JAR Media Posdact - BOOGER GOLD (HELP) - JARCast Episode 352

Episode Date: November 20, 2023

https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Find us on Spotify and iTunes under: "Jar Media Posdact" Find the original episodes under: "The JARChive" Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies 00:00 Intro 09:35 Housekeeping 16:09 Alex has a Max update needs the JARlings HELP 39:48 Mid Break 41:58 Question Segment: Dangerous Things to Build Adrenaline 55:44 Alex's Gross Compost Secret 56:44 Cool One-Liner to Die On 59:07 Which Cartoon Character should join the UK Government? 1:11:16 Bizarre Turtle Hypothetical 1:13:44 Not Realising You're a Gooner 1:20:54 Execution Hypothetical 1:27:31 Congressman Using Campaign Funds for OF 1:35:39 Bonus Moments

You could tell by the look In his eyes that venomized the nose was scared The only fan content was too hard to resist The puning began Yeah This episode's called Bigger Gold No, it's not But if you're on our Patreon

It'll be bigger platinum for you what a that is an incredible that is marketing that was an awesome segue wow wow the segue king just out of nowhere

thank you yeah I don't know how much of any of that we can use because all of it yeah did we say good afternoon morning evening on night no that that was the joke was it was a shit intro yeah and it didn't exist

like New Vegas and did any of that register for you no basically as soon as New Vegas comes up I just stopped listening I just wait for us as well as well not exist because it's just like the intro to this jarcast episode 320 oh right

that was like the bit so you want me to leave all that New Vegas stuff yes yeah you can cut this stuff right now if you want but yeah that was a perfect we did a good intro and you just didn't realize we did an awesome you just need to know when to do that

do do do the what dun dun dun dun dun dun dun no de near is that it you know about the new Vegas

on the New Vegas no you're doing the critic yeah oh don't dumb

boom boom boom yeah cut it a little bit where he has like a gun why does he I have a gun. It was it like a James Bond thing, I guess.

I don't know. I'm a critic. He was literally doing that. I don't like your cocking noise. It's never accurate. Why would it be, why would it click, click? When you cock a gun,

it's a click. Well, no, if it's a shotgun, it's click, click. That's what he does. That's why he goes the, I'm picturing here, holding a shotgun. It's okay, so it's shotgun specific. Yeah, really awkwardly.

like making sure there's a really weird timing to it shh that's how I do you know it's so cringy okay honestly just no have you ever seen Hickok 4-5

slam-firing a trench gun Hitchcock 4-5 absolutely slam-firing a trench gun no it's actually what a slam-fire is no like I'm not in favour of guns, but I'm glad. You are, shut up, you are.

The MP45 trench gun. That's stupid. MP45 trench gun. Who do you think you are? No, you... Don't you think it, like, guns are worth it? M40, I'm on M45's a grenade gun, isn't it? Did he say M45?

Yeah, he said M4-5, which is a grenade gun. With the battle-slam mod. No, slam firing is... No, it was something you can do with, like, World War II guns where you hold the trigger down and just pump the gun and then bullets fire every time you pump it. Was it called the Battle Slam?

Yeah, the Grand Slam. What was it actually called? What? Slam firing. Slam dunk firing. So you're holding the trigger down and just pumping the gun and it just blasts. It just keeps blasting.

You know, because normally it's like pull the trigger and then like release. blast then no then then pump but what you pull the trigger once and it blasts you pull the trigger and then pump and then pull the trigger Joe you do not boat

as long as you've pumped technically an M4-5 is actually an M1911 chambered in 45 but it's also that thing that's what Alex was doing earlier so I was correct no none of them were shockers

Do do, do, do, do. Yeah, but Hickok 4-5, um, dangerous. Dangerous, man. I always heard they were very safe. No, you've seen the memes of him. He's one riding the bicycle with like a mini Uzi. That's Hidgraw-4-5.

Yeah, he's like the old man that does gun YouTube videos. Oh, that's gentleman. Yeah. Yeah, who's in like... I can't really call him a gentleman. More like an aggressive man. No, he's gentle as hell. He just gun you don't...

Does he... No, he's slam fires You know Slam You know how You know the Nerf guns have that ability Slam fire Yeah, some of them do

The shotgun we have is slam fired The Fortnite shotgun has slam fire We used to one a man doing the slam That's why there's no darts Because all the darts got slam fire We slam fired The Fortnite shotgun around your house.

Hence why it's not in the house anymore because you got so sick up by a slam-bying. I did find the Halo 1 pistol again recently. Sometimes I practice. Yeah, I practice. In the garage. The thing is, because it's... I don't even want to say it actually

because James will find it. What? No, tell me. No, I can't tell you. I'm not a fucking child anymore. I'm not going to touch the knife gun. A halo pistol rocks. No, but Halo.

Salt Wife is a waycaller. Well, before we get too deep into the show, let me shout out the journal media patrons that make the audio version possible. Didn't we do a segue to the chart? We did, but then we started talking about blasting. Slam blasts. Slam blasts. About pound crashing. Pound slamming.

Yeah, so if you're a dibby tier above on the Patreon, you get your names read out. And you get a brofist. Can you slam fire on a revolver? Yeah. You can slam fire over to the Patreon. Yeah, slam fire over to the Patreon. That's your new tier. The slam fire tier.

Actually, that's too scary. It's too aggressive. Yeah. Might get, um, cancelled by the left wing mob, the woke mob, as it were. That's exactly what I was thinking. The woke mob are ruining everything.

I'm tired of the woke mob. Can someone finally say it? Yeah, I'm going to. say it. I'm tired of them. I cannot put up with the woke mob any longer. What are you going to do about it? The broke mob.

Let's just say Jarre will be heading over to a new sort of service. Only fans? No. Jar rumble. D.W.

If it works. Don't worry. Dick Willie. No. Daily. Do you mean DS or DW? D-W? I think it's D-W.

I'm fucking never in the loop. I don't know. I'm trying to do a joke, but I don't... But we can go a bit more extreme and go to D-S. Dick suck. Daily Stormer. Fucking Christ. I don't know what is that.

No. Rumble was fine. Jar rumble. Yeah, but we can go to Wumble or kick. Yeah, but James went to the stormer. The stormer? It's like a knee-em-k-not. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Ow. No, I wasn't taking it there. Yeah, we're not, we're not going on DS. I'm going on DW. But you can find us on the Wii store. On the what? The Wii store, the Wii shop.

The Wii Shop channels. There's the jar channel. You've got to jail break your Wii open. That's how you phone in to... Well, surely, if you are an extremist or rather someone involved in extremely legal activities, the one software, the CIA ain't going to be watching. string is the Wii shop.

It's actually PSPs that are the perfect military tech. Ignored now. No, but so are we's. What about DSs? Portable. Do little picture chat. Well, you get picto chat. Yeah.

No, because it's like, you know, you had that thing where it's like if someone walks past and that you connect. Yeah, yeah. That's surely like nobody's ever going to access that because it automatically deletes. So, like, do drug deals with the wee picto chat. No, you don't think I'm way too small. Well, that seems like a really fucking solution easy, you know

Solution easy, bro. The CIA, the CIA in MI6 aren't going to know. These dumbasses were using Wii the DSs to fucking transfer illegal data. It was recovered in five minutes, sir. Unencrypted. It would be pretty funny, weren't it? Because obviously, you've got a dwarf, the fucking wherever you're going to tie it.

right I'm just saying that if I was like the head of a UK drug wing I get away of my heart everyone to have a DS yeah it'll be so obvious like this old ass bit of tech you're like we're for now and it's like why is everyone on their DS? yeah but people just think he's playing Sims 2 on his DSF you know it's not like this guy must be brain training right now exactly nobody's gonna think that oh he's just trying to buy like a 10 kilos of

Coke. Well, this is the part where we do housekeeping, where we round off some of the previous conversations that needed to be addressed, like this one from Decoy Man, O'3. This channel is my only way of knowing that a week has passed. Yeah, same. I wish I could say same, but like sometimes it's a Friday we're recording, sometimes it's a Thursday. Yeah, for us it's different. It's a different.

That would be a good album, wouldn't it? I wish I could say same. No, that would be terrible That would suck, actually I can picture the album cover It would be something like Yeah, but what the genre? What genre would it be?

