JAR Media Posdact - Probably Shouldn't Listen To This One... - JARCAST Episode 134

Episode Date: October 7, 2018

And a three, and a two, and a one, two, three, four. Good afternoon, morning, evening, or nights, give me, and tell me then. And welcome to meme chat, episode four. Episode four. Hope you all having a fantastic day. I've done more than four. Shut up. No, I think the meme chat is on a good four at the moment.

I'm the host. Sorry, host. You don't talk behind about me, all right? Sorry. Now listen. James, what's your favorite meme as of late? It's a bongo cat. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Alex. The one with the frog on the unicycle. As of late, that's like... Old. All right. I'm just going to look at the stock market and check the meme stock and it's looking fucking weak. Well, what is the meme stock?

Sorry to the... of you who've invested in yeah if if you've invested in G a large amount G M e a great meme stock of great means I just don't know what any of you are talking about anymore well I'm not I'm not even like I'm in my own world I mean let me tell you what's on know your meme right now right ninja sex party plays Conan right yeah great meme oh shit oh fuck hang on um the 12th anniversary of impossible is nothing look that's the kind of stuff we're in for at the moment thanks facebook thanks instagram you had one though right

i've got two okay tell us what's in the meme atmosphere at the moment i might have brought this one up last time but the moth one i feel like we did mention that last episode but the moth one is staying strong in fact it might be even stronger so if you've invested in moth stock you need to get you need to get on now it might be an idea to sell now he's coming it's half life is yeah granday made his video so uh that's gonna be plummeting pretty soon um i don't know who you're talking about but he's like dolin dark

but another one okay um but never been a fan of that meme well the moth one yeah it's just kind of a it's kind of one note feels like deja vu didn't we didn't we say I feel like a moth flying around a lamp right now clueless well there you go there's not much depth to that is there

and um another one which has been going strong for quite a while is um the what's the game undertale undertail music thing

no clue what you want about none of us have played undertale for the record no but the thing is the meme has reached a level where they'll play the first four notes from the song

right and you just know from the from the Undertale soundtrack yes from one of the songs from one of the songs when you're fighting

one of the bone men okay what sounds yeah and because because I think Undertale was like it had that awful

fan base so now it has who still like talks about that dude everyone talks about undertail I've never heard anyone talk about in quite a long time. I hear that.

I'm just haters. I'm not hated. Tented to play it, to be honest. Yeah, I've been tempted. It's supposed to be quite good, but you've got to like finish the game and then play it again for it to the story to start adding layers or something. I really don't know. No intention of playing it ever. But in my opinion, swerving us back to the meme side of things, pretty all right meme.

Never heard the meme. It's funny. I get the old giggle from that one. Okay. Quickly before we end this segment, what is in the front running for our favorite memes of the years so far? That's a difficult one. It's got to be the zombies one, right?

Zombies? Right, the Peter Griffin thing. I feel like that's quite good. uh no that that's one i did not like nothing to do a family guy yeah um i really like well that's what made me like this undertale one i love to show you it's peter in a barbershop quartet of four peters oh i've seen that one yeah pretty sure ding dong retweeted it or something

yes i just like any rainbow six meme blame wait wait wait wait often cringe yeah what year was lost That was last year, wasn't it? What, year was lost? That's been around for... Years is infinite. Loss is one of the most timeless ones, so it's not gonna go away anytime soon. Well, because it can be layered that one.

It's so ingenious. You can have your relevant meme, but that snuck in there, which a lot of people... Wush, over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I see, I see. But what... What were we saying? Favorite meme of the year?

Yeah, meme of the year at the moment. I can't think of any meme a year. One of my favourites is, um, this is America, right? And in the Fortnite thing. Yeah, yeah, that was good. That was a good one. That was good. Well, I don't know.

Do Russian hard-based memes, are they 2018 or they? No, they're fucking 2001. I'm stuck in 2001 then. Yeah, you are. So at the end of meme chat, Jim. Well, you're the host, I'll let you. I'm going to slice this meme chat down. Wait.

Right, that's the thing. the end of meme chat right there aggressive but okay so now we're four funnies on a sunday good afternoon morning evening on night and welcome to four funnies on a sunday episode three on a monday on a monday so um what what's happened over the other sunday should we introduce ourselves because if this is someone's first episode they'd be like what the fuck is going on the meme chat that that was the priority okay james who are you i'm um james Jordan Alright cool

I'm Jordan And Michael Jordan Who are you I'm I'm Michael Jordan And I'm your host For today Sands Thank you for clearing it up

That's what I want No we need to make an actual confession You know Because for I don't know Two or years You've just been lying about our names Like I'm not called James

I've never been called James Do you remember when James He's just been calling me James and we've just carried on that joke for so long I'm not cool James my real name is Jordan just to say everyone knows

why would you reveal this because you know just trying to keep your identity hidden for a reason just being called James for so long really upset me and I just I started to become a different person you felt almost like your trans but with a name yeah your identity was

changing I was becoming someone new right and I'm sure I'm sorry a song about that And I needed to come back I needed to tell the truth You needed to come out the closet Yeah As it were

Yeah man Awesome dude Well we can call this one James comes out of the closet Do you remember when But my name's not James It's Jordan Fucking call it Jordan comes up the closet

Do you remember when I was like Really obsessed with spill When that website still existed Yes And we had R&L games or whatever Yes While we just totally like The spill idea

Where we all had a fake names fake names yeah because I really liked the concept of that because all the for those who don't know spill.com was like a movie or your website where they were kind of animated characters

and they all had different names and cartoons or whatever the only one that had their real name was the main guy everyone else was a different one and every now and again you'd notice in the podcast they'd call each other real names and go up

yeah we never bother with that there on this Nick suits Jamie so well. Nick? Yeah. Jamie was Nick. Why? It just, I don't know.

