JAR Media Posdact - Baby George Cry Cry - JARCAST Episode 187

Episode Date: October 7, 2019

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Good afternoon, morning, evening on night, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Alex, and this is episode 187 of the JARCast. I am joined today by Jamie. What? What up? And the dryback himself, James. Yo. Yeah, this is like an audio thing.

You nodding doesn't really come across. Hey, I'm really excited So when I'm excited I don't talk I thought you should know this Okay 187 episodes and you don't know that Come on Quick question

They say they say it takes About 100 episodes to start To really figure out how podcasting Like is And like you start to get good Supposed to be around 100 Right When would you say

As objectively as you can Despite the fact we are literally the cast members and make the cast when do you think we sort of got it a bit more Christ it took a It'll be past episode 100 I reckon I'd say about

230, 220 So you're You're sort of planning Yeah no in my head That's when it's just going to It's going to By then every episode will be incredible

And I swore We're still going We're still growing Yeah Our early jar was it wasn't it was just chaos well there was method in the madness yeah i had the like list on my pc of like subjects and i'd just look at them now and i'd be like what does that mean you had like the same list every time yeah like 50 60 episodes yeah like 60 episodes yeah like 60 episodes you're the

one about us being transformers like what our names were that was at the top i'm pretty sure i was the top of list before we go any further though of course um big thanks to the patrons who make the show possible especially in these times of crisis with our potty mouths getting every video we make. My potty mouth, let's just be honest with ourselves. You're terrible. Jim's potty mouth. I mean, don't go in on me

quite like that. It's more than a potty mouth. No, because it's like a public toilet. It's bizarre. I don't know if I've mentioned it before for those listening or watching, but the way it works is it only looks for swears in the first few minutes of the video. So as long as you get

five, ten minutes in, then you can start saying, the most horrendous stuff in the world but the algorithm looks for things early on because I guess most videos are watched most of the attention time is at the beginning so it makes more sense to flag it based around that based on the weird

and Jim every time without fails always slips in but yeah and of course merch available too check the description that's all that stuff out the way and well there's one other thing I suppose we need to address potentially is we've got a few

extra subs recently because of some successful videos namely the nostalgia critic the wall video so if you're a new subscriber on this video as a result of that welcome we'll try and we'll try and include you

in a way that makes as much sense as possible which we'll do by starting with a simple subject that James actually inspired me to note down earlier because it's something that needs to be discussed, something of grave importance to us all. Why do dogs have scorpion stingers?

That is the question of the day, and that's what I want to break down and discuss for the people out there right now. Why do dogs have scorpion stingers? Dogs don't. I don't. The phrasing of the question is just factually. Why? okay you phrase it in a way that makes sense then if you got a dog next you right now grab their tail or if you don't just go on the street you know just find

find a dog um and finger to be careful with your wording use your pinky finger item no just grab its tail as long as it has one has been docked yeah and like find the end of the tail you've got to go through the fur and find that actual tip Yeah, it sounds very like invasive, but it's not, just the way we're describing it sounds really weird. No, it doesn't.

It does, you're like, take your finger and then... No, you hold a tail, and then wiggle your finger in. That sounds normal. But yeah, of course, you know, we don't have tails, do we?

We have tail bones. Yeah, but like a dog's tail, it's a continuation of their spine. So they actually have bones in their tail, right? Yeah. But you never think about how the tail comes to a point at the end. And it is like a spike. Yeah. But it's like a flesh spike.

Is it flesh? To me, it's more, it feels more like a fingernail. Like their equivalent of a nail? No, it's not quite a fingernail, but it's like. um the what's the stuff cartilage

yeah you reckon it's too sharp like no it's not it is you're a really sharp one

no but it wasn't like a fingernail at all it wasn't like it kind of was dude

no it's like malleable gunge no I disagree and it's It's pointed to the fur can grow out and form the tip of the tail. Quite simply.

You see, I'm pretty sure Billy being a cat, I don't think she is a spike. Have you tested? But cats have like rounded tails anyway. Yeah. Dogs, they have like sharp tails, so it makes sense for it to have a little hidden spike in case of emergencies. Well, what's the emergency? Oh, I don't know. Self-defense? I think they've got like a jaw that's designed.

Imagine if they were pinned down and only their tail was free Suddenly they have another weapon to use To stab much in the same way a scorpion might stab No definitely not You're talking a bit of wrong things A bit of wrong things Well any other thoughts on the scorpion's stinger tales or... It's evolution

Yeah, quite literally Although that doesn't exist They were scorpions, then a scorpion had a baby and that that grew fur to be warm in the winter and then that had a baby and it was a dog no but then no there's no because it's got to lose more of its legs first before it becomes a dog it got on a fight and then it yeah it got on a fight then had a baby then that was a dog yeah I didn't listen to any of what you just said and I'm going to move on now no wait in the same vein why do scorpions have claws self-defense

as I said. Well no, because they need that to grab things. They can't... Well, a spider doesn't need to grab things. How else are they supposed to text each other and stuff? Fuck you. No, for real. Like, why do scorpions need hands?

