JAR Media Posdact - Oh Dear - JARCAST Episode 167

Episode Date: May 20, 2019

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Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Why do you fuck it up literally every time? You don't inform us about any of it. What is our... Okay, good afternoon, morning, evening or night, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the JAR Media POSD Act. Brought to you by our lovely patrons over at Patreon.

Rock on. Nice. That's our new thing. Uh-huh. They are the bread and butter in my life. They made it possible for us to replace the audio interface that I've... Yeah. We've fixed.

I've fixed, so hopefully we sound juices ever. We fixed. JAR victory, we've fixed it. I fixed it by myself. I feel so happy with myself that I was able to fix the issue. Unless something goes wrong and for some reason this has vanished into the user. Oh, it's looking pretty good so far. Don't stress us out.

Also, we got our own merch available down in the description, so check that out if you're interested. Want to help us out and get a sick piece of merch at the same time? Oh, for sure, for sure. Absolutely. Just check that out in the description below. Just absolutely check it out in the description below. Thank you. So we have a few things for the first half of this episode.

Number one. last episode when I was talking about none other than the YouTuber Zhang Bricks, they're like a YouTuber I said he was the epitome of of YouTubers

Not realizing that Epitome is not a fucking word I was going to say what the fuck does epitome I was saying epitome Instead of epitome Why? It's just the thing that I do sometimes Like I used to think

Horizon Was pronounced horizon I saw one comment That was like Epitone It kind of sounds like a real word Yeah It's like

And I guess I didn't realize you were trying to say epitome Neither What the fuck did you think I said Epitome Yeah Let's just make it A new word, baby.

Yeah. What does it mean, though? Define epitome. Greatest Lego YouTuber. Guys. What? There's a little baby spider. Yep, that's really relevant to everyone listening.

There's a little baby spider. Oh dear. You said there were a couple things that can't be the only thing, then. Well, that was obviously a big of huge deal for me. Alex being really, really silly. That was one. I needed to address. You didn't explain what epitomom

means. Yeah, I did. You were distracted by a fucking tiny spider that's irrelevant to everyone. It was cute. Okay, another topic. It's a sad one. Oh no.

It's an upsetting one. It makes me feel like shit to even bring up, I'm afraid. Oh, there's a baby spider. Grumpy cat has died. Oh no. That fucking cat. That pissy cat died.

Died of a UTI. No fucking way. A urinal tract infection. Did it really? Yep. What the fuck? No one thing was grumpy. It was only like seven.

Yikes, that is a young cat. Because it lived a tortured life. A urinary tract infected life. It must have been used as like a... a sex toy okay how are you guys speaking of sex toys

speaking of sex toys you can stop you can stop tweeting at fleshlight now I think they did reply yeah in the end so we're having a discussion we're figuring out our terms and conditions yeah

we're one step closer to being the sex toy podcast yeah the sex toy podcast the only one not the only show the only sex toy show I mean let's just say our dicks are getting slightly erect at the prospect of what might be happening

James especially is creepy James is happy ecstatic he was even listing off the type of fleshlights he was hoping no no I wasn't of course not so you really have nothing to say about Grand P

Cat then. To be honest I made a perfect transition so I couldn't not take it. I feel I feel bad for abandoning that topic already. Okay, okay I'll say this I didn't know Gumpy Cat was a meme till today That's bullshit I've never seen a Gumpy Cat meme

Fuck off, that's bullshit man Don't lie You've been around the block more than once Countless times More than twice I might even say love honey account history No you're You're dragging me into uncharted waters here.

What, you mean an overrated game franchise? Yeah, Overwatch. I saw something today that was like, oh my God. For real, I was driving a Tesco, and I look over the side of the road, and I see just a normal man missing a leg. And he had a fucking robot leg, and he was just walking down the street. No, he's been walking around for fucking ages. I saw him the other week same man And I was just like

I was in the car with you and I saw him and I didn't even Say anything because I ain't racist Well I am Clearly I was just thinking to myself Man if you could show someone this Like a few hundred years ago Yeah, that's just a normal thing

That would be a scadush brain moment To them that would be like What the fuck? Star Wars is real Star Wars wouldn't exist either What the Fuck, my idea for this science fiction universe is real. It is crazy, though. It's mental.

I feel as though this kind of tech is going to get so extreme at some point, like, so good. Like, D.S.X. Yeah, that people are going to cut their arms off so they can get a sick robot hand. Once the technology is actually superior to our stupid, weak, normal arms. Yeah. Just cut your arms up. Isn't that what, like, uh, DioSX and, uh, yes that new game that's coming out cyberpunk cyberpunk people like get it addicted to

modding themselves or something well not so much with day sex I don't think that's more like the social it's more like part of that universe though isn't it no that's more about like being discriminated against because of robot pieces I think yeah I don't really know because like if I was I say I was born later So I wasn't born now. I mean, 22 years ago. Yeah. I would straight up replace my eye with a Wobo eye.

So you're saying if you existed in the future and the technology was available, you would have a robot eye. Yes. But it would be present me with the same issues that present me has. I suppose it's what black mirror is all about is kind of things like this. When does it go too far? Let me ask a question right now one time. Would you replace your wang with a robot wang? No, that's what I was thinking.

