JAR Media Posdact - Doner DAMAGE - JARCast Episode 325

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Find us on Spotify and iTunes under: "Jar Media Posdact" Find the original episodes under: "The JARChive" Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies Timecodes 00:00 Intro 04:46 Piers Morgan and His Obsession with a certain type of Mother 15:18 Using Chat GPT To Make Us Cringey JAR Raps 38:13 Mid Break 39:04 Questions Segment: Submersible Adventure into James' Blood Stream 40:25 The Question of Reincarnation 48:50 James' Imflammatory Letterboxd Reviews 55:03 Specific Parts of History We Romanticise 1:04:21 G u n 1:05:33 Growing Up 1:08:20 Bonus Moments

Good afternoon, morning, evening or night, ladies and gentlemen. Today it is episode 325 of the Charmingure podcast. Today I'm joined by Jamie. Hello. And Alex. Hop, hop. And it's an episode. How?

how, like, I really want to get this one going by, I really want to know your, like, Jedi Survivor pre-order story. Damn, that's... That's fire. That could at least take up 25 minutes of this podcast, for sure. You know what, I'm going to get out of the way. I've seen a lot of comments recently about my hair. Okay.

And, um... Yeah, you're looking like Rick from Rick and Morty. I think... People are giving me shit because I'm like, I look, you know, unkept. But they're not intelligent and they haven't realized what this means. And they have not realized what this is. Oh, all right, all right. I stay true to the silly things I say on the Jam Media podcast.

So it's happening. It's growing. I'm letting it ferment. I'm letting it ferment. Grow. It's the grossest word. you could have used. You know, it's just a word to describe...

Marinate? You could marinate. Yeah, I'm marinating my hair, and I'm letting it get that perfectly sleek back. Marinating hair also. That's going to gris, to be honest. My hair's growing, and it's growing for a reason. What's that reason, huh?

Like, one half is doing it. The other one has backed out, so I need... What are you doing shade this way without committing, man? I need the jarlings to stop talking about... my hair and start talking about Alex's refusal to do it. You're talking about mullets, right? I'm talking about mullets. Because there's a nice mullet in them, that Jedi game, whatever it's called.

Jedi Fallen Survivor. Yep. Is that the name? Is that, I don't know, man. Probably. Huh? There might be. some kind of

um superhero fight going on in the background sometimes we decided to do this episode from New York um you know being in New York

there's some crazy Marvel thing happening all the time which one is it this time uh I think I hear big slams so I'm thinking maybe Hulk Hulk is doing something Hulk teaming up with

well I'm hearing a bit of flying so maybe Captain Sparkles Captain Sparkles yeah Uh-oh, it's line maker Is he the next Thanos? Before we get too deep into the show We got a shout out at the J-Media Patreon

It makes the audio version is possible And you get your names read out On the first or second week of each month Like we did last episode But I'm afraid not on this one I'm gonna You know what guys I'm gonna I'm gonna put my hands up

And I'm going to change them into middle fingers That are pointing at housekeeping because I'm not doing it today. Wow. Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! This superhero fights just put me kind of on edge.

Yeah, it's like we don't know when a car's going to fly through the window. If this is a Zach Snyder's superhero fight, we're done. Yeah, yeah, this is it. And I'll be at the hands of Superman, probably. No, but he loves humans. He wouldn't dare kill one. Fucking hate Superman, man. Oh, yeah.

Um, there's a couple of things I wanted to talk to you guys about. One major topic, one minor topic. Do you want to start with the minor one? Or do you guys have something? Well, to be honest, you can't make a major settlement without making a minor settlement first. So I think... Well, what do you think, Jim, on this one? In this regard.

Do you want me to go get a coin? No, no, no. Just, uh, like, imagine there's a coin and flip the coin. Okay. I got heads. I got tails. Okay, let's go again. I didn't even say which mean what.

Okay, one best out of three. I got tails. Well, it's not really what I'd even describe as a topic. It's more of a kind of a shout-out, as it were. Okay, shout me out then. It's just... On my YouTube algorithm, on the home page, it suggested a Pierce Morgan video, right?

Oh no. For those who don't know, he's more people, he's quite famous, isn't he? Yeah, he's quite well-known. No, he's famous for just, he's like... He's famous for supporting Trump. Yeah, no, he obviously appeared on Trump's, you know, crappy apprenticeship to that show. Doesn't it? Yeah. But his, like, thing is that he does the outwages thing

because everyone gets mad at him and that therefore keeps him, like, in the algorithm and popular. Yeah, because he's got this, like, this show called, um, unfiltered. That's what it's called. making out that it's this like crazy, uh, you can say what you like type show, right? That they wouldn't say on normal news, uh, networks or whatever, um, but then he'll filter stuff on the show. Like I was watching one where like someone sweared and he was like, oh, you can't say that except you did. Some weird stuff like that. But anyway, this is beside the point.

I went on one of these videos just to check in with peers, you know? not Pierce it doesn't need to be done um one of them was a crazy clip where he got Sharon Osborne and um what was the other ex-fact

the Irish guy Louis Woolsh yeah yeah so it was like it was kind of like the Avengers assembling um

without Iron Man the Avengers of our childhood you know Sharon Osborn Simon Cow you know actually there was no Simon so there was saving him

um so that was weird but every every like 50 minutes or so there was like an ad break like built into the the show um and i had like little edited clips of like random pier's morgan things and whatnot and over the course of one show there were i think three mentions of milfs milfs milfs yeah um like different is that Sharon Osborne's input or... No, it's nothing to do with Sharon Osborne.

100% Pierce. So I don't know if... Peers. Oh, yeah. I remember what it is. So, yeah, I don't know if peers has this like Milf agenda or if it does well in SEO stuff or what the deal is. I think Milf's run well with the conservative crowd.

Do you think so? Fred so Yeah Yeah because I think that They've all got mummy issues So they all love milves Okay Yeah

When was the last time you guys checked in with peers I don't You can't really avoid him if you are addicted To social media I mean swiping I disagree I think you can Depends on your algorithm really

No but the thing with peers Is that you It's like you should just instantly block him No but he's got a genius approach to content because you watch him because you agree with him or you watch him because you hate him because you hate him yeah that's what i mean that's what i said that i thought that was like his biggest audience is kind of people who hate him yeah i think you're right um but i mean saying that i've i've spent a lot more time recently actually like reading comments really why

you do that to yourself um just to get like general consensize what did you find um i found everyone on every social media is incredibly right wing it's not true the algorithms tend to promote that kind of content yeah yeah um because a lot of it is like cultural stuff that's like pushed and gets the most engagement what i think it is is like you if i i i i think it is like you if i i i I never comment or like or anything. I only swipe. You're a lurker. Yeah, man.

