JAR Media Posdact - Snakeflap! - JARCAST Episode 202

Episode Date: February 3, 2020

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Good afternoon, morning, evening or night, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to episode 202 of the Jogast. I'm your host Alex, joined here by James. Afternoon. And, Jamie. Morning evening or night? No, it doesn't work like that. You're a communist, aren't you? You've been undercover this whole time.

That's a lie? You know how we feel about that. I'm a socialist Post a boy So this is the podcast Where we get together every week And we talk about What if we want to be honest

Mostly The world issues The issues of the world No We sort of represent planet Earth On the podcast Yeah We represent planet Earth

But On intergalactic matters We are the first We're the people who deal with all of the issues we are the a loylians they um they contact us first and they're like hey jar media we're actually contractors for the visini before we go any deeper into that hellhole that was gradually spirally like to thank the patrons over at the jarmeda media patreon for supporting us and keeping the lights on and also for everyone who rates us five stars and

iTunes. That helps us in the algorithms and all that? You help the cause. You help the cause. We're all slaves to, um, algorithms really, aren't we? Communism. Absolutely. I've got a shout out, um, King Con as well.

Fulfilling my Temi. You're going to explain what that means? No. You've been chewing dog toys? King Kong. King Con. How do you spell that? K-O-N-C-O-N?

That'll be K-O-N. Con? Mm-mm. see one no it's not quite sorry I'm just gonna they are resident Tammy fillers

we have huge news no way go on oh shit how big is this intergalactic big it affects the entire of humanity correct

shit so before I can go into this great reveal I need to remind or catch up those in the audience who may not be familiar with the infamous banana story. Holy shit.

Yeah. Oh shit. Holy shit. James, you know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you? Because it was on an episode with just me and you. It was. That's when it came out. Get a bit of whiskey and me.

You'll hear all sorts of stories. Of course, what I'm talking about is the truth, the reveal, that I experimented with bananas once upon a time. Jerking off with them, I mean, using them sort of as a sheath. Yeah. Is that real? Yes, it's real.

And do you want to know what inspired me? Seth Rogen comedy? No, because I was like so obsessed of jerking off at the time. Like everyone is. Yeah, because I was like a young teenager and it was like, right, I've jerked off so much. I need something to spice things up. So I literally searched into Google, like, jerk off techniques. And came across this weird website.

that had like rankings of different like techniques and there it was was uh the banana technique did you eat the banana the fuck no why not because i need slop what the fuck alex didn't what part you confused about the the skin i thought you just used the skin no alex didn't you obviously take the main banana out but you need some of it for like Sluffy Mushed banana Yeah, it's very vivid to describe So what did you do

With the banana you took out? Just bend it No, because Alex Alex said He only used the The slightly older ones That are bit softer Yeah, it was a stinky affair

Wouldn't have noticed They were gone Yeah, it was Yeah, it was horrendous So, was there the old Sit on Your Hand Till its numb technique On that page as well?

sure there was, but that one never appealed to me. No. It was not a good technique. But the reason this is relevant and we're bringing it up is that there's a recent story, a recent article from the New York Post, so it's somewhat legitimate.

Doctors beg men not to masturbate with banana peels. Beg. Begging. Don't do it. The reason being doctors have warned horny young men to refrain from using banana peels to masturbate the latest bizarre sex trends circulating on social media so i suppose

it's sort of come back because this was years ago well you brought it back i must have inspired some people to give it a go and then they all end up in the hospital it spread um however dr diana gill of prescription service doctor for you cautions against the perverse practice you could develop a rash and sores on the penis, which can be painful and might lead to infection. Jill told the sun. Not only that, but she claims a person with a fruit or latex allergy might be more susceptible to a reaction from a banana skin.

Well, if you have a fruit or surely... A food allergy, you're not going to think to use a banana pill. A person with a banana allergy is more likely to be allergic to other substances such as latex or other fruits and vegetables, she said. So if you're allergic to... to latex condoms, you may also be allergic to banana skins. Because they're one in the same, obviously. It's sort of a choice, either use a condom or a banana.

You know, when you know... But surely, if someone's allergic to latex condoms, surely they know they might be allergic to banana skins because of all the things in life, you kind of touch banana skins before you get into latex condoms. The more I read this, the more I'm actually starting to doubt, the validity of the um, validity of the um, article. Yeah, I think this is some sort of...

Because listen to this. Listen to how bullshit this becomes. Jill's not the only naysayer. One Reddit user recounted a harrowing, cautionary tale where he used a banana skin to masturbate and allegedly ended up falling in the mess I made, hit my head on the toilet and barely

lived to tell the tale. That's a fucking banana peel slipping joke. Yeah. And even if that was true, that's entirely his fault for being a moron. Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have... What could he possibly be doing to create such a mess with that fucking banana?

Was it on R-slash-Jarm Media? However, supporters of the organic orgasm inducer feel it's too good to pass up. Subscribers to Jack-in-World, that was the website, Jack-in-World. No way. Yeah. The self-proclaimed ultimate male

masturbation resource gave the Banana Man 4.5 out of five stars with 359 votes cast so far. The site also provides a tutorial on how to perform the act and even advised warming the peel for added effect. Like microwaving it. Commenters seconded these sentiments.

