JAR Media Posdact - We Can't Stop CRINGING - JARCAST Episode 138

Episode Date: November 5, 2018

https://www.patreon.com/jarmedia

Yeah, anyway, shut up. Shut up, shut up, let me do it. Good afternoon, morning, evening or night, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another episode of the JAR podcast, where a bunch of dudes is there, just chilling. If you want to support the show, head over to our Patreon, JAR media, just search that on Patreon, and that helps us put the yogs on iTunes, Spotify, and all that. so what we got on the agenda today fellas I'm Jamie by the way

uh hey what's up guys my name's James house okay so we got James House we got Jamie and I'm the host Alex now what folks we got some things we got some things I got let's start this episode off with an

argue anecdote okay what's this interesting be warning audience warning listener warning this one gets hairy not literally but just disgusting I mean like truly

truly sickening so a couple nights ago I go to feed I'll gee it was 530 no early time for feeding dogs to be honest I heard I heard them

make sure you feed your dog before 7pm just in case they need to do a plop so I feed him at 530 it's just my thing it seems to work out for him and me so he gets hungry at 5.30 I pull out the bowl, I pull out his new food I got him. It's cute. He has his name printed on the packaging. I scoop out some food pour it in his bowl, put it down. And then I walk around the living room a little bit and then I smell something. I'm like, wait, hang on, where's this sudden gush of dog poo smell come from? And I think, oh no. As he's done a poo inside somewhere, so I frantically search around the room,

trying to find the source of this poo, this dog poo smell. And then I think, oh no, lift up slipper, because I was wearing slippers. On the bottom of the slipper, two big rings of shit so that I trodden it. But here's the question, I hadn't let him out for hours, he hadn't wanted to go out. Where was the original turd? So where was the original turd? So it became a process of, like in a video, game tracking where my poo steps

had been living room completely covered in poo steps how did you not notice sooner this is the thing no this is the thing it's a mystery it seems obvious it seems like how did you miss poop I figured it out

yesterday and it is rank okay it's so rank so it remained a mystery for a couple days After I'd cleaned it all up, I just thought, I must have, when taking out the rubbish or something, stepped in a piece of poo, walked it through the living room. But it was nowhere else in the house, so I was so confused. But anyway, a couple days passed, one evening before I'm going to bed, I let Argy out for his final ablutions.

And lo and behold, he's sniffing around. I see him doing something strange. And I say, come on, do you come. you're not doing anything and he he grabs something and walks inside so I think

nothing of it I think it's just a toy or something he comes in I know it's embarrassing he comes in to the living room gently places down a piece of his own

poo that he'd picked up in his mouth and carried inside what the fuck and proceeds to start eating it on the carpet. Aggie! Nobody! I know! It's embarrassing for you. So what he must have done,

what he must have done is I'd let him out. He'd grabbed a little nugget of poo that he'd pooed earlier, brought it inside, put it near his bowl. So when I went and placed his bowl down, I would have stood in it. Obviously not thinking, because by the door is quite dark, not thinking, Oh, there's a piece of poo there That I've trodden in

So, that's fucking... You know, apparently it's normal for dog street their own poo I was doing some research Guy says not he is Well, not every dog But it's not bad for them, apparently I do not understand that But why do you carry it inside?

What was the end goal? You know what he's like? He likes to bring things in, take things out. that kind of stuff he's just a bit of a disgusting dog he's got character unlike something else

don't start with this argument we've been through this so um I think it's that time it's that part of the show where uh we're gonna head over to our in-house expert meme chatter for our segment of the show we like to call meme chat

um keemstar stole the idea from us um take it away in a lawsuit currently with Keem but once again it's another bleak week

for I swear as fellow memes I'll be in dairy milk buttons into the mic please I swear think about all the new

audio listeners just hearing sickening I swear to God every week it's a bleak week with memes yeah exactly

it's saying a thing about memes is it not memes are just I'm gonna start with um that

evolution of a meme Okay That is that we all know and Hopefully love it's TikTok TikTok I'm sick of it TikTok memes have been refined into two As far as I can tell

I haven't noticed And that's hit or miss I bet I guess they never miss Huh You got a boyfriend I bet he doesn't kiss you We're gonna have to explain What the hell you're talking about

So it's some shit song that people tend to sing along to on TikTok or whatever the fuck they do, mouth along to it and then make some lame-ass video. And then due to the dual screen ability of TikTok, people make fun of them. Right? And the meme started there, and it has ended there.

