JAR Media Posdact - Testing Fart Filtering Underwear - JARCAST Episode 190

Episode Date: October 28, 2019

Grab yourself a pair of Shreddies here: https://www.myshreddies.com/ https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies

Oh man, do-da-da-da-da-a-d-d-a-d-robin scrub. Rob-and-scrob. King of battle. Oh, good afternoon. Good afternoon. Good afternoon, morning, evening on night, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the JARCust. I'm your host, Alex, here with James and Jamie.

This is episode 190, the big 1-90. We're getting closer to the gigantic 200. No, it's not a big deal. 200 is not like, it's just a number. I mean, once you go past 50, then it's kind of like, eh, eh, ah, you know. And honestly, not important. This is, we live in the now. Right now is what's important to us.

Listen, I'm so now now. No, but you know what is so important to us? Stinky? More so than some, a silly number like 200 is. the patrons over at the Jarl Media Patreon who are they're everything there the reason the show is the way it is

they are are bad and butter they is is in a sense you know they be there when they ain't no there to have I just realised that this angle is totally ruined because the whole top of my head is cut off but whatever

Those listening won't even realize such a thing So how are we doing, fellas? You know what? I'm feeling pretty good It's been a good week Has it? Yeah. Has it really? No. We have a few things we need to address from the last episode, mainly one thing. Mainly one thing that was just making me look bad that I need to address.

Last episode, just briefly, I mentioned this whole for just. incident and I made an offhand quip about it being like a Maori word when surprise surprise it didn't originate in New Zealand

and it's actually a Brazilian thing or something so that's it sorry for you know just speaking candidly on a podcast and then just like everyone in the comments is just like they're ready to type like come on make a mistake but there it is

into the comments I go you need to destroy. You know what? If the Brazilians can't even like come up with their own language, then I don't think they're allowed to come up with their own fruit. I think that's a fair statement.

To be honest. It is a different language, technically. Well, to be honest, it's not called Brazilian. Well, to be honest, Dan. My farts need a way of being absorbed into something. They need to just go in. Well, nice transition there. Real smooth and buttery and...

Like the farts going out of my ass into a nice pair of Shreddy's underwear. So, some avid viewers of the jarcast might remember that we mentioned an advert not too long ago about underwear. Yeah, we discovered a product for those you don't know. We were like, is it serial? Is it underwear? What is it? Well yeah Shreddies clap back

If we reel it back ever so slightly A few weeks ago We discovered this product Which are being sold as What are known as Fart Filtering Underwear And of course Bing Jar Media That's the kind of product we want to see

We want to engage with That we want to test Whether or not they are real And amazingly enough Shreddies themselves sent us three pairs to test out. One for each of us. And as you saw video watchers in the intro,

we kind of put the shreddies to the test. We ate the most garbage fart-inducing food as a way to try and test if shreddies really do absorb the farts and hide that stench. And we had sort of mixed results overall, not for the fault of the product themselves necessarily, but more the fault of our own bodies our own bodies and it's a strange thing trying to force your body to fart because it's normally the kind of thing you're doing everything in your power to avoid you're not trying to make yourself fart 24-7 but on this day where we had to test these shreddies we were put in a unique position where we were forcing ourselves to try and induce a fart sort of what's the word frenzy We were trying to induce a fart frenzy to put this product to the test.

Which, as jar viewers would know, it's not uncommon for us on the jar cast. There's always a fart frenzy going on. That's the thing, though, is they're not induced fart frenzy's intentionally. They are an adverse effect to whatever we have been doing, we haven't been thinking about it, but what was difficult about this whole Shreddy's event was we had to concoct some sort of plan and try and follow through on said plan to measure some level of fart

frenzy. What? So, as you could see on the start of this video, we went out to town and we tried to ingest the most fartatious foods. Fartatious.

Holy. Shreddies, you can have that one. Nah. that's mine okay no jar cast copyright fartatious my copyright

Jim was mine because I said it no no Jim Jim sort of I kind of I kind of whatever

whatever anyway as you can see we ate loads of food we ate a good amount but it doesn't matter the food

that we ate like whether it was a lot of food a little bit of food doesn't matter it was what it was that it was beans beans

beans Followed by beans And beans Just a whole lot of beans And chicken Chicken skin primarily And a lot of coffee We just ate a lot of chicken skin

And try and lose a coffee Drink a lot of coffee This was our attempt To try to manifest the farts But You know even after exercise When we're trying to Compress all the beans

To get the farts I mean let's not joke around Like we got a few good ones here and there Yeah There's a particularly good ones one of me just in my underwear just fine. Not in your

underwear in your shreddies. In my shreddies yeah which is now my underwear so so well we we really tried to get the farts but we were in the difficult situation where the farts just weren't coming even after all the effort the farts were not leaking. We someone misjudged what it

what it takes to really get you farting consistently because in my head when I was like right we're being sent these pairs of shreds the fart filtering underwear the unique product incredible product but when it comes down to it in my head I was just like how about how about yeah for this video we all just eat loads of like beans and then we just sit on the jarcast set and just fart just constantly is into James's face to be specific yeah like I had this I had this concept where like we were just going to

be farting non-stop and we're just going to be smelling each other's asses like trying to see if the farts were smelly or not with or without the underwear and it was going to be this whole like this whole really like gay sort of thing and I mean in reality that's just not the way the world works

no well I mean I reckon if we could have just sat down no no video planned or anything the the stench would have been flying

the poo farts would have been off the sharts would have been next level yeah yeah yeah but the fact that like we tried i guess you could say it's say it's a stage fart fright yeah there's probably be probably a better word for that but fart fright stage fart no stage fart fright i'm going to stick to that um yeah they didn't want to show up but we can speak on behalf of the no because yeah it's been quite a few days Since then, we've had a chance to test out the shreddies in the real world.

