JAR Media Posdact - Humans Born FRESH - JARCast Episode 297

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies Timecodes: 00:00 Intro 04:35 Housekeeping 07:57 The Snitch of JAR 37:07 Mid Break 38:54 What is the name of this Podcast? 47:12 James's Weird 149 Opinion 49:51 An Emotional Story From a JARling 1:01:35 The Anime Car

Alex, do the old Simpsons doctor laugh. Ha ha ha. Good afternoon, morning, evening, on night, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to episode 297 of the Jammedia podcast. It is the usual free today. coming at you live big thanks to the patrons over at Patreon who helped support the show

and help make the audio versions possible if you've got any questions DM Alex damn yeah that's a pretty good intro right there that was a clean I'll take it that was a clean won't you did say the patrons

right what have you done as of us um as of this episode going live though the shadow episode will be out to everyone who wasn't on the Patreon and got the whole week

to enjoy it early so you ought to get on that you know you gotta make the audio version possible you've got to you got to unleash those five star ratings on iTunes yeah give us one star

on iTunes make fake emails make new accounts and just keep buying a new phone and just make get like 12 contracts at once Yeah, just for those five-star reviews. Yeah, because the only reason I'm able to live not on the street.

The only way I'm able to afford these sunflower seeds to make my weapons is through the JAR Media Patreon. You know, you can never use that now. Yeah, as a weapons. You just described it as a weapon now if someone breaks in and you clobber them around that eye. The FBI is going to go through all my podcast. They already do It's MI6, actually

No, it's the CIA It's actually the FCA The Federal Crime Academy Did you say the number? Yes, 297 297 Do you think I'm slack in here?

Episode 297 Episode 297 All jar media listeners Will wind up in heaven do you believe in God of course I do I don't I believe in myself I believe in your mom

no let's let's think laterally here which god would be a milf there are millions of milf gods okay give me one the elephant one uh Aphrodite yeah

okay I will check will faith fortinize proof few on that one. Yeah, man. What about Zavirax? That Bormulus was a bit of a mulf as well. What about Thor's

Mam from the Avengers? Healer. Do you know what the biggest problem with the Tom Holland and Spider-Man movies? They've had the Tom Holland's in it? Aunt May. Melf.

Mm. she's too young oh they talk her only impact in those movies is damn she's kind of hot bro it's lame isn't it yeah and then she dies

oh support everyone's seen it and then she dies and she's like with great power comes a juicy boozy and it's like yeah and it's like

but everyone her her her purpose in the films was to be a mouth yeah it's kind of implied like history isn't it it's kind of were they scared to try and we can't do the

Sam Ramey thing again she's got this time what's the inverse yeah what what what fresh angle can we take well it's Marvel so let's just make everyone like just mad horny hmm teacher is in

and ready to instruct Not what that means? No, what does it mean? That means teachers in and ready to instruct the housekeeping segment where I'm going to teach you how to make your own

what weapon is this? A ting fork. Yeah, one of those ting forks. Huh? Come on, guys. A bit of enthusiasm, yeah? Sir, yes, sir. Uh, yeah.

Let's round up some of the conversations then from, uh... The previous... The previous... Where's he going? Oh, he's opening the door. He's a bit hot, but... Maybe if you weren't wearing your fucking shoes, um, you'd be cool, like me.

You can be... cool cool like me watch out for that golden tail that's danger I know I've been watching it like a whole anyway housekeeping come on stay on target stay on target stay on target stay on target don't get distracted by in beep the woman hmm they're looking me like that you upset her now good good um man we got some we got some people who are mad when have we never got that why are they mad what do we do what do we even talk about so much like how to break my game said I love how James is extra aggressive in this episode and you were yeah I

know what was going on last episode but you were you want you wanted it to happen why so this is the thing with jar is the mood or what we experience during the day prior to recording kind of dictates the mood of recording and last week I was just going in and I just had no cares and it's okay to just go in and rustle some jimmies don't know what I said that was like aggressive at all but you know well Windows XP autumn wallpaper is a superior choice said James was caught being inconsistent again good thing he forgets everything he said as soon as the cast is over but Jarmi remembers.

No, that's an actual case that I come to a lot. I forget everything I say constantly. So when you've done 297 episodes, you can't remember anything you say in any of them. Oh yeah. Because you actually drive yourself mad if you're constantly worrying about what you've said. So if you forget everything you say, you will live a happier life. I completely agree. Would you say that applies to just nature?

Hmm. Well, yes, I know, because in nature, the stuff you say doesn't really get recorded. But everything I say does get recorded. On here? Yeah. But I mean, like, like, um, you could say something to me and I'm like, whoa. And then you go off and forget about it, but I know you said it. The same thing that you say to me.

But this is being listened to by people. They remember what I say. I don't remember what I say. One day we're going to have to talk about the snitch of jar. The snitch of jar? Who? What do you mean? No.

How many years has it been since this happened? Last year? Last year. We might as well tell it. Who actually cares? Is people going to get upset that we broke COVID rules? I mean, I've got nothing to lose here Say, you're the one who you're the one who doesn't want to say it

Because your mum might get a bit angry Come on say it Accused me of being the snitch, the little snitchy bitch No, there's no accusations or condemnations It's just the truth You're a snitch, you're a rat No, no, don't say it, come on then, elaborate Wait, do it

Or do you want me to No, because you'll spin it in some bullshit You'll make it So in last year During COVID lockdown Two years ago During COVID lockdown We couldn't see each other

I couldn't see them They still saw each other Because it's not fair like that We did in there Yeah sure I probably saw you more than I saw Alex Yeah Because we remember I'd go for walks

and, like, meet you near your house. True. No, that is true. Okay. But anyway, we just... The lies are already coming out. Yeah, you've got a... I just forget.