Because they do stuff. Like what? They build. Yeah, they build. What the fuck do they build? They craft, like, things. What are they craft? Well, they can't use their stinger for that, can they?

They collect up sticks and make little dens and all sorts. They don't make dens? They're scorpions. They dig underground. They've got dig. They're not going to use their pincar to dig. No, but they've got loads of legs. Like a spider.

That's to support their body. That's not to do things with. Yeah, but why doesn't a spider need to do things and a scorpion does? A spider does do things. They use their arms to create webs. Here's a more pressing question, though. Dynonicus or Velociraptor. Dynonicus.

Velociraptor? Here's the thing, but why did you choose Velociraptor though? Because they're kind of cute. Okay, fair. Fair, you spun my expectations back around on me. Clearly understanding that Velociraptors, of course, were not the... Jurassic Park. The Jurassic Park interpretation, they were not...

They were birds? They were chicken. No, they were... Yeah, they were small. They were tiny little things. They weren't that small. They weren't chicken size. they were small

compared to... I thought they were like waist height Yeah like Dolkjite Labrador size They'd still be of course terrifying

But on the silver screen There's something less scary About a dinosaur That's a chicken Yeah Although in the second one They have In the second Jurassic Park

That is The Lost World Or whatever the hell it's called They have got those little What they call Comcompe's they call them Compaginathus Something like that

That's chickens basically. Yeah, but like in the movie, one of the nihilists from the big Lebowski gets eaten by a bunch of compies. Yeah. Oh yeah, that's quite horrible. Have you, have, if we few

you into a hen for the vangu chickens, you'd get eaten as well? No, if chickens were the size of us, damn straight they would eat us. They would tear us to shreds. Yeah. So what you're saying is... Like, what is one of the most dangerous animals? A cassowary. And they're just dinosaurs. They are just raptors

effectively. You've seen what those things can do? But yeah, they're fucking horrifying. Casawares are a scary bird. Do not mess with them, especially for you out there who live in countries where they also exist. Be careful out there. Don't they like rip your eyeballs out?

I've heard stories. Anyway, can you keep me on track please? Bring us dinosaurs and distracting me. Yeah, say the scorpion thing. Why? Well, they need to do things The claws

No, listen Idea Okay Why did evolution Make these strands Right It goes it For coolness

No, it goes in two directions There's the spider strand Oh do you know another one I like Celophyses Sorry continue There's the spider strand And the scorpion strand Right

And they separated Um why did they not combine the strand and make... The spiders do excel at things that scorpions don't and vice versa. Exactly.

So you put them into one strand. Yeah, and you have a camel spider. No, because that thing doesn't have a stinger. No, imagine a spider with a stinger and claws. And it can also make webs. And it can also make webs and like swing around and stuff. Scorpions can't make web.

webs. No, exactly. That's what I'm saying. A spider that has the stinger and the claws. So you're saying if a spider just was a scorpion, then they'd be much more efficient. They're too big. No, no, what you're saying? No, they're not. You're, you don't realize there are scorpions of varying sizes much like a spider. So what you're saying, Jamie. Or spiders. It's like a spider that has like a hard shell exoskeleton like a scorpion with the pincers and the claws. That is a spider, basically. That is fucking horrifying.

Imagine in the corner there's a fucking scorpion, like, on a web. That's fucking, you know, that doesn't exist? No, I know, but I'm questioning. I don't think it is as ultimate. Alex, why? Because a spider is perfectly designed around its way of hunting. It's like, obviously not every spider, but they're light as a feather, and they, like, drift in the wind and create webs.

And they have to be light And they have to be able to move really quickly Yeah, scorpions can move quickly Yeah, but that's not even the case Like tarantulas They just use their web They hunt differently I'm talking about whatever

Why don't tarantulas have stingers and claws then Then they could build Do they have stingers? No, they have fangs Yeah, but I'm getting confused Because in Lord of the Rings It has a stinger as well Yeah, that's true actually

That's really confusing But Shilob isn't real okay no you're your argument shit because scorpions are like that anyway what you know you're talking about a scorpion that is inherently just a spider is fucking horrifying because it's like you can't put you can't put a glass over it because it would just fucking attack you if it's stinger you can't win it's the ultimate predator your dog is gonna it's got that scorpion in the corner is gonna fuck it up you're gone

Paisley would have a good turn on a scorpion I reckon. Oh, so... Okay, what's scarier? Here's something more palatable. What's scarier? Spider or scorpion? Big spider there, big scorpion which one? Big scorpion. Spider? Do you reckon? Yeah. I've eaten a scorpion. No, I feel like I can

take a spider. We have conquered scorpions in the form of eating them. We haven't conquered spiders in the form of eating. I'm not going to eat a spider. And it depends. Like, I don't find the big, slow spiders scary. They aren't fucking slow. No, that's what I'm No, some are.

No, spiders aren't slow, Alex. No, you're thinking of, like, tarantulas, which are very slow. Spiders are quick. But the tarantula is a spider. But as you said, it's a different kind for a different purpose. Yeah, but you have never been in. What are we talking about? You're, what arachnids are we actually talking?

