JAR Media Posdact - Meme n' Toes - JARCAST Episode 164

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

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And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Good morning. Again, it's fucked. Good evening. No, it's too fucking late. Good afternoon, morning, evening on night, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the JAR Media POSD Act.

episode 164 rhymes with a door okay lie on the floor how are you doing today Alex pretty bad

okay James how you doing really bad awesome all right guys before we get into anything I just want to shout out my my home dogs

over at Patreon the patrons big thank you supporting the show if you want to support yourself, head on over to Patreon. JAR media. Damn, son. Big thanks.

Also, if you want to support us... In a different way, you know, you can always hit up the great Argynobibo t-shirts, which we have for the hell. On our T-Spring website, the link is in the description below. Get yourself some great t-shirts. You get some awesome t-shirts and awesome mug mayhaps. And you get to support us at the same time. And big thanks to all the folk that have already bought their shirts.

Yeah, if you've bought a shirt, take a picture of yourself wearing it. Tweet a picture at the JAR Media at Four Funnies account and we will retweet that shit. Yes. Yeah. From now. There needs to be a starting point. From now we all do it. Yes, absolutely.

From today. From this very moment. Okay, okay, okay. Are we going to tell them? We're Finner. Tell them. We're Finner going to tell them. No, we're Finner tell them.

We're Finner tell them. We're going to hella finner to tell them. We're going to hella, fella, boys. Y'all all heard of fleshlight. We know this. Y'all know this. Everybody know this. Fleshlight.

The biggest company of the sex in a can. Can we do that again? If I count down from three. On, say, fleshlight. So if we'll say at the same time. So three, two, one, fleshlight, ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Three, two, one.

Flashlight. Oh, we're going to sing it, okay. Three, two, one. Flashlight. Please continue. The number one producer of the infamous sex in a can. They recently tweeted. It is a can, isn't it?

No, it's not. The name indicates what it's supposed to be like, parodying. It's like a flashlight, but you fuck it. Listen. It's a sexual. A week or so ago, whenever, that ain't matter. The details aren't important. Actually, the details are massively important.

The substance, which is important. They asked for content creators. They want a partnership. They want a, they want a, they want a, they want a content creator. They want an influencer to be up in here. Reping the flesh Yeah Reping the flesh

That can be our thing actually I like that a lot So we've been trying to get their attention But they don't seem interested So we want you Let's make them interested Let's force them to be interested Yeah we

I want y'all I want y'all Down in the Carmes To go down there And send them some messages Jim grew up in Compton now No Chicago

Listen I'm listening I'm always listening You just head on over to At Flashlight on Twitter You You type them a message On your phone or whatever

Saying Hey At 4 funnies Know what they're talking about When it comes to flashlights Give them a shot It's actually a KFC crush them

Straw For those listening, James's list is slurping whiskey from an ex-candal cup With the big his straw in the way With a huge straw Let's not get distracted now No, stay on target Stay on target Flashlights

We all love fleshlights Flashlights are us, we always say We always say that here on the jarcast Yeah, anyway We've always thought about remaining We want you guys to get Flashlights attention So we can Open a two-way street

we will become a podcast. You know, for fleshlights. We are willing to rebrand to be fleshlight related. We are willing to commit to being a sex toy podcast. We haven't had anything. I repeat, we are willing to rebrand as a sex toy podcast. Do you hear that flashlight? Look at what you're throwing away by ignoring us.

No, don't look away. Look at me, you fucking pricks. We are so, all these people, they must be hitting up. Oy, uh, Peter Pie, want to do a fleshlight thing? Oi, uh, Angry Joe, want to do a fucking flashlight thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, these, these YouTubers getting sponsors, left, right and centre. All different things every different day.

We want to be fleshlight 24, motherfucking seven. We will be on that grind, that flashlight grind all day, every day. We'll pick up that destroyer. We'll pick up that Lisa Ann variant. We'll pick up every variant of the fleshlight. Yeah, every, anything you got, you throw it at us. Even those limited edition, collector's edition, the vampire one. Suckoo dries, which I'm no longer in production, we've got them all.

We'll go on eBay, we'll pick up second hand flashlights, that's how far we'll go. Speaking of sex toys, did you actually, did we actually tell them what to do? Yeah, I did while you guys were ignoring me. Right, to tweet at them. Charlings, tweet at Flashlight, just do it. please just tell them we've we've kept this kind of under wraps but we've had a dream you could say jar had a dream jar had a dream for a long long time the one the only the sex toy podcast jar yeah because like what are we we don't have a thing yeah i mean we found our

thing we found it in life we just need you know what and if flesh like going to ignore us if you one of the competitors wants to hit us up we'll you know we're willing to you know fuck your toys we're flexible in the same way the fleshlights are quite flexible we can be soft we can be hard we can be bumpy and we could be hard slippery we can be slippery we can we we can be porous we can be absorbent but we adapt we adapt just like a flashlight does around a juicy member. Sorry if you're a woman or lady listener. Flashlights. I mean

turn it inside out. Maybe Why? Does that exist? Is that a gap in the market right there? A fleshlight they'll do. So, so Christian Christians could have sex without having sex. One end is a flashlight.

