast infuri eye. But yeah, he died in a nice palace in Iceland in November of 2002, and he will be missed. Distinguishing features, diamonds embedded in right side of face, genetically altered albino complexion. Nationality, North Korea, occupation, North Korea agent, affiliation, Gustav Graves. Status? Deceased.

impaled by diamond chandelier. This is saying a diamond chandelier. Wikipedia is saying an ice chandelier. Who am I going to believe? I can't even remember the plot. I know they switch. They switch what? In the end, it's actually Zao who is the villain.

No. Graves, Gustav Graves, is actually Colonel Moon's son. That's right. Yes. Okay, got it. Yeah. All right. Where are we now?

He died in November 2002 over the Korean demilitarized zone. This one's for you, Tan Sun Moon, aka Gustav Graves. All right. It's time for number 16. Wait, weren't we on... It's 15. I said, Patrice.

You said... Zao. Zao. Yeah. So it's now time for my number 14. Irma. Irma Bunt. Oh, it's time to talk Bunt.

Let's talk bun. Get your Irma Bunt cakes out, everybody. Yeah. Oh, I'm very hungry right now. I'm too. Do you want a Lara Bar? No. Can you let me offer you some food in your own home?

Would you like a Lara Bar? I had one. I found one in my pocket. Well, we have a box right here. Maybe I'll get one. I'm thinking about breaking into that pretty soon. Yeah, I might get to one around number 12. All right.

I like that. I like that. Okay, so Irma Bunt. I think she's actually so highly ranked for me because of how the movie ends. Is your phone on airplane mode? No, sorry. Because we're getting a lot of feedback over there.

Shouldn't have done that. I, in the annals of Bond history, she holds a special place because she kills Tracy. Yeah, that automatically bumps her up a notch or two. It's got to be worth three notches. At least, yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, I mean, I like her interactions with the ladies of each race.

She's also benefits from any other henchmen really in that film at all. The other guy we talked about was the dude that gets killed by Tracy with the... Mailbed. The nail bed wall art. The nail bed wall art. Yeah. I mean, what do you do? She strongly resembles Rosa Kleb, according to some sources.

I say. Hey, do you think, don't you think we should do that film, not to plan, like, choose for one of us, but I think we should do that film in December because it's a Christmas movie. Yeah. Okay. I love it.

We're going to do it. Keep it. Don't forget your license to kill us next week, everybody. That's right. License revoked. What else can we say about Irma Bunt? She works directly for Blofeld, big checkmark in the henchman category.

Yeah. And, you know, she kills Tracy. But in the books, they're married, I think. She's his wife. I don't know. I believe. And I think Bond kills her right before he kills Blofeld. Well, you got to do what you got to do, you know?

That's true. Okay. Irma Bunt, you've been talked about. Irma Bunt, you've been talked about. Number? What number is this? It's a good question. We always lose this.

No, I lost it because I fucked up my list. Oh, number 13. I have Dario. So it is time. Wait, we can't be on 13 because I haven't said my 14 yet. Oh, what's your 14? Was Bunn your 14? Yes.

Okay, my 14 is a talker. Oh, we're going to go talker, talker, talker. Because I spoiled it. Oh, Patrice. Patrice is ranked where he is ranked for me, which is much lower than you, because he doesn't make it very longer to the movie. But he has two pretty significant scenes. He has two huge fights with Bond.

One of which, the one on the skyscraper, is one of the better fights in a bomb movie. Not necessarily... Oh, but... Visually, yes. Visually, yes. Can you think of a better visual fight in a James Bond movie? Well, I mean, there's a few in Mammoth Golden Gun in that fun house, you know? I just think, wow.

So many dummies around. You know, when Scaramong is a fighting. that gangster, that 40s gangster? That is a good scene. What is he? Is that, is that, he looks like a shady acre, acorn? Oh, shady tree. Shady tree.

I think you're thinking that because that actor is also in Diamonds or Forever. He's one of the, Spangler Mob Boys. Yeah, he's one of the, oh, so do you think that's the same character? It can't be. Why? Oh, I can't. He doesn't die in. on, does he?

No. Right. What if it's the same character and they're so connected? The continuity. Why is there more continuity for a two-bit mafia hood than there is for Felix Leiter? Do you think they just, every Felix Leiter, I mean, okay, starting with Jack Lord, you end up with someone who obviously probably didn't do it because he was busy on Hawaii

50 and would have cost more money? I think he wanted more money, yeah. Yeah. So after him, though, why couldn't they just bring back all these lights? I guess the next one would have been C. Slender. Yeah. Goldfinger.

Uh-huh. And then immediately they went to that Thunderball guy. Why? I don't know. That's one of the great mysteries lost to time. They keep money penny? I mean, you're talking about parts that are in the movies. Maybe they thought once they weren't going to have Jack Lord back, why raise someone's salary to come back a second time?

The only repeated lighters are, what's his face from Live and Let Die. David Hedison. David Hedison and Jeffrey Wright, right? That's right, yeah. Boy. But, yeah, Patrice, I mean, the fight on the train is very cool. He's got a whole chase, he's got to chase a fight on top of a train and a skyscraper battle. Yeah.

And he is up on a board at MI6, up on a computer screen at MI6. That's right. Which I think is also, it adds to the henchman lore. I think so too. He manages to drive a car, a motorcycle, get on a train, ride an elevator, and fall out of the building. Is boat. Right.

He's got a pretty cool gun. He's got that fully automatic, I don't know if it's a Glock or what, but it has that drum magazine? Yeah. Double drum magazine? Yeah. Or a single. No, it's a double drum.

It looks like balls. He's Numi Rapace's brother. Is he? Yeah. Wow. Learn a lot in this James Bonding podcast. Patrice dies, obviously. He screams like you don't expect.

That's what I like. I like when my henchmen scream. Like necros. That does give you some necrose points. It gives them humanity. You want humanity from your henchmen? I do, ultimately. There's no one that's not a friend.

to die. I don't believe it. Patrice, fell off skyscraper to his death. Fell off. Fell off. They call him Belosh. That sounds like a Bond henchman. Fell off. Fell off. I've been chasing Fell off halfway across the globe. He is wearing sneakers. I do love that.

