JAR Media Posdact - Drakes Baubles - JARCAST Episode 186

Episode Date: September 30, 2019

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Hang on, let me just wipe my tears up. Make sure you guys message me and remind me to edit that out because that's fucking embarrassing. Tim's just like that sometimes. He just fucking loses control. He does it to me as well. I ain't... You guys is just fucking... you guys are fronting man good afternoon morning evening on night ladies and gentlemen my name is alex i'm joined with jamie and james yep j diller here and this is the jarmedia podcast episode

186 is that right 186 mother 86 86 86 this has got to be a sick app 86 86 86 86 86 This is 186 This is 186 I don't get it Before we move on any further Of course I would like to thank the patrons For supporting the show making it possible While we're demonetized every goddamn instant

Because our humour is just not PC anymore Not PC, not acceptable in this mainframe that we're in This good think world And of course if you want to buy giant jar merch Have a look in the description And that'll be some brilliant merch for you to buy.

We kind of need socks. Jar socks. I want some jar socks. We'll get it done. I want some, I want Jamie's head on the bottom of my foot. You'd like his head somewhere else, wouldn't you, mate? I would. But that's not going to happen.

So we've got some topics to talk about today. I'd like to say that people have been enjoying our nostalgia critic video, of course. Yeah, go check that out if you haven't already. I put that up as a bonus episode. sort of thing. Because we were so passionate about the nostalgia cut at the wall review that we had to say something. We couldn't hold it. We had to do it as quickly as possible. Our voices had to be heard. Had to say something. Had to do something. Had to be proactive. But anyway,

that's a different video. Go watch that if you want. We'll listen to it. It's on Spotify or iTunes or whatever. We have all brought topics for the day. I will start us off with this one. Can I start? I hate mine. Oh, why? But we should do it in order Yeah, that's fine Yeah

Jim's just getting shy You know what Jim I'm gonna give you your wish No it's fine no seriously it's fine Cool go for it Jamie gets stage fright sometimes okay He's just he's a bit scared How's it stage fright I ask to go first That's because you've got a stage fright

And you want to go first to get it And I've been done with Go on Alex just Shoot your load Get started off I'll shoot my load So Jim and I

went to see a show in London without me of course like always you know in the A team where Liam Neeson or whatever that character is says I love it when a plan comes together

yeah well imagine the opposite of that what's the opposite of that James a plan being undone yeah in a sense a plan being wooed so imagine me saying this catchphrase I don't really like it when a plan

doesn't come together I've never heard you say that well he's not saying it's his catchphrase he's just saying it as like a one-off yeah so as my one-off little catchphrase you know what maybe it will make it a catchphrase well and all I had these tickets booked

for Star Wars Live at the Royal Albert Hall in London it's a huge ancient Victorian building where they specialise in obviously music performance so orchestras Star Wars is known for its beautiful John Williams music so that was a hook to me seeing that those tickets are being sold

the Star Wars projected imagine this Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie being projected in a huge hall while an orchestra sat underneath the huge projector playing the music perfectly in sync with the movie. That sounds great, doesn't it, James? It does. Even for me, that sounds... And you hate Star Wars, you say Star Wars overrated fart.

I'm not a Star Wars fan of the originals. I like the new ones. But even... That's controversial. Even it appeals to me. We should take James down a peg for doing that. Let's humiliate him. No, that is bullshit what you just said.

That is bullshit. What? We're going to talk about Star Wars now? Afterwards, let's do this first. We need to read a redress. That's that, though. So, yeah, Jim and I had a great time watching Empire Strikes Back with an orchestra playing John Williams' music perfectly in sync with the movie, and it was incredible. Yeah, no doubt.

Did it give you... I've always, like, ever since... It's nice to be in an atmosphere with, like, so many other dorks. But that was the thing, I was expecting, like, a certain... Like, when you say Star Wars event, you know, you're selling tickets to some kind of Star Wars-related event, you know, you're selling tickets to some kind of Star Wars-related event, You picture a certain type of person, you know? You know, in a, what's his face? Your project is retired.

What's that guy called again? Ray William Johnson. Nerd rage. You picture the nerd from nerd rage as like a typical Star Wars fan. But to my surprise, the people who are actually at this event were mostly people double, triple, quadruple our age, all there just having a whale of a time. And in fact 100 year olds Yeah literally 100 year olds

The Queen was there Johnny Depp was there All sorts Yeah Johnny Depp smote the blunt In the The Albert Hall It was fucked up really Like

Yeah it was a whole thing It was a whole thing But Yeah that actually really surprised me They're like A range of people It wasn't just blokes There were plenty of women there

Um Interestingly enough though I did have an actual You know Mentally deficient person sat a couple seats to my left who um no joke james no joke throughout the entire show was on his phone it was an inch away from his face full brightness he was on google images looking at get this thomas the tank engine pictures he'd searched thomas the tank engine he was looking closer up

at pictures of thomas and like i was watching what he was doing on his phone just zooming in and out on one picture of thomas tank engine just just non-stop and just saying like and then occasionally he'd look up at the movie and go space shit is that a spaceship is that a spaceship is that a spaceship until the person they were with said shh and then it got so bad that at a certain point there was a really quiet part of the movie which is rare in a star was movie there's nearly always music plan but it was a rare quiet scene everyone was engaged with the movie they were just watching it and this guy on his phone on his thomas a tank engine god damn phone i hear out the corner of my ear He starts playing the theme out of his, out of his phone. Yeah, and we're in like the, in the Royal Albert Hall, there's like a raised section where you're in boxes. Kind of like where the president was, uh... Yeah, Abraham Lincoln was shot.

