JAR Media Posdact - We BROKE Letterboxd - JARCAST Episode 180
Episode Date: August 19, 2019https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/jar-media-store Twitter: https://twitter.com/FourFunnies ...
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Like I'm the only girl in the world.
Like I'm the only girl that...
I presume it's you've ever loved or you ever loved.
I don't...
La-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-ha-only girl in the...
21 Grammys, Super...
We didn't know Jackson's all about it.
I brought a hat with me today because my hair is bad.
Acknowledging it.
take us away
la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la oh king julia
that was what i was going to do my friend
that was what i was going to do last week that was my new talent that i discovered
do the intro with it good afternoon morning evening
it's really hard to do things
do it mort
okay that's why i warm up into it
good afternoon morning evening on night's king julia
thank you to patrons on patreon
La la la la la la la it's just turning into our piece
Episode 100 and
80
180
It's amazingly it doesn't actually hurt to do that voice
It's just a very specific thing to try and hold
It's one of those ones you can easily slip out of
You know like when you try and do that thing on Batman
Where you twist the two sticks
You've got to hold it in the right
It's like that
Yeah I know what you're saying
Jim knows
I know fuck this hat's too hot
we have some things to talk about
we have more than some things
we got lots of things
let's start with the best thing
best thing the best jar related thing
what happened
so uh jar ruined letterboxed
no jar made letterbox way better
what did we do so someone in the jar community
has been adding
all the famous jar videos to letterboxed
cooking with reuben
i he leaves jar
and for some fucking reason on letterboxed
even if it's
The smallest amount of ratings that are five star, it just bumps it to the highest rated section.
So it felt like a week, we were the highest rated thing above the godfather of a fucking inception above every...
I don't know that's how it worked.
I thought it was like I'm d'b where it took like an average as well.
I guess it's a percentage of like how many users voted it the highest thing.
Oh, that's a little bit.
Maybe they've like amended it because of us.
We ruined that.
Well, yeah, they deleted it.
They deleted us off of, um...
letterboxed. That's not very nice
but you're a film. It is a
film. I mean it's not a feature length
film, but... It has to be feature length. They've got shorts
on there, they've got Chernobyl's on there.
Yeah, short films my friends
have made, they've just listed onto letterboxed.
But they didn't break the system, I suppose.
But yeah, it's been taken down now, but if I remember
I'll put a screenshot of it in this
bit for those watching. It's a
funny one to document. I want you to
do something for me.
I want you to
make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world
want you to make me feel
we were just reminiscing about non-stop pop
really just added this really put your
sing out your diaphragm
no I'm doing like the sad one
I want you to know you didn't
make me
there was someone who got really annoyed by
a letterbox reviews from the letterbox
community oh fuck
I'll see if I can find their comment
Our letterbox reviews.
Yeah, here we go.
Listen to this.
Someone left this half-star review
or no, Mike, you leave the jar.
This is what I hate about YouTubers
joining this site and bringing their immature
fan base over at the same time
making lame jokes only.
Hey, that's the whole review.
Guess what?
How about...
Fuck you.
Fuck off and make your own...
Yeah, make your own...
When was your movie number one on Letterbox?
I think that you were just having an immature fan base.
I'm going to lead by fucking example
and be the most immature.
Fuck you, suck my dick
Godfather ain't got nothing on jar
Oh wait, is parasite watchable yet
By other human beings or no, it's still not out
Okay, just wanted to
Because it was on my letterbox and, you know,
we talk about films sometimes, that was all
Yeah, they are gone
I saw popular with friends
All those films are like, what has happened?
Why is this?
Why is this happening?
But it is gone now.
I knew it was real because I searched
just highest rated
on letterbox and it was there, number one.
I was like, what?
Yeah, fantastic.
Anyone on any of their phones
If they'd gone to the highest rating
Like filter on letterboxed
Rubin's face would have been there
And I think Jim's face would have been there
Yeah
For some reason my face was the one on IHU leaves too
Maybe you just had the funniest
Like still
You know it was your face
It might have been from our fight
Quite an epic fight
What? No do you remember that our fight
In the movie
Oh yeah yeah
That film had it all
fight, drama, romance, comedy, comedy, cringe
anime, keck,
Keck and cringe, and...
To understand it, it was like...
You had to like understand the law
to even understand what was happening.
Yeah, I don't think...
I'm not sure how many of our new fans
could possibly go back and understand what was happening.
I don't know if I could go back and understand what was...
I re-watched it semi-recently.
It's a funny video.
Especially to me.
It literally took like three months to make.
Nope.
I know, I'm pretty sure we did it in one day.
You shot it all in one day.
Pretty sure.
What else is happening on this, on God's green earth?
Fuck knows.
Oh, praise the Lord.
Let me think.
Went to get my haircut today.
My barber wasn't there.
He's not back till next week.
Couldn't get my haircut today.
That was a disappointment.
I have the opposite story.
Let's get your haircut.
Barba was there.
Got your haircut?
Yep.
That's not opposite.
I want to apologise for Randy's performance.
Yeah, obviously, it would be not going to get your hair cut, but somehow your barber did cut your hair.
Yeah, like, you just sat at home and your barber arrived.
Okay, the second half inverse.
Yeah.
Sorry for Randy.
This side is really nice.
Yeah, I'm really glad he's not back.
Don't know if you Americans could get a hold of it, so.
But you Brits, you can.
Or literally anyone outside of England, like, it's not the only foreign.
Yeah, I just forget that Yanks aren't the only ones.
that watch this other than brutes.
They're also
Europeans.
And South Americans?
Chinese?
I thought of a game for us to play.
A game?
Yeah.
And it's a good one to do while James isn't here.
Because James isn't here, by the way.
Because we have to record in advance
because Jim and I are going to like a family reunion
for a while.
Family reunion.
Yeah, so I've been calling because there's just such a huge collection of our family.
Yeah, there's too many.
Yeah, exactly.