You don't even like. If there's an extra good one, you won't. If there's an extra good one, maybe, but normally how I log stuff, and I'm sure the algorithm tracks this, is like on Instagram, I will send someone a video. No, because if you don't like it, if I don't see, when I watch it that you've liked it, I know shit. No, that's, no, I don't engage in liking anymore. You know, now, especially now that disqual, disliking just isn't a thing on anything what does it like me it's a shame isn't it it's a like it like it's either i like it or nothing you know yeah but there's a balance between liking something or disliking something then you just like what you like this is a thing you've always had a thing where you you'll never like what you like you like you never did this on twitter you never if you sort of post you would never like it even if you did like it and i think that's no i did i did like like uh i like i like i like i like i like i i i

I like things on Twitter but I don't use Twitter anymore so I don't like anything Well to be fair You probably aren't Missing out in not being on Twitter I think Twitter Well yeah that's

That's the best gaming content What? All the funny gaming stuff is Twitter If you say so Why is it? Why is it Twitter? The really cool of doing stuff is not anywhere else Bro you need to check out my YouTube shorts

But what I'm saying is I get pushed political stuff from every angle. So I get the left and right wing stuff. From what I can gather, there's way more right wing content. Yeah. What is your shorts just Dave Rubin

clips? No, it's mostly like just a misogynistic clip from like one of those podcasts. Oh like a fresh and fit thing. Yeah, yeah, but half of it is that is fresh and fit and then the bottom half is Ben Shapiro just sat there.

Just sat there like watching it. Is he still doing the destroys like student videos you know they they all are it's the only way they get like get wins no that's how they become successful then they get absorbed by whatever by bench for company yeah then they get so successful from doing that

that when they start going to universities then they get like the big pushback and they get banned yeah and then they can make videos about being banned yeah yeah and being censored but the but a lot of these videos are just Ben Shapiro not saying anything well he's just like watching he's just yeah he's just watching it in the bottom half and then the top half is like another clip as much as I'm against some of this kind of content there's one of there's one or two of those that are really good there's this Asian

dude who's like a really good cook who like does those yeah yeah like watches people make meals no but like ones ones that are try not to laugh challenges and the bottom half is someone just sat there laughing to the odd unfunny meme or like that the four second intro is like someone with the camera angled like a super really obtuse like close up on their eye and they're like, yo bro, you're not going to believe this bit. And then it like goes to the actual bit. Yeah, yeah. I don't like, it's just stealing content. Yeah, I just like there's not, you can't find content anymore. You can just find people reacting to. Yeah, yeah. There's no, there's no origin of content anymore. Yeah, and TikTok's made it worse. It's just been like,

what's the opposite of diluting? Dylation. Yeah, it's just been unploding The unploading of content So we're gonna end up with I don't know, like Dick figures coming back With Ben Shapiro in the bottom half

Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh At the 2020 Dick figures But all the comments of all this right wing stuff Is never people being like This kind of dumb You know Yeah, yeah

No, it's just people like Man, this Libetard got cut You know No, it's crazy I think nothing's been a more intelligent play than what the white wingers have done because they've made it seem

like the woke mob is a threat to them when it's like two people on different accounts on Twitter retweeting each other like this woke mob people on about is like if you had all your white ringers

in a stadium and your opposing team was the woke mob it would be so uneven it would be laughable if it was a war you wouldn't even fight like that's how

how many of there are of the woke mob versus the white wingers. But it's like the white wingers again, everyone to love them because they're, they're bigging up this woke mob as if it's going to cancel them, but it's not. I just don't know what like the woke mob is, because it seems like everyone uses it differently.

Yeah, and it seems and the discussion is even more confusing with the like Matrix lingo. Because famously Neo takes a pill and wakes up. So if you take this pill, are you woke? yeah they've like warped it to fit their own like perspective yeah they they are woke in

their own way so like what what what are you saying they've got to they've got to just make it sound like they're in the fringe of yeah they're being outlawed by this this this yeah and they're on the hunt like neo is you know they're being silenced is Is Neo woke? He's awoken. He's literally awoken. Literally. Or is it figuratively because he's not real?

Just like how the second or third movie aren't. They're definitely not real. There's a lot of things we can disagree on. The four movies are real. I hate that I've seen the first and fourth one. That is like a really random. Man, you saw the fourth one first. I saw the fourth one.

You saw the fourth one. We watched it, what? Is it New Year's? No wonder you're a part of them. It was a couple years ago. No, it wasn't. It was last year. No, it wasn't last New Year's.

We watched it last year. We watched it like a few months after it came out. Yeah. That was like a year ago, right? Yeah, it was last year. But yeah, I watched the fourth one before watching the first one. And I prefer the fourth one a lot more. It's way better.

It's just kind of more modern and cool. Yeah. It hasn't aged so poorly. It's like how the prequels are kind of better than the originals. God damn it, man. That's bullshit. I'm joking. I've got a disturbing topic.

Probably the worst topic of ever done. I'm looking at the tablet you have, and I already dislike it, and I don't actually know what you're going to say. So, yeah, I've been generating a few, um, a few raps. This is where Char Media content's gone As Alex generating raps on chat, GPT So either Why raps?

Because I wanted I wanted this to be as like Cringy as possible Okay It's charm media It's not too good to do that So I was either thinking it would be funny To either just tell you

The prompts that I gave it Or to Tell you the rants that I gave it or to Tell you the Rats first and then you try and guess the prompt okay what do you reckon um where do you know one of them's halo focused oh the one is then I assume you're not going to read that one no I wouldn't read that one that's the funniest one though we haven't heard you no but you guys got to you got to get your head wearing because I want you guys to generate a

rap as well once I'm I'm done with mine okay so get have that thinking in the back of your mind okay I've already got it for poor boy Okay, so let's What are we going to do it I just read the The rap or as much as you can stomach Let's do it Let's speak in a Piers Morgan and like all that

You guys can have like your ex like fuck this If you just want That's one Fis Morgan was X Factor No but he was on America's got talent But he was on America's got talent Wait I thought that was X Factor They all do it No

No the X Factor No we don't need to explain this Three judges originally Just in like a little room No they didn't know No, they didn't, no, they didn't, they didn't. But having a buzzer on a game show. That's my point, right?

