JAR Media Posdact - Clititasaurus - JARCAST Episode 132

Episode Date: October 7, 2018

Hello and welcome back to JAR Media episode podcast 312. I actually watch one more on. God, I've missed so much time. Alex has been in an infinite abyss just falling for a long time. It's, it's, the year is 2022 or some shit. I think that's how many cast would be that many years, ish. You ever brown out so bad that when you open the fucking door, it's just, a minute ago

Alex opened the skylight and flinched at the darkness I haven't bound out it was like in the end of Final Fantasy 15 Spoilers of Final Fantasy 15 Where it's an infinite darkness It's ruin it for Jim Dude

What the This episode 132 I'm hosting I'm hosting is my first time host 132 That's clever Oh yeah My first time hosting it

I'm taking over from James This is the first time Yeah James has been fired from hosting I watched the recent jar class and I must say I found myself annoying. Why's that? I was awful. Because I was just like a bit tired so I was just screaming over everyone. I thought what Jim's sitting on the corner was funny and you yelling at? Yeah. I got about that. So what important subjects? I'm going to, I'm leaving for university. I will have left the university by the time you watch this. But feel free to talk to me on Twitter whenever you want. If you want to so I'm hosting as a special one and today's subject

I don't know if you I've got a subject Are you guys actually looking something up Yeah I've got loads of subjects Oh well My subject doesn't want Anyone wants to talk about

Other than like maybe Alex Do you think Is it Halo related? Yeah God damn Do you think I've spent No But it's Halo reach related

Because it's the best Halo game Called Halo reach it's hard to debate that one yeah yeah you kind of finish that argument as as it as he presented it that's what I do Jim

good subject I solve problems I solve problems moving on so what did you guys bring with you I have something I need to start open with yeah it's good to be back on this side this is where I used to sit yeah basically yeah pretty much so I got banned off Twitter

for a little bit again on I-H-E do a quick dad So the first time I got banned Was because I told Jim to kill himself And no It's because you told You are my family

And you said I hope your entire family dies or something That was the whole point of the joke The joke being that you're in my family You said something about Like your mum No It was about

Because you've done that before That was my I think that was me the other day Yeah But yeah but this time I got bang because in 2016 at some point I told Ruben to fucking kill himself

so no you said Rubin has permission to kill himself which in my opinion isn't like you have my permission to kill yourself which in my opinion I didn't know the context because like Twitter just forces you to delete the tweet

so I had no idea I can have searched it found out Alex you don't you're failing to realise what this is kill yourself as a meme remember article What do you mean It's a meme

Article 13 They're banning memes Yeah Brian just fell over No it's probably more likely Either a troll Or some automatic scan thing I did just have a thought

Because Jamie requested a dab From Alex And Alex did a law One of these And I've seen about dabs As a measurement You know you've got Centimetres

Metres You know kilometres And you've got Millimetres Blabba blah blah It could simplify You've got centre dabs Milla dabs

Even nanodabs And I think what Alex did was a miller dab just saying a little miller dab Do we have mild dabs then That's not how that works James What a kilometab what's that Oh my brain That's a thousand dabs

Have any of us here done enough To have a calamadab under our belt Yes one has I think even if you added them up It would only be like 327 or something Why did you go so accurate So precise Well surely

in that case there'd be like a miller twerk and surely Ruben's definitely on that this way. What counts as one twerk is the question? Each bounce or each time a twerk I don't know yeah what you need to figure out what Jim just proposed

what is a twerk a dab is measurable yeah that is one dab is one movement of the butt one jiggle I don't know if I agree that makes it unfair yeah because you could just do that to try and loosen a bit of plop.

Then you're hitting you're hitting like 20-turt. You know, it's if you twerk with intent to twerk and only twerk. Not twerking with the intent But the intent is only measurable then by the user and you have to trust the user to be honest and not

dishonour. This is just in my stupid future where we measure things with twerks and dabs and it would simplify things in a way. It's like and also massively overcomplicate them. It's just like In the future when we have like augmented eyes, as you walk past someone, you can see like an interesting fact, it'll be done... I'm just imagining...

Yeah, this many... A world where we measure everything with twirks and dabs. So it's like, I'd like a centre dab of water, please. We'd still be in the Stone Ages. We wouldn't be able to progress. But in my opinion, twerking is progression. It's sort of a regression as well in a way. No, I don't you talking about.

Don't be racist. Oh, sorry, guys. You might get banned off Twitter again. But my point is, nearly everyone in Jha has got me banned, apart from you. I've never been banned off Twitter. I've posted Leafy's penis. Never banned.

Oh, yeah. Twitter's fine with sex shit. Yeah, they don't care. I've said loads of horrible things as well. Never banned. I'm in banned. It's something, the one that will get you banned is telling people who kill themselves.

That's the one. You'll guarantee you. I'm the angel of Char I'm the pure Because now Twitter's just boring for me Because that's my favourite thing to do Like really over the top Like tell but you can't do anything

Yeah so it's just like well There should be people Be kind to yourself Who if you tweet at them saying It should be like a thing where it's like If I swear this person it's okay And they agree Yes it's okay if they do this

No but you can trigger somebody else Seeing the tweet They can just get fucked No No they got triggered it's not their fault They're the people who should kill themselves. They're the one who should read the message. Yeah, man, you've got to be considerate.

Like, what if someone... They've recently killed themselves, right? They go on Twitter. See someone else being told to kill themselves. And they're like, fuck! It reminds them. I just killed myself. PTSD?