You just decided to call him Nick and it just... I was Lloyd. You were Lloyd, which you fully embraced the Lloyd persona. You were full on a Lloyd. I was Nick No John. Nick No John, yeah. Yeah, because I, when you asked me what my, like, fake name is, I was like, Nick, no, John. So I was Nick No John.

Yeah. And I was, by weepier. Yours was the most... Rauropia Because it was Russian It's not fucking Russian And you had no idea how to spell it either Yeah

It was spelled differently every time It was just like two hours And like the most broken way as well It was wau re p, uh Does not help It does not help at all with the English language Who's full of donuts at this table I've had like five

You're not full You can go get some the fuck am I meant to reach? I'm hosting this bitch. Do you want to you? No. I had two donuts and I'm satisfied. I don't know why you guys thought you needed.

How many is that? We bought 24. That's eight each. 24 donuts. I've eaten about four. James's idea. He wrote me into it. Well, I said in the group chat like Friday first.

I wanted donuts. Don't get me wrong, but eight each. It's to say that's that's 24 donuts for and we spent about 26 pounds on them in total so what quid a donut pretty much almost a quid a donut

but that's an insane amount of money for that many fucking donuts that's a lot of money considering we shared it though I bought half James bought half you bought the creams I bought the wing and I slept yeah we went

I just I said in the group chat you know I said let's get some Krispie cream donuts and it's just full on the idea so today I'm the dough boy yeah Alex is the dough boy so we went we went for dog walk who came back and we just drove my car all the way to a service station in an if in a different town got donuts came back and just fucking fat off ate them and it was completely sugar addiction is real man you haven't mentioned how we also had pizza for lunch yeah Domino's pizza two large pizzas wedges,

garlic bread cove, make me feel disgusting no, you know and then eight donuts each fucking hair you haven't had two boy

yeah I've only had like four trying to make me fat by making me eat your other six which I will do no you won't

go on do it right now go on motherfucker go on go on do it right now six donuts everyone say

I'm going to die Okay, okay Move it away from your mic Otherwise I'm gonna slap you That's what it sound like When you throw the wet tennis ball To Gaius And you catch it

And it would sound like a sloppy Plop A benna A sloppy devil It sounds exactly like that How many of you had now? It's five How many of you had?

Four Six So in total you've been six What? I just said four What? Oh, okay, right. Just, it's mental mass, James.

Mm-hmm. You've had five donuts. Is that number six or number five? James has had five donuts, everyone. Proud of you, boy. Pack on these pounds. Learn maths with jar. Smith jar.

Okay, where were we? All right, if you've got to catch up, come on. Dude, I... No. Who's going to take these donuts home? They're in my home now. Yeah, get fucked. What were you saying?

I'm fucking zonking out of it. Um, nothing. We were just talking about the donut. and that's naturally come to its conclusion. That's naturally come to its conclusion with James finishing his fifth donut. So I've got a story to tell. Okay, go ahead. Let's hear it, come on.

So one day. Don't push the bike away this, that's speaking. So I was sitting at work one day. Just, you know, having a great old time. And there was this golden retriever that walked into the office. I don't really. I was walking around. Nobody knew who this dog was.

Nobody knew who this dog was. Who owned the dog, you mean? Uh-oh. This sugar high is coming in. James is such a little boy. He's five days and goes mental. He's swunk. So there was this random dog that came into an office.

Nobody knew who it was. And... Yeah. Yep. Yeah, nobody knew who it was. We got that part. So, there was this dog. This is like a PSA warning for eating this many donuts.

Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen James laugh this much. So this random dog Alex. It fucking was in our office. Nobody knew who this dog was. you've said that like four times now and I swear to God

it's a fucking loudest the worst in the world like completely rippled entirely and I work

the room I was in it's like a cool cool place and fucking everyone went silent and nobody knew what this dog was but it was a

what they called it's a dog to help song he's like blind oh guide dog yeah so everyone went quiet and this guy was just like oh what is it and it was just so silent it was

no i i burst out laughing but um everyone looked at me because they didn't want to be offensive to the blind guy how's it offensive it's just a dog fighting it's not in snow you know jim was it the first time i told it yes okay so i'm laughing so you already knew this story yeah it just clicked okay I laughed so much. I feel like I'm out of the loop for the moment. I'll tell this story.

