JAR Media Posdact - The Year of The Mama Begins... - JARCAST Episode 147

Episode Date: January 7, 2019

Ma-ma? https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia

Good afternoon, morning, evening or night, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to episode 147 of the JAR Media podcast. Why did you not get the name right? I had it in my head right, but today we're joined by you, James. Me, James, your host, for this special edition jarcast. we got Jamie to your immediate right Rubin hello

and me Alex I'd also like to say thank you to all the patrons on our Patreon for help making the jarcast the jarcast now I've actually got one to start off this episode

so recently you know when you know you go to the toilet you sit I'm very intimately familiar. You might not have experienced it as much, but you know, like a public toilet five times a day. In a public toilet, you know, there's obviously loads of cubicles. So whenever you sit down, what do you do?

In a public one? Yeah, in a public or in a workplace. First I analysed to see how much mess I need to clean up or move on to the next one. Because I don't do that. I've, over the last like two, three years, I've been like training a specific sense. skill. When I sit down, because obviously there's a little gap under your side, I look, I just analyze the person's shoes. Okay. It's really specific to my work now. So when you analyze the shoes, so you know the shoes, okay? And because I've got poo anxiety, so I can't poo if anyone's

nearby, I have to wait till they've left. Okay. And because of that, I've noticed that nobody cleans their hands. No matter what they do. After poo poo. Nobody cleans their hands. Fucking nobody cleans their hands and they don't even give a shit they would like walk out so by university does and all the public everyone I've ever seen in a bathroom that comes out of like people often don't clean their hands after

wee yeah but I'm I'm sure I'm sure of poo they don't wash hands I will look at the shoes and because I know they haven't like clean the hands I only know the shoes so whenever I see a guy in my workplace I just look at the shoes because then I know if I match the shoes

to the face I know who doesn't clean their hands You haven't washed your hands after you pooed. Yeah, it's really bad though, because if I go to toilet, like, twice or three times a day and do a poo, guaranteed that all the people who go next me won't wash their hands, like at all. And it's fucking disgusting, because people will do hoojah shits and they just won't clean. Okay, I have some questions. No, but with that, do you know what? I don't want to be prejudiced.

But all of the people who look at and you kind of think they might not wash their hands, they don't wash their hands. and I will straight up say it's probably 70% of all of the males in my workplace don't wash their hands and it's fucking disgusting I've not experienced anybody at university not washing their hands whenever I see you always hear it someone leaves a cubicle

taps are on, dryers are on happens that's it in my work it's just cubicle opens, door opens and they're gone and it's not like it's not like there's no show are they even pooing? Yeah because I'm I sit there and I listen to them so I hear the whole thing and they're

even wipe really I bet they don't even wipe They but they there's not Like I get it If there's like no station There's like supplies They're the time of people To like not wash their dicks

But expect blow drool from the misses They're going They haven't washed their cocks For about two weeks If ever It's also like Even with the pissing It's not always true

Because if you go up to the cubicle You know get it out You're still touching that area Like slightly to get it down When they And how What about when you've got A little bit of dribble left

You just just fucking pull up and walk out And you just know, when they go out, like, to the pub with the lids, it's boot-cut jeans, a pair of Black Ben Sherman Daps have had since 2007. And a plaid shirt, and none of it matches. Yeah. You just know it, I can picture the guy. It's like, because I'm in a very big company now, so there's, like, a big building.

There's loads of, like, different sections. So, oh, I kind of see every, like, guy. James Facts on all of us of his company. That's shit company. But obviously, I know who doesn't. But the job before that was, like, a shared office. So it's like loads of different rented offices and in that whole building it was the same Like nobody would wash their hands and there was like six guys in that whole building and

all five of them were from an IT company an IT support company is just like touching people's computers and all that shit and there's the keyboard yeah and it's like it worries me because how much how how big is it of people not washing their hands how does this spread yeah it can't be isolated just because i i would say the the statistics of my experience are fucking high it's people like that um when you see like a news article saying McDonald's screens have poo on them

it's like yeah no shit there's fecal matter everywhere yeah first of all and then you add that to the number of people that just don't wash the fucking hands what do you expect this begs the question though I remember you talking about this as a potential subject

for a future jarcast do humans now as a society yeah I've had this note it down for ages do we do we um obsess over cleanliness too much that's the question we are living longer so like you know that you've got to think that's probably a correlation between cleanliness and high well it's actually going down now the life expectancy yeah because we've yeah we're now going into living really unhealthy lives yeah but that's that's irrelevant um i think

a lot of people do obsess over it too much i i i'm one of them like four years ago it got to a point where I was just like it got stuck in my head and every time I go in the bathroom I would soak my hands properly and I clean them constantly and I still do it to this day like if I go to toilet

if I don't do anything in a bathroom I'm cleaning my hands if I'm on siege I would sit there and spend the extra like two minutes cleaning my hands it's like I can't not do it now I only wash my hands after a shit

or I do handling like something that smells just for the sake of not having my hands smell all the time so if ever I'm like touching Argy who just stinks as shit at all times gotta wash my hands no he smells lovely

smells of roses and rainbows no he doesn't smells of dog but it also makes you think like if people aren't washing the hands off going to toilet if you wash your hands we're holding up society we're holding it on our backs

we're holding up the whole planet hand washers it's like a human how many times a week are they supposed to wash ideally I get it when you go into a hospital you know because then it's about

contaminant contaminations and people that are well but most people don't you know live in hospitals. Like, does a human really need to shower or bathe every day? No, and that's why I don't. I bathe once a month. That's what that stench was then.

Isn't it like twice as like... There's a certain point where you should, because you've got to wash dead skin off of you. The thing is, I could, I could go a month without bathing or washing. Could you? And I would probably be... No, I don't. I don't mean, like, realistically. I mean, I would be fine.

I'd just be stanky as hell. Yeah. You'd feel disgusting, though. Yeah, but I reckon that aspect is more of a courtesy to everyone else. The frequency in which we watch. You have to have the balance. If you'd never wash, you get stank. Yeah.