Surely, it wouldn't feel the same. Well, I mean, if technology is good enough, surely... Yeah, if they could replicate... It could simulate, maybe even make it better. And... Better for the partner as well. Could have all bits and bobs and gadgets. Be like R2T to...

Be like R2D2. No, because it would be really useful, because it could, like, not exist when you don't need it. and exist when you do. Like a dog dick, like a little lipstick. That would be helpful. Like, you choose when it goes hard. Yeah.

So then you just don't like crush your balls when you're on motorcycles, to example. What, why not? Why even need motorcycles when you could just have like your arms transform into a motorbike and then just wheel over? No, you can like run on your hands. Just really fast because they're robot. Like Terminator 2, just, just, shh, shh, shh, shh. How much of your body would you? you have to change to be able to run super speed all of it like you'd have to change all

just your toes your toes could just your toes could really grip down and just like pull you forward horse you just stand still and be just pulling you across the floor maybe you're just your feet then just going vah so it's just your feet but not your actual leg yeah because you'd have strong muscles from your toes going just pulling you forward launching you forward never wouldn't that be creepy you're just walking out of the end there's a guy standing completely still and they're just running towards you because you wouldn't need to move because his toes you're fast as fuck at that point why don't you just get in a car because you wouldn't even need to pay

for fuel yeah you just eat fucking three chickens and you're good for the week so why don't you just like have like extendable like wheels that can propel you instead of having extendable toes. You see that's not a bad idea like wheels on your ankles that can go down and on your wrists and then you lie down and you just drive away

Helies you are your own car yeah and like people that don't have augments can just sit on you it works if your like futuristic car design of everyone laying down because then they are laying down

because they are the car so James got this sussed Your are the car. I wouldn't mind robot legs, would mind robot arms. Why? I like the tactile sensation of being able to feel my balls. No, but we've just established this. If the tech is good enough, so you can still feel.

You feel better, yeah. So, hmm. So you'd have robo. Is this well good enough that it can replicate semen? No, your balls don't have to be fake, just the d. So you just be metal apart, human balls that sounds creepy I don't want to live in that world you're not entirely metal and the dick wouldn't be metal either if we established it would be

replaced no it would be robotic it would be manufactured but it wouldn't be metal it would be like a like a solid silicon or like yeah like a synthetic like a flesh light yeah no fleshlights would be what women get we get dildos applied they get flashlights applied if you just lose all genitalia that's what's gonna happen but if we can simulate the feeling of like an erect

willy being touched or whatever so perfectly why would we even need that step of needing intercourse or anything anymore because you can just have loads of switches on your arm and one's just

orgasm dude no because that's dangerous why are people going to want to procreate if they can just fucking come into oblivion they wouldn't do nothing they wouldn't so you make it an incentive the government it's like there's a cum tax

pay money no yeah no no no no no that's that makes no sense because then you are gonna get a bunch of there's gonna be a bunch of addicted people just sat there all day again yeah heroin addicts yeah but it's even easier because they got a button on their arm no because surely if you can do that you can take like you don't need smoke weed you can just be like hi you could do anything you want it replaces you guys have taken this to a shit place it was interesting why is that not like

something that that's a logical conclusion of the bullshit you're establishing no surely if it gets that far it's like we'd be robots happy emotion sad yeah yeah just be robots man we'd be the wallies the only what would like wallies like real life world be I hate it that you call him Wally That's what he is What's his name? He's not Wally

No Wally He's not a war You're a fucking Brit So at you Yeah that's why I say Wally Wow Yeah

Wally is American So and I go I go by the It sounds like you're saying Wally Either way I'm at a loss Point is

In the film in the Pixar movie about the robots in the future there are those you know everyone every human sort of like really overweight and they live on flying chairs that do everything for them but of course because it's a kids film there wasn't like sex drugs and rock and roll in it which of course is important to real life

so is it fair to assume that those chairs have built in dildo slash kind of fleshlight capabilities. No. No. It's a kid's show, Alex. So that, no, you just miss my entire fucking point. So the screen comes down and you're like, you know, it was like, which drink do you want? Imagine if it was like, are you ready? And then you're like, yes, ding. And then this machine just goes, sucks out where you're like semen or whatever else there is. How, yeah, how, that might be in law. Because they're all those baby fat, humans, right? Yeah. Who the fuck was getting out them chairs and having sexual intercourse with...

I'm sure that the flesh-like robots they harness the cum and they put it into like a dildo robot and then it goes and impregnates a woman. Yeah. So you don't even choose it's just like sucked out and you're like forced. No, the robots probably scan who's the most like fertile and what bits

mix and match the best and then they make the perfect little fat babies. Damn. And then they take heroin from their chair as well Why do you think they were so thrilled To be there? Sugar In a way, sugar is heroin

Am I right? Yeah, I 100% agree with you on that one. Grumpy cat death, robot leg There was another one. Oh yeah, I don't know why we didn't start with this one. Um, last week, before we started recording

James set his fucking hair on fire oh yeah James literally he got a lighter and he pointed it at his hair and he set his hair on fire I don't know what you're on about didn't happen

it fucking did it's the craziest thing James has ever done yeah you did your typical and then just did it you went burn and then set your hair on fire and it it wasn't like the flame just touching

your hair. It actually caught fire. It reeked. It really smelt. A burnt hair. And then you just started going, like, smacking your head until the fire went out. It was actually the most bonkers thing you've done yet. Because you didn't expect it, because I was just like,

Bha! I was just sat there, like, bemused. Yeah. No, I was... It's actually so stupid. You could have got like second degree burns. But then I got my hair cut.