You were just like, imagine if there was a spider over there and the scorpion. No, but you said you don't find slow spiders very scary. What fucking slow spider have you ever met? Loads. the ones that just sit around just chilling well they all sit around and chill that's because they ain't moving no but they're scarier to me because

scorpions are scarier because they oh whatever why because they're the same spiders you've realised you're wrong pincers no because they're more armoured they look like something out of the dark crystal and we've eaten one and it was not armoured

it fucking mushinged one out but imagine having to take down a scorpion yeah exactly That's why they're fucking scary And that's why they be even worse That's what I said though But that's what If they make fucking

Wrabs they'd be fucking horrifying That's the way I'm saying You've gone back to the previous thing Yeah what you even talking about The question was which is scarier Spiders Scorpion Why is a spider scarier than a scorpion

Because I really like scorpions And they're really cute Why is it? James has just cop out to everything No no generally I like scorpions I think they're so fascinating So you'd pick one up then, would you?

If you wasn't, no, I wouldn't. They're fucking scary. They are scary, but I think spiders are just scarier. I think spiders look scarier. Yeah. So I'm more scared of spiders. Although I think I'd have more of a chance against the spider than a scorpion. Yeah, that's my logic.

Because there's no way I'm picking up a scorpion. I'll pick up a spider, whatever. Would you eat a scorpion? No. Well, maybe a fried one. No, it's not fired. Anyway, enough of this scorpion topic. I was not intending all of that to happen.

Well, you fucking reap what you so, bro. There's something I want to talk about. I hope you guys don't mind. Because it is... It's about something. Is it about scorpions? No. It's about something I think we're all a bit tired of.

of that being Shane Dawson No that being Star Wars I'm not tired of it But this isn't about the movies As much as it's about Recently

Bob Eiger The Disney CEO Released like a memoir Or something And it was revealed in it That George Lucas felt betrayed

By the way Star Wars has been treated by them. So, of course, the story goes, Lucas sold Star Wars to Disney for $4 billion or whatever it was. And he had,

if not, scripts already written out, like, some kind of story, like, planned, all around the wills or something. This weird concept where, like, I'm going to go, um, microbiology level with this one. Yeah. I remember hearing about this.

before the sequels even came out. But obviously they didn't take that because Disney's like, no, we want to make money. So it's kind of sparked this huge thing now because already the Disney Star Wars hate train, I don't know if it's ever been bigger than it is right now because of...

I reckon it was bigger. like sooner or closer to the previous movie coming up after basically after Last Jedi it's just been absolute chaos in the Star Wars community

so any any bit of news like this is a I just like I just find that the Star Wars fan reaction quite interesting because the only reason I know about this is because someone posted in my subreddit that you know Jeremy Johns

a YouTuber who does videos on movies he uploaded a video in response to this news coming out about him George Lucas saying that he's disappointed or whatever and how Star Wars has been treated and

in this video Jeremy Johns he's like he's nearly on the point of tears talking about it taking this stance as if like it is really insulting to George Lucas and stuff what's happened

and all the comments of course are like man I feel so sorry for George and stuff and it's just come to this point where I'm like wait let's be real about this whole situation right he chose to sell it like no force his hand I was going to say they they didn't

owe him anything he got four billion dollars and it's like well maybe like genuinely what you're expecting selling it to the biggest like entertainment company and on in the world the thing is you didn't expect them to just turn it into a fucking machined you know like factory made product line that you've always hated and now you're complaining yeah it doesn't make sense but like I reckon the reason he sold it is because nobody would want to fund him making another Star Wars Yeah because yeah because like

The previous three he made were fucking trash That's the thing like It almost seems like that's not really The accepted opinion anymore It's kind of come round a bit Where it's like No prequel era is good Star Wars And it's just Disney that's

ruined it. But that's just... It doesn't make it true though. Because those movies are bad. Well yeah, but part of me wonders if the reason he sold Star Wars was simply because of how jaded he felt after making the prequels. Yeah. I mean, even, I'm pretty sure even he knows that at least the first, uh, the Phantom

Menace is a bad movie. Like, you can see the reaction to him watching it for the first. time the funnier one is the face on his like main producer yeah like when they screen the movie for the first time and he actually looks like he's seen a ghost yeah that's what i mean like why would after a producer like that has had that experience why would anyone want to fund another one i will say though that yes i actually i think i would have preferred to have seen whatever George Lucas did with it instead of selling it to

Disney because as soon as Disney gets their hands on anything like it is just going to be you know the milk teats are going to be milked dry pretty quick until there are no tits left to milk it's just so weird to me dude like

you must have so you had so much money at that point before selling it and it is your ultimate create you have the right to, if not the biggest IP of all time, the most valuable thing. And instead of just holding onto it,

he chose to sell it, get rid of it. Yeah. What could have happened behind the scenes? Because it's like, yeah. It must have got, it must be at a point with him, though, where he is just so astronomically rich that surely having the rights to his baby would value

just you know a few more billion in the bank you know it's just so strange to me and especially now that you you kind of get the impression that he does regret his decision yeah which is like so sad to me in this weird way because it's like he's always come at it from his angle of like like a passionate kind of angle where it's like his story and his world and he's trying to develop it and in his weird way of doing it that he created this huge like like the wall he like built a wall up around himself and his fans so then after that whole prequel experience he's just like he was so over it I guess and was like other people can have this now or maybe he thought other things were going to happen we don't know everything

