JAR Media Posdact - The Face of a Gooner - Corncast 40

Episode Date: May 4, 2021

https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies Timecodes: 00:00 Intro 04:41 Comment Lick 18:24 Halo Follower Reports on New Halo Drop Lootbox 24:57 Alex Briefly Mentions Avatar TLA 25:55 Manly Moments 32:17 Mid Break & Patron Names 41:16 Reddit Questions 41:45 Dream Goon Rotation 43:50 Yellow vs Pink Lemonade 44:08 The Pasta Debate Rages On 47:56 One Singular Poo In A Fictional Land 49:36 Sports 54:56 How is Billy Doing 56:16 The Worst Question Ever Asked on JAR 57:27 Nissan Micra 1:00:20 Born to wipe 1:08:06 Potata 1:13:59 Lions vs the Sun 1:17:36 The Call of the Wild

Um, I had a chunk of, I had two lines of Capri's chocolate and now I feel terrible. Two lines. Yeah. Lines Coke. Two lines. I might have to go eat some fruit. I feel terrible with myself. Oh, God, do you think. Why do you have to do that now? Why can't you do it after? What do you mean? I'll do it after.

Why do you need to eat some fruit now? Because I feel terrible with myself. What do you mean? That's not how it works. Yeah, what you're talking about? What do you mean? It's not how... You can't, like, eat a fish and chips and then have a strawberry

and just undo what you've done. You just have two lines those cabbies. It's not bad. I mean, if you're even half as smart as you think you are, you just do what I do, which is, don't announce it. Mute your mic, stand up, get something, come back. No one's even noticed you're gone. You know?

I noticed. No, you didn't. Yeah, I did. No, you didn't. I might have. No, you didn't. I'm literally never going to buy anything sweet. I hate it.

Yes, see, tomorrow you're going to Starbucks to buy a sugar drink. I'm not anymore because it's in Melchium and I'm driving to Chippenham. I'm driving to Chippenham. I'm getting a Burger King though. Right, anyway, let's start. Oh, it can be stuck. I need to refill my water. Oh my God.

insults me again i will be assaulting him hi hi what you mean nothing what you mean we've already done the episode okay i'll see you guys here then i'm going to bed all right bye bye I don't need to get myself hyped up yeah good afternoon morning, evening or night ladies and gentlemen this is episode 40

40 of the Jammie Gorncast host James 40 weeks 40 weeks and I'm joined by the lovely Wobin

the fantastic Alex and the beautiful Jamie oh I thought you were going to do like your own version of the name's comeback but yeah I thought it was going to be revenge give me a different name

Gears of War fan that's Jamie yeah Giz of War follower off cue 50% 50% of you. 50% love you.

100% reason to remember my name. What? What? It like lagged for me so I couldn't tell what he said. It's my favourite thing whenever James' scream is broken up by bad internet, like connections. It's nothing funnier to me. 100% reason to remember my name. do you not remember that from the

the model warfare two era of like Xbox where you'd go to sans a baron it'd be like it'd be those cringy rap lyrics like 20% I can't remember the exact one but it was just fucking cringe because you had your bio and your um you had your motto

didn't you? Yeah people had that I can't remember my motto We changed our motto's constantly to mess of each other My motto for some time was The ending of Gears of War III So you're the true Gears of War follower Here

It was my childhood That's what brought my mind into the mature world Well speaking of the mature world James you got the next segment to introduce Good luck describing what it is because it doesn't really have a name. And thanking the patrons, right? Um, a big thank you to the Patreon's over at Patreon.

Um, like and subscribe. Um, this is the part of the show where we go over to the comment to bow and filter through the dregs and find the juicy, the juicy comments. Cordelius is going to start us off with a name suggestion, that being, call it the comment convergence. Thoughts? No. No.

No, not doing it for you? How about, how about, um, how about we call it fuck off mate? Ooh. Okay. That's a bit too far. Too aggressive, a lot of aggression towards the gelling so far. It's supposed to be PC. Skinny and Humble has a different suggestion.

Similar to the logic behind calling it the comment enema, can we please start calling it the comment douche, pretty please? No, no. How about we call it fuck off, mate? Oh, mate. I like the, uh, let's do a vote on that one. I vote for douche. What is a douche?

Yeah, I'll vote for douche. it's that thing you take your shit in yeah it's a bidet right wait no you took a shit in a bidet a douche is like a nozzle that you squirt up your don't we but you can also doish out your pussy hole but you are advised not to

because it's a self-cleansing organ or whatever we all know that to bevan self-cleasing pussy oh mate yeah douche is also Nick Crowle's famous line He was a douche In food fight

Oh yeah And the joke was that he was a rapist Oh my God Yeah Remember that? Dude it's so funny That's not a very funny joke at all No

You have to see the film It's actually like so funny Windows XP autumn wallpaper is a superior choice left a comment for James saying James you just need to accept the fact that everybody wants you and live with it no that was in response to the by comment well fair enough I hope people are happy a stone weevil left one in response to this toilet roll going against the wall thing controversial opinion having the toilet roll roll go under

is better because it makes it easier to tear it off one-handed because you can brace your wrist against the roll how do you feel about that you can do that you can do that no matter what yeah you can do that anyway yeah right next question get something that's not fucking stupid this time uh will tell me nothing about shit either let's leave shit alone for a few minutes too early we can save the shit bit for a little bit later

Will Towers has one for us in response to the stand-up comedy topic we talked about briefly last episode there's more to stand up than the boys know as they said there was before COVID and still now to a much lesser extent

a massive market for comedy clubs and stand-up gigs people like Chris Rock, Dave Shabell James Acaster, Joe Rogan, etc. are not representations of the actual industry and are like saying PewDiePie represents all of YouTube. Even in COVID in the UK, there have been so many live stream gigs, essentially not everything that appeals to society is on the internet and not every younger adult gets their entertainment from the internet. And there was one other one on this subject from gluten-free WMD. That stand-up discussion was bizarre because you guys didn't illustrate what you think the normal. was for the industry as far as I'm aware stand-up has always been dominated by very few people at the top with a sea of people at the bottom on the grind while working another job and it makes sense that out of the four of you only one has been to a live show because stand-up is only a thing in large cities but most you bar and boys aren't living also the general audiences for shows like that are 35 and up

makes sense you guys have any thoughts yeah why weren't you fucking funny like and why wasn't it about shit You know, next time, if you're going to ask us a question, just try harder, okay? Just make it about farts, make it about shit, make it about piss, make it about animals. It doesn't have to be human piss or shit. It can be any piss or shit. Yeah, which animals could we kill? Which animals could we kill? Which animals could kill each other?

