JAR Media Posdact - Chris House - JARCast Episode 269

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies Timecodes: 00:00 Intro 06:29 Housekeeping 19:36 Alex Leaves the Halo Fandom (Drama Alerted) 28:52 The Truth About Unubtanium 39:13 Avatars 40:04 Mid Break 41:55 An Anecdote Spiral 58:50 One Single Question

Oh, is that what it was? The cleaver has to bleed on it. Nice. Nice. You ready? Yeah, born ready, boy. Ready. Nice.

Do you think it would be possible to intro at doing the gurgle thing? Yeah, it's possible. Let's do what you need. and welcome to this episode of the JAR Media Podcast it is your host good afternoon, morning, evening or night, ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to this episode of the Jarm Media Podcasts. Best, I know it's like our podcast and stuff so it's kind of that way by default. Yeah. Best intro. Best intro is the best way.

Yeah. My problem with intros is I start doing an intro, but then I want to do it differently. No, you start doing an intro and then you just keep going in for another one. Yeah, it's because I'm trying to get that perfect intro so then when you're editing it you can make you can cut you can get the best intro from

that yeah yeah there's often like nearly five minutes of like building up to the perfect intro no it's like that's the one yeah the intro and how you intro shows more important than the show if you nail that intro doesn't matter if you're making a breaking bad or morbius if you're if the intro to morbius is better than the intros are breaking bad morbius is going to get more people to watch it. Intros are the only thing that matters. If you're watching your podcast and it's like, oh, hey guys, it's me. Today we're going to talk about philosophical things.

We're going to maybe talk about some history, some Oscars drama. Who the fucks a shit? You know, nobody's going to watch that. Nobody cares. But when you're getting a good afternoon on evening all night, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this episode of the Jamies your podcast, you're instantly in, you're instantly hooked. You're ready for whatever shenanigans. you're going to get thrown at you, you know?

More like C-nanigans. Oh! But the whole... It's the game-on part that gets me. Yeah. Yeah. The game on part. We didn't even plan that at all.

No. G. Our genius is unparalleled in the way of existence. You know, this is Jarkast... 269? Yeah. Was that ever funny? No.

It's just... I guess people find it humorous because it's sex. Yeah. Oh, it's sex, funny, laugh. Sex is funny. Sex is sex. Sex-e. Man, we're saying all the buzzwords to get us flag tonight.

Don't mind. I'm going to pull out the big one soon. It's a heavy day. With a heavy heart, it's a heavy day. But we can't get a... too heavy before shouting out the jail media patrons that make the audio version of the show possible and tell you what if you're a sandy tier above you get your your whole name read out in the first week of each month you get to troll me it's troll james you get to to have your name

read out your name being james's dad is help me get a read on the word troll right now yep is do people like earnestly use troll and it's like yeah accepted or you're not or is it more like a post funny the hacker known as 4chan kind of

know those trolls no I think troll is a genuine word no I think it's used as a genuine like people being harassing online like oh they're trolls

everyone knows a troll you know is that kind of thing a troll face no not a troll face is dead do you think is actually the troll face is not When was the last time you saw it genuinely?

By us, we used it. We're the only one in the last like two years to use the troll face. Maybe it has gone. It has gone. I feel like it had a little renaissance. It had a renaissance through that meme. But it was like the troll face becoming like Mr. Fantastic or whatever that meme was. People know what I mean.

It was the meme format for like a few weeks. because it was Mr. Fantastic and the meat the troll face they were two different kinds of the same meme the happy one was Mr. Fantastic the sad one was the troll face right that regrets James is Mr. Fantastic how James you look just like Mr. Fantastic yeah you do

if you had grey bits above your ears no in like five years time it's just going to be identical what am I thinking of a different face Mr Fantastic Mr. Fantastic, the stretchy guy from the Fantastic Four. It's like the scientist. Well, it's called Mr. Fantastic, and it's one from the animated show. Animated.

The big guy. The dad. Oh, you're thinking of Mr. Incredibles? Mr. Incredibles. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. I see what you're saying. Which is fair enough because the Incredibles is like a spin on the Fantastic Four anyway.

Yeah. But that's how the meme format's called. Yeah, James, you look just like Elastigel. Oh, I'm happy of that one. I don't mind that one. But it's like the only meme. face from that era that's now like still being used is the happy face one.

What cult follower Matthew loved. He loved that face and it's like he'd been scorned. I'd look at his wallpaper on his phone and it was that face and the amount of wage that would just swell in me because of that

face. How do you think he reacted if you heard us describe him as cult follower? How do you think that would strike? I reckon he'd like yeah yeah it's like that's spot on it's that it's that time of episode guys slow things down we take it easy pump the brake pedal we um we hop in the tardis and we we go back a week i like that you like that oh yeah yeah cyber doc cyber dine whatever

Uh, yeah, this is the housekeeping segment where we wrap up some of the conversations from last episode and Just try to not be distracted by the things that are in front of us that are moving Beveloy is gonna get us started this time This episode made me so effed up that crazy goblins are just goblins to me And I'm I screenshot this because I'm speaking of like these weird memes like gobbling behavior in this kind of of stuff is like goblin mode yeah yeah goblin mode I saw one today

of um Saul goodman from better cool soul saying your honor in his defense he was in goblin mode at the time yeah I think it's all because of a tweet where someone was saying that it was a whole thing it was like a buzzfeed article because there were like people defending

the goblin lifestyle are you joking this was a thing on my Twitter moments no yeah but it was caused by this person saying that They liked, you know, it was on Reddit. It was on Reddit when someone's saying that when they get stressed, they like go around their house being a goblin. And that rip this spun into this.