So, what do we think of shreddies fart filtering underwear? Well, is the hype real? As people can see in the video, I ate a pizza, and I knew that pizza's going to give me mad farts the next day. So after we did all that, I went home, went to bed, went to work the next day, wearing the shreddies, and they fucking worked. They... So, first, let's... What level of gaffsy... were you on that day?

I was averaging about two to two an hour. Two farts an hour. Two farts an hour and because it was like Don and Meat, Pete, crap, pizza, those farts, if stuck in a room will fucking kill you. They're just disgusting. They are vile. They're terrible. I could see that, yes.

And I was sitting at my desk. They were even quite loud ones as well. Not a single, single bit of smell came from my ass. They 100% work. That's incredible. because one thing did you find any issues in the fact that for shreddy's underwear to properly work

you have to be sat or stood in a certain type of way to make sure there is no gap in the shreddies underwear to let the farts kind of escape through a little hole that hasn't been you know sort of trapped within the shreddies themselves I'd understand this but for me my job you know I'm accountancy based I'm at my desk

I had no issue of it like not once because my sitting in position is like it creates a nice seal on my bottom for the shreddies so I never had an issue of it it was 100% perfect

so you could say it avoid it absorbed the farts big time yeah big time perfect cannot fault the shreddies fart fact fart filtering technology

and just to be clear we're not like shilling shreddies right now they did send us three pairs of shreddies but that's where it ended there was no contractual agreement they just told us test out

here's a list of food they were just like you know what we believe in our product to such a degree we're just going to send you three pairs and just let you talk yeah and to tell the truth like it does what it says on the tin it genuinely works it solves this problem for those that have

this far problem I can't fault them at first you know it's weird to get used to the padding at the back. After a few hours, I did not notice it. They were really comfortable. I personally do like these underwear because they just, they're tight, they've got a bit of padding, and it's just nice.

I, I'm not going to deny. I probably will buy another pair of shreddies. Genuinely, I probably will. So, one out of three people adore shreddies. One out of three people adore shreddies? Like, there's certain foods that just destroy. destroying my body and give me bad farts. And if I'm going to eat those things, I know the next day,

where the shreddies, I'm not going to have a problem. And that is great. And for people who really do suffer with that problem, it's like a life changer. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Generally, shreddies, great work. Love them. Yeah.

I can't say that, like, farting uncontrollably to the point where it's ruining my life is something. I necessarily need on a day-to-day basis, unlike James. So for me, it's not really something I need to wear every day of my life. I don't even, I don't need to wear every day. But, you know, some days, it's just like, and I'm going to be a bit stinky, so I'm going to wear something. So it's like a, yeah, it's like a barrier, a level of protection armor. Yeah, deterrent.

Yeah. It's just a level of security, you know? When you just want to go out and have a massive kebab, you know, you're next day, you're going to be safe. Yeah. So big time shout out to Shreddies. Yeah. Yeah, legend. generally yeah legends honestly when I saw that advert in the toilet of the

wagon motorway service station yeah motorway services I didn't think we'd get to this point but I mean I didn't think they'd be cool enough to just send us a few free pairs yeah and I mean like you guys said they they'd be holding that stank they'd be holding that stank big time so they can use that on their next advert But when we next are going on the motorway and we pull into the services, I want to go into the toilet and see, like, jar media. Just a picture of Alex, been over.

But, like, quotes, like quotes from this episode, they hold in that stank. Yeah. And I must say, shout out to Shreddy's. Fleshlight. Yeah, fleshlight can get out of it. This is officially the fart filtering podcast. Yeah, the official fart filtering podcast. Sex toy podcast or fleshlight podcast

Or whatever ludicrous thing We were talking about back then Now we're a fart filtering podcast now Now we're the official fart filtering podcast Yeah we filter farts for you Yeah so if If excruciating fart torture Is something that really is ruining your day to day

Head over to Shreddies Cop yourself a pair Generally support them support them And support their tech And support us because we're cool but we don't okay

but they're different things we're not shreddies we aren't shreddies and shreddies we have no affiliation shreddies can be absorbed by us if that's what we're like a fart that's absorbed into the shreddies no because we haven't been bought out by

shreddies really did you not get the um uh what Don't worry, I just edit that out. Okay, so let's move on to another topic. One of great debate in the jarmedia sofa area.

