JAR Media Posdact - Pandemic Panic Poop (PPP) - JARCAST Episode 208

Episode Date: March 16, 2020

Keep them clean everybody! https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies

Just because you don't like hot knobs. Hobb. Hobb. Yeah, born ready, boy. Good afternoon, morning, evening, on night. Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the JARCast. I'm your host Alex, joined here by the passionate napper himself, James. And Beast himself, Jamie.

We come to you every one. week at 6 p.m. Monday UK time and we just you know we talk about whatever we feel like is on our minds we're about nothing okay we're about nothing we're just about nothing

we're basically Seinfeld but kind of funnier yeah there's no laugh track yeah which means it's actually funny before we go into the episode I'd like to thank the patrons over at the jar media Patreon which makes the audio version of the show possible

uh thanks for the support and rating us five star on iTunes as well helps us in the agaritho algorithm algorithm so thank you for doing that before we go into some new topics there are a couple things you need to address from last episode which proved to be very controversial do you understand that Jamie I don't believe it we spoke about the gorilla um the cat Coco Coco the gorilla Which Jim insisted, murdered a kitten By twisting it Where in reality

The kitten was run over by a car It wasn't the gorilla at all What? Yeah, it escaped and was run over by a car Well, that's still So it wasn't the poor gorilla's fault Sounds like a cover-up to me What else was there?

Yeah, we had a little debate about um eagles and if we could beat one in a fight and then i went on youtube and watched a video of a couple of eagles taking down a wolf and was like hmm yep i i saw the same video um wolves they like not wolves eagles actually fucking kill deer sometimes yeah and you know they're they're beastly animals um but i also found out that there there used to be an eagle a breed of eagle called a Haast eagle H-A-A-A-S-T And they were bigger

Than bald eagles They're about the same size as a condor Bloody huge Basically Yeah And they would no problem Have a Would have made lunch out of a human

Like apparently they only lived A few hundred years ago And there might be some around somewhere Yeah like condors They're not as aggressive As eagles I'm led to believe Like not in the

Predator way of like an eagle. So a condor-sized eagle, that would be absolutely fucking horrifying. Because it's not like, when they like get their fucking claws in you, they don't just cause like bad internal breeding. They like crush your fucking bones.

Yeah, they're flying velociraptors. They're monstrous. And, this, some relates to a subject. What animal isn't scary? We already talked about that last episode. And it was a good episode.

We talked out for a long. A nice bonus episode There are new things on the horizon Things that are affecting All of our Stinky poopy asses in a way It's kind of I'm really angry about this So am I I'm pissed James

I'm annoyed It's fucking horseshit So everyone knows this stupid Probably fake virus that everyone's talking about Coroner What is it? Right It's only caused by chemtrail

It's fucking idiots You know this virus everyone's on about And everyone is freaking out panicking and buying toilet paper like really rude you know people and hoarding it they've just got piles of it they've got piles of it i don't understand why you need that much that's the fucking thing like what are you gonna like you're gonna eat it you're gonna dip it in water and yeah like if you really think it's the end of the world and you're going to be locked in your house for that amount of time the last thing you really need is fucking toilet paper yeah

like just use you said the other day like leaves I've used leaves and they're equal if not better and the like hierarchy

of important things like crucial things to staying alive toilet paper is not on that list I'm sorry I'm sorry to break that to you um food yeah

water yeah yeah I even understand buying you know I understand hand sanitizer and these sprays these surface cleaners and wipes going out of stock

that makes sense to me so that you're being proactive there how are you being proactive by getting paper that you wipe your ass with what kind of a moron do you have to be to go and buy

58 packs of toilet roll and just where are you even going to put them you know they're going to be just everywhere in the house just piles of them going up to the ceiling yeah not everyone has space Jim

you know like especially in the UK We've got our small little houses. Yeah. We don't have space for just a pile of toilet paper. There's only so much space for toilet paper. For Lou Role. And it's bringing out the worst in all of us.

Really. In this, we also, we went to the shops. Because we'll get in some, you know, yommies, you know, typical maple and piquan pie. But... Some hub knobs you like, don't you? Yeah, the hob knobs and the gorgeous goo brownie puddings. well good we went to the toilet paper section

that was completely empty completely fucking bare and what was next to the toilet paper section the kitchen roll section which was still and those lovely Andrex wet wipes that you can really just push into your asshole and get every molecule of shit

from there there's loads of them you know that's way more clean if people are so paranoid about their fucking bottom kitchen roll and fucking those wipes are better than toilet vapour. Yeah, I just feel sorry for like, there's some guy out there who like really needed to do a shit

and he's got a busy life. You know, he works nine to five every day. He's doing his thing. He's gradually working up the, up in the world. Yeah, he's got like eight kids. Yeah, he gets home at the end of the day and he's like, he's been saving his shit. He's got one of those like brewing shits that's been building all day

and he's like, I can't wait to just get home. Haven't be greeted by my family, my loving family, then go and take a huge whopping shit. Which I also do. Will not. Yeah, exactly. It's like one of life's pleasures, really. He goes and sits down and he's like, oh no, there's no toilet paper. So he zips his pants back up and he's like, all right, I'm going to go out and get some toilet paper so I can enjoy my fucking ablution.

