JAR Media Posdact - Cringey Gamer Debates - Corncast #4

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

C'mon guys, mine! (The JARCAST will be back once covid clears up) https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies

Good afternoon, morning, evening or night, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to episode four of the Corncast. I'm your host, Alex, joined by The Beast, beamy apple. Yeah. The passionate napper, Ratoza, Zach. Hello. And that other Rubin, that other Rubin. Yes. You mean that other cringe?

You're going to call me cringe? Oh, look, I'm that other Ruben, I'm that other Wobin. It's like you're down playing yourself. My name's original. No, you're down playing yourself. You don't want to be Wobin. You don't want to be the Wobin everyone knows.

You want to be fucking that other Wobin. Okay, I'll change it then. I'll change it. It's terrible. I'll be this specifically. You're supposed to suck the only good, right? You're not supposed to suck some other Wobin's dick. Before we go too deep into the episode,

just want to shout out the patrons over at the JAR Media Patreon. who make the audio version of the show possible how we doing another week of this oh terrible i'm gonna start off with a uh a story okay go ahead um i haven't been to like a proper shop in a while and i really wanted some ice cream so i put some 845 in the freezer thinking you know it's cream dude and fuck me yeah fuck you what

oh now I'm done great great all right I've got something to get us going oh that I've been doing so nobody has any input on my one how did it taste

you know you want to go well I lied I didn't really do that well yeah exactly I wanted you to run out of steam I wanted to make you look stupid on the world stage. I wanted to make you struggle. Wimper. What do you mean? I just fucking owned you guys.

You believed me, you idiots! You goddamn idiots! You actually triggered me because I've had to be using the E-45 because of my horrible dry hands. You think you're the only person that has to do that? You don't think my hands are falling to pieces. Did I say that? You implied it.

Oh, Jesus. have to no no genuinely though that it does really fucking suck this well i mean obviously everyone's washing their hands way more yeah so um a couple of white boys like us yeah we were like allergies and skin conditions yeah we i think you and me have more skin conditions between us two than the rest of the population of the world The thing is, it could always be worse, you know. I had in Patigo once when I was younger, that was nasty. What's that?

It's when you have eczema. It's when you have eczema and it, like, gets so dry, it kind of, like, opens up into an open wound and then bleeds. Normally, it's if you itch it, like, too hard, and it bleeds. I was in primary school, and I was lucky, apparently you can get it, like, on your face and stuff like that, but luckily I got it on my arm. and I got a whole week off school which I enjoyed and that's when I first saw Die Hard That's like year four

So it was weird Yeah Was it Christmas time? Or was it just No, it was like in the middle of summer From memory Oh Oh

Yeah, I remember being really jealous Really? Yeah, because you got a week off of school And you didn't seem to be that fussed by the Impatogu No, yeah No, it's fine but it's so infectious you can't you can't get at school with all these disgusting

children around children always disgusting disgusting horrible children smelly children slimy stinky little Minecraft playing children Minecraft wasn't out then actually true Minecraft was just a glint in Notches eye at the time while he was working at King making soulless

Like, I don't even know what the fuck they would have been making then. I, um, I try, I'm using my seven-day trial of Disney Plus at the moment. Because, uh, my next video I'm doing is about the superhero movies that came out in 2019. And most of them are on there. So I thought, I'll give it a try. Might as well, then I don't have to buy them. So I just... Right, right.

So, and because all the superhero movies from 2019 were like, The majority of them are so fucking lame. I kept putting it off, so I just wound up watching loads of Pixar movies that I hadn't seen since I was like a kid, which was really cool, actually. I watched Woolly, Toy Story 2, a bunch of the classics, Cars 3, hadn't seen that.

I put that one on for 30 minutes and turn that off and gave it a one star. Fuck the guy, I really dislike the whole Carr's idea. Awful idea. It's conceptually just so bad. You know, like compared to everything else. It raises loads of questions. More questions than like, you know,

Ratatooie, there is a rat that pulls his hair and makes some cook shit. I have less questions about that universe than I do the fucking Cars universe. Nothing makes sense. Yeah. Nothing at all. They even imply. They're just biological cars. It's really not complex.

Yeah, but it's also just uninteresting. Yeah. And shit. You could switch them out. You could switch them out for horses and it would be the same. What's wrong with cars, James? You seemed really disheartedly. distraught when I said that it's a terrible concept.

It is terrible. And it was like John Lasseter's passion project. Is he the one that turned out to be a fucking asshole? Yeah, that's him, right? Yeah, I was reading about it the other day. All the women that worked at Pixar came up with a move called The Lasseter, which was like a way of hiding

I think your legs or something, or just some way of presenting from old Johnny boy coming over and hugging you for a bit too long or trying to put his hand between the legs yeah he loved like grabbing legs what a fucking asshole who doesn't

um you really can't say that in the yeah you in this climate look at this climate look around you look around you I was meaning about my own legs you got nice legs I don't

Thanks. It is lame though when it's someone of such like he's responsible for all the best case I'm like story, Star Wars. Yeah, like every good Disney project he had his fingers in quite literally. Yeah, but people I don't like the way to say that, dude. The people who are unbelievably skilled are always horrible people. That is just like fact. No.

No, they turn into horrible people because, people like let them get away with it that's my theory well they're he's they're put in a position of power and they're able to abuse it and they immediately abuse it absolute power corrupts absolutely yeah yeah yeah that's all the godfather's about which i also re-watched recently wait you have you watched the second one i watched all three and yes the godfather three is bad as they say no i've not watched godfather part three i just didn't i just was it you know what? No. Honestly, anyone's

it sucks. It's so boring and there's like incest. I still haven't watched the second one. Stop ruining it for me. What's the second one? Did you not know Godfather 3's like considered bad? No, no, no, I mean two. I haven't seen two yet. I didn't say anything about two. You said absolute

power corrupts and now I'm upset. I said that's what the first one's about and it's just kind of the basic theme of them all. No, I'm upset. No, but I know that the third one's bad. I know that that's not even worth like acknowledging it exists bad. Yeah, it doesn't add anything. It's like every new

alien's movie after the second. It was made like 12 years after the second one. So Al Pacino's really old and he doesn't really know what character he's playing anymore so he just like screams every line. It's really weird. Why did they do that? See, there's somebody. Yeah, absolute power

corrupted them. Absolutely, we got power to make another call for. Even Alperino had huge issues with the project even being made and like the actions of the character and stuff like you didn't believe in it well I can I can't comment I watched it fortunately for me yeah don't watch one and two though I watched one fairly recently I'm gonna watch two again I guess soonish we listened to a family guy clip the other day where Peter's like oh my Simpson is it the family guy clip where

he talks about the godfather yeah I did not care for the godfather yeah really funny I'm gonna be honest I'm gonna be honest I actually kind of like that joke Yeah It's from the I'm pretty sure that clip is from one of those Star Wars family guy specials