Yeah, if you have something critical to report back in the comments, just think about that. If the topic is remotely critical of us, just change it into a question about poo or something. Yeah, if you're critical of us, just think, like, could I beat an eagle in a fight? Yeah. And the answer is probably no, and guess what, motherfucker, I can. Yeah. I have, no, for real, though. One of the best hypotheticals I've ever seen.

Screen Cap for later. It's like my favorite one, probably. For real, though, I think, um, like, stand-up comedy, if you wanted to laugh, like, back in the day, day before the internet there weren't all that like you could watch friends i guess when it was on on tv and like get one laugh and then feel sad but like back then you know comedy was a was a was a was a rare commodity whereas now you know i look on twitter and it's just full of Great comedy, man.

The freshest comedy. Yeah, the freshest, most original, just ideas being put out there. Michelle left one about belly button lint. I had a friend who made out with the guy for the first time in their life, and the guy she was with tried to finger her belly button, question mark. And when she was home, she checked her belly button and there was blood. later I would learn that he thought that fingering was penetrating the belly button

just a weird thing that I remembered that's fucking grim that's sex that sets I'm sorry how old would you have to be to think that I mean genuinely you really shouldn't be

like that's basic biology where the belly button is and what the belly button like why it's there which is not a lot it just sort of yeah it's fucked up actually I think belly buttons are weird like they exist as a

they're a scar from when you had a tube feeding you like in the Matrix it's like pulling out that shit from the back of your neck apart from it's your belly button Jake Magro has one for James How is James enjoying Jojo Has he got to Stardust Crusaders

Also Alex you seem very interested When James is talking about Jojo Do you want to watch it too So James Any updates The honest truth I can't multitask Like if I'm enjoying Apex

I can only play Apex So I can't do anything else like I can't I haven't finished a first season of Jojo I've got like one episode to go but I'm going to I'm going to just I need to let my apex

energy drain um yeah I'm more interested in James opinions than I am watching it myself so it's fucking dumb as fuck and I love it kind of sick crumbly guy can round the section off

In regards to the pasta conversation that just pissed everyone off, you know, be honest. This one is aimed at Ruben though. Ruben made me irrationally pissed off with his spaghetti statement. Do you forget how it can be eaten a billion different ways? Twisting, slurping, scooping, etc. God damn it. And guess what? None of them are satisfying because it's fucking spaghetti.

Fucky. Do people eat? Do people eat spaghetti differently? I just kind of put it on a fork and eat it. I couldn't. I use a spoon. Riven, do you like noodles? Answer the fucking question.

Do you like noodles? Want to let's take the clothes off? I'll take the fucking gloves off. Yeah, I like noodles. You like spaghetti, bitch. Fuck you. How did you know? I just like, I think there are lots of other pastas. With noodles, it's like, oh, fuck, I've got to have noodles

because I want to have food that you have with noodles. So you don't like, you don't like Carbonara? I don't know. I haven't had Carbonara on a while. So you don't like spaghetti bolognese? No, spaghetti bolognese is all right. It's just all right. That's it.

So, fuck off. That's wrong. It's mid. Typical English person opinion, James guy. I prefer a porn one No, Bolognese What piss you off about

What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wholenase, James, where do you stand? It's just a good baseline If I went to an Italian restaurant, I wouldn't be buying a Bollonaze Spaghetti Bolognaise isn't even Italian meat I don't know Wait, I need to fucking fact-check this bitch Spaghetti Bolognese is not Italian I'm fact-checking, you're fact-checking

Yeah, I'm contacting the independent fact-checking Yo, it's spaghetti bolognese Italian from It literally, I fucking googled it I googled it, I googled Spaghetti Bolognaz origin And it comes up a flag of Italy Yeah, that's fucking fact-checking No, where do you stand on it? Do you think it's good? Do you think it's good? Do you think

It's better. It's just a baseline, in it? Fuck it. Spaghetti-Boronez is good. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it's good. It's the baseline.

Bolognaise sauce, UK. No, it's... It's from Bologna. Bologna! Bologna! Next are going to tell me that the Tika masala is not Indian. Fuck it.

See that? That was my stand-up routine. That's all I'm in typical. What are you saying right about? Jim, guess what drink I've got? You got to guess I drink it is from the burr Iron brew, iron brew. No, it's alcoholic.

You love iron brew. Okay, vodka with iron brew. Why are you telling them these lies? I'll give you a clue. It rhymes with poo soon uh monsoon no

that doesn't rhyme with poo soon yeah there's monsoon pooh mon oh yeah poo mon it's my favourite fucking Pokemon the poo mon the poo monster

um you're drinking poo oh come on Alex that's a bit too far Pooh What was it? Poon monsoon Yeah

Poon monsoon Poo sune Disserano and Pepsi Fuck you Fuck you Moving on what's the next subject I guess we're in the topic section now Oh no

And I've got one Regarding certain someone's favorite series that they follow. My favorite series? Gears of War? Shut up Gears War follower, shut up Fallout follower. This is HALA

Follower's time to speak. Who the fuck is following fallout these days, man? Some brave soul. God, did you just see the news? 76 news. I hear they're making it fun in the next update.

