James Bonding - Timothy Dalton's 3rd Bond Film with Chris Klimek and Mark McConville

Episode Date: August 30, 2023

Chris Klimek and Mark McConville sit down with the Matts to discuss the never produced Bond 17. Timothy Dalton's third outing as James Bond was deep into pre-production when the project was shelved. We talk all about it and even try to cast it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Earwolf is the new home for the cult radio favorite Doctor Game Show. In each episode, hosts Joe Firestone and Manolo Moreno play listener-created games with comedian guests and listener Collins. Guests include Chris Getherd, Sashir Zamata, Tom Sharpling, and Aparna Nancherla. Want to be on the show? Submit your game show ideas to Dr.gameshow.com and follow Dr. Game Show on Facebook and Twitter to know when you can play along live. Dr. Game Show was a James Bond villain. He was probably my favorite of the Bond villains because all he wanted was exclusive broadcast rights for game shows in China for 100 years. Check out new episodes of Dr. Game Show every Wednesday wherever you listen like Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or Earwolf.com. Or the Carver Podcast Network. Not a real thing.

This is the deal. My name's Matt Goreley. My name's Matt Meyer. Coming to you on a Seinhiser 845. And we are here to discuss a movie that never even happened. That's what's the best part. We're going to discuss the third potential Timothy Dalton film that apparently there is a copious record of, including a meaty plot synopsis, the rumors, the pre-production notes and all the stuff. So we're going to talk about the film that could have been but never was.

Some of the meadiest notes have ever seen on a never-relixt notes. was film. So meaty that was hard. It's the Terry Gilliam Don Quixote movie. Oh yeah. These are so meaty that it was hard to get through them all in time. So we're going to do our best to go through them beat by beat. But we're not going to do it alone because look at these just wonderful looking gentlemen we have here today. First of all, joining us again because he's just often over here doing shit. Mark McConville. Hello everyone. I'm your resident non-James Bond, non-expert. We need a representative of the every man. I'm your every man. I'm your every man. I'm I'm the guy who's not going to know much about the stuff.

Yeah. And at any time during this discussion, if you need to go, hold on, I don't understand. And I'm a normal person. You listeners are going to need me on this one, I feel. The audience circuit. We'll back up a little bit. And that sonorous voice you hear right there is Chris Clemick. Hi.

Chris, you're joining us all the way from Virginia, even though you're here tonight. That's right. In town for some visits, but also some... Family business. Podcasting. And we're glad that you could stop by here. tonight? I'm honored to be here. Well, we're honored to have you. And Mark, I guess you're here too. Yeah. I live out back. Chris, you actually reviewed the Becoming Bond documentary.

Yeah, yeah, I did. Yeah, one of my many jobs is writing about movies for NPR and I wrote about that one. I wrote about Spector when that came out. At the time, Spector was released, I did a big feature for the Atlantic about the history of the, the fictitious crime conspiracy specter and the whole you know, Eon Productions, lawsuits, and the Kevin McClory matter, which you all have discussed. So, great detail here. You did a history of the actual crime syndicate, the fake crime syndicate? Yes. That's beautiful.

A history of failed acronyms. Yeah. I'm going to. Why is it so hard to find something that starts with P, but sounds sinister? Why do the S and the P have to share one word? Yeah. Yeah. It's ridiculous.

Mark, do you know what it stands for? What? Well, that's the problem. As much as we love James Bond, we always struggled to get through this because it's so not memorable. Special executive. Counterterrorism, revenge. Revenge and extortion. Okay.

You know what? I was thinking when we got into this that this was like I was trying to do the acronym for Shield, where I don't think Shield actually stands for anything in the Marvel Universe anymore, but like the L and the D and Shield originally was for law enforcement. division suggesting that there were other divisions. Like there were other, like there was shelf and shellfish and like other acronyms that would do something else besides enforcing laws. Sheel.

I'm not surprised they got rid of it. Spector should really have a small P. Yeah. It should. Absolutely. You're 100% right. You know, for years, I've been trying to convince the mothers against drunk driving that there's only one D and mad.

And you can't tell those ladies anything. So we're going to take a look at this thing today. We're actually going to dreamcast it from, I believe we're going to try to choose actor significant to that era. We're going to use a Sega dream cast. That's right. Which would have been accurate, era specific kind of. Sort of. Maybe.

Where did the dream cast come out? I'm going to go. I feel like that was 2000. It's in the 2000s. Oh, really? Oh, so this is more like late master system. No, late Genesis. I believe you'd have, yeah.

have a Genesis on your hands at this point. Yeah. I was a Sega Master System guy. I did not go Nintendo. I went Sega. I don't know why, but I did. I think I liked the look of the console better. Oh, you went by the pure aesthetic of the physical object and not the gameplay or controls. I get it. Of course I did. I get it. We're sitting and living proof of that. This might not be the most comfortable room in the world, but it sure is the best looking. I'm sorry, can I fluff your pillows? I'm quite comfortable. Could you? Well, there's always part of me that, you know, Way in over 2.30, I always worried that I'm going to lean back and just shatter all your windows.

I'm confident that will hold you. No, I don't want to do it. This is a thing we shan't test. Okay. So let's start with this thing. All right. First of all. Well, hang on. I'd like to hear your thoughts on Becoming Bond, brief. Oh, right. Sorry. Well, I was a little, a little disappointed that Mr. Goreley wasn't cast as young George Lasonby. You were nice enough to say that. That was a review. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's a shame we were unavailable. he does he does i mean you would have been great but the guy they had playing him was just looked so much better than matt without his shirt he was very funny and uh it would be a real tribute to him if i knew what his name is matt if you could put a shirt on tonight it'd be great not gonna do it

not gonna do it i think that guy was fantastic and i appreciate you saying that i don't think i could have done i i think he was he was a genuine australian yes he was and i mean that's a real coup because you don't find a lot of Australians who are movie actors. And I can do an Australian accent, but it is... It's Paul Hogan, and it's... And no one... I mean, it's been a long time since Crocodile Dundee. You know, when is Australia going to start contributing to the... Yahoo! Serious? And that's it, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Remember Yahoo! There's a great movie trade deficit. My Australian accent is so over the top that it would have never been believable. Let's hear it. Ask me to pass you this glass of water. He'll are? Can you pass me that glass of water, please?

I'm James Bond. Do you want a wallaby burger? Oh, no. Stick with it. Yep. You'll get there. I'd like a martini shake and not style. Well, you're adding a lot of H's.

Are you an Australian robot? Hello, I'm an Australian robot. You can totally trust me as a human, Cindy and Bing. There is something else I want to mention, too, that this was sent to us. This idea was proposed to us by someone with the most British name. Oh, let's hear it. Bennett Hastie. I'll take two. And he actually, credit where credit is due, he sent this to us and said that this was mentioned on the Bond and Beyond podcast. So by all means, go listen to that as well. We send full credit to them and to Bennett for sending this in, this idea. So it's, in,

way an original idea. I mean, I have plausible deniability is the first I'm hearing that it was on another podcast. Well, as the journalist in the room, I do feel like I have to ask if we know anything about the provenance of this, this document. Oh, that's a good question. You mean like how it was resourced and stuff? Yes. Yes. Do we consider this credible? Is this just a good look at book report? No, no, because I've, I've been a frequent visitor. This is all on MI6-hq.com. And they always, like, they never report. anything until it is confirmed all the rumors and everything like that.

That is a relief to me. I feel pretty good. They have a good track record as far as your Bond news goes. Yeah, if anything, they're behind the ball because they wait for total confirmation until they report, I think. Or like what we did, which was just willy-nilly shout-out news that then got picked up

by some weird British tabloid. Yeah, we're the, I mean, we're essentially the Fox News of the James Bond world. Oh, no. know, that's something we got aspire to be better. Sort that out. I'm trying to remember the name of the Jonathan Price character from Tomorrow Never Dies. I always want to call him Raymond Carver.

Yeah, come on, bro. Not Raymond Carver. What we talk about when we talk about tomorrow never dies. Exclusive broadcast rights in China for the next hundred years. That's why he's starting a war. Anyway. All right. Should we get into this?

We should also mention his late at night. Okay. It's later on the East Coast than on this. That's right. You must be tired. How dare you? Matt is always working, so he takes these little holes in his schedule to come out here, and it's a late-night thing. I'm sorry that we have to do it, but we only have two more weeks of having to do it this late.

And then we'll get back to Saturday mornings, my friend. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, that's nice. It's going to be real relaxing for some of us. All right. The year is 1990. Bond 17 is just beginning pre-production, and Timothy Dalton is set to return for his third James Bond picture. despite the lackluster performance of the 16th adventure,

which was last week's film we covered license to kill. Marker, do you remember that movie at all? San Francisco? Does it happen in San Francisco? Mark McConville representing the audience. Florida and the fictional city of Isma's City. Florida? Yeah.

And the fictional city of Isthmus City. Yeah. In Florida or is it somewhere else? No, it's Central America, I think. Okay. Yeah. And what's his other? movie that he did for the

The Living Daylights. Yeah, that one's in San Francisco. No, which one's on the Golden Gate Bridge? Do you to a kill. Yeah. Yeah. And it was mostly in the furthest southern point of Florida. Key West.