Maybe isn't masturbation like bad. No, no of course it's not. Of course it's not. They wouldn't like fuck asshole I thought some Christians do do that to avoid yeah that's what I mean like they if masturbation was bad

they wouldn't fuck butt and be like this is fine what are we didn't even talking about so what's Jim saying is you know a flashlight and on the end you got a dildos when you yeah I mean it's kind of just a condom

but I'm like the most elaborate condom funny do see we're even creating fleshlight products on the fucking yeah like we got ideas come on

I bet we're more creative than the big wigs over at flashlight yeah let's just do one that's I don't know a pussy we'll meet we'll we'll

we've coughed it after we'd be pulling star as well great idea we're talking about sex a whole lot what's the biggest sex burs.

Anal toys? No, porn. I'm pretty sure ASMR YouTube videos. Porn. Okay. Right, pornography. We're all addicted to porn here.

Let's just get that other way. We've had this discussion before. We all know that pornography is a big addiction amongst the youth of today. And we've all got it. We're all youths. We're all addicted. Yeah.

But anyway, our addiction is In Jeopardy. In Jeopardy? What do you mean? So in July, you know, the UK is planing? What are they planning? These motherfuckers over at the government trying to groupthink us into fucking hell.

They want to take us down in the depths. Yeah, they want to remove the only thing us youths have left. And that is a horrifically unhealthy addiction to porn. Listen, the UK government wants to steal our identities. They want to steal our hobbies, our passions. They want us to say, hey, this is me, and I watch hardcore anal. Hardcore anal. That's pretty softcore. Let me delve a little deeper.

Pardon the pun. Yeah, thank you. So the UK is planning on enforcing porn laws, internet porn laws, on people that aren't of age. How are they doing that, James? Well, they're locking off. So to access your pornography, you need to log into this account somewhere on some app. And have you... It's actually an app.

You've got to download an app and be like, please, Mr. Government, let me look at porn. I think they're going to force these websites to build it into their own website. Yeah, so you have to give them an email. Your date of birth. Passport? Like, any, like a form of identification, right? What if porn hub was just like, no. Not doing it.

Then they will be banned in the UK. So every ISP would have to stop letting every person in the country access Pornhub. Yeah. yes unless you got that VPN so basically just becoming China then that is a danger yeah like why stop there why don't we just stop I don't know just get rid of you know anything why not just like make it so the only thing we're allowed to watch is something that the government makes itself yeah like Jeremy Corbyn rants no not Joe it'll be like Theresa May around Theresa May

Theresa May Theresa May epic moments montages on YouTube I bet there's literally not even a single one of this I mean if they want to like reduce the population of England because we're getting overpopulated over here that would be a way to do it I mean banning porn is going to get rid a lot of English people I guarantee you that they're going to flee to the US

but um no a danger I heard of what they're doing because you've got to basically give your real identity to be able to watch porn on like porn hub So it's like a verification kind of check It's the same way that a bank checks that you're a real person By giving like a bank statement or whatever Yeah But a danger that I heard was

This could force people to go underground For like illegal porn being made And like Given to people that like Desperate fucking 15 year old boys That know there is porn out there and they want to see it like what are they going to go and view

because they're going to have to go to some shady website what about like there's controversy about these like Instagram accounts that are based around these like 13 14 year old girls that are like really sexualized is that like allowed

what in the this new law yeah like does that mean you're going to have to have some kind of verification to have an Instagram account Yeah, I mean Because every social media is full of porn Instagram is full of it Reddit's full of it, Twitter's full of it

I mean there's porn everywhere If it's like a sharing platform There's gonna be porn on it That's the biggest floor With this whole idea Is that it's not possible Let me tell you something funny Back in 2014

England banned Four things in porn That's right Do you know what they are? The people that don't know, England has very strict laws on what you can produce when you're producing porn. Like, it can't be hardcore, it can't show, be any type of hardcore stuff, it's got to be so soft. You mean like if it's a professional production or even amateur? Like, you can't make really hardcore porn in this country, it's illegal.

It's got to be really soft, like quite vanilla. But, right? Do you want to know the things that they banned? Attempted to ban, right? What, in 2014? No, I think they are banned. Right. But like, you can still.

or something fetishes yeah they're quite specific okay so one of them the one i can understand the most is fisting why why it's banned because i mean i think i think their fear is that young people see this and think like that's normal sex they're gonna do it right okay which is it is an issue of porn but i mean like yeah but i mean i mean who jumps to like Like, let's try fisting, girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. I mean, fuck news. But, so the next one,

Mm-hmm. Face sitting. Was banned. For real? Obviously, that's like, we've got ban it because people can suffocate, so we must be that. No, you're serious?

Yeah, that's what I've heard. Face sitting. Face sitting. So is there like any gender specification? Or just either gender... Yeah, guess either. Right. Which to me is like, that's so fucking embarrassing.