And it's the same thing with, uh, what's the other TikTok meme? You won't know, will you? No Okay With the The Overwatch one There's the one where the

The girl gets pulled Yes yes yes yes yes So there are multiple ones of those Yeah Oh yeah there's loads And there's more and more Every day And

My favourite of all of these TikTok memes Is The Overwatch one The worst one of them all No It's not It is the best one Because

Have you seen the one? ones where like it starts with a guy holding a pair of headphones with controllers taped to his head like he's playing with the headphones oh no i'm not seen that one i'm not and then the next one is like a guy holding his tv like pretending that's the controller singing along to what some overwatch song yeah that overwatch song i'm i want to be tracer i'm already tracer by the way it's nearly fireworks night for us um in the uk so if you hear random fireworks going of

it's not someone trying to kill you in the street it's the mic's picking up trying to kill you in the street but anyway so where does this Overwatch song come from I have no idea just some awful YouTube video I would assume so and

it's always like the girl taking it seriously not always but I'm exaggerating the girl taking it seriously yeah and then a dude just making fun of it sexism TikTok is sexist okay any others on the meme chat highlight this is a new meme all right yeah okay we're all familiar with the the trilogy of Madagascar no one of them being an excellent film which I adore Madagascar three Europe's most wanted

For some reason, the penguins from Madagascar have been getting the meme treatment. What's the meme? So it seemed to have, the earliest one... Is it that you haven't seen anything, so? No. Okay. That's like Facebook 20... Yeah, that's old Facebook joke tier.

There's another one as well, but I like to move it thing. You know in Madagascar 2, like the old woman gets like 100. hunted down by the penguins or some shit like oh she wants to hunt lions yeah yeah god that film is bad yeah apart from that awesome song by will i am but the earliest the earliest meme i saw of the penguins was somebody had just dubbed over it and the old woman says i'm going to say the n word and then the penguins are like you're not going to say the n word we're going to stop you and then they fight her so that was the earliest me my saw and and Now it seems to have developed to

Um Kowalski Analyze which was a line I guess from Yeah that's one of the penguins Yeah Yeah that's like the smart penguin And the boss penguin is telling him to analyze something So

It'll be an image with that at the bottom With the penguin like Kowalski Analyze That's the meaning I'm liking this Yeah It has a lot of potential I have seen some funny ones

there's something the Madagascar trilogy is so interesting to me because the first one is dog shit the second one is dog shit and the third one is probably the best anime film ever made when was the last time you watched it when it came out on Torrent

you could not watch it again no Jim I could you don't when you see that I like to move it move it monkey thing go over to the bear and have like a romantic relationship with a bear in a tutu at the same time

as this robo mecca ultimate cop character who's running through buildings and it's fun it's awesome then you think it's a bit ADD ADHD yes but whereas the first and second one are like that but they're just kind of annoying I remember when it came out do you were just like Jim come down here look at this so I came down to your room and it was just the scene where she's like running through brick walls and stuff and you were just like wetting yourself

and I was like what it might have been because I was just expecting here we go another Madagascar and I was like oh my god they're actually being weird with it yeah stop flicking his ears okay continue any others of note um

the last one of note is that that bloke on a green screen oh yeah yeah and he says things yeah and it's often to do with like and all it takes is your mum's credit card the the three numbers on the back and the expiration date yeah you showed me one today

yeah um so it's one of those guys you can what pay to say anything you want I assume it's a guy you can pay much like um what was his name the African man I don't know but YMS has used him

loads of people All the montage parody people used him Mm-hmm And then he was Left in the dirt He'd been abandoned For a white man

Bullshit Complete bullshit Institutionalized racism in a way Yeah absolutely But this new meme Quite funny The thing is with More versatile

But with Um Those two The original and this new bloke the quality of the meme is highly dependent on the person who's telling them what to say mm-hmm so true it's too true but sadly that's the state of memes this week I'd say that's way better than the past previous ones we've got the Madagascar one

and we got that guy Madagascar and that guy that's way better than the Skyron one of the yeah that that meme lived and died in the space of an hour for me Skyrim bad man Skyrim bad well I've said enough on this podcast how much I don't like Skyrim but we were looking at videos

today from when you so yeah on the Xbox 1 or PS4 or whatever you can like record a clip from the last 30 seconds and I didn't realize that my Xbox had saved all these clips going back four plus years and I was just scrolling through them

and boom we ended up on a bunch of Skyrim when the Skyrim definitive edition came out I guess I played it a bit and I think that game is not good one bit I feel like that's gotta be added to the jar bingo sheet

mentions how bad Skyrim is yeah well that's specifically me because when Ruben's here he will defend it until his deathbed but Ruben like Spire Oh, we actually talked about Spiro We talked about Spiro with Rubin This is directly from the word

The mouth of Rubin And he said Spiro, fucking gay dog Did he actually? It looks Pretty much It looks fucking bollocks I'm not even interested in it And I grew up with Spiro

No interest and it looks Just cringy It's gonna sell so well there And people loving it Did Spiro one come out after Halo 1 Yes I guess

Are you sure? Yeah Do some fact checking Jim Okay Talk while I do that What's it called Spiro? Which Spirose have you even played?