That's why it's going to be a big argument.
someone's gonna fall out with somebody
never happens
it's gonna happen there'll be
the bellman family that just doesn't happen they'll be
they'll be like a member
Randy Randy's unpredictable because he's like
the he doesn't normally come
no one wants him to be there
now and again he does just show up
like midway through the week
yeah no it's it's like do you remember that time
us three we're going on a bike ride
high on some kind of opioid
and uh the the name
the friend that shall not be named
just called up and said
you guys doing a bike ride today
And I was like, yeah
And he'd just like
guessed or something
Randy is that friend
Times 10
He just turns up
Like without asking
Without even knowing
Yeah
Because he's like figured out your schedules
At the point where if he just shows up
At the right time
God
That friend
That former friend
He just
If he wasn't such a prick
It would have been fine
But he just was
He was prone to being a bit of a prick
Yeah
he was very
flippant
yeah
it's just like you're annoying
and I remember a lot of my like friendship of him
I was recounting this to my dad obviously because my dad would know him
and I was saying about
to him I was like this
little fat idiot friend
of his but it was like
you're the idiot
and like
I'm not that much smaller than you either
but yeah got more weight than you do
because they did at whatever age we were
but
he's just a bit of a twat to me most of the time
this is actually quite scary
and really didn't like that I was better than him at Halo
yeah I remember a lot of arguments
happening in secondary schools starting that way
because of him there's more than one
no like
him and I fell out because he thought
I said he was crap at Halo
yeah
you fucking see it I can imagine how it went down
Matt was oh yeah
Oh, Matt, you've all heard of them, haven't they?
Culp, yeah. Colt, yeah.
Polly said, yeah, Polly said, yeah,
Jamie said your crap at HALO.
Just to annoy him, I can imagine it going down.
I'm not thinking that it would be anything.
I'm pretty sure there were four of us sat in ICT,
me, this friend, Matt and James.
Yeah.
And we were just talking.
And then, like, a halo came up.
And I don't know what I said,
but he just interpreted it as an attack on his halo skill.
Which was lacking
His game of creed
It was lacking
That's not even the point
That's not the point
Like I wasn't good at Halo
I was like 15 and I didn't give a shit
Were we 15 then
Were we not younger when that would have gone down
I felt like it was still during Halo 3
Yeah we were younger
That was younger that was HAL 3
Because I remember that happening when I was there
Yeah it was before Hale Reach
So yeah we would have been year 7 or 8
So yeah we would have been year 8
Because HALO reach came out the start of year 9
Not this one I'm thinking of
It happened after
I'm pretty sure it was HAL REACH
Oh my God I thought it happened to the 3
That's how I forgave it
No, because I barely knew him
In year 7, 8
Well, yeah, no, because
Reach came out at start of year 9
We did know him in year
Because that's when I knew you
And Kieran, shit, said his name
Whatever
He's been mentioned before
Yeah, he was
Sort of attached to me at that point
And yeah, so
Funny?
It's funny in retrospect
It's funny in retrospect.
If Kieran's watching this
Come on the cast.
You're a good guy, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, you know,
we were all just kids, man.
Yeah.
I was a fucking cunt.
I was like 20.
I'm sure we all were like at least at some point.
Yeah.
Do you ever think about that how like how many people are out there who like think this way about you
who genuinely don't actually know anything about you but because of one interaction?
Yeah.
They were like that guy's an asshole.
Really don't like that guy.
Once we wonder just how many there are.
Like I remember.
Can you imagine dropping into say an invasion game of Haley,
because James and James said about this
because they just say you two, us
were just pricks about it.
Invasion was our job.
That was our job.
Our job was to win.
No, I've never said you guys were pricked about it.
Because James said it and I just assumed you a bit with it
with that joke that time.
No, but like I never really played it with you guys.
Because that, it was your full-time job for you two.
It was great, good times.
Whereas for me it was just like,
I'll go play something else.
It's the most addicted I've ever.
been to like an online matchmaking game yeah excluding like destiny because that's
different that was like an animal yeah terms of like a competitive actually enjoying the
competitive side I was we were disgusting and we would be those people where if if they
appeared against you you'd be like fuck I'm just going to dashboard it this is pointless
it's just not fun for anyone it dashboard it's getting annoyed like and just fuck it
close the game don't just turn it off but honestly the games would be no fun for anyone but
Me and you.
Because people would just start quitting on the enemy team.
It's just great.
And I was only five of them to sport kill over and over again.
Humble bragging about a Halo Reach game of skills.
Yeah, I remember going, oh, I should have farted into the mic.
Getting 50 plus kills and two deaths.
That wasn't me.
Yeah, it was.
50 plus kills and two deaths in an invasion game in Halo reach was good.
That was good because there are only six of them on a team.
And usually one of them would quit or lag out or some shit because Halo.
Oh, I miss that those days.
Well, do I miss them?
No, they were just good to look back on
That part anyway, just the reach part
Where did any of that even stem from?
Like the last five minutes of conversation?
We've talked about Kieran, yeah
How did we get to him?
Randy.
Randy, yes.
Randy, Kier and Halo.
That makes sense.
Well, we took it to Halo, but HALA was...
Yeah, it started with me saying
I've got a funny idea for a game.
Oh, I want to end this HALA thing.
I was talking today and I said, you know,
the only thing I look back on
and I sort of miss
I wasn't
I don't know
Halo 3
I don't really care about
the past too much
I don't want to revisit it
it's done
I miss
being healthy
we used to like
bounce on the trampoline
all the time
and holy shit
I'm glad I don't have
any crippling addictions
one thing I do miss
I guess is
just not having any responsibilities
at all
you just don't care
yeah
no that's something I don't miss
yeah I don't mind
I don't miss yeah I don't mind
I don't mind my responsibility is
It's a 50, 50, I prefer, I wouldn't, I would never want to go back to it, but
Yeah, I like the sort of, um, why can't I get the word?
Responsibility.
The agency, the agency that I now have in my own life.
It's good, I can just do what I want.
It is better.
But there is this, like, joyous innocence about like children and kids or whatever.
Going home, playing video games.
That was it.
Just not caring, but that was it.
That was life.
Going home after school, video games, weekends, and I.
Doing the same thing, but at someone's house.
It's good.
Not around the world.
I guess that's the part people get attached to.
Yeah.
I thought of this.
Let's do JAR Top Trumps.
We've got to do the four members of JAR and DIPPAD, I guess.
What is each category we have to...
This is debatable, but these are ones I thought of.
There are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven categories.