He rolls up to Tesco, goes to the toilet roll aisle, and what does he see? Nothing. It's empty. And then he starts panicking. And when you panic and you're full of shit. Yeah, he's feeling the turtle's head coming out of the shell at this point. You know, he's rushing around. He goes to Tesco, to Sainsbury's, to Aldi, to fucking waitrose, to M&S.

No luck. B&M. He screams to the heavens. Why, God, why? Why would you do this to me? Then he shits himself. Do you think it's just like a, a. couple people per town, buying all the toilet room.

It's like one person for every thousand. It's just going and they spend hundreds of pounds on toilet paper. That's why they had to put these, like, signs up saying, sorry, I'm only five per customer. Yeah. So fucking black five day. How many were people buying at once? Yeah, exactly. More than five.

Yeah, I've never bought more than what I need, you know? But I've never, I've always just, you know, I'm very reasonable about that kind of thing. I just get what I need and what I use And I just stick to that Yeah, because it's like an environmental thing as well Because now all the The toilet paper companies are going to be seeing dollar signs So they're going to be cutting down

Just so many forests Well, think about it, what are they going to do When they run out of paper, which they have Now they're going to have to start farming something To turn into toilet paper Yeah, I'm talking small mammals Normally things with fur Maybe birds, there's some way to grind them into a pole

Maybe farm sparrows, farm them in some kind of efficient way, maybe, yeah, you grow them until there's a certain size, and then you scare them, and they will fly up into, like, some kind of propeller that will, and then you, like, crunch it down into a pulp, you know, and forge it into rolls to wipe our asses with. Or you could just, you know, coronavirus, you might as well use humans. Do the same with humans. You get more toilet paper. You get more toilet paper. human eyed now sad times we live in sad times

so let's say you are in the situation you're in the current situation of coronavirus no toilet paper so you've got a bad a bad one you know it's a bad one like teetering on the edge of diarrhea but kind of solid so it's a messy a messy time oh so it's like

I know exactly what you're talking about so solid comes out and then fart explosion then more solid Yeah, those type of ones. So you, you sit down in your bathroom, toilet, whatever, you get the solid out of the way, and that's when the fart shit explosion happens. And, you know, because the next solid is on its way,

you do a wipe, you realize there's no toilet paper. What did you do? What the fuck was the question? Then after the fart shit explosion that you've done and you've noticed there's no toilet paper, what do you do? What is your plan? Are there Andrex wet wipes?

No, you've got nothing. Nothing in the water, then. No, but there's, that's to say, there's no shower. You're at work. No, you just, before your pants up and you just get on with it. Or you just use your hand. See, a hand is not an option at work

because someone be by the same thing. You're forgetting the ultimate trick. Trousers off, underwear off, Trousers back on, underwear wipe, underwear in the bin, so you're out of there. I pray the hand technique myself. It's just covering your hand and shit. You like wipe it with your hand and then you go to the sink and wash your hands.

And then like what if there's still like a chunk of shit and you just get a chunk of shit? You can't fucking use the, the hand sanitizer because you've got shitty hands. It's going to be shitty. All these people are subject on. All these people in offices across the country are going to be... They're all doing them. They're at the sink. Like, just like shitty hands.

Yeah, like in an attempt to escape the coronavirus, what has actually happened is sinks all across the globe, but just covered in shit. Because there's no toilet paper at workplaces. And fucking Jerry walks out of the bathroom and he's got shit all over its hand. You didn't wash, did you? You didn't wash your hands. Manzy freak.

Get back in there. No, that's the funny thing. People are now, realising that they need to wash their hands after going to the toilet. You actually have to wash your hands for a reason then. People were just doing it for fun. Yeah. It's a funny thing, like, since the hand sanitizer washing your hand thing came out, you know, I've talked before about, you know, when I sit on the toilet,

I listen to people and if they clean their hands. What do you hear? Like, do some sound effects. With the soap, with the soap. So, like, people are going fucking mental now. But you know, as soon as this is over, men are going to go back to jerking off after having a poo and not washing their hands.

