JAR Media Posdact - Mr Barst Hard is Used to It

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Timecodes: 00:00 Intro 06:02 Housekeeping 22:23 It's Albert Camus' turn 38:24 Mid Break 52:16 Question Segment: JARland 1:00:18 Does episode finder scare you? 1:05:25 Why is fantasy, brit brit? 1:13:21 Answer the questions, three 1:19:28 Bongly 1:26:43 TT #BroCastS2E14

Leave me alone, Paisley, worst animal of JAR. God. By the power of Rha. By the power of Jarre. You're playing with Paisley right now. Maybe on the Patreon. Yeah, find out on the Patreon where Paisley gets snacks. A one, a two, a one, two, three, hey.

Bo do, do, do, bo, do do, bo do do do do. And then, you're in the host seat today, my friend. Boop, ble? Do you see what the host seat does to one? It pisses me off. It brings out that danger. That's it. you must be comfy in the seat of all seats

in the house of all houses The issue I've got at the moment is sweaty back knee Not not No not the acne on my back The backs of my knees Oh Sweaty and itchy That's why I'm in shorties

And maybe we'll even get these toesies outies If I need sees Don't release the stench I might have to It's just one of them days. That's so gross. Um... Good afternoon, morning, evening or night.

People. Humans. Of all varieties. Maybe not even human. I'm fine without you. Yeah. AIs as well? Robot people? No, they're not allowed. They're the one group that's not allowed. No, I'm inclusive. The artificial inclusivity. Yeah. A. I.

No, but we don't allow. AIs so we allow everyone as long as they're not an AI. So we're only artificially inclusive. You could put it that way. So in a way we're AI. I'll tell you who I am. Alex, joined by Jim. Hello. I'm feeling crazy today. I was feeling normal until the backs of my knees got too sweaty. Yeah? My back knees got too sweaty. Your back knee is just too far. Yeah. It sent me wilding. Well, I'll tell you what's Senamee Wilding. That's the patrons over the Jammedia Patreon that make the show an audio version completely possible.

Otherwise, it would be purely theoretical. You know what I'm saying? You get that raw, unfiltered MP3 over on Patreon, ad-free. If I could not be clearer or something, I'd get those Patreon names read out in the first or second week of each month if you're a debiter or above. So that was attached to the previous episodes. So get those names in,

make them even crazier somehow. Not even possible for July, I guess it would be. Wow. We're just flying through this year. Time just makes you want to bath into my mouth and then... Bath? Yeah. I'm just becoming one.

You're not allowed to say bath. What am I allowed to say? Seki wiki. I was sickie wiki in my... You can say seckey. You're allowed to say. So sicky. What about booger then?

Uh, yeah. You banning booger? You're banning diaper for God's sake. You're not allowed to say diaper, but you can say booger. Why? Because you can say booty bugger. What about pants? I hate that word.

I hate any word that... Describe what, though? Like you hated describing what? Anything. I hate the word pant. Pantaloon. No, pantaloon's good. So you...

just immediately prove wrong. No, I don't like pant. I don't like when a dog pants. I don't like when people wear pants. I don't like pants. Pantaloon, unless they're pantaloons. Pantaloons are cool. My pannies.

My pannies are lost. Yorg me pantaloons. Yorg me panties. Are lost names. Yeah, you're making it kind of cool. Speaking of kind of cool, we got Jaffter hours. the supplementary I can't say diaper show

bugger show yeah beauty show um and man it's been on fire lately last week was a little bit of an experiment every other jar animal Billy Argy

they'd had their say over on the Patreon until Paisley comes in on the scene she has the crunchiest episode yet but still no one really cares everyone hates basically they want nothing to do with that golden retriever

I guess people have turned on goldins now now it's all about she ain't golden she ain't golden what is she then she's white she's a white golden she's a white retriever a wolden a wolden rariva

but that's not all that's going on over there we did a jar divers video a hell dive this video with Logan. We've got the Mars Express, as good as they say, the GTA trailer, the Snyder song. Just know I'm that alpha. Check. On the Patreon for the context for all of that. That's not all there.

There's the Jal Media group chat. We can just hop in, as any old group chat. Give us little options for topics here and there, week by week, sometimes even day by day. Month by month, perhaps. Month by month, perhaps. But, uh, hmm, I don't mean pluck one from the JAR Media Group chat and move into the housekeeping where we round off those conversations from the previous week.

Sludgeon muck says, what's Jamie's go to SIGgy? Cigarette? Yeah. None. None? What? Yeah. I've beaten it.

I'm the guy from, um, from the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Kendrick Lamar song um how much a dollar cost how much does a dollar cost in your experience um temptation is the one thing i've defeated is what the hell you paid off temptation huh um yeah i quit yippe i basically uh realized one day that i was like wait a minute these are bad these are bad for me i shouldn't have these but like it's not your first time quitting when did you quit uh the beginning back at the beginning let's go back to the beginning yeah that's when i quit literally um it was midnight of december how many days are in december 30th 30th the end of december i guess that that that aspect doesn't matter just before it was january 1st 2025 i had my last cigarette

and I vowed to never do it again. Shout out to Alan Carr, not the chatty man, the anti-smoking one. He helped me through. Is that who you credit this time? Yeah. For something just clicking.

He makes a bunch of inarguable arguments. And it's like, okay, you win. I won't then, I guess. Fine. It debated you out of it. It's such a debate pro. Yeah, basically.

Because that's what quitting smoking is. It's like a debate with yourself that you can't win until you actually have an external voice, like rebuking all of the stuff like your brain is trying to put forward. No, actually the next one will be my last. Yeah. Well, just one more. Go on. I've planned for the next one to be my last.

Yeah. Until the one that I planned to be my last was the actual one, because I guess I'm just him. You made it real? Yeah. Well, thanks. Gay talk show host, Alan Carr, for helping... No. Huh? Not that one. Different one. Oh. New one. Old one? Older one.

Maybe he's older than Alan Carr. I think he actually is. I think he's dead. I don't think he exists anymore But his words live on Yeah And they train Yeah I don't know if it will work for everyone

But If you smoke We're like give it a go What's to lose I even downloaded it I haven't listened to it But I've downloaded it Yeah it's on Spotify

If you pay for Spotify And you smoke Like you can cut one of those costs By listening So that's Alan Carr Stop Smoking Stupid It's called

It's called Alan Carr's Easy Way For it to be real Yeah Easy way for it to be real Easy way to stop smoking Because I mean like I'm proof that it works True Also the guy who played Batman used it

Which one? The latest one Robert Patton Yeah He actually used that book He gets quoted in the audio book Really? Yeah

I'm surprised he doesn't still smoke he gives up. He probably went back. For sure. Well, speaking of going back, Coltrain 16 says Trump and Elon drama is bound to come up, right?

Do you have any feelings on that when that dropped? We finally now know that Trump may have been allegedly on the Epstein flight logs. We finally know that he's allegedly been on a lot.

