JAR Media Posdact - Mummy, we've had enough!

Episode Date: April 13, 2026

Timecodes: 00:00 Intro 03:33 Housekeeping 18:13 The First Joke Ever Told 25:19 Alex Secretly Loves Illumination 29:40 Vecna PSA 32:57 CBT 40:18 Mid Break 42:56 Question Segment: Who Would You BAN From the UK? 46:13 Fictional Character Political Campaign 50:50 Theme Parks 53:56 Cheeky Little Monkey 57:16 Are you evil? 57:46 We NEED to grift. 1:01:04 Rantsona 1:03:26 Masayoshi Takanaka 1:05:03 Has Jim seen Rango? 1:05:29 Hogwarts Houses #BroCastS7E14

Wisconsin, Minecraft Steve, he just kept on mining. A 1, a 2, a 1, 2, 3. Whoa, I've just landed into a new episode of the JAR Media. I've just landed in China to a new episode of JAR Media. What is this beautiful land? What is this most beautiful place I've ever seen? I don't know where I stand with China nowadays. Really? Where are you visiting?

you visiting. They won't let me in. Tickets to Singapore, please. I've always wanted to see the Chinese homeland. They won't let me in. Why? I've tried. You know, I show up with like the mustache and

the glasses and they're like, try again. I'm one of Jeffrey Epstein's 17 passport. Jeffrey, stop trying to get in. Jeff, you're already a citizen. Um, well, good afternoon morning, evening or night. Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to China.

Welcome to the broadcast. Season 7, episode 14. I'm Alex joined by Jim. And, uh, it's lonely Alex today and lonely Jim. It is. I've, I, you wanted to game while. Yeah.

I just got to grind something on, um. On destiny. On destiny. On destiny one. I'm the last player on Destiny 2. On Destiny 1. Yeah. I'm still trying to do the glass of glasses.

What's that one called Vex the Glasshound? Vecner's Prison. Yeah, Vecna's Pris. Well, before we get too deep into the show, let me shout out the patrons over at the Jiam Media Patreon. Congreg! An audio version possible. You get the raw unfiltered mb3 over there, ad-free.

It's got its own RSS feed on the Patreon. If you want to add it to your Spotify's or whatever you fancy With the without those annoying ads and that sort of thing You get your patron names read out on the first or second week of each month as long as you're a debby tier or above So that would have been last week we did that So get your names in ready for May I guess May June July

Xbox That's not all there you get you after hours over there you get you after hours over there on Patreon, an ever-growing playlist of variety content. We watched the nostalgia critic interview with Double-toasted. We did, yeah. That was interesting to get... That was interesting.

A post-mortem on the wall review was the section of it we kind of zoned in on. If that's not up your alley, there's the trying to read the Rugrats theory, the mountain, as they say, 80-minute discussion, Swindon, as they say, is a normal. Just a normal. Walk 2, JAR radio, Epstein rant, all sorts going on over there, as well as last but not least, the JAR Media Group chat. And hunting for Biden.

Hunting for Biden's sharts. Yeah. Yeah. Remember Biden farts when things were simple. Right, fuck. Let's do some housekeeping then, yeah? Oh, that's a fabulous idea. Do you think that's just a nice idea?

That's a belter of a cracker, my lad. Do you think that's just a nice way of getting the shit moving? I think it's a belter of a cracker, my lad. It's like those magnesium tablets that make you do. Have you shit your bed? When's the last time you shit into your bed? You actually want to know? Yeah.

When I was in Berlin. Like a few weeks again. Yeah. You got. poo in the bed? No, in my pants, luckily. Right, but you were in bed when you pee your pants. Yeah.

Were they tight panties or were they like looseies? They were, they like, they're perfectly middle. Like box of briefs? Yeah. Okay. So there was no leakage. It was contained, I think, yeah, yeah. Imagine if you'd have done that and then just not like changed for like a week.

In fact, part of me enjoying part of it. Yeah, you were like soaking. in it. Marinating myself in it. Yeah, yeah. What sort of state do you think you'd be in by now? I'd be an average Jimbrough, according to Twitter, I guess. Yeah, okay.

Anyway, housekeeping. Right, yeah. I've got this one from the Jammedia group chat from Real I am. Okay, real. When is Jim going to prepare a CBT for Alex? I was thinking this. You have to pick a good one, though. Yeah.

I could pick up some good ones. Yeah? Yeah. Whenever you fancy, you can do that whenever you, whenever you're hard. Should I just surprise it? Like, surprise, drop it. Yeah. Like, bully.

Yeah, hopefully it's a bit better than bully, though. It would definitely be better than me. Not that I'd have to try very hard. Zing. And the other one from the group chat, which was also referenced last episode from Jedi Master Luke Doug Walker. Thanks for answering my question about my partner who says, please, please, please during sex.

I have an update. We're actually part of a polycule and unbeknownst to me, a different member of the Kule was a closeted jarling and came out to me this week asking me if I'd posted the question. Turns out they've also been having the exact same problem with this particular member and we bonded a lot over this. We're going to show her a clip of Alex singing, please, please, please, hopefully she takes it well.

I guess Jarmedia is so niche it never comes up in conversations so we could never be surroundings. surrounded by jarlings and never knew or no you're lying yeah what the fuck we should have known that none of you would ever be having sex yeah yeah yeah sometimes they get tricks sometimes they get past the goalie I was never the best goalie I was more of just an attacker I wasn't I was I was a bad goalie but I was good at like pushing people to the brink no like physically pushing them down to the floor. Ah.

You always need a good pusher. Yeah. Yeah. The red card taker. Yeah. I suppose we're talking a bit about education. In Spring Cling's

last episode. There were three in response to that. Catchphrase fan says, Hi, Jarman. I found it really interesting how you discussed both the idea of classes within the UK school system and the death of comedy

in the same episode. As from my experience, These two topics are more closely linked than people might realize. I'm a relatively new stand-up comedian and within the last few months pause. So that's why the I forgot to mention this is a comedy training podcast. Oh yeah, of course. Obviously it helps if you're an up-and-comer comedian like this way you get your tips and tricks. Yeah, so you've come to the right place.