Me and Jim are playing siege with our friend. And Jim sent me a message just saying, James, I'm about to say something, make up a story, and then Jim goes, Jim goes to our friend,

James, why didn't you tell that story about that dog at Farnethit? And James just said that. Then I didn't. I was like, I can't say it, Jim. I can't say it. And then, like, half an hour later, I was just like,

Matt, I've got a story to tell him. And he believed it, did he? I was completely bullshit this story, off the bat. I was believing it. I was with it. Yeah, it's a convincing story. It was more convincing the first time

because a friend actually believed it and I was just like completely... I was with it. I was genuinely... I didn't realize that's why he was laughing. I just thought because he didn't eat in so many donuts. I hadn't twiged that that's where James was going because he said that it started going

in my mind and then James mentioned the farts and it twigged it's because I said to Jim like the next day like Jim I'm going to bring this up on the car I didn't say I'm going to bring up I said I'm going to bring up a story in the cast so go along with it

oh shit that's like yeah but I forgot it I only remember that yesterday I was like oh the fucking story that's why it's so funny to me that was a good story I'll give you that one

farts and dogs like early when we were sat eating pizza, Gaius, James' dog, came over at the gym and put his head on his lap and just went, he was like looking at me in the eyes as well.

Yeah, it was really creepy. Quite a weird moment. And then he somehow jumped on the puff under the table and just laid there. Like an inch from the actual top, bottom of the table. And if you follow Jordan on Twitter, you can see that image. You can see that great picture.

What's your Twitter? at James? Ambushed orange. Is it ambushed orange? Oh shit, that's something we have to bring up. Twitter. Oh, yes. Twitter.

So I was banned off Twitter again. As was I? Twice. Over a couple days. Yeah. So congratulations, James. Now, I've got you.

Now you've got me banned as well. So that's Jim, James and Ruben who have all got me banned. Ruben's got me banned twice. When you say we got you band, it's more like, Like, you've threatened us and got yourself banned, is what you mean. Okay, no, listen, I got banned.

Look, we've got to talk about this. We've got to talk about this. Like, every single time I've been banned on Twitter, it's for telling someone to kill themselves. And it's been us, chairman. But that sounds bad out of context. It's always been someone from Jha. And usually purposefully misspelling something or making some kind of joke out of it. Like, one of them I genuinely got banned for was kill you ourself.

okay that's the one thing they take seriously the one i got banned for was some person i can't i don't even know who it was but i said i'm going to kill you that's what and i got banned for that well that's slightly more it probably is yeah i got reuben's account um banned what recently no i think i actually reported him because i had a notification on my notification but I was saying we've got an update on account you um flagged and on it it was just Ruben because he told people trying to kill himself oh right okay so yeah yeah it's just like come on Twitter that's really what you're gonna target because they they frame it as a I don't know if you read through all the garbage they like send you and make you do but it's

like depression and suicide is very serious and you cannot make fun of that or you know you can't tell people to do that but you know so if I phrased it in a way that wasn't so overt it would be fine it's impossible to know I mean this it's it's it's it's it's we weren't exactly being subtle because we didn't think we needed to because we're just goofing and gaffing that's the thing at each at each other yeah or people we're just having a little joke with mm-hmm It's like, if, if someone's depressed and they read a message saying, killed yourself.

Not a message, a tweet. A tweet saying kill yourself, sent to someone else. Yeah. Is that going to affect them? It would be as ridiculous as like a dog attacked you when you were three. So then, and then one day you're looking at Facebook and you see a picture of a dog. dog completely unrelated dog and it reminds you so all pictures of dogs have to be banned off yeah so instead of you having to deal with it and in your own way no you have to make everyone

else and the entire planet deal with the fact that dogs exist but i mean it's twitter's platform they can do whatever they want but you know you don't give a shit twitter you can't tell someone kill yourself but you can post child pornography and i and execution videos and that's okay you can be ISIS, that's fine. Yeah, man. I'm pissed off with Twitter. It's awful. All social media that I'm on,

which is two. Yeah. Like, if I get banned, I'll just be... Whatever. I'm done. Apart from Twitter, did you say? No, including Twitter.

Oh, right, yeah. Like, Jim, you showed me a video of some guy shooting himself in the foot on Instagram. Just, like, absolutely fine. He was playing, like, Russian roulette with his friend. I feel like you mentioned this as well but on the cast I don't know if I did

it's pretty bleak it was back when Ruben was here but yeah dude playing Russian roulette with his friend but just pointing the gun at each other's feet and he gets shot in the foot

blood just starts fucking everywhere it's not like he was being he was not like he was strapped to the chair either he was encouraging it oh yeah they were like playing a game a consensual game

that's just straight up on Instagram like anyone can get that that's like um the funny thing about the video is that you can clearly see on his other foot he's got a bandage on where he's already been shot. Your foot's quite important.

Yeah. He totally deserves it. Fucking idiot. Yeah. But I guess he's just tough. Don't you hate the way when people and things get shot in reality

there's something way more like graphic and gross about it than the way it's depicted in movies? It's because it's less graphic and gross in your life. Blood doesn't just explode everywhere with like guts and goo up and shit and then it just leaks.

Yeah, it's the leaking part of which is I think the most disturbing. Because it's just a huge hole. Yeah. It's like it's a very slow kind of leak and it's like it's not bright red it's very dark red. Yeah.