I'm not a spilling shit. I just forget. I forget that whole period of 2020. Basically, we as a group, JAR Media, decided to go to McDonald's. So... That was our first mistake. That was our first mistake, because the McDonald's Boker isn't worth anything, let alone possible fines.

Yeah, it was the most expensive McDonald's ever. It was the most expensive McDonald's. So... We didn't even get McDonald's. Yeah, exactly. The three of us and the partner of one of us got in a car. The Toyota Pisa. The Toyota Yaris.

I forgot it at the Visser. The Pisser. It would have been around this time two years ago, because that's when I got my car. We decided to take the Pisser to a trip to McDonald's. So at this time, there was walls in place that two households couldn't mix. Just they couldn't mix. And judging that I was from one household, Jamie was from another and Alex was also another household. Three households.

So you went to McDonald's. Driving to Chippenham, fine. Absolutely fine. We get up, we start pulling up to this traffic lights and in front of us was a police car. And I said to Jamie, slow down. We don't want to be seen. We get stopped by our traffic lights. All's great.

Driving to McDonald's. I'm sitting again. This would be really funny if this is the time we get pulled over and caught. We were joking about it the whole walk. Right, whole way there. Just imagine if we got pulled over. Just imagine.

So, laughing about it. So here we are. Literally two roundabouts away from McDonald's. We pass this roundabout and then in the middle of road works mind, blues and twos police behind us they're blues and twos they're asking us to pull over Jamie doesn't pull over

it was right like on a roundabout and there were mad road works at the time and I'd never been pulled over before and I'd been driving for like a month yep I'd had the car about like one month if that so I freaked out and thought okay I'm just going to go to the car park it's safe it's out of the way

like a safe place it's not going to disturb traffic Because it was a two-lane road that was roadwalks from one. So there was one lane. And there was no way to pull over that was safe. And the highway code is you have to pull off somewhere safe to cause possible accidents. So you going to the driving around the roundabout and going in the car park is safer. I would say there's nothing wrong with you doing that.

But they thought you were doing a fucking runner. Yeah, they thought I was doing a runner going about 50 miles per hour round a roundabout. Into a car park that's long. locked on the other end like what a what an escape artist I am so you pull up and they instantly

regged their car in ahead of us so that there was no way for us to they tilt inward even though like if I wanted to like drive off it would have been really easy yeah you were just gone turn the wheel to the left and then go forwards

so they pulled off instantly got out of their cars and rushed to the windows and they started questioning us but you don't mention the fucking guns that didn't happen yet they start questioning us and the immediate question is like why didn't I pull over immediately

and I was explaining to them and I was fucking like freaking out yeah because like I don't know it's it's immensely stressful being pulled over I've yet to experience being pulled over the stone faced cops are nasty

they play like mind games with you yeah and they're loving they're loving that power searching for they know or you can like feel their energy yeah they're like pre-coming yeah basically and they walk up to the window and he's like asking me this shit

and he gets me to take the keys out he gives them to him and then he puts them on the roof of the car so like I can't start the car or anything um at the same time they were holding they were their hands were actually on guns no because because then

it turns out they'd called for backup but this this to catch the pisser to catch the fucking pisser in the middle of COVID But this isn't, this isn't just backup, this is armed response backup. A huge man. So as we're sitting there, as they're talking to us, a fucking van pulls up, guy gets out

with like a fucking MP5 strapped to his chest. Yeah, and he's holding his gun. He's like a cowboy walking around my car. And I'm like, shit. If something goes wrong, like, I could be dead. If they fuck up or if like I make a wrong move, I don't know. So they, he walks over. the door you are on as well.

And they're continuing to, like... He was a lot nicer, the gun guy. Yeah. Thank God. The guy fucking armed to the teeth. He had like a rocket launcher on his back and shit. And he was quite nice and like... I think he...

That guy immediately clocked that this wasn't shit. Like, you look at me. You know? Like, the baby-faced fucking... Like, I got IDed for paracetamol the other day. You know? And this other cop is like... determined to find something he's like

searching for fucking cocaine in my car and shit didn't they have the dogs they had the dogs they did I don't think they had dogs they just had the armed response but that's not all by the time the vans got here

and the armed response got another car's pulled up as well so we're talking three police cars one of which is an probably about 50 grams worth of pay his money just like that within seconds and we're all sitting there like shitting ourselves in the pisser

and then they start asking us what we're doing yeah and I immediately answered going to McDonald's he's like is that an essential trip and I was like I was hungry but I'm saying this shit like the biggest pussy you know because I was freaking out

I was like I'm hungry man and we were literally next to the McDonald's we'd made it we actually made it to McDonald's Yeah. I parked as close to McDonald's as I possibly killed when being pulled over. And I want to put this, say that we, that month, me and you had been to McDonald's because that was when it was safe.