What is wrong with that? You know? Obviously, you can watch it, you can consume it. But if you make face-hitting porn, you're going to jail. What? Yeah. That actually makes no sense, though. I think the idea is that it's not meant to be viewable in this country, but obviously

it was like, um, there's loads of websites and loads of fucking porn videos and they are not all going to be able to be banned so they're all everywhere. It's not about banning them. It's about you cannot make them in this country. Anyone else can, but if you watch facing porn in England it's okay

if you're not allowed to make it if you're producing it. If you're producing it that's not allowed. Okay, I misinterpreted that then. It's danger to the people involved. That's the whole reason. So it's basically health and safety gone mad. It's health and safety. That's it. That's why they ban. Health and safety's gone to such a degree that you can't even make like what porn you want right what's what sorry jim continue the last one is

female ejaculation what why that that kind of porn is banned from being made here apparently so like squirting shit yeah oh dear lord i mean like if it is a health and safe have you noticed so why are all of those so like anti women yeah female focused kind of shit men can come all over what the fuck they want yeah

but if a woman does it that's bizarre who the fuck like makes these rules who like sits down and they're like all these fucking 80 year old men

in a room like listing porn categories no that one's fine that one though don't know about that fuck off these literally being like shat on

that's fine but squirting nah mate anal BDSM that's fine Female ejacation, no As long as the man's get an enjoyment That's what's matters

The most Right Oh dear Oh dearie me What great nation we live in It's why the UK has such a rep For being like this pussy Nanny State

We're doing that a lot this episode Like saying the same thing at the same time Three two one Nanny State Bougar Bozy boogie boogers Next Next thing

Picking your nose is going to be banned arrestable offense yeah nudity we're gonna turn to japan it's got be pixelated that that's what's coming fuck yeah it is scary though it's like when does this shit end it's like a it's like that snowball that starts rolling down the hill and it just keeps gathering snow and building mass to it gets to such a ridiculous degree an unstoppable degree like wasn't like you know obviously growing up you obviously saw page free on like newspapers yeah there since it's not a anymore, that's gone. Yeah, the sun was, you know, filtered, wasn't it?

Yeah. And no, that's, it's rolled over to... I mean, he gives a fuck about newspapers. We've talked about it when James and I did our, like, quadrilogy of episodes or whatever. Yeah. We did bring out the topic of porn. And it is kind of an issue. It's like a social issue.

Yeah. But this is not the way to handle it. Yeah. Stopping the production here doesn't stop people aboard to stop the production. It's still getting produced. It doesn't change people consuming it. Because if you ban it here so people can't get it here They're just gonna get it from it I mean life finds a way That's what I just think over. It's like when America tried to ban alcohol What happened? Yeah

When I mean there are so many ways to work around like ban things on the internet, you know? Like just download a VPN Just set your server so you're somewhere in Europe or suddenly I can just look whatever I want based on their laws it's like it just comes from a place of such a profound misunderstanding of how the internet works and what people like about the internet and the freedoms that people like it's one of those things where like the problem isn't the um it's not banned you know that porn isn't banned that's not the problem the the problem is that it exists like the fact that it exists means that people are going to abuse the fact that it exists. Yeah, like humans can't wrap their head around how to, like, control and monitor something

as vast as a infinite, internet, like, internet, like, network of infinite connections. Well, I mean, it goes down to basic substances, like addiction. Like, our brains like certain things, hence, like, the porn problem at the moment. Like, brains like to feel... Orphins, yeah. Is it the, is there a line of thought something like, well, kids aren't allowed to drink alcohol, for example. Yeah. But there are laws and you need proof if you want to buy alcohol.

Yeah. We've got to think 25. So you've got to prove it. It is probably a similar thought process. But it's like, if anyone, if anyone is going to figure out how to get around it, it's going to be these fucking 13 year olds. Mm-hmm. one, look, it would just spread like crazy and then it would just be pointless and the law and all that time in government would just been completely wasted. It's a lot more difficult as a young kid to get alcohol than it is porn. You can, they'll be able to get porn instantly. It won't even be different.

Well, I mean, all you have to do is like search porn on Google, go a few pages and then I'm sure you'll be able to find one that hasn't been banned in the country. Well, you just go. Because there's so many fucking websites. And you just go on Twitter and type porn. Yeah. And you'll get porn. Yeah, and it's like what do they classify as porn as well? You know? Yeah. Like even that line's kind of blurry.

Like some things are okay. A Nicki Minaj YouTube video? Yeah. Yeah, there are loads of like really sexual, like is it just if it's of sexual nature or if it's explicit like intercourse only or? It's such a slippery slope because there's like, it's so vague the whole thing. Yeah. Trying to control like just videos that people upload. You literally type porn into Twitter, go to latest and this is full of it.

Come on, you're banning porn sites, but you... It's a waste of time. And it's... So the government basically has an issue with the internet existing. And that's their problem. Hello? Oh no! Yeah.