And I'm sure your skin all gets gross and infected. And if you're doing too much, your skin becomes dry, and your hair, like, comes all quite horrible. Yeah. So what is the, like, the good time period of, you know, cleaning? Well, there's a difference between showering and bathing. And, like, washing your hair. Because you don't need to wash your hair, you can wet it, but, like, shampoo and stuff.

I wash stuff, I'm washing, like, wax out of my product at my hair, though, usually. That's, that's why I... You shouldn't wash your hair, like, frequently at all, though. Like, not... I got a wiry, fucking terrible ass, black person hair as it is, like, just fucking... I've got... I, uh, wash my hair, at least, like... every time I shower because it becomes so dry because of how it is.

So I do it rarely regularly, but I know it's quite bad because I'm just like making it even worse. I feel like we have sort of similar hair change. It's quite... It's just curly. It just goes curly, that's our hair. There's just nothing you can do to keep it. My hair is like curly as well, but it's like the texture of my hair is different. I think my texture is more closer to yours than it is Alex's. Mine's quite rough as well.

It's not nice. It's not nice hair. It's not actually that bad at all. It makes it sound like I hate black people hair. For the reference. The record, for the record, of anyone that isn't watching this and doesn't know who I am, I'm a brown human. It's all right.

So, is it two days? Is that, like, the healthy amount to, like, clean? Wash your hair, isn't it, like, you know, like, once every other day, it's, like, good sense. Yeah, that's fine, but just, like, not washing in general, you know. I think it's also depends on... Job, probably. The, the actual person, though, because everyone has different types of hair. Like, none of our hair is the same.

Not only hair, though, but skin. My skin is ridiculous. ridiculously sensitive i'm a i'm a little princess and i feel most comfortable with showering once a day there are times where i'll i think that's the norm for sure i'm fine with that some people will shower fucking twice even three times i think if you shower more than once a day i think you have a mental disorder i get it if like you went it was summer it was hot yeah you're doing for a reason then you're standing oh yeah water because you're hot and sweaty that's different and i i understand washing more often in uh in the summer than yeah

because that should be stanking yeah covered in sweat I did it every day in the summer it was just get home but to be fair in the summer I had no aircones I'd be stuck in a 40 degree oven and it just be like we talk about what humans should or shouldn't do we have always have a conscience we're making decisions so at that point we're just doing we're just doing stuff man we're doing so but we know what we're doing because if we introduced human beings that didn't have showers let's say 500 years ago to a shower look you can wash more often I only probably pounce on it like fuck yeah I can wash a little bit more yeah Think about like what animals do. Birds wash quite a lot. Cats are constantly grooming themselves, dogs groom themselves. Like I don't understand how Gaius remains so clean. He is like spotless pretty much every day. Dogs are just like a weird self-cleaning organism. Yeah, I don't know what, I don't know how. What, depends on the dog.

Erky isn't the best of cleaning himself. But like dogs don't go through that, you know, human teenagers go through the like slimy, greasy phase. Like dogs, they just never Well, most animals When there's a bird? Yeah, but they don't even have like a proportion Of their, like a fly

He doesn't have one day where they're like Fucking disgusting and angsty They're always disgusting Yeah Give it my point I can't remember like my dog ever being like that Yeah I suppose Argy had meningitis for a bit

That's different though, it doesn't count Yeah, got those weird pimples on his stomach That were like green What, I never saw this Because his immune system was so bad Because of the steroids Jesus Yeah

Let's not talk about that Speaking of cleanliness My question is to the jar fans Look When you go to toilet Look at who doesn't clean their hands And we'll port back Tell us how many people

Would you say don't clean their hands Send James pictures of your poo as well No Also tell us what you think The optimal Cleanliness I think everyone will just say you know they shower once a day and that's fine

I feel like I'm not doing it that badly because I think you know people have been washing once a day for quite a few years quite a while now it's pretty normal yeah so like I just think we're all right probably the only thing I'd be concerned about is certain types of products putting on your skin

like weird chemicals and shit yeah I don't really over years and years of doing it every day you don't know if the same product if it's like you know it's not a thing we Nivier on my face. A lot of nivia cream.

Yeah, same. Well, like, recently or something, it came out years ago, but it's like talcum powder used on baby has like asbestosin. And he fucking knew about it for years. Just things like that. But you don't know.

Like, in 10 years, it might be like, oh, this has a really dangerous chemicals. Also, humans are a lot more durable than we give our pretty princess selves credit for. Well, certain humans, yeah. Me not being one of them. I think generally speaking that,

we can survive quite a bit more than people seem to think. You can be exposed to a chemical for quite a while and be alright. Yeah, that's the thing. Radiation, that's different. But, like... Yeah, that's what I go.

When people discover there's poo molecules on the... I'm never going to McDonald's again. Yeah, it's like, nah, you're a fucking retard. You've probably been... You've got poo in your mouth right now. Touching poo on doorknobs are fucking nuts or something. 98% of, like, the soul of your shoe is just shit matter.

Like, the floor is just covered in shit matter. You just got shit on your finger. That's why we have this... Oh, shit I've got shit mouth. Yeah. Pooh face. It's a secret. the spinoff to big mouth shit mouth no big mouth is is that spin off you can't think

about germs at that level otherwise you'll you'll just never enjoy OCD yeah you'll catch OCD yeah you'll catch OCD like that episode of Simpsons where Mr Burns goes all crazy does he catch OCD you does catch OCD actually I was thinking about OCD the other day because I couldn't remember what it's called so I was just like ODST I forgot Because I was thinking I was thinking about the hand thing And like that is my thing

It's just making my hands all the time It's fucking crazy For you to class as having OCD You have to I think Waste one hour Every day doing Like an OCD thing So

I'm got that I was just like The thing I do It's just clean my hands all the time Does a playing video games count Being a gamer Browsing R slash game That's called loser disorder

Oh Gamers aren't losers Gamers are winners Um I have a topic now Bring it on We are here to discuss So

We're this is the first jarcast The 2019 So bravo It is the first one You know into the big new year Yeah And uh I just want to