So it's a good thing he revealed that fact. Yeah, nice one, Elon. So now we're team Elon. I don't know how, like, if Elon realizes how badly it reflects on him. Clearly not. I guess he just got upset and had a tantrum. A K-Hull tantrum. This guy, I spent like $300 million on,

was at Epstein Island, everybody? allegedly and that's a problem now yeah not when I'm like using him for my own economic purposes

so doge maybe makes you go worth worth I mean that damage is done like it it's nothing good like this

this tantrum on both sides there's nothing good either way it's just funny it's it's entertainment but like everything is still just as shit though we have left what what's just funny hmm this is funny funny yeah that's all we got the double f and it's not even first and furious anymore now it's just funny funny yeah i mean the the first and furious family family are on the side of these these clowns well let's do some more then

to continue into housekeeping like this one from Stabody Joe 7-5-88 I wonder what it's like for someone who's never watched before to turn this on and watch the whole thing you kind of mentioned this earlier yeah we were talking about this what's the context of that

something we're talking about the names of because you've been been naming each episode episode like a YouTube apology yeah the big YouTuber apology titles and I'm running out I guess you know

there's some good ones to pick from there it's in my immediate search history yeah surely it's like a bottomless bucket we got so sorry we got no more lies we got ending it all

but KSI damn what was that one about I don't know It was six years ago. It's an hour and 20 minutes long and it's called Ending at All by KSI Music. We got my response from PewDiePie. We got my lipsticks. We got via YouTube, I'm sorry. Jeffrey Starr just uploaded racism. Full Star. My truth. What happened to my fishies video? Jenna Marbles. An apology. My reality check.

Keemstar exposed response Christmas adverts and how we met dude there's so many let's talk about the one pound video I actually remember that one from that oh shit alfi vlogs yeah my statement and let's talk

that's the one I adopted last episode so I feel that that's a what was the nice one what was the like I am Steve one or whatever Oh, taking responsibility. Yeah, taking responsibility, chicken jocky, like, total stranger, like, clicks on that video,

never watched a cast before. I don't know. And, like, sits and listens to the whole thing. Clearly a damn legend. Yeah. There must be some of them out there. Yeah, I imagine that they have, like, a glass of single malt.

yeah and like a cuban what's all this then time to deconstruct this how do we explain this one then well speaking of explaining this one then painted rhino 4381 has some feedback for you jim this is the second week i've tried to warn you that nose spray when used over a long time makes you more congested to the point where you feel like you're drowning or the time turn back before it's too late you think i don't know you think i don't know

i think that's going to stop him it's too late it feels too good i dropped the sigs and go too deep yeah straight to the nose spray i need to listen to alan car's easy way to quit no spray. Hadra Davis said, I got out of my chair and clapped when run played in the intro. Yep. Yeah. That was like a, a Marvel moment for us. Yeah.

Whenever a new run drops, there's either a new Jurassic Park or a new other franchise awesome, you know, that's just been sprinkled for us. Yeah. Do you think you'd have a breakdown if you were on set and you had to, like, direct someone to say run? Right, now's the run shot. I think it would just be tricky to stop them from silent screaming. No, stop silent screaming. Do it proper. Yeah, proper scream.

Come on. Now you're actually allowed. Scream like there's the biggest fear you've ever seen in front of you. I, the thing is, I feel like it's such a, um, like, primary school kid playground, like, playing Star Wars thing, you know? I remember doing that, like, exact thing, like, the, yeah, writers are just, if it's not AI, it's just, um, like, kids. And then what if, like, Anacom was like, rah, right?

Who would be your dream actors get, like, a run, like a fresh run clip from? Oh, Kevin. Spacey You know he'd be good at it too Yeah He'd knock out of the park Daniel Day Lewis I want to see what his run

Yeah Daniel Day Lewis Doing Kevin Spacey's biopic I want to see Philip Seymour Hoffman's Chicken Jockey What nuance can you bring to it You know Yeah

Holy Christ My mouse 5,000 said They call me the dawn mower Because I cut With the rising of the sun Please tell us about your lawn Or gardening care If you partake in any

No Thought that was quite poetic there They call me the dawn mower Because I cut with the rising of the sun You didn't like that No That's bad That's a bad one

That's a bad one My. It's a weak one. You're just jealous of Dornmower. Maybe. Because I cut with the rising of the sun. Doesn't make him immune to criticism. Look, I've just got criticism for Mouse 5,000, right?

I don't like the way he uses the poetry of Dornmower. Although I do, personally. Thank you for vocalizing my qualms. Um, I do some. Some, I mow the lawn, but leave a strip of wild. I like to leave a strip of wild. Just to see what reality brings. Just to see what reality brings, what froglets bring, what hedgehogs bring.

But I like to keep it real. Yeah. I don't like to play in fantasy, like the dawn mower cutting. Yeah. The rising sun. I bet the dormo are using scissors. At the sides. Yeah, as soon as the darkness covers everything like a blanket,

then this is his... He crawls out, he creeps out with his little... Oh, he sneaks around. With his little pair of skisers. Well, I'm feeling a schism coming on. With this one from old man diabetes. I'd argue that Alex doesn't play with Paisley on the stairs enough. Yeah, actually.

that's flip me you or her it's a you versus her situation yeah so it's like a one v one type a one someone's got to go you know

but also on the flip side like it you're not going to be resilient to falling down the stairs if you're not regularly challenging yourself on the stairs you need to do it it just a little bit.

You need to go for that third step every now and again, even if you don't have a dog. Like, you need to challenge yourself. I would love that if I had, like, a set of stairs going up somewhere that I don't even know because the trap was set by someone before me. Each step has a different level of snake danger. Like actual snake? So there's, like, a snake that, like, you step on and it would bite you. Okay.

With each step But with each Raising step A more poisonous snake Will be found Okay So with each bite You're taking more and more venom

So maybe one day But I'm going to do three stairs today We'll cut it off there Because that's quite a lot of venom Right Yeah But then next week Maybe I'll do five steps

Yeah so Yeah you're building a resilience To the venom In the same way If like If you spray Sprint everywhere, you build a resilience to sprinting. Yeah, as oblivion proved, if you just jump on the spot, eventually you'll be able to just jump, like, miles straight up, vertically into the sky.

Yeah. Because gravity is beatable. Yeah, you just need leg strength. Mr. Fireball with leg strength. I'm glad we finally cleared that one up. Yeah. Got my plans in motion. Well, they call it progressive overload.