Well, I think he's casual. He's smart casual, you know? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Okay. We'll be right back after this. Mad and Mad and Mad! Hey everyone There's a new podcast from our friends over at the Stitcher Network.

It's a serious in-depth look at the story of Heaven's Gate. You might remember Heaven's Gate from the footage all over TV, the uniforms, purple shrouds, and black Nikes, and people who believe they'd be taken to heaven in a UFO.

Well, there is so much more to the story than that. The new podcast, Heaven's Gate, talks to people who lost loved ones and people who still believe to understand the cult's mysteries. Whatever you think you know, prepare to be surprised. It's hosted by Glenn Washington, who grew up in a cult.

And if you've heard his other show, Snap Judgment, you know this will be good. Hear it for yourself. Subscribe to Heaven's Gate, the podcast for free, wherever you listen, like Stitcher or Apple Podcasts. Mad and, Mad, Mad, Midland Podcast. All right, everybody. We're back. Patrice, we'll miss you. That's our last one.

That's right. Before we go into the rest of our ranking, let's check in with the Kregler-Loke runoff here. And it seems very clear that we, you know, we did the right thing. It's now 60 to 40% that Loke is the best choice for the henchmen. Wow. Thank you, fans, for coming through by following Matt Gourley on Twitter on a Tuesday night at 11. That's right.

And we haven't even spoken about Loke yet, so clearly it's better for the show. One of us enjoys him more than the other. Mm-hmm. Oh, no, it's not up. I was playing our next talk about, which is Dario. This is number what for you? This is number 13 for me. 13, Dario.

It's number 15 on the total ranking. Oh, that's interesting. Honeymoon. Honeymoon. What else does he say in there? He has another line like that. I think he's just The Beesnees.

I flip it. I know. You need keys to cast out of it. What do you have to say about him? He is acting better than everybody in the movie. Better than he ever has. You know, you're not a Dautoro? No, I like him.

It's going to be curious to see what he plays in The Last Jedi. Oh. What if he's the, how much would it piss you off if? He's just Dario. He's the collector from the Avengers Guardians of the Galaxy situation. What if he was the same guy? Wait, wasn't he in a post-credit sequence like from eight years ago and has he ever shown up in one of these movies? I think he's in the Hulk or Thor Rognarack. The Rognarack.

The Ragnarok. Do you remember when, because everybody saw... Guardians, he's in Guardians. Everybody saw License to Kill. And then years later, he became more famous for usual suspects or whatever. Yeah. Do you remember where you were? People remember where they were when Kennedy was shot.

Where were you when you realized Benicio del Toro was in License to Kill? That's a good question. I think I even did it when I wasn't watching it. Like I saw him in another movie, I went, where do I know that guy from? Well, you know, I just want to give a shout out to Benicio. And I think I figured it out probably later than most. I'm going to say 1995. Okay.

Yeah. He's like 21 in this movie. And he's great. He died at the Olympa Tech Meditation Institute. one of the more gruesome deaths. Like that's up there with piranha. I think it'd be worse. I think I'd rather go by piranha.

You'd rather go by piranha than by a shredder? I mean, his is probably quicker, but that, just thinking that your first thing you're going to get in are like your shins. Your shins do have a lot of, uh, um, I don't know, uh, nerve endings.

I don't ever want anything to do with shin pain. Would you rather be hit in the shins? No. Hang on. I'm going to give you two choices. Matt Gourley, would you rather be hitting the shins with a medium-sized dowel? Oh. Or step unexpectedly on a Lego while barefoot.

I'll take the Lego because I've done that many times. You're going to take the Lego? Yeah. Oh, boy. you're very different than me. I'd rather be hit by a medium-sized towel. I've come from a callous-foot family because I had a lot of Legos when I was a kid, and my little brothers used to just walk home over them like it was nothing.

And I think maybe I did too. Like, that's just genetically something we can do. Or were you always in houses with carpeting? Were you always playing with Legos on carpet? Yeah. Because if you're doing that, then that's going to seep into the carpet. You're not getting full Lego power. Fair enough.

Okay. But also, if they're like heavily packed. act just like a nail bed. Yeah. You're a little better off. Yeah. Or, you know, if Tracy Bond throws that guy through a Lego bed, is he dead?

Or if James Bond is running through an Indian bazaar and a fakir is lying down on a Lego bed, does it make a sound? That is a great, great question. So, Dario tries to murder Bond on the cocaine conveyor belt and ends up going down himself. On the cocaine trail to hell. I like that it's never said, but it's almost implied like he's Sanchez's nephew or something,

and he's like trying to give him a job in the family business or something. The Walter P5 is the gun in license to kill. Oh, right. Which is seen in octopusy and license to kill. Who has an octopusy, Orlov? James Bond. No. Yeah.

Come on. Yeah. I don't know. know about that. Oh, I do know about that. Where? When? Where, when? It's his, it's his sidearm, bro. No. Really? Really? Yeah. That looks like a PBK to me. Show me again. Are you sure someone else? Oh, be damned. I mean, the gun, it does look like a PPK. You're right. But it's a little newer looking. Look, I know when I'm wrong. All right. Dario, great job. That was your number 13? That was my number 13. Okay, it's time to have another discussion.

Oh, who could be? Dent. Dent. Harvey Dent? No, that's two-faced. Matt. This is unbelievable. Of the list now that we have gone through, we are at number 13.

Yeah. There are only two people. Right. That one of us has mentioned, the other one hasn't, which means that our top. half of this list is very agreed upon. Yeah, I agree. Very exciting.

All right, Dent gets a high ranking for me, I mean, at 16, because of the way he dies. It's almost dance-like, because it's boom, boom, boom, and it's like Twyla Tharp or whatever. Yeah. That kind of like, or no, I guess it's more fossey or something. I don't know, but he's a proto-henchman more than anything. Yeah. They're still finding their henchman sea legs. But the way Bond waits him out with that vodka,

just has a good time. He has a great face. Uh-huh. And, you know. He's a reluctant henchman. He's tricked by pillows. Yes. Which makes for a real dumb henchman.

And a good name for a Bond girl. Trixie pillows? Hello, Mr. Bond. I'm tricksy pillows. Of course you are. Oh, well. I asked for a fluffer. Yeah, so that's a dent.

Okay. We really like him. Yeah, I do too. But not enough to rank him much higher than he is. Right. If you have any questions, comments, or complaints about our ranking process. Write your clergyman or congressman. Right in to Comedy Bang Bang.