So on this same night where we were eating all this awful food to try and induce fart comas for us all, fart frenzy, I put on a certain movie for us to watch while we're waiting for our digestive system to, you know, encourage fart filtration. that movie being the new Lion King remake and we were all huge fans of the original Lion King passionate ones which one out of us three here who actually really cares about the original Lion King

you no I don't you the most out of us three out of the most yeah out of us three I care about the original 90s Lion King the most yeah yeah I don't think My care is even on the spectrum. There you go. But a unique thing happened where, in watching this remake movie,

it made me find a new level of appreciation for the old one. I was like, oh, yeah, that's how you do it. Not like this. Yeah. Yeah, like, it's from the point of view of someone that doesn't, all that much about the original, due to just not having seen it in so long, and I have no particular nostalgia for it. This new one is just bad, like on its own.

Lion King 2019, for me, in my current state of anger, is the worst film I've seen this year. 2019 Lion King. Fuck this movie, dude. I, I, let's just say, I, of course I'm gonna have a, of course I'm gonna have hate this movie right like people are going to say oh you you you need to look at it objectively you can't you need to look at it as a movie or whatever and i'm just there like disney you're already getting on my bad side and now you're doing it like aladdin was lame beauty and the beast remake was lame like all these remakes they're doing every god

that movie they're making it's just a just a ploy to trick people into the into the theater based nostalgia alone and I see this Lion King movie and I watched John Favreau's jungle book movie and you know what it was fine it was just fine it was watchable kind of creepy at points because of the animal thing with this incredibly realistic looking CG there's a weird uncanny Valley thing going on similarly to Lion King but it wasn't that bad because it was kind of anchored around this human character you could kind of relate to in a certain sense it's like little kid in the jungle interacting with these animals there was a little kid in the jungle interacting with these animals there

as a point of reference. Then you move into 2019 Lion King and you got just just these CG animals just talking to each other and just reenacting the original movie, but worse. In literally every way, there's not one single thing that's better than the original movie, not one. It is just worse in every way and I don't see the point of it. It's just a bloated version of the original movie.

God, it makes me so angry. Like, what does this movie really offer this new one? It's not law. Epic law for all the characters. but like even going more basic than that like humor no it's not funny action bad action

and any good action is just a shot for shot remake of the original but it's not like John Wick you know yeah but like the Lion King's not about that no I know but I mean what what the drama like the acting is significant it sucks the performances are very bad they just sound like celebrities in in boots

just talking to their mic. Especially Beyonce, all these people. The drama sucks. I mean, just like the moment to moment CGI, there is something off about it. Well, yeah, because for some reason, they decided that the art direction for the movie

should be, let's just evoke a documentary, a Nat Geo documentary. Let's just make the film look like that. Because we can do that now. And it's like such a classic, Jurassic Park what does what does

what's his face say where he's like they were so focused on doing something they could and never stopped to think

if they should yeah I butchered that quote but you understand what I mean like just because it's possible doesn't mean it's a good idea

but I don't think it is possible because not once when you're watching this movie do you think wait is that

is that real you know You never think, is there a possibility that that is just real because it looks real? It never looks real. There is always something off about it. Yeah, well, that's what's fascinating to me about it, is there is no real way to connect with the movie beyond your already existing attachment to the source material or the celebrities that are in the movie. Yeah, exactly. Which is so strange to watch this, like, bizarre computer-generated movie that really has no sense.

soul at all and it like really doesn't understand what it's doing aside from just recreating the original movie with just pointless added shit the added stuff was particularly bad every added thing is awful like it really doesn't expand anything it just makes it drag on like i was saying um that the action is bad because in a lot of the action parts they elongate it for some reason and that it's just boring man It's a boring film. I really wasn't expecting to be as boring. Because I thought Aladdin remake was as boring as these things could go.

Yeah. It felt more like mindless. The Aladdin, I mean. Yeah. Like you could just put it on and just... When Will Smith was on, it was kind of just funny. Yeah. What did you think from the brief things you saw, James?

Because like, you don't give a shit about any of it, so it's nice seeing... your interpretation of it from someone who just doesn't care about the original Lion King doesn't really care about the new shit you just you just saw it on screen for 10 15 minutes you witness what it was it's easy to look at it and know that it's like completely soulless because it's just like all the voice actors have already established celebrities that are just being cast because it's the way to draw attention like there's they haven't cast anyone to fit the characters it is quite literally just let's make this thing because we can. Yeah. And I will say the CD doesn't look that bad. If you see, like, it doesn't look bad. It just looks uncanny because it's just like this hyper. Yeah. That's what I mean, though.

Like, it never looks real. Yeah. You know? So at that point, why are you trying to make it look real? Because it never will. Hmm. Because they have a human performance really intricately being animated by these incredibly talented animators, trying to convert that human performance.

into an animal speaking like a human. Specifically a cat, which cats are notorious for not having any emotion. Yeah, they're psychos. They're sociopaths. Complete sociopaths. So like with a dog, they emote with their ears and their eyes. They're expressive animals. They're expressive.