Well those are actually like funny from memory I don't know I'd laugh at it now No No You're wrong I think You're just a hater

I can't really remember them But I remember liking those Blue Harvest No I don't think that clip is from one of those Star Wars things Are you sure? Because remember the big, the, the, those Star Wars specials are bookended with the like normal family, like talking, aren't they? Oh. I'm pretty sure it's from one of those. I could be wrong. I'm not a family guy expert on nothing.

In the clip, they're like in water. Yeah, for some reason I have a memory of that in one of the Star Wars specials, but... Well, I think you're wrong. And I think I'm probably wrong. as well I'm just trying to find what the episode is I also watched dinosaur

do you remember that no oh yeah was that Disney yeah I'd completely forgotten about it and then I put it on

and it was it came out in like the year 2000 or 2001 I remember so it's that it's that early CG that looks really dated oh fuck that movie

I never liked it I really thought it was pretty boring shit when I was a kid. Alex loved it as a kid because it's about dinosaurs and it's kind of like walking with dinosaurs where they shot a lot of it like on actual locations and kind of cged the dino's in but it looks like really bad now. I just remember the monkey was like super annoying. Yeah there's loads of monkeys. But there's like a main monkey that's like the comedy guy.

I'm a monkey guy. There's a main monkey who is um... His arc in the movie is that he gets pussy, because at the beginning he can't get pussy, and then at the end he gets loads of monkey pussy. It's fucked up. Mussie. And then that's how AIDS was born. And there's this really weird, like, there's a, like, triceratops-looking thing.

It's like, um, like an old black woman that does all the, like, stereotypical black woman things. And like an old lady, brontosaurus-type character. It's all just very like that time type of movie So kind of by the numbers like crap But with dinosaur graphics Dated dinosaur graphics Dated dinosaur graphics Okay

Yeah Yeah I was shocked by how loads of these old Pixar movies Held up way better than I remembered Like I didn't want to watch like Monsters Inc or the original Incredibles again They were scared that they were going to look really aged and bad. Not that, man.

They still look decent. Even Toy Story 1, like, you can tell it's 25 years old now, but it doesn't look bad. Yeah, like, I was shocked by how good the Incredibles looked in particular. Because on Disney Plus, they're in 4K, so they look extra crisp. And it's just, like, some texture stuff here and there. But, like, the art direction's so good, it really holds up in loads of ways. Yeah, Monsters Inc. is fucking awesome. Yeah, it's good.

I like the film a lot. I like Ratatooie a lot. I hold that one very fondly in memory. Ratatooie's excellent. Yeah. The Masters University, though? Mm-mm. I've never seen Ratatooie all the way through.

Oh, really? It's good. Because I hate rats. Well, you know, if you... If you don't like Ratatooie, then you definitely shouldn't watch Spider-Tooie. I hear that one's like really horrible. Honestly, I take a spider over a rat any week a day. I suppose they're easier to kill.

Yeah. Yeah. Spiders are way creepier than rats. They're creepier, but in terms of realism, I'm gonna have... I think I'm gonna find it easier to take care of a spider than a rat. Yeah, also, spider in this country, that's a lie. Spires in this country don't do anything, you know? Yeah, that's another thing.

Rats could still bite you or some shit. Yeah, an old friend of mine told me a story about his, um, I think his auntie got bitten on the leg by a rat. and then for like a month her leg just swelled up to like the size of a tree trunk because they're just so dirty that's the thing that's horrifying about them because you can have the pet ones and they're all right

I just went on to Rattatooie on letterbox and there's like a picture of a rat dancing with a carrot and I'm going to see that in my fucking nightmares now that movie's really good yeah it's really good I'm sure it is, but I hate rats.

Okay, haters, what have you been doing in the last week? I'll let James go first. Playing Call the Duty? Yep. Yeah, a little bit of that. I'm not too far finishing the season. That was quick. I don't want Codd in my life anymore.

Why, you love it. You play it every day. I play it every day and I shouldn't. I'm closing in on 240 hours. That's not good. What the fuck else is there to do? There's like nothing else you're doing in your recreational time. What do you think?

I'll play civilisation. Well, you can play more than one game. I've been playing civilization as well, which is the most addictive game in the world, without a doubt. I disagree, but continue. When you start it, you just don't stop. It is hard. I did experience that. it is hard to, you always, I'll just do this

one more term, but then you have like a research thing finishing a two turns, just do that one. And then you probably have a unit that's going to finish your building in three turns. Just do that one as well. But there is bad when you're doing an online games, you've got to organise many people and one of them takes five minutes

per turn because they have to read everything and it's just like, fuck me. We've done this for like 10 hours, I'm only on turn 100, stop. Bad time, but it's a really good game. and I recommend everyone should go play it yeah whatever okay then no

I can't believe can you stop I can't believe I've played Animal Crossing more than James that's because I've been playing cod though these two absolute melons I've just been abusing me on cod every day so I can't get away from it what do you don't abuse you

you do no you abuse me you always fucking leave like everyone does in my fucking life shut up but I've got a long list of movies I'm going to watch and yeah that's my

few days but you haven't watched one of them yet well no because I was going to watch them yesterday but then these two bullied me into Cod and I was going to watch you you said to us we were just going to play

I don't know red dead probably and then I didn't get I didn't get plus I'd have to sign up to this site and I don't want to because it's like I'll give your bank details so you can have this free trial and I'll forget and paying paying it in your calendar no but paying seven pound for a streaming site that's just horror movies is a bad idea for me what streaming site shudder what what horror movies do you want to watch no it's just one it just happens to be on this site Which one?