The X, okay. So you guys can X? Two Xs, then it'll get. I don't have that many, to be fair. Okay. I want to start with perhaps the best one. Okay. Yo.

Let me tell you a tale about my man, James. Rocking two pairs of undies, never playing games. Donner Damage, that's his name. He got a dog's stomach. Never wears a belt. Living life without a plummet. James' dad, oh, he wonders, at least seven times. Why no belt, my son?

With concern and his rhymes. But James just shrug says, Dad, I'm free from constraint. No belt for me. style innovator ain't that quaint chorus donna damage you're stupid donna damage James's way to shine with undies and no belt he's on cloud nine living life with a dog's stomach he's in his zone referencing fallout new Vegas he's truly known

of comfort to your two pairs of briefs. Never one to skimp on coziness. That's his belief. His dad still wonders, scratching his head. It might have belt my son with words left unsaid. Fallout New Vegas, a random reference we throw. A nod to the game for those in the know. James rocks his style, taking fashion to new heights. Undeasant dog's stomach.

Keep going, keep going. Um, I'll skip the chorus again. Let's go to the bridge. So let's raise a toast to James, his unique fashion game. Two pairs of undies never living in shame. With a time you're starting to see the like repetition of what is capable of. With a dog's stomach and no belt. He's his own king.

Embracing his style. Let the Donna damage ring. I'll do the outro. So here's to James. His donna damage fame. And he's the one to acclaim. Never bound by conventions, his style is supreme, a true fashion maverick living his dream. Okay.

What do you think the prompts were? How did the prompts work on... You give it like a few prompts and it would generate it. You just say, yeah, like write me a rap with about my friend, blah, blah, blah, I'll tell you what I have to, that. Well, I think the prompts involve me, New Vegas, and Donner Cabab. No, dog stomach, and no belt. I said, Write a rap about my friend James called Dona Damage.

He has two pairs of underwear. He has a dog stomach. Add the lyrics, James' dad, at least seven times. Mentioned how he never wears a belt. Include a random reference to Fall Out New Vegas. And that's what it created. That's, I, uh, it really like laser focused on on the dog stomach yeah it used that like 30 times if you

give it 10 years and music isn't going to exist it's all gonna be yeah yeah 100% without a doubt this one um this one is bizarre man you i'll try it i'll try it guess the prompts, okay? About you. I'm imagining. I'm guessing it's going to be. In a world of metal beasts and nature's might, a tail unfolds of creatures ready to fight.

A spider with robot legs, sleek and quick, against a gopher with the spine, strong and thick. Generations locked in a battle so fierce. spiders wielding poison gophers minds fierce chorus this isn't a song this is like a poem this is a war that spans through time spider versus gopher a legendary rhyme

with secrets untold and battles unseen their clash echoes through valleys forests and ravines in the heart of the gopher's underground domain a newborn emerges, ready to bear the strain, waiting the implant, the robot's spine so grand, a symbol of power created by skilled hands, as the surgery commences, hope fills the air, little knowing what secrets lurk, waiting to tear. Verse three, but amidst the chaos, a revelation appears. God damn it. Hunter Biden's laptop

unveiling hidden fears. The final secret locked within its digital vault, a truth so profound, altering the default, bound by the knowledge of the laptop's decree, both creatures must face what they cannot unsee bridge as the spider and gopher prepare to collide they realize there's more to than power to decide the war they've waged generation

after generation is it worth the pain the relentless frustration united they stand as foes turn to allies seeking a resolution the truth implies in the outro in the end the spiders and gophers unite to the war to find peace's respite for in the face of truth and newfound trust they discover that unity is truly just so let this tale remind us far and wide that even in darkness unity can provide a path towards harmony where battles cease and a newfound understanding brings us peace the poems were wipe me a whap about spiders and gophers fighting and finding Hunter Biden's laptop. Jim?

Yeah, I can't fault gems there. I think he kind of hit the nail on the head. This is all I told it to do. Can you generate me a rap with a certain story? So here's the story. A spider with robot legs gets into war with a gopher with a robot spine. This is war-spanning generations. Spiders use poison.

Gophers use. mind games. Our story begins with a just-been-born gopher, about to get the spine, oh, that's where newly born came from. About the spine installed. Then Hunter Biden's laptop comes in and reveals the final secret. You know what? I think the story by the AI, kind of awesome. We can make that a Marvel movie. Yeah, yeah. Marvel? for yeah so you can

imagine the glee I've gotten from this so far it's all he does yeah is this all you do with your first time just on the toilet generating these cringy fucking

so what do you guys have in your head then huh what do we have in our head that what do you want to create this one's going to be bad what do you want it to be like a rap okay yeah

on a whap what are your uh prompts well write me a wrap about the jar media podcast is that it what did I say write me a rap about the jar media podcast

deconstructing oh for God's Mecca anime Mecca anime Any other details you want it to include? Neon Genesis Evangelion I think With Naruto

Okay And Goku It's going to be awful. How quick does it do it? Very quickly. Really? Yeah. Um, how do you spell mecca?

M-E-C-H-A. M-E-C-H-A. I did get it right then. Mecca. Like. Okay, verse one. Listen up. I got a story to unfold about the Jal Media podcast where minds unfold.

Deconstructing. Wait, that was the laziest rhyme. That was. He rhymed unfold with unfold. Come on. He didn't say it's going to be like good. Come on. Deconstructing mecha anime, they dive deep,

exploring neon genesis, Evangelion secrets they'll keep. They dissect the myths, the psyche, and the law. Unravelling the layers, leaving us craving for more. From Tokyo 3's battles to Shinji's plight, Jarm Media takes us on an intellectual flight. This is the chorus. Jarm Media podcast breaking it down. Mecha anime discussions

They wear the crown Neon Jevangelian A centerpiece And with Goku and Naruto The anime release In the podcast realm They analyze and critique unveiling the themes

The emotions that speak From Shinji's inner turmoil To Asuka's pain Jha Media's del deep No topic in vain With neon genesis Evangeline has their muse They explore its impact, the audience they amuse.