I have used the banana skin technique occasionally for many years. Parentheses, I'm now 78. So 78 year olds are doing it. So one not banana skin support. the bigger the banana the better another added banana peels aren't the first unconventional items employed by pleasure seekers

this past November gynecologists warned women not to masturbate with electric toothbrushes because it could cause trauma to the delicate volval area very explicit first eight minutes here that's that shit that's bullshit because what is a toothbrush

it's just a vibrator so what how could that cause any of damage? I don't know it might be slightly more intense than a normal vibrating because it's no like no no no no no no vibrators are way more intense than um too no but like think of the design of a vibrator it's like it's like rubber ergonomic yeah you know it's not like a piece of metal that you shove a bit of like plastic on like the head or if you're using the opposite end of the toothbrush like that's just a blunt like grippy rough yeah but anyway the banana thing is what's important here

not the two foot. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I actually have some issues with that. Yeah, I think that's a load of bull. It's definitely a load of ball. You know, you hear about joke articles where they, they want an, like an article, it's so shit, but they make it seem real. It's one of them. Well, it's just, you know, sensationalizing something everyone should be doing, you know, trying to make it fear, people fear. No, that's the thing. uh the government wants to mind control us into not doing that so there's there must be some secret behind the nana yeah well i mean well to be fair it would it would put flashlight out of business i'll get it yeah no because they're just disposable but also it means people might just start

replacing women with a collection of bananas yeah in their lives different banana for different day of the week which means babies aren't being born which means what if the potential next was actually blown into a banana skin yeah is what I'm saying yeah which then falls on the floor and then they trip over and smack their head on a so the father of the next president but that they also could have been the father of the next hitler stalling so yeah be saving the world swings aroundabouts but plenty of jarlings actually wrote in um after that first banana episode give it after giving it a try to give their feedback um it was a somewhat mixed response

I feel like these people they don't know what they're doing they didn't warm it up obviously they didn't they didn't microwave yeah they needed to go to jacking world or whatever the fuck and find the techniques find the

in colour instruction manual yeah thoughts then well I've never tried it even after that video when we spoke about it I didn't try it I've never thought have you tried the watermelon

I just don't know. I haven't tried You don't know Some of the like infamous Sex fruits and Fruits I find fairly confusing

Like it seems much more wasteful to use like an entire Watermelon than one banana That's gone off You know Yeah but watermelon It's probably more pleasant Do you think so?

Yeah Isn't it full of seeds Might get a seed in your urethra Seedy Alex don't say that We're on like a role of like really vivid episodes It's, like, last episode is, like, all about diarrhea. This one's all about jerking it with bananas and toothbrushes.

It's kind of a bit off the rails. I didn't, I don't think that's the case it. Okay, elaborate, spine. You are, um, speaking as, like, a boomer. What exactly do you mean by that? It's 2018. Talking about these sort of... A couple years late, bro.

What did I say? It's 2018. It's 2019. One more? It's 2021, bro. Yeah. And we're allowed to now talk about these things openly. Mm.

Well, clearly there are plenty of 70-year-old men who are talking about it openly on... Oh, exactly. Jerk it now. Zuma boomers. com. There must be, like, a Reddit, like, um, a subreddit based all around this, like, are banana fun or something. Do you reckon? James, do some research.

If not, if not, someone needs to make it. As a, you know, a forum, a place of discussion where people can actually find out the truth about this claim that it can give you a rash or whatever. Yeah, yeah. We need to do a, like a, what do you call it? Like a test with a controlled sort of experiment. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so everyone needs to jerk off with a banana and report back on if they develop any washes.

You know what? solution as a being the regular fleshlight user that you are i think you should try the banana yeah need like a tier yeah compare i've never used a flashlight i'm not going to use a banana okay but you will use a watermelon i wouldn't use a watermelon either because i don't like what about um grapefruit i would not grapefruit either that's been ruin that's been meme too much for me You're not at least a little bit curious. No, I'm not curious about fruit. That's not where my...

No, but that infamous grapefruiting video, where that woman's just going crazy with that grapefruit. You're not at least a little bit curious. No. That's not where my... She's like, it burns calories as I suck. My curiosities don't go that way. Why?

Because I... I... Okay, for the specific banana one, I find bananas really weird. I don't like them. You're a banana phobia as well. Yes. I just realized them.

It's a banana down there. There's always been there on the set. It's like a, that's been there foreshadowing the, uh, the events. Yeah, sit it in between you. Yeah.

Maybe in between your legs. I really don't know bananas. No, I think banana is the most genius. It's nature's flashlight. No. but not only is it a flashlight, it's also a dildo. You can share. Yeah, if you don't peel it, and a condom.

Yeah. It's an all-in-one. Yeah. Yeah, because I don't really like eating bananas. I don't. That much. I don't like the taste of them. No, some bananas are nice.

If you get that perfect turgidity, turgidity, yeah. I quite like banana-y puddings, though. I can't. Yeah, but no, we used to make banana bread. Banana bread, delicious. Bread, damn. Friesy baked banana bread, get out of here. Banana bread is not good.