Key West. Yeah. Yes, the southernmost point in the continental United States. I'm not a total don't know. No, you're here for geography. Okay. Maybe. In May of 1990, a 17-page treatment by newcomer screenwriter,

Alphonse M. Ruggiero. Jr. That's made up for sure and an alias for someone. I thought that was the name of the guy who played Carlton on the Fresh Prince of Belmont. It's pretty close to that. It's very close. This has got to be an alias for like... You think it's anagram? Oh, it could be. Or I'm thinking it's like, um, like Dalton himself. It's not saying this. I'm going to rise. Along with Bond veteran Michael G. Wilson, this script was drafted with a tentative shooting date set and arranged to begin in Hong Kong and with the aim of a late 1991.

one release. Now here's where it starts to get interesting. Richard Maybom, who was the frequent collaborator with Michael Wilson up to that point, and director John Glenn, do not return to work on Bond 17, both leaving Eon on, quote, amicable terms in August 1990, despite trade press reports of a bloodless coup. Bloodless coup, also this... Amicable. This reports an Eon spokesperson added insult to interest. when stating that to variety that writer Maybaum was a has-been. He has been our writer previously.

And then out of context. And we'll be our live writer in the future. Yeah, you'd have to be pretty thin-skinned to take offense at that. Up first for director replacements, Rambo first blood director, Ted Kochiff. Sold. And John Landis. Oh. Sure.

I mean, maybe Beverly Hills Cop Three. wouldn't have happened if he had gotten to make Dalton Bon 3. Well, then we wouldn't have had the greatest director cameo of all time when Mr. George Lucas is cut in line. Unless George Lucas is in the third Timothy Dalton James Bond movie as the villain. Oh my God. And Bond has to stop him from making the prequels. What's Landis's qualifications for what is ostensibly an action for? Good question.

Well, the Blues Brothers has a lot of car chases in it. That's true. They love a car chase and a Bond movie. The thriller video. The Thriller Villio's Vileo is action-packed. I guess he worked on a script treatment for a spy who loved me in the development.

Wow. That's what it says here. Yeah. But you know what? Twilight Zone. You know that part where he killed those people? Oh. Yeah.

Let's get him on board of James Bond movie. Maybe it was an assassination plot. Guess who the screenwriters were initially? Well, didn't you just say Alfonso Roberto? No, he was the director. Oh, no, you're right.

He was first, but then, sorry. Or just they brought in somebody else. They replaced this newcomer. Yeah, already replaced. It goes through many permutations. I'm going to guess it's a woman. It's partially a woman. Oh, what?

It's a duo. It's a duo. It's a duo. Yeah. What screenwriting duo do you know that's a man and a woman? Nichols and May. Responsible for the second part of a popular franchise. Oh, I think this is going to be a short round.

Yes, that's right. Deliberation. The screen artist for Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Wachowski brother and sister? No. Okay. Willard.

They're both. Hick and Gloria Katz. Shooting was to start in 1999. And then... Have they both transitioned? The Wachowski's, yes. Oh my God, good for them. I mean, if they're happy, go for it.

Weird side. Yeah. No, and I just wasn't up to date on the Wachowski. I didn't know... Whereas Willard Huck and Gloria Katz just traded genders. Sure. They gender swap. spice up the relationship.

So litigation delays happened. Delays with McClory, right? MGM Creative Affairs VP, Elizabeth Robertson announced in Variety that work on the 17th 007 movie had resumed after they put it on hold for around three years during the litigation.

Hold on. Oh, this is when Cubby Broccoli was suing them because they were selling off MGM and they were not going to give a fair distribution right price to the bond. franchise. Okay. That's exactly what this was. I've decided. So Dalton's contract expires in 93, and at this point it gets to be around 94, and he's not coming back. He decides to do what his hairline is doing. Hold on. Why are you getting on his hair line? Step back. Yes. So his contract

runs out, and they just say, we're not going to re-up it. No, he walks away. he did yeah according to this when dalton's contract officially expired in 1993 which was originally planned to be the year of his fourth film the actor bowed out from the role gracefully in 1994 dalton had read frances screenplay for bond 17 whilst filming scarlet it was there that dalton made and subsequently announced his decision to walk away this saved broccoli who was reportedly under pressure from mGM from having to fire the actor So I wonder how much of that is him knowing that that's swirling. Maybe.

And get this. When Schwarzenegger's 007 style film True Lies hit screens, it undid any plans to fast-track Bond 17 production. Many of the action sequences in France's script were too similar, so most of the screenplay had to go back to square one. I keep mentioning France, but I skipped that part. True Lies? Michael France.

True Lies has a ton of Florida stuff in it, more than living daylights. I mean, but wait, this is true lies resembled the new, the unmade film. Yeah. Well,

what they're saying is, obviously, they were going to do an action set piece with a harrier jet. They were going to knock some dogs together in the head

and then show them getting up. They were going to use racial stereotypes as terrorists. They were going to have a horse chasing a motorcycle through Washington, D.C., into the Weston Bond Adventure Hotel. Jamie the Curtis

was going to do a soft-core strip tise. Tom Arnold's going to wise crack. Oh, he's probably, it's the greatest performance of any human being on any film. Check out I was there, too, for Tom Arnold's take on True Lies. Did you do that, too? Yeah. God damn it. I listened to that one.

I should listen to your podcast. It's really good. You don't care. I do, but my problem is that everything's behind Stitcher Premium. Use the promo code Bond 30. Yeah, please. Nice plug. The rumors about Bond 17.

Are you ready for these guys? Let's hear a rumor. I'm not sure if I am. They involve Anthony Hopkins and Whoopi Goldberg. Dreamcast! Yes. That's the name of the movie. The only known piece of Bond 17 promotional material was on show when the Carlton Hotel was transformed with a hoarding announcement.

A hoarding announcing Dalton's third film during the 1990 Con Film Festival. The banner read, Timothy Dalton returns his double. 2007 in the 17th James Bond film coming summer 91, with a smaller caption under Dalton's pose stating the most successful series in motion picture continues to view a photo taken by Kay Colette of the Carlton

Hotel Bond 17 frontage visit this link. This page cannot be found. This sounds insufficiently grand for Bond. Ridiculous. Oh man. Anthony Hopkins was rumored to be interested in playing an quote, intelligent villain.

Hopkins and Dalton were friends and debuted in the same film together, Lion and Winter. That's the first play I was ever in. Hopkins would also be rumored as villain for subsequent James Bond films, including Tomorrow Never Dies, which the actor turned down due to the state of script rewrites. I get it. I get it. You made a huge mistake, Mr. Hopkins?

Sir Anthony Hopkins. He got to do Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula. Oh, yeah. He's great in that. Yeah, I agree. Whoopi Goldberg was repeatedly. reported as being interested in playing a villainous. The American actress was dating Dalton at the time. I did not remember that.

Did you guys know that? I thought she was all about Ted Danson. No travel. She only dates men with TD names. Timothy Dalton. Ted Danson. Tom Dobson. It's just a guy who could forget.

Tom Dobson. Time daily. He worked at a gas station. Time daily. And Travis. Dickel. Travis Dickle, did you say? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Just wanted to make sure. From taxi diver. Taxi driver. All right. And then Golden Eye comes along. Boom, bump, bump.

Wait, check of this out. Walt Disney's Imagineering Division was... Originally called Along Comes Goldenhye. Walt Disney's Imagining Division was contracted to supply designs for the high-tech robots that featured in the early screenplays. Form was to follow function according to the treatment, so they would not have necessarily been robots and humanoid form. See, we're going to get to the plots and houses,

but I'm curious to hear what that's all about. And maybe Disney will end up owning the Bond franchise in the next few months. That worries me, but also tantalizes me. Sure. Paves the way for your Marvel Star Wars. Bond crossover. Which is something no one's wanted. No.

Vancouver was to play a major location in the film as well. Who's he? You know my buddy Vancouver? Australia was also touting. Australia and Vancouver. Bond has never been to Australia or Canada. Oh, I cannot wait for the next one. Yeah.

Everyone wants to see a Bond film where he goes to Montreal. I know. But I feel like they're trying to check off the boxes of the places he hasn't been there. Okay. Do you want to hear the synopsis of this film? I can't wait. God damn it. This episode.

I apologize, Chris. You had to come here on this evening with the three of us and the shape we're in. All right. MI6 receives a letter threatening the destruction of a secret government lab in Scotland. Matt, you're not even paying attention. I'm actually trying to find the links so I can read along with you, which I have just opened. Okay. MI6 receives a letter threatening the destruction of a secret government lab in Scotland.

A week later, with no further contract or ransom demands, the lab is mysteriously destroyed. James Bond is dispatched by MI6 under the guidance of Nigel Yuppland. I can't wait to cast Nigel Yuppland. He's the Minister of Defense. Nigel Yuppland. To assess the threat. Following his only lead, Bond. tracks down master thief Connie Webb and discovers her sinister dealings with Cahoney Industries.

Cahone Industries. I'm glad that's there, though, because I sure don't get the innuendo with Cony Webb. Spell it. Which one? Cahoney. K-O-H-O-N-I. Oh, okay. Yeah.

How do you spell C-H-O-N-I-C-J? C-A-J. Yeah. They're going for like the double entendre in the... the corporate bad name, but not the girl. Connie Webb. I kind of like that. I think that's interesting.

You know, they seem to, through the whole Dalton era, they seem to be sort of at a cross purposes, whether they were, because in the living daylights, as you pointed out, he is suddenly sort of monogamous. Right. And then, you know, he's back to being a little bit condescending in license to kill. Yeah. But I think that would be, I would welcome that. If we, you know, export the innuendo to something else, to like a villain name, to, uh, to, to

a fake corporation name. The girls have carried that burden far too long. I agree. Bond journeys to Japan to offer Connie the chance to broker a deal and sell a high-tech computer chip to her contacts. Escaping from certain death at the hands of twin assassins,

the Cahoni brothers. Yeah, I like it. I like it. Okay. Bond pursues Connie to Hong Kong. Sorry. They really put these devil entendres everywhere. To Hong Kong to meet with her Bible.