What if your whole hair had caught fire? It literally did catch fire. It did. It went, yeah, and it was on fire, and you started tapping it until it went out. It's like, what the fuck? And we weren't like egging you on or anything. We just sat there, just saying, don't do that.

No, you stood there because I just, I grabbed the lighter. I walked in the kitchen, just went, bah. And you just sat there looking at me. but why yeah why the fuck did you do that was it the thought of doing it went through your head so you did it i swear james is like some sort of

ADHD I just did I don't know why the fact you have no answer as to why you did it yeah what's next bug on my hair cut the day after so

you know it's fine did he comment on like what is this ban yeah no of course not it's quite a fair amount

like like ban off as well yeah I just was laughing for like 15 minutes after because I just couldn't believe what I'd witnessed yeah it was bonkers

and people won't believe us either so I was like no there's not do it again and let me record it it is like yeah it's not the only thing I did

because it's just like I had a lighter and then I thought a good idea to spray something into it oh yeah no I had the lighter

and I'd lit it and then you sprayed some aerosol something it was glade like air freshener yeah imagine if it was

deodorant that had just been there that James had picked up I would have fucking blew us all out of the fucking window and killed us probably no it just would have caught fire

and killed me he literally would have sent me on photo. And we're still here. So it's fine. Not for long at this rate. Like me.

That was open, by the way. And staying on the topic of James, you know, just being fucking mad. James is in yet another video that's on YouTube. Internet historian uploaded a video. Which James has cameoed in. Yep. Willingly or not. blew my mind. I was like, what?

In what, in what manner did James feature? In one of the scenes it's like, I've never seen much of his videos, I can't explain it, but there's just like a picture and there's like a waddy people there. And my neck, your face was photoshopped onto a person. Yeah. This is so fucking weird.

My. Because James just crops that, everywhere on yeah he's on the yogs cast we need the real one we we all need to pitch in jar fans jarlings uh just take screenshots of james's face and put them just put them in places just all over the internet yeah don't do that please no it needs to be done no we can't force it it's got to be natural the best thing would be if uh like the media is that thinking James was like a right wing icon an old right icon

that would be perfect that would be the worst thing I'm like the next Sam Hyde or the next Pepe James is this guy this stock image guy he needs to go down no it's mad

it blows my mind you know death grips death grips retweeting a James thing I want to know the story of like how why yeah

do they just Google Guy on Google Images and James is the first one you were just there maybe they just found the picture because your face was pointing at the right direction to be edited into that

that stock image I have no idea where the picture's from do you not even query it or anything you just see it and you're like oh that's me yeah and then you don't even think about it anymore. I don't think about it anymore.

I don't need to. It's a good thing. Why? Um, that's helpful. No, it is a good thing. It means we, as a collective, or more James

as a singularity, has authority. I don't want that. Authority and exposure where it matters most in other words

James is their epitome of internet underground memes yes I couldn't have said it better myself yeah um

callback who wants to talk about abortion what are we calling back to James setting us hair on fire no I think I said that once before you did Yeah, so callback

Alabama has banned abortion I'm Alabama James opinions I don't know if you want to hear James' opinions Yeah This is crazy Yikesy

I am really happy about this I am really happy about this Just thrilled Like How How Why Because abortion is murdered

No, it's not Alabama Yeah, dog It's ridiculous And if you just want to know everything about Alabama You just watch out one topic of episode It's all you need to know It sums up everything

Yep, that's a great sort of summary of that whole I've never been to Alabama I'm never going to go to Alabama I bet they got kicking chicken you two

are obsessed of chicken at the moment no let's stay on topic as three women who have to deal with this topic a lot we more than most have a right

to talk about this yeah and we're British white women yes we're Alabanan white women Alabanian

Alabavianian Albanian white women Albanian I think it's Alabamian I mean I know one thing about Alabama and that

that is that it's called Alabama Um Bama Alabama Alabama Look I'm all for I'm all for like thinking or believing what you want

You know Everyone can believe Unless you believe something That isn't what I believe Well yeah But no You can believe what you want But when you're gonna send people

To prison because they dumb, young and full of cum Yeah, full of babies Then... Twins probably, maybe triplets Or quadriplets

If they're unlucky I mean, I just reckon You shouldn't Go to prison for 10 years For that I mean, you shouldn't go to prison at all Yeah, you should go for at least 20 Minutes

That's still bad Yeah, why'd you bring it up? I don't know fucking anything to say. Well, I mean, it's just something that's happened, isn't it? A lot of bad. It's obviously quite bad. It's really bad. Right as somewhere in Asia made gay marriage legal as well. It wasn't gay marriage, was it? It was just gay sex. They made it so that you don't go to prison if you have sex with a... Right on. Nice one somewhere in Asia.