Yeah. For life. And that's your... That's on you. No one's mocking PTSD. Speaking of killing myself. I've recently finished a 13 and a half thousand word thing. on a thing on a thing that you all know about now I think I think I've like tweeted about it or something or people just guess what I was doing because I complained about it recently but I've written 13 and a half thousand words on a thing on the thing by John Carp is it no not on that it's a thing

and it all you know that's just what I've been doing lately so yeah 30 and a half thousand words on I wrote about Halo 5. I wrote about Halo 5. I wrote 13 and a half thousand words about Halo 5. That's what, as long as the Hobbit? I don't know who you tell me. Why are you looking at me?

Jim is a question. Yeah, exactly. I don't know. It took me a long time. There was lots of pain and anguish and... Just like the Hobbit. Yeah.

It takes a long time. It's painful and angering. You talking about the movies? I was talking about like the Hobbit himself. Oh He's pretty short Yeah, I read the book Ain't nothing wrong with that

He's a fucking hobbit You're designed to be that way It's the appeal of him Do you want to be a hobbit? I would fucking kill to be a hobbit They're just New Zealanders They're just all a bit racist Love barbecue

What does it matter if you're a bit racist In a world where there are no Other races There are millions of races Yeah but they're all white The Orks aren't True. That's what I mean. I would want to be the only brown elf.

The blelfth? No, the brelfth. Does they are come from? Did he say blelph? Yeah. Why'd you say blelth? That's what I didn't. I said that's fucked up. I'd just be an elf.

What did you be Jim in the Lord of the Rings of Universe? I just said. I'd be a hobbit. I'd be a hobbit. Okay, Jim would be a hobbit. Realistic. Alex would most likely be an elf. No, he wouldn't.

What would James be? I said an elf, literally just then. No, I reckon James be one of those the men that live a long time. You'd be like the bard. Elves. No, the men, like Aragon is one of those men who was from a certain place and they live all the time. What, like a king?

He's like half of one of those. They're like royalty though, aren't they? Yeah, he's like the heir of to the throne. Damn it, I'm gonna have to, don't we care that much? So we got no dwarf, he's a dwarf, he's literally the dwarf. That's what Corgi means in Welsh. Is it?

Yeah, like dwarf, dog. You see, I would pick up the mantle of a dwarf, but I'm not hairy enough. No, because as a hobbit, we got a dwarf, we got a hobbit, we got a hobbit, got a ralph. Got a demon. I would just be a wizard, that's my thing now. We wouldn't be a wizard. in Lord of the Rings Wizard

Wizard, just wizard man Whatever that is You're late What would your Lord of the Rings I'm a wizard What What'd your Lord of the Rings name be I don't know

That takes way longer to come up with Is it derived from my name No it would be something like Goes On Jim would be something simple If he's just a hobbit You could just be Jim Yeah

You could just be Jim That sucks Rubin's gozorn what are you James as the friendly James's bit bit the bard James is one of these

he's just a bard what's your race he's an elf oh you're an elf would you just assume my so you're Alex is Brynjof I was going to say

about Brynjof but I chose not to I was like just saved that one Rubin because I had another subject coming up which Skyrim character would you be It's the same shit man

Skyrim just copied all the ring No, which Skyrim character would you be? Oh. Any of them, because none of them are characters. Yeah. No, I'd be the clown. James is the Riverwood trader. So he died in my world.

You're the clown, did you say? Yeah, the clown. The clown from the dark, like brotherhood. You mean, what's his name again? He begins with a Cicero, yeah. He's the... Alex is Brynjolf from the Hughes Guild. I'll take it.

Reuben, you're the corpse from the... That's in that body... That fucking cough. that you're trapped in. The grave mother or some shit. Yeah, like a glitch for me when I first to that level. You were stuck in there, weren't you? Yeah.

I was always afraid of doing it because of that. James was afraid of it for other reasons. Because it's a scary coffin. Nice one, bro. You tell me you'd want to get stuck in a coffin with the scary godmother or whatever? Yeah, if she was talking to me, at least it would be a bit interesting. All seriousness. I'd be the red guard that, and you know that one quest where it's like find that woman in White Run and you find her and then you take her to them, take her to them if you want, and then they paralyse her or whatever and they take her back to her to...

I vaguely remember that. A bit of trees or some shit. Yeah, or you can kill them and you go into a cave and then you go through and then there's a thing. They have the skimiters. Yes, I know the mission. You'd be king skimiter. Okay, moving on. It's enough Skyrim.

Which legend is out of breath of the world Which Dark Souls character would you be? Me and James can't add to this Does this have to be the NPCs or can it be like even the bosses as well? What about the creatures as well? We could do both No include the creatures too

Alright well If Alex Alex would just be one of those Like creepy like shop selling people He'd be grey rat Alex's grey rat Alex is grey rat

Grey rat I've got it He sniggers a lot He's like I'll do that for you He basically does He basically does Okay

I'll take it I don't know Leaving me to be The Black Knight Ornstein and Smow Which is which An interesting one A Game Manstein and Smow

I don't know which is which Oh Smow is Big Boy Wornstein is Lawboy That's it I just figured Do you want to be the big fat one With a hammer? I'm cool with either

To be honest Yeah One of this has been Pounded into the other one when the other dies. One of us is going to become part of everyone's weapon. Not just weapon.

Their being. Who's James? No one cares. Can we just end this of what video game character or movie character? James. Which grey rat?

Minecraft character. Okay, that was kind of interesting. Which what? Which Minecraft block would you be? You've done that before. Yeah, we have... I think I was a rapist Lazer lie.