Jerking off after having a poo. Did they wash their hands between jerking off and having a poo? No, why would they? People don't wash their hands. Wait, so do you always wash your hands, piss or shit? Yeah, yeah. Do you, Elliot? It depends where I am

and just the circumstances of all sometimes when I feel in risky I like to try and piss without even touching my dick that's easy that you don't have to wash your hands in that situation oh no yes it is not if you don't want urine everywhere sometimes you've got to use one finger yeah that's stabilise

yeah sometimes no you don't you just you kind of got to wing it you've got to piss and then you piss a little bit and then when in mid-air went in the piss you start pissing and then it's stabilizes it no hands what if you get the

Medusa piss no sorry the hydra piss what's the hydro piss split head what fuck it the walls are covered in piss then

yeah have you ever done that where it's like you need to pee so bad and then like when you pee it just comes at the wrong angle and you're like

I'm sorry like it's just too late like there's just litas of piss just everywhere and then you don't clean that liters no no that hasn't happened

to me have you have you Have you ever pissed the white angle where it goes between the toilet seat and the fucking toilet? It just goes fucking straight out. See, I said that's what James did earlier. That's why the floor was all wet. I've done it before because normally when you do, you know, you do a poo on shit. You do a shit in a pee.

And you're doing, you know, you do the poo position. You're just like that. It's when you pissed. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, Jim, explain what James just did for those. He was just bent over, like, sat down, hands in his knees. No, like this. He's like bending right over, like a head between his knees.

Yeah, that's, if you've got bad shit, that's what you do. Really? Yeah. How often do you have to do that? Every time my shit. Oh, my God. Dude, eat some fiber. Dude, eat some fruit.

Eat a kiwi fruit. Yeah, god damn. Not, not every time. It's like, and it's a really bad, like, post kebab type 1 so wait are you saying you've pissed in your own face because you were doing that are you serious almost what the fuck it was an experience because i'm pretty no i'm pretty sure i can have because i only knew that that could happen when i fucking splashed myself in my face

and that's what happened to your eye it's just full of urine no because it's like I can't help I can't help it you got like a semi and you're just trying to piss it's not going to flop down

it just happened to be precision to his pestle over your fucking face accidentally have you other shit and not washed your hunts Um The only time was like when I was in the forest

As a kid And wiped with a leaf And I was like well What can I do right now But I was curious I didn't like You know I didn't want to touch my eyes

And mouth and stuff I didn't eat Yeah yeah Well I've had many A shits out in the wilderness As long as you get rid of the poo chunks How often have you done a Gone doo-Doo out in the wilderness

You're making it sound like you've done it fairly often Whenever I'm outside, I need a poo Wait, you're going to have to elaborate on that Okay, so you've just had a night out You need a poo Right Where'd you go? Where am I in this scenario?

You're walking home Where are you going to do a poo? Where at home? Yeah, I'd hold it, I'd speed up and then walk faster No, but if that wasn't an option Let's say you're an hour away You're in a car journey home You need a poo

What are you going to do? Oh, you like pull over You pull over and you have a poo I suppose I guess Normally I I poo tactically

Yeah same Yeah I figure out When it's going to strike Yeah yeah See I don't have that control But it's like everybody knows If it's okay to piss Post

Alcohol in public It's okay to poo It's not okay to piss Isn't it illegal Yeah If nobody sees you Is you fine? Well I suppose

I have indeed done a piss On the main roundabout in Kahn Yeah I just need So, you know You have a degenerate on a cast You pissed off a bridge Haven't you as well

You're obsessed with piss You pissed in your own face You're obsessed with it Okay Yes I've pissed off a bridge Who bullied me into doing that Might I add Jim

It wasn't me I didn't even remember that you did that Yes you do I don't remember it It was our famous night rides On the bridge In Chippenham I thought we only did a night ride once

And we got Oh no In the dark Okay that's a night ride After that we did A summer evening ride Right Where I was kind of

Weren't you trying to pee on Like a goose or something Yeah Nice But yeah I'm All for nature Um

Do you guys know Birdo from Mario is trans Yeah No You know that Yeah Why did you never tell me then I thought you knew

so what does that make yoshi what do you mean because yoshi i thought was in a relationship with burdo what do you mean what does that make you well i mean it depends what birdo is now trans yeah but it you become a trans male or a trans female trans female trans female yeah so are you asking what sexuality yoshi is yes in theory straight or maybe pansexual Okay

James I don't believe that Berto was trans Why? Because she shoots eggs out of her nose What How is that

Men In nature males do not have eggs But Berto was confirmed to be a male So Burdo is trans A trans

Female That has had surgery So adept the no you're getting hung up on this egg mouth thing because you don't know that species the males might do that you know that makes no sense

it's a weapon for them they fire them out their mouths but it's an egg right well it could be some kind of postule we don't know this is a crazy universe we're talking about we're talking about a world where mushrooms make you grow and where turtles have momentum based on

impact from above. Is that not real life? Everything you just described. Which bit? Both. No, I'd argue that's not true. Well, how do we... We were small ones.

We got bigger. Yeah, have you ever eaten a mushroom? Of the magic variety. No, that's not what I'm asking. Have I ever eaten a mushroom? A magic mushroom, have you? No. We're going to Amsterdam soon.

Lamo alert. Alex, don't spoil it. Or was that supposed to be a reveal? No, we're going to Amsterdam. I need to you. That's something we can talk about. Yeah, that's true. So, uh, the year is 20-20.