What does that mean? No, but these people living the goblin lifestyle, like, just don't clean their houses. But that's not what being a goblin. A goblin is like you're living miles underground in like a fucking mine with like the goblin king. Yeah, but they don't clean up. They're fairly ordered, actually, if you know, the goblin is. I thought goblins are mischievous little devils. They just kind of are little jokers and they kind of hoaxi.

What would the like jar version of goblin be? Like our interpretation. Deprived. Totally. No, I think it's the funniest thing impossible. I get a mixture of like Alex's crackhead era and like it's all of the crackhead eras combined in just a single being that is goblin. Yeah, there's kind of like Eldritch creature that just appears in like a cloud of sound.

And it's just like the most goblin, like, freak chaos. It's just, the embodiment of chaos is that goblin. Like, if that goblin appears, chaos will be unleashed. And you better won. Old man, uh, diabetes had this to say. James has so many controversial opinions that I simply refuse to believe he's real. And that makes me want him more. When will Sempe James notice me?

Do you know, I've actually been doing it at work recently? is that there's this guy at work. He's a very interesting character, and it's like, I've started... I've been saying the whole phrase of living the dream. So he now says to me, oh, you live in the dream, and I'm now completely spinning it in opposite directions while maintaining the emotions of living the dream.

Okay. And now I'm just like, I'm not will. I'm like, when he leaves the womb, I just disappear in shit. I'm, like, trying to fuck with him in this weird kind of, like, not real way. It's interesting. Yeah. deliver it like really positively like i'm living the fucking nightmare yeah i'm

having an existential crisis i don't want to be you anymore but no i'm not will i'm a character Do you smell nice? I just put some hand cream on my hands, right? Garnier, skin naturals, hand repair, intensive restoring hand cream with maple sap extract. Oh, maple? I stuck that shit on my hands, and it smells really good. So I extend a hand in front of James' face for him to have a whiff.

He just kisses my hand. The one time you can't see it too. Yeah. Yeah, that was like a whole moment. It'll be like a memory lost in time, like tears in rain. You'll just have to believe the descriptions. Yeah. Yeah.

Like Jim's doing the whole like happy slappers bit right now. Yep. It is actually some really nice smelling hand cream. It does smell good. Because I always expect like hand repair intensive shit Would like stinky Like medical Yeah

Like E45 It doesn't smell good It feels it It doesn't smell too bad though No it doesn't smell bad It smells like cream Soothing Yeah

Yeah No it's like a It's a brilliant cream We're not sponsored by E45 Yep but Why did you make an effort To hold it in front of the camera What camera? Who's there?

Oh yeah Yeah Garnier your hand repair intensive restoring hand cream it smells really good we're not sponsored by Garney It smells really good And I'll tell you what

I suffer with dry skin on my hands And this shit has done one hell of a job Better than anything I think I've ever used Really Because the one that saved me It was gloves in a bottle Yeah

Which means gloves in a bowl That's what it's called Gloves in a bottle It's not a glove That you get from a bottle My dad like found it Because he's like In the field

That involves washing hands on I've got grey hair. I've got grey hair. You got Mr. Fantastic hair? I have got Mr. Fantastic. I do actually. No, I do honestly have Mr. Fantastic grey hair growing on my sides. The streets are getting there, and that's why I want to go grey there, because it's happening anyway.

Can you imagine if James play Mr. Fantastic in the MCU, if that's like where this was all leading. James, give us an American accent real quick. I absolutely can't do American accent. Say, like, his catchphrase, like, I don't want to fuck you mystery. invisible woman I don't know what you're gonna have to be more clear

that's his wife remember who invisible Mr. Fantastic Mr. Fantastic Invisible Woman wife Mr. Fantastic I guess is married To the invisible woman The invisible woman yeah

And they have A kid and then it becomes The Fantastic Four and a half The Fantastic Four and a half Yeah I'm serious There's the kid of no legs or something He's got a kid combination of stretch invisible and create force field yeah oh yes i which like how much of that

do you think's accurate all of it some of it was really what's his real power i don't that's the part i don't know okay i just assume it's like either some combo or i don't know please um if you know the answer uh write in any of the number of ways that are possible to the gearbox with the ideal but make sure you include sources and references we like to be thorough around here mm-hmm mm-hmm oh this is a good one here from our daddy de foe I feel like Jarre is similar to the Stanford prison experiment but instead of centralized but instead it's centralized on James slowly being broken down by his peers slowly becoming de joker baby what do you think about that's a bold statement

implying it's not the opposite yeah it is the opposite you're being built up to the riddler yeah that ain't a bad time not the new riddler the Jim Carrey one not a bad time we're all being built up

this isn't just a single entity type deal going on no because the way that life works if you want to pay someone a compliment that's like putting yourself down right yes you'll never give anyone compliments only be mean

so only put people down only put people down then you get up more confidence you become bigger stronger faster i can't believe i never thought of that be howled yeah yeah fuck you guys um we had a kind of controversial guest last episode um so we need to do the apology rounds for that i'm not a guest we won't say it not saying last episode we had a guest you know yeah controversial character m g controversial guy but ed craft left a comment saying Anyone else picking up on their romantic tension between James and Mel?

I did in editing it. I was noticing it all round. You went in for a sly little peck, I think, at one point. Sounds like James. Yeah. Well, yeah, if we're, if only we had the footage, then we could really back this up with sources, evidence and everything. Yeah.