I said Dorita, right? I was lapis. Alex made me lapis. okay okay okay so me and Jim did actually have a topique a topique which smash bros theme are you we did that last week no we did which ones we were your melee brawl ultimate and 64 I don't know you're on about exactly that was easy fuck it was on it was about on about but yeah um just a just a little one, an easy one.

Yeah. Is money the source of all evil? Is money the source of all evil? Really? Yeah. No, is money... Does money have some inherent... No, I think... Evil. Well, money represents, like, having, and what do humans want to have?

And so because money exists, we want to have money, and so humans are the source of all evil. There you go. It's like a... It's like trickle-down economics. I don't know what that is. but um it's the chicken or the egg situation yeah no it's not though because i mean back in the day it was like human desire to have the other something more it would just be like item i want this fucking chicken i'll give you this axe if you give me a loaf of bread yeah just like that

bread i'll put this axe in your head yes but but listen sorry i think this is where money takes a tumble down the old trickle down economics. Yeah. Yeah. Listen. So what do you want more than anything? Trickle down economics. Exactly. Something you don't have. People want what they don't have

already. I don't. Which is? That's bullshit. Which is? Which is whatever, which is trickle down economics. No, but for real. Actually, for seriously this time. What inspired us was that we were listening to that Pink Floyd's song, Money. yeah and there's a line that's the the root of all evil today or something well yeah today it probably is i was doing on a general so you said all evil but i i don't think the the concept is inherently sort

of evil i don't think the concept is money honest money isn't greedy money is nothing money like is something we invented who invented money people because people want stuff well yeah it's just it's just like a societal construct we've created to be able to organize ourselves in a way so we can function because if nothing had value and we had no way of being able to trade things then it would just be like chaos and we'd just you know

yeah no I would never say that it's not a necessity yeah it definitely is but it leads to people it tends to be the more money you have the more selfish you are is that true there a lot of the

the time. Yeah, probably, yeah, inexperiment, but like that's, that's the person being greedy. It's not the money,

is it? But then, so then that book means the money. So that's why I'm like, that's why I said, I said, my thing at the start, well,

humans. Yeah. You know, we've always had stuff. There's a fucking daddy long legs in here. Oh, yeah.

Well, if you go back, like, I could go back to, like, hundreds of years. A few more than hundreds. Hundreds and hundreds of years. Well,

that's still, that's still under a thousand. And we had money back. Okay, let's go back to when dinosaurs, they were trading with each other. They traded in rocks. They were like crunching on them. So they were like, I'll give you this rock and crunching that. The point is, like, the way they would have expressed their greed would be different and without money.

It's fucking down along. Let's just dive bomb down here. But yeah, like greed isn't something you have to have money for to, like, express. And I don't know what I'm even saying anymore. So I feel like the biggest dinosaurs Organize themselves up at the top with all the rocks right And the little ones down the bottom And they trickled the rocks down

Who are the dinosaurs That is money though Tricker down economics Money is rocks So you tell me a barionics is hoarding his stash From the clitosaurus You made that one up for sure Fucking hate Alex's

I didn't fucking Google it Alex you can't just have this weird knowledge of dinosaurs When they have names that confusing So ask me about an engine But I'd be able to give you the answer And I would similarly not understand Or comprehend any of the words in spoken You were speaking

But I would not doubt your You just said clitorosaurus It was clittosaurus Okay I'm gonna Google it okay Clititosaurus He's gonna spell it totally wrong Clit Clit

The clit and the tit are shared The T is shared Yeah clit it Clit it Clit it But you pronounce it It's a tessaurus. How do you suppose to source?

That's a you are... Like, thesaurus. That's not going to help him, is it? It's thesaurus of all evil. Ooh. The thesaurus is more evil than money. The... The...

Thesaurus. No, it's not. Yep. Thanks for agreeing. Wait. Uh... So we got to the bottom of that one. Didn't we guys?

Well, I think we can pat ourselves on the back for that one. Alex, it does, it does not exist. You're spelling it wrong. How would you spell it then? Clititosaurus. It doesn't exist. Yes, it does. Go on Google images.

Alex, clititsois. That's not what I said. What are you saying then? Clititosaurus. Clititis. Clititosaurus. Say, Clitetetetosaurus.

Spet it. C-L-I-T. Yes. Yes. E-I-T. Anyway. That does not exist, Alex. So,

Marvel, uh... Search Barry Onyx. Halo. Okay, Barry Onyx. Halo Infine. It's coming out this year. Who the fuck knew? Is it?

On the Nintendo. Okay. On the Nintendo Switch. and it's only see that's a real thing no god put a pin in that

it is a real thing the barionics is a real thing it's a ferropod dinosaur real but that doesn't explain the clithosaurus who gives a shit

who gives a shittosaurus a many things you could have said like the carnotaurus or the allosaurus I wasn't going to say allosaurus I wasn't going to start

with fucking basic knowledge am I Well, the Delphosaurus, isn't that? New Jersey Park's fucking terrible, by the way. God damn, is it bad? Is there a baryonics in it? Alex, the first picture that comes up is something from arc survival evolved. So you should play it again.

The clitorisphorice. No, the bionics. The baryonics, yeah. Yeah. Named after Barry Lingstein. Uh, so we're looking for a new... A new jar media member One that actually knows something

about fucking dinosaurs. Get out of it. Do you know anything about the carto? We need someone that knows nothing about dinosaurs. What then? Tell me something about cars. Get rid of Alex and he can have his own dinosaur cast. And he talks about dinos. The only question in the interview is how many

legs does a T-Rex have? And if they get it right, they're out. Two. Get the fuck out. Well, at least Final Fantasy 12 is coming out on everything, everybody. Never had to play any game ever again. Alex, did you see, though, resonance of fate is... Resonance of fate.