Itchy the killer. Oh yeah, I've been meaning to watch that. Yeah, that's... Why don't you just buy it on iTunes or something? Because I'm not buying a movie when I can just sign up to Shudder and watch it and cancel the subscription. Six months later. Yeah.

But that movie looks... I've known about it for ages. Yeah, same. It's one of those Japanese films. So I just want to watch it. Seems interesting enough. Oh, horrible. I feel like there's something else

you've watched recently that you want to tell us about I was actually just going to say that I think that Shudder because I'm going to protect I'm going to spare James for a few minutes while he thinks of an elaborate cover-up

you know instead of Shudder maybe they should release Uder and it's just like cow movies that was meant to be off-hand comment Barnyard but I got someone jumped in before I could make the stupid off-hand comment

and now it's turned into a whole thing do remember that time there was barnyard yard and the other one what was the other one called on home on the range just these cow movies for some reason why did anyone think that was a good idea I really think that we lived through like an awful time for that like that that like time for that that like young animation stuff like Jimmy Newton and shit like that early CG and just that time frame yeah but that to me is more hilarious than say

looking at the artistic stagnation that Dispicable Me and Minions represents. You know, that's way lameer. For the record, I take Despicable Me over Jimmy Neutron. I need to absolutely watch Jimmy Neutron over. No, I'm definitely with Jim on this. Like, no way. Like, at least the animation in Dispicable Me is good. Jimmy Neutron, no.

No. It's like, it's the whole. thing of like it gets to a point when new things will always be better because it's new sodium

sodium chloride Jimmy Neutron is only funny because of our generations we just know what it is so when we meme it it's just inherently funny

you guys don't understand people have called me Jim my whole life and for this fucker to turn up taking my name this is this is not white

you've got the main character from Treasure Planet at least That's pretty sick And Treasure Planet's fucking lame as shit No it's not I re-watch that as well Because that's some Disney stars Can I just point out that I've also been called Jim all of my life

That was a lie That's a lie You always used to say that didn't you You'd be called Jim if it wasn't for Jim Yes Because the actual nickname No the actual nickname for James is Jim Yeah I know but I don't think Jim suits you

Yeah I think James is such a James. And James, like, James doesn't need shortening. It's one syllable. Yeah, I know. Yeah, that's, that always pissed me off. Jamie is two syllables. Oh, boo-hoo, two-syllible, baby.

Shut the fuck up, you son of a bit. I'm Jim, you're not. I'm James. Oh, you got your own. Anything else? We haven't lost our minds quite yet. I have. I have.

I lost it weeks ago, mine. I can't be in the South any longer I hate it I hate being inside I really sucks I mean I realized you know I was thinking for probably the past 10 minutes I have so little to talk about

because I just haven't done anything I watched Joseph Anderson's Witcher video all of it oh yeah I'm like half an hour in really good video and because of it I'm playing the Witcher 3 again that's kind of really

dumb I thought you're gonna say you're playing the Witcher 1. Oh, fuck no. This is what I'm saying. It gets to a point where old games will always be shit because new games are too good. Wrong.

And it's the same with animation. It's the same with literally everything. That is wrong. No, it's not. Okay, so go and play Maxpin 1 and come back. No. No. Like, Boulder's Gate will be shit compared to every new game

because it's too old. Like, those type of games, you can't put the, on a list saying it's like the best one of the best games ever because it's not because it's shit because when games get that old it's like you can't go back there's a point of no return with games we disagree no no no no i think it depends on the game too like i'd get it for like ps1 games like i would not want to go back and play resident evil 2 for example but the new and the new one is just objectively better in every single way you know that's this is what i mean but like

they remade it who's gonna say yeah exactly Who's going to say new Super Mario's Wii is better than Mario World, you know? No, but that platform was a weird one because they can actually last. Like other games can't. No, Halo 1 can't last. MaxPain 2 last. Halo 1 works because it was so revolutionary at the time and it doesn't play badly now. I'm talking about games that play badly.

Next pane 2 plays well now. No, what you're saying is bad games are forever bad, whereas I would say good for games. are forever good. Okay, okay, think of a bad, think of a good game, which you would never go back to playing because it's too, shit. Assassin's Creed 2. Assassin's Creed 2 was never good, that's the thing. No, it was.

It hasn't just aged badly, it's a bad game. It's not though. It is though. It's not though. It does one thing well, and everything like that. That's really nibulous anyway, that concept, so. Yeah, I think Assassin's Creed 2 is bad. Will?

What about like fallout? 3 or New Vegas. Bad games. No, the thing is, I don't mean that's, because it's like when people watch a film from the, I'm going to stop touching my keyboard now, you watch a film from like the 40s or the 50s, that can be a pretty hard thing to get through because they're just made quite differently. But you have to actually get anything out of it, be willing to look at it through a particular lens. And when you play an older game, you've got to do the same thing. I'm only using the example of films in the 40s because films are an older medium than games.

I'm not going to talk about fucking literature It's not really the same thing Need visual media That's why I made that comparison So If you can't get past bad graphics Then I keep Sure but I think you're a pussy gamer

If you can't get past the Bad graphics Because like I could go on Let's think I could go on GT5 right now I'm just using that a few years ago I could put it all on low settings That would look pretty shit

Game would still be the same then that doesn't count because you're changing the graphics settings we're talking about actual gameplay not what it looks like the way the game plays okay gtie4 has shit gameplay yeah arguably it can't be pretty shit recently defended that game or saying have a good that's because i like i like the driving that's just because i i like the driving okay it does feel shit you've just you've proven your point wrong no because i'm not saying i'm not saying you can't like you it. I'm saying game, it gets to a point where they're going to be shit. G-T.A.4

shit. I just like the driving. They're just going to be old. I don't think it's fair to say they were shit because they weren't shit at the time. They're just old now. No, I'm not saying they're shit at the time. I'm saying they're shit to play now. Now. I think, I think Assassin's Creed 2 was shit at the time. Yes. I've got one. So, old

Sonic games. Like, as someone that played newer Sonic games, that I think are all right. Old Sonic games I think are fucking awful. I think every old Sonic game is shit. I mean, all the two at the time. Terrible at the time as well. Terrible at the time.