R&B? No, I think it... You'd have to be to be topless With like a love heart shaved into your chest hair I think it'd be like It'd be like a hybrid album right It'd be like something like shoegays

And R&B And it'd be like this weird mix Shoegays They're like genre Yeah, the journal Shoe Gaze Shoe Gays Well, the best way to put it is Wall of Noise

Lyrics you can barely hear That's Shugays Slash Arm B R&B And on the album cover I'd insist to be smeared with grease Before the picture is taken

What type of grease? Copper grease lubricant grease Oil Sunflower Like whatever In a cab van Is being collected

In that weird vat Oh no no not cabab grease I'm not going to be on set when you take that picture I don't smell you That's like a radioactive compound I'll never be able to get it off

Ryan Cannon It would compliment the wall of noise of the music though You'd have a wall of grease in the studio Wall of Greece would be a good album That's actually kind of worked That's already been done Come on, wall of grease

Yeah, but everything's been done No, we can be with you know What hasn't been done I thought of an awesome band name What? band name now not album no

listen to this I'm gonna beep this because I you want to do it it it doesn't exist oh my god

yeah that yeah you have to actually make good music under that name we can't make really good music you can't just

do like a madman boy boy man like project what genre though like everything it'd have to be

like drait shit it'd have to be like Fuck boy music Yeah Shit, yeah Oh, put on B*** Yeah, it'd have to be

like Drake love making music Yeah Have you listened to that new album What would the album be But Ryan Cannon 5921 says

The Important Man Alex must think We are all pair born yesterday Pair Bond Yeah We spelled it out and everything, and everyone repeating it was getting it wrong. Yeah, they said pair bombed.

Yeah. Per bond. Baby. Peer bond baby. P-O-N-D. Per-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B. O D E D Peerbomb baby

Bum bear baby Bum bear baby PBMed baby PBB Jake 4997 said I thought the important man Was just Alex with a ton of face

filters. You're telling me it's real? Yes Hmm I don't deception is deception is not my strong suit um but yes he's definitely mine they thought he was you

stupid huh um a few there were a few comments that I noticed were like really happy about how long the last episode was like slimer prime said thank you so much for this extra long cast this week jar more plays and barton 2185 so thanks for that extra long one really appreciate it guys

and deboos 6353 said oh no not that one no ignore that one i wasn't ready for that one i think i think it's because they're doing other things they're like gooning and they just have us on in the background so the longer they can playing starcraft so are they saying they like the the longer we go the better it is so if we did like a 10 hour episode it would be their favorite we should just stream all the time I don't think that I don't want to stream not of the amount of shit I say

that's what you want has anyone ever done that well that's the thing it generates clips and clips is how you get famous on streaming sites it's just the clips but if you're streaming all the time how do you have time to do the clips no someone does clips for you none of these streamers do clips

but like stream clip that and some little simp they're uploading them all to their fucking YouTube channel. Like, get a fucking life. I saw, um, I opened Twitter briefly earlier, and there was an ad for this, like, dental thing. And it was like an AI Joe Rogan selling it. Oh, wow.

Like, it wasn't him. He wasn't endorsing it for real. They were just mimicking that it was a clip from the show of him, like, wow, this. My teeth are so good, you know. These teeth straighteners from teeth straightener. com are so great. You know, that's my dear Rogan impression

My T-Strainier from T-Straininger.com Or so fire, dude. Yeah, I think that stuff's just going to get, like, I think Bruce Willis was genius for selling his likeness to, like, AI shit because he's actually profited from something that we have no control over. that you think companies are going to give a shit when it's like some underground like business that's just trying to make a quick buck

and then like vanish forever you know they're going to get John Travolta like selling Adelda Zine socks you know I agree and guys I've kind of been putting this off but we've got to actually talk about something serious okay then

I'm sorry but this is this is This is an old jar law coming back. Oh no, the worst kind. Getting a, what do you call it when the story's over, but then there's a little bit more. Epilogue. A, um, a... Epic log.

A post-credit scene? A rebirth. A revert. The post-credits tease is finally here. Okay? Because, um... God, I can't make such a job. This is

This is bad, guys this is actually sad This is upsetting for me What has happened, okay So for those who don't know I had this dog called Max You old jarlings will know And remember Max

He featured on the cast regularly Some of the best moments involved Max Yeah Not true He was funny The hump in the pillow You love that You love that

It was really funny Okay, sorry. But he was this big, huge-ass golden retriever who I rescued from my granddad who was in Wales, his wife, our step-mane, I guess. He was like really fat. He was fucking huge. He was insanely fat.

He wasn't being taken care of. He wasn't being brushed. And anyone who knows golden retrievers know they need to be brushed or they get all matted and gross. Um, so. Some stuff was going on with them, and I had to go down to Wales. This was like in 2017, 2018, and took him home, and I got him slim. I got him a haircut.

I gave him a brush. I had him for, like, over a year. Well over, right? Yeah, in a couple years. And I'd known, we've known Max since he was a little puppy. Yeah. Going to visit our granddad or whatever. but basically we had to give him back to the Welsh side of this situation wanted him back

and were like yeah we need him because your step nan needs him even though she's like an alcoholic I can barely look after herself so yeah that was all like wrapped up and there was a sad episode that I'd forgotten where I did like a send-off using like funny Macs pictures and had that upbut coconut and he loved that coconut so much so that was that sucked having to give him back but that box was like closed and the ribbon was put on top and then I've stored it away and then like two days ago my mom calls me and is like so I just got like an update on me max he's been given to like a because i thought he was dead to be honest yeah she's pretty old now

he'd be like 10 or 11 yeah and i figured they'd you just go back to how he was when i didn't have him i might not really be in taking care of um but yeah my mom calls me and is like yeah i just heard through my granddad who's like checking in on the whale's situation every now and again the max have been put in a i guess a pound something yeah to be adopted to be adopted uh would i want him if we could get him or find him um so as it turns out like a couple months ago he was put into this place um without any of us knowing and yeah basically turned out that this this family they like hate our side of the family English and they're in this really rural part of Wales that like hate English people a lot so

instead of instead of letting Max instead of doing what's best for the animal they wanted to take him back ignore him not take care of him and then get rid of him when that got too annoying to deal with instead of just leaving it and washing your hands of it with there being a clear solution to that anyway but the spite they have towards my granddad's side of the family I guess is so strong that they would prefer to just give him away and the last update I got was that he has he has been like adopted by some family in the last we don't know how long he was in this place could have been like max a couple months so we've been following up I sent an email to the place saying like well this dog was given to the place without

permission like this is so fucked up um so we're just waiting for them to reply to see if we can follow it up or whatever um and yeah it sucked to find out I guess Yeah It seems like so It's petty It's no It's more than petty It's actually quite large

It's using a life That you have to look after And taking that back on That you don't want to do You don't want to look after this thing You obviously don't want it But I'm going to take on that responsibility just to be an asshole

to these people I don't like. What did the dog do? The dog didn't do anything. Why does the dog have to suffer just because you have this vengeance? Against people you barely know. Yeah, I don't know these people. I've never tried to engage with it.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've been there down there a handful of times, barely interacted with them. But they just say hate us for no reason. Yeah, disgusting behavior. They're a weird, weird family. Yeah. Well, it's sad because they're like,

farmers so you'd hope they'd like respect animals in some form no no they're sometimes the worst um um but but what my granddad would call up asking about like how's max doing uh they would just lie they'd be like oh he's fine when he was actually like in a home he wasn't even there he wasn't there they didn't even know where he was and they didn't give his shit and they didn't care yeah yeah because that's what when when when i was forced to give him back they were like oh don't worry we'll send you pictures we'll give you updates on him

which they never did yeah so it just kind of left my mind but this was like the ribbon coming off the box and like oh yeah it made me quite upset to imagine that I'm just trying to see if there's

there was any like adoption places in Wales who'd actually like posted like yeah the listing will be gone now if he's already at someone's house sometimes there's like a you can like find there's a record of it at least but like yeah ideally I'd quite like to have him back yeah I'd at least like to see him again yeah well that's kind of why I wanted to bring it up because I'm curious morally where that winds up

sitting because if he's been with someone for a couple months now at least he's been adopted by someone um and i'm sure whoever adopted them is probably going to put in more care than where he's been the past few years so that's something but then also at the same time if i just adopted a dog and then i was told this story might be i would be like well do you want him yeah because it's uh yeah that's what i'd do as well because it's like clear this person cares enough about the dog to go out of their way to try and find him after he's been put for adoption it's like you know you'd want to yeah give them to them because obviously there's a connection there honestly this like

those Wales farmers give me a baseball bat no honestly it's like actually no they're they're crettins they're horrible people and they're they're they're not just they're they're not like a normal family no they're so insular and yeah they're like just a hate it never struck me as a hatred for english people but a hatred for anyone that was outside of their group you know almost like cultish but being english didn't help no because that's even like further away but like the local village was like outside their group you know they're too good for that just gross people yeah treating everything like livestock yeah sociopathic um and I mean, the same goes for how they've treated our granddad's wife.