Catchphrase fan. Hopefully you're not too reliant on catchphrase humour, but yeah. Within the last few months I've landed a few spots before. alongside some fairly big names and am in the running for a somewhat illustrious comedy award. I simply would not have achieved this if I did not attend... If you didn't listen to JAR the podcast in which you get trained on comedy. Yeah, sorry, you can't carry on you up.

Yeah, make sure you credit where you come from. Yeah, don't forget your roots, son. I simply would not achieve this if I did not attend my current university. My university is known for its particularly high amounts of privately educated students, and I'm aware that by simply being a student, there, I've had a lot of doors open for me that a lot of my peers from my state educated background would not have, regardless of how funny or creative I know these people to be. I really feel this is something that deserves a light shown on it more, as the lack of class

diversity within the stand-up scene and the performing arts as a whole is honestly staggering. Vecna on boys. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. It's, it's, um... I guess boring. Insanely boring.

Super boring. I think, um... It, this isn't like a new issue. I think there's always been a problem of art and class. Yeah, because like you just wind up in a situation where every comedian is Jack Whitehall and you're like, who are you for? Yeah, stop acting like everything's fine. It's fine for you. Yeah.

Oh, it's so fun that you're going on holiday with your dad while the world burns. Yeah, yeah. You're incredibly conservative piece of shit. The father that raised the little shit bag. I hate him. But yeah. Hit the funny bone there, did I? Yeah, you struck the comedy cortex.

Yeah, we need to do like classes on like why Jack Whitehall needs to stop doing comedy. I thought you were going to say something more appropriate. That would have actually been funny, which can't get to sit with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. Real. There's whenever I go to London I take like the same tube route Um And there's always this poster with his face like giant in front of me

Yeah And I always flick the bird at it I'm like You always flick your nut at it Yeah I'm just pocket jerking Through the fucking tube And I always Climax when I see his face

What the fuck Because it wasn't like Because for some reason we have S&L in the UK now Yeah, thank fuck. Everyone's, we were like, Britain is starving. We're struggling for this, that, and we don't even have SNL. That's what everyone was saying. We can't be funny without SNL.

Yeah. It's impossible to be funny about it. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I guess we have it and Jack Whitehall was on it, I'm pretty sure. Was he? That makes sense. Making it as funny as it needed to be. Making it as funny as the American one then.

He's, do you think he's got like a Ryan Reynolds thing sort of? Um It's different The thing with Ryan Reynolds At least like I can see how somebody would find Ryan Reynolds attractive

Hmm So there's like that going for him I genuinely don't see anything going for Jack Whitehall Apart from his humour Apart from maybe the The um The beat the the The

Um The Um the the Um the When you search him, it literally says comedian and ranta. No, it doesn't. Fucking answer.

Jack Peter Benedict Whitehall. Of course he's got Benedict in his name. He is known for his roles as JP in the Channel 4 comedy drama series Fresh Meat. To be fair, he's good in jungle crews. He's getting Clifford the Big Red Dog, the movie. Yeah. He's good in Frozen.

Oh, yeah. I was supposed to be in frozen, you know. You know, everybody. When I go on holiday with my Dada... Yeah, what is the amount you have to earn before you like keep calling your appearance? Yeah, yeah, Mommy and Daddy. Mummy? I could deal with some of that, you know.

Go tell Dada to get my son creamy on. Fuck off, Jack. Yeah, fuck. What we're even talking about? Yeah. Going back to education, speaking of bad education, funny Jack Whitehall British show. Candle E2 says, I was homeschooled for four years,

and there were about five months where I literally just listened to JAR and played Tetris all day, most days, so you guys should probably be glad for neglectful homeschooling in America. In all seriousness, most of my homeschooling took place in my middle school tween age years, and I'm honestly glad I didn't have to be surrounded by peers at all times at such an awkward time in my life. I had plenty of friends and got a good deal of socializing from a home school community we were a part of. And we had dedicated social times instead of trying to squeeze it into passing periods or class time.

Obviously, homeschooling isn't a perfect solution to anything, but I think a laid-back education suited me as a very young teen. I pretty strongly believe I'd be a much more anxious. person if I'd had to live so rigidly at that already uncomfortable age. I was really fucking weird. The first year back in public school, though, so I don't know. I guess that's a perspective. Yeah, I guess there are cases to be made. There's always a case to be made.

We know that for sure. That's one of the comedy truths. You know what, next time I'm near a C.E.X. I'm buying a new Xbox controller. Yeah, you need to. Yeah, mine's old as far. Yeah. Well, mine's still work.

We can play Dark Souls. I can play Dark Souls. Fuck you. And Charlie Team Fortress 2 says, on the education, this is for a Spotify comment, by the way.

I do look at it now and again. Oh, let's go, my father. Oh, let's go, daddy. Jack Whitehall. Yeah. On the education problem

is a student teacher. A lot of behavioral issues arise from economic inequality. For example, over 30% of Glasgowian children are living in poverty, and that environment leads to behaviour issues as these kids don't have a solid home life

that allows them to engage with school on the whole. This paired with chronic underfunding from the Tories and now labor means the resources simply don't allow special attention to be given to kids from these backgrounds. Fucking A right. Absol bloody loiter. Well, yeah, but not only that, but they have an interest in keeping poor kids in that way,

You know? Yeah, that's why... It helps them. It's good for them. I think it's good for them. I think they learn more from gambling apps than teachers anyway. So I think GoToGambling is our correct sponsor for this episode. Thank you, Goatigabling.

You get 50 free jar coins if you sign up using code. Poverty. Thanks Goathe game gambling. Sponsored by the new movie Go! You have to do it as well, Alex, part of the contract. Oh. Ferrell Goober, unless you had anything else to say about educations. Don't go to school.

Don't get educated. Unless it's this educational podcast about humour. You're allowed to be educated on humour, but that's about it. Yeah, you're allowed to learn to be comedy. We really need like two shows in tandem. One had to be a comedian, one had to be normal. How to be normal. How to rant.