Exactly. Yeah, shit games are forever shit. Good games are forever good. There's a point where a good game from like the early 2000s nowadays would be a bit like... Name one. What the trouble with games is because you play it and enjoy it. I can't do it off the top of my head. I'm not a gamer. The trouble comes because of games, you play them and you enjoy them.

So when you have like positive memories, well I played that and it was kind of fun. It's different because of that. No, but we're talking about it. from the objective approach of playing them now not because you did play them I don't know if you can even approach it objectively really like right now if you play an early like or late 90s game

it's going to be a bit oof name one then like name it again I'll name one right now Rainbow 6 2 come on go back to really early first person shooter it's fucking terrible you can't objectively say

no but we can't say that because we weren't at the time that came out it's based the generation I'd say because like I really said Resident Evil too I think that generation in particular is probably age the worst okay no I've got a good example Jim Rainbow 6 Vegas we try to

play that and we stopped because it played like shit that game's shit to play now and I think I wouldn't have liked it at the time I think it was forever bad no but at the time at the time that gameplay didn't feel bad because it was that that time

it wasn't bad at the time no it didn't I played it at the time No, no, when did it come out? It came out around when Modern Warfare 1 came out from memory. No, I think Rainbow 6-2, Vegas 2 came about like 2007. And I remember playing both when I was, like, around when they first came out. And Modern Warfare felt so much better. And that game is forever good because it was always good.

I played Rainbow 6 Vegas 2 a lot when it came out. I unlocked every single gun, which as a kid was. a horrible task. And that game plays great. Yeah, that's the thing. Like, when I think about my memories with Assassin's Creed 2, a game that everyone loved, I just remember being angry at it for feeling

like shit. And for asking things that, like, you can't... Assassin's Creed is always being shit. Yeah, it's crap. It's a shit series. And the soundtrack isn't that good either. I was about to go back and look at a critical reception. It's going to look at the critical reception

of Rainbow 6 Vegas. And then I was looking at it, and I was looking at, like, the lowest it got was a seven. and I was hearing what you were saying about how it felt bad and then I remembered oh yeah games journalism is a joke anyway they would never give it lower than a seven no matter what there's no fucking point me looking through that a seven might as well be a zero

and do you know what Assassin's Queen 2 would get a 6? Currently three off the Ubisoft store all we have to do is look at like Odyssey and how people think that's good yeah in 10 years people are going to be like wow How did anyone ever play this?

Honestly, it's such a run-of-the-mill trash. Fucking dog shit. Pointless, boring, nothing game. So it's in line with a franchise. No, Dark Souls 1. Dark Souls fucking 1 plays like shit. No, it doesn't.

I was going to use the last one as an argument. And then I was like, no, actually. Because it's game plays quite good. No, it's not. It's shit. No, it is. No, it is objectively shit. and you fucking know it. You just like Dark Souls.

I don't even like Dark Souls. I was going to use Dark Souls way. Ask anyone who hasn't played Dark Souls to get into Dark Souls 1. And now, you know, after Sekiro, after Bloodborn, the game plays like shit. It looks shit. And you know it. It doesn't look shit.

It plays like shit. The game plays bad. No, it isn't. The gameplay isn't bad. No, it is. It is. Explain why it's bad. Yeah.

Are you going to say Because it's slow And it's not that it's slow It just doesn't feel good Doesn't it? Cod 4 is a better feeling game than that game No, what Dark Souls does That your fucking tiny goddamn

Non-Dark Souls playing brain Doesn't understand Is that when you swing a sword There's actually start-up animations Right Like if you're actually going to swing a sword In real life You've got to hold it back

And then swing it Right So you're vulnerable for that moment the game expects you to learn and understand that using a melee weapon requires this do you understand now yes

you can't really compare cod 4 to dark souls 1 well I'm just saying dark souls 1 is shit and overrated oh you know what you're coming with me let's go what I'm thinking

the whole my only takeaway from that whole thing was when Rubin said about how bad original Sonic games are and how there'll be people out there so upset by that. I still get messages to this day about that joke Sonic video I uploaded in like

2015. People are still upset about it. I'm one of those guys that like I actually really like Sonic Adventure 1 and 2 and you know, they're at Sonic Generation story. It doesn't matter because I'm going to say it, Sonic Teams with the three of them was actually... Sonic Heroes. Yeah, that game was awesome.

Sonic Heroes is pretty awful. incredible. It's just so broke. I actually... I'm going to a little bit and it's just

it's really broken. I want you to all know that this is just a discussion and I don't actually believe anything I'm saying. But you know,

an actual problem with Sonic games between like the early noughties, late 90s, early noughties was like you would just clip through the floor

if you knew too fast. I just know it in a game that's about me being first. Sonic is, yeah, again, forever trash.

I actually kind of like to me. Front of a trash until they made the fucking epic movie Do we just like expect more of games than we do films because we interact with them because like there are loads of awful like film franchises

Yeah but they're forever trash Yeah Like Fast and Furious As much ironic enjoyment we can get out of them It's just they're all awful You know The Fast and Furious game Fucking terrible

But think of the number of people that think they're really awesome Me Well, yeah, I'm sure it's millions upon millions of people with how much money they make So it's like then it just becomes a strange because games I was just saying about earlier People the reason there's so much like people forgive them because they had like fun Playing it. Yeah, the difference is you can you can ignore like the story of a cod game for example and just play the multiplayer and enjoy the like feedback of shooting a gun That's justifiable, you know No

I've not seen the Sonic movie yet Rubin No Why not I just I didn't go to see it Because I wasn't sure if it was going to be A film that was funny bad Boring bad or just sort of like Good