Hong Kong is a hilarious place name. That suggests all kinds of dirty stuff. Aided by veteran agent Denholm Crisp and Q. Donholm. Yeah. That's like taking Quentin Crisp and Denholm Elliott. That's pretty lazy, I think. Bond must learn the true nature of Sir Henry Lee Ching's scheme,

escape a Yakuza assassin, and deal with the Chinese Secret Service. After witnessing the aftermath of a nuclear meltdown in China caused by Sir Henry, Bond must stop him at all costs before he launches many more attacks, causing global pandemonium and sparking World War III. So that synopsis doesn't make any sense. Does it... To you guys? I was with it the whole time.

That was more detailed than any synopsis should ever be. And it's going to get a lot more detailed because that's the mini synopsis. They have this broken down by acts. So, here's what I'm trying to gather. The mission is clearer, right? The mission briefing they give you, which is after terrorists target a Scottish nuclear facility, 007 is deployed to the far east to investigate prolific businessmen Sir Henry Lee Ching. In Hong Kong, James Bond rendezvous with retiring spy, Denham Crisp,

crosses pass with the Chinese Secret Service, and teams up with jeweled smuggler, Connie Webb, to get to the bottom of Ching's shady past and prevent global pandemonium that could spark World War III. Where are you getting that one? It's on the page you sent me, bro. Yeah, bro. Come on, bro.

Hey, bro. Bro. Don't bro me. Bro me. Bro me. Bro me. Bro. Bro.

Bro. Bro. Don't bro me. Bro. Bro. Okay. Bro. I'll take that.

Bro. Bram. Broken. So what do you guys think of that plot? Well, I mean, it's your typical James Bond plot. in which you're trying to prevent World War III. There's a nuclear facility involved,

which is something we get from bonds here and there, but mostly it's missiles and not just, you know. Still fetishizing microchips from only six years after. The robotics of it, I think if they're anywhere close to FX2, I'm sure that's what they're shooting for. I mean, then that's going to be very cool. Right.

It was kind of a race to see who could appropriate stuff from FX2, the fastest. through most of 91. I mean, when that clown fights, it's just... When James Cameron saw that movie, he was like, holy shit. Is Brian Dennyhee in that one as well?

He sure is. I think that's why they put Joe Don Baker in these Bond films as like a poor man's Brian Dennyhy. So are we going to start staffing up this thing? Because I don't know. I don't know that we could do the...

I checked... Before we do that, I checked all the way out during that sentence. Yeah, it was the worst thing. I've ever heard in my life. Really? Well, let me...

I think the movie should start with a Phantom Menace-style title crawl with just that text as you just read it. Okay. Let me give you the cold open, though. Mitigating a trade dispute. All right, hold on, where is that?

There's a cold open? Yeah, there's a synopsis of the cold open. Is it as long as the... This is going to be longer than the one in... I mean, the act breakdown is... Brasman 3. Yes. The act breakdowns is...

It's not very long. Detailed by the Minister of Defense, Nigel Yuppland. A bomb squad searches a chemical weapons factory. All appears to be normal. However, in a lab where computer-driven devices perform tasks too risky for humans, one of the machines goes haywire and soon bursts into flames. Outside the bomb squad duck for cover is the factory. So it's a factory.

They go to a factory with our machines performing desks. There's got to be something missing here. Something besides the factory fire? So here's what I've gathered from everything you've read so far. This guy that is, what is his name? The Minister of Defense? Nigel Yuppland. Nigel Yuppland.

Yeah, let me give you a... He's experimenting with robots that can go into places that humans can't and do dangerous tasks. Okay? So one of these robots is sabotaged when they're going into this chemical plant to diffuse a bomb that they normally wouldn't send human beings into it. Now Johnny Five is a lot. Right. Now when this sabotaged robot starts to go haywire bursts into flames,

it actually sets off the explosion that they were trying to prevent in the first place. Got it. Right. Okay. All right. Let me describe Nigel Yupplin's character. Okay. This I am way on board with.

Do it. A career-focused man, Yuppland has quickly ascended in rank to Minister of Defense at MI5. He has the confidence of the British. British Prime Minister and no love for the double O section and would like to see nothing more than it shut down. And Andrew what's his name, Inspector? Yeah, the Denby character.

But instead of surveillance, his move is robots. Sir who now? So who would play Nigel Yuppland? Bill Nighy. James Fox. Well, you're looking at... Bill Nihy would be good. He'd be good, but I don't think a Bill Nihy could ascend the ranks

that, you know what I mean? Bill Nihy, even in 1991, is a man of a reasonable age to be the Minister of Defense, right? So you need a young, kind of a younger... Oh, a younger... Hot-shot. Yeah. I don't know. With a name like Nigel Yuppland, that implies to me a man of years.

Yeah. But the rest of it... So is Nigel Yuppland older or is Denholm-Krisp older? Because it also said... Oh, Denham-Christ is retired. Well, here, that... I got an answer for that. Denholm-Crisp, a veteran agent who is verging on retirement.

resides in Japan and his old friends with Q. Well, you know who Denham Crisp should be? Albert Finney. Well, he was too young back then. That was like Miller's Crossing era. How old do you think agents have to be? I think they could take an early retirement plan, right? Do you want an older, older guy?

Like a Sean Connery? Well, if he's friends with Q, I mean, Q's in... Sean Connery would be good. I think you get... Honestly, I think you get Denholm Elliott to play Denholm-Crisp. Imagine the him and Desmond Loewan, he's Marcus Brody from Indiana Jones. You remember that guy? I've seen a James Bond movie, Matt.

Well, he's not in James Bond. Have you seen James Bond and the Crystal Star? Desmond Loellan. Yes. But I'm saying Denholm-Elliott should play Denholm-Crisp, and he's the guy from Indiana Jones. Too many D's. This episode is fucked. Well, I think the...

I got you. I do know what you mean. Imagine the comedic duo of those. too. I would see them. No, I'm alone. I love him, and I would say yes to that. Desmond Llewellyn and what's his name, Broly?

Denholm, Chris. In Indiana Jones? Marcus Brody. I would watch that all day. Chris, what are your thoughts on that? I like Richard E. Grant. I love Richard E. Grant. I think he might be what about a little too? This is. Yeah, okay. This is Hudson Hawk era.

It is. It sure is. And I think you could just cast all of Dalton Bond 3 with the Hudson Hawk cast. You're right. You're fine with me. Put James Coburn in there? Hell yeah, James Coburn. Danny Iiello is Felix Leather. Is Felix, yes.

Richard E. Grant is Nigel Yuppland. I don't think you could do better than that. I wouldn't have thought about that. That's good. With nail and him. Yeah. Okay. Connie Webb, a retired Olympic skier.

Well, that's a new detail. In her early 30s, she is the daughter of a world-famous thief, This American Adventurist also takes after her father's line of work and is occasionally used by the CIA to steal unobtainable items. Whoopee Goldberg? She's the daughter of world famous cat burglar Hudson Hook. Who plays this role? Early 30s in 1990, 91. Is this your proto-

Omerman-Ferman? Bond girl. Otherman is like 20. This is the Bond girl of this movie. Yes. She's American. But yeah, I think Uma Thurman's too young at this point. What years is this coming up?

901. Well, with the legal stuff, though, maybe 94, which is Pulp Fiction, Uma Thurman. Is she 30 in that? That's her second act already. I'm just saying. Well, is the maybe the better question who never got to be a bond girl? That should have?

That should have. Is this the slot where you fill that? Yeah. Hmm. Just looking at the question from a different angle, man. I like the idea of it being an actual American. I like where your head's at. Is it... Who looks like a skier?

Jennifer Greang. I'm looking for a name. 1990. So what were the big films in 90 and 91? All right. Well, 91 was the year of Terminator 2. Okay. So this is like my sort of coming out as a movie nerd.

91 is the first summer when I know the release date of everything. Yeah. Counting the days. I think mine is 89. Okay. Well, 89 was a big one. 89 was a, actually, if I can, if I can go into tangent here. Please.

I was in line to, the first movie that I ever went the day of release to buy tickets for the night show because I was afraid it was going to sell out. It was the Burton Batman. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So my friends and I are standing in line the morning of the Friday, June 23rd, I think. And there's this stunt where a couple of guys drive up in a Jeep, like one of those open-top military jeeps with a big star on the hood. And one of them leaps out and starts shouting. And then a helicopter lands.

This really happened. This is in a mall parking lot. And it's one of those like Korean War era bubble top open-side helicopters like you see in the opening credit. it's of MASH. And they are firing presumably blanks at this, this helicopter as it lands. And then a guy, some like generic looking dude in a tuxedo jumps out of the helicopter, you know, fake shoots the two guys who are in the Jeep and then announces that license to kill is coming to this theater, July, whatever. And we were all there in our Batman t-shirts with our mouths hanging open. What? I swear this really happened. I don't think I

hallucinated this. This I've never heard of anything like this. What theater was this? This was at the Fair Oaks Mall in Fairfax, Virginia, right off of Route 50. It hasn't been a movie theater in a long time. What kind of crazy guerrilla marketing was this? Was it the theater that put this together? I can't.

I don't know. What does it cost to rent a helicopter? Was there cameras there to film it? I don't remember any cameras. Have you ever looked for this on YouTube? Have you searched for it on the internet? I haven't. Licensed to Kill promotional stunt, boy,

you know, I'm casting all kinds of aspersions on the provenance of this, this leaked plot synopsis. And meanwhile, I'm giving you a recollection that this might be a Blade Runner memory implant that. But I love that License to Kill had the balls. Yeah, well, that was the... Hey, Batman, we're going to steal your thunder here a little bit. Yeah.

But I mean, that was like, that was a summer lethal weapon two. Leathlethal weapon two. Glass Crusades. Yeah. And so many, like there were, yeah, there were too many, like, I never, saw a license kill in the theater. Living Daylights was the first one I saw in the theater, but I didn't get around a licensed kill. I didn't get around to Star Trek 5. I didn't, you know, there was just too much. Huge summer. Yeah. Huge. Do you remember that summer, Mark?