Don't know I've played A Spiro I remember watching Like a neighbour Play one of them And just thinking this is lame And I don't like it I was

I was slightly too old I think for Spiro Because it was so kiddie even at the time And seeing this like Remarer or whatever it's just like it just screams very late 90s early 2000s um mascot character design like Crash Bandicoot Sonic Spyro they all fit into a similar bracket for me and they've all kind of died well crash bandicoots won did well sold really well it's sold well because it has like

a let like a an awe of being evaded because a naughty dog made it you found out the answer Jim about Spyro that's crazy Crazy. Spiro is actually three years older than Halo. Really? Yep. 1998, the year after I was born. What console? The original, PS1, right? The PlayStation 1. Yeah, that makes sense.

And that's what the remake is of, right? It's all of them. It's like the three of them. That explains why the game looks so bad. Because it's like an old-ass empty area with like diamond. to collect whatever the fuck you're doing

that lame-ass game we're really on one 90s kids need to back the fuck down any of the things 90s kids loves actually good Ninja Turtles

is terrible yeah Transformers terrible Spiro terrible Crash Bandicoot terrible no but that's the thing I'm a 90s kid as born in the 90s

like you were No no no no no no no no It's not the same I think a 90s kid is when they had their youth in the 90s

We had our youth in, like, the naughties, right? No, but either, yeah, I know what you mean, but it's just like the stuff that we, our generation, grew up with. It's not all that different. I'd never had any of that stuff. I was way before then. Thanks for the explosions, neighbours. Do you want to flick the thingies down?

Because that's going to be super annoying if that does not stop. Well, it's your fault for moving us to bloody India. That should sound a bit better now. Okay. Yeah, so I think we've come down on the 90s kids. You know what, seeing as we're pissing off every fandom in existence. I want to do my Overwatch rant, okay? Hell, yeah.

You know how we feel about Overwatch. Come on, let it look. First, it was, James has, I think, been the consistent anti-Overwatch one on this show, right? Yes. Because James, he started off... I don't remember you ever going on about how you don't like Overwatch. You didn't really play it so much. That's what I'm confused about, though, because James loved Overwatch.

Yeah, but he did that complete 180. No, but I had a reason for it. What's your reason? Like, I stopped playing before it went bad. Like, when it first... No, wait. When it first launched, Blizzard didn't throw in all of their, like, shit into it. So it was just like this...

Yeah, they did. It's like before they started releasing all these special events and limited collector's edition fucking skins and I was just like you jump on the game, you play it as soon as they did that I was like kind of fucked well listen

we've got to be careful we're treading on eggshells around these Overwatch fans good so listen my issue with Overwatch so you were showing me some trailer for a new character like a female character

she's just a female a cowboy there's something about Overwatch and it's art style and it's advertising that seems so pandering to fandom culture and that whole internet vibe that it's had from day one it was almost like cocky in the way that in

do you remember that first trailer where it shows like tracer and the gorilla and Reaper and all that in that museum um yeah a reveal trailer or something and they were acting as if they were already established like icons in gaming or something like Mario and stuff it was because of like the plot of the game is intertwined with like how they're trying to make these characters like on it's an ingenious business move they clearly did a lot of

market research like down to the art design to the like kind of cutesy midway between being kind of edgy but also they have everything they have edgy they have like cool they have cutesy

yeah they have butch they they they they toss out any um artistic direction, any one sort of vision for the sake of casting as wider net as possible.

Yeah, and it's paid off because the game is absolutely fucking huge. The fandoms for it are gargantuan in size, especially when it comes to sort of the cosplay, fan art, porn, sexual

culture behind it. The sexual stuff is what's the weirdest to me. Why is that the weirdest? To me, it's the most fucking obvious. Look at the way they design all of their female characters. Why did they intentionally? make an underage character and then have her wear

like a skin type thing which ones I'm not familiar the Korean one oh diva oh the like mech one she's not underage like I don't think she's like 18 or something even if the character in law is underage you could never tell because of the art style

being so yeah cartooning goofy anyway but the point is the way they design all the female characters is so just like come on they are all the same like look all their body types besides the Russian and that ice one right yeah they are

all like the same identical like body all of that because they're trying to fit into that same these fireworks are driving me fucking crazy thanks what do we do to deserve this we filmed on a

Overwatch fans are fucking coming for us yeah holy shit the fireworks have stopped but the you can like the game all you want yeah we're not talking about the mechanics of the game at all we're just talking purely about advertising art direction character design kind of stuff it's it's so obnoxious it's cocky obnoxious and what it's so cynical to me like you can see through every decision you can see how it was all

made through like market testing and you know all that kind of group analysis statistics kind of stuff And it's like, well, with this demographic, this character will do well. And with this one, we've got to make sure we hit all of these different beats. And it's like... But it's like that, to do that, that's quite an accomplishment to do it the way they have. I'm saying, look, in terms of creating a very popular new franchise in gaming that's successful that people latch onto, business-wise, it's very successful. but to me

it's just I can see through the ruse or whatever I don't know Well I found There's something off about it I always get this weird vibe I get the same kind of feelings with

with destiny as well Nearly every Activition Blizzard product But it's like so The artistic merits of it Are so like being outweighed By the business side of it To me