Well, my progressive overload has me safely in the vicinity of a staircase going outside of house with snakes on every step. How do you keep the snakes on the steps? What if they all like... Someone has to like obviously be in charge of that, of maintaining them. So it's not a cheap thing. It's kind of like having a swimming portal and all of things. the costs you might not think about. Is this going to be part of your like, um, like CEO morning routine? I managed to make it up five steps today. When you've got these like swollen,

poisoned, poisoned legs. Covered in bites. I guess that can be what the assistant can help with sometimes if you go one too many steps. He's got the anti-vanum. He's got the anti-vanum ready to go. Yeah. Or can just suck it out if need be. You know. but that's probably going to assistant suck it the CEO says assistant suck

yeah well speaking of bad philosophy I've got some good philosophy for you brother okay we've gone through Is Nietzsche back?

Nah Niche's gone we've already done Niche we've gone through Niche quotes and you you rated them right it was tough um tough

cringe can't remember we need them though cringe based tough yeah that's what it was CBT CBT yeah that's right

so let's do a bit of CBT together but this time with a different philosopher this time I've plucked a French philosopher Albert Camus okay to begin with cringe. So you give right out the back.

His existence, mostly because of the French thing. His nationality. His nationality is cringe. That's working against him, some, I say. Yeah. Well,

let's go through some of the Albert quotes. And you can give them a little rating of sorts. I'm not going to do a French accent. We want me to? Yeah, don't. There is no love of life without despair of life. Cringe. You find that one cringe.

No hint of truth in there? When you get your dub on war zone? Where's your despair? You are getting your love from the despair of a losing team though. Read it again, read it again. Roll it back. There is no love. of life without despair of life you have to suffer for those um just extreme video game wins to have any meaning yeah like dark souls exactly yeah there is no dark souls without

suffering despair okay um are you gonna change it no it's cringe it stays cringe yeah that's weak Sorry, Albert. That's weak. Weak quote. Try again. Charm is a way of getting that answer yes without asking a clear question, says Albert. Okay. Based. Why does that one win you over? He's explaining Riz. Ah.

Riz is a way of getting the answer yes. See, when you change one word, suddenly it becomes tough. Okay. Too many have dispensed with generosity. in order to practice charity. Talk about Mr. Beast. Ooh. Read it again.

Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity. Okay, what is... Can you reword it so that I understand it? Too many have devalued there is in order to practice in Minecraft a T.

Sigma. That's Sigma one. No. We can't be out of being more categories. I've already got three. No, so he's saying... He's saying that to practice in Minecraft, you need to dispense with Riz.

So dispense means to... To have... Too many have dispense with generosity. I've gotten rid of generosity. To practice charity. In order to practice charity. Too many aren't generous so that they can be generous. So, for example, every, every week you've been giving a fiver to private schools, which counts as charity.

So, a fiver. You've been giving a five thousand fivers to private schools, which are charities. So then you can feel good about yourself. Yeah, if, um, Because now that private school has five pounds If he means like Like Like, uh, like

Like, like, uh, like, No, I don't. Like, like, uh, do you know what I mean? Like, he's just grabbed on and he's like, I'm climbing. No, like, you know, like Mr. Beast. If he's talking about Mr. Beast, then yes. If he's talking about... Then it's based.

If he's talking about Jeff Bezos, then still kind of yes. Read it, read it one more time. So maybe. No, read it one more time. Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity. Okay. Yeah, I'll say tough on that one. Okay.

To be honest. The more you think about it, the more it resonates. Autumn is a second spring, when every leafs a flower. Cringe. That's some fucking bullshit. I hate that one. That gets a cringe. That's weak. Try again, Albert. Weak as fuck. Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is. Oh, tough. That's a goody. That's a goody. Albert won me over with that one. You brought you way back round. Way background. God damn. Read it again. Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is. Oh,

that gets a wolf owl. Yeah, oh, I'm curious what you think of this one. Don't wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day. Huh? Is that some religious shit?

What the fuck? Don't wait for the last judgment. It takes place every damn day. Okay. No, yeah. I agree. I'll go based. It's a little base.

That's good so... Yeah. A little bit base for you, Albus. What about this one? A free press can, of course, be good or bad. But, most certainly, without freedom, it will never be anything but bad. Cringe. Why are you giving that one cringe?

Um... Because there's no such thing. Stupid. you're saying to French philosopher Albert Camus that he's stupid idiot He made a stupid one with that one Is what I'm saying

That's dumb Read it again A free press can of course Be good or bad But most soitantly Without freedom It will never be anything But bad

Yeah Cringe Well There's another freedom one Without freedom, no art. Art lives only on the restraints it imposes on itself and dies of all others. Mm, kind of... Mm.

Kind of what? Read it again. Without freedom, no art. Art lives only on the restraints it imposes on itself and dies of all others. Without freedom, there is no art. Yeah. But within art, there isn't freedom. That's what he's saying, right?

Art lives only on the restraints it imposes on itself. And dies of all others. So, right, I see. That one's cool because it makes me think of like Star Wars. Star Wars was good when he couldn't be as ambitious. So based? Um, no. The opposite.

No, yes, based. Without freedom. you don't get WOTO flying around on Tatouine denying parts for shuffles and it's helium tummy

you don't get Wotto law yeah you don't get an explanation for how Wotto flies without freedom liberty so basically Viva la

Viva Wato politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness those who have greatness roll that back that was a fucking word sandwich say it again politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics Ooh He's won me over again He's brought me right back

That's a goodie That's What do you give it there That's a belter Wow That's a certified belter I'll go I'll go tough on that one

That's tough Yeah That's a belter of a I would rather live my life As if there is a god And die To find out there isn't Then live my life

as if there isn't and die to find out there is. I can't fault the logic, so I can't call it cringe. Interesting. So what do you give it? Baste? Yeah, it kind of has to be. It kind of has to be, sure. Do you disagree? This doesn't strike me as based. Really? What, you call that cringe?

How do you do, how, you can't argue. with his logic, though. Um, yeah, but that's neither best nor cringe. And it's certainly not tough. It's not tough. We can definitely agree there. I, like, I disagree in a feeling sort of way, but, like,

so this gets straight fact. Yeah, yeah. It's fact. The first straight fact. Yeah, the first fact. The first fact. philosophical fact I've got three more

Okay To remain silent Is to give the impression That one has no opinions That one wants nothing And in certain cases It really amounts To wanting nothing

Mmm Yeah Fuck That's a goody That's another goody I'm gonna go baste I repeat Jim gives that a baste

of sorts. Penultimate one. There are crimes of passion and crimes of logic. The boundary between them is not clearly defined. Okay. Cringe. Whatever. Actual freedom, this is the last one.

Actual freedom has not increased in proportion to man's awareness of it. that's based no say it again actual freedom has not increased in proportion to man's awareness of it yeah yeah that is based

it's inarguable again yeah you know at the maximum it's undefeatable well I don't know what the tally was there, but Albus was doing pretty good. Yeah, I feel like, um, probably more belters than Nietzsche, but Nietzsche more consistent.