Why not? Yeah. All right. So, uh, he does have a very, very emotive schnaz. Yeah, he's got that, like, great English look, but it's gaunt. Like, he's got that, like, he rationed too much during World War II when he was living there and never quite recovered.

He also has the, I'm going to look it up if we can hear it, but the, he's the great, great line that's a Smith and Wesson, you've had your six. Oh, yeah. I mean, come on. Yeah. Putting that silencer on the PPK. Just jump in here to the pillow. I like the way dent dresses, too.

Tucks his tie in. It's funny, I thought you'd turn up. Soon road later. The doubt's all. But of course. What game was he playing? Some kind of solitaire. Did you see Godfather 3?

Yeah. He looks like the, like, Cardinal or the bishop that they deal with. Oh, yeah. Ivoiare. You made no reference to the fact that Strangley samples were radioactive. Very clever, Mr. Bond. This is one of those YouTube clips that fucks with the audio, so it can't be caught by the copyright searching bots. How do they do that?

You shoot me in your end up. Oh, it phases in and it out. It's slowing. He was killed, but never mind how. Are you working for, professor? He's not as well knows. He's a bold choice. Like,

Oh. Doesn't even bother to get the information out of him. He's got a khaki coat and, like, beige pants there. Is your problem that there are two different tones of cackay? I have no problem with it. I like it. I would think, oh, I can't do that. But clearly you can't.

I don't know if you should go around trying that. Why? I don't know. Dent, according to controversy, dense death scene was controversial because it showed James Bond killing a man in cold blood. Blood. Even though Ian Fleming had conceived the character as one who was authorized to commit such actions in none of his novels is Bond shown acting in this manner.

According to James Bond legacy, the filmmakers needed a scene to illustrate the license to kill concept and in fact had originally filmed the scene to show Bond firing several more bullets into dent, but ultimately removed all but the first two shots. Some televised broadcasts removed Bond's second shot. And here is some trivia about Dent. He does not appear in the Doctor No novel and is exclusive to the film. There is a professor character in the novel, but his name is not given, and he is not implicated to be working with the enemy in any capacity. Anthony Dawson, the actor portraying Dent, met director Terrence Young when he was working as a stage actor in London.

By the time of the film's shooting, Dawson was working as a pilot and crop duster in Jamaica. Doesn't he also play Blowfeld and from Russia with Love, I think, or something like that? He sure does. And Thunderball. Yeah. Good work. His face has never seen, and his voice was dubbed by Eric Pullman. He's only the second villain that is killed by James Bond.

Meaning the chauffeur. Yeah, after the three blind mice. Yeah. De, did, dee, all right. Okay. Dent, you really, I think you got a great send-off from us. Yeah, I know. You ranked higher than I thought.

Well done. What number are we on now? I think 12. Yeah, you're right. It's time for everybody's favorite middle villain, Gabinda. That's my number 12 as well. Are you kidding? I know.

That's amazing. You really didn't think we were going to be anywhere near each other on that. He ends up coming at number 13. on the both of our ranking. Sure. Gobinda. All right. What can we say about Gobinda?

He's a good-looking man. He, uh... Have you seen him in the... Is he the most handsome of the henchman? He might be, because if you see him in the, um, inside octopusy interviews, he's dashing as hell. I mean, he is a, he is a handsome motherfucker. Yeah, let's see.

I mean, it's certainly not a stamper. You know, uh... What can we say about? Zau's pretty good looking. Patrice is good looking. Yeah. Well, Fiona Volpe, I think, is gorgeous. Dario's good looking.

Zini Onatop Necros. I don't know, but Kabeer Badee. Is that his name? Yeah. So he crushes some backgammon dice. Yes, which is very... Very hard-earning to odd jobs. He refers to Kamel Conn.

as your excellency, which is very villainous. Yeah. He is dispatched by an airplane antenna slapped to the face. Yeah, I mean, if you're going to get an airplane antenna to the face, okay, would you rather be slapped in the shins by an airplane antenna? Yeah.

Or fly an airplane into a Lego factory. Wait, when he gets slapped and he flies away, does he scream? Continuing the great humanitarian, or I mean, the humanity of a henner? person? Do you remember when he's flying away?

I feel like he does. I don't remember. I can't remember. How many of these hench people scream? If you know how many hench people scream. I mean, he does fall from an aircraft. I got to feel like if they didn't put the fucking Wilhelm scream in there, they put something in there.

Yeah. Cabinda was similar to necrose. This is according to the trivia of the James Bond Wikia. They were large men fiercely loyal to the, their boss, both seem to overpower bond in an even fight, and both men died from being thrown from an airplane in flight. Yeah, both wearing parachutes under their jackets. But Gabinda, you're remembered for your abilities with a sword, your politeness to your boss, and ultimately your dice crushing ways.

And your use of a blunderbuss. That is true. You do use an antique blunderbuss. And for that, we thank you. We salute you. We salute you. All right, it's time for number 11. For me?

Go. Well, we just talked about them. Necros. Well, there we are. Necros is almost going to be talked about. Zenia on a top. Ooh, you got it lower than I thought you would have her. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. Listen, I liked the RCP 90, which was the gun she had in the Golden Eye video game. Anyway. Okay. So that's my number 11. Number 10 for you, Mr. Matt Gourley. Let's talk Fiona Volpe.

All right. Fiona Volpe ranks 17 for me, 10 for you. And the average is number 12. Interesting. All right. How does that work? It's not an average, though. It's not an average.

It's just two of us. I, I'm like, I'm willing to bump her up five points just the way she delivers James Bond's name. Mr. Bond, James Bond. Fiona Valpe, I think, suffers from being in one of my least favorite movies. Well, she's a shining beacon to me in that movie. I think she's just terribly sexy. She is probably...

I mean, she gets that motorcycle. She's got a pretty cool motorcycle. got at all. So that's good. That's a vehicle. That's a vehicle with gadgets that she's got. How does she die? Oh, she's shot by the, yeah. Oh, yeah. At the kiss-kiss bang-bang. That's right. In the Bahamas. Mr. Bon James Bond. Oh, and she's in the bath and yeah, she asks him for something to wear and he gives her a little washcloth. But of course, I forgot your ego, Mr. Bond, James Bond. The one where he has to make love to a woman and she starts to hear heavenly choirs singing.