And picture that, that kind of set up. We're in one of those boxes. And to my left, here I hear the Thomas the Tank Engine theme while I'm trying to focus on Yoda giving me an emotion. speech is going to make me cry see that would ruin it for me we I can't do anything without having a story like that always has to happen out of all the boxes in that huge hall yeah and because because English people are a certain way no one said anything mm-hmm ever the English people like the occasional scorn that's our way of like just looking back eyes slightly slanted just not saying a

just looking unless people are in a car yeah unless they're in a car that's a different story there yeah yeah but yeah just look back scorn close your eyes a little bit just look a bit miffed and then turn back and pretend like it ain't that big of a deal actually

hmm I never do that yeah you do I've seen when have I ever done that you're doing it right now no that's just I'm tired that's not me but yeah that movie is god damn great says it's overrated. You prefer the new ones over the

originals? Crazy. No, nothing can live up to what the Star Wars fans think of Star Wars and that that engine makes it overrated. You can't deny that. See, I've never liked the word overrated particularly.

No, me too. Because it's so subjective. Mm-hmm. You know, like something overrated. But are you saying I guess it means like the general consensus is too high

that it's not actually good and that you're blinded by nostalgia Well, not even that it's not actually good But it's not as good as people say That's normally the implication though When people 1 of 6 say something is overrated Like Max Payne 3 Or more like Mab Max

Speaking on like Mab Max Fury Road Like that's a movie that You know like Star Wars Because it's loved by so many That is often called overrated Just big event movies You know like movies that so many people love like some people they can't accept it

if they don't like it it's not just yeah I don't really get on with that movie no it has to be no it's overrated yeah because for me like it is but for all of you idiots who enjoy it

like you're you're just blinded like surely something is underrated if you think a movie's way better than what everyone else thinks like it doesn't mean the movie is genuinely underrated. It means you like it more than the average joke. That's my problem with the English language, man.

It's just a mess. It's just a mess. Let's just get rid of it and just start talking in binary, finally. Let's just do the rest of the podcast in binary. 1-0-0-1-1-1-0-0-1. 0-1-0-0-1. 0-1. 1.

1. What I'm saying is that if I had fucking sky virgin media Beattie, whatever TV thing was in this country If there was the original styles or the new ones I'd click the new ones every time Because it's just more entertaining as a quick watch You see I would argue the opposite I think the new ones are much more boring to rewatch

I say they're all boring to rewatch personally. Damn. But then you're talking to someone who's seen Lord of the Wings like 15 times. See, in my mind like

Star Wars, I'm just sick of it. I'm just sick of Star Wars. I've had enough, especially after Han Solo bullshit, whatever the hell that was. Oh, I'm bullshit. Like I was so just,

all right, so this is what it is now. It's just Marvel now. It's just bullshit. It's just bullshit. You've just turned Marvel Bullshits and you've just turned Star Wars into Marvel Bullshuts.

and I ain't having it anymore I can't be doing with this bullshit it was too pure of like it was like a like a mine you know and there was only a certain amount of valuable materials in the mine

and at first it was like wow this mine's really lucrative and good oh let's do another one I'd say it's more like the dodo damn this bird tastes fucking awesome let's keep eating this bird because it's so yummy oh wait we're all out of bird

well yeah or the If you'd let me talk about my ore and the depletion of awe, then that would have been... The thing is, like, when you get a diamond, when you have the diamond, it doesn't go away. When you eat a bird, the bird's gone. No, no, the diamond doesn't go away, but the deposit does. Think about this, you're mining and your Minecraft. Your metaphor works better because the original movies is still there. They're the diamonds.

Yeah, they're these little diamonds that gradually they're less and less perfect as they go long. And you get to the prequels in there, fucking Lapis Lazuli. It's just useless. There's nothing. Now you get a direct fucking Minecraft bullshit. You could have said coal. Coal would have been... No, but coal's valuable. We need coal. It's much as much as diamond. Yeah, that's true.

What do you mean that lapis lazuli for? Ain't nut? Die. And in Minecraft, you actually need Lapis to level up your weapons now. So... Just say gravel. Dirt. Gravel's a good one. Sand. sat the prequel's a sand

bro when were you playing Minecraft and you dig all the way down you find some sand doesn't happen no but you whatever we're not going into Minecraft now point is what is the point like what are we even talking about star wars we're talking about Minecraft you made this about minecraft

man I love Minecraft yeah because I had this brilliant awe metaphor you know there's there's all in real life there's minds it does not really rock raiders obviously that was way before Minecraft and it's way better Sorry.

Dian. Controversial take, but Rock Raiders is... Has a good... Oh my God, the soundtrack of Rock Wagers was... A landslide has occurred. And drum and bass. For all two of you out there that got that one? What other quotes does that guy have?

I swear he's got some great ones. Slugs, something out Slugs? Yeah. A rock monster is coming for you. I can't remember the other ones. All I remember is a landslide has occurred over and over and over and. All the time. But anyway, let's stay on track here.

Not talking about fucking landslides right now, or any of it. The point was, I was sick of Star Wars and then I rewatched Empire with this orchestra and I was like, oh yeah. No, I am justified in my love for at least the original two and most of three. Hmm. Because I said to you on the train back today, my love for the emperor in Star Wars and how. good of a evil

mustache twirling villain he is is greater than my hatred for the Ewox, which are a meme to hate but the Ewoks are lame. I'm sorry the Ewks are fucking lame. I don't want to hear any of this yub-nob bullshit. I don't want to see them on speeder bikes running around. This shit dumb. This shit lame. I don't want to be seeing it right now.