that went on behind the contracts and stuff I guess I'd come from it from the perspective where if you spent so long like developing this passion project almost and then everyone hates on it instantly. Of course you're going to feel so terrible with yourself over it and you're going to hate the passion project and then you're going to sell it like he did. That seems the most logical thing to me at least. Yeah, but then it must be so weird for him now though because he's semi attached almost as like a weird like backhanded credit where he's like, yeah, you can be a producer but we're not actually really going to listen to you. Yeah, you won't have creative control like,

you once did. But it's like... See, he sold it and he still gets paid for being a producer on it. Like, what, how did he lose? Because in his mind, like, it's his creation. I mean, it... The sequels have been managed awfully. Yeah.

Terribly. It's hilarious what they did. Like, I actually cannot believe what they've done. Mm-hmm. Um, and just the absolute state in the way. they treated it and now their their solution seems to be oh that's right we haven't made it enough like marvel yeah let's restructure this and bring the marvel guy in he'll fix it wait have they actually last i heard or red or whatever kevin foggy might be producing one or something

who was the guy from mcc and it's like you're you guys like you just don't understand any of this and I was I was reading something lately about how upset some people still are about the way like when Disney bought it they just eradicated all the extended universe stuff like all those books or those games all that stuff people have been

because back in the day there wasn't all the extra Star Wars stuff there were three movies and just so many years of extra expanded knowledge stuff and that's like what the real fans had to attach themselves to at the time

yeah the books And now all of that is just like, it's not real, technically, within the universe, whatever. I can see why that must be really frustrating. Like the old Republic, you know, that type of stuff. Yeah, like there were those books that took place after Jedi or whatever that are quite highly regarded, I think. Or that there's that famous character, the blue guy. I don't know if you, I've never read them myself because I'm like a, millennial Star Wars fan

So like my Star Wars was the prequels Those are the ones I grew up with And that's like a whole journey But Yeah it's just an interesting idea to me It's like Trying to put yourself in his shoes Where it's like do you

Own this And like I was reading all this backstory About like these incredibly intelligent decisions he made Businesswise with Star Wars like he he funded like empire largely off his own back or something like that

because he hated the whole like Hollywood system and he like really stood against all of it and made serious bank as a result because it's just a good businessman so just selling it in the end it's just so strange to me no but it's just like

maybe that was purely a business move then well let's but if you made something and then someone's offering to pay four billion for it that's the ultimate goal. It seems like you would be able to negotiate it. Yeah, if you Well, do you, do you not think he

did? Four billion is a ridiculous amount of money. But I'm surprised there wasn't some contractual agreement for him to have more control over it still, or something. Yeah, but why would someone pay $4 billion to get a bit of control?

Not a bit of control. I mean, I'm surprised there's not some something in the contract, like, We don't know that And if he's a producer on it Then surely he's got control And he probably negotiated that No, because

Yeah He's like He wouldn't be like the main producer He isn't Kathleen Kennedy Or whatever name is Um So Yeah

It seems from a detached perspective That like the secret would be Right You use George Lucas As like an ideas bank And then you get Some of the really talented scream writers in they take some of that craziness and the uniqueness and the and together you sort of form like a

story and then knowing that this is going to happen you sit down and you plan out like a trilogy with some kind of you know arc some link between them because instead of just making it up as they go along and people like contest that now like there's so much conflicting information about like the actual truth in the matter of like what actually was planned but whatever it was must have been written on a fucking napkin because yeah they just flip-flop and now like the new one is like it's so clawing like shit we're like we've written ourselves into a corner here uh the emperor yeah let's do that now and we're gonna answer all the stuff you want to know it really does seem like they just had no idea from the get-go.

JJ Abrams just... You know what I'm fearful of now? It's because of the failure of their attempt at Star Wars. Well, failure in, you know, different ways. It makes me wonder if they're just going to be like, well, how about we just remake the old ones then instead of making our new ones because all the material's already there? And they can't hate it if we just remake it again, right?

Aladdin worked really well. And the Lion King is, like, they all make billions. And they're just remakes anyway. So, like, the hard part's done. I don't know if it's too sacred. Yeah, I think it might be. And, yeah, maybe in 20, 30 years. I don't know, Matt.

I would not be surprised if that starts happening, at least within our lifetimes. Maybe add a few more decades on. Hmm. Because, I mean, we've said it before. With decades, definitely. I reckon. Yeah. I just don't think.

in the next like five years that's going to happen well at that time that CG might be so advanced that they remake it like with like young CG versions of the actors whatever like the exact same but just looks Bella

but yeah back after these messages for question time want a dick on a shirt check the description below can we quickly just talk about something what Ganges Satellite. What?

Ganges Satellite? What are about... Far too fucking early, Jim. You're literally fucking months early. Months? Yeah. Okay.