I wasn't born yet. Uh, lethal weapon brings up someone for the Connie Webb. Oh, is it Patsy Kenzit? Renee Russo? Renée Russo. Oh, she doesn't show up until Leth Weapon 3, but that doesn't matter. Oh, but I was just seeing the franchise. I like it. I really. I really. I really like her running out of so. I enjoy her opposite

to James Bond Pierce Brosnan in the Thomas Crown Affair reducks. The best James Bond movie Pierce Bros.

I see. Eighty-nine though was huge. It was the biggest year of movies ever if you ask me you got yourself

your your, your, look who's talkings. You know, that was 89. Driving Miss Daisy. Back of the Future

Two. Last Crusade, the greatest Indiana Jones movie that Matt doesn't agree with me about. I like it.

Dead Poets Society. Was 89? Excellent adventure. I believe so. Field of Dreams. When's Die Hard? Die Hard's 88. Your Christmas Vacations.

Oh, that's right. Is this also... Karate Kid? Lean on me. No, no, no, no. Karate Kid was 84. This must be Karate Kid. Three.

Sorry, it was a very right. Just as good a film. It's a small. It's a true. It is a small fun. That's the one with Sato, right? Yeah, the font. In all the karate kid movies is really tiny, hard to read.

I wonder they were kicking each other. What other prospects do we have for Connie Webb here? Well, you could go the Michelle Pfeiffer route. I thought about that too, yeah. Yeah. But I mean, is that just us? Staling this Baker Bond Girl. Yeah, but you're also, I'm stealing from Catwoman, Selena Kyle.

That's true. Cat burglar. I think Patsy Kensit was a good accidental suggestion. From Lethepin to me. I love her. What happened to her? Wouldn't she married to one of the guys in Oasis? Yeah, I was going to say Liam Neeson.

Liam Neeson from Oasis? Liam Gallagher. Yeah. I'll tell you, Noel Neeson doesn't get cast in those ass-kicking geriatric revenge flicks. Okay, let's each pick one person to be Connie. What's her name? Connie? Connie Webb.

And then we will vote. I just need a second, though. Okay, well, I have my answer right now. And it is a... I think decently aged at that point, Kim Cottrell. Kim Katrall. Sure. This is before Star Trek 6.

I probably am not aware of her in 1989, but that's good? Yeah, you don't, I think they tend to go that way with your bond girls. So I'm saying, Kim Katrall. It's an excellent choice. Mark, you got one? I mean, I like Renee Russo. That's your pick. It's hard for me to steer away from it.

Take it. That's your pick. Okay. So she's in major league that year, I think? She is in major league that year, yes. Hmm, all right. I'm totally thinking of Bull Durham. Yes, she's in Major League.

She's in Sarandon. She's Tom Bergeron's Bergeron. Tom Bergeron. The host of Hollywood Squires. America. America. This is you. Matlock?

I'm going to go. I'm going to throw a little left field choice in here. Okay. Lauren Holly. From Ghostbusters? No. No, from like Dumb and Dumber. Yeah.

Oh. Is she too young at that point? She's probably... I mean, Dumb and Dumber is 96. Yeah. And she might be... I can tell you exactly how old she is. Now, I'm not saying that she'd be my top choice,

but I'm saying that I think she would be someone... Because, you know, for Bond girls, they tend to pick girls on their career. or Ascension necessary. Like, they don't always pick the A-list starlets. They always kind of get someone on the way up. And I think at that point, she probably was. She had done the adventures of Ford Fairlane, the Star-making vehicle.

At that point, she's in her late 20s. I think she's right in the zone. Okay. So I think that's someone that they might have picked. Like, Carrie Lowell, in License to Kill, was not a household name. Lauren Hawley is your pick. Okay. Chris?

I wonder if Emma Thompson would die in to appear in a Bond film You never know you never know until you ask So a Brit for an American She could certainly do it She did it in dead again right around this time Ninety-one I think that's right

So yeah Okay Okay Let's take a vote here All right So argue pros and cons I'm just going to go ahead And eliminate Emma Thompson

Wow Yeah it hurts I had to do it Because I just don't want to take jobs away from hardworking Americans. Okay. You know? I mean, look, if I'm going to vote for anybody for my choice, I'm going to choose her. But I don't know that they would have.

Really? She's a brilliant actress. Oh, she's one of the best actresses on the planet. No, but I can't imagine. But I think that's beneath her. Cubby you signed off on that. Yeah. Hmm.

Okay. Matt? I mean, I personally enjoy my own vote of Kim Ketrell, but if I cannot select my own, if I can't take my own, I'm going to take Renee Rousseau. I think Kim Ketrault is not, doesn't have the cachet. Wait, okay, so she had been in big trouble in Little China by this point, right? That's 86. Right, but she's also got mannequin.

What is the cachet? Oh, no, am I thinking of Teresa? Wait, wait, I need to understand your, your, cash requirement for this role. because in my mind, all of these bond women are people that are very nearly discovered by the bond franchise. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So you're saying that she's done too much stuff already. Done too much that has not progressed past a certain point for me.

Does that make sense? Oh, I'm trying to change her career right now. Oh, well, you need to step back. By letting her be in this movie that doesn't exist. See, I see her more as like Priscilla Barnes and Licensed to Kill. She'll play a supporting role or something. Okay. But I'm not saying I'm right.

I'm just saying. I feel like we didn't, we have not landed on the right person. Because the thing that keeps sticking in my mind is that this character is an award-winning skier. Right. Correct. Keep in mind that they cast Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist. Matt, you've got me there. Christmas only comes once a year or something like that.

No, that's exactly it. Yeah. All right. I'm looking up biggest actresses in 1991. Oh, man. Okay, well, I think the biggest hit in 90 was ghost, right? So Demi Moore was probably the top of the... She could.

The top of the list at that point. To me more. But then, again, that's too much cachet. Right. He's looking for the top actresses, thusly eliminating his own criteria. Well, let's look at who is. You got to look at the top actresses of 1993. Or three.

Good thinking. What year? 90. You know what? We're going to... We're going to... So we're going to get to Sandra Bullock eventually because she blows up with speed in 94. I'm choosing 93.

So 91 is when we want to catch Sandra Bullock. 93, your best actress in a leading role are Emma Thompson, Michelle Pfeiffer, Susan Sarandon, Mary MacDonald, and Catherine Deneuve. Well, Mary McDonald is. Supporting role, Marissa Tomey, Judy Davis, Joan Plowwright, Vanessa Redgrave, Miranda Richardson. I'm going to give it to Ouma, Thurman. honestly. You're really not that far off. She would have been 21 years old, 22 years old.

Right. I buy it. A former Olympic skier. Hmm. Boy. She sure was a convincing swords woman in those Kill Bill movies. So I think she could. She can do anything.

Yeah. Moving on. Okay. I'm just going to throw out Jessica Tandy. All right. We have a new winner. It's Jessica Tandy. Okay.

Now, I'm going to cast Umyth-Ehrman in this. And if anyone disagrees, meet me on Instagram. Once Instagram is invented Amanda Lund's hilarious podcast miniseries is back for another season on Stitcher Premium Who's Amanda Lund? Well, she is the greatest wife

I've ever known that isn't my own wife. Whose wife is she? Your wife. Well, this time Maribel May wants to plan your wedding. Through the six episodes of the complete wedding, Maribel takes you through everything you need to know to have a successful wedding from meeting a man to the wedding night. Guests popping up this season include Maria Blasucci, Mark McConville,

me, Goreley, Paul F. Tompkins, and so many more. Let Maribel May plan the best day of your life. Binge the Complete wedding on Stitcher Premium. Go to stitcherpremium.com slash complete and use code bond for free month of Stitcher Premium. Now look, I'm going to get real with you. Yes, I'm biased. Yes, I worked on this, but I'm taking all of that off the table to tell you, this thing. This, thing is one hilarious podcast. It's six episodes. Part of a three-episode series. Four, if you count the spin-off, complete man, buy me. Seems like it's six episodes, Matt. You could just sign up for this free month using the promo code Bond and get it all in that month. You could binge these in a day and then move right on to any other premium content you want. Like all super ego. But anyway,

this is really about Amanda's podcast. You're right. How did I turn it about me? Matt and, Matt and, Matt and, James Bonding Podcast. Let's hear some. in one of these character descriptions. Twin Cahoni brothers. Both brothers are large well-built men in charge of a vast Japanese industrial empire and have no intention to sell their company, the twins of connections to the Japanese underworld and Yakuzi. Connections to the Japanese underworld in charge of a large Japanese corporation, do they need to be Japanese? They are Japanese. Okay. Are they? Well, their name's Cahone. O-N-I-O-N-I-O-N-I-Kahoney.

I expect I know the answer to this, given the great cultural sensitivity that the Young Productions has always shown when casting Asian characters in these films. I got somebody. I believe he is Chinese, not Japanese. 1991 was also the year of the Hong Kong set adventure Double Impact, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme for precisely twice the Van Damage. the villain was played by the great Bolo Young, who is a big intimidating martial artist. If you imagine that that odd job could do a 360 spin kick. I like Bolo Young for the Cahoni brothers.

Instead of having two Van Damns playing separate characters on screen, we take one of the few trends that the Bond films have never appropriated before. One actor playing dual roles, and you get your Bolo Young as the Cajon brothers. And you really would have expected that in the late 90s after the success of the Nutty Professor. I'm not sure how it didn't happen. Yeah, that sounds good.

May I offer my suggestion? Please. Michael and Martin McNamara. Are they those like fancy shitty shitty movie twins? They're Canada's kickboxing movie twins. They made two martial arts movies in the late 80s and in 1990. And boy, does this look like a pile of garbage? But come on.