Is one of them...
Does Top Trumps have a thing where somebody...
has like a special thing that's unique to them
but it's like the same equivalent across everyone
it would depend on the like
genre like if it was a superior top trumps
there would be a like special ability thing
or whatever but this is for the jar top trumps
number one humor
number two energy
number three height
number four killer rating
number five intelligence
number six age
and number seven
memetic potential
memetic
what fuck is memetic potential
mean isn't it's mean
metic sounds like a real word though
yeah it makes it sound like an actual top Trump
category it makes me think of like some of like psychic ability
I based all of these aside from
like humour
and energy off of like real
ones I based it first and foremost on the
dinosaur talk terms yeah that's what intelligence is in there of course this human dinosaur
that just wasn't real so it's out of ten every one of these has to be ranked for every
one of jar humor wait is it just us for yeah just us for and dick the head can we
start with James since he's not here James height it's pretty strong in the height
no no we got to go through order one by one what was the first one humor James is
humor it's the lowest of all because he won't laugh at anything
Well, it's tricky.
Because James is really good.
When he wants to be funny, he's hilarious.
But he's also really funny when he's really trying as hard as he can to not be funny.
But he's also, he also refuses to laugh along about certain things.
But that makes it funny in a weird way.
Yeah, but this is like the hardest one.
Yeah.
This is the hardest one.
Um, I don't know.
I want to give him a week seven strong six.
I'm thinking six.
because because of the nature of it I have to agree yeah six it's an acquired taste of
humor I suppose it's it's also like hit and miss mm sometimes you're like James
just fucking laugh yeah exactly yeah that makes sense okay that's fair that's fair
Jim what oh right Jim what I reckon all of them oh we're gonna do each
whoever is whoever it's not is allowed to decide so Jim's not allowed to
choose his number
Ruben and I
I'm thinking a strong nine though
I was actually gonna say a strong nine
it's fart humor
it's ultimate
it's a nine it's so
nine no it's a ten if it's fart humor
because it's between
it has the like crossover
between like popular
meme culture but also so
anti-humor
that it's also kind of
self-awarely defies all of it
so yeah I'm gonna say a nine
speaking while we're just on this topic
I'd like to just shout out my
stand-up I'm going to start
in London
at the London casino
That's my favourite
casino in London. I love going to
The London Casino.
Oh, I should be noting these down.
Oh, I can hear Gorgile
Barking up. Do me then, because I'm in the middle
You guys just have to decide my
humour.
Alex's humour.
Alex is so self-amused
that it's like irritating.
I can see that.
Yeah.
so well it's such a dick move to to be given that's why we're not allowed to do our own
fucking race no that yeah that makes it harder because now you guys have said i'm at a nine
pretty much a tan so like where like i can't give you lower than that because then i'm a
massive no be objective imagine you're like we've given james a six and i think james of the
exception of dick the head because i have no idea what we're going to give that james is the
is the lowest on the humor scale yeah the thing is do we have to worry about balancing as
well so there's no balance you forget about balance you can just give because there's always a
broken top trump card always if you got the eye of sauron like you've won i had that set as well
lord de rings everyone fucking did they were like early uh it was a thing to collect because they all came
in different colored cases and they all had like nice foil cards there's jim back out of the nine
humor. I'm going to give Alex
can we give decimal points or is they're not allowed
in top jumps? I actually don't remember. God, I don't remember either.
I think some didn't, some didn't. Yeah, I think some didn't, some didn't from memory.
You know what? You can have decimals if you want.
I was going to just say this is. Oh, so mine's 9.9.
I was just going to get, I was going to say Alex gets an 8.9 to be 1.1
beneath you. I don't know, Jim, what's your thing? I don't think that's
I don't think Alex is less funny than me though
No
I think I think the senses of humour
Have to complement each sense of humour
Which makes it
Well yeah exactly
Difficult
That's what makes Jarre so lull
And of course we're going to be self amused as a unit
So yeah
So Alex is a seven
I'm a seven
I don't know
You want to give him a seven
I don't know what to do
I don't know
Just commit so he can move on to Rubin
I would say
I'm not going to take a fence
I don't care
I don't know how to measure it's hard
it's hard because it's fucking
well it's arbitrary and stupid
I can't measure it
8 8 8 8 I'm not down 8 we go
we're settling on 8 I'm sorry
Rubin
uh
you got to
you got to list the pros and cons
or hitching
And the only con I can think of is the Instagram fucking shit.
That's that, because that's also for you as well.
No, no.
Because we do it all the time.
Mine are very good.
Mine, usually what I find is cringe.
That's usually what I find, Jim, look at this.
This is bad, isn't it?
Yeah.
No, that's all of our stuff.
This is the hardest one, without a doubt, humor.
Yeah.
Because, like, it's an absurd.
things with sign a numeric value to it's impossible to quantify it yeah that's why i can't my brains
don't know how to process can't do it defies everything i've like learned i'm like how do i actually
value i could tell you a stand-up set that i like more than another that's so i could do it yeah
but i couldn't tell you no i could probably tell you comedians i like more than others so
i probably could do that oh yeah easily see every everyone who watches jar or listens to jar
probably has their own who they find the funniest member we should put this out to you to
decide as well. Yeah.
And then we're going to have to do some maths
to make an average
of what everyone says. Yeah.
Unless there's like some straw pole thing.
This is really impossible. I mean, I don't know what the best
way to format it is, but it would be interesting to see
some people.
I'm going to vote eight on that one.
And eight out of ten.
We sound like such fucking dickheads.
Wow. It's impossible.
It's the name of the game.
You guys are really funny.
Too right, brash.
We're the ones.
Oh yeah, I forgot the top, the, the, who has a biggest willy topic.
Yeah.
James.
Yeah.
So that's that.
So they add that to the M one.
Yeah, but the only one that actually has it is James.
James, that's James' special ability.
Yeah.
That's how they balance it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, Jim, if you're not going to.
Yeah, eight as well then.
Okay, hey.
What's the next one?
These are easier, surely.
Energy.
Energy.
Energy.
Energy.
Ooh.
So we have to do it in order as well, J, J.A.R.
That's why we're doing it.
So James first.
James's energy.
James.
James's energy is wacky though.