You're gonna have to explain. I don't know what to do you. No, we'll just wait until the future, I suppose. Remember, guys, the Ganges Satellite. Gunger Satellite. Okay, well, otherwise, this is the part of the show where we answer questions from the JAR Media Reddit. If you want to leave your own questions,

head over to the suggestion thread and ask whatever you like. You may be received with answers Yes You may be received with answers Risky Business 3 is going to start off Hello Oh no I should have read it first

If you had to suck the penis Of one child member to save the entire universe Who would you pick and why? Well that's fucking retarded That's James Well yeah James just gonna get loads of suck jobs then

James has the choice though. So let's hear it bro. Jamie. Why? He's intimidated by the the beltman big boy over here. Yeah, I'm intimidated by Alex, so I'll pick Jamie.

So you think Alex has a bigger dick? Well, yeah. No, I'm not even going to go there. Not I'm going to go there. I think ever since James has seen my beltman cheeks, he Yeah, it's not just

The skeleton is them The bone When cheeks in general We're just like They're good for fighting They're good for sitting They're good for shitting And they're good for eating

And they're good for eating Just joking Okay if you had to eat one of our asses Yeah Alex That's interesting Because I think Alex has a bigger mum A bigger

Wait so you want more ass to Well yeah If you got to eat ass you want big ass is that true I don't I guess so haven't eaten

ass but you're not a very good modern man then are you what year do you think we're in

yeah this isn't 1920 anymore bro just fucking anima it up and I see people in the streets

of Swindon every day eating each other's ass on the pavement side on the pavement side yep

ID Talix's ass is what I'm saying okay I'll take that as a compliment good you should but I might fart That's fuck

Plambly asks Best slash worst pieces of playground equipment Oh my God The best Those seats on like a zip line And it's like really long Oh yeah

I don't know if that's cool Those are good Yeah Those are great and you'd fall off them and have horrible head injury Where do we land on slides. They're pretty shit. They're shit.

No, but the thing is. A good slide is sick. A good slide. I'm talking like the death slide is next level. It's a risk of reward. Slides aren't shit. Like typical playground slides.

A shit. Not as a kid though. They're fine. Even as a kid I thought they'll shit. No, worst playground thing is the like the bicycle, the little things on a swing. Yeah, a thing you sit on and it's a spring.

It's like a hippo or a little animal. A little motorbike. If it specifically went forwards and backwards, fine. But it just goes fucking everywhere and you got no control.

Yeah, probably because we're like 10 stone adults on... Well, I haven't been on one since I was a kid. I don't fucking... It did that when you were on one when there's a little kid? Well, it's not a smooth forwards and backwards.

I can't remember. Those are bad. No, there's a certain one which is so crap. like, it's kind of like a ramp with a skateboard sort of on tracks with two chains

so you hold onto the chains while you're standing on like a skateboard that's wedged between these rails. I've only ever seen one of these. I've seen they're different now but they are literally the same you stand on a platform that moves and you kind of have to pull yourself up and down basically. You pull yourself left and right. Those suck yeah. I don't even

know what they're called they're so bad yeah but going back to slides though one of my favorite childhood memories is what was known as the death slide it was it was like a slide that just went totally vertical than it then a nice sort of like do it you had to literally leap off and then land on the slide and then down we had to climb up inside this building because it was kind of inside this like wooden area you like climbed up and there was like an adult sat at the top and they were like make sure you tuck your shirt in

because if you don't you're gonna get burn burn and and now and again you would get a burn from the death slide and it was like that was awesome it was like the most satisfyingly horrible burn

it was just like I like that ow and you would like figure out tactics on the death slide to get like the most launch and the it was just that was a good slide I was always too scared

Yeah, I went on it once I never did it properly I'd hang Ah yes And then let go Yeah because it's like You're just plunging yourself into so much potential harm Just flinging yourself off an edge

Everything in your brain is like Don't do it Yeah It's fucking Being like a kid and you're looking at it And it is literally just like It's like a big thing as I'm just like Oh fuck I'm scared of heights

I can't do that Yeah it must have been about two stories high It was three no it was like a four story high fucking building, Alex. I remember the climb up being quite tense as well, because I just remember that the way you got up to the top of the death slide

was like this jungle gym thing. You had to like climb up multiple layers to go out. You're thinking of something else. No, no, yeah, it was. Yeah, it was, yeah, because you could either stop off at the death slide or keep going up.

Oh, right, yeah, to the tube slides. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, like, to get onto it, there was like a lower platform, like on the other side, then you go up and then you get all there to like four stories high and you go across this like tightrope and then there's a really long slide and then just over us where you walk straight into the top of the death slide. No, that wasn't the only way to get to the death slide.