And there was, the walls weren't in place, and we went to McDonald's every day. So we were actually in the car park every day witnessing loads of people breaking the walls. In the car park, the whole family's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Six people in a single car going to McDonald's. So we've been like, there's clearly no fuck's given. That's also my whole thing of why I feel absolutely zero. no guilt about this is that while this shit was happening in Downing Street they were literally having parties like every damn day it was literally yeah when this exact era 2020 yeah kind of near Christmas and yeah yeah so we're there and then they they they as you said you sold them we were going to McDonald's and then the question got asked of um households you continue here well I I told a little white lie

We had a plan Yeah To be honest we only had this plan Once we realised we were getting pulled ever It was like No no we talked about what we'd actually say Because when we're joking about getting pulled over We're like I'll just say we're from the same house

Yeah which is why you're a rat And There's no way they could have disproved Because I mean In my memory it was true You know Yeah, I was ready. So, no, okay, no, there's multiple layers to here.

There's multiple layers to here because when a policeman asked you for like your identification and whatnot, on your driving license is your registered address. The registered address has to be 100% up to date, otherwise it's against the law. So if you've moved house and your driving license says the wrong address on it, that you're, it's like against the law. But again, that's easily, um, like. You can dip from that. I mean, yeah, you can. Yeah.

Because I was going to say, like, it's, like, I, I was, we, I was living in this house during the period, like, into COVID, you know? I was staying here. And while I was here, lockdown happened, so I've been staying. Yeah, I've been strapped, yeah. Easy, peasy, white lie, avoiding any fines. James immediately, like, before he's even asked, James is like, hello, officer, I'm from a different household. No, okay. I remember turning and being like...

No, no, listen, okay, because there was more layers to this because this is, the house we're going to lie and staying in was this house, Alex's house. Alex, your partner was staying here, but at the same time, her registered address wasn't this house. So that was also, that was another issue we had. So, but I see, you two could totally. get away of it because that's your life

she didn't even have idea on it but the case is is we had to supply our driving licenses and on my driving license was my actual dress and I know with the police that if you just try to lie

you make a big issue for yourself if they catch you out so being a good citizen a good citizen a fucking little piggy's play thing Boris's little munch Yeah I

The The 400 pounds They got from us Probably bought Bottles of champagne Yeah they probably spent that in one run Like one MP run To the local Tesco

Yeah For one of their parties Or for one curtain For Boris's Yeah one bit of like Two metres square A fucking wallpaper So

As the police The policeman Ask for all our identification, I literally just said I've not been in the household. I ratted my, I ratted myself out and just gave my ID because on my driver license is my dress and I was just like, yep, there you go.

We've been caught, we've been caught. So I was just, I went the, the power gone way. I just let them know the truth. No, not paragon. So that was me. I was in the dirt there. I was going to be fined. I was going to be fine no way

but you two could still lie I did still lie and you got caught no I didn't get caught the only reason we got fined was because you had confirmed that you were from another household but this is the thing do you think they were going to believe the lie

how could they have proven it otherwise what are they going to do right we're going to follow you home see where you live yeah totally no they literally can't which case you could have just pulled up here and just come in my house I

in that in that moment I rationally thought about where this could go and I decided there's not the inverse though because where could it have gone yeah I think we would have been caught either way how what could they have done

like what they're going to ask well that's the thing what are they going to ask what were they going to ask like yeah I've been living with these two And it's like, oh, so four people have been living the same house. Yeah, that's normal. It's a four-bedroom house. I ratted myself out.

You ratted all of us. You threw us all under the bus. So, in conclusion, James owes me a hundred and fifty pounds. Am I wrong? No, fuck off. Am I wrong for actually just doing the white thing? Because at the end of the day... I think it's wrong for calling it the right thing.

Because the whole thing is, I'm just, I'm, that's a, just, I'm just, I'm just, I understand you, you're, you're taking like the, the way you see it is that you'd already lost. Yeah, you were going to be fucked anyway. So you gave up? And that's what I see, whereas I see it more, after they whipped out all of this, this manpower in order to get this car pulled over, they had to justify why the fuck they did it. yeah it looks good for the report yeah no they were they were desperate they had cars everywhere they were like yeah we were surrounded

we have to justify this amount of police presence and like we need someone to make an example out of in order to yeah and it and it worked because we never did it again even though like every time I went through Chippinham afterwards no police inside it was just that one fateful night and the part that I hate the most about my memory of this story

was when it was all done they'd told us we're being fined and stuff they took all of our net this isn't this isn't my start because your partner got harassed by the policeman yeah yeah because she couldn't give her ID yeah he was like why didn't you bring your ID to McDonald's then yeah and it's like I wasn't planning on getting a rum and Coke yeah he was being a prick yeah he was no he was totally abusing his power. Because this is a thing, because a woman policeman was asking me stuff.

Yeah, and she asked me too, and she was totally chill. Yeah, she was supposed to just like, what's your dress, like, what's your name for the, for the fine or whatever? And it was like, chill. But then this man... It's because he was doing that. He thought he could, like, make her break and fucking admit all. Yeah. And it worked on you.

You got broken. Yeah. I double triple quadruple down. and i genuinely think they'd have no grounds to push any further yeah you know they can't come and check the house you know because it wasn't it wasn't like breaking the law but what what it wasn't a law no rules it was it was a wool in place but it's not like we have criminal records now though? No. It was like a special

astraneous circumstance type event which is now, especially with now time has passed, proven to just be like a whole fucking farce joke. Basically we were robbed of £400. No, but that wasn't all we were robbed of £800? Because the fine was

200 and if you paid it quickly it was 100. Oh, one of those. No, but I was just saying... So really, it's equivalent to like a speeding ticket or a parking offence kind of yeah like parking on double yellows and again

a classic quote from someone probably quite smart it's only a punishment for people who don't have a lot of money yeah a 100 pound fine to Boris when he had to pay out for his break paid like 50 anyway yeah they paid less than us yeah a much bigger breach of the rules they paid

less who were writing the yeah the people making the rules who broke them more than us had to pay less and can afford it more and could yeah abuse it more yeah so the the whole that whole system does not work but but the The bit I was getting to, my least favorite part, about my memory of this story, was at the end. They'd told us, we're being fined, blah, blah, blah, big bummer. They're like, you better not go to McDonald's now. And, I mean, thinking about it now, I should have. Because, like, I've already been fine.