But let's not forget Goku and Naruto, their fame, their presence adds fire to the anime game. The bridge. So let's gather around and listen with delight as Jarmedia takes us on a mental flight, deconstructing Mecca anime one episode at a time. Their insights, their passion, a rhythm so prime. I haven't heard the red buzzers go yet. No, that one was straight fire

Apart from the beginning I was like tossing fade The lazy rhyme The rest of it was Straight fire The fact is The AI Weference is Shinji

Asuka The inner turmoil of Sinji And Asuka's like Actually used to constructing Evangelion in the web I love that Yeah That's actually the best one so far

It truly deconstructed Macca anime That should be our theme Let's Let's get The Jarling back Can you ban that and send it to us as our new intro please? Whoever does the best like M&M impression can you like...

No, just get the AI M&M voice to do it. Oh, yeah. I forgot that we don't need people anymore. Well, what's your rap, bro? You've got to generate one. Yeah. Will you beat my Evangelion map? Um... Black Cat called Billy.

Write me a rap about Black Cat, black cat called Billy who does big poohs no big cowpats who's in a fraternity with agi and pay P-A-I taking place in the Metal Gia Soodd universe so generate a rap about a black cat called Billy, she darts, big cowpats, and is in a frat house with a dog called Argy. And pays. And a dog called Paisley. Also, sprinkling some Eldon Ring law. Sprinkling. No, no, why you're in this case of a story, like, taking place in the Eldom Ring world.

It's like a law. It's Eldon Ring Law. Let's see what this says. Also sprinkle in some Eld and Ring Law. Yeah, I want to know if it knows Eldon Ring Law. Yeah, well,

we might learn something, you know. Okay, let's generate that. This is, I don't like AI anymore. Verse 1. Yo, gather around. Let me tell you a tale. Why do they...

That must be the template. About a black cat named Billy. She never frail. She priles the streets with grace, a feline queen. Leaving big al-Bats, turning heads, making a scene. In the frat house,

she resides with Argy and Paisley, a dog duo living wild and crazily. A dog and an elder ring law sprinkled in the mix. Unleashing the magic, a story that clicks.

This is the Boris. Billy the black cat ruling the night leaving Calvert bats behind causing a sight in the frat house with arguing basely, Eldering Law of fantasy so free This one sucks.

I'm buzzing it. I hate this one. Billy's swag is smooth. Let's reword it. Let's cut it. Let's reword it. Okay. Wipe me a wap about a cat named Billy. We need some major changes. Yeah.

Yeah, I messed up, guys. I'm sorry. Generate a rapper about a black cat named Billy. A black cat named Billy, who has a rivalry with Argi and Paisley. Is it in a... I'll put... Is it in a... Tense frat house with a dog called Argy and Paisley? The frat house is cool.

Can they fight constantly? In the world of Eldon Wing Um Instead of saying Sprinkling Yeah it needs to be like It took that kind of literally I included the word

sprinkled in it Yeah it did It just had like sprinkling Of Eldon Ring world They fight constantly This Rap takes Place in the video game

Elderm Ring right Yeah Yeah It's just gonna say that Yeah I'm sorry Well we've got changes To tell me a story about a black count

named Billy in the world of Alderman Ring You see Eldon Ring If it knows about Evangelion Too thick I don't think so It knew about Evangelion Yeah Evangelion is a story

Like for assholes Deconstruction Verse 1 Listen up gather round Let the story unfold About a black cat named Billy with a spirit so bold in a tense frat house where chaos resides arguing paisley two dogs by her side Billy's got the swag with a coat so black

leaving big cowpats disrupting the frat pack in Eldon ring where legends are born game of the year winner to adorn this motherfucker motherfucker motherfucker This motherfucker lazy. Yeah, the chorus again. Billy the Black Cat ruling the game, with cowpats and chaos igniting the flame. In the tense frat house, arguing Paisley. Eldon Ring's glory of fantasy is so crazy.

I'm confused. What did you write on the Evangelian one for it to mention Sinjinusuka? Nothing. Then why is it like not doing it for Alden Ring? Because the Olden Ring is so much more complex. It's so much more of a deconstruction of fantasy anime. Yeah.

Yeah, all I said for that one you did was, write me a rap about the jail media podcast, deconstructing mecha anime. The Evangelist's Evangelion needs to be included, and so does Goku and Naruto. And it deconstructed Evangelion for us, but it can't do it for Alderman Wing. Even an AI can do it, man.

That's how, that's how surface level Evangelion is. It's like, there's nothing going on. If the AI can do it. Should I ask churchy beauty when James is going to finish even? Yeah. Can I just quickly, like, total, like, non-sequitur? I'm really upset. Why?

I was reading the comments on the last jarcast. Yeah. And someone said, Jamie got poo-poo on his shit. Oh, I saw that comment. Yeah. You know, and I kind of get that. I kind of, like, you go to that video. my feet up on the table, it may

look like there's a bit of poo-poo. That's not poo-poo. What was it then? You see, I wear those shoes, they're running shoes. They're Ultra Boost Yeezy Air Force ones. Right? And I run in them.

And I've had them for a year or two. When you run in shoes, man, they degrade. Oh, so it's just a degradation. It's degradation. Where the bottom is normally white and I've been running in them, so it like scrapes off, scrapes off, so it's kind of like a blackish brown underneath. Maybe I've stepped in some toiletries before while wearing them, but not that day.

It's just where it's worn, okay? So can we stop? Can we stop with this incessant, just pushing down of my Yeezy Ultra Boost Air Force Ones? Thank you. Yeah, no form at all. Before we go to the break, I want to generate one more. Did you generate the thing you were going to generate? I'm doing it now.

Okay, the final, ready? Oh God, it's a waffle about finishing Evangelion. Verse one, listen up. I hate this. I got a tale to unfold. Golden Freddy, real as gold. No longer unsolved. Cyborg from the league investigating the scene.