Obviously, yeah. And then there's the tube slides that were like fucking twisting windie. Yeah, but it was like designed in a way where you had like a walk of shame because a lot of people when they hear about the death slide, they've got to see it for themselves obviously. So they go up to the death slide And they look over and they're like, no And then they've got to do the shame climb back down Which I did a lot

I'll be honest, I did the shame climb a lot Because I was just like, I'm too scared I used my fear to enhance the death slide experience You're just like, I'm scared Because I'm the same when I'm like waiting in line For like a roller coaster Like I'm like, I want to die at the moment And then I'm on it and I'm locked in

And it's like, okay like no escape now the lack of when when the control is taken away from you then you can you're just sort of like well well that that's the definition of anxiety really isn't it it's like while the control is away from you in anticipation of something while it's happening you don't really have time to even yeah i mean like there's no but there's no point like you're sat there on a roller coaster you can't get off because you'll die if the thing goes wrong you'll die but like funny yeah what what what can you do about it nothing then just fucking enjoy it how about this how do you guys feel about um those like indoor jungle gyms or what do you

even call them those indoor play areas you know there's like soft play areas they're like cities almost that you can explore yeah it's like a maria level yeah so exactly like a Mario level with like ballpits and sort of challenges. I always liked them as a kid but I shit myself in one month. Did you actually? Yeah, years and years ago I was like five.

It was when I was scared of toilet so I never peed. And I went seven, I went a week, seven days without taking a shit. And then it was somebody's birthday and I was there and I shat myself. In the ball pit. Do you remember where what ride you're on? Well, not rides. No, I was just climbing through, and then it was like, this can't be held in at any longer.

Oh, how many people do you think sit in the ball pit and just like shit or poop? I'm sure every other ball is like a bit of feces. Like, the Chucky Cheese player isn't known to have fecal matter in them. You know, I was one of the poo kids. But I remember those places being so magical. Yeah, yeah. Because they were in these, like, big warehouses, and you went in and they're kind of, it was kind of like going into

Moss-sizedy canteener or something like that where there's just an atmosphere just scum and villainry I always hurt myself severely in those things because you know at one point they'd be like

they're designed to be impossible to hurt yourself they'd be like a woman there's a punching bag in different places you just fucking one face person to them as fast as possible bounce off and like smack head against her Do you remember the way

there was sort of an uneasy an uneasy alliance sort of going on within the factions inside the soft players where like whenever you came across like another child it was a bit like

how's it's just going to go down it was like the Wild West like in there's all these like kids and they it's like Lord of the Flies yeah parents just put their kids into a fucking cube yeah and God forbid

if um you get a borsy like kid who's like a couple years above you yeah and like if they're if they're just protecting like the highest slide which of course is one of the most desirable that you want to get to the top and have the longest journey down but sometimes people would they sort of set up camp as it were outside of the hole and just guard it and like not let people pass and you're not going to barge through unless you're a confident kid which I wasn't I was more of a schemer yeah then you have to walk back, like walk backwards and then there'll be ongoing traffic and then you have to tell what a kid's like,

oh, you can't go that way, there's bullies. Honestly, once, I remember having a, yeah, yeah, exactly. It just formed like this little, like, rebellion versus, you know, the empire sort of conflict within inside these arenas of war. Then it's like, you get to the ball pit challenge and then there'd be the big kids and they throw balls at you, so you've got, like, assault your way through.

I wonder if this is some kind of, government programs to sort of train up soldiers in a sense. Yeah, they watch you in the ball pit and see who would make the best soldiers. Oh, that one's a bit aggressive. Mark him down.

Like, did you never get into, did you, you never the one way? So, when there's other kids coming, you'd like purposely push them into like the punching bags and stuff and like, like, because you'd race to the top, right, to get to the slide. So you'd like, sabotage over people behind you.

I remember that, I remember part of the excitement being though a genuine element of that fear and unknown because there was like almost like a what's that Japanese game show where they're just Tukaki's Castle yeah it's like Tikeshi's castle where you just don't know what's

around the corner and it's some any crazy thing could happen it could be a kid with rabies it could be like an animal that's broken in. Someone taking a poo? Yeah like you just don't know what's going to happen I didn't like fucking trousers down take a shit so shit myself it was like I would have been climbing

on something and it just slipped out. And then it's like there'll always be someone crying because they hurt themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the beginning of saving Private Ryan in one of these things. That's how it felt as well because they're quite, they're quite smoky as well and you can't see very well and it's like lights flashing and all the different

colours gives you like... It's very intense. It's crazy because it's just like there'll always be like a set amount of kids ready to go in and you just charge straight head first, just straight in as fast as possible. Honestly, one of the best moments of my life was there was

I went to one when you shoot yourself in a play area no I went to one that it was it was a laser quest battle in one of those

soft play areas so everyone was armed with a laser quest rifle and they were just let loose and it was red versus blues and like

it just became like actual warfare without the injuries of course and I just got I managed to get to the top and I was like right sniping

sniping being from the top of where that slide was and I had the escape exit ready so I was like really paranoid looking behind me to see if anyone was coming and when someone did it was like oh get in the slide I didn't go all the way down and just on another level it was like Vietnam in there

it was mental your flashbacks is why you've been having trouble sleeping wait what if that's what if that's the like cause of every mental issue I've ever had PTSD just so intense wait we've not talked about something crucial at

playgrounds. What? Swings. Swings are a solid staple. You can't go wrong. Swings. Swings are S-Tia. No. Yeah, no. They're incredible. They're the best thing at any playground. Swings are the best. And there's nothing sadder than a vandalized one. No. But there's also nothing sad than when you'd go to

the playground, like, just going to get to the swing to, like, people. Especially if there are two of you. yeah and then there's only no it's sad when the bully kids used to try and push it so it'd hook over the top and you can't let it anymore just pure chaos