no way great now we're gonna get the comments we played it again recently and it sucks yeah fuck you that's that game is fucking awesome man fuck you what was this about halo yeah um oh well i was handing it over to the halo follow oh yeah uh halo infinite had its inside infinite update for this month um must have been last night it must have happened while i was asleep so i guess Let's just say today, because I don't know, where they just detailed their sort of commitment to making it a, not just a port, but built with PC in mind from the start. And I'm going to say, I mean, I kind of believe them based on the support they've shown for widescreen monitors and, you know, the level of, the amount of options you can have available to you for the graphics and things. And based on some of the screenshots they showed, it do be looking pretty. good you know so yeah yeah you're pleased about the wide screen won't you jim very much so

ultra wide too isn't it yeah i don't think my screen is uh ultra wide but it's wide and the amount of games you play you'll just boot a game up especially fallout games you'll boot up a fallout game and it'll be like some some little thing will pop up and be like what things do you want And then you choose all the correct settings and then it's like a tiny one millimeter by one centimeter box in the center of your screen and you're trying to play your fucking fall out you Vegas in this tiny little thing. But no, this shit looks fucking good. And if they design the game with this in mind, then they won't fall into some of the pitfalls with games that do support widescreen. but down like support support

wide screen so it's they released a bunch of screenshots and we still haven't actually seen the game in motion since that E3 demo they're kind of tease that they're going to be showing stuff because I mean we're basically there at E3 again this year so we'll probably see it in motion

properly then but from these screenshots I think the environments look really good. It's the exact kind of thing I want to explore. Again, it is hard to kind of measure it without seeing anything running.

You can see the people are complaining about some of the enemies not casting shadows if you look on the one with like the hallway inside the kind of forerunner facility

the grunts and jackals aren't casting any shadow and kind of look like the brute is? No, not that one. That's the other screenshot. Um, yeah. And it's like a mixture of the designs of like the 3-4-3 grunts and the original designs.

It looks pretty good. Um, and, uh, in the background of that one that does have the brute, there's like the original guardian design, um, from Halo 3. So I don't know what that means. If they've like changed the design of guardians or, oh, this is something else or. Yeah. some interesting stuff i don't know how i feel about the look of the jackal that's on the left there the kind of a brutish jackal yeah just color-wise it looks very uh sort of cartoonies well yeah i think the whole game's going for that kind of art style though where it's a

really very cartoonish color pop that yeah the like fire and recolors yeah yeah i do think I think this game looks like way more of a sequel to Halo 3 than Halo 4 and 5 ever did. Yeah. Yeah, what do you think, James? No. As someone who doesn't care too much about Halo and thinks it's dead, what does this say to you? My whole opinion on Halo, like since, like 5 is that I kind of gave up hope on it. With the way those games were going and how even infinite in its...

When like the first information came out about it, I just didn't have hope. But seeing this, it does seem to be hitting notes that the older good games were. And, you know, after the Hilo game, yeah. Yeah, and after the gameplay, the E3 won. There was stuff there that was good, but obviously it was just a, it was probably a rushed build. And they have delayed it since. So I think that on the white track, it just depends how it's launched. If it's launched in a bad state, it's not going to do the game any good.

I think Ruben said that I'm all off recording. But yeah, I've got hope. I just hope it, they can launch it in a good state and people can actually get behind it. Yeah, let's see how the hype cycle goes for it. Hopefully when they show it properly at all. I don't know, they'll impress compared to the last time it was shown. Yeah, I think they need to show off multiplayer as well.

because I mean with with with Halo I don't think it's a case of the old like Halo multiplayer

style is dead I think people want it it's just that they're not giving it they're told no you should like this more call of duty style of game and shit like that

I think they need to to really double down on what makes Halo Halo. I think either way it's going to be the most successful one in this era probably. Yeah. Just because of the free-to-play aspect and how many platforms it's going to be on. Yeah, just the fact it's on PC is massively appealing to me. Yeah.

Like knowing I don't have to buy a console. Cross-save. Yeah. Because then even if I do get an Xbox at some point, it's like I don't. I read, um, like, apparently 10 million people have played the MCC on PC, which is like, wow. Yeah, I believe it. That's a lot for fucking Halo. Like, yeah.

Yeah, so there's some sense to it. They're finally making something work. We'll see there. We'll see. Um, in other news, I wanted to shout out, um, um, Avatar, The Last Airbender. I've finally been watching it on Netflix a bit. I finished book one.

Yeah, it's really good. Really endearing characters. I was telling Jim it kind of has that Kung Fu Panda energy with that kind of aloof main character that's like a child, but they have the hints of cool epicness that comes out every now and again. Yeah, I'll keep it at that for now while I'm still watching it. I just wanted to throw that out there. Yeah, I've always wanted to watch that show.

Well, yeah, it's on Netflix. I mean, and I was kind of watching it while doing some DIY and, like, painting and stuff. So it's kind of perfect stuff for that. Speaking of DIY, I want to know, what things do you do? all of you that makes you feel like a man like a grown-up man you're talking like a end of dexter you know yeah like end of dexter lumberjack sort of shit lumberjack well um uh nothing no that's fucking bullshit you're the person you're the person i know for a fact

Yes, obviously. Yeah, of course. Talk about it, bitch. I don't feel like a man, though. I don't even think that, oh, look, I'm manly because I'm... Oh, shut up. You whip out a spanner and you fucking turn some shit and you're... Yeah, you grease monkey.

Yeah, you grease up some fucking dude. You put on the glistanky costume and then you just get slithering in the grease. Quietly, somewhere in your head, you know that Parvi is thinking, like, it's feeling fulfilled. Like, this is a physical... This is making me feel like a man doing a physical task. No, that's, that is genuinely something to the, like, psyche of men, though. It's like doing a man, maintaining a thing. Cutting down a tree.

Changing a light bulb. Changing a light bulb. Changing a light bulb. But especially if you have to use a tool. Like, if you have to whip out the hammer. A lawnmower, yeah. Yeah. A brush.