Spider-Man, Minion, King Julian Batman Lego and the Brian Look around the room And Brian, the dream team They formed a justice league Like no other United against evil Protecting one another

Mark Zuckerberg The villain they must defeat Using his power He tries to deceive and cheat This is the chorus Gordon Freddy's revealed A legend unmased The Justice League assembled ready for the task

Spider-Man Minion, King Julian, and Moore They'll take down Zuckerberg, show him the door That's quite a good chorus Cybor's got the tech, he's scanning the scene Investigating the truth, fighting unseen, Spider-Man with his webs swinging through the night, Minion's mischievousness bring delight Beep

Beep, beep, beep Beep Alex fucking beep it Thank you for watching The second At the first half of the show We'll be back

Spider-Man His web So intricately spun Fuck this shit, man The AI is Not Not getting my mum I hate you

The AI cannot write something I'm sorry Bye bear bear buy bear bear I do declare buy bear bear bear bear shirts and mug available now

check the description below stop good afternoon morning evening all night ladies and gentlemen to the second half of the charm of your podcast this segment we're not going to talk about whaps or chat

GPT except for the little fact that all of these are generated from honestly we don't even need the community anymore we can just chat gpt all the questions if you want to leave your own chat gpts for us to answer in future episodes go to the suggestion thread on the subreddit where people like the softest bulletin have gone to ask us questions like this james you're terribly ill the only way to save yourself from certain death is if one of the beltmans shrinks themselves down and pilots are submersible on an adventure through your body

to save the day who do you trust more with the job um why is this is just a future armor episode and a rick and morty episode you decide I can't believe you know that's a future armor episode future drama is one of the

greatest things ever Jesus Simpsons is like unbearable compared to the future armor peaks Futurama's better way more interesting better characters

um Honestly, um, it's a difficult one. Probably, Alex. Fuck you. Soz. You probably do something funny to my inside. Okay, Alex, where's the xylem in a human body? You go, ch-ch-ch-ch.

I don't need, just point me in the general direction. I think, um, Alex would go in a submersible and suicide... I'm in the urethra. Run! Go straight to the prostate. Tiggle, tickle, tickle! Well, uh, someone's got to find it. Bayblading, um, says this.

If the jar boys were reincarnated, what animals would they be? My guess would be Alex, hot spring monkey, James, ant, Jamie Shrew. Fuck you. Whoever wrote this question is a bad person. Fias. Yeah. Ew, Alex is going to be like a really, cool like hot spring monkey

Jim's gonna be a little fucking rat no no it's biased because we're both things that people kill regularly people kill monkeys regularly no but monkeys are called monkeys regularly the hot spring who has those like fat hot spring monkeys

with the beard no but bro literally every kid around the world tortures ants in the summer he's saying he wants to torture me fuck you first of all awful question, correct answer is I'd be a rhiner.

I'd be an eagle. A nice American eagle? Yeah. Alex would be a New York rat. No, an L.A. rat is even worse. Nah. Alex would be a hood rat. What about?

I don't know. Like a bug. Yeah, you be the ants. No, to be fair, calling you an ant kind of makes sense, because you are a communist. I'm not a communist. No, you'd be a bee. No, no, I'm way more of a social anarcho-kist. Anarchist.

I'm an anarchist. I'm an anarch-narc-communist. An narco-communist. An arco-communist. An anarchist. narco-communist. Yeah, I sell cocaine to fund my Socialist Republic.

Narco. South America. No, because in this situation, the CIA aren't fueling, um, white-wing power military groups to stop me. What's a paramilitary group?

Secondly, the CIA didn't do that. They supported it. Well, technically they funded, they funded the governments who did, Operation Condors a joint collective between most of the South American governments. It's spearheaded by the CIA to kill and torture people who were dissidents. And they did.

Operation Condor, look it up. Big birds, them. Big birds. They are big birds. Condors are really beautiful. I've never seen a condor. If you can be... What would you rather be eaten by

if you're strapped to a mountain? Like, a pack of wild dogs, some, like, sex or condors you're going to get eaten by one which one do you go? By rats hmm rats

you'd be alive okay no you is that is that a threat one because it's like you're spreading more rats is the worst one okay and this you'd be dead what do you mean I like before you're eaten yeah you'd be dead you're dead you're dead before you're like a sky burial but it's like in New York yeah well

it's like I rats you're spreading more of your love through the rats yeah so you're the next plague mm but you're just one rat you didn't get to be all rats no no I come back as a hamster we're not different question though no what reincarnated animals charling see did you get did you not hear what I just asked what did you just ask what did you ask richard you rather be eaten by if you were strapped to the side of a mountain Yeah, no, but then you were saying about the alive dead thing.

Yeah, it's in your life of dead when you get in. And then Alex got sidetracked with the being a hamster. Alex wants to be a hamster. Yeah, I went back to the question. Oh, my God. Just let condors eat me. No, condors is the right answer. Yeah, big, big beautiful birds eating my flesh.

What about getting eaten to death by something like cute, like puffins? puffins aren't cute they're brutal animals really quite brutal honestly i'd pick corgis because nothing'd happen yeah what you're gonna do is say bang and they're running for the hills you can reincarnate james yeah i'd reincarnate as james i'd reincarnate as james i'd reincarnate as you and that's what we incarnate body swap i think james would be reincarnated as a corgi no I think reincarnated as a collie. No, it would be a corgi. Why'd it be a corgi?

But I like speed. I like speed. Corgi's can't run. No, no, reincarnation doesn't give you what you are or what you want. Why would I? It's what you need. No, what do I need? To grow.

What do I need? To grow? Maybe see through the eyes of something you despise. I don't despise Argy. I like all the animals equally. I guess it's just a bit of a cunt. Also, you clearly don't believe that. You don't see all life.

No, no. You don't see ants equally, clearly. No, who does? Well, that's what I'm saying, because like... Do you? No. No, but I will never pretend to value all life equally. Okay, what I just said was, was logically speaking,

A lie? Yes, it's bullshit. But I do also like things and I don't kill them. No, no, hear this out there. Yeah, yeah. This is why, um, we should... We should eat our pets. Because we value cuteness over everything.