Was it Taiwan? Taiwan. Or the sensitive name of the Republic of China The Republic of gamers Yeah, the Republic of gamers The Republic of Mobile gamers Speaking of mobile gamers No, I got nothing

Mobile games Nah Please elaborate On that slice of your hot take Do you play mobile games, Alex? Someone on this cast does Oh yes We haven't talked about this have we

Jim's addiction You're addiction To what 10 10 10 A fucking mobile gamer over here Betraying the true game Listen listen You went from console gamer to PC gamer

To mobile game No he stopped as well as a Dark Soul gamer To 1010 You actually uninstalled Seckero To play 1010 You need space And you get, y'all can shut the fuck up. When you out here getting a high score of 5,883 on 10-10,

then you can toss some shade in my general direction. Yeah, motherfucker. I'd like to see you get more than 1,000. It's the new version of bloody, um, flappy bird, isn't it? 10-10. No? Pretty much. I was just on YouTube, probably watching a zero video.

I wasn't one of these, was it? It wasn't one of those. Adverts. Actually, no, that's not even true. Look at this crazy game. I know, I know... If you get more than 10,000, you're legally skilled. It is.

No, it actually legit wasn't. Someone told me that it existed. So I was like, okay, I'm going to beat your high score. And I beat it, and I still haven't stopped. So... Oopsie, do oopsie. And people say alcohol is bad. Well, you did drink like a whole wine bottle with our cast.

for those listening james shrugged i think he forgets that it's an audio thing sometimes he also i assume he forgets that because of the brain damage from the amount of wine that he drank last episode and the amount of hair he's burnt off his own hair like when james had a burnout in that fucking car park in swindon on wednesday you i walked my car, we came back from some cheeky nandoes. Empty car park. I went to my tires and I noticed they were low tread. And then what did Jim and Alex do?

Do one of those skids. Not Jim and Alex. I didn't say anything. I didn't say a single thing. I just sit back and I laugh. So what did I do? Went to the long straight bit of the car park. Wased it to about 4,000 RPM.

Drop the quadrant. It did just go It smelled as well It stank It stank like James's hair It's not the only thing I did I burnt out last week And then the whole way home

Your car just like Worryingly about to explode No that's not it's because we went the back road Way because you guys are saying it's more scenic So what I choose I got I drive a bit too fast Over the bumps and then my

My car starts touching the wheels and makes really, really bad noises. You were doing fucking roundabouts at 40 miles an hour, so, of course, it was like skidding across the fucking ground. What an example. My tyres are still not illegal yet. Where you drive is there? What? No, no, you're not, I don't know what you're on about?

Safe driver. Let's just say it. If there were still, um, like, speed cameras around Wiltshire, you'd be so fucked. Yeah. I actually thought we were going to die on Wednesday. Which bit? There was a backroad bit when you just fucking flew around this blind corner. And then there was a van right in front of us.

And you, you, like, slowed down a bunch and had to, like, dodge out the way. We're fucked. And you're like, this is where my dad crashed. That was way, way further back It was a white and a left Famous last words Worth it, Fernando's though Yeah

The van was the one in the middle of the road I wasn't, I was safe I was on my area Wasn't me You were in your area You making me sound Like a bad person If I died because of your driving

I would consider you a bad person I would not ever let you die in my car and that's a promise and you know that I ain't living with that guilt and we'll be back after these messages scared yo poirca I see you wearing that wafloon do you not know that we've got some jarred merch for sale see the link down in the description and get yourself a bloody bebo t-shirt hello welcome back I hope you like those messages This is the second...

Do you like my socks? No, they're my socks. Welcome to the second part of the show where we answer questions from our subreddit. And that's called... Um... R slash Jarmedia. Nice. Why isn't it called R slash four funnies?

Because we came up with the four funnies thing way after we had the Reddit. You need to be found the Reddit then. No, that's too hard. R slash four funnies. I only just figured out how to delete a post. Don't even confuse the fans right now. Yeah, that's a solid. smart idea.

Um, do I go to awful funnies or our JAR Media? Don't insult the fans. They ain't idiots. Oh, Argy, when did you ever get an opinion? I know it's looking your asshole bitch. Yeah. Okay, if you'll leave your own questions, head over to the JAR Media subreddit.

And leave us a funny question about what Madagascar characters are Red Dead characters. Let's start with one from Swordmaster, 543. If you were given the opportunity to make a film about Argy, what would the plot be? It would be a secret life of Jot? A dog's.

So the worst, absolute worst shit. Oh dear. For those listening, I'm sorry, but Jim just farted into the mic. So that's Jim's movie then, that's his script. For the Aggie movie. Mine would be him It would be like a gay love story I'd get Max

He'd be a one com Max would be like his older daddy type relationship He'd like Max would be like James Charles And we'd sort of turn Archie gay And then Then of course

I'd have no Max would be taken away Back to his homeland and then the adventure would be Argi running away to get to Max to get to his... So it's like a four-act movie? No, because all of that first bit can happen in the first act. He turns Argi gay in one act. Yeah, it doesn't take much. You can imagine the adventure.

