JAR Media Posdact - The GROSS Truth About Minions - JARCAST Episode 171

Episode Date: June 17, 2019

Beware the Minion boody hole.    https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies

Good afternoon morning JAR Media podcast What about the evening or the nighters They can't watch it It's only afternoon as you can only watch it This isn't the afternoon you can't watch this So about that Afternoon is any time between 12 and 459

Once it hits five evening No Five is the evening Good evening morning afternoon Got to say thanks I don't do this I'm new you know Thanks to the Patrions

over at patron over at patron be sure to buy t-shirts who's the special guest today no one oh shit I'm not the special guest

I just haven't been here because I'm you know for the oldest viewers you know I've been at university so I'm not around that often but I'm back for summer

so I'm here for like eight weeks hello yeah hello you're still in every intro at least really they can't forget about you because you're in the intro

yeah we can't just be Jha we could be that's dangerous waters we'd be going into what's wrong with ja hay fever eye no because then we change it to judge not join hay fever

don't have hay fever great yeah thanks guys who else in jar has hay fever chim you no I'm not an actual fucking idiot I'm not a child so I don't have it

I love it it's a really good fun yeah well Me too. Oh, fuck you. So how does this work now? What's the first half now? There's been a lot of changes in Jarm Media since I've been gone.

Today we're going to be talking about some interesting subjects brought to our attention by the lovely Jarm Media fans. And we're also going to add our own little spin on some folklore stories. Okay, let's talk about this folklore story then, James. Let's get us right into that topic because I really want to hear about it. There's this Japanese folklore story where this thing goes, we've already done that. I actually have a topic It's not really a topic as much as it is a

Sort of story or concept And I know how much you guys like concepts I like the concept Are you talking about E3 yet? No, we can do that after my little story We're going to get into it It won't take long, trust me So I was watching Despicable Me 3 yesterday

Hate watching it You know, as you do I have Why does you want to watch it again? The first time I watched it was like a torrent So I couldn't really see it very well I think we need to add into this Alex was probably high while watching it

That's irrelevant but So can't prove it Yeah how you supposed to prove that bro Piss in a cup Right now Hey Rubin can I borrow some urine What Point is

Currently high on crap Look Dispicable Me Is responsible for creating minions Am I wrong yes how am I wrong that movie

with the guy from stepbrothers in and it's animated with Brad Pitt and there's the fish oh a fucking Megamind yeah that's got Minion in it that's got Minion it didn't invent minions He's the father of the minions

Doesn't have a minion in it Mega Mind? Yeah the fish guy is called Minion Yeah his name is Minion All right but it doesn't look like He's nothing to do with illumination I was gonna say I was like Is this some way

Did I miss that? Jim's just doing a deep cut DreamWorks reference Which is what the Jarkast is all about So I appreciate that. I say DreamWorks Just want to put that out of that Shut the fuck up You know we showed Camphu Panda 2

We showed James Kung Fu Panda 2 Won him over No it's a great movie The other ones all shit I spread that And fuck that virus to university as well I spread Kung Fu Panda Across all the land

Genuinely Most underrated like trilogy Or at least You know The second one Mainly that's the prequals That's underweight Anyway, so, Karen of your fucking...

Minions, look, it's never established in the despicable me universe what minions do to stay alive, right? Yeah. As in terms of like reproduction. Sustinance. And reproduction is also important to us. Well, they like bananas.

Yeah, they are sexual beings. This is my question. I don't like that. Minions are sexual beings. No, they are. I think I actually said that very thing to myself when I was watching them. out loud to yourself

minions are sexual beings yeah it's how I come up with ideas I just talk to myself like I'm a maniac no wonder why he's talking to himself but listen there are a few theories I came up with like a million sort of existence because really if you think about it

the three movies and the minions movie and the upcoming prequel minions movie the rise of grew we've seen actually not that much of minion culture sort of explored. Is there another film coming out? Yeah, The Rise of Gru? It's actually what it's...

Yeah. I don't know if they called it that because of the Star Wars name or what, but... The point is, minions have to survive. They're organic beings. They're not robotic, are they? Also sexual. Being. And moving into that.

They're either created by Gru as some kind of, like, sexual thing. They can't be because we see their past and their history. That's a good point. Every villain. So they are an organic, they're an animal then. Minions are animals. They're one-eyed or two-eyed. Or two-eyed.

Is the one-eye the mutation or the two-eyed? No, that's a gender thing. Yeah. For real? That's actually a great point. They're all named after males, though. So they're like... No, stereotypically male names.

Yeah, what does it matter to a minion what they're naming? No, but it might be like in Seth Macfarlens, the Orville. where there's that like race of aliens that are all the same gender. Remember that? Bortis? Bortis, yeah, but Bortis has a baby girl, doesn't he? And they kill it. Whatever, minutia.

This is my main, my sort of winning theory for how the minions kind of exist. I think when they're not on screen, they are guzzling semen. Well, what color is minion semen? Why? Well, this is the thing, it doesn't necessarily have to be Minion semen. They have mouths. Do you think they're the Asari?

And they can mate with any animal. Well, they can mate with anything orally, because they have a mouth. Well, that's the only orifice. Well, they have butchings, though. They do have butchings. So we can assume they're shit as well. They can, at the very least, shit, and eat,

but we don't know how they reproduce. Well, do you ever see the front of them without any cover? Not to my knowledge. they might have coxed they probably do have cox for what purpose like to fuck if there's only one gender of minion

to put in the butt but they can be one gender but you know how also all be able to you know how our penis our our collective jar media penis our shared penis can piss

and seamanize out of the same hole what if they can shit 90% of which is James is what if they can shit and produce babies out of the same hole I would love that that's not a bad theory

but okay fucking Mr Minion expert They must have huge fucking cocks out No it's like a you know A vagina it stretches to Yeah fulfill the role To accommodate To accommodate yeah

But yeah Mr fucking Minion expert over here Jamie Minion Belmont Stop fucking every time he says it You throw the can back. What do minions eat then, in your humble opinion? Seamen. Okay, James. I think you were right.