No, the thing is with us on the Jarkust, um, we really thrive off of accuracy, knowing our stuff. understanding the topics we talk about and providing backup so whenever you think we may not have the backing whether it be

like knowledge or philosophically this is we have the knowledge backing and the scientific process that we follow this is what people don't get about Joe and it's taking this many episodes to get to this

reveal 269 it's like most YouTubers when they're doing a video they write this big script and whatnot, we're just going in on our sources, we're checking it, we're fact-checking it, we're going through so many different sites just to confirm that what we tell you is exactly it, but we don't fact-check

things, we fact-checked them and then fact-checked them again. The fact-checking is getting fact-checked. Yeah, and then I check your facts and you check my facts. And then Alex checks both of our facts and we go over and check Alex's facts. The amount of fact-checking, like, why do you think

has taken so long for us to get a new video done? the amount of facts we have to check day in day out hour by hour day by day it's never ending the facts don't stop the facts don't lie the facts can't lie because they're facts but that's where the acting gets involved because we need to you know now and again it appears like we're making mistakes or getting things wrong or saying something it's a bit off in fact we've done the research we've planned this out you're wrong they're wrong they're wrong they're wrong they're wrong The viewers are wrong. We've planned this out. We're professionally trained actors. Yeah. You know? We've been doing this as like a long con all along.

Yeah. You think 10 years worth of work. Come on. Like we're close to 10 years worth of work on this. Come on. Yeah. This is all just for our thesis to get acting degrees. Yeah.

This has all been a ployed to try and get into the MCU. Yeah. And James is Mr. Fantastic. Yeah. We're proud to announce here. Alex is. Mr. Thing? Yeah.

I'm passionate about the thing. Yep. And I? Well, you'll just have to wait and find out. Sorry, I've just got ill the other week. We got one more question before we end this segment and getting a couple of really messed up topics. Like disturbing ones.

They're not actually disturbing. I just feel like, you know. You just want to make people worry. You want to give them a bit of anxiety, a bit of fucking worry. Yeah. The anticipation. You know? They think it's something scary's coming.

And they'd be like, well. They don't know what's coming. Mm-hmm. We... we know what's coming. I mean gonna let you know. You know? Well, we will when we get, though. Hoshiba has a final question for housekeeping.

The CBD's story Alex Tolb is really interesting to me, because my family is the exact opposite, my parents especially. They're huge stoners and are very against prescription medication and chemicals. For example, I'm trans, and I expressed interest in going on hormones. interest in going on hormones and my stepdad recommended that I go on mushrooms instead to find myself because the idea of it scares him so much. That is really interesting. That's like the complete inverse of what we're saying. Like it could not be more of an inverse. I also think it's equally stupid. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Just because something's legal or illegal and you sit on either

side of the fence doesn't make the opposite thing good. You get me? Yeah, I know what you mean. It's like you want to balance. You don't want to be like against or pro either. Yeah, you want to check the facts, see what works. Guys, I forgot my line for this bit. Shut the fuck up.

Just wing it. Um, right. Next bit. This is the part of the show where we head over. there's something i need to talk about um okay yes please elaborate it's a topic that uh we've fucking honestly it's it's come and gone more more times than uh okay what's your take on gorillas on hailer's on halo you got it no no no i need to i need to address something and I need to give James some credit for a minute.

Yo, yo, yo, what? Credit? I want to shut this down right now. What? You're right. All this fucking time. You've been saying it for years. I have been saying it for years.

I have. And I was, I was, I've always been white about it. I've always been die hard. I've never, ever got, stood away from this position. because I knew deep in my heart that this was the truth because I fact-checked it yeah

it's like as someone who was formally a part of the no it's in a sad state like I watched a hidden Experia video today where he goes through the

latest patch notes of like what's coming in season two and like halfway through the video he's like genuinely to be honest guys like I don't care about this and like nothing about this is like exciting yeah it's improvements but man this is a state and that's like you don't get more of a halo fan than that guy yeah you know yeah he was seeing the praises at the time when it first came out when there was the excitement that this could be the return of halo and if he's broken like that that that says everything you

need to know about the state of halo yeah and the play account represents that Yeah, you're seeing all these screenshots of fucking random-ass games, getting more players on Steam. When the most hated Halo game had more player-based like three, four years after it came out than Halo did four months after it came out, Halo Infinite, four months after it came out, that should tell you all you need to know.

You referencing Halo Wars? Halo Wars. Everyone hated that. Wasn't a Halo game. Yeah, it has more kind of play as three years after it came out. Halo Infinite has less. Yeah. I noted down a few months ago they had this like patch notes thing where they revealed

that it was going to take a matter of months and months to realign a cosmetic that was like installed at the wrong angle. It's like the bar is hilariously low. And the funniest part is the straw that broke the camel's back was this fucking cookbook. The halo cookbook

was revealed on Twitter and yeah obviously it's not like it was like a choice between oh we can either update Halo Infinite or release the Halo cookbook it's not like one to one like that but it's a licensing

thing it's symbolic it's like really every game that's out there that includes cooking in some form your Skyrim your monster hunters they're countless Zelda

They get good books Halo That food Food has never ever been mentioned in Halo When has there been a point where it's been like The only thing I can think of was that there was like a weird gag Bungy came up with About the Mower Burger in Halo Reach

That's the one And that's like a deep cut That only like nerds like me would know Yeah Not an entire like probably 50 page book Hard cover book About recipes Halo inspired recipes

Yeah There are just like a TGI-Fi-Days. It's a T-G-I-Fiday's cookbook. Yeah, and apparently they're like cook's really good and stuff and her cookbooks are really good, but it's like, man. Halo name? No. Yeah.

It's like every product that isn't the game is like getting the halo treatment. Because there's the show, of course, as well, that's landing at the same time and has no cross-promotion and is just like getting stranger and stranger with each episode. The joke is that with each episode he's losing more clothing. Um, because in the first episode, he takes his helmet off, in the second episode, he takes his arm off, and then in the third episode, he's naked, he's butt naked. Really?

Yeah. Yeah, but what more can he will move? Yeah, Moniac wrote in about this saying, did you enjoy Master Chief's ass reveal in episode three of the Halo show? I think it's a great evolution of his character. Look it up if you haven't seen it. It's real. And there was this other comment of, uh,

take it with a grain of socks. It's a fucking YouTube comment, that B.P. Melson said on the Halo TV show I work at Paramount Plus and everybody is talking about Halo like it's going to be their Mandalorian and is their headliner for their streaming service now that it's out and the negative reception is out there and no one is talking the same lull.

