JAR Media Posdact - Taylor Swift Truman Show (TSTS) - JARCAST Episode 172

Episode Date: June 24, 2019

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Good afternoon and morning, evening, or nightning, and this is the Jarkast episode 172. I'm your host, Alex, joined by Jamie and some mysterious stranger over there on the side. Oh my God, that's James. That's your funny, man. No room in this week. He is in our town somewhere. but he got lost. Yep.

He was twerking down the street and he just disappeared. He's gone, man. He's gone. Yeah, this is... You might turn up again soon. Perhaps. Hopefully for the next episode.

Perhaps not. Before we go any further though, I'd like to thank the patrons over at the JAR Media Patreon. We'll check in the description if you want to help us out there. Get the show going along nicely and a nice level of support.

Jim's dying over there. Coughing and burping himself. It's all those chicken wings It's all them fucking chicken wings, I tell you Don't talk about chicken wings right now And also of course, Jarmedia's shirts Can't forget about that one Thrill by the support

Of the, I just had a panic A mini panic attack Because I like flung my head around to the camera And saw like The Just a little piece like hanging off the side Which I thought like something was open Meaning it wasn't recording

Even though that's literally impossible Because we're looking at a screen That has like the all the information we could possibly have. Yeah, point is, JAR Media shirts. Comfy, stylish, beautiful,

yep, I'm going to be honest, I need to get one myself. Which, get what? A Jal Media T-shirt. Yes, of course you do. I have like two. I've got like three. Yeah, I know, that's the thing.

Why don't you have one? Because I've just been ripped off over and over. And, well, from from who? From who? Make clear who you're talking? about here, sister. From Tesco, when I'm buying my other t-shirts. That's your choice to not buy...

That's not to do with us. You mean to say you don't have to purchase our shirts from tesco.co.com. Yeah. You part, you put, you, you, you, you, yes. So, Jal Media is a podcast, long-running one actually now, 172 weeks. And, uh, our M-O was sort of, solving mysteries in a way

you could say we're a sex toy mystery solving podcast yeah on the subject of sex toys where are they you should have said on the subject of sex toys and then said your actual subject what is his actual subject we've all got we've all actually got a subject

this is he forgotten it already this week I was sitting in my room I was sitting in my room last night and I was like you know what I'm in the mood with some Taylor Swift so I went to the most

recent Taylor Swift video and I sat there and I watched it and I found this fucking shit so

and this is coming for Sonia likes Taylor Swift this song is not good so Tay Taye release a new song was it good we need to calm down you need to calm down some like that yeah

down so I don't frown frown something on those lines yeah but you don't like it do no why I thought it was full of exciting moments personally um I wouldn't say it was full of them well that let's just say for the first two acts of the piece

it stays pretty consistent but then in that last act things just go crazy Deadpool shows up it's just a nightmare for you it's not nightmare fuel it's the opposite yes sorry I thought it was it's dream fuel

sorry I thought it was opposite I just think Detective Pikachu is kind of cute what I mean obviously a Taylor Swift song is going to come out and we're not going to like it I know I could though

there's a high chance do you like look what you made me do or whatever it's called that's a bad song I like a lot of other songs what's a good Taylor Swift's Swath song Bad blood's awful.

Bad blood is good. No, I like Bad Blood. All of them are better than that one. That's literally the only bad one. I like Bad Blood. Then you've got, shake it off. Good one. It's a good song. This new one might be my favourite Taylor Swift song.

Really? Yeah. That's not exactly a high fucking bar. I hate her music, but... I like the one that goes... Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Yeah, that one's kind of good.

What is that one? D-Dun-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D. Yeah, which one is that? I have no clear what one you're on about. I don't know. It's like, I don't know, kind of a new-ish one. I'm not sure. We need to just stop.

Is it like a message for the Jarkass? Like, you've had enough guys. Just pull the blood. Taylor Swift is reaching out to us personally on a existential plane of existence. What is your, like, review line? for this new song be sorry taylor you need to just stop yes oh that's perfect there you go you're when you got one that good in your head we can't we have to wait until we've said our shit ones yeah so you can just drop that bomb no i was too excited you guys got one or should i

just move on um taylor swift how about you just stop taylor swift how about you just stop Taylor Swift, how that's good. Why don't you shake it off? Shake off of shuffle on your iPod mini. Why is the shuffle feature

so difficult to get right on any app that plays music? Why is it not? Because... It's fine on Spotify. No, it sucks on Spotify. Why is that? Apparently, um...

It's not apparently. This is just what happens. No, listen. No. You listen. This situation to me. No, I'm trying to tell you. tell you an interesting story.

So, Apple iTunes, right? And they have their shuffle thing, which is just totally random. It picks a random song after random song. An actual... An actual... What you want from random? Shuffle.