Oh no, what we're gonna do? What is it? Recently, the government... specifically European governments have just been like wait a minute I don't I don't understand the internet and it scares me it's new different scary I didn't grow up with it which means bad yeah destroy it ruin it yeah ruin it kill it yeah let's change your copyright law so businesses get total control so we can copyright memes

um and small businesses get fuck yeah let's make it so if you upload a meme of Thanos with Kanye Wes head going up his bottom because you don't own the picture of either of those things then you're breaking copyright law and you have to take it down that's what they want they want the big powerful businesses to own the rights to everything they want like me saying

um dab or troll face and then our entire video from that those two words or three words it's as absurd as that thing everyone got angry about a few years ago

when the fine bros tried to copyright the term react it's like people have always reacted to things in pop culture and like joked about things and parodied things and you know humans they're like storytellers

they take things that they've like absorbed in their life and they mock them and they add to them it's like it's been in our blood for so many generations of like telling stories

and having jokes that we repeat and slightly change and things change like naturally as they go through time and through reiteration it's such a dangerous like thing to try and control with law anyway

I don't know yeah for sure me gonna cry I think that's I think that's all she wrote on that one. Yeah. Why is I consume it while you can? Yeah.

Just go be smell on porn. Binge hardcore for the next few months. Just go crazy and then... Download it all. Yeah, that'll be next. Yeah? If you have porn downloaded on a computer. Yeah.

We'll have bobbies coming into every house. Let me see that hard drive. When does that cross the line? Surely if you've got pictures of like your other half, Surely, they're going to ban that because it's porn? Yeah, well, if you're fisting your other arm. Where does it stop? But how do they enforce everything if we have got, like, no policeman?

Yeah, yeah. There's, like, no threat of anything, especially in this county. Like, break the law, probably going to get away with it. Yeah, no, honestly, if you're, like, a criminal who's looking to do some kind of, like, big, elaborate GTA-5-style heist, do it in Swindon yeah do it in Wiltshire maybe not Swindon they probably are three cops around there do it somewhere in a quiet town in Wiltshire

we're gonna have a massive crime wave in Wiltson yeah these jarlings are like finally my chance every shot we're just gonna drive down there so he just fucking bobbers outside the fucking icing in a line waiting for their turn yeah it is scary how like the UK has got

into a point where it's like, we're banking so hard on citizens just not being criminals and being mean to each other and just live in their lives. But guess what? Like, crime is going up everywhere. It's almost like there's a trend with like less police, more

crime. Any kind of like prevention like that. Yeah. If there's no threat of like punishment, why would you? Yeah. Why would I not just steal a cucumber from Tesco?

Yeah. Because if you do steal something from a supermarket, even the bodyguards there, they're not allowed to do anything for the fear of you suing them if they hurt you. Yeah. Which to me is so ridiculous. And if they attack you, you can't attack them back

because then you'll get them for assault. It's just like, what could it? It honestly is too far. It's too far in the opposite direction. Like there's the Wild West where it's just like every man for himself, everyone's, you know. protecting what's theirs

and it's a bit you know gross and crazy and then there's like being too scared to do anything like you're too scared to defend your own like property because of the fear of the law it's so funny

and it's like even if you do defend your property you're definitely going to get caught and you're definitely going to jail but the person who actually broke in they'll walk free well yeah like criminal isn't it a thing if you have like a baseball bat and someone breaks in if they if if the person like you smacked with a baseball bat because they broke into your fucking house

the person you smacked if they've got a decent enough lawyer you will get done for it for a because you owned a weapon and the intent of that weapon was to hurt someone yeah so then it apparently it's like because you wanted to defend your house yeah there's a there's an actual term for it that I'm blanking on right now we talked about it before and then we talked about America is just like someone breaks in his free fucking yeah there are states where you can isn't it legal to just kill people who break into your home like I mean I would prefer that over it makes more sense to me it makes way more sense like protecting your family protecting what you have earned yeah that is fair to me someone goes into your

space like someone invades your privacy yeah and and tries to rob what is yours maybe do horrible things to your family or you that's it's like it's like it's like a Animalistic kind of urge to defend what is yours yeah you know like if a dog if a dog's happily chewing on a bone and then another another dog comes over to try and take it the dog will get antsy and we'll growl at it and we'll you know scream it to go away and might bite it will scratch it or something That's just like it's just the the way everything works unless it was flossy then it would just be there's like if you've got like a you know your kids in your house you're just gonna let some fucking armed robbers just fucking fuck your shit up or you're gonna fucking fuck them up Yeah, exactly. What a fucking shit over country we live in? Me, it's sad. Like, I don't blame every other country for mocking

how absurd it is over here. Yeah. And it's like, even if you do, if someone breaks in and they steal, if the police, I'm going to do anything, because they're like, oh, we haven't got the time. So it's like, you can't offend yourself. It's like, you can't defend all your stuff

from getting nicked. And if you don't, you're never going to get it back because the police aren't going to do anything. insurance is like the only thing you got it's it it's everything if you if you punch on they're going to sue you it's all insurance all our society is oh that's fucking depressing jar moves to Nevada next episode it you you do see the appeal of like everything America stands for though with all its issues there don't you that kind of level of you know freedom but I wouldn't want to be jar in America because

Because one of us will be killed. But, yeah, but James would just be, like, playing with a revolver and it would go off. James it would kill one of us. And then go to prison. And, yeah. And I'll be jar over it. Oh, mama. Well, we literally won one of one with the Nerf gun quite often, that fucking Nerf gun from Christmas.