Part one. Maybe that could be like a weekly segment like. Part one, how to be normal. Yeah, tips on normality. A normal guide. Normala tips. Normala tips from... Go to gambling.

Ah! Well, Ferrell Goober has one from the comments. Yeah, man. Don't come to Devon. I'll fight you. We've already banned. Idiot. Yeah, we're already bad.

Block him. Yeah, you're blocked him. Loser. I try to fight it. and you can't even find us Yeah, and just to piss you off, we put the cream second

instead of first. I actually disagree with that. I always do the cream first. Who got those scones? Me? I ate them all. What, all four scones? Did you have all four?

Please tell me you had all four. I did. Like in one sitting. in two settings in two settings so you had tea then tea that's cool yeah um cool cool cool yeah get about that goated place or go to gambling yeah you can head down to the local casino switch on your phone yeah they give you when you go into the um devon they give you free devon coins that you can redeem at the uh yeah yeah yeah the go to gambling-sponsored

checkpoints. Yeah, it's a go to gambling-sponsored county. So you have to use the goat coins to yeah, purchase your creams. Why is Devon at war with Cornwall? What's that about? Um,

so back in, I think it's like 1064, 1065, before the Battle of Hastings, um, the Queen of Cornwall cheated on the king. with the king of Devon.

Really? And the king of Cornwall found out, got pissed, and then they started like some maritime war. I love a good maritime war. Wow, I didn't realize this was also not only a comedy training podcast, but also a history podcast. A history learning podcast as well. Now we get to be educational.

And the history of comedy. Comedy. The contextual history of comedy in Devon versus Cornwall. I'm gonna, can you Google something for me? Yeah. I'm Google, when was the first joke told? So we can have both, you know, history and comedy in the same podcast. When was the first joke, scribed?

No, told. Like verbally. I want to date. The oldest recorded joke in history. I don't want a recording. I want to know when it's. was. You don't want a recording.

No. I want the real thing. It's an Xbox voice message. From Epstein. Yeah. To a noob tuber on Rust. So we got, there's a few examples.

1600 BC, Egypt. A story featuring King Snowfrew and Fishing Nats. Who's King Snowfree? King Snowfree fell off. I think he's... Oh!

Well, that was pathetic. Ow! He did a hiccup. Ow! I get sore hiccups. I'm not even going to tell you about Snowfree now. Oh. Instead, I'll tell you about...

Oh. There's an unknown one from even earlier. Unknown. 1,100 BC. Unknown. A witty remark from a wife regarding her blindness and marriage longevity. That's funny. Blindness is pretty funny.

And joking about marriage is always a winner. Always a winner. I fucking hate my wife. With a thousand years. I fucking hate me, husband. Or 10th century AD Britain. a riddle-style joke about a key Ooh

That's quite nice A Resident Evil type joke about a key Where do you use the The club key Oh I found the Egypt one The actual joke Oh let's hear it How do you entertain a bored pharaoh

How You sail a boatload of young women Dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile And it urged the pharaoh to go catch a fish Hey, what was the prompt? What was the beginning? How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? Jesus.

Maybe it was it Epstein? Yeah, it's just always been Epstein. Okay, and the oldest British joke dates back to the 10th century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons. What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole and that it's often poked before? Huh? Answer a key. What? So they're just really pervy.

Yeah, e. What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Oh, right. I get it. I get it. Nice one. You silly Anglo-Saxons, you. You silly Normans, you silly fools. Yeah, I'm not really sure what's. say?

Do you want to know why, um... Could have been funnier. Do you know why the skeleton didn't have anybody to go with? Why? Because he had no body to go with. That's what's weird, right? Is that literally in the last few weeks

I finally sussed the chicken crossing the road joke? Which one? To get to the other side. I don't get it. Yeah, it's complicated, really. Can you explain? Um, so obviously the chicken wants to get from...

Wait, for everyone listening, when I said, can you explain? Alex went and rolled his eyes like so dramatically. But let's hear it, let's hear it. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. There's a chicken, right? Yeah. Imagine him like a kind of more dream work style than Pixar style. Bit looser.

What about, um, Moana style? No. But the, but the live action version. Voice by Woody Allen. Yeah. So that's the preamble, right? So he's like a neurotic chicken. Yeah.

DreamWork style. Yeah, dream work style chicken. He's like stood by a Frogger style really busy road. Yeah. He's like, oh God. Oh God. I've got across this road, motherfucker. How am I going to do that?

And then the narrator kind of looks at the chicken is like, why does the chicken want to cross the road? So you say, oh, probably to get to the other side, because he literally wants to get to the other side. Then also, weird reveal, he's got a twin brother on the other side who's trying to cross. So right as they cross each other at the middle point, they become each other. Any questions? No, I think I got it now. Thanks. Yeah, I thought like it finally makes sense.

It kind of clicked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, idiot. Yeah, you fucking asshole. You thought, you thought. Speaking of fucking assholes who need to get blocked. Weehe says, I don't understand why Alex is so surprised by the Mario movies being bad. Like it's made by a company you hate.

And it's being looked by. Nintendo as well. Of course it's going to be nothing more than a baby film. Yeah. Idiot. No. You fucking idiot. Of course they were gonna suck, you loser. That was me translating for Wahoo. Oh. No, but I think I think you're right. Yeah. Yeah. I was just being serious, to be honest. Yeah. Just say everything's a joke. Everything's a joke and I just need no Xbox. controller. Unless I'm being serious.

You know what? Xbox may die, but the controller never will. Do you know what I mean? Controllers for life. Yeah, Xbox controller forever. I never want to use PlayStation controllers. Unless they move that left stick. Yeah. They need to take that left stick

and put up their butt. Yeah, they need to fucking Sony pony fucking ride their fucking Xbox controller out into the desert fucking assholes. Ew, I like Sony. Yeah, all right, lad. Um, I do actually see, I'm gonna take this out.

I secretly think Illumination are pretty good. Really? Secretly though. What's their best film? Hop. It's aged like a fine mind. Yeah. Russell Brand.