Kindly usher in the year Of the mama Oh no 2019 is the year of the mama It's not the year of the mummer So I want to I want to put this question to the cast Who is the most

Mama of Jha Well what do you define as being a mama Yeah What is the characteristic of the mama Well As the person bringing this up You should know A mother provides

That's a mother, not a mama A mama provides A mama doesn't provide You call Argy Mama What the fuck does he provide? Argy protects From what? Argy protects

From what? He hasn't protected anything He guards What does he guard? Yeah, there's nothing to guard He guards the living room Great Yeah, he barks who

When one of us knocked on the door Just because it's a useless mothering thing Doesn't make it not A mothering thing It's not mama It's mama No Okay what else

Okay you said You said, come to my aid Oh, Aggie? Yeah, we're going to defend Argi, we're the YouTube comments. Think for yourselves, people. No, no. Think for yourselves. If you agree with me, just type

Mama. In the comments. If you don't agree with him, type Mama. You've just been fucking defeated. Let's be Will here, if the viewers didn't know of Argy and Gaius and they were both there, they'd fucking love Gaius more. If

Alex owned Gaius and you and Argy, yeah, they'd love Gaius more. Nah. It's just where to Guys, he's a great dog. Are you insulting my father? Yeah, that's not true, because people still like to argue more than Max. What?

Max was... Yeah, you have Max first. I mean, argue first. This is off topic. But Foxy was the first jar dog. Yeah, but he didn't show her off in IA. Max was the first jar dog. Because he's the first dog.

Not in the video. He was in the later on. But he was the first dog we all kind of move. If we're going to be like that, the first fucking jar dog was my ground. Mama's dog. Yeah. If we're gonna be like that, the first jar dog was my great-grandmother's dog. Yeah.

Oh my god. If we're gonna be like that, my ancestors in the Congo had a dog. Okay, James. They're the dinghers. What the fuck they haven't with? This is off topic. You need to tell us what on mama. What was it?

Okay, so the most mama is Reuben then? No, it was, yeah, no. What are you saying which one of us is the most motherly and gives love? The most mama? No, the most mama. The most mamma is Ruben. How is it Ruben? It was Congolese.

If you're from the Conger, it's because I hate when he leaves, but I love watching him go. No. How is Ruben the mama? Fucking. How? Because you hate when he leave,

but you love watching me go. Is that it? Is that the only... Can we all agree on that? That's a really solid argument. Um, but we need to, you know, we need to calm down. We need to actually... We need to decide who's the mama.

In actual... The most, like, the most able to protect. The most mama of jar. No, the most, like, who's going to bear a nipple to be suckled? That, that doesn't work. Jim's got dry nipples. I got flaky fucking dry-ass nipples right now, so it's not going to be... I haven't sucked my nipples, I wouldn't really know.

James... James will have hairy nipples. But I really don't. want to suck my brother's naples I can't why is this why it's got to be one of you two then no why is it why is the mama defined by who sucks the nips but why is it the nips? No no the no the mrs. Nips are being sucked so that doesn't make sense to who who's a mama the provider the provider of the nip is it just the nip is that all so we just so this isn't a mama contest this is just who's got the best nips contest is it well i think my original point holds up

no but you have just why i fucking said eloquently why and i'm not gonna repeat it okay this is official reuben is no longer teddy he's mama he's teddy man i don't want to be

mama i prefer teddy reuben's rubin's teddy mama mama yeah no it's teddy mama like i can't wait to fucking leave just go back to university teddy mama

well no because then we can only call you mama because you're messaging so you're just going to permanently become mama yeah everyone has a little bit of mama it's just the I completely disagree with this whole thing I'm definitely the most mama

how this is stupid have you ever fed a goat milk yes yeah I've never nourished and nurtured so many animals I've done the same not true is that

is that to Alex or me both how have you nurtured more animals I have a child that nobody even knows about yeah but you'd be the Papa not the no I've given birth

to a mama so no that makes that does literally make you a mama no that makes me a mother a mama is something completely different a mama is someone who just I'm not even engaging this. I'm gonna go on my phone. That's what I'm doing. I'm gonna go on my phone and look at something until a better subject

of emerges on here. But I'm Argy's ma-ma. No, you're not. Agis your mama. No, but why is Argy a mama? What, why is of all the dogs is Argi and mama? This is fucking nonsense. Ruben is the mama of Jar end of. Who's the da-da

of Jar? There is no dad-da. There can't be a single mama. A dad-da. He's a single mama raising three kids on his own. Yeah. He don't need no dada. This is just this year's Mbaby. No, because it will disappear in a couple weeks. No, but Mbaby died as soon as it.

That's not true. Mbabi stuck around. No, because I like Mama. Because it's a reference to fall out free, which is like instant. That's not what it is. That makes it be a better. It can't be a reference if it's just a baby noise. I love baby and baby that was so much I hated it no Jim you really like mumma

yeah but baby is better okay so just to satisfy Ruben's hatred of ma ma ma you know okay um I just just don't fancy we witnessed a drug deal earlier we actually witnessed it's the most stupid drug deal I've ever seen oh my it was the least fucking subtle it was it was hilarious was hilarious. Why does Reddit have Wow such empty as they're like...

Because it's Reddit? This story... Obviously, it always starts Sammy's... Got it on here. I'm going on it. Just could escape this. Can't do it anymore.

Alex, why don't you explain this story then? Okay, so we were like... We were hungry. Jamie and I identified the first car first. Surely it's a set

to start of us. Okay. Okay. I'll, nobody's explaining this, so I'll actually explain it. So we're outside Sammy's getting dinner, we've got some kebabs. Getting some of those damn babbs, you know what I'm saying? Okay, so Alex was actually getting his food, and this car drove past us and pulled up. Smelling the weed, bro.