You could miss Chris Rock. Sorry. He could miss Chris Rock. I don't actually know. what that sentence is supposed to be he could be he could go on an adventure and on his journey he could meet Chris Rock who was like voicing a mosquito that's what I was trying to say that got fucked so what's guys in this then he's like the enemy he's like the police dog that's like rough I'm gonna get you oggy

Because there needs to be like the ticking time clock, you know, thing that's after him. Hunting Argy. Gaius, Gice is the hunter. Exactly, yeah. So that makes sense. That works. Yeah, James. What would your version be?

So. Argy. Right. Is a NASCAR driver. No, I was going to say he was like a kung fu fighter. Kung Fu. Oh, right. So he's like a martial arts one.

Oh, sweet. Like Kung Fu Panda 4. Yeah. It's like the Force Awakens where he's... Argy's like Ray. And Kung Fu Panda is Han Solo. So Po dies and it's all emotional and then... Argy takes his place and that's the... Yeah.

Oh, right. I see what you have. Yeah, it's a great movie. Passing a what movie? Great movie. Oh, great movie. It doesn't sound like what you said. What did you think I said?

I'm not saying it. I didn't say G-A-Y. I said great. I didn't hear that either. What did you hear then? I thought you said it's a rape movie. That was my one. Yeah, I heard rape as well.

I didn't say, that was my script, not yours. I said it funny. Okay? I said it funny. You said it funny. alright next question vote in the comments which one is the best story mine would even have a reference to like

brian death scene probably on his adventure you could meet like a white dark that gets from ran out and then I could go Brian no so you just shot your own one in the foot my fucking fart one was

and then a squirrel kicks him and he's like this guy sucks Jim's was actually the best there hands down Hmm we have this question for James But I don't know if I want to answer it Because I don't think you're going to do it Should I James

If you want Fuck save My corgi socks compel me Okay then Minga ding ding ding said question for James What is your favourite jazz album I just listened to Your Queen is a reptile And really enjoyed it

I'm new to the genre And wondered if you had any albums you'd recommend See, I knew it would be a fucking pointless question I'm... Matt one! I can't remember. It's been a long day. All I hear is excuses one, excuses two. There was only one excuse.

Yeah. Idiot. Okay. You have five seconds to think of one. Five. I can't. Give me another day. Well, we're not recording tomorrow. We're recording now. I'll mention it next week. The life of Pablo. yeah um that one album by lp okay that's the jazz album james chooses it's actually a good album

steamed cafe has a question hey mingers i'm a young gal 14 to be exact and i was wondering at what age girls in your school started wearing makeup the girls at my school started wearing it around 11 12 years old but i've been too nervous to put on makeup because my skin is ultra sensitive and would probably react badly to be putting weird chemicals on my face but I still want to fit in with my fellow peers. Any thoughts, gamers? I mean, we're triple bloke's here. I don't know about you guys.

That wasn't the question was when did you... Yeah, no. I don't know. I have no idea. I did not pay attention. So, I mean, that's the moral of the story. I would say secondary school. I don't really remember it in primary. Yeah. Just secondary school. Yeah, so year 7, 8 is when it begins.

Because there's because you start noticing it Because there's always like a couple girls Who put way too much on and make it really noticeable Yeah I won that time Yeah I fuck knows I can't remember I don't remember school

Like at all But um don't don't submit to group think Wear makeup if you want to wear makeup But yeah That goes to men as well Yeah men Don't submit to group think So do wear makeup because nobody else's

You know if people have thought I've wore makeup before I've wore makeup before I've wore makeup before No, me too. No idea why. I have hello eyelashes though. No, I do. No, have you seen my eyelashes?

You see mine? Mine naturally curve. That's how great they are. They go, whoo. Well, mine go, whoosh. No, yours are too spacey. Right. I'm going to make you eat my bogeys now then.

Mine are like, they go down and they like this lovely, bring up. I earlier I pulled the bogey out of my nose and fed it to Augie. You joking? No. Did he actually eat your boge? Yes. Nice. Someone replied to this question, by the way.

Velololo. 19 year old femoid here who doesn't wear makeup. My main reason for not doing that is because I never felt pressured to or felt the need to do so. And while that may or may not be the case for you, just remember that you don't have to do something just because everyone

else is doing it group thing if you're worried about how it might react on your skin I'm sure there are some more natural products out there but again I have no clue what you'd look out for in that case I guess another thing would be to test out whatever on on a small selection of skin in case it does react poorly before really caking it on yeah but honestly nobody's gonna really care whether you put makeup on or not and if they do then they're done it's about making sure that you don't use makeup that's bad for skin that causes you know it does seem to With each generation, or, you know, new year that comes in, it gets like younger and younger.

Just like how just younger and younger kids have, like, mobile phones. I think the average age is like nine or something now, where you get your first smartphone. If you got to choose between paying for makeup or paying for milkshake, go for the milkshake. That's my fiddy scent. Just drink milkshakes and eat burges. And nandes. Just, just, yeah. Moondock 1 says,

assuming you've heard about the James Charles scandal and how it's ruined him, has it ruined him? No, he's going to bounce back. He hasn't gone under 10 million. Yeah, but it's going to hurt pretty bad. It would, it's massive, may, oh my God, I can't think of the words to say. It's major, the main thing is damage his relationship with celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner.