Right. I felt anyway, maybe in hindsight, not true, but you know what they say about hindsight? It speaks wonders. Is that your philosophical quote? You know what they say about hindsight. it speaks wonders I bet I've got a list of way more quotes that

would be based by this measurement you know based full stop by this measurement do you have a list of your own quotes yeah if it's sticky not necessarily bad based wipe before it gets too rough out there

cringe not true not true yeah because sometimes it's going to get rough it then you got to wipe you don't want to waste paper um bastard man is coming for you

full stop on vibes tough in my opinion string theory is pretty simple when you put your mind to it it mhm tough again Rocket science goes hard

Cringe That's like an Elon mass tweet That's an Elon tweet Yeah Um I think that's all my quotes You got some philosophical work to put in I've got one more, I guess

Okay But When you look at the sun And it stares back at you With his one eye And says It says It says

It says This is the eye Of the other This is the eye of what? Huh? This is the eye of what? Why are you ignoring me? I'm not ignoring you.

I'm waiting for you to finish the sentence. I don't know what the end is. You look into the eye of the sun as it turns around and switches back and you say, Stop being a bastard. It's the only way to defeat it. The sun? Have you ever looked at the sun like directly to test if it's actually all it's chocked up to be? yeah

hence why I'm getting an eye dead soon I say bye bye night night to my eyes working 100%

Is that why you got the Daredevil glasses I'm actually been blind this whole time I've always been able to look at the sun I'll get cringe

on the last one I'll get cringe on the last one I I guess we see after these cringy messages. Why? Yeah. Um, hello. This is me, Argi. Why, you do realize that there are Mibo shirts available, right?

Take a look at the really cute shirts. Look in the description or under the video for more. Yeah. Oh! Do you heard the news? Oh, I show speed beat Ashton Hall in a race. Multiple races, even that. Three or four times.

Well, it's in his name, I guess. He finally showed that speed. He's shown it multiple times, let's be real. Yeah, true. Hmm. I was trying to think while I was using the bathroom. A thing or two. Yeah.

Do you think it's too far to call a cast Mr. Barsed Hard Mr. Bost hard What does it mean to Bust? I'd be good at something Yeah, that's fine

I'm good at something hard Mr. Bast hard Hello, I'm Mr. Bast hard Hmm I'm B A-R-S-T Hard B-A-S-T Hmm

Bast I'm Bast hard No you can't give the northerners an inn Because you give them an inch And they'll take them out Mr Bast Mr Bastard

It doesn't work But you like the concept Bast hard B-A-R-S-2 B-A-B-A-S-Hard B-B-S-Hard That works No one can avoid the R

what if you're trying to avoid the R I guess the Americans could ruin it Mr. Barstard But they didn't really say bastard anyway, do they? No, exactly Don't be a bastard Yeah, Mr. Barst hard

Do it, B-A-R-S-T Mr. Barsthard Do you Americans say that? Because they say Twat sometimes You're such a B-A-Sterity Stop being a bastard Twat

Let's change this subject from Americans You're really being a pellic right now You're really being a muntler Stop being such a cunt They can't say cunt Stop being a munter Yeah I like that you're such a fucking wanker

they can't say anything they can't say any of the good ones the way you're being a pellic and a wanker too farted they can better get away with dick let's be real dick you're a dick you're a dick dead

stop being a dick my dad start being a dick my dad start being more pellet yeah i think um i mean let's be let's be real all i think every english speaker should speak with an english accent like queen's english yeah say manta properly will you yeah learn to say wanker Pillock has two L's Does it? I can't spell

It just means like Pillar, doesn't it? Can you speak with the Queen's English? Yeah, I do every damn day Every damned day That's not the Queen's English When they say Um Year, they say year

Yeah One year Bring me one pillock here. Bring me three wankers. Two wankers will be plenty for me. Jesus.

Two wankers and a pellock please. Hold on the manta. I don't fancy manta today. Have we ever said the word muntar on this before?

If we haven't And it's, we're fucking idiots. Clearly, yeah. Bunch and bone a nice little learner. Mary Munter. Give me a. Well, I guess if you got this far into this episode, I want you to say something for me. This.

No, not this. Comment, the galaxy within the jewel. the galaxy within the jewel that's what every uh queen's english speaker has had to the manta within the jewel um delicately prance around with um now jewels are banned in the UK so the galaxy within the jewel is now going to be quite hard to find but they really disposable vapes are banned now yeah I don't know if jewels are even disposable they might be they probably got a new fresh branch

for disposable pods you know they've just changed it so that like you can still buy vapes you just have to get the disposable like inside bit yeah that's what I'm getting at yeah do you want the Dubai chocolate flavoured vape Dubai chocolate

How do you feel about Chocoland in Marriacott? Like the pistachio-Dubai chocolate is in Marriacca. It's a track, Chocco Land. There's loads of like sweety maps. So you can play as a German gummy bear. No. Oh. If it had Harry Bow crossover, then maybe I'd be into it.

You had the Red Bull guy. It's American. our character. Just a German man. Like, with a blatant, every angle you turn him, there's like a Red Bull logo to be seen.

Oh, give me so Red Bull, yeah. Transferable voice. Ow. That was my funny bone. Didn't sound very funny. It's never... Not as funny as Red Bull guy.

Nothing's as funny as that fucking. can't that fucking wank on that pillock yeah I got stinky armpits you got that stank on how the fuck are you wearing like a jumper because I got the shorties

this is my preferred way of getting around the heat and it's really worked for me for years now right once it gets over 20 shorties on permanent shorties are on permanent like I just have those shorties on permanently Okay, fuck Nobody calls short shorties

Well, they do now Nobody does Nobody will So yeah, you have the shorties on Sox or yes, no, maybe More leaning to the maybe no Okay Then you have a t-shirt or gloupsitter

Whatever you want on As one layer and then you're probably thinking yourself a little bit cold maybe when you're describing especially if I chose no on socks then I'm bloody freezing

that's when the hoodie comes in you're such an old man I actually am I'm fine with that I'm embracing it I want my whole life I've wanted to be that you've been like that's tracking that's why it bothers me so much

when I buy a red ball and get ID'd for it, because you have to be 16. So that indicates to me that I'm not old yet. Why don't you start smoking? I've thought about it. Drink heavy, smoke heavy. Yeah. Like, whatever I've been doing has been too good at keeping me young looking.

So I've got to do the opposite. Hmm. Yeah, smoke and drink. Whiskey. Whiskey cigarettes. Yeah. Like chains. at least like your mouth area will age 20 years in one year if you chain smoke yeah really

I want those like yeah your teeth will go fucking rinse around my mouth I want to look like homer no it's more like um the best way to describe it is like your mouth starts to look like a butthole like like you get like lines like you're going no once you like notice people who have been smoking for decades look at their mouths they get butthole lines turns it into a butthole yeah their mouths turn into buttholes wow genuinely because like you're you're taking this stick of poison that you light on fire and suck in like how did we ever think that this shit was appropriate but like you suck on it so then like from the point where the poison's going in like it's it's spreading this right it's just aging everything there and okay like worse on the

inside. So like, I've always part of the problem is how young my eyes are. If I suck smoke into my eyes, will that do it? Um, maybe a few nostril, one in each nostril, because it's closer.