Of all the game company they show the business mindset and business plans more than any of a company like it's very clear as day that there is all yeah and they and they use their fandoms as like a crutch as a their own little army to defend their terrible shit as well like overwatch has those terrible loot boxes or whatever they're the they almost paved the way because everyone's been defending them so it's only cosmetic whatever and now that we're honestly i think they're some of the worst packs. Yeah. I've experienced in a game from what little I've played of Overwatch. It's so, so unsatisfying. And it's like they fill all these packs are loads of lines so they have a constant dialogue that's like 50 for each character so it's just like they feel that that's the fill of all the packs. So there's loads of filler, there's like a spray. There's like 500 sprays or something, whatever. And then there's like two good skins for the character that you

want. It's like so you just want me to pay a spray. And pay, and pay, and pay to get this one-time events and all this and all that. Fuck you. Yeah. What I found is, because I played it quite a bit, I found that when you really sit there and play it for like a few days straight, you really realize how bare the game players, there's not much of anything there at all.

It's a bare-bones game, but they've just, the way they've done it, it's very easy to jump into. And that's why I say bloody successful. Successful. I didn't play the game enough to I can't really comment on the mechanics of it at all because I only have to watch you guys play it when it was popular Yeah I sort of understand why people can enjoy it

Is it not supposed to be like the team fortress Every class has their role And they counter each other and all that And I can see the appeal and that But everything removed from that I mean whatever What I found is like There's no satisfaction in like playing well

because no matter what you get a kill didn't you only play as a healer class though I did through the early stages because it was like I found that fun but then I played as everyone and that's when I realised how bare the game was like I'm gonna compare directly to Rainbow Six

because in terms of satisfaction that game's quite high up when you get you when you do a really good playing Rainbow Six you feel great in Overwatch because you get a kill no matter what you do So, like, what's the point of you been trying to play well? There's nothing, there's no grip, there's nothing to bring you back. Well, it's funny, comparing it's something like Rainbow Six.

Um, I think just because of what the subject matter is, it's inherently less fan servicey in that way. Mm-hmm. But it still has fan service. Do people defend their crummy pack system in the same way? No. I wouldn't say they do. It depends, because, I mean, the... like with this they just had a Halloween event for example in every six yeah everybody knows that's

bullshit and what they did with it you get but watch has been doing that exact same thing for years at this point yeah i mean i'm sure people do defend it but a lot of the the general consensus of rain but for for certain rainbow six things is a lot more negative than what it would be for overwatch well i don't understand it's like even if you love the art style of overwatch you love the gameplay you love the hook of the game that doesn't mean you can't be critical of the crummy stuff in it yeah you know like surely

you should be more critical because you want it to be better because it's your thing it's your favorite thing you know there's no good just sitting back and defending it because you're the only one who's getting screwed by it if you're constantly telling them that it's okay and now look with everyone always going on about

these overwatch packs and how good they are and they're even them from a business like PR level they're always saying hey everyone's everyone's going on about Battlefront 2 loop boxes but we're over here

we've been doing it our way and we think this is the best way kind of shit and it's like fuck you if I remember early on when the game came out like a box is like £1.40 1 pound 50 for a box which is fucking stupidly expensive for a single market transaction box

might be one but that's just what I remember No excuse for it, man. Dib-a-dib-dib pregnant pause. He's doing it again. Anything else on our minds before we head over into the break? You've definitely got an opinion on maybe succeed. What's that?

You think it's like got no character. No, let me clarify what? In the group chat, I was saying, I can't remember why it came up. I was talking about games that have character. in some way and I was finding it hard to come up with a um a good game to hate on

for no real reason no it's just it's just a fun little experiment what to you is a game with good character a game with character it can't be a single player game because we're talking can't be a single player game we're talking in comparison to siege see a character

doesn't necessarily mean I know I know It's like a criticism Or not Because like there are movies That don't have character But the story and the

You know The acting and everything Can still be good in it At the end of the day But it can lack character Sometimes intentionally Yeah I would say

Because it's just on my mind right now I think Fortnite has character It doesn't mean I like it necessarily believe, but I think it does have character to it. In comparison to something like PubG, which has absolutely

no character to it whatsoever. That's a character. And that's why it's failing at this point, because what do you have to attach yourself to, if not that? How do you... How do you quantify a character? I was somewhat subjective, I guess. Like, throw something

at me, and I'll tell you if I think it has any character or not. I guess I would just, easiest way is something that you can remember. If it's got a character, you can remember it. Some personality, some flair, like a vision to it, you know? So, but what I want to know is how you describe character. So, oh. Oh.

We can try in part two, but. Okay. Well, we'll come back. after these messages and we'll uh we'll come back to that not very note welcome back to part two of the jar show um right we're going to get to the questions right after we finish this thing about character or whatever yes a question i wanted to know like can you describe can you quantify let's take halo something you love okay this is a great example i imagine to you but has quite a lot of character.