Bananas are not good. They're just the worst fruit. I can't stand them. No, there's worse fruit. What is a worst fruit? Apples are worse than bananas. No, but a nice apple is pretty nice. Yeah, but a nice banana is nicer.

Nah, apples are way better. Pardon me. Why is trees are the best by far? Bad fruit. Oh. Watermelon? No. No, it is watermelon.

No, watermelon is. too iconic. No, it's not. Yeah, it's delicious in sweets and stuff, and drinks. Oh, it's water? No, you're wrong. I'm kind of white, and you know I'm right, Jamie. No, there's got to be a fruit worse than bananas. Absolutely.

No, look, I'll get up a list of fruits because, like, this can't left to be left. Kiwis are possibly the best. Kiwis are delicious. I think Kiwis are somewhat controversial. They're quite a powerful. They're marmite, they're a marmite, uh, food. And fairly am acidic, too. So you've got your strawberries, you got your pears, you got your oranges, your pineapple.

I think bananas are better than oranges. No. Oranges are too annoying to eat. They are a pain. Yeah, they're a nightmare. Grapes are awesome, plums are nice. Coconut's. They're quite annoying.

That's a fruit? Yeah. It's just a big nut. nuts are fruits remember oh not all this no once as soon as you find out that nuts are fruit yeah a nut is a fruit yeah

five a day you're making me doubt myself but I'm I'm fairly sure that no they are I remember googling it and being like holy shit right as soon as you learn that like everything becomes a conspiracy theory everything's a fruit beans are a fruit

beans are a fruit what beans no no beans are beans beans beans are beans beans no beans are vegetables yeah but

is baked beans are fruit no fake beans are not a fruit no but beans vegetables are basically just a different variation of fruit so beans would be for they're not no no no that's very wrong

and you should apologise to everyone listening for that one fuck you I'll Google it then Our beans veggie I'm googling what are beans Beans are beans Everyone knows what beans are What beans would we mean

They're consider part of the vegetable food group But is that food group They may be further classified As a stark chee vegetable Along with potatoes and squash Weird Yeah part of the vegetable family And the vegetable family

I knew it's part of the fruit family No it's not No it's not vegetables are part of the fruit family Food is just nice vegetable What I'm kind of I kind of like vegetables I'm not gonna like I think they're good and they're really good for you No like fruit have seeds

Fruit have seeds Vegetables are underground No What do you mean they're underground Carrot Carrots yeah potato Potato. Potatoes are a mushroom

vegetable and a stew? Yeah, they're underground. Beach root. Awful. Awful. Parsnip. Awful. Another root vegetable.

Am I wrong? Not all vegetables. What's lettuce? Fruit. Poster boy. No, lettuce is not a fruit. It is. Have you tried a sweet lettuce?

Boom. What? Seeds are in lettuce. The white bit. Celery. No. Celery is not underground. Underground.

There's something we need to talk about. This is James's topic that I have chosen for him. Oh, nice. Fuck. I have important things to say. You just never want me to say them. Because they're too controversial, you know.

why are you obsessed with um snakes what okay no suddenly a few weeks ago you were like guys I want a snake no I'm gonna I want a python or a rattle snake

this is getting personal now you have this weird thing in your mind where if I if I say something like now you think I'm having like this obsessive phase like a teenage it is an obsessive phase that you know because you forget

Because you're both of your memories are so shit. It's not true. No, you even know your memory. I don't think I've ever heard you even say the word snake until like a week ago. I don't think you even knew what a snake was until a week ago. Yeah, you always were like, yeah, that's like a worm or something. Yeah.

No, I hate these giant worms. That's not true. Like, that's not true. Do you know why that's not true? Because I've got a better memory than you. And I know. Okay, explain. Okay, what's the first thing I said to you today?

poster boy you said oh no thank you i've eaten loads no that's a lie shut up there's a besides the point you snake oh basically when i was a young lad i'm sure someone out there will know what i mean there was i had this toy and this toy was a green snake and i loved that toy it's like i had my dalmatian from builder bear and then i had my green snake. And the Dalmatian, as I grew up, kind of left my life. It was still there but it wasn't on the top

of the list. But this snake was on the top of list for quite some time. And ever since then, and I found the internet, I've always loved snakes, because they are so appealing to me and I don't know why. I

want one, and I'm going to get one. Boom. You're going to get one? You really think you're going to get one? As soon as I move out, I'm going to buy snakes. Why would you do that? Why would you do that? When someone says snakes, you have this idea.

We're talking boa constrictors and pythons. You can get small. I have an idea of this snake in a cage across the room and it just sits there. And then you chuck a rat in every fucking day or whatever. And it eats that and then that's it. No. No, no, no. It doesn't live in a cage.

It lives in the house. I can't have a loose snake in your house. Walk around shitting and... Walk around. Yeah, just walk around shitting all over the place. Yeah. Get a lizard instead. I want a lizard.

The second animal I like is a lizard. I really like lizards as well. I think they're really cute. No, just don't get anything. What? Get a cat. You've got a dog. And guess what?

