JAR Media Posdact - Tator Between Three Dibbidomes - JARCAST Episode 218

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies Timecodes: 00:00 Intro 04:41 Housekeeping 09:55 Responding To Comment about Modern Warfare 13:43 Chunky Alex 15:01 JAR PO Box 15:42 DC Fandome 21:45 Twitter Speed Round 29:05 Mid Break 29:13 Patreon Names 34:17 Reddit Questions 34:33 Stray Cat Name 35:46 Fleshlite Retrospective 38:12 Family Guy Friend 41:49 The Roleplay To End All Roleplays 42:22 Gnome or Goblin 44:36 Capital City Mad 46:47 Thoughts on The Division Bell 47:33 Thoughts on Modern Warfare Reloads 49:02 Tips for Starting Digital Art 49:45 Catgirl Impressions 50:15 Ranking American Talk Show Hosts 55:12 The Bacon Argument   PO Box: IHE PO Box 4268 CALNE SN11 7AY

Portie Eye Boy on the Maritime Toy Chottie I Boy in the Heritime Loy James Come on I ain't got no musical talent You can't just throw I don't have musical talent It's not about what you have

It's about what you can be It's about everything you see in front of you and how you strive to get there. I can't do that. Yep, switch boy on the portie eye toy. See how easy that she is? Yeah. No, I don't have your talent.

Now sing it. Mm. No, you can't even... You. Me? You... What have I done? You are actual, like, a lewical genius.

You literally, you sing sometimes, and it creates such magnificent... Magnificant the if you edit it around a song it becomes a number one top-tale like what Pippe uh sandy uh we've just got brain damage yeah we like just got we like communicate we're just like uh Brian um Madagascar penguin no Remember that Spencebob? Don't... Bubble bass. Don't put the blame on Pearl.

Don't put the blame on Sandy. Don't put the blame on Gary. For the record, you didn't make that one up as you went along. No, I wrote that one. Whereas... Goblins. Crazy goblins, I didn't. What?

And the Drake one, I didn't. Yeah, yeah. You free... you freestored um do the intro and stuff yeah yeah yeah go i'm bitch boy oh give it a rest good afternoon morning evening or night ladies and gents and welcome to episode 218 of the jarcast i'm your host alex joined here by the golden freddie himself and the uh the gym you know i'd really prefer if when you like said our um titles if we were to Actually, yeah, such as the Golden Freddy.

I like it. If you were to actually say something after the title, then maybe the people listening on audio could, like, understand who actually is who. Well, who the fuck has got... Golden Freddy? I thought you're talking to me. I'm just talking to people.

Yeah, this is an interesting space. We're working in right now. Well, Golden Freddy's not established, so I can't be Olden Freddy, you know? I feel like the Golden Freddy's pretty established. Yeah. No, but I know who it was. Yeah, so do I, but I, not me, it's not me.

It's not me. It hasn't been established as me. But you do know who it is? Yes, it's gone for it. No. Before we get any further, let's shout out the patrons over at the JAR Media Patreon. We got the dibbies, we got the Morts, we got all sorts going on over there if you want to support the show. Awesome stuff. Big thank you.

Rayos on iTunes and, you know, all that kind of garbage. Yeah, it helps us. along the way it helps us feel like a diamond discovered in somewhere I've got someone to shout out real quick

oh go ahead last Thursday the day after we recorded last week I bumped into someone someone named Willem Willem yes a good goblin yeah

that's how I remember the name because I said what's your name and they said Willem and I said oh like the foe and they said yes but with a you Willem with a you oh okay so it's Willum

yeah Will I am yeah but yeah someone that discovered me in my natural they basically stumbled upon my lair the dungeon as we like to cover it a four year long listener with a lovely years yeah holy

I know absolute legend clearly and I just want to say that was a very pleasant experience So shout out to Willem Thank you Willem You are so awesome as the Green Goblin Yeah

And in the Vietnam one Yeah the lighthouse Yeah House Housekeeping Hey I'm already here You don't need to keep you boy You need to clean up your mess

Huh Yeah I know but that's different mate We got some stuff to address Last episode we kind of put a vote out there to establish whether or not this new Patreon segment was going to be moved to the end but surprisingly against what I thought

was going to happen the vote swung majorly towards keeping it in the middle so I mean majorly going by the vote this is a democracy after all it's not talk democracy we've proven it is not how we've been a dictatorship

yeah but it's a fair it's not though it's not it's not too no yeah that makes it fair yes very fair no I will resist your dictatorship in due time what are you talking about you're the one that just said what we were a dictatorship right the Belmont dictatorship is what this is because you just gang up on me James James doesn't like milker well fuck it we like milker you know sometimes I just don't even want to hear you know sometimes I just don't even want to

hear what you're saying. I never want to hear what you're saying. Sometimes I just want to plug you out. I do plug you out. I thought you guys wanted to plug each other in. Egy Erica says, Hey Jar, a few days ago my sister tested positive for COVID-19. I've been in quarantine for two weeks in my house.

I can't go to work or attend marching band, which I was really looking forward to. It's going to be a long and boring two weeks of worrying about getting sick. But having the cast to listen to has helped a lot. Just want to say thanks for always being there for me and for everyone else who enjoys your content. Stay safe out there. Thank you, edgy. That's a shit time.

It is a shit time, but I know the pain. Early quarantine, I had some kind of sickness. I haven't had a test to confirm it or not. But I know the pain. Just keep up and be healthy as much as you can with being inside. And do what you can do? Moniac says, do people really not like the infamous curry episode? My favourite part about early jar was how spontaneous it was.

The more professional structured format has produced some truly epic apps for sure, but it depends more on the topics and questions. If the questions are shit and there's not much to talk about, the cast suffers. The old cast were mostly improv about whatever random shit came to mind. He's goddamn right, that's exactly what it was. Anyway, keep up the good work, Yogs Poggers, been watching every vid since 2014 and hope to see many more. So that's a six-year, darling.

Not that they have like a rating. Well. Oh, we've got to admit. No, you gave us too much credit just then. For what part? I'm just reading here. All of it. No, you were like, yeah, that's totally what it was.

Like, it was just... There was no planning. There was no planning. There was nothing. There's no... Improv is like saying that there's some sort of like thought behind it. No, no, that was the whole experiment. It was like, like, what's the phrase when you're like...

Getting blood from a stone, you know? okay i was watching on tv today there's actually a living thing that exists it's like a sea creature that just looks like a stone a stone that bleeds yeah and you can cut it open and it bleeds okay yeah let's just kill an animal who's cool no in where was it really that's what the fuck in in france they they just cut them they cut them in half and just go and just suck the red gunk out yeah of course they've got some yeah they got some interesting stuff there, you know. In France.

Yeah. You know, like the stereotypes with the snails and the frogs and shit like that? Yeah, I mean, I guess if you're just going to suck red gun cap of stone, he'll do pretty much anything. Logan Stevens says Ruby Doe in the Jar Jar. Oh, come on, disliked. No, fuck off. What?

He's agreeing with you. You're the one that saying that Ruby Doe shouldn't be in it. Oh, okay. Well, James already proved our point, just that. How? Yeah. Your instinct was that it should be in the jar jar. No, my instinct was no, I said fuck off, because I thought this person was saying Ruby Roob belongs in the jar.

No, they're saying, oh, come on, this is bad. Yeah, exactly. Ruby Roob does not belong in the jar. Ruby do. All right. Gloria belongs in the jar. We'll get to that later. Fuck you.

says, I like a bit, a bit no more than five minutes before the questions. But I think it would be better in the end, keep things smooth. Maybe do something Patreon related like a poll, question, vote, something. I like hearing the names. Yeah. All right. All right. It's almost like there are some people that think one thing and others that think another.