Like, the stories we've heard. Yeah. Just their own family, isn't it? They, they treat, they've treated her just like they've treated Max. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that's a human being. That is sociopathy.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was a weirdly distressing time being down there when I saw all that. Um, where she was like, basically at her death, a death door. but her mother like was not reacting I was like yeah I was trying to talk to her mother

who was somehow still alive I don't know how old she is yeah she must be like 300 yeah maybe they put something in the water over there I don't know but it's just a bad situation

and it's horrible when people can't just prioritize the innocent creatures that are involved yeah you know I say again the majority of people who own animals shouldn't own animals.

Yeah, why Billy is. Well, Billy was rescued. Drug dealer got, wasn't she? She was like from a drug den. Look at her, she's normal. You know, stronger than ever. She's fat as well. It's actually made her nicer.

Yeah, weirdly. So, yeah, hopefully, I was hoping I could have better news, but... Yeah. Maybe next week. Maybe there's a silver lining in there. Because we regularly get us, like, where's the Max update? What happened to Max all those years ago? We just thought it was dead.

Yeah, I kind of just written off like, he must have passed at a certain point. But yeah, Paisley needs him. Yeah, she needs a role model because she's weird. Yeah, no, she's influence needs to be squished out of her by the boy. Max needs to put Argy's. buggy back in place yeah oh my god max was like the one thing argue respected yeah god um we need him back you know if you're welsh if your welsh if your welsh

who's got a golden retriever yeah he's fat old golden retriever yeah he probably smells our PO boxes in the yeah so we could do an eight-hour round trip to go get him if um eight hours round trip it's about a pen book show isn't it yeah

it's not where argis from that's where the brand of corgi is from oh god he's from island he had to come

from island argue yeah he went on a ferry overseas a little fuck god just just imagining

his fucking face on a silly little boat going across the fucking sea oh I don't hate argue

make me this guy I love argue is a sweet little boy who's a fucking dick. Pretty cute puppy. Really cute. Really fucking annoying. But what meningitis became a cunt? So you're saying it was the meningitis that made him

unlikable to you? You know the meningitis fucked him up. Well yeah I know because I had to I had to clean those green boils off his stomach. Yeah, he was really ill. Since then it's like he became so food-obsessedual in that either too, because the stowa Yeah, it changed him

It did And the fact that he barks at a breadmaker No, he doesn't bark at it He runs and hides and digs a hole Or gets in the bath Yeah, he climbs into the bath And gets stuck You see, like, come on

He like, he tries to climb onto a trolley Oh yeah, yeah What trolley? Like there's a trolley in the The dining room With all like stuff on it. Oh yeah, and he pushes stuff off the trolley

and climbs onto the trolley. Yeah, because I was looking after him over fireworks night. The fireworks start going off and he started getting really scared and then he was like climbing and all my, like he chooses the most destructive possible

because like my, I've got this nice corner with all these plants and he like climbed onto this platform and like pushed them everywhere. And then of course, There's compost everywhere, which is Paisley's favorite thing to eat. So she'd eat all of the compost that have fallen out of the plants. Surely it would just be go to a place that is dark and sheltered, not a fucking trolley.

He's such a dickad. He likes to go under my bed now. That's a dog place. Yeah, but it's annoying. He's just because you can't game out. Yeah. Because then it becomes a principality thing where he hates. listening to you he doesn't like to do what he's told no he's stubborn yeah so if he's about

to do something like he's walking he's walking towards the back door and then you're like come on aggie and he slows down or just sits down as soon as he said yeah yeah he'll just stop and then and but he looks at you yeah it's the way he looks at you this way he did that to me but i was like kind of in a rush i'd like looked after him or no i was going to pick him up in the morning and i some stuff to do. Yeah, to look after him. So I was like, when I arrived, I was like, okay, I'm going to let him out to go to the toilet. He ran down the garden. And then I was like, I let him out there for a good amount of time.

So right, we'll get moving now. Come on, boy, let's move. And he just sat there. Halfway down the garden, just staring. Yeah. And you're like, come on. Come on, dude. And he just won't move. And he tilts his head down and looks up.

See, and it's like, I see where this is like. I'm like, well, I'm going to fucking smack you. It's the baits there, isn't it? Yeah. But then you'll be like, okay, and then close the door, then you'll go on. Then he starts trotting. Like the little pig he is.

Yeah. Asshole dog. No, it's when he's being a dickhead, a dickhead, and you have to, like, actually physically move him from doing so, and he does that little growl. There are people who think he died. Yeah, because I constantly jokes about it. He's saying that he was dead.

No, I see him every day. Bleak that. Like, there's a lot of his behaviour that is like a working dog like thing. Because Gaius does the same shit. Like, but Gaius has like a, he's a dog. He's a dog. He barks, right? He doesn't like moan.

Yeah Argy is too human You know that game Too Human That's Argy Because you've seen it It's like If guys just like

Doing something And it's like you need to do it If you pick him up It becomes defenseless He doesn't try to get away You just pick him up And he just And he's like

Yeah But Argy it's like You can't even pick him up Because then he gets all Yeah Yeah picked him up a few weeks ago when he wasn't expecting it and he thought i was trying to kill him and he like bit me on the chin yeah his his his main tactic if like if you're walking along

and he's lying like directly in the middle of somewhere he knows that people walk down and your foot brushes one hair he'll swing his face round with his mouth open and like if his teeth catch your shin or something it's like fuck instantly instantly gets like really angry and it's just like you're fucking laying in there you little dick yeah and what he does

to um to my dad um like he'll go under the the desk where my dad works right he'll go under the desk lie by his feet when he's when the bread maker's on because he's scared

and then if my dad decides to get up adjust the way he's sat. Agi growls and gets angry at him. That's annoying. I can't have like it's such a little goblin. It's like, why go

there? You know like his feet are there. They're going to move. There's never been a funnier dog. No, but it's infuriating. Yeah, I find it really frustrating.

Sometimes I can hear it down the mic when Argy's there. It's just here is fucking like bullshit. Yeah. And he won't even be in the same room. He'll hear a fucking cricket, like, ten gardens over. And be like, oh, me, oh, no. But he doesn't stay, he doesn't just do, like, one or two.