Russell Brand cooking as per. It's got my favorite trope of, um, cute dibby creatures that, um, uh, slaves are trying to rebel. Yeah, right. What the fuck are you talking about? I've never seen Hop, obviously, along with the rest of the planet. It's fitting with it being like an Easter movie. Yeah, I guess, yeah. It's the most cynical, like, a starting point possible where they're like, shit.

Every holiday has a movie. Yeah, like a go to film. We've done focus testing and we've realized there's a gap in the market for Easter. Yeah, yeah. And for, there's a gap in, uh, Hell for Russell Brown. Yeah, the focus testing is saying, we don't have enough predators in the cast.

Let's make him a, a drum-playing bunny, I guess. Oh, I am Russell Bran lad. Way. The bunnies, they, like, reside over the, like, chicks that lay like the eggs. But they're, like, enslaved them. Right.

But he just wants to play the drum. They enslave the chicks, and then the chicks, like, start rebelling. and they're like framed as the villains for like you should just love being slave being enslaved like the like the proletariat like the house sales from Harry Potter

yeah they love it really yeah they just need to be taught to love it yeah so yeah hop maybe not the best but they learn their lesson for the Mario movies and uh yeah I like Luigi

yeah can we talk about the movie Mary Galaxy. Sure, what do you want to know? Well, no, I've seen it now, right? Yeah. I like the bit... What scene did you like?

I like the bit where the Luma goes, um, I fuck with you or whatever. Oh, right, yeah, when it says the F slur. Yeah. Um, I like when Rosalina says, Mario, put it in. That was cool.

I like when Bowser says, um... Oh. Oh yeah. Yeah, that was a good tune, with the puppets and stuff. Yeah, I like, um... I like when Mr. Gamer watch uses the hammer and explodes. Mr. Game Watch isn't it in the movie? Yeah, he is.

No, he's not. Yes, he is. When? When Luigi fucking paints him on the floor, and he, like, grows out of the fucking ground. So you've seen clips of it. I've seen the fucking movie. I went to see it, the cinema. Okay, what are the references whether then, if you're so sly?

Fox, obviously. He was like the majority of, he was like the main character. The Mario Galaxy movie? Yeah. That just makes sense. Well, yeah, that was obviously going to be the case. You can't make a Mario Galaxy movie and not have Fox be a big chunk of that. Um, I liked, uh,

Come on, there must be more you like. I like the action. It was good. How smooth and kind of vibrable. It was very energy. Yeah, it was definitely high energies. Yeah. I feel like I didn't, I didn't have that urge ever to start scrolling.

Wow, that's really good. You know, the movie. It's kind of like opening Blindbag, Blindbag, Blindbag, Blindbag, Blindbag, Blindbag, Blindbag. It's like the movie's just scrolling for me, you know? Yeah. It's like Labubu Blindbag, Open. It's like Blindbag, Blindbag, Blindbag, Blindbag. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it, that's clever.

Your little things in the tub there, in the tube, looks like big ear cleaners. Tubulates. Oh, you're talking about the matches. The matches. Yeah, so two more for this section. Herman's said missing Vecna right about now. He better be in the new one.

I kind of wanted to use this as a jumping off point, PSA, kind of of like. PSN? PlayStation Network. No, that's going, bro. What are they calling it next? Um, Xbox Online, live, PlayStation, Nintendo online. Steam. Steam.

Yeah. Epic game. Um, you can't control me. The more you try, the worse I'm going to get it. And anyway, you don't want more Vecna. You want something else that, a roundabout way of getting it. Do you ever just feel like Vakna? Uh, well, now that you say,

that there are some elements of Vecna that I do feel like daily yeah Really? I've literally never felt like Vakna Yeah you have When the fuck have I felt like Vakna? There have been days I've seen it Where behind your eye you're like

You've got that Vecna sheen Right yeah Or Vecna vacancy Vecency I've been Vecna Sok my That's like it's a catchphrase Isn't it?

Yeah I see people walking around with, you know, the Reddit alien thing. What? You know, Reddit has that, like, alien thing. Yeah, everyone knows that. Yeah. First off, that alien, that Reddit alien is confirmed to have been an American sci-up and has existed in reality this whole time.

The alien itself? Yeah. Like, it's just walking around out there. It was like a soft launch of like, okay, we'll make people used to it through Reddit. Yeah. You know? And now people are just walking by them in the streets and they don't even notice. Exactly, yeah.

But also I saw someone wearing a Vecna combined, you know, cute nerd merch combination type thing, where it was like Vecna and the Reddit Alien combined with the catchphrase. Yeah, with the catchphrase saying like suck or whatever I said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Vakna suck. Vakner Slurps, someone like that. Thoughts on that or want to move on? No, I'm just letting it ride.

I'm Vecna and I'm letting it ride Yeho That's his catchphrase Isn't it? Yeah, yeah Everyone take a video of yourself saying, I'm Vakner and I'm letting it ride Yehah

And send it over to Jarm Media Reddit And we'll Block the best ones And my last one for this segment From Jane Cotton Mario movie Making Mario so lame Sonic fans are now the chads of the playground

Can't believe those movies are getting owned by Sonic ones. Truly the end of days. Don't act like Sonic movies are fucking good now. This always happens. Like, the worst thing ever is made. And people are like, wow, this fucking sucks. And then something shitter comes out.

And they're like, you know, maybe I was too harsh to that shit. Yeah. It's like, no, it can all be shit, you know? Because it is. There are allowed to be more than one thing of shit. Yeah, it's just like real life. There's multiple poops at the same time. Yeah, okay.

I've got a CBD if you want to do it. Yeah. If, um, if you think you can handle it. Yeah. Is that an, yay or nay? Yeah. Bechner says, Yay!

That sounded just like you. Yeah. I'm gonna fucking kill you, Vakna. Yay! Yay! Um, so let's do. CBT, cringe base tough it stands for, Jim is given

about 10 quotes could be from a character or something real, a philosopher or Sonic the Hedgehog, for all he knows. Or the Harrowbrine from Minecraft. Or Harrowbrine quotes.