He's either a 10 or a zero.
Yeah.
So what?
Just give him a 5, don't we?
Yeah.
That's fair.
All James...
We're being so brutal to James just because he's not here.
It's not insulting to say someone...
James's energy is...
No, it's 10 or 1.
We can't give him a 0.
Yeah.
So we'll give him 6.
A 5.5?
I was going to just say around.
No, if we can avoid doing the 0.5.
I'm going to say 6 for James as energy.
I said 6 as well.
Okay, 5 and a half then, yeah.
Okay, that means it's averages a six.
Right.
No, that averages at five point.
No.
Jim.
These are the pros and kinds of energy.
Jim's energy is a pretty solid, like, I think, eight at all times.
I was going to say...
Or maybe a seven.
I'd say a seven because Jim's mellow.
Jim is a mellow character, actually.
I would agree with a seven.
Yep.
You taught me down to a seven.
Me.
Alex's energy.
Because sometimes Alex is just like
Yeah
Alex sort of has chaos energy
Like sonic right
Chaotic energy
Like the chaos rings
Chaos emeralds
Yeah
If you gather them all
That's a lot of energy
So Alex has a lot of energy
The thing is
I got energy
Got a lot of
That's not even the songs
Enemies
But got a lot of people
Trying to drain me of this energy
Drain me of my enemies
Rings
I'm a sonic
um this one's hard as well you know what it's hard to give someone just a value
because people are so good um i say it's tricky because alex
i feel like you can't not dissimilar to james where you're either quite intense or quite
not but i don't think no but your no but my my lows are lower i've your lows are much higher
than james's six what do you mean we gave james a six no but i i i can't think no but i i can
It can be mellow way more than James can.
Okay, so we give James a five and then we give you a six.
No, I don't think that's true.
Well, you think you have less energy than James.
Well, it's a vague thing.
Just be peeling off real nice.
I'd say I probably have more energy than James.
Feels good.
What?
I have more energy than James, in my opinion.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
You two have to decide.
Then, do you have to be a...
Who's the most energetic in jar?
You?
Yeah.
So you have to have...
to give me higher than a seven then so Alex is nine nine on energy because then that
would balance out too because that would be my strong thing yep Alex is a nine for
energy and then Ruben I'd say on a similar of Jim or you yeah that's me um who's this dude
there's Jim I've not seen him in a little while oh fuck I feel like
I'm, I've got slightly more energy.
Hmm.
So, six then?
I'd say, yeah, ties with James at the six.
Okay.
My energy ties, I'm saying.
But, but I'd say you're like a constant.
Yeah, yours is consistent.
James' is only just an average.
Fluxation.
Okay.
It doesn't even leave sticky residue behind.
That was amazing.
Height?
Well.
Jim.
James, um, Jim.
I'd say.
James gets an eight for height.
I'd say if it's relative.
James is at 8 or 9
Yeah
If it's relative to us
Actually no
If it's relative
James is at a 7 or 8
I would agree
Yeah
Rubin's 10
You're at a 7 or 8
James and I should have the same
Yeah
I feel like James deserves
Because he's been kind of fucked over so far
To be like one more than you
Okay he can be 8
Because his build as well
Makes him look taller
Yeah
eight and then me giving an eight as well
I had a dream James like
tried to slap me
because he was getting in my dream
he was getting really like
need to see emotional about his his job
I'll tell him later when we do the next cast
with him but
and I was like grow up
I just said just grow up it doesn't matter it's just a fucking shit job
you're at just whatever you're a new one now
and he went to slap me and I was like
what the fuck are you doing
and he gave me a kiss on the hand
And it was like, what is going on?
An oddly sensual dream.
So what should we give you, Jim?
A one, if it's relative.
Are we doing on a relicist?
Well, we haven't given any one so far.
Unless, wait, is Dick involved?
Give Jim a place.
Because it is involved.
Then I'll ask.
Five.
No, if Dick is involved, six.
Because Dick isn't very big.
That's true.
Jim gets the six.
And Ruben was 10 for that one.
Killer rating.
this is a holdover from the dinosaur chop trumps that was one of those
that was genuinely what they asked why that had made me like why is killer I thought
that was too funny to ignore killer rating these are frozen
who's killer rating no his is a what actually no you're right
no James is a 10 what because he will kill by accident imagine no it's the same as
the energy thing though I don't know because if we're talking kill
Rating, I, I consider
myself as someone, I was like, yep, I could
kill everyone in jail. No, but would you kill
everyone? No. Not unless I...
Whereas James could totally accidentally
kill any of us. He could actually totally accidentally kill
all of us. That's the thing. He's the
manic one. He's the gas explosion. Yeah. He's
the late night fry-up gas explosion
from hot fires. Yeah. I'd say he's a
8 or 9. Actually, it does leave sticky residue. I would say
a little bit. Disappointing. I'd say
7. Yeah, I mean, that's bullshit. I want to give James
I want to give you names an 8
Which is right in the middle
So it's an 8
Yep, it's an 8
We only got two minutes
Less than 2 minutes left before it
We can just go into the next part
My killer rating
I would say Jim's is quite low
Jim's is a 4
Not for lack of capability
But I just don't see
Jim killing someone anytime soon
Three or 4, 4
4, 4
Yeah 4
This one is like
Kind of whatever
This killer rating one
Me
It's weird
Me Alex
What's my killer rating
Is it even lower than gems?
Nah, Alex's is five.
He has two hounds that could kill.
So I want to give Alex a five or a six, killer rating.
I don't know if it's fair to bring the dogs into this.
I mean, are they going to get their own ones?
That would take way too long.
That's the killer rating of Argi.
A million.
Yeah.
Actually, he gets his ass beep.
I'd say Alex would be pretty similar to mine, if not the same.
So a four.
Do you agree on a four?
Yeah, I'll agree with four.
I'll take four of that.
I was originally eight going high, but, you know, I can be talked down to a...
And if James is a seven, no, James was an eight.
James is an eight?
Then Ruben is a seven.
Okay.
Because I'd intentionally kill.
Right, yeah.
Yeah.
You mean, you have intentionally.
This next one is the hardest one.
So, I won't do it quite yet.
I'll do it once we're back after the messages.
I'm going to black out the fucking podcast.