I was when you did that I tried to anyway they just watched the dark night I'm like yeah I really I'm the Joker watch this anarchy no no no but things are shit

because there always be one time you use your balance and you fall back head first and you smack your head on the floor and it's just like James always ends up just smacking his head off things. I don't think I ever fell off a swing. Yeah, I did. Like, in actual fact, we became such swing masters

that we would launch ourselves at the height of the swing and see how high and far we could fling ourselves off the swing. I reckon we would have been like parkour experts had we had a slightly different childhood. Yeah. Well, at least... It's actually a core memory of mine, you teaching me how to swing. Higher. Yeah, because I was, I'm three years older than you, so I would have been, had more weight.

And you can really, once you understand the, like, the physics of a swing, you can really go crazy, so high that it's actually a bit. I remember actually being scared that I was going to, like, go, go over 90 degrees and be, like, upside down. Sometimes you could go so crazy that it would be beyond 90 degrees. Yeah, and it was scary when you'd reach the peak and it would buckle. Yeah, because like... And then it really was a bit of a troubling matter and you just had to commit to launching yourself. And it really hurt your feet when you landed.

Really fucking... But at the same time, you felt that you're flying. I just saw the video on Facebook where it's like this huge swing and the chain on the swing is so long and this guy was literally... Fucking looped it. And that seems... When he was on it?

Yeah, he was literally swinging like that for ever and just fucking looped it. Like that seems so scary because it got so high. It's like almost... vertical and someone it was still going and it's just like oh my god that seems so fucking scary to me

I avoided the swings after banging my head a few times no the swings are important swings are the best thing at any playground no I'm going to stay true to my they're like the chicken of the playground

the chicken yeah why a chicken in terms of what yeah then the The really long thing is like a steak Because it's not, you don't want it all the time But when you get it, it's just like

Oh, right What really long thing You're talking about food The really long thing Where you sit on it and you go The flying fault The thing is they're not They're nowhere near as common as

Yeah, they're rare They are really aware But when that's what makes them better It's like a steak You don't have them often But when you do it's like yes Yeah so it's A tier No it's S tier

I also fell off them multiple times I'm playing my head you sound like you need to wear a helmet yeah like with each head bang you end up becoming more likely to get another head bang yeah yeah literally

it's fucking scary that's why I don't bang my head anymore what you would do it on purpose come on next question we run that one for a good fucking half hour no because it's do you never just see a playground

and think or like a soft player and be like I just want to go in No, thinking about the death slide now, I want to go on the death slide. Yeah. We look so fucking weird, 23 years old, it's like, yes! Our adults are allowed on the death slide. Yes. I'm pretty sure our parents, well, they at least went up to see it.

I think Dad might have done it. Really? Yeah. Charmedia filmed on top of the death slide. Yeah. Four funnies die on the death slide. Oh, got lots of memories of that place, but anyway. Oh, God, no, you're giving me really bad nostalgia.

I want to be a kid again Cat Spider 2 has one for us A question A question Imagine this It's 10 years ago You're having a wank And your mother walks in on you

Ten years ago I was 12 Yeah but that's the point of the question It's to make sure that We were innocent You're having a wank and your mother walks in on you But in the moment before she opens the door You have to make the lightning fast decision do you either close the video you're watching or pull your pants up

you cannot do both um see I was smart they made the mistake of I guess they're in a situation where they need to pull their pants up yeah instead of being hidden yeah in some way that's the thing no but did you not have the thing when you're younger where if you were watching it you'd have the curse over the X button already so in the emergency case you just go ding and you're safe i did that i was so paranoid that i was just

like put it there put it there and then once when you hear that door start you're just like oh hello mom wait so you would watch it at like a desk then yeah did you not have like an ipad or an ipod but they're not going to see an ipad if it's facing me not that that matters the question is you have to make a decision yeah i would you be in that situation Would you rather close the video or pull your pants up? What you do is you close the video and then just have a wee. James would always make sure he drank plenty of water beforehand so he could just... Stop pissing on the floor.

You knew he needed to pee. Stop pissing. Just walking in, you sense. Like a fucking fountain in the desk Why are you peeing at your desk, James? Just piss going everywhere Oh hi mum And it would be that horrible like

Dual stream piss as well No, because it wouldn't have crystallized At that point Crystalized What's the answer? What's your answer? Close the video Because you can always just be like No I think I'd pull my pants

But... Really? Yeah. What could I... What could I possibly be watching that's so bad that I'd rather show my wrecked penis off? Over the video being seen. I mean, like, hardcore anal. You don't want a fucking parent seeing that?

Well, they've probably seen it, so it's just like they get it. They're like, oh, we know your bum bum. I actually remember when I was in year seven, I'd always use mum's laptop to do, like, work. No, you told this story. Have I actually? You know, it's fun. Go on, tell it. It was the first time I ever stumbled across Simpson's porn.