Do you not like the bit when they're going to eat them? That's pretty intense, to be fair. It's when they get on the same side, the conflict's over with the war. Yeah. If the Ewox are always, If they were all, if they were on shaky ground with the Ewox, then it would be, it was like a three-wave thing. If like, let's say we lost, um, one of the rebels to the Ewox because they were like hungry one night.

That'd be intense. It's like a, James, name me a war where there's like an alliance of two people that would normally be enemies, but they choose for the greater good to work together one time to defeat an even greater evil. that's too far out okay I'll give me a while and I'll come back like a half hour okay but yeah it's a great movie okay America American South Korea against North Korea and Russia and China there you go James he's done it again

his story his story his story is important just like George Lucas's story was important it was important because everybody remembers father I am your Luke That movie's really good though dude That movie's genuinely really good You have to be down with like the campiness of it

And all that It's not even that like stupid It's pretty stupid That's the appeal though to me You know like everyone has campy things they like Like James he likes the like He likes the Japanese campiness You know

Which is Just everything you like that no that's a personal insult against me what what do I like fire emblem that's just the most recent Japanese I like one fire emblem yeah initial D okay yeah they're fine there you go and that's fine like everyone has everyone has their campy thing they love watch gyms then

mad max that's not campy it is campy the original one yeah but not full year no Fury Road is like the villain he's got like that plastic like molded body suit on that's not campy It's super campy, dude It's like straight up stupid Does us make it campy?

That's what makes it good Campy isn't like a bad thing Necessarily No, I'm not saying it is But it's just when I think of campy I don't think of Hardcore metal car chases And Mad Max

I don't think of that It's like thinking of doom It's campy that no it don't work Doom is kind of campy though No, it's not Gears is campy The Doom with the Rock That's Campe.

And Carl Urban. That's Campey. Carl Urban is the main character. He's the one who goes FPS and it's like, I've never seen that movie. And the Wock goes into Save Them. And then the Wock sacrifices himself. The Rock's like a villain, isn't he?

No. He saves Carl Urban. Anyway. How do these conversations just end up like this? Because you're turning this. Yeah, you're turning this into God. Um, no, you're an argument about what is campy or not. You're saying Man Max is campy?

No, genuinely, if you want a serious review, a serious collection of thoughts about Empire, go on my letterbox, just search I-H-E on letterbox. People want to listen, not weed. Well, they have a choice. Wait, what? They would be reading. Yeah, I'm saying people want to listen, not read. But I'm saying right now, it's obviously not going to have, I'm not going to sit here and read my review. Yes, you are.

I hear my genuine thoughts on Empire, I wrote my thoughts on it, and I put it on letterboxed for those who are interested. No, you're going to say it. But we have two other subjects I want to get to, but just shout out to Royal Albert Hall. Great show. I want to go back and see other things there, because they do other. Would you watch a We're Dead type thing there? Yes, 100%.

What other things would you write to like? Well, they advertised this like composer off, like a composer versus where they had Michael Jachino, composer of the. the new Star Trek theme and he did like a bunch of, he did The Incredibles, he did a bunch of Pixar movies. He's quite prolific.

He's done a bunch of movies if you just search him up. Against some other composer and they were like, I don't know how they'd perform it particularly, but it was advertised as like a verses of like one song versus another. This is another, I don't know.

It's like, you know, rap battles. It's that, but old school. Fighting with orchestras instead. Yeah, it's that, but. If there is something there, we should all go. What's been live? I'd want to. I don't experience that.

It's an amazing venue. It's in London. Recommend it. Not sponsored or nothing. Well, speaking of orchestras, what's some everyone's favourite TV show that features heavy orchestration? Cleveland show.

Bob's Burgers. Close, no. American Dad? Closer. Oh, what's it called, James? Seth Macphillan's thing with the... Orville? No, is that other thing he's done,

that thing that's quite famous with, like, the chicken and stuff, there's like a fight. That cowboy movie you did? No, no, the other thing. We need to apologise to Seth. What? Yeah, we're sorry, Seth. Yeah, the dude's funny as fuck.

He's a genius. The dude's got humor. He does... He's got... He's got comedy. Right, so... I won't deny it I'm a straight rider

you don't want to fuck with me we know I know Jay Killer we watched a couple family guy episodes last night and you know what we laughed let's clarify though I know this is bullshit

I said we were watching it and I I probably laughed a couple more times than you yeah but the thing is I don't laugh right I'm a sociopath right but what I said was hey instead of like the new episodes where it's like one out of every 25 jokes that might make you giggle slightly in the old family guy it was about

one out of every eight jokes yeah so comparatively it's like well this is much better it's still had the like forced in liberal agenda bullshit yeah it's just so tired he goes to such lengths to get his like but the whole point of the episode is just like what was the one we're watching it was about like bill gates was in it what was them it was about peter trying to to fit in with his father-in-law yeah who's like a rich proler siske yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and there was one really funny joke in i think it was in a different episode where like lois was like that's the one i'm thinking of right now cheering on meg who is like makes a like a flag girl yeah flag girl at high school cheerleading it

I don't know. We didn't have that bullshit and... Yeah, we had cool stuff like... Cricket. Yeah, cricket. Rugby? Yeah, rounders. Yeah, rounders.