It is a gorgeous evening after work. James drives home. I go to Alex's house. We have a good meal. It was really good and I left the hamock in my car and it fucked it. Because you do. You like, you like set up the story and then we're just like, Yeah, and it just shrill up.

That's with the ham hark. Yeah, without the ham hark. You put a hamhawk in my glove box, and I left it. You gave me... I told you to hold it. And no, you put it in my glove box. Yeah, so by the time this episode goes up, it will be, I guess, the day after my birthday.

Yeah. Which is on the 15th of March. So everyone go to app four funnies on Twitter and watch Alex a happy birthday. But, um... We knew we weren't going to see each other because of schedules and everything. Yeah, we have really difficult schedule. So. James, that is great.

Fuck off. We went out for a meal and you guys surprised me with a special birthday treat, which I wasn't anticipating, which was a surprise holiday to Amsterdam. at the end of March so two weeks is it you kept the secret since what December early like November one maybe late November early December how how was it for you to keep that secret games horrible I'm so excited to tell you yeah because I sat down and was like um just ready to get my meal just chill and one of you was like well that seeing as it's nearly your birthday

and we're not going to see you on the day we've organized a gift for you and you handed me like a little birthday present and I was like oh nice and opened it and it was like a tourist guide to Amsterdam I was like what is this like a joke gift or something and then I opened the first page

and there were the plane tickets the plane tickets and I felt like Indiana Jones you're going on Amsterdam Indy yeah so so we're going to do a vote

this episode on how many mushrooms we have to eat char gets to decide yeah if you if you give us a certain amount on Patreon then you can dictate how many

edibles and mushrooms James eats on Amsterdam how many truffles we're not going for any of that we're going for the culture we're going for the culture and the uh window shopping

water and the whores see some of you might might be intelligent and have realised that a few episodes ago I made a slight reference to the fact that I smoked a fat point so this is why

so in your mind you're preparing for the onslaught of what Amsterdam has to offer I did it I think I think it would be a waste to go to Amsterdam and not do it. I've heard it's extremely potent there. Yeah, and I want to be able to enjoy that and not have someone green the fuck out because of how potent they are. If you eat an edible, you will green out. I'm not going to eat an edible.

I don't want to eat an edible because it's a fucking edible and I will just eat all of it. You said that you want to eat an edible. drunk James is a different creature okay put a few shots in James and that's the real Chad I can't control him he will eat edibles there's a word for when you're really drunk and then you smoke and it's like really horrible

you're supposed to smoke then drink apparently well we'll see what happens if that's the kind of thing you're into hmm basically uh James is going to go to Amsterdam

drink a lot of alcohol, can't get fucked. By a prostitute. No, no, no. You're fucked. Of course we're going to go to the red light district. You kind of got to see it. Hello, ladies, how are we? I'm sure lots of things will be up in the red light district.

Boom, boom. Smack. We see all that boom-boom-boom smacking going on. Yeah, there'll be some booms, their booms, and the smack or two. Yeah. Boom-boom. Smack. You guys got any topics as we get to the end of part one?

I do, I do. I'd like to... Oh no, you go. I have had this topic. Okay. Now you've put the attention on me. I've got Willie Shireen. I don't know if I can say it.

No, go on. How big is it? Because there's only a few minutes left. It can be quite big. Okay, we'll see. Okay, just whatever. See how it goes. This is kind of fitting to the topic.

Have you ever looked at how much coffins got? no no they're quite expensive aren't they I have done some research into coffins and I was fucking wheezing at how fucking funny it is guess how much the most expensive coffin I can find is 50 grand 30 but I found they have this like um budget range of coffins the cardboard boxes their cardboard boxes just genuine carball boxes 500 pounds for a big cardboard box. I found that... I found...

That's expensive. That's a joke of a big Lebelsky. I just... I find that so loving when... You know, you've died

and your parents basically bury you in a cardboard box. Why would your parents be buried? No, but this is... What are you planning for? Yeah, what the fuck?

This, no, but this... It gets better. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why are you looking at coffin prices? Um... It was in a conversation and I looked into it because I found it

I wanted to find out That's what I would want to be buried in It was a cardboard box Don't spend what's the point No no I would completely agree Not only don't spend but um You'll decompose nicely Become one with the earth yet again

And the worms can Worms can eat your eyes and teeth But this is this is where it gets good Moles can bury through your nipples And all that because not only

can you get cardboard coffins you can get cardboard coffins with designs on them and through my research I found the best coffin

in the world marijuana what's that say marijuana cardboard coffin is it 400 430 and that then

435 pounds and you can get a coffin looks like that. Covered in... Coved in. But I was looking through some of the designs and some of them are just

so fucking distasteful. Or like a leopard print one. A leopard print coffin. And you can get any. You can get any. You can like custom design what kind of... So you could get one with like family guy characters on this.

Or you could get one that is a certain's coffin. Or you could get one that is a... cardboard box that has fragile stickers all over it. What, from 9-inch nails? No, fragile. Isn't fragile? Like, it says it's fragile. Oh, well, I'm careful. It's in the box.