Whereas a cat, it's just blank. And the animators, they're trying their hardest. Like I read or heard that like the animators to express emotion through the animals, instead of making the animals behave like humans, they tried to match like that animal's expression with the sort of equivalent that human would have. So you have this really, like, you have these weird scenes where like these animals are interacting and like one of the animals is doing a very animalistic thing like grooming themselves while they're doing some weird, very

Shakespearean kind of speech that's like tied to the original Lion King and it's just super weird like it really doesn't work for me anyway There's like two problems with that and that's like one I don't think cats experience the variety of emotions that humans do

and two that's inherently unrelatable like just because that is how that animal portrays that emotion doesn't mean that humans know it so when you watch it it's just this animal being weird yeah it's like that there's one problem with the movie and that is that making it with this intent is just stupid and and it begins and ends there's like no reason because of that problem there's loads of other problems yeah yeah as a like as a result of like it just being green lit based on this idea this concept you just have this just abomination of a film like i'd find it really insulting the movie like every musical number

is worse every shot even if it's completely recreated from the original is worse than the original it doesn't have any of the mood atmosphere style art direction the character design there's so much expression the original like when i was showing it to you we were going we would like watch one of the john favreau's musical numbers from the 2019 version then i'd go back to the original and show you what the original was like because it's been so long since you've seen it and there's so much color and vibrancy and movement and like blocking

there's so much going on in the original what was crazy to me like listening to the music in the 2019 one it's like how did any of these songs like create such a boom you know well yeah well out and John and said came out

about how disappointed he is in this Lion King movie and like he's he wrote the goddamn music like and that's why everyone loves the Lion King so I mean if they got that wrong even there's nothing that's going to make the movie stand up exactly because that's the most important fact and the song they add in that Beyonce song oh my god it's just completely out of nowhere totally like the sound of it's completely wrong it's so like right Beyonce song new thing we need to sell soundtracks

put that one in there and every song is just them running like the lion's just running through a field oh it's just so bad so bad Uh, yeah, that's been on my mind recently and I'm just so pissed off by it that I had to mention it on it. I couldn't not. I mean... Glad you did. Yeah, I mean, if any of the jarlings out there vehemently disagree, which some of them do fairly often, and they let us know, let us know in the comments or on Reddit. I'd like to know someone who's less, I don't know, attached to the original or that, because it's quite a nostalgic childhood thing to me that original.

Like a certain... Yeah, it was like a sacred thing. It's like remaking something that should not be redone. Like it was fine. Yeah, it was weird for me because it's the first time I've seen any rendition of the movie at all in a long, long time. And like, I'd hear the music and be like, I remember this. And like the bugs when they're eating the bugs.

Yeah. But it's all just a bit wrong. A bit worse. Oh, it's more than a bit wrong. Weird. Not a fan. Are you excited for their next remakes? Oh, Lady and the Tramp I love, obviously, so I'm just hyped for that.

Are you doing Lady and the Tramp? Yeah, and Moulin and all of it. Oh, no, if they're doing Moulon, that's when I'm going to come out. Fucking love Moulon. Fucking love it. So if they, if they wound that... Thing is, I was never even that attached to those original 2D Disney movies. Like, I like Treasure Planet and I liked Hercules.

Those were the two I was completely obsessed with. No, I was a Moulan boy. I love You actually liked Mulan I fucking love Mulan I watched it

recently with a dragon and yeah I watched it recently and I was just like this is great I love it you watched it

recently really yeah let's get down to business I don't think I've ever seen Milan

honestly oh my god yeah I only know that song because you had a cringe about it a while ago I had a cringe

about it it's actually a great song that one the whole the whole soundtrack is good fuck me don't

gonna get me to a Moulin fix and I can't do that. A Moulin Mood. But I made a joke about it on Twitter and people were like, Oh, you shouldn't be annoyed about the new Moulin because they're actually taking the original source material and adapting that instead, like it's not going to be silly and have loads of CG dragons and everything, it's just going to be serious like we have always wanted. You don't always, you only know Moulon because Disney made Moulon, you assholes.

It's just like, fuck you, dude. Like just... Eat my ass. That's how you're justifying it. Yeah, I'm sure that's why they really wanted to get another movie. Yes, we're not going to remake it because of the trend of the billion-dollar successes we're getting from these remakes. We're going to do it because we need to do the source material justice or whatever the fuck.

You know what, I'm going to watch Moonland on the weekend. Oh, whatever. The Jarkass is going to be remade soon enough. It's going to all be replaced. Who's going to be a bit wrong? Can we do that at the start of the next segment? What actor is going to play who in the Jarkas remake? Jim will be John Trom.

James will be H3 and I will be... Who will I be? Jang Bricks. Fuck you. Bitch. And we'll be back after these. messages to discuss some questions I feel a fart coming get the shreddies we'll be back after these messages after the fart pick up your shreddies now to absorb one of

these guess what we got in store for you today lads join in your t-shirts check the description below welcome back or it's not even really welcoming back to the the people who are listening are watching because to them this is just now it's just the now it's been it's been like 30 seconds yeah there was like a little interlude thing let's piss on the jar cast we were born to piss on the jar cast well this is the part of the show where we answer questions from the community if you want to leave your own questions for us to answer head over to the jar media reddit and leave your questions for us and maybe just maybe just maybe we will answer. Who's going to lead us off this week?