Um, yeah. Any questions? No. Okay. What the fuck would I ask? I thought you were gonna like just instantly start giving me ones and like do a reverse kind of Oh no, I considered that and then I thought you know what that wouldn't be funny

Okay, okay Okay, let's do these then Thought you could outwit an onion? Shrek Is it cringe based or tough? It's tough Okay, I think that's cool I may be small small, but I will die a colossus.

That's tough. That's tough. Okay. Seek strength, the rest will follow. Cringe. Really? Yeah. Oh, hello there.

I will stay behind to gaze at the sun. The sun is a wondrous body. Like a magnificent father. If only I could be so grossly incandescent. I know who this is. Who? I know who this is.

Who? Who? Who was I doing an impression of quick? Um. That's right. Bassa, Philip from Guardians of the Galaxy One. Who? Is that who you're saying these quotes are from?

No, no, that was just my impression. Yeah. Did you record? recognize all of those or just one? It was one, the latest one that, like, really put me on. Okay, so should I just keep going? Yes.

But you, friend, you talk. I know talk, but happy. What? But you, friend, you talk. I know talk, but happy. But happy? Um,

that doesn't make sense. I'm giving that cringe. Okay. Um, the dragons shall never be forgotten. We knights fought valiantly. But for every one of them we lost three score of our own. Exilaration, pride, hatred, rage. The dragons teased out our dearest emotions.

Thou will understand one day. At thy twilight, old thoughts return in great waves of nostalgia. I love, like, what else could this be from? You know, like the language is so particularly. to this breed of kind of legendary goated status video game perhaps um

that's a tough quote yeah it is tough goodbye then stay safe friend don't you dare go hollow okay so um this is multiple different characters yeah it's not just one yeah okay um

that's base tough no just based it's like yeah it's not tough it's um genuine that's uh the pyromancer that says that this land is peaceful it's inhabitants kind oh it's not it's it can't be based oh no that's um that's priscilla who says that um what do you give it i'm gonna go based His best in the end. Penultimate one from, no. Brother unyielding sword of Lothorick's prince, rise, if you would, for that is our curse. Oh, Dark Souls 3.

So Prince Lothrake himself. That's, that one's tough. That is tough. With the music as well? Oh. Maybe there's like a curse or something like that, and you're referencing it? Okay. So fucking sick.

And last one. But no matter how tender, how exquisite a lie will remain a lie. Ooh, based. That is a nice one. That's really good. Dark Souls. So obviously, yeah, these all the Dark Souls characters. The one you said was cringe.

Is Vendrik? Seek strength, the rest will follow. Oh, Vendricks from Dark Souls, too. your sensor just went off yeah sums off about this one that's crazy that your yeah

your dark falls too alarm just went off started ringing yeah yeah ding ding ding yeah damn yeah I knew you'd get them it was difficult to find quotes that didn't like reference a location or made it too obvious

but that one was kind of gonna be obvious let's be real yeah it was the the sunlight one that I was like yeah yeah I know yeah because I wasn't sure if onion was going to give it away immediately thought you could outwit an onion the onion night that yeah I didn't know he said that that's really funny but you could outwit an onion yeah that is good it's like yeah I would assume

that yeah I feel like most living things would Damn, on that note, I guess we'll see after these pretty funny messages. Brankers on PS5, out now. This is wild. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm developing type 2 diabetes. No, I am. It's the race, JAR Media Challenge, race to type 2. not funny not funny to remember that weird ad we got in the cinema once was like with your

where it was like like a string of like diabetes jokes and then at the end it was like diabetes isn't funny after the funniest ad rate you've ever seen yeah it's like this guy getting made fun of for having diabetes and then it's like diabetes isn't actually that funny you know Diabetes is only 10% funny Yeah Come on You can joke about AIDS but never diabetes Yeah

It's like a really good age joke AIDS is funny Diabetes is not Ever Cancer Funny Diabetes No

No Well, speaking of diabetes, welcome to the second half of the cast. We head over to the suggestion thread over on the subreddit or pluck a couple from the Jam Media group chat as well. Like plucking hairs off of a horse to create a violin. Can you put violin music at that point? We like made a lot of shit out of like horses. Have we?

Yeah, like their hair. They're like goo. Oh, for Harambeau. Yeah, they're gelatin, I guess. We mash them into... Pulp. Ah. I guess if I go...

What? What? Didn't you say, when are you going to finish your sentence? No, I've got bored of it. Sure. Um, if you got this far, comment this thing Jim's about to say. Diabetes not funny.

So let's get started then. Let's just fucking start this. Yeah. With this one from Rich Ron. Oki-dokey, pika-pokey jar boys. With Kanye getting banned from the UK. What celebrity would you also ban if you had the choice? Ryan Reynolds, perhaps? Yeah.

Bear better? Yeah. The whole trilogy. Oh, Ryan the Rock and Kev. I'd definitely ban Kev. He was Diddy's best friend. He was Diddy's best man at his third wedding. Are you joking?

Maybe. Because that just sounds like it could be true. Um, I'll say, uh, what's it lawyers say? Allegedly. Objection. No, allegedly. Inlegedly. Allegedly.

Allegedly. Kevin Hart I think speaking of Hop, Russell Brand he should be banned He should be banned

from every country He should be an ocean man He's only allowed To live on Epstein's island He'd love that though That should be their curse They're all cursed to the island Yeah they have to like

They have to My memory's fucking shot today man What you're trying to remember. Fortnite. No, the book. The fucking book.

Lord of the Flores. Thank you. Like, what, this always happens with my head. Like, if I'm talking and I go to,

like, say something, that thing's gone. Every time. No, it's so fucking annoying. Lord of the Five Nights. Lord of the Five Nights.

Yeah. Five nights at Marilaga. Please no. Anyone else you'd ban? Uh, maybe, uh, hmm. Andrew Mountbattenberg? No.

Well, he belongs here. Yeah. He's part of the, the filthy fucking blood of this country. You mean pure, clean blood? Yeah. Clean as in, um, had been like pulling from the same genetic, pool.