And we're just trapped in the middle. It's almost like we're the only ones in this world that truly understand and can make sense of it. Marcus Barbosa has something regarding our discussion on modern warfare that we had last episode at the end about the kind of the military framing and storytelling and stuff like that. You guys were kind of settled on the opinion that it's not handled the best, the kind of military message side of the... Of modern warfare? Yeah, of the latest call-a-duty modern warfare. Yeah, I'll stand by that. But Marcus says, on the topic of the moral grey areas of modern warfare, I think it does show some negative consequences to the actions of the American slash British military.

For one, the terrorist attack at the beginning happened because the British government failed to listen to Gaza's intelligence about the terrorists in London. So the point of that bit is to say that the government wasn't harsh enough on the terrorists. Oh, really? Is that? Yeah, the point is because that that's the scene that sets up, we've got to take the gloves off. got to do what's necessary. Ultimately leading to a very deadly yet preventable attack. Later, it showed the American label Farah's group as terrorists of using them to hunt the wolf, burning bridges with allies for the sake of saving

face, and distancing themselves for any wrongdoing using Farah's group as a scapegoat. On top of that, the Americans gave Hadir over to the Russian government as part of the prisoner exchange, which ultimately led him hating the American government and then turning to Zach Eves who broke him out of prison so he could become the new leader of Al-Qaeda Yeah, I haven't played it

so I don't know I'm not going to read anymore I'm really blurry on that stuff because that's all like the spec ops storyline That's like post game Yeah I would yeah

That's we're talking just a campaign Well his conclusion was The game is playing into the idea That Western intervention For the sake of its own political gains Causes a never-ending cycle of unrest in other parts of the world which ultimately leads to more and more countries

and their people hating the US and UK maybe it wasn't conveyed the best especially because of some contradictory lines of dialogue like the post-interrogation gloves off-quote but I always looked at modern warfare as being very critical of the way the West conducts themselves in other parts of the world that's too deep for what... Yeah I think saying that

the game doesn't portray that well enough might as well be saying the game doesn't portray that but that's how I'm interpreting it. Right. Not as like me tossing shade at this guy, but I just complete. No, no, we're not bringing it up to slam into the ground. We're just, I just genuinely curious. I just totally and utterly disagree.

It's like if you go through the glorification and like the cool guns and shit, that's what you get. But the benchy level is still like pro. Yeah, I think it falls apart when you start looking at it deeper. Right. You know? Okay. yeah i gotta say from like the cutscenes i've watched from it and like the videos i've watched on it that's not what i took away from it yeah it's sort of got an anti-government thing going on

because it's it's constantly like your your player characters butting heads with those in charge and disagreeing with them and whatnot but it displays that your guys as long as you the good guys are doing whatever you can then it's always going to be the right thing to do and no main character ever makes a mistake okay Jack Newman says hey Alex let someone else sit in the host seat for once give one of the little ones a chance

alright hey we're not little okay we're plenty big I've got nothing against it it's just we do we have we do occasionally do it yeah I'm just thinking now because I've got this official jar dock that I've been using to reference to

I'll have to show you guys the ropes with the jar dock it's pretty simple do Noah asks, is it just me or does Alex look a bit chunkier than usual? That's why I'm hiding off-screen. Well, the honest truth is we kind of all are. I'm not. And this camera makes people look way chunkier.

Do you think so? Yes. I hope so. Yeah, it's all about lighting and angles. But you have been, like, lighting. like you're not getting fatter, you're chunking out, you're broadening, you're, you're becoming no, but it's not, it's not like it started recently, it's been going on like over a year you've been chunking out. Yeah. So I'm getting to that stage. No, ever since you've been eating

more, yeah, basically, a more, a more, like, varied diet. Uh-huh. And exercising and yeah, exercise more, like, protein, just more stuff. Yeah, I got to say it's very weird, though. I think looking at you from a few years ago is very weird Well yeah it's weird for me Because I've always had a weird relationship with like the way my body looks So it changing is just kind of throwing me off a bit And I'm not sure what to wear Um

Oh yeah this is an interesting thing that I've finally got round to doing Um There's a An I-H-E jar PO box now So if anyone wants to send us anything Any gizmos or goodies? Gadgets?

Nah, I don't know about gadgets. You can be the fleshlight. Flashlight was unable to be. Yeah, James has just planted something that was that directed at me? But the PO Box is I-E-P-O-box 4-268, Kahn, S-N-11. It'll be in the description. Yeah, description. And on screen.

Wow, just docks us, why don't you? Uh-oh. Topics, topics, topics. Again, another pretty chunky week. I'm just waiting for a week where they're like we've got nothing to talk about but it's not happened quite yet

since doing it in live action but the DC fandom James do you know what this is? No I got so sick of hearing about this DC fandom they must have like

been jerking themselves around in the exec room when they thought of that one how about the DC fandom it works on so many different levels the Batman somewhat included in it it's like there's a new Batman but it's just DC fan

Well, it's just a bunch of, like, D.C. news, because I guess there's, they have a bunch of... Was there a dome? I guess. A dimmerdome? You know? D.C. dincal dimmerdome, yeah. What happened? There was, like, a new Batman trailer.

Yeah. For the new Batman. What's it called Batman Brave and the Bold? It's called Batman. It's just called Batman, I guess. Batman part one, Thanos T's six. Yeah. Batman Infinity War.

Yeah, it looks all right, yeah, looks cool. Yeah, nothing against it. Batman Bill's fucking sick. Yeah, it looks cool. Yeah, it was more tonally serious than I was expecting. I thought they might want to distinguish themselves from Nolan a little bit, but it seems like they kind of want that tone, to be honest. Well, it seems that it has the tone of the dark night,

but they're taking, like, the violence to the next level. Right, yeah. Because, like, when there's a scene where the thug is like, what kind of do to you huh and then he's like and he just fucking punches him like a hundred times and then he's like on the guy's on the floor and he's just fucking whacking him in the face it's pretty brutal yeah yeah then he's just like and vengeance it's just it's just silly then well it's Batman

well yeah it's Batman but it's like realistic violence you know he just like keeps smacking that was always like the thing that's the worst about those Nola movies yeah the action is so bad really bad yeah Not in like every action scene There are some bad ones Especially in Batman Begins What any of them

The fist fighting shit Yeah yeah Because like the action scene in the dark night With all the vehicles and stuff Yeah he's really good at like Car shit But when it comes to I think that suit was just so restrictive

Yeah There's that fight where Catwoman and Batman Like fight a bunch of like thugs Yeah On the top of a roof in the Dark Night Rises It's like I find that scene genuinely embarrassing A lot of the fight scenes are like amateur level

Stamming stuff It's clearly just like not his focus in the same way It's more about the scale I don't think he was very focused on any of that movie To be honest Of what the Dark Night Roses The Dark Night Roses No he was focused on the part when there was a shot of the G-36c

Only bit this has got the focus in the entire movie Yeah I'm excited to that Batman movie I want it to be good But the trailer didn't make me think like Oh I need to see this Yeah Yeah it is also

it hasn't even been finished shooting I don't think really so they made that trailer out of just what they made so far so like what do you think of the bat suit I have no problems like it's just not a make of break for me unless it's like really bad I need to see the movie I need to see how it like looks and works in motion I don't know how I feel about the

helmet I think that looks kind of weird but like the body and stuff I like how sort of shit it looks not like shit shit but It looks like someone made it. Yeah. And he's just wearing boots. He's just wearing like armoured boots. Yeah.

And it goes with like his car being like a kind of muscle. Yeah, yeah. I like the idea of this rich person not like the bat suit in the Nolan trilogy is kind of stupid. You know? Yeah. Because he went for this super realistic stuff. But then it's also super stupid. It was like realistic and cool for 2007, 2008.