I'm taking the dog with me when I move out. He's actually mine. You can't have a snake and a dog. Yeah, you can't have to have a cage, and then it defeats the purpose of a snake. But what is the purpose? of owning a snake. Sorry, from the novelty of owning a snake. No, because, no, it's not novelty.

It, like, cuddles your arm and shit, and it's just like nice. It constricts your arm. No, yeah, but they're tiniest, they don't do anything. They're cute. It's like, why are you're in a dog? Dogs are useless. Cats are useless. Every animal is in hell.

No, they're not useless. Dogs and cats aren't useless. Well, no, they are when you literally have them. Like, no, no, you will agree. A pug is fucking useless. There's no fucking use to it. It's just in the house. There is a use that it has.

Besides, like, human attachment, they're not useful. It's like they're not going to stop an intruder, like, realistically. No, but... They're not going to do anything. I'm from... For me, I don't think I could grow attached to a snake. You know? Why's that?

I don't feel as though they emote. I don't think they have the capacity to feel emotion. they're cute cold-blooded killers and so are apex predators so a cat that's the thing cats yes cats murder yes billy murders a lot yeah but

you know what she did today she she laid on my tummy and closed their eyes but did that cat thing where they like look at you and close their eyes and it's like yeah she is emoting and purring and I know that she likes my company

When a snake wraps around my arm. Humans have lived with dogs and cats for generations. Yeah. So there... There is a bit of an understanding, an emotional understanding. If snakes are able to emote, I don't think I am capable of reading their emotions. I'm pretty sure they are. I'm pretty sure most animals are capable of that.

And I'm sure snakes can. Can a snake, like, emote that it likes you? Yes. Of course. How? Like, if you have a snake phrase, you're just going to like you and it's going to show affection to because it will wrap its arm and it'll be cute.

If you don't like you, they're not going to go with you. Yeah, I don't think that's affection either. I do. Have you seen some of those cute snake videos? When they wrap around like a tree trunk, is that affection? No, because they're getting up the tree. But when it just sits on your arm, having a chill time, that's affectionate.

Yeah. If it made a funny little noise. No, but they have their tongue, and that's emotive. That tongue is super emotive. Isn't that just them smelling, right? Yeah. Snakes, I'm sorry. Any jarlings out there who have a snake as a pet?

I just think they're cute, okay? Please, let us know. That's cool and stuff. Let us know if you think snakes can emote in some way to humans and read human emotions. And vice versa. But back to my point, pugs are useless. Uh, I, I would suppose that a park has more use in a human's life and a snake.

No, all animals are kind of useless. Because we only have them because we want them and we want attachment. I don't agree. Because if you wanted an animal for a job, you don't, you don't form the type of connection to we do with animals. Um... Sort of do, though. On a very basic level, but like working dogs, they're not treated like normal dogs. They're not...

It's nowhere similar, really. But like a household dog. provides more than just like just doing a job for example than being a guard dog or whatever they're like part of the family because they can read human emotion and yeah no that's what I'm saying

besides the human connection part the main thing that makes dogs appealing yeah that's the thing like when you break it down to that extent animals are just useless I'm saying this for just as a competition type just discussion I mean if you're like objectively like

I suppose in a very basic level we all buy animals because we want that connection but then on a granular level like as Jim was saying I feel like you you get much more of a like your both

sides are giving and taking with a dog whereas I feel like a snake is yeah and a cat whereas with a snake I can't see what they give back aside from your own glee that you can say you're in a snake and you're like passionate about snakes.

I would have to research more into the psychology behind them to fully give an answer to that. But it would be the same with lizards, like spiders. There are certain pets where I get a bit like, I'm not sure where the immoral lines start to begin. Because like I have this thing about birds as pets. Birds in a cage are quite a sad sight for me. Because they've got their wings.

They don't want to be in a cage. want to be flying around that's what like they're designed to do i'll agree with you on that but it's also worth saying that birds do get a connection of humans yeah birds are really intelligent i would say it's like moral though that's my question any animal like that like you can't say i know this is it kind of defeats what i'm going against but you can't say like a spider can form a connection with you like i don't think spiders can but i say snakes can i don't know why but I just like... Well, you sort of have to look at the way

the animal is in its like, and true environment. Yeah. And I don't think snakes are very social creatures. No, they're horrifying killers that wrap up their prey and squeeze them to death and then eat them a hole. And that's something as well. Something I like

about cats, owning cats as a pet. Like, you can have a cat flap and that cat will just leave the house and go. But it will come back. And like its home is where you are So it likes being around you I think if you had a snake flap on your pool And the snake just went out

I don't think that snake will ever come back You just found the name of the episode No that's a relatively good argument But it's just like how obviously cats and dogs Have been like they've been like And they have like more obvious They've had typically more obvious use to humans You know dogs are good

for plenty of actual tasks, you know and so are cats, keeping vermin away, yeah. I reckon snakes would be good for that. For vermin. Yeah. Probably, yeah. Stealthy as fuck. But, like, why would you

choose a snake over a cat? Well, yeah, that's the thing, because a snake would be good, like, if you're to the sewer underneath your street, just chuck a bunch of snakes down there and that problem sorted. But if you want, like, a consider consistent fix, everyone get a cat.