James, what do you think minions devour? I think, judging from all the evidence we have, I'd say they're herbivores, so they just eat a lot of grass and vegetation. Well, they like bananas. Bananas are phallic. It's what they eat when they can't get cock that give us some semen. Yeah. Minions eat semen.

Well, could be like, you know, we eat chocolate bars. We eat chocolate bars because we've engineered them because they're so tasty. Yes. Right? It's not like nutrition for us. Okay. It could be a similar thing for them. Like bananas are the ultimate treat for a minion. But to sustain themselves, they need semen, grew semen, minion semen. There's that dog thing that's in those movies. It's a good thing. There are no little boy characters because there could be like paedophilia shit going on in that household. Yeah, that wouldn't be good. So what we've discovered is

as soon as as Gru or wherever his name is done he goes into the Minion Room and just face fucks all of the minions I think it okay let's end this topic with this do you think Gru has had intimate sexual

relations with a minion? In-laws? Yes. Definitely once yeah I just I feel like any warm-blooded male would. What if that's like the minion test? Like how do they know if the thing they're going to

attach to you is truly evil. If they try to... Yeah. Then they know it's evil. If they get face raped by Hitler. But imagine the treatment

Gru gets. It's like an actual ultimate fantasy. He gets home from a hard day of being a villain. Goes down into his lair. Surrounded by minions

who like coddle him. You can imagine the scene he like falls onto his back and they will hold him. And then they gradually start taking his clothing off. Yeah. And then hands,

gloved hands, latex fetish. Gloved hands. hands all over his body like spreading his butt cheeks fingering his ass jerking him his nipples think about all the tongues they have huge tongues hundreds of tongues all over him oh my god it's a disturbing it's a disturbing image but imagine how good it feels for grue i don't think anyone could resist that kind of urge because like you know evil evil so for grue being evil is quite important you know until the later movies and you contain your evilness by think about it

When Gru is at his peak, like, evil, it's established in the Minions movie that the minions interact with Gru before he's, you know, fully grown. So imagine, like, a young, teenage, horny's fuck, he's, he's definitely fucked a Minion. Oh, yeah. That's how...

If I was Gru, I would have definitely fucked thousands of minions. Millions of minions. The only reason they'd exist. Yep. So I just want to take this moment to say something it's it's a meme that I twerk

okay it's not a meme but okay it's a and I don't actually know how this one started but it came to my attention or it has more so recently I actually can't twerk I actually don't I can't do it and I just wanted to share that for real

you're fucking kidding me because it is a funny joke and all that but I can't do it I can't do it I can't I can't do it I can't do the motion I can't do it I can't do the correct motion to twerk. You haven't learned the correct motion, then. Show us.

Yeah, show us. Let us know the truth. I don't learn to either. Because you have to, like, you have to arch you back in and then, like, go out again, but your ass is also move. I can't do it. And obviously, you need some tushin for the cushion. I have tushion for the cushion. Yeah.

Isn't it? I don't have a, because something needs to be, like, shaking, right? That's the whole piece of the act. I could shake my ass. I can shake it in my hands. Any old idiot can do that. Yeah, any fucking moron, minion fucker can do that. The minions can probably do it.

Definitely. But I can't talk. Cush and tush and fucking. Surprisingly push her little bottom. Okay, so we've got a jar challenge. We've got to learn to twerk. We've actually got to perfect. Well, you haven't asked me or Jim yet.

Jim says he hasn't. Have you twerked? All the time. Oh, Alex. No, be serious. Yeah, because I'm being on the real. I can't actually. I can't either.

Okay. I mean, I'm wrong, then. I'm lying, then. Okay, Alex, if you can. twerk. Go behind the camera and truckress right now. And it'll forever remain a mystery what you actually did back there. Okay. Watch this, guys. Sorry, audio listeners. I'm not letting you out.

You've got to go past Ruben. Oh, God's sake. There's whiskey in his hands still. Shit. All right, here we go. You don't know. Give him some music on. Turn the O2 into the O3. Oh my God.

Damn. What the fuck is this? What the fuck? That's incredible I've never seen a That is an incredible Have you ever seen an ass shake that much With one like bounce?

Never bounce That's incredible I didn't know Alex It was one good hard One good hard arch at the back And the ass shook What must have been a hundred times Belmont's got ass

Yeah That was crazy There's something I'm blown out of the war There's something in the genetics Of me and my brother sat next to me here that just gives us heller ass

Bolton's a chunky family James and I we get the hell at ass I'm off the cast I feel like off the cast doesn't get said enough anymore I forgot about the off the cast I've never forgotten off the car

I've never said it I've never said it because it's disrespectful to all the people No but didn't you remember episode 50 I'm still on the cast everyone I was joking You remember episode 50 that was like The joke because we've said Because we'd said it so much

That the joke was I really was off the cost. Oh yeah. The whole joke was based around that. Oh, that was funny. That actually leaves jar. I'm bringing it back. I'm bringing it back.

What? It's time for fucking meme chat. What the fuck? I'm done a meme chat in ages either. I'm not going to just stand here and actually burn out. I've been meaning to talk about meme chat because some of the memes recently have been terrible. Fucking unbelievable.

Someone's going to have to inform me because I know nothing. I don't know because memes I don't work in the same way they used to now. It's just you go on Instagram and there's just, you go on Instagram and there's all sorts of shit everywhere yeah new shit is old shit recurring memes but there's also old memes and just like memes aren't even new memes it just memes in like this new style

of meme yeah it's the shit gets so complex like year after year you've got to like work hard to keep on top of that shit we do a pretty good job Jim and I could do a pretty job there was a there was the golden era of us with memes

on Instagram yeah there was a lot of good shit we found many many a meme sadly one of my favorite meme pages you know I was saying to you should follow this one right it's got loads of good memes I can't send you them because you need to follow them they sold their account to some fucking shithead SoundCloud rapper from the looks of things

who deleted all the memes changed the name of it just has two pictures of him being uncool that's lame and all of the bookmarked memes it had just gone in one fell swoops so it was just well shit you remember when Facebook like pages always used to do that yeah well it's a good does it now

yeah build up following sell the page so um so that's how they make money yeah what the fuck and doing shoutouts for apps that don't like the insights app which is supposed to tell you when someone stalked your profile or when someone blocked you but that's a breach of privacy that doesn't you know instagram doesn't give you that information you don't know so can we can we kind of evolve meme chat for a brief moment right here right now right And I just want to, I want to ask each of us, what's, like, your favorite kind of meme? Favorite kind of meme?