Boop.
Yo, yo, Pawaka.
I see you wearing that waffloen.
Do you not know that we've got some jar of merch for sale?
See the link down in the description
and get yourself a bloody Bebo t-shirt.
Sorry about that.
I get a little bit paranoid about hacking and stuff.
You know, I'm on a few watch lists.
You are that your hacker rating would be 10 out of 10
as we continue on in our struggle for freedom.
So we just did killer rating, which we settled.
Yay!
we can agree to veto this if you want um i kept intelligence as as a thing in there
see this is where it gets just genuinely cruel yeah just insulting
all right just go i mean i'm going to give myself a 12 being a university but we can't do
ourselves we're going to do intelligence i'm an academic baby i'm going to get a master's in
film so it's start of james then so we're actually doing it well dick the head has the
intelligence because so dick the head we have to have zero intelligence we need to do
the very end because we haven't we haven't done him with the other one then james is our what
but this is what i mean this is why i want a veto my vote is to veto yeah my vote is to veto
okay that means we're vetoing it someone's just gonna be fucking insulted it's literally
yeah and the thing is you guys are fully aware that i am more intelligent i was actually
about to say they're just going to get upset when i'm the 10 what about this one too late because
I said it first, which means I'm the 10.
This one isn't really...
This one, you can't even debate.
What can we replace intelligence with? Quick.
Quick, think.
Who is the biggest willie?
No, that one's James' special move.
So I don't want to do that.
Biggest butt.
But he hasn't had a special move yet.
That is James' special move as his dick.
That is a special.
So I want to make...
We've still got age and memetic potential.
Because I want a special ability for everyone.
No, two more is enough.
Age and Mimetic.
Yeah.
So let's go on to age then.
We can't keep that going for half an hour
Age
Age
Because every top Trump has fucking age thing on it
Okay, well you
No, we do it in order, James
James
He's the second one, so
Eight
If we don't in twos
Eight, then Jim
So I'm six
What?
Wait, no
I'm older than you
Yeah, four
Four, then me
Ten
Ten, then me
six. Then Ruben's six.
Okay. Even though there's only two months between
Jamie and I. There's only
Okay, make me a five. Four months between James
and I. Then there are
three years.
No, the thing is, we were born in the same year.
James was born in the year before.
Only just by two days. Yeah, but
it's Top Trumps, isn't it?
Fucking stupid air. When the human card
from the fucking dinosaur top Trump
wins in intelligence, people don't complain that the
actual, the human dinosaur didn't exist.
It's just a case of the human dinosaur is in the top trumps and that's how it goes.
Mimetic potential then.
James 10.
Human dinosaur.
James is a 10.
Human dinosaur actually did invent, not human dinosaur.
Top Trump's dinosaurs did invent dinosaurs.
Noseals weren't a real thing.
They made her for a fucking bad.
He doesn't make dinosaurs.
James looks like, we used to say he looked like one of the old rage comic memes.
He looked a bit like you could do this face, a lot like the troll.
face meme from back in the day.
He did have that face.
Genuinely.
And look at where he is now.
I say 10 to James
just because he's always the most
memed, like he's attached to just
weird things.
Bazaar bullshit.
Death grips, theogs cast. He's just
out there for some reason.
Yeah.
Why?
What about gym, man?
Mimetic
potential.
I mean, we've already done
human.
is the trouble and humor is so attached to
do we mean the potential for
someone to be meaned or
for them to also meme or is it both
it's all encompassing I say because humor
sort of crosses over into that one too which is difficult
it's
our little cargs mesh together
it's just
what the fuck
okay bump Reuben's humor scale up for that way
oh shit
I missed that I actually
missed doing that
I was trying not to bump the mic with my arms
So I had to
We got to agree on a number then
I'm his killer rating down for that one
Mometic potential
Let's just say
Giminate for the jug
Did he drinks water eventually
Yeah, go on then
I'll agree
Me
Metic potential
Alex has a weird obsession with dinosaurs and shit
I want to give Alex
Also Alex has a huge YouTube channel
Like the Twitter account
Caucasian James
let me show you
seriously this is really strange
I'd say Alex is a nine
The shirt is making me think of this person
Caucasian James
Yeah he's quite a popular Twitter guy
He might have been a viner
I have no fucking idea where these people
I vote nine
A Logan Paul type
Mm hmm
Not a Logan Paul type
Jim votes nine Rubin
Do you agree or want to bump that up or down
I would be inclined to
I don't know if I want to give you higher
than Jamie because Jamie drinks I have a jug
No, Alex and I
because of the Minecraft
Let's Play. That is my totally
subjective opinion on it.
Bringing back an oldie
The Plant
You had Shane Dawson
rip off that meme
Yeah, there you go
That's not actually
Someone was pretending to be him
But it was the shirt, it's just the shirt choice
Is this like a known meme and shit?
Caucasian James has
How many fours?
569,000
So he has a known
He has a known mima.
You know, I can see Alex
wearing glasses like that,
you know?
You probably know who Caucasian James is,
audience, you probably know who is.
Just Google it, you'll find it.
You'll find him on Twitter.
Don't go, go, it's not worth it.
What about Rubin, then?
Rubin is also high
because a lot of the memes
are based around Rubin as well,
consistently.
It's just a lot of memes
when you put yourself onto the internet,
you're going to be memed.
Yeah.
I say the same as James.
Actually, you know, a bit lower
No, no
I forgot that we go
I thought the same as Jim, sorry
I would say
With different people actually
I'm saying an eight
Jim do you agree?
Okay
And finally
Who is the biggest Willie?
No, that's James a special move
But he's already got
James has actually come out on top
He is the most tens
Nerf James, we change it
Who has the smallest will
See I disagree with giving James
The biggest Willie
Because I think
it's like a ruse i don't think i don't believe it
it's tough it's tough but he's maintained it for so long
yeah but this is james is talking about
bloke no fuck this one
fuck it awful category it's as shit as intelligence
because no one wants to concede
do they no one wants to concede
give me a one i don't care
i would just be like i've got a smaller dick than everybody
don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck
you see that's that's the two
that's the two man jokes that exist
my dick's tiny my dick's huge
yeah and and it's just like okay no one
gives a shit either way yeah when someone says awkward if someone said oh could fuck your girlfriend
better then they'd be like well now i have to kill you and that's it sorry my killer
rating is high you have to die that's it how about this we all just get us a flat five for who
has the biggest willy apart from me which is like six everyone's getting a five and that's that
i want to come up of another really five inches i want to come up a new category we'll think of
something while we do dick the head oh yeah i forgot we have to do dick as well i forgot okay humor
10.