A tool. Oh, I don't have any need for anything like that where I live, but... But specifically, Ruby... Change a light bulb. Yeah, what makes you feel manly? Do you know, one of the most exciting moments in the last year was that I bought a spanner to use on my car, and I found that absolutely just exciting, because it's one that twists. So you don't have to take your fucking spanner off to do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so exciting. Fuck me. I was excited for weeks to use this spanner. It was a £2 spanner off Amazon. Fucking riveting. Yeah, I bought my first screwdriver, but it turned out to accidentally be a Doctor Who replica thing. So, it's fucked. Yeah, I do that stuff.

I work on my car, so I'm touching tools all the time. But do you find even, like, cleaning your car, even cleaning your car, giving it a wax? part of your brain is like yep I guess I'm a man now yeah to an extent because it's like when it's all done and you look at it it's like

oh nice yeah that's what the garage is for me it's just the micromanage man zone I guess true that's very true you're a fuse and a plug

yeah oh my god yeah no that's a big one when you have to like take a little plug apart I took a little I had to take like this the yellow like key fob thing you have for opening up your um check your electricity meter or check your gas meter thing did that the other day had to like send a picture of it to the provider so they could you know see if they've been over undercharging uh they haven't whatever um had to do that that was a bit of a just like doing man task bloke thing yeah just being okay of it you know just doing the dutiful thing i'll take the bins up i'll think of a fuck i'll just do it i'll just do it yeah but you're reminding me i need to do that one of my biggest things was uh this was like a pivotal moment

In my life, um, I'd gone to McDonald's and ordered a burger, burger meal, and some chicken nuggets as well. And I sat, I sit down and get my, my burger and meal and stuff. And then I'm like, hold up, where's the chicken nuggets, man? And you know what I did? I got up, I walked to the front and I'm like, dude. There's chicken nuggets. in this receipt but I don't have my chicken nuggets and you know

I made sure I got these chicken nuggets did you scream no that's not a man thing that's just an adult thing you just do that when you're an adult I mean this is a broad subject it doesn't have to

I mean man in the way that we are all of the male gender or sex or whatever See, no, no, no, here's the thing If in that situation, I wouldn't have got the nuggets Because I've, I just, nah It's McDonald's, I don't give enough of a shit

To get the nuggets No, no, no, no, no, no. It's not about giving a shit, it's about I paid for these nuggets. So I'm gonna get my nuggets. Yeah, but I'm anxious. It's like, that's the one thing I hate doing, is that. Like, I'm not built for that.

James. Sing! Sing! Sing us into the next messages. No, I didn't mean sing, it's in sing. It just means yes. What do you mean? Sing us into the next messages then.

Yes, sing us. Good afternoon, good morning, good evening, or good night. This is the JAR media podcast. Why are you doing the intro? What am I supposed to sing? Sing us into the fucking next bit. You never see you after these messages? We'll see you after these messages.

No, sing it. I can't sing! I can't do this, I'm so... Alex, sing us into the next messages. D-l-la-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Yo-yo, Pua-ka, I see you wearing that walflu-end. Do you not know that we've got some jar of merch for sale? See the link down in the description and get yourself a bloody bee.

Bebo t-shirt. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Just gonna have a few breathes. Have as many breathes as you need. I'm gonna have so many breathes that I'm gonna use both my mouth and nose. Good afternoon. Morning, evening or night? This is the part of the show where we head over to the lovely Patreon's on Patreon.

Patreon.com and give a big thanks so a big thank you to Jensen Smith Degoff yours Dusty Dunma Bussey The One T loser

Nti Zula Lord Chiquit the King of the Banana Republic Mr. Chips wearing a deer stalker looks through a magnifying glass at an empty toilet The adventures are

The Adventures of Clutch Powers Enjoyer Dennisville Nerves Goon Zythia If it's an arsehole I'm inside it If I see Dick I gotta ride it

I got a boner Gotta hide it If I see four skin Gotta bite it Big Joe The Jar Boys discussed The Long History of Pooh and Farts

Two in the new HBO Show Scoopy Pooh JAR Incorporated Dany Green Art on Instagram One time my friend drunk 20 standards worth of goon and passed out in front of his house He has not been allowed to sesh since

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Stephen is human. Meekly. Conatada. Butter me up some porn on the cob. Up on melancholy hill, there's a Mazda 3. Greetings, Corncast viewers. Make sure you're using the provided jar 4DX pocket post. is to get the full experience.

Cassia fucking Manigan and wait, where's David Wallace? Did he unsubscribe from this? This is breaking my heart, David, please. James Lover, 2988. Master Chief, what are you doing with those $5?

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Big cheese, Kuta Panda, 1110, 11110, N. Lucy Tye is an Asian anal queen, Randy ruins Patreon, the Poo Manon, the Pooh Man, Jake Ram, Katia fucking Managan, and David Wallace. Thanks everyone. Welcome to the second half of the Jarmidja Corncast. I am your host, James, and I'm joined by a few people. You know who they are. This is the second half of the show where we go over to our lovely Reddit to read some lovely Reddit questions.

And yeah, take it away, boys. The Boy Baz is going to start us off. We're all aware of the dream. dream blunt rotation meme but I'm wondering what your dream goon rotation is this being your most desired party members for a group gooning session none thoughts I don't think I want to goon with someone else to be honest okay so number one the master chief I want how big his dick is number two Marcus Phoenix I want to how big his dick is number three the rock it's one I'm there you doesn't even need to goon I just think you'd be a nice sort of

presence. Throwing clap trap. Max Payne. Max Payne. I think he'd bring it down and no one would goon.

In fact, he'd probably talk them into and then talk them out of killing themselves. All of the FNAF animatronics. Do you mean

a Freddie, Bonnie, Foxy and and Golden? I think I know gyms. I think it would be Fire Team Cyrus from his favorite game.

Dream Blump rotation. I'm going to say Zechero? Yeah, Wolf from Sackero. I'm going to say Patrick and Svangelbub. Sandy from Spangebob.