I don't. Why do we eat pigs? Because you can, you hear them squeal, and then you're fine with killing them. Chickens. Not cute, stupid. Okay, what we should do is... Like, threatening when under the right circumstances... We need to bring society back to balance,

and that's we need to get with the chickens and replace them with chihuahuas. Yeah, the sky. skyscraper with headless chihuahua as chickens so we might as they're not very fleshy things though chickens are fat like juicy is that true though or are chickens like that because we've bred them to be like that so you're saying we breed like ripped chihuahuas muscle-bound chihuahuas yeah in the headless skyscrapers yeah i mean i'm not i i will eat anything you know Well, yeah, you would. Alex is not proven that there.

Alex, would you eat everything? Eat everything, including, like, chihuahuas. Well, if you could, if some put a plate of juicy meat on the table and it was a chihuahua, would you eat it? I'd probably want to know what it was. What if it was human? Well, I probably wouldn't eat that. Well, yeah, I think that fuck's dropped, isn't it? Only if it's brain.

If you eat their brain, yeah. Okay. Can you say? No, don't say that, because, uh, There was the famous man in, like, Germany or something. The pot online, like, I'm kind of hankering for some human. And then someone was like, yeah, have me. And he ate him.

Yeah, killed him. He killed him and ate him. I'm pretty sure he paid for it as well. The guy paid to be eaten? No. He paid the guy, I think, if I remember, a quick. Did he pay his family? I don't know.

That's like a interesting... Isn't that what the Joker says to Batman in the dark night? Eat me. I'll eat you Batman That's a bit when I always turn off on that movie That's right I saw on your letter works You put

James put the cringiest Too fast, too furious Higher than it No I've actually just Do we actually want to talk about my letterbox reviews Because they are for the most part Quite strict Like I always change the way I review things

Obviously now with the recent films of watching I'm trying to be like quite consistent but it's like what do you review films as do you review them for the art they are or how you enjoyed them

because I'm not trying to do it in between so that's why Dark Night's low because it's an amazing film objectively amazing same as Star Wars Not true Yes objectively bullshit

but but like I can't watch it that holds the fuck out of me which means my opinion of it is 100% validated because it's my opinion I'm not saying the movie's bad I'm saying I don't want to

watch it. How many times have you seen the Dark Night? Five, six, seven maybe? Eighth one can't do it. But I've seen, I've seen Fellowship of the Wing close to 50 times and if you put that on, I'm riveted. I'm like stuck to it because it's amazing. I just think Dark Knight just has really, really bad replayability. And I think that's a valid criticism for film is how much you can watch it before getting like, but does it have bad replayability? Yeah, because I can't watch it. Because you've seen it so many times. Yeah, but I can watch new, I can watch all the wings and not be bored of it that's all I did remember like when I was what 16 when I when you first came with all the wings it was like every night I'd watch all the

wings but but are you like a year straight you are you reviewing the dark night on your memory of trying to watch it like two years ago or having watched it recently and given well this is think um I reviewed it after mate actually using letterbox and I did it as a bait with you because people are going to get angry yeah that's like why I did it. That's why you do most of your reviews. It's probably quite... Same with Empire Strikes Back, but I've changed the Empire Strikes Back one because there's a valid criticism for that trilogy and that's

if you watch it as a kid versus as an adult for the first time, you can have a way different experience and that's 100% valid. Because as as going, having watched it after a lot of more modern things and it's like this big up hyper amazing trilogy, and you watch it when you're 22,

it's like you're going to have a very different opinion if you watched it for the first time and you're like 9-10 and that's valid. That is straight up true and I can't disagree with that. But it's like where my bullshit criticism of styles come from was that I saw when I was 16 for the first time. So if I would be watched it now, I would view it differently and I would think it's better.

And I'm not saying it's not a great movie because it is. It's just like... No, but it's, yeah, it's like any film, if you watch it and have fond memories of it, you're more likely going to enjoy it again. Rose tinted glasses. Yeah. And that's completely, like, you can't defend that.

That's just true. And there's things that, like, fast and furious. I look at them through. roached into glasses for the same reason. Obviously, that's something we watched recently was those terrible films and they're

fucking shit. Too Fast and Too Furious is like the worst. That's the best one. It's the best, but it's also awful. It's like... Tyrese is just... You haven't seen it, have you? No.

Funny. It's a... It's funny. Then we discover that all of them are like free on the ITV player, whatever they're stupid. I hate ITV plus or whatever it's called but the my I do have like unbearable hatred for that film because it's ruined the car market too far as two car in the beginning is worth

a quarter of a million now just because of that film yeah because Americans can buy them so people are spending quarter of a million on a shitty Nissan and that's why it's like no movie will ever impact anything quite like too fast or furious how are you saying too fast Too Furious is the most influential movie of all time. To modern car culture, yeah. More than Tokyo Drift? No, yeah, because

less people saw Tokyo Drift. Tokyo Drift just started like an obsession with people who were going to get there eventually, you know, like it got me into drifting and then I went down the rabbit hole. Too Fast, Too Furious was so widespread that it's like everyone likes those cars. Which do you think made more money?

Too Fast, Too Furious. Do you think so? For sure. After Tokyo Drift, they kind of they stopped making them for like four years. years. Really? And then it's just like you haven't seen the reboot. So two Fast Too Furious budget 76 million gross of 236. We compare that to Tokyo Drift. 85 million budget 158 million worldwide gross significantly less. That's a hundred million less close to it. Yeah. Yeah. With a higher budget. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

Exactly. Tokyo Drift was famously a flop. Massive flop. It's like I hate kind of that language because like Blade Run of 2049 is a flop, but it made money. Yeah. I mean, but like, deployment for the studio because they want, they want everything to be like a. Everything, everything in business has to be up. Yeah. If it's not going up, then it might as well be going down, you know, even if it's level.

Like, luxuriously, Tokyo Drift has a really high. I score on my little box but I'm viewing that through roasting the glasses but also it has done a lot for like culture in general so it's like I'm appreciative of that aspect yeah

it's the to me it seems like the one that's actually had the most impact but is the least successful one yeah if that kind of complicated nuance does not connect with your fucking brain Should we do another question, guys?

No, let's talk about a letterbox. Shut up. I love watching movies. I don't. And I've been watching them constantly at the moment. You enjoy your linear entertainment. I'm going to go game. Well, this isn't linear entertainment from Slight Warer.