Yeah, humor 10.
What was next?
Humor, we agree, is the 10.
Yeah.
Energy.
Zero, it doesn't move.
One.
Yeah, one, sorry.
Height.
One.
One.
Yeah, one.
He's one of those extreme cards.
Killer rating.
Ten.
You could definitely kill someone with a dick the head.
Yeah.
I would agree with 10.
Yeah.
Because you could really just someone in the face with that and that would be.
Age.
No one knows.
Infinite. 10.
Well, it should be 10.
It's definitely younger.
us.
No, but he's infinite.
We don't actually know that for a fact, though.
He'd probably outlast us, though.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He will outlasts.
He's eternal.
Mimetic potential, tent.
Yeah.
He's like this broken car.
He's basically the most powerful.
He's fucking hero from Smash Bros.
And finally...
His hero really strong?
Who has the biggest willy?
He does.
No, he doesn't.
No, he is dick.
He is a dick.
He is a dick.
So 10.
Yeah.
So these are the final results.
Who has the biggest dick?
Alex tent has the largest collection of big dicks because he's got quite a few dicks here.
So in the end, Dick actually has four 10 out of tens.
But he's also got two ones and a five.
Hang on, no, no, he's got two ones.
Who's the most like average high?
So humor is James 6, Jim 9, Me 8.
Ruben 8.
Dick 10.
Add them up and divide by the number.
Get us the mean.
Get us the mean.
Should I just go through and say who the lowest and the highest is?
So I don't have to go through every one of them.
Humor.
Highest, dick the head.
Lowest, James.
Energy.
Highest.
Me.
Lowest, dick the head.
Height.
Rubin, being the highest.
Lowest being Dick the head.
Killer rating.
Dick the head.
highest, lowest,
a tie between
Jim and me.
Age.
Highest,
me and Dick the Head drawing.
I almost want to correct
amend your one on account of Dick.
I want to give you one point less
so that Dick has a champ, yeah.
So he is the actual
top Trump in a way.
For what?
For age, sorry, age, yeah.
Height.
Mimetic potential
is between, as a tie
between James and Dick the head
as tens.
that's fair
and lowest is a tie between
Rubin and Jim
and who is the biggest
Willie
Dick with 10
and everyone is drawn
with a
fives all round
we really pissed out there at the end
I think we should do a cruel one
like intelligence or
idiot
who is most
who is most idiot
you want to do that
you want to do intelligence
I've got it
I've got it
okay gamer
Ooh, like a gamer rating
We visited this one a few episodes again
Okay, this is interesting
James gets the lowest one
James is the lowest gamer rating
James is
But he got to remember his past accomplishments
As a gamer
We will acknowledge that
But it's like
He was a modern warfare too
Veteran
Veteran, yeah
I just try to clip my legs out
You know how is
I'm just saying
And compared to us all
I think he's the lowest
Yeah definitely the lowest
Being what though
Because he's still quite a gamer
He plays fucking
I would just give him a seven
Fuck's eight
I played Fire emblem though as well
I'd give him a seven
I'd almost give one to give James six for his gamer
because he's not been much of a gamer for the last few years
whereas like I have
and Jamie and myself
even you as well as in the stent
have remained top gamers
I say seven
James isn't excited when Red Dead comes out
James isn't excited when God at War comes out
like he doesn't care
when Spider-Man comes out he doesn't care about any of the main games
he didn't even part of it? He like watching him
This is what I mean.
This is why he deserved the same.
Six or seven.
I want to give him six.
I've settled on six.
Six.
Six.
It's the first decimal.
Are we going to do decimals for gamer?
Yeah.
I think so.
It's too difficult not to do.
Jim.
Jim.
Jim hasn't been gaming too much gaming lately as far as I know.
I think James should be,
Jim should be a 10 because he hasn't had a 10 for anything else and it would be his fair one.
I don't know.
I would consider myself a 10 gamer.
Jamie got a lot of leader.
I'm not allowed to decide, though.
on Batman, yeah, but Jamie will
spear me down and not give me a 10.
Yeah, but you're spearing me down right now.
We'll just do some back channel agreements.
Yeah, Jamie's a 10.
Jam.
Me then.
I'm obviously not a 10, but I'm fine with that.
Historically, did a lot of ridiculous things.
Yeah.
Getting all the achievements in games.
I mean, historically, James did as well.
Yeah, but I think consistently,
yeah we're the most consistent gamers now
it's hard being a game
eight or nine it's hard being a gamer
I abandoned that whole multiplayer shit
where you guys didn't
so I still play all the single players and shit
it's hard being a gamer and a gamerless gang
damn
you can just call me
it is a gamerless duo now
I don't know a gamer filled duo
yeah
what number then
for Alex
eight higher than James for sure
higher than James
way lower than James
James played modern world
of her too obsessively
but like we played
Halo Reach and Halo 3
ridiculous amount
when I finally had
an Xbox obviously
I was a bit late
late to it
but I played all sorts
of Wii games
like if we're talking
just like brevity
variety of games
I have played just a fucking
ridiculous amount
of PS2
Wii GameCube
all of that
I played so many different games
I'm not even saying
they were good
I just played a lot of them
but I don't think
we had this conversation
but there are gamer games
there are gamer games
in that really annoying
R slash gaming sort of way
and uh
Jamie just commit to them more than I do
whereas I just like
I don't know
I've probably been stupidly good at like a couple more
multiplayer things
I feel like I'd give even a nine
because then there's a nice flow
where James is 6.5
Jim's 10
I'm 8 you're 9
I want to give myself a 9.8
but
if James has a 6.5
I think it's fair to give Ruben a 9.5
because Rubens has definitely put in the time
I deserve the veterans discount
I want the veterans fucking discount
yeah we played Minecraft before it was even
so game in the game
I played Minecraft on a shit laptop that could hardly run it
yeah same I was introduced to it by
while Alex played fucking Tiggle Bitties on his laptop
it's not true dog
that is fucking true don't you
They're even played Crossfire.