He does it constantly? Yeah. No, it gets to the, if there are multiple people around him and he starts doing his barking shit, everyone has to yell at him before he stops, and then he waits for everyone to stop yelling, and then he'll do one more bark and walk away. to just be like

fuck you I got the last one it's like a prophetic on as though like a I'm in between one oh he turns out

oh such a cheek so bullshit such a fucking big head it's just I see some guys it's like

when you're trying to get him in he doesn't just sit there and be a bit of a twat he just like he finds it fun it's like a challenge

yeah yeah so he just fucks off and ones away and it's like okay then so he's not like infuriate

you yeah it's it's like he's trying to play and have a back and forth whereas with argue it's like he he's getting enjoyment from winning from beating you yeah like he sees it as like power over you it's his ego for his size that's literally what it is yeah oh a little fucking it's why it's like I can never ever like look at corgi's the same way because I know they've all got it in them I know they've got that little fucking argue energy they do I would never want a corgi no I would never

I would never get a corgi myself never that I'm I'm glad argue exists yeah funny boy but it's like too much effort like to have that back and forth

all the time it was worse when he was young when he'd like on top of that he'd like climb trees like she used to climb your sofa yeah and they need like tight rope along the back and then fall off and then and then walk around limping crying

it's like you've done this nine times you just did it again no it's because the sofa downstairs is obviously really nice curved level one and it's like we be playing and like gaming just talking and he'd appeal on you and then you put your head back and knock him off and he'd like screaming at you like

you fucking little shit And then he tried to dig his way Under the sofa And like be inside the sofa Fucking twat But yeah I stand by the fact that he is not a dog Corgis are beyond

Yeah In a bad way though Yeah they're more evolved though They're like they're like the dog step To humanity You know There's that human like Ego and

and fuck shit you know would you like no but the thing is you've got to look you know they say you know dogs are like their owners his little trolling attitude

his little fucking meme in games they originate from one person but am I am I stubborn like that though yes really you are you both are fucking I'm a lot of things I've never thought myself as stubborn

you both are stubborn when you say both do you want you are more you're worse me I'm not stubborn you do whenever I try to make you do anything you don't want to do you fucking hell you have that little arguing energy you have any fucking what if there's something has a right to not want to do yeah that's about perspective so you're saying argue's right

because it's his perspective no but he's a dog so he needs to fall in line would you like it more or less if like he could walk around like Garfield like on his battle it. Yeah. Like C.G. Garfield. Yeah. I think I would have killed him. If he could do that.

I was just picturing. Yeah, he just walked around like on his bat. Said some Bill Murray shit and I would have Bradknife. I just, I just, I'm picturing him running, running down the garden on, on two, standing up on two legs, barking like a little twat.

I'm picturing like, um, you know, uh, scrappy do in the, in the live action movie. Yeah. Yeah. If he turned into CG and started just...

And he had like the voice of Steve Bouchemmy or something. Who would he have the voice of? The Olaf guy. You know, from Frozen. Yeah, he'd fucking would. Yeah. No, but I feel like he's got a, um, porny kind of vibe going on.

Oh, shit. That's kind of a show. Kameo Nngione. Yeah. No, Kumail's too, like, nice. Yeah. He's not enough of a fucking... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I guess we'll see after these messages. Phrah! Yeah. Hey, it's me, Zeus, the God, my fully endorse the jarmedia merchandise available in the description below. No, like, how useful would that be? You've just eaten a kebab, boom, you shit that. I think a pregnancy touch would be way more useful. Depends how many children you want.

Instant piss. That instant, instant piss should be a good one. The only pee or poo power I'd want is the ability to pass it on someone else. Yeah, give them your poo. If I could, like, you know, like, Professor X, but, like, you're, I'm giving you my urine. it's transferring my urine over to me so would that mean you could be evil and you could like

drink an ungodly amount of water like and you can sit on the train like I'm going to go any minute and then you just send it to like the train driver and they just fucking piss themselves that's exactly how it'd be used God that'd be so useful on a night out god damn imagine not having to go to a toilet

on a night out just a boom no but imagine then you get a job with Amazon you can climb the ranks so quick. No piss bottles. Yeah, if you might have a mental breakdown and I have to go in the mental breakdown box.

True, that's a good point. Imagine it, Jeff Bezos comes to walk around to his little view and you can just shoot your urine at him. Yeah, make him piss himself. I'd make him shit himself. And no, but because he pissed himself, you get a big NDA bonus so that you don't tell him or he pissed himself

in the Amazon warehouse. It's like you're watching you're watching like Joe Biden. and do a big speech and it's just a zing let's be honest Joe Biden wears nappies he does he does want to make him pregnant

that's what you're doing. Anyway, welcome to the second half in the JAR Media podcast where we answer questions from Reddit over at R slash JAR Media or R slash FNAF depending on which part of the country you're from

a legit inkling can get us going here did any of you ever do stupid slash dangerous things as a child to build adrenaline I used to unclip and reclip the roller coaster safety bars

as many time as I could before the first drop as a child I would spend the buildup to the first drop telling myself I can I can squeeze in one more Unclip re-clip

Before the first drop That's pretty fucking I'm insane And I'd be fucking full of adrenaline By the time the first drop came So many times it became quite close Where I wouldn't be able to clip it back Right away and I think

Fuck I've gone too far But I've managed to clip it back Last second And then do another Unglipped Reclip Just to taunt it more See, I'm going to say

This is bullshit This is bullshit You know, boy No, this is bullshit Because you couldn't unclipped them They were done by the safety people At the start Depends on the place, man

Yeah, this guy was But I like the question of Did you? Did you? The question should be do you? Because I still do Okay do you do that with your seatbelt

no I don't I do I turn my lights off when I'm driving at midnight That's pretty smart Was it us We were behind that like I'm pretty sure you were in a car When I did it

The other day yeah Yeah the other day Alex and I were drive When we went to KFC We were driving back from Chippenham And this person in front of us Who we think was like an old lady Really old

driving like way on the right of the road. We drive on the left of the road for you. Yankerunis anywhere in the world actually. It's not just Yanks. It's only us on Australian in Japan who drive on the white side of the road. Not true.

Dubai. They're not a country. And this person just randomly turned all their lights off. That's right. Yeah. Like in the pitch black on the hill coming up from chipping them just swerving in and out of the lanes

swerving and then turn them back on because they got to a roundabout where there are two lanes and they just went perfectly in the middle in between and then someone else pulled up next to them and then they were like drag racing around the roundabout

like really slowly yeah it was like two really old people drag racing at like five miles per hour I actually think I think old people in cars is probably more dangerous than drunk people. No, no, old people in cars,

like, this is the thing. My granddad, Mr. House himself, like, the man who got me into cars, you know, he's driven all his life. He's legally not allowed to drive, and he'll be like, I'm going out for a drive. But you can't tell him he can't go, because he will just go.

And he's legally discharged from driving, but he still drives a car. Like, the amount of old people who just, like, not capable. What do consequences even mean when you're like, exactly, they're not going to put you in prison. They're not going to give you any fines.

They're going to be like, just go home. Yeah. And then they'll give you your car back and you do it again. You're just being a silly old person. Yeah. Sorry, officer. Yeah. And it's like these are people

who could literally just pass out while driving and literally kill an entire family. And they have no repercussion. Like, I want to be fucking old. So you can kill an entire family. No, not just killing an entire family. like a family just so you can risk it

like you can do anything without with no repercussions they're not going to do anything yeah that's why as long as you don't kill someone you're fine I think it'll be awesome to be old and just the the trolling capabilities

are those fucking little mini mini fucking mobility scooters oh my god I just think it'd be really funny to like cross the road really slowly but like way slower

than you're actually capable of you know but then as soon as you get on the path Yeah, you just speed up. Sprint. It's like, you can, like, drive in the middle of the road, straight in between the lines. People do that.

You just like, you can do anything. Cod. But if you don't, do you do anything dangerous to get adrenaline? Do it risk any do any whiskey moves? Dry my boogers in the game. garage. So you don't do you not do anything to like give you that shock of like my life is fragile, I could die.

You're not like risking that, that like tempting fate a bit. Like I can't stop thinking about the unglip re-glipp. Nothing, I don't do anything like that. No. No, I don't think I do. Nothing at all. It's like what, I've many. Like, there's, it's a constant thing in my life because it's a really nice feeling.

It's like, you know, this food is clearly fucked. Let's eat it. That, see, I want to avoid Ria and stomach bugs more than the risk. Yeah, because, I mean, the likelihood is you won't die. But you will be really ill. It's just like, it doesn't happen. I'm never, I've never, I've never, why, why even, like, risk that?

You know, if you're risking, like, all on. I'll find it funny. Yeah. I mean, it is funny when you talk about like the latest, just obscene thing that you've consumed. That is funny. That's still frozen chickens.

Yeah. White on the outside. Ice on the inside. Yeah. That shit's funny. It's like blood in the middle. Yeah. Ice rare chicken.

It's like. um there was just like obviously it's like in school riding bicycles on frozen days icy days that was just like a drumming man that was something yeah but like again all you're doing is just hurting

yourself it's like not a fun injury it was because it's always funny it was funny no but it's just like nowadays it's like everything's car based it's like yeah sure I'm just gonna

drive with no headlights or you you know, sell to take my hand to the steering wheel. It's fun in the wane. That's when it gets funny because it's just like in my mind

it's like, you know, you drive at X speed in the drive because that's safe and it's like I'll drive like 30% more in the wane because it's significantly more dangerous. So when you go on a corner, when you start going on a corner and you don't go on the corner, you just keep going straight. That's fun.