Yeah. Like, all-time favorite. It doesn't get better than that. Well, I can't say. That's too hard. Yeah, I can't say anyone because it's like, it's just like horrible. Well, actually, no. I do have one.

This is always really, really horrible ones that catch me of God. I'm like, that's horrible, but shit, okay. It works. So even likes edgy, edgy ones. Not any meme, any meme, any meme, any meme, no, actually, Halo, anything that's Halo. The Halo ones are good. Like, um, shit like this. There you go.

I was literally just showing it, yeah. That's a good one. Another good one. Oh, I like girls' locker room versus boys' locker room. No, that was terrible. That's quite a recent, um... No, that's one of the ones. That shit.

That meme's fucking terrible. I don't understand it. It's terrible. I do have a favorite, though. That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, little black kid running down the street that's not recent though no but Jim just said

what's your favorite favorite meme a good meme it is the one with Flamingo the one that we've found found out of yeah the dwarf guy is that the one yeah oh he's not a kid is he's a black um dwarf guy with dwarfism yeah be the correct way to refer to it as I think other people probably seen it

probably yeah no so we've re-reed we lost it and then we had to go on Twitter and ask for someone to find it and someone just through from the skipping it So we had the Avengers name. Anything that's Halo. Halo ones are maybe I have to flash up on the screen.

We've had a lot of Avengers memes. Lego memes as well, obviously. Yeah, they're pretty good. Yep. There's been some good family guy ones lately. Just like family guy, funny family guy pictures underscore 2007. Good account. Marvel memes?

They're big. But there are so many, like not even Marvel memes, but that cringy Marvel memes aren't, it's like very Facebook page. That's the difference with us. We, we will. share with each other the stuff that's embarrassing

just like really cringy like Marvel fanboy bullshit right the Yeha Juice fucking oh yeah I don't even know there's can I can I say my favorite meme there yes of course um it's of the four races oh white

oh yeah black Asian and normal that is what about my favorite what about this one I don't I do, I'm enjoying, there's a current meme format which is, you'll have seen the Halo Infinite trailer. I'm sure we'll segue into E3 shortly.

But it's just, it's just the Master Chief stood next to this new character introduced, and obviously the Master Chief is a unit. He's a big unit. He looks especially large in that trailer. He does a chunk. God, I'm fucking excited. We're gonna start talking about Halo again.

I like here we go again. Oh, shit. Oh, that is a good one, yeah. What if we kissed? Yeah, I like, what if we kissed in that really hyper-specific place? What if we kissed in the Pripyat exclusions? I have one to add that's actually a DreamWorks one, too. There's some scene from the Third House Train of Dragon that's being memed at the moment.

Yeah, I've seen this. I don't know if I have. It's just a frame of toothless, like trying to impress the girl toothless. Wow, spoilers. You've probably seen that. I've seen it around. No, uh, not for a... See, the way to find what memes are current is go on fucking R memes,

the fucking most cancerous, awful, shittest Reddit page, and just sort by top from the last month. I don't know. R-slash, Rainbow 6 is pretty bad. I don't really follow any Redits. I don't. Yeah. And the best memes on the web are jar memes. Yeah.

I have a Madagascar thing. Halo. You can get Halo into it in a good way, in a way that appeals to me. So combine Lego, Madagascar and Halo might have the greatest of four races. Oh, that reminds me. I was doing Duolingo yesterday. I was going to send us to the group chat. You know, every now and then, again, I get a weird sentence trans. Like, when I got yesterday, which was the famous animals are not home. And it was just, oh, that's Madagascar.

The famous animals aren't at home. That is Madagascar. I can do it in Norwegian if anyone wants me to hear it, or I can not, because it's cringy. It's cringy. Doolingo, by the way, is an app where you're, like, learn. Yeah, bullshit app. Duolingo is a meme. Play 1010.

If you have a choice between two apps, 1010 and duolingo, pick 1010. It will superiorize your brain. Jiuolingo will make you learn a language and be smart. It's easy. It's fun. Duolingo will make you addicted to constipation, medication. I'm going to speak some. If you're some Norwegian listeners, I might say it in Norwegian, they'll tell me that I sound bad.

Go on it. Dibberham tadirana. Be babing tibabing. Let me do it. Bidadunga, do you see it. hinga dinga binga dinga james your turn not offensive because they're mostly white there reuben repeat it so james can have a go di baron tadirana aricayama come on james it's easy how's that fucking language

go on try before we move on to the e3 bit um ill illest james hates role-playing and speaking another language as role-playing listen okay E3 moving on to E3 2019 Don't tell the audience this But uh Sorry

Oh fuck E3 2019 The annual games convention Where companies do things Except Sony Because they don't have any games Because they're not very good Do you know what E3 stands for

Yeah Every epic Electronic Arts Expo Isn't it Electronic Entertainment Expo Something like that E3

I'm going to do a quick summary. It wasn't very good again. The last year's one was pretty good. This is the first time in like five years. I remember having fun watching it, but then I was drinking. So. Yeah, I was at work. Who here watches at E3 every year? I only watched the Xbox conference.

I only watched the Xbox conference. I remember. And then I watched the clips from the others. I was at work and you guys were watching E3 and I was looking whenever I could through the group chat and I was like, thinking about it yeah because that was the Halo Infinite review yeah oh and I was like what the fuck yeah that was I haven't watched I haven't watched D3 in like seven I think people probably saw the video of me on Twitter there's a video of me on Twitter now somewhere

of me losing my shit when it was announced this year though they'd lost my damn mind this year Xbox bought nothing Nintendo blew out of the water Well, they didn't bring... I don't agree with that, but... No, Nintendo's the best. Microsoft did that thing again where they just showed loads of third-party stuff. They're trying to make themselves look like a...

They're in a weird, like, awkward spot where they're going to want the big guns for next year because they want to sell any piece of hardware. So it's just like, we got some things... But not too many things. And all the third-party studios who have been making games for these next consoles, they don't want to reveal anything until...