Lock Apple. Can we get an update? Can we get an update on how James's anime body pillow from Jarkast episode 60 is doing? Is she alive and well? Let's make it clear. It's not my body pillow. It's Alex's. I never own this. I never took it home. I never took it home. So for some reason... It's Alex's. I had two body pillows. I don't know if they sent an extra one by accident. But I was sorting through my, my closet behind here, and I found one.

And I was like, oh, I didn't realize I still have one of these. But I remember giving you one, though, as well. No, what do you mean? Do you mean the pillow or the covers? Both. There is a covered body pillow in there. Okay. I'll make it clear.

I'm taking the cover off, and I'm taking the pillow home because they're unbelievably comfy and they're good for you back. Wait, so... so you didn't take that pillow then you literally told you ages ago to keep the pillow because it could be because they're really comfy I wouldn't mind not having that on my bed without the cover

just the pillow so I didn't give it to you no you literally told me what happened to it then no you literally told me oh I just threw it in the skip you literally said that you went to the cycling center I'm pretty sure I took it to the cycling centre

and threw in a room with you weird to like in public throw a fucking body pillow into the skip yeah so I've still got one if you want one still. No, I want the pillow because it'd be really... With the casing as well, obviously. No, no, no, just the pillow.

So it's just going to get covered in poo and semen then. You get the casing. Like, that's just the bundle. Okay, I'll take it off and I get home then. Yeah, that's fine. That works. Well, they can't, no, because the actual medical items, remember? Generally, what?

Body pillows are a thing that you can be prescribed through, like, doctors and shit. They'll say, like, you need to have this. With the cat girl skin. No, just the pillow. Because if you have stuff of your legs and stuff, with your, like, losing, feeling your legs, you can't get that stuff because it helps. So they are actually, like, really useful, and they're fucking comfortable.

Okay, you can't have it, then I'll have it. No, fuck you. You've already given it to me now. I'm having that bad pillow. Fuck you. No, no, the one, your one's gone into a skip. No, that was your one. My one's going to go on my bed tonight.

I'm going to slurp right down on it, and I'm just going to squeeze. No. No. I'm going to put James's theory to the test, and I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to put that cat girl body pillow on my bed and I'm going to sleep with it for like a week

and then by next episode I'm going to report back and be late no no because you're giving it to me already no it's too late now yeah it's too late no you were too reluctant for too long dude you've got too much respect I didn't know he had it yes you did no I didn't know Alex had one in there

I thought he threw it in the bin otherwise I had got it sooner Christ. Come on, dudes, I got gravy on my shirt. Let's move on. Ronald McMummy asks, Has anyone in Jarr ever tried no-fap or no-fap November? If so, how did it go? Um... Why does that be November? Is that like a thing?

Everything's in November, like, mustache. Movember. You basically become a fucking slob in November. Chode Vember. Eye Vember. Earlobe Vember. Don't brush your teeth, November, don't shave, don't clean November. Don't take a shit, November.

No, I've never tried that. Don't clean your penis, November. It's just November. You don't need to clean your penis if you are doing no-famp November. Why? Fair point. No-fap. I've taken breaks from fapping.

Of course. It's like just a bit of something healthy to do. Every like, while. every 40 years First off I have a huge problem With calling it fapping Yeah, that's cringe

What the fuck? It's 2007 bullshit What is that? Okay, no wank Yeah, better I sometimes do that It's just like Oh, me no fapipip

Have you guys tried No smack November I don't do the smack Techniques I've never been in that situation No, I'm talking about smack Well like drugs heroin

Well, you know me I like a bit of heroin here and there I can't go that long Without a bit of join join Join join No smack November hard No fat November easy Yeah

I'd say it the other way around Really? Yeah I'm all about Heroin Hard to drop No that's what I'm saying Oh

No smack November is hard to do Yes That's easy In comparison yes In comparison, yeah. I mean, anything's easy in comparison. But, of course, if you don't know the heroines, then maybe it would be a bit more harder. Well, you should just do it, try it.

Yeah, probably do some good. No, don't watch porn. Yeah, we've been over this. Pluffy FX asks, Hey, Jammie Dodgers, my teacher worked as an animator on Madagascar 2005. Bullshit, I'm calling Bullshit. Would you like me to ask him or tell him? something from you.

Well, yes, obviously. I can't believe you even asking me this. First off, thank him for his work. Secondly, ask if he wants to be on the jarcast, big time. Generally. Yeah, ask if he wants to be on the jarcast if this is real. If not, then... Fuck off, you know?

I want to know, his journey from being DreamWorks animator to teacher. Is he teaching animation? What's he teaching? Is this guy in, like, university for animation or film or some, some, one of those things? Like, what, why would you go from working on Madagascar to being a teacher? You know? There's no, no, this is fake.

This is fake. I'm calling it. This is fake. Well, he can't be animating Madagascar and there hasn't been a sequel in ages. Yeah, but if he's doing Madagascar. He's going to do Kung Fu Panda. Yeah, ask him if you work to on Confu Panda. Rihanna Alien One.

Home. Home. Trolls. But, look, it's fake. Don't give him the time of day. Edit this out. Oh, there's no doubt I'm editing this out. Anything that pisses me off, it's gone.