So I didn't You'll get a nerdgasm from it It's beautiful Yeah it's beautiful I'll see if I can You know Watch it somehow yeah it's out now in that form yeah and that okay yeah i bet you're regretting your uh your

comments you made on social media brother oh yeah i really are i really are good sonic forever good you don't know upset the sonic fans anything else to round up this bit we head into the second huh um the dimension two is busted all right the online of that game busted broken red the dimension online it's it's it's wonky it's janky when it works what you're saying is it's got really bad gameplay and it's gonna age really no no it has good how i think it's pretty good gameplay uh i like how it feels it's got a lot of visual fidelity as well so i'm like yeah that's fine man i'm enjoying this but the online is so broken you know you put down a camp you try and move the camp it doesn't do anything

you can't spawn the camp again oh guess what you press you give animals in to the fucking dude too quickly guess what broke that menu as well you would go off the game go back on it play and fucking boot up again go back on it guess what camp's invisible again try and move it you move it then you get to it

and then it doesn't do anything for ages because some bullshit event has spawned in the same place and it's just like well you can't do anything right now because the game's trying to process like oh yeah there's a moonshine battle going on here right now and you waste all this goddamn time and then finally you turn in your coyote. Yeah, they clearly

priority as GTI online, don't they? Wrong animal, it was the wrong animal. Yeah, I think that's true, actually. As far as, like, the... I've always thought that about Rockstar, though, like, their, like, lobby systems and shit, it's just awful. And, like, how long everything takes to load.

It's really bad. Yeah, they've always got to do everything in their, like, own way. Mm-hmm. I was like, no, Halo 2 perfected it. Just do what fucking Halo 2 did, all right? Yeah, but then you complain that every game's the same. No.

Just the lobby system. A decent lobby system is all I want in any game. Because all three of us, apart from Alex, said something that will have pissed a group of people off. You mentioned recently, Alex, that you hate the Witcher 3. I didn't say that. He goes. He absolutely hates it.

I'm gonna find exactly you what I said I'm gonna find it first Okay here it is Hey guys Alex here Witcher 3 suck balls question mark Direct quote Where is it I said

Third attempt at playing the Witcher It's just never gonna happen And James said why And I said just doesn't gel with me And then Jim said James said, you are forfeiting gamer cred. Yeah, and then after that, you called him a bunch of racial slurs. That was...

Yeah, and then James kept saying the M word just over and over. It was really bizarre. Don't even joke about this, Jim. It's honestly completely ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, James, you expand on that, so I don't have to talk about the witcher. No, can you talk about the witcher, Alex? No, Alex, you have to. Because it's the best game ever made.

Like, come on. Is that the general accepted opinion that it is the best game I made? It is one of the best games ever made. It's objective fact. That's it? Um, it's just a me thing. Wrong. I'm really not interested by the setting at all.

No, because you just spend... You're not interested by the setting. Oh, who... Not enough like silly anime cat goes. So you play through Skyrim what, six times? And you love that setting, do you? setting, do you? The fucking worst fantasy setting ever in a fucking

video game. I don't love Skyron. And you can't play The Witcher 3. I'm getting fucking heated, man. I'm getting pissed off. He also bought Lord of the Ring special auditions because he loves, he hates medieval so much. He hates fantasy so Lord of the Rings a lot.

Explain what's wrong with the setting for you then? What do you mean explain what's wrong with it? What don't you like? I just don't really like the presentation of it all. Like, Everyone's voices and, you know, I just, I'm not, I don't want to play a fantasy game right now, especially one as daunting as Witcher 3. And I don't really like the combat very much.

Okay, not liking the combat is the most valid thing you said. I've had enough of this, come on, everyone. The only thing he's ever said is valid. We'll be back after these messages. Want a dick on a shirt? Check the description below. Welcome back to the JARCast part two. This is the question section,

unless you guys want to rib me on the Witcher 3 anymore. You're... Yeah, bastard. I didn't even want to talk about it. I forgot, to be honest. Didn't have anything prepared. There's more brain cells in the bucket of come. You probably would have...

You probably would have remembered if you'd actually finish the witcher because it would make your brain smart. Yeah, I just want to say for the record. because I mentioned I've been playing it again I've played it I've played the whole game through twice just like Henry Cavill has being the fucking pure Chad he is and I'm playing it through for a third time

and legit like did a whole part of a quest I'd just never seen before what game allows you to do that Skyrim Red Dead? Wrong and wrong But you love Red Dead Skyrim is like

When I was a kid When I didn't shit for a week And then shat myself Is Witcher 3 in like your top 10 then would you say Yes Absolutely Yeah What would be above it

Uh Darktholes 1 Maybe Fuck off I actually like Dark Souls 3 more than 1 Because I'm a player Well that's dumb because that's one of the worst ones

I actually have a question about this coming up which I'm looking forward to hearing anything else for that for we going to the questions from the Jarling community Me sir Jarling No I don't think so Okay

Let's do this one then from James underscore House who left a question on the JAR Media Reddit which you can if you want us to answer anything you'd like on the next episode? They ask what are some random phrases

that you find irrationally funny? I think Alex has said he loves the phrase Bunsen burner, nice little earner, so it would be funny to hear more. Personally, I love the phrase most funniest. That's what they said. Yeah, I always like Bunsen burner

nice little earner because it makes me think of like Year 8 science with the Bunsen burners and all the mischief of everyone. You mean, Year 8 Science Club, when you made the marshmallow Biscuits. Alex wasn't there. Yeah, I didn't go there.

And they called small, you fucker. Because Alex wasn't cool, because you'd rather be at home playing terrible games. I was going to a Japanese club. Was it, wasn't it? Can we just make it clear? The weeb, apparently me, did never bother to learn Japanese. Alex did. Weeb.

Yeah, a to-tosan. That's what I remember. Itchy knee. Let's... Come on, any phrases? I like itchini Sansi, that's Chinese for one, two, three, four. There's quite a nice phrase about, you know, a high tide raises all boats. That's the one I like at the moment, but it's not irrationally funny.

there's one I really like what's that you can't do that that's not how conversations work that's not how a fucking works you talk about phrases right I was just waiting for it so my favourite one is

if you no longer go for gap you no longer a racing driver yeah that's a really actually my favourite one is, and let me demonstrate, all of this, it's playable space. That's my favorite one. That's really quinge. You shut up.

Bring it. Okay. Do you have any phrases? Or are you just pathetic? I quite like... Hang on. I quite like Misa Wanawanga. You're not even funny.

I don't actually... I struggle to think of anything. like that. Yeah, no, Mesa 101 go seriously. I think it's really funny. But you wouldn't know that if it wasn't for me. I'd know it more than you because I invented it.