But they got complaints that it was too repetitive. Apple did? Yeah. Even though it was totally random. Because true randomness... That's going to happen sometimes. Yeah. So they developed

up to system that makes it so it will never play like right after another from the same same album or whatever or artist right but so I guess sometimes it just doesn't work maybe it makes it so it can go back to the album after one song yeah so you're sort of darting like jumping between two people basically well and Spotify's one is even worse how they made it even worse recently well I'll explain it only shuffles that the last like a hundred songs you've played or something like that it's either songs you've played or songs you've added it's fucking terrible because I was playing Drake the other day just for a meme and I went and then shuffled it and

it just kept playing Drake objection it's not true I only listen to music through Spotify through shuffle and all of the songs I get as songs I never listen to and they're never recently added they are literally flash when's the last time you updated your app all the time okay well the people in the comments will prove us right or wrong that's right

I'm not going to throw it basically what you're saying is I understand Spotify and Spotify understands me as someone with a hundred percent non-mainstream library it just gets me

the proto-hipster himself I'm not a proto-histor I just have a very unique music taste that is all music ever because I like all music because I'm not in my box just means nothing

saying you like all music I do that's just not true every person in jar I have the broadest music taste wrong no that's just wrong everyone thinks that about themselves yeah it's just wrong

no that shows a lack of empathy I'm going to accuse you of something here I believe you are a sociopath James I think objectively it's probably Rubin out of the four of us no no I think it is he listens to

he's the most on the music game that's because he loves basic yeah exactly so by whatever oh shit doesn't mean it's bored you're the you're the only one in jar who likes that like

driving music whatever it's called I don't have any driving me no there's that one there's that one about Eurobeat Eurobeat that is driving music that's what I mean it's not a driving music it's why does it exist then initial date yeah which is all about

it's not it's not about driving it's about racing and drifting the toge at night yeah and what do you what do you do while racing in a car you drive it no it's racing it's not just it's different jimmy so basically i'm right you're wrong nope you'll be and i'm right you'll understand you if you're watching thisial day i've told you this you'll get the bug and you'll be like this music is kind of good and then boom your life is changed i can't ever imagine that just you wait the time the times i've heard the fucking song

and the lyrics. I know every song of my heart. But that's because you only need to learn one songs. No, that's not fucking true at all. Those songs are not the same at all. So you're telling me, I could straight up say now that every MacDemarco song sounds the same. And that has as much...

You can actually tell what they're saying too, though. And you can tell what you're saying in Eurobeat. It's just you're listening to it in my car with my loud exhaust. No, I think it's fair to say MacDemako has more variation in his music than... Depends. Because some of the Eurobeat songs I have are the same. At least his sound is what makes him attractive to people. Yeah, but I mean, like, he'll have, like, acoustic songs, like, electric guitar songs, and...

Eurobeat has... Like, like, electronic. No, so you're saying one of these playlists full of Eurobeat, I could just shuffle, and you'd be able to identify the name of each one. Yeah. Because they're that. Okay. No, because... No, I reckon...

I'd be able to do that, because I've listened to them so much. I could fucking sing all of them. Alex. I'm that, I've just, sing your favorite one. I can't, I'm not going to No, come on. Just a little snippet. No, no. People are going to be pissed at you, James. I know what they're like. No, because my favorite changes, okay? My favorite changes.

Okay, one of your favorites at this very moment. I can't. Tell me the lyrics and I'll do it. It's back on the walks. That doesn't help me? What are the lyrics? Back on the rocks. Literally, that's just back on the rocks. No, there's more to it. Back on the rocks.

How does it go, though? Is it just them? saying it but what... Back on the rocks. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-a-da-a-da- Yeah, but you've got to remind me how it goes. How does it go? Is it that one? I know that one, though, but I purposefully was avoiding doing that one.

I'm trying to think. What about... Dun-dan-dan-dan-d-d-d-d-running in the 90s. No, you're not going to give me... Okay. No, I can't remember that Alex, I'm sleep deprived. That means my Eurobeat is not on. It'll be on tomorrow.

Okay, whatever. We're going to move on then. Move on then, Alex. Okay, tell me something. Abandon me like you always do. Should mine do mine subject, or should Jim do Jim's subject? Or Jim's... I say Alex's subject?

Yes. Yes, because mine should be shorter, because mine is just a concept. Oh, for fuck's sake. Every goddamn time. No, but this is one you guys might like, because you guys can partake. Oh, okay. We're all familiar with the movie The Truman Show, right?

No. You don't know about the Truman Show? The Jim Carrey movie where he's like... I don't like... I don't like Jim Carrey. He's not doing a comedic role. No, it's a serious movie. Oh, you mean you don't like the actor?

I just don't like his comedic stuff. Yeah, and it's not... Okay, but it's about... It's about someone who... is having his life like secretly recorded and like everything in his life is like actors and stuff playing

people he knows and acquaintances and stuff even his wife oh fuck so he basically lives on like a movie set like a huge movie set that's running him yeah that is running away and they make it so like dramatic things happen

yeah it's like a reality TV thing so his life is aired to people they watch it. So that's like the kind of big brother set up for it. But the movie the actual movie itself doesn't matter

because I was I was trying to wonder what the most like boring and bad possible Truman show would be. So for example my worst Truman show would be

my Truman would be like a porn addict who just fucks his flashlight every day. Not stop. And that's what they stream fucking every day. So everyone's just like, oh, another episode of this. His boring life, he gets home, pulls out the Lisa and the fleshline. Goes hard.