Basically, as soon as it pulled up, we all, those two, in this thing said, smells a weed. So we were still standing there, and it was parked there, and he was smoking something in the car. He was, it might have been a cigarette or a vape or something. It was definitely smoke, because I saw him. him suck and then like the flame but um i don't know if it was like a blunt or what it you could really smell it stank of weed

yeah i could smell it through my so either way he was definitely high in driving yeah yeah which is fucking stupid and then he was still parked there and then in the corner of the entrance to the car park a car started to pull in and as that happened the weed car drove off

with his headlights on went to a little turned a little white behind some bushes and then the car that just drove in, parked in front of the bushes, got out, literally ran to where the weed car just went. Fucking ran back to get the money, obviously.

Then, went back, and then, like, two minutes later, the weed car drove off and the other car drove off, like, the most obvious thing in the world. In the two most obvious cars to drive, if you're sounding bloody weed. Weed. It's actually the first time I've seen a deal in real life. Yeah, because you would have thought,

That they would know the best place to, you know, do the handoff. Do you know what? If I actually see that car, because it's the most recognisable car in the world, and it's that damaged. I'm just going to take the non-plane, send the message to the police force saying, this car is selling weed on them. Just when you see it, pull over, you might get, you might make an o'est, you know. Fuck it.

It's like, come on, if that's your thing, that's your game. Like, it could have done it. You know, at least trying to be good. They could do something inventive, something fucking cool that you can make a montage of in, like, a movie. They could have literally done the exact same thing, but instead of the guy driving there, he would have just been in the alley, in the darkness, and then just boom, one's off, easy. There's a... You don't need to run either. Running is the most, like, walk off.

People walking around, like, in a neighborhood. They don't run. It draws eyes to you, so seeing him just sprint around the car park. And you hear it as well, because there's a man fucking sprinting. A high man trying to... And I think what makes this worse is when he was driving, the guy bought it, was driving. I mean, I could see a kid in the back as well. Really?

Yeah. It's just like, obviously in our bum-ass town in the middle of nowhere, there's fucking weed deals. There are weed deals everywhere. I know. It's just a matter of... Actually, our town is actually known in this area as being the drug place.

Really? It needs to be serious. I know there's a lot of drugs in lots of other towns around us. We're apparently the one to go to if you want the hard shit, like cocaine and shit. The hard shit. That's apparently... us, apparently, from what I've heard.

The A's. The A's. We've been... It's all about the A's. Oh, I just spilled water in my face. Don't make me sound like I'm some kind of druggy. Oh, no, you don't do drugs. No.

You're a good boy. I'm like these two. What do we do? You obviously do cigarettes. We do smash bros at high levels. High levels. Yeah. That's what we fucking do, all right?

A class. Yeah, that's the only A class we're interested in. James, isn't your favourite class and fours are A class? Yeah. I'm a secret A classer. Better not tell the police. Oh no, I just remember my favourite Mama class. Mama.

Well, that's your contribution, is it, Alex? I think I'm going to get bored of this by next week. It's baby and baby, but worse. So it's like, Back to the Future Three. Still fun and enjoyable, but worse. Um, no, it's like Jurassic Park 2. So it's still fun and enjoyable, but bad. Still got dinosaurs in it, but bad.

My thing about Alex is he just goes through these really obsessive, like, phases of just having this one thing that it's just that. For like a month straight and it's just like, I hate it. I have two at the moment. Rich are. Mama. Mama and... What other one, Joe?

What? I don't know. I think our phase is just hating whatever you're moving post. Yeah, that's it. The emotions. I've only heard you say it

like twice today though. I haven't heard it any before that. So for reference, I would just, I will say things are emotional. Sunflower by post mine is emotional.

That actually is though. Yeah. That's not a joke. That makes, that brings tears to my eyes. You know, it's that powerful. I've just been known at the Reddit questions

The jarcast is emotional There are some good Reddit questions The jarcast has been really emotional It's been like I can't wait for the jar media Reddit bit That's extra emotional It means that we can't engage I can't engage in

Mama This isn't Mama this is emotions I can't engage in it's me Ememotional I can kill myself right now I think it's time for Reddit Because this No, because we're still in the first part.

This is Mama. This is the Mama stage, and we need to get out of it. Do a quick. Scoot. We dash away. We need to talk about these car designs as well. What car does? I'm the sham-a-dural redesigning cars.

Oh, shit. Gar-red-drawn cars. Fuck. We can save that or we can do it. I don't know what the fuck this is. But maybe if you involve yourself in the conversation. Redesigning cars. When were you talking about this?

you were sat there the whole time you were when do you be talking about BMWs when no redesigning the concept of cars oh right no you were there you were there no you're just like banshees they're they're phrasing as bad that's not

I understood it instantly how can I phrase it did you the way you said it sounded like the jar community was redesigning the movie cars I did not get I don't know what you're talking about I don't remember this happening. I was there. You were there. I was there. I was eating my damn food.

Remember we were redesigning. When you say some of the things you've said, you would be like, oh yes, I remember. You will. Just you wait. Well, at the end of the first half is approaching. It's not yet. Welcome to part two of the emotional part two. Mama Now Red questions We are talking

You can do them Rubin actually No I'm not gonna talk about Cutwee Designing Yeah we'll talk about that first Then questions Exactly I'll look at this and you can

I'll half listen to this No because you need to remember What we were talking about I don't think I will remember But carry on Yes you will even Redisining cars to be like Bansheets

Oh yeah I remember When we were Yeah I remember that When we were eating dinner Yes Jim talked about this You were talking about Having a pirate steering wheel

It's like It's the type of Jim saying What if you had a steering no we were talking about cars cars yeah and how cars cars are fucking stupid like the movie cars yeah because we

I said I got a car in Forsa that was like that yes and then Jim was like we've got a steering wheel right that goes all the way around you no around you like this so you're saving space to the people listening what you're on about like around your belly button

like around your waist you dickhead it goes around your waist and you so that so every things like cramped in so first of all you're not going to need as much power so it's like you're tied to your car and you've just got no you you don't have a crash you have crumple zones and airbags and shit but your your whole idea of this car

is so you can make the car ioh dynamics it's no it that that's what you've told me before no not this one this one is just a move off this one and go to the next one Alex proposed a laying down on your back car no no no no no no that was also my idea They're lying down on your front like a banshee Because listen What's the most efficient way for humans To be crammed into a small space Long ways

They did in ships You know in the slavery and all that Yeah Brilliant I don't know he's right there I am right that's you know With the same amount of space We're using for a car right now

You can fit six people Comfortably In a normal car You can do three layers easily more three four layers of people you know two people that's that's a stupid amount of people maybe the driver has like goggles on

so they that's connected to a camera on the front of the car with a little steering wheel in their like coffin no they'd be lying down and they'd have it round their waist like the other ones so they can steer while lying down but imagine like a crash and they had like

jet pods so when they crash it like launches people in their coffins away not in coffins No, no, because it... It launches them straight into the fucking craft. Imagine that. All right, go on. No, no, like, imagine a pile up on the motor if that was a case.