The console's been fucking revealed. You know what has been being memed a little bit, though. A little bit of a joke about it is someone saying, we're getting frame rates of 120 frames per second, and it's like, yeah, PCs can do that for, like, the past decade. I was getting that last night playing fucking video games. Yeah. And Jim got Gamer rage in that way.

And they were like, we invented this technology, SSDs. It's like, what? Well, they didn't say that, but. No, but they were like stuff you've never seen before, like an SSD. It's for in consoles, I think, is what they mean Because like... No, but still It still sounds pretty bad isolated, doesn't it?

Yeah, it's not impressive when... Well, because think about what they're trying to do. They're trying to sell to a general audience or just appease their investors and that's the kind of thing where it's like a... The general... Investors like, oh, what's an SSD? Sounds like it would be good.

We're gamer dorks. We know what it actually is and we're like, that's lame. It's a solid state society. Pull a random person off the street. A solid state society. The thing is that as well, they say, they, they say, they, they, they, they, they were talking about 60 frames per second before the Xbox

1. There were like three games that actually got 60 FBS. The likelihood is. They didn't even talk about games when they ever held the Xbox 1. I very rarely hit 120 frames per second in games. I'm not even trying to. I'm usually on a hit like 90. Yeah. Well, it's tricky with mine because I have to run everything at 4K because of my shit monitor. You know, I don't even expect it, but you know, they have to say it because it's such a buzzwordy thing. Yeah. But it's like, I don't even expect that. I just like 60 frames. I'm happy. I'm like, yeah, there we go.

Neat. So I guess by saying 120, what they're confirming is, every game will run at least 60. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm satisfied with that. I think it's about time. 60 needs to be the base frame rate for games. It's like, it's unplayable.

And honestly, I don't give a shit about a resolution above 1080. Give me frame rate. If you're going to prioritize one, make it be frame rate. That's what you're playing it. Nice frames. Happy with that. Nice lighting, all that crap. Yeah, because resolution doesn't affect gameplay.

Frame rate does big time. Like... Something they did confirm, actually. Xbox one accessories will work with the new Xbox. So I guess they're just trying to make it like a PC, aren't they? Like, look, you can just... It's just a central thing and you can do whatever you want with it. Best thing from the Xbox conference for me was them saying

a game pass... Yeah. Because I've moved to PC. It's actually a really good idea. I just keep saying, I can't wait for the day. I never turn my Xbox back on. Yeah.

Or it just becomes a Blu-Ring. The thing is, they're actually embracing that, though. And it seems to me like they're the first to step to this new level. They were trying to do the PC thing. Fucking ages. It was too soon. Way too soon.

And they fucked it up because they had fucking Don Matric. That guy that everyone hated. Being like, you can just buy the Xbox 360 and it's like, and they got fired. Yeah, that was bullshit. Yeah. but um what do you think about them saying like you can play any game anywhere on anything streaming yeah i think i think i think game streaming is the equivalent of like the too early thing as you were just saying for like what's tried to do it as well so it's a little bit less embarrassing

than two people are trying to do it at once because they're both in it together like yeah everyone's going to like no one trusts google though or wants to give them money like it as a direct like product everyone uses google but they don't they don't they don't love Google, you know? Not like Nintendo or Sony, something like that. Well, when they step in, they haven't stepped into video games before. No. For them to do that is quite risky. It's been

talked about for fucking ages. That Google or Apple would make a fucking games console. And now finally one of them is sort of doing it a bit. The thing is, I don't want more games consoles. Have you seen the cheaper way I want less? It's not, they're not offering a console there. They're offering like a service where you can play games

in like Google Chrome. But the steeper way you have to at the moment is you pay for a subscription but you also have to pay for the games as well. So you... Why would I ever choose that? Yeah, that's the thing. And you don't earn the game. It's too early and like people don't look at Google as a game company.

Okay, but why the fuck it's so... It's still right now. It's changed. Don't get into you don't play games. But we haven't talked about any of the games before we end this first half. Oh, that's because there weren't any. No, there are plenty. We're going to have to carry over into the next half. You know what I want to say it's a lot of one in the Microsoft conference.

Lego Star Wars, the Skywalker Saga That was a nice sort of surprise Is that like a part remaster Or have they redone everything? It's a straight remaster But it's also got new content too And new content I'm fucking talking about that

Is it a remake then Of the old ones? Because the old ones are quite dated And the newer ones are quite We're not quite different game play They just feel a lot better Yeah Why don't they redesign the whole thing

I think they might redesign Some of the levels Not entirely Just a bit to make them Fit with the whole Fitting with the new Way the games feel That's crazy yeah

I'm totally into that. I'm quite excited. That is such a collector thought. It's like the ultimate collection of Lego games. That's ridiculous. Yeah. That's so... How many mini kits?

It takes so long to 100% of those games. Yeah, it does. It took me forever to 100%. Yeah, I did one. I played through the Force... Well, I get the Force Awakens. And they never did another one for The Last Jedi. And I was like, why not?

And it's because they were working on. They're for babies, though. It's ultimate edition. They are for babies. Yeah, but they're really fun games. For babies. Even though I'm not really. games i i i didn't try and be a dick but i never want to play a lego game again i'm gonna play a lego

it's gonna be great so i take to lego forza forza got fucking lego not played it i am more interested in playing it looks great it's quite sweet and funny yeah it's cute and it's got and you like build houses and shit yeah i i really want to have a look at it actually you just yeah i've no idea like a like a 12 pound dc whatever it is it's just like fun it's this easy and that's how you establish goodwill will of your consumer base cute stuff Lego stuff anything with Lego

There's Hot Wheels last time People actually like Lego The Hot Wheels was very cool But with Lego It's like Damn The thing is though I went on Facebook

Went into the comments Of the post about it And just loads of hardcore Peat car people Like Legos for kids They probably said the same thing About the Hot Wheels one

But no they're like I want Hot Wheels too You want that's boring Is that fucking Yeah Well they're wrong And we'll be back After these messages

Dick the head shirts available now Check in the description That was a Barney Burp That was a Barney Burp Actually yeah I didn't even think about it In my head it was like... I just thought Barney Gumble was in the room