They did, and that's why they exist. Yeah, exactly. For that reason. If you're like in a farm somewhere, just get a fucking cat, sorted. Yeah, a cat and a dog on a farm. They'll keep you protected. Exactly. I want a cat.

I generally do love cats, even if they've tore my eye open and fucked me for life. It would be like them. And on that pleasant, though, we will be back after these messages. Life can be a dixie. sometimes so get your dick from out your hand and don't be a dick wear a dick the head t-shirts available now check the description below welcome to the second half of the jarcast where we head over to the jar media reddit suggestion thread where you listening yes you can ask us any question we need you yeah head over to uh the reddit if you want to ask us anything just ask us whatever you like

there don't know rules here we don't know we don't abide to no rules we are all this land Joseph Zed Khan's going to start us off this time Khan and it's a question for you two Jim and James what would you do if Alex gave you complete access to IHE

the YouTube account all social media the place in Saldoncast etc so just take my entire life actually I do I'd finally admit that I'm not the one making the tweets on the John Media account that's not IHE and also that's a huge lie no but IHE does that

so James would immediately lie I'd I'd just do everything as normal but pretend to be you do you think you could achieve it it would be like discount

IHE you just have to say you've got cold at the time or you're suffering saying that's why there might be a slight difference yeah I do say that every other video anyway yeah exactly so apologies for my voice but I've got a cold at the moment it's my catchphrase at this point I don't know if you could get the delivery right I'd give you an overhaul on social media as well just what did you do what did I just go

absolutely you just completely ruin my entire no but it wouldn't ruin it it would get like Keemstar saying like I she's lost it he's just gone crazy the stuff you're saying makes the thing is it is it's too easy to get tension by being mental. Um, Onisian being a perfect example. No, but I'm not talking like that. I just mean, like, what do you mean then? Being real. Give me an example or something you would tweak right now. Like, don't say that. You've got a whole fucking list.

Kind of feel a poop coming on. Alex does that anyway. Not on, that's what I use some jar for. Yeah, no, but if you did that on IHC, no, because I'm going to, I'm going to be real right now. I, Chi, Twitter's not fun. Not for me. anymore that shit lame yeah because no matter what i tweet it pisses off so many people it's fucking pointless it's not fun at all hence why i enjoy jar media so much small little community people get it more and it reminds me of when like my i he twitter was the same size and it's a bit

more fun i'd always ask people their opinions on things and people would talk about it and i get good replies and stuff that means you have to you have to go off the trains a bit in order to regain fun the train tracks no I'd make a video as well on your channel I would as well what would your video be James it would be a final reply to that one watch mojo guy

that I insulted many years ago God yeah I forgot about that yeah for those you don't know the guy who like created watch mojo the like I guess CEO or director or whatever you'd call it Yeah. You sent me a personal email to my IHE email. Yeah, yeah.

Like a huge paragraph of how upset you was about my video on Watchmojo. It's like, Christ, are you, like, really insecure about the channel or something? Like, it's, like, so popular. Why does my one video that gets, like, a fraction of their monthly views affect them really in any way? Damn. What video do you make, then, Jim? I hate Doom 2016

Oh my God That'd go down well No but No everyone would start changing their opinion on Doom No they wouldn't There are certain topics where It doesn't matter who you are It doesn't matter who you are

It doesn't matter what you say You just No because all It could be like 10 words long This video And people be like Oh wait yeah it's not that good

no I think there'd be a 50-50 between people going oh no it's still good uh everyone would suddenly realize oh it's actually quite bad every time you do this there's at least one comment of someone that's like

no doom isn't they take it really personal no but it is bad it's not bad I don't want to talk about doom 2016 no I'm that I'm done you know this isn't this isn't my

IHE video you know it's in the works though I'd love to know like just how many people that actually annoys like quite deeply when you say that people are passionate about that game well I am I'm one of those people I've never played it I just like the soundtrack I'm the only one here who's actually finished it yeah because I literally can't because it's so boring that's the thing like I don't give a shit if you guys think it's the best thing ever made I think it sucks I'm sorry I don't think sucks is a bit extreme though because it when I think sucks I think like kingdom hearts free I think it's boring I think it's not worth my time yeah that's more I think it sucks I'm bad to what you're looking for from a game then I suppose yeah does not yeah exactly I'm incredibly surprised you finished it anyway let's move on to it took it took him a good few years to finish it though I don't mind Yeah, it did. Must be the most controversial

Joe opinion, one of them anyway. Well, there were two in one in one's fucking discussion. What was the other one? Kingdom Hearts 3. Is that controversial? I feel like everyone. Everyone makes fun of Kingdom Hearts.

Okay, then. Everyone just makes fun of it. Well, fine then. I guess I've got to go out to somebody person. Although, there will definitely be a comment from something. No, no, we've got to be Will. Halo 3? If I take your roast into glasses,

off. Nah, that's bullshit. No, no, generally, it's not a good game. Just fucking fight me. Like, it's not. Stop seeing it, is it like this golden piece of multiplayer in early games? Like, no, stop. You're just saying, just trying out lots of bad takes at the moment, the last few minutes.