That's just, that's That makes my brain go, ooh. No, I fucking hate driving in the rain. When you see a big ass puddle? Well, it's just like, um, it's like, um, my when I'm clear, the windscreen wipers broke. Yeah. It broke summer. Obviously, we went into like the stormy season.

I didn't replace them because it was just like, I experienced the, I did, I drove in a storm without my windscreen weapon. It's just like, I can't see anything. This is fun because this is dangerous. So then I just never repaired them because it was like, I didn't get there if it weighed. We never get a video of like what they would do when you. activate those wipers. Yeah, they just go off and go glag glag glag glas

and the motor would get like stuck. So I just left them. So I see even less because it's like if it's pissing it down with rain, I turn them on. So the wipers will go halfway up the screen and stop. And then that's like even more of it. And that was fun.

And it's just like, you know, you hit a puddle really hard and you accelerate at the same time. You go, do, da, jah, jah, jah, but then there's like the actual extremely dangerous stuff of like going really fast on the motorway for no reason. I love adrenaline. I love the dopamine it gets when it's like,

ooh, this could kill me. It's like the road in our town that is incredibly bumpy, and it's when you hit that at 130 mile an hour, and your car was in the air. It's like this could go wrong, but it's like the most addictive thing human imaginable. See, I'm struggling to think of which, part you're talking about because

we got some bumpy bits but the bumpy bit I'm thinking of either you've just started on that road and you're not getting up to 130 before the bumpy bit or you're heading out of the town and you hit the bumpy bit but then there's a roundabout like right there well this was like a year and a half ago so this was before

got really bad and obviously it's roundabout then past my house where my house used to be and then it's bumps And it's because this was like midnight And there was an MX5 Like gunning it So I was like I'm gonna I'm gonna fucking going for it

And I flew past him Got to like 130 And there was just like bumps It was just like holy shit And it was just instantly broke around the corner And as I got around the corner He was like out of the window going Holy shit mate

And I was just like bro I'm doping me down my face at the moment I can't fucking drive Yeah The change you're driving Don't do it I'm not an adrenaline junkie Do the unclipped re-clip

Do that instead The safer Yeah genuinely because at least with a roller coaster you're in no control yeah you know the most you can do is unclip reclip but if you risk it you could lead you fly out when it goes upside down so no but like the forces of it you that's not gonna happen unless there was that one there was that one roller coaster that malfunctioned it got stuck upside down yeah yeah for like half an hour or something yeah yeah longer it was

It was like hours. Yeah. I mean, if you, if you, if you unclip, re-clipped at that moment. Yeah. That would be the end. You just unclip. There'll be no re-clip. Yeah, yeah.

But it's like that kind of behavior can be extremely dangerous. Yeah, but that's also how you get a sponsorship from Red Bull. Yeah. You need to have the unclipped, re-clip mindset. If you want to get into those Red Bull big leagues. It's like, you, if someone who has that, that part of the brain that's like, this could kill me, but I love the feeling it gives me, you're in a specific group that can just die from doing that stuff. Like, the dopamine will be the best dopamine you ever experienced, but you can die. So if you don't have that, then great, you're like mentally sound, like rational, normal.

I've seen some really scary videos recently. It's all the imparcore free runners on top of buildings, so that's first right. Yeah, yeah, no, they're just sad, but, um, like the, the base jumpers whose parachutes, like, deploy wrong. Yeah. All, like, tangled. And there's all these jagged rocks. So, like, I watched one recently where he's, like, bouncing from jagged rock to jagged rock. And then he eventually gets, like, stuck really high up.

And it's like, what? That, that happening is kind of why you do it. You know? You love a whisk. You love the fact that it can go wrong. That's what the... Yeah, and I guarantee you he survived that, got down, and then did it again. Yeah, you don't stop.

Yeah. It's like the whole gambling, man. Yeah. You're almost close to your biggest win, your biggest dopamine cash out. Uh-huh. Like, I can't believe none of you have any dangerous outlets for dopamine. That nothing comes to mind of any silly thing you've done because it might feel good. Sometimes I make kind of nutty pushes on Apex.

Yeah, my self-preservation is above the opposite. Yeah. Absolutely none. Yeah, I kind of value existing for now. Or like my legs and stuff like that, you know? I kind of want my legs working. Or my arms. My arms especially if I didn't have my arms.

Yeah, because you can always walk on your arms. need be. Yeah. Yeah. And it would make pull-ups so much easier. It would. It's like the dog bite situation. The fact that I didn't go is like a part of me that's like, oh, how bad can it get? How much, how fucked up can I make my hand before I get? How much can I make people sympathize with me? No, no, no, no, it's not sympathy. It's just like, it's, it's, it's like a, I like seeing how hard it goes, you know? How gangreness it can get. Yeah, how green. Well, it was like the other time I had the dog bite. and my finger turned purple and it was just like,

bruce, I think this is time. I think I've crossed the line. Yeah. And it was hugely infected and I needed to get... Yeah, you could have lost part of your finger. But it's like, in that case, it's like I'm not going to be annoyed at myself because it's just like...

You know, I was edging and I came. That's exactly right. Just like I say if I'm Reddit, who said, why is Alex pissing on his compost? Do you guys know the answer to this? Oh, it's good for it. It is. Uric acid speeds up the compost process and gets you to the end product faster.

Even the National Trust in England provides pee bails and strategic places in public gardens and parks that the male staff can use. The male stuff? Why can't the women use it? Isn't women pissed like cat piss? Don't know? Maybe. Is that why so many guys Like being golden showered

What from cats No Women Woman What about women What about women Bleak this out I revert to monkey

Says if you were shot with a needler And it was about to super combine what would be your last one liner before you explode it would be the Fortnite dance I didn't see this boom um

Alex I'd go I'd say something like really broad and open to interpretation would be like it's all true oh my god

I can't take this anywhere that's where my head went um I'd say... Like what you're out if it was like, don't believe the lies... Yeah, that would be cool. Like some iconic call of duty quote would come to mind.

Like how annoying would it be if you're like the safe is buried at these coordinates and then you're there yeah it's like there's people who like there's that service you can pay for for like just a mysterious guy to turn up at your funeral

and like stand in the distance with an umbrella to make people just think you were like really interesting right yeah like who's that guy yeah who is that over there been stood here for like five hours Oh, you can go to so many extremes

I'd actually want like a Like some some like Proper international conspiracy theory level stuff to go down there Like fake something so extreme Higher like multiple people Start a whole ARG Yeah I want every member of the FNAF subreddit to be at my funeral

waving their purple guy flags You want purple guy to be at your feet Shit Yeah that's that's probably what I'd do if I was hit by the needles Well speaking a purple guy Clara Bellum wrote in and said Since David Cameron has somehow returned from his goon cave What other cartoon characters do you think should

join the UK government and in what role wheezy the dog is what the fuck is he called weasy from what wacky racers or whatever oh weezy yeah

muttley yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's from something else man what cartoon characters

weas from Toy Story 2 I like I'd like um weezer uh one of the I'd like Alex I'm totally spies

to be the sex and healthcare secretary or whatever but they're French aren't they can we not go over totally spies again yeah we don't want to

make people upset like we did last time I didn't know what the fuck you were talking about I still don't do you do you need me to show you some pictures no the pictures don't mean

I've watched the YouTube short about it and I don't know what the fuck is going on. Who could fix UK governments? Timmy Turner. Omni man.

Yeah. Just replace a purple guy might as well. Does he count as a cartoon character? He's 2D, I guess. Jimmy Schmets. Get him in there. He's just a real man. Who cares?

No, the animated version. from the Colon Wars. Yeah. Mr. Crabbs, he kind of suits Parliament. Wow. He liked money. I can't really if you just did that.