But in Gaines' blood is always bright red like it's Yeah. But no. No, there's that video of some I can't remember exactly but some someone to do with like the government or yeah who shoots himself in the head

on live tv or something yeah he was like fucked over the media and that was like probably the first time I'd ever seen some kind of realistic depiction

of that kind of thing and it's really not what you expect it's just little whole blood just pours out and lifeless instant flop yeah

it's not it's not dramatic it's just yeah it's like the lack of bombastic stuff that makes it shocking shocking and horrible like i've got a plaster on my finger from yesterday when i was cleaning my kitchen um because i don't clean my kitchen in like months so it was fucking filthy um and i had previously like months ago smashed a glass and it wasn't just a normal glass it was one of those glasses with it's like that what like one layer of glass then inside

there's another layer so it looks cool yeah yeah yeah so it looks cool yeah so it was the equivalent of smashing like four glasses because there's just so much glass in those um so it went all over the countertop and i tried to clean as much as it off months ago and actually did it so then yesterday when i was wiping i had like a sheet just trying to clear off the top layer of filth i was pressing down quite hard dragging along the surface and then suddenly i feel up into my finger and look down and blood's just gushing out yeah so been a bit of glass left over from that didn't enjoy that I can't deal with like anything like slicing or cutting or stabbing um like I I sliced my finger with my ultra sharp cooking knife that I have it was my own fault for being a complete moron with it

I'd like washed it and then I got a bit of kitchen towel to get the residue off yeah yeah and I just went along the blade and I did it like halfway and I was just like I just continued It's weird. It was horrible. It's weird, like the fine of the blade, the worst, the wound, but the less pain. Yeah, it's quite horrible. It's quite sensitive. Yeah.

Yeah, it's weird. It's horrible. Yeah. The worst injury I've had with glass was I dropped a glass on the floor on the kitchen back home. And I was relatively. young. I'd never had to clean up glass until this point. Yeah. So I didn't think it was necessary to put shoes

on. Mm-hmm. To just sweep glass up because I didn't realize so many tiny bits just go everywhere. So I walk into the kitchen, sweep it all up, and then take another step, and there's loads of glass in my foot. And I just lift my foot up.

Oh, I remember that, yeah. Yeah. I think you told me to get slippers and put slippers on, and I was like, nah. I'm gonna do push-ups Yeah that was gross Because I remember getting tweezers and just taking A bit of glass out of my feet I've only had that one

I've only stepped in glass once and I had it stuck And I was like That's what my mum tried to get out But it's like I've always tried to really avoid the Speaking of Instagram violence or whatever I saw a video earlier of some girl Who had somehow like stepped on

On a plug yeah A two-pronged plug yeah A two-pronged that was like wedged into her foot properly really gross with one of the two plugs how the fuck can you do that unless you're like but it was the whole thing was in in the foot and she was like in agony lying on her back on the floor while the dad or whatever was trying to sort it in it's like I would first of all I'm I don't think you should do that yourself like pull it out yeah you should probably go to weigh any if you can it's really

and that's not even like a sharp object that's blunt yeah So there's extra, like, damage to that, isn't that? Yeah, because it's a blunt object, fucking... Forcing its way in, as opposed to, like, a slender blade going... That's what Americans get, for everyone's shit plugs. I hate Americans. It's not just Americans, it's also Europe. We're the only country that have a weird plug.

Every other country has the two plong. I'm pretty sure. We're the only country. New Zealand has, like, a combination of the two. Yeah. They don't look. Ours are the best. Yeah.

It's like you stick it in there and you know it's solid, it's never going to move. With the European American ones, it's like so easy to knock out. With our ones, it's fucking jammed in. If you don't know what an English plug looks like, Google that. I was going to just pull the fucking camera out.

I thought the same instantly. I don't have any near me, but there's like three big prongs. It's the same type of thing as the American one. You've got the two. But they're circular. O's a square. And you've got the one, like a centon that keeps it. balance as pure plastic. So it's...

It's a good idea, smart. They are chunky, though, aren't they? They are a bit big and they're old-fashioned. Are they? I believe so. Because, um... I don't know. I prefer them. No, but we have them. I prefer them, for sure.

We have them because they're fuses in. The American songs, they're pure plastic. They don't have fuses in. Really? They're not fuses in their place. Yeah, that's why I'm pretty sure, like, house fires and that bi electrical stuff is more of an issue there. because ours has fuses so it gets to a certain extent they blow that's why ours are like that

and that seems more modern to me then just pure plastic conductor no the third prong I mean it's not necessary it's not it used to be necessary when like electronics was not as developed

but it's not necessary now but we still have it I guess because it's solid as fuck and I think I think it would be difficult to fit a fuse into an American-style one or Europe one because they're very thin I don't know how I mean Okay just like give me that plug I'll smash it and show you the fuse You don't need to smash it you can see the rectangle where it goes in

See we're smart with that I'm quick so our houses don't but quickly before we end this segment and go into the next one Ruben who's not on at the moment because he's at uni was recognised at a, I don't know, some freshest thing by someone called Harry. And somewhere else, wasn't it? Was it?