She repents and turns to the side of right and virtue, but not this one. Sorry, it's late. It is late. I'm surprised we're getting through this. We're close. Ready? Yeah. I'm going to read some trivia.

Okay. About Fiona Volpe. The death of Fiona has been the source of debate by Bond film fans for years. Hmm. Up there with dent. Due to the unambiguous nature in which her killing is filmed to some, Bond intentionally uses Fiona as a human shield to protect himself against a bullet, which would make Fiona the first woman in the Bond film series to be killed by 007. Her death is otherwise similar to that of Felicia, Felicia, Felicia.

I'm trying to remember who that is. I don't know. The latter was also shot in. the back. When he goes to that woman's house looking for whoever. Yeah. The difference is Fiona is used by Bond as a human shield, whereas Felicia spun herself into the bullet of Sandor. Yeah, that.

She does, doesn't she? In the remake of Never Say Never Say Never Again, Fiona Volpe is slightly modified and re-presented as. Fatima Blush. Right. Which I think it would have to be the choice for the hench person of that, because otherwise you got the guy that fights him in the...

Right. That guy from Raiders. The character did not appear in the novel of the same name and was made up exclusively for the film. Fiona makes a brief appearance during the opening credits of On Her Majesty's Secret Service

alongside several other characters in the franchise, including Honey Rider, Ory Goldfinger, and Amelia Lackro in the opening credits. I love the name Fiona Volpe. That's that great. name.

Fiona is a good name. Volpe is a good last name. And the two together are two tastes. It tastes great. And I'm happy with her ranking in our list because of the fact that she drives a pretty cool motorcycle. Fiona Volpe. Coming in at number 12.

And she's a great clay pigeon shot. All right. Okay. I had Zina on top. It is time for my number 10, correct? At 11, I had Zinia on a top. Yeah, I said Volpe for 10. Okay.

Number 10 for me, Hinks. Okay. Your number 10, Matt? My 10 was Volpe. I'm sorry. Number nine, Zinia on a top. All right. It's time to talk on a top.

She's memorable. I mean, we're getting into the good graces here. She's memorable. She's got Fomka Jansen plays her. she has the strongest thighs in the business. She's just outside the top ten here coming in at a number 11 on the double list. She works for the Janus Syndicate, which probably would have inspected, had they had the rights. Oh, yeah.

She's great. The character's a little bonkers. Character is super bonkers. For that movie even a little too much, but she, you know what, she does an amazing. job with it. She's charming. Yeah. She is almost believably crazy.

Not quite. She's a little too crazy. And I think that is, I think that's why she's so low on my list. And by low, I mean number 10. Yeah. But Zenia. I'm surprised I had her higher than you.

We have got a long way to go here. What should we do? What do you mean? I mean, we could finish this over Skype tomorrow morning. We can't quit? You're fading. No, I'm fine. I'm good to go.

All right. We got this. I mean, we're coming into the top 10 here. All right. This is exciting. I can't let this go. And don't mistake. I yawn all day long.

I don't even sleep. No, it's very late for you. I understand. No, it's okay. I don't even know what time Matt Gourley goes to bed usually. I just, I don't. Because of Zini's death being, so weird.

I want to hear what Wikipedia says. Okay. Zina Anatoop. Pulled against tree by falling helicopter. Jesus. And her repelling harness crushes her. Yeah. It is a pretty gruesome death.

Not graphically, but just... She died in Cuba. Yeah. Just like all the best. There are worse things. Okay. That was your... That was my number nine.

Did you do a number nine? Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. Number nine. May Day. Mayday. Yeah.

Seems a little low. Seems a little low for May Day. I think it seems right about right for May Day. We'll see about that. What's your number nine? My number nine was on a top, so it's one to number eight. Oh, it's your number eight is? Hinks.

Time to talk, Hinks. He's in the top ten. Hinks is the best. Daniel Craig era villain. Unquestionably. Henschman. I mean, by a long shot. Yeah, he is unique looking.

He is strong. He is a thing where he doesn't say a word. But he's also kind of like dapper and gentlemanly. I mean, he knows how to put on a pork pie cat. He knows how to put on... Drive a Land Rover. Like sharp steel Lee Presson nails. Yes.

I forgot about his thumbnails. Yeah, and the way he cleans himself off, it's pretty good. Yeah. The only thing I don't like, it's not. his fault. When he speaks, it's for a dumb gag. And I can deal with that, but the ADR is so bad. What does he say? Sheet. It just sounds like a cartoon voice and it's like the volume doesn't match the amount you can tell his lips move. So it's just, it just feels weird. There's something off. Sheet.

Is it safe to say that along with your wig dar, you have ADR dar? Now, the thing about him getting sucked out of the plane, I mean, out of the train, was that an intentional we could bring him back like Josh? Yes, I think 100%. And I think honest to God, I think he will be back in the next movie. I think, yeah, especially if they do the spectra. I've asked him to clear his schedule, so we'll see. God, I hope they get Jeffrey Wright back. They better.

What's he doing right now? Jeffrey Wright? Yeah. Westfield. Yeah. But that's already shooting. Yeah. They'll be done.

Jeffrey, if you're listening, please come back. Please. David Harper, get out of that Hellboy makeup and get into a Bond movie. Oh, love it. Love it. Come on. Get him in there. That would be great.

All right, what's your number eight? My number eight is, it's a talking round, Matt. Necros. Oh, let's do it. All right, Necros. We talked a lot about him last week. Yeah, we could let this go. He is blonde, he's handsome.

He kills people with headphones. He screams when he kills. It's about as 80s as you can get. Where is? Is everybody gone? He kills to the pretenders. Oh. You want some trivia about him?

Yeah. In the video for the theme song, A View to a Kill, lead singer Simon Labonde is dressed in almost the exact same way as necrose, complete with blonde hair, and is wearing a hat and carrying a stereo. And just like Necros, by pressing buttons inside the stereo,

LeBond can automatically trigger explosions. However, it should be noted that if you were killed still in 1985 and the living daylets being released two years later in 1987, so it's possible necros' appearance was based on or around Blabon's appearance. Oh, come on. And the other bit of trivia, the death of necros is quite similar to that of Gabinda. Oh, yeah. Vindicated. So, I mean, look, he's a milkman. He's great.