What if you could get an arc out of that, though? Like him realising he had a problem. Yeah, but I'm picturing literally like months of... I'm talking seven months of him doing it every day. Multiple times a day as well, not just every day. Yeah, like five times a day. what that's just normal yeah i couldn't think of like uh that'll be my that's my truman show

so of course yeah it's more about addiction it's more about the um yeah the depths we can go flashlight addiction is a real thing i mean you've taken this to a place where No, get nasty with it. Get actually disgusting. I don't think that's possible. How can you get any more like...

Like normally that I'm being like so disgusting that it's actually interesting. Yeah. That's like that one is a fine line where it might be funny the first time he does it. but like what the fleshlight thing yeah like whacking off five times how about like the as the the as soon as the fleshlight art comes in the viewer's spike because it's so out there yeah so then

the producers are like oh this is working so they keep sending him like new sex toys so he's just doing like what's there some butt plug so he just becomes a a cam whore it comes a cam horse

and it ends with like a downer ending with him sticking a fire hanging himself and jerking off no

that's too dark that's straight up like I thought you meant like that's where it was going no I just mean him becoming one of those um

you know what are they called there's one in Pulp Fiction like in the the gimp suit a gimp gimp gimp. But I don't know how

that's like his low point as a character. How does it go from flashlights to being a gimp? The gradual escalation of not only the pornography that he's looking at and he looks at some shady shit, that's for sure. Because there's no filter. He doesn't know he's being watched. So it's actually a massive invasion

of privacy in a lot of ways. Well, that's kind of the point of the movie. Yeah, but mine, I told you mine is not about that. In my version that's actually the movie's trying to say that that's a good thing, that we should be doing this more. So it's like...

So it's like a... Look, look what they do without us. So it's like a gimp indoctrination kind of documentary. Well, it's like a... Look what could happen. If we don't just make everything illegal and control the world. Communism?

Question mark? That would be the end. The credits would roll to the end and then just... That's this thing in. Communism, question mark? Leads people thinking. About what fleshlight they're going to fuck? That's the big end of the arm.

I think it'll be huge personally, but... No, no one going to top that? No, come James. There must be something pretty fucked up in that brain of yours that's ready to come screaming out. No, I think you've topped up shit in my mind. The fucked up shit that you just said. What's actually fucked up about it, though?

He's just enjoying himself. I'm going to say then... The actual lamest one possible would be like a dinosaur guy. Someone that's really interested in dinosaurs. An actual paleontologist who's like on a dig. Yeah. Just really slowly, like chipping away at dirt. Like a fucking stone with a toothbrush.

Yeah. Or miner. A miner? Someone who just mines like fucking ore all day. That'd be fucking boring. That's like such a random pick. There's a video game of that, right? Skyrim.

Do a lot of mining in Skyrim. You don't do a lot of it, but you can do it. I do a lot of it. You have to be playing Skyrim wrong, man. Oh no, don't start with this. Okay, well, I want to say thanks for that. Who's a bizarre person? Like, on the top of the head, who can you name who's really bizarre?

Why are you asking? I need ideas. Someone bizarre. Yeah, someone who's well known... Well known for being weird. Kanye West. One about Kanye West. But that would be interesting and good though.

That's what you want. No, the game was to make the worst Truman's show we could possibly think of. Yeah, like, you wouldn't want to watch it. Although mine... There would be times you want to watch it. But chuck on Truman for a minute. I just want to see what he's doing.

Which one is. doing it. Yeah, because people would get like really into the like betting, because they'd know what flashlights he has. So people would bet large amounts of money on which he was going to use next. It'd be like this whole like meta game.

What about watching a gamer? It's called Twitch. And it's fucking huge. No, but you're not seeing the game. You're just seeing them play the game. Oh yeah. Like what is the most fucking boring game to watch? Oh, yeah. Like, Dr. Moia.

No, someone like 100% in Assassin's Crew Odyssey. Yeah, yeah. Something like that. Yeah, grinding in destiny. Skyrim. Final Fantasy 13 is a big one. Full out four. Full out four.

Basically any big RPG that's really technical. Yeah. So fucking boring, then you're not playing it. Speaking of video games, I watched a few movies recently. Oh yeah, what movies did you watch? Is this your topic, by the way? Yeah. Okay.

The Lord of the Rings, all three. Holy. I haven't seen them for a few years. James? I haven't seen them all since about four, five years ago. I'd say longer. No, because I left school six years ago. And I was still watching them.

Were you watching them in Sykefort? Yeah. Although you stopped by then. No, I was still watching them. actually I was watching them up till like four years ago but we're going to be exactly precise it's about four years ago I last watched a proper lord drawings okay

in one setting that is all three in one setting what you've done that I've done so you did nothing for a day then I did fellowship half a fellowship the two towers and the time of the king all in one sitting extended obviously damn

fucking hell that's crazy man anyway and all of this while on a tab but at the same time looking at you know what? Looking at porn while Lord of the Rings was in the background. That's so random. Was it like related to Lord of the Rings? Yeah, was it like fantasy porn?