A whole ass sig in each nostril. And mouth. Get that shit hitting. I want the ears covered too, though. They're too young looking. Your ears are too young. well actually if you want to age super fast getting the sun

got a raisin up yeah that would genuinely age you so quick but you're rear also steroids trin TRT doesn't that go straight for the balls

um a bit it makes your balls younger it gives you the balls of a six year old it gives you the balls of a newborn but the face of like a fucking 60 year old. The balls of a newborn. Yeah.

Well. I feel like that would be an old cast title. Yeah. Back from when it wasn't awoke around here. I'm actually a bit scared because I actually have to have some service people come into this house in a few months. I'm like already planning like right what's coming off these walls just get the Dexter tarp up

yeah get it set up like a fucking Dexter murdery every single room's like covered in plastic to keep it pastic yeah because they're going to have to go behind this curtain because there's a radiator here right

so they're going to see Tank Dempsey hanging up pointing the gun at them I don't understand if they play zombies I had someone do like a survey on the house and like I like just tucking little secrets around corners right for just for fun and it was like a woman doing this survey she went around one of the corners and so I've got you know like the the classic jar um Halloween crow

I'd put that crow like round the corner it was like sat just in the corner by this window and in the survey report she got to the crow around the corner

and was like wow that's scary I mean what did you say like yep it is I can't I probably say something

like really fucking weird actually an insight. Not scary. Not scary to me. Well, I'm used to it. I'm used to it. That would be the best comeback. That would be such a you thing.

I'm used to it. I probably did say something that's psyched. Right. I believe it. I'm used to it. actually. Bast-Bast-Harts used to it. Yeah, which is better.

Mr. Barsthard's used to it. Mr. Barsthardt's used to it. Mr. Barsthardt. Dude. We haven't even read of a single question. Well, this is the section of the podcast where we go over to the job. We go over to the Spider-Man. Reddit and answer all the Spider-Man Reddit

questions. On the totally real runs of comics that have happened. Yeah. Yeah. Ben Eurek putting in work. But Sanak Docky, 2 through 9. I can get this one going. Suppose you guys opened up JAR land, which was

created on an unlimited budget. What rides and attractions are coming to the park? The park will incorporate a mix of JAR moments slash iconography slash topics and IPs slash people that have been repeatedly covered on the cast e.g. Big Mouth, Madagascar, Ryan Reynolds, etc. Examples are a Dumbo-style spinning ride, but the ride vehicles are modelled after Argy or the 3D simulator ride Jar Quest into the Reynoldsverse,

which is an original story that pits you guys against Ryan Reynolds in every character he's ever played with Deb Poole as second in command, of course, in an exhilarating high-octane chase slash battle that will shape the future of JAR-kind as we know it. I got really lost in that question. Yeah, I don't know why they, but for how much they put into that, that whole fanfic, but then to just like stop it? Yeah, just got fed up. Was it even a question?

what rides and attractions are coming i'm thinking just like you know like a spook house like the right yeah or like a um a what escape room but like we just come in and attack like actually just attack like with weapons you sign away like you like a waiver of like yeah anything that happens in here like stays in here like yeah did he and it style yeah if If you get killed, then, like... Then we get whatever is like... Yeah, your loot. Your will.

Yeah, your loot. Yeah, all your gold... Your purple loot in above becomes... Legally. And I want it so, like, when you're done with the ride, you have to go into, you know, like, exit through the gift shop style. But, like, this gift shop is, like, a maze. Like, a dangerous maze.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, you think. I think you're already out and you're safe, you're golden. But within the fine print, it said also once you're passed the first test, you have to go into the second test, which is this elaborate maze. Where you can still get attacked. You can still get attacked. Propped.

Yeah. And every time you're going through, like, the barriers, you like scan your phone and it charges your bank. Yeah, immediately. But like, you choose the wrong one and it brings you back round into the gift shop. you're getting charged like every time you're doing that so yeah there's it god forbid you run out of money in your bank account you don't want to know what happens next

starvation you have to take you have to take your way out is like you have to go to the finance department and get a loan out from jar loans yeah we got our own bank so that's like step three once you go bankrupt from the the maze then you go to the finance sector and that's when the real fun begins

Welcome to the rat race, fucker Giant rats Genetically engineered rats Chase you around the finance sector So you can get your loan out Let alone a refund No one's ever the refund Not a single refund has ever been

Handed out at Jarland Or whatever it was called Yeah, Jarland No one's ever left Yeah But then you make your way into Galladour What the fuck's Galdore? There's a whole

A third of the park He's Galador It is a Galador land What the fuck is this Do you have your phone on you How do you spell Galador So it's Galador

G-A-L-A-D-O-R Galador G-A-L Yeah So I'll have to work out some Licensing I guess Galladour Galador land

G-A-L-A-D-A-D-A-D-A-D-A-D- D-O-R Yeah Search Galladour See if you recognise what's coming up Tolkien's Middle Earth A fictional planet What?

It's not that It's nothing to do with that Wait This is what Google's AI has said Galador refers to multiple things A-Figuering J-R-R-Tolkins

Middle Earth A fictional planet In Marvel Comics Oh I gave you the wrong spelling It's It's I Galidor Galidor

G-L-A-L-I-D-O-R Defender of the Outer Dimensions TV Yeah What the fuck is this? Who's this guy? Is it like a Lego thing? What's that?

So we can do Galladour World. Yeah, this IP's got to be worth like nine pounds You don't remember Galladour? No, what the fuck? The only one Jawa world could like a Ford. Let's draw the whole Jowpah. Let's just do Galador.

Galador Media. Lego with the Galador fucking team up. So for anyone guessing, I guess, I actually remember when Galador was on TV. Really? And it was around the era. I guess Lego were like banking on all these random... IPs IPs to like make sets around and they made like Gallador sets they're like infamously like the worst sets of all time um there was a McDonald's happy milled it was just on

TV like cartoon network or i'm not sure what like channel is on but galador g-a-g-a-l-i-d-o-r definitely gets its own segment of the park yeah for sure the majority the park and pretty much like if if no one's really getting refunds or living living the 10 15% that make it to galador world they're going to drop the rest of their own on some galador merch they're either going to drop alone or they're going to drop um their life force to uh the real galador who is at this point a shambling zombie

uh locked in monster man yeah he's locked in to absorbing he's like Daniel Day Lewis like he's just the best actor what do you call it method acting

we got Galladour method acting in Jarland he just he's giving him a real Galador is here guys all of the like advertising has Galladour and big like text

we actually got him it's like USP we did a Kickstarter so we could buy the rights to Galladour and by gosh we did it so yeah get hype for Galladour land you don't really need anything past that because no one will ever make it past that

yeah exactly Um yabba do so does jar episode finder not creep you out a little bit no offense to the dude but if someone had that much of an encyclopedic knowledge of my life