I'm going to say uh the dad from fairly your parents is a goon i'm gonna say cosmae from fairly your parents i'm gonna have to say i'm gonna have to say the grim reaper from the grim adventures of billy and mandi no billy is the gooner from that show Leg 23 has one for us

Thoughts on yellow versus pink lemonade Pink Just taste of us Wait Yellow is normal Yeah yellow is normal Oh Bubba Ducky has one for us

This is regarding the pasta thing The ongoing debate You guys talking about pasta and knowing you're just eating box shit is making me cringe. Here's the deal, bitches. If you're eating box pasta, you're not even really eating pasta. For some reason, there's a facade of a barrier of entry to cooking five-star food at home that restaurants and corporations have hammered into people's heads, so they keep paying assholes for some fucking pasta.

It's pretty simple and fun to make your own pasta, and it's unrecognisably better than box pasta. Same goes for just about everything in the frozen aisle. I remember making homemade pasta for the first time and it completely changed my outlook on food and even my whole life. I haven't even had the temptation to eat fast food and I don't know how long

and it's because I deeply value my home cooking knowing the effect of each ingredient and perfectly crafting a meal for yourself and all your friends slash family slash hose Jesus is such a good skill to have and such an easy skill at that. So my question is, do any of you cook your own stuff? Do any of you watch any cooking YouTube channels

have your recipes of your own. I was thinking, this sounds a lot like an American, and then when you get to the end, I was like, this is an American. This is a hundred. Of course I fucking cook for myself. What? Am I a big baby? I eat frozen meals from the goo goo gag a section? Shut the fuck up. Of course I don't do that.

Yeah, I cook for myself. Yeah, okay. What did you cook today, James? What did you cook for yourself? Uh, a bastard pre-made meal from me. Yeah, yeah See What's this box pasta thing

Frozen Isle thing? Like just buy like a bag of fucking dried pasta Boiler I don't want to buy fresh pasta every time It's quite expensive I think I'm made of money

Huh? Yeah What do they mean by box pasta? Yeah like box Like cheap box Is that's how they sell it in Reference Is it like frozen

Because you can buy like Pre-made like Pasture meals That's like different right yeah that's a meal which are just plain pasta just pasta on a shelf that you take home you boil and you cook and then use in a meal yeah so you don't make it by hand or whatever no here's the thing like if I'm cooking for myself I'm not going to go to I'm not going to put all the effort in to make everything myself because I'm cooking for

myself if I'm cooking for someone they're getting a five-star meal because it's someone else. I don't give a shit about what I eat. When's the last time you cooked for me? Long time ago, Jamie. Name one time. Never. I've never cooked for you. I mean, if you want to make pasta, like you need, you need quite, you need like a good surface area

and you need a fucking load of eggs and a load of flour. And then it takes time. And then people use that fucking stupid machine as well. Like, it's not easy to make pasta. It's not easy at all. It's a, it's time-consuming. It's time consuming. And a lot of people don't have the time and they're coming back to your work at 5 o'clock. And then they've got to clean the house.

Later than that, James. Later, like half six, some people, man. Yeah. And they got dogs, kids. And it's just like, you just cook things that are easy. Plain pasta from the package. Hey, a mama me, I've got to make a pasta. No, you're not going to do that.

Sorry, kids. Dinner's not going to be till fucking half 11. Mommy's got to make pasta. From scratch. Yeah. It's good if you're going to, if you're having a date with your fucking wife, your anniversary and you're going to cook a, a, a, a, a, your pasta dish. Yes, the effort to make your own pasta will be appreciated. When you've got

home from work, you just want to fucking eat. Boom. Easy, whatever. Yeah, straight out the box. Out of the box, out of the freezer section. Well, speaking of poo, um, um, challenge champion that's not for us. Um, if you could do a poo in one fictional land. Which one would you pick. I would pick the Wally universe so then he could come back to my Titanic turd, thank you. Thanks a Pooh Challenge champion.

Fucking Um wasn't it? One fictional land. I'm not creative enough for this. Fictional land. Is Top Gear a fictional land? No.

Top Gear. Wait, hang on. Wait, what was a question about poo on a fictional land? If you could do a poo in one fictional land. Yeah, what land would it be? In the Skyrim, no doubt. I thought that. I would take...

You know what I would do? I would take a shit in whichever toilet James' fallout New Vegas character drinks out of the most. I just ruin. it, I'd ruin his main toilet. I'd do a poo for a Dutnikum to throw. I'd poo in Dandelion's pub in the Richer Free.

That's a pretty good place to poo, actually, I think. I'd probably go Rick and Morty. Oh, fuck off. Leave him alone, has on four. us. I've never heard you boys talk about sports before. What sports have you played? What sports do you watch?

Worst sport? Best sport? Fuck. Okay, let's just, can we just get this straight? Villain, I don't know how many episodes. We mainly talk about video games and movies. We're not sport people who you haven't realised.

Sorry, bro. We're gamers. No, it's just no one's ever asked. I just, I don't watch I used to watch football I sometimes on a yearly basis will watch the Grand National I will watch the World Cups and the Euros

I don't... And NASCAR NASCAR No I don't follow NASCAR Sorry we'll continue Like sport I've never done sport As a person

I've never gone to play sport and I don't watch it now I just watch motorsport which is different I've never been into watching sport I've never been down watching it really you have to you have to get invested in it

in the teams and the players and I don't have time there's too much efforts as far as sports I played I was I liked badminton a lot and like athletics and All that kind of shit. I wasn't really interested in the, like, group competitive ones as much, you know.

Cricket and rugby and stuff. Swimming as well, I did big time. Jamie was a professional, um, polo player. Yeah, I like, uh, polo and non-ice hockey. Non-ice. Yeah, hockey on gross. What is the worst sport? What actually is it?

Worst sport? American football. Oh, jeez. It's just shaped rugby. Yeah, that... If rugby didn't exist, I think American football would be kind of sick. But rugby is just like... Sick American football.