A smaller and smaller pool. Yeah, for like the 12th generation. That pool has been fucking wrung dry. No, I'd ban like, um... Liz Truss deserves to be banned. Yeah. Or, like, dragon fruit? No, they're cool.

They're cool, but they're fucking annoying. It's like... I'll have you processed, but I'm not having you not processed. That's too much of a challenge. We got loads of people who should be banned. Hitler? Oh, he's banned.

Himmler? No, Himmler's allowed. Himmler gets on too well with the royal family. Rankers Ron Rearst Rye says, What fictional character would you snitch? Sorry, snatch

To become the leader of your own political party. Redacted is not allowed because that's cheating, I'm afraid. So what fictional character would you snatch to become the leader of your own political party? Gwynnevere from Dark Souls. Why? Was it Gwendolyn?

Um, because big, massive woman with great honking... Oh, yeah, I'll say the big massive woman from Resident Evil 8. Oh, shit. She's the bodyguard, and the actual person running is the villain from Jessica Jones. That's why I want to run my political party Oh shit, yeah, that's genius Yeah

You just kind of win Yeah Um Okay, I'm gonna have to like run against you Yeah Um So I'll choose like Omni Man

Yeah Actually that's a terrible idea You've won already Because that guy can just be like Omni Man you're my side now yeah you're my bodyguard man but I already have a bodyguard

a vampire woman from Resident Evil yeah yeah well then he'd have two and then he'd fly around motorboating her being um maybe Jessica Rabbit

no how to be called Jessica none of the others were Jessica Jones You said Jessica The guy from Jessica Jones That could be your pick Is you just choose Jessica Jones Because she normally beats the baddie

I guess she did beat him She's gonna have to outsmart him Yeah Of course The hypothetical just becomes a fucking Marvel show Becomes specifically Jessica Jones With crossover references

Yeah I'll choose the whole Defenders That's my party Go Defenders defend. They can never attack. I was trying to make a joke.

I was trying to think of the fourth defender to make a joke about, but I can't remember his name. Iron tongue. The iron giant. Yeah. Comes in through a portal. Superman.

All these references are getting confused. Do you know what was really confusing, speaking of references? Do you remember in the Eternals? How could I forget the Eternals? When the Superman one is like, I'm not Superman, I don't wear a cape. Does he reference Superman?

Yeah, right. He says Superman, it's like, wait, so you guys have Superman? Like, you have the comic Superman. So, like, yeah. Like, so how does that work? Because like, that's true. When was the first, like, meta-human? I mean, they're not, that's a DC thing, but like, the,

was Superman inspired by real heroes? in your universe then? Like, what the fuck is going on here? You know? It's like, what are we doing here, Bubba? That's one to ask Zach. No, Kevin. Spacey? No, Kevin Spacey's DC.

Yeah. Wrong! What would be like, Prime Kevin Spacey, you don't know the truth and then you're casting for like a Marvel character. Who are you casting him as? Iron man. Spicey

He gives Ant Man vibes to be honest Like Hank Pem Yeah Oh no that's Or um the I patch guy Oh my god If he was Nick Fury

Nick Fury Yeah that kind of works Yeah I just I just wanted to be a good guy I can't do Kevin Like, he's too scary. Wrong!

Outside of saying wrong, yeah. Fuck, okay. Last one from the GC, from Antonia Phillips. What are the boys' thoughts on theme parks? Any memories? Big lover of them personally. Love making one to three-hour videos reviewing them, as I have no one in my life that also likes them.

Must be able to find somebody who likes the theme park. Yeah. Why don't you go to a theme park and meet people? I haven't been to one in a very long time. I was supposed to go to Thorpe Park, we got ill, so it was cancelled. You went though, right? Yeah. That must have been your last romp in a theme park.

I did an upside down for the first time. A loop-de-loop. A loop on the loop. Were your legs are dangling or your inner... Both. Oh, you did both style. Which style did you prefer? I prefer Wanker's style.

I like legs hanging down. Yeah. Because it makes you feel more like. you're flying. Then you can wiggle them, yeah. Yeah. And yeah, they're really fucking fun. The only thing is like, I know you can meta game it if you get really into it,

but like as a day, I don't like the queuing. Right, yeah. It pisses me off. It's like, I want to do this one and this one and this one. But then it's like between each one, it's like up to like an hour. Hmm. Waiting for late. And then you get on the ride and it's like, oh, here we go.

You do it. like less than a minute and it's over. Yeah. And it's like, oh. And like it's really fucking fun. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And like,

you can go when it's like less busy. You can go during like, fast passes and stuff like that. Yeah. And you can get like a, the app that tells you the waiting times of all the different. So you can. Yeah, it gets like really dorky.

Yeah. Yeah. Some people. Yeah. Like it sounds like Antonio's is. Yeah. It's like a whole passion. And I think that's,

that's really cool. But, they're expensive and they're not something like you can do in an afternoon. You know, it is like a day. You've got to travel there. You've got to make the most of being there because you've had to travel there and you've got to travel back. And then you've got to eat the food and you've got to drink the beers. Like, it's a whole thing.

I've never had beer in a theme park. I've drank beer through my asshole during a ride, it was crazy I dropped the beer because I went up to the top of the loop to loop and the beer dropped and I went down the bottom, open my mouth, missed my mouth, onto the seat and up. But it accidentally fell into your goat's seat by accident. Yeah, my constant prolapse. Your prolapse is just searching for liquid.

Yeah, it's dehydrated and it absorbs anything. Uh-oh, be a falling beer conveniently. From mine own cup? Uh-oh. Wow, that got absorbed rather frantically. Well, speaking of frantically, Slick-Rick man says, question for Jim, if Alex got turned into a cheeky little monkey by a witch's spell, would you try to take care of him yourself or send him off to live in a zoo with all the other,

cheeky little monkeys. How little. Just imagine like the monkey from Indiana Jones kind of style. Oh, okay. I think I'd um, I'd just let you go. Just let you roam. Yeah. Go monkey zone.