Resonance of fate is coming out. He's coming, I'm going to buy it, and I'm actually going to finish it this time. James bought it notoriously on Xbox 360. He paid, like, some money for it. Yeah, was it on download? I was going to say seven pounds, yeah. And he played it. You made a joke about it, but apparently it's, like, quite a good game that has a really good gameplay.

It looked, well, I think because you playing it, it was like, no one actually understood what was happening. You put, like, you can put, like, fucking sniper scopes on pistols and shit. So it's quite crazy. Come here. But James tried playing it, and no one understood what was happening, and then he just didn't play it again, basically. Because I got an X-W... It was a very grey game. That's what I remember.

That's what I remember from it. It's that the one with the squares. Yes. Yeah, lots of video games have squares. I think all video games are made out of tiny squares. No, they're not. They're made... Some of them made out triangles, actually.

No. Alex doesn't know about polygons. Alex, what's the polygon count? The Polygian account? I don't know about that dinosaur. You want to actually talk about something instead of rambling on. Okay, give us the subject then. I bring a subject to the table. I bring dinosaurs.

I actually contribute to the dark ass. Well, I just kind of let you two get on with your dino share that you're doing. No, it's pissing me off. I'm going to be direct here. Listen, is money the source of all evil? We already decided. Redid Redemption 2, is that the source of all happiness in 2018? No. Red Dead Redemption 2 is it...

It's going to be the source of all evil because it's going to make a lot of money. Is it the source of all happiness in 2018? That's a very good point. Did you see they announced the Red Dead Online beta today? What? Yeah. You're serious? He's on our leg.

No, I am serious. But the beta comes out after the game is out. Oh, okay. So instead of doing the thing where they released GT Online and it is just completely fucked, they have the excuse of it being a... Oh right I'll get this one off And they literally said

Like it's not going to be A smooth launch No It's going to be pretty rough I'm not gonna I'm not gonna Even touch it There will be

There will be no point Trying to play that For a month Argy is being a bad boy And he's getting on my nose Hit him He just burped No I'm pretty sure

That was a real entry Burp Should we get him out of the room No he's stuck behind the sofa now it's fine um anyway to answer your question jamie um money isn't inherently evil but it does encourage a lot of greed um and it all stems from human desire okay please do you fix that we find with any other ball don't have a desire should we should i find him another ball quickly open the door with your hand

thing is he's seeping through my jeans thing is he's only gonna want this gross one he's only gonna want this one I was just thinking open the door launch the ball out

close the door could do that should we do he might just start barking again but you also might ruin the throw yeah and we can push him down the stairs so if he does that

no there's a perfect place you can drop it where it goes two stories I discovered it oh yeah you just look over the time runs out. I don't know. Ruben's got the timing.

Oh, we're cool, guys. We've got another two minutes, 50 seconds. You know, we've got another late three and a half minutes, really. Let's dissect a special theme. Isn't my dog really cute? No. We saw him. Me and Rubin saw him.

Billy is way cut too. He left a mark on my t-shirt. He's a dog. He's an excitable dog. He's a cheeky boy. He's unbelievably excitable when he sees people. He's a cheeky boy. He jumped up on me.

He was crying for some reason. he's because he's so terrified of Ruben no because he's happy to see you he ran over to me jumped up on me what a crazy fucking boy you could smell argue on me so he peed himself in fear because he's so terrified of argues

it might also have been because you you know what let's not talk about what Alex did to him wants a Gus yeah no I was just trying to train him there's a weird green bug in here just behind you know Alex on the on the phone look no up yeah up there you manta it just flur

I just watched it fly in It's quite adorable Get out of here You regressive animal Stop regressing Of the regressive left I mean I don't know what we're talking about anymore Because I didn't have a subject

Look at that face I don't want to go on to our Reddit subjects of any a few minutes to go Because it'll be pointless Let's talk about The Dave Rubin scandal I don't know what you're talking about Which one?

I'm not making an argument Hi guys, it's me He's staring at me like he's going to hunt you down What do you want to talk about Okay, let's talk about how on this As a group Everyone's getting frustrated because We're not talking about anything coherent

Imagine how difficult this is to listen to This part's the easiest part They've gone through 100 episodes of this I think one episode is just like nothing to them 131 bitch Well unfortunately There's loads of subjects out there don't talk about we don't talk we don't talk about serious subjects there's so much

horrible things we could talk about we don't that sounds fun yeah should we start doing that then yep Israel okay please Norwegian economy let's talk about that please how completely and utterly fucked it is it's not or the massive gang rape problem in Norway you've literally said before I didn't say a gang rape rape I didn't say there was a gang rape problem no gang rape is Sweden I forgot. No, I just said that Norway boys

are apparently are notorious to be in a little bit advantage taking. Isn't every boy though? No.

This boy is right here. Yeah. He's taking that tickle tummy advantage. There's a little bit of yeah, and they can get away of it in Norway.

That's what it is. They get away to it. They can be caught raping someone and get away of it in Norway. You can in this country

is right. You just got to be white. I mean, wow, look, there's a time there. Still got another 30 seconds or so there. I'm white. Argy, stop wiggling. Stop it, Alex. Did you just mock by this?