Things have changed. Yeah, it was comparatively realistic. Yeah. Compared to spite. There was also they kind of. establish what the new rock steady game is the suicide squad game that they teased before and I'm just left more like okay yeah I in saying that though I kind of liked how the James gun suicide squad movie looked did you see how many characters there are there yeah that was what made me excited because

in my mind to make a suicide story work that's the way you do it have a huge cast to make it really silly and embrace like the violence so presumably most of that cast are going to die throughout it and and and you can imagine that being used for like humor and right yeah for the surprise but who's going to survive suicide squad yeah like actually embracing the idea yeah yeah yeah i trust james gun yeah then he's got all these super stupid expendable yeah yeah exactly and if like one of the dumb ones made it to the end that yeah yeah apparently makes them more endearing yeah that's true um Did you see the new Gotham Knights game?

Yeah, I was really confused. It's like an RPG. Like co-op game. It's like two-player or something? Yeah, it's two-player co-op. But you're like Batgirl and... Well, you can be Batgirl... The Robins, I guess.

Robin Nightwing. Nightwing or Red fucking Helmet Man. Oh, I forgot his name. Red Hood? Red Hood. Right, yeah. Who's just Robin? Yeah, that looked kind of weird.

It doesn't get me excited. No. Like when an Arkham game was announced, it was like, oh, here we go. Yeah. This shit's about to get real. But they, I watched it and was like, okay, let's just see what the combat looks like. And then I saw the combat. Yeah.

And it doesn't grab my attention. Do you think that Avengers game, how bad that Avengers game looks has hurt how bad, has just hurt this kind of idea of a product? because it wasn't like blowing anyone away I think how bad that Avengers game looks makes the DC games look better because I'm more likely to buy Gotham Knights on a wing

than the Avengers game than that Avengers game yeah let's do a Twitter speed round Dylan Walker says Alex talks a lot about how he enjoys Betta Cool Soul but does he prefer over Breaking Bad or does he believe that the show's are too different to compare.

Personally, I think they are pretty different. Won't be able to say for sure until the last season is out, so you're able to compare it a bit more directly as a whole. But I don't think it's a better show overall because you just can't have it without Breaking Bad.

Breaking Bad is the true meat of the story to me. And Better Cool Sores like just a really cool character study, basically. At Maria I Am Drunk says Fave album of the year so far. I don't know. RTJ 4 for me. Oh yeah.

Easy 4, probably. I can't think of any other albums. Yeah, I can't think of any other albums. At Avi Kunt says, will you be sending Argi to school in September? Jim? Just, no, stop! At Speedman says if you guys were actually girls, do you think you would be friends? No.

No. Mm-hmm. At Miles is a twit says, Just a suggestion, tell James to get rid of the full beard and just have a moustache. I'd get the feeling it would suit him. No. Someday, please. No.

Maybe. It lasts a day. Because I feel sick looking at myself. Why? Single moustaches don't go. No, you get it like all... You'd have to like keep it proper and shit, but... Yeah.

No, I prefer a beard. Yeah, I prefer a beard. I prefer it with a beard. I like more moustache than beard. Like, how you have it now. impossible Henry Cavill you gotta admit that looks no but he he wasn't clean shaven yeah he does have you had a bit of stubble

yeah but yeah but that's basically what I do anyway but maybe if you had the beard a bit shorter which I do this is just long at the moment I do normally have it really short you know that yeah that's what I do it's just at the moment I'm just like I don't give a fuck I'm just gonna let it grow out and be big yeah you could just trim the sides with like a razor and keep

the mustache like short it's really long what other option shave only the moustache got some big fat mutton chops not just mutton chops I'm talking full chin strap I think the beard

is the winner to be honest yeah I agree no I don't really like when people have no moustache but hair all under no you need both if you have one you could have both no I think moustache is work on their own. Yeah, but beards don't.

So you might as have both. Yeah, both is ideal. But I, anything can happen. Depends if I, I feel feisty on November. Um, pull out your eyelashes. No. Shave your eyebrows. No.

Okay, we're just getting stupid now. Shave your armpits. Um, you know what guys? I might actually save. I probably should. Actually, armpit hair is fucking disgusting. I might save baby Gloria for next episode. That's fine. good. I didn't. Is that right, Jim? Is that right with you? Yeah, I mean, I can do it if you want. It's going to be a loss if we don't do it, but if we're going to do it in the future.

I've literally about 45 minutes, like, of shit prepared for this, so... Okay, save it. The next time, big boy. Yeah, save it, or maybe we'll even do a video series on it. Is this picture of baby Gloria as good as they say? Have you been watching the show? No. How have you got all the fucking picks then? Of the trailer. Fuck.

And on that note, we'll be back up to these messages. Fuck you. What? No, nothing. Fuck you. What are you saying, wait for? I've gone through all my shit. Fuck you.

I'm the jar, doc. What the fuck are you bringing up? I'm sick and tired, dog. You fully fucked us here. You know, I've been fucking working hard, fucking over the last two days. Fucking just sitting there watching Amazon Prime. Just fucking so I can talk about something kind of sick that I like. But, no, that's fine.

Yeah, fuck you. you're both bitches i'm sitting there watching amazon prime man you actually watch something on amazon do you know i made i made a i made a fucking do you know what's really fucking i watched all of the boys in two days like i could not stop should should we talk about it or wait then no save it or i mean you've already said it now why i mean i don't know Did I cut you off too soon to actually go to the midpoint?

No, because I said, we'll be back off to these messages, then you guys were meaming for ages. And then I said, did you actually watch something on Amazon? Yeah. I was just keeping in time, because it's already passed half an hour. Oh, is it? Yeah. Okay. No, this is all I'm going to say is Amazon's broken.

You can have two of the same time subscriptions on one account, if not more. Oh, the player is shit. Yeah, it's trash. No. But if you mean... Go on Amazon.com, sign up for Pime. Go on Amazon, UK and sign up for Pime. They're two different subscriptions.

But they're the same subscription. I was paying for Amazon Pime in America. Why are you doing that? Because I can't even use it. No, you can. The video service, not the like... No, the video service, yeah. I accidentally signed up through it

through the American website because I forgot. I was getting charged of it, but I went on my Amazon Prime. UK account, it wasn't listed in my memberships. So I was like, okay, what the fuck's going on? Then I realised it was in USD and I was like, I fucking signed up for the American one. So even if you're in bloody Brazil, you can use the fucking Amazon Prime US video player.

I found out something weird about Amazon and like the way they conflict with Apple or whatever. You know, their service, audible? Yes. The audio book thing. The way you redeem like the tokens that you get every month for being on the subscription, and it's like really fucking awkward

because you can't do it within the app because that would count as like you can't buy books through the fucking audible app you've got to like go to some awkward you have to go to like a browser open it on the website redeem your voucher on the browser then go back to the app and download

because if you bought the books through the app then Apple would be owed some of the money from the purchases so they have this workaround so they don't have to give Apple good nobody wants to give Apple money in scenes I mean, I'm not going to call it Amazon or Apple The good guys, to be honest They're both cunts

Amazon were way ahead of Epic games, though Yeah That's all Epic had to do No, but Apple don't cause fuss Because Amazon's as big as Apple For Epic Games Well, I think the reason it caused a fuss Was because Epic were like

Cunts about it They fucking like must have paid millions To get these like animated like specials made And have events in game Lawyers prepare Yeah, like that shit all just came out so fast. There's no way.

Preparing it, known everything that was going to happen. Mm-hmm. Assholes. Fucking dicks. Wow, it's so much like Megacorps are just cesspip cunts. Three, four, night, three, four night. Want a dick on a shirt?

Check the description below. This is the part where we shout out all the lovely patrons dibby in above. I guess this part's going to stay in the middle. Big shout out to Timothy Mark. son this is what an erect cock looks like the fat detective from angry joe begins the passionate pisser the martian milf hunter himself james aziz daham if you play yakuza games with the english dub you are mentally unstable thomas fuck you grace i thought you loved me martin evan pierce i can spread my i can spread my ass cheeks far apart and and fart like crazy some say it's just like the prolapse golden freddie Kieran Harkins, Noah Kengel, Quebec Films, Kieran Stan Piper Gromit in Azerbaijan. Robert Foe, stupid Madagascar whores. Was that meant to be Azerbaijan?