You'd be driving along there. You just see fucking loads of coffins. Richard Compe caused more crashes because they shoot onto the other road. So, if I had a car, if I was designed a car, I would want... I would just want a cannon, you know, right? And you know how cannons are on wheels, you've got two wheels. you're in the top of the cannon

and it's like a segue and the wheel and you're just like to see if you're in a crash that's it like the seal from Madagascar too yeah that's the car that's my vehicle

it would accidents in them would be so unbelievable that the mortality rate would be like 100% I hate no no I'm how about

we don't even steer these banschi cars wait we have our arms in front of us no arms but no that's a waste of space you got their moron arms by your sides

no you don't control it though no you don't control it the fucking AI cloud saves no they don't fly they try the AI cloud saves the cloud saves the AI and the cloud saves drive the cars for us

yeah saving space saving the planet saving private Ryan thank you yeah that's how our market is That's not... Saving space, saving the planet, saving Private Ryan. That'll be on the billboards, all the billboards.

And Matt Damon will do all the... So how will these cars be designed? What do you mean how... There's just be flat stacks. Matt Damon will be there. He'll be like, I was going to die in a car accident, but then I was driving Jamie's car, and it's saved for Ryan. That's wrong.

That's not the phrasing, because you don't drive it. The AI does. I nearly died in a car accident where I was operating the car. But then... The AI... How about this, Jim? Let's combine ideas, because I had the idea for upright cars, so you stand. You said triangles.

I proposed a good one just a moment ago, the cannon car. But it's one person. No, but imagine this maybe, too. This lying on your back idea. If it's really big, what you do is you all squat down into a ball in it, so you're all the cannon balls. It's like those cannon balls that have multiple. They've got like chains attached to them, so when they launch out, they just, whew! Imagine, instead of them lying on their back, they're all in.

a line standing up so a bus a bus is what you're trying to do for a train they'd be quite tall however the front of the vehicle would be like a spike so it's really air dynamic that's not errant you're saying in front of a plane Jamie so what you

they fly in the air they don't drive on the ground what you want is no difference no Alex this has already been invented Alex this has been already invented you take an American truck which is fucking huge you put like a spikey bit the trailer you just get people to stand in

isn't ready invented yeah it's called an immigrant crossing that's it the charlings can go and buy my my idea actually makes sense though

it does make sense but it doesn't make sense I'm tossing a fucking quick via question in smash ultimate mains go James at the moment I'd say link because he's the only one I can play properly Jim

give me a sec no okay Alex Bowser okay Jim give me a sir Okay, Ruben. Give me a sec. I know, Jim's.

Mine's Young Link, probably at the moment. But I also like the Dwarf. I like the Dwarf. The Gannon Dorf. I don't have a main. No, Jim's is, uh, ma, ma? All right, so anyway, that was a rubbish question. So let's...

One, no, no, one thing about Young Link quickly. Wait. Looks exactly like Nomeo from Nomeo and Julian. He does. Now, this is the part of the show where we go on to... Where's it? If you would like your question answered, head over to the... well we might not answer it like it was a shit question we will we will have a chance they will have a chance to get yours answered to head over to job there's one all right i'm gonna start us off with this is from i underscore like whatever i like sausages right sausages is spelled wrong i guess it's like the epic name or something but would you rather it's one of those questions i hate all i love these would you rather partake in an all night gay orgy once every year for the rest of your life or have a tinnistical cutoff about anesthetic

just once i assume what the fuck obviously the gay orgy obviously the gay orgy i just wanted there's anyone that would be so either have a bad thing or have a great thing yeah like what and what you don't have to take part in an orgy you can just stand there and hold your wife's hand no it's gay it's a gay orgy no it's a gay orgy hold your husband's hand no but you're not no because that's a cuck orgy not a bleming gay orgy this different the type of orgy was not specified you don't need to specify in orgy it's self-examined He did specify the orgy, though. He said a gay orgy.

He said a gay orgy. He didn't say if it was cuck or not. It'd be cuck orgy, not or not. Gay orgy. So a lesbian orgy, and you just have to stand there the whole time. And hold your wife's hand. That's that means your cuck. What if you don't have a wife?

I don't know. Just hold your own hand. Just find someone's hand and just hold it. Where is they're trying to give a hand job? No, Alex. Their other hand. What you could have said? You had a titty.

No, it's a gay or... Oh, it's a lesbian orgy now. So how are the penises involved? I don't understand. Why did you have to say you have to hold a hand? If you've just got to be a part of it, you can just be an expectator. You don't have to hold anyone's hand, you can watch.

I think the implication is you're going to be putting dick in something or dick's going in you or something like that in this orgy. Or both, yeah. It's probably both. I'm just offering a solution to those who want to be there but are too scared to take part. They might be too scared to get involved. Hence the handholding is just enough.

All spectator. is enough. No, because you're just kind of in the way. If your hands in there, then you're just like, yeah, I'm part of this. But having your hand involved, you're more in the way.

Because that means you're holding your hand. You're supporting them through it. They can squeeze your hand as things happen. As they're getting pounded. Yeah. No, you're stupid. Mama. Jim, like that one.

I'm just I thought that would last longer. That was all. No, that was piss easy. Try again next time. I hate to learn. It's not very good to pick a questions. Oh, all right.

How many dimensions are there in the jar multiverse, including ours and the twerk dimension? That should keep you going for a couple minutes. Oh, there's quite a few. There's the drift dimension. No, let's go over the established dimensions. There's this one that we're in. And the twerk dimension. The twerk, the goat sea.