Like Rule 34 Lord of the Rings. Because that would be kind of, that makes sense to me. It was just like, I've seen those movies so, so many times that I was just like, this isn't really itching anything. I can't wank to this anymore, I'm sick of it. well that that didn't really go where i was intending it to go so are we but the movie the movies i i finished watching them and i said to myself i want to go watch harry potter no i said to myself

what a wonderful trilogy trilogy i was like that's the best movie trilogy i've ever seen It's fucking great. Yeah, it's incredible. It, no, it's... So what's your thesis? What's your question? I want your guy's opinion on the best trilogies.

Be it, movies, video games. And, like, I was thinking music, but it's... It doesn't... It's not a trilogy, but you can do, like, three releases. Connie's got a music trilogy. What? Oh, yeah, he does, yeah. The late registration.

registration, graduation, and a college dropout. That doesn't count. That's a trilogy. No, but it's not in the traditional sense. It does count, doesn't it? Commenters. Yes, that means I'm right. Commenters agree.

Okay. So we're talking... Like, comment, and subscribe. So we're talking games, movies, books, you know, any series like that. Okay. For games, the one that pop... I'm glad you said that. The one that pops to mind is gears of what?

The first three Gears of War Great trilogy right there A great trilogy Apart from the first one and the third one Yeah It's a pretty good trilogy Fuck you man Bum

Of course The Elder Scrolls Quadrilogy No not quadrilogy I can't think of any other again There are five right There are five What's that quince

Quint trilogy Fuck me I can't think of any other games That I've got been Dark Souls Mass Effect Dark Souls No you can't choose Dark Souls

Because of two no yeah i know i was thinking about it no because this is the thing about trilogies and what makes a good trilogy so rare there's normally the red-headed like stepchild of the three yeah godfather three uh matrix two and three that one has two red-headed yeah stepchildren in that family okay more examples more i can keep going there are more than you think start was episode six terminator terminate three alien alien three So you're saying great trilogies need a fucking loony, fucking shit movie? No.

No, what I'm saying is... That's why the Lord of the Rings is the best trilogy. Godfather 3, I already said that one. Yep. Star Wars, episode 6. My choice, obviously. Kung Fu Panda trilogy. You think that's better than the Lord of the Rings?

Oh, I thought we were just bringing up some of our favorites. Because you already got the best trilogy. The way you said it, I thought you meant, okay, then I'm going to do you up. No, it's not better because there's only one Kungu Panda 2 and the others aren't. Yeah. You know when there's the good, you know it's a good trilogy when everyone has a different favorite one of the three. Yes. Right?

No one's saying Kung Fu Panda 3 is the best Kung Fu Panda movie. No one, no one's fucking saying that. So don't even fucking pretend that anyone's fucking saying that. Same with Madagascar. The first one fucking lets it down. Without the first one, we could be, we could have competition around seriously. fucking competition I like what you're saying

but at the end of the day crisis original Star Wars original Star Wars trilogy third one lets it down again great game trilogy Max Payne yeah

holy shit yeah sorry it's a shame the third one lets it down the third one is the red hot child of the three yes the red hot child of the three I don't know that

You know what I mean, men No, I know exactly what you mean, don't worry I'm just yanking your chain Alex, you're so sexual sometimes I can't control myself Is that a problem? Where humans are not inherently sexual in a way? No, it's okay to be sexual

But you know, the fleshlights haven't arrived yet So we need to control it James, what's your favorite movie trilogy? Back to the Future Cornetto trilogy yeah there's another one I'm not fan of the Connetta trilogy what don't you like about it? You fucking serious? I've only

seen two of them so you don't like... Hot Furs and Sean of the Dead yeah and you don't like them no they're great movies they're fucking amazing that's a good one but I would I kind of have an issue calling it a trilogy

why? Yeah it's more like it's not the same as Lord of the Rings like the reason the Lord of the Rings like the reason the Lord The Lord of Rings trilogy. We're allowed to have this liberty. No, but what I'm saying is I would never call it the best trilogy because it's not one continuous story. It's just, it's free. That's what, that's what makes the Lord of Rings so impressive to me. Because it's one story.

It's one story. Yeah. And they kept up the same quality throughout all three. Yeah. And that's so rare. It is very rare. And there's a sense of like consistency between them because of the same director and the writers and everything.

Whereas like Star Wars, it's like all these people coming in and out and. Yeah, there's no, like, one vision. Yeah, apart from old Georgie boy with the prequels, which is one of, it was up there, obviously. Mm-hmm. No, it is. Iron Man Trilogy? You can't say it's not a good trilogy because they're all as consistently shit.

So, in a way, that should be admired. He was... I suppose they're like the yin and yang of trilogies, like the prequel trilogy and the Stiles trilogy, because they were released around the same time, and one is one of the shit. No, they were released around the same time What were?

The original Star Wars and the prequels were released around the same time. No, I thought we're talking about the prequels. Of Star Wars? Yeah. Yeah. You just said, you just said the original Star Wars. And the prequels were released. This is what is so fucked about Star Wars, okay?