The place. Not Azerbaijan. Where? Something gromit in Azerbaijan? It's a place, right? Azerbaijan, yeah. Yeah, Azerbaijan. Well, do I say Azurbanian.

Beesion. Something like that. Robert Foe, stupid Madagascar Wars, I've said them already. Aura, Mercedes, cool dip, chip, Keck Flexington, Young Moz, Egy Erika, Tomcat,

Numa, Numa Banana, Ben, Fartbag. I think they're doing the other thing where they name themselves other things Alex can't pronounce. To be fair, we all blunder every now and again. Enormous shout-outs.

to Lily George Kenwood Parker Garaint Malware Machine Fiddle Dream Offal 2142 Michael G2

Mayo Mayo Mayo Shane McSuplex Freddy the goat Tyron Nautruquoo Is that how you say it Tyron

Nwachuquu Yeah The caffeine's like starting to wear off I'm stalling yeah he's just nothing left Fiona Gorman Alex's elephant

anal vore addiction Muff Murphy Ethan height Zach Dawes Mr. Crimmie shit her stanky D's three I shit in Alex's toilet and didn't wipe or flush

and argue played rugby with the poo log we got a good batch that's a really good one Adam Lismore Acolyte Beastaban Montez in honor of beast Thank you

Ben Hughes Yo yo loll ha ha just kidding Simply put Yummy Are these fucking Real? Yes. That's my, um, like, bio on Xbox. Oh, really? Or something, yeah. Lewis Horsborough, Ferdier Plyman, and Ray Dyle. We've got Alberto Gomez, Sugi, two players, Kurtz and Armstrong,

Fine Lord, Angry Joe's former election, Adam Johnston, Tom Bowies, Juan Hernandez, Jam, AKA the man who can climb anything. Kane is a piss kid, he plays with piss. Benjamin Wilson, Angry Joe Fetus, Dev, Elliot Barton, Loggy Bear, Kane, who wishes he had a really like James, especially inside him, Call Me James, Connie Reid, Big Roops, Gremblow, Olimars, Rubens, Vietnamese, son, Kuta Panda. Woohoo! 0-1-1001-11-11-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-0-0-0-0-0. 001 111

111-1-1-1-1-1-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-1-0-1-0-1-0-1-0. The Christian I didn't even see that one The Christian Twerker Review Tech USA Mort is Capable Agar 1 3 Katia fucking Manigan and David Wallace

Oh my god I'm actually crying Google Google Google Google Yeah yeah Find out the truth Oh my God I know what it says What? It says game on

Welcome to the second half of the cast where we answer questions from the JARCast community over on the subreddit. JARB media. Leave questions. Yars Media. Everettto 21 says, Hey Jarr. I recently started taking care of a stray cat. I haven't had any luck in petting her so far.

But I've been feeding her daily and I'm hoping to take her to a vet soon since she has a weird bump on her left side. I need help naming her since I can't come up with anything She's a tuxedo cat with green eyes If that helps with the naming process Don't name it Until you're actually close to it Because if you're still Australian

You're only feeding it You can't really just name it Just let it at you No I got a name for it What Chitlin I've got a name What?

Bobia Bobia Bobia Bobia Yep, Povian 1984. Okay. Jim, you got a name or are you just going to be apathetic? Look, I'm just going to say, give it a bath. That's what I did when I rescued Coupe because it was covered in fleas.

Yeah, exactly. That's why I said don't touch it as well. Yeah, don't bring it into your house until you check that that's... Yeah. Get it, take it to the vet before you take it to your house. Yeah. Like, cats are really... Preemptively buy some, like, fleas spray. Yeah. scoom says one year has passed since the flashlight era of the podcast

but how different do you think the podcast would be if the sponsorship had come to light we'd have well this wouldn't be fucking speaking right now because this wouldn't be the fucking jarcast be the number one pocket pussy podcast every episode is like a porn of special let the milking begin we'd have like a

a red bull fridge you know that all the streamers have yeah no but we this wouldn't be JAR media we said we were gonna rebrand if we got the sponsorship the pocket well no it would be JAR media the number one pocket proxy podcast there is like another timeline out there where like we just yeah yeah fuck it and just embraced it and just became a flashlight podcast somehow it would been sick what do you mean they're the ones that didn't embrace it well oh the first time they didn't but then they approached us again and then i was like you know what i don't even trust you guys anymore. I'm going to be honest, I don't trust your

fucking abilities. Funnily enough, they kind of fucked us. Yeah, that's the fucking irony. See, I'm not even going to fuck my flashlight anymore. Fuck them. They fuck us? Fuck them. Tengadol. We want to get in contact with Tenga, James.

Yeah, I can get us with Tengue. We should message every single large and small. Yeah, if there are any up-and-comers. If you are a brand-new up-and-coming pocket-pussy company, please get in contact with us. And we can do absolutely pounding reviews of your pocket pussies.

And we will be the pocket pussy podcast for you. Yeah. We can start like a Pornhub YouTube channel that would be like the Anthony Fantano of like flashlights. Yeah. I give this one a eight out of ten. It's pretty smooth. Eight out of ten. What are you talking about?

This, uh, Saku dry, straight ten out of ten. What would you rate the Saku Dry? I'll probably see out of the pound eight out of turn. Really? Not pretty high. Even the fangs don't bother you? Or does that add to the whole kind of fun? No, that adds to it.

The fangs like actually sharp to give a sort of risk element. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The problem is just, you know, it's just a big, it's a big pocket pussy. James got tettinus from his fucking fleshlight. His fucking fangs. Right. Got to live life on the edge.

It's all I'm going to say. Max 09 Willow 24 says, hello my lords and saviors. I need some advice. Recently, I was in an Xbox party. with some mates and somehow the topic of shit cartoons came up. I said Family Guy, but my mate started defending it like it was fine art. So I was truly baffled by this response and said, Damn bro, you watch Family Guy?

And he was like, yeah, it's really good. Joe, please tell me what to do about this situation. Just accept the fact that he likes it and move on. Yeah, don't let this become the thing that destroys your friendship. Wait, what? You like Family Guy? No, this is where I got to disagree with you guys Because what

I think it's fair to say All of our opinions align No, with everything No, not at all It lines you used to me Yeah, what are you talking about? Huh? Jim, please continue

I'm just saying If someone disagrees with you, they're toxic Cut them out Fuck you Fuck you I'm serious No, you're talking shit You're not giving good advice to the job

no you're you're you're sat there with a mate right you've yeah you've been talking for five years you you're pretty tight with this guy and then he says oh i watched interstellar the other day and it was pretty good that's when you go hold up what what did you say what do you let's do a role play you play someone that likes interstellar easy okay yeah Alex is just playing himself no what's up bro hey Barry uh uh uh Guess what? What, man? I saw this film the other day.

I don't know. He probably haven't heard of it. This guy, Christopher Nolan. You know, he did, like, insomnia. You know, that one? You probably wouldn't know that one. You know, he did the space movie, interstellar, and it honestly blew my mind.

I couldn't believe... Hold up. Which movie? You know, interstellar. Whoa. And what did you think of it? I mean, It made 2001 look pretty shit.

Enough. Out. Toxic! Toxic! Don't you want to see Tenet? I want to see Tenet. Apparently it's shit. No, it's not.

Apparently it's good. I've heard mixed reviews on it. Yeah, because, like, you have to admit, with a director like him where we are at a point where it is cool to hate him now because he's just so prolific. And because he has made so many, like, recognizable famous. blockbustery movies Yeah, like that really big blockbuster hit,

blockbuster hit Batman begins Yeah, that is one of them That's what I meant none There's none What was the point of any of that? No, my point What's this got to do a family guy?