You don't seem very pissed off, to be honest. Well, that means it's going to be in then, so deal with it. I know what? I need to do big poo-poo. We all need to do big poo-pooh. Don't become a chut. But you're actually standing up to go and do his shit right now. Are you serious? I need to do poo-poo.

Okay, so James is just fucking off to do a shit then. And he takes, like, so long as well. Does he? He does take so long time to do a poo. Yeah, but I'm not, I don't do it in the middle of a goddamn podcast. Oh, yeah, no, I'm just saying for the people they need to know these kind of things. Dick the head says this. Hi boys, I live in New Zealand and have access to sour for Joas, as well as a range of New Zealand suites.

My question is, do you have an address or P.O. box I could send them to? Or alternatively, I'll be on holiday in London late January if you want to meet up and I'll give them to you. Anyways, thanks for the cast. Game on. Well, we don't have a P.O. box. Unfortunately. I've looked into it multiple times and I've even tried to get one set up. but every time Royal Mail or whatever we're just like calling me up and like

sorry but something's really gone wrong here and like you're going to need to provide some information and I'm like what do you need? Well I'm sorry but you need to provide something that I just really don't have and I'm like okay so what I'm trying to give you money for a service why are you making this so difficult for me

right now Royal Mail. This is Royal Mail man they all think they're royalty More like Royal with Cheese Mail Nice, man Fucking nice Lawrence Fiddle Says I consistently have nightmares about that

bald guy from Crystal Maze Imagining him chasing me through The Maze endlessly with the theme song playing What's Crystal Mule? Did any show or character from your childhood scar you for life? What the fuck is Crystal Maze?

Yeah, well, the... Crystal maze. What's something that disturbed your child? Something that scared me quite a lot. The first one that comes to mind. The, are you my daddy kid from Doctor Who? With the gas mask. Oh, dude, yeah, yeah.

That was creepy. The World War II sort of gas mask child. Yeah. And he just like, he was like the monster. That was scarier than any, like, fucking... Bees! What are they called? The Sladeen.

Sladeen. I found the Sladeen breed scary myself. That's because you're a massive little... But yeah, like, yeah. That is scary, man. Gas masks are scary already. Stick that on like a World War II kid. Freaky stuff right there.

I have this really obscure memory of something that frighten me as a child. Two, actually. Of two movies. I don't know what the movies were or if my memories are even accurate but this is what they were the first one was this weird

like it was like prehistoric man kind of cavemen type people and there was a scene in it where this woman sort of gets like absorbed into this I don't know alien device

some kind of sludge this weird thing and she gets gets like absorbed into it and dies or something like that and that that image is in my head quite clearly completely devoid of context and the other one is we were on I was like a little kiddie we're on some family holiday and we were supposed to be in bed and I like snuck out because I couldn't fall asleep so I went to my mum and her brothers that were watching some like horror

movie and I like saw like a little bit of it which was someone going to the toilet to do a poo and like a tentacle like grabbing them or pulling them or something that wouldn't have been dream catcher would it no it wasn't dream catch it was something else it was something more B movieish not like not like Jerry Seinfeld hey it's me but like B a B C like a B movie letter B movie. Let's a B movie. Thinking B! I hope she's Bish. I can't believe that a

fucking film even is real. James, is there anything from your childhood that sort of traumatized you, like a media, show, character, something like that? We've very talked about this. That whole

movie I saw as a kid by accident. Which one? One missed call. Oh that Don't even remind me It's going to freak me out Don't Don't Doing me out

I don't answer the phone If you're listening Remind me And you're curious And you don't know what it is Don't Google it Because it'll scare you Nah remind me

I can't remember now I'll get no I'm not telling you Oh come on me That shit scares me Okay I'm googling it And then I'm gonna tell the guys Splean pirate asks

Bring back meme chat We got some weird ones We need Jamie the Bowies fart muncher to talk about. Yeah, no, no, I've been thinking about May-May chat recently. Here's the thing, though, about meme chat. It was sort of a recurring segment

we'd have on here now and again. Like, we've done all, we've experimented time and time again on the jarcast with all sorts of different segments. But my understanding was that people hate meme chat. May-May chat, yeah. That meme chat pisses people off.

Yeah, and now we have people asking for it. Yeah, that pisses me off. I put my heart and soul into meme chat, and these guys come out here going, oh oh get rid of it and then now people out here being like oh oh bring it back oh as soon as as meme chat comes on I really get annoyed

and then these people like oh I was only here for mean chat in the first place bring it back no fuck you people not even appreciating that the name itself is a joke is a joke because you guys remember

Keemstar before he'd made baited he was like I'm gonna make a podcast and it's gonna be just next level and it's going to be called meme chat and it's going to have leafy in grade A and we're just going to go in Oh

Well we'd bring it back if you had good memes Get good memes Well I saw a tweet recently I think it was by Emperor Lemon That was like Look at these memes And it was the hot dog Dancing thing from Snapchat

It was that frog on a bike I can't remember its goddamn name All these memes in 2017 and the tweet was like look look at these look how shit unfunny and dated they are and this was from two years ago and you look at them and you're like wow that's ancient this feels like it's literally 25 years old you look at troll face and he's there like a like a soldier that's like withstood it all you know and he's made it out the other side Trollface is like Maria from Gives of War II