Yeah, yeah. According to the top tens.com, number one voted worst sport is. cricket oh yes it is what sorry cricket cricket yeah yeah cricket sucks it sucks it's just all the innings outings upings and downings wickets sickets throwing the ball what the f I'm just making shit up at this point but yeah what the fuck are they talking about and they're over for something at the second dittings what what a fucking stuffy piece of shit fucking British

sport. Actually no I've got no no that's not true the worst one is the one where they just kill a ball for no reason that's the worst sport because they're just killing animals boom

um this list has a muggle quidditch on it the fuck does that mean I heard people play Quidditch

Yeah, no, people actually do Run around playing fucking Yeah What's the take on a golf? Golf is sick Yeah, golf can be sick I'm sorry, but golf is fucking awesome I was watching a guy doing trick shots

Like golf trick shots That was sick Yeah, I don't really have a problem with golf Bull riding Yeah No skill Lame Snooker

Snooker That's just Pool but For dorks Darts Chad Table tennis Table tennis

No that's for actual Like Yeah that's for fucking Badass Beards The best reflexes you've ever seen chess pretty sick

you've got to be smart to be good at chess you've got to be smart well you've got to be patient and you know you've got to do practice and you've got to eat really good pasta I got to eat broccoli as well loads of

yeah if you don't make all the food if you don't fucking pick that goddamn rice yourself whatever the fuck they do rice. You don't press those olives to make that olive oil yourself. What the fuck you're doing?

If you're not drinking at least six gallons of milk. I think, I feel like all I've done, you just really railed on this guy. Sorry. If you're having a stressful day, okay.

Alex Sandgren has one for you, Jim. How is Bill? Billy doing? Oh boy. Okay. Uh... How is Billy doing?

Hmm. So... Just a question to be about poo if you'd find it easier. Yeah, how's poo doing? I... How is Billy pooing? Billy pooing? Uh...

honestly i don't know i i allow her to just roam and she goes to the neighbor's gardens and she shits in their garden so how is billy uh yeah yeah i mean you know what's to say when when things are uh sort of going in a way that sort of keep consistency sort of, you know, in positivity sort of thing. Mr. Tenma has one for us. After James completes an hours-long orgy with ten of the hottest animated mum's, Marge Simpson comes back For more I think this is it

This might be the worst question I've ever read Um Marge Simpson comes back for more of James's magic willy However However one more pelvic thrust Would shatter James's bones one of the remaining jar boys

must sacrifice himself and take the place of the Martian Milf Hunter for one night to save James's life which one is the worthiest successor Ruben Why All in favour of Rubin

Say aye Oh what i don't want to do this on the same um topic actually skinny and humble left on saying hi babblers i drive a nissan micro does this qualify as a milfmobile yeah what is the milfiest car about i reckon a vauxhall mariva has more milf energy milfiest car what's the milfiest car jane the milpiest car well okay how how are we defining a milf car like what about a car Toyota Yaris, 2004. No, your car is not a milf car, Jamie. Fuck you. Why the fuck not? Tell me why not. Tell me why not, right fucking now. Is it gotta be a car that's driven by milfs?

Or a car that is a milk? It could be. Okay, well then it's the fucking, uh, hang on. The milfiest car. Okay, if you google milk car. It's the Rangerover Vogue. Rangerover Vogue. That's a milk car. Yeah, that is a milf car. Yeah.

Okay Google, thanks for telling me what milf car is. Yeah, so is a Nissan Micro a milfmobile? Um, it depends what Nissan Micra? There's loads of different one. Oh no, not the Vogue, wrong one. Oh, what's it called? Stupid a looking Ranger over. Do you need the Evoke? Is that what it's called? The Evoke, yes.

Is that the one designed by, or was part designed by fucking Victoria Beckham. Yes, the Evoke. That's what I meant, sorry. That's the one I meant. That's the one I meant. But you would also, I think there's any rangerover, you could expect a certain level of milf to it. Yes.

But the evoke, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. And there's one parked in my street and I fucking hate it. Hmm. I saw in all a hot pink fucking Vogue, actually, today. No, no, we're missing something. The Fiat 500.

Yeah, but Fier 500s are also dominated by just like Sixth Formers who have passed their tests, hairdresses, just anyone between the age of 17 and 29. Milfs? What? What? That is the milf car, come on. It's a Fiat 500.

No, you need. know that's true like we've got considered like is this milf's in their prime or like milks before they are milf before they are a milf I don't know about this so every mother before they're a mother every female stick him up as a as a fucked up one for us. Nissan Micah is a milkmobile. Howdy Jar, on another episode, the subject of wiping

your ass standing up or sitting down was brought up. James and Rubin said that they both wiped sitting whilst Alex and Jamie said that they did it standing. No, wrong. Wrong. Wait, what?

Turns out it's not normal. It's about a 60 to 40% ratio. Anyway. Wait, hang on, which one is six? No, I'm pretty sure. 60 sitting. Me, we've been saying. Yes, you just lean a bit forwards, don't you?

Yeah, and then you might not stand up, you just lean. Yeah. Yeah. Alex said that you try sitting down for a week. So to Alex, did you ever try wiping your ass like a normal person, also thoughts on the overall subject? Yeah, ever since that question, I shifted to being a sit downer, especially combined with the stool. You mean a tilter? it's not sit down there

no call them a tipper I think tip is the word A tipper yes A tipper Yeah do you tip or do you sit Well I've got the stool No it's not tipping or setting It's tipping or standing

It's a tip sitter or a stand I'm in the middle I'm in the middle because the stool changes the whole dynamic No I don't get how No you're you actually owns a stool like that to take shit Me

only you I just I've genuine ever since getting that stool I've never had a problem shitting I just sit on the toilet if it's that bad

I've never had a problem problem shitting and I don't earn a stool what does that say I mean if you have the stool actually is very useful for um

like you know when you shit and you get a bit a shit sort of like stuck on on your ass and it makes the whole wiping process like you know kind of messy as fat yeah the stool

I found would often stop that because the shit because of the angle you're at there'd be so much just like force just a natural angle just a natural i mean it's not hugely natural in that like i suppose it is it's just sort of kind of like because of toilets you know we don't really yeah that's what the stool is adjusting for we're not really shitting into a ditch anymore you know or just shitting onto the grass anymore so yeah yeah stool the stool the stool is good for stool you know Jay Chadwick has one. Question for Alex.