What? What? No, explain yourself. Explain. Explain. What? Well, in that case, surely, um,

Isn't Pearl Mr. Crabs's daughter? Well yeah, surely she would be the driving education Yeah, yeah It's always in the family Earthworm Jim I want to see him in a big role

Yeah Biker mice from Mars What would they be doing? Sonic Underground Surely you just feel Parliament with the waving rabbits Yeah Yeah

I genuinely believe you could just put anyone in there now Nothing would change It might as well be a fucking horde of raving rabbits Yeah Probably make better decisions Yeah, it'd actually be like a utopia Because they're united as one They'd make the most communist fucking socialist ideal

I imagine Kowalski, that's who we need Yeah Kovinsky Kowalski Oh shit yeah He actually private no you don't want private

no you got to have private you'd have to have the full gang he can be the order guy order, order, order order, yeah, order I hate the way they say order order, order, yeah, the order guy yeah, the guy, the guy,

the fucking Mr Man who sits on the throne the judicator, they're like order, order, order there like order order, order in the court order, order, They are. And they're all like grumbling. In the background.

They're like Star Wars, like, Amy. Yeah. Well, they're just asleep. Yeah. And after someone says something, it's like they're a, oh, hey, or, oh. Yeah, it's fucking football match shit. Fuck this country. Jesus Christ.

That's democracy and we should fight for it. no no I'm out with it how do you think the universe is like where the fucking dude actually blew up parliament my favourite man yeah you

do you know what's happened a lot and if I get matched on hinge it's always that picture I do question I do question these people do these people like no it's like Guy Fawkes do you mean the face up one with your Facebook on Guy Fawks you put that on your yeah that's

based as fuck but like Guy Fawkes was a terrorist right he was straight up terrorists but he was right yeah I can't remember these at the time it was about like potatantism

and uh Yeah, it was fucked at the time. And what, how different he got fucking, he got snitched on? So your only reason he got caught? Yeah. Go back in time and glock for snitch. Honestly, snitches, man. Yeah.

Snitches really should get stitches. Get glocked. Imagine being the one guy to snitch on Jesus. Yeah. Whatever his name was. To the Romans. Judas. Yeah

Hey Uh Horror Hey Romans This guy over here Ha ha ha Ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I've got you So much wine Dog I Water into wine Pregnancy Touch He did make pregnant He was the result of pregnancy touch

Yeah he was His dad cucked the bulldad His dad cuted Joseph Yeah Jesus man Yeah exactly Why didn't get cucked And what if Mary was in the club

I can't believe you throwed that down What was the next one Joseph around hella thugs What I was listening about lions Wolves Yes What if Mary was in the club What if Mary

Was in the club Is it be clear Surround a bar Hell of thug I'm what of Joseph Sheesh man That song's trash Hold up I'm a fix

wolves. Oh my god. Rets sacked. Do you not think, do you not think, do you not think that Jarmedia is like Kanye Himma? Kanya Humma. Do you not think he,

would it not surprise you if Kani's new album he's making in the deserts of Saudi Arabia? Do you not think if that drops and you listen to it? Could you not just expect a jar reference in there? Like something that we've said or some meme of ours. I could see it. I hope not.

Nah What if Golden Freddy Was in the clothing Surrounded bar I just had a thought Like what if that sealed Golden Freddy up there Actually has some value at some point

It might do It might do already It's actually like the rarest Poppline Thousands And let's have a check What would you do if you were just Like in this exact spot

Right And you were like ZZZZZZ And then and then you look up there and his head goes oh shit he changes the position of his head yeah it does like the

modern horror like 10 frames at once there could be a billy jump cat that's not the rare one there's a golden freddie that is actually fucking golden they're going to venomized golden

but they're going for like 220 pounds really yeah one one nine golden freddie's is golden and it's they're going going for my money man yeah but is it made out of gold no it's just golden golden plated venomized golden freddy venomized than is golden freddy

oh god nothing is labor than like combining IPs yeah yeah what was that pop vinyl we were looking at the other day it was like captain america with a mustache No, it was like Dr. Strange. That is also Dr. Strange. It was like... No, but who the fuck?

Because, yeah, we were looking at it and I was like, comic books are shit. They're the lamest shit. They ran out of ideas so quick. It was just like, what if fucking Spider-Man was Thanos? Who fucking cares, man? It's just like throwing shit at a wall. It's like everything became shit

because they just kept doing it. Yeah. What if Batman was Mr. Plaster? Oh my god Plastic man Venomized Squidwood Who the fuck keep buying Pop Vimus?

It's like you see these pictures of these guys or girls whoever And they're posting pictures And it's just like you can see their whole Pop Vinyl collection Venomized porny You're like fucking like

35 Why have you got Pop Vinals? The rarest swap vinyl Who's that one? from um that's the case of all character isn't it

no he's from Valerian like they don't even make them for good IPs they just fucking make them Venomized Angara Venomized Valerian Wait Angar got one

oh my god you fucking Garma got one that's so good like nothing says just poorly as pop vinyl like just think when that generation of um like i guess millennials die because it's like with everything i leave to you my pop vines yeah that's where the economy

generational wealth that's where it's completely stopped worthless fucking pop vinals venomous thanes fuck grandad you fucking cunt what the hell they're worthless granddad You had like 30 fucking venomous tannases That's it, that's all you had

This is a thing of every generational thing Everything that's popular in some generation Will have like points where it's not valuable And when that generation gets to 15 They've got loads of money Stuff shoots up Like early American muscle cars are now going down Because all the people who want them are dead

So so No like really early ones But I'm alive The millennial people who like these It'll get to a point where they're all fucking dead And everyone fucking hates pop vinals And our fucking landfill is going to be filled with nothing but pop vials

Like stop fucking buying them Look at open it, please It's worth nothing They don't sell it anymore though Yeah, give it a few minutes Yeah, give it a few days Yeah, but no, but look at the foxy one. That one would definitely get hot glued.

Oh, God. Well, Bath tub Tom says, hi, jar boys. Question from my girlfriend. Do you think you could stand on two turtles and skate? Like you flip the turtles on its back, and then you put food on the turtle, and it clings to you like it wraps its feet around your feet. And then because the shell is circular, you could skate on it.

What do you think? no i think that sounds like animal abuse yeah i think they die i think yeah you're fucking skating on these poor little animals yeah i think it could work better if you were underwater with them yeah like strapped your feet to them

yeah because they they swim yeah what i would say is if if you wanted to actually skate on them you might need to lube them up leave the shell up and get the you know less friction so then you can slide easier but i I think if you, like, stood on their, because surely their tummies are slightly squidgier than their shells. Like, their organs would, it, like, explode?

Yeah. And they'd start, like, bleeding from their eyes and mouth. I thought underneath there's still their shell. It's like, it's like, they're putting a jumper on. Yeah, but it's, like, part of them. Yeah. They're fused. Yeah, they're, like, fused to their shells.

So you just... They're a bit fleshy. Yeah, they're flashy, and you crush them. Because, I mean, think about a turtle the size of your foot. But turtles can be like the size of duster. double beds. Yeah, but how's it going to wrap its legs around your feet? Well, guess then

it's a different thing. They can't be the size of double beds. That's huge. They can, bro. No, that is actually scary, huge, bro. They're not the site. They're not... You don't believe me? Turtle. Biggest turtle. What the fuck is your biggest turtle?

Biggest turtle. A king size bed? You're having a laugh. Sea turtle. They're massive, man. Ugh. What do you mean? That's like the blouriest picture I've ever seen.

Dude, what? No, what? No, that's false perspective. It's not, bro. I think that you can easily turn that into a tank. Yeah. Put a gun on it. Oh, look at its face.

Why do you hate her? Don't they wide them in them, Akraman? Yeah, of course. Oh, probably. Eggie Omelet 44 says my fear of mainstream gooning. I'm not ashamed to admit that I've been battling a porn addiction for some time. The topic of self-improvement has been huge for me, and a year ago I was making tangible progress in my life.

Losing weight, starting uni, been months, clean of porn. And felt mentally clear. Flash forward to today, and I'm in a little. the opposite direction. At some point, I just kind of stopped caring. Started using porn again, gained a lot of weight, stopped medicating, sorry, meditating, a little bit different, etc. I finally snapped out of brain fog when I was listening to a cast a few weeks ago when Alex was reading off the goon subreddit names. I actually recognized a lot of them. I realized that I'd become a gooner without even knowing. Being on the NSFW side of Reddit, I always thought people

who were gooners were weird and need help, but I hadn't realized that this was me. It's similar to people saying they can quit porn whenever they want but are addicted. This makes me worry for the future generation of people who won't even realize what they're doing. Anyway, thanks for listening

to a long one. Since then, I've made a conscious choice to start improving my life again. It will be hard but I hope to make it out. Game on boys. Nah. What? No, join the calls.