No, stop. Stop. People think Halo 3 is, I, not me. Hey, people think Halo 3 is great because it's the first game they experienced online from and they thought all the random people talking each other, was cool. It's not. It's not,

because if that's the case, Mon Morphed 2. Do you think Halo 3 is better than Doom? Come on, that's, of course. Halo 3 is like 10 times better than Doom. That shows how bad Doom is. You just like switch around like what he said, like making it.

Can't remember. See, I told you that's all it takes. Everybody will turn on Doom. To be honest, the soundtrack is the only worthwhile thing in that entire game. It's the best thing about it. Yeah, no doubt. Anyway, actual question, let's go. Right.

Let's have a look at this then. Halo 3. My balls are richy. Says, fill in the blanks. So it's a sentence and we have to decide the blanks. Okay. Born to blank, forced to blank. Born to fuck.

Forced to suck. That's not bad because they predicted you would say, born to jerk forced to come so they weren't even that far off I'm not that predictable okay do we all have to do this

yeah born to blank forced to blank this is hard born to douche forced to douche forced to douche born to build

forced to use megoblocks that's like a really like bittersweet sentence born to dig forced to born to have fun

forced to play dame born to have fun forced to work for the rest of your life until you die fucking out anyone else got any clever ones mine was good mine mine was fine born to eat beans

forced to drink come no to have freedom forced to live in China hmm edit that one out Alex I didn't want to I thought I wasn't listening Alex sat there looking at his phone

reading through the suggestion thread, cringing at how bad so many of the questions are scrolling past them all. You thought to himself, why is Doom such a... Miles Ruguay Deathse and told me to just act in third person for a little minute there, so that's what that little laugh was about.

Funny. Oh, don't. That was funny. That was funny. Shut up. He said Doom Bad. Sebastian ought... I'm just going to leaning into it now. Which Horseman of the Apocalypse, Pestilence, War, Famine and Death, is each jar member. Oh, okay, so I want to confirm, we've all played Red Dead Redemption, Undead Nightmare.

You mean Darksiders, Deathsiders, what is it called? No. Because they're all like the war. No, but... Red Dead Redemption gives a good idea, because you do get all the horses. An Undead Nightmare? Yes. That was cool, I forgot about that.

Okay, so you've got the unicorn, so which one of us is the unicorn? Well, no. terms think about it and what the actual words okay what are the what the words pestilence war famine and death war fighting famine hungry death death okay your famine why my famine no you're gonna think I'm pestilence pretty seen yeah Jim's pestilence okay who's war reuben yeah we've been we've been's war um so it's just famine and death then the two worst ones I argue

I don't know I don't know if any of them are like great ones they're kind of meant to be bad what do you reckon James are you famine or death well death doesn't really apply to any of us yeah what does that mean like are any of us like killers behind the scenes we haven't told anyone

Alex's death well technically i am the skinniest a famine kind of fits that at least and i'm the stinkiest so but but i but i well we've been's war without a doubt we've been his war like that's that's a gold title fucking sorted boom i suppose he wins just from the fist fights he's been in just outweighs us by so many um examples Okay, I'm definitely death Alex can be famine I'm okay of people

Why am I famine? Why am I death? You're the one that said you're death Yeah, you're the one who has to justify why you're dead It makes the most sense Who's killed the most things? Billy Who's responsible for more death

Injar? Uh Me Me, just me You used to torture small animals I used to be a bully remember That's saying yes to that question No

I just I used to be a bully James found a rat outside His house Actually no That makes me back to this This time There was an ant's an ant hill in my garden The Ant Hills count

I feel like everyone as a kid Like I didn't Got the plastic hammers I built them at house No I didn't use a plastic hammer I think I poured something down it No I sat there for like five hours

To slowly hitting hamps With ants of hammers okay there you go that's a bit more death maybe is death why are you famine what are you hungry

or do you cause hunger oh it's definitely causes hunger how explain do you deprive people of their food he does I do enjoy holding food over the dogs

like I like being in control of like yeah Look, they sit there, like, just shaking in sheer excitement as I really, like, slowly pour the, like, get the scoop and scoop like some of their biscuits, and they're just there like, please, please, master, I'm hungry. There you go. Bat Muppet 2 asks, hello, minge munchers. What do you think of the way that the internet is becoming less about individuals

and more about large corporations that control the vast amount of sites that are needed at the moment, and also the way that governments are trying to legislate and restrict things that are put on the internet thought you might have some interesting insight because you guys have been on the internet for a while. Well, that whole thing, that is kind of capitalism, I guess. Like, that's society, that's just the change to society.