Yeah Troll face is like No Troll face is Thai from Geys War II Is he called Thai? Is that the one that kills himself? Tai kills himself

Yeah he shoots himself And the head with his shotgun Yeah No that's terrible Troll face That shit Might as well be Caved drawings

That's just so ancient now But like The thing is troll face has like it it it it was broad its purpose yeah it's kind of

hot dog from Snapchat like what's the joke that like someone's filming something fucked up and there's the sausage there the hot dog yeah the fucking sausage I don't like you calling it a sausage

a hot dog is a sausage Fuck. No, because... Man. Whatever. Not I'm gonna... James, there's a hot dog a sausage.

Yeah. I never said it wasn't, but what I have had a disagreement with is you're ignoring the bun aspect of its... Whatever. Look, when I say the Snapchat sausage, everybody knows what I'm talking about. They don't.

When you say Snapchat sausage, I think of someone sending a fucking nude of their dick to somebody. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, but a hot dog... Oh, you want to see my Snapchat sausage? No, but... That way they did it? Yeah.

It's straight off, it's like, you know, do you want nudes? Like them being self-aware, like hot dog. I want to see my hot dog baby? Yeah, and then you sound like a... I'll whip out my hot dog. No, you know, you don't know. It's replacing actual communication. You don't need to ask for nude.

You just send a picture of the hot dog. Snatch a hot dog and it's... Yeah, but the hot dog's gone now. Well, they've got a replacement. There ain't no hot dog now. There might be. We don't know. Do you remember when, uh...

let's down meme chat for a bit do you remember the whole area 51 thing yeah terrible actually what do you mean no everyone was going to raid area 51 it was a lot of Facebook group

yeah and loads of people following no one showed up the interesting thing about that one is that like once the date actually went the meme just ended yeah because Because the meme had an end date on it.

Yeah, but like, nobody even did anything. There wasn't even one funny mima. You know, the one out there wearing like a Rick and Morty costume. Pickle Rick. In front of the Air 51. Pickle Rick got like gun down outside of every... See, that would have been memeable, but nobody even wanted to do that. What has this world come to?

Nobody wanted to want him to fucking gun fire. Just as Picklewick. Yeah, wearing... The pickle. Before we move on to any more questions, there's something we need to address that I was supposed to do in the first half but forgot.

Oh, for God's sake. No, because last episode, we did a vote on something. Ah, yes, I'm very pleasantly surprised. The vote was on whether James or not should grow a beard. And we were talking to him earlier. Do you not mean whether James should grow a beard or not?

Whether James should grow a beard or not. And we're talking to him earlier and it seems like he's babyed out the goddamn idea he's betraying the jarlings yeah not only is he babied out of the idea but he he he said he would do whatever he was told and now now the people have spoken and the democracy is falling to pieces you are betraying us james you are betraying the jarlings james are you a communist no i'm a socialist what's the difference bitch i'm being the emperor so Yeah, it's not actually his opinion

Is mine Well yeah So that explains why you don't No Want to do what everybody's asking for What you said you would do If everyone were to ask for it Oh come on guys, let's do this really fun vote

And then vote on like if I'm gonna grow a beard on stuff But hopefully it's not yes Because then I won't do it Even though it was really obviously going to be yes the whole time Now I'll say no Not cool. You gotta blue all the jar fans.

No, so, I mean, the further you're gonna get as a response to this is your own doing. People are gonna be angry. We'll rain hell down upon thee. That's what the jars are gonna be like. And this is just more proof of the

the angia we hold to. If you can grow a beard, you need, You need to. You need to. You can't live your whole life and be like, well, I had a perfect chance with hundreds of people, if not thousands.

Behind me, behind my back. If not hundreds of thousands. If not hundreds of thousands. Millions of people behind my back wanting to see this result, and I blew it. I blew it. And for what? I don't.

Don't regret what you do. Regret what you don't do. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I don't know how. I have no experience with beards, it would look shit. That's a terrible excuse and everyone listening agrees with me. Zing! Am I wrong?

No. If someone's willing to come cut my beard, then I will do it. What are you talking about? Yeah, what is he talking about? You're just creating problems out of nothing. Listen, James's mouth right now is like... That's you right now. James is troll facing us right now.

Yeah. Go on do the troll face. Basically what I'm saying is you're just going to throw it and see. Which means no. No, no, no. What? Am I not growing facial hair right now? Okay.

James tugging on my balls like they appear. I'm blue-balling you. You're never going to know. That's not what blue-balling is. Yeah, it's I'm leaving you on the edge. That's edging. I'm edging you then. and Jim.

And I ain't gonna stop any time soon. Ab squatula has one for us. If the Jarkast members had anime statues of themselves, what pose would you be in and what outfit and accessories would each member have? I'll have the infamous James. You're gonna have to elaborate because no one knows what that is or means. No, you can leave it there. Okay, so the infamous James.

That's James' answer to that one. I think I'd be wearing... Alright, man, this is tricky. No, it's not easy. What's iconic? Iconic, uh, the death star, uh... I'd be wearing the death star. And I'd be sending like a teapot from the song.