You're fucking up for me now. I'm fucking confused. This is the great Star Wars problem. What? The fact is that the original movies are number four, five and six. so then if you want to say those you've got to like decide whether you want to stick with the numbers or say the old ones

but the old ones are further along in number than the new ones which are now old it's so confusing no you just say the original trilogy you're just retarded okay well I can't wait for fucking Twitter to come and after what you just said

did you really just say the R word Retard. You almost just said rape. As if that's even remotely the same thing. No, you said Twitter's going to come and rape me. Am I wrong? Yes. Prove me right, Twitter.

No, but you were so... You were actually acting very... Aggressive. Slowly. The original... Retard originally meant slut. The original prequel retard is the... you said the original movies

the original Star Wars movies came out around the same time as the pre-course which makes no sense well we'll be back after these messages anyway we need to eat beans hey it's me Zeus

the god my fully endorse the jar media merchandise available in the description below Welcome to Part 2, Motherfucker! Let's just settle this right now. Best Movie Trilogy, Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings.

Best video game trilogy, Halo. Yeah. Any arguments there? The best Halo trilogy is free ODST reach. No, it's 4 or 5 in Infinite. Oh. Oh, sick. You never said Mad Max, Jim.

Oh, fuck. No, but nobody likes Funderdome. Oh, fuck, that was on a video, dude. Oh my fucking God. James, you are gross. That's you, fuck off. That one wasn't me. That was you.

I can smell it from here. You need to calm down. Yes, you do, Alex. So this is the second part of the show where we head over to the Jal Media Reddit and answer questions from the community. of course anyone is welcome to leave questions anyone that's including you listening so why not head over to the Reddit

and leave a question for us to you know sort of answer in our own way I like the way you're putting it now Sebastian or what's going to start us off today hello Sebastian they sent in this one for us and I'm going to make sure

James pays attention to this one. Which drugs are the Madagascar characters? Their thoughts

are Alex the lion is cocaine Marty is weed No No no Gloria is alcohol

Melman is Ritalin King Julian is MDMA Mort is crystal meth And they're not sure about the penguins

That's a mixture of all three it's a lace. No, Melman is weed. Why is Melman weed? Because he's all like, anxious and kind of like chilled. Yeah, that's definitely weird. Whereas what does, what does Marty do?

He runs around all the time. He's MDMA. Yes. Marty's MDMA. Yeah. So which runs crocodile. That's more. No, he's meth.

I think that's kind of fitting. Isn't Crocodile like crazy meth anyway? Yeah, it's cheap crazy meth. Yeah, so, yeah. I thought it was... No, King Julian can have crocodile. Mork can have crack. Crack is cocaine.

That's news to me. I've got to contact someone about this. Yeah, done. Yeah. The monkey is cigarettes. because he quite literally smoked cigarettes Oh he literally Yeah he does

Yeah James in here with his Madagascar knowledge Yeah what the fuck Rory 11 says Any funny stories From working in Sainsbury's But I'm gonna increase that

To obviously anywhere we've worked So it was this front time My office fell as a golden retriever walked Oh shit son Are you referencing saying that time you lied and said a golden retriever came to your office and what did it do? Fart

it farted so loud the entire woman silent and I laughed did you sit this was the story on the cast wasn't it? Yeah yes and I was just like oh and he made it up yeah you got revenge yeah um well

nothing happens at work I could tell you stuff not interesting though yeah that's normally it Or you always remember the good stories when you're not behind a microphone. Mm-hmm. There was the guy from Manchester when I worked at a hotel. And he said he was, he had had many, many puns.

I remember this story because he'd said he'd been stabbed, however many times. Yeah. And then he started saying how many times he'd been shot. And then he walked up to us and was like, yeah, one time my mum shot me. I feel like Jim has the most I've heard loads of stories from it you get stuff from the home as well you had some good ones

no some scary ones yeah I don't really feel like talking about them on the cast some of my Sainsbury's ones are like that too surprising me really like most of the memorable stories from then are actually sad things

about like people from the town Yeah. You just watch things about people when you learn who are addicts of what thing. Like I learned who in the town are like lottery addicts, gambling addicts, alcoholics, you know. Because I worked at the cigarette counter, so that's where you get all your lotto tickets and where most people buy, you know, alcohol and stuff like that. I was meant to buy one today, wasn't I? Got shat on by a bird. Oh yeah, a bird did a poo on gym.

On my knee shirt on my shoulder Is that just a UK thing Like that's considered lucky No, it sounds like an Irish thing Because the other day On the traitor cast With Adam and Ralph The movie maker

I mentioned the term Like The meat called faggots You know the faggot You get a faggot Local faggots They had no clue what that was. I've never seen one.

I've never seen a faggot. I just know that, you know, you buy faggers. I've only seen them because I remember seeing it in like a butcher. Yeah. Yeah, you get, butchers mainly do them. You don't go to shops and like that. But they actually had no concept of what it even was. It's just like a meat.