Mm-hmm. What gives it character? Let's see. With Halo specifically, it would be the writing, the music, the art direction, the thoughtfulness and cohesion of all the world design and the story and how thoughtful everything is. Where contrasts that with when 343 took over with Halo, and now suddenly the universe has no character, the art direction is different. The writing is coming from such a different angle

from such a different place. And the music? And the music. Every element of it lacks that same cohesion that it once had. What else? How about like, I have no affinity for, no pun intended for any of the COD games.

What is the pun? Affinity Ward. it's in but I think some of the Cod games do have a lot of character

Black Ops 1 baby Black Ops 1 that is Black Ops 1 does I believe the first modern warfare has character to it as well as much character as Rainbow 6 Yeah they're equal

To be fair I don't know that one No I just don't say Rainbow 6 is more character than first Cod Cod 4 and you're probably right obviously things with a some kind of narrative it's easier to embody more character or what I'm what I'm trying to describe you but would you say Overwatch has character yes yes so it does it does it does have character it's just not not one that I like particularly let's think of things that

A good that don't have character. Well, does Rainbow 6 have character to you? Removing the character you give it from your memories with the game. That's the thing, the other people that you're playing with give it character, like every situation. Then by that logic, then destiny is full of character because... No. Yeah. Yeah, because it's the same thing.

You're playing with friends. All of your memories of playing the game are raiding together, the funny moments and jokes you tell each other and all that. I don't mean in that way I mean the way the player characters interact with one another you know in terms of gameplay um obviously I'm not the most familiar

you mean mechanically the yeah the rock paper scissors and everything and has a I can't remember the word you used earlier there's a difference between having like a really good fundamental design

like mechanical design and a product like in there it is there's the fireworks for fuck so we waited as well to stop and the difference of like a good example would be something like you ever seen that movie oblivion

with Tom Cruise that is a movie to me that has no character whatsoever and it's just like everything about it's fine it looks pretty the story is relatively interesting the acting's good but at the end of it all it's missing that X factor it's missing that character yeah

it's a hard thing to quantify it's like you say it can work to the advantages of some things and sometimes well like yeah like a lot of I don't know Stanley Kubrick's movies lots of them do have character but some of them purposefully pull that

that level back and have a more detached view on things and it enhances every element of it. Hmm. I was just being pedantic was all originally. That's why I was making fun of 306. I assumed you were mainly doing it to piss off James and Root. Yeah, because I knew one of them would bite.

And the thing is, you've never really liked that genre or that setting. You mean like modern warfare kind of? Any sort of military... Because I don't. Modern-ish. In games. I don't like it in games. I like it in movies.

yeah and I think not video games I think that's like fine like that's your thing this really hurts stop leave it alone yeah I've never really liked that whole modern militaristic shooter thing it's just I don't know it's a little too close to home to me I don't want to be thinking about that all the time what I can say of siege is that siege has a very not like on the fourth one but has a very the soundtrack it has is in the back but it definitely does add to the actual game, like, compared to other military shooters, like, Arm or, like, Cod. Yeah, it has a very signature sound to it.

Like, there's this, at the moment with Operation Grim Sky, on the main menu, there's this certain song that's very tense, and it reminds me of that one scene in Sicario, and I get very strong vibes off that, that's character. The thing, though, with Rainbow 6 that I prefer to other military, modern shooters, is how, Goofy it is. Goofy. It's not serious, you know? It seems like it.

You know, there's like, yeah. Rainbow Six has those sort of introductory cutscenes for characters and stuff. Which they only had for the first, the original one wrote, those original ones from what I've seen of them are like super bland. Yeah. Really like, exactly what I'm talking about.

That, that's the apart from what I've said before, it's like the original like game when it launched. It was so that, it was like so bland. Like even the player cards when you pick the characters, I've said that the newer ones, they actually have faces, they have more character than the

original ones, which are very carb or cut out, generic speck-off soldier. Interesting. I think you're you're totally right. Like I was saying,

it's more like what you get from the game. I can't see myself or see anyone being allured to the game because of its, like, character. Yeah, it's not like... With something like Overwatch, a lot of people get into it

because of the character, because of the art direction, because of, yeah, all of that side of it. But usually when people are talking about Rainbow 6, it's because of this ridiculous gameplay thing they did

or, you know, an awesome moment like that or just how mechanically sound that game is. And yeah, like Jim said, it is goofy. There's a certain level of just like...

There are whole like franchises and properties that purely ride off that that character thing. Look at something like Kingdom Hearts, which is just complete nonsense story-wise, but people are so attached to it because of that. Because of Disney. Or like Final Fantasy 15. The only thing it has is that. That's the only thing people like about it. That's kind of to me like it's... That is a characterless game to me.