The point is There is no point Interstellar You see, I'm a bit of fucking filmmaker than Christopher Nolan Interstellar was a metaphor for family guy there are certain things you cannot allow

you can't surround yourself with people that like this shit yes you can you just you can't you accept their opinion and you just move on you clearly ignored one of the main messages of the movie which is that love transcends and my love for you is not going to transcend if you watch intercellar and like it huh exactly fuck you does have some pretty cool scene still yeah it's a good movie we got a good one here from a jive 42069

James yeah yeah yeah man this is a role play the host suggests a role play and James cringes at it this is the only role play James cannot refuse to participate in as it just happened checkmate oh oh

holy shit this guy's on another level you can't that's fucking bullshit Fuck this person. Holy shit. That was good. That went so perfectly. Dude. The based mob says,

Which is the objectively better song? David Bowie's The Laughing Nome Or Crazy Goblins? Crazy Goblins. It's actually got... Why are you suddenly on Man, Boy, Boy, Boy, Man's dick? He's actually got creativity. Look, the laughing name is many things,

but creative is a... also one of them. David Bowie, Laughing Gnome. It's a bit of shit. Yes, what? And fucking goblin fucking bullshit goblins.

No, but which is shitter? Because shit's not a good thing no matter what? Which is shitter? Like, on what? A musical level? Everything. All the levels.

All of them. It says the objectively better song. Objectively, then I'm afraid it's the Laughing Gnome. You made a song worse than The Laughing Gnome. No. Objectively, crazy goblins is better than a laughing gnome. No, how?

There's no way you can take that fucking high-pitched fucking noises as good. No, but Bowie's song has structure. Bowie's song has shit. Vocals. So does Alexes?

Yeah, Crazy Goblins has a chorus. Has vocals? Sing it. Crazy Gobel. Now sing the laughing name. Be trans more memorable. Crazy Goblins. I don't remember of single.

thing about laughing no yes you do i don't no the thing with laughing name is that you you're you can remember it perfectly but your mind like blocks it out it's not good thing it makes it objectively better no it makes it objectively worse yeah i'm gonna have to just leave this to the jarlings to decide would you consider crazy goblin's high art yes because the the reaction it gives to people is either disgust Yeah like

Or is this Or people like just fucking love it For no reason I don't know Like it actually It's like If you put it in Some modern art

fucking installation People would be like They're in there There'll be articles Like people are vomiting At the latest Exhibition Wild reactions

Are crazy goblins Shwety Palm says What capital city Is each Madagascar here is my list Dublin, Ireland Alex Amsterdam, Netherlands

Marty Buenos Aires Argentina is Gloria Seoul South Korea Melbourne Madrid, Spain Julian

San Jose Costa Rica Costa Rica Morte I don't actually know enough capital cities to do this London The thing is all four of the main characters

are just New York apart from Julian I said all four of the main characters the four main characters Who's, who's Melman? New York Who's Melk? Did you just really say who the fuck is Melman?

You see the car Then he'd probably be like the capital of Brazil The shittest country you can possibly live in Brazil Boom, there you go That's here. Damn, throwing the shade at the Brazilian listeners right now Brazil isn't a capital So Alex

Brazil isn't a capital city I know but I'm saying the capital of Brazil Don't know what it is That's the evil easiest one. Yeah, London. Alex, what's the capital city? I thought it was Brazil.

Brasilia. Alex, what's the capital city of Brazil? London? No, aren't so seriously. I'm putting me on your geography. I'm freaking out now. No, come on. Do it. What was it again?

Don't Google it, James. No, because I'm... No, you're Googling it. What is it right? You're fucking assholes. James was right. It's Brazilian. It's really just Brasilia.

Yeah, that's the fucking easiest one. Even I know it, and I said at the start that I barely know of poor capital cities. It's one of those things. It's like Australia, but people think, people think Sydney is the capital of Australia. They'll think Rio Gigerneur is the capital of Brazil. It's one of those. But it's actually Brasilia. Did you know the capital of England is actually Londilia?

No, it's Inglandia. Did you know the actual capital of New Zealand is New Zealandia? fucking try harder next time Brazil Yeah, that's just lazy That is lazy as shit Brasilia Oh dear SpongeBobber Hoy says

You've all shown your love of Pink Floyd And was curious on what your thoughts are on the later albums Such as a momentary lapse of reason and the division bell Knowing that Roger Waters left around this point And later showed his dislike towards the albums I'm curious on what your thoughts are Do you agree with Waters or not? I personally quite like them but admittedly it's not their best

I think I like the division bell But I don't think it's nearly as good as I just don't think it sounds like Pink Floyd It sounds like I understand No it sounds like David Gilmore Yeah I understand why Roger Waters doesn't like them Because it doesn't sound like Pink Floyd

Yeah Yeah But they have some good tunes I don't know about a momentary lapse of reason To be honest I've not I've not listened Jive 42069 has another one would love to know the beast's thoughts on the reload animations in the latest cod any particular favorites james can answer as well

uh the lmgs are particularly good yeah i found the full belt it's just like you fucking riff out yeah i mean every every reload animation in that game is good really it's really good but my main complaint is that with a lot of the assault rifles and stuff like that it's really quick it's not they're all the same you know like you you pull one mag out and then you have the other one like in your fingers and you gem man and that's it and like it makes sense yeah but it's just like it's just like it when there are less weapons but more diverse animations yeah because like it diversifies the sandbox a bit

yeah exactly which is one of my problems with halos actually the reload animations the assault rifle br and dmr all have the same reload animation in which one had a reach in all of them throughout all of them. Oh, right, okay. It's always just a bullpup. Just, like, rifle. There's no takeout, it's just... Boom.

But, like, it's all three of them, I think they should have had, like in Destiny. The different types of weapons have the magazine at different points in the gun. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, fair enough.

It's legit. I mean... I don't know, Maiso says, this is for Alex. any tips for those starting out with digital art the best thing is if you don't already have like an iPad or something like that you have lying around you get the little drawing tablets

yeah if you've got like a laptop or a PC and you don't want to draw with a fucking mouse get one of those cheap whack-on tablets the thing that the first one I got was like 30 pounds very affordable works great just go from there and then just go upgrade through your whack-on coms if you don't want to, you know, just have the convenience of an iPad or something. Hmm, let's do a couple more.

Mevoi minoi, he says, can the jar boys do their best cat girl impressions? Who's cat girl? Just to get a generic cat girl. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow! Meow!

Meow! Nya! Hey, uh, you got a problem, huh? Yeah Uh-woo Hmm Yes Um

Let's think Hmm Let's end on this one then From Dr Gecko 69 Since my previous list Clearly triggered Alex I try again with a new list Which is relevant

Because of the whole Ellen debacle Do you know anything about this Ellen? Well Ellen Degenerous CUN She's apparently an asshole Yeah she is actually

Well that's surprising Also side knot What do you guys think About Ellen bullying her staff Um, she's a cunt That's all I think I never saw Ellen was like Wow

I need to meet Ellen I just think she's so bloody awesome And nice I mean To be frank I didn't give a shit About her before

And I still don't You probably give less for shit about her now To be fine You're never gonna look at finding Nemo the same again I just don't really I never really liked her And now I have a reason

Why did they cast her I don't know because she's fucking annoying yeah yeah that's like the point of the characters that she's like she has like something wrong with her brain yeah story it's like paisley it's like the paisley is a fish but the actual question was rank the american talk shows so we got ellen jimmy phallon jimmy kimmel stephen cobbair dr phil conan o'brien John Oliver Trevor Noah Okay, let's just say

There's a lot of shit in that Conan is at the top Yes Because he's Yeah Conan He wrote some of the Best Simpsons episodes I got some respect

For his human Ellen is the bottom No No I'd say James Corden James Cawdon No I'd say Why is he an American

Talk show host What the fuck is Why is John Oliver? Yeah I said I was gonna say Jane I'm not

I don't I know people like John Oliver more for his opinions than his jokes to be honest because I don't find him

very funny myself. I think he's really unfunny in community. He's really unfuny in community and Rick and Morty. Yeah. He's terrible at delivering jokes. Yeah. Okay, yeah, I do not like him. Uh, I would say which is the one that's in all the DreamWorks movies? It's like the boss baby. Is that Jimmy Fallon? Yes.