But I did find one for me, and it was that one. Chocolate cup. It's a Maltese's coffin. A Maltese is, God. But I just found it unbelievably amusing that cardboard coffins cost 500 of pounds. It's weird to me that people even think about that kind of stuff.

Like what your dead body is going to be put in? It's like, fucking whatever. Like, I'm dead. It's like, you know, it's like... Just throw me in a sack. It's like... Yeah. I don't give a shit.

Like that. Yeah. That, that's like one of those, like, pop out of my... It's like, if you're going to be buried, why do you need a fully padded coffin? Well, on that morbid note, I'll be back after these fucking messages. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

Imagine, I would, I'd feel sick if my parents put me in a fucking 25. Why are your parents? Why do you keep saying? Why, who's gonna bury me? Anyone else? It's better. My family's dead. I'm like, my parents are dead. It's just like, oh, this stranger bury me. Well, it's better to assume that your parents will be dead by the time you're dead.

Right? No. Wait, wait, wait, right. Want a dick on a shirt? Check the description below. But I've also, I've thought about how I want to go when I die. Right. What do you mean by that?

So, when I'm dead, okay, I'm dead. So. Hypothetically. Literally. I'm dead, okay. Situation, I die. Coronavirus. I'm brown bread.

What fuck is happening? What do you want to happen to your body when you're dead? Just throw me in the dirt and let the worms digest. And the flies. Just throw me in the dirt and let the worms digest. And the flies. See, that's my same opinion. And the flies.

I'm dead. You go from the ambulance and you just push me out of the back. boom into a ditch yeah no I'm cool with that like there's no need for all these coffins and all that shit just so you like the idea of like the sky yeah I changed my mind I want to be bar donned put your body on like a huge firework and just just rotting flesh just blast it everywhere if you use a big enough walk it though it will fucking insinuate you so we know nothing left barbecue and it's like the the idea of

like a Viking funeral is really cool but then you kind of setting fire to like a piece of wood and wall and it's a bit like you have to set fire to like an entire boat it's like a waste of a boat yeah well it's more of a ship isn't it right they did like a huge fucking Viking funerals

and this is a promise that I'm gonna tell my parents if I die before they go there's no funeral just fucking no funeral yeah just bye James boop easy you want them to be the ones to push you out of an ambulance

anyway this is the second part of the jar cast where we head over to the we have more sensible topic we have more sensible topic where we answer questions from the community if you want to leave us questions head over there um we'll answer whatever questions you have for us we're going to start from long time jar fan oil underscore Any funny stories from Xbox Live? I remember Jim talking about a little Irish kid who would always join his Xbox Live party. And we'd talk about Sonic constantly and Alex would never kick him since he found it funny. I could be wrong.

Yeah, that did happen. I forgot about that. That was the word. Why was it? Because it'll be you, me and Ruben. playing something yeah like destiny and then like suddenly you just get this notification this kid has joined and every time me and Reuben would just be like oh god god damn it and you just start laughing no I remember this because when we played the wades on destiny he joined once

and because I'd never seen him I was really confused I was like Alex Alexis is fucking giggling non-stop god I've forgotten about that and he'd always just ask you like Hey, do you hate Sonic? Because that's the video you'd made or Yeah, do you hate I don't know what What else have you done videos?

Alex of Parties was the worst Because he'd always find it funny when people would join So you'd be just tortured by Alex Because he found it funny Do you remember though Way, way, way ago? I associate this memory with Bad Company 2. Battlefield Bad Company 2.

Right. So it's an old memory. But this like Canadian kid, this like Canadian black kid from memory. Mm-mm. Would always join our party and just like talk to us? I have no idea how we knew him. There was someone I knew from Halo Wars who I'd pretty regularly play Halo Wars with, just some random guy. No, because it was this like actual.

they had like a Disney cartoon voice like like a cute character like an animal there's so many Xbox Live memories at this point that I can't pinpoint

like where they begin and end the Xbox memories there were loads of awesome Xbox memories yeah like clans and all that like really lame Of, us being the best Halo Wars players to ever grace the planet, just a fact.

And the goate-seeing incident. Being goat-seed on Xbox Live was a standout. Legendo. That's what we do. We'd like make... Fake account. Fake account. We'd make like an account and then use those like three-day Xbox Live vouchers.

just... I'm working trollby brought... Was it gay HD porn that got the Goatsy? Yeah, yeah, I made Gay HD porn was the Game Attack. It was my idea. Because you had a gay

HD something else. But where do we find the guy who sent the Goatsy? We were playing a Halo Reach on a custom map that, like, the Slayer mode. No, it was like Blood Gulch, wasn't it? No, it was like the one that was over the sea. It was like loads of large world platforms. And we got the message and I was just like,

uh, opened it. Yeah, someone sent a, it was a connection. Do you know, they connect? Yeah.