They made a movie called Dragon Hunt in 19. 90. They would have been a hot property. What are their names? Michael and Martin McNamara. The twin dragons. They're twins. They're born in Belfast, Ireland, and they were raised in Canada. Nothing says Japanese

Yakuza business. More than these dudes. They're only 5'5. Wait a minute. These are not, this is not what I expected. They look like, who do they look like? I can't even, like, like,

David Brenner Dan and Don Stanton Who's that? Look them up Okay, okay No, they're in T2, right? Aren't they like the asylum guard T1,000?

Kills with the murderous iPok. Yeah, that's exactly right. How about them Guinness Book of World Records big, huge motorcycle? Oh, what if they use the bikes as weapons? What about Mary Kate and Ashley Olson? Why? They were larval

1991. That's right. Well, it sounds like... You're correct, Chris. I think we have to go... Bolo Young? Bolo Young? It's great.

And are we good with Richard Grant is Nigel Yuppland? That seems like a no-brainer to me. Yeah, move on from that. That's great. I am fully placated for losing Emmett Thompson. Okay, and Denholm-Krisp, are we good with Denholm Elliott playing that wrong?

Yes. I mean, it just seems written for it. He's pretty much the best Denholm. All right, next on the list is Otto Winkheart. Swiss lawyer who acts as Connie's middleman for fencing highly priced Commodities Swiss lawyer No physical description is given other than he's a Swiss lawyer

Yeah right Rucker Howard I got a great one Oh that's pretty good I just got to make sure That he's Swiss Please talk Well if we get Daniel de Lewis he's going to insist on actually going to law school in Switzerland

And then taking the bar in Geneva And we just don't have that kind of time. So, regrettably. How big of a part is this? It doesn't sound major. Here's my idea. Yeah. Lyle love it.

I love it. Wow. I mean, that was sort of when he was, this movie would have taken the entire duration of his marriage to Julia. This is the era of giving that man things he shouldn't have had. That's why I'm picking it. I'll love it. I just think it's this strange.

You know, this part doesn't sound like a, Sure. Maybe there's a plot point that runs through this character, but mostly I just think Lyle Lovett is just a guy who can show up in a movie for a couple minutes. It also fits with the trend of putting musicians into weird James Bond henchman roles with Pudder Smith from Diamonds or Forever. And Goldie, wasn't he a DJ or something? So has Chris Isaac already passed?

Is that one where I'm calling Lyle Lovett? Was Gouldy a musician from The World Is Not Enough? He was a, he's a London hip-hop guy. Yeah, okay. Renee Zellweger would have been a good pick. A bad girl, right away. Junior high probably. No, she's a year older than it went down.

Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm wrong. Okay. Anyway, sorry to digress. Well, I like Lyle Lovett. I think that's great. I'm done.

Lyle Lovett it is. Okay. That hair. It's so unique. Yeah. Sir Henry Lee Ching, in his mid-30s, this half-Chinese British computer genius entrepreneur has built his own large high-tech computer chip empire,

supplying the world with industrial-grade chips, which are used in everything from factory robots through to missiles. Currently based in Hong Kong, his motivations are a mystery. By the way, if my reading seems stilted is because I'm making corrections on typos as I go. So this sounds like a fellow who's got these microchips and everything and everywhere, and then the minute he can just flip a switch and now chaos can ensue But half Chinese half British

That's Pat Marita done Not even close What do you mean not even close? You know I think getting a guy Who's only really one of those Would be sort of offensive But if you go with someone who's fully neither

Right You know frankly Sticking with the Hudson Hot castes I like Frank Stallone for this. I think he really wants it. I think he would... That's crazy. I think he would come up.

I don't... I like where your head's at, but it's crazy. Who looks only mildly Asian in this time period? Keanu Reeves. Tia Carrera? Oh, there you go. Sir Henry... Hey, she's...

There's a good bond girl. American Tia Carrera. You know, she was in true lives. So they were thinking the same thing. Oh. Yeah. I'm gonna... I'm going to say this, and I don't mean it.

I love ways. Johnny Depp, Seagal. I was wondering when we were going to get to him. Is he in any way Asian, or he just dress as Asian? No, he is, like, he has this whole made-up biography about having... But he's probably from, like, from the Japanese master or something. He's from, I think he's from Michigan. I think he grew up in Michigan.

Sure. You know, claims to have studied in Japan. I think that's legit. I think that's been verified. He's above the law. Yeah, you know, he's very hard to kill. This is also a time when whitewashing was in no way a cultural problem. So feel free to cast the whitest person in this role.

By the way, Jonathan Price is in Miss Saigon at this era as the Vietnamese. Is this your villain? No. It's not? Is he? I'm not sure. It sounds like the Cahoney Brothers are the villain. Wait, no, no, aren't the Cahoney Brothers the heavies?

aren't the Calabians? They're the henchmen, right? They're the heaviest. This must be the villain then, this Henry reaching. Yes. After witnessing the aftermath of a nuclear meltdown in China caused by Sir Henry, Bond must stop him at all costs before he launches many more attacks, causing global pandemonium and sparking World War III.

So mid-30s, half-Chinese half-British. Oh, okay, not mid-30s. Do you think at this time they would not have cast someone white and put like prosthetic on his eyes, would they? this is not long after Rimo Williams but would they have to with Nicholas Cage

what don't you think Johnny Depp could pull that off I think he would insist upon it yeah yeah I think this would be this would be like Sean Young you know barging onto the Warner's lot

in her homemade catwoman costume it's funny to be to try keeping it's funny to hear these descriptions because I feel like in the Bond movies that I've seen you don't hear hey that half Chinese half British businessman with microchips is waiting for you, Mr. Bond. But it makes complete sense.

You just say, you know, like, no, but it makes total sense because you're going for, this is during, this is right around a few years before the Hong Kong transition, where the power is going from the British government to the Chinese government. So I'm sure they want to play both sides of that. Also, because the character who's torn. Dr. No was, what, wise, Joseph. Joseph.

Chinese, half German, the character? Yes, but accepted by neither. Right. Yeah, the robot hands were German. Yes, very German. Very German. Jammin Steele. So this is a tough one.

You know the guy who played, he was in 21 Jump Street? Richard Grieco. I think he was Korean. No, but I'm listening. That guy kind of looks slightly, maybe not. I don't know. How about Lou Diamond Phillips? Oh, I like that.

I mean, nowhere near either of these. I know, but when you're, When you're trying to hit a mark, then the era, too. We're casting in 1990. They had no sensitivity to that. All right. Okay, Dr. Ron Beardy. Ron Birdie.

As himself? Okay. And introducing Dr. Ron Beardy as himself. Chingleys research assistant who advises him on the computer chip Bond is selling. Oh. So. What were the best beards in cinema? Is he wearing a beard?

I mean, is Bond? Let's assume he is. Here's a stupid guy question for the Bond experts. If a guy's name is beardy, does he just have a big beard? Is it that on the nose in this franchise? No, but because they don't give us anything else, let's say that's the only requirement. This guy has to be known for or at least have had a beard in something before that you've seen. Billy Gibbons.

Who's that? From ZZ-Z-Tub. Oh, Jesus. I mean, they probably make a cameo in a cameo. He also plays one of the guitarists in Back in the Future. I do have one in my head. Okay. He's probably too old here.

Ron Silver. No. I don't think he's... Well, I mean, to be a lab assistant. Oh, sure. To Johnny Depp. And you're going for someone. Or Lou Diamond Phillips.

He's a research assistant. Yeah. Research assistant. I want to go with the guy who played Ellis in Die Hard. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. What is his name? Oh, this...

Holt. or something. Hart Bochner. Hart Bochner. He's got a great beard, too. Yeah, you would love to see it. So we are going on, we're going based on beard solely here. Yeah, I think so.

I think it's important. So Jonathan Frakes? Yeah. Was this beard era Freaks? I think this was pre-beard Frakes. Frakes' beard came in 88, season two. Come on. All right.

I'm sorry. I'm still waiting to hit puberty myself, so I, you know. I'm a little jealous. Chris, do you have an option for this? Research assistance. Yeah, yeah. This is a weird role. I mean, I guess it could be some nerdy youngling or something.

But he's a doctor, too. Could be one of those smart doctors, like a Dugie Hauser type. Yeah. Christian Slater. It's kind of great. Yeah. I think that's actually not a bad move. Now it's taking me down the path of all the young guns.

Well, I started the... Baldessar, Getty. Yeah, Keeper Silerland. It's going to be a really good... idea for a podcast where you watch all of the Young Guns films and discuss them in detail. I would do it. I love that second one. I really do.

Blaze of glory. Yeah. Get into it. A horse I ride. Okay. So are we going with Christian Slater or what? Well, I don't know. Pump up the volume was pretty successful.

This is, uh, Heather's is, uh, 89, I think he's, he's pretty hot. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and this character, this is maybe the moral compass here of this laboratory. Yeah, I have a feeling. This guy has nefarious things with his microchips and his lab assist and knows the truth. I have a feeling he's kind of like the guy in license to kill Truman Lodge. You know that guy?

Truman Lodge, yeah. He's kind of a more like cares more of an ideal loss. I like that guy. And I also... This man is freighted by conscience. This fits the Bond franchise move. Granted, there wouldn't have been two movies between, but it is a thing they which is recasts.

Types. Yeah. But I think you put him in that role. The same guy? Same guy. Wow. Ooh. Dye's hair.

Are you listening? Anthony Stark? Okay, next up. Me, why? I don't know. A beautiful field Chinese intelligence services operative. So she must be the secondary bond girl. I mean, is it Michelle Yo?