He's a balloon cellar. He's great. He's a spotlight operator. He's great. He blends into places. He is good at being in disguise. Which you wouldn't think would be the case because he's so distinguished looking. He's so handsome.

He's very handsome. Yeah, he's good. Who's more handsome? Gabinda or Neckros. They both die the same way. Therefore. Equalizing their handsome. Exactly. He died in the autumn of 1986 in Afghanistan. I'll miss you, necrose.

Goodbye, necrose. We both saluted. Okay, so number eight for you was... And number seven for me is Loke or Locke. It's time to... For your eyes only... only for you I don't know either Um, yeah

What do you Here's, I think he's ranking so high for me Because of The cue scene Yeah, there's that look I had him at what, I had him at 17 But I like him. I think he's one of those henchmen

that has an X factor. Like he has it. I can't put my finger on it. Yeah. But there's something about him. Yeah. It's not just the warm. I think that while we're talking about these.

Oh, geez, that scared the crap out of it. Did it really? Yeah. I understand. But I think while we talk about each villain now, we can just get that going. Yeah. His glasses, he's got like hexagonal glasses or octagonal glasses?

Yeah. I can't remember. They're hard angles. It's not your typical circle situation. Yeah. He has a great death Yeah I love his death

This goes with what I like about certain henchmen You could tell he's afraid to die too Ah yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah, not afraid to die Right He stays behind To die

That's true That's very true Loke does not want to die He is The secondary antagonist in henchman In the 1981 film for your eyes on He dies in Albania. He runs over somebody in a beach buggy.

That's right. He kills Liesel. And his car... I love the way... I love how he dies. I really do. Yeah. Recovering from the explosion, 007 sees Locke's car pulling away and gives chase on foot. After intercepting Loke at the summit of a hill,

he shoots the enforcer in the shoulder, causing him to lose control the vehicle, though not killed by the gunshot, the car is left hanging precariously over the edge of a cliff. You left this with Ferrara, I believe. Approaching the tottering car, Bond holds up the dove pin, which the enforcer left on the body of Ferrara.

He returns it to its rifle owner, tossing it into the passenger window with him, and as the ground begins to give away, 007 coldly kicks the car over the edge, sending the screaming murderer to his death. All right, I think we gave him his due. Yeah. Okay, that was your number seven, right?

Yeah. It's worth noting that I'm about to say number seven, and there's only one person that's been mentioned. The rest have not been mentioned. Crazy. My number seven is Teehee. Oh, interesting. I can't believe you'd rank him at number seven.

There's so many good ones. It's not a fault of his. There are so many good ones. I ranked him at number six, so let's talk about him. You just see what I did there. Go, go, co-c-choo. Well, I think we know what this needs. We need a little, we need a little,

bum-p-pum-pah, bum-pah, bum-pah, bum-pah, bum-pap-pam. Bum-pam-pum-pum. And as soon as this, this ad for Happy Death Day. Do you remember, was it on the show when we had Derek Miller on, and he talked about how he helped shoot some of the interviews for those inside series of documentaries

that when they went to visit him, he was kind of like living in a really, like, shoddy apartment and hoarding stuff, and it kind of broke my heart, the guy that played Teahy. Oh, no. That sounds like something Derek. would tell us. He's a good henchman.

I love his monologue when he's feeding the crocodiles. Uh-huh. Seems like they could have figured out a way to make the fake arm seem not a full foot longer than his normal arm. Well, you don't know how he had that design. What if it had other accessories in it? I see. Like a Swiss Army prosthetic arm. What if it was like one of those, you know, one of those, you know, one of those,

hex screwdriver bits that was Phillips head on one side, pull it out, flip it over, it's flathead. Okay. So maybe it's hook, right? Yeah. Flip it over, and it becomes like tongs. Of course we know this is not the case because it's like cable attached to his muscle. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Of course. Of course we know it's not the case. I have a T-shirt with TV on it. I do. All right. He said it like, I'll believe it when I see it. Sure you do, my friend. Oh, boy.

Grandpa's gotten off his meds. Let's talk about henchman qualifications at Tee he is hitting, because he's hitting a lot. That's right. Physical deformity. Yeah. Or difference. Nickname. Nickname.

He's, uh, he has seen, tries to kill Bond. He's sent on a mission. Sent on a train. On a train to get him. Um, he can handle raw meats. He's killed in an interesting way. That's most people, but... Yeah.

Do they ever... They're probably doing the book. Do they ever get to why his name is Teehee? Like, he doesn't giggle or anything in the movie. I know, he should giggle, right? Yeah. I can't remember what it is in the book. There's no...

There's no... There's no... Should we do a James Bonding book club? Next year when we need more episodes, if we do another year. We will. We're always going to be doing this podcast. There's so much to talk about.

I know, that's true. Especially if they expand the universe. What are you trying to do to these poor listeners? They're fine. All right. All right. If that hurt your ears, please email comedy bang man.

Send your complaints to the nerdist podcast. Cast of Thrones. Use the hashtag after trek. All right, Tee, we talked about you. It's time for Matt's number six. My number six rhymes with six in a way with Nick's knacks. Nick, knacks. I cannot believe you would have him ranked solo.

They're all so good. Because my number five is Nickknack. Let's talk about Nickknack. Jeez, okay. We are really doing a great job here. I think Mayday is the big swoopity doopty. Yeah. Yeah.

What can you say about Hervey Villiersaisaisais? Well, I mean, come on. The man has an incredible life story. He does, absolutely. And I cannot wait to one day see the biopic that he is in. One day, it's going to be pretty soon. Is it? Well, they're already shooting it, if not done, shooting it.

Who's playing him? Peter Dinklage. Oh, my God. You don't know about this? I can't wait for this. Google it. There's a picture of it already. Oh, no.

Does he going to sound like this? Tremendous. The character that is Hervey Villages is incredible. Oh, yeah, he's a luminizing, drunk. Just your classic Frenchman. Effective henchman? He's not, he's both henchman and, like, man servant. Yeah.

Like valet. So is Gabinda. Yeah. Odd job, too. Yeah. Caddy. Does Ajab have the most roles? Yeah.