How has that, how is that the case, though? I'd argue it's the opposite. I think what they mean... I think what they mean is how a lot of things that started off as a more innocent kind of let's take YouTube for example when YouTube first came up

it was more about just people uploading silly videos and it's gradually turned into a business kind of platform with Jimmy Kinnle and fucking the Rock and Will Smith using it for advertising and whatnot and the same way we just said about Twitter

how like Twitter for me is the most extreme example of that just total spiral and how like it's all about just dunking on people all the time I've done it myself I'm guilty of it myself but like that's that's what Twitter is it's just like being horrible to each other basically

as a platform Instagram is just marketing that's all Instagram is yeah the thing is every time at least in the UK the government has tried to enforce some kind of restriction on our internet it's never worked out remember they were trying to ban like

different types of porn and shit like that and like of course that's just not going to work so in terms of that kind of liberty i suppose like it's well we should at the same time a lot of the stuff on the internet is already restricted so like that yeah that's not really a change and it it is right you don't want like little kids stumbling across ISIS beheadings or the jar cast yeah yeah One of those is definitely worse than the other Post up It's worth remembering The former of that is something that

is just on Twitter And the Twitter don't care They never have What are the two extremes here There's like China You know, in the way like You can't use the internet

In the same way that you can hear Like when I was coming back from Birmingham A few months ago on the train I saw there was a Chinese person on their phone and their phone was completely different like they were on some weird social media I didn't even recognise

I know of them but yeah it's like a completely everything we have here they have their equivalent over there basically it looked kind of like their equivalent of Facebook that's what it looked like but it definitely wasn't Facebook which is really interesting but is like is it more restrictive

you would assume so based on what we know about you know Chinese internet and the way they control what people are allowed to see on there so everyone has to use like VPNs and stuff to hide that kind of thing is scary I won't deny yeah so every time the government

because it's all just like these 80 year olds that have no idea how the internet really works they're like oh this is way too much freedom on there we sort of need to try and control it a bit more and luckily it does seem a bit like it's a bit too late you know The control is way more in the hands of companies like Google or Apple, who they're the ones who are holding all the information.

And like, just the power Google has alone just by search result rankings is, you know, that's already kind of like a weighted. No, but really, it's still dodgy, though, because it's just like their corporations, they can do what's in their private interest. It's no different from the government, like at all. There's no difference. It depends, really. like what what motivation do they have to

it's all in the interest of money isn't it like you pay to have your ranking higher I suppose and it has led to some some fucked up things that like because business is ruthless isn't it like you know the the website new grounds with like all the animations and all that kind of stuff that was huge

when the internet was kind of up and coming early 2000s and whatnot everyone watched it for the more kind of edgy stuff but yeah because it was a video platform Google saw it as like competition to YouTube

so they hid them in the search like results from my understanding so way less traffic is sifted towards them so you do get stuff like that as a result yeah that's like a monopoly issue because back in the day like Yahoo

ask Jeeves that sort of thing I always forget about Yahoo loads of people still use Yahoo like Ymail to this day which is crazy to me I don't

I trust corporations less than I do the government really why's that corporations are inherently just like horribly evil because they're so driven by money I mean it's not much in it my mind with like the top level of government

is pretty similar, isn't it? It's all quite selfish. If you go into it and how like bad it is it's just like the whole system is fucked like severely. I only trust corporations as long as they're not a monopoly and they have equal competition that is able to

you know stop that kind of thing happening. The problem is companies like Google are so inherently powerful at this point that I've been thinking about this a lot lately actually as how like

we've been so successful in like the West with how far we've progressed through like our systems that now we've created these mega corpse that they kind of hold a lot of the cards now

and like I don't know like I don't know if the government can really stop them think about the five the five most biggest things you've got Instagram Facebook you know Twitter YouTube

I don't know if Twitter counts I don't know if Twitter I think Twitter is like the least like it doesn't really have any power

I don't think yeah Google Facebook Apple Apple Amazon I don't but if all the things

most people use it's not they're always owned by the same company they're always intertwined into into some Facebook is

Instagram is Facebook as well WhatsApp is owned by Facebook? Yes. Who owns Snapchat? Facebook? One of them goes. It's the same.

Amazon is also one of those mega companies. So they got Twitch? Yeah, they've quit. Yeah, it's all connected. That's like their game plan. It's just stick their tendrils as like spread out as possible. So they're just getting everything. But yeah, is it not in their best interest to provide some kind of

service that makes an appealing yeah and it's good that like google has youtube amazon has twitch because then the two giants have like a direct competition so that they have to make their services better for us so it works yeah it's what we're seeing with the streaming wars at the moment as well with netflix amazon prime apple has their one uh disney plus microsoft of course has mixer they got ninja on that oh yeah yeah yeah so i mean like yeah there's interesting stuff happening there because it's just like at the end of day if there's no competition it's terrible the stuff we consume

is just so much worse but then you have the problem with when when because they're all competing when one starts to get ahead it all drops because then they're going to get so much where they just buy all them out when they're low which is just a monopoly it's like um the interesting

thing wasn't it like um apple only exists because bill gates funded them to then show that he wasn't making a monopoly. That's the only reason why Apple actually exists. Well, I believe they came up with the idea

for Windows before Bill Gates and then he basically did the guy from Facebook. Zucker. He did a Zuckerberg and just stole the idea and made his own business.

I don't think that's the case, actually. I'm pretty sure. I just know that he did fund them. Like, Apple was funded by Bill Gates but as a court thing in the highest, like, fucking court in America was just...