And it would just be a natural gun. And we're back off to these messages. Yo, how it is, Kaz. Join Media Shirts. Go check them out. Description below. Cheers, brov, in it. Before we go into topics from the Reddit

that people can leave at the jar Reddit on the thread that is left there, um, there's something I'd like to bring up quickly. There is a stage on Smash Bros Ultimate called Mementos. Mementos is obviously a word

as a meaning. and we're just, you know, playing a bit of smash earlier and James sees this stage called Mementos and he's like, why is that stage called Meme-en-Oes? What is Meme-entos? That's just lame. He said it pissed you off because there's a Spanish word or something that's like Fomentes or some shit and you're like, why is it not called Fomento?

So that's the name of the episode, Meme-entos. Oh dear. No, it's Meme-Tos. No, it's Meme-en-Tos. Mimantose. Mimantos. Can I quickly bring up something as well? Yes.

It's just a... No, it's just a question. It's kind of like the chicken and the egg, but more confusing. Right. So, you're aware of gunpowder. Yes. So people discovered gunpowders,

or gunpowder, and then made guns from gunpowder, like using gunpowder. Yeah, but... But, so if gunpowder was discovered first, why is it called gunpowder? Yeah, but you found, you have to find their powder in the first place, right? And then you're like, oh wait, I can use this in a weapon, which is a gun. Why isn't it called something entirely different instead of just powder? Yeah, before guns existed.

Why didn't they just call it explosion powder? Yeah Like it was What was gunpowder called before guns Was the question I came up with Oh no that is a good one It's probably called Ash Explosion Powder

I'm pretty sure back in those days Every group would have called it different It was just a name by different You know But England You know Do you want we to search it? No

No Don't you see I came up with that idea All by myself and I was like Damn Very profound Do you want us to give you a round of a fucking applause

Please I'm going to find out Jamie Just for you baby While James is doing that Let's do some questions from the jar audience Yes Let's do this

Bibo dibi dibi dosa says What is a quote or saying That you can't stand when people say there is one what the fuck is it in a nutshell according to Wikipedia

it was created by the Chinese and do not they trying to create when they created gunpowder the elixir of life Fair enough I mean you know start of high aspirations and you'll end somewhere They found they invented the opposite It was called fire medicine

fire medicine I mean you can use it to a quarterized Williams but anyway question yeah sayings or quotes that pisses you off one in the hand is worth two in the bush

I don't know what that I don't like um if you find a nickel on the floor put it in your cap that one's always pissed me on I don't know what you're on about of course you fucking do yeah mine is like

I was being about fire medicine Mine is, you have a bad reputation in the chicken community. I don't know what that is. Some, that movie about chickens. This is from the Brian Death episode. A family guy. Oh, funny. Oh, yeah.

It's a sign of like A&E and there's a chicken. Don't talk to me. You have a bad reputation in the chicken community. I feel like you could just write a family guy episode by literally just, you know, that feature on iPhone where you can just keep pressing the predicted text and it just creates a sense of it. No, there is method in that madness, though, because pizza's always fighting the chicken.

I know, but I'm just saying... Dorg. Anyway, fuck knows. Just saying, dog. James doesn't know any sayings anyway. You doesn't even know... No, your least favorite, one that pisses you off, every time you hear it. You didn't even know that the word of memento was like a real word. I do know that, you fucking dick.

You just couldn't read it. You have to be able to read to know what the sayings I can read Idiot boy No my My most hate Hated saying Yeah

Yeah my most hated saying is I don't have that much hate for sayings I don't be honest There are some No there's one that's really popular In our like town or county of Wiltshire Which is Do you know what I mean?

Do you know what I mean? Yeah No there's a different one That is a common one though No, I'd never hear it Well, that's bullshit James is his own ones Uh, reasons

Reasons? Reasons isn't the saying It's an excuse For everything Yeah Maybe we should do a reasons T-shirt I'll wear it every day

Holy shit, that is a good t-shirt His reasons Alex, stop, stop You're spoiling phase two Of our jammer So Let's go Let's just move on, okay

Jim is B phase two or all three two no no he can't be two the big by beast is number two let's move on stache or stash dk says and uh

just just listen to how james are going to react to this role play suggestion you were all on a cruise ship bound for Madagascar suddenly the ship starts sinking but luckily you're the only person on board for some reason

unluckily the only lifeboat fits no more than three people if reuben has betrayed us yet again it's reduced to two also you will have a suspicion it was james's fault due to his hatred for your destination nice sort of like meta commentary I have to kill one of you two or myself we there's only space on the lifeboat

for two of us but there are three of us start well playing now look James you're staying behind I know how much much you hate Madagascar, you don't want to see it anyway. You can just drown, to be honest. Are we not going to discuss why you're picking me? Okay, let's just... Because you sang the boat.

Madagascar is abandoned. There's no one on there. You're going to dive away, so why don't you think about your survival and actually choose... Is that true? Why don't you choose... Why are you saying it's a roleplay if we're about to fucking drown? We need to... We need to problem solve right now, bro.