Oh. Or Tia Carrera. Gotta be one. Can't be both of them. I mean, yeah, like, you know, we could have brought back Michelle Yo for Tomorrow Never Dies still. After her, uh... I mean, she is a Hong Kong agent. She could have returned in the same role.

Right. When was Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon? Uh, 2000. Rumble in the Bronx. Would she have been too young for this? No. No? In 91, no way.

She's right in the pocket. She's in the bond zone. Okay. Should we go with that? Yes. Michelle Yo, I love it. Any objections going once, twice? Whoopi gold.

No. Mark. You got it in under the wire. We have to consider us. Oh, we're going to talk about it. Mark, make your case. I don't want to. Quinn Lowe.

Me, Wise, immediate superior. who is section chief of Chinese intelligence service suspects the British may be planning to renege on a promise to hand back Hong Kong. I'm pretty sure that this is... So that's why robots are blowing up. The plot of double impact has a lot to do

with the governmental transition of Hong Kong. Every time I've ever heard anything about this hypothetical third Dalton film, it sounds awfully similar to... Other than the fact that it's about identical twins. were separated at birth. Okay, I got it. Yeah. Chow Yun-fat.

It would be in his 40s. Okay. Oh, boy. Yeah, and you'd be getting in on the ground floor, America-wise, right? It's right. You're not really done in the American films at that. Because John Wu doesn't come over for another three years. Agreed then.

Okay, last one, Rodin. I always thought it was Yakuza, but here they keep saying Yakuzy. I don't know. If you're in a triad, please email us. A Yakuzy assassin who is on Sir Henry's payroll and out to stop Bond and Connie at any cost. He is equipped with an array of high-tech weapons and gadgets that would make even Q envious. Okay, so this guy's a badass. This is your James Bond counterpart.

Japanese badass I'm assuming Yakuzy, his name's Rodin Um Hmm Hmm It's not George Taked Sorry

I'm going Wesley Snipes I would love to see Wesley Snipes It's uh But imagine Like you know 91 So this is This is New Jack City

This is Uh Well in that case I'm going Judd what's his name Jud Nelson Nelson No but just like

Imagine the career It seemed like Wesley Snipes was on the verge Of having at that time It was like this guy Was gonna be Yeah Another De Niro or something

Right You know He looked like he could do anything And he could maybe work for the Yakuza He doesn't have to be Japanese I suppose that's right But don't you is not That's why I'm going

Brandon Lee Oh On this one Yeah I think you're right You want a young arrogant Yeah

Hot shot Andy Garcia Godfather 3. Yes. Agreed. Boy, that's good. Okay. Matt, do you have anything to throw in that ring?

Well, I was thinking, but it's hard with the age situation. I'm trying to, like, really place it. I'm thinking, how old is he? Hang on. Ken Watanabe. Oh, yes.

Oh, man. Yeah, it's a great dick. This is finally making sense. That's a tough one. Brandon Lee, Ken Watanabe. What do we do? Wesley Snipes.

Okay. I haven't chosen one. I'm going B.D. Wong. No, I'm just kidding. He's pretty young. Just another dumb guy question for you. These films typically don't have stars. Top to bottom.

So are you... Right. Are you pulling from these... other film markets thinking that that's where they would be getting their stars or would they be pulled up I think they're in a unique situation here where they're

trying to go for people that can act and be in the American market so they're probably going to go after stars of that genre which Michelle Yo was when they cast Michelle Yo. So I'm feeling like

a Ken would be a good move. I'd be happy with you. And if you want, your accurate King and I actor well that's that's gonna be what instead of Jonathan Price oh oh this Saigon

the engineering of the Seigon isn't he in the King and I is it like what's your Brenner what's your Brunner doing here wait Lou Diamond Phillips was in King and I oh that's it okay in the stage production so we got that oh thank God Ken Watanabe was in the King and I

yes really because and that's what I confused Billy Gibbons was in the King and I One of my wife's friends was in the chorus on Broadway recently with Ken Watanabe. And we were going to go surprise him after the show. And so we waited by the stage door. But our friend didn't come out, but Ken Watanabe did. So we got his autograph and a picture with him only because we were there. This is very strange.

How many people were waiting? We didn't go to the show. We didn't see it. How many people were waiting? How many people were waiting? Outside the door. At least 100 people. That's amazing.

Former guest of this show, Jeff Davis. was the son of Anna in the Ewell Brenner Broadway production of King and I. That's right. And he was a kid. His last tour of it when he was dying of cancer, I think. Yes, he told us a great Yule Brenner story. He may have. You'll have to go back and listen to that episode.

Yeah, he also tells one and I was there, too, where he spanked a kid. That wasn't his. Maybe that's where I heard it. He may have been, yeah. That used to be allowed. Somehow that's the one episode of I was there, too. I listened to. That's the one.

All right. Locations, United Kingdoms. Oh, wait a minute. You know, I got a, I'm sorry to interrupt here. But we're shutting down the henchman file now, right? We're fully cast. I feel like my one legitimate credential here that I have is that I worked for a former Bond villain. I was Ricky Jay's personal assistant for a year.

So this is long after Henry Gupta. Do you have to organize his fucking cards or something? I did have to keep the files. I was not privy to any tricks. Yeah. You were set out to get thin-skinned watermelons? No, no. He has...

He's very good. No, I was, like, when the show was going on, I was, you know, handling guests and stuff like that. Was this Deadwood era? This was, I think this was after the first season of Deadwood. He was a little bit less active. And, in fact, right after I left and moved back east, he was immediately hired to work on the prestige, which I would have loved to have been around that because he was their magic advisor

and also had a small role and he was also advising on the illusionist at that time like the other period of magic film. That was weird that they did two period magic films. It sure was but that's such a cool by the way mini genre. I'll repitch it again. I do it every year. You just do

one of those illusionist's prestige era magic movies. The rival magicians are Will Ferrell and John C. Riley. I'll pay you. So much money to make that movie. I swear, I feel like they'd done that, but I'm thinking of Burt Wonders. Yeah.

Which is, get it out of my face. Yeah. Anyway, it was long after Henry Gupta, but I just wanted. Was he a nice guy? Unmasked myself. Yes, he treated me very well. He seems like you know. He doesn't seem to me.

I don't have any horror stories. And I was not a good assistant. He was very, very tolerant of my incompetence. What do you mean you weren't a good assistant? I mean, I was a little, you know, a little disorganized, a little unreliable. I was not the cool, calm collected. You mixed up as dry cleaning that I am today. No, actually, I'm feeling a little anxious now,

recalling some of the stuff that you put up. No, he was more than, more than reasonable. Would it be like, would you embarrass him in front of, say, David Copperfield's assistant? Never, never did that. James Randy's assistant. So when, he took his show, Ricky Jay and his 52 assistants, to the studio theater in Washington.

D.C. And I said, oh, I'm from that area. You know, let me go with you. I'll be useful, sir. Like that kid in Dunkirk, he didn't necessarily need me there. He had, you know, people doing everything you need. But I was going to be able to stay with my folks. So I went along.

And one of my jobs there was to invite people he knew or prominent people backstage after the show when they were in the audience. So one night, Justice Breyer, Supreme Court Justice Stephen. Right. my God, with his wife. You know, so I, like at intermission, like, I know, Justice Breyer, you know, Mr. Jay would be honored if you would join him after him. And so, um, and I had started by this point to date the house manager at, uh, at studio

theater. Nice. Um, so, uh, I, back in the, the green room, I'm, I'm supposed to, you know, stick my head in every few minutes to see whether they're, you know, whether I'm supposed to usher the people out or let them stay longer, you know, there's a whole system of cues. And Justice Breyer is asking Ricky how he developed this proficiency with a sleight of hand magic. And he says, oh, you know, it's just practice. I was doing this forever. I was on Ed Sullivan when I was four years old. He's like, it's, you know, it's that old joke.

How do you get to, how do you get to Carnegie Hall? And I had one of those moments where, like, I thought I said something internally, but it turned out I spoke it out loud. He said, you know, one of those things. How do you get to Carnegie Hall? And I said, sleep with the house manager. and then I realized I'd said it out loud and I thought I was fired. But then I looked up and Ricky was laughing and the Supreme Court justice was laughing. Only his wife looked a little uncertain about the head. Well, how do you think she got with the justice of the Supreme Court? Yeah, clerk for, I don't know.

So I did remain employed after that day. That's great. Cash and checks from Henry Gupta. That's a great story. He invented techno terrorists. He did. So do you appreciate tomorrow and every dies, or do you look at it as though you're around?

You know, I always thought I was more of a partisan for it. I got to say, you know, you guys have had a lot of influence on how I regard these films. I mean, I was a fan long before your podcast started. And I saw all the Brosnan ones as they came out, and I always liked him. But I have retroactively downgraded my opinion as a result of... Oh, so this podcast,

cast doesn't have influence. Matt Goreley has it. No, it does, but I mean, I distinctly remember seeing Tomorrow Never Dies a second time in the theater. So I must have appreciated it, but on my most recent revisit, it was a little rough. Yeah, I think that's my point. I don't follow that. I really don't. Well, I think it's the greatest movie to come out in 1997. I think Titanic robbed it. Yeah, you didn't see Starship Troopers. All of it. Didn't see Face Off. You know, I've never seen Starship Troopers. You didn't see LA Confidential? Well, that was pretty good. But did it have Pierce Brothin in it? No.

Didn't need it. I do like that scene when Russell Crow breaks the chair in the interrogation room and then runs it. I was vaguely aware of him and I had never seen Guy Pearce before. That was a true. Guy Pearce, by the way, history is forgotten. Should have been Batman. He should have been Batman. You don't think he's a little too sinewy for Batman?

I think the jaw on that man belongs in a cowl. Can you get him in a Bond film? I'll see what I can do. If Batman is doing acrobatics and martial arts, he shouldn't be burly. He should be wiring. But I think, you know, yes. Yeah, but his superpower is he's rich.