You can't find me again now. Yeah. But I didn't, but as I was driving away, I went, thank you. Oh, did you? Like the biggest fucking bitch. no but that's just like on autopilot that's just what you do yeah because they were like you can go now so I was like thank you officer hmm see no the thing here is when your first

experience of being pulled over by the police you don't know what to expect so the way you deal with it is just your just pure reaction because this is this is your first experience if I knew it was gonna play out of that like that I would have gone along no it's easy to say now bro yeah hindsight is but I'm the one

he's probably gonna be pulled over next and I'm not gonna get pulled over because I'm just gonna make a one for it I'm just gonna I'm just gonna dart you'll have the gun van on you a gun van can't that one a lull boy that was crazy because it's like even even like worst case scenario

in that instant why do you need how could you justify that amount of force why do you need a gun van John COVID what are you looking for Coke runners what you're looking for? Yeah. I don't know if it was like weed that they were after.

Do you think that's what they were trying to like trying to get it on multiple things? Oh, we smelt something in the car and it's... Fuck no. That had been an even funny story that we actually got taken to prison like to the police station because they thought we were like

doing drugs or something in the pisser while trying to get a big Mac. I was like on the drive home I was like laughing because I was picturing the image of going straight from the cops into the queue for the drive-thru and like

what do you think they would have done if like you got wedged in the middle of the drive-through queue and then they started leaving and spotted you in the queue

like what do you think they would have done I wonder if they could have find us again for an inessential trip but we that was a thing wasn't it

you were only allowed to go on essential trips yeah but my justification was it was gone like 10 o'clock I was like shops are closed

yeah This is the only place I can get food. I finished work later. Yeah, and the car park, the McDonald's car park was full of people. This is, I mean everyone was going to McDonald's because everyone knew that that was the loophole. You could literally just go to McDonald's and you'll be fun. Yeah, and why have it open? Yeah, why have it open?

If you can't make essential trips and you're going to pull people over for just that. Why is it open? Mm. Yeah, that was wacky. Give us your thoughts. Was I.N.S. a snitch? You were, you were a snee-ish And I think deep inside yourself, you know it

I know it, but what else is I supposed to do? I cracked I couldn't commit to a lie When I knew deep down it was not true You know me, you know I can't lie for shit That's true True Do you think the policeman who's probably dealt with loads of people who lies

And look at me giggling and be like No way, I'm going to say But they can only go off what you say That would have been Even funny Yeah, because as soon as I saw this, started tailing us, I, like, put my hood up and put my mask, like, totally covering my face. No, because you said, the scene is the thing, we were, like, put masks on boys, put masks in. Yeah, yeah.

And your girlfriend was, like, freaking out, and it was just like, are we actually getting pulled over? It was just like, I found it really funny. We shouldn't have put masks on. They made it way more suspicious. If we were in a house together, we're not going to be wearing fucking masks around that. But then it was also, like, you know, it was just a weird situation. Yeah, it was weird. But I've learned my lesson.

I've not learned mine. I can honestly say, hand to heart, I learned nothing from that whole thing. Nothing. In fact, it just made me hate the police more. Yeah, it made me hate the government more. Yeah, it made me hate the existence of fines. It's like, give me a slap or something.

Slapped me around the face. Yeah, I would have preferred that if they just lined us up and we're like, right now you get your coat and sluges. Yeah, they take their glove off and just get ch-ch-ch-ch. Yeah, but that's like a, nobody likes being slapped. Rich people don't like being slept. I mean, some people like being slept. Well, yeah.

But poor and rich, that's equal. Yeah. Maybe two slaps. It's all disrespectful. A slap is disrespectful. Yeah. Well, maybe they spit in your eye or something. Yeah, depending on the severity.

I think that people would like that as well. That's a much fairer punishment, though. Yeah, they get someone who has COVID to spit in your eye. Yeah, good luck. Give you COVID is a lesson to me then. Shouldn't be out, should you? This is what you're running from. The COVID cops.

So from this, seriously, this was your first pulling over experience. Have you ever had any more? Me, no. I have. Well, kind of. I was in the car with someone who got pulled over. And honestly, that is.

what I learned. I did learn something from when I was pulled over. And it's like just don't don't push it. I reckon if we'd have if I'd have pulled over immediately like just

the instant their lights went on and then we did our rigmarole. It would have been fine. I reckon the second I went around that roundabout I fucked us. Yeah because then they wanted to go in double because because then they had to justify the big gun van. Yeah, yeah.

And they were obviously looking for it, and... They were literally sitting on the side of road out of view. There were cops on cops, on cops. It was like a... Yeah, it was crazy. It was actually anyone with a car full of people. Boom, get them, target them. Imagine we're the only one in like Wiltshoe actually got done for it.

Yeah, but there's a problem also in Chippenham in like the Sainsbury's car park with people doing stupid shit. Yeah, boy races everywhere around there. Yeah. That roundabout, people drift there. We've literally seen people drift the roundabout. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know if they had cops out for that sort of thing.