There's definitely, yeah. I definitely remember something going on there, some feud or whatever. No, it was like, but obviously on the early days of Windows, it's just like Word and all those docked like sources, he like allowed Apple to have complete access to them. So then, because in business, nobody's going to invest in really expensive Apple stuff and they can't use all the good programs that everyone else does. So I'm pretty sure they, he circumvented it by just allowed,

literally giving them the full program, like this is, you can do it. just so we can not get like unbelievably taxed right how do you feel though about the statement posed in the original comment of what we think about the way the internet is becoming less about individuals and more about large corporations do you think that's true that's just life like what try and think about the earliest time you use the internet now what is different now aside from the fact now we do our Facebook now we do our Snapchat and Instagram just more options now really. No, I don't agree with that statement. I think

it's quite wrong. But I mean, everybody uses the internet in different ways. If YouTube is your main thing, then you would agree. But if you're using Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, then you're going to see the people in your circle.

You know, so then the internet is about like your group of people. Yeah. Yeah, that's why... I immediately thought YouTube when I read that, because that does apply to YouTube yeah yeah but I'm not sure if it does apply to some other things maybe I'm there are a lot more um I feel like anyway there are a lot more ads now and they used to be like on Instagram and Facebook and stuff especially like Facebook like

it it was a lot cleaner back in the day I don't use Facebook at all yeah no I have I don't really use Facebook regularly but when I go on it I'm like Jesus Christ or Instagram even like every other posts being like an ad and stuff yeah I know this is just beside this is irrelevant but I constantly notice where I will message someone Discord WhatsApp and I'll say a word Every ad

will be that word will be connected to that word And I find that really gross The fact that I can message through Private encrypted debt messages And every single thing is related to that And your phone listens to you And stuff you say Yeah they advertise based on shit you hear

Sure they make these profiles Yeah And they build Yeah, of your like metadata or whatever Yeah And it's hilarious when it's just so off base Like when you're joking With your friends about like

Something retarded And then you get ads for that retarded thing Yeah, I see yeah I was like advertised like a cat flap Or something really weird like that Like now and again it does like Snake flaps and the Instagram ads Yeah I don't know

one thing that I have noticed one of the major differences with this is more going into like social media than like legislation in regards to the internet because I don't really think that much has changed to be honest at least in the UK in terms of I can't think of anything off the top of my head right now

one thing that has changed quite a lot is these social media sites and apps deciding for you what they think you want to see that that pisses me off yeah Twitter and YouTube are awful for yeah um where you like this a subscribe button doesn't mean subscribe anymore where on Twitter when you when you look at your

feed half of the stuff is from people you don't even follow like Twitter when I first used Twitter what didn't work like that yeah you just saw the people you followed and it was like simple and effective but in order to like try and sustain some kind of like people perpetual growth they like just force these awkward algorithms ever into everything and ruin the very thing that made it good to begin with there's a good sunny and philadelphia episode in the new season about like algorithms yeah but yeah because that's that's gotta be the main thing like algorithm type learning algorithms that try that build profiles on you yeah and that's the scary they're just constantly trying to take the choice like your personality out of it and

I suppose that's what this comment means then. Yeah. Less about the kind of government intervention because they're, aside from places like China, I don't know how successful they've really been here in terms of controlling that kind of stuff because, like, I can't really think of anything that has been taken,

any, anything that I would use the internet for that was taken away or restricted or changed from when I was a kid using dial-up. It's only gotten better. No, because we lost Daily Motion. Oh, God, I forgot about Daily Motion. Daily Motion was like... It was a YouTube competitive, right?

It was a YouTube competitor, but it just had loads of porn on it. Loads of porn. So much porn. Yeah. Good question, though. Very good. Daily motion. Find a funny one.

Find a funny one. Much longer, so... Two minute funny. Let's just do this one. Bubba Ducky says, who in the cast is the biggest liar? Also, what is the dumbest lie you've ever told? James is pointing at me. Yeah, because it is you.

I'm the biggest liar, am I? I'm going to put my hands up on this one. Actually, no, I'm not. Get it, there's a little lie. A little white lie. I like the white lies, they're my favourite. What Stevie Wonder once said, a white lie might turn into a black one. and it's been we know this because you literally talked about how you would just

purposely mess of people who opened the door because you just enjoyed lying you had your algorithm your algorithm where like you had your thing and it's like the option is lie or tell the truth and you always pick lie and you always keep going down my diary yeah yeah I put all my points into lie and deceit yeah the fucking old my question was like too easy. The fucking... Your build on the...

Yeah, it's just Alex. Who's more of a liar out of you two then? Jim. James? I can't lie. Because if I lie... James is really bad at lying. I can't.

I feel too emotionally bad about lying. I can never lie and it's really obvious. Because I start smiling. I'm really badly. I don't lie either, though. Jim is just too... We're both too real. We're not liars.

We're honest, honest bloke's making an honest living. Well, on that note, while James dies in the corner, that was episode 2.0.T. Thanks for listening, and rate us five styles on iTunes, it helps us more than you know. Yeah, and do the bop. Do the bop. Post the boy. Pop. Post the girl. Thanks for listening, everybody.

Yeah, do the bop. Beep bo, scobit doop. I don't know.