Yeah, so think who's going to be the most survival worthy on Madagascar? Not you. What can you do, Alex? Not you. How's it not me? I can eat coconuts, you know, grass. You cannot eat anything.

Yes, I can. The only thing you eat is chicken. You're trying to find a way to kill me off. If I'm not letting himself go down. If it ain't eating it. You'll eat a bit of sand. Be like, oh, it looks like bread. Have you done manual labor?

Can I trust you to make a house? No, I cannot. Can we trust you to make it? I've built a house. I've built many houses, Jamie. You'll just make excuses to kill me off. Water currently is at my knees. Just want to remind you that.

Well, why don't you stop being a little baby and choose you to kill? Because it's not me. Because I'm more helpful. Jim, let's vote. My vote is for James. You've got weight. Okay? You're chubby.

You're bit chubby on somebody, you know? Which means I'll survive longer. No, no, me. I'm skinny. So the lack of food isn't going to be. Which means you'll die quicker from malnutrition. You'll die quicker and there'll be less food for us to eat from your leftover corpse.

And then you can eat me. But I'm more plump and ready to be roasted. No, but you're going to die quicker because you're not, body's not used to a lack of food. That ain't how... That's how it's going to work here now. Anyway, you look over, I've already killed myself in the water. Oh, Alex, let's get the fuck out of it.

I'll just eat you later. Bye, Jim. Maybe we could... We could... That woke one, Jim. body and then take him's food. That's not a bad idea, actually. I got plenty of meat on my bones. I ain't gone, I.

Yeah, I'm worthless. I can make a house. You can use my bones to make a house. When have you made a house to it? Have you not played Sims? Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh, just Los Angeles. Is his name? That was the best world for I've done. Wait, look. Los Angeles, the city has left to question.

Yeah. I don't understand the question, but I thought I need to say it anyway. Okay. Y'all have a stanky leg so hard that you can't breathe? Yeah. Um... Yeah. Maybe?

What does that mean? Y'all have a stanky leg so bad that you can't breathe? Y'all have a stanky leg so hard that you can't breathe? It's like a Seinfeld thing. Ha ha, I get it. Seinfeld ain't... Be doing stuff like that. Um, I'm just gonna say yes.

Have you ever dab so hard your cables called what whacked on your knob? Your cable? What cables? Moonduck One. I made a reference to your tweet. Oh, that really old tweet no one would like understand the reference to. Moon Duck One says, If you got a chance to direct and write to your own DreamWorks film as a collaborative effort,

what would you produce a sequence? an original? What would the pilot be? Who would be cast? Yeah, what? Does he mean like a TV show then? Yeah, what? I'd want to do a movie, dog.

Yeah. Um, my movie would be about Obama. It would be Madagascar, but every character is one by David Hymion too. That ultimate crossover. No, my movie would be an animated biopic, biopic, biopic biopic

of Obama of Obama from when he was born as a cute little baby and he like slaps his dad or something because that's like dream words babies have to slap him on the ass

right and there's it's just like a really just like yeah just nice it's just nice Obama like documentary almost but with lots of slapping

and it basically turns into TED Ted? Why the fuck is it Seth MacFarlane movie I would obviously do a Madagascar sequel that's already a thing though no bit they said you can do a sequel

okay what's your idea another sequel for a Madagascar movie what's like the most trite setting for a movie they've already done like the secret parents that you didn't know about. They've done joining the circus. They haven't done Save the Rec Center yet. It's a rec center.

What? The recreational center. Save the rec center. That's like a tropey story thing for like those kind of movies. Yeah. Like an Adam Sandler type movie. How about this? Movie opens.

Alex just eats the zebra. Eats Melman. No. Why not? to like a sawman you're not letting me finish he's just feasting on him it's like really violent and gruesome it's R rated yeah so this is bullshit already okay don't listen to me then no that's fucking bullshit no mine is mine is based in some sort of reality right Obama the the American sweetheart animated movie gold right

there lots of slapping perfect for dream okay how about this your one is R rated like fuck off okay okay answer the question properly let me scrap that idea. Opens up on young Alex the Lion. It's flashback. He's He's...

He's... He's older than he was at the start of Madagascar 2, but younger than he was at the start of Madagascar 1. He's kind of teenager. I like this more already. You know what, Marty? I really want to be a pilot

one day. And then Marty's But Alex, you're a fucking... He wouldn't say the F word, obviously, he'd say, Alex, you crazy honky, you're a lion. You can't fly? Only penguins and humans can fly. Yeah, like a cool bag. Plant those seeds for the, for Madagascar, too. Yeah, three.