No, while I played Minecraft.
Oh, yeah, well, you play Minecraft.
Oh, God, the camera really doesn't like the pattern on Alex's shirt, does it?
It's really like, you can see all of the lines and shit.
Patterns, man.
Oh, yeah, I'm Dwayne Johnson.
Oh, yeah.
Let's rank the Rock on these same things.
Dwayne the Rock Johnson, humor.
One.
One.
Got no fucking humor at all.
He ain't got the humorous bone in his fucking body.
Energy next, isn't it?
energy
10 10
I can't deny that energy
height is it next
10 yeah height is it next 10 yeah 11
11 well because it's relative to us
he's like he's he's taller than
he's he's fucking huge he is very big
but I think he's like six foot three or something
I'm gonna google it how tall is rock I bet he's like six
five I'm not sure he's a big boy
he's just chunk as well though obviously
1.96 meters
almost two meters
talk okay 1.96 oh I know what to do I'll do because I'm about 6.3 I'll do that into
centimeters because that's an easier way of doing it but I need to know it in feet or I cannot
justify this one I'm going to do it six with three is 190.5 centimeters he was
196 right so he's like 6 5 nearly 6 6 yeah there he's an 11 on high yeah he's an 11 killer
rating absolutely 11
No, because Jason Stapham is way more of a killer than him, and they star in the same shit.
But in terms of us, yeah, he's definitely in a level.
Do you look at the rock and think, he could snap one day?
No.
So zero then, or one.
No, but he might have killed someone.
Do you think all four of us could take down the rock?
Yes, all four of us.
Yeah, I reckon could.
What's the scenario?
Like a barren room.
We're in a room.
Yeah, just a room.
and it's us for all in a corner ready to take up there any utensils anywhere
nothing just us and our clothes
but there will be injuries but i reckon we could get him down
he's very strong though we i think we could
he's very strong everyone just takes a limb we have to utilize our abilities yeah we'd have to
all get a limb me and reuben be like duck hunt duo
is is the rock's leg stronger than the entirety of james as a person
Oh, yeah
No, he'd win
He'd just pick up James
By his legs
And just like swinging him out
We'd have to
One of us has to go for the legs
I'd wrap myself round
Yeah, that's the thing
If we got into the ground
He would be a goner
Yeah, and then we'd have to like bite
On his head
Bight and stomp
Yeah, bite and stomp
Yeah, then we'd eat him as well
Truthfully
I could probably
Take him on by myself
You've got the t-shirt
And you got the pat
Yeah, exactly
You surp it
So the rock gets
Three, killer-eating
yeah because we could still be in as a fort i reckon intelligence i mean he does live in very like
basic motivational quote bullshit world doesn't he yeah so i'm like when his movies are shit and
don't perform he's like no it's just the critics you're just stupid shut up yeah three two
two yeah i'm sorry the rock too sorry the rock he doesn't might be
called that anymore gamer
zero no
he was in rampage
one he was in rampage and jimungi which is
like a gamer reboot okay two and
three he's he's more of a gamer than he is
intelligent all right three then
oh yeah I forgot we gave in Ted
age
wait why why did he get an intelligence
rating because I don't be funny
oh yeah we didn't actually do that
uh age
age he's like fucking 60 isn't
it's like a million his name is the rock
he's so he's
what are you
10
I'm 9
you're
well he's not as old as 10 he's 9.5 then
okay fine
memetic potential
I mean we kind of meme
him quite a bit
I feel like on average he's not
a victim of being memed
no he's not
what about the picture of him with the
yeah that's the only thing I can think of
and that's a shit meme
Mm-hmm
So
Because now it's like fashion
To dress that way
Yeah
Yeah
Two
Two
Damn
And who has the big
Is Willie
The Rock
No but the roids
Dude
Mmm shit
No but he said
He had a big dick
And Jason Statham
Versus
Which means he doesn't
If he's getting
The fucking
Script writer
To write that
Into his fucking film
He's insecure
About his winky-wink
He is not
insecure
About fucking anything
he's got a baby as well which means he must have a big penis
that's how it works any people who are big penises are babies
wait our dads
why is mine so tiny there what if that was the way mother nature
like filtered to humans so if you're born with a tiny willie like you just
that's it but then every human would have a big dick so it'll be
no no it's just like if you're born with a small dick then you die without baby
yeah okay
it makes no sense
no sense whatsoever
Alex's theory
Dumbo
I bought you
didn't buy a house
in that one place
guess how I'm feeling
Dumbo
it's that one Jayzee
great song
a great song too
well that's the jar
top trumps
we've got 10 minutes left
why is Dwayne the Rock Johnson
and fucking jar
because funny
it's pretty funny
So we're front loading today
Because me and Jim are going to be away
We said earlier
So I was thinking we wouldn't do JAR
Subreddit until the next episode
But James will actually be here
Instead of just rocking through them all
And being like well now what we're going to do for the next one
What are we going to do for 10 minutes?
So instead for the last sort of nine minutes we've got
We might as well do though
What we've been listening to you
What we've been watching
What we've been engaging with on planet Earth
since the last
I watched Baby Driver
yesterday
Did you actually
I rewatched it
with James
A few weeks ago
I haven't watched
anything actually
In the last
What did you think
Better or worse
Than you remember
Um
Better and worse
Really
It was better
Than I remembered it being
It
I felt more of that thing
That everyone was
complaining about
The
With the romance and stuff
Right
Like that it's not that
See that's what
That's what bugged me
the first time I was saying
upon rewatching it. It's just not that
that, that. Yeah. I remember feeling that
watching it. I was like...
I just remember not caring the first time and I
don't think it's the point of the movie to have
that. Yeah, exactly. That's not the focus. It's just
sort of like a thing. But
the way the movie is paced
is genius and the climax
is so fucking good.
I really love the way
the music was utilized
in that film with that one song
Hocus Pocus. It's all
Bown-na-no-no-no-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-m He's running and it all sinks up.
Apparently, they edited the movie on set.
They're actually editing it as they went or some shit.
That would make sense, I guess, because you'd have to like...