Rounders, which is obviously badass. Ultimate Frisbee. Do you think we missed out? We're not having cheerleaders. What? Yes. Is that like, it's so sexualized, that whole thing. I know, that's why I'm glad we didn't.

Like, it's kind of weird. Is it weird, though, because, like, All the parents come and watch it. Yeah, exactly. And all the, like, dads are in the audience, like, Kevin Spacey and American Beauty. Yeah, like, just Kevin Spacey. Just loads of Kevin Spacey watching, yeah.

Anyway, and then Lois is trying to get Meg's attention. She's just fucking screaming. Like, you can't recreate it because her performance is actually mind-blownly good in that one joke. Yeah. that is one where we both laughed and we couldn't not it was genuinely it was a rare family guy joke where it was a funny joke and it didn't linger yeah it was just a funny quick little joke then they moved on and it was like god damn it Seth that's that's the humor I want to see right now from Family Guy and the amount of other jokes that's like I'm about to laugh oh wait now they're just like reiterating the joke to make sure that I get the joke you know i ain't got shit else to say about family guy apart from it's actually fucking good yeah we've changed our tune dude like chicken fight epic one yeah seth mcfarlane funny yeah we should have known like we used to love the orville we should go back and just

finish the orville yeah we do need to finish the orville um you're not changing my opinion though well you didn't watch it so i don't even understand why you're bothering to i've seen ted i don't need to see anything ted's one of the best films of the decades Ted is actually really funny. No, it's not. James, what's your topic? I've bought a topic today that's super dear to my heart. I've wanted to talk about this for so long.

Okay, shoot it, shoot it in my eye. I'm going to talk about Drake. Drake? Drake? Drake, yes. Drake. What, Drake who? The Canadian.

Drake and Josh? Yeah, from Drake and Josh. I just want to talk about Drake and Josh. Did you never watch that? I love those kind of curries, right? Do you love a good bogan Josh every narn? But only if you get the garlic narn. Stay on target.

Stay on target. Way to bring it back, bro. Go and pound it. Couldn't talk about Drake. There's a certain thing you want to talk about in particular there, right? Yeah, that fucking song, whichever, I can't forget the name of it. What's that Drake's song called, Jakey? In My Feelings.

Do you love me? In my feelings. First off, worst name. for a song of all time. Like, I can't believe, shite. You thought that was acceptable. What does it mean? In my feelings.

It's just, like, a lame way of saying, like, I have feelings. I'm emotional, dude. Drake down of feelings? Ah, he's a creep. Yeah, he is a creeper. But this song has the worst fucking intro to a song ever. The music video. The music video.

Specifically. No, the song itself. Kind of sick. You can't deny. Up to a certain point. And then it's shit, and then it's good again. Shake that ass, shake that ass, shake that ass, shake that out. Is that the one with that?

Aren't they saying twerk, twerk, twerk, twerk, twat, twat. Or something like that. Kiki, do you love me? But what's so bad about the intro to, in my feelings? It's like this comedic sketch or something. Is it meant to be funny? Yes. It's supposed to be like, this is so charming and funny.

Drake, I just want to buy your merch right now. Drake looks like, um, a behavior. behemoth. He looks weird. And he, like, walks into this garden, this fucking mansion. And he, like, throws a pebble at a window. He's like, yo, what a girl? Obviously, he doesn't smash window, quack it, like, that has you. But there's this, like, behemoth is standing, and she's, like, leaning out the window, like, get out of here.

Fucking dick. And then her mum comes out onto the other mansion balcony, and she's like, get out of here. Dick. You goddamn creep. Get away from my door. Yeah, that's clearly what it's actually about there Kiki Do you look

He's not actually singing about Kiki He's singing about Millie Bobby Brown for God's sake No, but don't you think like He's like this creep creeping onto a Like somebody's garden And he's like talking to the girl And then the mum comes out and he's like

Get the fuck out or I'm going to shoot you He's like okay and then he hides behind the car And he pops back out And then he uses a fucking contact lens is an excuse. Come on. Oh yeah. You could have used something I mean me trying to find my contact lens, baby. Because they just pop out on the floor

like that. Well, I mean, he doesn't actually have... The song came out a long time ago, by the way, so this like ain't relevant person. Oh, no, no. Not relevant. But this song keeps coming back into our lives somehow. Like, there's something alluring about it. It's just like you can't stop. We've ragged on Drake quite

a bit. Not on the drop. We in our own personal lives I've talked to... I feel like we have Ray, reaved on Drake. We have wags, your pal, wags. Oh, just my best pal. Yeah. On Drake.

But his music, there's something about his music. It's so inoffensive that it's just like, oh. Do you reckon it's inoffensive? Because I reckon it's quite sexist. Oh. You sure you want to say that? Well, I just did. So, don't worry, I can edit that out.

Like, where, you know, a new. station or something yeah well we're not and we're jar and we keep it real we're not like CNN like all right Seth calm it down I

sometimes I just want to listen a bit God's plan God's plan is good though God's plan is genuinely good apart from all of the song where he's not got the funny bit yeah

and then you got Hotline Bling a man massive meme, but it's fucking great. There's any point to any of this Drake's stuff, apart from the... No, what was your idea? Very sure, yeah. Well, yeah, because I wanted James to have something to actually say,

as opposed to just going, yeah, I've got a topic. I do have... I'm talking about Drake. You're not just engaging with me, because you're not a Drake fan. You're not a Drake fan, dude. I do like a bit, Drake. Twerk, that is. Twerk, twerk, that is. We're going to twerk right back after these goddamn messages right now. I tell you.