Yeah, he went to a shop, he went to an Apple stop, Apple shop. And he saw some on there. They recognised him. Well, the only one I know is Harry. So shout out to Harry and shout out to whoever was in that Apple store. I didn't know, I don't know the details on that one, but. It's crazy. He's, no, but, no, no, but.

Reuben must have been recognized the most out of it. Yeah, he definitely has, but with that said... Because he's so recognisable, he's so tall, he's quite distinct. Oh yeah, we're just a... We're just generic, yeah, we're just fucking, fucking, yeah, we're just fucking wound him, white... Anyway, be right back after these messages, loll. Good afternoon, morning, evening or night, ladies and gentlemen,

welcome back to the... We really did that. So, well, people like it. No, they don't. So, if you don't like it, make sure you type into the comments. this has been a very funny episode guys I like that let's do that more anyway

welcome to the second half of the podcast where James sent in some questions to the jar fans and I actually have a topic I want to talk about before we go oh shit son fucking feel free bro this is token hours you know way past our due time

what so James a smoker James of Joe have you midnight token have you Have you heard of this idea called the... Yep. It's called something like false memories or the Mandela effect. You guys heard of this? DejaVu.

It's similar to deja vu. The idea being... What deja vu? There's many deja vu. The idea being... There's a... Gosh fucking... ...on the to-gay.

No, no. The idea being... There are some things in life that you have memories of whether it be a detail and a logo or some historical event that you remember as being different and you could swear that

your false memory. Everyone gets that. Yeah, but there are some more popular ones than others. For example, I'm going through this BuzzFeed list right now. Go for it. BuzzFeed, Alex. Why are you using BuzzFet? Let's hone some SJWs.

What's the the sitcom about women who love having a lot of intercourse all of them sex in the city there they go the show isn't called sex in the city sex and the city

yeah sex and the city that that's misinformation not a fake memory okay that's like everyone says it so everyone assumes it

assumes that's the actual words name and and really the sentence isn't that much different sex and the city yeah that's that's the sort of thing like our mom always gives things the wrong name does she like innocent smoothies she calls them innocente yeah just for no reason like but she thinks that's what it's called and she doesn't actually think it is she she did at a time all right maybe that's a false memory i've done that before like just certain brands I've never actually bothered to properly read the label so I just have an idea in my head of I know what it's called so I can go get that yeah um apparently we are the champions by Queen

ends differently than many recall uh I couldn't say that anyway because I've many of those familiar with the song remember the final lyrics being no time for losers because we are the champions of the world of the world what the real of the world guess what there is no of the world the song just ends okay I even though I have the memory of the of the world bit that I think that is a bit in the song that is a bit in the song and it's not the end it's not an end no I wouldn't fit at the end one I've mentioned I think before maybe on the show or to you guys is The Monopoly Man?

Yeah, you mentioned it to, as I remember. The Monopoly man doesn't have a monocle, but... At least I thought he did. Just because... I think people assume that one because the Go to Jail card has a monocle. It's like lots of that kind of imagery sort of combined. Yeah. Okay, what about this one?

The tip of Pikachu's tail. What does it look like? It's black, isn't it? It's yellow. Um, it isn't black. It's just yellow. The whole tail? The whole tail's just yellow.

Yeah. See, this is what I'm talking about. Like, it's a real thing. I've literally seen, I've literally seen toys of it being black. No, there's a comparison, no. But I've literally seen toys of it being black. Nah, bro That's bullshit, bro

Um, some, yeah, some of them, you know, A pretty shit on here Holy shit, you're right I'll just stream through the other ones Kit Kat doesn't have a dash Yeah, I never thought it did like what life isn't like a box of chocolates what he's what he's talking about it seems that the vast majority of people confidently remember forrest gump stating his

mama always said life is like a box of chocolates when it turns out he actually said life was like a box of chocolates was like instead of it is like yeah but he meant is like But he's like a dumbass Yeah Hannibal Lecter never said Hello Clarice Oh shit son A lot of these are

Like American things That we just never have Like jiffy peanut butter doesn't exist Jiffy Yeah I don't know Fruit Loops is actually Spelt F-R-O-O-T loops fruit

and you know there you go it's just some examples of that hence more evidence that all of our memories all of everything we already know has been implanted by the lizard monsters oh by God

no more likely lizard monsters what do you think of the theory that God could have created everything two hours ago I like it actually no you've got ground there because I don't remember anything that happened two hours ago

that's not the point but that's the opposite of the point if God can create memories which is that ever been established so I feel like that's a human thing I don't know if I's ever talked about in the Bible right but if we can make up our own memories