Like just out in the wilderness. Yeah. Take you to a forest and just let you be. I feel like you'd be happier. I'd chill with Billy. Do you think? You'd probably like pull her legs off. A monkey and a cat just chill. Yeah. I feel like a monkey. would just, yeah.

Monkeys can't be chill. And question for Alex. If you got turned into a cheeky little monkey by a witch's spell, what kind of cheeky little monkey would you want to be? Probably like the one from Indiana Jones, that style.

No bigger, no smaller. Would you eat a date that's been poisoned? I probably would eat whatever my master hand at me. You know what I mean? That's a good scene. That was a good scene.

revealing when gimley catches the date and squeezes the juice into jonesy's mouth you go jonesy you like it like this don't you i know what you do jonesy yeah um there was actually one more bit also if you had your human mind while being a cheeky little monkey would you be nice to jim while he takes care of you

or would you throw your monkey diaper at him I think it would be a situation where like I go over to a keyboard and start like typing and the first thing I type is just like we have the best jar cars to record Yeah Yeah We're just like we are milkingness

Yeah Alex I've got the cure Wait Yeah yeah I'm holding on to this cure for a few months Yeah I'll get my money's worth out of this week. Maybe six months minimum. I'm being that little.

Yeah, yeah. What's going to be that different? Like, really? You're just more able as a monkey. Could you imagine if monkeys developed, like they have their physical ability, but their minds develop to hours? Like, just as capable.

Like, they're just them physically, but they have hours. my mind. Like that's just a better being. That's domination. Yeah. Can you imagine the weaponry they'd use? Like little guns.

Yeah, they'd have these like little machines that shoot like metal pellets. Bananas. Banana shaped guns that shoot bananas. Yeah. Perfectly ripe every time. So you. Utopia, basically. No, no, no, no.

No project. 593 has a deep one. Are you evil? Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. Any follow-ups? No, but I do have a good mirror.

Fucking out. Yeah, I think we answered that one pretty thoroughly. Um, Infinerdie says, There, there, bear bears. Have you ever considered taking up grifting? And have you ever grifted? I'm very tempted to. Is that your main, like, battle?

Your inner battle. Yeah, because I think I could do it well. I think I could do it really well. I'm surprised thinking about it now. I'm surprised you haven't. Yeah. Which would you have like to seem me grift on? Like what?

Ooh. What's like the hill I'm dying on? Like, the woke movies thing? That's the obvious one, which you could have very easily done. You really... Oh man. There's still time. Yeah, I mean, obviously, the thing is you can always go that way, you know?

Right. That's easy. Right. It's the bridges you burn. on the way, you know, um, I'd want you to see, I'd want to see you doing something more radical. More radical. Yeah, like start like streaming and doing that type shit. Like get really fucking, and just like gambling all the time. Yeah. Just like causing chaos and central swindon, like. Like rage baiting?

Yeah, kind of. Yeah, like not even politically. You know, just using your platform. Political rage-baiting is always an option. Yeah, yeah, but I mean, like, I feel like, uh, Aidan Ross, that type of, like, it's not even, like, like, it's not calculated. It's like, um,

it's calculated in like a dumbass kind of way it's calculated in oh this is getting me views yeah like it's the feedback yeah yeah there's no like what should i be doing i'd like to see you do that okay what do you just like drive a uh uh a bmw i a around like saying slurs and stuff well how would you grift um maybe like start taking steroids and then do like a

a workout grift thing yeah a course yeah a course on how to be like a comedian or something and rant oh that's actually a separate courses there's one for comedians one for ranting

and one for comedian and rant that's yeah you can only do that course once you've done it to do yeah that's how you reach third echelon. Then you get access to the special Discord server. Yeah. The comedian and ranter server. There's comedian ranter and comedian and ranter. It's like top billet. Yeah. And everyone's fighting for that top spot.

Speaking of fighting for that top spot, the Sharingan warrior says bear bear, Jarja Media. Question for both the lads. If you were a rant YouTuber, what would your rant sona be? Also, what would be your slightly unusual fetish that you'd try and sneak into your videos? Keep up the goon work babies bean bean.

My fetish would be belly button stuff. What about your rant sonar? What form would it take? Would it be like a human being? Like a something that's like mad or at least judgingly condescending?

I think it would be like um arms crossed is a must yeah arms crossed the the angry fire one from inside out it's like a like a your ocey version an oce version of that like that race of beings yeah yeah yeah but he's like got a i'd my face onto him with his arms crossed that's your ranc sooner and then he gets really angry and then he's like and the flames are really tall Did you say the one from Elemental or the one from Inside Out? I've not, obviously not Elemental. Who the fuck?

Who could even name that movie other than you? That's what I thought you said. That's what I thought you said. Yeah. Yeah, I thought I was like the fire guy from Elemental. Yeah. And it's the Firewoman. It's the water guy and the firewoman.

Sorry, that was an idea Wow, this food kind of spicy, huh? No kidding, we're made of fire An idea is so good Yeah, just one of those cracking Pixar type ideas What if water and fire were kind of alive? What if water fucked fire?

I mean, that's a good concept Yeah, that's kind of cool When you put it like that Um Jesus Christ Okay Cantalope Says hi job boys Been listening a while now

Hope you're both well I remember sneaking my mam's iPad Behind the couch to watch I hate Sonic the Hedgehog When it first came out And I've been a hater ever since Wanted to ask Because I don't know

If you've either Spoken about him before Thoughts on Masayoshi Takanaka Did you see his show recently in London? if so I might have walked past you I have no idea would recommend rainbow goblins it's very Alex core

um that wasn't me there but I've I actually have listened to some of this guy before he's awesome he has some of the most aura farmy album covers like I've ever seen like can you see this one bro Brazilian skies takanaka That one's nice. There's one where he's like, um,

I don't know, he plays guitar really well. He's got some good ones. Skydiving as well. So, yeah. I like, I like those album covers.

They're cool. And a lot of it released in the 70s. Really? So a trend going on there. Hmm. I don't fancy listening to music at the moment. Can you block this guy?

Fine. What, Jim says goes, sorry. Lachlan says, has Jim seen Rango? Yeah. He has. I think you'll find. Really, really good.