The goat sea dimension, yeah. Those are the established ones, right? There's another one. I think, there's that one from that intro where, the future version of you So alternate future Which is funny because there was a question that asked us as well What were our favourite intro skits have been

And that's probably my favourite No, my favourite one Is the crow on the sofa Oh Halloween one Because James fucking hates it When I was there When we were filming You were so angry

I can't actually think of a time When I was any like as angry as that Like I was fucking So explain for those that don't know Yeah, you got explaining it was a Halloween episode Yeah, a couple years ago Yeah, it's a sequel to the first Halloween video we did It was a sequel to that

Originally we were gonna be like Yeah, it was a sequel to that That's why I was pissed because it was like We were like, yeah, we're gonna make this really good Halloween video And then we just Didn't have made it And we wound up just like Someone moving a crow

Like a toy crow A toy group of the hand And then it poos on Jamie Maynay's It was just mayonnaise And then that's it That's it But I sat there the entire time

The chair just like You were furious Yeah but then you watch the final And scream laugh I think or something There was another one Where Jamie's giving birth

I don't remember When I'm birthing the child Or something Oh Yep Jamie from the future as well It's pretty good Because you were just wearing

Like a hat and goggles Or something Yeah, man. There's that pretty good one where... I like the ghost from the West Coast. Yeah, that was the one I was thinking of. Which one's a ghost from the West Coast? A lot of them involve me talking to myself.

Yeah. I like one of the first ones we ever did. Ruben's like in the bath with his jeans rolled up. And then I'm under a table with my jeans rolled up. Then I like cruel really fast towards the camera. That's the first one we ever did. Really? Why are our jeans rolled up in this?

I don't know. Because I think it was summer. What's happened? Why is there no more jar skits and intros? We were plenty of intros. We did that really funny D's Nuts one before. That one was good. No, the skits just have now become this weird message or this weird.

There's something that's really weird. Well, it's like in Futurama where they would just have the weird message at the start of an episode where it just be like, that was it was it. something strange my favorite one was a time where we were very frustrated with something that was happening in reality and we made the intro about it what was that though yeah I have no idea you know what was Jim there is it what was the shit do you remember Jeff possibly I don't know I want you to say it because I here is that body pillow one where Jim like burst in and like

oh yeah oh yeah that was kid no i was you told me about it i was thinking of um what's that bald like top five youtubeer guy because he did that yeah he's he's bald he's a YouTuber and he does top fives i know he on about i can't what a gamer from mars no he's he's big he's fucking huge oh uh matthew santo yeah and we did the intro where he's doing like the narwhal thing oh where he's like the knowledge way or whatever yeah and we were just of with that video because he does that one thing but his face is it we just sat and watch someone find that please for us that video because I've forgotten what it was

called or how to even find it yeah he uploids so often I'm the knowledge whale he's like he does like something like that yeah it's fucked dude oh god there were so many weird things we were obsessed with for like a month we'd obsess over something ended. Put that video on that we've been watching every day for a month, quick. A Markiplier, there's not really an intro, but they'll, hello, thing. Oh, that was a good episode. Yeah. Or the, um, YouTube changed hats. YouTube changed. Yeah. There was one where every time you one of us said fart, I think. I edited in the fart sound effect. I edited in the fart sound

effect. That takes so long. every now and again I just get the urge to put loads of editing into a jarcast I'm just speaking no my favorite intro is the talking cat thing that went on for like five minutes I liked oh there was a really early one that Alex did where he just had dinosaur toys and he just had a conversation between the dinosaur toys oh that and there's the dick and schwep one yeah where they have like edited voices not very nice actually just shit like that yeah and then dick takes over the intro I think that episode is cool Dick takes over.

Yeah, probably. How do we get a way of calling our videos? Like that, Dick takes over. Dick is a name? Who the fuck was that? Who the fuck was that? Jamie, that was foul. Who did that?

Who was the most culinary expertise in the jar squad? Any epic recipes from the past that spring to mind. I followed a recipe like three times in my life for cooking. The one time I followed a recipe to make cupcakes, they ended up like dumplings. Jesus. They were the fucking, just massively thick, not sweet at all, just dumplings.

And they were disgusting. And I don't know how much. So I've been them and just like, nah, didn't happen. I don't make anything fancy. What was the actual question? About, it was just any... Culinary experience. Who is the most current expertise in the Jars Squad, any epic recipes from the past that spring to mind?

The thing about that is, most of it's just... following recipes man and anyone can just yeah cooking is super easy but epic recipes I make a nice pasta now I've perfected my basic pasta dish the fucking easiest pasta sauce

you can ever make this like a creamy white I mean like you could you could cook this on a date night and woo the ladies or men's if you're and lady yourself you're implying you have dates

of multiple women or men at once or if you're like an orgy after and you're hungry you're making a pasta Anyway, yeah, let him get his goddamn plastic thing out. You get some double cream. Yeah. You get some fucking white wine.

Yeah. You get some parmigiano reggiano. Yeah. Cheese. Yeah. Boil the white wine a bit. Check in a bit of double cream. What's your preferred pasta for this, by the way?

Do you like a linguini with it or tag the telly? Spaghetti or... All right. That one. And then, yeah, you grate the cheese into it. And salmon. And it's just like, bada bada bada bong. That's what you want.

Well, I make a lot of basic things at university because it's what you do. Beans. No, not really beans. I do do a chili fairly often, though. It has beans in it, right? It does have kidney beans in it. Angu J would like that. Angu Jee would be pissed off at it.

For me, it's all about, I don't use our, like, jarred pasta sauces anymore. I don't like them. anymore i've gone off of that so i just use chopped tomatoes as my sauce and you get a stock cube in there and then you get you want you want to break it up though otherwise it won't dissolve properly and then you grate some fucking parmesan into that sauce while it's still doing its thing bawling away on a low heat you know you warming that shit up do you still like pesto yeah i still use pesto yeah thank you very much um not as often as i used to though no i've moved on to tomato it's quite a strong taste but always put parmesan on with that now

always put parmesan on with that what about something that isn't pasta A chili. Or chili. I do it in, um, if it's not nugs, usually. Mexican type stuff. Raps. Fried rice. I do it.