It was never going to be something like the Mandalorian because the Star Wars has a more powerful name and Halo doesn't in the Not after Halo 4 and 5. It's not the same. It never will be. Halo is dead. But also, how can you turn Halo into a TV show?

It was a bad idea in like 2015 or whenever they fucking revealed it. Why do you think they never made a movie? It's not like ripe for the milking. This shit is like, green guy shoots religious aliens. and it's fun because the gameplay is very solid and the 30 seconds of fun within the context of the game adds for an enjoyable game

there's no 30 seconds of fun in a shitty TV show where Master Chief gets naked every episode There is a way they could have told the story of the Halo trilogy and a TV show and it'd be kind of cool and it'd be fine, it'd be acceptable but instead of even trying to do that they're like, yeah, we'll kind of do that

but just make all these changes that it's just going to annoy everyone who knows this already. I just feel like it at its best as an adaptation it couldn't be any better than just

like the most standard Marvel movie. You think so. Captcha America. Yeah, because what it is is that creative team at Bungy at that time of when those games were made but that was the spark. That was the magic. It was

combo of Joseph Staten writing and Martin Donald doing the music and like that's what it was. But like you can't have all the good halo shit in that. But do you not think they're like shooting themselves in their foot because they're like not using the music. They're like changing designs.

The story and shit. But like the 343 has this like obsession with like humanizing chief. Every single game, every story they've told has been about trying to do that when like it's hilarious because it is the inverse of what bungee did because they were like Yeah, he's just a vessel for the character, so he's going to shut his mouth and just talk very rarely, and that's going to be part of his character.

He's just, fuck it. He's like an action hero with one line. It's just, boo. Yeah. You know? No, he's like, I'm a soldier. God damn, it's hard being a soldier. Yeah.

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? He does that in episode, too. He lets slam someone against the level. Who am I? Really? It's really good.

No, but, okay, no, this is, my counterpoint here is that going in and trying to humanise Spartans is a very interesting subject because naturally straight off the bat, it's, it's, the Spirons are fucked up, they're quite literally built to be war crime committing war machines. So trying to add a humanising layer to that is a really interesting idea, not with Chief, with another Spartan, another Mark I, the Mark I sparrans. That's a really interesting idea because you can do something with that. but like if you're gonna have chief at least make him like the character you know yeah make him commit

war crimes like in the mandolian i was like super surprised how much they commit to that helmet on thing yeah i was like man they actually did that like pedro pascal was willing to do i get i mean i'm sure like that that's like even in like what was it like when i think of that kind of thing i think like the original Judge Dredd. Mm-hmm. So, yeah. They just take their helmet off as often as they can. And it's like every superhero movie.

Mm-hmm. I remember the old Captain America stuff. Well, Captain America has that thing on his head. Mm-hmm. Like in the Avengers, the first Avengers, it has to come off at a certain point. Yeah. Well, like, Spider-Man always winds up at a certain point with the mask off. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Something else that came up. wanted to talk about something interesting we were kind of talking about unobtainium and avatar and this this kind of nonsense and there was a comment that was left by ratman I heard that unobtainium is a real term for mining slash engineering or something I was curious about what they were talking about what they meant so I found like the TV tropes article on unobtainium and apparently it is like a phrase that existed before avatar but avatar just popularized it

So what did the phrase mean? Let me read you some of this. Unobtainium is engineering jargon for a material that would be perfect for our purposes if we could get it, which we can't. Sometimes an object that actually exists or existed at one time becomes Unobtainium because it's unavailable now. When used in the realm of fiction, Unobtainium is usually exotic material that is needed to make the applied blah blah blah. Yeah, and then the part about Avatar at the end. most people however first heard the term as the minerals sought by the mining company in avatar and mistakenly think that that is a trope namer

it was also infamously noted in the core thought that was interesting how a movie can just ruin an entire concept does that make avatar better yeah does that make it any less distracting maybe Yeah, maybe we need to watch it With a fresh set of eyes now

Yeah, because if he's saying an optaneum Is in like, it's not literally called that But that's what we're calling it Hmm Because they need to go to Because they need to obtain it Which Because they were like engineers

Like trying to Yeah Mine Well yeah, that's literally what they're doing Yeah And they were like quite new there I guess so Hmm Uh

Avatar are actually a masterpiece. Speaking of fact-checking. Fuck. Sorry, guys. This is our apology video. We kind of fucked up this time. I really didn't want to have to make this, but...

We're so sorry. You won't do it again. Nah. Nah. Anything else throughout there for we head to the mid-break and do some questions? You know, OCD? is there such thing as OCO Obsessive-compulsive

Order Obsessive-compulsive disorder Obsessive-compulsive order Does the word obsessive not That yeah Counter the word order Yeah What if you're obsessed with self-improvement

Then you've got OCD No that's not how it's The disorder The disorder part is not the fact that it's disorder I feel like it's the word obsessed No that's not true defines what you're talking about. I think the disordered part means that it's a disorder.

If you say someone who is committed to self-improvement, that sounds fine. It's someone who's obsessed. The word obsessed, Carrie, comes with it certain implications, right? Yeah, no, that is true. Okay, someone who's obsessed with... Gooney. Who isn't? Someone who is obsessed with...

Battlestar Galactica. Yeah. someone who's obsessed with the Halo TV show yeah they're just called Gooners yeah well unless you want me to talk about this Burma Cretaceous period Burma

Burma the Golden Triangle you're talking about the Golden Triangle right now though of all the things we told you not to talk about the Golden Triangle's number one why are you talking about it the pyramid ships from destiny that are on their way you mean

well why welcome them as long as they don't touch the golden triangle I'm fine can we go to the Bermuda triangle yeah we're gonna do an live stream in the plane yeah no no we're getting a boat we're getting a boat and on the thousand a thousand episodes

one of those swans with the pedals we're gonna get one of them and we're gonna wait whoa swim the pedal the boat to the Bermuda Triangle and we're going to live stream the 1,000 episode and we're going to prove to you that nothing will happen.