Three, sorry. Flash forward. Alex has grown up, he's got a successful circus business. They've got, they're so rich, like they're just bored. they have so much money they're they actually like thinking about suicide it's not it's like yeah yeah it's like for the parents yeah they're like they have no reason to live and they're so rich they're up they're just after something to give their life meaning smash cut to marty no wait why isn't marty with them

they were like the circus but like it's heavily implied that Marty is addicted to opioids but makes some kind of joke that it's like yeah I'm just addicted to chocolate Alex something like that where it's clear

chocolate's all I got left yeah chocolate's all I got left Alex and Alex is like remember what he said when I was a kid Marty now he can be like you got me

and then he's like Yeah Meanwhile Gloria's like No this is the best bit She's on the toilet She's on the toilet She's on the toilet Looking scared

You don't know what is happening Cuts to a close-up of her hand Horning a pregnancy test Oh my fucking God And it says positive And she's like Oh my God It's so her

fucking arc in the movie is like do i bought the baby do i talk to melman about this and then at the end she decides to not abort the baby but it's still born because it's a fucking half giraffe half fucking holy fuck dude this this is like bleak meanwhile the penguins are like cocaine dealers in mexico make the penguins have their story of the movie be like a huge part of the movie a third of the movie then we're coming up with some scheme to become the president of the United States

by selling cocaine and they like it can be like this weird satire of the like American political system where they manipulate crowds to get votes and they win the presidency are they doing like a trench coat like yeah like in Bojack

where they're just standing on each other and they win but the thing is they actually are such they're so good at being the president that they go down in history as the best president of all time Oh god damn And Alex... So that's completely irrelevant to the Alex the Lion pilot plot

No, because They make abortion legal It is legal, isn't it? Set it in a state where maybe it's illegal or on the line This is getting too... This is far too deep... Come on. Madagascar's always been political.

You just haven't read between the line. Mm-hmm. Obviously, this would be more subtle than I'm describing it now. Yeah, yeah. This is like concept. Yeah. Yeah. It could be like a dream sequence where Gloria has like a nightmare about her weird babies. Yeah, like that scene from the fly where she gives birth to a giant maggot. Yeah. It's like a hippo with a really long neck. God damn.

But yeah, the film would be about wanting to be a pilot. It would be about, it would be a satire of, you know. Current-day politics. I think Alex has got too involved in this fucking, this question. Move on. I think you did the question justice. I'm glad you changed it to this other one. Yeah. And then they're Marty and Alex.

Like, they're becoming each other's wingmen. And they're fighter jets. And they're like, they fucking, they end up just piloting drones, fucking bombing innocent civilians. And they become the best pilots for the penguin presidency. marty's no the penguins being the president could like put the madagascar crew in like really important positions of power so like melman's in charge of like the military which which then leads to melman

no melman giving alex his dream of being a pilot so i think i think melman should be given the the job of doctor head of um doctor like like he he he creates free health care in america that is melman Well, okay, no, Marty then. He's got nothing to do. Yeah. Make Marty the, like, head of, like, a general of all armies or whatever. The head general of the military. Yeah. Yeah. Space Force. Yeah. He's like, you know what's better than being a pilot, Alex? Being an astronaut. No, no. I would save that for like a tease for Madagascar 5. Oh, okay. After the credit. Yeah. For where they're obviously going to go to space. It's like a cinematic universe. Then you could have set up. movies for each... Monsters versus aliens could get involved, I don't know. No, but what's Gloria then? What's her position in the American...

Well, she's pregnant. Yeah? And? What we see? The assistant manager to... Her whole... Gloria's character is that she wants to get pregnant. That's her character.

It's been that way since the second one. If all of the characters are now in powerful positions in the US, what's Gloria's position? Or does she just not have one? She's some boring shit. vice president she's VP the penguins all four penguins are the president what about the monkeys what about the monkeys are they oh they're like economical kind of control yeah that's how they keep the and then America goes into another boom anyway can we fucking move on please I'm gonna we've been

talking about this for like 10 minutes oh dear johnny the rat one says what are the jar pets political views gaius is that doesn't have any guys is alt-right argues like ultra left

yeah and billy's old white billy's no she attacks more things than gaius it's not about attacking this is political views okay um

attack more things and so right What makes Guy so white then? Is it because he's black? He looks... What does that even mean? I was going to say, because he's black and he's got pointy ears. Does that mean?

I don't know. No, he looks like a military dog, you know? He looks like a... No, he looks like an agile... Yeah, he looks. Gives no fucks about people, dog. Yeah, bleh. That would be the case who's a German shepherd.

He's not. He's like a German shepherd. You want danger? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you want danger, is Gaius. You can't deny that. No, danger is Billy. How many of us have been attacked by Billy?

Come on. Me. What, no, what did she do to you? She bided me. She nibbled you. She put her mouth over your hand. Only because she has sharp teeth. Gaius, play fights with me.

He loves... He has bitten me multiple times. He's bitten him. Does he bitten you? He's bitten my feet multiple times. Well, I mean, you could say Billy... That's because he's calling. That's what he does.

You can say Billy play. fights. Yeah, but that actually hurts you. Gaius doesn't. Gaius loves you. I'd say I like Gaius a lot as well, but She's a little baby. I'm just going to say Billy, is it? Her only political agenda is anti-group thing.

And goreys is odd way, they're both the same. No, she's anti-group think, and that's it. She's just center then. She's, no, she's freedom. So, well, white. But she also hates the rats. And I mean, like, take that how you would. She literally kills more people than anyone else.

Not people. She slaughters animals like no one's business. She's definitely far white. How many people died in a communist Russia? Or communist China. I mean, that's why she ain't any political side. She is just a murderer and an anti-group thinker. So she's like Dexter?