Stop wiggling. This is a, this. A bumblebee flew in. Did a phone book of it? This is. the part of the episode I like to call Reddit with Ruben made that up on the spot

You're with more than just Ruben though This is disrespectful I'm not, I'm not You're with the Four Funnies By the way Expect in a couple months' time Four Funnies go to Israel

Okay that's not gonna happen by the way You made that joke But yeah I know but James mentioned Israel Okay would you go to Israel I would Please What's your opinion on vaping, James? Oh, no.

That is from Oil underscore Holic. I've actually got something to mention. Oh, all right. The worst thing I've ever seen on YouTube. It's called The Game of Vap. So, they get, there's this, there's, it's this vaping channel. Yeah. And it's, they have, they have a guest, a special vapour guest.

And they have the host. And they, they're in this, this dark world. Guys, everyone do this. Everyone do it, quick. I can't do that. So they're in this special. this worm that's all black. Yeah.

And they have a vape trick competition. Yeah. This is the exact reason I love vaping. Yeah? It's freaking awesome. I watched it and

it's the quingiest thing I've ever seen. So is it like the way Gandalf blows an O and then the boat goes through the O? Yeah. And they're like moving the hounds like

it's like... It's like... These people are ten times more successful than me. Why the fuck am I alive? I think that's a perfect answer So with that in mind Have you ever done a poo in public

What are you talking about in the wild I don't know what they mean by that Because I pooed in toilets in a public area But as well as they mean Just outdoors somewhere Yeah we've already talked about that story James has done a poo You poo in your garden

But that doesn't count It does count That's not in public That's a private area No but everyone could have seen it No they couldn't Okay That one was from

that was from Pooh Fart 99 Don't do that to him Good question Poo Fart 99 I'm glad you ask Here we go

This is what This is from Thanks 970 Are you excited To see Jim Carrey Play Dr Eggman In the new

Sonic movie No I sure am I saw a picture From the set I think I think it was From that set

And if it is It doesn't look anything like Eggman Um Is anyone actually genuinely have any hope for this movie? No, no one does, but like...

It's got like a weird director, a weird cast, and it's like... Why is it happening? WTF, yo. I mean, I'm... I still think I'd enjoy watching it for the sake of, you know, watching a bad movie. The thing is, going off

how great the Ratchet and Clank movie was, people can get excited for this one. Yeah. Same team. Same quality. It's going to be a horrible blend of real and CG elements. Yeah, the 90s early 2000s, man.

God damn. Those characters should have died a long time ago. Spiro should be dead. Ratchin' Clank should be dead. Croshannock should be dead. Crash Bandicoot should be dead. Spider-Man should be dead. Batman. Should be dead. The only one who earned his

place is Mario. Yeah. What about Link? Luigi is dead. Link hasn't had a consistent character if you like Link is different. But they looked like pretty much the same, don't they? And Link wasn't like trying to go for that mascoty. Exactly, Nintendo understand.

Star Fox? He's lame. Yeah, he's lame. When was the last time he had a good game? Remember that one on Wii U? Uh-uh. No, no, honey. Why is it that these people are still around?

You had to use like motion controls. Because nostalgia. Oh, my God. Why are you keeping, like, dead games and dead characters alike? Because valuable IP is valuable. Recognizable. It's the same reason we get. The same shitty films we made.

They're always going to be recognisable because they're not introducing anything to replace them. Sorry, I just saw a crazy question. Carry on, but this is going to divide the cast. Okay. Well, let's finish this one first. Yeah, I'm just saying, because it's, oh, 90s, early 2000s, terrible. Terrible time for the mascots. Terrible time for everything.

Yeah, the Halo mascot's dead. That died in 2007. What? What? Halo. Yeah, Halo man. He's dead. Who's Halo man?

Gears is dead Exactly Jim Fours of drivers And it falls the driver isn't it falls a driver anymore What What Come on give us the next question I can't move on

I don't know I just think there's more to be done here Well actually was the question You're not adding anything to it We've been Have you ever done a Perman Oh right And we all said no

Not even no matter I don't know how you moved on To have you moved on to Oh yeah Because we're talking about Sonic How Sonic sucks And it's the worst character Ever designed

From lather malice. Lather me up, bro. Yeah. Do you think pancakes can be considered a true form of cake? Yes. Shut the fuck up. To me, pancakes, just the own thing. Yeah.

Look at the ingredients, man. Yeah, but you don't cake them. You don't bake it like a cake, motherfucker. Yeah, you don't bake a pancake. Bitch. It's not about the journey. It's about the end, the result. And it's not like not even.

cake yeah cake is you guys have fucking eating shit pancakes then cake is what pancakes are you making cake dakes all right Alex is wrong and I don't know if there is no everyone in the comments is going to agree with me because you're I-e that doesn't count you always you say that everyone in the comments is going to do this and then they all do it because you're IHE because you're just

IE give me kisses please give me comments section kisses You guys know what to do You know what to do Don't do it Be an individual Yeah be a fucking Rick and Morty individual I like how this

sofa just stinks now Because I'm on it Alex say I'm I hate Everything Rick I'm Jim Rick No Fuck I'm unique James

I am unique That's a fact Okay, well This question, you know Okay, tell me what's in a cake then Sugar Oh, that's in pancakes, that's a coincidence But flour

Huh, that's a coincidence Butter, yeah, in pancakes, that's a coincidence Eggs Do you know what's also? Yeah, that's also in pancakes What a weird coincidence? And all of these things are also in white sauce And omelets

No, they're not And omelets They're not though You know put flour and omelets And roast chicken See you guys have just been stumped So you're just saying that if something shares An ingredient of something else is that thing

Yeah You're right, omelets, cakes It's called a pan cake It's just It's been cooked in a pan instead of a You know, baked It's not a cake though This to me sounds like a classic

Chicken in the Egg to bake You know? One of those trickle-down economic sorts of... Alex, you know, you're just no right or wrong. I'm both chicken has bones. Only... The experiences you share together on the wearable argument. We don't cook chickens and dogs.