Really, really good. I thought, no, I'm not going to. Let's do a couple more here then as we round this one down. Joe Joe the Shmo the Joeho Says bear bear goblins in my chair What Hogwarts house Would these people be in

Okay, this is tough Jar Jar Where's Jarger going? He's I think he's Gryffindor He's not Gryffindor That's fucking crazy He's Gryffindor

He's Hufflepuff I don't give a shit He's Hufflepuff Jake Sully Gryffindor Jake Sully's Gryffindor, yeah Bill Nye, the science guy Slytherin

I hate that fucking guy He pisses me off, man He's too like I'm a cartoon character Who's real Hey, wibbly wobbly I'm from Rick and Mort It pisses me off though

Because he's always like You assholes that are ruining The world With all of your behaviour It's like, what did you say Fuck me for? Like, I You're not recycling

asshole? Yeah. It's like I recycle everything I can recycle. It's not on me. You're like telling the wrong guys. There's no you can't, you can't like just tell me, you know? And he's always calling

me and shit. It's fucking annoying. Wotto. Wato, Slytherin. No, he's Gryffindor. No, he's not. He's Ravenclaw. No, he's Slytherin. No, he's Ravenclaw.

He's Ravencourt. I think what's he's Gryffindor. He's Ravencourt, dude. He's a literal slave owner. I stand with my answer. You're giving them all Gryffindor asshole. Because they've all been Gryffindor so far, apart from Bill Nye, who I agreed was Slith.

Why do you hate Bill Nye? Because he doesn't like me recycling wrong. That's a fucking weak source excuse. Okay. Paddling Gryffindle. Adam Johnston. YMS. What does he give you?

I'm not feeling slithering, but I'm not feeling Gryffindore either. I was going to say Hufflepuff with, um... A bit of badge. Bit of badge. He strikes me as a bit of badge. Um, and... Who else did I just... I just put someone else in Huff.

Wotto? No, he's in Ravenclaw. Who's with the Huff? Who's in Huff? Jaja. Jajar and Adam in Huff. They're chilling in the Huff. They're sharing the hookah in Huffle.

They're puffing on the hookah in Huffle. You know. Okay, yeah, you just convinced me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bob Dylan. Slytherin. Ravenclaw. What?

Paul McCartney. Gryffindor. Slytherin. Wow. Is that because he fucking jointed his Slytherin with her? His one-eyed snake. Yeah. Him and John Lennon.

Ringo Star. Ringo Star. He's a fucking Griff. He's Gryffindore. Yeah, he's Gryffindore. On all fours. Gryffin all fours. We.

Alex the lion. Slytherin. He's not Slytherin. No, he is. He is. He is. He is. Why?

The obvious is that, oh, he's Gryffindore. He's a little. a lion. Yeah, right. He's a bit conceited, isn't he? Yeah. He's got a lot to learn. Yeah.

No, you've convinced me. Let's bung him in Slid. King Julian. He's Slith three and three. He's like top, he's like head boy, the Slythering gang. Yeah, King Julian's Slytherin. But what about Mort? Mort's like Hufflepuff, I think.

He's the third on the hooker. Timothy's Shalame Slytherin He's the most Slytherin looking motherfucker on the fucking planet Let's be honest He is definitely Slythering 100%

The annoying orange Gryffindor Yeah he is Gryffindor Yeah Even though he's annoying as fuck He's still Gryffindore Yeah I hate his fucking ass He's the Ron Weasley

The gang of this year Of the HBA remake Which is goated Everybody Guess what? goaded. There is a CG goat is playing fucking Harry.

Yeah. Dobby. Dobby? Yeah. Slytherin. Yeah, Slytherin. Dobby's Jaina. Dobby's Jiner.

Gryffindor. Um, okay. Penultimate one, Barry B. Benson. Benson Boone? That can be another one. Gryffindor, Barry B. Benson is Slytherin.

Who the fuck is Barry B Benson? You know, the B from B movie, Seinfeld. Oh, he's, um... Yeah, he's like Harry, I think. Griffin's... Yeah. No? Yeah.

No, he's Slytherin. He's not Slytherin. And, um, red as in the Angry Bird. Ooh. Ravenclaw. Um... I'm gonna say, griffindore. The eagle from

angry birds is Ravenclaw. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That was a nice little exercise, right? Yes, quite enjoyable. I think that said a lot of our kind of characters.

Nice bit of millennial fun. No, now it's going to be for the alphas were they Baters Yeah Is that what Did they change that

In the HBO show Please don't be Sigma Please don't be Sigma This one's for the Baders You're an alpha Harry Oh gosh You must look max Harry If you want to defeat

Voldem Beta Well Harry stop jester maxing. Harry, stop styles. That was quite glover, don't you think? Here's a question.

When they create a character named, for example, Roop. Why don't they find a person whose real name is that, so that they don't have to act as hard? Like the rumor that they call Beats by Dre, so when you search Dr. Dre, beats all of his domestic violence doesn't

like that. Oh man. Or Dubai chocolate. So that people don't find out what Dr. Dre gets up to in Dubai. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Can somebody explain to me no, I can't go there. What is it? The new Harry Potter house. No, I can't. Hello, I'm J.K. Rowling. If you're in the goodie house, you're a goodie.

If you're in the badie house, you are fucking evil. You're a badie. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way. Um, where would Luke Cage be in Harry Potter? Fucking Gryffindore, obviously. Yeah, where would third level be? Gryffindor Where would fucking ironcock be

Hufflepuff Where's Jessica James Ravenclaw I don't know Jessica Jones is kind of a punk-ass motherfucker So a Ravenclaw You know what I think the Luke Cage show is actually kind of Fucking awesome

Right you have anything else to say Or are you done You done playing around Not only am I not an intellectual I'm an anti-intellectual I guess that's a good note to end this episode. Check us out on eBay,

put in a bid for us. We are in danger. We need to be bought now. Help! And the episode with the thing going, What the fuck? Real millennial style. Yeah.

With the late, I'm a fire in my laser. Yeah. Blu. Bleak, me, yeah.