Yeah, she's Dexter. She kills because it makes her feel good, but she don't like group think. Okay. So true. What's the golden, Max? Max, I think he's, like, so mentally impaired that he can't have any opinions. No, he thinks he's like, he's with it. Like, and he's really progressive, but he's actually like a little bit racist.

A little bit. Yeah, he's like, homophobic. But. Yeah. He's one of those. Yeah. I'm not homophobic, but. Yeah, he's a fundamentalist Christian.

He's massively homophobic, but. secretly gay? Yes. He loves fucking Argy. Yeah. God, I bet he misses Argy. He dreams of Argy at night. Yeah.

He has wet dreams about Argy. Dry dreams. He ain't got no fucking sack. That's true. Comforting Sneeze says Opinions on sacrifice? Is that the actual question? Yes.

I mean, what kind of sacrifice are we talking about? That's it. It's three words. I mean, like, sacrificing someone to, like, a deity isn't very cool. I think it's kind of cool. It's kind of badass. King Kong? Yeah, I'd sacrifice, you know, I'd sacrifice James for King Kong.

Why are you trying to kill James then? That's funny. This episode is just, James is dying one way or another. James. It would be kind of a cool death. It depends if he's a Godzilla directed by Hidi, Akeano or not? It's not Godzilla, it's King Kong.

Yeah, it's completely different. King by directed by Hideyakiana. Donkey Kong. Yeah. You get killed by Donkey Kong. Can you imagine like... It's spiked. Like a King Kong movie, but he looks like Donkey Kong.

Yeah, he's got like the tie and everything. That would be scarier. Donkey Kong is a threat. He's got those fat eyes. Yeah. Scary smile. The scariest thing that Donkey Kong does is when he gets slapped or something and it's like, it's just fucking shoot out.

of his skull It's like Freaky as fuck 4K Yeah Bion I'll give you nightmares Manta Squad

has another roleplay for us Nice This is a good one though If they're really fun and creative We have to do them Rollplay idea James is watching a really emotional anime that is making him cry

And everyone else is acting out the anime No that doesn't work Because the other one works Because it was putting us in a situation where we can actually you know world play but that one's just making that one works yeah this one works very well because it means jim and i get to like reenact an anime and you have to cry okay reenact the heartfelt battle no no it's an original yeah it's an original anime

so it's on you're going into danger you know how this makes me feel son Why are I speaking a different language? I mean a made-up language. If you go at that corner any faster, then danger will be coming. I already crashed. I'm dead. I was like watching you driving. But he's already crashed? Yeah, I crashed just...

I warned him... He's saying as he flies out the window... Yeah. I warned him 15 minutes ago that he's... if he did that, he would be in danger, and here we are. No, more, uh, exposition. The little details I warned him of were so clear. But in these, in these moments that we live in, the issue is, the danger was there.

I mean, that ain't. That ain't. The corner was too vast for his car to manage. Yeah, there you go. His speed was too much, and his breaking was not good enough. If he'd have installed the coilovers that I instructed him to, this mess could have been completely avoided. Gersmo 7 says,

At what point does a human become a cyborg? Um, I reckon like the knees. The knees? Yeah. Okay, end of the question. Mama H. H. H. H. H. H. H. 1, 2, 3 says, question for Alex and James. Sorry, Jim, you're not mentioned, so you're not allowed to answer it.

So I live very close to your town, and I know it well, and I was wondering what do you guys dislike the most about your town? The fact that has a terrible high street. That's the worst thing about it. Yeah, it's terrible. No good shops. That's a bit of an issue. you for me? The river's a bit dirty, not that nice.

Okay. I think the Rive is quite nice. There's no waste tracks. Queen of Dork has a question, sorry, Dirt. Queen of Dirt is a question that, Jim, you can. It's actually specifically for you. This is more for Jamie as a cat owner. There's been a push recently. for owners to not allow their cats to free roam outside because of safety of concerns and studies

showing the effects of cats hunting on native species. But it seems that letting cats outdoors is much more culturally entrenched in the UK. Do you think that the indoor cat movement will ever catch on in the UK or are people too set in their ways at this point? I have never heard of this before. I haven't either. I mean, Billy is not an indoor cat by any means. I think like he if that is seriously a problem then we should put work into like making cats not allowed

because I think it's kind of just cruel like Billy would be fucking miserable and depressed if we did not let her outside because that that's she'll spend 10 hours a day outside come in sleep and then when she wakes up she'll eat

or surely when she comes in as well and then she'll leave for like the whole day yeah I thought that was a cat's whole deal right yeah that's what they like it's what they're meant to be doing to me anyway yeah I didn't know that was even like a movement or whatever

no but like that's also how your cat gets like fat as fuck because it ain't like doing anything it's just gonna eat and sleep what can it do yeah well are we done here fellas

I need our Weewee. I need to go to bed. Okay. Thank you for watching this episode of the Jammedia podcast. We'll see you next time. Thanks for watching. Leave us nice reviews and follow us. Big thanks to the patrons and once again t-shirts in the description below.

Get ready for phase two that's coming out in three years. Okay. Uh, and just remember. Reasons?