Wait, wait. Wait. Oh. I didn't get to give my opinion. Okay, what's your opinion on that? Because I'm still a stander. Okay, no, explain. Do you actually stand all the way up, back completely straight and wipe your ass? No. Then that's, then you're... So do you come...

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So, James, you lift your ass from the seat. I tip. Oh, I tip forwards. Like, my, like, underside of my legs, like my thighs and I guess to an extent. on my hair shit. It's still there because I'm tipping forwards on one side mostly like I'm leaning forwards, you know, sort of angle more towards

my left to raise the right side, you know? Yeah, that's how you do it. No, I'm going to teach you go to something fucking mind-blowing. I don't want to hear it. You raise your entire right leg so high you, like you need a so it. Like a cat.

In my space, the toilet and then there's a bath to the right i i lift my foot up onto the bath my right foot up onto the bar so up no this is fucking wriggle man this is the fucking truth man onto the bus she's shit no so i have the most of the bread out of all you i fucking this is post shit obviously you don't fall into 60 or you're not in the 60 or the 40 you're just fucking doing your own thing

No, because I'm fucking anti-Greek think bullshit. No, listen, you lift your foot up onto the bath. Like, at least that level, so, I don't know, three quarters of your leg height. Maybe not that much. You know what? I've had enough of this now. No, you lift your foot up. You can use the toilet seat to pick your foot on.

I want to move on. Do you know why this has failed? Not every toilet is near a fucking bathtub. It doesn't have to be near a bathtub. Then how do you do it? You can raise that. You can raise your foot up to the sink. You can put your foot up on the sink if need be.

Well, but if there's not a sink. Who the fuck doesn't have a sink in their fucking shit or? It might not be in position to put your foot on while taking a shit. Well, no, you stand up and you fucking put your foot up where it needs to be. you stand all the way up and then put your... Well, no, you sort of do the squat, squat and drops. You like squat and then you... You have to manoeuvre over to where you need to be.

You're... No, what... How shitty is your asshole? Are you wiping your shit? Not above the toilet. What do you mean? Yeah, the way you described this is just fucking confused me, though. No.

If you're taking a shit, if you're taking your shit, the likelihood is you can wash your hands while taking a shit. I can't. That's how close the sink is. No, not in my house. Then you have a poorly designed bathroom. The majority of bathroom then. Wash your hands while taking a shit. I'm not saying that's what you do, but I'm saying if you needed to, you could.

No, okay, but how? You haven't explained how you shit. You've just talked for us wading your leg. No, it was never about how. you shit it's about how you wipe yeah but how do you what this makes no sense to me you stand up you you you you stand all the way up now you raise one leg do you stand up so high so that you're on the bath no because then you're not getting any any like touching you know okay okay i'm gonna try and do this while we talk so i'm like i'm sat on my chair taking it

I've done a shit. Yeah, so you take a shit. I've raised my leg up to my desk high, which is probably a bit, a bit higher than a bar. Yeah, so you're sort of in an uneven squat. One leg is like... High up, yeah, yeah, yeah. Straight and one leg is bent. Can, okay, no, the viewers, can you go along with this,

just so that you understand this is when I understand it. Okay, so I've done that. Yeah, then you wipe. But it's not a wipe. You don't go. front to back or back to front you've got to lean then you've got to lean then you've got to lean to the side

no you lean no matter what no matter what you do my legs up and I'm normal I can't wipe like this yes you can't I can't walk like this you're fucking done with this wiping bullshit if I wanted to wipe I've got to tilt to the left

and then wipe I've got a clear path to wipe my ass it's never been about like either you sit or you stand like straight that was never the case you're fucking weird bro

why would you wipe in the fucking real life man no you're the only person he fucking wipes like this and what the fuck is the problem with me living the way I want to live is it in it's not efficient

you just tilt and you're done well I have a question for you James I'm curious of your response to from a rip flude who says mostly curious about James's answers specifically since he's the most controversial foodie on the cast it's not true discounting chips and crisps because they are typically eaten pre-prepared what is the best way to prepare potatoes oil them mash them stick them in a stick them in a stiff Stick them in some Poof

Depends what I'm going to have to rip it with If I'm going to make some chips You leave the skin on You don't peel them Leave the skin on You just cut them up You know

So you got those nice fucking organic Chip The last time you made chips I have never made chips What I do If I were You are who

American from earlier Was addressing you are what he thinks everyone is no I cook things you admitted to cooking a fucking pasta ready meal that's because my

my parents have gone on holiday and that's what they bought to feed me so you just think about how ridiculous that sounds it sounds ridiculous I you are a 24 year old man

my parents left me food to feed me no no I know let's get it strange You have money You could just buy dinner for yourself I could but I pay went So I'm going to get the fucking rent my

money's worth But when my mum asked me like James what do you want for dinner I said just buy me vegetables I can make something And then they just bought me these fucking Ready mills I didn't ask for it

I asked for ingredients To cook Vegetables ready meals same amount of syllables probably James will have been like just buy me some verdict and the element that is ready meals

see very clever James very clever I can actually cook for myself I do I mainly cook for myself every day I just don't make fucking pasta by myself you know I know I wants to make

the fucking pasta from scratch you do all the other bullshit yeah that's easy just not fucking pasta well not the passata I'll just fucking buy that but yeah They ain't got infinite time.

No, you guys answered the question, because I have. What was the question? Bait, prepare potatoes. Oh. What's the best way? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, what the fuck was the question? What I don't do?

Not baked. Baked sucks. Um, yeah, baked is only good if you just really want to eat, like, beans and cheese, but you don't have toast. No, beans. Beans. Tuna, mayonnaise, cheese, um... Fuck you. Assholes that don't fucking like beans.