It's like, yeah, it's like all the bits they were going to throw away. It's like a bit heart in there, all the, all the end trials and stuff. A stomach. Just anything. I think it's the type of thing you stick in like a stew to like thick hair. Apparently they can be like meatballs or something. Really? Yeah, it's not the kind of thing that sounds that appetizing to me, so I've avoided it.

Wow. We learn something new every day. VoltTech A.U. What game is that referencing? Fuller youth. Even I know that one. Oh. Oh, I'm thinking of...

Mr. New Vegas fan. I'm thinking of Victor, Oscar, Lima, Tango, Tango, Echo, Charlie. Not vault tech, vault tech. Like vaulting over something? No. He means VOLT. Oh, like, Osterlymer Tango, yes. Why are you saying it like that?

Why can't you say VOLT? It's the phone skills, because you have to be able to do that if you're doing business over the phone. Fox trots, Charlie. you do? You do it. Tell me the phonetic alphabet. Bucket. A, B.

That's phonetic, isn't it? No, it's alpha-barvo Charlie Dota. Yo mama. Echo Fox. What's X? Zulu. No, not Zulu. Surely that's Z.

C is Kthuloo. X is... Do you say J for J-Media? No, it's X-ray. J for... J-4. J-hmm. Jay is Juliet.

It's the most useful thing ever. It's like, no point. Don't bother advising for your fucking sociology exams. Just let them the phonetic alphabics. It's more useful. Or just text people because it's way easier. M4 Morty from Rick and Morton. Come on, read the question out.

I knew that would, uh, James would like that one. Okay, we're gonna bring it down. Nate Dogg, Triple-9. You didn't even answer the question. You just said the guy's name. I interrupted you. You never finished the question. Oh.

Okay. It was just James Christmas tank update. I knew it was fucking pointless to even ask you. Nate Dogg triple nine has this for us. Nate Dog? Oh yeah. No, you've got to be serious now. I'm a fan of Nate Dog.

No, no. Say it seriously. I'm a fan of Nate Dog. Okay, pretty not serious. But what's... Who's Nate Dog? Night Dog? He did a song

Yeah, Jim. Night Dog. That shitty animation. Whatever. In a previous cast Y'all mentioned how being... Hang on. In a previous cast,

Yarl mentioned... Y'all mentioned how 18 to 19 was the low point in U.R. life. Yeah. Could you guys elaborate? I don't know, I'm currently 19 and my life is kind of a fucking mess.

Just dropped out... Jim. What? I fucking saw where you were looking. What was I looking at? What? Shh. Listen to me.

What was I looking at? Listen, listen to me. He dropped out of school, got continuous drug problems, etc. It would be cool to get some guidance or advice to put things into perspective for me. I feel like y'all are pretty wise, lull. But if you don't want to share anything too personal, I totally understand. Edit, okay, I guess guidance isn't really the right word, but y'all know what I meant, lol. I wonder where they're from?

Spaghetti Place? Um, okay. Let's just do another question then. That's the advice. Nah, joking. Uh, that's my advice. I need to know your situation, what your job, what? any that type of stuff to really give you any form of advice you can't advise someone without knowing

what the entire situation is all i can say is if you're struggling with that type of stuff is to find get the help that is required but also to occupy your mind in a way where you're not going to fall back you know obviously a job will help massively and it's just getting through those shit years and going into the 20s where you know you can add more stability and you know a financial you're not financial future plan is for your life and then you can kind of move from there but I can't give solid advice without knowing Jim

why the fuck would you do that to me I'm curious I think he wants to know what was shit about our equivalent times being that age and I don't know when the younger you are

the worst things appear to be you know like for me I mean anyway like something minor might happen but it feels like a bigger deal like going through school that's always the case and it

it takes you a while to like get out of that I'm not saying that this person isn't like it's just overreacting or whatever but it is a genuine struggle like it's adjusting to you know adult life outside of school it takes it takes a few years for that to really kick it isn't because when I was that age

because I retook a year of sick form I was I was still there when I was I can't remember if I was 19 I was definitely 18 in sick form but the main reason I hated sick form was because I had to move from my old school yeah if I couldn't know anyone and it was right at the point where I was like had the least confidence by far soon fucking shy. So shy that you passed out because you couldn't be able to take your coat off. Yeah? Like, cripplingly shy.

Weirdly enough, I was, I fainted at the same age, like at sick form. Like you did. So weird. I've never fainted. It's not something I can say, you know, you need to be envious of. I am envious, though. of us fainting I've missed out

no I can make you faint if you want I'll do it after the cast oh shit got any advice see the thing I tried to block out my memories of that fucking time because I thought it was so bad

and I don't want to remember any of it but we're all fucking alive we're all right I almost wasn't Because those were the years When I got I just told those of accidents Happened in my life

I almost wasn't alive Yeah but that That was a literal I know I'm just saying that That's not That's not what it was meaning I know I'm just saying Just just saying

You know what Gandalf said Fly you fools Yeah go on a flight somewhere Yeah do things keep yourself busy yeah how yeah the main thing that got me through that time

for me was destiny no I don't think destiny was out yet it was probably still reach oh okay but yeah things to keep you distracted

maybe getting addicted to video games isn't necessarily the answer but more you know it was around that time where I started I HE and started doing videos and I was always trying to develop some kind of skill i guess whether it were you like drawing or editing or something

like that um or just you know getting a a job whether it be part time yeah that's how i started just getting like a part time just so you can get some money of your own don't know what your family situation's like obviously so it's difficult to if you've got a structural backbone or not because if you don't obviously if you don't have that it's going to be a lot harder but yeah I don't want to say, like, things that feel like the end of the world at that age, like you said, they're often not. Yeah. Things you think are important, a lot of it isn't. Yeah.