He's also a straw, well, you know. All right, locations, United Kingdom, Scotland, London, Japan, Tokyo, Hong Kong, and Central China. You listed London and the United Kingdom there. I'm writing what they've got. out here. Isthmus. Vehicles. Aston Martin D.B.5.

Twin ejector seats. What? The driver's side and the passenger side? Oh, it didn't go. Hang on. Oh, I fucked it up. If you could only see the defective air horn's iPhone app. That was a sad drumbone. Rear bulletproof shield. Stop it.

Flairs. A Lamborghini. Oh, shit. A stealth car. Heat-seeking missiles, machine guns, infrared tracking system, and a motorcycle with front-mounted missile launcher. Oh, I love it. That probably belongs to one of the fat twins. Isn't that a...

That goes way back to a Thunderball. Yeah, that's a... I have to say this movie so far does not sound great. You don't like a stealth car? No. I don't think it's going to be a car that's invisible. I think it's going to be a stealth car. Still.

They had a stealth boat And Tomorrow Never Dies Look where that got it Gadgets A high-tech helmet With a heads-up display Yeah, because you always think of James Bonding the helmet

I wanted it to be one of those old leather helmets With no face mask or anything Heads up display that has several views Heat sensing, Night Vision, and more So Terminator Oh, get this Nan, a female robot assassin.

This movie was going to boil. Wait, hang on. Is she a female robot that is an assassin or is she a female that kills robots? No, I think she's a robot because they talk about... An assassin of robots like Sarah Cod. Yeah. And how humanoid do you think they'd make the robot? If they're going to... I mean, if this is James Bond and they've got it like literally an android in this movie, that's it.

That's too much. Yeah. And it's this, you know, this is 1991, so robots still looked like Johnny 5. I'll bet you they are like, they're probably pulling on, I know Terminator 2 hadn't come out, but I wonder if they are kind of like. Doing a T1,000 dot matrix from space balls. Or Vicky from Small Wonder. Well, she's a voice input child identicate.

Law enforcement division. All right. Let's get on to this synopsis. I don't know that we need to now that we've discovered there's a female robot assessment. You're listening to Small Wondering. All right, you guys talking, I'll let you know if there's anything important that has to come out here. I think there's so much wrong with this movie, and I can see why it was in development. Hell, however.

He dodged a bullet. I think they were wise to get out of the way of Double Impact. Do you think that that had any actual bearing on their plans? I mean, I think Double Impact actually, like, they shot a bunch in Hong Kong. Well, it probably was on their race. Because J-CVD at the time, just the terrific star. You know, I don't think he ever, like, even Seagall, like, had a brief moment as an A-lister, and I don't think Van Dan ever quite got there. Even though his movies came out theatrically longer than Segal's did.

Here's a dumb Bond man question for you again. This seems highly derivative of everything else going on in film. That is a signature trait of Bond. Is it? Yeah. Absolutely. When they do veer, like go in, do they ever steer away from it? Or do they always kind of lean into the tropes of the day?

Well, they don't. Because if they do, do those movies, are those movies good or are those movies the bad ones? When they're leaning into what's already going on. That's a good question. I mean, my treatment for the movie where Bond and M wake up and they realize they've switched bodies and hijinks and sue was not well received. I heard it was. I would watch that with Do they. Judy Dench and

Daniel Craig I would watch that. I want to watch it now. When did that? I think this, because this literally feels like hey,

there's robots in this other movie. We better put them in our movie. It is. And that's 100% what they do in the bond. Except in the beginning, except for twins, they really created the action

blockbuster genre with Dr. No, Russia with Love, goldfinger, Thunderball. you only live twice. And then I think,

I think Honor Majesty's Secret Service was doing its own thing, but by the time you get to die another day, it starts to feel like an American, gritty 70s action movie, camp action movie. And then especially live and let die, you're doing a black exploitation film.

And then from that point on, they're pretty much stealing almost every movie. Right. And then if they're not stealing from another movie, they're stealing from themselves, like view to a kill or a spy who loved me. Well, I think part of the problem is they so often use the same writers over and over again

that it just sort of ended up becoming a sitcom room where they're like oh fuck what are we going to put them in this time? Yeah, it's a miracle in hindsight that Casino Royale worked as amazingly well as it did considering you've got the same old writers again. You've got Martin Campbell back for the second time. And they're stealing heavily from Bourne in terms of style, I think. I mean, I feel like that's a bit oversteady.

your statement that is a bit overstayed. But don't you think they're stealing from its success is what I mean? Like they're saying, I mean, you're free to do this now. I see more of the influence in Quantum of Salas than in Casino Royale. Yeah, I don't mean in direction because I think that's the, that's where Casino Royale, I even think goes above the Bourne movies.

Is that, oh, I think so too. And actually, it's an interesting question to me, like why the stunt stuff, the hand-to-hand stuff is not as sharp even in like skyfall as it is in, in, uh, in, in, in, in, in casino. Royale. I feel like the Mission Impossible movies are kind of the leader on that at the moment.

I feel like they're doing the best. I agree. Yeah, yeah. They're like great Roger Moore movies. I don't think they've been any after three. That's when they get good. Yeah, Ghost Protocol and Rogue Nation are fans. I think those are two best.

Yeah. I've been hearing that. We come in and be like, oh, you guys are talking about this. I'm going to get back up. It's Margo. everyone. Margo, what are your thoughts

on James Bond? This is Margot the fat guy's gun barrel entrance. Four hours into the

episode. What do you think about James Bond? How do you think Blofeld got that cat to

sit so still? It didn't. Have you seen that gift of it freaking out? There is

one shot in the movie where the cat is just absolutely going crazy. I think that what

I'm realizing is that we're, we should be grateful we never got this movie. Sounds like it. Well, because if you think about the, the downward trend that license to kill, Livingdale's and License to Kill were on box office wise. And if this movie had come out and it had done poorly, let's say they got it in under the wire, and then the legal stuff was pushed a little bit.

With the sale of MGM, I feel like it could have been, it could have meant the end of the franchise. Well, Dalton predicted that, didn't he? This is long before he officially quit. I thought he said that shortly after license to kill that he thought it was coming to an end, and he took pains to specify that he didn't mean his tenure.

He meant the entire series. And I think it could have. I mean, had you gotten a James Bond movie with stealth car and robot assassins? But you kind of do in Die Another Day. There's an invisible car and a robot. A pile of garbage. I know.

Where's the robot? Well, there's that like, like, programmable laser thing. Yeah, but it's basically like an assembly line robot. But what I'm saying is like if Die Another Day didn't kill the franchise, what would? It nearly did die another day. It did pretty well, I think. No, I mean, it did real well. Yeah, but it killed James Bond as far as I'm concerned.

Pierce Brousen is no longer in it? Why am I even watching it anymore? So, but would they have had the means to read? It was Vin Diesel and Triple X who declared his intention to kill James Bond. Good luck, buddy. I haven't seen that movie on time. I didn't see the new Triple X, did you? Yeah, I didn't.

Oh, sorry about that, buddy. Yeah. But, no, I think it's good that this didn't come out. Oh, I think it's definitely good that this didn't come out. I would have loved to have seen another Dalton done well. Yeah. So let's end on that. What would be a good...

First of all, who would have directed this? Well, I like Mark's questions, and he had one. Thanks, Matt. What would... What is the guy? What in this giant pile of just stuff thrown at the wall to see what sticks? Would have been the hang-up. That an executive at the studio would have been like, yeah, we're not doing this.

Because there's a motorcycle with missiles on it. Yeah. I think probably the suggestion that there are microchips and everything would have been too much. But I don't think, I think this would have been fine. They would have gone like green lit. Really? Yeah, because this is no crazier than some of the other shit they've done.

All right. But I don't think it would have been good. I think, no, I think once you're entering the world of robots, like you're entering, you're entering a reality that is so skewed. This is like Moonwrecker. And also like, contextually, historically, historically at the time, the idea that some genius could have built these robots that do

all these things was more plausible, right? Do you know what I'm saying? Because it delves into science fiction it is possible in this world. Matt, I take back what I said about Mark's questions. I tried to tell you.

I had like some weird genius builds these assassin robots. Well, I guess my question is what is the aesthetic of them? I need to know if they're utilitarian looking or if they're fucking looking exactly like human beings. They look like shit. I'm sure they look like shit. It's 1991.

I know, but they look like shit. What I mean I guess is like are they going to walk around like a Terminator? Here's one. Or you can't gadget, nan. A female robot assassin. They're going to be all clunky. A female robot assassin implies that there would be a female playing that role. A female form. Yeah.

You know, so we're already having a gender situation. Yeah. Unless it's like Johnny 5 with boobs. I don't, my brain can't get there. Wait a minute. All right. I know who plays Nan. Whoopi Goldberg. That would be so weird to have a Bond movie with robot assassins.

Joanna Cassidy. You know, she was on a kick murder squad. Yeah. What better credential is there? The Bond movies exist in a war. world that I always think of as eight months in the future. Do you know what I mean? Like whenever you're watching a Bond movie, you're like, oh, this is eight months from now.

Well, they start shooting it. It's coming out in eight months because they don't give themselves a lot of time. So, you know, the tech of it all is usually a pretty easy buy where usually. I mean, I think the only point where I just, where we all just were like, oh, God, was the invisible car in die another day. Which they have, I mean, there is some, there is some thing to the way the technology is described.

It will project images on the other side of the, that it sees on the other side of the car. But it just, that, that was, that was the step too far for the franchise as far as the tech was concerned for me. So it's hard for me to imagine a James Bond movie that is five movies before that, a decade before that, that has robot assassins. Now, I get that in Moonraker, they go to space, and they have lasers, but it's based on a space shuttle.