twerk that ass, twerk, twerk that ass. Hey, it's me, Zeus, the god. My fully endorse the JAR Media merchandise available in the description below. So this is the part of the show where we head over to the JAR Media Reddit and answer questions from the community. If you want to leave your own questions, head over to the JARMedia Reddit and we'll answer your questions from the goddamn community. As long as they're good enough. So make them good. Or else you're blacklisted. god damn we got a lot of role plays this week so uh get your nostalgia critic attic songs and get

your acting caps in and your nostalgia critic ties food lighter starts us off with this one role play jim is the nostalgia critic who's trying to buy shreddies from a service station james is the cashier who has no idea what they are and jim keeps trying to to explain condition at the end Alex the manager comes in and shouts jim out of the store for being a shitting movie reviewer go I've got an issue with this one he's like

too much direction yeah too much direction not enough artistic you know if I'm going to be the nostalgia critic I need to be the one directing it yeah so I say take that as a loose loose structure

I'm the nostalgia critic that's as far as my impression goes how can I help you today sir Hello What's going on here then What are you Oh it's not this guy again

He keeps coming in He keeps just doing that He's done this multiple times today He keeps saying it's not about fart underwear I need some shreddies What Get out of here Your reviews suck man

There's two poopies The quality of your reviews Keeps coming out of your bum bum Clearly get out of here This is my server station and I remember it so you don't have to I remember that smell so you don't have to oh

okay let's blast through this next run from Dick the Head Roll play idea James and I expect you to really go in on this one Sammy's Cababs store hires four fresh new faces the jar boys you're working one late night and a group of drunk teenagers start acting obnoxious

but you already know James has killed once What do you do? James has killed once Yeah, I don't understand What fucking part? So you guys be Sammy's kebabs And I'll be the teenager rowdy Okay

Yes boss I can help you boss I'll have a pizza please Sammy Sorry this is a kebabbbs Van we don't sell pizzas Does it look like we sell pizzas? Uh Why are you being so aggressive to me, man?

I will this aggression, will not stand? I'm not, I've just asked you what you want. What would you like, boss? Well, I'm in the town mafia, and I'm going to come at you with my flick knife in a minute, Sammy, if you ain't careful. So you should probably stop messing me. I'll go get my brother, and he's going to take you all out.

No, all right, Sammy, nah. So what do you want? Please leave, please. I'll bring the boys. I'm going to the town grill or whatever, the F. F you, Sammy. I've had enough of you, Sammy. your BS for one night enjoy the food boss please that was cool that was like the most

bad ass thing we've ever done fade to black on the gunshot next time I won't miss boss no no you should just shoot him as he walks his back and walks away just turns into a Mexican standoff that was a sick one day shumulu asks if you could create new law that everyone in the world had to obey what would it be? Oh, we've already gone through this. One that isn't you have to do a shit at the same time as everyone in the world. You know. Um, I'd say everyone has to look the same.

That can't happen. Yeah, the government issues just like grey clothing for everyone. Yeah. Yeah, make things simply. Give everyone the same everything. Yeah. I like that. Unless you work for the government, then you just get whatever you want and loads of it.

Yeah, especially if you're a high ranking in the government, then you kind of just get to do whatever you want. Like, it's necessary, you know? Like, someone needs to be in charge. That's so true. We should start, like, a new system and call it like, I don't know. Com something. communication something commissionism commissionism yeah yeah because at the top you get the

most commissions sort of it's sort of yeah we're like all like used cars well i mean everyone's still equal really that's how we're like convince people that it's a good idea by selling this false narrative that we are all the same when actually yeah just the government is like really awesome yeah and we get whatever we want and we just get to use the people for our own game we're just like manual labor and all the jobs nobody this is so this is so that God, we're geniuses, dude. Inventing new systems and social strands every second of the day. We've invented so many social strands at this point, you know?

They're about to, like, grow even bigger from all of those strands. We're going to have so many strands, and it's going to be social. So effing true. Well, if you're my honest answer, I'd do what's best for humans. I'd be progressive. Okay, what's your law then? Have to wash your hands after going into toilet. Damn.

It's an actual legal requirement. And they have to have cameras and bathrooms to prove it. And they have to hire people to go through each video and be like... And it's like a parking ticket. If you haven't washed your hands, they like take screenshots from videos of you in the toilet. No, it's... You done big fat shits and not wash your hands. That's 50 quid.

That's too much work. Fingerpink scanners on toilet doors, you put your hand on to get in. And when they go out, if there's back to you on it, or if your hands are dirty, they won't let you out. So you have to. Have to completely 100. Sterolize your hand completely. No, it's like, I'm talking about.

Never mind. My one would create new jobs in the market. It would create new infrastructure, new systems, new social strands. But more tax. Well, yeah, we'd have to raise taxes, of course. As is key. As is key. Um, my law would be no more laws.

Yeah, let's just go back to being lawless, dude. Like, I've had enough of laws. Yeah, just bring, like, cowboys back. Let's just go full-on aggressive. Let's give everyone weapons. Let's just see what happens. Yeah. No, that's not a good idea,

because then people wouldn't still wash their hands. Yeah, but that's not going to matter when every day is a fight for your life. I guarantee you. Nobody would be depressed in that world. They wouldn't have time to be depressed. They're too busy to survive. Yeah, because if you are, you're dead.

You've got to be. If you're oppressive, you're gone. If you have... Your house would be robbed. Yeah. You'd be decapitated probably. You'd just be the purged on stop, and that would be a great thing.