But then it's like, why would the piss get? I've seen people pull up into that car park where we were harassed by the police. Stand up outside his car, light a joint, smoke the whole thing, get back his car and drive off. In broad daylight. It wasn't even in the fucking evening. Yeah. No, but at the same time, what I found out is, The time, the day we got pulled over was when there was a local car meet that made the news

that exact day. Really? In the same area. Yeah, in Chippenham. Yeah. So that's why, I'm like, we've got one. Because during COVID, there was a big issue with boy, with car meets. Because everyone just wanted to go outside.

So as soon as a bunch of cars got in a car park, open air. So actually there's no issue there because it's in the open. It was just like, fucking go. Get everyone in the cars going out. And obviously, because the pissers are. a fucking cheap car they basically are like oh they're from the me

because they're in a shit car therefore we can get them done I reckon if we'd have gone in either of your cars we wouldn't have been done I think you're right because we could have we could have avoid if we were in his car we could just seen the police and they're laid out

it would just be those two in the car autopilot yeah yeah and this is the thing I've been driving five years now never been pulled over the police don't even look at me

they don't even look at me even when I had my my my loud Mazda my fast Mazda and my current Loll I never got no attention to any of them ever and I did a fair amount of illegal shit in all of them

Well buying Mazda's Yeah the cops think you're an old lady Exactly man you know what no I didn't

I didn't really finish housekeeping but I feel like we've talked enough where we don't really need to do more well yeah because this club's actually going to take up the housekeeping as everyone unsubscribes and gets disappointed in us for breaking COVID wars but it's the thing like everyone broke COVID wars did they

everyone I know has broken COVID wars no but by and large we were really good all three of us yeah that was the worst one by far yeah I never did anything else like that yeah not even close to anything like that

I literally sat in my room all of COVID playing card and getting pissed like what we literally did nothing else this one time we're like you know can't do this shit anymore just need to like fuck it let's go no because we were at the point where we were we were starved of actual interaction

yeah it was fucking miserable so going to McDonald's for one day and getting court is like not even a fucking issue it's two fucking years of garbage a collective trauma collective trauma yeah around the world

everyone has this weird yeah it says the more time that is like we're having after it the crazier it seems that period because stuff is coming out about it also I'm I miss playing Half Life Alex Hmm

And it was the perfect time to play it I think Valve Might have created COVID Just They like release Half-Life Alex Oh suddenly pandemic Everybody's got to stay inside What the hell are you gonna do?

I bought a VR headset I bought Half-Life Alex I feel like there are game publishers That would think of doing something like that Yeah releasing a virus To try and boost game sales Activision Perfect time to play Cold Warzone.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me about that. Yeah. Yeah. Last thing I'll say then before we break here. Yeah. You guys were confused by me using the word schmooze last episode.

Do you remember that? Yeah. You were like, what's that? That's not real. It's not real. But H.W. said schmooze. Talk with someone in a lively and friendly way, typically in order to impress or manipulate them.

It's a good time to put yourself forward to network and to schmuse. Yeah. Snoosing. You seriously haven't heard that before. Ew, I'm going to schmuse some people tonight.

Bullshit, mate. Yeah, a load of shit. You think I made it up or something? You did make it up or something. You make a lot of things up, like filth. Liz Trusson needs to get a bit better at schmoozing, am I right? It's a bit late for that, bro.

That's what I'm saying. James, pull my thing. Wait, hang on. We'll see after these. Yeah. Buy bear bear, bear. I do declare buy bear bear bear. I do declare buy bear bear bear.

Bear bear shirts and mug available now. Check the description below. And when my beep went funny. You know what came out today? Gotham City Knights. Shit. It did, didn't it? It looks lame.

It's got like a destiny loop system. You know what? Idiots. I was thinking, I was thinking like, you know what? Might get that game. And then they did like, then you can get an upgraded shoulder piece for the Red Hood. It's like, fuck off.

No. Yeah, genuine, just, you fucked. You killed the whole game. You idiot. yeah you dumb idiots all they need is good gameplay literally fucking all they need is

all they need is good gameplay and maybe like a tree like the Arkham game sort of like little abilities you get throughout the game just to freshen it a bit that's literally it that's literally that's literally

it bro yeah I don't know who developed that game Rooster do no I wasn't Russia no it's the ones that did Arkham Origins isn't it it is them

it is that God they haven't really the game since Arkham Origins. They might have done like dirt rally or something. I don't think they have released anything since that. Your mom's rally. Welcome to the second half

of the cast where we answer questions from the child media subreddit. Go there to the suggestion thread and ask us whatever you feel like. Just like review tech Brooklyn 99 did, who says, attention, this is an urgent matter regarding the identity of the JAR Media Podcast. James is introducing so many casts nowadays, which we all love to be fair, so the name

JAR Media Podcast has been a lot more normalized instead of JARCast within the confines of my brain. Will the JAR boys hold James accountable for this, or maybe change the name to better fit the new James regime, Bear Bess Mac? Wait, well, I ensure it is a JARMedia podcast? Yeah. It says up there JARMedia Positive. act. Yeah, I thought that's what the name was. I thought it was the Yogs.

I thought it was the dream lounger. Yeah, I did have a bunch of topics, but we've been going a while because of the snitch story. But I suppose there's one we should talk about, which is that the at handle. No, we can pull back the, no, we can pull back the curtain and talk about this for a little minute. What? Well, we had a huge internal debate about YouTube's been sending out emails like, hey man, I got one. Yeah, exactly.