It's going to be our penultimate one here. I was an American from California From California, dude There's a lot less cultural history For me to connect to than I'd imagine someone from England has My question is, do you find yourself drawn to Or romanticising any specific periods of English history? The only way that I feel like I connect to California history

Is in learning about things like the gold rush Or seeing our beautiful landscapes in Western and inspired movies like nope or there will be blood there will be blood um a lot of british history is just kind of depressing i don't connect to any british history or culture at all yes you do like like your love for yorkshire puds and your love for the king no um like that when i think British history the main part of it is the Tudors

Henry the 8th and whatnot That's what I think as well Because in school For some reason No it's like embarrassing It's like This The guy who invented divorce

Because he had Juicy H had too many hoes And he was juicy Because he fell off his horse And then couldn't do his little Like horse riding so he got fat yeah

and then he invented divorce so he could like pound as many people as possible he's splintered a faction of Christianity just so he could fuck more fuck more yeah and that is the most

sigma thing going is it right yeah he was a man going the original Tate he was he was he created a new way the Tates have been forged in the British Empire ever since yeah

And this guy was like so he did not give a shit about like the religion. His daughter Mary was like so religious. Didn't he also fuck a Mary?

I'm sure he, that's the thing as well. I guarantee you the guy was fucking other women behind his way, his back. Like 100%. He's a king. Of course he's going to. Yeah. So he was doing it. So he was doing that, but it wasn't

enough. He had to marry more as well. To make it official. Yeah. He needed a home. So he was he was just like going left, right and center. And then his daughter, Mary, was like so religious. She was burning people at the stake for like not being religious and being like gay or like whatever.

And these are the monarchs. Like they directly lead to the monarchs we have now, which is quite interesting. late. So that's the main part of British history that I think of. But if you take time a bit further back from then, like just the imagery and idea of like knights, I think is really cool. Yeah.

The thing I relate most to in the British culture is the hatred of the French. That's what you come around on that. Yeah. You've changed, man. You love, you won't watch a movie unless they speak. Vuele-vo? Yeah. I'm not true.

No, no, no, no. I have absolutely no hatred for the French. Like, it's all a joke, but... You drive a French car, man. That's what changed you. Yeah. Damn, that's so true. You gotta justify that purchase by watching a bunch of lame-ass French film.

No. I've always had a thing for... of Renault's. No, you haven't. That's such a lie. No, because I'm embarrassed. I don't think there's a car you shit taught more. Yeah.

Than Cleoddra. No, Citrus are the ones that you made fun of all than the Ragons. If I see a Citroen I just see wed. Yeah. I've always talked shit on the French cars because notoriously they're shit. That's just the objective fact.

But I love it. I love shit things. So I love Wernoclios. Yeah, like French films as well. No, no, no. You can't give me shit for this. I've only seen one French film recently. Alex also agreed it's really good. Five, four and a half on letterbox from here.

him. Come on. It is excellent. That's higher than Ar-A-R-R-R, I think. You motherfucker. No, that film is significantly better than Ar-A. No, it's not. No, it is. But I love the French. No, I'm glad you brought that up. Because

really, to be truly British, you need to be fully xenophobic of all other countries. Including even, like, narrowing it down to England. Of the Scottish and Wales, especially. Yeah, Scottish, Wales, especially. And the north.

Yeah, the north. Basically, you can only like Cornwall. You can only be born under Birmingham. Anything above Birmingham and it's just like that's... No, anything like above, like London, really? No, because then... No, but Bristol's quite acceptable and it's just like slightly above London on the plane.

Is Bristol acceptable? It's pretty close to Wales. It's where all the Londoners get their good music. It's just like Bristol Bristol's a cut off No No It kind of ties into Alex's

Like Islander thing But like just Just having a disdain And sense of superiority To everyone that isn't from your local area Yeah Your local area being your house Like a hatred for everything

Outside of it Yeah Apart from a select few people If you're not in your little tiny village Yeah Everyone else is like No but even like 70% of the village

You hate Yeah they're horrible Yeah And you're terrible people Like you see them And you're nice to them But then you speak to all the others And say how much of a cunt they are

Yeah it's like Britain is always on the cusp of civil war Yeah But we're all too too pussy to do anything Yeah You know It's like if this was America If this was America Like the north would be completely segregated from the South

Yeah That's how Britain is But like the Yeah obviously we're not like that but what is this question again what part of British history

do you think is epic well it's just like everywhere has interesting history like I personally don't subscribe to any English history I just prefer learning about you know grasses as greener other histories are more interesting like you know Mesopotamia

is a hyper interesting period of history. You know, Rome, Italy, Greeks. Yeah, Greece. Yeah, the Romans even reached us. You know, three kingdoms. We went to, um, Hadrian's Wall or something.

Yeah, Hadrian's Wall, up north. Yeah. Which is like, man, these dudes were just like spraying all over the place. They were just... Yeah, because it was like, they, the Scottish were too good for the Romans, so they were like, oh, we can't go any further. They'll beat the shit out of us. So then they built a wall.

Also, additionally, when I went to Iceland, I went to a little like history museum I'm a Viking museum and they used back in the Viking times they used Iceland as like a stopping point between just raiding England Yeah it was just like sail over

Pillage, steal a bunch of stuff Fuck off Fuck off by the Scandinavia Yeah Wait a year then just go and do it again That must have been the life Being a Viking You're just seasonal

Yeah I reckon it would have been horrible. Horrifying. You're sitting on those boats on like the ice cold way up north, sailing all the way to England. But you're drinking like absent non-stop. Yeah, true. They would have all been like mega fucked up and just having a rowdy time. Yeah, and it's just like you just see some buildings on the coast

just like this fucking go. Yeah. And it's just like imagine being in that time where it's just like you're born, you've got a few years where you never got targeted. Then there's a kid, it's just like there's boats, boats and they fucking ruin everything. Yeah. It was like the, the, the, Nuclear weapon of that time

It's like long boats Yeah We've got the We have this This shit that you just like Can't do anything about Yeah It's like civilisation

When when the fucking Vikings come It's like fuck Yeah It's pesto Yeah Play civilisation It's really good Yeah it's

Yeah it's really good What do you mean Yeah it's really good I've played it now You can't do that to me Why aren't we playing it Playing it right now Because we're recording

The Jal Media post Oh yeah When are we gonna do About a Civilisation live stream Um, when you stop saying the Oh! Oh! All right, ready? We got one more here.