What's the cause? Anti-gooning, fighting for the future? Yeah, fight for the future. Yeah, fight for your future. Don't fight for anybody else's. No, fight for anyone else's and die in wars that you have no part of. You can't goon if you're military service. Yeah, you can. They can't. They're going together. There's no porn.

They become each other's porn. Well, that's just... Anyway, that's not porn then. That's by-the-bye, come on. No, no, no, that's healthy. If you're jerking off to another guy in the same Humvee as you that's healthy, that's natural You're jerking each other off

That's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's not, that's just healthy No, I, I, I, just join the military and fuck each other Oh my God, um, um No, for real, for real, improve yourself. Yeah, I think, I think, I think, I think, think um you know fuck self improvement it's masturbation no

well no it's just so finding better ways to hey everybody i've seen fight club really like three times no i think it's genuinely a really positive thing yeah i think i think for you to come to

the conclusion that you're a gooner via the Patreon gooning names who... No, they're not patron... No, the Reddit gooning names. The Reddit gooning names. Um, yeah, the, the ars slash gooners. Uh, I think

that's, that's a positive out of a very dark, uh, you know... Through the fire and the flame we carry on. Yeah, through the fire and the flame we carry on. Um... Yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't know, man, um, the thing is, you, that you, that you can always give up, you know, that option is always there, so that's your safety net, you know, giving up and gooning, right? That's always, that's always an option, but imagine if you don't, yeah, imagine if you try, and you try again, you know, that option's always there, you can always give up and goon. you know

but what if I just try for another week try and get 21 days no goon yeah 21 days yeah but you know what

even if you goon then you know try again you always have the option to give up and go exactly it's like smoking so what's the point of doing it

it's the antithesis of driving in the rain without your windscreens Wipers on. What? How is this connected to gooning? Because, look, if you're driving in the

rain with windscreen wipers off. Right. You're saying that's gooning? Yeah. A form of it? That's not a form of gooning. It kind of is, dude. Well, yeah, I'm not gooning my danger

receptors. Yeah. But, no, you're right, because it's like, Once I've dulled those dangerous septors to that level of danger, I need to go deeper. Yeah, exactly. Like your porn addiction, you're going to more extreme forms of pornography. You're gooning more because you need to get the same response in your dopamine to get that stimulation. What it comes down to is novelty.

Yeah. We are, we fucking love a new thing. Yeah, fucking love it. We want a fresh thing, something different. Something we've never seen, heard or felt. The new goon. Yeah. But that's what the goon is.

The goon is the chase for the fresh goon. Yeah. You know? And every goon is a fresh goon. It's brain nature to want the new goon. But every goon is the same goon. Yeah. Everything's the same.

Don't live at all. It's that feeling post-goon. Yeah, that depressing. That post-goon clarity when you're like, you know what? That shit kind of actually sucked for those eight hours I was doing it for. The M-result is shit and I want to kill myself. The wanting to kill yourself But it's the major part

Because that's when you're like Maybe you should fucking change Yeah Yeah And you do Yeah Easy to say when your goon bar's empty though Yeah

But then you fucking start that Snowball rolling Straight away Then you call up your goonet Yeah Oh fancy a goon It's like Our brains

Like that That, you know, dopamine like cycle, it doesn't matter if it's porn. Our brains love that type of fucking dopamine. So you just have to replace it with like a different, a healthier way of receiving dopamine by driving really dangerously on the word. I think we solved it, guys.

Well, we just come to Jarm Media for the worst advice. No, we do good advice. We got two minutes. two more here this is a thing you got to be smart it's like a credit card if you've got access to that credit card

you keep buying shit of that credit card if you snap the credit card in half you can't buy on it so what I'm saying is get your PC fuck out of the window PlayStation fuck out of the window chastity cock

well deviate left nut says this the British government approaches jar and will execute one person elected by the home no questions asked the catch is that it has to be anonymously agreed upon who do you elect for execution to make the UK a better place to make the UK Murdoch interesting point he's retired hasn't it yeah point his son now um one person

I'd make Rupert Rupert Murdoch pregnant you can't bring in the pregnancy to this where that's a different making life that's not taking it away probably the worst person you can think of what is that

some second that would make me in a better place no because there's the obvious answer someone who relies on just causing outwage. Alan Sugar. Not Alan Sugar. The man that literally everyone hates.

The most reactionary British meat. No, the most reactionary British fucking man on the internet. Yes. Shit, yeah. Honestly. That's hard to argue.

Yeah, pop his head. Yeah, because it's just like, you want a reaction. Here's your reaction, you fucking cunt. Yeah, I think he might be the fakest human. Yeah, literally just a little fucking schooned. He's gooned for that little fucking attention from those Oh, beg you, you're capitalists, skim-y-at-goon. It's just like he's figured out the source code for printing money.

Yeah, you just got to feed him lies to f***. Leave that. That's what he does, though. Yeah. Like, I'd Omni-Man squeeze his head. Mm-hmm. but there's more one where like if I was Superman

it would be like oh man I really want a laser beam through the back of your head really yeah so I team up with him and make content with him

go on Piz tell me who to murder you have to tell me to murder someone otherwise I'll murder you I would probably say that the person responsible for like making Britain's got talent I'm the sub to get me out of the

X Factor like a yearly show Get him off, get fucking fix British television Whoever that is Simon Gettle No it's not Simon Cattle He's not responsible I don't think Basically ITV

Whoever's the head of ITV Head of BBC Nah One person wouldn't fix shit It's like a hydra True Oh my god That's a reference to one of our favourite

games in Monouraffair 2. What? Shepherd's speech. About when you take one bad person down, there's just one even worse to take his place. Yeah. Damn, you don't even get the reference, bro. No, I remember now.

Alex doesn't. The writing in Mono Fair 2 was actually fucking great. Yeah, it was fire as fuck. That game... voiced by the guy who played the alien from aliens. No, not the alien. The robot.

The robot from aliens. Yeah. Yeah. He's Shepard. And he is sick as fuck. Shepard's so fucking calling those games. He's so sick. And then in the new one, he's like this lame-ass, like Texan.

Oh my God. I saw this. I saw this, um... He's best an Ethereum, bro. Yeah. It's cringe. I saw this, like, treat that was about the whiting of both games. And it's like this separate speech about stuff that's like, this is well-wit.

And there's a clip of the new one. It's just like, where we shit, we bury it. Like, fucking cringe, man. Yeah. God, Cruelter Duty is garbage. Fuck you. Yeah.

Honestly, Head of Activision. Squeeze his head. Yeah. I don't know. I like that. I like the idea. Head of Take 2.

Squeeze his head too. No, we're gonna get GTA 6. No, if you know what he said? He said that games should be paid per hour. Per entertainment value.

He's a fucking cunt. He's got a point there. Yeah, but it's like, I'm not getting GTA6. I'm not getting GTA6. Do you want to pay another 50 credit on? Fuck it right now. I'm not playing D-J-6.

Oh, fuck you. What the fuck does it even mean at this point? No, no, no, no, let's come on. It doesn't matter, you know? No, no, I'm speaking fucking bombs here. Do you know why? Because you're lying. The campaign's going to have loads of micro-transactions in because it's going to print money, so they're going to do,

they're going to siphon everything out of that game. It's a two billion pound game. The campaign's going to be full of fuck tons of micro-reactions. You'll be able to buy. in the main campaign with real money they're going to limit all of the progression and money you can get in the campaign because they can get money from it

and then GTL9 will launch in a worse state than GTA 5 and it'll be so full of micro transactions it is the worst example of modern gaming and we should absolutely not support it it doesn't matter if the campaign's good it doesn't fucking matter they're going to use it to print money to an unprecedented scale they can suck my fucking dick

I'm not buying it It's gonna be the best game ever You're totally wrong No the campaign will be good The campaign will be good But they're gonna stick micro transactions in it Because it makes sense No because

2 billion pounds There's been too much clap back on like Ubisoft and EA for doing this shit No but Borgstein get over it They got away with it They will do it with online When do you think I think online will launch with the game

Because it'll make so much money it won't be like GTA 5 it was different yeah yeah unless they do it to build hype yeah possibly but the micro transactions are going to be like some of the worst

we've seen yeah and you think you know the shit that's coming out yeah because GTA 5 online has some of the worst micro red their online is bad as well

but there's nothing compared to GTA yeah it's fucking atrocious I just mean as far as bang for your buck with what you're actually buying. Yeah. Right, let's end on this one from Devil's haircut.