I'd probably go off the grid XX bore bore you frightened of JAR episode finder um in like a healthy way in the way um a healthy amount of fear in the way

what's his face is afraid of God Jordan Peterson no he doesn't believe God exists the the fucking French guy

Frank the I if I live like Jarre episode finder doesn't exist then I'm fucked I've got to live

Oh right you were talking in like philosopher Yeah yeah Philosopher Albert That's right Um, terms. Like an Albert Pennyworth,

fucking Bruce Wayne's a good right-hand man. The only philosopher I'm listening to is the Joker nowadays. Mm. Wanna know how I got these bars? I don't know where I got this philosophy. Nietzsche. What was the question? Um,

do you want to know how I got these bars? Oh, J-R-E episode finder being scary. No, it doesn't creep me out, but I feel like there's some... Right, let me put it in men-in-black terms, right? Worms! I wish it were weren't. Worms would be too simple and announce it. But I'm feeling an answer is going to be in more men-in-black terms.

If we put our men-and-black caps on. You've got to drink the chocolate milk, the time-traveled chocolate milk. Yeah, sort of like drinking the chocolate milk that travels through time or whatever. You remember the character there's a small man that lives inside the bigger man and that's like a whole reveal I somewhat feel that

Jire Episode Finder perhaps might be the little guy a little gentleman inside a bigger gentleman controlling robot you controlling a robot me well it doesn't have to be me

it could be somebody else I am Jire episode Finder yeah let's be real this whole time would you be would you be like genuinely concerned if like this whole time I was someone like Jarra episode finder or if like

I'd be kind of fucking pissed off I'd be like you've been rain man this whole time yeah he could have he could have put this crazy power to to use nope I actually used it to make up hundreds of different anonymous rediters

in order to ask myself questions for weeks, for years. Jokes aside, JAR episode finders is fucking legendary. Maybe the most epic? Most impressive person I've ever known of. As far as like, for how many years, for how long they've been doing a skill?

Because they started before AI. Yeah. Unless they're like some proto AI, like, That GBT is based on JAR episode finder. It's not a picture. Whenever I had to like picture who or what the JAR episode finder is, I think of that, that poor, do you remember that Mass Effect DLC? With that tortured child, like, kidnapped and put it into an AI.

Or like the guy from the end of Outlast. Yeah, like a corgloat-like orange type situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm, like, it's too good to be true. like what is the downside see i i think of like um who's being tortured to make this what's his name like ashton hall ashton kutcher no the guy who raced speed right that's actually jar episode finder yeah like hit like someone who looks like him like sat on a laptop what if it was just like a real just out of left field like you were jar episode finder this whole time

Megan Fox Huh? Yeah, I just kind of do this for fun Yeah What? No, I've got to stop Jesus Stop what?

Just like the things I want to say You know But you know what the woke mob do nowadays Do you have problems? They don't let you say what you want were you going to say something you know non-woke

you know what it just might have been it just might have been um schmatt 779 has this one hey brothers plus one

parentheses minus one I'm an American Midwestern jarling that plays dungeon and dragons Dengians and draggians. It's pretty much standard to roleplay every character with a British accent. Or if you want to mix it up, some kind of European accent. Ah, I see you have found my treasures, etc.

I don't really know how to make this a question. But are people from across the ocean aware of this? Just a bunch of random Americans doing the European slash UK version of bear bear I do declare for hours on wind. thanks the dairy land jarling why isn't there like a dungeons and dragons for like cowboy shit there is it's called fallout new Vegas okay nothing

okay everything see how easy this game is to play oh fuck oh yeah I guess that makes sense fantasy shit doesn't work if there's American accents Unless it's the witch I'm the dragon rider My dude I'm riding the dragons my dead

Yeah that was the unfortunate thing About How's Train Your Dragon Wasn't it Mm No but they're all Scottish Apart from like The kids Jonah Hill and stuff

Like it's like Why is um You know What's wrong with Scottish dudes Why is Mcloven In How's Train your Dragon You know what I'm saying Is he?

Yeah He's fish legs Duh Do you have ears? That's Jonah Hill He's lug nuts Duh Learn

Did they bring him back No they probably wokeified him as well Now that whole movie's woke as fuck That's Junior Dragon remake times three Yeah Why What did they make toothless black No there's a

There's, there's women in it. There are women, Vikings. That confirms me not watching it ever then. Yeah, there's women that fight dragons. I was hyped for the Hells Train Your Dragon remake, but now you've just told me everything I need to know to never see it. They remade it, but they made, um, there be women in it. When are they going to learn?

Go Woke, Go How to Train Your Dragon really successful? Yeah. Go Woke, make loads of. of money. Yeah. Like the Barbie movie that made no money. Yeah. Fucking trash,

fucking woke. Fuck that film. Fuck that shit. Fucking crap film. It felt like. What part's real? What part of any of that is real? Of what?

The Barbie movie? No, any of that diatribe. That was. If you know, you know. You have to be in the, uh, there's another Garmedia, Patreon group chat. Yeah. Which has real opinions, but you have to go through a series of

challenges before you can find out of the whole opinion. Yeah. You have to prove how non-woke you are. But he's saying a select few words. Yeah, maybe we should start putting that in the branding. The first non-woke podcast. Mm. Yeah, there's no, there's none out there.

There's no other, There are not enough. That's a bit damn shiel. Yeah. We need more on the scene that are taking back what's needed. So, I don't know, I'm quite upset that our accents being appropriated. No, going back, American accents don't work in fantasy settings. No.

You shall... You're late You're late Yes I'm not sure about that No I think it does work My diaper is full Wizard comprende I feel like every accent works

Apart from American For fantasy yeah for late all of the British accents do all British and like going into Scotland Wales Ireland every Asian accent works

I guess do you like no Asian accent well I'm not allowed to do them because of this woke fucking state fucking um African accents work

So it's just Chardood It's just Americans European accents Obviously work Yeah I'd be less thrown out By

A Dungeons and Dragons character Asking for a Red Bull In the European accent Then an American You'd be more thrown off No I'd be less thrown off Right yeah If it's just an innocent

European asking for if I would like a Red Bull compared to the dastardly American. Yeah. Yo, you want a Red Bull? It's like, what the fuck? That's still, that was such a good vocal performance. It was like

you'd gone into a different dimension and actually plucked out the American Red Bull guy. Yeah. It's like being asked by Obama himself. Kind of, yeah. Yo, I'm Obama. Yeah. Want a Red Bull? he gave the country a red bull okay put on overdrive yeah crank those tariffs onto overdrive

and then everyone gets their red ball yeah I'm gonna tariff red ball after a bad meeting with a red ball guy I'm gonna put tariffs on Germany for rebel 90% tariffs on rebel I'd love that Germany would actually do world war three I'm just picturing the rebel guy in the oval office you know having an incensed but passionate and rightful debate with the president. Where does Red Bull come from? We definitely...