No, yeah, no, yeah, definitely. Like, I'm comparing it. Like, the four characters in the game wear, like, black leather jackets, the four white boys that run around being cool. I find that game was so very mismatching, because it's like, you start the game and it's black suits and all of that,

but then you go into, like, this fucking desert with, like, loads of, like, 70s and five stars, really. It's definitely muddled, but there is something there to it. There is some... The game director, like, he has... ideas sure they're corny they're dumb they're stupid but that's what a lot of people like is the same people the same reason people love um kajima's games like metal gear is incredibly stupid and corny and dumb and people love that character and they'll forgive things they

won't and other things because of that it's corny and dumb in a ridiculous funny way whereas i found final fantasy 15 abysmal i find a lot of it funny though in that game I don't really even like that game very much but I wouldn't say it's characterless I'd say it's clumsy in its execution. I think when you imagine like Japanese JRP, that is it. No, because when I imagine JRP, I think of

really solid games. And a lot of character, to be honest. I think of Final Fantasy, strange. Final Fantasy 13, which is kind of that. I'm talking like a blurred image, like. The most, you know, by the books as if like a machine was to print.

out a GRP. Okay. Yeah. Hmm. Time for some of them questions. Where can people ask us questions, Alex? If you want to leave your own questions for us to possibly answer on the show head over to the child media Reddit, there's a thread at the top. Before you begin, though, I notice there's a post from someone called Breedix who says,

Hey, boys, your shit is the shit, by the way, and I listened to it. every night before I sleep. Anyway, is there any chance you could shout my girlfriend out? She's going through a hard time at the moment, and I think it would mean a lot to her. Regards Jalapino James. My girlfriend's name is Elizabeth. Cheers. Yeah, you're totally real girlfriend.

Shout out to you. Just joshing you, maybe. Sussplant says, if you could change yourself into a video game no do you want to restart that question I'm gonna start that again

if you could change yourself in a video game character creator i.e. Dark Souls or Sims what would you change about yourselves my big fucking tiddies yeah I'd probably would make myself thinner hmm so then I can continue eating donuts and shit

You know, imagine if every time you gain weight or, like, do anything, like, fall off a cliff and break, like, loads of bones in your face. And you just go back to the character editor and just... Yeah. I'm just going to straight up say I wouldn't change anything. Oh, shit, son. That's morality much. Right there. This, this person, me, James, I'm this.

If I change this, I'm not James anymore. It depends, though, right? Because if it is the Dark Souls editor, you're always going to look. horrible and if it's the fallout editor you're always going to look kind of weird and janky pretty much every editor in every game oh my god we're being attacked again get your heads down why these people shooting fireworks off what are they what are they proven man doing it right next in this crowded neighborhood yeah at what time some people work shifts some people got to be at work tomorrow morning.

Some people want to record podcasts, you know? God, it's genuinely really annoying. Well, there's a few good character creators, um, like, Soul Calibur. That one is pretty funny. Um, I'd also give myself a sick as fuck beard. Hmm.

That's a good one. Do you not grow facial at then? Does it not just... I, I, I grow hair out of the two, corners of my chin and one side of my lip that's my facial hair capabilities it just kind of grows everywhere and it goes

I have really bad facial hair growth no you don't you've got like a even 5 o'clock shadow I know but this this is like six this is like five days Jim it goes from completely clean to this in five days and it's

that's fine yeah that's what everyone wants no that is what everyone wants apart from the one man who has it It's always the way. Grass is always greener, yo. Yeah, grass is always greener. I'm happy I only get like three hairs on my face every six months.

I'm happy mine's all golden, so you can't see it unless the sun perfectly shines at the right angle. I can see it white now. No, but the problem is mine also goes ginger. So if I leave it on. Got something against gingers, do we? Nothing. I didn't realize we were attackers on this show.

I used to be blonde, Alex, and I have ginger facial air. I'm borderline ginger, okay? I am blonde That's something strange I get one ginger hair Out of my chin On the right side of my chin Do you know actually what?

I'm actually going grey Like greyness is morphing into my hair More often than now Like that area is all growing grey I could be like 25 and be full grey That's fine though I think grey hair is cool

Yeah I love grey hair as well I'm about white hair too I'm gonna rock If it was Roger Sterling Looks amazing He does In Madman, holy fucks, he look good.

He looks really cool. I'd like to be 21 years old and look like him. Never get ID'd. You know what, I've never been ID'd. Ever. Because you don't buy anything that needs for ID. Even when I... Jim, tell the story of what happened the other day.

I don't think of me ever did. So, regarding IDs. So I'm buying a bottle of wine, right? Which, obviously, why is a kid going to buy wine? All famous. Right. winey. True.

And I was buying the wine to put in a pasta sauce. I wasn't going to drink the wine to get drunk. Cooking something, which is something. I was going to cook something with a bottle of wine, right? And so I'm at the checkout, the self-scan, do it all. And then the lady walks up and she's like, you got ID. You look like a little baby. So I whip up my ID.

I'm like, there you go. Right as Alex walks up. Because I was on a different self-scan. And Alex had just finished buying his own stuff, walked up next to me, and she said, Does your friend have ID? And, uh... Not realizing you even had wine on you. Yeah, because I'd gone away from Alex in the shop to get the wine.