He does. Gold mover. driver. He's a chauffeur. He disposes of bodies. He really does it all. It makes people comfortable and sometimes uncomfortable. But Harvey Vichay does such a good job in this movie that, I mean, and he says Nick, neck, you know, he brings Tabasco. Let me ask you this. Yes, sir. Do you think he should have been killed or they did the right thing by obviously, like, I think they read it, right, that the audience wouldn't have. like to have seen him killed. Or is it worse that he's shoved up in a net on a crow's nest? How long is that journey?

He's going to die of exposure. Well, probably. Peck to death by crows and sea. His status is unknown. Oh, that's right. He could be alive. How many of these could be alive? Jaws is alive?

Well, not really. Well, no, there's a knick-knack. Nicknack also appears as an unlockable character. in the 2002 video game, 007 Nightfire in multiplayer mode. Nightfire. Nicknack was likely the inspiration

for Villishe's later character, Tattoo, on the television show Fantasy Island. How is that the inspiration? As well as the inspiration for Dr. Evil's Minimi in the Austin Powers film. Yeah, that I see.

Which parodied the James Bond series. Dr. Sam, or Baron Samadis lives. That I don't see. You don't see? Minimi is Nicknack? Well, You don't see a major correlation there? I understand that there.

I understand that Vern Troier and Harvey Village High are both little people, but what I don't understand is other than that, nothing. Yeah. I feel like Mr. Bigglesworth is more an inspiration for Nicknack. I don't know. Anyway, the point is we're here to talk about Matt's number five. Jaws. Again, you are being a fool because I have.

have ranked Jaws number four. Wow. Where is this going? Here's my thing with Jaws and to a certain extent, well, odd job. They remind me of like when you're growing up Led Zeppelin, like undeniably amazing. But you hear it so much on the radio that I never felt compelled to like dig into their deep catalog. Same thing with Jaws. Like I like Jaws.

I like Jaws. I like odd job because they're amazing. They're iconic. but you get a lot of them in imitation, you get a lot of exposure of them in pop culture, so they don't feel as special and quirky as some of the others to me. Does that make sense? I see what you're saying.

Thank you. I mean, he's menacing. He's imposing. He has jaws that can cut through cable, then hold cable cars. Lovable and cuddly at the same time. And then he finds love. I mean, what more do you want from a henchman?

He seems undefeatable. You know, when Bond is fighting him in that train, it just seems like there's no... And yet he does. He pushes him out of window. How does he do that? Oh, because he electrocans. That was good. That's a good little moment.

In the final credits of the 1999 film Inspector Gadget, Dr. Claus' assistant is shown attending a minion recovery group. Richard Keel is one of the participants and is billed in the credit as famous guy with metal teeth. Oh, wow. That's funny because in Moonraker, he's basically dispatched from a, like, a henchman service. Remember?

Remember Drax just calls up and just like give me something like that? Speaking of which, when I showed up here and your dog was so angry? Angry. Yeah. I felt like the woman being changed. case to the forest on the ducks. What did you need to show me? I wanted to show you.

Just Richard Kiel trying to bite through these, this cable. The licorice cable. Do you think it's made of real licorish? It is. That's what they said. I'd eat that. I know. Oh, wow, licorice.

No, wait. No, it's the one in Egypt that are licorice. They're like the handcuffs. But maybe that one is too. I don't know. Yeah. Bo met Matt today. Everybody, Bo my dog.

And he did not have a great time of it until Dory became involved. She really knows how to handle that dog. She knows how to. She pays way more attention to the things the trainer say than I do. And because of that, she's the best. But now Bo and I are fast friends. I mean, you guys are chicken friends. We're chicken friends.

That's right. I fed Bo a lot of chicken. I felt like teahy. But Jaws, I mean, he's in two movies. He's visually imposed. He is visually iconic. When you think of Bond henchman, you think of odd job, and you think of Jaws. And because of that, he's ranked number four for me, five for Matt.

Is he the only hench person that arguably has a kind of reboot with Mr. Hinks? No, because Hinks, I see more of an odd job-y. Doesn't odd-job seem a little mentally challenged, though? Yeah, but Hinks doesn't have any physical, maladies. He didn't have to have his jaw replaced or his arm replaced. Yeah. Yeah. But he does have metal thumbnails. Maybe those are real. Oh. Like he grows metal thumbnails. Oh, that seems interesting.

His thumbnails were pulled out by Blofeld. I don't know. He was biting his nails his whole time. So his evil German mother poured molten iron. into them. All right. Number four. Great answer. Number four for you, Matt. A job.

A job is number four for you. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to give that a mark for Matt. Number three for me. You said number four? Your four was jazz. My four was jazz.

Number three for me is Wint and Kidd. Wint and Kidd. That's your number three? That is my number three. That is what my number three is. Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint. Oh, God, I love these guys. They are just best friends forever.

If you haven't had a chance, visit I was there too podcast where I interview Pudder Smith, who played Mr. Kidd. I didn't even know that existed. You didn't? No. It was probably because we weren't doing the podcast at the time. I went to his house in South Pasadena and sat down with him. Oh, my gosh. He barely ever does any interviews.

He won't talk about it anymore. and I just happened to go to college with his goddaughter. I didn't even know it. She reached out to me. And he was a very sweet man. That's amazing. Jazz bassist. Yes.

Yeah. And he's got a little studio. He lives like five minutes from me. Wow. I'm going to listen to that. Yeah, you should. And we went out on his back patio and just talked for a while. You know, it's funny.

I can say this now because I couldn't on the podcast, but we talk about Bruce Glover, who plays Mr. Wint. And he, Potter Smith was very diplomatic about it. Yeah. Had nothing bad to say about him. But he also didn't have anything good to say. He kind of just let it be. Yeah.

And his wife, I talked to his wife after, and she told me that he was kind of a bastard. Those weren't her words. But I guess this is what she said, that when Potter Smith first arrived on set and he's like, I've never acted. I'm very nervous. Bruce Glover apparently goes, don't worry about it. I'll take care of you. Let me, I'll do your lines. Let me take your lines and I'll, not like I'll help you, but like let me have them for the scene and tried to steal his lines. But doesn't that make sense? I mean, Bruce Glover seems like a maniac. He does, absolutely. I also tried to get him for I was there too and we went back and forth on email for a while and all he would do was talk about I can't. I'm busy

because it's Academy Awards season. And he implied like he had to be at the Academy Awards or something, but this was like two months before or something, and he wouldn't stop saying that. It was so strange. Well, I mean, the James Bond Radio podcast is a two-hour interview with Bruce Glover. Oh, boy. So.