Austria. Really? Yeah. Are you fucking with me? Are you being serious? I'm serious, yeah. It's an Austrian thing. You're fucking with me. There's nothing.

No fucking way. That's so fresh. Hell yeah. Austria's way in, baby. they put them on the world map that's what put them on the map then Jesus Christ

Oh yeah Reba Yeah Sometimes I just love when a plan works out Red Bullying would be I quite like this one from rank

the dank Hi there fellas Lots of bear bears. I would like to present y'all with some of my lovely wear-wheres. I've got lots on sale. Like what you see? Then give me some tail, because ain't nothing for free. What the fuck?

First thing on offer. A book without any author. Blank pages purely white. Limitless options for what you might write. Second item. Deerly coveted. A tasty roast. All juicy and buttered up.

Don't forget the third third. thing I'm selling, a Red Bull, so energizing it got you yelling. Lastly, I've got something no one could pass on, a meet and greet, with the famous actor, Ham, John. Just call my name if ever you're in the market, or get old Yeller, Argyle, and tell them to bark it. What's his name? Rank the Denk. Slate. What are you going to buy from his wares?

I'm getting a Red Bull. I'm getting ham. You're going to buy actor John Hamm. Oh, I thought it was like ham, like packet ham. I meet and greet with the famous actor Ham. I missed the bear ham. You want a rack of bear ham? Yeah, do you remember the bear ham?

Eddie bear ham? No. A yummiest. That was the yummiest. Like, um, that was the funniest. That was the yummiest ham. What was it called? um the teddy bear like the ham that looked like a teddy bear

what you're talking about teddy ham that's making me think about the deli do you remember every shop used to have a deli oh like the luncheon meat shit yeah luncheon meat oh right the bear ham yeah i was thinking like jar land we have galador ham we have bear meat ham you know you can't eat bear meat because it will give you like worms bears are full of worms now this bear meat will be so so chemically

yeah so bleached not a single bleached beer not a single microorganism can survive on on our bear meat even the ones that should be there cannot survive

with what we're doing the sterile bear meat bear meat there's nothing like you about this bear meat safest bear meat Get it with the Galador crunch. Well, yeah, it doesn't give you any microbes, but it gives you, like...

It gives you cancer, though, for sure. It gives you, like... Instantly. Acid poisoning, I don't know. Will you be more ill from the bear luncheon or the Galador luncheon? It's a risk you're going to have to take if you want to survive. Galador fucking love sterile bear ham. You get Galador ham and it's just like a piece of...

plastic. It's probably cheaper to serve people up like Galladour patties than like actual meat at this point. I can just buy up every Galladour. What the fuck is it Galladour?

Are you talking about human meat? No. It's probably cheaper to farm humans at this point than anything else. It might be. No, like you figure out how to grow galadors.

and then you farm Galladour. Yeah, but I never figured out what Galladour is. Like, I know it's an IP, but is Galador the guy? I think it's a human. Okay, so you are talking about growing humans and farming them for their meat. Well, at first I was picturing, like, buying up every Galladour figure, and using that as calories. As slim as they may be. Microplastic calories?

Yeah, but, like, as if, like, people are going to know the difference with how delicious. these burgers are or at these ham ham sandwiches or whatever i hate ham not this ham not bear ham maybe galador ham the thing that puts me off ham is that when you open ham it stinks like fart no this would this would smell like fresh bear fresh galador fucking bear even the galador ham smells like bears It all smells like bad. Man. Even like the vegetarian ham

smells like bears. Bears spray. What kind of... What kind of situation do we have set up right here right now? What do the bears smell like? Yeah.

What do you think they... Isn't they smell nice like a dog? What do bears... Or nasty like worms. Oh, I put bees. What do bees smell of? I spelled. Bears, B-E-R-S.

Beers. What the bears smell of subtle, musky, and sometimes like a sweet wet dog. Ew. That's horrible. That's fucking minging. I hate the smell of wet dog.

I hate the smell of bear. Unless it's jar of bear meat. Nine out of ten dentists say. It's the smell. Sweetest, smelling bear you've ever enjoyed. Yeah, nine out of ten dentists will recommend jar bear meat. Jar bear ham. Hmm.

The kids are fighting for the... For the bear ham or the Galladour ham. Which will win out this summer? You should be in advertisement. I'm a beer. Um, Jesus. Fuck. Deport Ledwick can be our penultimate one here.

Ahoy, Beltman Brothers. Some years ago, my brother and I invented a versatile new word. Bongli. It's an adjective loosely designed, defined as invasively upbeat, often used in reference to someone's eccentricly annoying demeanor. an example of bongli of a bongley celebrity is jack black a bongley song for instance could be the lion's sleep tonight which she taught me to yodel like what does that mean another one an example of a bongley song would be um how the fuck does it go it's like the most annoying song for more than 10 seconds um um

oh how does it go i don't know oh shit man ah i heard it in a shop the other day and was like fuck no it's right there a whimboy oh it's not when it's it's it's it's it has a similar kind of effect though lovely day oh no no no no no no no no no no no blue dude god damn day i fucking hate that song yeah that's the worst song ever made is that a bongli song yes invasively up being i hate a wimber way shit fucking song these songs these 60s fucking they were too happy yeah shit was too good for them that time has passed yeah you cannot listen to that now and and feel that glee one might even call dick the head's facial expression bongley That got me hopped up I spilled my little beer

This dear little world has grown into a liberating tool of expression for us Allowing us to finally label otherwise difficult to place irritations I must stress That bongli's connotations aren't necessarily always negative The right level of bongli can be joyful and endearing For example Nardwar It's more of a vibe one month

must gauge. Since Alec has a track record of founding words and idioms such as Dibby, what would you make of bongli? What would be your stratagem for inflicting, infiltrating the English lexicon and making bongly a household expression such as stop acting bongly in front of the hose? Beep that. You've got to get in there with, uh... With some, like, TikTok streamer shit. I'm talking about Arsini, though, before I talk about Bongli. What?

I'm talking about Arsini before I'm talking about Bongli. Vizini? No, Arsini. What the fuck is Arsini? Bongli works way more supremely. No, Arsini is like my new guy. I thought Mr. Barshtha. as your guy.

It's a whole like, you know, Metal Against Solid 3, it's like a whole crew of villains. Yeah, what the fuck are they called? The Basque.

The Bastards. Yeah, let's get with that. Yeah. Sigma Squad or whatever. So we got Arsini. We got Bearham. Everyone's favorite.