Especially around, you know, when you're on the back end of school and you're still kind of in that mindset where it's like all about, like, academia and, like, rating grades and stuff like that. that. It can be like a weird transition into, I guess, the real world. Yeah. We like have a better word. So basically, everything I said at the start, you're paraphrasing to make sound good. Nice. Okay.

The thing is, I just want to say none of us are wise by any months. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. We're not fucking... The oldest one of us is 25 years old. Hey, I'm considered wise. I give good advice. If people come to me advice, I give them solid. advice unbiased

I think the stupidest people on the planet are probably from are probably 20 year olds like 20 yeah 100% because of course you're cocky when you're a teenager

but it's in a different way you think you're like invincible physically and you can put yourself through anything you can stay up all night you can drink you take drugs or whatever yeah but then when you're 20 that's when you're told

you're really supposed to be an adult now so then people kind of like they overcompensate and they like they just act like a different way and they can act in a way as if they know more than they do yes that's not necessarily being

stupid that's no it's just being I don't know the best way to describe it it just just know that you are going to be wrong a lot of the time yeah

and that's okay to be wrong you don't always have to be like you don't always have to know the correct answer to things and the know and know what to do in that moment and it's not necessarily a weakness sometimes part of the growth is figuring out how to get through something tough

and as I was saying I didn't want to like say well there's always someone worse off than you when you could like see their life and they could potentially have like a really shit time like the relatives of people's shit times are all completely different and some people find different things easier to deal with

so we have to be very broad but yeah anything else on this one hopefully we've helped in some form I don't know if there was anything useful in that I mean, if nothing else, hopefully we were at least distracting him. Yeah, no, honestly, podcasts were a big deal to me around them too. Yeah, same actually, around that age.

Obsessively listen to podcasts and it's nice to, yeah. Just noise. But it's also hearing other people's, like, opinions on things and stuff like that. Yeah. It's cool when they're from another part of the world, too. Yeah. Okay. Let's move on then.

Let's liven the mood a bit. Merink has one. This one seems a bit like a story. But they started with buckle up buckaroos. This one's a doozy. I work as a lifeguard. And for the most part, my pool is mostly quiet except for one family. This family has three kids between the ages of three and ten.

And none of them are strong swimmers. So I have to keep a close eye on them in the water so they don't. don't drown. Now, these kids don't really like to listen to me when I tell them not to run or lie motionless on the bottom of the pool. But they also like to keep swimming during that hourly safety break,

which allows me time to check the chlorine levels without having to watch for people. Yesterday, the kids arrived at the pool, just as I whistled for a safety break, and asked me, Hey, Lifeguard, do you know about what are those? Referring to the vine from like 2014.

As I was recording something in the chemical binder. They jumped in despite me not telling them to. Then they proceeded to chase after each other in the water while I'm screaming, sorry, not while I'm screaming, while screaming, I like them big, I like them chunky at the top of their lungs while tee posing. I had to keep whistling at them until they got out of the pool and once they did, they followed me around while Fortnite dancing until I got back up on the stand. If you enjoyed my story of children tormenting me, I have more where that came from. Game on. fuck me

imagine what we're in the end game we are in the end game no imagine how bad primary school is now imagine how bad like year sevens are now but I mean we were fucking cringy kids oh fuck me we were fucking unwheel

but like oh being chased by the flood do you know I mean that we didn't have shit handed to us in the same way now there's like that memetic energy in every fucking playground everyone has their injokes everyone's in on the same in joke

yeah adds like another layer to it I mean shit's still got around yes shit did still get around we just used our imagination back then now kids oh shut it now

now kids just play fortnight we're 21 years old and we're well I'm 21 years old and we're already doing that back in my day we used to imagine things actually was you mean to say you think it's the same

No, but it's just a new thing Like Yeah, this guy, he sent us a fucking letter Asking for advice Saying how he's been fucking bullied By these little fucking kids Or trying to kill him in a swimming pool So you don't think any fucking little chav kids

Have done that to anyone Before the year 2019 Not specifically how they tortured him Yeah, it was probably worse Yeah, but instead of doing T-posed And they probably would like kick him or pushed him over Probably called him the F word the bad one they're fucking three years old no it's it's oh shit we were more crucial

hardcore back then yeah we just push each other in fucking with us we weren't three if if you were three when you did that I don't I'd be able to forgive you but you were like fucking 16 I was not 16 no I left school with 16. Okay, you were 15. 14. Maybe. Don't you like, though, how Motto, specifically, that whole meme?