We're doing this new feature called handles. Epic. That's being rolled out in the coming months. You can reserve your handle. It's kind of like a Twitter at. Epic. Right. Mm-hmm.

We couldn't have at JAR Media podcast because that was taken. So we had to get creative. Why wasn't it at JARCast? Yeah. I think that was taken as well or something. Or it was more along the lines of need humor. Need humor. Need a bit of humor in here.

My new flavor of the week. There was like a vote on the Twitter, right? It was quite an unsecretive, but I was just curious what people thought. It was three options. At Yogs, at Dream Lounge, and at Humans Born Fresh. Jim was really keen about humans born fresh. He wanted it to be at Humans Born Fresh. He wanted it to be at Humans Born Fresh.

torn fresh um and i was torn because i really loved that idea as well um but james correctly pointed out that jogs yogs just makes more sense at yogs short easy to say simple is a deep cut reference the yogs at yogs but jim he keeps bringing it up as if he's kind of genuinely that we weren't with y'olds. I wouldn't say angry, I'd say upset. I'm just thinking of... What's your problem with humans born fresh, James? Because it's the flavour of the week.

Alex has these ideas and he has these new things but they all have a sell-by-date and... But having to bind yourself to one of these makes it funnier. Because then it stops... Like, it's the normalisation of humans born fresh. I don't like humans born fresh. It's not funny and it's not cool.

I'm thinking of, like, a baby being born with, like, a, one of those, like, silver, shiny puffer jackets and, like, drip. And some, like, like, Air Jordans or whatever. Yeah. That's what I picture. Yeah. But more like Marge, not Marge, I'm Maggie. Maggie wearing Supreme and stuff.

Like looking kind of fresh today Yeah That's a funny concept to me Like a dripping baby That's a funny concept to me too But how the fuck does it relate To anything that we talk about Or do

But it would It would be How And also how like How would you not Be able to find that Because it's like Come on

Like you're like follow us on Twitter at Four Funnies and also at Humans Born Fresh on YouTube it's too much it's not no like

just role play pretend that like you're saying that like you know good afternoon morning evening on night ladies and gentlemen and welcome to this episode of the jar media

slobjack um you can now using the new feature on YouTube search via our at Humans Born Fresh. Who's going to mistake that

for anything else? Who's going to have a name similar to Human's Born Fresh? We know for a fact Yoggs has something similar because we just stole it from someone else. No, but this thing, but we don't need to be this fucking moral high horse and be this super creative innovative YouTube

channel. It's not about creativity or innovation. It's about, no, but this is a thing. that we don't need to be good we can be bad and just using getting clicks on someone else's success it's okay so at yogs

is good but nobody's going to search at yogs because if the yg's cast are coming out with some fresh content they're going to be saying like yogs cast at yogs cast no but then someone will type in yogs and ours will pop up and underneath it will say yogs cast and that's that's a valuable wevenue

from a where when you put an economical point of view well you know what not everything in the world is about economics james everything's about economics not everything

humans born fresh yeah unique humans born fresh and I think the capacity the capacity for success of humans born fresh the threshold is far higher than not

well if it's that big if it's that big we can still make it yeah we can just make a humans born fresh shirt no I'm going to make my own channel.

That's the name of this episode, though. That was written in the stars months ago. Humans born fresh. Yeah. I've had it written in the thingy for like ages. I just think that we can just

take someone else's views. It's easier. Stick them up actually replied to that saying James has always been right about JAR Media podcast rolling off the tongue better and it's a bit less awkward sounding when us Yanks say it.

JAR Media podcast. No, that It is weird when Americans say jarcast. JARCast. Yeah, because we say JARCast. It's the fucking JARCast here. Hello, everybody, it's the JARCast. It's the humans born fresh.

The JAR means your podcast. Follow us at humans born fresh. Say humans born fresh in an American accent. It means born fresh. Humans born fresh See, that works Americans can't say Yogs Yogs

At Yogs At humans born fresh Howdy, the Yogs cast Isn't American It's English Yeah but our primary viewer base It's actually England It's actually England

And America pretty even made to be Oh yeah but that means that Well we're British So therefore we're British so therefore we've fucking oh god it's like being back on Xbox live

I'm human born fresh well no I'm Yogs I just want to be human born fresh I made the best Xbox account so peachy peachy yeah so look out for

people we're replying to the tweet like oh I've been searching at Yogs and it's just not coming up like what the hell it's not out yet stop being stupid and just let it it be. Give it time. These things take time. Let it be.

I don't think. Let it be. Let it be. Let it be. Humans born so freshly. Let it be. Stop. Love it. You tap has one thing. On episode 149. 149 That's fucking 150 episodes ago Fuck off

James claimed That he will never grow a beard Because his facial hair is ginger And he wouldn't ever grow his hair up Because the tips become blonde What the fuck? Thoughts No

So The second half of that sentence Is not true because I actually go grey I have a lot of grey hair there As you can see Do you want to do a check Alex what hair's there Let me just analyze

I'm going grey I want to go grey And I do have ginger facial hair though But I still have facial hair Because it was destiny It wasn't destiny It was influenced by people Beyond your contraception

Yeah You just needed a couple of humans Who were born fresh to tell you what's up Exactly We've talked about the beard And we know that was a good choice choice and but it is ginger when it goes long I'm doing the hair one now though I'm gonna try to grow it like as long as humanly possible you're gonna

marge it I'm gonna marge it or are you gonna marg it you should definitely trim it though I can't no that's what you have to commit there yeah I might do that but like the idea is there's if you're growing your hair out there's always an awkward face you're gonna have a difficult period yes like when Are you going to be like hippie locks sort of thing? Yeah. I'm going in. Are you going to permit?