So he had no idea. So he came up to me. She asked for Alex's ID. Alex didn't bring his wallet because he wanted to pay with Apple Pay. So she took my wine away. And Alex had his fucking car keys and his Apple Watch showing. Like a 17 year old has a... fucking BMW and

a fucking Apple Watch It's just it's ridiculous Like there's a certain level where She took it away I was fucking I I was close to like flipping out I know Technically she was doing her job

But like I wasn't buying it for him I was buying it for me To use in cooking Yeah why are you taking the shit away from me Fucking hell it pissed me off Like they have to And as if

Alex is three years older than me right when we stand next to each other he looks older than me yes why did she ask for his idea because he walked up and it you they just have to cover all the bases I guess legally she did the right thing but morally she's reprehensible yeah she's evil she's an evil evil evil woman why do you clearly both don't look like you're underage problem is um i remember when i worked in retail they teach you once you ask you have to commit you can't yeah if they don't have idea on you you have to take it away so she she she dug her own grave with that one

what by asking you yeah i know but i've had to me it's just like you go to buy a can of red bull now because you have to be have a identification and i was just like no i don't have it for fucking red bull so i just didn't buy it what do you have to be 16 You have to be 18 to buy well. I thought it was 16. You have to be 18 to buy Are you sure it's 18? Yeah, I thought it's 60.

I'm really sure now it's 18 now. I want to do a quick fact check on that. The person who who who had to ID me has IDed me before. So surely they'd know that pisses me off. They just know it's you.

It's like this face is pretty noticeable when you've seen it once. You know this face. Because it's um distinct, I guess. And especially when I go in at the same time, like in the evening where it's empty. It's like I'm obviously that same person

with that loud car. It's hard to tell when you have someone who's kind of like a busybody jobs worth, you know what I mean? They love getting to ask people with IDs aside from the people who are just doing their job and they just don't want to get in trouble. Sort of thing.

Yeah. Yeah, it's under 16s. Is it? So you're IDed for 16. Yeah, I remember... I was ID for 16 and I clearly I looked worse than this I haven't saved at all for like two weeks

I looked a fucking mess of these shorts I remember not long ago we were in the same Tesco and I did a sneaky little deny of the the ID because as she was walking up I said do you really think she's going to think I'm under

16 and she would have definitely heard that and she didn't ID me oh yeah because I asked you I was like have you got ID and then you said that as she I didn't know she was there, but she didn't ID me. What are you buying? Like a monster. Oh.

Yeah, you're right. He was buying monster. I got ID'd for 12s still. I got ID'd for buying Infinity War on. Really? I'm not joking. That is fucking lame. I don't know.

What is it about your face? He does not look young, though. You slightly maybe... From a distance, somebody might think you're young. I think all of us look like men. Yeah, yeah. Damn straight. And we sound like men, too.

I think there's certain things that, like, give it away. Because if you were holding car keys, I think people would just be like, obviously, he's not going to be like fucking 16. Made me furious, though. I was IDed for buying glue as well. Glue. Yeah, because I wanted to fix my wallet Because it was coming apart

Why are you fixing your wallet with glue Like super glue Because one of the little One of the flaps Was sort of where you put the coins in What material was this wallet made out of It's a leather wallet Well he's using super glue to fix a wallet

You stitch it No you don't understand It wasn't like the actual leather flaps But the fabric inside were... Oh, did it work? Yeah, mine's doing that right now. Surely you just fuck up your wallet,

so then there would be a lump of glue. It's just like, what's the point? Yeah, you use one of those glues that just... You know, it's not like a huge clump. Anyway, this is a stupid topic. First, you have mismatching cutlery, no, you glue a leather wallet back together. Yeah, you don't understand the context.

Anyway, J-R- is choir. Queer spelled the way you used to spell... We used to spell queer. How did we spell queer? Q-U-I-E No, we always used to spell it Q-U-E-E-R That's how it is

spelled it, exactly, we used to spell it the white thing No, we would spell it wrong No, we would. Anyway, they ask, if you could do one thing without suffering the consequences, what would it be? I'd do the fucking biggest... Just burnout down Alex's street for like a good minute straight and then drive off. Which I could probably do it up with

having any consequences we'll have to wait and see but yeah but this question was if you knew there were going to be no okay if I knew I can't answer this question Jesus Jim ooh uh say the N word mine would be I'd like to just go through town and you know like when you nearly punch people in the head just to scare them and they kind of flinch away. That's the lamest thing. But just do that to everyone in town.

And there'd be no consequences. What would be the consequence of that? People would think you're an asshole. Yeah. Someone might fight you. People think you... People will just assume you're an asshole anyway. You don't have to do anything

in society for people to think that. Is that true? I don't believe that. No, I believe the opposite. Yeah. The majority of people... You're in my good book until you do something Twatty. No, but some people don't think like that. Some, not all.

I don't... And not most. I said some. A few. I said some. A minority. A minority is still some. Maybe it's me.