I do a stir fry it and a fried rice type deal as well. It's a quick fried rice because I don't, no, I don't. Nah, that stupid son. Yeah, I know. You should really make the rice, put in the fridge with three days. Yeah, you boil that rice. Yeah. Put the, I just put it in the fridge for a couple hours.

I mean, if I was going to make it for one of these hot babies, like I'm teaching these folks to I would cook it eight days prior put it in the freezer for a month and then how would you cook it a year later I cook it so you missed the date by

a year now but that rice though like like you in seven days yeah but when they taste that rice they're going to be like that was worth waiting for you marry you on spot they ain't going to work

that tactic's not going to work Jim no it's worked more than the uh the ball is a safe safe tactic I also like to eat as a snack just a bowl of beans like baked beans

and then I just put a tin of tuna in a bit mixed up I mentioned that earlier I think yeah it's a good one it's a good one for the pros of it tuna bean I don't call it anything I just call it tuna bean constantly I just said I just had a bowl of beans or tuna in it he doesn't say he's never said that he just called it tuna bean

and assumed we knew what he meant Yeah I just got back from a nice bowl of tuna bean with the boys And I'm saying My phone has been It says it's been on 30% battery For quite a while now I have a feeling it's just gonna turn off

In a second What's the answer to the question I don't know James The answer is James Yeah okay The answer is James Fuck it

What's the worst chocolate bar I like this question Hershey Yes Okay can we let's limit it to our English ones because it's obvious Hershey is shit. Hershey is the worst thing ever. Okay, that makes it hard. So let's make it

English chocolate bars because they're, you know, better than Hershey. Every English chocolate bar is better than Hershey. Yeah. I think Galaxy is dog shit. I don't like Galaxy very much either. I love, I'm a fan of Galaxy. Yeah. I like Galaxy. I think Galaxy is for idiots who think they're fancy. Between like the Cadbury

Dairy Milk and the Galaxy. Between the dairy milk and the galaxy. Between them, both of them, I pick a milker. Milka is... Yeah, but we're talking English ones. That's stupid as well. Come on, let's keep it to, you know, English stuff. Milker is worse than both of those two.

We're talking Mars bars. We're talking bounties. We're talking bounties. Bounties, probably. Really? Are we talking all those things? Yeah, they're all chocolate bars. They're all English chocolate bars.

The fuck's a star bar. You don't know what a star bar is. Jesus of Christ, I've never seen a star bar. I've had one once, and I remember just being so thirsty. You guys are so uncultured. That's that thing Dad always wanted on Friday treat. Yeah. Starbars.

Peanut butter? They're like a peanut butter thing. Okay. Well, yeah. It's probably easy to say my favorite than it is my least favorite. The best thing to do would be to do one of those things where you have them on both sides and you pick the ones from each one that are the best. Yeah. But I can't, I don't.

What about a Fredo? They're pretty shit. Oh, I don't know. There's a little dairy milk. What do we classify that? Fredo is a chocolate bar. Yeah. Yeah, but it's like a different kind.

It's like the cheap. Let's talk like ones that are like 50p and up. Chocolate bars up between like 50p and a pound, that kind of shit, you know. Like normal, you go to a shop, chocolate bars that you have on the, like, the end of the aisle in Sainsbury. I would say Galaxy Caramel. Yeah, no, no, yeah, that is terrible. Is there anything? Yeah, I think I think I like.

What about, like, white Kit Katz? I don't like white chocolate very much. I love white chocolate, dude. White Kit Katz, though. Kit Kat Karamak. I would rather. Yeah, Kit Kat Karamak, suck my daq. Caramac is

bollocks No, Yorkie That's the worst chocolate bar Yeah, it tastes The chocolate itself It's horrible You can probably think of those Yorkie like biscuit bars you get

You know the ones you might have Had in your lunchbox I don't even know if I've had a yorky They're not, they're crap They're all right When you have them When you've eaten them once When they're a tiny bit melted

You'll never go back Because they're shite They've got biscuit in at least Yeah But an actual yorky Is just thick bits of horrible chocolate Yeah That's it, Yorkie is the worst chocolate bar

I couldn't rightly say I don't know. They suck so hard. They suck so hard. I've had quite a few. Like, there will be some Friday nights where it's like, let's get a yorky, but nah. And then you have it and it's like, well, okay. It's like, I'll be playing season.

It's just like, for like 10 minutes. Shit it is. The best chocolate bar, let's do it. Fuck it. What's our favorites? Lindor, Lindor. No, best normal range chocolate bars. Lint.

No, come on. It's a normal range chocolate. Lindel's a different part of Lindor. I reckon that's a fair answer. No, I don't think so. Do they do chocolate bars? Yeah Like little ones

Yeah I've never seen them Not like regularly But you know how it'd be on occasion When you go into shop You will see the small thin glass Like a little Like 12s

I used to love Picnics Oh 12s are the Twiles are good I'm I'm just gonna say Wait isn't it A KitCamp

That's a shit answer I didn't No Dairy milk Just a little bit Just little One string of dairy milk No

I would actually say Galaxy When I'm going a meal deal and I will go straight from galaxy Jesus Christ fucking hell oh no or the Maltesea

bot bar wait wait wait wait wait they're pretty good death grips retweeted a picture of you yeah we talked about it James James is and he was

someone just tweeted them death grips is online of a picture of you yeah yeah of course fuck so and um he's on that a Yorkscast live show is this that one picture

it was taken over there when I was moving quickly and that's the picture because that the bass of thick collars yeah I just happen to read that because I was scrolling through but carry on I just had to ask because I'm not finding another question