You know, no one's going to want to work with him. Exactly. But he's still going to make an obscene amount of money from YouTube. I don't know that because, I mean, he'll lose out on a lot of, like, sponsorships and that sort of thing. But his view, money from the views alone will make him a lot of money. I mean, I assume he's already very, very, very, very, very. yeah he's younger than all of us mm-hmm it's weird isn't it yeah yeah he's not 20 yet he's still 19 I thought so he's three years younger than me and Jim that's like three

yeah he's already had an insane scandal but the question was my question is if the each of you had a scandal that completely ruined your life what do the other members think it would be okay we best start with me because I'll be the easiest James' would be like killing a child on the road. Yeah, I was gonna say that exactly. That was obvious. That is really horrible of you. I'd never do that. No, you're actually making me sad. I'd never do that.

Well, it's not like a choice thing. No one chooses to do that. You do, because if you choose to try dangerously when other people can get hurt, that is a choice. Okay, edgy. Well, no, it is. If you act like a cock on the road and hurt someone, that's a choice. Okay, well, we're saying the worst possible scandal, that's what your one would be. Yeah, okay, that makes sense. Jim.

Pardon me. What do you think gyms would be, James? Heroin. Yeah. What the fuck? No, cocaine. No, because cocaine's the cool drug. What the fuck does that mean?

No one would care. No, if Jim literally did cocaine off of this table, then nobody would care. Yeah, but if he was... sloshing heroin into his veins, that would be an issue. Why would that be a scandal, that wouldn't be a scandal? People wouldn't, people would be like, hey, he's just doing drugs. No, people would be supportive and like, because it's a pretty horrible addiction. Yeah, that's not a good choice.

I would say that maybe drug dealing would be a pretty big scandal. Well, think about like Robert Downey Jr. That was kind of a scandal, wasn't it? His whole drug thing. I suppose. No, but he wasn't famous before then, was he? But, I mean, he was, he was everything. He was an alcoholic, addicted to, like, every drug. Yeah, I think Jim would probably be a drug dealer.

Okay. Now, what about Alex? You tell me, I'm not allowed to say. Yeah, I'm not allowed to say. Uh, murderer Who did I murder there? The Prime Minister No, Alex wouldn't be a murder

No, no, no, no, no Yeah, Alex would be a murderer He would definitely not be Okay, no, Alex just kills people's pets then Yeah, that's it That's it. I kill Billy Yeah And guys

It's fair then and whatever pet Rubin's got. Next. McThick Wide says, Any thoughts on the new MacDemarco album? Here comes the cowboy. Does James still hate MacDemarco? Personally, I thought the album is pretty good,

but not on par with this old dog. I've heard very little. I haven't listened to it all the way through. I haven't been particularly impressed No, it seems like one that you could just have on in the background You don't pay attention to Which I mean, it's not exactly high praise Yeah

I was wanted a bit more oomph Yeah, it's weird because One of his best albums is This Old Dog Which was his previous album Yeah It's got such a variety And

It has the type of music you want But it also has the type of thing you wouldn't expect but still this type of stuff that you didn't know you wanted whereas this new one is kind of just like like sleepy the actual yeah it's sleepy yeah it's a good word for it I put on the first song

it's just him saying here comes the cowboy with my mum yeah and she reacts very drastically in one of two directions which is this is great or turn the shit off right now yeah and obviously it was that one yeah yes yes

I give you mum I listened to it I didn't heard it I listened to it no I did I listen to it because Alex put it on in the car it was the song about being cowboy

No it wasn't It was about a cowgirl I think Yeah that one Yeah it doesn't gel with me You see this album To me is what I imagine You hear

When you hear the rest of his music Yeah literally that's it but which means that means you're wrong yeah there's no right or wrong it's just taste and preference and right and wrong there are songs I like on it

I haven't given it a proper listen yet really I just can't be bothered based on some of the first few songs yeah especially because I've just been enjoying going through all of Kanye's old music too much so you know three minutes of here comes the cowboy doesn't really cut it at the moment for me.

I've been listening to a lot of Kanye as well. And I'm starting to hate life of Pablo more and more. Why? Because some of it is like dog shit. That's not true. We literally went through every song because you said this before. I'm not saying, it's a fucking amazing album. But some of the lines, and you've heard it quite a few times,

it's like, fuck me this shit. And then it's like, oh, fuck me, this is a banger. It's like that. I love it. Yeah, that fucking awful line. towards the end of the album. What's it, Jim? About Mary.

What if you met Mary? Inda Club. Was in the club. Surround by. She met Joseph. Round hella thugs. Mm-hmm. That's the worst line in the album.

That's been stuck in my head all day. The thing is, it's like, it's shit, but I fucking love it. Yeah. I get hype when that part is about to play. Because it's so fucking bad. Just like the bleached asshole bit is also awful.

That is the worst part of us on. But also really good. it's not really good it is no it's actually the best part of any song whatever written yeah I hate it but I fucking love it so good it's so laughably bad yet beautifully brilliant I wouldn't go far as to say that those bits are brilliant I'd say no I mean the like juxtaposition of how excellent the things around it are kind of makes it not matter that much. Yeah.