1,000 episodes recorded live from the Bermuda Triangle. John Media reveals Cthulhu. That's the final fucking moment. Read kickstart the actual apocalypse.

Yeah. There are some ways this can go. We can join the MCU. We can destroy the whole fucking world. That's it. That's it. our path in life. MCU. Should we get a full

grind set and join the MCU? Like we can each find a character that fits. We've got to start with steroids then. We got to get fucking... Just like every other star of the MCU. Yeah. They're all void wagers. They're all roided out on something. I'm telling you that. 100%.

I'm surprised that it's not an actual total sponsor of MCU void. I think it should be... They're saving it for phase eight. I think it should be a legal incentive, a legal must for, like, Disney to say, yes. So these guys are on steroids, the ones that are... You think it's irresponsible or something? I think it's immensely irresponsible to say to people, yep, I just had to, like, grind really hard for two months or whatever, and now I look like this.

But when we were talking about Camel getting jacked for the Eternals, did he not publicly come out and say this is, like, the inverse of that, you said, this is not achievable to the average person, right? Am I remember that, right? No, someone did. You publicly made a comment about that? No, someone did. Pretty sure it was Camel.

But I see what you're saying. It's definitely like, yeah. You're like a little boy watching fucking Chris Hemsworth, like, what the fuck? Yeah. That's what I want to be. In Philadelphia did. Oh, we're sunny.

Yeah, he definitely did. He did. But he got jacked for a joke. Yeah, but he's also got the complete opposite for a joke. And he said, like, he's just changed it completely, being paid for by the executive company, having the diatricians and all that. And he just said, like, this is what happens. Yeah, and I know he did.

Steroid suppliers. Yeah. It's like, no, it's not steroids. Some other chemical will just pump into you and you'll grow. Mm. You know? And the magic, the, the, magic. magic is creatine

that's all I'm gonna say go on my protein order your pre-create your creatine added to everything you eat just work out non-stop and you can be absolutely ripped like Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans yeah it will

you absorb enough creatine and it turns you into a famous Hollywood Chris who yeah which one's it gonna be shit so I need to go on creatine to pull my MCU Chris role what's the next Chris that they need

Chris House yeah Chris House Chris House Chris House starring in the MCU as Mr. Fantastic I'm on my way I'm going into the MTV fuck and I've got no but just

all I need to do is I need an audition tape and you know that I've got all my my projects I did with JAR Media all those previous experience yeah we can do like a like a demo reel and put in like Like Tyrese did to try and get the role for Django. They're going to look at him and be like, he's absolutely whipped.

He's got those creatine sponsors. You don't even need to do any makeup because of his hair and stuff. You can save millions on that. Yeah. I'll walk in on the set and it's no prep. Just boom. And you're really stretchy. Yeah.

Yeah, they don't even need to use CG. You can just... Boom. I am everything they need. And I'm an innately a thing. Okay, guys, I've got a really fun little activity for us. Huh? Which MCU superhero would you be?

Um, probably pisser dick. Um, Pete Davidson, I'm, I'm, skit. I'm shotgunning, um, cat Dennings from Thor. Hilarious character. She has the power of comedy. Yeah, the power of comedy, just like me. I'll be red-faced I guess we're all

Captain America once here then No you're all Wedface when Captain America won Oh The Matrix guy Yeah Hugo

No the characters Yeah Hugo Boss The character's name Is actually the big red one What do you think of Red Skull? I loved Red Skull He

is shit I feel like It needs to take kind of a different angle with him Yeah, they need him to be like a social media star. Mm. Really modernize him.

Yeah, and he's got like fan base that you can. Or have him be like Donald Trump, but with a red face. Mm. Yeah. I thought he what kind of was that already. No, Donald Trump is blue. He's an avatar. Oh.

She could have, like, just picturing Donald Trump in one of those tubes. Yeah. No, that's the thing, though. In the future, when these fake bodies exist. It's going to be those kinds of people, like, walking around is these, like, models these like robot models it's going to be like Elon Musk Bill Gates Donald Trump Obama like in some jelly pod just like just like in a week's time like Joe Biden just like comes to the plinth

and he's just like a fucking blue alien and he's ripped and shit yeah he's like fucking 10 foot tall and he has like the same voice and everything he's just a fucking alien Do you like that power fantasy? Of being a blue guy. Did you watch it when you first saw it and be like, wow, I wish I was an avatar? Yes. They're pretty, the scene that the mix. Man, yeah, just throw in the praise on Avatar.

That scene where Jake Sully, like, because he's disabled, isn't he? And then he's, when he runs for the first time. Yeah, that shit's cool. And you're like, man, these guys can move. They're like slender, a 10 foot tall, they got muscle? They can fly They can fly Only when they fuck birds

Yeah, when they're fucking the birds They're flying, you know Don't get in that Isn't everyone I meant literal birds Oh I'll see after these messages Have you seen short kings

Are making a A resurgence what's that short kings is that like a term Tom Holland has saved the race of men that are below the height of like six yeah nine yeah because that's like a thing

he's like he really attracts like everyone yeah fucking everyone everyone everyone's drawn to him yeah and he's like 5-8 is yeah so he's changing body standards then

he also has a fake ass in Spider-Man what What? No, no, no, no. He's fads. Yeah, because Toby and Andrew were both like, yeah, one of us

who's got a fake ass and it's neither of us. He's assing Spider-Man's fake. Well, they made it bigger. Yeah, it's not big enough. He's got padded. His suit's padded. I fucking knew I could be a better Spider-Man and Tom Holland.