You'd have to get homies, and you'd have to protect each other. Yeah, I mean, like, it wouldn't be like, oh man, the mortgage is really taking a hit on my bank account this month. It'll be like, nah.

Dude, I'm fucking thirsty. I need some water. I can't get any I'm going to have to go kill the names You'll be in the garden putting up big plastic sheets peeing on it getting the evaporation so it evaporates your pee

and a distillery for piss Yeah And a bit of murder as well On the tarpaulin To evaporate the piss and all that Yeah Yeah Then you'd have another social strand network

Like Jeremy Corbyn He's to listen to the show And get some frickin ideas I tell you what Hey Only Corbin Boris does as well They all do

Boris or Corbyn in a boxing match Who would win Boris? He's got them out Stache DK says Throw a freestyle rap battle Winner gets a kebab

Who's paying for the kebab Uh Stash I guess Well then I'm not doing it Because he's not He's not gonna get us a kebab So No

Okay James You at least do a freestyle before we move on I'll do the beat Kiki Do you love me 21 Grammy Superstar family James's flow ain't popping off

I'm afraid I don't have flow It's not I don't have flow The flow was so bad it was making me feel like I was off off beat You are off beat Okay you do the The freaking beat then

Beans are in my life life. Beans are strife. That's not rap. When they're not in your life. Okay, you do a freaking rap then if you're this... I'm not...

I never said I could rap, but I can tell you that that wasn't what that was. Jim, come on, set an example. Do you want me to do a beat? Throw down a beat for you. Oh, you didn't even try. Okay, F, F you.

That's what 50% of rap is, my friend. I just not trying. No, no. Do a mumble rap to this. No, ready. No, be serious. I actually do it. No, I said I'm not.

I said I'm not. I said I'm not. So I'm not. No, okay? No, okay, you do that then, and I'll do the mumble. No. You know what I'll say? I'm going to... Uh...

Dick the Head says you are teleported to 2016 and meet your former selves, recording a jar cast. What do you do slash say? Can turn into a roleplay if you want. I'd, uh, I'd shoot myself in the head and say, that's what you get for being in the Green Lantern. That's smart. That's smart. That's smart. digging at Ryan Reynolds, your favorite actor,

eating cereal, I see, eating beans, or is that beans in a bowl? I can't tell what you're role-playing right now. What are you eating out that bowl? What is that cereal? It's Crave, isn't it? No, it's Shreddys. Kellogg's? Oh, it's Shreddies.

Oh, he's drinking the milk. Oh, I bet it's chocolate shreddies, with that delicious chocolate milk. Thoughts? What would you genuinely say to your 2016 self? I would just sit down and be like, Let's just make content then. Like, we're the same person.

I probably learned a thing or two. Here you go. Let's just create one. I'd say, now, in the future, this fucking scumbag is going to be like, on a jarcast episode, he's going to give you a question. Like, you guys got to do a rap battle, and he promised that you'll get you a kebab if you do it. And you will win. So he's not going to give you a kabbal.

But he's not, you're not going to get a kebab from it. You're going to give it your all. You're going to go in so deep, so hard, so full. fast and so good you just don't do it man imagine like the 2016 blabs and podcasts were already just off the rails yeah there's imagine if I went back

and was able to record things with my old self just the chaotic energy that would be it'll be a disaster I would upload like five blabs a day just and it would be just be just too much it'd be a whirlwind of you think take us Switting Taylor Swift was bad Imagine two of me Two of me

Dues screaming and singing And just doing fart noises And rapping constantly Actually sounds kind of awesome And I want that to happen Come on Jarling Just It just

Jim It really gets me down How like A Jarling hasn't invented Time Travel yet Like No like they're like What if, what if

Just fucking do it then Yeah, like, I wake up every day and I look at, I look at my phone, like, and I'm excited. It's like Christmas Day and I'm like scrolling through like, where is it then? Yeah, what have they invented? Have they invented something yet? No? And then, no joke, I actually start crying. Alice lives a sad life.

Yeah, that's my whole existence. And until something like that happens, I'm really not going to be like that satisfied. Life is hard for the jar at the moment. Life is jarred. Sir Quintus has an interesting question for us. How do you guys feel about the way people vilify mobile phones and their effect on society? Do you think humans really are worse off for having them? Or do you feel their negative effects are greatly exaggerated?

I think the negative effects are greatly exaggerated. I think phones shouldn't exist. Okay, so we got each side of the spectrum right now. Jim, like go in, dismantle Jameses and tell you. higher personality and really make him feel bad. Um, that, not cool. You're cringy. Oh, come on.

Oh, he's eating cereal again. He's got another bowl out. He's going crazy. You didn't bring up the fact that I said this last week? Or the fact that I somehow danced when I was in school? Come on. That's a bad argument. You're not destroying me.

Danced in school. What he's talking about? Do you not? Genuinely, though, is it? Did you really not get that fucking reference? No. We're not about reference humour here, I'm afraid. What you do?

Because you've got a lighter about it. We're about substantive comedies. I can't believe that went over your head. Like, I'd go back and be like, this is for being in Green Lantern. And then I'd go back and be like, you know what, baby Hitler, I'm going to slit your throat. And then I'm going to hold your skull up to the camera and rip the skin off. Yeah. What?