God's fucking capable of it she's saying that I thought the idea was God created man and then they did what they did well surely if he creates memory then we don't exist because if he can create memory why would he make us exist

when we don't have a memory and we have no reason to exist why are we alive why only just kill us already yeah I hear that you know I've actually I've actually made another

um progress on the great conspiracy theory well the lizard one yeah yeah okay what's the progress we both know

that the lizard used cam trails to keep their identity hidden but you know what else they use enough to make us believe the world is a globe it's flat fucking off because by using planes

and throwing the cam trails you can see them go into the distance but that's just the effect of the chem trail they're going straight what if they're not actually releasing chem trails intentionally but they're actually just all hotboxing the planes

and what they're releasing is actually like yeah weed man weed that could be it then the most intense lizard weed that we can't handle we can't comprehend it to the point where it just makes us

our brains just break so that's why we think they're chem trails because we can't handle their dank kush yeah it's here you know we're getting it's denk or dank I'm so fucking

blazed I can't even remember that's a false memory I don't even know we need the simulation theory right yeah what if they start the simulation right here yeah I feel like that holds way more ground yeah but I mean that's what I mean like the simulation and then it starts to make you then it starts to make you get out leave your body because you're just like oh maybe I'm not

real the lizards got me what if lizards whoa I'm reeling it in boys okay what if lizards right are the the being that made the simulation and they've inserted themselves into the simulation like a video game or like um there have been little breaks in the software that have teased their actual existence

and that's why there's this rumor about it yeah because you know even the best simulation out there has its kinks absolutely you know they have their down days they need to I'm just for I'm just thank the lizard lords that they gave us fucking marijuana I think the Lizard Lords

that Red Dead 2 is coming out in the week Thank you lizard lords Thank fucking God lizard lords for No, don't thank God, don't thank God Thank the lizard lords Sorry, thank God for the lizard lords No thank the lizard lords for God Thank the lizard lords for allowing me

free brain capacity to be able to use concepts such as Jesus and God Yes butter and all that praise be to the lizard lords I feel like I was going to say something but you mentioning marijuana just zonked me out yeah

should we hit up some dankerush after the show I wish if only if only the woodpeck aside and got fucking high yeah bro do you not think because crispy creams

clearly have something in them if we just melt them down do you think you can make some fucking dank something that we can just snort it anyway we're not advocating drug use

no don't do drugs honestly it's not good for you in any shape or form don't do drugs but thank the fucking lizard laws so if we're in a simulation can you explain my memory of browning out and having weird memory flashbacks what do you mean can i explain it you're a simulation of a real being so that could happen to

a real being right but it didn't actually because you're not real none of us are okay and I'm happy with that sort of simulation boy like John Marston isn't real but he means

more to me than anyone in this room a lot of things have been said on this podcast that is a complete bullshit and that's the one thing I believe right

I suppose we should go into some Reddit questions yeah I hope they're all about simulation and things read simulation next week we just want

simulation questions weed questions and general drugs questions we're not advocating that though no don't ever do drugs I think there's a lot of drugs

never do drugs but make sure you pop over to the pub and have a fire cigar and say we're okay so Mr Orange 364 says oh by

way, if you want to leave your own questions, head over to the jail media, Reddit, and there's a thing. You can leave questions on for us to answer. Is James still going ahead with his car videos who said he was going to make? Um, yes. I've, my first debut video. Okay? Not a very good liar, aren't you? I'm still doing my debut bit.

Okay, Alex, don't interrupt me. Don't interrupt him. Yeah, I'm doing a car video. It's going to be a very, like, professional, like, I'm going to spend months doing it. You're going to do that thing that they do in FOSA where, like, the screen, the aspect ratio is that?

Like a letterbox? It depends. It could be. It depends, but I've got it all planned out. Because that will give me connections. I'm telling you right now. I've got this whole video planned out. It's going to be like about, I guess when my car is finished, when I've done everything I need to, it's just

going to be like a showcase video of my car of all the parts. It's just going to be like a chill video. There's just going to be high quality. hybrid production but it just you know my car needs to be finished so that'll be gonna do the one video then you see my my thought was that it would have been a good idea to start with early car the whole process vlog it then no grass to when you've got the spoiler the size of the Eiffel Tower I didn't want to do that because there's a lot of people who do that so I want to stick more to the very kind of flashy you know

pie pod product you know the high the top 10 videos to get to high production though if you don't know how to do any of it gotta start something right so it's just learn through making it constantly i guess but that's i that's the stuff i'll do after i've done that i'm like go more into doing more normal stuff with my second car but that's the way i want to start it okay okay i'm glad to hear that you're that jim i've got it all planned out on my head it's all planned out angles everything kai kun says here's a cheeky a little idea for a dress-up day. You should all wear green for a cast and then chroma-key some porn onto you

and throw it up on Porn Hub. I like that idea. I wouldn't do the porn bit. You could chroma-key things on, though, which would be funny. I did do that before on one of the best episodes where I chroma-keyed everything that is white

in the frame and put Sandy in the background. So Sandy was like here and here. It's great. Sunday. No, I think we shouldn't do that. We should just let, just wear green and let it happen. But we'd have to edit, what, okay. Pop-tropic-esque name says, is there anything American that you don't have in the UK that you want to try and slash or experience?

I want to try proper southern fried chicken or just like barbecue. barbecue food in like Texas or something I can't think I think at all Taco Bell Taco Bell I've tried that so

Alright I need to rub it in It's because we've got We've got you know the best donuts What else do the Americans Dunkin Donuts? We have Duncan Donuts here What?

Yep Why have I never tried them? Because they're probably shit. Like a lot of it's just fast food. What about like pizza? I want to try a New York. A bad a bin, bad a bon, have one of my pizzas. Real New York pizza.

