JAR Media Posdact - Chupa Chupa - JARCast Episode 346

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Find us on Spotify and iTunes under: "Jar Media Posdact" Find the original episodes under: "The JARChive" Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies Timecodes: 00:00 Intro 04:41 Housekeeping 13:22 Alex's Trip To Italy 59:37 England in Comparison 1:03:27 Chupa Chup

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she was sitting on my lap and I was eating the freshly cooked Italian pizza and I just I lift it away so you know I was getting rid of the mozzarella and I had my bite and then she just went she did the dog she just ran it a bomb instantly got it and went off like a dog fair enough you know yeah no I respect her hustle she loved it a vadi vidi it was also a spicy one as well I came I saw I conquered I definitely came I definitely conquered and Jim made his spani-a-mi in the morning I keep making spani-omis by accident because I'm really bad at making omelets so I just make what's a spami-a-mi omit

What? What's a spammy omni? So then you just chopped potato in there and you get this thick, uh, spani omelette. What's a spammy omit? Spam? You know, spani omni on me in the morning light. Come on. Oh my god. I can't take it anymore.

I can take this episode of the Jarm Media POSDuct. Welcome everybody. I'm your host Alex, joined by Jim and James. Three, four, six. Three, four, six. I'm Jamie. I'm James. And I'm the new one.

King. This is played out. This one's done. I forgot about that. Man. Before we get too deep into this episode, let me shout at the Jermedian. are medians that make the show scary, you know, for this Halloween season over here. It's Halloween.

It's warm, it's fresh, it's Lever City in the UK. Can I just have a little bit of a complaint? This is the most British man thing to complain about. It gets dark at 7 o'clock. I like that because it's a bit more frightening for the holiday season. You know what I'm saying? I like it. I kind of genuinely just enjoy it.

I prefer to be cold. I prefer to feel like the walls are closing in, you know? I... You know, you know, the Vladimir Putin rat. You know? You chase the rat to the corner, then the rat strikes. You know? The rat runs until he has to strike, until the walls are closing in.

The rat race, as some say. Yeah, you race the rat to the corner and then it attack. I'd love to... I'd watch the rat race. We're in the rat race. Just look around Look around But the Joe Media patrons

Make the audio version of the show possible And get their names read out In the first or second week of each month They are in the Wattways for our attention Yeah Their names are in this hat like this one Spaniomi in the morning light Thank you Spani Omning in the morning light

Is that actually the patron segment We can do that next episode I don't know, because I guess before we do Actually, maybe I should do it after housekeeping Yeah, I'm going to do it after Let me take out housekeeping from the little pile Yeah, let's do housekeeping then, go

We haven't recorded in ages at our time Because we both recorded that Jordan Yeah, I had to like Spend a week not doing anything It's like if we don't record I sit at home all day I don't turn on the TV I just sit there

Yeah we don't really have lives Outside of us You just sit there Like motionless Until this time in the chairs Like someone just brings us food A couple times a day Turns the lights off at night

And sleep in the chair That's king behaviour Yeah you just sit there Have to get like wiped and stuff That's king behaviour That's YouTube fame That's what that's what the YouTube money Does you see that

That video of those hikers stumbling across the king. Which king? Our current king. Oh yeah, they did. Charlie. Charlie. Our king. King Charlie.

Yeah. He was just walking like in, like, in nowhere. What by himself? Yeah. Yeah, he was dog. Really? Yeah, yeah. There's just like a video that's going around.

Fair enough. He's like, hello chaps. Did he have like a gun? Yeah, like a huge shotgun. that is the most normal behaviour a king's done to be fair I really suspect yeah that just seems wild

like why hasn't he been killed wouldn't wouldn't rage just like overpower you and you just like it sounds like when a bicycle it's just like bicycle's just like a bicycle's going on a man if like

a doe a deer a female deer charged him I don't think a female would really they don't have antlers okay they well a male deer's called There's no, surely, there's no way the king would be walking along the planes.

He probably had like drones overhead. Yeah, like a drone army. It's like, using a gilly suits like hiding. Yeah, yeah. It's like fucking 25 kill street and blackhorts. Loads of sworn with drones to suicide fucking bomb everyone nearby. There's no way. I'm pretty sure that's the, what, the area of the SAS do training.

Like that area. That would make sense. Also, how do we know it's real? oh it could be AI it could be AI it they could have filmed it to try and make him look kind of based propaganda

does the king have a TikTok yet no they're not allowed by mandate of the parliament yeah really the Pope has like X right he doesn't have

well he might he's not British but like yeah politicians in that kind of TikTok I didn't know that yeah they legally can't Yeah, because... Why are they allowed X?

It's like worse. Because Elon Musk owns it. Yeah, Elon Musk is a friend. Yeah. It's a Western life. Nice. Well... I'm not allowed TikTok.

Seeing as we were away for so long, there were a few housekeeping things we have to get to. Oh, God. Or we clean up some of those conversations from the previous episodes. Like this one from Slime Prime 445, who says, the Stogi returns for revenge. Now we're talking. My tea's eating good this cast.

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, that's bad. We didn't eat bad, bad. And Viv Laugh-Love says, I'm getting a bit concerned by the amount of Sturgies Alex is smoking as of late. Yeah, me too. Yeah, you're frightened.

Well, yeah, you need to... Alex is just trying to bump his testosterone. No, but it does mean I want mine bumped. What? Huh? I don't want that second-hand testosterone smoke. Why? Yeah, why?

I was... I did spend a lot of time in, um... what's it called the bit in the airport where the things are cheap duty free duty free I was there looking at the cigars like but I resisted why do you know how they even had church hill branded ones they would have been so bad though yeah they would have sucked you want some like proper cubanos well how are we supposed to get that is one single fat fucking leaf and you want to watch it be made. Yeah, like the one from Futurama.

Oh, I would love that one. When are we gonna take a trip to Cuba? My nam went there and was like, it was pretty fire. Why don't we go to Cuba? You know, go in like a hotel, whatever. Go on the top floor, drink, and smoke some Hibanos. I think that would be really nice. It would be really nice.