Are they doing China and Korea? Futuristic bagel asks, have you ever done a massive fart in public? I did one just... Jim's got an interesting... I've done being fart in public. Oh yeah, my tactic. This only works if you're with at least one of the person.

You just tell them to cough Really loudly like cough really loudly is what I'll say to Alex then he always stuck going like And then that's when you just let a rip Do you know what actually the other day? I was in the bathroom at my work. It's a tiny bath. It's the most bathroom And I just did a far but I didn't realize I if the time was in that I would have been so embarrassed because it was a bloody loud on it It was incredible. Were you peeing or were you on the ball? No, I was washing my hands and I just did a massive part You just let one rip Yeah, I didn't mean to though. Jim, I

dad is like he just doesn't give a fuck yeah like it'll be in the bathroom of like a restaurant and we'd just be like drawing his hands and then

it's so crazy and it doesn't matter who's in the room who could possibly hear it's just well he does it when just like out shopping as well though

in the supermarket by the fucking cabbages yeah he'll just cock one leg and just ugh what an event one event movie so we definitely came to an agreement on that one

oh absolutely well we haven't got lots of good questions so we have or haven't we do there there's lots of good ones here and I was just looking ahead I'm gonna pose one here to you all right

it could take some time but it's from damn jar souls 94 each member of Jaya's to give the sex talk to the rest of the cast Okay, this is fun Or silly The sex talk Yeah

As in the birds And the animals So we have to All three of us Have to role play as children And the one of us be just normal us But describing it to the children No you're just describing it to the cast

As if the rest of the cast Don't know what sex is We're still us Just without knowing what sex is Okay Everything else But everyone's But we're all children as well

No No, that's not it So who wants to begin But if It's funnier If we're all babies or whatever okay so you can you can behave retarded if you want then who we start with James you start we're all babies

or you're not baby not babies because that would be inappropriate Papa okay so you ready for me to begin Papa yes where how it does a baby come how am I here Papa well and a man and a woman loves each other very much who are men and women no don't break it down that far give him a chance what is love No, we're just talking about the fuck bit, not the love bit. Oh, okay.

Is there even a... Fuck it, just okay. Fuck it. The area of the male goes in the female. The area. What is the area? What is this like an airplane? How are my person to faint of kids what penis is in a vagina?

Well, you know you got a wee-wee, Johnny? You could take that and you shove it up. The coup. The cooch. This is a society that we live in. Well, give James a chance. He hasn't finished. It isn't available.

as much as it should be. To gamers. Your wee-wee goes in the female wee-wee. And then over about six, you know, seven months. Six, seven months. Nine months. James, do you know how a baby is made? And then a baby comes out.

Now, how does that work but for corgis? The same thing. Corgis don't experience love. The pee-pies. in the butt. No, they don't. They don't. Yeah, they do. They only feel love when they're getting that. Prissy. Okay, so who wants to go next? Let's just go in fucking chair order. He doesn't like that. He was so chill until you did that to him. It was not chill. All right, so which one? So you know, so I'm the, the one to describe

it now. Yeah. Pose the question. How the fuck the children fucking arrive here father well uh where's mother where is she haven't seen her well you remember she died in a car crash how are you my siblings sorry anyway oh yeah uh i've had about three different wives that's why you're all so different but we don't resemble yeah but only one of us resembles you at all but yeah because you've mostly taken from your mothers but You were all the same age, so you were doing it at the same time. He was like, I never said I was a good guy. He was just a massive horse.

He's a Muslim. How's that offensive? I'm just stating a fact. He's got many wives. He's not a good guy. And he's just, he's just a Muslim. He just exclaimed it. I didn't hear that bit.

You that put that together. Yeah. You're, yeah, you got the bad mind. I'm just thinking about how my alert sounded. Anyway. How'd my Muslim father, he's not very good. Where the fuck did children come from? So, you're all my sons, correct?

Yeah. So we all know we got Johnson's down there. Johnson's by, I mean, fleshy, pulsating. You don't have to explain to a boy what a penis is, because they have them. I'm still trying to stop it. Leave him alone. Get away from James. Listen.

Listen, boys. First what I would do is I would get one of the... You know, there's Lego pieces that have a hole in it and the Lego pieces that have a bar. I'd say, you boys, you're this one with the bar. this one here with the hole he's got the ball I'm just thinking about that episode

where you said like one day I'm gonna go to my son and say look son this is what a hard cock looks like but anyway I'd use the leggo as a sort of I clip them together and say that's what you do and by doing so it creates friction on this on the bell

on the bell I like that on the bell and eventually oh shit shit everyone I fucked up what was that

oh shit he's got it he's got it oh did you get the ball what are you talking about in this it's a bird it's a bird

yeah there's a little parrot I can see it I can see the bird Does he argue want the bird now because it's such the floor? It's fine, don't worry about the bird. Anyway, yeah, you take out your wang. You might have noticed that it gets a bit erect sometimes. That's because it's designed to go in a foo-foo, so.