I want to go to New York and have Spider-Man delivering me a pizza. What do you know what I want? I want to be gunned down by the Mafia. That's what I, that's my American dream. Fair play, James. Fair play. Really hope the mic picks that up. It's disgusting.

I remember like one of the really old episodes where I was like a possess of farts and every time I mention the word fart I edited in a fart noise so I did it for like 20, 30 minutes anything to do with like shit Yeah. That was so funny. Anything else, American? I can't think of anything.

Um... Milk. Then they use a different type of sweetening product for their soda or something, right? Like, instead of using sugar, they use... Do they use that? shit that's like healthier but less healthy. Yeah, something like that. I don't know, guys.

I'm not American. I'm an English son. Scorpion Sandwich has this original question. Who would survive for the longest in the apocalypse? We've had this question before. What kind of apocalypse? Like the biblical apocalypse? Let's say it's to do scorpions. Yeah, because there's name Scorpion Sandwich, so...

The Scorpion Apocalypse? more detail than that. If it was the Scorpion Apocalypse, I'd say you. Well, actually, no, James and I, we've eaten Scorpion. We know their weakness. Why did you say me anyway?

Because you're the least scared of arachnids. Spiders, I don't like scorpions. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think me and Jim would be best. Because we've dealt with giant rad scorpions the most. Yeah, true. And we've eaten scorpion. Like, we're not going to be afraid to slay scorpion.

and fucking eat them when we're hungry. This is the apocalypse. I'm not really going to give a shit about the morality of eating meat at that point. I'd be like, Scorpion? No, no, I'm not saying that. But we can stomach Scorpion.

We've proven to ourselves. We won't be like, eh, scorpion. We'll be shoveling that shit down our throat. You both acted as if it was fucking disgusting. It was even confirmed that it was disgusting. It was absolutely... Giant scorpions.

Giant scorpion with thick, meaty flesh. Yeah, it'll be right. It will be just massive. of paste Yeah Do you remember Would it be paste Yeah

It was paste Alex Yeah because that had been in a can For like years potentially I'm pretty sure They're still

bit pasty All right Mr Scorpion fucking expert I don't think insects have It's an arachnid Jamie

I don't think arachnids have flesh As in like muscle It's all just kind of gunky It's all

Think about like crabs right Similar kind of structure arachnids. Wachnids. They're different.

I'm trying to, some point of reference, right? Crabbs have flesh. Yes. They've got their weird, like... No, they have an exoskeleton. Like scorpions. Flesh?

Yeah. They're... If it was huge, surely there'd be some kind of muscle in there. No. What kind of huge are we talking about? Like, are we talking scorpion? I'm imagining Clash of the Titans fucking big.

Yeah, but I mean, the science behind this. scorpion is it literally just a scorpion made huge or is it like a scorpion but made to make sense made to make sense then it would be fleshy a bit well then i assume it would be fleshy there you go and then i chow down on that what would scorpion taste like then probably it'd probably be like lobster you would it'd just be a giant land lobster and you can use the sting as like chili sauce to like What?

No, you do you use it to kill someone. You don't use chili sauce to eat. It's not cutlery. But you could use the scorpion tail as a weapon against scorpions. Put it there. Thank you, Dark Souls. No, it would be too solid to be a whip. You'd have to use it like fucking fisticuffs.

Oh yeah. Like fucking Wolverine. Scorpion gornlets. Yeah. And you can wear the pincers on your feet. Okay, next question, little bro. Hoet underscore Simders says, What is your favorite Ray William Johnson's song?

Ooh. The Mortal... Tidal Bitties. The Mortal Bitties is definitely yours. James's one is the fighting one. We're going to fight, fight. Okay. How does, I don't remember the fighting.

That song in my mind, on about the Mandala effect, whatever. That song to me turns into the Jason Dulo, Captain Sparkle things That was just what my head was doing Yeah What's that Captain Sparkle's song? We're gonna fight fight

Until the night night Or some shit like that We're gonna Oh fuck name Lizards lords Get out of my head There you know The Creve is gonna steal my stove again

I quite like nerd rage as well Yeah What about that really like Duky Fresh Duky Fresh is my fave What's that weird, like, sexual one? Dooky. Loads of them are really sexual.

Yeah, pretty much all of them. No, there's a really specific one that's really bad for it. Not Tigo B's, it's enough one. I can't remember. Bitch got a penis? That's my least favorite one. That one's awful. That one's just like offensively bad.

No, it's a stereotype one. I think I love you more. than the Japanese live tan a corn freaking dance dance dance

dance dance turn the stereotypes man if if his network didn't screw him over he'd still be

going strong today probably well thank the lizard lords for fucking

of his network grunk god 99 says what do you guys think of in cells um here which our media

we will ins cells describe I bought an in-cell is to those who don't know. An in-cell is a single man. Right. Who is a virgin. Right. Who will remain a virgin for his entire life.