Because it is so stupid. Rallus X-Lex? Neurosin says... Oh my God. You've been cursed, and now everything you touch will be turned into a different object. Fortunately, you get to decide

what you touch gets turned into. What do you choose? What? So if I touch water, I can turn it into wine. Yeah, so everything you touch would turn into wine then. No, I didn't, I didn't say that. Well, what, I mean, what... Well, it's just saying, if I, no matter what I touch,

it's going to turn into what I say it's going to, what I've already set up, okay. Yes. That... Do you know, okay? Flashlights. No, it doesn't work. So, you know, it's like...

Because, I mean, you're always touching something. So, let's say it's by, like, superhero rules where you have, like, gloves on. so you can live normally but why would the gloves not turn no this is what I'm saying the superiors is it fingertips only can I touch something with my forearm and then it changes should I do what sand that's fucked up so you touch like a squirrel and it just turns into sand are you just catch a squirrel just run down people's houses touching their houses I've got a good one everything I touch just turns into the Lego version of what I touch that is good No, that's a really great one. No, that is genius. That's incredible.

Imagine driving on in a Lego car. Yeah. Because theoretically... It's literally everything. You could live in a Lego house. Yeah. We can't beat that. That is the ultimate answer.

I would say Yeezies. Then I'd become rich. The freshest easies. You just go to the... You go to the... You go to the... if you combined it with James's sand one So he like touches a rock and it turns into like loads of sand

Oh and I can take each and then you just run your hands over and just make thousands of easies But they're all like right for easy See me and Jim are the perfect duo To take over the world Yeezy team Yay team easy team Jesse OS On a recent episode on a recent episode

Alex mentions some of his weird curiosities, i.e. pissing on his hands. Are there any other strange things that you've done for seemingly no reason? Except my hair on fire. Yeah, that's way weird. You were like, that's stupid that you want to do weird on your hands. A week later, burn your hair. Weird curiosities. I have too many of them.

I always like finding out what my fart smells. like when I fart obviously if you're in the bath and you fart and you sniff the like fresh podule that kind of pops up and it's the most unique see I've never done that

I've never thought about doing that it's a concentrated dose of it's so powerful it's so powerful and yet so vile at the same time another one of course is pulling your ass cheeks apart and farting I've never done that either.

You're serious? You've never lived. No, life hack, a spread butt fart will never be a poo fart. Really? Just keep that in mind. No, if you're sat down and you think there's even a 1% chance that it's going to be a poo fart, use the chair to spread your ass open a bit if you're wearing loose enough trousers

and then squeeze the little fucker out. what the shit it'll be silent the fart it'll be silent as well yeah see you say that I'm strange

for lighting my hair but you you spread your cheeks and fart fucking danger do you think I'm ever quick enough to be like

I'm gonna fart spread my cheeks and fart I haven't got the time to do that really that's bullshit that's not bullshit

I can't tell that's coming from fucking yesterday yes Not. Not at all. Maybe you don't eat enough fibre to know that, like, you don't fart enough. You have no bowel control whatsoever.

Everything just falls out. It says blood, like, it just falls out. If you'd explain, I had that poo fire not long ago. Yeah. So what weird curiosities do you have? Um. I don't know, I already said mine, pulling the cheeks apart

peeing on my hands That's things you've said you've done Eating my bogeys 24-7 It's not things you've You're still curious about Like think of now Something Okay

Something I'm morbidly curious about Is What the Hot Wings would be like From Samis That doesn't count What about like? Have you ever wanted to, like, poo in your hand or something like that? No.

No. He's done it. He's already fucking done it. He has, then. I haven't pooed my head. I think he has. Why you react to this way? my god he has he definitely has what the fuck you gotta tell this story now

they're like i haven't i just felt the idea of like pooing in your own hand and then phowing it someone that's the next that's bullshit james is is faking it out james is shaking it out james i was imagining that and i found it funny nah bullshit i've not pooed in my hand You pooed in the forest though, so Did you actually poo in that forest? I did poo in that forest Was it diarrhea? No, the one thing I was curious about, of what is

it like to piss off a bridge? And I did that. And what was it like? Weird. It's like satisfying. Because the last fall for so far. Yeah, it's like watching it just because like, mm-hmm, like a drop

in the ocean Drop Did you feel like a plane flying over Hiroshima That's fucked up That's too far Did you feel like Will Smith in the new Aladdin movie

Yeah Hadda da Prince Ali Glory is he Alia barba The one thing I had like a curiosity About when I was younger But I did

By accident was I I did the poo and the bidet The bidet? Yeah That was like a curiosity I had as a kid And then one night I just had to do a poo

And went into the room Didn't turn the lights I sat down and did a poo In the bidet But I'm pretty sure I've talked about that before But that was a curiosity I had when I was younger

But at least I don't want to poo in the bone hands Yes you do And you've already done it I don't Alright anyway next That would just turn into being about poo farts and piss

It's the only thing men are curious about Apart from people who are bi-curious Which Feeds into this question from Red Pringle 14 Is Jim actually bisexual That's the question Guys Even if Jim was, it wouldn't matter

Exactly Alex Meh Meh Mm-hmm Allie B-8 Says How would the Jarkast be different

In an alternate reality Where the camera didn't cut out every 30 minutes Um We'd be on 10 mil subs At least Probably 20 Yeah We'd be turning people gay

Non-stop I think it would mainly be because of my corky socks. Do you know how much I love these socks? Yep. Who bought Alex these socks anyway? You did. On the jar Christmas special years ago. I don't think I bought them.