That would have been tough. Oh, I remember, too, if I was going to interview him, I had to come to his studio and take his class, his acting, class, which I was willing to do. But then he backed out because he had to prepare for the Academy Awards. I don't know. He's a weird. I mean, imagine the man who made Crispin Glover has to be like an Uber Crispin Glover.

Right? Totally. Yeah. That's crazy. Wow. I didn't put that together. Yeah. It's got to come from somewhere.

It'd be amazing to reunite those two. Bruce and and putter Don't tell them But just get them over Guys Congratulations You're being reunited

Yeah I mean Just look at them Look at him now Bruce Glover Crispin Glover man Crispin Glover is a handsome young fellow

Wow We were really We didn't even talk about it Really What do we like about them Well That they're a team? I do.

I really like that they're a team. Obviously, like, it's tough nowadays to see because they're gay. It's sort of implied that they're twisted sick henchmen or something. But, oh, this. Must be some mistake. I didn't order any. No mistake, sir. On specific instructions and with the compliments of Mr. Willard White,

oysters and others. I can't wait. watch this movie. Look at Puttersmith's hair. Tidbits, prime revoir. Now, why not set that before you head in? Puttersmith's hair is like a photo negative of where you want hair.

The ace, the resistance, a bomber, surprise. It's fantastic. What's in it? But then there would be no surprise. Madam. Madam. Madam. Madam.

Madam what cares of the city? And then we will leave you in peace. Wine, sir. On or she in 55. May we begin? Please do. The corkscrew, the CO2 core screw. Listen to this music, don't you miss John Barry?

It's so overridden. That's rather potent. Not the cork. Your aftershave. Strong enough to bury anything. Oh, boy, Mons putting it together. God, this is fun. The wine is quite excellent.

Although for such a grand meal, I had rather expected a claret. I love it, that that's what tips are. Unfortunately, our cellar is rather poorly stocked with Clarence. Mouton Rothschild is a claret. Oh, shit. And I've smelt that after shave before, and both times I've smelt a rat. Let me light these skewers I was planning on stabbing you with. Packing a gun.

And this is really putter spent that gets burnt. It's crazy that they did that with his hair. That's not him. Are you sure? Is that him? Is that him? He might have survived that. Yes, I agree.

The worst is when Bond pulls the chint through Bruce Glover's legs and he likes it. That is terrible. Like he knows he's about to die, but he can still get a. cheap gay thrill. Oh. What is it we like about them? Because they are kind of exploited. But they're so odd.

It's just... I think they're like... But they're so odd that they're perfect for each other. Yeah. But it's also odd just in the like execution because Pudder Smith is so obviously not an actor. And Bruce Glover is overacting. One is never too old to learn from a master, Mr. Kid. And the way they look.

Paul Williams was going to play Mr. Kid originally. Makes total sense. Paul Williams would have been great. But then isn't that strange in smoking the bandit, they kind of do that with Pat McCormick and Paul Williams, the big and little Enist, do you remember? Why is that weird? It's weird. It feels like...

It was faded to happen. But we love Mr. Wint, Mr. Kidd, and... We wish them well. We wish them well. And their time of need. I hope that Mr. Wint... Mr. Wint's definitely dead, but Mr. Kidd, he might have, like, caught a life preserver, or he's part of, like, he's on a pirate ship somewhere, all burnt up and

hair stuck to his head. There is not a big article for Mr. Kidd on the... Does Wint have a big article? No. Hmm. Crazy. Get on there, everyone. This fellow assassin, Mr. Wintz.

No big article for them, and I'm disappointed by that. Anyway, so that's my number three. Well, it's worth mentioning that for the three left, odd job and May Day have been mentioned, and Red Grant has not. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Well, it is time for your number three, right?

My number three was Winton Kid. Oh, and my number three was Winton Kid as well. So my number two is odd job. Ooh. Ha! Ha! Ah, ah. That's it.

Ah, ah. Ah. He's the quintessential bond villain. Even more than Jaws, do you think? He's the prototype. Yeah. Yeah. He is the one.

He is the man servant who has a razor blade hat, superhuman strength. a nickname and a sense of loyalty that is unwavering physical gimmick where he can't talk is that a gimmick i think so i think i think his physical gimmick is just being a massive korean massive korean wrestler who beats the crap out of bond for 25 minutes yeah i mean he's winning that fight yeah if he doesn't get electrocuted he also's just willing to die for goldfinger that is loyalty. He's willing to just be irradiated. Jaws is a close second, but he actually...

Do you think he's inoculated to radiation, and that's why he's willing to be in there? I never thought of it. Well, no, you have. But yeah, Aja, if you ask the... You know, if you ask anyone on the street who the best henchman is of Bond,

they're going to tell you. Yeah, I remember my dad used to talk about him a lot. Like, that's who would come up when he bond would come up and goes, oh, he throws his hat. And, you know, that's one of the more memorable things. Yeah. Well, there you go. Well done.

No, no, no, no surprises here. Surprises are coming at the top of this list. We're number two for me. Yeah. Red Grant. I just saw the realization on your face of where my list comes. I'm retiring from this podcast. Effective immediately.

And I'm hiring someone who has their priorities straight. Okay, Matt. Your number two is Red Grant. Yeah. I'm assuming your... My number one... My number one is Red Grant. Of course it is.

And Red Grant will be number one on the overall list because you ranked May Day so low and I put Grant at two. So number two will be May Day. So I guess we should talk about May Day and then... But someone, again, like people do when we do these, which is so nice of you. Do the actual point value thing, because there will actually be ultimately a different list, you know? Yeah.

Weighted totals. I don't know what you call that, but let's talk May Day. Okay. She's my number one. I love May Day so much. What is it you love about May Day? explain this to me because I had her ranked at number nine and I thought all right I'm probably pretty close to where Matt is she's got a nickname she has got crazy wonderful style that's true she dresses like nobody else got moxie I like she reverses course and helps bond so I feel like she's got a lot going on there um her delivery She's superhuman strength. She can lift a man above her head. She knows karate of some kind.