Do you know, the thing is, it's burned into my fucking head that I can still fucking imagine that picture. Yeah. Like, did you forget to see it? I definitely saw it.

I remember. The shock. Because how do we react? Oh, my God. The shock was just like, oh, I've just modded my Xbox. Please have a look.

Alex's just like, oh, yeah. Oh, that's right, yeah, because you clicked it. Because when they sent a picture, it had like some text. Yeah, it was like, do you want to open this? Like, do you want to look at? Are you sure you want to see this? Yeah. We said yes, and there it was.

It's like the first time I ever experienced a goat scene. It's just, you're so young. Now you're addicted. That's fucking horrible. Any other funny Xbox Live things you can remember? I'm sure there are plenty, but... We've already mentioned the... The Minecraft heroin incident.

Just a whole Minecraft. A whole Minecraft world. Kangaroo loot. Just raids and destiny were quite an experience with Alex. Never got to be able to start. You must have found the game so boring that you start playing characters. Yeah, yeah. Nobody can't be my own fun.

Everyone was there just to get the loot Yeah It was just like these heroin addicts You were like a comedian Performing in front of heroin addicts Just like, don't give a shit But their non-reaction made it ever so funny I remember

Being in the party with these strangers I'm muting myself to like cry with laughter Because of the shit you were saying Oh man Argyle Skywalker asks this What colour lightsaber would each member have I think Alex would have green. Jim would have red.

Ruben would have purple. James wouldn't... Come on, guys. Fucking hell. Dude. That shit is a slate. Come on. And James wouldn't have a lightsaber, but would instead pilot a World War II era plane.

Well, that obviously doesn't count. No, I would have purple. I love purple as a kid. It's the coolest one. Surely I would have purple? No. Would I really have red? Why the fuck would I have red?

No, I'm in green, red. I feel like Jim's... Well, there's only four colours. Blue, green, purple, red. Well, are we talking... There's literally... And green. I said that blue, red, green, purple.

It's only four. What would you have then? Purple? No, you wouldn't have a... In my mind, James would have a green. Why would I have green? Yeah, because of your eyes. Okay, that works, that's cool. I like that.

I would have purple. Yeah, because of your eyes. Yeah, and Jim would have... Wed? Because of his eyes? Why the... Jim had blue? Why would I have red? I don't know why you'd have red.

Why, can I ask... Why the star, the lightsaber colour is so fucking boring? Why is that only, like, two colours? Alright, there are countless colours. Yeah, there's loads. Okay, show me, show me. Show me pictures of colours. Come on.

What? Have you not seen a tack of the clones? No. Is there yellow? Yep. Yes. White? Yes.

Black? Yes. That are GS1. No, every colour, you can imagine. Purple. Straight of purple. But green would look sick, but it'd have to be a dark green. No

uh yeah Joseph Zed Khan asks what's the largest animal you each reckon you could kill with your bare hands an eagle

this kind of fits in with last episode's animal kill discussion no no see see see the largest animal you could imagine killing with your bare hands

a human no yes human yeah I probably couldn't take anything bigger than a human but there are something smaller than a human I feel like I couldn't take Yeah

But could you take a human You're asking me if I could kill a human being Yes One you really didn't like Wow if I didn't like him See this is Hitler's in front of you right now I'd make him do a poo

And like bend over like down With his head between his knees Then piss all over his face and that's what you get I fucking hate the like no if he was there would you fucking kill him

no because I'd change the course of history no he just appears right now I've been in time portal I've been naughty boy I drop kick him into Spike that's kind of

of fucked up. Why? He's Hitler. Just fucking shoot him. Easy. No, this has got to be a physical thing, so I'd drop-kick him into spikes. You can't drop-kick someone who's taller than you. Yes, you can. You can drop-kick anything if you try hard enough. Also, how tall was Hitler?

I'm Googling this. He was a bit of a, um... What's the word? What, man... Manless? Yeah, it was a bit of a man that. Was he? Yeah. I'm mine a manito.

I'm being my killer. I know, he's like 5'9. Okay, he was, uh... Yeah, he's pretty normal. Yeah, he's pretty normal. Well, he's not pretty normal. His height's fully normal. Yeah.

Would you like to buy some death sticks? That's what I would fucking be. The dead sticks. guy. Yeah? Smallest animal I could kill none. Yes, you could. You're the most capable.

Why? I can imagine you're just like taking like a sword and just chopping something's head off. Just with your hands. Yeah, bare hands, no weapons. Human. Ostrich. You couldn't kill a fucking ostrich. They fucking annihilate you.

No, think about this. If you grab its neck low enough and then like swing and then it's fucking... Like it's just spinning around Like a fucking Tennis ball in his sock No, that's not how they work That's actually possible

Because they're next are made of muscle And spine And that's why you just fucking Foo Foof I'm actually told James knows what I'm on about I thought of this

There's this goose in this fucking park It was just terrorising people He's fucking Chad, pure Chad Just walks up No fucking grabs his fucking neck Hold it up and fucking lobbed into a fucking river. Dude.