A teapot? Yeah, you know, I'm... I'm a little teeple, short and spout. Here is my eyes. Here is my mouth. That one. Well, mine would be like a recreation of the frame of Brian being hit by the car. With me being Brian with the car.

Oh, how original. Oh, how original. I could grow a beard, but I'm not going to because reasons. Zing. That's called getting zinged. So the accessory would be the car, obviously, for me. Wait, there's an accessory? Well, yeah, yours is...

What outfit and accessories would each member have? Okay, my accessory would be... Chips. Chips. Chips? What, the incredible film? No, chips the fucking food. Yeah, which chips do we mean?

Do we mean... Potato chips? I'm not... Well, crisps. or fries chips are pub chips deep fried

fucking sticks of potato no because they're chunks of potato fries are sticks chips are chunks I don't know just no that's horse shit what he's saying right there that's horse shit

chips are chips all chips are strips of potato no because we literally had chips today and they were chunks no they were chunky strips they were chunks chunky strips you're just a fucking bitch

because you can call you can call a fry a chunk of potato no because it's not chunky it's too skinny it's a chunk chunk's got to be fat and wide like Alex's ass when he bends over to fart excuse me

Liam Cartwright asks this If aliens came to you guys And asked what YouTube was all about What five videos would you show them The Titty one that we reviewed Yeah the titty one that we reviewed The Game Theory video

Any Angry Joe video No you've got to choose the Angry Joe video Oh come on No because what if his latest upload was like a review of a trailer His Witcher 2 one where he's like jerking off In the beginning Uh Uh...

Zuella? I don't know any specific Zool-Uroman. Yeah, Superwoman is better. More funnier. But... KSI... Nah, Jake Paul or one of them. Can I...

This is mine! Let me have mine, man. Uh... KSI and... KSI's brother. See. No, you're thinking stupid You're thinking stupid, Jim, for fuck's sake

No, if you want to show a new Existence What YouTube is about You show them the fucking like Top 5 Kim Star videos Because that gives a board view on drama Oh, that's not a bad time That gives you what

YouTube's about So an alien lands on Earth And then you show it Keemstar Oh, you show it Alien Lands on Earth I think you show it that classic video of that guy who's running away from an alien that's chasing him.

Do you remember that? No. Do you not remember that fucking video? No. It's like that guy running from that like CG alien thing that's like crawling while he's driving his car away.

Oh yeah. Oh, fuck me. I don't remember this. I do. I'd have to try and find it. But that one. That's what I want to see. You want to see. see it is this is for the alien right now with an alien because i just i'll sit down and be like come on alien have a look and just load it up and just like just forget the aliens there

and just start watching like random youtube videos like a 20 minute cat video that would yeah that that is youtube though epic fail videos fails of the week smosh uh smosh video uh tobuscus Cute win, fail. Cute when fail, yeah. When... PewDie screams, it's raping me, it's raping me on... Tabau was, are wiping me. Stop wiping me.

Mm-hmm. Um... Yeah. Oh, come on, guys. Be more real. I was being real. What about one of those... No, this is the actual answer. Just put on one of those playlists of, like,

Most Satisfying Videos compilation. No, because that's not YouTube. That's Instagram. That's an Instagram thing. That's not. Yes, it is. It's a YouTube thing. They get like 20 million views. Oh, fuck you. Yeah, bro. They get like, insert view number here.

Views. Yeah, brie. Oh. Y, oh, Y, oh, why? Yeah, why? Did anal cavities ask us this? If you were a professional rest, What would your wrestling name and signature move be?

The impossible. My signature move would be, um... It would be a dive kick slap. A dive kick slap? Yes, you dive... Why not just slap? Why is the kick out to be in there? You kick yourself up and then you slap and knock them out.

What's wrong with just the slap? No, because that's your... That's always been your train of that. Yeah, but I'm combining that into a wrestling move. Okay. The slap would have been fine No, because the slap's not exciting There was a joke actually within my family

The family that you are a part of So I'll let you answer for me Okay, so mine would be sort of like I said the answer for me, you're telling me mine Well, you'd obviously be the beast No Do you not remember When I was in my younger years

I had less patience And I broke many a door Around the house Oh, right. So the joke was, my wrestling name would be the door breaker. The door breaker. Not the most imaginative for someone that breaks a lot of doors. It's quite literal, yeah.

It's quite, yeah, unimaginative, but... I mean... What's your signature move? What's your signature movie everyone's waiting for? I, like, build a door frame, put a door on it, and then break the door on the person that I'm fighting. Yeah. Or do you not just use a door and break the door on them?

No, because, like, I didn't. break the door, like the door itself. I broke the door off of the... Let me do mine. I would be the anculosaurus and I would do a huge shit out my ass and use it as a tail and I would bludgeon

my enemies to death. Jim's just walked off and left me to... I don't count. Fuck you. Well, thanks for listening to this episode. I'm going to fucking dive kick slap you in a minute. Bitch. Thanks for watching and support.

Thank you. I'm really tired because it's quite late. We'll see you on the next episode, everybody. Bye-bye.