And then one of us gets assassinated the evening. Why? I don't think Cuba. You do what? to call your own family do you and in rome yeah get assassinated yeah there's uh i don't know i'm i'm scared of like border police now like border customs did you have any miss-ups in your wieson trip i had i had no border problem they're extremely like laissez-faire in italy they like don't even look you in the eye and just like stamp your passport and you just go in

but um i'll get to that in a second because uh uh last episode according to saraja was the unofficial four hundredth episode going by the actual episode count no yeah you're wrong we don't care do you think come on give it a rest give it a rest like this one because we talked about this huge beef diet right yeah there was this one from uh kai mills 8807 high jar a bit of clarification but by no means an endorsement of the all beef diet this diet is an extreme version of the carnivore diet in which someone eats only meat slash animal foods which is already a more extreme version of a ketogenic diet one in which your body uses dietary fat as a fuel source instead of carbs keto has been around as long as people have as your body is specifically designed to be able to survive even in the absence of carbs so you don't

die even when fruits slash vegetables aren't growing. It's been a popular weight loss diet for years because it can help people control their appetite and guide them towards more whole foods, also because many will experience immediate weight loss, which the article wrongly attributed to eating less, due to your body storing less water. Carnival diets, which exclude things like avocados, nuts, etc., are more of a fad. But the all-beef diet is a real thing used to treat extreme autoimmune issues. By eliminating everything but red meat, people following this diet are actually trying to heal their gut and figure out what is causing them issues, with the ultimate goal of slowly adding foods back.

Beef is chosen because it is considered one of the only non-inflammatory foods and because of its extreme nutrient density. If you choose chicken, for example, you'd probably die from nutrient deficiency, if the lack of dietary fat didn't kill you first. Contrary to what you might think, a lack of fibre actually gives most people explosive rea within a few weeks of starting the diet, but eventually your gut adapts.

Good this cleared things up, not saying it's a good idea, or anything, but it's a real thing and not complete nonsense. Maybe he's right about everything else too. Maybe he has poo problems. Maybe it's not the autoimmune system

issues. He's got poo problems and he's gone to the extremes of beef to fix his poo problem. You know, maybe he's just not using Twitter enough. Yeah, probably. You know?

Yeah. I mean, maybe he's telling the truth about beef only. The beef truth. I don't know. Beef. Beef free. Yeah. Beef yummy.

Beef is yummy. Yeah. I like beef. Roast beef. Like, a good roast beef. Roast, ew, no. Seared steak. Mm, nice.

Sure. You know? Burgess. burger with no honey mustard definitely in the B. Peter's and diet Jordan beef

Petersen. British Petroleum That what BP stands for yeah petroleum like jelly Yeah like jelly deals You know jelly is petrol Like yummy jelly

I also would it be If when you fill out your guy He filled it with jelly Yeah you're just like shuffling out of the big containers into Weepo Waffle Whipple Waffle

Whipple Wapper Well guys Yeah I went to Italy right Yeah Nepali or Naples Nepali Nape

And You're going for the nape Like an attack On Tyne character True And I said Gratsi a lot Exactly like this

Grazzi Yeah Gratsy Yeah I'll have a pizza I do I love some spaghetti Like sausages or like chips Can I spigate

Bolognaise I heard someone on the flight back Because obviously like a bunch of British people Going back to London Ew They were like You know what mate Honestly the chips were the best part

Yeah Someone say that No no this is the thing I think it should be illegal To go to these countries If you do just eat Fucking like chips You just go straight to McDonald's

But they do because my fucking parents do When my parents go bored right They find the nearest McDonald's And they'll go there and they'll try They say they go to try the local McDonald's But then they'll go to an actual local restaurant And not like it and only live off of the McDonald's My parents are uncultured

What do you mean like try the local McDonald's Yes They have this thing that they got to try the local McDonald's And they make that their primary food source When in a country Like when they went to Spain They only ate McDonald's Man

And it's like That's a shame They should be banned from traveling And anyone who does it Should just be banned Keep them here They're not worth fucking That was something I found shocking

There were a few cultural differences I found interesting But that was a big one Outside of that McDonald's No like chains Brands Like that None

I never saw the same The same shop twice Awesome Like the way like shops and like markets worked it was like yeah you have your like main street of craziness you go down these like dense side roads and it's just like random stalls and like millions of different shops just selling like random stuff um that's how it should be yeah that's like old world like just mental like every man for himself just go crazy oh it was definitely every man for himself

like i i told this to you jim yesterday um um um But I was, after I got off the plane and got out of the airport, got a taxi to my Airbnb. And on the drive there, a few minutes in, like, I started laughing because what was happening around me was like such a like immediate like, what is happening right now. So I go look over to the curb and this like just motorbikes driving like honking at people, people like jumping out of the way. like there was this one way like a mother and her like must have been like a four year old girl like we're just walking down the street and this guy on a moped like just comes actually i think it was like a full-on motorbike just comes like rocketing down the the curb like they like come off the road onto the curb and just like going everywhere on the motorbikes and like the mother had to like

grab her little girl and, like, dodge out the way. Everyone's just like, yeah, there's honking, there's screaming, there's craziness everywhere you go. It's quite different. And crossing the road is horrible. It's horrible. No, it's horrible because you haven't adapted to the true way to cross the road. If there's a gap, you go, you watch me do it all the time. It's just like, go.

Yeah. Well, that's like considered, especially in like America and Canada, that's like real bad. They hate Jaywalk. Which is cringe. Yeah, that is. So, like, being in Canada a few weeks ago to then come into this, it's like, oh my God, it's like a complete inverse. Yeah. Like, it's just, like, lawless.

Like, it's chaos. Their roads are, they're scary, man. I love their roads, man. They are horrified. No, but drive it, brer, you could not have your car there. No, you didn't, you know. Every car is dinged up. Every car is tiny.