So Microsoft They announced a few things that were good Infinite they did nothing Didn't show any gameplay But they showed the opening of the game And it looks like a return to classic cable I do this thing every time I watch E3 for Halo

That's the only reason I watch it right And every time I always end up Partially being disappointed Because I just always want to see more But then I don't want them to do what they did before And just spoil all the good shit So it's like a weird balance they have to take It looks like they're not doing that

Yeah Tonally anyway in like the atmosphere Yeah His colours a bit He's a bit but he looks like the Halo 2 I realised today I was walking Because Jamie said to me the other day that he thought he was a bit too bright and I was like yeah he could do it being a bit of a darker

sage green like he used to because I I was he um he looks like he doesn't the Halo 2 remaster in the remaster yeah so I'm like I guess the original he was quite but I think that was a product of 2004 though like graphical limitations and also the style people liked maybe at the time I don't know I just I just like a well think about the fidelity that was in Halo 1 2 and 3 like comparatively 3 for they have such a challenge if they want to make everything look hyper realistic and like really detailed. They can't leave it hyper simplistic. Yeah, they're going for a nice balance. Yeah. Like a stylized realism

thing. Stylized modern graphics, I guess. Yeah. Modern. I think, yeah, little things here and there could do being tweaked on it, but overall I don't really like the 117 thing. But then, I can forgive it. It reminds me of that live action thing they did, which was embarrassing.

Fall Into Dawn, yeah. No. Halo Legends, the package. Yeah, yeah. They're just... Yes. that makes me like it more to be honest it's weird 3-4-3 actually quite like

the Halo Legends it seems because they just put that ship in it that ship from it in Halo 5 the invisible ship they escape on a mission if anyone's played it just weird little things that they did they're like why do you just love that

it's lame that's like hyper-specific I don't know if anyone's even watched Halo Legends really I've seen it I mean if the majority of this room has seen it so have you seen it yeah but we're all halo okay good wow two of us are halo fans what

you're trying to say huh you don't even you identify as not even being like as crazy about it as we are i'm a fan of nothing because being a fan of anything is groupthink group think so true being a fan of not being group think is group think oh the only thing i'm a fan of is the first mad max movie because nobody else likes that movie I saw the uh new ori looked to me Oh, why'd you do that? Fucking beer everywhere. You know when the trailer kind of ends, but then it's like, it comes back and he's on the back of the bird,

and the violin comes in. I was like, oh shit, I'm going to cry. Oh, my God. That shit looked amazing. Oh, my God. The animation and the 3D stuff. Insane. It's so impressive.

I could, yeah, I could definitely just cry and listening to that soundtrack, probably. It's so good. It's fantastic, yeah. Then what's that game they announced? The Toad game. Battle Toad. Battle Toad have a nice... What the fuck is the deal with them bringing back Battle Tades?

They own it. I mean, it's... Might as well. It's awesome. I'm glad they didn't make it look like, you know... Crush Bandicoot. We've not even stepped into the obvious thing that everyone was talking about from most of... Cyber Punch.

Cyber Punch. Keanu. I think that game is going to be fucking unbelievably good. I think it's going to be fucking awesome. It's safe to the same. I showed my dad the trailer today. I was like, look, it's four minutes long. Just bear with it.

It's all work. it for about 20 seconds at the end. I guess he enjoyed the trailer and then he laughed at Keanu Roos. Kiani was so... It was so refreshing to see someone who's actually comfortable.

Yeah, but he was comfortable on camera. He didn't seem that comfortable though. No, he's... He's in the Kiani way where he's like... He's got a way about him. It wasn't the same thing you normally used to where it's like awkward developers

trying to read off a script. He was like loving like the fact he was there and the attention and everyone cheering and stuff and that guy was like you're like yeah you know we've talked about the way he did he delivers like like dialogue

but that's just how he sounds he just speaks that way yeah there's just nothing honestly it makes me way more interested in that game that short clip of him saying like we've got a city to button he sounds fucking badass it's the perfect tone as well because it's kind of goofy and over the top anyway yeah

the fucking red sunglasses yeah Johnny Silverhand or something is the character, I think. Yeah. So corny. Yeah, that is the character. But I was trying to find a song from it. I kept seeing Johnny Silverhand. I was like, is this an artist as well? Oh, right.

I get it. But that game is, it's guaranteed to be fucking incredible. It looks... How did that happen? What was the conversation? Well, he said, um, CD Project Red, like, came to him and said... Who thought of that, though? That's so smart, though.

Kiani Reeves. Yeah. Like, for them, the stars of a line, because... Kianu's like back to being like He's having a renaissance John Wick No but they must have done this quite some time again They must have seen enough

Well yeah clearly If he's a major character He would have been recording for a long time If you have to like pick a side Yeah That's my side Even if he's an evil I'm on Kiani's side

The whole way Yeah I don't really want to stick on E3 for like too much longer Well we just say Nintendo Nintendo had a really good one The banjo I just want to also mention

in the From Software game George R. Martin thing was true. Eldon Ring. Yeah, that's the one. And you got Animal Quartz? No, shut up. That From Software game is going to be so fucking good and cool.

You haven't seen gameplay, can't you? I was like, what is this? Is this like a Nordic thing? And then I saw the blonde-haired, braided plat guy, and I was like, yes, a Nordic thing. 100% Vikings. Let's do this, fuck it. They're doing the ones on all of the different...

Yeah, they've got to try it all out. When Miyazaki came up, I was like, and then George R.R. Martin as well. Because I sent that to you weeks ago, remember? I sent that to you about it. Yeah. And you were like,

eh, I don't know about it. I'd read it as well because it was all over Twitter and stuff and I was like, is this actually like... But they don't did it. They did done did it. God damn did it.

I just thought of all the like companies that George R. Martin could have teamed up with. He obviously picked them because he saw how fucking whank Yeah, but like They aren't like They're also Japanese aren't they?