I have no idea, like, how they did it with a bunch of stuff as well,
because, like, the way they timed it, they must have music playing constantly,
so the actors could actually...
Well, that's kind of the, like...
That was the premise, wasn't it?
Movie edited around music.
and every scene is edited around songs
which is like unique
and I've never seen that before
for an entire film
yeah it's really impressive
but
I've seen it like five times now
and I'm still not bored of it
I've seen it three times I think
yeah it's fucking awesome
that's just the type of movie you make so
they're just endlessly rewatchable
you just put them on whenever and they're just so fun every time
the thing is
John Hamm
isn't in it enough so you know what I like is hot fuzz in the opening when Angel is
walking towards the doors of the police sort of building for ages and it's like
Sergeant Nicholas Angel it's really ridiculous I love how long it takes of him
walking it's really long distance I don't think it's meant to be funny it just builds
anticipation and I like that that film is endlessly funny though that's his best
film no doubt I agree
yeah
haven't watched anything
um
I watched
the meaning to watch
stranger things again
or like
I can't finish it
so on about it
yeah it's all right
did we ever talk about that
season three of Strang the thing
yeah
yeah I watched it
it's better than season two
worse than season one
it's better than season two
way better than season two
I actually like
there are things about it
I think are better than season one
like what
um
I think the creatures
way more enjoyable.
Oh, yeah.
Like, monster?
It's the best it's been in that series.
Yeah.
The ending is just such trash, though.
It's one of those things that, like, in the moment it's good, but then, like, when you think about it, it's really unsatisfying.
Yeah.
Just the...
Disatisfying.
So, like, Marvel movie, we've got to keep this going on the thing.
But worse.
Yeah.
Because the whole ending has this emotional...
thing
and then
because movies
struggled to
when they've been
going for so long
like Hopper
or whatever his name
has had his arc
in the first season
so he's kind of
like a pointless character
unless they do
something drastic with him
you said no
spoilers
we just basically spoiled it
no I don't think so
but what
I can't say
what
it's sequelitis though
it's just that thing
whatever
this part
of this topic's over. This is fucked.
This is abandon it.
Stranger Things, yeah.
So what do we even listening to, everybody?
Red Dead Red Dead Redemption 2 music.
Red Dead, yeah. The Red Dead score, I guess,
finally came out, sort of. But Rockstar,
what are you doing, Dog?
There's loads missing.
Yeah, so much of the soundtrack
is it isn't released. And I don't get it.
Why not just release it all at once so we can all enjoy it?
Like the Final Fantasy soundtrack's always like four discs long.
Most literally everything.
soundtracks do.
Because everything.
Have most of it.
There's nothing.
Like, Halo 3, Heller Each, nothing is missing.
It's all there.
That's one thing I like about the Skyrim soundtrack so much.
It's all there.
Even the atmosphere is in there.
It's just 45 minutes of like, yep, I'm hearing all this.
Even have like the fucking fanfare, victory fan.
Yeah.
And it's just like, why?
And that's the way you should do it.
You shouldn't choose what you want me to hear.
I want to hear the loading screen music.
And they did it with GTA as well.
GTA had loads of really good like Tangerine Dream stuff in there.
That's just you can't listen to it unless you go.
on YouTube. It's super annoying.
I just want more.
But aside from that, all the music that's on that soundtrack is incredible, obviously.
So yeah.
Best soundtrack?
Yeah, question mark?
Yes.
I've been listening to a little bit of Bob Dylan.
Yeah?
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Not much, no.
I've started on, like, his first...
Oh, you're going through the albums.
Yeah, the freewheeling.
The freewheeling.
Come gather around
Wherever you're on
I know that the water's around
I got a minute
I haven't listened to anything like new
since I was going through Jay-Z stuff
Have I listened to anything new
No rapper I was into
Rakeem was listening to an album called The Master
It's really good
Really great 90s rap
What do you think is the best album of the year so far
I'd have to have a quick look
And try and nothing pop into your brain instantly
Best well some people
People would say Igor, but Tyler Creator, but that's just because Fentano gave it a 9.
It was high-profile because it's the creator.
Do you not like Tyler the Creator?
I haven't really listened to it.
I'm not like crazy, man.
I'm like everyone.
Like, lots of people seem to be.
Did you like his last album?
Eagle.
Yeah.
He didn't like it at first.
Now I think it's a bit better than I used to think it was.
But you don't love it.
But I couldn't put a number on it because, yeah, I don't love it.
I'm not crazy for Tyler Creator.
Sometimes it doesn't speak to you, man.
I watch Snatch, by the way, because you guys kept talking about it.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I really liked it.
I think I liked it more than you guys do.
Really?
It really reminded me of train spotting.
Really?
Yeah.
Why?
Just like how...
Kind of dated in that good way it is,
where it's like clearly from a time period and it's capturing a time period.
But it's also like quite cartoonish and over the top in its presentation.
Do you understand my complaint, though?
About a couple characters being interchangeable?
Sort of.
But the enjoyment for me was more from how just...
absurd the plot was and how they all kind of conjoined together yeah well no i think it's an awesome
movie i gave it a four or four point five yeah no i really enjoyed that movie i'm going a phone
call from around by my should i answer it could be like a job so you should probably answer
yeah answer it fuck it we've only got a minute or two left here hope you guys are okay with this
uh yeah oh hello
Ruben is on the phone
I repeat
Rubin is on the phone
I just want to say I love beans
Don't worry
We'll answer your questions on the next episode
Please understand us
Trust us you prefer this
Over us missing a week
And we don't want to miss a week
So we want to get an episode up for you every week
That's our motivating
We are between 10 and 12, so I guess we'll give a time.
I'd just see midday.
I'd be going to see midday.
Do you think it's funny that Rubin's doing this while?
Brian Griffin is literally front of his mouth.
Yeah, you should do that just fine.
Ah, what a lovely day.
Normally you'd be working on one of your inventions and I'd be working on one of my writing.
Brian, no.
I mean, that's the end of this cast.
We didn't even get to questions.
We didn't even need to.
Hope you enjoyed it.
Yeah, I love you.
Just supporting us on patron by a t-shirt.
Just support the show in any way you can.
James will be back next episode.