Yeah, you did. Didn't you? I'm pretty sure you did. It was in the flat, I remember. I don't think I bought them. I remember. editing it. They have a good question here actually from, uh...

I did buy them. Definitely a gift I'd buy. Swimming with cool. As a long time whiskey enthusiasts, I'm now very happy to see both James and Alex sipping away on fine liquor. The only thing missing be cigars dough. My question is, what's your favorite of the moment? My favorite would be the 30-year-old Japanese Hibiki.

I had the chance to try two summers ago when I was in Japan. If it weren't for the ridiculously high price tag, I'd probably buy loads of it. The Beast good answer too, if he wants. I haven't tried to Bickey yet, but that's on the list of ones to buy. Jim likes the Amazaki I bought, don't you? Well, I tried it once, like... Over Christmas.

Three months ago, so... My favourite is the one that has two bottles down the front there. What's it, the Belvini? Belvitt, Bellvitt. That's my favourite whiskey. my favorite whiskey is jammisons is coquicolier I like my Japanese whiskey

and cigars you guys smoke them like quite a bit I wouldn't say quite a bit I feel like quite a bit is like once a day yeah um I'd say twice a month maybe maybe

six times at maybe 30 times a month on a good month it's hard to say it's because we've got a wine shop in our town that actually does sell cigars yeah like Cubans and shit so we can get them quite easily and Alex loves puffing on them

you like a meat cigar every now and again didn't you James we have a good question about Kanye but I don't know if it's too long for how little time we have left oh save that because I a good question because we all love yet. No, I will forget it. We all love you. No, we should

do it, but just if the video goes out, that's fine. We can just have a picture of Kanye with scary eyes. Yeah. We'll just have it be audio. Yeah, with a picture of Kanye with scary eyes. Ask away, brother. Yogs Pogs is going to end us today. So, the... Oh, shit, no, I was on the wrong one. Sorry, Yorke's Pogs. I'm not going to answer that one. Here we go. I'm very cross. you lot seem to be talking about Kanye a lot apart from James because he has no taste

what's your favourite, it's the least favourite albums of his No, before we get further I was the first one of us to listen to Yee I've been a Yee fan for the longest Get out of here with your James Hayes We're not talking about Yee though We're talking about Yee, we're talking about all of his albums Yay, that's just one

No, I'm talking about Yeas, there's Kanye in general Not just, not Yeh, just Carnier That is literally one of his albums though I know it's one of his albums Their list was For me it's Yeezus Kids see Ghost Um

The college dropout My Beautiful Dark Twister Fantasy The Life of Pablo Late registration Graduation Yee 808s Yay

It's yay Yay whatever Yee Um Um I haven't listened to all of them I ain't gone lie No for my

My beans in the bevel mine's definitely my favorite definitely ain't fucking users I can tell you that much yeah I can't have a proper opinion on users my beautiful dark twist of fantasy 8-08s and heartbreak and late orchestration

late orchestration is just a live version of um oh okay so that doesn't really count um but I'd at the bottom Fuck It might be the college dropout Right

That's the one I haven't listened to I haven't listened to No, sorry Bottom's probably yay Really Yeah Out of these ones Out of the ones that I've heard

Yeah For me my bottom's eases Yeah I haven't heard it So it's not me saying that Yay is his worst album But Then it's probably the college dropout Yeah, the only two I haven't listened to is the college dropout and 808s.

I've listened to every other one. Then I'd probably have late registration. And then... Kids see ghosts. Then graduation, then the life of public. Mine's pretty similar. Although I've been just... spamming graduation on repeat.

There's one song from graduation that boosts it above other albums for me. Wonder. I wonder. I fucking love that song and I don't know why. Yeah. At first I thought out of the two trilogy of that trilogy that I'd listened to, graduation. It was kind of weaker, but I keep listening to it. You thought which was weaker?

Graduation. Oh, really? Compared to late registration. Yeah. but I know you're supposed to love like my beautiful dark so fancy the most

and while I do still like it a lot I don't like it as much as those other ones sorry damn maybe it'll grow on me as I listen to it more that's the thing

I find stuff like this really difficult because needs more time to linger but it's also Ruben's answer would be better because he's way more familiar with it can't be. but at the same time like it's whichever one I feel like listening at the time

it's not like there's just one they're all tonally really different as well yeah like we've been shitting on yay but when you're in the mood for that album it's nice and short and sweet and yeah the tone of it is kind of it's unique yeah I really like that album yeah I like it a lot too it gets shit on by fans but I think it's good. Yeah, me too. The thing I like about him is that a lot of his albums, they don't have a single song that, like, I feel is skippable,

the good ones anyway. Yeah. But it's like, oh, I can't deal with this song. I've got to skip. Life of Pablo is that way for me. Kitsy Ghost is that way. Late registrations, that way. Life of Pablo, I already said that.

Yeah, Sop my balls. Yeah, fight me If you think I'm a bitch for I'll get back to you in a few months When I've listened to them all Yeah, we should do that Yeah, we'll revisit this in a few months With that being said

We're gonna Sign off now Yeah And we're gonna just beat this fucking shit out of James Yeah, open wide, I'm going inside Ha ha ha ha