Super story heavy Maybe he was interested Because of that You know Like they are This Japanese company That have Just really grotesque designs

Apparently his involvement though Is like kind of Backend law stuff That's fine though So like all the way You normally experience One of those games That's actually a really cool idea

Yeah That's like such a clever idea Like that game EA tried to release Like 10 plus years ago Kingdoms of Amalur or something like that had like some famous writer like create all the law or some shit

or it's based on something like that so it's kind of a good idea so about that have you done with E3 I think so yeah I had nothing much say about it nobody gives a shit about animal crossing that game is trash

it's gonna be it's gonna be it's gonna find a series it's trash animal crossing anecdote I shared it earlier but I had Animal Crossing on the GameCube and I had you know I guess I tried to like the way people do you have furniture in your house? It's not the type of game

you'd play, let's be it all. I was eight years old or something. Even now I don't think you'd So what happened was one day in the shop in Tomnook's shop the master sword was available I guess that's a rare item to come up so I sold everything that I own

owned in the game and bought the master sword put it in the middle of the house and just never play the game again I've been playing a game recently do you tell what game are you playing this team will dig um this is gonna piss everyone off is it in an MMO James knows what it is oh fuck off is it undertail no no James reveal it's Jim's game of the year for like six years in a row yeah it's fucking SkyW why have you been playing my game I started to Sky Room again why were you high well when yes when did

When did you start? No, I started it before. I'd even... No, you were in the intro scene on the picture I saw, Alex. You were on... I'll explain... I'll explain that to you after.

I've been playing Skyrim because a weird phenomenon has come upon me where, you know, sometimes just nothing is satisfying to you. Yeah. Nothing.

Except for like one thing that's like itching in your mind. And I was like, for some reason, I just really want to fucking place. Skyrim at the moment. What are you doing? What's you playing through? What is a build? Archery. Have you ever tried two-handed? Yeah, I've done a two-handed. Alex has done everything. I've done like most, I've done a magic one, I've done a thought one.

It's actually sickening how many different play-throughs he's done. He's done magic. He did a bow one as an elf, I'm pretty sure. He did two-handed, one-handed. The only way you play, stealth is so broken. The only way you play. It's like comfort food though. Yeah, yeah. When you know something that thoroughly. When you do that, it's like I'm going to look up your or something when you do that but it's like he's just wearing shorts it does look like he's naked under that what Alex is saying is Alex this game we should do a naked episode wearing this game is your new Vegas that's I play it for that same reason it's like I have I also like the fact that new Vegas once you're after redeeming quality once you're past the awful intro though you can just go any direction you want I got one one one counter to

that is I would always encourage just gunning through the main story to get like I haven't even done a single mission from it Because once dragons are introduced to it You kind of want to be able to bring them down don't you So you want that shout Yeah And there's also one other reason for it But I can't remember why there's another reason

It's just because I get fed up with dragon Like I had a play through where Because recently I contributed a lot Some commentary about Skyrim to something that I probably Yeah I won't see what it is Because I guess he wouldn't want me to But The River were trader who if you invested in him

He had 11,000 gold So you could sell shit You know that was the play you went if you wanted to sell you so I went to him a dragon just killed him in my main play-through so it's just more shit in my mind there's always going to be so bad luck I had to because I was playing on 360 to sell all my stuff I had to just fast travel to

every main city and that took me like it was like 15 minutes of just fucking around selling things because he was killed by a dragon at the start of the play through Scaram is bad it's a bad game it's the wrong word no it is it's a bad game I don't think it's aged it's aged it's aged just bad

I was thinking, I was thinking about this very thing, like... Yeah. But New Vegas has a story and has characters and actually has something in the world. I would just, I would, Vegas is so much what, New Vegas is so much worse. No, it's not. Vegas is fucking unplayable now. They're both unplayable.

No, Skyam's not unplayable. It is. No, because I was expecting the same, I was expecting the same fucking thing to happen. Because when I was playing New Vegas on the very same thing I've been playing Skyrim on, it was like, this is fucking painful. I can't play it on your Xbox. As the, as, as, as the,

neutral party that has no love Remastered one Yeah That's different than that you're playing A Xbox 360 game on an Xbox 1 and a Remastered Xbox 1 game on Xbox 1 It's so that's frozen in time that way Still plays exactly the same way

I would sooner go home and play New Vegas than Scone That's crazy to me The story in the world is so much better I think the story's bad in both of them though That's not why I play then The story in New Vegas is not shit Actually New Vegas does have all that crazy

New Vegas has choices. Okay, no, the story on paper is good in New Vegas, but the storytelling is fucking terrible. Playing that game. It's not... I cannot play Skyrim anymore, unless I'm high. That's why I actually have Skyrim on the switch.

I bought Skyrim. You bought it when you were drunk, right? Yeah. And at the next day, I was like, shit. That's 50 pounds. On Skyrim again. It's not... It's not like... I wouldn't say... it's a masterpiece but it's a lot of fun it is a lot of fun

I really like Sky Room why didn't you play Dark Souls Why don't you just play The Witcher It's not like Alex has missed out on some essential games It's because I can casually play Dark Souls I can't casually play Dark Souls in the same way I can I could So you gave up in the same way I did on Dark Souls

I'm sorry The Witcher is pretty casual James gave up on The Witcher because No no no no I didn't get No because I got into it again did all the D.L. Oh, you did it? I'm like halfway through Blood of Wine.

You just been playing it recently or something? No, I stopped playing it because there was another game came out like last year. So that's why I stopped playing. Halfway through Blood and Mine. I'm the only one. I'm the true Witcher master here. You only bought it because I bought it. That's it.

I only played because James bought it and it just downloaded onto my Xbox. That's true. To be fair, though, I'm pretty sure I've played through the base game more times than you have. And that's why I burnt out on it. that game when I play through it and whenever I play through it again blows my mind every fucking time I want to do one because I may start

on the same match it's one of those things I get it with like movies and stuff every now and again and TV shows like yeah like how did anyone do this I sent you a text with it the other day I was like you would just watch something and you get a bit emotional thinking how did humans make this

yeah how they do it's so from beginning to end it's so thoughtful yeah pretty sure I was a little bit drunk I'd been watching mad man they'd been drinking I was drinking

that's how it is there's only one game that's ever made me emotional and that's witcher free what the you know what my favourite line of the Witcher 3 is Not Gisible 2 death scene

Looks like rain It's just Gereot saying Looks like rain You always says it starts raining Yeah If you played Red Dead 2 James Maybe that would be on your list No I can't

I don't like any of the characters I would say to you Jim that I thought the atmosphere was better in Skyrim than The Witcher. No. But I take it back. Yeah, I wanted to slap you for that one. Like, I love the music of Skyrim more than the Witcher, I think. I know.