Like, that's what you got to do, I guess. That's incredible. What could a snake actually do if you got like a rattlesnake by it's rattled and just went like that? Nothing. What can what could it do? If there was

enough force. Yeah, no, totally. It could do nothing. But you've got to get it into that position. Yeah, that's the challenging. You'd have to like sprint. And as you're sprinting, grab it.

So there's already that. like tensile force and then move into the spin yeah and then just keep spinning spin time the fucking snake and then you can launch it

spin time the snake do you think would you spin time your snake no I'm not going to spin time no but you could because you don't have to get them on the floor you just pick up and

fucking do you think there are any like primates that have ever done that until I bet they have they probably do it with like little marmots and smack their heads against wood and then eat them yeah I bet baboons do that guarantee it makes yeah yeah why not it's a juicy little protein pack it's a protein tube it's like a fucking frub Proofs aren't protein tubes It's a fucking Calcium tube

I see what you're saying No they put their mouth over the like the snakes Like mouth And then they like Oh mouth Yeah And then they like Gove to the bottom of the tube

And squeeze as hard as they can And all the innards come out They vomit all the like Rats and stuff They've been in it That's nasty dude Cheese It Zings 1 2 3 says In Jarkast

episode 59, you said something about filming a swagger, jagger music video, please release it, I'm begging it. We were lying. That was a straight-up lie. We've never made such a thing. We're not that fucking stupid.

We're not that basic. We may have been cringe when we were younger. And if we weren't that cringe. And anyway, if that video did exist, it would be James's choice anyway because he's the one who would be in it. Yeah, if the video did exist, which

it doesn't. Yeah, if it did. Right, tighter than bark on says, hey there, Jar Jar Media, I'm bry going this question back. What? I'm bry going this question back. Oh, I'm bringing. What? What Star Wars characters? each can you tell me? Can you tell me? Tell me. Come on.

What Star Wars characters are each Madagascar. Oh, Jesus Marty would be Anakin No, Marty What's your logic? No, no, I think The Zebra's Anakin

Marty's Obi-1 Oh Marty That's Marty, so James was right Yeah, Marty's Anakin Why, what's your logic? He's sort of like Idealistic Alex, you've seen the second

That's Alex You've seen the second movie You've seen his second movie You're telling me that's not fucking Marty Does he do anything in the second movie? You don't know You don't even remember this The second movie his plot is that

All the others Oh my god You're finally realizing The truth about Madagascar tea Holy That was kind of hilarious though Because he's upset with Alex Yeah

That's pretty funny Yeah his His plot his plot in the second movie is that he's like all the other zebra I would say I would say Marty is

um is Obi-one because I know think about this Alex is the one who's tempted by the dark side aka the meat the zebra

yeah I forgot about that I forgot the plot of the first movie so what does that make Melman and Gloria um Melman is Yodia

Y- Yoder Melman is Yoda And No, because The penguins would be Palpatine No, that means Gloria's Yaddle No

No, that doesn't work The penguins are No, no Melman is Lair No, Melman's not Lair No, Melman's Han Solo Yeah

And Gloria is layer yeah and what are the penguins no the penguins no they're too cunning no the penguins are

like the rebels no the penguin is um I say the emperor the main penguin is the emperor yeah no because they're not villains they are they the woman from Madagascar 3 is the emperor

that's a good point no I say I say the yes she is the penguins might not be villains, but they cause chaos. Okay, the penguins are like Boba Fett and that crew. No, no, no, no, I'd say, uh, King Julian is Boba Fett.

Hmm. No, I wouldn't even go that far. No, King Julian's more jabber. Yeah, you're right. No, King Julian is more... With Mawt being, um, Salacious Crum. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. More is the, uh, the funny looking councilman in the Jedi and...

What, Ki-a-Mundi. I guess so And Julian Is Mesa Windy Because they're like a council They advise the main characters I think Jabba's more of a Julian

To be honest Jim Okay so what's Next question Padame There is no Padme No Padme Would be

Alex's love interest In the third In the third movie In the third, right, yeah. Right, right, right. Oh, no, that works. I'm happy with that. Yeah, I think that actually really, that really works, guys. And the, uh, Brian Cranston is Darth Plagas the wise.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so what, what? Ayoy, oy,oy,oy, oh, y'oy. Jackson Bird writes in to say this. Okay. I was listening to the most recent episode and realized how similar British people's Y sounds to H. Being an American and a Southerner, at that it's weird to me that y'all can decide.

Let me try that again. Why sounds similar to H? Hang on, I didn't finish reading. Being an American and a southerner at that it's weird to me how y'all. can distinguish between R and H in conversation, but anyway But anyway, any funny stories

are being misunderstood by someone foreign or not. You see, the thing with living in a foreign country is that everyone is the same foreignity as you? Yeah. Yeah, most people don't have an issue understanding what I'm saying.