Fuck you, asshole. Name one culture that don't eat beans. What beans do you mean? Who are you attacking it? No one said anything about it. People have talked about beans for a long time. And I'm fucking tired of it. You remember these weird pancakes?

bean things I'd make. What? What are they good? A ball. You're like drain a can of beans. Get all the tomato juice out of them. I've washed them with water. Squash them down.

It's just a fritter. It's just a harrow of bean fritter. Yeah, do some garlic, some onion. I mean, what, Heinz beans? I don't really care for the tomato sauce on beans. Like, there's always too much of it. No, no, if you have beans on toast, the tomato juice is... I actually drain some of it off.

I actually drain a bit off, just because there's quite a lot. That's a fucking cake. No, that's because I get shit beans. I get fucking cheapo Tesco beans. That's what you're going wrong. Well, I ain't made a money, bitch. You want to buy my beans? beans?

I can't buy your own beans I can start buying your own beans. You can start buying your own beans. I can start saving the source from the bores I make. Wait, when have you ever done that made bean fritters?

I used to always do it. Yeah, bores. I mean, I never saw him do it, but everyone talks about it. Oh, shit. This is a thing that I was just, I thought that's just. Yeah, because I learned it off my dad when he was entertaining his vegan friend, and he was having to, like, come up with something to make. Bors.

It was delicious, whatever it was he made. No, fritters are yummy, but you do that shit with, like, spinach and... Fucking anything. Just try it. Pizza or something, not fucking balls. with pee or something you know

just pee everywhere you're fucking piss and shit mate we've got a there's two more questions I want to do and this one is the hypothetical

it's used earlier um from eat sleep anime I was hoping to settle a debate I've had with my friends we're not the people

to come to in that situation yes we are it is when this is the question Who would win an infinite number of lions or the sun? What would win? Listen, I'm not done reading. The lions are being endlessly shot towards the sun

and cannot survive in space. My theory is that the lions would keep burning up. burning up, however, because they are infinite, they will simply outlive the sun. Cheers, boss. Yeah. He's fucking right. He's right. They would win.

Yeah, they weren't. I mean, I just thought they win in this world on that. Then the question is, because won't our some become a white dwarf or some shit? Yeah, yeah, I'll become a white dwarf. It's not, it's not bigger. Yeah, it's not becoming a white dwarf. lion yeah it don't got the mass to become a black hole if you send a lion to an albino sun then the lion ain't winning yeah the white dwarf or like they would they would

definitely in fact yeah because they wouldn't actually get close enough to do anything to the to the star's mass or anything like that so i yeah i think infinite infinite lions in infinite time. I think you'd actually just give the sun power. Well actually the white dwarf will eventually cool and become a brown well it just become a nothing, it's like a rock

and at the end of it all, not a rock, but at the end of it all, it's just dead, it's just nothing, it just cools and that's it. So then it'll just be loads of lions around. No, but if you're, if it, think about this, if it's infinite time, infinite lions, you're giving it infinite mass.

But it won't get It won't ever assimilate because it will be destroyed. The lions will be destroyed long before they get into the start. But because of gravity, like even the mass that makes up a lion. Oh, it will join it in like. Every lion becomes a part of the sun. Yeah. So I think the sun wins.

I think the sun, the sun becomes a black hole because of the lions. Yeah. If it is infinite time and infinite lion. I'm confused That's actually Oh my God Yeah the star would Would gain mass from the infinite lions

And then it would It would become eventually A match is the biggest star Like if you kept firing infinite lions Over an infinite period of time Provided nothing else Interrupts that process The infinite lions would surely make that

The biggest black hole A star whatever in the fucking universe Because of infinite lions From my understanding How many lions are being fired per second. No matter what it is, lions can't win. The lions can't win, no.

I just want to know like how, whether the star would, how long it would win for, you know? Well, you ain't lying about that one. Oh, fuck you. That was a good one, wasn't it? Let's end on this one from a son of Julius Caesar. Hello Jah. I was wondering if any of you could relate to a feeling I've come about recently. The end of my semester in university is just around the corner and I've just, and I've felt the

untamed urge to go on a vacation deep out into the forest. It's as if the primate brain that rest deep inside of me is calling out to be let free. All I want to do is go on a hike and climb up trees. This isn't the first time I felt this call of the wild, and I think it has to do with some innate need in humans to be one with nature thoughts when was the last time you climbed a tree did you call it an innate need when the only reason you could express it as being an innate need is because we're not one with nature at all times now but is it was it not in our nature to make shit the way we did climbing tree epic though

I've heard that just to like go away sometimes just look at some shit that's not what they see all the time apparently looking at like plants and shit makes people happier

I like looking at plants so yeah it's just a human thing to just enjoy shit to enjoy shit well like natural

do we have a podcast for you sorry continue please I was done oh well I mean I can't say I don't not feel this way

I think everyone has like a part of them that says I would just love to go and live in a crack shack see I never I never go to wanting to climb trees

I just picture more like you know where Thanos goes when he's like yeah yeah yeah you know yeah like a nice picturesque location with the yeah it looks like a screen saver with the background with the you know the cascading here

hills and everything. Yeah, that I'm down with. I don't know if I need to necessarily climb trees right now. Yeah, like, what are you a chimp? Yeah. Yes. I mean, with that, that's another one for the books,

lads. Anyone have any final words? No. No, gooning tips or anything? Reuben had, like, a monologue. I think he'd written. Oh, the epic monologue. Yeah, the epilogue monologue.

Hold on. Hold on. Give me a sec. Good afternoon. I see it. There's two types of people. Those who spend their lives trying to build the future. Okay, that's it.

Cringe. Toy Cringe. For too long, I've been stuck in between, hidden in the dark. That's it, cringe. cringe and and the cast don't have even finish okay well we're going to keep going there's a bit more to it

you was trying to buy more sand for his hourglass I wasn't selling any