I prefer. But the Witcher's music works really well, obviously, at the game, when you're playing it. And I do like a lot of the music, and it's just Skyny's music I can listen to whenever I want, really. But the Witcher, I wouldn't listen to Vellon's music. The combat music in The Witcher is better. Definitely. But the, like, other music. Ambient, isn't as good.

It's the other way round. The tavern music is incredible in which year It's good in the sky in them as well I love it It's better in Because the Gwent music Slaps Go to medieval fairs

That's all it is non-stop And that's why they're incredible So you want us to Larp then Okay There's nothing LARP's fucking cool I've learned that there's like a Viking Fair in Trondheim

On New York Really That's funny Like sticks Something don't do with sticks I'm fucking remember I was reading about it yesterday Then you go to Russia

And they're like having MMA fights in full fucking arm over Astros. You've seen slapping fights yeah this fuck sake Anyway what the fuck What are we talking about

Why is it I just mentioned that was playing Skyrim as all Because I wanted to annoy James And James is great I like I like Skyron But Richard's better Why is it like every 40 episodes Is this a Richard appreciation

That's all it is every time Yeah We appreciate that game so much But everyone who's listening I was like yes Yes That's right yes And they say yes

Skyrim is bad yes Yeah because it is Well, that's clearly one of the episodes we need to do as good as they say. Yeah. Because we actually have wildly contrasting things. And we have an equal number of us who, Skyim defenders versus Skyrim. I'm not going to say it. Attackers.

Yeah. No, what are we going to say? Are you going to buy that new Skyrim? Blate. It's just Skyim, but you don't have any option to do anything. What's on mobile? Yeah. It's on the switch.

What? Well, you know what? How about we do some questions? Yeah. Yeah, let's do some questions. We've been just going in this one without any need of assistance. Like a minion into another minion's mouth. If you want to leave your own questions, head over to the Jiam Media Reddit.

That's the one bit you're not supposed to interrupt. The Jire Media Reddit. Yeah, just go there if you want to leave your own questions for us. Let's start with this one from Stache DK. In the highly likely scenario where you're all sentenced to death, what would your last meals be? oh you know it's gonna be boy it's a difficult thing to even comprehend because I have lots of things I like I'm gonna get this out of the way hmm it's your

nose half a chicken from Nando's from Nando's with spicy rice and puree salted fries but could you combine with other places like with a Casper's milkshake could you do that yes I reckon for like dessert okay but that's with the wing roulette as well and bucket bucket and and a no shire up and a milky bar and a milky bar um large milkshake from caspers is that good yes i would never order something like that it is sweet as fuck it is sweet as fuck why i couldn't cope with that i like the aureo ones the best no it's nice because you suck on it and then you get the chunks right james that's a fucking difficult one because i fucking love food okay no this is it i could do james

i'm going in i'm going fucking in i want a gregg's I want a loaf of bread Perfect bread Mr Kipling No you just Fucking lobsters Fat pawns Fresh bread and butter

That's all you need and some Crab patte I guess I can get behind that I understand that pisses me off That is pure Mediterranean and that is bliss Right before you're put to death No no I'm putting An item's basic

Chocolate Fudge cake Iceland I wasn't expecting that one Rubin I don't know at the moment I'm having to like really No envision it Rollplay that you're about to be fucking killed

And you've got to decide What would I want to Because you have to be ready Because the guards They're not gonna fuck around They're gonna be like what do you want What if the closest Nando's was like A two hour drive

You're not allowed to go there aren't you What you're gonna think is Would I want something like my mum makes Or my grandma makes Something like that you know Sentimental meal Sentimental meal No, that would get

That would get me too emotional Before my... Yeah, you just want to eat slop You just want to eat fucking chicken I would honestly I would probably take I wouldn't want to Shuradashi Raman From Wagamama

Before I die The pork belly ramen That shit's good That shit is good Pork belly is yummy But I would also want to have Like some squid With it

And probably some Bang Bang Koliflowers Pretty great We've been just We just want to Wagamamaama menu That's the thing Like I

thinking about it I'd also really like a steak I normally go medium rare but I might even go rare for the for my last fuck it what's the worst it could happen yeah fuck it blue because I like also it's alive you have to do gourmet burger kitchen they got the major tom burger with blue slaw which is amazing

it's amazing speaking of blue yeah so there's a lot there's a lot of food out there that I like yeah it's kind of an impossible question Because it comes in cycles of what food I want at the time. It depends on time of year. I just want my favourite food.

That's it. It's my favourite food. I haven't said my answer yet. What's your wife and so, Alex? A full English roast. Oh, what? Full English roast. Do we have those?

Do we specify English roasts? So people know what I'm talking about. With chicken being the meat. Oh, shit. No, that's a really good one. I always call it a roast dinner. No, I'm going to adjust mine. Shit.

I'm going to demolish mine and redo it. Okay. All right. So, T-Bone rare steak. Blue. With peppercorn sauce. Mm-hmm. Yorkshire puddings.

Some roasties. Yep. Onion rings, chips. Stuffing? Would you have some tomato? Stuff it? Would you have a ton of stuffing? Tomatoes and some of the grilled tomatoes or whatever?

Yeah, grilled tomatoes, mushrooms. Beans. Yeah. And... Beans. Beans. That's what I was going to say for my second course. No.

Not. Not, not just bean. If you were asking, if you were asking me a three course, I can nail it. Not Heinz beans, not Heinz beans, green beans. From my mother's garden. There you go, making it sentimental. There's the little bit of sentimentality. With a Mokeybar milkshake from Casper's.