What's the gun all about? What gun? You should not have that out in the cars. You're going to get done, though. I'm going to get it demoned. If you were in America, would you have a gun? Yes. Yeah.

I'd have a colt. My car would be full of fucking guns. Instead of a leger room, I'd have a gun room. Yeah. Yeah, you can, like, build different guns. Yeah, it could be like, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. It's more like... Yeah.

I would have... We've joked a lot about the gunbox, you know, in cars, the glove box. Absolutely, might be full of fucking nine minutes. You open it and they just, like, all fall out. It's like getting pulled over. there's no that I would never have a gun on me like when driving or anything I've seen that that's another thing I've been getting a lot on road rage shorts yeah I keep getting this road rage of like a guy being pulled over and he's like I got a gun in my pocket like I have a gun on me yeah I saw one where it's like I've got the model of gum in the back I've got a gun there so scared it's like you must be so on edge all the time yeah like a murder a perfect murder weapon like in arms are at all times. Nah.

A review tech Brooklyn 99 can take us away here. Sups, suckers. On a recent cast you discussed how long you've been doing the cast, to which I'd like to add a follow-up. Do you often reckon with how the jarlings have been able to watch you grow as people for the last seven plus years? Don't mean to come off as parisocial,

but as someone who's both the same age as Jim and James, and started watching... Different fucking ages. Around the cast of the jar-cut, around the start of the jar. cast it feels surreal to consider. No offence, but for like at least half of the first 100 or so episodes of jar, you lads were always really pissed off at something, making the episodes hard for me to revisit in retrospect sometimes out of a few classics. This was mostly because it reminds me of how irrationally bitter I was, myself, at the age of 18, which would explain

why I enjoyed the cast at the same time. Since I never stopped watching completely, I've sort of grown alongside the cast, and it's weirdly pleasant to see. so you will mellow out into early adulthood, and I feel like I have too. Perhaps some jarlings who've fallen off the cast over the years were either too young or too old to follow along with this growth naturally, and in turn didn't stick around. I'm offling it a bit, but all of this is to say the cast is better than it's ever been, and it feels weird, albeit not in a bad way to have been gooning this cast

for the past seven years from a teenager to an adult. Baron, Baron. It's an interesting thing because it's like, comments first of all. Yeah, it's really nice and I hope you're as beautiful and mature as us. You're saying I'm not beautiful? Sen your

Zach Snyder's out there doing something. I'm I'm joking but I think it is like I can't go back and watch the earlier cast because it's like Jesus Christ, I'm so immature, I'm so edgy and I have absolutely no interest in watching from those days because it's like that's not

me I don't want to even consume that person Yeah I've lost my edge There's nothing to me anymore Yeah I'd say this This question is mostly right But James is probably

Tripled Yeah Yeah But Ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha Ha ha Ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That was fire. That was fire. Flashlight? Yeah. Oh my god. A flashlight?

Maybe a Tenga egg wrap. It would work. Piring it a hug. Let me see. It works. It works. Oh my fucking god. It's made a Tenga egg wrap.

Oh my God. Jamie, Alex is losing his mind. Tenga egg, Tenga egg is a joyful surprise. A little pleasure toy that makes you realize. It's all about fun, exploration and play. So get your Tenga egg and let's do it today. We can sell that to Tenga. Jamie he's making much of uptanga egg

it's weird it generated it and then and then it like flagged it as being against their content policy different textures styles there's plenty to choose twist turns and bumps you can't lose That rocks. Tenga needs to get on this. Squeeze it tight, stroke it right. Tenga eggs here to make you, take you to new heights. Are you having flashbacks, James?

Um, yeah, the Tengri egg is not good. Oh, bro, look, I should buy that. Ooh, that's nice. It's a Pajer-O. You're I was born, bro. It's a Pajew. Pigeo. Look, it's not...

Woodin steering wheel, too. Should I buy a Pajero, Alex? That's French. How much is it? Imported from Hong Kong. How much is it? Three and a half. Nine and a half.

Kind of fresh. Three and a half. That's so fire. There's a four door or R32 for a moment. Do you want to buy it? A four door what? R32. It's like mine, but a little bit older. One, two.

It's got an RB25 debt. It's got no interior and no door. interior and no door cards, but it's got a sick engine and you can do skids in it. Should we go by? How much? No, no, no, no. She's doing the pop and bang. She's doing the pop and bang.

Can we put a tanger egg in the exhaust? No. It's not wrong enough. Being, bing, bing, bing. one, two, buckle my shoe, three, four, buckle some more, five, six, Nike kicks. Let's go, that's so fucking fire. He's so taught. Tort, he's fat.

He's got a damn balloon, pumped to the max. Your mama, full of tea and roast dinner. Where's the cake? one made me can you make me something when you get home this it's on the side in my house why don't you bring it one two buckle my shoe three four buckle some more five six Nike that's so fucking fire you mean One, two, buckle my shoe, three, four, buckle some more, five, six, Nike kicks. That's so fire, dude.

Hop out the four door with a 440 dash, one, two, three, and four, chilling in the corridor, your dad is 44, and he still asks a man for a draw. Excuse me? Come on, let's give us a song. Do you want to say that to my fucking face? How about that? Oh, this is wine again. Wine in the green cup, huh? I can turn water into wine.

It makes me feel so fine. That's so fire. Yeah, drink that. Yeah, drink that. Okay. No, do you actually want to say that to my face then? When are you getting a mallet, Alex? it Alex butt butt I don't say thing no more I just say but but in response but

I'm looking at actual dumbass I don't know how people like corgis they dumb asses they're like less capable border collies and then look a little bit more munted Stop! He's staring at me so hard. Why did he do that? Because he's a sociopath. He's a...

Paisley, bed. She's in her bed. No, that's not her bed. Her bed is outside. Baby? Woo! Ooh! Little...

Oh, yeah! I don't have to be a bit of it. B. E. E. Augie won't bing. Argy won't bing! Ah, he's a little b-i-h!

She's also a little b-i-h. She's also a little bit of thick. He's leek, come here, Beasley, yeah. What do you want for dinner? I don't know, bro. I haven't even thought about it. Ha! Ha!

Ha! Oh, right. Oh, right. Ew.