Like, you see, like, families of six, like, crammed in to a little foredoor of, like, in the front. There's the mother with, like, a two-year-old on her lap. No seatbelts on. Are people driving fast? Really fast. Yeah, they just fucking go for it. Yeah. Honestly, it was, yeah.

What's it when you've got two people in a vehicle and they're like going towards, going towards each other and it's like who dodges first? Chicken. Yeah, chicken. It's basically every time you cross the road, it's a game of chicken. You've just got to be like, you know? You just like stand there and put your arms out and then like just hope they stop. Is that not exciting?

No. It's just like... Because I was like, the day before I went, I was like, should I get like travel insurance for this? It was only like a tenant normally. Yeah. I didn't. And then within like a day, I was like,

I think I made a mistake here. Because like everything is like, yeah, miniature versions of what we have here. Like, and everything's a Fiat. Every stereotype man is completely, it's crazy. Like, they're police cars at Fiat's.

The, the, the, the, the, the, The ambulances... Pleasy. Pleasy. Yeah, yeah. The ambulances are like tiny. But everything's just miniature.

Yes, because they've done it the white way. It's like, oh, we don't have space. So let's make things smaller. Instead of doing what we did, which is make everything bigger than nothing functions. Well, that's what the taxi guys said to me was like, yeah, this is crazy traffic because it was like the football is on or something. Everyone was trying to get to somewhere.

And he was like, yeah, these roads. designed for cows like as in like cows pulling carts they had cows not horses yeah that's how old it is and it's like it's beautiful architecture it's like ancient and there's all this like catholicism embedded into it and like they love football there's like football imagery everywhere yeah they did it italy's love it but there's one the major thing I was disappointed by this attitude towards littering

it's really bad it's like horrendous just everywhere like it's just like grubby man cigarette butts everywhere like you just watch people like finish eating their food and they just chuck it on the ground

it's like you've got this beautiful city but you're like not respecting where you're living that bugs me man there like there was one day got back from I went at Mount Vesuvius Right At the end of a long day

Come out of the train station From an exit I wasn't familiar with To this kind of big Promenade Or whatever you want to call it With these stairs everywhere And I shit you're not

There was broken glass Just everywhere Fucking everywhere And like little eight year old boys Playing football Like just not giving a shit It was crazy wow

I just I just yeah because I don't like littering it's like really that that gets me um it's like why it's not like there weren't bins everywhere

there are bins everywhere I never had any trouble like throwing my trash away um then because you hear about like in Japan right like they don't have like bins on the street because everyone's like they just they just take it

and like toilets are clean and everything's like they respect the space they're in not to like big up Japan as if it's like the best for everything but just as a different in the cleanliness thing but yeah just especially just culturally how people express themselves is so different

like you really realize how reserved we are here very reserved even though I don't speak Italian at all you could always tell the emotion behind what someone was saying Yeah. Yeah. Like the stereotype about, you know, speaking with your hands, like, you just see it everywhere. It's really fun.

There was a crazy moment, though, like, I was walking, it must have been like 8 p.m. at night. And there was a family in front of me, maybe like 5 or 6. This little boy was pestering his dad, like pissing him off. And he must have pushed it too far. I didn't catch exactly what he did. But his dad turned around and, like, he walloped him. He smacked him, like, proper hell by, like, screaming at him in Italian. Like, like, a couple times.

It was crazy. Like, just in front of, like, there's a dense city. Like, there's hundreds of people around. And no one gave a fuck. No one gives a shit. Yeah. And it's like, man, that... That area has, like, a fascination with deep-frying things.

and pastries. So, yeah, like, everyone wakes up. They have, like, two espressoes and then you get pastry. And they'd be, like, crash at midday. I did, I saw a weird amount of, like, memes about that. It's just, like, Italian people at, like, 9 in the morning, and they're just asleep at their desk at school. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because they just only had espresso and fucking pastries. Sounds like the life, though. Fucking I want to live that life any day. But in saying that, didn't see a single like overweight person coffee that's why and cigarettes everyone smokes

I feel like I've smoked a whole pack of cigarettes just from being there but also it's a city right because like you go to London you don't see that many you yeah it's the country sova you usually get obesity problems

did go to Pompeii but it's more touristy there I guess yeah yeah I feel like city just tend to have smaller people um yeah because they're not car dependent so they got a walk because like surely like that that pizza pasta is it's got to go somewhere you know surely that's the thing that the food is pizza pasta pastry yeah it's cheap and really good you got to like find the you don't want to stay on like the main streets you want to find that little family run thing

that's like tucked away and luckily like the Airbnb guy had these like recommendations and one of them was like this pizza blouse which is best pizza I've ever had in my life and it was like five euros for a pizza eight euros for a bottle of white wine like good white wine wow it's just delicious it's just ridiculous but you go inside the the shop and see like the big pizza oven with all the like mosaic on it and just really cool they just kind of get that side of it

but yeah I don't know how I'd be like huge if I lived there oh my god oh my god I'd be huge oh my god I would

I think I think Italian food is like my favourite ever it always has been since I was a little baby yeah like yeah

the markets the markets with like all this like fresh cheese There's these fresh cured meats, the lemons, the fruit, the... We haven't talked about your cured meat. Like, before you even went to Italy, you were just on this, like, cured meat, like... Bender.

Yeah. Pretty much, yeah. You've... It was my latest type of fixation. Yeah, you've been eating cured meats every day, primarily. You've been living... Is it fair to say you were living off of cured meat? It was my lunch.