What? Hold your skull and rip the skin off. what was the question how do we feel about mobile phones and they're standing like they're cool man they're cool yeah mobile phones are undoubtedly put one inside me

yeah but they're like they're like Xbox dude they're cool but they can be destructive because Fortnite addictive Minecraft addictive your lips are flapping birdie but I don't like the noise they're making my narrative in my head is that

yeah they're fine. I drive through a town every day and everyone who's like 10 years old is just walking to school. That's bad. Why? You shouldn't be staring at your phone when you're walking to school with your mates. No, but like

you should be like picking up balls of snow and throwing them at people you don't like and really causing injure. Yeah, you should be bullying each other. Yeah, yeah. You know, one of the things that kept me sane during 6th form was listening to music while I walked to school.

Yeah? No one denies the power of the mobile technologies, but the problem is their input of the social strand network. The trouble is, the social strand is too strong. No, that's not the case. When you can talk to anyone, anywhere, any time, any lime. But that's not creating strong strands. That's creating weak strands that break easily. They're not getting better. They're just... No, but the strand is strong. No, but it's not strong.

No, the strand is strong. This is connected to the world. No, but the people you talk through this aren't, they're not in your life, they're weak strands. No, you don't get it. You don't understand. So you're calling Jarlings weak then, huh? Wow, that's good form, isn't it?

I'm saying the strands rehab are stronger than the strands... Peter By has? Yes. Finally, we can agree on something. It's all about the strang's strength and not the amount of it. There is, there is, if you've actually cannot function, and you destroy people's lives because of mobile phones. Well, more so if you destroy your own life because it's not likely you're going to harm anyone else's.

Yeah. If you're so absorbed in your mobile phone that you can't function as a human, then that's a problem. Yeah. But obviously it's good for it. It's like, oh, I've got to figure out my bill at the, at the, at the, uh, at the pizzeria. Mario's pizzeria. Um, what's nine divided by three again? Who, mobile phones

Make you dumb Get off them When you're Talking to people You should be talking to people in real life You know, like You actually brought a tear to my head That's actually profound in a sense

No you know like Yeah Talk to people in real life But Don't only as the nostalgia critic said in his latest video

we didn't even say it he showed us it with the epic like phones walking we are on our phones we're on our phones we're on our phones we're on our phones

you know like any lime it's just yeah there's a whole lot of um as with things in most lives, like... You know, but it's like,

which one do you want? Phone or Lyme's disease? You know? What about... Nah, I ain't got none. Next. Genuinely, though. Phones are quite good in their sense.

Yeah, I like them. Like Alex said, just don't be a fucking idiot. Don't go too far. Yeah, don't become like an ISIS representative, don't join the IRA. Don't

go on in cell boards. Okay, Seth. Yeah, don't do that. What, you're saying it's too left wing of me to say to not join ISIS. No, you mentioned that Ira

and I was a bit like... What a beautiful day. The terrorists. The Ira? Isn't that like, You're getting into deep tertiary and I would not go there. No, do you know what I'm talking about? Which part are we talking about?

Ceph O... IRA. Oh. You know, are you thinking of the NRA? Yeah, Alex is thinking of the NRA. The National Rifle Association in America. The IRA is different. What is IRL?

They're the Irish terrorists. Irish Republican Army or some shit, I think. I don't quite remember that. Oh, do me sure, to be sure. Deep subject. Don't get into it. Terrorism, bad, basically. Unless U.S. government bad.

Chinese government's bad. Russian government bad. Government's bad. But what if they think they're the rebels? They are the rebels. UK government bad. French government bad. German government bad.

Come on, don't go down this. Iranian government, good. What? I don't even know where Iran is. Neither do I. It's where I are from. I don't know one does This is the thing dude

The world is like With things we're told Yeah that's the thing like Oh the Middle East is getting dangerous Where even is it? I ain't seen it It ain't effect in my life Which means it ain't real

From like your birth They show you this fucking blue circle With like green on it Ooh this is there This is there Then they stick you in a tube And they're like yes Now we're flying to a new place

It's like fucking bitch I can't even see the fact that we're flying? They could just be screens. Yeah, screens where the windows are. And they're like, yeah, look, look, we're flying over the ocean. They're just changing the fucking backdrop, dude. It's like in a movie where they've just got like a green screen.

Yeah. Or like a projection. It's as simple as that. You know the beginning of prey? Yeah. I was actually thinking, yeah. Deserts aren't real. Oceans probably aren't really real.

The only place that is real is your own reality. The only place that Israel is real is real. Real. Israel. Israel. Israel. Are we all in Israel then? So basically, the new thing we've discovered is that the earth is flat.

Like, genuine. No, it's not flat. It's just nothing. There's no... Like, who's to say, the stars and shit are real? They could just be... Like, come on. Like, genuinely.

That shit ain't real. No, it's just drawings. Have you been in the back of a wild's voice? They've got space inside. How do they do that? The ceiling in it is all bullshit. The more you think about it, the more bullshit is deconstrainted. Yeah, that's the thing.

Like, stick some stars on the ceiling and then just paint it black. And then tell a kid, grab a bumblebee by its wings and be like, listen. Up there, there are systems that you just don't even comprehend. There's just infinite up there, bumblebee. Yeah, it just goes forever. We just found bubbles at the center of our fucking galaxy. Bubbles.

Bubbles of stuff. It's like, yeah. So now you want us to believe that there's like black holes. And there's one of bubbles. That stretch you and take you into like a time vortex. Wormholes. Fucking. Named after literally earthworms.

How is absurd. Yeah. Earthworm holes. And now you want us to believe that there's big bubbles at the center of the galaxy. Like, they're just taking the piss. This stuff doesn't exist. You're a fucking idiot if you believe any of it. The lizard-like neuron network just has us so controlled by the systems.