I fucking knew it. Yeah, the belt and booty would be perfect for Spider-Man. Can you imagine? Slipping into one of those suits. I'll go on a fucking Marvel diet and get, take steroids and shit. Just you can prove to Tom Holland

that he's got a bigger ass a new motherfucker and I'm shorter than you bitch this is what I mean we are the future of Marvel yeah

we are what can I'll be Miles Morales I'm done I like this bit I like this bit ooh

who is that yeah who the fuck is that I hate that I hate that Welcome to the second half of the cast. We head over to the JAR Media subreddit and answer questions from the community. If you want to leave your own questions, go to the suggestion thread.

The gimmick of this episode is that we're taking questions not from our community. Dude, that reminds the poo thing. I was told a fucked up story involving poo. That's Jarre's thing, though. Yeah. Now, go on. I get this. So apparently.

I heard this through the grapevine, right? These girls Living in a flat, there are four of them. One of them leaves. There's an open space. They need to fill that space. They've got to make rent. They put out like a listing for it.

Does one of them sell their shit? No. Much worse. Much potentially... Okay, the shit is being eaten then. No, no, no. So they get like someone in. It's like some...

Some new girl, she's like a drug addict. Taking drugs on the counter, it's not going to work out, she leaves. Who's next? Some guy, he shows up. Fills in the role, the fourth roomie. It's going well, it's clean. Well, one of them gets like a weird vibe off him instantly. But one of the other ones is like, yeah, this guy's all right.

It's fine. So there's already a conflict here. Fast forward a few days. one of the girls goes to take a shower there's a fucking shit in the shower what a shit planted in the shower so what does this girl do

she she cleans up the shit what she cleans it up doesn't tell anyone until the next day what so now they're in this situation where this guy

who's like just moved in has like done this weird like exhibitionist shit shit in the shower and he's gotten away with it too and he's gotten away with it because now he knows it's just going to be cleaned up why the fuck would you clean it up if it never this is the thing it only eggs on that fucked up behavior because now the he knows he can get away with it every time yeah never that do it in the first place you just like moved in you're like bunking with these people you don't really know you're like sharing a

space like what the fuck it's kind of of like massively alarming. Now, get the drug one back. Yeah. That's better than the shit guy. You'd be safer than this shit guy. Yeah. You could get like dysentry.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how we got to that, but fuck. No, no, no, no, no. Can I, I... This is the segment of the show where James complains about men. Because something happened last... No, dude, don't put this on... That's not a man thing.

The shit in the show. That's not a man different. No, but this isn't. Because obviously, and shit has been a recurring thing on this podcast because I've spoken about the shit men the men who don't clean their ass or wipe their hands clean their hands I'm taking a shit

I interpret like more of a malicious kind of sexual like that is yes that's like a shit in the shower with the three girl roommates thing that's weird that is classic man though so basically what happened the other day and his very old fucking men is I you know where I am at work you know big it's a big basically it's a factory

We build robots, okay? So I'm in one office, and basically besides me is two different departments. And between then, there's a toilet. So everyone kind of walks the same distance to get to the toilet. So everyone's using it, okay? There's two stalls in there. Someone's in one. I walk in.

I'm good, you know, I've just had coffee. I need my morning shit. It's always a big shit. I'm like two coffees down. It's 10 o'clock. I'm sitting on that toilet for 15 minutes, and I'm fucking shooting shit out for like a good 50. You know? So I walk in

I walk in And I kind of You know When you go into it you kind of check You don't want to walk into a store That's full of shit already Because it's like oh If it's broken

Whatever You just want to make sure it's it So I walk in I sit down because it's all clean And I look at the floor And I notice that Under The toilet paper dispenser

Because it's those modern toilet paper dispensers Was a fucking huge pile of phlegm A huge pile Of spit of slobber and it had bubbles in it, it was fresh. It was a fresh pile of fucking slobber. So I looked at it,

I was sitting there, trousers down, taking a shit and I look at it and I stop in my tracks and I just look at it. It fucking godsmacked. Like, nothing's ever shocked me this bad. And look over and there's like a trail of dribble.

White where my legs are. Like, why between my legs there's the phlegm and then there's like a little line of dribble. so someone has sat on this toilet taking a shit and then gobbed they gobbed directly on the floor under the toilet paper

right there we're talking we're talking about circular fucking half of foot on the floor with bubbles with spit it was just pure flam and then I look around and there's more dribble marks and I'm just sitting there in absolute fucking disbelief trousers down

just like shocked because not only because if the man was this guy was sitting here he could have flam down the toilet that he was sitting on some like tissue and spadding yeah which is right above

but instead of that he just flams onto the floor and then yeah and he just leaves and the toilet wasn't flushed either dude so I reminds me man I've got another one of these kind of stories

um There was some like roofers here recently I get a knock on the door Hey do you mind if I use your toilet quickly? Goes into the toilet He's in there long enough when I'm in the kitchen I know I know he's not doing a pee I know there's more going on in there

But I also know I didn't have soap in there I knew for a fact I didn't have soap in there So he finishes in there flushes it Opens the door I go oh if you if you want to wash your hands I've got some soap here in the kitchen I know there's not any in there And he goes, no, that's right. Opens the door walks out and then gets his coffee and starts drinking.