I'd have a bit of cheese. I'd have like a bit of bread um see my question is what was the meat cured from like what was it like i got like i got some like spanish cured meat so i got some italian cured meat i know i don't want to be cured if i was spanish day no they're chorizo yeah chrizo is insane and that's awesome i got to mention the guna though all going to bed i got to mention the guna the guna the guna there was a guna there and the last night i was there i went to like a fish restaurant sit down and what do I hear

someone from London really loud like the most British person you could possibly imagine I'm just kind of listening in the background to what he's talking about he's like they're talking about

football and he sat with someone who was Spanish who was like oh do you support Man United he's like nah Arsenal me he was a literal guna Arsenal fan Guna I can't escape it

You go abroad Gooning abroad Gooners abroad Gooners abroad Gooners for ass Hmm They have to change their name eventually They do

Give it 10 years They'll be like When's I reckon I wonder I like how big The Arsenal subreddit is Here's a question How many Gooners do you think are Gooners? How many Arsenal fans are Gooners?

I think a fair few of them are because they're old British lads. Surely they're all highly addicted to porn. I don't know. We have to see the stats on that. There must be a way to look at like the over, you know, the shared interests of the Arsenal gooner and you look at the wedd at their wedding.

They are in P-I-V-D. How many people get... How many people get funneled to? to us slash goon caves and stuff because they're looking for like their fellow gooners they're their goon their arsenal caves they're goon caves

with the arsenal match my goon set up but probably the outside of going up the volcano that killed like thousands of people did you see the man jerking off? I didn't see the man jerking off

because I did you feel like a god yes it's the air is cold, even though it's like 30 degrees, and you kind of feel cold, you're like get breathless a lot easier because you're like thousands of meters up. And you can just see everything, you can see all. Yeah, you do feel like a god. Learn anything interesting about Pompeii? Nope. I mean, I really know the story. I really know the history. I really know the history. but like some people live there then they died

no there's a there's a lot of interesting I got a I got a bracelet made out of volcano rock oh nice you got tallest trapped fucking loser what was that nine grand it was only 200 euro oh what else did I do yeah I went to the umalfi coast

yeah the mafia coast I feel I feel like when I close my eyes like I imagine the photo you showed me of this coast and it's identical to the beginning of that Vin Diesel movie where he play he he he's like the super lex triple X he's the superhero bloodshot isn't that what it's called yes budshot bloodshot yeah where he's like an assassin who's given a backstory that isn't real and at the beginning he's like a soldier in italy I felt like I was like in the opening of a Fast and Furious movie

yeah yeah yeah it's it's like it's so stunningly beautiful that it doesn't even feel real yeah it's like i think 5,000 people live there and for every one person there were 500 tourists or something i was reading that sounds terrible um yeah it's just a tourist destination i guess yeah it would suck to live there then well i don't know how you'd fund it unless you had a little shop or something cafe. Well, I mean, or if you're like a millionaire. Yeah, it's probably like a bunch of celebrities like own all the empty houses. It's like when I went to Greece, like all the nice, crazy houses and mansions were just

completely empty and vacant because they're just owned by people who don't live there and probably go there for like two days a year. Yeah, yeah. But that was nuts. On the video version, I'll put like a couple of pictures or videos because I was like, this is insane. It looks like it looks like stepping into like a dire. or something.

Yeah. So would you go back to Italy? Because obviously you've only experienced one part of it. Do you not want to go to like Lake Garda? Because obviously that's where the Anakin... Oh, of course. Yeah, yeah. Or like Venice.

Yeah. Yeah. Apparently Venice be kind of stinky. Yeah. Well, yeah, because it's so hot as well and hasn't rained in a while, like in the city. All the garbage on the floors. And all the garbage. Yeah, there are lots of interesting smells.

Did you see any rap? very few animals and that was one of the things that did bug me a couple of times where it was like some of these stalls some of them had like like octopie like in like half an inch of water still alive you could see them kind of like breathing and I did feel bad for those guys they're just going to get cut up later to be eaten by this yeah but it's like I feel like I don't know not to like rank the ocean creatures but Octopio, we've got stuff going on, you know? Whereas, like, I don't know how much a sardines got going on.

No, sardines are pretty cool. Billy fucking love sardines. Look at her. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but in saying that, I don't see us as having any more value in terms of, like, a life as a sardine. Yeah, imagine loads of us in a little can. Yeah.

You know? I don't know. I feel... Pilly with you. Less guilt eating a squid than I do an octopus. That might just be me. I got something against squid. Yeah, that's, I bet you if, like, there was a big octopus and you saw its beak or whatever

and it was like trying to bite you, you'd probably be like, man, fuck them. Put them in shallow water. But that's what I feel is different about them. I feel like an octopus would be like, no, I'm out of it. Whereas a squid might try it. Yeah, but if it's giant, you know, you've got the, um, octopussy. You know, like, squids, they try to eat whales and... Yeah, there's giant-ass ones that look like...

Yeah, horror-flounder, man. Yeah. No, I... I think... I do think octopi are clever. Octopus. Octopuses? I think it's octopuses.

Octopus? Octopuses. I think it's octopuses. Octopuses. Impatio's octopussy. Because it's not octopies. That was just a... It's octopuses, I'm telling you

No, I'm pretty sure it's octopuses It's 100% octopuses Look, there's those of octopussy No, it's octopuses There's so many octopusus over here Octopussy Look at this crowd of octopuses Look at this crowd of octopussy

Yeah, what else What else are the craziness Loads of smart cars They're like hanging Like sell the tape together Yeah, every car's just like Yeah, literally cellotaped together I think that's like

an attraction to me Yeah, that is so fucking cool but um bumper cars I would never want to like rent a car or drive there ever I would I drive that absolutely right so it's horrifying

the renting thing would just be like you need surely like insurance would be more expensive because they expect you to crash no but they just no because they're telling companies they're like oh no you've dented the door cool

they don't care because that's their culture yeah I don't know how like insurance and stuff works yeah because if you wanted to like drive out the city or something like you're limited by buses and stuff i suppose yeah i'm just going to do a quick search and see what like because you forget like the UK has some of the safest roads in the entire world um really yeah it's true mm-hmm yeah i was like okay yeah it's weird to to think about, but then I, like, by the time I'm done navigating those roads, I'm like, put me back in Swindon, Matt. I'll go across the measure roundabout any day before I'd set

foot on these roads. Oh my God. That's crazy. Oh, my God. Yeah. Another funny thing was like every, every one minute you walk, there's a vending machine that sells cigarettes or some kind of sex thing. Get me there now. That's your dream. My name. My, dream world. Pasta pizza. Sigs. Sigs. So I guess that's the

strap. Like, as long as you're addicted to nicotine, you wake up, having espresso and three cigarettes. Then you go crashing some because they haven't got out of you way quick enough. You just fucking can't... Yeah, you get in your smart car, you just ding into everyone as you drive because it doesn't matter. How is this the same country that had like

drone robot cops during COVID it was Italy wasn't it it was it might be like this is this is only a minute like one city like experience and it's a huge I've heard the same about like