Yeah, that's the thing. Like, how do we know that there isn't a lizard neuron network, some sort of social strand that keeps us in check? Controlling us with those... Jets. Yeah, the planes, the planes! The planes that don't actually... Yeah, the Ketrels. The chemtrails from the planes that people don't actually go in.

They're not actually planes. They're going to take us down before we know it. They must, they're like drones, aren't they? Because there's no people up there. Listen, I'm saying fuck the group collective, that's it. And obviously the chemicals and the food that we are forced to digest by the government. Which is sugar. Sugar, obviously.

No, listen. None of us. Sugar is a hallucinage of qualities. But all three of us, we would not say McDonald's as good. No. Why do we keep going back? Addiction. Addiction to the.

substance within McDonald's to control the planet. No, no, it's sugar. You can't wait for you from sugar. That's what's keeping us in check. It's sugar. So the globalist invented sugar, it's like an alien dust or something. Yeah. It's so addictive, it turns us all into these like fucking zombies

that just want to play Xbox. Yeah. Play Xbox a nut. Play Xbox a nut. Whereas actually a pure human that has not been affected by things. That's where you get your, um, your uh your

your your your your um they didn't they didn't they didn't consume the sacred sugar Shakespeare

Stephen Spielberg no I go no I keep thinking Spielberg but Stephen merchant there you go

they haven't consumed the special juices the special juice the dust the space dust obviously snort it I don't know what you do it no but then then they're saying this stuff like

hi I'm Einstein here's all this physics and then it gets and then the government hears it and they're like yeah you're right but we're not going to tell anyone that yeah so then

so then Einstein is like well I'm going to tell people unless you give me a good time and then they give them a good time and then you know I've never thought about it that way and then the aliens the lizards are like yep Einstein just said that um

energy equals mass times the speed of light squared and everyone's like fucking hell when it's actually just bullshit it's just complete horseshit like nuclear reactors they don't exist

they're just this thing we're meant to believe that they cause a lot of damage but that's nothing that's just it's just like the stock market dude like it ain't real yeah it's a way to control us it's just shit it's like life is like a fly it's just shit going up and down

that's all it is It's keeping people addicted to the space dust and the space dust notes. Why do they do it though? They must be getting something out of this. Energy. It's an army. They must be making like a clone army. A bro army.

Yeah, they're making something. We're just a pawn on their table. We're just the plop being fed to the piggies. No, because we're the piggies. Do you have any more questions? We went on, like, so long with that. No, we didn't. So, so, stop.

The truth is out there. That's all I want to say. Yeah. Question everything. Don't believe a single word you've ever heard, basically. Yeah. Education. Fuck that.

Um, yeah, it's just his story anyway. Like, no one actually knows the truth. It's just his story. And his, sexist. And... Where's her story? Wisdom. Dom.

Wisdom? Hashtag me too. Hashtag his, her story. Hashtag her story. That's her video game. her story just listen to me yeah listen to mea caliphate okay yeah yeah listen to me

yeah was yeah listen to back in yellow by rich califah yeah and fucking frake in my feelings yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we talk about all kind of systems and energy networks on this show and I want you guys to realize that

things are out there and it's scary There's bubbles in our universe. Have you ever thought about that? Bubbles. Bubbles? I'm not joking about the bubble thing. Bubbles or bubbles?

Bubbles or bubbles? Bubbles. There's bubble acts. There's bubble at space. I know bubbles are real, but are bubbles real? Bubbles are definitely real. I've seen them. Bobbles or bubbles.

Bubbles or bubbles. Bubbles or bubbles. Bubbles. Or ball balls. What's a bobble? You know, those things you put on a Christmas tree, a bowl, boobo. No, that's a boar ball. A boar ball.

A boar, balls, balls. They're not going boll balls, they're not going booboles. They've always been called booboos. Not boobles. Boar balls. Yeah, they're boobles. They're boobles. What do you think they're called bull balls?

Why do they come in a pair then, like a little... Do they come in a pair? What are you talking about? They do. Bulls, balls. Yeah, wolves, balls. Bulls, balls. Bulls, balls.

Yeah, they ain't fucking go, bulls, balls, bulls. What are they called that? Bobbles, you fucking boar balls. Bobos. Bobos. Bobos. Everyone, everyone will agree with us that they've called the boobos. Boer balls.

Is this spout like... How do you say it, Jim? Bobles. Bola balls. Not boa balls. Bola balls. Bobo's. Bobles.

Wait. Type bobbles in. Christmas tree ornaments. Boobbles. Boobbles. Yeah, boobbles. Boobbles. Boer balls.

Boer balls. The boll's. What the fuck? Do you know, the first result. The first result comes up six C.m. Christmas bull bulls, painted decorative pops. Christmas decorations. Let's see how they spell it. Bulls.

Let me see. No. Yeah, but how do you spell that? Literally boobles. Be it ball balls. B-a-B-B-L-E-S. No, it's B-A-U-B-L-E-S. B-B-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-B-A-B-B-R-A-B-B-R-B-R-B-R-B. It's B-B-B-B-B-R-B-B-S. No, it's fucking not. Search Bul-Bull on fucking Google and you will not get BORB.

Bourbles coming up. Well, that's the... That's the episode of the show. I hope you guys, like, really had your mind blown. We've deconstructed most of society, and I'm really, like... We could just end the show, like, honestly. Like, we've talked about every topic of all time.

Ball, ball, ball, ball, ball. Wait, there's something called Bulbles that's, like, stone men. No. Stone... Stone men? Dig the heads of a ball ball. Thank you.