Sequels, then, I, what does my mum make that's really good? She does lots of food that's very good, there's a trouble. Those, uh... Just a pizza that's really good. Those red velvet cakes. She does a little red velvet cake. really good. I'm okay

with mine one of Rubin's mum's but of the case actually this is a question how about

all right you know this is kind of question it's best like answered next cast you know

it's like what if we do that really end the cast on a question we go away of it we come back and answer

at the start of the next cast you do need a lot of time to think about that that's a if you're on death row that

like you have a lot of time to think about yeah so we got to can I add something I want Jim's student

pasta dish Student pasta dish The white wine and salmon Fucking incredible It's the best pasta dish So you want Jim to make your last meal I am That's quite sentimental

I do some pretty great pasta dish I'm on death row as well And I've got to make your dinner What if that's what we do What if that's what we do A better question would be What would we cook for the person On death row

And it would be just I'd have no idea But like Alex Corn beans beans quantum beans just loads of beans something that

or loads of like dairy that would like really upset my stomach so when you die you explode shit everywhere yeah yeah you know you shit or whatever is you die or a bit after you die so the cleanup would be monstrous leaving of a bang

I wouldn't want to bait camembert in there or some really nice brie like actually from France if we're allowed to share our last we're all on death together. We've got to choose one meal. Oh, damn.

A massive camembert. I think my answer would be the best. No. A big fucking roast would be pretty great. Like perfect potatoes, fucking all the trimmings. Wait, wait, hold out. Are they going to be parsnips? Parsnips will be an option.

I fucking hate Sunday roast though. I can't stand them. Do we get crackling with the roast pork? Do you know what I like to add as well? James eats roast. No, if we're leaving. I used to hate roasts and then I grew up. No, I'm getting at, I'm getting at, if I, if we had to leave something behind, like, you know, when we die, we're going to fucking stink.

A cabab. We've smelt my farts. Loads of chili sauce, loads of garlic ma'am. My farts are fucking dreadful. Like, I make one chili. That has to be donner as well, obviously. And I eat chili like three times a week. Just imagine the fucking scent of us, our fried bodies after you've been fucking dead.

All four of us. Donner kebabab, spicy. Mix kebabs spicy. I make a fucking really great chili, you know. With the chili peppers. Like actually cooking quite a lot, university. I make a really good chili. I'm fucking great at it.

I'm just going to put out, I'm really great in making chili. Yeah. I'm a pro. That's what I'm trying to say. Speaking of Sammy and kebabs, Dick the Head says, we demand a whole jarcast talking about

if you should get a Sammy's kebab, decide 30 minutes in, and then upload the episode anyway. That is exactly what we were doing before this podcast. Yeah. That's a reference to those who don't know to an old episode.

so when we were literally for the first no I think it's actually the whole the whole episode the whole episode is only like 40 minutes long was it Chinese or coi because it's curry in a fucking coi today

it was curry I'm pretty sure no it's coi order the fucking coi Alex yeah because the whole episode is just James and was that the same day was that the same day we've been launched

a fucking take a masala to the ground no no that was a different that was a great moment I think we had been casting that day we'd been building something I can't actually remember The bed

Was that Uncharted day? Was that building Alex's PC? No, because Alex was there that day And we joked about me not doing that again I was there for the curry thing though Yeah, Alex was there He wasn't there when we built Alex's bed Yeah, exactly, but the PC

Yeah, it would have been PC day then Because there were boxes everywhere I distinctly remember There was clutter all over the place You dropped this curry What happened was I just went to put it down And my hand just did that thing It's like, no

and you're looking at your hand like, why did you do that? Why? Spilling a coi as well I was like a fucking nightmare On the cream carpet Yeah But we've got it out

Successfully got it out And when I moved out of that place I looked behind the radiator And it was still all on the wall And they didn't even notice Whatever the radiator turns on It smells like Tika masala What's that smell?

Do you want to curry? Yeah, go on Go ahead then Oh, okay Imagine that chunks of Tika Massa It's been stuck already heated and unheeded to so long Yeah, it was mostly sauce Probably maybe a grain of rice or two

I actually had a Tika Massa on Monday And it was fucking wanted A Boona Yeah, one of the best curries I've ever had Worst name for a curry, Boona Is it? I hate that name I think Vindaloo is quite No, Vindaloo is like an expressive, colourful word.

No, I don't like it because it says loo at the end, and to us, that means toilet. Yeah, but like, I think it's a colourful, expressive word, though. The train station I have to go to, if I want to go to London from university, Waterloo. I was thinking about that word, I was like, what a British silly word. It's just like the water in a toilet. That's what it sounds like to me. And then there's ridiculous pronunciations. Like, if I showed someone the tube station, that they would assume, you know, for Southwark, whatever.

They'd be like, well, Southwark. No. No, you're wrong. It's Southwick. London's full of, like, stupid names. You know what? Fuck London. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a country boy. Born and raised. Yeah, born country, living country.

We can do, is London as good as they say? James, he's never been. I've been to London, just not good London. He's never been on any of the trips to London that we've done, has he? You never invite me. James, you always know we're going. And you could ask, you could say, James, gonna come London. You don't want to go.

You have been invited to Egham, all of you, and you just never did it. Could have gone to London. Never did it there. I was busy. I was busy. We did that jar cast meet up like years ago. Looking at my nails and checking my nails, go. I remember in secondary school, after school once, like someone asked me, how did you look at your nose?

Because if you do it that way, it means you're gay, and if you do it that way, it means you're straight. You do both. Yeah, you do both depending on the long time. That's one of my core memories, though. I remember that as well. Stupid. Remember the rubber band thing, the gay test? Oh, just the gay test?

You put like an elastic band on your fingers. You did that and then you went like that. And then they had to tap fingers so it would snap. And it would usually, it would either end so that you were holding two and the elastic band would be crossed over and it would look like a bra or some boobs because it was a figure of eight around. Or it would be two and one. so it'd make like a dick shape

and that meant you were gay I don't know this right I don't know that if there was an elastic band available I would show you it's the kind of thing like you just know what you don't because I know exactly what you're talking about

I'm not a child so I don't know well we're at the end of the cast thank you for watching this episode I have one more question I want us to end on but yeah can it can I said about answering one

at the start of the next cast do we have a yeah this one yeah all right uh Reddick 360s says, how long can Jha maintain an awkward silence? It's not awkward with us. Yeah. I've literally known you guys for like 10 years.

It cannot happen because... Okay. How long can you maintain silence? B. Thank you.