And now we got Bongley, I guess. but none can match to Arsini top of the pyramid Is he like the guy in the background type of bit He's like the kind of emperor Palpatine

Yeah yeah yeah that's what I mean like the The Vizini counselor type He formed the Vizini council Yeah But he's not a part of the Vizini council He's above and he controls the Vizini council Like a puppet master Or he formed the Vizini council

was excommunicated from it by being too powerful and too threatening formed his own branch and now he's just Arsini have you ever thought about writing comic books Arsini right you're cooking everyone's favorite Arsini line

Arsini he only And this is what's kind of interesting about him He'll only fight using stance six That's cool Like a combination of every previous Okay who would win Arceini or Obi-1 Arceini

No Obi-1 given defensive advantage Um Like what era Obi-1 So two No, post episode 3, but pre-episode 4 The same Obi-1 that fights Anakin Yes

Would draw with Arsini But any older he loses And any younger he loses High-diff or low-diff? Hi Hmm The power scaling might sound effed He probably couldn't be

Fortnite Darfader Nothing can So if you want more Arsini law Hit up Either J.K. Rowling or Tolkien Whichever one's still alive

Both, hopefully Wouldn't have Arsini without them They paved the way for Arsini Doof, tooth, doof, doof, doof, doof, dof. Um, ooh. The final. I'm trying to pick a, pick a good final. Um, I can help.

There's like a really long one about, uh, pain. Jesus. Um, do you want that one? There's a rebel guy. rebel guy hater yeah is he german i'm not seeing if they say so do you want pain rebel hater or they both say damn or fat families not fat families okay i'm really intrigued by the pain one i'm not fat families i have to know the pain one okay so we can end on an anecdote um this one it it lost me at first but then came back round to winning me

because it seems like it's going to be about one thing but it's actually about something else okay so top tobob can wrap us up here no this one might be a bit much so let me know if it's too much to share and i'll take this comment down damn okay my friends and i still find this story funny but it's not exactly one for the dinner table jar jar jars Poo in pants jarling here. Not the guy with poo in his pants mind, but the guy who blew the whistle on the emerging crisis festering in our nation's underwear.

I was recently reminded of probably the most embarrassing, excruciating experience of my life, and I figured I'd lower the tone by telling you about it so you can laugh at the expense, at my expense, and broadcast a handy PSA at the end. Squeamish listeners beware. I was on a school trip to an outward bound type place, you know the sort, rope bridges, climbing frames, obstacle courses, a place to develop

kids' self-confidence and a highlight of the school year. Things were going great until a night or two in, when I started to feel a minor dull ache in one of my balls. At first, I didn't worry too much and assumed it would go away, so I continued going about my business. However, about half a day or so of increasing pain it hadn't stopped. Testicular pain was something I'd already encountered on quite a few occasions when the hammer or rather the foot of justice had righteously been brought down or rather brought up upon my unsuspecting goolies by friends in response to me being an annoying little shit in later years too. I experienced the dreaded blue balls we keepers of the family jewels must all eventually face.

Neither such pain is even remotely comparable to what I was beginning to experience. I'm talking about the sort of pain where you feel physically sick, where when you're sitting down, your leg starts to jog involuntarily from the adrenaline. You sweat. Your whole conscious experience starts to orbit the black hole. This frightening, gnawing soreness

that stops you focusing on anything else. This was beginning to make activities on the trip, quite unpleasant indeed. The trampolining, obstacle courses, and repeatedly being strapped into a harness weren't exactly providing respite. All the while I was trying

to keep a straight face and work through it, desperately attempting to convince myself and everyone else that I was completely normal. By the time I went back to my shared room after a full torturous day of agony, maybe 36 hours after symptomatic onset,

I'd started to limp, So under my covers, I figured I'd check out what was going on. I'm glad I did. But the mental image of what I witnessed still haunts me over a decade on. My right bollock was purple, dark purple, bordering on black, and swollen to about three to five times its normal size. My friends who were still quote, wait, my friends who were there still quote my window shattering,

splitting reaction. It's fucking purple. I think this was then I realized something might be wrong. That evening I had the arguably even more painful job of bashfully explaining to a teacher that my balls are really hurting and that I was starting to get scared. Thankfully he was very understanding and professional about it if he hadn't been this could have been much less of a funny story. After consulting a GP my dad arrived to take me to the nearest hospital. I was examined by a doctor who was, I swear to God, the splitting image of Weird Al in the like a surgeon video, which did not improve my deteriorating mental state. This was worse than when, as part of formatting or forming a diagnosis, he needed to

physically prod and squeeze my excruciating balloon ball sack with what felt like the force of an anvil at terminal velocity. Following this physical, bending time walk of unspeakable and indescribable suffering the ideal was complete my ego was in tatters and what remained of my poor embattled testicles were in an even worse state the doctor announced that i had testicular torsion a twisted testicle oh the blood flow had been cut off by one of my balls cut off to one of my balls and this was now a deeply serious problem that would require a immediate emergency surgery. Otherwise, one of my balls would effectively be choked to death by its own spermatic cord within a few hours.

Long story short, I had the surgery that night and the surgeons managed to save my bollocks from oblivion. I awoke with a row of stitches where they'd made the incision and had to walk like John Wayne for days to minimize the body-racking, stomach-turning pain, the company moving around. everything after that was fine apart from the extended series of speed bumps we had to go over to get out of the hospital I spent the remainder

of the week playing fours of three at home and returned to school as the guy who got a twisted testicle which unfortunately stuck so PSA to all charling's in possession of one or more testicles if you're feeling pain down there and it doesn't go away

after a few hours get it checked out by a doctor immediately it might save you an astronomical amount of pain as well as potentially your entire future bloodline I guess my question off the back of this is what's the most pain you've ever experienced thanks as always for your lovely podcast it makes me happy or something

ball on ballers Jesus that's horrifying what a beautifully told story also yeah yeah that's oh my god like no nothing compares this is I guess

one of my unreasonable fears is that I've I have this ever since I found out about it I've always feared that this is on my cards yeah I think that's that every like um ball having person

every ball owner yeah every ball possessor will have this fear I guess this kind of brings it full circle with, um, Mr. Bolt arcs, whatever the fuck. Bolt arcs. The far as he called Pol. But I can't remember, you know, Mr. Bullocks.

Mr. Bastard. He's a Mr. Bastard. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know, right? No clue. What's the most pain you've ever been in, though? Um, probably post my nose surgery. Oh, okay.

yeah well like when the pain meds wore off and you you got to feel just a little taste just for a little bit just for a little moment it was like yeah it was a run moment mm-hmm mine was probably the ban of a go-cart yeah I land on like an exhaust pipe yeah second third degree burns are horrible yeah it swallowed up like a balloon

like my hand it was like full of juice you could like see the it was like water like sloshing around inside the blister it was fucking gross man like the palm of my left hand I think it was my left hand

it didn't scar so I guess it It couldn't have been that bad. Yeah. Really sore. But a ball pain, there's nothing like ball pain. Like, nothing. Nothing will compare.

What about Bast Harding? Yeah. That's cute and funny. And a bit vicious. Yeah. Cruel. Yeah, so with that, I'll say my favorite slur, and we can go home. Beep!