Mm-hmm. George Lucas invented it, actually. That's why it's so good. What about... Have a new fan respect for Lucas. Yeah, I mean, in the wake of the worst Star Wars films being made than the prequel is yeah okay let's do this one from public nuisance 89 who says jar media is ruining

ruining my relationship question mark okay lads here's the story due to this dumb fuck virus being a little bitch and keeping everyone quarantined inside their houses i haven't been able to hang out with my girlfriend in over a month so in order to remain in somewhat close contact with her every night we call each other and talk for at least a couple of hours before bed. This is all fine and good, but after nearly one month of being unable to leave the house or have any stimulating experiences, it is somewhat a bit of a struggle to maintain long and meaningful conversations every night. So, in an attempt to alleviate boredom from our phone calls, at random points during our conversations, I will insert a classic James,

bah. James, can you do a bar for us? No, no, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm I'm gonna make this guy stop, stop doing that, please. You don't end up like me, just stop. Just don't do this, don't do that anymore. No, but James, we need to hear what he's on about. I know. Alex, that was your old James. This is new James.

I don't do that. Don't perform. Or if I'm feeling really spicy, I even sometimes throw in a James laugh. You know, the old ah-a-thing. Me, being a long-time jar fan, find it fucking hilarious to imitate the retarded Minion noise. that James so frequently makes.

But the problem here is that my girlfriend hates these noises, which ironically makes me want to do them free from me. Okay, leave her. However, recently, I did a particularly loud James laugh during a long period of silence in our conversation, and she hung up on me. I called her back and after a few tries, she finally answered again. That night, I didn't make any more James noises for fear of her hanging up on me again. But it was all I could think about during the rest of it. during the rest of the night. The next night I did another James Baer

and this time she hung up and didn't answer me. The next day rolled around, rolled around and she told me that if I did one of those quote, fucking annoying minion noises again, that she would continue to hang up on me and not return my calls. I'm truly at a crossroads, gentlemen.

Do I respect my girlfriend's wishes and keep our conversations regulated to talking about stale memes and listening to her talk about all of the quote, funny TikToks she's seen. Or do I stick by my jar overlords and continue to make super epic and objectively hilarious

noises during our conversation? I know that you guys will give me nothing but unbiased, super serious and legit advice. Thanks Mingers, keep up for good work. Respecting your girlfriend? Yeah, that's like... That's out of question. Having a girlfriend 101 is...

We need James's opinion first. Yeah, they're clearly just fucking idiots. Nah, just fucking quit it, boy. Oh, come on. You ain't doing your and you could see if you I'd agree with that up until he said about her preferring to talk about TikTok in which case you know she deserves yeah she deserves the minion backlash no no no listen no listen no listen here's what you do you make a TikTok in which you bear yeah yeah do do you want the honest truth I'll get I

can give you the fucking horrible honest truth Okay. If, you know, you're talking to your girlfriend every day on Skype and this constantly happens, she's going to get unhappy, it's going to get unsatisfied and not feel, you know, loved. It's going to lead to cheating and you're going to have a fucking shitty time to stop. That's it. That's the truth. That's the honest truth.

And fucking learn that the hard way, okay? So fucking stop doing it. So what you're saying is, um, just pretend to laugh at unfunny TikToks. No, just have a normal conversation. You don't need to fake it. You just need to... They already established that. Or they already established, I should presume that.

They already established. They've spent too much time speaking about normal things. And now they're bored. No, but that's the thing. You're talking too much. Yeah, start reading about philosophy and arguing about, you know, the most complex issues in humanity. Human condition.

That'll keep you busy. Start saying the M word, and she'll get really angry. angry and then you'll be like, okay, I promise I'll never do that again. And then if she complains, you can be like, okay, I'll just say the M word. That's what James did anyway. That's his lesson he taught me. No, on a serious level, there needs to be a point where in my relationship, I had the problem where I think we talked too much through Skype and it became draining. I think you need to have a break and just not do it every day because then you won't have anything to talk about.

You want to want to do it, yeah. Yeah. You want to longer do it. You put too much focus on it and you'll lose stuff. You'll lose something special and then it all goes downhill. So just take a break of it, you know, a little bit. Just know every other day, every two days. Because that's what you need for a healthy relationship.

You need space within the relationship for yourself. Don't force it. Just let it happen. Despite how strange these times are, it's very weird for everyone. You might miss your girlfriend, but you still need your personal time. So when you wipe after doing a poo, try and sort of dab it and don't like wipe wipe. Because that can disturb your, like, it can give you hemorrhoids. Jamie, I know this. I've had hemorrhoids.

I've had to stick things up my bummed. What you need to do is start the Witcher 3 and like learn the law of the Witcher, all of it. And then just like talk about that. Yeah, this reminds me of Gerald's. and Yenifah's relationship, to be honest, because they've been through many rocky roads. Exactly. Especially with everything that happened with Triss and the first to you, like... No, to be honest, Yenifer's cute, so, you know, I'm on team Yenifer. Joseph Z. Khan has this to say. Can we quickly get Ruben's two cents on the whole

holes in a straw slash person debate. Oh, yeah. No, I watched that V-source video, whatever he says. Fuck it. Go with that. tunnels but there are dead ends as well we've just got group think so a straw okay there are two openings we call a hole like an open because a manhole for example that's an opening into a tunnel because it's you know and you have a man hole cover you get on the manhole to enter into the hmm just say fucking just say what just say a number what would you mean what how many holes are in a straw now say a number I never really think about it that way.

No, no, answer the question. I don't think I have a... No, no, just give us a number. I'm gonna say none. It's, I mean, it's more like which end of a straw rather than which hole. I wouldn't be like, you need to drink from that hole. No, we're not on... No, we're just on about the amount.

The amount of holes. What? one or two one or two I don't have a fucking answer to this stupid shit two two fuck it I'm gonna say two because then it will start an argument

and then we can go through that well actually you agree with James then and disagree with me and Alex well that's nice then we have a nice even side too this is like the whole Max Payne thing so we're gonna get you on our side and James will be single out

we didn't have to wait approximately eight years have you noticed something Doesn't like the Witcher 3, doesn't like Max Payne 3. Max Payne 3 is not on the same level as the Witcher 3, you don't joke. Oh shit. You're typed out of the game. No, you just don't like games with 3s. I guess what?