No, that's Jimmy Kimmel. I hate that there are two called Jimmy as well. And there's like a hundred jimmies. There's just like a clone Jimmy fucking machine. There's just like a I think Jimmy Kimmel is a bit more Jimmy Fallon just laughs at everything He's like the number one one

Really Jimmy Jimmy Fallon he's the one that looks like A cartoon man Like his face is just like An oval And he's not in DreamWorks movies This one, he looks, he's so like Yeah and he always goes

Ah ha ha ha ha ha Oh okay Yeah I think Jimmy Kimmel is a in DreamWorks movies. Yeah, yeah. I don't like Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel's stick

is that he's sort of more of a dick, you know? He's got more of like a dry Yeah, it's me, Jimmy Kimmel. Sort of thing going on. So I gave birth the other day. Yeah.

So Donald Trump was like... Here's my newest Donald Trump funny animation. Is the other one? Whichever one does that I'm going to put at the bottom. That just sounds like Alec Baldwin. I'm so confused.

Which is the... the one that has that like awful... Alec Baldwin is the boss baby. Which one is that? That's Stephen Colbert. Stephen Colbert. Isn't he the kind of suave or older gentleman with the grey hair, right? I really don't know.

They're all just... They all want. No, Stephen Colbert is also in DreamWorks movies. What does he look like? Can you show me? I don't know which one I was thinking of. Is he in B... No, what about Larry David? He's in B-Movie, right?

Larry David, no, he wrote Seinfeld. No, not... What is happening? The one that's, like, really old, and he's all hunched over, and he wears the braces. He is in B-movie. There's a joke about it. Yeah. I hope he's B-ish.

He's not on the list, so I can't. I can't keep up with who these... No, I know. Look, top, Conan, bottom, Corbyn. And then Ellen. And James Corden. I meant Corden, not Corbin. Oh, okay.

It's so confusing because they all make the same jokes. Half of them are called Jimmy, and none of them are funny. Nah, come on, no, James Corden's pretty funny. Actually, Jay Leno did it, and he was, I'd say he's probably one of the better ones. He's a prick. He's a fucking asshole. He is, but... He's genuinely a massive twat.

I like him. You realize he's... a Nazi right I mean on that note I don't know he doesn't probably much better than that hey you can't talk to me you like Krispy Bacon he finally

remembered I've been that has been on my mind this whole episode I've been I've been you didn't give me the opportunity to fucking talk about it you had to bring up yeah that's you supposed to give me a fucking time to go right now's the part for James to talk about

why Krispy Bacon is bad. Because you just start talking about shit. Yeah, because I'm trying to keep the show on its fucking rails, all right? Maybe you can go. Gentleman, do you have anything to add in any particular way before we end the first segment? That's what you're meant to do.

Yeah, and then you're going to want to go on about the boys. We're the boys. You didn't give me your boy an option to talk about Krispy fucking bacon. It's him. You've seen the boys, haven't you? Yeah. We'll save the boys until next week then.

No, but I want to talk about. about it. Fuck you. Too late, bitch. Well, you know what? Maybe we should talk about it at the end. No. I don't get my Krispies bacon.

He doesn't get the boys. Bacon then the boys. No. No. We don't have to do the boys, but no. You said you want to talk about it. We're doing crispy bacon right now. Fuck you.

These fucking cunts. These two fucking willies actually fucking fucking think that bacon has to be fucking crispy. The context here was that we went to five guys and James got a bacon burger and when he like opened it and like started eating the bacon and was like wow first of all it was such a Karen thing to do how the fuck was it how we how no listen because oh I'm listening boy yeah you're you're fucking listening all right so what you did is you got your burger yes and you didn't open it and take a bite you you like Got it out the foil and then

and then started like analysing, like peeling through the burger where's my bacon? If they've forgotten my bacon, I'm going to complain. Where my bacon? It better not be crispy. Yeah. You're like picking free. You're completely not dissecting this burger. You're taking

piece by piece trying to discover the elements that form the compound that is the burger. Okay, no, you're talking shit. Do you know why you're talking shit? I unwatched my burger from five guys right. I went to pick up a piece of bacon fell out of bun and was in the boil. That's not all right.

I am the one who ate it. No, I fucking open it. Because you were the first one to go, to get your food. But I didn't open my burger till they got their burgers. Yeah, and I was already burgering, so I was,

I had plenty of time to analyze. So you being... Why, no, this, this, this has nothing to do with the quality of bacon. This doesn't have to do how you cook it. You're just ripping apart me for the way I,

just looking at my burger, before I ate I ate... No, I think I think it's... Because the reason you were looking through it was like, where's the bacon?

I didn't... I couldn't see the bacon and I wanted to see if it's the... Yeah, why do you even need to find it? First of all, you shouldn't have ordered a bacon burger. Oh, is that the problem? It's because I bought the bacon burger. If the bacon's that shit,

then you're basically telling me... No, it's not that it's shit, it's just that you shouldn't eat bacon. I know. But Alex was just like, yeah, go flat on. Like he usually does. Just, oh what? You can't make your own decisions now.

No, I can't. Why, but I was like, dude, if you just take a bite of the burger like it's design, you'll get the flavors the way they're... Yeah, no, but I was... This is it. This is, I'm going to fucking flip, you fucking crap. Do you know what this all comes down to? Chris...

Krispy bacon, soft burger, soft bun. What is the difference here? What is the difference? texture so texture you go from soft to crunchy and just fucking teeth shatteringly

like fucking solid pieces it ruins it part of the fun is choosing your toppings what toppings did you choose mayo and lettuce no no this has nothing to do this has nothing to do with crispy bacon

no it doesn't no no no no no because you both no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I need to say, no, I need to say, no, I need to say what I'm going to say. Your, your whole thing against crispy bacon all of a sudden is just that it was in this burger where the, the textures, the textures. Yes, your problem, no, with crispy, this relates to my other thing. When I said, this is when I said, this is when I said, who likes crispy bacon, you're like, you have crispy bacon on everything. No, you don't have, you don't have a soft bacon fucking roll with ketchup.

The James thing about textures being different. You don't have a fucking soft wall ketchup and a fucking crispy bacon. That's fucking shit. That's not shit. Yes, that is shit. People like. You want bacon. You want bacon.

I have a question for you. Yeah, yeah, go, go, go. It's Christmas day. Right? You're eating your Christmas meal. The sausages wrapped me. No, no, no, no, no. You're eating your Christmas meal.

Yeah. Yeah. You've got all the different things on your plate. Yes. Do you eat each thing separately? Or do you get a bunch of shit on your fork? Like, mix it all together then... A bit of cranberry.

Yeah, bit of turkey. Yeah, a bit of potato. Okay, first of all, I can't rate to this question because Christmas dinners are shit and I haven't had them for like 10 years. But I can answer the question. Because if you have loads of different food, you want all the different flavors. You have a lot on your fork.

Yeah, but also. No, a part of that is the different textures. The fact that you can identify the crispy bacon within the burger that contains just halapeno, mustard, mayo, lettuce, onion, mushroom. I'll throw a nod ball out of that. I'll give you a fucking flying ball. You get some, like, you know, cow up, no, a bit of meat. You know, it's not soft. The texture's quite the same.

It's the same, right? Then you get, then you, then you, no, those are two very different textures. No, but they're similar. They're not quunchy. They're quite soft. They're both soft is what I'm getting at. What was it? A carrot and a... Just, I... It doesn't have to be specific.

I'm just talking about any vegetable. Wait, so... It's just the first thing that came to my head. Now, let me say, then you get a bit of roast potato and it has a little bit of crispiness on the edge. That is different to the crispy bacon because the crispy bacon's not soft at all.

It's fucking rock solid and it quacks. It's like fucking crackling. That's different. You don't have that in a burger. Because it's, it just, you, when you're chewing, you want it to be nice. It's nice. Do you like toasted sandwiches? Do you like a cheese toasty?