Yeah. She is... She can drive a car to the car wash. She sure can. She can kill a man in the back seat. She can grot people or Garrett. I mean, she's iconic for sure. of the 80s bond villains, she's certainly number one.

Yeah. As far as... I know people are going to think I'm crazy for making her number one. And I do love Red Grant, but... But if I think in a Bond movie where you can afford to go a little crazy, it's the hench person, as evidenced by... Yes, but the rest of that movie is so crazy. It's not like this offbeat...

I know, it has to be proportional. I recognize that Red Grant is like a more... solid henchmen, definitely. But I have more fun with May Day. She kills people with a little pointy butterfly on a fishing rod. And then skydives off the Eiffel Tower. Look, I don't expect any of you to agree with me. This is just where I am right now. She does what she does. And that is skydive off the Elephant Tower. Did you ever play the 2005 from Rush with Love video game? Yeah, I did. I didn't. I wish I had. Because look, you get to do that?

You get to be Red Grant, following around Bond? I remember that. I did play that. Oh, man. PlayStation 2. One of the few videos, I'm not much of a video game guy,

but I wanted to do the Bond games. I played that Bloodstone. If I remember correctly. Game. Sean Connery does the voice. He does, but he sounds old, old, yeah. It's weird.

And then I got the Quantum of Solis game, which is really Casino Royale and Quantum in one. Yeah. It's all right. But, yeah, so you're defending your Mayday pick, and I'm allowing you to have it. Also, Mayday is a great nickname. Red Grant lacks a good name. Mayday.

It's both elegant and dangerous. Yes. Well, there you go. Yeah. May Day, you've done it. All right. Let's talk about Red Grant. Red Grant is number one.

Maybe the best acted. Oh. Of any of them right? Without question. I'm just trying to think if anybody comes close. Certainly not. Venacio Gil Toro? Mr. Kid.

Yeah, I don't know. Anato Talban? Hmm. A dent is pretty good. Necros actually think was pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good actor. Yeah.

All right. What can we say about Red Grant? Not just the fight. in the train cabin. I think what's often overlooked is that little game of wits they have the conversation before the fight. That is so good. I agree.

I very much agree. The tension. Again, he busts a henchman with wine. Of course. Again, it's the main time. That's at least two. It wasn't a Russian show at all. Let me see this.

You've been playing it off against each other, Haven't you? And it was Specter who killed the Russian agent in the mosque. You? Carmen the other man? Mm-hmm. And Nash? Oh, I don't mind talking.

I get a kick out of watching the Greg James Bond, found out of a bloody fool he's been making of himself. Famous even in a second, but we... We froze, Mr. Bond. We've sweated your recognition code out of one of your men in Tokyo before he died. I've been keeping tabs on you. you. I've been your guardian angel. Saved your life at the gypsy camp.

Oh, yes. I am much obliged. I don't think he means it. We were keeping you alive until you could get us the lector. So you had me delivered on a plate. That's brilliant. Go on and fascinate. The amount of cool testosterone is this train cabin is incredible.

Between here and Trieste. Isn't she working for Spectre to? No. she thinks she's doing it all for Mother Russia She takes her orders from Colonel Kleb A Rosa Klebs Russian Head of operations for Smush Was

Cleb works for Specter now I almost don't want to see this whole thing Because I don't want to spoil it Oh there we go I'm looking forward to that one I like that Red Grant you're just hearing You just heard a minute and 43 seconds of that

Which Red Robert Shaw Quint. You're over there on that poster. Top build. That's right. My favorite movie.

And my favorite Bond movie. I think he does deserve to be number one, even though I chose May Day. Crazy that you chose May Day. Someday you're going to look back on this and think. I was right. Like, I was ahead of my time. You were ahead of your time, Matt.

Let me recap what the ultimate... Here we go. Here is the official James Bonding Pod ranking until someone gets us numerical values based on math. That's right. Number 24, Helga Brandt. Number 23. Crot.

Number 22. Chang. Oh, Chang. I can't believe, by the way, I cannot believe Chang ranked lower than Goldie. Number 21, Goldie. Number 20, Elvis. Number 19, Stamper. Stampa.

Number 18, Zhao. Uh-huh. Number 11, Irma Bunt. Number 16, Patrice. Number 15, honeymoon. Number 14, dent. Number 13, Gobinda. Number 12, Fiona Volpe.

Number 11, Zini Anatop. Number 10, Mr. Hinks. Number nine, necros. Number eight, loke. Number seven, Tee. Number six, Nick, knack. Tabasco. give a dog a bone

number five jaws number four went in kid number three odd job number two made it

and number one red grant the wolf man it's a beautiful list and we finally did it everybody we finally ranked the henchman and I hope you enjoyed it

that's right if you get a chance go rent a cabin with your friends and family and play along do your little version of it do your lists Matt I have to say

I've been podcasting for nearly 10 years. It's 12.13 in the morning. It is the latest I've ever recorded a podcast. Are you serious? Yeah. Probably not for me. I don't know why. Really? I'm trying to think.

No, because we did some of those super ego commentaries on films, and we'd start late, and they'd go a little late. Is it really that late? Yeah. Oh, boy. Okay. Let's wrap this up. Thanks for sticking with us.

James Bonding. We'll return. With. License to Kill Honeymoo. James Bond, James Bond, big podcast, James Bond, big podcast, James Bond, big podcast, Matt and, Matt and, Matt and, James Bonding Podcasts. Hey, this is Arnie Neacamp from the Improft Fantasy podcast, hello from the Magic Tavern.

I fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical land of food, and I started a podcast. Season three has just begun with a brand new adventure to defeat the Dark Lord. If you're a new listener or you've fallen behind season three is a great jumping on point. And we've got great guests like Justin McElroy. I sound like a fancy college professor. Fake nuts. Rachel Bloom.

You all see my collection of men corpses and one woman. Felicia Day and Colton Dunn. You've seen me have intercourse with a variety of species. It's a bummer. Andy Daly. You have the members of Genesis listed, but Phil Collins has crossed out and then circled it crossed out again. Yes, I have killed Phil Collins twice. Middle Ditch.

Jesus, I mean Jazzos, ruler of the eighth circle. And that's just the beginning. Season three of Hello from the Magic Tavern is out now. Listen in Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.