Yeah. Unless it's over, you know, silence. If there's any background noise my voice just vanishes and people just look at me like excuse me they go

oh yeah yeah yeah see I have this issue because I have a speech impediment so of course people are not going to understand what I say

but I don't understand what they're saying they are saying wise sound similar to H's yeah I don't get that hello oh I read it wrong it's not a

Oh my god British people's Ars sound like H's apparently No Not at all Rello Hello

Hello Hello Hello Uh Hello Hi and Hennels Highen Hennels Fucking Hennels

Our favourite actor Yeah I mean What do they mean Like when it's in the middle of a word like T-A-R T-A-H

T-A-H TAR Yeah, but I say TAR Do you say grass Grass? Then you say Tarr

T Then you say TAR When you say Taa Yeah that's what they mean It's like a Star Wars language You proved that point No but only if it's not at the start of a word

Or like a You proved their point Whatever you call it In the English Thing That is our language Yeah you mean the cute language Alex do your best southern accent

Bram Yeah, who You come down there How's that Well how you're gonna go down there Oh, SpongeBob Okay, they've got a really good one here from Josh Road 9

Questions for Jim and Alex Parentheses, brother stuff Jim, did you ever have Alex beat a level for you in a game When you were younger? This is like just yes or no Do you know? Jim, did you ever cry?

when Alex beat you in a game and then the two of you got in trouble for it? All the time? I don't think so. You guys ever get into fist fights over the dumbest stuff? That's a yes. I can answer it for you because I know it's a yes.

No. No, the answer's no. But this is the funny bit to me. Because they, based on their brotherly experienced, wrote this. I reckon this is what would have happened. Alex was always the instigator. Jim would get mad and start throwing punches.

Alex would either get the upper hand immediately and start laughing while just forcing Jim on the ground or something. Or Jim would get a good punch or slap in, then right afterwards, he would freeze for a second, get scared because Alex was angry and lunging for attack and tried to run away. I'm a middle brother, so I'm experienced with both sides. No, that's really damn accurate. no yeah that is a good um analysis no because i remember the story you said about how

you're playing a game and something happened and you got really angry because alex was it was it was someone saying the juggerald and the achievement didn't pop and alex blamed me so i punched him in the balls but we didn't like fight new juggernaut it was either like like because you're three years older than me so when you're like

four and four five six and seven four and seven a seven year old is way bigger than a four year old yeah yeah so like I always knew physically I didn't have a chance so it was either like punched to the balls

and fucking get the hell out of there or nothing or the ones that stand in my mind the most are that when Lego sets were were destroyed.

I only remember one. What set was it? I remember do you remember Lego released these like Japanese

mex? X-A-Force? Is that what it was called? Yeah. I remember loving them though. And one day

I had like one mini figure of yours and I threw him down the stairs and you were like, what? Did you just throw down the stairs? I was like, I don't know, like one thing. I don't know, I don't even care.

It was just like a tiny thing. And you were like, as revenge, you got my whole set and just launched it down the stairs. And I was just like, what the fuck? I wasn't even like trying to piss you off. It was just one tiny thing. Yeah, that pissed me off. And then I did the same with under your planes.

A few years later, and you got really pissed off in. At that part, point I was like 16 it was just like I had that built for like two years why do you do this yeah and I was more concerned that pieces would break permanently well you weren't concerned when you

launched my set down the stairs no that was just powered by pure rage and spite you have a good stairs for launching things down I'm not going to deny because it's straight there's no curves it's just like faux yeah yeah it's true see I try to do it right from the top stairs

you can get it to go down all the way from I remember this vivid memory of being really young we both had a Lego set each and we were building it simultaneously and I'd just about finish mine and I annoyed you in some way where you were like you like put your fist

back to like smash it and I was like don't you dare and then you fucking smash it and then it started to smash wars and then I took yours and just went fucking smash it into little pieces So like just everyone lost I didn't really

take shit ever You know Neither of us did It was like Eye for an eye Yeah it was always I for an eye

I smack for an eye Yeah And that's the way it should be Hmm Bloody hell Let's end on this quick one then from a sick Evan 69. Hey Alex, if one day you decide to take LSD and you would feel the overwhelming truth that there's an invisible world around us, would you be ashamed to tell the rest of the cast about your revelations?

We kind of discussed this a little bit last episode, but it's an interesting idea. I don't think I would be ashamed. I'd be like, well, and then everything changed the day I found. fucking chopped acid and then you'd be like yeah all right shut your face yeah and then James drops hella acid and then tells us about

yeah he gets like a sheet of 50 tabs and just stabs his face and he was never the same after that he's already done it he's seeing all sorts of fucking fucked shit right now

yeah always damn how are you going to explain alien lands on earth yeah true and on that note that's the end of

cast 208 or whatever it was hope you enjoyed and thanks for supporting us on Patreon and thanks for supporting us and for loving us and we're also launching an only

fans by the way so um Thank you.