Don't like cheese. Didn't you order a bacon cheeseburger? I didn't order a cheeseburger. I ordered a bacon burger. What I'm getting at is you can't, crispy bacon is objectively the worst. No, it's not. No, fucking no. Shut up.

What about crispy bacon by itself? No! No, let me say this. So you're just against all the things, Chris. No. You've got a soft, a really fresh, soft fucking roll, okay? James, you've made this point. No, no, no, no.

Let me not work. Let me not work. The carrot is just an example. Let me say, so you've got a weedy fresh, like the freshest, the freshest roll or fucking bread, whatever, but who many possible? You've got both of them. One of them's got nice soft bacon.

The other one's got Woxided Krispy Bacon that shatters into a million pieces. Which one's going to be better? What's the thing lawyers say? Jarlings, Jarlings, which one's going to be better? Objection. It's going to be the soft one. Objection.

Not the crispy one. Objection. Not crispy bacon is much worse. No. You're talking about that bacon that's like all the white, like, sheds? No, because that's under fucking cooked. You know, English. bacon as normal

in a sandwich fucking annoying because you bite into that shit and then you tug and the whole fucking piece of bacon comes flying out. Do you know what a banjo batty is? Do you actually know what a banjo batty is? This is your problem. Do you actually want to know what a banjo batty is? Yeah. A banjo

batty is a... raw bacon. No, like a bacon and egg batty and then you you bite into it and the yolk explodes everywhere and then you hold it

Avon gate to get the yoke so it looks like you're playing a banjo batty because you're playing the fucking banjo that's brilliant that was just a complete non-secretary

no crispy bacon is better I think that I rest my case no you can't wish your case there yeah you can't do you know why the court decides carrots and bread are the same. You know,

you know, when you make bacon. It was carrots and meat. I was an example. You know, you know, if the bacon you're eating is super tangy, it's fucking undercooked. It needs to have a bit of firmness.

Tangy, like an orange. No, like fucking fat when you're, like your example of pulling the meat from the fucking sandwich. That's too undercooked. There's a middle.

When I say, it's not crispy, you want a little bit of crispiness, but if you get a bit of fat there, you're like, you just can't just bite through fat like it's you know okay you get that sort of squidgey yeah that's bad that's bad that's bad yeah but that only way to get it beyond the the squidge is to make it crisp you don't know how to make fucking

bacon then no that's that's that's you're just wrong unless you want me to make you two pieces bacon fucking I'm not sure if I do because I'll get fucking food poisoning from undercut bacon so you go to Tesco and you buy a fucking BLT you've already made a mistake what you go to the the butcher you go to the butcher and buy some premium as fuck bacon and then you're gonna fucking ruin the bacon quality no by burning it

no it's not a it's not a case of okay no because it's like fucking steak right if you well if it's well fucking done you've ruined it not equate bacon to steak yeah you cannot you can't say you're gonna go to the butchers and buy the best quality bacon and make it crispy you'll get you're ruining the quality of the meat.

You're ruining the quality of the meat. No, because undercooking something is ruining the quality of the meat. I'm not, I'm not saying I'm going to undercook it. There's a medium ground between crunchiness and soft. That's the perfect bit. You wouldn't go spend £100 a steak to well cook

it, right? Why would you go spend $50 pound on bacon? You cannot acquit state to bacon. No, it's an example. You buy a £100 steak. You wouldn't well cook it. So why would you spend £50 pound on good bacon to make it Krispy. Because crispy bacon's delicious.

No. Crispy bacon is better than normal bacon. It's not. No, the jarlings are going to have to decide on this one because, no. Well, then you've lost. No. You've lost, my friend. You've already lost.

You've signed your own death sentence. It's over. I've, no. Do you not happen? Did you know where the crispy bacon hate should Pete? At work, my boss was like, you know, I'm going to make some bacon. James, would you like some bacon? I was like, early morning.

I was like, fuck, yes. Bacon at work. A bacon fucking batty. work. So my boss goes, makes bacon. She brings it up and she's just like fresh bread with ketchup, you know, a proper nice bacon sandwich, right?

Is this your current job? Old one. Okay. They were chefs, right? You'd expect it to be awesome. Yeah, so I bite into it. The whole fucking bacon breaks into like 15 fucking pieces. Did it taste burn?

It was fucked. It had no flavour. It was fucked. But that's crispy bacon. So A, that was shit bacon. Yes, it probably was. B, they must have overcooked it. So, no, but what do you consider crispy? Because crispy bacon is when it literally fucking shatters. That's crispy.

Do you mean bacon that's soft but has crispiness in it? Because that's the bacon I'm on about. No, it is. So just this is what we like. No, because you said crispy bacon. I'm explaining, crispy bacon is really shattered. You're just explaining that your crispy bacon is literally just our crispy bacon. No, my crispy bacon.

You just said your crispy bacon. You just said your bacon that isn't crispy Is crispy No, what I'm saying is the bacon It's a bit of crispy mus, but they're softness When you say you like crispy bacon I'm saying I like a bit of crispiness Saying you like crispiness

When I was saying crispy bacon this whole time You were thinking like You could pick the thing up And it was perfectly rigid Yes, that's crispy bacon Look I mean you can't argue with that That is crispy bacon

Yeah, but see, what you're saying crispy bacon is isn't crispy bacon? See, what we're saying is we're both like the same bacon. We just call it different things. There's like a level where it's just before it's too crispy and too burned. Yeah, it's like just pre-burned, you know? See, okay, like to the point where... That looks a bit too crispy. That looks like it'll break, right?

Well, it's different with like... American bacon like that. American bacon is completely different. Um... Okay, no, that That is quite a good example because you see one of the edges is

it's got his bed and you can see like there there's a bit soft that's not crispy bacon because that just seems like a well-cooked piece of bacon

that's nice that's not crispy Shall I like the image? Let me see this image the court will decide the court will decide So you've got the crispiness around the side

but you can see in the middle there's still softness Yeah, yeah that's how I cook it That's what I mean So that whole thing was pointless like

that's solid let me see that's how you want it in a burger though no but in a burger yeah it is different in a burger that's what I mean

when I say crispy that's what's yeah no in a batter or a burger that is fine in my opinion in fact it is better

because I don't like it when you're having to bite through something and then you got to sort of hold the the sandwich

at your mouth and normal yeah no you mean like look that's fucking crispy bacon like it's fucking a bunch of that looks fucked yeah that's like black no that's what when people say

they're like crispy bacon that's in my mind because that's crispy bacon right right right so what I mean is like that is you want the middle ground between that and soft you want the crispiness but soft if I'm eating bacon in a fry up I want it the way you're describing it yes if I'm having it in between some bread and maybe a burger in there as well I probably would

want it a bit crispier a bit crispy but not fucking what's odd crispy because I say the one of our guys had today could be toned down a little bit and be perfect it was just too much into crispy because it was like solid there's no softness there was no like give it was just quack crispy but they also probably use american bacon yes which is why it would be super crispy and you you don't like american bacon American bacon is objectively worse than it's I'd agree that it's worse but I wouldn't say I dislike it okay yeah give another example like sausage wrapped in bacon

you have that at Christmas right that there's no problem with that because that's normally crispy on the outside right yeah so that's fine but why is that fine with you because those are two quite different textures no because they're not really yeah but they are though like the bacon on the

outside is pretty crispy and then the sausage on the inside is really soft it's like soft and tender but that would I'd say is different from like other things because it goes crispy soft crispy and stuff no I don't think it's that It's because you It's like the shell on the outside

It's like a you know A mini egg It's really hard on the outside But most of time it's quite soft in the middle Like a Lindor as well For the record I think mini eggs are shit But when it's like You're just eating something else

And then suddenly crispiness comes out of nowhere That's bad So yeah The record notes Jim thinks they're shit Um Because I wouldn't say it's soft crispy soft It's just you don't know When that crispiness is

So your issue is maybe soft, soft, crispy soft. Okay, what is a few examples where I've mentioned the... texture? Yeah. Because I've said it about... Judge, I'm going to need some help pulling evidence here.