Well, okay, I'll sort of buy that. And these laser weapons are ridiculous, but somehow viable in my head. Yeah, and the space shuttle had not flown when Moonraker came. I mean, it had been flown in the atmosphere, but it hadn't gone into space, so people knew what it looked like, but it looked like the enterprise. That's what it was. So who would direct this film? I have two names.

Okay. And I don't think, I don't think Cubby would go for either of them. Because I don't think, and I don't think Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson, no matter what they say now, like, I don't think we're ever going to get a Chris Nolan or a Tarantino and stuff because I think they want somebody pliant ultimately, right? They're never going to give anybody final. So it's the Kathleen Kennedy of it all. Yeah. And I, you know, I would love, love, love to hear about how Sam mentioned. Indies end up in this because that must have been a hell of a negotiation.

I think they might get Nolan at some point because he's enough. Yeah, but he's true to it. But he's going to have a final cut on the movie if he doesn't, right? And I can't imagine that that's part of the deal that you're Roger Spottis Woods and, you know, you know. You're John Glenn's get. But in 1991, you know, we're 26 years in the past. and we've yet now in 2017, eight months and some years in the future

have not had a woman direct to Bond film yet. So I think you get Catherine Bigelow coming off of blue steel, coming off of near dark. I would mourn the loss of point break because I really love point break. Yeah, me too. But this would have been something.

This would have been something. That would have been a fact, this movie with her direction. I'm trying to imagine what that would be like. See, my other one is John McTiernan, because he's right in his glory at this point. He's in between two projects with Sean Connery. Help us get Matyernan out of prison.

That's our goal on his podcast. No, that's the only reason I'm here is to appeal. Is he still in prison? He's still in prison. Is he? Yes. I thought he got, okay.

I thought he was out too. Right. He would have been great in this era for a bond movie. It really seemed in 1991 like he was the Wesley Snipes of directors. There was nothing he could not do. Yeah. His career would be on the ascent forever. Yeah.

Okay. Those are both great choices. The name that popped to my head today this afternoon when I was reading this stuff at lunch was Tony Scott. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think he would have been likely. That's the person they would go. Coming off of Days of Thunder. Yeah.

He is one of my, not one of my favorites. It's sort of interesting. that he got real experimental late in his career. Yeah. And like a lot of those movies don't work, but they're ambitious and strange, which most people who get to that level commercially don't... Right.

Become as wacky. Bond movies need to tow a careful line between the fantastic and the real. And I feel like Tony Scott handles the fantastic well, but his real always is melodrama. And I think Bond is at its weakest when it plays with melodrama. Yes.

It is a consistent weakness. Do you know what I mean? It's very consistent. His movies are, you can see him a mile away. No, I mean in the Bond franchise,

the way that they handle melodrama when they handle it, I never think it's great until we get, you know, there's exceptions for each bond, but I think for the most part when they're doing it,

it's, I just like, oh boy. But I don't think Bond tends toward melodrama that often. I think maybe that's my problem with the Brosnan era is that's when I feel like it has its heaviest occurrence. Of handsomeness. That's true, but also melodrama.

Sure. Yeah. I also want to point out that John McTiernan made the 99 Thomas Crown Affair, which you mentioned earlier, but that movie is great. And it's got your Renee Russo in it. It's got something for everybody. And I think he brings something out of Brosnan that's lacking in the Bond movies. Yeah.

He's great in the Taylor of Panama soon after that too. That's on my list to watch. I'm going through all the La Caree movies. My desire for Tony Scott. It's gone. Okay. I was just convinced by this resume that was just dropped in front of me. Pretty great.

And that's where it ends for it. Like, I don't think he ever had, I mean, I don't remember if that movie was a hit or not. But, like, I think that's the end of the era of grade A. McTiernan, 99. Let's wrap it up with what you would like to have seen in a third. Dalton movie. Where would it go?

And what would be the basic idea? It would have been around, let's say it's 1991 to 93. Okay, it starts with him bringing a new leg to feel it. I want to pick up close to where we left off. A can of bat shark repellent

LTK. So he brings a new leg to feel it. And while he's there, he gets a talking to from the FBI agent with the Jerry Curls. Not Agent Johnson, Agent Johnson. Agent Johnson. And he's like, listen, I'm sorry, I was so hard on you. You really did it. You really helped us out a lot.

We got another big guy for you to take down. And he hands him a dossier from the FBI. So then all of a sudden, James Bond is working for us. And then it's your full-blown American James Bond movie with Timothy Dalton in New York. Oh, boy. What's going on in the world? Financial crisis, you know? Well, the wall comes down at the end of 91.

There we go. There we go. And it's still got some remnants of the Cold War. Yeah. I mean, if you want to make a probably more realistic. At the Atomic Blonde this year? No. Because I was set in Berlin in 89 and they really did not do enough with that.

Sorry. They should have told us that. I would like that. I would have been more inclined to see it if I was told it was set in 1989. What if there's something where like the walls coming down, but... A new wall is coming up. There's something where... Death Star 2 is being built in the middle of the middle of the middle of the...

Something underground happening that if people... Bond doesn't fix it, like all the relations, like the Cold War could start up all over again or something like that. I don't know. What if he asked that he's forced to escort David Hasselhoff to the wall? No, I need you to be serious. Well, I was in my American James Bond pitch. We would never be so lucky to get David Hasselhoff in a Bond film.

Yeah, I just don't know what the sociopolitical, I mean, it's, it always has a lot of has to be a nuke, right? Yeah. It always has to be a new. Is this still, someone's threatening? Was it still Thatcher's England in 91? Maybe.

Look, this is impossible to be terrified. Let me throw out my idea. I want to hear Mark's idea. I just want the guy in snow. I want snow. Dalton and snow. We get a little bit. I want shooting and snow.

So, and we get him to Canada. 1990 was her last year as prime minister. Get him to Canada. and he brings his cellocase. There's a scene of him playing hockey for some reason. Oh, that sounds very Wayne's world. I'm into that.

Yeah. I mean, well, if Thatcher's reign, quote unquote, for lack of a better term, ends in 1990, don't you have some political intrigue to deal with the aftermath of her? Yes, it's a palace melodrama about Thatcher's ambitious underlings by. to succeed. I don't know. I like the Hong Kong.

You want to be the PM? You got to kill the PM. When's the last time that the James Bond franchise had gone to the Far East? Was it Man with a Golden Gun? Prior to this? Yeah, as a, as a, like, substantive part of the movie. Yes. He's in India.

India, yeah. Well, we're going Far East. Okay. I guess that's it, huh? So it had been a while. I mean, I think it's a great... I like the story if we don't have robot assassins. If we do have someone sabotaging this new

Minister of Defense, and we do have some sort of corrupt microchip guy. But now aren't we just watching the Kingsman? Oh, boy. Honestly, isn't that the plot of the Kingsman? Everyone has a mobile phone and then the chip and the phone gets switched on and now The phones are all weaponized.

John Major was the prime minister. Good name. He was the guy without lips. Yeah. They have the technology. They could be good. There it is. Well, I think that's our Dalton movie.

The guy without lips. John Major is... You know, it's a Man Without Lips. You know, it's a Manchurian candidate thing. The Prime Minister of England is actually a robot. Yeah. Assassin. Yeah.

No. He's a robot. Assassives. You must find the Prime Minister's lips. They're located somewhere. Oh, boy. But see, now we're going to spoil a big part of Mission Impossible Rogue Nation

for Matt Meyer over here. Oh, boy. Here it goes. It reaches the highest levels of the British government, man. That's all I'll tell you. All right. All right.

Do they find the lips? In your version. Yeah. Where are they? Canada. Oh. And Austria. One lips.

in Canada, one's in Australia. It's just the upper lip. It's in the freezing cold and it's a stiff up of it. Get me on a plane to Australia. Do you mean Australia? Oh, boy. Well, Chris, Mark, you guys really brought it. Thanks, Matt.

Chris, you came prepared with copious notes and information. Mark, you came prepared with an outsider's DeVeevee. What was on the notes? Let's see. Oh, he probably got the, well, he did have a great idea. Well, I do have your home address written down, so I'm not going to read that out. I can give out the address of the Comfort Inn at Eagle Rock.

Well, we all know, Matt's address is 007 goarly way. That's right. It's 555-55-5-5-5-Universal Export Way. Well, if you haven't yet got... gotten a Canangabaloon or Pigeon double-take t-shirt at Podswagg.com slash bond. Go there now because they're going fast. You're almost out of luck. Canangabalun sold out, you said.

I think smalls are left. Great. Can I have two? That's amazing. It's 1052. Great. Yeah. So that means intermission?

Yeah. Interval. Anything else, Matt, do you need to cover anything? No, I think we did a great job. We'll be back. Chris, where can people find you? Tell us what you're up to. So I archive all my movie reviews and other things for NPR

and all the other places I'm writing for at chrisclimic.com. I am on Twitter at CTK-L-I-M-E-K. Mark. I'm at Mark McComville on Instagram and Twitter. And if you want to find me on Facebook, go ahead. I probably won't look at it. Well, thank you guys very much. This was a big thrill.

Thank you for letting me do it. Love you. James Bonding will return. Return. Oh, that's right. Skyfall's next. Fire up your skyfall engines, everyone. Bye.

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Hey, this is Arnie Neckhamp from the Improft Fantasy podcast. Hello from the Magic Tavern. They fell through a dimensional portal behind a Burger King in Chicago into the magical land of food. And I started a podcast. Season three has just begun with a brand new adventure to defeat the Dark Lord. If you're a new listener or you've fallen behind season three is a great jumping on point. And we've got great guests like Justin McElroy. I sat like a fancy college professor.

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Listen in Stitcher, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.