I must just say, this is fucking crazy right now. and for some reason i just left it on the laptop and then i like like when my mum went on to go on it to do send some emails and shit and there was some like awfully drawn like terrible simpson's porn on it it wasn't that good it wasn't that good simpson's porn no it was shit that's all remember and i remember being called by my mum and she was like what is this i was like oh yeah that just like came on the screen and i'm pretty sure i got some like weird porn virus on that laptop as well I never got porn viruses

I was smart I think it was when because you know mum was like obsessed of watching that that awful TV show about no that socialite Paris Hilton

you remember that show it was about like my Keeping up with the Paris Hoseph No it was something about friends Like she's like choosing The game show was about choosing Oh that yeah Yeah Paris Hilton's new best friend

or something. Yeah, yeah, that's it. And like, on on the episode or something, there was a joke about like sex tape or something. I was like, wait, what? Is that real? And then in trying to find the sex tape to see this for myself,

I'm pretty sure that's how I got the porn virus on, um, mom's laptop. It was this weird thing that like installed itself on the laptop. So whenever you turn it on, there was this like loads of like porn shit would just like load itself

when you first turned it on did you fix it? Yeah I spent like hours like trying to figure out how to fix it and I managed it Oh my God Child Alex's like I'm the porn program I'm pretty sure one of them was like

Do you remember those No Do you remember those like desktop strippers? Yeah I'm pretty sure part of it built in was that so you turn it up to

this fucking strippers Like, you can come out and walk along the task, but you literally can't close it unless you uninstill the program, so it's like... Yeah, yeah. And that was a panic moment. They were infamous, like, you couldn't uninstall them. They would not stop, non-stop. Strz, like, and strip one, your fucking bare stop.

Something about that time of the internet is just so funny to me. It was also much, like, dirtier, seedier, yeah Yeah Like Pornhab now It's pretty clean It's just YouTube basically You can't make your music for Pornhub now

Like it's so just This is just what it is now Yeah but back then It was just one misclick Boom, you fucking porn But I imagine that's when it was so profitable Like at peak profitability Maybe

That was the start of the decline I reckon Peak profit was When it had to be be like VHS tapes because then like there was nowhere else to get porn so well there's that whole gag about it in the big Lobowski about how Jackie Treehorn's like the the amateur market is taking our business and we got no time story and character anyone we got a more serious one from G G-G-G-G-G-F-G-Fle-Fle. Hope I said it, right.

Hey JAR, I know you answered a question related to this one in the last cast, but this one's kind of different. I recently started high school, and I've been separated from all my friends, so now I've got to make some new ones. I think I'm doing okay, but my main problem is that everyone at my new school already knows each other, and they all have friend groups established. There's a few people I'm friendly with, but it's hard to talk to them when they already have a bunch of friends in the class. Have you guys ever been in a situation like this? If so, do you have any tips? I know this is really specific

and I don't blame you if you have nothing. Game on, mingas. I obviously have a... I relate to the question big time. Yeah. Because that's just exactly what happened with me. Because I didn't go to the sick form where I went to secondary school.

So, and that's even weirder in a sense than it being, earlier years because sick form everything is sort of set in stone in a way like everyone like everyone's figured out where they belong in some sense

so it was very strange to go to not only a new school in a different place and there'd just be a bunch of strangers who are already clicky and have already you know made their way or whatever but

I don't really have a solution is the problem basically don't do what I did which is not try at all yeah you just got to do something cool you know to make people like it would be mysterious yeah like maybe wear something interesting I don't know every day you go you go to school in your backpack have like a steak in a doggy bag a plate steak knife and a fall no I reckon it'd be more interesting to not have cutlery and eat it with bare-handed No, that's too, like, animalistic.

No, you, you go and sit and... Well, this is why, obviously, it didn't work for me. Because I was, I was being bare-handed, I must have freaks and people out. Yeah, exactly. No, you go and sit, you... Like, every day you're wearing a suit. You sit, knife and fork, eating like a gentleman. People will just crowd around you.

Oh, everyone will be begging to be your friend. And then you get to go, no. I'm better than you yeah the question was if you ever been in a situation like you if you have any tips yeah my main tip is to is to not just remove yourself from it all and I guess try

we've talked about questions like this yeah but I pick this one just because yeah that's exactly what I mean it's kind of like when you get a new job I guess like normally most people have been there a while and they all know each other and then you suddenly turn up so it's a situation you kind of do have to get used to yeah because it's not like that's experience it a few times yeah and each time you'll learn more and more and become more yeah you figure out ways to sort of adapt and whatnot

yeah like don't rush anything and don't don't get down on yourself and not immediately yeah it's only school at the end of the day Like, you're, you're allowed to be shit at that age. Like, you're allowed to make mistakes. I'd say you're meant to be shit at that age. Yeah. As long as you're able to self-reflect and grow as a result of that kind of thing. But yeah, we're pretty much at the end here, boys.

That all went quick. Didn't it? Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for all the patrons and all that. I'm going to do a big poo in the toilet and fart into my shreddies, if you don't mind. I'm going to do a urinate. I'm going to see you on the next episode I'm going to be you on the next episode

I'm going to everybody bye too late you fucker