You see, what's the deal with that? I feel like normal human, standard human brain should be like, right. Even though like you've wiped your ass and shit, there's been no actual contact there. Yeah, there's been no finger of sliding up butt, you know? Yeah, yeah. Or even finger brush up. but the brain thing is like hands dirty hands anywhere on these hands

there could be shit touching the door handle to get in there yeah yeah well especially when it's like a public toilet yeah so you you have to wash your hands yep there's always normally soap there it's always it's easy yeah you know it's not difficult every place you go even if there isn't soap you go find some because like there's a thing in my head that says you have to wash your hands

before you touch your face before you eat anything before you do any of that shit so I don't know how these people are just comfortable shitting pissing and then just live in life do you think um

us beltmans have a more intense kind of focus on this because of our father being a microbiologist yeah because he'll be he would like just whip out like this ridiculous like latin name of like some bizarre yeah that's that really rare fucking chicken uh mold also yeah

no because like if he knows the like different types of bacteria and shit that live in different types of foods that you've left yeah not in the fridge long enough or whatever it's like no that's bad that so yeah he ingrained it like the whole like raw meat you got beyond that shit yeah rice you gotta be on that you can't leave cooked rice and then eat yeah pasta you say this but um

my my parents aren't like that they weren't really like in like I my relationship my parents isn't super like yours it's a very different situation but I fucking know to wash my hands after I do a shit

I don't think that's pretty basic yeah that's the You don't need a microviolet to think of that one. That's the most basic shit. So why are men flobbing all over the floor and walking out, jiggling their fucking willy with their hands and not washing them? And then taking fucking shit and not washing their hands. No, that being said, I do enjoy pissing and not washing my hands.

I like it. I like it and piss on my hands. Because there's pulling your trousers down and pissing where you don't touch your cock. I'm talking about getting piss on my hands. Shut up. If you're touching your cock and you're jiggling it, you need to wash your hands and this is the thing

before and after you should only ever touch your penis with your hands when they clean that's the that's the title of thing right I wash my hands before I piss yeah yeah yeah

oh yeah so I I'm shocked and the fact that I've had so many shitty toilet experiences where it makes me really question shit you've had some interesting ones because obviously at the same time

I don't think I met the toilet that was broken and people continue to shit in it it's also the toilet challenge you go to like a pub you go to a weather spoons you go to a restaurant McDonald's are interesting McDonald's you and then you go in the stall

what the fuck are people doing yeah I remember being in like central London once and I was like I really need to do poop right now yeah I went to a burger king fucking Christ they're like bedlam yeah

I welcome it's like going into like a portal into the fucking hell dimension is that that Burger King toilet it's like just shit everywhere fucking toilet paper like splattered it's straight up train spotted

but it's just like a girl's toilets like this a woman's toilets like this do they have do women have also disgusting shit stories like that we do with toys because we need to know this

I remember the moment so clearly um like it was an after school club thing at like secondary school so it was like empty and no one was around I needed to pee I went and peed in the boys and came out and was like

the fuck is in there I peeped my head in and it's like no fucking way this is fucked what? Because it was like, fine. Whereas the girls. Yeah.

Whereas the gut... In our secondary school, the boys' toilets. They were... Oh no, they were fucking grim because people would just take the doors off and, like, knocked on the balls. You were taking a shit in the fucking wall. The stone wall is just half off. It's just dangling in place.

No, I'd never shit in secondary school. Or the toilet was broke, actually, like, smashed. I'd try and coordinate everything to avoid having to do a shit. They're, like, eight years or whatever you're in fucking secondary school for. I did not take a shit I don't think I ever did either It's like taking a piss was just like Going quickly fucking

Yeah taking a piss was actually stressful Enough as it was Yeah Because no the the piss experience in school Was like if you go in And then like a country group follows you in You're having a bad fucking time in that toilet That's why you just

You go in you piss Even if you piss dribble your underwear You could get that fuck out Yeah but no it was worse there When you walked in and there was a group of ass It was already in there Yeah. Because then it's like, well, if I turn around and leave, then I'm going to be like a pussy-o, you know?

So I just need to stick this one out, you know? It's like a masculinity thing, you know? Oh, yeah, right. You need to prove yourself in the boys' toilets with, like, the assholes from the year above just hanging out for some fucking reason. I have a vague memory of, like, a certain toilet, like, I think it was in the English block being, like, so notoriously bad. yeah like we got to put like a camera on the exit because like someone is doing something in there yeah yeah no i remember thinking that exact thing about those toilets no that the worst one was in the humanities block top floor by mr computer teacher's office there's that toilet to the

white that was the girls one that i saw that was the exact one yeah that the boys one there was i've been i remember one being in there once and that was it was the most disgusting thing ever the windows was just smashed as well. So it was permanently cold in there. And all the... Oh yeah, in winter, it was... Yeah, and it was just like... I can't actually picture that one

because I think I never went in there. Really? It was off it. It was computer room, then the humanities room, and then toilet between the two on the white side. And it was bad.

Some... I bet you someone from that school, von Bentley, knows exactly what toy everyone about. And they're like, fuck, it is awful. It was bad. But no, but I will say,

I have heard. stories about women's public toilets being like hell as in like shit smeared on walls and shit like that the same levels of like yeah public toilets can be even worse yeah so I'm saying that probably there is women who are just as disgusting as yeah well let us know in the comments on average I say men are worse for it for the shit shit no I was I was driving on the motorway recently needed a shit yeah um and

I was just like, well, next services. So I pulled in. It was like one in the morning. I got my car. Go to the travel lodge that was at these services. See on the front door. No public toilets. I'm like, shit.

But it says on this sign, there's a toilet on the side of the Londis. Oh, one of those. A public toilet on the side. on the side of the londis you can use. So I'm like, shit, okay. Let's do this. Let's do this. I need to shit.

I have to do this. I am actually getting, like, shit anxiety now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's stressful, man. We weren't lying about the horror stuff. I'm walking up, like, past the petrol station. It's like, obviously quiet as fucks. It's one in the morning on like a weekday.