In a foo-foo? Once it goes in, usually it squirts out some juice and make sure you wear a condom, kids. But that's not how you have a baby, Alex. Yeah, you fucking bitch. Okay, I misunderstood. You've got a clean pun. all right jim you're up um yeah james what where'd you put what because i was agreeing with james saying you've got to cream pie that all right so imagine you're all sitting like around me yeah tiggity tickety

talk pornhub dot com no i have the computer in front of me you guys are next to me pornhub dot com first one boom sit back let the internet do the job for you gay bondage when was the last time you went on porn her little brother five minutes again well you should know fully well that gay porn never come to the front screen and it's always normal porn normally he keeps going for bird

unless it's anal then it's a hard what do we do argue keeps going for bird no can you blame him can you really blame that boy let's call him hello I don't want him near James is the thing James stop going for Argy I'm not I was trying to make him happy naughty boy

Anyway, continue, Jim Something about Orgies or something You'd show them an orgy video I'd show them whatever video is at the top of Pornhub at the time So what is anal? That's not how you have kids

Then so be it I mean, they're gonna learn the real way Okay, so I would I would be the education Secretary of the country, right? And I would force all schools to mandatory days Where they have to teach

Sex education At varying levels of complexity and, you know, depth or whatever over their time in school from ages 11, you know, to 12 through to like 18. Doesn't that already happen? Yeah, I'm just saying that's what I would do.

I would hope that the school system would do what it's meant to do. So you'd rather just avoid the conversation entirely? Oh, no, but then once they'd had one session... Oh, so I suppose if they asked me before it, and then I'd just be like... Who in this room, though, genuinely had that conversation with their parent? No, I don't think I did.

James? Never needed it. You just find out, you just find porn up, that's what you do. Yeah, they just, we did sex education at school. They probably, they probably said that we did, they probably asked us with sex education today. Well, I think it goes like this, you'll be like a, like a 13 old kid, and you see boobies. You won't understand, but you just like those fucking movies. I think maybe they just told me it from a scientific perspective.

This is what happened. That's what they do. I remember them doing in like year six. No, we didn't do it in my school because it was a, I happened to go to a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a. Roman Catholic school. It wasn't because we were religious or anything. It was just like a school in the area. It was Roman Catholic, so they didn't do,

they just sort of tried to ignore any actual science. I'm not joking. They actually, like, try to indoctrinate children. Do they try and teach you, or try and hide, like, evolution and stuff like that? Yeah, they kind of posed it as a, it's just a theory, though. It's a bit like that. God made the word in seven days, though.

Right, you? Okay. Jim I've had it with you I remember I'm being told that wet dreams are an inevitability yeah

yeah I remember I remember fearing the wet dream yeah and they made it sound really scary they didn't make it sound scary they made it sound like you pissed or shit yourself and your best sheets are gonna be soaked and it's okay just tell your mum and dad it's okay tell your parents

what no why would anyone tell their parents that they just squirmed themselves. I don't remember having one. I think it's because I was just at that age, I was like he's just busting one out before I went to sleep

so there's nothing you name, man. Green bug. That would be it, because you're busting fucking constantly. There are two green bugs in here. I can maybe understand it if you get to like 14 or something, and you've never busted.

You know, there'd be some kind of buildup. Well, you know, whatever age. I was pretty late to busting. I don't, I can't remember when I started busting. Yeah. What was you, James? It must have been like 12 for me. I think I was 14 when I started busting.

He was on that age. Yeah. I know exactly. What year? What year of school is that? Bargy, I swear to God. Why does that have to be that ball? 10, 11th, when your birthdays and all that?

I think I would have been 14. At your oldest in your 9, you'll be 14. Right. Resident Evil, Alex. Yeah, I've already told you. this story. That was actually one of mine. The original in Resident Evil was one of mine. Yeah, you guys have talked about it.

Yeah, that was one in line as well. What was yours then? You fucking... Yeah. Lisa Ann. Lisa Ann? Oh. Yeah, you don't know me. What would it have been? Nuts. Magazine.

Godda for God. And you just said I was fucking naughty. What? I was just a classic bloke. I was just beating my dick off to Miloiovovich, right? Where did you find a Nuts magazine? Internet, Alex. What?

What? Internet. Okay. They just go on the nuts website. Yeah, pretty much. Just beat, some big titties. Was that it? Some big anime tiddies.

That's lame. You, right, I've had it. Stop it. Why is that... It'll be fine if it wasn't squeaky, for God's sake. Just put it in one of the drawers. No, he'll get fed up. Bustin makes me feel bad.

Yeah? From the guy? Yeah, it's in there. Safe. Elijah Wood sent us a... Ray action figure. Nice. Anyway, what's the question?

Bustin'n? Yeah, we've already done the busting thing, yeah. It was just like sex-ed, and then I... Yeah. Okay, sorry, I sort of forgot that I was even looking for them. He's going for the bird now. Argy! He's got the bird.

He's got... He's straight, I've got it. Fuck it, just let him have it. No, he's just being about... If you let him have it, he's going to keep on getting that stuff, Alex. No, because he didn't knock it down. Yeah, that was my fault, but don't let him have bird. Okay.

Uh... Uh... Sorry, everyone. I hadn't been looking for one while we were doing that, because I got... Did you start another timer, by the way? Yeah. Yeah That's horrible What's the best super noodle flavour?

Just the best super noodle flavour The curry one jimad wasn't bad None Spicy Bacon Hey Argue He wants that bird

I'd say spicy flavour Go on out, go on Alex's Aggie bled is Aggie Bled. I agree. Would you guys get a McDonald's? Some Alpha Jarling. Oh, hang on. I didn't say who asked a question.