It's already permanent. No, no, now. If you're going all in, we've got to use this opportunity to mullet you. Yeah, start off. I've still not. I've seen so many mullets about it. No, listen, we can do it for one episode. Because when you eventually have cut it long and you're ready to go back to the hair you like,

we can mullet it. And then you just cut the west, then you go back to square one. What do you, what do you, what if Alex, decides that he prefers it long. Well, then, because my logic was for winter, I might as well. Yeah. Just grow it out. You start having a beard. It makes you warmer.

Yeah, exactly. It might cause issue in the shower department. It does add time to that, and you have to use more, like, shampoo and poo or whatever. Poo? Yeah, the gloppy plop. Yeah, you've got to use the gloppy pop. So, you guys can decide

if you want me... Why? There's two... There's two more potentially. Okay. But this last one's kind of an anecdote. Okay, prove it. It's the longest anecdote ever written in.

Okay then. Yeah? Do you want me to do it? Yeah? I can do it. But it's in response to Jim's surprise story of, um, you know, shitting himself. Oh yes, yes, yes. Shit story.

Yeah, ready? Okay. So Daddy D. Rock has this fucked up story. For the sake of humility, I've decided to take a page from Jamie's book and detail the time that I once shat myself in a grocery store as an adult. This is not your standard tale of mistaking a shit for a fart. Unfortunately, it's far more sinister and complex than that. This happened several years ago when it was in my early 20s.

I was driving back home from work one evening around 8. when I start to feel the rumbling in my stomach it started off as being mildly uncomfortable but it slowly began to get worse and worse I'll do an introduction here introduction as we all know when you have that actual wumbling feeling it's not shit that's fucking diarrhea

that's always the fart shit explosion just bubbling away and if you don't go quickly from my own experience that shit just fucking launches out your ass well yeah you gotta fucking if you feel that rumble because I was sitting there you know

one day playing like Apex or you know cyberpunk or whatever and I felt the wumbling and I was like oh damn that's a bit wumbly so I got up at my shed went to the house going to the bathroom instantly right in there fucking diarrhea launch this the the toilet was covered in shit at the moment I sat down fucking hell um that but I'm just saying if you get the wumbles seek toilet immediately eventually it reached a point when I was racing to get home because I knew a mud-butt explosion was inbound. Time seemed to slow down and a short drive home soon felt like it was taking an eternity. Before I knew it I was on the verge of full explosion. There was no

containing it. At this point I realized there was no way I'd be able to make it home in time without shitting myself. I had to find the nearest bathroom as quickly as humanly possible. I abruptly pulled into a nearby grocery store, packed my car and headed inside. I immediately made a B-line for the nearest bathroom. Once I got into the men's room, I headed towards the stall. It was unoccupied, yet had been locked from the inside, making it impossible to open the door. So I tried the next door, but it was the same thing. Some asshole had locked them both from the inside. I was on the verge of bursting at any moment, so I began to panic. I knew I'd have to take drastic measures. I didn't want to use the

woman's room and potentially cause a scene, so I decided that I would have to just shimmy under the opening in the stool door. This required me to get down on the bathroom floor, on my back and forced myself under the opening. Needless to say, it was a pretty unpleasant experience, but unfortunately what happened next was even more unpleasant. The squeeze was pretty tight, and I had to be pretty forceful to get myself underneath the door. The simultaneous action of contorting my body in such a way, combined with the force of the stool door squeezing my stomach, caused me to instantly and uncontrollably unload in my pants. This was... This was not a minor explosion either.

It was a full-on Mount Vesuvius level of shit spewing out my asshole into the entirety of my underwear and pants. The horrible realisation slowly set in. I had shit myself and now found myself in a dire predicament. I decided to clean myself off as best as I could. Before going back out into the store, I looked down to examine the damage and I saw a massive shit explosion stain.

covering the entirety of the inside of my underwear and pants. This was exacerbated by the fact that I was wearing khaki pants at the time. I knew that it would be borderline impossible to fully cover up the aftermath. Nevertheless, I spent a few minutes using what toilet paper I could to wipe up the shit from the underwear and pants. I must have used almost an entire role. I soon realized that I would have to abandon the underwear, together. There was absolutely no salvaging them. So I tossed the shit-covered undies into a nearby

trash can. I knew I was now in an even more precarious spot because the door leading into the bathroom didn't have a lock. Somebody could walk in at any moment and see me, dick out, brandishing a shit-stained pair of khaki pans. So I dragged the trash can across the floor and used it to barricade the door as best I could. However, I knew it wouldn't hold. So I would have to act quickly. I ran to the nearby sink and desperately began using soap and water in an attempt to remove the shit stain from my khaki pants. All the while I was praying that nobody tried to come into the bathroom while I was doing all of this. This is probably the tensest few moments of my entire life. In all, I probably spent at least 15 minutes trying to clean the pants,

but to little avail. Fortunately, nobody came in during this whole time. After doing what I could, I looked at myself in the mirror. The shit stain was still abundantly obvious on the back of pants. The shit had completely bled through. There was a good number of people in the store at this time. So if I walked out in my current state, I'd be extremely humiliated. I had to think fast. After some experimentation, I managed to turn the pants around backwards and pull them up as high as humanly possible. This way, I could hopefully cover up the shit stain with my shirt and nobody would notice. Oh, wait, wait. That means you put the shit stain by a cock. Oh, no.