I open the door to the toilet. And it's like, kind of a scummy urinal. Open the stool door. and it's like the toilet from heaven this is the most fucking pristine public toilet I've ever seen in my life and I'm like oh shit fuck yeah I'm like I lock the door

get up a YouTube video dark souls fucking YouTube video and I'm taking a shit and I take my time I'm like this is never savoring that this is never gonna happen again they must have like just been like clean like 30 minutes yeah yeah and I must have sat on that toilet for 20 minutes only shit

shit for like one just like washing those bits just sat in the toilet because it's also the one time you're going to use a public toilet with one stool where there isn't going to be somebody waiting

you know so like I had the fucking best time I had the best time my life I love that shit you can't you cannot predict or even make a moment better than that no when there isn't anything better

when you're dreading something like crazy but then not only does it end up being something enjoyable but it's something incredible like a moment that you needed in your life that you won't forget and maybe that's a lesson

maybe the things we dread the most we should be doing more because they leave an input so you had the inverse transpotting toilet scene so it's like if you went there and it was the nice also I wasn't coming off of heroin Oh Well you mean you didn't have to grab your

I didn't have to delve into my shit Put the shitty pill up my ass This is supposed to be the section Where we answer questions from the subreddit But how long have we even got Already out? So maybe we should just do like a little couple Let's do one

So we just do one Yeah Well there's some good ones though is the problem I'll save them for next week just save them. Compile them for like a super question episode. We've done that a few times actually, I remember when we've missed it.

We've made up with it by just doing a bunch of questions. Maybe we can do that next time then or something. That'll be fun. This is tough trying to choose one here. We could. No, that was stupid. Can you squeeze gone on to like this weird fucking thing? The turkey.

I don't think it's a turkey. Yeah. Okay, let's do this one. From appropriate way, 4,601. Hello, Grodcast. I have an extremely important question for the Gooners. In my town, there used to be an establishment known as the Infinity Lounge, a location which reminded me a whole lot of the fabled Dream Lounge that has been mentioned many a cast.

One can only imagine what went on in such a vile location. That being said, what jarism would make the best, name for a male prostitute. My pick would be Goatsey Dimension. How does Goatsey Dimension make any sense? You could say like, and here is GD. No, we're on about male prostitutes, not like a person. We're talking about a group of people, male prostitutes.

Well, yeah, it's like, you know, when they're like introducing the stripper or whatever, right? No, this is male prostitutes, not male strippers. Male prostit, whatever. No, because we're talking about a genuine, a general term. a general term, not one person's term. We're talking about overall. Well, no, like, okay, I'm a male prostitute, right? I come right

over there. Okay. Hey, James, uh, they call me, I'm gonna take you to the fucking goatezy dimension. They call me GD. I'd be like, okay, good day, bye, and drive off. Oh, damn, he GD'd you back. Good day. Damn, that was cold. You shouldn't say how much? If that's

intro I'm not interested in your services yeah you sound like a oh no spillage spillage in the village it's only wah-wah

off he goes oh spillage in the village spillage in the village I like how I'm on the screen I think the trees there's picked up the green screen is all that oh yeah of course the green plant yeah

man it was really fucking hard it was really distracting for the first half like I just wanted to watch yeah my eyes are getting especially when like you were talking but I was watching gym like going like this

yeah it fucks with your head one sheet you only need one sheet to clean up all of this man You saying a single sheet, a blitz can take it that... Single sheet! All you need is one of them. You seriously just mean a single sheet.

No sheet. You want to know you're not doing the tactic. You use Munchy and then you squeeze all the juice out and we use it. the gamer from Mars here I mean we're done I was gonna I was just gonna say you sound like a cop what do you mean Alex does have cop energy

doesn't he? No no when you're pretending to be a prostitute hello fellow I'm GD also known as the ghost you'd mention would you like to give me a go so he's a really bad like no when they do drug they try to get drug deals

they try to organize drug deals and it's the most obvious thing. Alex is my important issue. What one, brothers? Yeah, did you see that fucking video? There's a video on YouTube of that cult pretending. That's really funny.

No, I see what you mean. You're right, yeah. Prove me then. Prove me wrong, James. Go on. Win me over. Make me pay. Now you're doing a better job.

It has to be a jar thing, right? Yeah. Just for the name. of the name of the moment. Yeah, so it's like, what's your name, sugar? A godsy dimension. Might be Dempsey. That's all right. That's just like a name. Yeah. Interesting. Why the fuck have they just turned up? Oh, hello guys. As soon as the ghosty dimension comes up, they come a running. No, it was when Dempsey came up. Yeah. Fancy, hey-ya, you.

Should we put Moistrariser on it? Yeah. Mine would be pussy. Just to be confusing. Do you want to give this pussy a go? Yeah, that works. Should we have a bussy phase on jar?

We already have. We're living it. Yeah, this is a bussy phase, yeah. I'm not sure what you mean by that. Alex, please. I can't stop him. He's assaulting me. Just play the jarthium.

That would get him to go away. No, it made him stop, though. No, no, na, na, na, na, na. You got to start with the... T-tut-tut-do-d-d-d-d-do-d-d-t. Go on, cry. You're basically reversed, isn't you? You stuck, girl, because you can't reverse.

T-tut-to-do-d-d-d-d-d-d-d. It worked, though. work if you got it. So you just do the jar theme. I guess so for those who want to know what we're talking about, he's like scared of the jar intro music. Something about like the pitch or something with the audio frequencies makes his little corgi brain upset. Um, patrons can vote to. Oh yeah. So we're doing the patron segment now. Oh yeah. Um. Um. Deep thank yous to... We didn't actually thank the patrons in the beginning.

The audio version, did we? Audio version of what? The cast. Audio version. What? You can catch us on fault. Thank you for the patrons. Well, Alex, shouted out of the patrons, right?

With the beginning, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you worry about a thing. Take it away, finish the episode, bro. Yeah, so, um, if we can, I would quite like to... Seeing as we're entering a new phase of Marvel, I'd quite like to rearrange our ranking there.

Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to be able to be.