Oh, Geys War 4 3 isn't your favourite either. Yeah, Alex hates Halo 3 as well. Yeah. No, shut up. I love Halo 3. It doesn't like Dalekshares 3 either, actually. Says it's shit. He doesn't like Mass Effect 3.

Doesn't like Mass Effect 3? Anyway, there's one hole in a straw. There's one hole. There's one tunnel and two openings. No, there's no... There's two openings, but there's one hole. There's no holes in a straw because it's just a piece of paper rolled up. A piece of paper does not have any holes.

It's rolled up. There's no holes that begin. What it comes down to? It's an issue with how humans define things. It comes down to an issue how humans define things in English. Get sheet of paper right now, roll it up. That's a straw. Where are the holes?

There is none because it's a piece of paper. No, that's not true. That's a ridiculous argument. I'm not on your side anymore. I'm on my own side. No, listen. Look at that is a fucking stupid argument. That's an awful.

Listen, listen. So look at your forearm right now. Right. There are loads of holes. A cylinder through your forearms to make a hole. Right. There'll be one hole. So on each side of your forearm, there is a hole, right?

Two openings, one hole. Yeah. We would all agree that that's one hole. That's what I would say about the straw. That's what I was trying. of saying that's my point just because straws are long don't we've been over this does not make it yeah no no no no no push the cylinder through your arm how can because it's short that so why you're okay no it's the same it is the same that's what I'm saying

I thought you said it was the same no Jim think of this in a realistic situation okay an exhaust system on a car it is a tube it is a straw it's a long straw how many holes two no yes no an exhaust has two holes it's just no we're not doing this again let's move on you're just fucking you the dare devlin has this to say now that the barn boy boys are quarantined is james back to his five hour masturbation sessions is he sad he can no longer continue his milf hunting career we need answers in this trying time I've done that in fucking years

I don't have this I just don't have it in me anymore he's too old now yeah I don't I'm not the glory days I'm not always dying I'm not 15 years old where the only thing on my

mind was repressed sexual energy I don't have that you know I I've got other things to do. He's a beautiful butterfly. I've got to worry about the impending recession on my financial situation.

You know? I can't do that. I can't even do like five minutes anymore. We have a relevant question for Jim from Elvichu Condon who says,

can you ask Jim what his favorite Skyrim quest is? Uh, uh, no, this is a stupid question because it's really hard because they're also forgettable.

No, no, you're wrong. Because there's that danger quest where you get pissed on a night out and you've got to retrace your tracks, which is quite a nice quest. Yeah, but both the witch and Red Dead Redemption 2 have got better, like, getting drunk,

ha ha, like. Oh, that's true. I'd say the Mace of Moloch Ball. Why? Because it's the Mace of Mollig Bal. Because it's funny. what do you explain um

there's a dog in that one right is that the one with the dog no you just go into like a cave and then the guy sacrifices himself or something oh yeah yeah someone's house in one of the daydric cities what's one with a dog then the mace of Molag Tal

oh standard spec has this to say question for James why is this Toyota Prius so hated? Oh, this is a simple question. People are fucking stupid. Because they're so stuck in the ways of, oh, we like cars.

This new one, it's like the first big one. It's the first change in technology. So obviously everyone's going to hate it because it's a change. It's nothing more than people being stupid. Like, every single big car person I know in America drives Priuses because they're good. They're like the... They're so good to just have as a car because it's just easy.

You know, you own an electric car. You know how fucking easy they are. They are really easy. Every Uber driver has one. I'm a car person and it's just like I'm a dying breed. Why would I want to work on a car? They're shit. They're fucking annoying.

They erase your money. They give you depression. They make you want to kill yourself. They're shit. What? This is a fucking roller cat. It's simple. Toyota Prius is

pretty good So if you can buy an electric car In the future It's something to do With the early adopters Being like There's that South Park joke Will the Toyota Prius

Owners like Smell their own butts And shit like that And get hard Yeah but I don't own a Prius And I fucking love the smell Yeah No it's like

When you think of like Early Tesla owners You get that certain vibe It's like that Superiority It's the same with like anything like any early adopter you know

just flexing on people it is the future so embrace it okay okay stop being so level-headed it's not funny Charlie O'Neill 06 says this

hi boys I and I'm sure everyone who watches you is so grateful that you're continuing to upload through these weird times I've got a question that is probably going to get Ruben and James very angry If Jarre were to do a musical

where all of the characters were Madagascar characters and the only songs were from Kanye West's album Jesus is King who would play each character and what songs would feature thanks so much for reading and please play Roblox in a later corncast Why did the birds set themselves on fire? It's because it's daytime they're just being burned by

The sun Wait what was that question just then? I was trying to work out to get rid of the birds because they keep making a fucking noise. If Jal was to do a musical, where all of the characters were Madagascar characters and the only songs were from Jesus' king.

For God's sake. Um, Alex. No. Yeah, fuck it. Alex is Alex. Right. Uh,

James is Melman. Right. Uh, I'm, I'm gonna let Reuben finish this, because I feel like... So you really didn't give me the black male animal, or the black... Yeah, but I gotta be one of these two as well. I feel like Reuben does the whole twerking thing, and Gloria is known for Fatt. Gloria's name for us. So I'm Marty.

which makes sense because like Alex and Marty are like brothers you know and Melman and Gloria love each other it gets to be it gets to be relegated to fucking side characters no that's one of the four fine you can be fucking Prince Julian all right oh Morris I want to be Maurice okay let's do um And James sings water. Well, no, because I did seek something last episode, but Alex could cut that out. What did you say last episode? In the shadow of the valley, I would like to settle down.

I didn't remember you fucking doing that. We all did it. You just cut it out because you don't like it. In the shadow of the valley. Because that wasn't in the podcast. That was just in like some of the guff that I had to cut out. No, no, it wasn't. No, it was in the podcast.

It was before we went to the desert. You know it. No, I don't know it. I would like to shadow down. Okay, let's do this one from a big pastor making man who says, what are Jim and Rubin's soulsborn rankings? I can barely even give. At the bottom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dark Souls 2 at the bottom. Dark Souls 1 remastered above Dark Souls 2. Are we, I don't know if I'm, are we going to do that? We're going to consider the difference? Yeah, no, they're just Dark Souls 1. No, but it's the shittest one to play. I've not finished, I've not played enough of Bloodborn to have any opinion.