Just you? Just because I'm just in a loud car and... Apparently there's someone in this week's Reddit thread who really wanted their question answered so they were downvoting. every other questions try and get to it's up don't know

what the question is though um you're a really good one about like Hong Kong Jarr's Choir's

choir has another one is there anything that makes you irrationally angry yes Rainbow 6 Overwatch I just think

a lot of fandom culture in general pesses me off yes I think you guys would know because whenever I get

like really angry about something I always want about it in the group chat and it's always like the just the worst things I'm trying to think of just things that make

me angry and I can't um when people don't indicate well yeah you you've screamed while driving because people haven't indicated I really wanted you to get the clip of you screaming at that guy from your dash cam would have been so funny

okay I do scream pretty loudly but I couldn't handle it it was too funny. I don't think I get angry at things. I think I'm a relatively chill person in general. Rubin makes you irrationally angry.

Most of the time, yeah. James is the best at triggering Rubin. James and Rubin are yin and yang. Yeah. We trigger each other so hard. No, but we go it's like at this point we both know it so Jim will say something we will just be like

we do this every other week we're used to this Jamie just we both know that we just it takes a tiny thing and we'll just go a fucking a shit at each other just like insulting each other like seriously then they'll just be like okay end and we've done that for like how many years now just straight every year ever since you've known each other I feel like all of us have the one that can trigger them the most who triggers me and who triggers james me me that's definitely true no no just saying that sometimes i'll just be doing something and i'll think about something you do or say and i just get angry at it there you go i can annoy james so easily we'll have to do is just do this

Minion Ray underscore 3,000 asks, Who out of everyone in Jarre do you think acts the most English? Well, saying that. When did you say it like that? He's trying to do an English accent. We both have that same level of like pronunciation for words, like quass. It's pronunciation. Shut up, Jamie.

Like, we don't... We don't have like very many very... variables and how we pronounce things. We're kind of very similar in that regard, even though you're not even English. It's like... Who acts the most English? Well, what... What constitutes acting English?

Being a little... Stereotypes. Being a stereotype, basically. A stereotypical Brit drinks tea. You drink the most tea. Okay, no. Yeah, mate. Call...

I think... Is... Not confrontational. Yeah. Avoid confrontational. at any in any form um is overly

polite mm-hmm I think we all are like is miserable all the time especially when it's cold talks about the weather a lot that's just all of us

mm-hmm weather does not make me miserable I just like God I think recently when when the weather just dipped I felt horrible just like unbelievable just like

unbelievably miserable I don't I can't say a sad disorder bro I think all of us are very much equal in how like British we are technically I think you're the most British

actually now aren't you like American well yeah there's parts I means I'm the most British wait in terms of like well not even then because

yeah who colonised New Zealand okay about this who likes chocolate Rock ice is the most. That's the simple way to... Yeah, James wins. Yeah.

Okay, I have... I fucking hate chokos. I have, I do have American blood in me. Scorpion sandwich says, when you were younger, what was the stupidest thing you did during Halloween? Uh, did we film a video during Halloween? Yeah, that's what... remember, we... We did it, um, we did that bin video. Moon Man lives in a bin.

Moon Man lives in a bin. That was Halloween? Yeah, no, that was Christmas lights turning on. So that was December. I could have sworn that was Halloween. Nah, it was the Christmas lights. Was it? Yeah.

Why did it look like such a nice day in that video? Because it was sunset. Hmm. I don't know. I forgot. We, we, we were never into Halloween. We probably did something when we lived in Jersey. But there was more of a community. Went to treating.

We were fucking mad kids, we were. Yeah. I just remember hearing lots of stories of people being cheeky on Halloween. We didn't do shit. Halloween was just like, you get your sweets and then you get out. Yeah, you get your sweets, you get out. You check through them to make sure there's no poison in them. And then...

No raisin. And then you really obsessively sort them into. to, you know. Areas? Areas. I've only gone trickle treating once. What the fuck? And after I went trickle treating, I went in a swimming pool.

Okay. And I was like swimming pool as well. Cool story, bro. Bringing that meme back, everybody. Lord Dead Den says, if you could force the other members of the cast to watch slash reads slash play anything all the way through, no matter how bad or good, what would it be? I'd make you play through Dark Souls.

I'd make us watch Fast and Furious. Can't I just play Blood Born? No. You had your chance. Alex will play for it Culp. Budbourne? Dark Souls won. James couldn't beat the Capra demon on Dark Souls.

Really? Yeah. Sorry. My mind isn't built for that. Wait, your answer was Fast and Furious. Tokyo Drift, which is going to happen. You can't... Yeah, I'm not against...

Yeah, I want to watch that, though. We need to watch all of them in one day. They're too boring. You couldn't even do it. No, Fast and Furious... Okay, Tokyo Drift is a bit boring, but the good parts are like... I would make you read the Bible.

That's horrible. That's really horrible. I wouldn't do it. I told you I'm the king of triggering Jane. no Alex if that if I had to do that in like a certain period of time I'd kill myself and on that note that's the end of the episode thanks for listening everybody to this episode of the Jarkas consider supporting us you should just end it there just end it on kill myself and we'll see on the next episode

chow