Where was I? Yeah. Notice. Even after doing this, you could still see the shit stain pretty easily. However, I realized if I took my shirt and held it down with my hands as I walked, I could mostly cover it up to where it wouldn't be as noticeable. Under the circumstances, it was the best I could do. The clock was ticking. I knew that I would soon have to make a break for it and get out the store as quickly.

humanly possible. I mentally prepared myself and decided to just go for it. I came out the bathroom holding my shirt down as much as I possibly could. I began walking towards the store's exit. I probably looked stupid as hell, but it was better than exposing my shit cover pants to everyone in the store. I did my best to not aroused suspicion as I walked across the store. My goal was to be discreet, yet move as quickly as I possibly could without drawing attention to myself. Wait, where was that? I just moved around. Yeah, the rush of adrenaline and nervous energy was overwhelming.

I was incredibly anxious that somebody would somehow notice the giant stain on the front of my pants, even though the spot was mostly covered up by my shirt at this point. It was the longest walk of my entire life. Somehow I made it to the exit unmolested. Miraculously, no one seemed to notice the stain of shame I was hiding beneath my shirt. I had made it. I was home free. To make the rest of the story short, I sprinted back to my car and drove home, filled with the feeling of utter shame and defeat.

My car smelled like actual shit for nearly a whole day afterwards. Later on that night, I tried to wash the khaki pants, but they were completely ruined. I had to throw them out. But at least I survived to tell the tale, and I'm still here today. I didn't tell any of my friends about this ordeal until many years later. I was pretty embarrassed about it at the time, but I think it's pretty funny. It just goes to show that shitting your pants as an adult can happen to anybody, even you. So to anyone who has endured similar hardships, I want you to know that you're not alone. Godspeed gentlemen, long live jar.

Okay, so a few questions pop up. Was there a disabled toilet? Hmm. Because that is instantly, if you need a shit and the males or females is busy, you just got to go into disabled. I don't think that says any, like, stigma. against doing that. If you need a shit, you need to shit. Secondly, why did you try to squeeze yourself under

when you could have climbed over? Because yeah, you might have to pull yourself up and then you might have shit fire explosioned either way in the pull-up. Yeah, I think he was fucked, to be honest. He definitely was fucked. I think less pressure on the stomach might not cause you to shit yourself.

I wouldn't even risk. I'd shit in my car. He could have... One option, a nasty option he could have taken is, um, he could have pushed that bin in front of the door and actually just done a shit on the floor. And surprise, surprise men do that, as we've experienced in Cabot Circus. Yeah. But here's the other thing. Do it into the sink or the urinal? Yeah, shit in the urine.

I have been to a toilet where someone is just shit in the urine. Really? Yeah. We talk about dignity, so squatting on the floor and sitting on the floor, or leaning over it and into the urinal. Like, either way, it's gross either way, but... I feel like it's grosser to shit in the urinal. Then what?

But at least with the... Shitting to spray it on the floor. But at least with the sink, you can wash your own ass. No, because, like, your shit, like, urinals are not designed for fucking shit to, like, flow down them. It would block the whole thing and require more cleaning. Yeah, but you talk about the... Nah, you just mush it up.

You just... no but I've got another question did this guy go into with just a shirt and trousers because if he was wearing a hoodie or flee so you could just wrap that round the shit stain and acted normal or honestly

what would have probably been better instead of just take the shirt off and wrap it wound because then you can just beeline it out but nobody's going to think it's weird outside of the shirtless man in a in a shopping centre there'll be more occupied on the shirtless nature

yeah then your shit's covered under you're crazy story yeah very good story dramatic when you i do appreciate now and this this story reinforces it that like he said anyone can can shit themselves anyone and i think even jeff bezos if you feel that bumble in your stomach it's coming you can't stop it you have to, all your attention at that time needs to be diverted to preparing for that shit. So if you are in a car it's either shopping centre

toilets or a bush. Like, you know you say it can affect like anyone. Do you think like Kim Kardashian shit us off? Oh absolutely. But the thing with her is that like while her after her BBL

it's like a storage space it's like a nappy that's forever on so she can just shit and just walk around shit that's how she's so fucking it's like a bulletproof vest the shit's being

sucked in it's not as much it isn't being released so then when she finally has the time she sits down spreads the cheeks and it all just drop straight down right we've got one more right fucking hell

It's for James From Dante Casador Hey Ja I was driving to work And a car drove past And made me think of James Why? It was an electric blue

Honda Civic With a bod-mod Lowered to the ground Custom Rims A rear wing The size of an F-1 car And the best part was the number plate It simply read anime

Thoughts? It sounds like a wise Honda That's probably wanting a 16 that's just rise to hell I like the number plate I would put anime I'm going to put anime on my car

and I would happily have the anime number plate because it's just funny It's pretty funny You just have the word anime Anime, yeah but here we have to have letters so it's like you got me

and one me and one me and one me I don't think you really get that it'd have to be Alright What would it have to be? G-T-8R

Gator Gatorade Yeah Well, drink up that last sip of Gatorade And uh Fuck off Yeah, fuck off, I guess To be quite frank

Get out of here Don't shit yourselves on the way No, shit yourself and then send in your funny stuff We actually want to know your diarrhea shit explosion stories Of course we do We are With the number one shit Fuckers

Yeah