Fuck. I feel like we mentioned loads of examples on the cast, over the... No, we have. We talked about it a lot, because it's just a weird thing about mine. I just can't fucking handle like... What was it? It was some confectionery thing that had, like, a middle. What about, like, randoms? With the go the goo in the middle.

Because it's soft. The goo's soft. So it's the kind of the same. So it goes soft. Softer. Yeah, but that's fine. Because it's on the same spectrum, right? So you're fine as long as it goes from harder to softer to harder again. But if it's softer, then harder than softer.

Oh dear. If you're thinking about it as layers in a sandwich. Yeah. You want the hard stuff on the outside. That makes sense. From a very logistical standpoint, that makes sense. We're sort of getting to the bottom of this whole thing. you know so do you like no you don't like cheese toasties do you we got like a tuna melt

that's got cheese in it give give me a better example i've never had a fucking a toast it just a toasted sandwich you've never had a tuna melt i've never had a tuna melt they're good man no the thing is that a toasted sandwich is it's on the same spectrum as what the cheese in the middle you know whatever whatever you have filling yeah that's that's what i'm asking like are you fine with a toasted sandwich because it goes crispy soft crispy No, because it doesn't. Yeah, but it does, those. Unless you put bacon in the middle.

Okay, that depends on how you cook your toasties. I'm not saying mine are fucking anemic, and they're just like, what, plain bread is it normally is? You have one soft piece of bread in between two hard pieces of, like toasted pieces. Basically, that, for the most part, is fine. But then if you burn the bread too much, then it's bad, because then it's too crunchy. But you're not, in this instance, you're not first about taste. You're first about texture.

In a way, yes. Now, give me more examples. Do you like eggy bread? French toast. We know I don't like eggy bread. Is that a texture? Oh, no, that's just egg. Nachos, yeah, that sort of goes soft, crunchy, soft crunchy when we make it.

Yeah, I don't make it your way, because then it's just crunchy of a topping, which is fine. Because it's all in... Well, yeah, because that's an interesting one, actually, because you don't have it between two crunchies you just use one crunchy to scoop soft true do you like nachos I do like nachos but they've got to be a specific way they have melted cheese in there yeah so I did like that but not a cheese toasty I don't I my cheese balls are like you love pizza I'm trying to Google like food what about crispy things on pizza no not for the most part no

what about like peppers peppers they're quite soft so it works I guess so what we came from this is our bacon is the same we've just had different viewpoints and what crispy is well no we've just learned again like do you actually have taste buds or do you just like it depending on the texture the softness of what's going in your mouth I I've got a good example when I say that, because it was on my mind, chocolate with, like, nuts in. Because then it goes quite soft, hard.

That's bad. But then, to contradict that. Yes, I like a few nuts every now and again. Okay. But then to contradict that, when it's soft, let's say Turkish to like Cadbury, soft, softer, that's good. You like Turkish to light? Yes.

What about like a, uh, uh, uh, Custic cream. Yeah, because that's like hard biscuit, soft, hard biscuit. Well, the chocolate bourbons. Well, we know James loves Oreos. Yeah. No, but they're the same thing. You don't really have, you don't, the texture's not the same.

It's just like, it's just like, it's just like, it's just like, no, that's, no, what about like double stuffed? See, I don't eat them the way you normally do. You just undo them, just fucking scrape off the soft and then eat the biscuit. That is gross to me. That's really disgusting. You just have a pile of the, just the biscuit. Yeah.

No, but that's... I'm extracting the milk. Do you extract the milk, James? I don't like milk. Yeah, but you extract the milk from fucking double stuffed all right. Actually, no, there is a good answer that will completely break it. Yogurt, when you get little biscuits to put in it, because then it's really soft and fucking hard.

No, but that's not like a one then the other, then back to the original sort of thing. It's just chaos at that point when you've broken a biscuit into yogh Yeah, that is chaos And I like that So you like the chaos But you don't like the order What about a trifle?

Where are they hard on trifle? No, but it is a change of texture Okay, but I just say that I just think trifles tation It's got nothing to do with texture So that's why I don't like it. That's bullshit.

That's bullshit. I'm trying, there's some really good examples but I've completely forgot Because there's things that I hate eating simply because it's like there's a sudden change in texture. You don't like cucumber. Ice cream. Ice cream is the main one. No, but that's different.

No, ice cream is the main one. It is different because it changes form. It goes from a solid to a liquid. Yeah, I find that gross. It's not none of the de textures. I find it melting becoming a liquid. Yeah, but it melts in your mouth. It's kind of a point.

No, but it's just like, I've got this weird thing, okay? Really weird thing. It's like, when you see kids and they've got ice cream all over the face, I literally want to vomit because I feel so violated and, like, ruined. I don't understand how to... You feel violated and ruined. It makes me...

Because they're just so minging. Yeah, I do think, like, that image is quite... I feel, I just feel, I feel really uncomfortable when I see it. Like, the thought of sweet, like, sticky stuff on my face. And those fingers, too, with the... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it's somehow... That connection is connected to melting ice cream.

So as soon as my old-ed ice cream thinks I think of that image and I'm just like, I can't, I gotta eat it, a box solid. So that's not really a texture thing. It's like a trauma-fucking childhood thing. I fucking can't handle it, so I can't have kids because I'm like,

oh, fuck, there's ice cream, fuck, fuck. Father, I just finished ice cream. Can you wipe you my mouthy? That's James's. But that's different. Why be my mouthy? I just, oh, ice cream makes me want to be sick.

That's not true, though. I love ice cream, but as soon as it, as soon as it, you know when you've got the pot, and you've got the pot, and you've just taken it out of freezing, it's just like, you want to get a knife in, but you, oh, not a knife. A knife. And like, you get your spoon in, but it's like, it's so frozen that you normally bend the spoon. That's the, that's the shit you want. As soon as, as soon as you can, you can't eat it. No, but that's, I do eat it. I just fucking eat it.

No, do you know what I like, um, where, when, when, when you sit down and you're going to eat an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's, and, and. It's in the preemptive phase where you're basically just holding the outside so that the outside melts. And then you can just get access. As it melts, you can like chip away at it. And you get the good combo. No, when that happens, it goes back in the fridge. As soon as that the outside starts mold, yeah, it goes back in the freezer. And I'll wait like half out and eat.

Like I can't sit there and eat whole Ben & Joe's in one sitting because it needs to go back in the freezer like five times. It would take me about a weekend to eat in a whole Ben of Jays. So why don't you like spoon it into? a bowl so you don't have to keep putting it back in the freezer because it will free like you can only portion a certain amount and by the time you've actually managed to get that frozen ass ice cream out of the

tub it's already melting. Yeah so you've got to do it's like just get free cup of good one if you don't like melted ice cream why the fuck would you buy ice cream? I don't well I understand not liking completely melted ice cream when it's like disgustingly melted and warm

that's horrible no but that in my mind as soon as It starts metal and it is that, so it must be frozen again. But it stays kind of cold, though, for a while. Yeah, and, like, there's multiple layers of it within your spoonful. Like, the, the core of what's on your spoon will be the coldest and the most solid. So then you suck it up, and it all becomes the same. None of it makes sense when you also consider I have really sensitive teeth,

so that having it frozen leaves me in agonizing pain for, like, an entire day. none of it makes sense I'm actually just fucking retarded So why do you even eat bother with ice cream? It sounds like genuine torture for you Yeah but it's just I like it I like that frozen fucking painful goodness I just

You know it When you eat in a Benjouge And you get to that fat fucking brownie bit And it's just like fuck Oh my god yeah That's what I live That's what I eat you for I go through the pain for the good

And that is that one or two brownie cause That you find It doesn't make sense You can't understand me But that is an insight into my mind Thank you for watching this episode of the John Media Podcast Please have a look at our shop Our Patreon and thank you to all the fans and the patrons

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