Romans and I was very central yeah yeah but like when I hear about people that like drive like this and like you know strive like this I can't imagine them

putting up with like government mandated robots yeah this is the thing because no because they care about people they don't care about their car they're not vapid enough to care

about their fucking car getting damaged but they care they care enough about their family getting ill that's what was nuts about um that's like by like the cathedral in Nepali um by the cathedral there were like soldiers

armed soldiers to, like, protect it and whatnot. And they'd be driving their, like, army jeeps or whatever, up and down sometimes. And people, they'd just be, like, honking at them, like, on their motorbikes and whatever, just to, like, speed up or that they're going around. Like, they just don't care. And these are, like, armed. They've literally got assault rifles.

Yeah, but that's good. Yeah, and thinking logically, like, as scary as it may be, like, we had interaction with like cops with armed police like being pretty threatening but like really they can't do anything they can't use them you know they're gonna gun you down

because you beat with them they can't just be like all right well yeah there was some controversy recently with the UK police to do with that but I don't want to get into that right now this is what happens when you don't look at social media even I don't know what this is to be fair yeah um

shall we get into it Yeah, let's get into it. I don't know who you got gunned down. Yeah. What other craziness. Man, just beautiful. They have like shrines everywhere. Every few streets, they're just shrines to,

could be a footballer or like, it's just like a picture of a little boy or something. It's like, you know, environmental storytelling. Is it all the people that got ran down in the road? Yeah. That's like bleak as hell. No, I really, really want to go to Italy. I'd love to just go anywhere, really.

Yeah, I'm saying, can you take me? Should we just go together? Like, fucking all. There was a crazy moment one morning where it must have been like seven in the morning. I was lying in bed and I don't know, like, you just hear motorbikes constantly. There was something was going on outside the door. Couldn't figure out what? Like a group of like 15 people, right?

they start off like they're clearly having some kind of heated conversation and it just starts escalating a little bit and then escalating more and more getting louder and louder more people getting involved different animals getting involved like dogs barking cats screaming meowing and it just gets louder and louder I'm like okay like where's this argument going are they going to like fight but like the screaming just keeps escalating And they keep screaming

And it like It gets to like such a point where I'm like I nearly want to poke my head out of the door and look Because it's like That's when you pick your head out the door And you're like Hey I'm trying to sleep over here Yeah

Yeah it's basically that But in Italian Yeah But it went on for like 15 minutes It's just like what Did it end like abruptly or Yeah and then it's just like dissipated Then you open the door

And there's just like nothing in there. It's like, what? Possibly going to... You know, it's like, I had similar experiences in my time in Portugal and it was like, this one time we were going to the city centre on a bus and we sat in the bus for 15 minutes, stuck in track...

It wasn't stuck in traffic, there was like an obstacle in the road. And it was because this family were in the road screaming each other, deciding where to eat. And it stopped traffic for 15 minutes and I was just like, it sounded, like, as a British person, it's like, they're fucking arguing so severely this is like relationship breaking

And I was like, what are they arguing about? Oh, the sun doesn't want to eat here. It's just like, what? I feel like it's, in ways it's a more healthy attitude to, like, express the emotion you're feeling. It's so extremely. Get it out. Then you can move on. Whereas, like, British people, they like, I remember that.

And I'm never going to fucking forget that. And it will, like, brew. And it will be, like, this poison inside you're, like, waiting. And waiting and, yeah, just brewing. Just screaming each other. I'm going to use it now. Yeah. It's like, so, that.

pop yeah yeah yeah most painful possible yeah yeah yeah that's something i do like about it we think the more you experience you know pretty much all the other european cultures is like we really are bottom of the battle like the most pathetic european country we're not in europe bro mom we are in europe we're joining america no we're in america we're we're a european country do you know how upset i was like at the in the airport when you're like getting segmented into the lines and it's like any EU member go this way for the easy quick thing it's like where are you from our UK

you go that way yeah they lock you up for a day they spit on your feet do you know there's there's ways around it do you have any family who are Irish no if you have like a great grandparent or something who's Irish you can apply for Irish citizenship and by passport

via that oh I see so then you can you've don't have to be a filthy fucking UKer you can be an EU yeah honestly just man me into European country easy used to have one of the best passports in the world man now it's one of the worst they're taking our jobs like the passport ranking it was like number two well i don't think it was that high it didn't really was it was um i don't know because you think of powerful it's like in the 20s no but i don't think with that high because you think powerful like you think of like places like

you think of tax havens they're powerful because they've got a lot of money no i'm talking about like an individual's passport like what it can allow you to do it's strength yeah no but no tax havens are those though they're the most time the most powerful because it's like the economical state of the country i don't think we were ever that high we were like six but never like two yeah it was definitely two or three um but i don't know there was another crazy thing like back to the animal thing in one of the busiest roads

I've seen there it was like four rows of traffic I don't know the people might not enjoy this actually to come to think about it um it might be too dark

there was especially with Billy being on my lap was a cat not just a cat it was a kitten oh no kitten like runs in to the traffic

you just don't see it again it's just like what the fucking it's going on, bro. I'm serious. Like, it'd just been born, like kitten. You don't know if it's... You didn't know if it actually died?