Thou huddied. That was the super newlyla player one. So thanks for that. What did you guys get a McDonald's? That's from Elfa underscore Jarlene. Well, recently, I get a stomachache. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I get as well. Recently, I've started on the chicken they're like

not the chicken nuggets but they're the chicken things they sound memorable they're just with the curry sauce they taste pretty banging corgis are the fucking best shut up

really is such a bitch I wish you just lay still I get the veggie burger and it sucks the veggie burger I like to get just a vanilla milkshake at least I'm gonna put this out there man the fucking milkshakes are dog

doo-doo they are really I feel awful I have one they're one of the worst milkshakes like I've ever fucking had my life but I love it you remember when I love it they're horrible they're fucking horrible they don't even taste

like the thing that's supposed to taste it wrong you shouldn't buy them I bought one once because I saw Jim fucking enjoying six of them so and I was like No, this must be great You should go pretty hard No, it was two

And they were consecutive They're fucking vile It's fucking lame though Fuck you McDonald's That what they always do is Like the nozzle isn't cleaned So your vanilla milkshake taste Of fucking banana

Yeah, and chocolate taste It's banana every time Because banana must be the strongest flavor Yeah Yeah Yeah So stop buying banana milkshakes Yeah, stop giving McDonald's money

and fuck I've literally done exactly that even their fries suck they're just terrible awful fast food restaurant Aggie I'm gonna come over there I'm gonna punch you in alright this question comes in from James underscore house I'm very interested in getting a corgi but I've no idea what I would name him considering the best corgi name um hey bitch boy that's what he said he didn't say Argy I've read this one really

is taken what some good corgi names um well you can fuck face it needs to be a name you gotta be helpful right gaius who does it i think i called argue i knew he was going to be argued before i even uh i got him johnny johnny

no because the dog becomes the name oh yeah it does johnny johnny would be a good one uh i have a i know i know i mean i just know i want to call my dog uh i want to call him i'm gonna call him briny off not joking they should

You should call it Ein. That would be original, wouldn't it James? What was it? Yeah. Ein. Yeah, that would be original. Call it Mia and the other one, Jovovich. I have a name for my corgi number two already.

What is it? I can't say it. Why not? Because someone will steal it and name their corgi it. What's wrong? Why did it matter? You're the famous ones. We better move on then, okay?

So, from Rizzo Rolo, sorry, he didn't help you at all with those call, you names, did we? We were shit. I was the only helpful one. I thought of the name for my next dog. What's the name of your next dog? Cane.

Because it needs to suit... Pane. But Gaius is a Roman name, and Cane is a place in Italy. So, it'll be a female, so I thought that might work. A female? What? So...

Port-a-Polly. What is your... Who is your favourite porn star? That's from Rizzerolo. James has a favorite porn star, I'm sure. That's Lisa. San? No.

Who actually is it? That's not something going to disclose. What? Is it a Japanese one? No. James, I mean, I don't have a favorite porn star, so this is...

Well, neither do I. Is it Riley Reid? No. Is it... Is it Takeshi's Castle? Yes. Okay, whatever. I hate that question.

Yeah, I hate that question. I thought James would have a go-to. It's not like, what's your favorite movie? Is it? Who's the person like fucking beating your meat? It's quite great. I just thought James would have like a weird answer.

Why did you expect me to just because I've made Lisa Ang jokes for the last eight years of my life? Yeah, that's, that's, you answered the question. That's why I expected it. Stay out. I don't care enough. Well, we've only got two minutes left every once. Oh damn. Just fucking go through them, bro. Do you prefer cars or motorbikes?

Cars. Okay. Can't die with cars. In cars. Someone asked Corgi and dog name suggestions. That was from me. random Minion XD We failed that already Dog

Yeah, we already fell the corgi and dog name suggestions Just call it David Bowie Bad thing happened to me today I was really hungry

I was really needed to poo I couldn't figure out Which one to do First was hoping You could help Always poo then eat Pooh then eat You do what I do

You go get the food Then do the poo While eating the food On the toilet Do you actually do that That is a clever manoeuvre Can you spend No people think

That's disgusting By going into a toilet. You're not touching anything because you're holding your food. You're sitting down. Nothing's touching the food beside your hair. Well, why if you're putting there like the toilet seat down? Okay. You don't. It's a way to get up and you just sit down. One final thing, someone having a little jab at us. I-H-R media bracket. Can you spend 55 minutes talking about American culture and then spend the remaining five talking about how much America sucks again? Have we ever done that? I think they just mean because we talk about films and I guess

think that Americans own all films or something or maybe. Ah, the Americans, they love it. having each other all the time yeah um you know I can't wait to go on our hunt after this podcast yeah bray we're going to a school oh James

do you know they've been active shooter fucking alarms and bulletproof active shooter alarms or some shit it's like there's a problem I do I want to know though when have we actually done that

we make fun of Americans we make fun of everyone I mean when have we We talked about American culture for 55 minutes. I think they probably just mean because we talked about films and Americans assume they own all films and it's their idea.

Well, Bollywood is bigger than Hollywood, so... I don't know, who cares, man? I'm a Bollywood fan. Well, we've got 10 seconds. Thanks for watching. Thank you, 14th episode of John Me a podcast. Take it on home. Take us on home, Jim.

And say, M word. The... By the nests on day, the thing to see on there. mute oh too late no the camera's not out got another few seconds of sound and vision James slap your ass and spread the cheeks just to the camera quick there was a spread but there was no slap I'm not gonna sign oh what the fuck James so creepy he is affecting you guys fold those shorts

going home now because I used to go.