I'm not really very emotional about chocolate bars no I'm not either I prefer these fucking little bug round tree sweets I prefer crisps man I prefer savory snacks not even crisps I just like savory food over sweet food to be honest I've had so much chocolate recently though I don't eat chocolate yeah like I got the nice it's the nicest box of chocolate

in the world because it's like it's a lint it's fucking weighs loads and it's too big two big bars, loads of Lindoor balls. The horrible, I do not like Lindor ones. You don't like Lindor. I think they're sickly. And they're horrible. What? I said they're yummy. They are

fabulous. The chocolate orange ones, fucking incredible. Oh yeah. I love chocolate orange. No, chocolate orange. I have a chocolate orange on my desk. I kind of hate chocolate orange, but I also kind of love it. It's weird. It gets a bit

gummy after a while. It's like... It becomes too much. Yeah. specifically those from Christmas I kind of don't want but I've got it so I'm gonna eat it because food waste

I don't like wasting stuff so I'm just like getting rid of all this stuff that I was given like I still have like four boxes

and would you still got a tank as well that you haven't built ooh yeah next question characters we would want

to see in smash Ultimate go to Minecraft are we going to do ones that are realistic the amount of times we've talked about this yeah but we've

no we've never talked No, I mean, I mean, outside of the jar. If we could have anyone we wanted. Minecraft Steve? I want Minecraft Steve, but imagine Master Chief being the fuck out of Maria. I'm not interested in Master Chief. Halo 3 Master Chief in Smash. He fits Killer Instinct.

Imagine if it's Halo 5, Master Chief. Not Smash. Yeah. He's not cartooning. No, but Snake isn't cartooning. Bayonetta isn't. No, but he's Japanese. It makes sense.

He's cringier, basically. No. You know what they'll do? they'll probably add just like a gunner. He just said snake is not cringier than Master Chief. Master Chief. You heard it here, folks. Snake is way cringier than Master Chief. They're both.

No, but Alex just said that he's not. Wait what? I've misheard. No, you didn't. Anyway, I want Minecraft Steve and I want Knight Saleh from Dark Souls. Yeah. I want a rabid from Raving Rabbids. No, I want Rayman himself. Imagine the cool shit you could do with Rayman with no limits.

Like, he could just be jumping around. Yeah, but if we're being realistic, I think a rabid. And he'd have that charge punch that he has and he just fires his fifth. across the stage. That'd be sweet. He fits. He actually fits. So does a rabid.

A rabid fits. No, Rayman. A rabid does fit. I don't want a rabid. Rayman would be fucking tense. Have all the Rayman things that could be in the game. I want Rayman, not a fucking cunting rabid. Apart from it would be funny to get James to be able to hear the rabid scream again.

Yeah, it would be funny. Imagine if it changed it, so instead of the guy announcing, rabid, it just goes, wah, that's you choose. I'm selling you on it guys. no I can't think of any Japanese games off the top of my head that I'd like Japanese no it doesn't have to be Japanese what smash characters aren't Japanese they're all Japanese they're not all what ones aren't

I need to see the list because I know for a fact though not all how much everything in it is based on Japanese properties yeah the majority is but they did break the rule I remember I why can I not remember anyone in smash now there there's so many characters I can't I can't I can't actually, I cannot think of a single character. I can't think of a single character that isn't Japanese. Neither can I.

They are all. I'm pretty sure they're all Japanese is why. Should I get the switch and settle this? No, I can 100% say that they're all Japanese. I'm pretty sure they're all Japanese. Okay, we'll see. I remember this coming up on an episode of NBC and them saying, else, something else.

Castlevania, I'm pretty sure it's, the original one is Japanese. So that's a Japanese series. Jim's got the list up. You can find out there. Do you want to start talking? What am I supposed to say? I don't know, because I can't remember the roster off top of my head. I mean start talking about a different subject.

Mama. Dada. I can't think of a question because there's no video game characters I can think of. It's just Diddy Kong. Just Diddy Kong? He's British. He's a British-made character. What?

Yeah. According to what I'm reading here. I don't believe that for a second. Wait, aren't the people who make the Metroid Prime trilogy? They're not. No, but Metroid is... Oh, Dark Samus is a US thing as well. Is that Metroid Prime then?

Yeah. Yeah. But that's from Metroid? Yeah, it's Japanese origin. Yeah. But Retro a studio in Texas. What? Yeah.

God, this is... They're literally all Japanese. Okay, whatever. This was a rubbish topic to random. because we've just gone quiet as we will try and work it out. Well, I don't know either way. They are all Japanese. Someone in the comments.

Like, from a Japanese, like, the character might not have originated in Japan, but the series that it's from did. That's crazy. Well, in that case, we can't suggest anything. Why? What Japanese properties do we know? What about Balthea from Final Fantasy 12thia? I purposefully didn't say Final Fantasy 12 characters because that one never happened.

No, of course. Knight Salar is Japanese. Night Slayer is a punch shot. That is the most realistic one. Who's that? He's in Dark Souls. He's the... You'd recognize the Sun.

He looks like he's got a bucket on his head. He's got the big bucket helmet and the Red. No, it won't happen. And he's got the sun on his... Yeah, well. All of the characters in the game is super stylized. Dark Souls would not see it. Snakes isn't.

Bioneta isn't. Snake is... Bionetta is an Mibo. No, look at... Look at Pikachu style. or compared to Roi or Ike. They look cartooning like... Salair is an amoebo.

Okay, that works. Yeah. That's fair. Okay. Well, opinions on the city of Bristol. We've got 20 seconds. City of Bristol, it's fucking shit. I didn't even say the names of people asking the questions in there, and I just forgot.

It's nice. When I've been there. It's fine. Like, whatever. Nothing to write home about, but nothing to get your tits and a fucking... Well, thanks for watching, everyone. Spring cool for. Thanks for listening.

morning evening or night ladies and gentlemen welcome to this episode of the jar media podcast today you are joined by my fabulous guests yippee mama can we go home and play siege what can we go home and play siege need to say i've got a booty i poo out it need to use lots of toilet paper to wipe what's the most amount of toilet paper you better needed to wipe i that i've wiped so much Oh shit. I've wasted so much paper that it's nearly like on to the top of the rim and I was so concerned. You thought it was gonna overflow? Yeah. Ooh, that was emotional.