You said it was traffic, so surely it's stationary, so the kid's fine. It was crazy. Like, I'm serious, man. Nah, that's dead. No, but then that's... That's the light that's, like, what can you do about it? Baby the kittens. So you were being honest in your message?

I just thought you were like I just thought you were making shit up Why would I say that Otherwise I don't know It's just like the time of shit you say I don't know Fuck Yeah

I mean yeah A few stray dogs as well I think You find that A few What just like running into the road Yeah you just like be walking down the street there's just like a dog

just in there and like no human like attached to it like you mean you see it get obliterated is this what you're saying

this place to be fair that that sounds like the ideal a dog of no human well that's like the ideal dog being obliterated by car

no not the getting obliterated by cards but I mean the dog just existing by itself as a dog owner that's how the ideal want my dog to be I'm anti

dogs on leads in collars remember that also have set so many fucking people I mean I'm I'm pro cats on collars and leads now but you can't stop it you can't pick up the kid and be like don't my cross the road

so then it will just do it again and get a bitroated it's gonna hit you're gonna get bit well yeah I was just like this I was just like this is so dark like what yeah I mean yeah um I mean

it's life you know yeah but you can say the same about hedgehogs hex dogs are unbelievably cute and we watch them get fucking obliterated every fucking day. Could you get a flattie? Could you get a flat tire from running over a hedge?

No. Why not? Because it's, you just make it explode. But they've got spiky spine? No, it's not. It's not gonna, no. They're not spiky enough.

No, you're not going to get a flattie from a hedgehog. Speaking of animals, the amount of frogs I've seen recently. I've not seen any. Walking about here. There's like this,

it's on my YouTube tube shorts, it's like, I've been gathering frogs spawn for months and I'm going to put them in the sink. Yeah, it's like biological warfare. Have you never considered how easy it would be

to cause biological catastrophes and they don't regulate it? It's happened like in Australia. Yeah. What do you mean? Like they had, I can't remember what order it was. There was like some kind of pest. Oh, right. Oh yeah, they bought, no, they bought frogs and they introduced frogs and then they

introduced snakes because the frogs became such a problem and then the snakes became a problem they're just they're countering the thing that becomes a problem and then that becomes a problem

yes it's like a thing in Australia to like like if you see it's like a bullfrog or something you're just meant to like splat it it's like in New Zealand with the possums wait what in New Zealand

they hate the possums in New Zealand they want to kill them all yeah because they they they're destroy the natural habitat so much. Yeah, they're not natural to there. So it makes everything else die. It kills the vegetation.

It kills. Okay. Would you splat it? Would you, like, mallet it? You're, like, encouraged to, like, take your rifle and just... Would you... But if you had to, would you mallet it? Like, like, a what?

Would you get your mallet out and just, boom? Bye-bye, possum. A mallet, it's quite personal, that. It's like, you know, it's... A rifle is a bit more... There's a few spaces in between. yeah you'd want to be gloved up and like have some like a mask strangle it like dexter yeah there's rat um yeah I reckon I if I had to bash a rat I guess I would I wouldn't

rats are cute as fuck nah not not like a mangy wild rat I like wats no like trying to if we were playing if I could change the vermin tide rats to possums I would possums are terrifying they kind of keep the some there's the American ones are quite cute but the New Zealand ones are horrible no the American ones are gross their tails their faces

do you know what really wrong do you know what is an animal I would I would have to blast Capy Barra no like wild boars because they can actually fucking hurt they can kill you they're the perfect height

they're the perfect height to slash your artery in your leg so a lot of people die them. Yeah, no, and you see, you see people as well, right? Yeah, they're aggressive. And you see, you see, you see how, like, the amount of videos I've seen recently, it's like four guys on a fucking pickup, going

through a field in nighttime, fucking machine guns, they're literally riding into a wild pack of board, just machine gunning the fuckers. It's hard-fying. People shoot them on helicopters. Imagine being the pilot who's paid to just, like, being a war gun ship. Because they're, they're so dangerous to

Yeah, they're really dangerous. Yeah. they're like an invasive species so they get blasted in like Germany and shit wow and America yeah they are scary yeah I think pigs are like a little bit scary but balls holy shit I'd have to blow I'd have to go monkey mode and climb yeah it's like the one advantage we have we've all seen that video of what I think it's in Germany where this guy's got a shotgun and it says like head cam and the gut the gut gets him yeah and he's blah blah blah horrifying. But they're like sturdy

as well. Yeah, it takes multiple shotgun less. It's terrifying. And you can't see them because they're so low down it's fucking. I'd blast them. I'll be I'll be the fucking... Huh? If you had stilts. It would knock you off the stilts though.

If you're really skilled on stilts, you'd probably be alright. Or just get a helicopter. Or like a pogo stick? Time it's right as it charges But there are a couple other things I guess A policeman called me an idiota Hey idiota

Because I was trying to get to the port So I could get on the ferry to go to the Amalfi coast But it just happened to coincide with the day Where there was like a citywide marathon going on So all these streets just closed down People everywhere just running in the 13th century degree of heat um but i had to cross the marathon to get to the port you know i had to so i like waited for a gap in the marathon and i went for it and like the cop that was there was

like idiot i was screaming what did you say back pig i went gratsy yeah any other craziness any other animal abuses um oh they love ripping you off if they're the right type of taxi drivers it would just be like 30 euro no fair play you got you got the amount of americans though

because they'll realize you might be English or American and Americans have such a tipping culture they'll be like oh 50 euros but it was also it was that they put you in a position where it's like I know you're I know you're open me off but there's such a language barrier how am I supposed to like what am I supposed to do right now you go just give them 10 you know

yeah 30 but I heard from some of the tourists on the way back I overheard a conversation where they were like oh yeah they always be like taxi drives you're ripping you off left and right you got to get on like there's like an Italian version of Uber or something I didn't know existed okay um because yeah there was this one moment when I was in Pompey where I was trying to get a taxi and this guy just comes over and he's like yeah my taxi's over there and we just go over to this like random car with like no markings no like taxi like stuff that we're used to here like every uber here has like a logo it's got like it's all like verified and there's licenses for everything and there's this moment am i like an idiot for getting in this car yeah i would definitely