Thoughts on US congressman George Santos using campaign funds to subscribe to Onlyfans. Personally, I think he's a tier one gooner for a stunt like that. Masterful Gambit from Big George. I think he's a fucking quentin and he can fuck off. Do you know why? Because he's also like extremely transphobic,

extremely homophobic. And he's just a little fucking gooner so he can fuck off. please tell me it was a trans like i i guarantee you it yeah please how much is like how much of a dumb ass do you oh that oh my god to do that they're so fucking you have to be kind of based to do that you have to like be flagrantly uncaring you know yeah just i mean grabbing the company card i think if you go into politics you have to have like moral based on nothing You know, your morals have to be based in

How do I win? You know? And if that gets warped enough to wear If you see a nice pair of booby-woobies That means winning I think that's what a lot of politics is I see booby-wobie-woobie's only fan winning Yeah

And he got the funds You know, that's the... He used taxpayer money to see booby-woobies he I know nothing about the topic we're talking about I don't even know who this last thing I am

you know everyone does that thing where like if they're asked a question about something and it's someone you don't really know that well you just lie yeah everyone does that yeah like to a degree obviously if it's like do you have a wife and family like children you can answer it between the lines

though like yeah i got family yeah but if someone was like are you married and you're not married and you're like that's that's fucking weird you know but if you're in like who's the person asking i don't know just some guy well in that case i'd say yes no but someone you're going to going to see like more than once. Yeah, because then he'd be like, how's the wife? And I'd be like, pretty good. To be fair, George Santos has a really fucking bad track record

because I remember, I was just reminded he, like, some veteran had a dog that was dying of a whole like condition. And he went to George Santos to be like, I need help. And George Santos weighs those of money and then took all the money and spent it. That was a big controversy.

So where's this? This money he spent on only fans. Where did it come from? He's basically highly coming forward. Campaign funds, so it'll be donations. Donations. Political donations. Political donations.

And then he's just using that money to... Well, these are some of the... I mean... This is some of the headlines of this article. His mother was definitely not a Holocaust victim. He's made lies about how his mother's a Holocaust victim. He also said this. his sister was kidnapped, she wasn't.

What the fuck? Like this man. Why are people giving this guy money? You know, like... No, but this is the thing. You know, he was a drag queen in Brazil. What? Yeah.

And he's anti-trans. What the fuck are we even talking about? Who is this person? I don't even know, man. Yeah, there's actually pictures of him in Rio as a drag queen. This is the thing. though like social media will make this instance like the biggest thing for a few days

what the fuck does it matter who cares if some guys is looking at porn um using campaign funds using campaign funds like what campaign I don't care no one cares you know who's giving me like the next president yeah

oh my god please this group would be so funny if that is the case who gives a shit like don't listen to this crap next president of the fucking United States but honestly

who the fuck cares where's this money coming from like people no he's got he's got maxed out credit cards he's got loads of maxed up credit cards he's also been getting unemployment benefits this guy sounds fire

but he's allegedly he's allegedly committed identity theft it's probably bit it's him who stole my fucking dude he's just a grifter yeah he's just a fucking grifter surprise surprise he looks at

booby wubies he is literally just the most white wing fucking guy is just and like transphobic but loves them and it's just in the closet and it just constantly takes like donors money and commits theft

so the average fucking white wing person isn't it like god these fucking no they're all fucking losers aren't they i i'm i should just run for campaign at this point in america you should campaign you should go they need a republican candidate who can talk so so do i look like a republican candidate yes you look like a monomorphic character no i don't i need the hat yeah i mean At the end of the day, I don't care what some guy is using with campaign funds from dumbasses that gave it money. Well, he's just, you know, he's giving sex workers money, so I'm not going to complain.

Go them. I'm going to, I'm going to say. What are you going to say, Alex? Alex has been funding George Santos. Yeah, you're like really pissed off. he's been taking my money using it I thought it was a good guy

up until this I believed in him believe what he was fighting for what was he fighting for maybe if he releases like an apology rap then I'd like him yeah there'll be AI generated

with Eminem there oh cola with Eminem then it might be fire if Dr. Trey as well I get get get get her Fiddy Sam back on the scene

Yeah, what were you gonna say you said you were gonna say something? I was gonna say I was gonna say I was probably gonna say like bugger gold or some shit Well You know Get out of here She loves it, look she loves it Like subscribe Like Can we use that um AI voice

Like and subscribe You know And then the look in his eyes, he said, Bougar gold. Thank you so much for listening to the latest yogs. Why not hit the subscribe and bell icon? Or even rate us highly on the podcast platform of your choice. You could tell by the look in his eyes that venomized Thanos was scared.

The on-life fans content was too hard to resist. The gooning began. Yeah. She take my money. I don't have any... What? Well, she is trifling. That's in sure and indeed.

She's bifling, because she's a fan of my name is bif. Isn't he on life support? Now that destiny's dead. It's in chat. Bife support? Yeah. I forgot to reset the dingle timer. Oh, for fuck.

Just keep her mental. Um, hello So we need to talk about Halo No, we need to talk about New Vegas for once Still haven't done my play for it's been actual years I I feel is there Do you not have a game that you go back to

Like every four years and play again yeah well game I wanted it to be red dead but I get one frame a second on my PC yeah it's true I'm serious

I get one frame a second if he's lucky if I'm lucky sometimes it drops what my steam deck runs it better than my PC for some reason

you're playing your steam deck yeah she's a trifling yeah but I go back I play new Vegas every once in a while I do the same play through every time don't even try new things why that's the whole point wait really he's serious that's your like comfort thing oh no it's just um I I forget what it felt like to play

new Vegas I played that one like my one I wanted to do this and I booted it up. Unplayable. On PC. On PC. Unplayable. If you don't have like a 320p monitor, then you can't play it. I've got it.

I can't even get it to start. Yeah. It's terrible. New Vegas is like a functional part of my existence and I love New Vegas. but I can't play it So Dark Souls 1 might be dog shit But at least you can play it Yeah the remaster may be dog shit

But it makes it playable If you can't play it It's not a good or bad game It just isn't anything Yeah it's nothing Might as well not exist Precisely Surprisingly

Might as well not exist like The Willow TV show Who? Or the intro to this JAR Media podcast episode, episode 321. 52. I'm your host, Alex, joined by Jamie and James. What's up? I'm Jamie. What's up? I'm James.

I'm Jim. Huh? I'm enjoying this. I want to be Jim this time. What does that mean? it's just like you but a little drop of extra a little sprinkling of seasoning just like me but a little bit more salt

sea or table what sea or table see James sea or table what you mean sea or table what more sea we talk about the sea that is on the coast

of places We're talking about the letter C, or we're seeing. Neither. Neither, there were three options. Yeah. C, see, see. C. I would probably say C.

Or table. Or table. C or table was the question. C. We both said C. No, ask me. See your table. C-sectional table.

Neither. What? That was an option. Yep. Yep. Fuck beer. Yep. Alex said he wants to be able to touch people and immediately make them pregnant.

And he said he would target Joe Biden. Men and women And then he said He was like And then when You said When the police come for me I would just shake their hand

And make them pregnant I was like Why would the police come for you Well how quickly is the pregnancy Because you One month One month extradited pregnancy Yeah but you're going to be in prison

You're going to be in prison By the police by the time they get pregnant How would they know? My DNA? They'd all have my DNA. Alex would be a worse person than Genghis Khan. No, that's what you said. That was the funniest part.

You said, I would have to find Drake. Yeah, we can see. But surely you're like unlovable. Bing. No, because you can control it. Like, you can say like, right, I'm just going to touch you normally. And then you'd be like, boom, pregnant touch. Yeah.