Hmm. It really highlights how fucking clueless they were when they were making Madagascar, too. Or how genius they were. They were ahead of the curb. No, it's actually so fucking, like, offensive. What the fuck they did with that? But what's supposed to be a kid's movie? This, like, hyper-sexualized fucking...

Chad coming out of the river with this fucking Will I Am song about how much he loves having sex No, it's He's just saying he finds it attractive When there's a lot of junk and trunk Yeah

But you're also specifically And This is not me saying it It's literally in the fucking song What is? I'm scared to say it Oh, I'll get shy Yeah because that song is so

fucking out there. Say it. Between 22 and 21 year old. You can say it, Alex. Yeah, but I'm not will I am. I don't have the same delivery. I don't have the same range. Send me a message and I'll say it for you.

Well, you know, the lyrics are like, I like him chunky, chunky, chunky, chunky, funky, no. What is it? Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey. Plumpy, that's it. Plumpy, plumpy, plumpy. Well, there's a part where he insinuates that he specifically likes really fat

black women uh yeah I'm that's what the song is that all no we need to do it as good as they say

on Madayesco too because that movie's got layers like I can't I can't without going on a whole it's big and chunky yeah I could do a whole is big and chunky is layered in depth as they say okay

Well, next one now. Oh, sorry. Ah. The Church Within says, do your parents listen to the podcast? Do you wonder how they feel about some of the stories you tell on the show, such as how Alex wants wanked into a banana? No. Pardon me.

No. Every now and again, my mum likes the intros to the show. Yeah. I have Argyen specifically. Yeah, she doesn't care. for her son's just the dog. Yeah. Oh, look at his little legs. He looks like a

fucking beep. It's fucked that man. No, just no to those questions, both of them. The answer is, I'm afraid, no. The answer is no, and I don't want it to be any other way. Quite frankly, I'm going to have to give this one a no. I'm Simon Cowell. I don't.

Reddick 360 asks, we all know that James has the biggest willy and jar. But who has the smallest? Yeah. James, who do you think? What do you reckon? Come on. Be honest. Be honest, come on. Don't just nod at me.

Me. You think it's me? What's your logic and reasoning? Um, you're taller than me. That's that's all it is. That's all it is. What? How big are your feet? I've actually got pretty small feet. They're size nine?

I've got sized 11 feet. That's what I don't understand. I've got really small hands and feet. A big fucking ass, though. Which memetically means you've got a tiny, tiny, tiny penis. Yeah, what's not to understand? And maybe I do. No one knows.

No, the twist in the story is that... I have fucking huge feet. It's fucking disgusting helping my feet. See, I'm the most average human. Everything's like average. Part of my penis, obviously. What is the average in this country? Sick, it's like 5.8.

2 inches or so? Well, I'm a monster. Okay, James is, you know... To be honest, I still haven't sent a cockpick to the group chat. Like, I'm nowhere, so, you know. What if that's the actual truth? What if it's James? Yeah, what if it is James?

It's been his technique all along to just lie and say... No, that's not the case. It's like your cock's always small. It's always going to be small because it's like how they are. No, what if you're a... What? Shower. Not a grower. If you're growing, it's like it's always gonna be small. But then when...

What about when you get wrecked? Then it wouldn't be small. Then it'd be fucking huge and it's like, oh shit! Right, okay, whatever, Jim. What? Who is the smallest Willie and Jawa? I don't fucking know. fucking no

are the only taking how you get a guess just based on logic and facts no because I've I've seen some very small people with some very large penises and some very tall people with

minute minute penises yeah I don't think where did you see these people eat a wet in real life or in videos porn no in real life how have you seen

that doesn't count because when you get older it just gets fucking bigger because it's all just fucking sagging doesn't mean it's bigger yeah spaghetti okay well

I don't know is the answer like say you had to put money on it you had to put fucking money on it So James, you would bet on me You would bet a hundred quid on me You all woven Me or Rubin Yeah, one of the two

That's what I bet A hundred pounds straight down on the table It'll be one of you two Well, you have to choose though Like you can't bet just based on like half the horses that are racing Um It'll just, I'll randomly pick either of you till on the day okay

well who would you bet then um I would I would risk it all on on James oh shit and finally find out the truth okay okay

put that fucking put that fucking money on the table boy he's confidence see this is what I mean though like it's a great tactic like reflection tactic because it makes you doubt

it's the doubt that really gets you going. No, the thing is, it is a complete guess. It's silly. It's a silly question. Because obviously, size... I would bet on... Yo mama.

I bet on James. So most people in Joe, I'd bet on James. well there's only one way to find out no you're too scared you think it would be um G-A-Y no I'm not scared of him gay if you want to see my cock

you just gotta ask I haven't that said we'll end the episode there thank you very much ladies and gentlemen one more shout out to the patrons over at Patreon go buy some t-shirts if you want to look

swanking swiftly and extra shwifty James really likes getting shifty don't you James he does he said yes he's nodding he's nodding