think you are um but he was just a taxi go and there's like that's just how it be And it's like, and there wasn't even like a ticker, like, showing you how much it cost. So was he like, that'll be nine hundred. So it was like, yeah, to go there and back for 15 minute trip, it was 20 euros. It was definitely, should not have cost that. I mean or no. Well, yeah. The thing is, much like when I have cash in England, if I have euros in Europe, that money is,

worthless to me yeah it doesn't meet it doesn't equal my money yeah okay this is the thing I'll just be like yeah money money money and you should spend it like as if it's not gonna affect you yeah you should spend it like it's just gonna disappear because likely it is you'll lose it yeah it's like no I'm not gonna make that comparison because that's quinge do you know what James and I have been up to yeah the week um what have we been up to we got coffee we did once we didn't get coffee once we got it more than once we're weird no we got coffee once we had two coffees once um and we ate

breakfast together nothing's happened because we basically we don't do anything we don't get to go exciting. Alex has been on more holidays in the last two months than I have in the last seven years of my life. Not true. I've not been on a holiday. Do you know how many holidays you could have gone of? We've spent

on your car this year alone. Yeah, you can't really complain. No, I can't complain. I could have. I could have done Japan like four times. You actually could have. I could have. I could have done everything I've ever dreamed of. In one year. yeah

but I wouldn't have completed the biggest dream of the war and that's the most important one okay fine I can do everything next year yeah just don't whine well James actually

it's kind of like your heaven to be honest this place really good coffee really good pastries I don't think I showed you this yeah no I saw that shooosh wait that was a place

you could just choose oh no I know the places I belong the places I refuse to go to because I don't have money. That's... They're anywhere. It's literally anywhere, yeah.

It's like, France. There's no... You don't want to go France. You can get croissons at fucking Tesco. There's shit. Fuck off. It'll be identical. No, and France is like across the pond.

It leaves you take me like a... No, like south of France, yes. Paris, nah. Well, no, because if I go to Paris, I'll get depression. Like all the other tourists, you go there. Yeah, and you'll be attacked by, like, the police or something. Yeah, then I'll just have to get involved in a while. Yeah, or you'll get attacked by the rioters, like, the following day.

Yeah, they'll see how I'm English and be like, ping ponged. I haven't blamed them. Like, the French, no, but the things you go to France, and if you slightly fuck up their language, they want to kill you. That's what I was getting stuck with, it was like... Bungo Renell? Yeah, is it more and all? annoying to a local to just speak English and not even try or is it more annoying for the tourists to try and speak the language but obviously do a bad job but at least you're

trying I think trying is that more annoying I don't know because because we're British everyone speaks our language because we have the better language yeah right so we have the expectation well that's the that's the beautiful thing about italian man or just any latin-based language yeah it's pretty easy to like like yeah they like with most italian words are just like there's some link

pcea yeah so they just put like an a at the end yeah James A Alexio but that was that was a strange thing like lots of people were like kind of staring at me.

I was trying to figure out why. Yeah, just for people viewing this, he was dressed like this as well, there. Like this? No, it wasn't. There's no jeans. I didn't even bring my jeans. No, but the...

Oh, the crown. I forgot I was wearing the... King. But, like, I was... My theory is that it was unusual for there to be a blonde man there. I didn't see a single, blonde man the entire time I was there

everyone's got like dark features brown hair for the most that's Italian right what's Italian right? What's Italian? Dark hair Yeah yeah it's a lot of the Mediterranean countries are like that

Yeah thick dark locks And everyone has deep voices Because he'll smoke so much That's badass Any bad ass Any guy, any, any, any, any stogie smokers notice? I saw one, an old ass guy.

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Did you join him? No, I did, I was, I felt this like, itch where I like, I don't know, maybe it was just the nicotine in the air. Yeah. That smoke, I was like, I feel like I should be smoking. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. Someone about, like, coastal, like, sunny.

It makes you want to swim in? Yeah, it's just like Yeah, you see the smoke Like everyone's smoking And it's like drifting into the like five Do you know what it'd be like on a boat Like in the sea And then just on a really quiet night

And there's nothing happening And just you're out on On the boat Just looking up my cigar My whiskey Or my apple oil spritz I had a million of those Like every it was

It's weird Like you just see people drinking It like in the morning. Like cafe's cell a cafe's cell like hey just give us two euros and I'll just give you an apparel spritz

and it's just like it's like a pastry shop okay cool you had me at hello Alex is now significantly more addicted to alcohol yeah no especially those spritz man

I hadn't really had an apparel spritz before but they're yummy Italian's good at alcohol They're not as good at drinking it though They're not as good at being dependent on it I should say Because they get the sun So they get the happiness from the sun

Yeah Whereas we drink the dark ales in the dark Yeah in the dark cold wet Yeah in the dying industry of pubs That no one really goes to it There's like four people in there All sat as far away from each other as possible

all with fucking coats on do you make this country sounds like such a shit off it fucking is

no bro a hate this place why don't you fucking go away then why don't you go somewhere else because the world isn't that

fucking simple is it James that reminds me on that exact note it's such privileged fucking pricks I'm not

I am I know so this morning this morning um I haven't Adam sent me this message, right, asking if I've been to this place, the oldest fast food restaurant in London's East End.

It looks fucking disgusting. It's just in East London. Oh my God. Look, I'll find a good frame of, like, something. It looks like the stuff Aragon gets, and he, like, tries to eat it, and he can't. Traditional British. Yeah, slime. Slym.

Gray slime. That is got it. Slimy. And, like, these pies with, like, some, like, watery mash. Jelly Jelly by the morning Should we go there and try it? Is that salt

like piled on top Vinay That actually looks fucking disgusting I don't like It's formless You can't work out What you're looking at

It's beige Proper British meal Bage This is This is the thing People who eat that I shouldn't be allowed to leave our country.