And secure, I didn't, I didn't finish. The thing is I'm just, I like Dark Souls. No, honestly, I think Bloodbourne would be one of my favourites if I didn't have to. to use a PS4 controller and play on a PS4. Yeah, that's why I don't fucking want to do it, because to do it, I have to plug in my PlayStation and use one. So it's like immediately, like, I just don't

want to do this, man. If it was on, if it was on PC, then it I mean, my number one is Sekiro. Because, because, I mean, for real, uh, Bloodborn does actually, like,

interest me more than Sekiro does. Um, but I just, shut up. That is, that is a bad take. It's not a bad take. Literally. It's actually... I like the Gothic setting of Bloodborn and Dark Souls.

Bloodbourne, I'm pretty sure, is more popular than the secondary. Like, people think that one is the best one, because they're fucking stupid. But for me, it's like, I mean, I've just had, the trouble is it comes down, I've had lots of fun playing Dark Souls through. Like, I have loads of funny times on that game. Yeah. But I played a lot of Bloodbourne, but, um... It's weird. I never felt like, like, Sekiro really builds on this system and, like, takes you to the, like, pushes you to your limit.

Whereas Bloodbourne, like, I felt like I, maybe I'm just such an epic gamer, it's too easy for me. I don't know. Like, it felt like it just let me get away with shit. Again, I don't know. I didn't plan enough of it, because what would have happened is I'll have played it for like an hour and a half. Someone said, hey, do you want to play this? I said, yeah, I turned off the PS4, unplugged it, and then been like, you know what,

I don't want to fucking plug it back in. Then I wouldn't have gone back on it. Yeah. Bloodbourne is worse than Death Stranding. I don't play Death Stranding either. You haven't even finished Death Stranding though, Jim, so. Who wants to do it? So, I don't know, Dark Souls 3 is, like, my favourite.

But I can't really give rankings. I think Dark Souls 1 is better than Dark Souls 3. for all the wrong reasons. For all the wrong... That's the trouble. Dark Souls 3 is more like... Playable. Yeah, that's the thing.

That's what I'm saying. Dark Souls 3 is more playable. Old games become shit. No, I don't think that's one is shit. I just think I'd rather play 3 because it's just newer and... No, that's my point. ...to play immediately.

So, so my order would probably go like this. Uh, Dark Souls 2. Uh... Yep, at the bottom. It's clear. For everyone. Then... Then, like, Dark Souls 2 is way at the bottom.

Dark Souls 2 is awful. It's in hell. And then you go up to heaven where the rest are. This is why Games journalism is a joke. Dark Souls 2 got rave reviews for being like amazing. This amazing revolutionary fucking sequel. Awful. Five out of ten. Best. Five out of ten isn't even awful.

No, but that's coming from Dark Souls fans. We're so bad about Dark Souls 2 as someone who's not you've never played it there is so much to go into first of me it's the worst looking from soft game without doubt well that's looking in terms of graphics but also like art direction yeah the art direction coherence of areas there's no it doesn't it's no cohesion to any of it's just like here's this area attached to this area in this area and this area and it's just all over the place and uh the the gameplay somehow feels worse than Dark Souls 1

even though it came out like two years later or something one of the main issues of it is that when you attack an enemy very rarely will they actually stagger they will just hit you through your attack so every most attacks feel like it just a pointless trade it's all like a battle of um a tree where you're just like it doesn't feel like um they're testing you in different ways it feels like they they resort to this one thing to make it difficult And that one thing is put, like, six enemies in a small room.

Yeah, six shittly designed enemies in one room. And then just go ham. Honestly, I could fucking go for hours talking about why that game is bad. Like, even, because what a lot of people said was like... No, start. It's not a good, Dark Souls game, but it's a good game. It's not even a good game. No, it's just a bad game.

Damn. Yeah, so my order it is Dark Souls T I guess Dark Souls 3 Bloodborn Well, no I can't say that Bloodbourne Dark Souls 3 Dark Souls 1, Sacre

Okay And that's like It's barely even a testament to like For some of them Or for most them it's barely even a testament To like quality of game Because like Bloodbourne and Dark Source 3 Are like probably similar

Just quality of game If there's any way of assessing that Hmm I'm sorry enough I guess is very new and different to the others though and way better let's end on this one then

from a Cheeto my Dorito who says are you jar as you jar boys are massive crisis fans what are your thoughts on the remaster that was recently leaked I guess it's not leaked

yeah it's been announced official now I'd made better animations in year six that animation with the nanosuit walking forward and then looking over its shoulders a bit. So is it just crisis one? It's coming here. I didn't watch this.

It's crisis one, but with new textures and ray-tricksing and shit added. Um, yeah, the crisis games are more games that were just for ever bad. So no, I'm not interested. Yeah, I'm not gonna play Crisis Remastered, but I remember liking Crisis 2 when it came out. Alex be boosted on multi-burg games. They're just kind of like pointless games, you know, Crisis 2 and 3. They're like the most forgettable, it's like the most forgettable franchise. They bring absolutely nothing to the table. Graphics.

But yeah, Crisis 3 actually looks genuinely really good, even now. It's kind of always been their shtick though, it's like, yeah, we're really mediocre, but look how fucking beautifully mediocre we are, you know. I remember RISE RISE looked really good Yeah, it's just Crotex whole thing Wasn't it? It's just We can make our mediocrity Look amazing

Yeah Just had to fit a Y in it somehow Really gamery and corny Yeah Yeah Yeah, I'll probably get it Maybe Oh no, no, that was it

I'd get it if it was like 30 pounds Right Yeah But it probably won't be, it'll probably be a full price game, in which case, I won't get it. That could be, they could be Chadson, set it for 20. I don't know about that, 20. Would they do that?

No. That's pretty cheap, yeah. Well, that said, that's it. We're done, we've done it. Episode 4 is in the book. Corncast, another one for the books. Any final words? Price is two multiplayer next.

So, the final words is, Dark Source one shit. Get the fuck back here, you little bitch.