And he blames everyone else for it. It's all those chas. They think... So basically all those Instagram pictures you always see. What Instagram pictures? Where it's like gamer, like... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. like the state of free

Coochie in America Yeah And Chad's in like being yourself thinking you like You deserve having a female Yeah that's part of it as well Yeah it's like only The super All women are superficial

Which is why they don't get pussy That's basically their whole argument It's the same concept As the thing we mentioned earlier About expecting everyone else to change Instead of you Yeah Yeah, that is exactly

Apart from nobody gives a shit about insults You just fucking Yeah, Twitter won't ban you No Why be an insult and you can just be banging out Waymo 6 on night and just fucking Yeah, exactly Getting pinkish, you know

There's like whole like Reddit boards Or off of insult Well their Their official like Reddit was Recently closed I think Really, what? Because it was so pathetic Because they Because they just

It snowballs into a thing where they're just Really hateful towards women Yeah Do you know, do you remember that thing that Reuben showed us? What did you show us? Then he showed us this like Royal Holloway, like, confession page and this... Some guy on it, like, posted, I know I'm not an insult, but, you know, is it too much to ask for a girl who's a friend who cares for me or something? It's just like, come on, dude.

It is too much to ask for, obviously, for you. It's just Intel's are completely narcissistic You're like dude You're not fucking entitled To just people's attention Yeah

Well like Just because They want like Megan Fox To be their wife And they think they deserve her When like No she wants some rich dude

With a six pack Mm-hmm Not some kiddie complaints on them Are Intel And it's fucking The highest level In World War The thing is she actually wants someone that can function socially.

No, but surely, most of these... When these people are just like, oh, the whole world is fucking cruel, but I'm awesome. And no women can appreciate it. When... Do you know what I reckon a lot of ladies actually are into? But... Just like human beings.

You're somebody who don't sit around feeling sorrows. stuff. Sony's a functioning member of society. That's what gets from going. Jesse OS says each of you come up with a fitting name for James's car.

Oh no. Some of these people have seen my car. So it's like they don't know my car. I'm going to say Betty Boop. Oh my god, that's the worst name ever for my car. No, it's not. It is.

The, uh... The biatch magnet, I don't know. Oh. Okay, no. A BM. TBM. The beach. Just the bitch.

It's good. I don't have a name for my car. Yeah, the bitch. This is the bitch. The bitch. Everyone hopping the bitch. bitch I don't have a name for my car it's it's like I love my car it's such a great car to drive but I just don't have a name for it it's just my car okay it's it hasn't got to

the name stage yet I name mine instantly which is the beast no but we've referred to both our cars as the beast well I feel like I've officially claimed that one so well my car's gonna be called um okay sweet i'm gonna get it's a nice license plate beans on toad says considering how much you all love the bowser bowser at i thought bousette oh yeah that's a meme meme we mentioned that last time who out of jar would make the hottest girl uh again a question we've had before we know the answer I think it's impossible to say. Okay.

Yep. Jim, are people forgetting that picture of you? Mm. That's it. No, but just because my masculine form is... Yeah, Jim could be like a repulsive girl for we know. Well, that's what I mean. Like, if I'm...

If my face is slightly feminine when I'm a man, does that mean my face would be slightly masculine if I were to be a woman? Mm. Who would be the ugliest woman? No. I remember Ruben's thing. He was really glad he wasn't born in a woman. Why?

Because he said he thought he'd be a really ugly woman. So it was to do with like the women in his family or something. It's like cousins or some shit. He's never, he voted it a lot on my harsh like that. He lived it quite brutal. I don't remember this at all. I think he used the words like repulsive or something like that, like that level. HF, H-D-K-A-O-D said, hi, Hong Kong Jarling here.

Love the cast. Hey, let's go to Hong Kong. I thought they weren't allowed to get on the internet there. No, no. China, Alex. Honga-Konger is different. Alex, where's Hong Kong? In Japan, right?

Jim, where's Hong Kong? I recently listened to the cast. In Asia. I recently listened to the cast about the Cold War and I'm interested in what you guys think about China, e.g. trade war, censorship, human rights. Oh, maybe also something about Hong Kong. Um, I didn't I show the stuff that China's done recently. Well, you got 30 seconds, so. Oh, shit.

That, that, that big celebrity. Why did you end on like the fucking biggest question? Because I saw it and I was like, oh, someone in Hong Kong watches. I just think the, um, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. of a hundred and twenty nine million dollars for fan bing bing is that she hasn't got fine yeah she does she got fine yeah she was like kidnapped that's what happened 229 million bro bro bro oh damn if you yeah are we gonna no jim she did she is she back i don't know she's fuck she's been like disappeared since like fucking may

that's the end we kind of yeah that's the end that's the end I guess do you want to write down that question in your like notes

and then we can answer it first in the next episode and we can do a bit of research so we don't look really uneducated I already said Hong Kong's in China No, you said Japan, didn't you?

I'm gonna quick Google Maps where Hong Kong is. Hong Kong. Hong Kong. Oh, it's in Donggu. Oh wait, it's like... It's like... Yeah, it's an independent country, but it's like... not that big. big?

It's fucking tiny. Hong Kong is an independent country. It's fucking tiny. It's an independent country. There's a deal because it was an English colony. Smaller than England. It's tiny, but it's like incredibly rich. Like houses there are fucking insane.

But China's trying to take it back and they have a deal to like 20-21 or something, but after that it's China.