They literally just ruin it for every... They're gonna be classist now. Well, we're kind of white. Went to Italy and you tried the chips. Well, fair enough. If that's what you're into, fucking hell.

No. Everyone likes chips. They love croquettes. In Italy. Deep-fried crocats. Even deep-fried pizza. Deep-fried? What does that mean?

Like, I can show you a picture. Like, they submerge it in oil. Yes. A pizza? Like, what, it's like a Nepalese, um, speciality. Hey, what about the deep pan-bossed pizza? Like, you, they put it on your plate and it looks like this. What?

That looks like a big, like, potato fritter. Yeah, but it's like a pizza. Okay, I'd eat that. And it's pretty good, to be fair. Is it, is it like cheese in it? It's the exact same ingredients of a pizza, but closed and then deep-fried. So it's a calzone. So they like calzone it, then.

Dunk it. Yeah. Okay. That sounds kind of... And you show up to the place and there's like... Sorry. There's a horde of people like waiting to get in. It's like so loved, so popular.

And there was this one place. I looked on Google Maps like because I was desperate to eat somewhere. I want a pizza. You know you can like search by what's around. I found this place. It had like 10... No, 20,000 ratings on Google like maps. Like nearly five stars on there.

I show up and there is like an army of people waiting and go up and ask how long and they're like, it's an hour wait. Wow. And you have to wait in line for an hour. Yeah, but there are people who are like getting the takeaway ones and they just sat by their motorbikes just eaten and it just looked incredible.

But I couldn't be waiting an hour. No. No, no, no. It's such a waste of an hour like just for food. I would wait. At the same time, it would have been an incredible dining experience. But it's not like, maybe if I hadn't had a good pizza up until that point. But I actually went to that family place twice.

It was that good. Yeah. Sensational. I think that's most of what I have to say about Italy for now. Yeah. That's pretty much all I have to say about Italy, to be honest. No, I wanted to hear your take. Um, well, you know, from, from anecdotal evidence.

Sounds right. Hey, I'm gonna go there. Italy's my, um, 20, 25 plan. 25? Yeah. I finally got to use the CHAP fund. What? Yep.

Alex has many funds. A CHAP fund, I call it. Chapa, chapa or what? What is it? Why? What? Chapa chapa. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I used to call them chuppa chaps. Yeah, but that's not what they call. It's chapper chapper, isn't it? I think they're called. Chuppa chappas. Yeah, who calls them chapper chappas? You mean the straw, not lollipops? Chapper chapper.

Is that, I feel like a... I'm pretty sure that's the name. It's an awful name. Chapper chapper chapper chapper. Chaffa chapper. Is it supposed to be like what you do? Chup chop fulch. Glucker, glucker.

Well, no, they are called chuppa chaps. Really? Yeah, not chapa chaps. They are chuppa chaps. That's more confusing. Chuppa chaps. What's a chup? Oh, they're Spanish.

They're not even British. Oh. Chuppa Chaps is a Spanish brand of lollipop and confectionery. Put in Google translate, chapper. Chupper. Yeah. English to, no, Spanish to English. It's probably like, sucky suck.

Brainwash. Sciop. Chuppa. Maybe it just means suck. Suck-y-suck. Suck-a-suck. Chipper. Yeah, it just sucks. Really? Suck-y-sucks. Sucker sucks? Tupa-ch-ch-ch-s. Cheap. Cheap-ch-ch-ch-a-ch-chap. What's, no, what's chaps?

Because you don't chupper, which is sucks. Oh, chupp-chaps just means lollip-lops. Chupa chops. No, no. What's cheeps? What's just cheaps? Lollipops. Lollipops. What's just cheap?

I need to know. Somebody tell me... Right, chaps just means chaps, bro. Chops. No, it can't just mean chaps. Chips. Suck-a-suck. Suck-y-sucks.

Suck. Like a direct translation. We need to ask I around to you. Yeah, chupa chup. Chup. Chup chaps. Oh, it just means suck-s-suck. Suck-sup.

Chup-ch-chup. Chup-chup. Chup-chup. Suck-sup. But it's like, it's confusing when we do have shit, like, jammy dodgers and stuff. Jammy Dodgers To suckie sex What?

But chupp-a-chup Jammie Dodger Jammy Dodgers? Yeah Well some I feel like we got crazier Dibabs Dabbs

Yeah, drumsticks I like the What do you think of the Little Italian Pizza sweets? No, that's the real taste of it The American pizza butter

Sweet burger Pizza gummies and the burger gums They are They are really You know Because you'd go to the kids' parties And you always get like

The pizza or the burger Oh man Fucked That's like going to be What actual burgers You're going to be In like 20 years Time

They were like getting Like a gummy Made out of like bugs Oh my god That's the protein Farms on the burgers. I want to go to Italy, but I don't want to go to Nepal.

Naples. Nepal. Yeah, I want to go to Nepal. I want to go to Nepal. I want to go to Nepal. I want to climb Mount Géor. I want to... There's many places I want to go, but just, um, it's, it's quite difficult. Why?

I have commitment issues, clearly. Yeah How many holidays did I plan this year How many did you cancel All of them Yeah As many as he planned Yeah

But I cancelled everyone I planned Because I was gonna The spiritual successor To the JAR Media Amsterdam trip Was this year This month And it was me going by myself

And I cancelled it Nice Because I was gonna go by myself And realistically It's a bad idea Why O D But yeah, I probably would

On them Femboys See on the next one We can do double questions or something Hello We didn't a burger We did eat a burgo No

We did Suck Suck Suck Suck Suck Chupa Chup Suck Suck Chup Suck Chup Suck Suck Chupa Chup Suck Suck Suck Oh man.

Chupa chute. Yeah. The goof truth, suck, suck. I need a suck, sock, okay. Does that mean when, like, a Spanish person says they want to chop-a-cha-chap? Give your email thought of that. I don't know.